Tips When Divorcing a Narcissist

[@TMoz311]

I'm divorcing a psychopath right now she's using every trick in the book but I will keep fighting for my children, I'm praying for all the men going through this as well.

[@prjvnd]

The best thing to do with narcissist is - record wheather video, audio or make a journal. This is very important.

[@tomtommorrow8930]

Just finalized my divorce and the fun just keeps coming. Go no contact. NO CONTACT. You don't need to communicate with them almost ever. Even when you have kids. She is triangulating my son at the moment but I have given him the coping skills he needs, the decisions are his alone to make (hes a teenager). Let them do all the work for you. Stand back and watch the fireworks. Your kids won't be children forever. They will remember. Take the high road and STAY no contact.

[@sarahsmile2883]

Tom Tommorrow I'm just starting the process with a huge narc. He's already blaming me and being the victim. I'm afraid for my kids sake and I need to give them coping skills. Can you help me here?

[@tbranch74]

@@sarahsmile2883 second that! I am arming my kids with tools. Some are innate and they know.....and are better at it than me. They are aware the Narc has a problem. So...the things they already do. Dont respond. Dont show emotion. Just blank, gray stone. And eventually the narc will stop and leave. They know when the narc is trying to use them as flying monkeys. Or butter them up to get them to choose him or to talk about me. They know the narc says one thing but does another. It's so fucking sad. I'm looking into therapy for all of us once this nightmare has 2 houses. The narc has been refusing therpsy for the kids bc.....reasons. hes straight up against it, but I'm doing it once we are free and go 50/50 custody....I'm bracing myself for him to fight me for 50/50 too. But it will all come back on him. Karma is a bitch.

[@sheilarussell1331]

How are you arming them.. I'm not sure how to help my 3. What's a good way to protect them without it seeming like I'm bashing him.... He told them I'm crazy and need to go to a hospital... They know better though and can see how he is destroying our family. I have 2, 11 yr olds and a 13 y old... This has been so hard.

[@gsplover2936]

Divorcing a Narc is like living in a Zombie Apocalypse scenario..Stay as emotionally disconnected as possible and be as patient as possible. Do not do anything rash, be very intentional in your decisions.

[@DSD]

That is excellent advice +Monika Weierbach! I love the zombie apocalypse analogy! 👍🏻 -Duane

[@joepaquet4332]

Best comment so far

[@torrihoward9729]

@@T2WAdviser Yes I will be totally disconnected. I have a final Restraining order. Which is working!

[@j-garcia-2004]

@@torrihoward9729 Did your ex get a new girlfriend/significant other?

[@michelledotell4572]

Great advice!!!

[@ericgoingoverseas5064]

Been there 10 years ago. Took a year and a half to get my head back together. Had me convinced I was the entire issue, my kids hated me, she was going to take more than half my income and financially ruin me. It was a mess. Even convinced me I couldn't take care of myself. Years of her brain washing. Even demand I sign documents from her lawyer. Yelling and screaming I'm gonna cooperate. I did not, the end result wasn't pretty but not as bad as she was trying for. She wanted the right to inspect my house and my car every time I got my daughters. And deny my visitation if they didn't meet her Standards. That was just the beginning..... My attorney of 35 years experience never saw a woman like her before. She even demanded I get rid of my attorney and do it myself like a man! I payed my support ( far less than she demanded) and got my kids every time. Kids are not stupid, they figure things out. I tell them what they do and how they feel are strictly their decisions. I also tell them to love there mother anyway. Just realize for yourself what and who she is... then make your own choices based upon what you see in both of us. It was the best thing that could have happened. For the kids and me as well.😊

[@jessehannah2989]

I wish i would have seen this video before i got married in the first place. All the red flags were there but i did it anyway

[@julika1984]

Same here :/

[@lilgabsmommy5111]

Me too. BUT normal people with empathy and love and common sense don't do these things to each other. So when with one you don't fully understand or see the red flags until too late. Even if raised by one you can try to avoid but you don't know how they trap you into it before showing their real self. You have to know the actual disorder to evaluate properly. Even many professional in psychology miss the signs and misdiagnose. ;-) There is one that admitted she herself did not fully understand with just training until she went through it and got hands on training. It was then she realized even her training didn't explain properly. Now I use my experience and knowledge for he disorder to help who ver I come across that has all the symptoms of narc abuse victim.

[@bringiton3457]

Me too but I didn’t know any better.

[@dks13827]

How's it going ?

[@sxyteesa0890]

Girrr yes and you feel dumb. I wish i listened tomy gut and looked at her stress i was before i walked down the aisle

[@sheilarussell1331]

In process of getting a divorce and feeling super depressed. 13 years, 3 kids... A cheating narc who steals my stuff and is highly emotionality abusive.

[@michaelwuttke5841]

A sane man trying to describe crazy...been there!

[@kleopatrarn135]

My ex is torturing me He is evil Going through divorce Thanks God I learned on time

[@DSD]

Hi Mayory and welcome to the channel! I’m glad you’ve learned too. Hopefully the techniques you are learning now (check out the bit.ly/MindsetForNarcRecovery playlist) are helping you through this. Stay strong, it really does get better as time goes on and the effectiveness of “their evil” starts to go down. -Duane

[@jjjth888]

bro, i feel sick, im going through this right now.. my god

[@DSD]

Hi John sorry you’re going through this especially through the holidays. I know how devastating this can be. I’m not sure of your specifics but I can imagine you feel like every time you turn around some other shoe is dropping. If you are divorcing someone you suspect to be emotionally toxic (at the least) check out bit.ly/MindsetForNarcRecovery playlist it can really help! You know John it’s hard for me to even come up with the words to try to let you know this will all get better. I can remember the first few months/years of my experience and it felt as if I was in a nightmare that just wouldn’t end. I would hear people who have been through it before saying, “It will get better” but without any context of how this pain and loss could ever get better. I suppose the first thing I wish I would have understood is that what I was feeling *right then* and what I felt was important was going to change. Next the temporary orders that were finically devastating were going to change. Whatever your ex is saying about you (smear campaign) not everyone is going to believe - especially divorce and family court. Hang in there John this isn’t easy - but there is a good life on the other side. -Duane

[@jjjth888]

Thank you so much for your reply.

[@davidwebb7179]

Yep going through it to losing my house friends family it's crazy she has made me out to bed this big bad villain. Yet she cheated and left me dropped all her responsibilities and has made deals and changed them last second. I'm so over the whole thing.

[@notnobuthellno9458]

David Webb keep your head up bro. I'm dealing with the same thing. I've even gone to jail behind my ex and her narcissist ways. So I know your pain.

[@notnobuthellno9458]

DSD just found your channel and its starting to be helpful. So thanks

[@BarryBernau]

Wow! I thought I was alone in the twilight zone. I subscribed. I need this as so I don't Gaslight. Divorced now for 3 years. Keeps getting worse and worse. Thank you.

