I know first hand just how dangerous this kind of person can be. I would describe their abuse like Being Murdered right in front of the world and nobody noticing. They use your “reactions” to their horrible behavior as a tool to convince others of their innocence and your “craziness”. It’s discrediting you and your character and done precisely well enough over time your reputation gets ruined. Very dangerous and so awfully painful. I’m going through it right now and it is unbelievable . I couldn’t write a storyline like this in my wildest dreams it’s that mind blowing.
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Stephanie B,You got a lovely smile 😊
@EvonRomano-ge2og Жыл бұрын
Yes, perfectly stated. I went through this with my mom. She’d use words in public that were threatening only to me. She’d say a kind of “kidding “ phrase which, when we were alone, meant that she was about to sadistically harm me. So when she’d smile and say the say thing in public , I’d react poorly and she’d say “ oh my you see…she’s so hostile for no reason “
@christie99111 ай бұрын
You have described the narc So very well. Its such a shock when they come after you after the love bombing stage. No wonder we in a state of confusion.I spent 30 yrs with a narc and found a way to exit for good. That was a year ago. It just gets Worse, never better. I wish I could help you. Its hard to Explain to anyone who has not been through it. I have my Sense of humour back and have met some nice people It is what I wish for you. Please get away. It is like Being terrorized every day. I wish you luck and a good Life after this nightmare is over.
@Lucy-ym8ch10 ай бұрын
@@EvonRomano-ge2ogI am so sorry that happened to you. I know exactly what you mean.
@caronyardley883410 ай бұрын
Going through and experiencing same as you right now. You are 100% correct.
@cathygoltsoff96155 жыл бұрын
It really hurts when you have a narcissist deliberately trying to hurt you and you did not see this coming. It is as if they have an on/off switch as they can be nice to others and strangers and have an inner hostility and negativity towards those who care about them.
@davidsarmas64943 жыл бұрын
Yes, they are very bad and they get much worse as they age! All you can hope for is an early death but, they always manage to hang on!
@ottosump33563 жыл бұрын
That sounds like my wife , she's so lovely to her friends , but to me and my family she has nothing but contempt.
@susanbissell63193 жыл бұрын
Like my new daughter-in-law. She comes across as SUPER SWEET (gagging) to people she wants to impress. But for me she mean, nasty, condescending, and rude to me. If I stand up for myself she acts like the victim, but in private she goes for my jugular. Threatens to assault me. But my son hits me instead. Now no one is talking to me and she is so happy about it. She even posted it on Facebook (before she blocked me and my family) she is happy now and doesn't care who she hurts. I no longer have my son in my life. She stopped him from even being with me very much before they got married. Now she had full control over him. I am left out in the cold like everything is my fault.🤕
@55nfabulous3 жыл бұрын
That’s what they do, what they are and what they are capable of. Because they haven’t ‘groomed’ either a friend, family member, or a coworker, because they can’t, they’ve elevate grooming you but then because you are among friends and any family left, they say negative things about you, those you thought you could depend on for sanity then because of the psychopath, thinking of you as a ‘nut’. The psychopath will build allies who defend him. They can’t be themselves or they’d lose their ‘Safe’. Their ‘Safe’ is a downtime, average person who mirrors his/her normalcy. Now, someone who has recognized them would see you as the enemy when the narc is the true threat, the true enemy. They can’t ‘groom’ a friend, family member or a coworker so again you may feel you are isolated and have no one to see the psycho as the insane psychosis thing. Classic dog chasing their tail … the worst thing about this is the psychopath will not voluntarily say they are crazy, insane and manipulative. They have to make their presents know either as a serial killer or an undercover serial killer.
@55nfabulous3 жыл бұрын
@@davidsarmas6494 This is sooo true!! Why are they still here?? They have NO purpose except to con or hurt or manipulate people. Why are they still here??! The one in my life serves no purpose at all! His employment is replaceable so there’s no contribution to society. He only preys on those who are vulnerable. I’m one if his victims, he groomed me and my young daughter so, because if this I had two views to consider and he knew that. The rest is almost a six year distant history.
@jluttjoh3 жыл бұрын
For a long time you are just paralyzed, oppressed, and confused. Toward the end of this video, Todd gives great advice. You cannot react. Never let them get you off alone. They are beasts. They want to make you disappear. They are black holes, they take everything
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
jluttjoh,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷 dear
@TheAfroCentricWoman3 жыл бұрын
I hit the parental jackpot. I have two cluster b parents. Needless to say, I've reparented myself, gone low contact with one, and no contact with the other. I've reconnected with inner child and I'm living a fulfilling life. I'm healing year by year, and I'm grateful.
@karenwilliams9782 жыл бұрын
Do you worry about being narcissistic too?
@damiarassam7956 Жыл бұрын
Ditto. My dad burned our houses down when my parents divorced.
@adamruth7 ай бұрын
I had to go no contact with my entire family, as they all live comfortably in cluster B. Five narcissists, one with sadism, and me.
@NiteDriv3r6 ай бұрын
Afro Centric still not healed
@maryleekomaniecki57994 ай бұрын
Good for you! Very happy to hear about people such as yourself.
@andrewc.29523 жыл бұрын
In closing; respond, do not react. Don't show emotion to them. Don't let them see that they got an emotional rise out of you. When you do that, you're cutting off their supply. Emotional vampire is another term for these people. When you're in there with a real narcissist, you can't afford to play games. I say "real" because these days, people throw the term narcissist around in the same way they do OCD. They can really missuse those terms. Those of us here know when we've met a real full blown narcissist because you never forget them. Ever. They leave deep scars that will always stay with you, in one way or another. Guard your hearts, dear ones.
