10 Things Adult Children of Narcissists Secretly Long For (But Never Talk About)

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@Salomão-y6m]

I related to this video right from the get go! Thank you Dr. Wise, truly!

[@thezekeshow9528]

It’s who I am. It’s my identity. I don't want to lose who I am kzbin.info/www/bejne/mYisk5qZpKiZaas

[@ishtara1177]

Thanks very much for this. I can relate to it totally. My parents weren’t narcissists - at least I don’t think they were- but they were huge boundary breakers and emotionally unavailable, and despite being aware of my codependency issues for a while now watching this video makes me realise I have a long way to go as regards recovery.

[@RondaHenderson]

My parents were both narcissists, when my father died in 2020, I barely cried. My mother has dementia and her narcissistic tendencies are way out there. Having to be nice all the time is exhausting. I may cry a little more when she goes, but I will finally feel free of the horror of my childhood. It sucked!

[@Denise-y2c]

You are totally understood.

[@cup_o_TMarie]

Good lord dear how I understand! I felt sadness for her sad unhealed life & what it did to our relationship, but the majority of the feeling I’ve had since my Mom died in 2017 was total relief. My Dad is still out there wreaking havoc at 80. I’ll be equally relieved when he is finally gone. And I don’t feel in the least bit guilty. My life with them was literal physical, sexual & emotional abuse my entire childhood.

[@leecolebatch7371]

It was only when my mother died when I was 65 that I gave myself permission to be me. But I had spent so many years being what I thought anybody in authority wanted me to be that I still don't know who I realy am. It's a good thing my dog loves me whoever I am😊

[@meekville4122]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@artscraftymama]

Same here. I couldn’t even decide what I wanted or liked… I had to go back to total basics and I made myself notice when I smiled or enjoyed anything… what was I doing at that moment? Ok so let’s try doing more of that and see how I feel…

[@TheCelestialhealer]

Bravo 🙏

[@Chapps1941]

I was 63 when l found out l was CPTSI 6 weeks prior my sperm-donor died then, 6 weeks after, my alleged mutha died. Coincidence? No. The allegation was never proved. I grew up hated, despised and grossly abused. My address is Dresden 1945

[@caroleminke6116]

I’m in the same place @ 66 & my family is my rescue cats 🐈🐈‍⬛

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

I'm so sick of their performative caring, which is always only when convenient for them and how they want to give it rather than what you might actually need

[@mindkindmom]

Yeah, this manipulative caring/giving can be so triggering. It's only when they need something it's on, but when you need even something small they can't be bothered.

[@callmecricket7401]

Thank you for the phrase performative caring. So perfect in the description of what's actually going on. ❤

[@Solscapes.]

​@@callmecricket7401it's also called virtue signalling.

[@ambermarie1382]

Yes!!! My parents, exactly.

[@fabiocarletti5192]

THIS.

[@anikalee9012]

Low self esteem is my biggest issue.

[@lindac6919]

I hear you. Decades later, I STILL walk around with a needy, shame/guilt based identity.

[@Victor-q9]

​@lindac6919 okay so I'm thinking this when out people see ...but don't know u ....when ur dressed looking ur best that is the person who u r ....make peace with ourselves on that level....we know who we r,,,...ask God to release us from assumptions n family dysfunction. ......keep focusing on jesus n who u see in mirror at ur best ......that's who everyone sees....ur identity is who God says u r ....his children adult potential destiny

[@lindac6919]

@@Victor-q9 Thank you.

[@sue5158]

I disassociated constantly through childhood so I never got to find out who I was. I wasnt there.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Same. There are years that just aren't really there.

[@trinitymarieM]

Where did you go and who were you when you disassociated? There's probably more of the real you there than you think. The answer to that question is for you. 🎁

[@lorilee7213]

I have dissociated my whole life but my childhood is very much erased. I'm 59 and didn't even know I was abused even with a brother and sister who took their lives a few years apart. She was an Alcoholic and my father died when I was 8. I just thought I had to take care of her. She sent me to boarding school thank God. I had a Spiritual Awakening at 51. I didnt know anything about Narcissism till that night and my whole life changed. All I was ever with were Narcs..Thin to wake up to this world of evil. I can't help but feel jadded. Lov

[@dnk4559]

Yes, same!

[@lindac6919]

I was a chameleon. I tried to be what each of them wanted at the time...but by, it was hell when I had to deal with more than one of them at the same time.

[@AngelWest58]

When I finally set a boundary w / my family 8 years ago they couldn't deal w/ it. They tried everything including violence. That was the beginning of my road back to myself. Blessings

[@earthrooster1969]

Wow! My chronic health issues gave me a legit platform to distance myself. They are unable to blame me, make me the enemy in front of society for avoiding them.

[@gypsylee73]

Yep.. I had to lock my door. I pushed my mother verbally the other night and she sat refusing to look at me or speak. I pushed harder. Went back to my room and soon after she stuck a crow bar through the gap in the door and started hacking at the lock (it was very amateur). She was "yelling" but compared to my yelling it was nothing.. Interesting bc I'm softly spoken and "friendly" or submissive normally, but when pushed I roar, and the things I say must cut because they are my brutally honest truth. She got violent but her voice hardly changed 🤔 I think maybe I am so used to controlling (repressing) myself I'm much better at it than she is (?) Anyway.. Last night she agreed to a new lock which can be locked from both sides! This means when I go out she can't snoop! It was a real win. I guess she was embarrassed by her behaviour. I video taped it as well 👍

[@earthrooster1969]

@@gypsylee73 wow 😳

[@pebblesebrada5257]

❤❤❤

[@jonnuanez7183]

I was declared missing by my mother because I went No Contact with her. One day, the police came to my work looking for me (there was a record of me being there). It took over 35 minutes of clearing up between San Diego and Montana police. I was asked basic questions by SDPD, like where was I the last few days, what did I do, was I with anybody, etc. After they were done, I pulled both officers aside and told them to NEVER ever use your child as a thing and to never let your ego run over them. They were kinda shocked that something like this could happen.

[@annchurchill2638]

Honor thy father and mother is demanded, but not honor thy child.Always respect your child,listen and undertsand as best you can.

[@TheDoctorBrandi]

Actually in that same scripture in the Bible it calls for parents not to provoke their children. Most people miss that part.