[@DSD]

Hi Barry and welcome to the channel! Well hopefully now that you have some validation on what you've been dealing with and more information and techniques on how to deal with it you can start to leave the twilight zone. It took me about three years to *finally* figure out what was going on - it still is difficult but things do get better! -Duane

[@BarryBernau]

Your channel is needed! I found it tonight and his helped me cope for now. Another facet to this personality disorder- there is no bar or threshold that they will not cross. I have a had Police called too many times to mention with false reports, she filed a stalking report, she called the state of Michigan to have me perform a driving test saying I was an unsafe driver, now most recently she tells me a police men will bear false witness against me in court and I believe her... Some how she gets people to listen to her. It goes on and on and on... never ends! Crazy stuff, that no one would believe. And they start to believe her... She is now coaching our son to cry prior to the exchange and telling me during the exchange he doesn't want to be with me at the Police station(that was a Gaslight). She also has a live in boyfriend that was in jail a year ago, for drugs, weapons and counterfeit money. Thank you Duane.

[@DSD]

I'm glad the channel and videos are helping you Barry - this is situation is a nightmare in and of itself and your situation sounds pretty darn bad. You are definitely right that people generally just won't believe you because it sounds like something no one would ever do. If you haven't seen it check out my playlist *Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery* kzbin.info/aero/PL_m6CcV-0KF7elaJIDdEcSdSVPumeBcbS I think there are some videos in there that could be helpful to you. Hang in there Barry! -Duane

[@jackyhawk6810]

How’s it getting worse if you don’t mind me asking? Most say it gets better once you’re divorced.

[@sandatangdiwata]

Duane, I thought you were reading this from a play book. Word by word. Play by play. In sequence. You have helped me and my family so much in my recovery. Thank you. Thank God.

[@DSD]

Thank you for the feedback Nathaniel and I'm really glad to hear that! Welcome to the channel! Yeah, it is really pretty amazing how common this stuff really is. -Duane

[@1thankful]

Very scary divorcing a narcissist!

[@eszterszczaurski7625]

Beyond themselves the other thing that matters to them is to destroy you.

[@cathywelch9116]

I wish I would have know about narcissists before I was married too. currently 32 years of misery. Want to get out but not sure how to get out of it. He/she is very good at manipulation and playing the victim, casting blame on the person they are manipulating. Gaslighting hurts!

[@raquelmolina8814]

I believe everything that you said because that's happening to me but it seems to that he is turning it all on me. I am divorcing a narcissist!! It's brutal!!

[@DSD]

Oh course that's what they do, it helps them become the victim of this. If you're lucky he'll like the victim status more and won't mind if you have custody. However, time with kids is money, so allow that is a huge cost UNLESS you are willing to accept less money. Sometimes that is an option to minimize their impact on the children. Not sure if that is an option in your situation. -Duane

[@michaeltriptow6877]

I was married to one. Even after 2 years, almost 3 years of divorce now. The crazy accusations continue. I am playing it cool and 2 of the 3 kids are now living with me. Play it cool dads/moms. Let the other parent tell lies and try to control you and the kids. It will make the kids run and never want to go back to the other parent after the lies and pawning of them keeps happening. When one of the kids wants to bad mouth the other parent in front of you, try to be the better parent like me and say, I do not want to be like your mother or father and not be negative like that. That will open their eyes that you are a good parent and respect you.

[@Stringwar]

My ex wife cheated on me and said she didn't want to try at the marriage because she didn't want to waste 4 yrs of her life. Then she told me I should make the divorce easy for her as that would make her happy. So I started proceedings immediately and 3 yrs later she is still dragging it out whilst living with someone else. Its ok for her to make me unhappy, force me to pay the shared bills and mortgage whilst she goes on holiday and claim all the child benefits for herself and stop me moving on to another relationship. And this is an educated woman with a respectable job. Women are mental.

[@kdawn226]

I am not married but I have two child with him and we have been together for 7 and a half years. I almost married him last year... I'm so thankful I didn't. He has been mentally abusing me, using me up and leaving me frustrated and neglected and being blamed for being a bad person. Don't get me wrong I have PLENTY of problems but I own them and I am trying everyday. I'm done getting mentally abused and I'm actually moving out in two days and I am scared to death. But your videos are helping me much. Thank you. I subscribed.

[@mscarmenrodriguez8647]

Thank you so much. I now know what my husband is. I thought he was insane. It’s (he) exactly how you described. I am scared. He pretends nothing is wrong after a big argument. He threatens me with a divorce but won’t commit to getting one. I desperately want a Divorce. I’m going out of my mind. But Thank you. This video was great.

[@sumtxflygrl1]

My sister is in process of divorcing one of these! No children, but lots of assets -2 homes, lots of savings, ira's. He said he will spend all of their savings on divorce fees and as of yesterday he wants a "jury trial" jury trials also cost $$. He called her the other day, and she fell into his trap. He wants to make a deal, supposedly. Otherwise this could take up to 3 years....and he will gladly wait. I have told her let the lawyer take care of it. I think he is giving her false hope that he'll negotiate, when we all know he wont

[@DSD]

Hi Summer and welcome to the channel! Yeah that's a rough one and she needs to be *very* careful how she goes forward. I've heard of people who are willing to throw away everything just to make sure the other person doesn't get *any* of it. Its really difficult to really know *which* way a narcissist is going to go BUT one thing you /she can take count on, *if he is getting supply from her with her fighting then the fight will continue*. The best bet, as you said, go through the attorneys and DO NOT engage with him. That also means he could string things along but it could also calm things down. If she has an attorney who has experience with these type of people then they will also have better experience on how to deal with him. make sure you/her also check out Sam Vaknin, Richard Grannon and Rose Roseberg to get excellent information about narcissistic personality disorder - they can really help you peel back the mask and understand what you're dealing with. I do have other videos that talk about divorce that could be helpful but I primarily talk about dealing with this situation when you have children. -Duane

[@insertcreativenamehere7970]

This is so eerie as I am going through almost the exact same thing. I am currently divorcing a narc and he has made me flat broke. He hasn't paid anything on our house and related bills. He is willing to take me to court just so I have to spend even more money.

[@chrislambert1617]

Hit you where it hurts, In my case She hated whatever I enjoyed or Loved !

[@DSD]

Yeah that is fairly typically - they will systematically destroy or undermine anything that you love or enjoy - it's really sick. -Duane

[@Hyacinth600]

NEVER negotiate with a narcissist!!!!

[@SuperJayCee07]

you have speak for myself on every word!!! EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY THE SAME! Thanks for sharing your experience with a narcissist and made me feel that im not alone in this struggle. Best Regards, jimmy

[@g-wynn4477]

Thank you for posting! Your videos are a huge help. There aren’t many videos about being married to a narc WITH kids. My biggest worry is about my kids. Please keep posting. God Bless!

[@guacaquio]

Bring thru the same, you need to go places you've never been before. Leave before you end up jailed or dead and spend as much quality time as you can with your kids they'll eventually see the light

[@lewisyaxley]

I deleted my comments because I realized they were public . My wife is looking shit up to. I told her she was a narc.