@tanyathatsit27437 ай бұрын
Grey rock
@MsRocker9612 ай бұрын
@@andrewc.2952 Your absolutely right ! My ex Narcissist tried to kill me when I was divorcing him. I got left with PTSD from it all. I’ve done well with dealing with it for long stretches at a time . But then something will just trigger it and it takes me along time to come out of it when it happens
@melindamassey1411 күн бұрын
Then they accuse you of not caring.
@melindamassey1411 күн бұрын
@@MsRocker961 I had ptsd as well. My root was/is judgment and condemnation. There is a book: "The Body Keeps the Score"
@gwynhyfer4 жыл бұрын
I was married to a malignant narcissist for far too long. I "coped" by doing a psychology degree at home which involved going away to summer schools. Later becoming a full time student at Uni when all my boys were at school. And finally managed to break out of this toxic relationship after many years of slowly shifting the boundaries he constantly set in favour of myself and the boys. It's hard to do because these people do appear so nice in front of others so there is no support when they resort to nastiness or completely ignoring in private. Happily remarried to my childhood sweetheart we went to one of my sons wedding and I saw my ex-husband for the first time in 20 years. Did I feel some kind of smug revenge to see that the years hadn't been kind to him and realise what a dull little man he was in real life - of course! I am human! Was I pleasant to him at the wedding? Again, of course - because he has no effect on me now. The best way to treat a malignant narcissist is with absolutely nothing. Hard to do when you're right in the middle of it though... Thank you, Dr Grande, for your excellent videos.
@2degucitas4 жыл бұрын
The best revenge is a life well lived.
@jillellen26314 жыл бұрын
@@2degucitas And looking good!:)
@Arya-cf7vu4 жыл бұрын
Oh wow, spot on you're so right. Glad you got your life on track and are happy 🙂
@Griffindor19553 жыл бұрын
@Kitty Sulivan We all have vulnerabilities. No one is absolutely immune, and sometimes there is an element of bad luck involved. And these guys can really play someone, when that is their goal. But whenever someone realizes and gets out, good for them!
@cassr69653 жыл бұрын
After over a year of looking at my ex's (narcissist) Facebook page. He's now with a Thai girl 25 years younger and lives there. It has taken me this long to realise I need to get on with my own life and not to ever look at his page again. It has felt great to be free of those thoughts of him everyday ☺️
@kam04065 жыл бұрын
These are the scariest people you'll ever meet. These people can fool counselors.
@jacqc15335 жыл бұрын
Yes they most definately can, manipulation is their favourite tool
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
They are also excellent in gaslighting and manipulating clinicians, including in couples counseling. This happened to me, and it can make a toxic situation even more dangerous!
@epicmercury3335 жыл бұрын
Yes they can. I experienced this first hand.
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
You are so observant! Excellent and sharp remark! (Not really). As if other narcissists are rookies at fooling counselors :(
@BBB-rd2qi5 жыл бұрын
Add me to the list! I had a decent education with emotional skills and he was able to manipulate two counselors! Of course he didn’t want to go to my counselor...Ugh!
@turnthepage8674 жыл бұрын
My aunt is a bone chillingly ruthless old woman. Dr. Grande this video is the most comprehensive explanation of highly dangerous narcs. Thank you!
@cassandrareedy73692 жыл бұрын
Mine too! She recorded our private conversation when I thought she was my only hope, then played it for the whole family. I wasn't told this happened, so I had to stay with her since mysteriously things got worse instead of better. She put me in a horrible position and ENJOYED it! I sensed something was wrong when she introduced me to her close friends then only had horrible things to say about them after. I moved back in with my parents (18 at the time) She wouldn't allow us to visit our grandparents when they were sick. SHE was in total control. If we came over without her there, my grandparents would get nervous and tell us not to tell her we had visited. They had bruises which she claimed were from helping them, but as an assisted nurse, even if they bruise easily I know I never bruised anyone like that (suspicious places and severe). Then one night she called my Dad to gloat. I overheard it all. She caught my grandparents favorite cat peeing on some paperwork and decided to take revenge. It was below freezing with 22" of snow, she marched the cat out to the creek and threw it in. She told Dad she stood and watched until it stopped coming up for air. My Dad started crying and said "I'm sorry, I can't listen to this anymore," and hung up. I called adult protective services and PETA. They investigated, but my grandparents hid the truth. The cat came back 3 days later, half alive. I'm not sure why the cat came back, but I tried to be part of my aunt's life again recently too. I'm not smarter than that cat.
@linda69872 жыл бұрын
The older they get - the worse they get....
@mimilini12 жыл бұрын
Same here except it’s my oldest sister. She is terrifyingly cruel. She knows when to shine it on to strangers but when the mask comes off - she’s sadistic! It does get more dangerous as she gets older. Heaven help whoever is in her crosshairs!
@maudemathildeh335 Жыл бұрын
My mother was one too, and a hoarder to boot. Her siblings are the same. They brought her here for four years after a health problem. My small apartment was totally trashed by her hoarding and tossing trash everywhere. She would go into a rant and raving rage if I tried cleaning up. She would drop her heart meds on floor and go into a rage if I tried to pick it up to keep my dog from getting it. Nothing I cooked was good enough. She would rather eat greasy burgers from a local diner; then would refuse to take her fluid pills which resulted in her legs and abdomen swelling up. She would then tell her siblings that she was being starved and her medication schedule neglected by me. When she went to nursing home they insisted that all of the contents of her storage unit dating back to the 80's be crammed into this tiny apartment. I'm still trying to clean up the four years of hoard and mess that was brought in here from storage. I am overwhelmed to say the least. She passed in 2020 and still there is hostility from her siblings towards my son, me and even my little dog. This whole situation has wiped me out mentally and physically.