[@MLP8044]

Sometimes it feels like such healthy relationships do not exist

[@marypatton1122]

I know! When I talk to people in relationships I always think, "OMG! I am so thankful I dodged that bullet!" and yet, I feel l I lonely and isolated in my own world of freedom and autonomy. I think many people are in unhappy relationships. To me that is worse than loneliness.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I think there probably is a level if good enough over a period of time where the pattern is stable. Except we never got to see anything that could guide us, also there are unhappy relationships and they have a certain level of equality and are not abusive, I agree 💯 about the loneliness being hard but ok. That I think is because there is self respect in it.

[@seriouscat2231]

People come together around shared goals. Aristotle classified friendships into three types, namely mutual pleasure, mutual benefit and mutual virtue. One or the other person can not be the focus of the relationship, neither so that "ha, now it's my turn to get others to orbit me", nor "I was forced to revolve around my narc parent, but now I wish to volunteer to revolve around you".

[@katrinat.3032]

I felt that way years ago. I just tried to observe healthy people. At first I didn’t know any. Then I got a great next door neighbor and her family. I was just a neighbor but I observed how they were. I kept doing that and just trying to observe healthy relationships. Slowly, I started to build friends. Many years later now I have a terrific best friend. That I’ve never thought I would have. It didn’t happen overnight believe me. But just keep pulling yourself in the right direction. If you believe in prayers, then I would pray too. That never hurts. Also if there’s anything that you feel like taps into your real self, then nurture it. For example, I liked classical music. But I never thought that would DO ANYTHING FOR ME. BUT THEN I STARTED GETTING INTO LISTENING TO WHAT I REALLY LIKED. I’M READING ABOUT CLASSICAL COMPOSERS AND THE HISTORY AT THE TIME THAT THEY WERE ALIVE ETC. ETC. AND IT BUILT LIKE A HOBBY IN MY MIND BUT IT ALSO BUILT PART OF MY PERSONALITY BACK.I wish you the best and don’t ask me why this is in capitals

[@KC-jr6zs]

​@@marypatton1122True, it can be lonely to do the right thing to protect ourselves from the narcissistic parent. Because people will act like you're the black sheep. Healthy boundaries are "mean" to the narcissist n flying monkeys. They like making up store's and pp will go with that without finding out directly what is the truth. Ends up being you're defending yourself against half truths and outright lies.

[@amussukk]

After listening these videos, I finally understand why my life has been so difficult. I have had narsissistic mother. Very little love, punishments verbally and hitting me. All those difficulties what you speak have been in my life. Anxiety, poor self esteem etc. Thankyou very much.

[@terryfelkins912]

I know every time I watch one I find I fit. I was married 40+ years and was my own person. But I left him ! He was a narc and constantly cheating on me. I had to move back with them no choice. I pay for that every day. My mother thinks it’s okay to ignore or put my boundaries down. Because I have those now. I won’t give them up. We were very close when she called the shots. But now I see right through her bs! When she starts to tell me how she thinks I ought to be I tell her it’s too bad I can do whst I want ! All my life has been miserable because of her bs! I call her difficult d. Everything she does is difficult. I have to get out of here! Thanks to my best friend that will be happening! Thank goodness for the one authentic person in my life. My youngest son is the other rock I have! I would be a shit mess!

[@lorilee7213]

Ditto

[@Boababa-fn3mr]

Yeah. We seek from others what was not given to us as children. But grown up life doesn’t exactly work like that, and it's problematic for us.

[@SuzannaLiessa]

"We seek from others what we dont give to ourselves." I've been learning a lot about this. Sometimes it's hard to give to ourselves because we've buried both the need and the idea that it's valid so deeply we dont know it's there, much less what to do about it. Dealing with it can be complicated, because saying or acting on the idea that our needs come first can do anything from earning us mild disapproval to bringing down a burning hell of people who believe we owe our time and energy to everybody else first, taking only the scraps - if there are any - for ourselves.

[@Strawssie1]

Children of narcissistic parents find themselves in a situation where they desperately need to heal their trauma, but at the same time they don’t know what they are without it; They desperately seek love from others only to realize that they first need to learn the skill of receiving it.

[@stacygyuricza2187]

You have said this perfectly ❤

[@Strawssie1]

@ thank you 🩵that’s only because I’ve lived through this ☹️

[@lorilee7213]

​@@Strawssie1I'm sorry for all of us

[@Strawssie1]

@ It must be very liberating for us all to finally understand that what we’ve lived through was in fact narcissistic abuse, because for a very long time we didn’t know what it was (at least I didn’t) and genuinely believed that there was something very wrong with us, and not the environment we lived in.

[@Denise-y2c]

❤

[@bassocantante51]

Jerry is causing a paradigm shift in the collective spirit of mankind, truly the most precious gift is you Wise words!!!

[@lunarconduit]

Jerry is not the only person who has been fighting this war for decades, so don't give him all the credit. I'm subbed to multiple YT channels that do the same and have been just as successful. Since you dare unreasonably spake a claim for the collective consciousness of mankind, also while not being the collective consciousness of mankind, I must reasonably interject that the being who is the collective consciousness of mankind was crucified for fighting narcissism in the collective consciousness of His own people over 2,000 years ago, and then rose from the grave in 3 days, and has continued fighting narcissim in the consciousness of mankind ever since. To which every person who has fought to uphold the truth has done so by inspiration of the truth, whether wise of the origin or blinded by their own hearts. In which there has been trillions of souls whom have been sacrificed to silence the truth, yet the truth lives.

[@tims9434]

​@@lunarconduit spam

[@leanne123]

​@@lunarconduit While I also believe in the Way, I don't think it was necessary to correct the commenter regarding their use of the words "collective consciousness". They were simply attempting to give some credit to the poster. Maybe they exaggerated a bit for emphasis, but they did not subjugate Jesus in any way. Your reply was quite harsh considering the comment was just a positive remark. Not a derogatory or negative word was spoken. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe next time you could add to the statement rather than "correct" the statement. Thank you. 💖🙋🏼‍♀️

[@hula62]

It is true. For example, I was seriously ill. My RN told me to go to the ER. I didn't believe that I was that sick. I went into the ER. I had kidney stones. The ER doctor was like, "Good thing you came in." I was busy taking care of my mother. I didn't know how to take care of myself. Lesson learned.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Also being very sick and not following up earlier can be because of years of not being believed as a kid or your symptoms of illness minimised or when they could no longer be minimised and treatment was needed they the child or young person can be blamed and shamed for the expense and inconvenience they caused. My experience and the experience of others, especially if they are scapegoated in the family. Good luck with getting over you illness.