[@DSD]

Understand, you can email me directly if you like. Yeah I recommend against telling them because it just creates a bunch of additional problems. If you can just drop that line of thought with her and *maybe* shel'll stop looking things up. If she doesn't you can except her to cherry pick your previous (and current) actions as proof that YOU are the narcissist and not her. For people who are concerned about anonymity I recommend either changing the KZbin user name OR creating a "new channel" for the sole purpose of going seeking out this type of information. -Duane

[@ElCineHefe]

I left a narcissist. I took my dog and what I could fit into a tiny Uhaul trailer and disappeared. Email only contact that I don't have to answer. I left everything else behind. I need my peace of mind more than anything else.

[@DSD]

God ElCineHefe sometimes that is the *best* answer and course of action. How long ago was that and how are you doing now?

[@ElCineHefe]

@@DSD So much relief, I thank God for keeping me sane throughout all of the gaslighting. She is a clinical psychologist and more crafty than I was prepared to deal with. But God was always way ahead of her. Six months later and I don't miss it or want to even look back. I still love being single but that may change one day. Eventually, the trauma fades.

[@DSD]

That is great ElCineHefe to be able to get out of that and to be able to escape. Hopefully all the legal stuff is done and you can just put this experience behind you.

[@ElCineHefe]

@@DSD I abandoned everything just to regain my freedom. That went very easy. But my life and my dog were worth more than any material possession. Starting over is hard but way better than the alternative. No kids under 18 was a bigger blessing than I knew.

[@krisurcales3812]

wow! @ElCineHefe. im proud you did that! I have a boyfriend who is married, not in good terms with his partner, living in hell with her, and no kids too, only cat that my boyfriend love most. its been a year im being patiently waiting for his freedom but still dont happen. He told me he cant give up his money and cat, and asked me to be patient. i hope he is like you, get his cat and start a new freedom. i dont know about divorce coz im asian and we dont have that in my country.

[@NayyChar]

Everything that you’ve mention is exactly what I’m going through with my abusive ex husband!!! Its like your talking about my exact situation! Wish I would have watched this sooner!! Thanks so much

[@michelledotell4572]

The whole world is turning narcissistic 😢

[@warrenlast2425]

How do I afford a lawyer. She stole ALL my money plus my collectibles . I walked away with just sweat pants and the. Now I at least have my life. But how to restore life at 60.

[@Rebelwellnesslmt]

Pretty scarey process. I'm grateful we don't have kids together but I do have sn adult son who moved in with us. It got ugly. The world didn't revolve around my husband anymore. It got voilent. I have a no contact order-temp. Hearing coming up. I hope it's a permanent no contact. I am terrified of him. I hadn't realized how sick I got with him. I have thyroid cancer and blamed my anxiety, ptsd, adrenal fatigue on that. Not his emotional abuse. I fear that I will be homeless shortly because he was the financial earner. I tried working but it was never good enough. For 7 years I put my career on hold for him. I take ownership of that. When I put my foot down about his emotional abuse, he turned toward my adult son. It ended up in a physical attack twice. I'm thankful I am sober and trying to gain my life back.

[@insertcreativenamehere7970]

I hope everything went well for you. I am currently divorcing from a narc and he has put me into financial ruin. I have so much anxiety about money now.

[@lovemagicandroad]

Tammy Renaud Yes me too!

[@Len_J_]

Thank you great video, currently my narc is divorcing ME - just praying to come out alive in the next year. It was 1. accept her term. 2. Go straight to court. No mediation allowed. Unbelievable.

[@chrisburger4518]

If you are divorcing a narcissist, be on the look out for parental alienation - a condition where one parent will brain wash a child against the other parent by minimizing your role - convincing the child you are not worthy of their attention, love, respect or time. If this happens, document everything (text, email, audio calls and video), educate yourself, and engage counsel, request a custody evaluation, and engage a forensic psychologist. Good luck!

[@DSD]

Great advice Chris and it is definitely something that we all have to worry about - when you’re in a toxic divorce parental alienation is pretty much guaranteed. The other thing I would add to your list is to learn *everything* you can about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation so you don’t make mistakes that the narcissist is able to take advantage of! Thanks again Chris! -Duane

[@Superubertrooper]

Yes, my ex has gone down this route. I’ve been working with my kids to learn how to have healthy relationships and that really bothers her. She is so self-absorbed. She has spread all sorts of negativity about me to my kids and I suggest they remember the truth. They have started to realize how crazy she sounds because she lies about me and what I did or didn’t do.

[@ericamccray8397]

I'm going through that now. He even said he was going to show the judge who has the kids more. He now puts nothing but pics of him and kids on Facebook. He has my 11 year old son spy on me or touch my phone my daughter tho is seeing what's going on since I had to show her text to prove to her that I keep trying to get them.

[@Superubertrooper]

I didn't see or understand all of this until after my divorce. You make some great points.

[@DSD]

That's the really tough part about this Randolph in that we can be living in the middle of it and until the mask drops and we truly become the target THEN it starts to become clear. It really sucks when we find this out AFTER everything is over and we already fallen for the traps. I hope you're doing okay Randolph. -Duane

[@klilly6765]

Just seeing this video. Your presentation of these things is right in line with what goes on. I wish I would have known about these videos along time ago - fortunately with my obsession on trying to determine if my husband is a sociopath I came upon Vaknins videos and then Scott Bassett’s videos which really enlightened me as to what I was and would be dealing with. While I’m ready to just get it done - I have - rightly or wrongly - ensured that I have information / data from he himself that I know he would not want exposed. His threats to take my dogs, to get me fired, to take all of my little bit of retirement, has made me up the anti. Our life savings or cash in the bank is gone. I’ve had to use it to pay our bills since he got fired and then promptly left. We had just settled at that time on a 30 year contract for our retirement home - so I’m paying for our house - our planned house and other assets on less than half of what we had in salaries together. It’s crazy. I’ve taken care of things our entire marriage- and since I raised his son I could not leave. It was exhausting. I wish I would have had someone to talk to all those years. Fortunately there are no kids in my situation- my son is now 24. That said I’m not too happy about upping the anti - so for me it’s all about strategy at this point - i will play him as he has me and will pull out the cards to expose if I have to at this point. It probably sounds bad but what he has done to me all these years is horrific- and he was able to do it with a smile.

