TNC286- You Dont love the Narcissist Anymore, You're addicted to them through the trauma bond

[@aprilvaughn9781]

There is no winning when it comes to a narcissist. You only win by leaving them alone. I mean all the way alone.

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏽

[@yonettekelly2406]

April so true.... When I get the silent treatment I go through it but when I give the silent treatment back he says I am the abuser. When I react to his provocation he says I am the abuser. Omg... the best thing is to just leave and go so far from that toxic person. And leave without them knowing

[@Blah504]

Yes so true

[@karendorelis3683]

Exactly. My upbringing is to be civil..even to enemies. This cant happen with a narcissist. They misconstrue or misunderstand civility for something else that of course feeds them. Cut the cord. Rip the cord out of the wall. Burn the cord. Bury the ashes you burned. Take a piss on the ashes then throw some tar on it and ride your bike over it out of his neighborhood.

[@dacomawalker6948]

Come on now April Vaughan say that

[@teal1010]

"... they sold you a dream and it turned into a nightmare!" That 👆🏾part!

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@aspectplumbing2785]

Yep

[@jessicagraham4330]

My favorite part too. 🔥

[@Chosenoneforever]

Exactly what he did. I believed every single words he spit out. I mean my very first time ever being in love. And now, I feel stupid, lost,confused on why me? I didn't deserve this. Lord

[@nz630]

Sooo true! I thought I had found the perfect guy, he was so sweet and appeared to be so honest and emotionally stable, a kind and generous person, and on top of everything he was extremely good looking...it was a dream come true when I married him. He cheated on me when our daughter was just a baby, from then on I always found hints that he kept doing it. When she was about 7, I found pictures with him and a former girlfriend, I became distant with him so he discarded me for a new supply that he paraded everywhere and on social media. He also ruined our finances to the point that we lost a house. The dream turned into a nightmare!

[@MAA77723]

I use to say that I would rather be miserable WITH him than miserable withOUT him, and I believed it. Yesterday, 2/21/2022 should have been my 30th anniversary, instead it was the 113th day of being divorced. I can HONESTLY say I’m NOT miserable without him ANYMORE!!! The person I loved doesn’t exist.

[@MentalHealness]

Powerful. Stay empowered!!!!

[@DesiRhythm6]

This is exactly how I feel about my ex-boyfriend who SA'd me multiple times. I realized the one and only person (him) who I ever loved never existed. It hurts so much to think that, though. I had plenty of chances but never gave my heart or even dated anyone before him. To think all that love I saved up for all my life for the special someone went to someone that never existed, just feels so defeating. I feel robbed of something I never can get back by someone who never existed. Could you please enlighten me how you were able to turn that into a positive feeling and feel empowered?

[@ginahess4504]

Please tell me...how did you finally break free?

[@Mags765]

God bless you 🙌🏽

[@FLokisLEGACY]

Wow you can be proud, I wish you the best ❤️

[@RichD2024]

Once you go back it’s not the same because the trust is gone. You’re 100% right! The love is gone, what’s left is an addiction.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤❤yes run 🏃‍♀️

[@yathome5596]

And the Narc now has contempt for you because of your weakness. They see you as someone who wants to be mistreated, disrespected and abused. That’s how they rationalize it, they blame the victim because the victim came back. So twisted!

[@charlotteclark6061]

... 💯%!!!

[@palapalak.8907]

Oh no

[@sandragrewe]

Who needs narcissists! I am not gonna put up with her BS seven times!

[@tonyascreativespace3067]

Yes the trauma bond is like drug withdrawal! I get physical nausea and anxiety and just cry randomly! The mental emotional struggle is so real😢 thank so much.

[@kysharooks5219]

Going on 2 months for me. I agree, it’s a lot but reflecting on all the pain and watching these videos has helped me tremendously and everyday gets better

[@susanrosebush9701]

I'm deeply sorry for what you're going through😢 I totally understand u​@@kysharooks5219

[@teal1010]

@@kysharooks5219 🫶🏾

[@tonyahayes9229]

"One toxic person makes the WHOLE household toxic " Enough said!!!💯💯💯 Nothing but truth!!!

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

They are like the character pig pen on Charlie Brown they bring dark clouds and condescending moods when they want to for whatever their “reasons”!

[@camilleduvall4562]

So true left after 7th time I choose me I'm so free it feels so damn good.

[@1010QUEEN7]

@@camilleduvall4562 ❤❤❤

[@aspectplumbing2785]

Yes

[@aspectplumbing2785]

Yep

[@elizabethfeliz221]

This is so true after your heart has healed you start despising the person. You don't see them the same. You see them beneath you. It's a beautiful feeling

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@KimJones745]

I'm angry and drained. Resentful finally healing and awoke.

[@daniellemorse6929]

The trauma bond is finally lifted and the love is gone. It is a beautiful feeling to be free! 💪

[@mzbiz22]

If you see another human as beneath you, your healing is still in progress. 🫂

[@sashaclarke2749]

Because they are! No pun glee!😔

[@cmc5915]

I started social media to get rehab from a narcissist. If it wasn’t for social media, I would not know what a narcissist was. It helped me get strong and positive.

[@pamelapowell4463]

You’re not alone because I was led to a guy on KZbin about four or five years ago and he still does narcissistic abuse on here as well I cannot remember his name off right but he was the one who led me to understanding what nursing narcissistic was because I had no idea no clue and he open my eyes and I am so grateful to this day for him and God leave me just been amazing so sometimes you’ll be led to the truth you just have to open the door to it not deny it

[@terrilhill1024]

Me as well. I just started learning about Narcissist last year, and it opened up some scary scenarios in my past life which is still affecting me today, and even realize now I'm dealing with this same abuse. I feel that I am a magnet to these people. It's heartbreaking and traumatizing.

[@CurvyKeto]

Same as me. I couldn't get on social media until he got locked up. I started to search for what I was going through and baam, validation

[@terrilhill1024]

@@CurvyKeto He don't don't what you find out the truth about him. It's another way if isolating you. It's very sad these people!

[@CurvyKeto]

@@terrilhill1024 its pathetic because why purposely trying to ruin people lives, but they get their karma. Alot of my older patients are narcissists and you see now they are ranned down, with no one to take care of them. They burned so many bridges out of insecurity. I use to feel bad for them until hearing what they done to their kids and wife. They pathetic for real

[@sunray4125]

It took me 10 times before I had enough strength to actually leave. The trama bond is so intense..it hurts so bad but you got to push through it. I will never be the same person ever again

[@MentalHealness]

Stay strong

[@catherinewylie6959]

I went round and round with a narcissist for nearly 10 years. I finally just dropped it and he ended up with someone else who he actually moved in with and left, forcing her to have to move into a dank basement apartment to which he returned to when he was sick. He then died on her. She was left with a lot of trauma. I never lived with him at least. I cut so much contact that I didn't even know he had this woman in his life until after he died and people told me about it all and I saw it on social media. She didn't call the ambulance when he called her complaining of shortness of breath, because she was 40 minutes away and didn't think the paramedics could get into the house....When she got there, and they got there, life saving minutes had been lost. Weird karma in the end for him.