[@lauragadille3384]

If I take care of myself I'm selfish, so no wonder why my health has gone down the toilet

[@LastMinuteMinistry]

This happened to me when my son was a newborn. I expected to be tired and worn out so I didn’t know I had developed mastitis infection until I had to go to the ER. I dismiss my own pain.

[@BanjoPixelSnack]

​@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 This. My mother either ridiculed me and called me dramatic if I was unwell. Or she would make it into a huge drama. Both of those things I hated so I started just ignoring pain.

[@jamesowen4938]

My parents were always telling me what I didn't want, couldn't do or achieve, didn't feel, didn't see or didn't hear, and what I wasn't entitled to feel, think or want.

[@truthtriumphant]

Same here with my narcissistic mother..😢

[@KimFuller-fh5bw]

The hardest part is not knowing how to have healthy relationships and being avoided/judged because I picked up on their traits. Everything here is spot on!

[@LR-yu3mx]

It was a wonderful day to me when I left that home.!

[@jillr.austin1103]

Me too I left at the day I Turned 18 and never looked back..

[@sharonmbi973]

Thank you so much Jerry Lord Jesus help me to make space for my own voice show me what it looks like practically daily

[@gracecase998]

This video hits hard. All true. At 53 years old still learning these, my narc Dad is still alive at 90. Thank you Jerry. It is difficult to find our path, but I am taking my life and power back. Peace is the most important right now.

[@cherylgerber7916]

Same here- my dad is 90 and lives with me- childhood trauma lives on

[@VisibleTimes]

Similar situation

[@earthrooster1969]

I am starting to see that both my narc parents are in for the long haul. However I have welcomed this as i heal every day while they are still around. I think it's way more empowering to heal after they have passed.. This community helps! Also from many comments from this and other channels, I have learnt that narcs do always manage to come back from the brink and live on sucking a hoard of resources we would perhaps feel guilty of sucking off. Money, attention, sympathy from whoever they can get it from... My own Mother is the big example...she survived two strokes, it's been two years, been in the ICU multiple times...and all that has taught her...that she can keep pushing her narc ways no matter what. My enabler Dad is hand and glove...and keeps giving himself away in every possible way... financially, emotionally and is now a humanoid robot going through the motions. My narc sibling who cannot hold up a job for long has now joined my parents as that is his last resort.. I am struggling with health issues myself but feel so much safer away from the toxicity which seems to be boiling over at the other side...

[@gracecase998]

@@cherylgerber7916 oh wow. I couldn't live with my Dad. He visits me 4 times a day that is enough. I hold boundaries with him, he hates it. They will never change.

[@gracecase998]

@@earthrooster1969 yes take care of you first. They made their bed let them wallow in it. Sounds like same situation for me. I started pulling away from my dysfunctional family 5 years ago and I sent the whole dynamics in a tail spin. I have 3 narc siblings, let them run to Dad's demanding side with my enabling mother. Sad when other family members commend me for leaving it all. But I am still painted the A-hole to anyone who will listen to them all.

[@GilbertFleming]

Feeling that you are not good enough is a learn belief! Thank you so much for that

[@YewDuct]

Yes, 10/10. I seek every single one of them! Truly reciprocal friendships are especially hard to find because we go into them over-functioning as usual and thereby set the wrong expectations. I've started to have discussions about reciprocity with friends I value but I'm still the one making the effort most of the time.

[@TarotEnchanted]

Thank you for posting this. I’m dealing with the same issues.

[@VilleGardian]

Rather no friends than being used

[@hmfogptditf]

Unfortunately normal people (non narcissists) are not, contrary to the empty assertions of the modern secular world, all that moral by sheer default. We want to believe that our abusive family is a ghastly anomaly but the truth is a little darker. Most people simply assume a higher than thou status position to you if you treat them how you would like to be treated. I’m not trying to say that it’s a dog eat dog world and therefore do away with the healthy need for reciprocation and be the dog that eats the other, I’m telling you the majority of people are in practice much more similar in many respects to a full blown narcissist than they are to the comfortable but unfounded notion they have in their heads about being a decent person. Find people who have sincerely taken morality seriously (and I don’t mean prone to virtue signalling), the big secret of life is they’re the only people really worth knowing and they really aren’t all that abundant. Everyone else is operating in something of a moral vacuum underneath the superficial pleasantries and are as unlikely to see a reason to change as a narcissist is. Such is the world I’m afraid. Look for them, they are difficult to find but otherwise you’re going to find yourself in the same dilemma ad infinitum and a therapist will only ever tell you to adjust your expectations to be more and more like most other people, which is actually pretty crappy in reality. Best of luck to you out there.

[@deemaysie6568]

@@hmfogptditf You write the truth. Like everything else in life, true quality is very rare and very precious.

[@bereal6590]

Excellent video. My mother and my father are extremely emotionally manipulative and emotional boundary crossers. They use withdrawing help around any mistakes made simultaneously making me responsible for their feelings. Mistakes were ALWAYS DISALLOWED, even when it was their mistake!

[@ambermarie1382]

Yes!!! I relate to this so much

[@audreyh3357]

@@Blurb777So sorry! Bizarre.❤❤❤

[@audreyh3357]

@@Blurb777🙏🙏🙏

[@dameanvil]

- 00:23 💔 Emotional Struggles: Adult children of narcissists (ACNs) often carry unmet emotional needs and long for safety, autonomy, and authentic connections. - 01:01 💬 Emotional Validation: ACNs desire relationships where their feelings are acknowledged, as their childhoods lacked emotional validation. - 02:34 🛠️ Autonomy Sought: They crave independence and the ability to make choices without guilt or control, a stark contrast to their controlling upbringing. - 03:31 🚧 Healthy Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries becomes vital to counter blurred, enmeshed boundaries experienced in childhood. - 05:30 🤝 Mutual Relationships: ACNs yearn for genuine, reciprocal connections free from power imbalances or manipulation. - 07:35 🌟 Strong Sense of Self: Building a distinct identity apart from parental influence is a crucial recovery goal. - 08:51 🌊 Emotional Peace: They desire calm, predictable relationships, learning to tolerate stability after chaotic upbringings. - 10:09 💪 Confidence Rebuilt: Reclaiming self-worth involves overcoming feelings of inadequacy instilled by critical parenting. - 11:11 🔓 Freedom from Guilt: Releasing guilt and shame instilled by manipulative parents is key to personal liberation. - 12:47 ✅ Validation Needed: They seek acknowledgment of their lived experiences and self-trust to counter past gaslighting. - 14:10 🌱 Healing the Cycle: Recovery focuses on breaking familial dysfunction, achieving emotional health, and embracing their authentic selves.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Thank you for making such a good list.