[@DSD]

Honestly K that is really your best option right now. Plus having “things” in your back pocket to get him to back down is really important. Unfortunately the “normal” things just don’t motivate these people. I personally didn’t like the “anti up” situation but you really don’t have much of a choice because if you let them “get away with everything” then they will just do more. I’ve said this many times but you really are forced to become someone you didn’t ever want to be. But, if you go in to that with the right frame of mind then you are in a much better position to NOT have that drag you down into the depths of hell. I’m really glad that you do not have any minor children with him and I hope you don’t loose the relationship you have with your step son. But at the end of the day getting away and out of these toxic environments is really important. I also hope that you’re able to make the finances work with the house - or at least get out of it with minimal damage (although sometimes that is REALLY difficult). -Duane

[@klilly6765]

Dad Surviving Divorce I have had a terrible time and was struggling when my stepson was at home. I tried very hard to make things right by him so that he would not see his dad’s horrible behavior - constant drunkenness and pathetic constant critiques of me and him. Not sure where it will end up - housing market has picked up some so we’ll see. Thx for the advice - helps! K

[@carolvevle8190]

I am thinking about divorcing a psychopath. Our children are grown, thank God! On top of him, I just got my case workers caught for narcissism. She was suppose to rehome my kitty, but she didn't. Her establishment me like a criminal, so I got animal control involved. Now he tells me this is going civil. She is caught & the health care is involved. Looks like she may be going to court. A dangerous narc has my kitty, I don't know, if she is even alive or if she is she is being abused. I am so upset, I'm sick & I can't stop crying, because I know what this monster might be doing to her.

[@PyrPupMom]

It might sound crazy, but you can pray for your cat! I will, right now, and pray for you, too. Stay strong!

[@carolvevle8190]

My narc is in prison. He messed with the wrong person. She did me a favor & I thank her~~` I have 2 specialist, an MD, & a case worker, in my support group. I might, be able to get two friends, on FB to believe me, but putting it on FB I'm leary about it. I asked for a trial separation back in 3/26 & went no contact. He has been ghosting ever since. Our children are grown. He isolated me, by putting our children against me. Even told our eldest daughter that he thought I was suicidal. He was caught strangling me & all kinds of abuse physical & emotional & I have a few journals on it.

[@yerhere123]

Lord have mercy.... I am trying to rid myself of her fangs.... the worst part is the blame part.... since the "law" gives her the right to keep our son ... I feel like I'm taking my first steps into a long dark tunnel..she knows all my fears and knows exactly how to manipulate .... I am now wondering what I did wrong to deserve this..my only consolation is that someday when I die... I will know

[@DSD]

Hi Yerhere123 and welcome to the channel. You have to recognize that *she does in fact know all your fears* and be expect it. If you know what she is doing and what reaction she is trying to get you can *try* to minimize the impact. It's when they blindside you and you're not expecting it when things are worse. Do you get any visitation with your son and how is your relationship with him? Your question about what did you do wrong - you have to remember that it doesn't matter with these people. They only think about themselves and it really doesn't matter. Sure they *might* give you an excuse but honestly it doesn't matter because they will justify their actions no matter what you did or didn't do. These people will also destroy relationships because they wake up one day and it isn't giving them the supply they want (even if they don't even really know what they want). Now it's just a matter of getting your life back on track and working to keep a good relationship with your son - or at least being available so when he gets older and starts to recognize what is going on that he can find you and talk to you. Hopefully you won't have to go through that and you'll be able to still be in his life. -Duane

[@joepaquet4332]

The longer we are in a relationship the more we are responsible for contributing or enabling the problem, but we must not continue or accept all of the blame permanently. Nothing you can do about yesterday...work hard on today and harder on tomorrow!

[@makeupdarling6171]

Thank you SO very much for your input! It's so valuable to me at this moment when I'm ready to divorce my narcissistic husband. I still have the hope he will react and be cooperative during the process, but I think it'll anger him even more and make it difficult. I hope and pray it doesn't ... He is so unpredictable sometimes.

[@DSD]

Hi Makeup Darling - just keep learning *everything* you can about this personality type and really plan your strategy and it will help you out. You'll need to understand what really drives him and where he gets his supply. They you just need to make sure you don't do the cat-mouse thing because they tend to focus on whatever you think is important. That can be money, retirement, kids, property. If you can make him feel like he is winning then it can also calm things down a bit. The problem typically come up with custody though because that is control AND money. So for instance when you communicate with him about kids (if you have kids) I would use terms like "our kids" instead of "MY babies". One thing I have often seen is when someone is going to full custody or more money then the other person wants either 50/50 or full custody themselves and that turns things into a nightmare. Do you have children? (I may have just gone on about a topic that doesn't even pertain to your situation).

[@makeupdarling6171]

DSD Thanks for your advice. Yes, we do have one child; he’s 8 and my husband knows I care for him more than anything. I’m sure his attacks will come from that angle...even though there is nothing to attack, I’m sure he’ll create something.

[@DSD]

Okay - not sure what you're plan is but maybe you could just go in with the "standard" parenting time of every other weekend. But just be *very careful* how you do it. My assumption is that you aren't working? If you are then child support might not be an issue but if it is as soon as he realizes how bad the "guideline" support (that most states use) the ONLY way to lower that is with more time. I imagine you have a pretty good guess of how he is going to react and what he is going to do. I just know from my experience personally AND with people from the channel as soon as they realize the kids equal money then they go after as much as they can. If he is really toxic he might try to pain you as a bad parent and seek full custody. It's not realistic (just as you getting full is probably not either). More than likely, in a lot of states, 50/50 is what they are moving toward. You just have to have realistic expectations of what is typical in your state and jurisdiction. On the attack side a very common one is that you broke up the family and this is only happening because of you. Doesn't matter mom or dad - but the narc will most definitely paint you as the bad guy AND use guilt with the kids to try and make them side with them and turn on the other parent. If you are prepared for it (those games) then you can keep it from happening. The best way is to just make sure your son feels safe, secure, and loved with you. The problem is he will not feel safe nor secure when his parents are divorcing - so it will be a troubling time for him. You just have to watch out for that and really focus on keeping things stable for him. Anyway I hope I'm not rambling and that all of this makes sense - I'm also not trying to scare you I just want you have to have realistic expectations of what *might* happen... I know for me I was completely blindsided and never realized the type of person I was really dealing with...

[@makeupdarling6171]

DSD Thank you so much for your advice! It’s truly appreciated! I’ll have to check on what’s typical in my state. Thank you again!

[@DSD]

Absolutely! 😀

[@aplacetorambleon]

amazing video!!! its so wonderful that you are offering this for all the men out there in the same boat...

[@DSD]

Hi Debra-Dawn thank you for the support! The channel is for *everyone* who is going through a toxic divorce with a suspected narcissist! -Duane

[@gabc6353]

Boy was a sucker all of these years....you just told my life story. No wonder i was/is so unhappy.

[@jiangmaggie7742]

It's very hard for me we have 2 children, 3 and 1, I am so lost!