@mimilini1 Жыл бұрын
@@maudemathildeh335 oh I am so sorry! What a painful, tragic nightmare.
@yehmen293 жыл бұрын
'Reaction is something that a malignant narcissist wants you to do', 'Just lay low'. Very, very good advice. When I started working in the financial services, I was wondering why some of my colleagues, who were so competent, had been repeatedly passed over for promotion, and were just doing their hours, keeping a low profile, and going home. Now I know they were in survivor mode. I slowly learnt to imitate them, downplaying my achievements (when I couldn't hide it : letters of praise from clients!) or hiding them (for example, not saying I was going away to Cornwall to hike several dozens miles, over the Xmas break) but it's been counterintuitive, as our neoliberal ideology recommends that we should all be striving to show how successful we are. Unfortunately, if you work with or for narcissists, that only triggers them and you become their target.
@Threemore650 Жыл бұрын
Having one for a parent is just hopeless. Dark Tetrad mummy left me literally tattered and bleeding. I thought I was an evil child because I never loved her and used to fantasise about her dying in a car accident so I could love her in retrospect. She never stopped trying to destroy me… up to my 63rd year… when she died. I wish I’d known all this stuff before.
@vaunniethayer14844 жыл бұрын
You can find another job, but if this person is your parent then you are really in a precarious position from the very beginning before you have the understanding and skills to be able to lessen the impact. In my experience a malignant narcissist also gets worse with age.
@yehmen293 жыл бұрын
No contact. It's really difficult to make other people that you're not a bad child and that your parent isn't a victim of your selfishness etc.
@rachelsimbhu43833 жыл бұрын
That's true ! My mom did !
@twocents74953 жыл бұрын
Gray rock
@stellaercolani38103 жыл бұрын
So true!
@stellaercolani38103 жыл бұрын
@@yehmen29 i went through that judgement
@ResilientSurfer5 жыл бұрын
To identify malignant narcissism removes years of trauma from enduring the gaslighting. Once you are able to see them do what they do so well in action and marvel at it while knowing that it has nothing to do with you at all, you become freed from their pathetic grip.
@IamJPreece2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely right. I am about 80% healed after learning everything I needed to about why my dad is the way he is
@lollypopnarcy75855 жыл бұрын
Sadism. They enjoy when people are sad. Yes, I agree with the closeness to Psychopathie. Yes, Manipulation. Exactly, about Power. They want to break people down. Yes, they hurt on purpose to see people suffer. Very good Video. Thank you. That is true what you say about their Gaslighting. Yes, they can behave. No impulse controll. Scary! Right. Very charming and nice. Best Informations about Malignant Narcs.
@warorislam4 жыл бұрын
They are kill joys. Their presence turns a thriving happy atmosphere into a stressful anxious one. They won't partake but rather just want everyone to stop what they are doing and admire them bloody cf's.
@Inochizoe4 жыл бұрын
The little smile you catch cross their face when something goes wrong in someelse's life, ugh!
@romb46494 жыл бұрын
Seems like he's reading out a personal report of Trump's psychopathy!! 😊✌
@mattygabiru18773 жыл бұрын
Yup this is how my mom was. She loves it when someone fails in life for example. You can see her smile when it happens
@leonieromanes72653 жыл бұрын
@@warorislam they do seem to thrive on making other people suffer. I think because they don't feel true joy themselves.
@evaangellus5 жыл бұрын
Yep. You are describing my mom to the T. Very envious, physically neglectful, and sadistic towards me. I learned by the age of 5 not go to her, even when I had broken bones that needed care. She was a master gas lighter. and could cry on demand. She can dish but can't take it. She can't even stand it when I use "when you do X I feel Y" language. Not paranoid but aggressive. She'd scream and throw things when angry. She was a pediatrician. When accused of malpractice she had no empathy for the child she hurt because she had beef with the child's father. But she got any with it all, because she could act like the 'compassionate', 'warm' Catholic motherly type. To this day I never know what mother I'm going to get when I have to contact her.
No wonder you ended up w endo. My mom + aunt tortured me as a hobby. Stress affects female tract.
@arianaarroyo99253 жыл бұрын
Sorry to hear that you endured that. Hopefully your mother is no longer a pediatrician or in a position where she can cause further harm to children.
@keithstewart75142 жыл бұрын
Are we related? At five I also knew daddy could take my life and routine beatings WITHOUT mother's concern ever was between the times my SIBLING wasn't abusing me too.
@JaxonSmithers2 жыл бұрын
I took several psychology courses in college in the early 90's including abnormal psychology. I've learned more from Dr. Grande's videos the last 6 months than I did in any of those courses, great stuff!
@pageribe23992 жыл бұрын
@Mark Me too!
@stormygayle9388 Жыл бұрын
That’s bcoz you didn’t finish !
@jeaniemattone38993 жыл бұрын
I was so naive. After 20 years of marriage to one, I’m physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually exhausted.
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Jeanie Mattone,You are beautiful 🌹,You don’t need a narcissist in your life!
@Dragonfly6574 жыл бұрын
I was in an 8 month relationship with a malignant narcissist! Constant attack on any discussion we had. He would say don’t say those things I didn’t even know I said anything bad. He always looked for fights I could have spent 4 hours scrubbing the house but I was stupid for leaving the mayo out. Constantly tearing me down. He would say I was flawed and stupid. He screamed if I didn’t do things his way. He’s abusive at his job and say they don’t praise him or he made an employee cry.! He’s mean! You cannot do anything rite, cannot have mutuality. He would say be careful how you talk too me. I’m an empath good hearted. I felt I was going to have a breakdown before going there. I had to leave him I could not take the picking, rage, yelling, dictator.