[@debraannedimezza8075]

After we broke up, my therapist said to me, tell me about the best romantic times you had with your narc. I sat there thinking and it took me forever. You’re only two times in four years that I could actually say it was amazing two times. The rest was nothing but constant conflict.

[@missywoo1467]

You graduated from a narcissist to a top psychologist/counselor. How awesome

[@yathome5596]

There is no graduation. He will always be a Narc, there is no cure. He’s self aware and makes conscious decisions not to destroy others, but he’s still a Narc.

[@GAILIOSMAN]

This type of relationship is a blessing because it leaves you stronger and it gives knowledge.....it's just a harsh lesson to learn but u r stronger today

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@tinanavarro100]

I’ve been with my husband of 38 years and just now telling him I m done and don’t love him and won’t ever sleep with him again and he says we have a lot of stress going on in our lives . He wants a year to show me he’ll change but I think he wants the year to plan his financial stuff and leave. He’s not getting that it’s over:(

[@RichD2024]

I disagree. At least in my case I find it next to impossible to open myself up emotionally to anyone else. The narc did a number on me.

[@AthiraEaRaD]

​@@RichD2024 you are just like me. I don't have issues opening up currently. There are lots of things to fix. it is like a war just ended and need a clean up and heal some wounds and get the needed support from myself. I wanna say you will be ok. We can learn to trust ourselves. And try to open up only when trust and safety are established from others

[@queenb3088]

If it doesn't kill you.

[@kristinaherrejon7181]

“You’re worshipping a human as opposed to The God Almighty.” -Lee Hammock Beautifully said. Your channel is a blessing to us all.

[@MentalHealness]

Wow, thank you

[@AnjieandZoey4Jesus]

My husband used to say he's not going to worship me anymore. I never asked him to. He couldn't handle me being disabled yet I pushed through in prayer constantly trying to bend over backwards being a good wife and mom. He started getting worse on substances. We are in divorce process and he's dragging it out not paying money or giving discovery. I'm so much sicker from the stress of just the financial stuff. I am scared cuz I am getting worse and I am raising our daughter by myself with SEVERE disability. I trust God to help us everyday and heal me in every way. I am still having trouble letting go of his false promises he's mentally ill

[@heatherblackwell6473]

This is so true I'm in this position right now I need to leave but keep staying.

[@natashatwine7818]

Amen, no man or woman should become an idol. Nothing should come before worshipping the Lord.💕

[@yasmem8]

Yesss

[@robz5435]

I've had 3 breakups with her, went a week and gave in each time and felt like a fool each time. Each time her behavior got worse, more lies more attempts to find another man on FB. Currently on the 4th breakup. I was feeling the pull to break no-contact but found this channel. Thanks man, you've helped me to not fall back into the fire.

[@LarryA-w4j]

It took you 4 time's to leave this abuse why would you want to be unhappy they don't love you you must love you these people are led by a evil spirit this video is so true I have been through physical and mental abuse it was my bad choice to get with this toxic person with Jesus Christ in my life I am. able to move on sign Cynthia you make your self a victim by staying in the abuse they are not going to change I pray for your strength wisdom coming out of this abuse keep it moving

[@MxSinner713]

I just left mine last night .... 2nd time ...... I'm feeling it.

[@jj-2223]

"How much trauma you got left in you" Damn that hit different 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Great Video

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@babynarc4507]

I'm really impressed with you 1. Admitting you have a problem 2. Getting therapy 3. Publicly exposing yourself in order to help others 4. Becoming a Therapist and helping so many of us You're mostly helping us Narc victims but I'm sure other Narcs will be helped by this and finally get that they can get help and stop suffering with this horrible debilitating personality disorder Thank you a million times over

[@harmonyvanscott3634]

💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️

[@aimeegabon301]

They don't stop...

[@zachp5022]

So well said! I love this guy! Only narcissist I can say I'm grateful to! Almost not sure hes a true narcissist anymore because hes self aware and honest and true narcissists are incapable of being those things. Maybe he's cured it.... Either way it's phenomenal to witness and I'm so grateful to this guy!

[@tranquility9325]

​@zachp5022 its a disorder there is no cure for it. However he has worked very hard through psychotherapy for 6 yrs.to learn how to have better connections with others.

[@craigellem7461]

Too right

[@foxyfox3510]

This is what i am experiencing now. I really believe what u say. I am fading away & turn off just looking at him. I see me now because he done so much too me.

[@MentalHealness]

👏🏽👏🏽

[@emmaharper860]

Yes!! Been there. Free 11/24/21😊

[@tamaradaniels2500]

I can relate. Going through same thing too

[@spiritgoddezz96]

IM EXPERIENCING THIS RIGHT NOW. I WAS IN MY MARRIAGE FOR 11 YEARS AND I FINALLY JUMPED OFF THE HAMSTER WHEEL. IM HEALING NOW AND I HAVE AN ORDER OF PROTECTION. IM FEELING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS AND IM DONE! I DECIDED TO CHOOSE ME THIS TIME!!

[@user-dj3zh2ij1j]

The kids won’t appreciate that behaviour so right i went through it took nearly 3 years to get rid of him . Self love ❤️ is unbelievable they make u realise how good life was before them. I used to say to him I WANT my LIFE back! Now I got it. A girl from American has just had his kid his never even seen the child in the flesh his visa was denied to go to the us😂 now she’s got to do all the donkey work silly girl 👧she’s only seen him once his cheated in the uk she’ll soon get the clap . He loves catching chlamydia I’m just lucky I dodged that bullet . And made him use protection

[@mlynn2161]

Wish I would have seen videos like this thirty years ago. Keep waking people up!!

[@MentalHealness]

you got it now 🙏🏽

[@alicemoore23]

Me too..so much wasted time

[@louisehastings696]

These videos and similar are what educated me to know what he was and to be able to walk away. I look back and see years of knowing all the signs that I never saw before.

[@heatheran4783]

I am so happy to see more awareness these days. Let people not suffer what I went through because they know better.

[@caroledwards2155]

Me too 💯

[@jessicawiltz6567]

This is my fav video! After 9 years dating a man that would name call,ignore me,put other women before me…I can go on and on….I literally woke up one day and realized how sick mentally I was to accept this! I am currently in therapy and SINGLE! In a relationship with me for a change!❤Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@cazjay017]

Very true.

[@keishawilliams-ip7sy]

Amen. I push the alpha males away and indulge in the mind games of these simps

[@Savedbygrace60]

After 2 years move on. Never againg give someone more than 2 years of YOUR life.

[@Lvns273]

I need the strength

[@jilltoby8]

So so proud of you

[@douglasdecicco-vetdad]

When you stated that a person is putting them over God, that hit me like a truck. My walk with God has struggled the day i met her, and now we are currently seperating I am closer to God than ever. Thank you for that brother. I can see clearly now. God bless you

[@hiphopinducedstupidity9195]

Im going through it right now

[@lilycherkaoui5423]

Love God Love Yourself. Amen

[@judyyates2763]

The narc totally hated my relationship with God. Uh...NO competition! Your creator comes first. Case closed

[@genesisl.7487]

Wow! This makes so much sense to me now! After I went no contact, I started experiencing headaches, no appetite, etc. I had NEVER had these issues before. It did cross my mind to go back to alleviate the pain BUT I refuse to go back to hell on earth. I don't love him. I love who he pretended to be. It is imperative that I protect my peace! I choose me! THANK YOU!!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@smithashekhar9539]

Yes!! 👍🏻🙏🏼👌🏻😃

[@MegaRose1958]

I was so happy to be out of my Narcissistic relationship, all I felt was Peace!! I can work overtime without worrying about how he is going to look crazy and possibly Rage when I would get home even when I would let him know in advance I was working over!