[@DSD]

Maggie that is tough - for those of us with children it makes it much more complicated because we just can't make a clean break from these people. The hardest part really is where you are now at the beginning. However you do have an advantage because you're learning about this now so you're learning what to expect and methodologies going forward. That will not take the headache and heartache away immediately BUT it will help you understand and make better *rational* decisions going forward. Also with your children being so young and if you were the primary caregiver (no daycare) then you should be in a good position to get majority custody. Although just know narcissistic type people will not hold any punches and he will undoubtably throw every allegation and out of context past at you to try and break you. That is part of the fear tactics they will use to try and break you. You just have to be strong - stronger than you ever thought possible but you can endure and get through this. -Duane

[@guacaquio]

I feel your pain. Be strong and you need to go places you've never been before. Run and spend quality time with your kids when you can

[@janicepaul9957]

guacaquio it's been 50 years I'm still in involved one where the other because I had four of his children they're growing up now and they all don't care for him and they see that he is a narcissist from the knowledge that we get in this day and age

[@chirologypalmistry]

very helpful, the no closure explanation especially touches and heals

[@DSD]

Hi +stellaemberella new - thank you for the comment - it was *really* hard or me, to not have closure. When I *FINALLY* found and realized what I was dealing with that was a game changer for me. It's unfortunate that we really *want* closure and answers - it would be so much easier if we didn't care and could just move on - I think without knowing you still can but after much more pain. -Duane

[@chirologypalmistry]

Thanks for replying! Yes he perpetuated the 'silent treatment' that he so often applied in our 16 years together by refusing any contact whatsoever and stonewalling me and my children who he step-fathered, they are the most hurt. Then years later, about 2 years ago, out of the blue he called to say he was going to euthanise the dogs in 2 days if I didn't make a plan, (which I did, they are in a loving home now) ... I was shattered all over again. Less than no kindness, no closure, only more punishment. It's 9 years apart now and I'm still trying to make sense. Your material and awakening to what narcissism is all about is helping very much, I'm starting to free up at last.

[@chirologypalmistry]

thanks for your message on google, it won't let me reply, so I'm replying here, thanks again for your authentic sharing, it's so helpful to listen to what you have to say, very supportive indeed.

[@DSD]

You are very welcome! -Duane

[@tammylentine978]

My husband went through this with his ex wife. Here in Indiana there is a lot of stupidity. The courts and counselors are ignorant. She did all of these things while neglecting their son and she has a thing about making the child sick. She poisoned him once when he was 7 so he could be diagnosed with ADHD. She gave him a lot of pills through the years. She refused a cast when he broke his foot and got really mad when I took him to the doctor and had them put a cast on him. It was always something. Dad finally gave up when he realize his son was making up stories about him and me. Mom let him run the streets at her house and flunk his classes. Now I realize my husband is a narcissist too. That kid never had a chance. In Tennessee the parent most likely to share gets custody of the children. The abuser gets nothing in the settlement.

[@ck1425]

am divorcing one with 4 kids....very tough but your videos help

[@hansweitbrecht1957]

really honest report, -- yess saw that done it done it all. NO CONTACT is paramount! -- no more playing around, let them stew, -- do our own thing, -- and if the children temporarily believe her stories, -- time will show up the lies and pretences.

[@broGabiza]

Thanks for your input. I thought I was the only one going through this. it's been two years since my divorce but even today she still threatens me to go back to court. Thanks for your tips

[@DSD]

Hi broGabiza and welcome to the channel. Yeah this can feel *very* isolating because it is just so damn bizarre and they don't ever seem to stop. You're welcome and I'm glad you are finding the videos helpful! -Duane

[@broGabiza]

Thanks so much Duane for being a good mentor and coach. It's as if these people come out of the same factory that has faulty mold. My ex is from Philippines and yet her actions are the same as people from the UK ,US and the rest of the world. Wow!!. I was taken to the washers, kicked out of church of which they still are not accepting me back because my name and reputation was destroyed and all friends stopped communicating with me. So yes, it is very isolating and frustrating. But as you said in one of your videos, time will tell and all I have to do is focus on self and not crazy

[@DSD]

You're very welcome and I'm really glad all of this is helpful. Yeah I hear you on that - I know when I first made that connection - how similar they all are and the stories are all the same (I think I actually said that on camera in the "Narcissistic Stare" video). Sorry about the church thing - I always find it amazing how the reaction (judging) is so very typical from church - I mean the one place where that SHOULDN'T happen you can pretty much count on it. Anyway broGabiza just know you are not alone! Everything you are going to go through; everything you are going to feel is very predictable. The length of time that it takes to disentangle yourself is also very predictable. -Duane

[@dyna.2]

I am a victim from india. He abused me emotionally,physically,sexually and financially for 5years.now from 2years i stay away from him when he denied to be the father of my kids.i lost job.i am in depression,anxiety and fear.i am very weak that suicidal thoughts come inbetween .his family never believes me.i havnt started with divorce as i dont have courage for that. Most of the thing What you have told is happened to me.i was so good till marriage,now i pray for his death ,to be free from him,a person to whom i have spend my life time.i cant see any hope.still i m living with the help of my parents.

[@unisemendez677]

why would anybody that's married to a narcissist think that getting a divorce is going to go easy narcissist don't let anything go easy not even in normal day at the mall

[@jameshartley7644]

I have lost a lot, homes, possessions and at least for now my two oldest children and my youngest is also drifting away. I have one child with whom I continue to maintain a healthy relationship. I have come to terms with the loss of property I grieve the loss of my kids and no end in sight for at least another 6 years after being already 6 years into it.

[@bazthegamecat6203]

Going through this now. Ex to be is diagnosed bpd. Went to court with a letter from them saying she had reported me to social service for inappropriate behaviour with my daughter. After contacting social they have no issues. Went to court and she changed from that letter statement to I don't spend enough time with my daughter! Then questioned afterward what she wants she goes home takes another OD and blames me for her actions. It never seems to end.

[@candycole9449]

yes my ex is toturing me over our son he always claims he will take me to court his friend is his attorney. so im nervous to do anything wrong then he calls me a shitty mother text after text

[@DSD]

Hi Candy Cole - he is using fear to control you. I have a video called Fear Tactics Used By Narcissist (kzbin.info/www/bejne/l6qQdISgm9x5jNE) that might offer some other thoughts on this. Bottom line; accept the fact that he is trying to control your emotions through these fear tactics. DO NOT allow your fear and second guessing to negatively impact your decisions (when you get paranoid and second guess yourself you make mistakes - that is what he is counting on). If he is saying those things in text (he's an idiot) and that is evidence of harassment (in my opinion - I'm not a lawyer so take that into account). Do not engage in those texts (ignore them) and SAVE EVERYTHING. -Duane

[@candygirl7586]

+Candy Cole Document, document, document! They will eventually hang themselves.

[@DSD]

The mask always drops!

[@maddygvanlifer435]

narc's txt are admissible in court. Just start keep a notebook. print out all those derogatory txts. let him rant. this is verbal abuse and very unhealthy for your child.