[@Blurb777]

THANK YOU!!!!

[@amechealle5918]

So how can we resolve the issues and give ourselves what we didn’t get. When my mom passed I thought all this hell would finally go away but now I’m stuck taking care of her husband (her second husband NOT my dad) it’s just been a continuation of hell. I’m 60 and never had a normal existence.

[@jerrywise]

I know your pain❤️ I recommend starting with joining my free 84 minute training, you can find the link in the description of the video

[@YewDuct]

I don't think you owe your step-father anything. Like me, I'm guessing that you've got a masters' degree with distinction in over-functioning.

[@artandculture5262]

Is it that you live in the home, or is it that there’s a different obligation?

[@AlvinKazu]

You have no obligation to take care of anyone but yourself, unless there are finances involved, just leave and go on your own. These people don't deserve it. I'm assuming that he wasn't even a "Step-father' but just someone she remarried when you got older?

[@saraheck7898]

This is my potential worst nightmare. I've never heard anyone talk about it, and you're living it. I'm so sorry.

[@struwwelliese3744]

Ich war froh dass endlich mal jemand über Narzissmus in der Eltern / Kind Beziehung spricht. Danke für die Infos und die Empathie. Sehr hilfreich 🙏

[@NadineDieringer-t8n]

This is all so true.....i was the scapegoat child too....i did not know it until later, i use to say i was the kicking tree. I am almost 61 and it still hurts and blows my mind what i had to go thru and to heal myself on my own....

[@karenblueford8]

They never grow up it's like a little girl or boy is an adult body. Ask God for wisdom and knowledge and guidance daily and strength. I've been there. You rise above it by not becoming like that.

[@karenblueford8]

Get counseling that helped me too.

[@cindylutz7442]

I'm almost 64. I would have said up to a couple years ago that I didn't know who I was, but I knew for sure I wasn't going to be that "old person" who never stopped talking about her ailments and meds. Turns out that becoming older is pretty defining, and I'm now that old person I swore I wouldn't be. Side note: wondering now how much my current physical decline/malaise (after what most would have called a very healthy lifestyle,) is related to childhood issues/trauma. Not that any of us can escape all trauma/drama/stress, but seems there is a solid chance some pathways and responses were twisted or never fully developed, and I'm paying for it now.

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

I moved thousands of miles back to a toxic situation within a year my body hurts so bad I couldn't get out of bed everything went downhill and stayed that way

[@patcummings6950]

I have never known what to do with a healthy relationship. I always end up trashing it.

[@kathybradley3858]

Hi Dr. Wise, you really have no idea how important your work is and how badly this country needs you to help raise the level of awareness and consciousness… to make the world a more peaceful living place. I am going through the exact thing you spoke in this video. I has set the biggest boundary in my life to my bi-polar Mother. I never could for years because she would guilt us, manipulate us to feel like we are the problem. Her self-loathing and misery she can’t own so she’s been spewing it on me and my brother. Now she’s telling us not to come around anymore…. Here comes the guilt. Thank you!!!! I will hold my ground

[@Ivar-V]

I disagree. I think he knows how important it is 😊. But I get your sentiment. Good luck to you! Fight the good fight!

[@leanne123]

​@@Ivar-V It was an exaggeration to emphasize her point. It wasn't meant to be taken literally.

[@HeavenDancer]

Thank you for the words - “you are actually as good enough as you feel you are not good enough.” I have never felt good enough thanks to a mother who had moving, unspoken expectations that I could never meet. She and my father tore my self esteem down and I still struggle but I’m making headway. I screenshot your words to make them a positive statement to say everyday. ❤

[@OceanSwimmer]

I do the same with screenshots. I remind myself, at 72, that the things about me that "don't make sense" to my family of origin isn't a problem I need to solve. The endless pursuit of making oneself understood to a hostile audience can drive people like me to despair. Then the shift in thinking occurred: It's useless to pursue acceptance from my family of origin. They aren't interested in me - their goal is Control. Game over. Now I state what I will or won't do. My extremely controlling sibling is furious. I'm not following the script.

[@LKH165]

3:42 After years of therapy and going no-contact I still have nightmares every once and while, I still had their voices in my head bringing me down. The emotional connection is much harder to sever.

[@amiblack8294]

the voices go away eventually so take heart and keep healing :)

[@jenniferrusso1006]

I still get nightmares, too. I've been no contact for 1.5 years.

[@tonipeterson954]

My Narcissist upbringing primed me ... for 2 marriages to Narcissists ... wish I knew way back then what I know now ... NPD needs more awareness ... maybe taught in schools

[@seriouscat2231]

I don't recommend that. The kids would use it against each other. Everyone would accuse everyone else of either being a narc or being too sensitive.

[@georgiasimmons5074]

Me too 4husband most of all them narrissist now 81 married to another one no escape but now I know the problem can try to help myself feel like ready to die soon😢

[@seriouscat2231]

One central factor is that in disorders of personality there is a vertical power gradient. Unhealthy people want to keep it as steep as possible from both sides, healthy people want to negotiate a power differential that serves both parties. Mutuality and reciprocity take learning and effort, a source for that learning and a safe place to exert that effort. I, as a middle-aged man, have been stuck between trying to figure out what I want and what I can handle. Also, it's not only marriages but friendships and workplace connections too where this applies. Narcissism is not some disease that strikes healthy people by chance or out of nowhere. It's a sore lack of learning on how to navigate and negotiate relationships. When as an unhealthy person you get into a friendship or acquaintance with a healthy person, it feels like you had taken a big loan and feared for your ability to pay it back.

[@victorokoth7133]

I came about your work last week. I have gained so much and I am able to navigate being around difficult people much better already. Thank you so much for all you do to help us ACONs.