[@MegaRose1958]

I am so happy to be out of that Toxic relationship!!!!

[@darawatkis7084]

Same here❤️‍🩹

[@OneFaithFilledLady]

Yes. This relationship has been sooo traumatic and I know now that I'm trauma bonded. I started staring at him wondering why I still wanted him. I couldn't understand how I wanted and didn't want him at the same time... and now I know. Omg! I had to realize that I had to choose me. Make a choice.

[@MentalHealness]

💯♥️♥️💯

[@Js-wd6dr]

I couldn't do it anymore either. Too much water has gone under the bridge. I know him too well. I know he is always looking for someone better.

[@ShaMarie1629]

Omg. I just went through this. Got sick to my stomach just thinking of how hard I fell for him over the years. Smh but looking at him is definitely not the same.

[@marmfruit]

omg literally same, i hated myself for still “loving” him even tho i didn’t like him & he kept disappointing & hurting me. being in limbo was the worst. so glad it’s over thank God almighty

[@1010QUEEN7]

I had to choose me or die a slow death I chose life

[@joseypinion6426]

It took me four times to leave. That fourth time I had to stay no contact for six months. I hid for those six months with my three kids. He was physical. When I had to face him for divorce after those six months, I looked at him and realized I was finally free. He kicked our kids to the side after that but that's okay. We survived. Now, 20 years later and I have lived. ♥️ Thank you for your voice in this world!

[@MentalHealness]

♥️♥️🙌🏾

[@abiolacoker]

Wow! Thanks for sharing. This strengthened me. On the same journey.

[@gabrieladkins642]

“You love that person more than you love God Almighty.” Thank you for that perspective.

[@renelarey1347]

Surviving through this nightmare taught me alot about narcissists and why I've "loved" someone for 30 years. Importantly, taught me alot about myself and that I'd been seeking validation in the wrong way. Learn yourself. Love yourself. Most importantly love and worship God. He's got you!

[@christinebaker1838]

23 years for me, but I'm ok! God got me! 🙏 The best of luck to you! 🙏

[@sadiamufti8890]

So true. Allah (SWT) is all merciful. ❤

[@TaijaT76]

This was the best description of a trauma bond i have ever heard. To really love a narcissist is to let them go and even further not to care what they think of you or about themselves.

[@MentalHealness]

💯🙏🏽 Thank you

[@kissmyazzbitches4wat]

I couldn't agree more. Thank you Lee, this is the best video I've seen about trauma bond. I think you should do a video on more trauma bonds. You've put so much clarity on the topic, imo the video was not long enough. Thank you so much

[@nelly5243]

I agree💯

[@LifeInAmerica1428]

He always tells me I am selfish and everything is always me,me,me. When in reality, it's always been about him. Its wrong that I have choose myself and not try to work it out though " the struggles" which he 98% created. I used to feel so quickly, now I give no two f^#@.

[@kissmyazzbitches4wat]

@@LifeInAmerica1428 yasssss 🙌🙌

[@P.Michelle]

Between you and my therapist I am Narc free. My child’s father and my parent are all narcs, but I have learned that regardless of that I’m that one with the power. I choose who’s in my life and have decided that me and my daughter deserve a narc and toxic free home. To anyone out there hurting and wondering if it gets better, IT DOES!!! God loves you and so do I!

[@MentalHealness]

stay empowered

[@someonespecial581]

Way to go!

[@mssarah38]

💚💚💚

[@shimmerohhkaytamara8574]

How did you get them to leave your house ?

[@stevierae9953]

I do need to hear that it gets better. I’m still stuck dealing with mine on a daily basis Can’t escape this home. I want to take my kids and leave but I can’t afford it right now

[@Shut-up-Shelly]

Yes it’s so true...we go back sooooo many times for NOTHING. In the end it’s a lie and it stays a lie....do not live a life of lies...let them. Amen Lee!! Break the trauma bond!!!!

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Mags765]

True 🙌🏽

[@tranquility9325]

Plus they get worse every time we forgive

[@sandrad.8205]

Well I am proud to say that I chose myself...waited for the perfect moment to leave although I knew I would suffer in many ways but it is still worth it...I broke free and my wings are growing again 🕊 I am not alright but I will be🙏🏽

[@AthiraEaRaD]

🙏💯 Relatable 😊

[@Sugar-hk3hk]

Bless you , your amazing for gaining that strength

[@Zinnia1234]

Listening to you today has shown me just how far I have come in my recovery. The pain from separation from him was mental, it was hard to deal with. It's the physical pain that was extremely unbearable! The constant crying, the depression, the self-doubt/loathing, the constant mind wrecking on what exactly I did wrong,, hating myself/everyone else, thinking I was not good enough, the self-destructive behavior. I remember that dark dime so well. It was the most traumatic thing I ever experienced in my whole life. I was convinced that the pain wouldn't ever stop. I considered offing myself because the horrendous pain and mental anguish prevented me from basic life. It's a trauma bond. It was so destructive to every aspect of my life. I never thought the pain would go away. ever... I thought about how he was out living his best like with someone else.. lots of someone elses... and I must be the problem because he didn't seem to be hurting.. it was just me hurting, .. alone. The mental and physical pain was unbearable!!!!!!! But, I see so much clearer about things now. I feel so much better about myself. I have begun to live again, do my art, and work, reach out to friends and family, and I have begun slowly living again. I even have happy times and feel content within my own skin, and have new goals for myself. If you are going through this, don't let anyone ever tell you, "Oh hell.. It's been (insert time frame here),.. You should be over him by now!" Tell those assholes, "Thank you for your advice." Then smile, walk away, and don't talk to them about it ever again. They won't ever understand unless they go through it. Take your time. Heal on your own terms. Take things one moment at a time. It's not one day at a time.. but a moment at a time. Work things through in your head to where things make sense. You won't get closure from the narc. You have to create your own closure. You have to rebuild from the bottom up. People like Mental Healness, and dozens of others can give you insight, strategies, and support. Don't give up!!!! You ARE worth so much more than you give yourself credit! Sending you all good energy and luv! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎

[@tinaterry1280]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@LoveStar333]

You’re on fire 🔥 today, awesome message. A trauma bond is not love! 👏 👏 👏

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@007Tinkins]

I applaud how you advocate for the kids stuck in these trauma-bonded relationships.

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you

[@tayjewel13]

You have no idea he has saved my life and EVERYTIME he’s right

[@erismana2105]

Trying to get someone to stop causing you pain is part of their abuse cycle.. narcissists dont function from a moral center they have no problems hurting you dont think otherwise.