[@janicepaul9957]

It's been two years since you commented I think were interested to find out how it's going Candy my ex put fear in me also years agoso when I went to court for the divorce he said he was going to tell all his friends to say that they slept with me well I was scared of that but I knew that I never do that I thought the judge would believe them but he was such a chickenshit that he didn't even show up to court Sandy still love me and he wanted me back and he wouldn't leave I was so scared that like divorce would be cancelled because he was around because I didn't knowhow to get rid of them And 50 years later he still I still can't get rid of them

[@marvanewborn2287]

AS A MATTER OF FACT, MY EX-NARC BEGAN USING THOSE 'SAME TACTICS' "BEFORE" THE ACTUAL DIVORCE! 😳 I WAS TOTALLY TAKEN ABACK AS IT WAS OCCURRING!😳

[@veritasliberabitvos454]

Spot on. I have been preparing for the last four years. The last two I have been building up a war chest. Will be getting legal advise before the year is out. Son is 15 years old and he thinks mum is bat shit crazy. She has not worked for the last 12 years, and only 6 years for a 20 year marriage. She is a religious, paranoid, covert narc, crazy bitch. I'm glad my brothers listened to me when the shit hit the fan and she tried to blackmail me. Not looking forward to the shit hitting the fan when the legal stuff kicks off. Thanks for putting this stuff together.

[@DSD]

Hello Vertias Liberabit Vos and welcome to the channel! You are definitely doing the right thing planning your situation. It’s sad but you really have too otherwise you will be destroyed. The fact you’ve been married for 20 years and she hasn’t worked for most of that time is going to be problematic. Hopefully the “6 years” is current and not in the past. But it sounds like you’ve a pretty good handle on your way forward. Thanks for the support! -Duane

[@veritasliberabitvos454]

The laws are a bit different in Australia when it comes to alimony. She has an Electrical Engineering degree and there is no medical reason she cannot work, son is over 15 years and would prefer to stay with me. Still, I will have to give her between 60~80% of the assets, except my inheritance stuff from my family. I would go that high to make sure I do not have to support her for the future. Still, got to find a good lawyer who has dealt with these type of women.

[@sitprettybaby8188]

I finally did expose my narc husband. I am not perfect and I lost my temper and blasted him on social media

[@sharonanderson6926]

I have ask my ex for a divorce several times because he the one abandoned me and my daughter after she graduated. But he keeps putting me off. He want give me one.

[@DSD]

Hi Sharon, you should be able to file yourself and if he doesn't respond my understanding is that the court can bypass him. Have you checked with an attorney to see what your options are?

[@sharonanderson6926]

No. But l will check it out

[@DSD]

If you can please share what happen - your question/situation comes up from time to time from other viewers.

[@cforest4281]

READ Sun Tzu The Art of War, Laying plans. Here you have all the narc strategies. Was this the origional Narc handbook?

[@DSD]

That is a very good book Criss Saint! I had never thought about it in the context of narcissistic abuse but you are absolutely correct that a lot of the tenets from the book could be used as the narcissist handbook. -Duane

[@cforest4281]

The Art of War Strengths and weaknesses chapter is also very close to their tactics. The only thing missing is how they get people on their side, to gain support. The answer is to create a common enemy, as did Hitler hhm Donald and so on. The smear Campaign starts often through low grade narcs and they look like the leader. Really they are just the big bully. As you say "Taking their Power" is what it's all about in this warfare. Sometimes you just have to put up the walls until the storm has passed.Self preservation is Always the n.o.1 objective,, this we must never forget!

[@DSD]

I think it's easy to turn people - just start regaling the stories of how horrible and abusive the person is and people are either going to believe it or not want to get involved. But even if they do not get involved they are going to have that picture in their head. The only way to discount it is to be able to *prove* and *demonstrate* that it isn't true. But, then we are already loosing because we're spending our time trying to *defend* ourselves. Once we really it just doesn't matter and unless these people *really* pose a threat it just isn't worth our time. We're better off finding new friends and moving on. Self preservation, exactly! -Duane

[@cforest4281]

Well said, you get better at it when the fog clears. It gets easier to talk about it without feeling quite simply ashamed. Easier to stand up for yourself and put the record straight. Finding new friends or getting in touch with old ones also takes away their power, rather than challenging the battle head on. It starts with variations of no contact or greyrock. So important because you imediately dictate when they can talk to you, taking their power and reducing emotional dysregulation. Eventually they will back down if their facade is crumbling. It does take a long time when kids are involved though. Keep up the great work with the videos!

[@DSD]

Will do and thank you for the feedback! -Duane

[@jetpilot3714]

I think this and your others are great videos. Do you do any consulting on this? I'm a professional that is afraid for my job and income. No kids with her but she is so unpredictable right now. Thank you so much for posting these.

[@DSD]

Hi David, welcome to the channel and thank you for the feedback! Yes I do but I might be able to help through email so just send me an email at [e-mail]. I completely understand your concerns and that was a big problem I was worried about with my ex going through the initial stages of separation and then divorce. You just have to be careful that you don't fall into any traps that they set for you. Also if they are doing things such as interfering with your job by calling your boss you have to get that under control rather quickly before serious damage occurs. I was fortunate in that fact my ex *needed* me earning because I was her source of income. I've said in previous videos if your ex isn't concerned about your employment OR is so destructive they don't care the harm that they create for themselves then things can get really complicated very quickly. -Duane

[@asherpiechota7702]

DSD My name is Ted, I have to use a different name on my emails because my soon the be x Narcissist trolls everything online, my family, friends. It has been a horrific ride so far. She definitely uses our children as ponds. I tell a little bit of my story, I haven’t finished it yet because there is so much, but I’m working on it. She has her whole family as co-conspirators in this. It’s killing me. And it is so expensive to defend. My Attorney fees have brought me to my knees financially. That why I had to do what I did with link because I’m going to fight for the truth and our children and what is best for them. Like I said this is the beginning of my story, there’s a lot more. But I want share this with everyone on how bad it can really get.

[@asherpiechota7702]

www.gofundme.com/going-through-a-divorce-with-a-narcissist

[@chrislambert1617]

This entire story of yours is my story also !

[@DSD]

Chris what you'll notice as you dive into this is that a lot of our stories have some eerie similarities. I suppose in one sense its good because it makes it easier to find information about this and there are techniques to help you deal with this. -Duane

[@sarahsmile2883]

I'm leaving a marriage of 12 years and I believe he's a narc. He's angry that this Is going to be one big inconvience to him he will have to deal with.

[@candygirl7586]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge. I have been aware of this personality disorder for about 5 years and You Tube is where my realization began. Unfortunately this wasn't before the surprise divorce attack my covert narcissist/psychopath ex husband launched. The divorce is over, but threats of litigation are made sporadically. Our son is 18, and formally refused all visitation and communication in court at 17. One thing he stated was his fathers lies were dangerous when speaking in court at that time. His testimony was very honest and brave, but the $ in the narcissist pocket seemed to speak far louder than his or my words. I am sorry for what you experienced.