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@bassocantante51]

Me too!!! It’s like “TIS THE SEASON TO BE WIISSSEE….FALALALALA… NO MORE NARC FAM!” He appeared on my timeline a week ago and I’ve already spread his voice to my uncle, my wife, my ex, my two adult children, my aunt, my mom(codependent-covert-narcissist) and my two sister-in-laws… I’m 46, I’ve done much counseling and seminars in my life, Landmark Ed, 15 years of therapy, group therapy w/parents… all of the information Jerry speaks of has already been presented to me, however, the colloquialisms and jargon words were never put together in such a poignant way that there is an actual paradigm shift in thinking as a result of how Jerry structures his sentences… truly remarkable and in essence is what gives credence to his outstanding work in helping to heal other… one of my favorite statements thus far is, “I am immune to your irrational way of thinking..” LOVE IT… and Jerry, you are loved beyond measure, the realm of you don’t know you don’t know, the impact your voice is having on the collective mind of humanity… I apologize in advance, but, I have been labeling you as my secret Santa, you are a jolly soul and all you need to do is grow out that beard a little more… tis the season and all you do is impart GIFTS OF WISDOM, so, BE WISE… GO ALL OUT DECKED IN SANTA GEAR… you are the miracle of giving that we the people have so longed waited for….

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Good you discovered Jerry Wise- it is excellent information.

[@nicholashuff4198]

i checked all of those boxes. Dad wasn't around, but mom was; just the two of us. She did her duty and provided a home with food, and never brought home strange men, but could not provide a safe emotional space, and knew little about life or how things work. Long story short, i learned early on that i was unable to trust even my own parents, and learned to teach and trust in myself. While the pangs of uncertainty never cease, it has never truly been my memory or confidence in ability i have questioned, it's been everyone else's. Thank you, Dr. Wise, for your priceless insight and contributions to the healing and betterment of humanity. Keep up the good work!

[@Sarahjklhj]

Jerry your Road to Self program is changing my life! Years of therapy are not coming close to the shifts I’m experiencing since I joined. I’m 53 years old and I wish I had access to this earlier thank you for everything you do ❤

[@jerrywise]

This is the most common feedback I get about the program, and I had a similar experience when applying self-differentiation to my own life. I’m glad you are finding the program helpful and thank you for letting me be part of your self differentiation journey ❤️

[@sharmar582]

Yes,I long for confidence and self esteem.

[@deborahebbers4774]

Wow. It's like you looked into my deep self. Your videos have helped me already. Maybe this is an off comment but I feel like I was raised by a hell being who through manipulation stole my life force and used my compassion against me. Thank you for these videos.

[@seriouscat2231]

I think narcissists alternate between three roles, namely bully, victim and savior. My mother does all three, but also knows how to be both a savior and a bully at the same time. I'm in middle age, unemployed and a failing university student. She wants to be my rescuer, but she can't do anything to rescue me, so she tries to bully me into playing along by having long "talks" with me how horrible my life must be and how desperately I must need her.

[@Capt1021]

This is definitely not an off comment. I flat out say Demon.

[@stoneylockett5162]

I have fully changed my mindset, and i am doing so much better. Im 33, and I have a life now! Im not bitter of the past. Im looking forward to the future. Thank you so much 💓

[@jonnuanez7183]

"You are good enough as you feel you are NOT good enough". That's deep.

[@denisesellers8244]

How do I tell if a person is genuine? I don't know what a mutual relationship looks like. How do I keep myself from being overbearing to others?

[@marypatton1122]

I struggle with this too.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

It’s hard to know what is normal. Doubt is normal for a lot of us. Maybe a bit of mindfulness, relaxation training and maybe a book about social skills for adults will help. Also this can be anxiety driven.

[@ontarioshooter9048]

I don’t think I’ll get any of this until my old man dies. He’s relentlessly trying to “ break me”

[@Ana-gq7ce]

Can you go no contact?

[@Strawssie1]

Nah, their d€ath changes nothing. They’ll still be living in your head

[@tinalaursen8993]

I spent many years feeling very much under the thumb of my narcissistic family. The one thing that I finally realized and was helpful was they were just humans. Not God, not all powerful, not even what they thought they were. It was kind of a relief to realize this. 😶

[@user-hs9qz3dg1l]

If ,”he is constantly trying to break me,” as you say…try this idea my mother shared with me about my very narc ex: imagine a plexiglass shield all around you which causes the “break-able” comments to bounce off and head right back toward the person who said them. Somehow, when I had imagined this-the comments directed back towards them…they somehow made much more sense! The Amazing thing, is that I stopped internalizing his crappy comments, and actually found them to be a bit amusing. This allowed my consciousness to step back and not get sucked back into his crazy making. Game changer for me.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

Thank you so much for this Jerry, I'm in New Zealand 🇳🇿 I'm struggling with severe loneliness atm. Divorced, only daughter left home. I keep trying to reach out to friends but they have their own lives. I'm tired of struggling like this & am not sure how much of it is to do with my situation, or the fact I also have a severely Narcissistic Mother who I'm NC with. She even took my abusive ex husband into the family when he left & bought him gifts & had him for dinner etc. I've had enough of this painful life...especially coming up to Christmas

[@lele35md]

Seek Jesus, you'll never be alone or ignored.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

@lele35md thank you. Am already a Christian & even church makes me feel lonely

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Dear Andrea in New Zealand. The mother you have is a bad job - she will never change. You are not alone- others have been through this. Also the distant with friends is common too. If you feel really bad, maybe there is a help line you can ring. The stories would put the hairs standing on end, they sound beyond belief. I spent years trying to be believed but becoming more frantic trying to be heard. Now we have good information like Jerry Wise and also he does online courses and more. Wishing you well. Maybe there is something you can do, like a bit of volunteering, walking a dog, if there is anything you can think of. Feeling lonely is very hard and very real but remember it is a safe feeling when the abusive person are not in your life or space. Because lonliness is a hard feeling we can easily think there is something wrong with us- because that was part of the brain washing and when we feel bad we can get frantic internally waiting for this to get worse. Babette Rothshild 8 keys to trauma recovery- will five you how steps. Good luck.

[@lanaspencer9893]

I feel for you Andrea. I think if I opened up the wounds of my childhood and my narcissistic mother, I would never stop crying. Life is a tough old journey if you were brought up with a mother who never validated you or deemed you worthy of respect. But we just have to get on with it. Find your own path. Seek and you will find. I'm a believer now so I know where I am headed. Be strong. Kia kaha ❤

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

@melliecrann-gaoth4789 thank you so so much for your kindness & wisdom. You really helped me. You're right that what happened to us would make hairs stand on end. Unloved & rejected by our own mothers. The pain & scars never go away. I will look up that reference you have mentioned. Arohanui 🩷

[@sheanaewoo4790]

When i discovered 9 months ago that my father is a narc, my "identity" dissolved. I felt completely void. VOID. Then the questios began. One of them being, "who am I?" outside of the former narrative in which my very existence relied. I don't think even trained therapists even know that this is a problem.