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
SagiCorn,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@rosannaburt30482 жыл бұрын
Proud of ya ❤️😁 not many would or can do it so
@sharontownley8902 жыл бұрын
@@christianpulisic7784 x
@Ad_Astra_3215 жыл бұрын
I've worked for two such people & in both cases, it was my success & achievements that got me fired. Anyone positioned above them saw them as angels. Anyone working under them, justifiably hated them. Calculating, duplicitous & treacherous. Basically, if anyone like this sets their sights on you, don't prolong the process, start looking for another job. I do have them to thank however, it's because of them I decided to work for myself & I'm doing just fine! =)
@jellybean67784 жыл бұрын
So true. The more competent you are, the more you will be undermined and sabotaged.
@yehmen293 жыл бұрын
Same thing here. If only I had watched this video 2 decades ago, I would have been able to carry on studying for a BSc while working (online, Open University) and then to change careers. My managers' ambition was to make me drop out, at every company I've worked. They were also antagonised by the fact that I went to the gym regularly (12-15 hours a week, mostly Pilates, to remain flexible and prevent sciatica), that I cook from scratch and eat a lot of vegetables (I have to, I have coeliac disease), and when I started studying for professional qualifications they were enraged. I was fired from one company because I had passed too many exams, and at my next company, I was told that if I passed any more exams, I would be fired, so I had to hide that I was still preparing exams, and passing them. I ended up being more qualified than my managers... The clients preferred to deal with me than with my colleagues (less mistakes, less delays - when one of my colleagues left, we found that she'd sat on 2 death certificates for 10 and 11 months respectively, we ended up with 2 complaints from the clients' families) and I was accused of trying to steal the clients away from the advisers (I had the same qualifications them). Don't work in financial services (or real estates), it's full of narcissists.
@Ad_Astra_3213 жыл бұрын
@Olga Martin Thanks! Yes, I did. You keep sane & good too ;)
@PrivateAckbar3 жыл бұрын
Don't let negative experiences with aggressive narcissists colour your ideas about work environments generally. There are still a lot of positive work environments.
@vovanminh9993 жыл бұрын
Me too , i now working for myself .
@davidmuse40655 жыл бұрын
You are such a wealth of information- a real expert and are helping so many people! Keep it up and Thanks!
@DrGrande5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much!
@endofservice14304 жыл бұрын
@@DrGrande Would you consider a profile on Meredith Miller from the channel, "Inner Integration"?
@smpotts1733 жыл бұрын
@@DrGrande
@lindsayschilling87073 жыл бұрын
Yes, Dr. Grande has taught me so very much, and that my Narc mother is primarily responsible for her confused & wounded offspring. It took me many years to realize that I am a good, loving, kind, intelligent individual. I was the scapegoat of 4 children - my mother truly resented me in many ways. My childhood was not fun; I spent most of it trying to blend in with the wallpaper!. In my late 20's, I moved away from "Mom". I didn't know why I chose to move so far, but knew I had to put distance between us! Over the years, and distance, I began to figure out her NPD. She is now 93 and hell on wheels. My mother = the human woodchipper!
@MeganVictoriaKearns3 жыл бұрын
@@lindsayschilling8707 I'm glad you got the distance you needed. My Mom has NPD as well. She's only 62 - and I swear to you I am not exaggerating - she looks about 38. Lol, I suspect she'll make it to 93 like as your mother has. What is it with these people? A lot of them seem to manage to live FOREVER!! 😄❤
@supercommie4 жыл бұрын
Perfectly describes a boss I had once. I felt bad that I quit that job so fast when the abuse started, but now I realize I was really smart to get out when I did.
@GoAlamo3 жыл бұрын
You just described my mother. She made me so crazy I stopped believing my own self.
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Texas Cat,You look gorgeous 🌹🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
Malignant stands for sadism. It's as simple as that. Malignant narcissist is a narcissist with the traits of sadism
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
@@a-jhartung627, half of the population are sadistic in a certain degree. You can't put 1/2 of the Earth in prison. Improving childhood experience for all children is a better alternative: a well-cared-for child will never be a sadist
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
@@a-jhartung627 Phychopathy is tracable to brain abnormality. Narcissism is not. And sadism is not. What I'm trying to say in my comment, Malignant narcissists are sadistic narcissist, they are not necesserily psychopaths. So, society can hypothetically isolate all psychopaths based in brain scans, but malignant narcissists will remain among us all the same. P.S. I am against nazi-style social engineering, and I don't subscribe to your idea of isolating 'bad people', I'm speaking hypothetically only
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
@Majic C , you're right. It's not true that all narcs enjoy hurting. )) Some are quite content with one-upmanship and the praise over their altruism, it gives them enough supply to bide their time
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
Not in my experience, @Majic C They do, of course. They do feel fine after they prove their worth by putting another person down. But it doesn't constitute their only source of supply. Similarly they feel relieved after they win in a more-or-less honest competition, after a compliment, after a pat on the shoulder, affter getting popular acclaim, after they get an unshared attention etc. Since narcissism is principally uncurable, what do you think therapists do during narcs' visits to them? They teach narcissists to act humanly, not to trespass other people's boundaries and try not to retreat to negative supply. And sumetimes they succed in that.
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
Sorry, you stopped making sense for me
@gutsyjasmin45924 жыл бұрын
This is a perfect description of my sister. I wasn't sure what to call her (psychopath, malignant narcissist). Now I know. She manipulated our mother against me for years when I was very sick with ulcerative colitis in my early to mid twenties. I had no idea why my mother was treating me so badly. It got to the point that I broke off contact with her for six months to protect myself from the abuse until my father died. That's when it all came out. My mother is a grandiose narcissist, which makes her easy to manipulate. She always wants to be liked. My sister, who is 21 years older than me, took full advantage of that. When my father died in 2016 she treated my mother like shit so they stopped talking to each other, which imo is really great. She's the worst person I know. She's jealous (esp. of other women), spiteful, has bad impulse control, is verbally and physically abusive, arrogant, shallow, and super fake. If you meet someone like her, all I can say is RUN! They destroy everyone and everything around them. Protect yourself!