[@MentalHealness]

😩

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

💯 when you finally break the trauma bond you realize you don't care anymore...if you can't leave you start praying they'll find someone else and leave you. I know what you're saying is 100% truth! I was prayed for and they layed hands on me (idk who or who doesn't believe) after they finished I literally felt lighter. I wondered for awhile what broke off me and I later realized it was the trauma bond. Once that was broken the panic, fear and "love" feeling were gone. I was able to walk away as if it was a healthy relationship. Not that I don't still have to heal from ptsd and other issues because of the relationship but the intense need for the person had been broken. Thank God!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Suspishhh23]

🗣🗣🗣🗣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Man! You went offfff in this video! So much truth!!! We must walk in the light of truth. 🔆💡🔆

[@MentalHealness]

No doubt!

[@jahlive1243]

I felt stupid and embarrassed whenever I went back. I didn’t even feel comfortable saying he was my boyfriend. Instead I would say “dealing with” or “talking to”. I was completely ashamed. Day 21 of no contact.

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@Jesusgirl_21]

I'm going into recovery for 30 days due to this people.... And I've been no contact for nearly 3 months. These "relationships" are no damn joke if you don't get out they could kill you!

[@jahlive1243]

@@Jesusgirl_21 So true. Good luck to you.

[@lavernjackson991]

I understand how u feel, I can relate to that

[@judymaaka5319]

I know the feels… 💕 you got this…. Love yourself more!!!

[@godsfavor6939]

Yes the addiction was so real for my daughter. She was miserable but couldn’t seem to break loose from the bond. She would say “I want to leave but he won’t let me go.” I was like WHAT!!!! I didn’t understand it then but I get it now thanks to Lee.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome. stay strong

[@LonjeMarie7]

Hopefully your daughter is OK this was our first rodeo she probably needed to go through something like this. People get it twisted they don’t have to let you go, YOU LET YOU GO! I have been in a similar situation I have empathy and compassion for her she has a great person in her life like you to help her heal

[@bluscreations432]

I used to say the same thing I will always say he won't let me go but my sister used to tell me I had to let myself go

[@clipsy-tipsy5755]

@@LonjeMarie7 i m recently trying hard to cope. Last time i broke up, he said I will heal you first cuz I broke you, i feel responsible and after you are fixed, I will walk out . But he ended up scarring me for life calling me slut and accusing all being delusional and torturing me to next level. Never trust a crying narcissist who shows he is on guilt trip. They know they hurt you but keep repeating it

[@xsotica]

@@clipsy-tipsy5755 Most like rehearsing their impression of "I Miss You, Jenny“ - Forrest Gump scene. 🤣

[@pamelapalmer2832]

The hardest thing for me when I escaped mine was realizing that I was in love with a nonexistent person . The love bombing was so perfect that it kept me in the relationship way too long. I might as well have been in love with Mickey mouse or Donald duck. I'm so happy to be free now .I still have to be aware of my surroundings because of the abuse and kidnapping, I never know if he will come out of the shadows . I refuse to be afraid but will stay aware. Anybody involved with one I pray you make your way out ❤

[@adimeter]

It does hurt to realize none of it was real. I am NC 8 mos now, but to know this is just surreal. I'm sorry you went thru so much. I pray you can stay safe from here on.

[@syedawhite1027]

💯💯💯💯

[@helen9412]

🤣not gonna lie i laughed so hard when you said “…Mickey Mouse or Donald duck”. But it’s so true!! And so sorry you went thru that

[@MissJackieBrown1]

I'm sorry but you are THE best narcissistic relationship expert out there. I have looked into narcissism for YEARS trying to figure out what was wrong with my relationship and I see all types of psychologists, and survivors, go on and on, but never a real answer or solution or nothing that ties it together. You keep it real from first-hand experience, combined with your therapist experience, not just sticking to psychology terms only but breaking them down to what a trauma bond actually is and looks like. Super helpful! Your videos are helping me let go of my narc for good and do something better in my life. I love this video because it talks about how we are lying to ourselves too. You're doing some good work man.

[@MasterArpeggioSystem]

Great post. Choose yourself first. I love the part starting at 9:25. *Don't let them become your god.* I also love the comparison to a company (corporation) you work for immediately interviewing a new person for your job after you've died. I once heard a great NPR interview with a person who said that the "personality" of a corporation is sociopathic. To a company, we're only ever one of two things: an asset or a liability. The same with narcissists. You comply (submit) or you're a liability and they're interviewing someone for the job before you've even been fired. In fact, they're already training interns for your position.

[@puretoni]

I think you're right. It's impossible to LOVE someone that you can't trust and can't feel safe with.

[@she_sings_delightful_things]

My ex was so narcissistic he began calling me narcissistic. I never thought he'd sink that low to deflect to THAT degree.

[@MatrixofLife]

They doing this often especially if u call them narcissistic they start to call u back

[@scorpionaddiction2801]

My parents call me selfish when I suggest doing something differently. Because it’s not their way of doing it.

[@marmeg1118]

Lmao it’s called deflection and they will not only deflect being a narcissist but anything they can get their hands on that you give to them. At least you knew what he was. Good for you! Hope you learned and grow and find yourself someone who is authentic and healthy.

[@jennalrice]

My ex did the same thing to me… I recently learned that narcissists tend to do this a lot. Much love to you and your healing 🙏

[@nightstaber2010]

What will get people to truly get you unaddicted to a narcissist, not love them is to become indifferent to the narcissist. Whether they exist or not, either way they don’t matter. It takes a while to get to this point, turn your love inward to ones self to the point where you become cold to their existence. Like they never existed. If you do think of them it would be an after thought.

[@rarasirius3795]

This is so true

[@caroledwards2155]

Agreed

[@marmfruit]

patiently waiting for this part 😫

[@cookie32768]

I totally feel this in my soul. I am in the middle of my first experience with a narc, I was unsure until watching your videos. Now I’m 100% positive that my bf is toxic. I finally this past week have gotten myself into counseling to get my strong independent self back.

[@feliciapaul8836]

Breaking this trauma bond can be so hard some days. Random bouts of crying... but I'm getting stronger every day. Almost 4 years... now it's one day at a time.😢

[@tranquility9325]

Girl you got this 🌹

[@ericahampton5675]

I’m HERE‼️ My ex plays in the NBA and I moved across the country to get away from him, but NOW it HURTS SOOOOO BAD. I needed to hear this so that I can STAND STRONG and stay NO CONTACT‼️💪🏽

[@MentalHealness]

💪🏽💪🏽

[@ericahampton5675]

@@MentalHealness Thank you Lee‼️ His minions (Aunt and former teammates) have been trying to get in touch with me and figure out where I am. BUT I’M being strong 💪🏽 THANK YOUUUUU‼️🙏🏽

[@clipsy-tipsy5755]

@@ericahampton5675 Erica stay strong. I was warned, idk how he managed to get me back even after blocking him everywhere. He said he will heal me as he feels responsible for breaking me and ended up scarring me for life. They never change! Do not trust them, do not believe their tears and yup even if you are good friends with their friends, BLOCK EM ALL. I ignored warnings from people close to me and ended up almost dead

[@ericahampton5675]

@@clipsy-tipsy5755 Thank you soooo much for sharing this with me! I seriously appreciate you 🙏🏽🤗

[@NH-vp6qk]

That’s why he a player lollll when I’m Thinking bout it That should b a red flag loll A player ? Of nba Is a player in life

[@2L82Sk8Bye]

Your ability to describe all the facets of being in a relationship with a narcissist is downright astonishing. I am in awe. You are going to help millions of people with your videos. Thank you.