[@themaggattack]

#4 *Raise out tolerance for mutually supportive relationships and recieving love* This is a critical skill set we we were deprived of and we must learn to build, so thank you for teaching it!!

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@CynthiaSteele-o2g]

I’m 67…. This is so spot on!!

[@jamesowen4938]

My parents made me feel like a criminal, like I was evil and illegitimate. Like I was not human, normal, or entitled to simple human dignity, or to the rights all other humans naturally have.. I still long to be human, to be legitimate, to not constantly fear arrest by the police. Or fear public humiliation.

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

Move far away from them to a big city and get involved with other people and you'll start to react normally to situations and not feel persecuted all the time

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

The police are already corrupt and they target people who are perceived to be mentally ill in places that are low crime

[@cocogomez2278]

Thank you for understanding the depths of how we feel and what we need 💛 🌱

[@joanfolds476]

My mother was borderline and my father was codependent. My mother was negative and my father was positive. But, her negativity over-rode his positivity. He could not protect me from her wrath and judgment. This video explains the feelings and desires of adult children raised by Cluster B personality disorders.

[@amiblack8294]

This really hit home. All of it. The cycle/spirit of Narcissism in my family is strong and I've witnessed it and the effects of it over the course of three generations. There was so much in the video that resonated with me. I really liked the way he explained things, laid them out and articulated what I have been needing to do. I still don't trust people and I'm almost 60; I was recently reminded how that lack of trust sabotages relationships with actual good people. Thank you, Jerry for this. So many of us need it.

[@laraoneal7284]

We were there to accommodate the parents. Therefore we had to maladapt. We have to get rid of the maladaption. We were never even allowed to know our authentic selves. They taught us LEARNED HELPLESSNESS. It puts us in delayed maturation. I’ve had to discover who I am throughout my entire adulthood. I relate better with ppl 20 years younger than I am bc I’m 20 years behind where I should be at my age now. I’m a boomer so I’m not young anymore but I refuse to stop growing and learning.

[@LKH165]

This video nailed it for me. it's to the point in every single detail. i want to have it, save it to watch later. The points were so direct and concise without digressing

[@TR-lk4ik]

This all resonated with me…Ian now learning to express myself feelings etc because as a kid I was only allowed to be happy, no crying or moodiness allowed 😢to add fuel to the fire, my family used scripture to back up their behavior, especially the honor thy mother and father😕

[@sweepapawahpaxtan2274]

Take back power ,peace, health, freedom, happiness

[@bernadettenelson6843]

I struggle with taking the risk to have friends and develop relationships. My mother always wanted to keep me for herself. I’m afraid that other people will end up acting like my family. I’m ok with superficial friendliness but I’m afraid to go any deeper. I do have a wonderful husband.

[@rosecitywriter]

Amazing you posted this tthe very minute the topic is being discussed in our home. :)

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@shawnrisley2404]

Excellent video. Just left a church that's considered "important" in a small town because many gifted, accomplished individuals attend. But elitism and classism are the dark underbelly. More of an institution than a church. Becoming more welcoming and multicultural in membership was the stated goals, but only a few ran the programs and events. These few people controlled social dynamics and reinforced social stratification. I was "in" as long as I didn't speak up, but the narcissism and wish to control became evident, the longer I attended. Ewww.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Your church, I hear you very clearly. Echoing this, it is a loss, and yet we are moving away from harm and practicing self respect.

[@lindathomas2350]

I really appreciate you giving information on children of narcissistic parents. I find this is what I need from my own experience with narcissistic parents. I found the examples that you gave for exactly what happened to me and what I experienced. That was a really good feeling.

[@etaokha4164]

I feel soory for golden children because everything you just mentioned is everything the long for but will never have and only get worse as they age just like the narc parents

[@cynthiameyers7529]

Honestly, I feel this is one of your best talks ever! Please keep it up.

[@marypatton1122]

There is something I want but I can't put my finger on what it is or point out exactly "where it hurts." I just know I am uncomfortable and a little sad. I think I am lonely but I don't want to be smothered. It seems like there are only two choices. Breathe easy and have freedom but feel lonely. Or be in a relationship and be smothered and required to conform to someone else's needs. I think I'd rather be lonely and doing things I like to do by myself. The men I meet are way too needy or too controlling. Aren't there any guys out there who are ok with independence but still enjoy the company of a female friend? My license plate cover on my car's back bumper says, "Gimme space." It doesn't say, "Leave me alone." There is a difference. My heart seems to cry, "Balance, Please!!" It is hard for me to find. Either they want me to take care of them, or they want to "take care of me" like I was a two year old. !@#% I guess I put my finger on it. Writing is therapy. Next question to ponder: what am I doing to attract these kind of people? Am I coming off as too needy or too controlling. I hope not! Buddha said, "I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am." I guess I need to find that balance but I though I was walking through life just fine but, If these are the kinds of people I meet over and over, maybe not.

[@seriouscat2231]

The thing a narcissist does not have and neither knows how to give is interpersonal distance, so the children of narcissists also find it hard to deal with, which means that only persons who are needy or controlling overcome the distance naturally and effortlessly. I, as a man, wanted to find needy women so I could "rescue" them, though I never had a clue how to do that and luckily was too awkward to ever get a chance to inconvenience anyone. I also befriended a controlling woman, but she simply wanted to put me to work, and I never really got anything out of that "friendship". Except that she used to own a horse and I learned to ride a little.

[@Denise-y2c]

Jerry, I can not say, THANK YOU enough for this video , these words.

[@Azeteck_casual]

Give yourself your closure

[@taliajournee212]

This is major. Especially if you are coming from a dysfunctional family. Something as simple as resting and not feeling guilty or going for a walk and grabbing a coffee or ice cream with no time frame (if you are a caretaker). Living a quiet peaceful life without including the narc -- so freeing.

[@Azeteck_casual]

@taliajournee212 assertivness Training. Remember human History is a Testament to resilience. Walk the Highway Do Not Wish upon Others what you Don t want to recieve

[@quran_wrh]

Thanks Jerry. Recently I began to understand that my mother has a strong bias against me because my mannerisms remind her of my father, who she divorced when I was young. Her bias has gone so far as to accuse me of manipulation and lying when, due to a chronic illness, I needed move in with my grandfather after living on my own for a decade. Her biased accusations have worsened my health condition and eventually driven me from my grandfather's home. She views my current situation in a casual way that allows her to not take any accountability for the large part she played in it. And God always responds when we call to him - that is guaranteed.