@lelandtsnyder96842 жыл бұрын
@@ttTTTTttttr that's called "flipping the script", how do you determine who is at fault? A quip as a response reveals you.
@bodyalchemy2 жыл бұрын
Wow! I’m going through a similar experience right now with my sister-in-law. Your comment really resonates with my experience. You cannot reason with either one of them, bytheway and it’s toxic, escalating and it’s difficult to get others to see it as they operate covertly and seem positively charming and kind to others. It’s insane!!!
@kimgordon36952 жыл бұрын
So sorry 💔 feeling your plight
@rochellesteenberg44932 жыл бұрын
My sister is a monster it started with her bullying as a child as young as ten it just progressed to the most evil, gaslighting , expert liar actor manipulator, it would take me days to tell you the inhumane way she treated me after my husband died ( at 47 from Leukemia). The district in of my life I am 62. But she started treating my daughters abusively and it felt like she wanted them ,I have four , as her own. I shouldn't have even tried to start to explain only someone who has been abused by these monsters can know how deep the robbing of our spirits and soul feels. Thinking about her gives me such fear and anxiety that it has taken me four years to start healing a little bit, I try to read as much as I can and watching tube videos like these to try and come to terms with the abuse loss of previous years being manipulated controlled belittled daily , and feeling my very soul weaken then my daughter Charlotte showed up to "Aunties". We were renting a farm house in a very rural isolated setting, and Charlotte second oldest daughter knew how controlling and cruel Auntie's was and saved my life. She showed up in the middle of one of my sister's rages demanding me answer a question I couldn't because I had no clue what when why or where she was talking about but a hundred answers later and ten hours into this rage of my wrong answers Charlotte witnessed her hit me and, went to my sister with her anger at the abuse she witnessed and never being afraid of my sister stay in rlll
@rochellesteenberg44932 жыл бұрын
Charlotte stood up to this monster she did not fear, and my ability to stand up to her and control the fear I had of her had simply disappeared, and I was a shell of who I used to be. My sister could not lie her way out of this one, or start the line of lies before I could call for help which I never did but she always made sure she told her story first after these attacks thinking I would reach out to my daughters. But I kept this ugly , painful, shaming treatment by my sister was not something I felt they needed to deal with losing their father was soo painful and he was missed so much I did not burden them to rescue me, for some reason I lied and told them how perfect my life was getting all the enjoyable days I spent with my sister , gardening etc. Lie after lie but social media has a way of connecting anybody who has an account and so Charlotte stopped by. I left with my daughter that day I had very little belongings left my sister would steal from me daily, twenty five years of marriage and I had to ask my sister for a pair of clean underwear she had taken 95 percent of clothes a lifetime of memories and my husband's carpentry tools destroyed two vehicles so I couldn't leave and robbed me monthly . I have not called her, text her, answered any call , ignored third party attempts by her to tell me she sorry please come home,. That was four years ago. The healing will take a lifetime,. But the memories are fading as long as I never go back .
@ashg40455 жыл бұрын
I have always had an interest in psychology. I took a class years ago, but we never really talked about NPD in depth. Years later, I went through being a victim of collective narcissistic abuse and thought I was the toxic one. Now, that I'm healing, I am inspired to go chase my dream of becoming a psychologist. Your videos are so informative and insightful. I appreciate all the validation you have/ are giving me and others while helping us recognize healthy and unhealthy behaviors. I really admire your work and look forward to each and every video you share. Thank-you!
@polkadotdress53605 жыл бұрын
Likewise 😊 Self analysing has been my thing .Also very committed to understanding the animals .Wishing you all the best in your quest to study and learn more about this fascinating subject.
@helenwoods14673 жыл бұрын
Im just out of my 16 year hell with one. I'm going back to school and university at the age of 44, to get my psychology degree, to help others make sense of the sheer magnitude of damage they do.
@jklacker12 жыл бұрын
Update?
@sandrakrueger45623 жыл бұрын
My narc who passed away last year, leading me down this path of recovery/discovery, had literally every, EVERY trait/marker you listed. I was so trauma bonded, even once I started to suspect after coming across material online regarding narcissism, I couldn't get out, I just couldn't. It was a choice and yet it wasn't because my addiction to my abuser overtook everything. I know many of us here can appreciate how much an experience like this changes you. I'm at a point right now where I am ok being alone. I don't see myself in another relationship. My kids are grown. My narcissistic terror was my second relationship after my divorce. I just won't risk losing any more of my life to that garbage. I use to be a hopeless romantic. I use to look for the good in everyone. Now I just look for the truth in everyone. My views of others and romantic relationships have been changed forever.....
@annehynynen81533 жыл бұрын
Same. Every single trait.
@joed180 Жыл бұрын
My abuser ex died as well. He was run over by a dump truck. Really. Anyway I'm right there with you. And altho I'm finally ready to start thinking about dating, every time I talk to someone it's one little red flag and I BOLT.
@helgagaines3598 Жыл бұрын
@@joed180 forgive me..but I had to laugh my head off..run over by a dump truck???
@joed180 Жыл бұрын
@@helgagaines3598 I used to say I hoped he'd get run over by a school bus, but hey I was pretty close. 🚍
@AMAbsherful Жыл бұрын
Same.