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you ♥️

[@ViciousIssues]

Damn. This is 100% unfiltered truth. It's hard to hear, but it's solid AF. Fresh out of a 6 year relationship with a vulnerable/ malignant narcissist with antisocial personality traits. Chronic compulsive cheating, lying, stealing thousands of $'s from me. Hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. Trauma bonded AF. Thank you for what you do for people like me. Hard as it is to hear, we need this. Respect! Keep it real.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@reneeboehm558]

Amen to everything you said

[@lonealotlately2546]

@@reneeboehm558 Same. My ex-narc was just a big thief, stole my money and other things.

[@amyw5924]

Where is he today? Did karma knocked on his door?

[@Marcusaurelius825]

When Lee said is it really worth it for some penis or some cheeks? Shook me to the core😢😢😮 I really needed to hear this especially since I run the risk of running back. I’ve been fighting my mind every day. This message right here Brodie opened my eyes 👀 and they need to stay open in order to heal. It is like an addiction and I don’t love this person anymore the trauma bond that they put me through keeps me prisoner. It is okay to choose me and not feel guilty ever. Thank you and God bless you brother Lee prayers to the most high.

[@brittany1851]

I like how you said it keeps you prisoner, beautifully said. I completely relate.

[@annettegardiner7270]

It's test after test, but anyone isn't good enough for them unless you do the work like Lee.. Not everyone can see this trickery whilst you in it whether it's a romantic or friendship business partner etc, some co dependancy ppl pleases have to do the work too, to break the trauma bond the narc put on you at the begginig the love bomb stage. They literally put your mind into a trance state to get there way for money attention energy ⚡ time, as long as your in it your be treated like a appliance, when you realise they move on... Or when your ill 🤒 and need them there compassion empathy it's not there or fake empathy etc unless the narc or sociopath is going to therapy and realise they are not perfect either.. The devalue stage is horrendously hurtfull and discard is traumatised state your left in. Then you try to start making sense of it all then do work on yourself and heal.. Don't look back move forward with your life after you've prosessed it all.. Anyway tk care of you first.. It's not selfish.. Namaste 🙏 im happy by my self.. He was needing help I did try to help him, I wish him true love and a good life. 🙂

[@malicedewon1376]

U spoke exactly what I'm thinking feeling and currently going through right now bro she texting me right now trying to give me sum 😺 but I ain't going back or messing with it no more it's not worth all the BS it comes with been ignoring her ass for damn near two weeks now keep fighting and don't give in stay prayed up and be safe out here fr every body messed up these days

[@andreaberryman5354]

It just hit me. I love myself more than I love him. Keeps trying to make me hate myself for deciding I want a weekend alone. That doesn't bother a healthy person. 🤣 "You keep pushing me away!" 🤮 Yeah-I stayed home this weekend. No-I don't want to move in with him. Yeah-that makes me a horrible person. No-it actually does NOT.

[@TheLadyPrefers2Save]

There came a day when I didn’t recognize myself anymore. This forced me to say out loud, to myself, “I’m younger, smarter, well-off, and hard-working. I am beautiful. I am worth kindness. I’m a litigator turned writer. I run multiple businesses. I deserve joy. But in saying that to my narc he simply replied, “ Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re not even worthy of being alive.” Hearing this took me back to my childhood. Being locked in closets by my grandmother for “thinking bad thoughts.” I realized I didn’t love him. I feared him.

[@MentalHealness]

🥺🥺

[@Cekatu]

Your grandmother did what???!!!

[@Nic-pg6pb]

This is so spot on. I went back so many times because it was the only thing that gave me relief from the intense pain inside. He couldn't fix it, he refused to or was incapable of fixing it. Whatever the reason, I knew the cycle would continue, but the pain was so extreme, I had to have relief. Some days I felt like being dead would be the only relief. I left him for good and laid in bed for 4 months. I completely understand an addict quitting cold turkey now and suffering through it one second at a time. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I've only been out of bed for a couple weeks. It's now hour by hour. I could never process everything before. There wasn't time to process it. After a day or two, he'd love bomb again and I'd happily go running to ease the pain. But I've had months of therapy and time to decipher everything. It's horrifying how constant and severe the abuse was. And I always either made excuses for it, bought his excuses for it, or pushed the thoughts out of my mind so I didn't have to accept how bad it actually was. I'll end with this, I can't ever go back. My mind won't let me. I'm going to be affected by this for the rest of my life. I've changed and I can't ever be who I used to be. However, I have to say thank you to the universe for what's come of this. I had to, for the first time, look at myself and ask myself why I allowed this to happen. Narcissists can't abuse you unless you allow it. Why was I codependent, because I was. What trauma did I suffer that made me vulnerable and accepting of this abuse? And it's a significant amount of abuse I chose to never deal with from childhood on. I had to acknowledge it, accept it, and address it. And I am such a more well rounded, stable, honest (with myself) person with very strong boundaries. And this is only going to get better for me. I don't hate admitting that I did suffer heinously, but I am SO GRATEFUL for where I am now and how it opened my eyes to my own toxic emotional and mental downfalls. Horrible yes. Blessing yes. I will never thank him, I don't condone his behavior. I suffered because he enjoyed hurting me. But I am so proud of myself for coming out of it running and better than I was. Hope everyone is doing good.

[@3RedHearts]

I relate to all of this...especially being in bed for months...so much wasted time, but it's for us to heal and forget them completely

[@ingocnitoloco6696]

This resonates with me, in so msny ways,especially the different trypes of abusive mannerisms. So many differenr ways of physical, mental and emotional abuse. Ive moved away through the council, no help in that, because im traum abonded through my life experiences he takes me to such a low places. My counselling is finishing in 3 sessions and im so scared and unprepared i don't no how to handle things going forward with such a complex case im in. I pray all the time for life

[@susanparker9877]

@@ingocnitoloco6696 Are you away from him?

[@michellejean6949]

Wow this is very real I thought I was crazy

[@sharlayneblair780]

@@ingocnitoloco6696 I'm praying for you. In time you'll feel better. I have a suggestion, treat yourself to something that you love to do. Get your hair feet and nails done. Do things that bring you joy. If you do nt feel like it. Lay back and think about what you can do to keep him off your mind. Even if , when you're done doing things for yourself. You go home and you're still thinking about him. At least you did something for yourself and you must keep on doing for yourself and putting God in the equation. God comes 1st then you. Everyone else take a number. 🙏🏾💙🙏🏾💙

[@JD-yj8bw]

I’m going to watch this video on my rough days. I forgot how miserable i was in the relationship. Started focusing on those good moments and forgot who tf I was!!! 😹

[@MentalHealness]

You got this!🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@stephaniemendoza240]

I completely agree! The trauma bond is so hard to break. It's been 5yrs, I don't love him anymore. He isn't even my type anymore but the trauma bond is so strong, 20yrs of abuse is hard to break the attachment.