[@moscowcowboy_13]

My mother used to rage on me and accuse me of acting like my father, who I never really knew and apparently broke up with her when I was two. She projected on me my whole life punishing me for being his son.

[@quran_wrh]

@moscowcowboy_13 very relatable brother. Our creator will make the truth clear to us all. Any deed the size of a mustard seed will be brought to account

[@rupinderh01]

❤🙏❤

[@leanne123]

They are sick in the head. Their thinking and behaviour don't make sense. Stop listening to her. Think of her as someone who is not competent. Don't let anything she says effect you what so ever. If you have to talk to her just agree with her and then do what you want to. Put HER in the confused and hurt position that she is putting you in. Deny you have done anything she says you have. She knows she's lying. Just laugh at her pathetic attempts to control you. She doesn't get to push you around. You deserve to be respected. 💖🙋🏼‍♀️

[@rupinderh01]

@@leanne123 thank you❤

[@hienienguyen6766]

i have gone through coaching, and it's best to leave out the horrible toxic boundaries. It's not normal at all to have emotional abuse when people cross the lines it has to be dealt with. It's a good thing I knew this wasn't normal

[@filly3594]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I spent 5 years in individual and group therapy after finally having a breakdown. All that aside, what I can impart is that there are always two sides to every story, that most dysfunctional parents are dysfunctional as a result of pain and trauma they experienced in their lives, and very often they do not intentionally cause pain and trauma to their children. It is so important to look at the good as well as the bad and to hang on to every shred of the love that was shared with them, for that is what will remain when they are gone IF, and only IF, you can understand that they were the walking wounded as much as you were or are. We are all here to experience life with all its tears and joy. God forgives and so should we. Kindness and understanding are far more healing than blame and hatred. In the end, all that lives on is the love. If you didn't get that love growing up or in your intimate relationships, you will need to GIVE IT to others to fill that void. Love and forgive - it's really the core of Christ's message to us and he was absolutely right.

[@YukariOro]

I was taught in therapy that there are THREE sides to every story. Your side, my side, and the truth. I personally can't find it in me to forgive my mother for her decades of abuse, though I do recognize she suffered too and was ill.

[@yabuzagardens366]

I've had to pause, rewind, take a minute & reflect on several of these points. Lots of insight here.

[@Captain-Cosmo]

I never began healing until about age 50 when, realizing that my severely NPD mother distorted my very sense of reality, I embraced logic and committed to believing things which I could only reasonably verify as true, reject those things which I could reasonably verify as untrue, remain agnostic about those things for which I could do neither, and appreciate admitting when I know that I am wrong as a means of having better knowledge. I am constantly learning and developing these skills, and appreciate greater confidence in my perceptions of reality which I did not enjoy as the target of a narcissist.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

❤

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Captain- Cosmo. This is excellent the way you break it down. Sadly my brothers all men 60+ are puppets on a string, even after she died. What you do as analysis is wonderful 💪

[@ChrisLeeProducer]

I have a hate/love relationship for checking off everything on the list. Validated, but sad.

[@derekmartin1631]

These videos are very helpful Jerry. I broke from my narcissistic parents 15 years ago. 4 years afterwards, I met a woman who would be my future wife and her son who will become my son in spirit and intellect. When we were married, we would squabble over things, but I would constantly fight with her to make sure our household would be a place of stability and refuge for our family and will foster independence and self-reliance for our son. I would explain to our son that it was vitally important that he understands himself and develops into his own man. Now my wife is overwhelmingly grateful for the family we built together, and I realize that this video pointed out what I was doing is natural. One of the reasons my wife and I understand each other well is she also has a narcissistic parent . We both have found ways of keeping them out of our business so our son can flourish.

[@Maybe-d2e]

You've basically gotten the needs of conap. Congrats. To all those who are of an age before therapy and had to thru self actualization come to these list of needs I salute you for your courage and not giving in to societal demands who like your parents, siblings etc want you to be what they say you are. ✌️❤️🖖 Live Long and Prosper

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Well, I guess I’m walking this whole independence thing out by now. Not sure it gets any “bigger” than hoping you made good choices on a house purchase plus the location you chose to move to. 😅😅 I do at times wake up thinking omg. What if I bot a money pit? What if I run out of money? What if I find I messed up? But I’m still getting a lot better at not letting that kind of stuff just take over. Another desire really is around the authentic relationships. I’m tired of being tired and surrounded by a bunch of leeches. Plus all these immature mind games. And wreaking havoc around general communications with others. Etc. Gotta freakin move out of town just to be able to finally relax and have straightforward and direct communications seems like. Seems a lot like eliminating the troublesome and unnecessary “middle man” who is always taking some cut off the top and trying to seize control over everything.

[@ittybittykittymama7582]

Great video, sir! Your observations about what happens to children of narcissists (especially malignant ones) and what we desperately want from the life we are building without the overt influence of their toxic parents is spot on! Thank you for giving us the blueprints and tools we need to build a new, healthy reality in which to live our lives. My gratitude to you, sir, for helping us to heal and become whole at last!

[@Denise-y2c]

So well said. I agree.

[@marietteestabrook4098]

My mom and dad hated my dad’s mother. Yet, they often told me I was just like her. Mostly in frustrated and exasperated tones. Finally, when I was about 15 I called them on it. Told them what it looked like. They stopped, but I never got an apology which said to me that they still felt that way, they just agreed not to say it. However, the damage was done.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

That was horrible what they said- a pair of weak bullies leaning on one another. Let them lean snd live your own life.

[@marietteestabrook4098]

@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 Thanks. They are both dead, now. I’m moving on and listening to these tapes about recovery.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Good for you 💪

[@yveqeshy]

You get so used to experiencig disconnection from people at home and start to think that you dont need people in life if people are so unreliable. Alot of healing that trauma is re-learning to connect with other humans and that people can be reliable and dependable and they want to see you do well in life and show up for you. I am ever so greatful for taking this journey, healing and recovery from a troubled childhood has been my most difficult but yet fulfilling undertaking

[@michaelgarrow3239]

The infant child is vulnerable. Still undeveloped a child is open to a mother that can pass on her toxic programming.