@Holly-Berry3 жыл бұрын
Anyone else get caught up in reading the comments and then have to rewind bc you’ve missed the video?
@TheSara11034 жыл бұрын
When you uploaded this video I was in the middle of the abusive relationship with my ex. I was in the period of gaslighting, first open attacks and criticism. I was absolutely oblivious of what was going on: I didn't realized yet that my suffering was caused by him. It's really hard to explain how he managed to hurt me so much without me noticing that I was suffering because of his behaviours. I was so inconscious and ingenuous. These memories give me shivers.
@cindyrhodes4 жыл бұрын
Omg. Right now, I am in "survival mode" and I've seen others attacked while I lay low. I have told myself that the attack is a life experience. Maybe if we could all receive education about mental health issues while we are younger, we could be more prepared for this type of life experience-the fact we are ALL going to be in the company of a socially aggressive person at some point in our lives. I really feel that education is the best protection and prevention!
@helenwoods14673 жыл бұрын
Im doing the same, have been for the last 9 months. I escaped from him after 16 years of pure hell. But im alive, and I have my sanity, and I have God back again ♡ I wish you all the best with your new life, it's hard at first, but it does get better, trust me. Time and knowledge are the best healers. Dr grande has been on loop with me for the whole time, the man is amazing!
@davyprendergast822 жыл бұрын
It's utterly appalling that detailed education about personality disorders is not provided to kids from around 11 up, especially young girls and women
@b.boston85292 жыл бұрын
Another comment that needs a heart from Dr. Grande!
@catharinepizzarello47848 ай бұрын
I agree! We must educate children about this, especially encourage them to tell someone they trust. They do this because they like it and because they think they can get away with it.
@Rubylove484 жыл бұрын
My mother is a malignant narcissist with ego syntonic sadism. Even through medical school and neuroscience training there were no diagnostic criteria to describe her or put language to the level of cruelty she intentionally put me through, finally in 2012 I saw clearly the level of sadistic cruelty she was capable of towards me, how the abuse had not just been covert and strategic but insidious, severing my bonds with anyone she knew including my siblings. I didn’t know how ill she was but internalised all the trauma and group abuse perpetrated by her agents towards me. I ceased contact with her, no one understood the level of trauma nor that a mother could be so callous. I grieved for the loss of my whole family, and suffered post traumatic stress because for the first time I was safe enough to process the trauma. I am finally free and I am getting my health back. Cruelty takes it toll even on the strongest and most resilient of us. I hope therapists, doctors, trauma counsellors start to educate themselves. I had no one even as a professional, no one to support me or even listen to me. Never turn your back on someone who asks for help after psychopathic abuse. it’s real and pervasive. All love to everyone reading ❣️❣️🥰
@barbarastrayhorn46674 жыл бұрын
Hope you are doing better. Takes a lot of strength to recover. Good luck.
@damiarassam7956 Жыл бұрын
I have one of those evil unloving mothers. Mine has about 13 comorbid diagnoses. She was so unstable she would go manic and throw me from moving vehicles as a teenager for no reason. I've been calling the police on her violence for 30 years and then she masks. They never admit her to a psych hospital. She picks up knives and swat team has pointed guns at our house. She is crazed out. I had to move her into a condo down the hall she is so dangerous. She is so vindictive, she threw away everything i owned, hired a crew to clean me out including my 9 year old cat. The lifelong abuse is enough to write a horror movie about. I take her to mental health professionals and they never have any treatment program for her like dbt. It's beyond sad. It ruined my life. I had to leave school so many times. She made me homeless many times. I would come home and all my bedroom furnuture and toys would be gone.
@Rubylove48 Жыл бұрын
@@damiarassam7956 I’m so sorry for the things she put you through and the suffering she created for you. I hope you’ll find a peaceful solution and build relationships with people who are able to care for you in a mutual way. It’s a shame our health care model lets families and children down. the lack of alternative support is just as brutal as the abuse imo. Blessings & love 🥂
@camellia8625 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry that has happened to you. Can relate.
@Rubylove48 Жыл бұрын
@@camellia8625 thank you, same for you. All best. ✌🏽🥂
@Emeraldcity703 жыл бұрын
As a child I had a school Principle who would walk through the hallways screaming at the children. He was a short man with a bad temper. One time he spanked a young boy in front of the entire class for the "crime" of not getting to class before the bell rang. What angers me the most is that the teacher just stood there and let him do it. I'm so glad times have changed.
@bettym1702 жыл бұрын
So very true. It only took me 40 years to figure out how “duped” I was. Once I figured it out, I turned and ran like hell. Divorced and finally at peace. Healing each and every day. 🙏🏻
@AshleyEllwood2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations
@joed180 Жыл бұрын
Congratulations to you. I was only in on and off for a decade and it was tough. Good for you for rebuilding after that. There is life on the other side.
@violet98534 жыл бұрын
This is amazing Dr. Grande. My ex has every one of everything you mentioned. I became homeless to escape at year 27. It has taken 8 years to stabilize but I am beginning to heal. He has kept my divorce going since 2009 with delusional beliefs charges in court!!! The last time it took the judge 16 typewritten pages to convey his disbelief of all charges. The MN is like a battering ram, they never quit.
@nancyjensen64092 жыл бұрын
I have been in a marriage for 59 years. I had a friend attorney who told me to forget it at my age. Things go well most of the time now unless our children R around. Why does their presence disturb him?
@pattytheseeker89022 жыл бұрын
@@nancyjensen6409 Because he isn't the center of your attention.
@b.boston85292 жыл бұрын
@@pattytheseeker8902 and he wants to be the center of theirs.