[@DSD]

candygirl - it is truly amazing how children enable the narcissist to inflict conflict and damage at least until the kids are 18 - I fear still is going to continue even after that but at least at that point the "kids" can make their own choices. I think that overt narcissist make it easier because people/kids can see what is *really* going on. Covert narcissist make it very difficult because *EVERYONE* is left guessing - including the kids. Do need to be sorry - I'm actually really grateful for the experience because it has enabled me to learn and to make very positive changes in my life and in the lives of our kids. -Duane

[@candygirl7586]

Our children are Tools to be used by the narcissist and psychopath. Used to inflict as much damage as is possible. In my case the the destruction was far too great to be grateful for, but I am glad to know what I now do. Covert narcs are extremely dangerous. Keyser Soze, is a particularly chilling example of fabricating victimhood while victimizing others. Idk if your situation involved a narcissist high on the range toward psychopathy. That's what the situation was/is on this end.

[@DSD]

Excellent point - I think I'm trying to glean as much positive as I can out of a horrible situation. I'm not familiar with Keyser Soze so i'll have to look that up. I had a long conversation with my son earlier today and the damage that has been inflected upon him by covert narcissism is going to take a long time for him to overcome. He keeps "testing" the both of us so she taking off the mask on a regular and recurring basis - but it is tearing him up to see that truth. The entire situation just sucks... I'm just hopeful that by seeing it now, and for him (and the others) to learn about what they are dealing with *MAYBE* there is a chance they can have a life free from this abuse in adulthood. I think therapy has been very helpful for them. -Duane

[@candygirl7586]

In the film, "The Usual Suspects," Keyser Soze is an important character. It truly depends on the child. My son is definitely not a narcissist but behavior he witnessed/was taught, appears occasionally. At 13 he said, "I watched how Daddy would confuse you on purpose. I did that sometimes too. I learned from you and church that it was wrong and I don't do that any more." He recognized gas lighting for what it was on his own without a term for it. His father was/is unable to successfully gas light him. While I didn't even see what was happening my son Saw and told me it was abuse. I am grateful to him and for him. My daughter? I am not completely sure. It damaged our freedom of relationship. I cannot spend time with her as she sees him. I cannot risk any information about our lives spreading, even if unintentionally, through her. I cannot allow Triangulation and Information Gathering Opportunities even if I cannot see my daughter. They will attack and use what's most precious to you, against you. Sick minds.

[@DSD]

That is good news that he sees it and recognizes it. I can also relate about having children freely *share* information that ultimately is used against you by the ex - it is a very difficult situation and causes all kind of damage. That was also done to me toward my own father and I didn't realize the extent of what had occurred until I had the same thing happen to me from the ex and my own children. That a very painful day but a good eye opener. I reach out to my father to let him know that I now understand. He is still disappointed in his own actions - but at the end of the day we all can only endure so much and you have to do what you have to - to protect yourself. In his case he distanced himself from me and it ultimately damaged all the relationships in the family. We are starting to rebuild a more positive relationship but there are nearly 40 years lost. I'm just grateful to have this opportunity now. Thank you for sharing your experience! -Duane

[@ellieadams3598]

Grey Rock!

[@DSD]

Absolutely Ellie! That and hybrid no contact (when you have children)! Thanks for the comment and welcome to the channel! -Duane

[@jiangmaggie7742]

Should I tell him after file or just wait the letter handed to him?

[@DSD]

Well Maggie that is a tough one. The more time he knows what is going on is the more time he will plan against you. He is going to be angry either way so it really depends on the rage that you want to deal with. If you tell him than he can't say "You didn't tell me and I learned from this from being served papers?" In my situation I told her what was coming and she was still angry when she served papers. Bottom line they want to be in control and when you *make a decision* without them there is going to be a consequence - but you've probably already experienced that throughout your life. -Duane

[@JoshPennCPTSD]

Great channel! I went through a similar situation. Your advice is spot on!

[@DSD]

Thanks Josh I appreciate the support! You have a really great channel as well! Thanks for taking the time to check this channel out and to comment! -Duane

[@JoshPennCPTSD]

Dad Surviving Divorce it's really incredible how technology like KZbin and Facebook and the internet can affect our recovery, healing and understanding in such an effective and efficient manner. Blessed to hear you reaching out to those in need.

[@DSD]

I know - however it would really be nice if KZbin would STOP dropping comments because I know I responded to your comment when you posted it. We live in an amazing time were this information is at our fingertips and to basically build our own little television stations is as easy as pointing our phones at our faces and recording our stories. I mean that is just incredible! I know you've taken a pause I hope you start making videos again - but I completely understand the level of effort it takes to do this! -Duane

[@jacquiecapstick66]

Thank you so much for this knowledge

[@shannonprice5187]

Just a question I've been separated for years. I have custody and some child support. I am going file for divorce. After years he's been with someone will he sign the paperwork?

[@DSD]

Hi Shannon, honestly it really depends on what his motivation is. If everything stays the same (money and custody) then there is a chance he will sign the paperwork. However, if you have more time for you and more money then there is a high probability that he will fight you and seek more custody. You just need to be aware of this because often times people think everything is black and white and they will just agree to it. So if possible I'd recommend that you keep things so they don't appear to change for him so that there isn't a reason for him not to sign. But definitely check with your attorney so you know what to expect. If you don't mind me asking - are you under a court order now? Did you do a legal separation?

[@shannonprice5187]

@@DSD We have been separated for years. A decision we both made. Custody is from the court and child support. I'm going to legal aide for an attorney. He pop's up every couple of years. But he has been very difficult with child support and me being better off without him despite him being with someone. He did try June 2018 to come back but I told him no.

[@shkelqimaliaj3026]

Hi there! I'm in the big trouble. My wife took our two(boys) kids and went at Michigan at 2013. I send to her a divorce paper on August 2014 but she never signet. I found her job and home in the place were I live. So she comeback at Washington State on August 2015. She and the kids stayed at my Camper for three Days and the fourth Day they moved in to Apartment and right that afternoon she call the Cops and faked like I thread her to kill. From that Day I cant see my own kids. Now I have a Date Court(trail) on 5-February. I need just to see my kids. She is asking from the court for my mental evaluation so to stop me to meet them. Thank you.

[@dobson777a]

I'm in this boat. 35 years down the drain

[@dancooper455]

Just go MGTOW

[@pato6612]

Great advice, thanks!

[@toothdoc4860]

I am in the midst of a divorce and my husband is the narcissist it's painful I am the bread winner he won't work he is abusive; verbal and physical !! I left and moved into an apartment after he pushed me down I had called the police the kids lied for him said that we were both abusive to each other and I have to admit I smacked him him in the face before when he called me a bitch but I moved out because it was so toxic for the kids and for myself and I knew I was going to divorce him there after so I got a one bedroom apartment so the dysfunction and toxicity would stop to some degree ... he uses them as pawns in s chess game now and his supply is the neighbors and kids 👎😞now I'm looking to rent a home until I decide what to do but he currently is in the home with my two children he's not abusive to them but he wants the home and now I'm fighting for it because I don't feel I should have to give that up after being the breadwinner all these years for 23 years and he working very little he did stay home and take care of the kids he says but he really is not interested in being a family man nor a spiritual leader in our supposed Christian home it's been quite sad and very difficult

[@asherpiechota7702]

It’s a horrible situation when going through this when you have children. I’ve been going through this since September of 2017. Here is some of my story. This is just the beginning of the story I haven’t finished it all. www.gofundme.com/going-through-a-divorce-with-a-narcissist

[@Monado6]

my blood is boiling

[@DSD]

I hope you are doing better today Monado6!