[@LDTwin92]

I needed this, the trauma bond is all I think about when I'm home. 😞

[@Adralove3]

Watching occasionally for two years. LOVING the "preach" version of Lee!

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@tayjewel13]

Love any version as long as he is being him he saved my life.

[@kerensegevnoy]

I agree this style preaching hits me too!

[@mvokiii]

This hit home 🏡. I remember at one point I bold face told him "I wasn't in love anymore. That our relationship was a trauma bond; & trauma bond doesn't = love." That was definitely my higher self standing in it's truth. Whew, listening to you is so refreshing & eye opening. I knew all along! I'll never ignore my intuition again. I choose me!!! Thank you for helping us heal! 🤍👑✨

[@HeyItsJK]

Been watching this man's videos constantly trying to teach myself. The person I was with did me so dirty and I still wanna go back but these videos have been showing me my self worth and all the toxic stuff they did and it's truly saving me

[@daniellemorse6929]

This is one of your best and most honest videos, Lee. Thank you so much for this one. I never thought that I would see the day that the trauma bond broke and the love disappeared. I no longer need him and I'm finally putting me first.

[@SpiCyPisCeS223]

Honestly as crazy as this might sound and as many people might hate what I'm about to say narcissists have a purpose my narcissist has made me a better person shockingly enough. Through all of the trauma the abuse physical and mental through all of the cheating and lying and stealing making me feel like I'm crazy I've won I've become a better version of myself and maybe God put him in my place so that I could ascend to a higher person I'm living my best life now it's a shame he's stuck in the same cycle that he'll always be since he doesn't want to go to therapy or get help I pray for him but if I had the chance to ever speak to him again I'd shake his hand give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him thank you because he was put in my life for a reason I got sober because of him I got in touch with my children I got my money back even more money than I ever have had in my life because I left because I learned and for that I am forever thankful

[@ephraleon5233]

I was sitting in isolation for my own safety after flipping out on myself and I thought this as a way out of the addiction. I would thank this girl who pushed me over my threshold with gaslighting but then she will think she has a way back in. She's apparently suffering without me, but she's merely a significant pebble in my path, significant bc she taught me well what to do in order to have self respect. I appreciate her shaming me into letting her in, painful yet a great lesson in time.

[@Shut-up-Shelly]

Yes I agree with you this is very true! I now am also on a higher level spiritually that I wouldn’t have been here without this experience. In a way I feel my whole life I have been in training for this part of my life, I’m about to turn 53...I am thankful for Knowing everything NOW!!! Thank God almighty He has set me free!!!

[@CFChristian]

Relate.

[@s.hennigan5801]

Yes 🖤

[@lindacarrera6453]

I can relate to this too.

[@JilleneLuce]

7 times to leave OMG!!! True! So on the 7th time I turned into a skeleton after breaking with a narcisisst for the final time (9 years together) - 8 months I was sick and crying and he did all these things that you're saying here to keep me coming back for more for years... One day 8 months later like a light switch - I was ready to be happy again. Finished crying, went out to party and have fun again.

[@Js-wd6dr]

You hoping it will get better but it never does...I think that's why I hung in there. I gave up all hope. I let go by doing no contact...forever...no friends. . How can one be friends with someone like that?

[@The_authentic_queen_]

I FEEL SO INDIFFERENT. I SEE HIM NOW AND I'M NOT TRIGGERED AT ALL. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET HERE...BUT IM HERE AND FREE!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@spk3163]

You hit it right on the knob! 100%!!

[@Lovect18]

Yesss!!!! You have got to love YOURSELF FIRST!!! If you understand that in the narcissistic relationship they DON’T Love you, you are so replaceable. They replace you while your with them. It truly is a ride or die situation. Choose Life, cut the umbilical cord. Do you really want to be with someone who does not love you? What if you become ill,they won’t be there for you. What if you just need someone?, I promise you they will leave you for a night out with the boys or more likely the girls. WAKE UP!!! Life is short, let go of that zero so God can bless you with your hero! As always, thanks Lee!🙌🏽💯💯💯

[@juligriffin2608]

I finally left and was only successful because of my kids. I realized I was being so selfish and setting a horrible example. So when I started to feel weak, I told myself this is about my kids not me, and that gave me strength. And THAT is love. I never loved that person, I only hated the pain of the withdrawal.

[@sashaclarke2749]

That last sentence!!!! Facts

[@evol15122]

This is 100 % true! You have to go through the pain, and afterward, you'll be better for it. When you're final through it, you'll look back and say, " Wow, I can't believe I waited so long and put up with SO MUCH."

[@adimeter]

My thoughts exactly.

[@MentalHealness]

You got this!

[@stohandmadejewelrycraftcorner]

This video is on point. I realize that I am not in love anymore. I can say no and keep it moving. It took me a minute to get there, but I am here. My eyes are open. I am grateful.💕🙏🏾

[@harmonyvanscott3634]

“I dnt love this person anymore, I love me” That was perfectly sd.. bc my thoughts do roam in that aspect.. him going to treat sumbody better or entertaining them.. GUESS WHAT (self) “it doesn’t freakin matter this is a addiction n trauma.. U GOT THIS!!” ❤❤❤

[@roxannewalcott8092]

Lee, you said it best. My ex came back after 2 months. I was hurting because of what he did. However, I still have a love for him but not like it was before. I love him because I wants the best for him, to help him as a human being but not the intimate loving part, God helped me through the pain. I don't want to go through this again, innocent trust was broken, my heart is locked up, I'm healed and being careful and alert to an emotional relationship now, bless God and the people who helped me through that painful season. Loving a person in the love of God, forgiving, being basic friends, helping is the safest way. You don't have to be in their space constantly. If I'm to go back into a relationship with him, it's only by God's doing, not by myself.

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@MAA77723]

11:43 “You’re dying now slowly as we speak.” That was my truth 9 months ago and I didn’t even know it!! Today (divorced) not only am I surviving but I am THRIVING!

[@MentalHealness]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@chiecortez2260]

"I still care but i dont want him anymore"-is how i feel rn.

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@kj3584]

I love your direct messages. No beating around the bush. Well done. This is definitely food for thought. Thank you

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@KarrieWhitehead]

I've learned that im trauma bonded through these video. I realized I wasn't in love with him before he left and I really wanted him out of my life. I couldn't understand why I was going through this grieving process bc I shouldn't be feeling anything towards him. Now i understand what it is. Thank you.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@meganterrell4114]

Lee, how in the world after 10yrs of me putting myself thru this because of "love" with my narc husband, after therapy, counseling all of it no one has ever explained it better?! You are right. The pain kept me there. Not love. At least, not the romantic love, just the toxic trauma. Thank you so much for this. For being brave enough to seek help to save your family and in turn help all the rest of us who are with narcs that wouldn't do that for us! Thank you so much! Lots of love to you guys from Indiana ❤

[@NeilHynes]

You gotta keep producing this content Lee because this one hit me, and made me realize a thing or two. And I think different videos help others in different ways . Thanks so much 🙏

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome. more coming

[@user-sc5yo4bo2j]

Nobody will ever love you as you can love yourself. Love yourself, and learn about these narcissistic personalities, because they are everywhere, at work, at school, within your own families. Thank you to the author again, for sharing this knowledge with all of us. God only knows how many times I wanted to commit suicide when I was married to a narcissist for 20 years (and I thought it was my own fault). Took me 10 years after a divorce to know who I am again. I hope you guys don't stay in these kind of situations that long.