@aliciaacevedo2914 жыл бұрын
My ex husband of 20 years was a borderline vulnerable narcissist. It took me along time to figure it out, caused so much emotional and physical illness in me, I am still recovering. I get sick to my stomach when I remember situations with him, so thankful that I don’t have to see or talk to him
@davidkenneth39832 жыл бұрын
Whats a borderline vulnurable n.? Im finally figuring out why what the hell was going on took me 25 years my girl ex is trying to legally destroy me in every and any way possible ive tried over n over i keep getting sicker and she makes me believe its me i know its not now im 65 disabled and now shes trying we dont live together to put me in the street making me look like im the bad guy its not true ive lived here 15 yrs now she comes in trying to force me into the street saying im abusive its 100% the other way noone knows she waited until all my friends died no witnesses nothing she scares the **** out of me !
@davidkenneth39832 жыл бұрын
She has no empathy never been wrong and on her mothers d.bed was called the worst human ever she knew her mother stated.
@peggyivey58282 жыл бұрын
I had a boss that did that. She would destroy you. When I left she started in on someone else. She was a devil!
@camuscat1235 жыл бұрын
"Nice guys finish last." I was informed of this sine qua non for the facility in which I once attempted to work in a leadership role. This was a humiliating, miserable experience. I am different....but, I learned. Those who are smart, well-seasoned, and ethical don't aspire to finish. They aspire to continue their work with others. Most interesting talk. Dr. Grande.
@vodkavuitton3 ай бұрын
There is absolutely nothing you can tell me about anyone to convince me that they're worth keeping an eye on 🤷🏾♀️ go take care of your wife before she becomes a widow nice guy
@myiramddhif7641 Жыл бұрын
That's my mother right there. Everything he said applies to my "so called biological mother ". The giver of life in people's eyes and the streets angel, but behind closed doors she was very mean, sadistic, a bully, and a dictator. I can't believe that I survived that kind of childhood. It all turned me into an anxious adult, which is another burden to carry in life. What a horrible genetic bad luck.
@madampisces2.07 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry to hear that. Being anxious is an awful way to live
@donovangray42463 ай бұрын
you are not alone. I suffered a malignant narcissistic mother too it was a horrible way for a child to grow up
@DMKey-r6g3 ай бұрын
Same here and 5 of my siblings are just like her.
@delulululululululu19 күн бұрын
Same story here ....the worst part is no one believes us and on top of all the abuse....we lose ourselves 💔
@teriamborn52472 жыл бұрын
I have found that the "malignant narcissists" in my life aren't paranoid HOWEVER they are able to use another person's insecurities to create paranoia in them. It's quite sick and twisted.
@hollyharte7831 Жыл бұрын
Yep
@staceystrukel19179 ай бұрын
The one I know is paranoid
@honoryourself20985 жыл бұрын
Salient point about the issuing of criticisms in such a way that aims to prevent the target from being able to retaliate or provide a rebuttal, I have frequently found this to be the case.
@margaretwallach90755 жыл бұрын
I agree
@louisafoster16405 жыл бұрын
Well put!
@knowledge.is.power3333 жыл бұрын
Yup
@tanyabrazil42983 жыл бұрын
Experienced it just yesterday. I see that whenever we were starting to get close on an intimate level, he would start criticizing something. Last night he began criticizing and almost lecturing me about not respecting him (total projection) and I just tried to keep being nice because I wanted to see him. (I see how he follows a predictable pattern when you try to get close to him.) The criticisms escalated and then he tried to hurt me by canceling ours plans. He did not like it when I calmly agreed and apologized. He really wanted me to come but wanted to mess with my mind. It’s all so twisted.
@annehynynen81533 жыл бұрын
Yes! They run away.
@AA-in3ok5 жыл бұрын
Agreed. I’m a psychiatric nurse and we often see people on adult in-patient units, who have co-occuring disorders that include ASPD and certainly are not grandiose and prefer to avoid people rather than require admiration.
@petertrzos66453 жыл бұрын
Holy crap, I got off easy! My ex literally has BPD, all the traits of sociopath, nearly all of psychopathy, and all of malignant narcissism. I can see why people think there are demons amongst us. She was smoking hot, too, giving her even more power to manipulate others. Thank god she ran away the second I figured her out, and she learned she had no power over me.
@rogntudju2rogntudjuu2 жыл бұрын
Did you have red flags? Which ones? How soon?
@rogntudju2rogntudjuu2 жыл бұрын
With « no power over you » your position must have been secure…
@kimberlydavies8384 Жыл бұрын
Thank God
@birdlover684210 ай бұрын
In my life the worst people I've met were dx BPD or bipolar. Perhaps it was a wrong diagnosis I don't know. One of the people dx bipolar stabbed a man. The
@matmat83795 ай бұрын
This description fits perfectly the psychopathic malignant narcissist. There are many malignant narcs in corporate and investment banking environments. I used to report to one a while ago. He was scary. He used to shout, swear and terrorize everyone apart from his superiors who constantly fluttered. He damaged other people's health, and created business disruption and legal risk for the organisation. Management knew about his behavior and did not do anything for twelve years.
@lindaschultz79002 жыл бұрын
Now I know what disorder my new manager has!! This was a great tutorial. I realize now that my father may be a malignant narcissist. I left home after 19 years of hell. He stalked me for awhile after I left but then I moved to another state and he gave up. I don't know if he is alive. If I counted correctly, he should be 93 years old. He is a multimillionaire. I went 25 years no contact. Dr. Grande is the best! Keep up the good work Doctor. Since I was raised around too many toxic people, I find psychology fascinating. I had an equine manager from the racetrack tell me that I needed to go to school for psychology. She said I'm very perceptive and knowledgeable when it comes to who is toxic.