[@ezzyspeaks..427]

Thanks for this video! So much!

[@DSD]

Hi UBOS you are very welcome and I’m glad the video(s) are helpful for you! Welcome to the channel! -Duane

[@kathryncarter6143]

Please get to the point. I feel like this is long drawn out production

[@DSD]

I hear you Kathryn that was the early days of the channel where I would definitely ramble. The really crazy part - at least to me - people who need the video don't mind but that is such a limiter to gaining an audience I mean you REALLY have to need this information or perspective to watch through it and not get frustrated.

[@jamesjosephwaskiel1841]

thank you

[@nicholasbintbint6976]

tried to talk got loads of abuse took it . Convinced her not to walk out on kids got punched in the face took it but it gets so difficult your advise great . Any more advice on the violence !

[@orgami100]

I'm not worried about Hell. I was married for two fucking years! Hell would be like Club Med!...

[@DSD]

LOL thanks for the laugh Jason I can completely relate! Hope you're doing better now!

[@1bigreddog1]

My narc spouse has threatened he would kill himself if I divorced him and try to take everything, which I would never do. I’ve already removed the gun from the house just to be sure!

[@sharonanderson6926]

what if you take up on your self and get a divorce?cause I will

[@DSD]

Hi Sharon the good thing about learning about this before is when you do then you know what to expect and you shouldn't be blindsided by what they will do or say. I was the one who filed BUT I didn't know what I was dealing with and I wasn't prepared for the mask to crumble and then the corresponding smear campaign and false allegations. Had I know then I would have been able to keep my stress, fear, and anxiety in check which would have been better for me and the children. -Duane

[@phoneone1371]

Using kids is called parental alienation .My 2 cents is dont pay them starve them out

[@DSD]

Well... I hear you on that but that has some consequences for some of us - like I would have lost my career. But I hear you - you just have to be VERY careful because the family court system, Title IV-D, and the child support enforcement agencies can make your life a living hell...

[@johnfourteentwentyseven2773]

I’m divorcing a n

[@DSD]

Hang in their John-14 this is complicated and it can feel like you will never get through this but you will!

[@dmac1356]

Love your vids & have watched many of them. Are you up for some constructive call out? You jump from sentence to sentence then back to another sentence so much it’s almost hard to follow. 😂 Ok, I said it.... lol. I still love your videos though. Immensely helpful 💪

[@truthseeker4980]

gaslighting doesn't mean what you think it means fyi

[@DSD]

Hi Truth Seeker, I'm going to have to rewatch that video as it's an older one. Thanks for the feedback. -Duane

[@sachiekind]

spot on!!

[@DSD]

+Pic “Picky” Ky - Thanks! -Duane

[@debbbattiest6375]

Dad Surviving Divorce no no no

[@kananiseven]

I need help to leave!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!

[@perezar33]

Great video

[@DSD]

Hi Loyal Dad and welcome to the channel and thank you for the comment! -Duane

[@94Whiskey]

thank u!

[@marcusmorrison3292]

Interesting comments.

[@toothdoc215]

I like listening to you

[@Moochdad1956]

Sorry but after over 5 min into the video you still hadn’t gotten to the point, then you said “let’s back up a bit, had to click off at that

[@mr.mc345]

I sware you know my ex wife!!!

[@DSD]

Hi Mr. Mc3 and welcome to the channel! One of the crazy realities of this is they all seem to follow the same “play book”. Doesn’t matter if its the mom or dad if they operate in the cluster b personality disorders then they are ALL very similar! -Duane

[@mr.mc345]

Dad Surviving Divorce I definitely subscribed. A few weeks yet untill my first initial divorce hearing and your videos are definitely getting me prepared for the process! Keep doing what you are doing. (In a non religious way) GOD BLESS YOU MY DUDE 🤝

[@SuperFlo8888]

I wish I see this before go trial😭😭😭

[@DSD]

I think we all feel that way SuperFlo8888 - just learn what you can now to try to make the best of your situation.

[@SuperFlo8888]

DSD my marriage was very difficult! I married 20 yrs with alohoic! What is effective to our marriage was a disaster! I read some video from you, that is explain who they are; those people love patch n foundation is different then us, they only can take care themselves, their had no other responsibilities to take care any partnership at all! That is what really happened to my marriage life, in the order to honor with my married, I was took the prior n been responsible, build the life, house, contribs as much as I can, I took over mostly responsible...our marriage was split to different direction, on way the other, I wish understand who those people really are in early stages! Final end is very sad! He was cheating me and attacked me...left me behind with PDSD! It took me more then 3 yrs to final the court things, but it is more sadly the result; I completely lost everything during his lied in the court....it is a few days ago! Now I am back to deep hole again.....! The other side of lawyer even attack my soul! It is very bother me....who I am? What I did? It is really who I am? I am very very despression! 🥺 how cabin walk though that n start over? .....

[@NoOneIsGreaterThanAllofUs]

Get to the talking points... OMG!!! Try writing down and read from cards to help you ... can’t get anything out of this.. your all over the place!!

[@DSD]

Thanks for the feedback Randall, it's one of my first videos, so I've definitely gotten better. -Duane

[@NoOneIsGreaterThanAllofUs]

Dad Surviving Divorce ... I would like to apologize for my negative comment! I am SORRY! Recently discovered that my narcissistic wife of 12 years has been leading a double like. I have one child with her and was emotional wreck when I found your KZbin channel... since then, I have watched numerous videos of yours and has helped me begin to understand.. look forward to seeing many more!!! THANK YOU 🙏

[@territaylor2732]

I wish you would stop rambling.

[@DSD]

Yeah those early videos are a bit rough but you have to start somewhere! I appreciate the feedback though! 👍🏻

[@evonmorgan4487]

You need to get to the point quicker. You circle around too much.

[@DSD]

I hear you on that one Life is cheese Morgan - when I first started this channel I was *really* uncomfortable and trying to figure this KZbin thing out. Hopefully the newer stuff is more helpful - and hopefully the older stuff isn't hurting the channel overall. But thank you very much for the feedback and taking the time to give it!

[@meazazion8445]

👍

[@NTraveller]

Too wordy. Sorry

[@DSD]

No worries, thanks for the feedback! 👍🏻

[@helen4997]

In my opinion you are talking about how your divorce went, and what your wife did to you! You are not being fair to the woman's side only the man's side. (Your side) All you have said is protecting yourself and what you want. I think the Narcissist is you. When you point a finger in the other direction; three are pointing back at you. Too bad that your wife doesn't have a youtube and really talking bad about you, as you are speaking about her.

[@Aprostime123]

not nice

[@blessedthebest8972]

You crazy