[@daniellestaley9432]

You know Lee, this is a challenge for me. I’ve known my ex since I was 16; so I have a lot of love for him from knowing him as my friend for over 36 years. Being in a romantic relationship with him as an adult came unexpectedly, and although there were red flags along the way (they were very subtle), it was a year an 1/2 with him before any of it came back around and he tried to devalue me (I broke it off with him). It has been incredibly difficult separating the person I thought I knew from the person he is. The ending of our relationship left me trauma bonded - it’s been three months and omg, it’s been so painful reconciling the truth, but I FORCE myself to do it to get rid of the cognitive dissonance and free myself from the seduction of wanting to go back. The worst part of this is having to make myself hate him so I can stop loving him and let him go. Once the indifference kicks in, that’s when I’ll known I’m free. Still working on loving myself more, but I am getting there. Thank you for another eye opening video and reminder of why I must keep that door to my ex closed forever.

[@kferrette85]

Wow! I have known my narc since I was 16 as well. I'm 36 now and we spent all our teenage years together up to young adulthood. During that time there was so many issues, but I chucked it up to love. He was physically abusive then but always rushed to apologize and do something over the top to keep me in his life. Fast forward to our 30s and we got romantically involved again and after hours and literally days of googling I found him to be a narc. The love bombing, devaluing, silent treatment and ghosting then the discard phase was too much on my mental. I'm 30 days no contact tomorrow but the trauma bond is crazy AF. It will literally make you think your losing your Damn mind! Stay strong!

[@spacegirl226]

For me, I moved from loving this person to downright hating him. It shocked me that I could move to such extremes. I loved my husband. Now I want him to suffer for what he did to me. Now if I can move on from that hate to indifference, I know I will have made it. But I'm not there yet. It's only been nine months since we split. I'll still need some time to work through everything. Indifference, indifference. We can do it! We can get there! Good luck.

[@adimeter]

Therapist Ross Rosenberg has many good videos that address loving yourself.

[@lindsaybriggie3277]

Same. I've known him since I was 9. Started getting together when I was 18.... It's hard af. But I'm better now. I swear, it's like having a whole new peace.

[@daniellestaley9432]

@@kferrette85 I hope you have stayed no contact. I’m now on 6 months; finally free of the trauma bond as of last week. I was VIOLENTLY and the next day, it gone. It was like I LITERALLY expelled his bad energy and his toxicity out of my body. I still think of him, but the constant rumination has ceased; I’m no longer mapping out all the details of what happened, I’m no longer on Quora every minute of the day looking up ‘how to heal from narcissistic abuse…’ etc I’m actually very ok with life and have so much more peace without him. Truth is he wasn’t at my level and he knew it. Very thankful I woke up to the truth of it when I did. Continue your journey and stay NO CONTACT. There is a rainbow at the end of the road, I promise.

[@flora723fan]

This video is so good that need to be saved and watch it everyday during my healing journey. Also to remind myself i am finally free from the nightmare

[@elizabeths7984]

Thank you. Going through a divorce and it’s been 4 years - feels like 10. Trauma bonded early and it’s been tough to disconnect and detach. There is no love. It’s power/control and addiction issues turned DV. Just wanting to heal so I can be there for the real people that truly love me in my life.

[@triplejmom7826]

The trauma bond is hard to break just like any addiction. You must recognition have a problem & you need to do something about it. No contact is the same as going cold turkey. It’s hard in the beginning, but you can do it! The first week is the hardest

[@bolotabr12]

I’m going through it right now

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@triplejmom7826]

@@bolotabr12 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

[@adimeter]

I am NC 8 mos now. My 1st six mos were hard bcz that narc threatened to triangulate with someone I think a lot of. So far nothing has come of it. I am relaxing more every day.

[@shellyc3055]

I needed to hear this right now. I've been married for 10 years. My husband is bipolar and NPD. It's a horrible combination. The last 7 years has gradually been getting worse and worse. The last 2 years have been really questioning why I stay. Thank you for all your videos. He left 5 months ago today and has been playing games with me. I've been trying to be nice and hoping he'd get help but I finally got my closure when he blamed me for him being mad about not coming over for a promised weekend dinner for Valentine's Day. I've put myself last and tried to help him with all his mental health issues giving him all the passes possible, saved his life 5 yrs ago, supported him for years to ease his bipolar, etc. I couldn't understand my feelings and have been doing a ton of research the past few months and you've taught me so much. I wish I found you all years ago. I finally told him I chose myself and can't do this anymore. He wanted me to sell my house and leave my children, not his, so we could be together so everything could be better 🙄 I will never do that. My kids are 20 and 21 and have always been by me and supported me their entire lives and we are the tightest little family and so happy without him and walking on his eggshells. I wish I left years ago. Even though I'm dying inside the pain will go away and you explained things perfectly and helped me so much. Thank you ❤

[@sparhawk3473]

I am sure you are doing so much better. It takes time to heal. Take care

[@mweigele]

you are 1000% right… but even after you admit that you don’t love them the pain and trauma bond still can stay… even after you start loving yourself more than then again. I went through exactly what you describe where i very much loved my wife more than myself and my children. I’m super ashamed to even think it now but at the time i would have done anything for her… now i’m good and can recognize this stuff but a lot of the feelings are still there. this stuff hits different. they also call this Stockholm Syndrome. Nice work and excellent posts btw… If it makes you feel better in any way, in my experience, this stuff has levels to it and as terrible as the stuff you describe is this stuff can get super dark, super dangerous, and super evil and at least from what you have said you have never gone there and that makes me admire you in a way.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@nikkiprivatecitizen861]

Wow, I'm literally in tears. I couldn't understand why I kept going back. The trauma bond explains so much. Thats exactly what I said to myself, I loved who I thought he was. I did feel a little guilty because he played the abandonment card but eventually I had to love me more than I loved him. He made it awful but now I'm 100% sure I did right thing and that makes moving forward so much easier. So 1 million thanks❤

[@emilyc3337]

This is spot on I went back from comfort or trauma everytime I went back I still cared for them but never loved the same as before...just leave 🙄😆

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯🙏🏽

[@carissahowell]

This is actually something that I talk to my DV clients about. Having a trauma bond and being addicted to the person. Many times they don't understand why they still "love" their abuser. We explore the trauma bond of the relationship, and it's so amazing to see an abuse survivor realize on their own that they aren't in love with this person anymore and recognize the trauma bond for what it is.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@jennifermaree6343]

Until the police force is made to do a full degree as do other professions eg psychology, bachelor degrees for other disciplines, police themselves will and have made serious judgements of error and feed into the hands of narcissists. If there is one objective I have through it all coming from most likely trauma bonded to at least a sociopath its the failure of the macro system at large and I intend to formulate a year of a compulsory subject for all police officers in this country here to get a 60 percent at least pass rate on this pervasive disorder.