[@irshikha]

Eternal longing.... 🙃🥲😶

[@samueltucker8473]

Love yourself and take care of yourself. And don't add to the drama

[@mariarobles1570]

I wonder if the reason I have so many self improvement books is because I have a deep need to get better all the time. That includes me, and also books on health, diets. Recipes. Anything that I might do better at. Then I realize it's too much.

[@Vladd7]

I don't think I've ever watched a video that speaks to me more than this. Thank you.

[@georgiasimmons5074]

Not only the parent but now am married to a narrisstist was a aloholic got lots of mental health issues😢 oh god TY U JERRY❤ better late than never think am going to die soon ho hum😢

[@Charlene-b1b]

I'm grateful to God's that I came across this teaching. Everything you taught , is me. I have been divorced twice. I've continued to be in toxic relationships. I became sexual active at age 13. At age 36, is when, I would never win brownie points from my Mother's. My mother passed 5 years ago. And

[@brian-d-berentsen]

Sometimes change is not welcome or appreciated especially when it is not steady and always trending positive.

[@Strawssie1]

Often progress isn’t linear ..

[@Misitheus]

I healed my childhood trauma by becoming a professional alcoholic for 30 years......Peace!

[@deniseedwards4188]

😢

same here. Quit at 40. I hope you find peace.

[@OrangeUp]

🥂😀

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This is sooo refreshing! I can feel the things I want as you say them and I can feel how much they make me grow when I know what they are. Each of those things are on-going needs that I am not afraid anymore to pursue. 🧐 They are the new and aware direction of my life!!!! 🤪

[@jerrywise]

I'm so glad!

[@robertmcgirr401]

Thank you Jerry! Explains much, enforces areas I'm working on to understand myself and what was trained into my self. Wish I had this kind of help years ago!

[@bobteo813]

I am done being obedient and kind to my family...they repaid me with sickness and kicked me out using balckmagic and witchcraft. They strayed away by obssessed with money...the best part of it my mother condoned it.

[@bluebutterflywellness2273]

W😍W!! I literally had just finished journaling on these very points, fell asleep and awakened to this on my feed. ❤❤❤

[@TexasMadeAprilRenee]

THANK 💜 YOU FOR THIS CHANNEL!

[@budeutsch]

I left home and I am working as a waiter like a slave. And it has been a week, I didn't say goodbye to anyone or hug them when I left home, and neither did they. They haven't called me even once in this week.My mother has already chosen not to be involved in my life for many years, and my father and brother have never loved me at all. I have given love in vain for years. I guess I am in shock, I couldn't cry. B How can they never call a person and ask if she is alive or dead? ...🥺

[@MickeyMouse-lo4sy]

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but narcissism is a personality trait. They will not change. In order to move forward and recover, you will need to accept this. They cannot change and cannot love you like you need to be loved. You will need to cut ties and go minimal contact and find people who care about you for who you are. This will take time. You will have setbacks, but you can find those people. Recommend you find a good church and get involved. Personally, I am a Christian and have found a great amount of healing in knowing God through Jesus, His Son. Look into it. Also find people who share similar interests, such as music or hobbies. It will add to your friend circle and add color to your life. If this sounds like work, you're right, but it's worth it in the end, especially Jesus. Best wishes!!!

[@amiblack8294]

@@MickeyMouse-lo4sy BEAUTIFULLY said and so true. Once we know who we are in Jesus Christ and how God feels about us, it doesn't matter what anybody else says or feels about us. Once I learned this, the healing began.

[@amiblack8294]

They can't give you something they themselves dont have-narcissists can't love anybody but themselves, serve anybody except themselves. They don't care about you, only themselves and it's not because of anything you did or didn't do. It's just how they are wired. Accept it and move on with your life. MickeyMousse-lo4sy offered the best advice to you and I hope you take it to heart. Build your own life and a new family of people who CAN love you the way you deserve to be loved. Y0U ARE NOT LIKE THEM and that is something to be thankful for. Congratulations on your newfound independence and job-you're working like a slave but it's worth it to be free of the toxic environment you were existing in.

[@budeutsch]

Thanks for all your good intentions, I live on the other side of the world and there is enough pressure and oppression here because of their religion like you, But I am an atheist. God and his prophets are nothing Tales of people who have been deceived for centuries.For other suggestions thanks!😂

[@MickeyMouse-lo4sy]

@@budeutsch Not true at all. Even if you look at the universe through the lens of science, you can see evidence of a creator everywhere. DNA being the basic building block of life. It's pretty much computer code for biologicals. If there is code, there has to be a coder... I can go on, but if this bores you, just disregard. If you are interested or have an open mind, go ahead and investigate it. Cheers!

[@lenalundvall5536]

Thank You for your wisdom and generosity ❤

[@debbiemullen2574]

You are spot on.

[@MLP8044]

You guys, I need freinds atound who know all of this!

[@marypatton1122]

We really do!! And I have to learn to be assertive instead of passive aggressive when someone crowds me in a relationship. I seriously don't know how to do it! I am feeling the frustration 100%

[@amemabastet9055]

For many years I was finding consolation in all these reasons why my parents were/are narcissists. My ex have the same experience. (We're still friends and support each other's journeys.) Turned out not so long ago he's got ADHD and I have Aspergers. We can now see how our parents have these traits too and, to quite a degree, were unable to cater for a little child. I was dad's girl, but he is demised, so I decided to try to heal my relationship with my mom that was always strained. It gradually got better, and when I got my diagnosis it's clear that both my parents were neurodivergent as well. Mom's probably ADHD and dad was autistic, for sure. The effects on a child of neurodivergence seems to overlap quite a lot with narcissism though. Aspies are often mistaken for such, it seems. I'm glad now that I made the decision to make an effort with my mom, and that I did so a few years before my diagnosis. It's so easy to misread signs when there is only one scenario presented as reason for a problem. These videos still give me indications on what to look for in myself, as my special needs weren't met when I grew up. But I don't need to find faults that are not there with my mom any more.

[@annabanana4771]

100% accurate. Thank you for reminding me of the things I need to allow 🥰

[@user-lz9wj4xs5j]

❤ very healing & validating❣️

[@mklemabollig]

Thanks!

[@bravosierra1000]

Thank you for the clear and simple explanations. They have helped me put a lot of garbled knowledge into an ordered understanding. Peace has come through my better understanding of the chaos. Healing is coming from the peace and space.

[@zaimayamusic]

Thank you for giving us great content, Mr Wise. It really does help.

[@Gemmyfire757]

It's tough to not turn into a narcissist as an ACON