[@caneangel]

It's pretty hard to make that connection without therapy which is why people go back so often or confuse it for real love.

[@jennifermaree6343]

@@caneangel That's why people need to keep getting it out there until there's not a person on the planet deceived by it. Never lose our voice again.

[@LethalWeapon73]

@@jennifermaree6343Yes or boundaries and standards

[@nancymc]

omg, what a reality, i am recovering after 2 months no contact of a 2 yr relationship and just when i thought i knew all i needed to know, i listen to you and go through those aha moments. thank you so much. you are helping so many people.

[@MentalHealness]

You’re welcome 😊

[@amyw5924]

Has he bothered you through that time? Had Karma knocked on his door?

[@TGarifuna]

You’ve open my eyes and mind and spiritually enlightened me by your words I got dragged thru it I was slowly dying But God is good. God bless you my brother ! ❤️

[@MentalHealness]

♥️♥️

[@margaretsmith7919]

As bad as it hurts, I needed to hear this more than anything. Thank you so much for your videos, I have a feeling you're gonna be a big reason I can make it through this.

[@naysilverspirit5411]

I had a therapist tell me the less the kids are around their Dad the better.. I never kept him away from them.. but her comment helped me with my divorce decision.. good advice Lee 👍

[@spr3665]

Literally everything you said here is so on point. I needed this video so much. Thank you. I think I’m going to watch this a few more times as I keep building the strength and courage to leave my BF.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome 🙏🏽

[@danahenley1418]

SPR> take your time and make a plan. I know for me to leave in a rush or when emotions are running high I just couldn't do it. I had to reach a point where the disrespect was just so overwhelming there was no other direction to go but to leave. It's taken me a year and a half of planning and things coming in to place. It was hard being patient., but I'm leaving this wknd as a matter of fact and not looking back. I'm moving in with my mom, I secured a job and waited for my son to get on his feet and move out on his own. I had to know he'd be ok with out me. All this took time. Meanwhile I had to act like everything was ok between me and the asshole. It wasn't easy, but maybe if you have the support of your family or anyone, maybe you could try to plan your way out. I've left before/kicked him out before but....Idk he always worked his way back. Doing things this way has worked much better for me. Best of luck to you!! ❤

[@spr3665]

@@danahenley1418 Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏽 I needed to hear this!! ♥️🥺 its funny because I actually attempted to leave him today while my emotions were running high and my plan didn’t work the way I intended 😔 I was so disappointed in myself the rest of the day especially since my friends and family were hoping I’d leave him too but I’m accepting that I’m honestly trying my best and it may take me a little more time and preparation …also maybe I may need to reach my breaking point too…I’m already really close AND Congratulations on getting out!! 👏🏽👏🏽 You got this!!! Best of luck to you too!! ♥️♥️

[@shelleysims5523]

I’m putting my exit plan together. I needed this today because as you said he’d sense I was done and start the love bombing. It’s been a whirlwind since Valentine’s Day. He tried to gaslight last night, tried to guilt me, I responded calmly that that wasn’t how I remembered it. With ever twist I calmly stated what “I” did or said. I got the silent treatment for a while, then he started talking about his golf tournament coming up. Thank you for the insight and encouragement. I think I watched your videos for 3 hrs when I was sent one. Finally I was felt validation of what my life has been like. I can see his game now for what it is. His favorite devaluing tool is talking to the dog instead of me. Lack of communication has been a trigger point for me.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome. stay strong on your journey

[@surfshack2]

I remember "the love feeling" changed when something happened with my brother involved and my ex accused me of not defending her. It was not a case of defending her but she made it one. I told her to relax and give it a few days and we'll meet and talk with my brother to patch things up. Well that was not enough for her and she had to call her cousin who was a tough guy and demanded that my brother apologize and then the shit hit the fan after that. That's when everything started to change because i seen her become angry and threatening. It was a side i never saw before and it freaked me out to be honest. What really ended any and all "love" was when she went and slept with another dude. She acted like it didn't mean anything and we should still get back together but after that i just couldn't do it anymore. I really didn't want to touch her anymore. But i was still trauma bonded! Can you believe that?

[@3saok108]

❤️

[@RickyLoweSr]

You are so right, there's no feeling going back. But to avoid going back or accepting them back is only based upon satisfying ones own selfish desires.

[@jessdoingmything6908]

Wow. I would of never thought of it this way but it makes 100% sense! You've just triggered an epiphany in me that I needed so badly by using the addiction analogy. 😳

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙌🏾

[@adirawarrior]

Preach!!!! Please get help. It is an addiction that there are no words to explain. Either way you ALREADY feel bad, you are just prolonging the grieving and healing. Just like Lee said, chose you! Take your life back. Your trauma bond is NOT your life sentence or "what God has for you." Keep speaking truth Lee! 👏🙏

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you

[@coricalvert8216]

This is so right on. I have finally realized what a nightmare I lived through for 21 years. I now am getting a divorce. I am set free. I can now be myself and be seen instead of being pushed down and belittled. I used to wake up every day and dread the day. Now I wake up and I feel joy.

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@adimeter]

I am deliriously happy for you.

[@coricalvert8216]

@@adimeter You have seriously kept me alive. Your skits are verbatim what my ex & I’s convos were like. I couldn’t recognize it and put it all together until I started watching your Channel. I now still watch it as it calms me and reaffirms I am taking the proper steps forward. 😁

[@adimeter]

@@coricalvert8216 Thank you. The confirmation certainly feels good. Onward and upward for both of us!!

[@natashacarodine1244]

I really like this one Lee, your passion showed thru this one more than any other one I've watched. It almost felt like you were talking directly to me even though I only watch for education purposes, if I were going through it I would have been positive that you were speaking directly to me personally so I'm sure you reached many with this one. Keep up the good work. May GOD continue to bless you all.

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@joanna88508]

What a lovely comment 😊.

[@WillowForest-q3v]

Lee you are 1000000% correct! After watching this i realize your right I am not in love with him. I heard him always say that I was abandoning him or running away from him. I am really learning from you. every day I listen to you the light of freedom embraces me. I am getting better and stronger. thank you so much.

[@diandreabrown8711]

This is so true.. we love the people we thought they were and who we wanted them to be but not who they are.. I became so toxic in my toxic r.s. im not about cursing or calling a woman a $#tch but im so tired now...ive called her a itch, the devil so many things because the heart and soul, body and everything gets TIRED. The day before yesterday was IT for me... when u start to become like the narcissist, like the person who hurt you just to survive, you need to realize YOU MATTER MORE AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE. I've had people close to me leave me because of my ex.. people say to me you dont respect yourself Dia being with her.. no one can take it, i can barely take it.. Ur vids put so much things in perspective and Im getting answers. I've been asking questions to for years..❤ Thank you.

[@lizcolumbia1735]

Love that distinction: Did you go through it *together* or did they put you through it? I've sat and thought, "what do I even love about this person? What traits?" They haven't been considerate, loving, etc., but I love that *feeling*. I think you hit on these distinctions well. There's also the "more painful with or without?" dilemma that I'm glad to find I'm not the only one to have had. Understanding it all helps a lot, thanks for speaking on it.

[@sashaclarke2749]

Omgh, yesss!!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