@NTraveller5 жыл бұрын
I have a friend who's an altriustic narcissist. She's a real narcissist: she's very controlling, she fails to be emotionally empathic, she is very repetitive and rigid in her altriusm, she forces her goodness on people and hunts for appreciation. But she's not malignant. When she sees, she's about to hurt someone, she stops and steps aside. She doesn't quite understand the reason, but she never goes on with something hurtfull. On the opposite, my wife and my mother are malignant covert narcissists. When they see someone gets hurt from their words or actions, they step up their efforts to bring the person down. They derive pleasure from seeing somebody hurt, they get high with it. At the same time they don't demonstrate signs of psychopathy: they are not antisocial, I don't feel uncomfortable with them in public, they try to appear tactful, considerate and so on, like pure narcissists, without psychopathic additions. So, I take it literally, as Kernberg said - MALIGNANT NARCISSIST IS A NARCISSIST WITH THE TRAITS OF SADISM. And sadism is an 'inverted empathy' - getting high from seeing others suffer, it usually derives from unfortunate childhood, from being a victim of sadistic behaviour. Sadism prompts narcissist to seek 'negative narcissistic supply' - derive pleasure from scandals, from other people's misfortunes and so on.
@chrissearcher35635 жыл бұрын
Fantastic explanation! Also, I'm sorry you are dealing with that double impact!
@sammyjo80355 жыл бұрын
Sounds like your friend might actually be a good fit for therapy, if one could help her with insight, sounds like she's just working with what she was raised around/by. It could be borderline personality, they're not usually sadistic, just lost and hurt but handle situations horribly, bless their hearts. Note what kind of mental states she cycles through if any. Borderline has a strong stigma to its prognosis, but it is treatable.
@Protolamna5 жыл бұрын
Sounds like your friend could be OCPD.
@Oktaviii5 жыл бұрын
Sounds like you are surrounded by narcissists. From what you’ve described they sound like pretty average selfish people. Most people are selfish and display some narcissistic traits. I think real narcissist are less common and have bigger hunger for big money and power. They are not very common in general population
@summydots5 жыл бұрын
Quite interesting. Thank you for sharing this.
@ruebenbrown24095 жыл бұрын
Thanks for posting in-depth detail! Please listen to, think about, then like this informative upload!
@qiuwbr0915 жыл бұрын
rueben brown “Criticism timed for effect. quoting Dr. Grande” I could just hug him to death for telling us that!!!!
@joywebster26784 жыл бұрын
Hurting others is covered by him saying you/they deserve it. The bright eyes shows the enjoyment.
@liverpoolishgirl3 жыл бұрын
Yes, scary eyes. They get bright and shiny when they see the pain they are inflicting. RUN.
@jofish4204 жыл бұрын
I totally agree with this vid! The last part really hit me personally, as I knew that as long as the narcissist that I was living with was focusing on telling someone else how to live by berating them with telling them of their shortcomings, I was not being attacked by him. Yet, yes, I did feel remorse that he was attacking others. Of course it would eventually come back to him berating me with his ranting on how "wrong" I was in how I behaved, the things that I wasn't doing for him..etc. He was extremely impulsive in what he did, always keeping me in a whirlwind of activity to satisfy his needs, and then abruptly switching out and saying he never meant any of that. Yes..there was no "fixing him" or even getting him to see anything about his behavior, and I feared his anger so much that I just did not. That was 3 and a half years ago, to which I escaped with my life, yes, it was that bad in the end, I have done a lot of inner work and am genuinely happy and I have peace now.
@DixieJensenBrown4 жыл бұрын
Exactly what I found, one must not giving any reaction... and laying low ... stay out of their vision and eventually they will move on.
@michellerenee50284 жыл бұрын
The gray rock method is helpful, but be ready when they accuse YOU of having the attitude
@romb46494 жыл бұрын
Sometimes they still don't / WON'T move on, even when you do try and keep off their radar. 😕 Anyway, I had to reply to you to say that.. I'm a fellow 'Brown' and have 2nd, 3rd Great Grandparents- who were *JENSEN* (that go back as far as all generations before, on the 2nd / 3rd Great Grandad's PATERNAL lineage)...... as well as ask, was JENSEN your Maiden (birth/given) name, and BROWN.. your married name, or were you born a 'Jensen Brown' ? Where abouts are you from? ✌ From Melbourne, Australia. 😊🐨
@helenwoods14673 жыл бұрын
Ive learnt that the hard way, but at least I've learnt!!
@DixieJensenBrown3 жыл бұрын
@@romb4649 I am from Canada. That is cool. So you must have Danish heritage.
@DixieJensenBrown3 жыл бұрын
@@helenwoods1467 It took approx.10 years and finally my X left me alone... Important thing is you got away... You Won!!! Also too, they are very good at getting away it... Remember they are the abuser/lier/criminal there is a reason our countries have jails!!!
@iamlight15 жыл бұрын
This is such an awesome video. I feel I need to listen to it a couple more times. Thank you so much. This is the sort of thing I want to learn and understand more about. I thought gaslighting was making the other person question their reality and their sanity but it makes sense that it is convincing the other person that they are the problem and that there is nothing wrong with the narcissist. That over a long period of time: is what my mother did with me (still to this day). I reacted and reacted and reacted and the more it hurt me the more she'd do it (I still can't help to feel badly triggered). I almost believed it and it has me a little messed up in my sense of self and knowing who I am and my self esteem. Working to heal all that.
@caroljohanson28075 жыл бұрын
iamlight bless your heart ♥️ one day at a time. Youvare unique , amazing and valuable . Keep your head in the here and now and continue to move forward 🌈
@aurora87493 жыл бұрын
Yup, my boyfriend did this to me for a long time and so his family acted like I was the problem. 8 years later im still the only one taking care of our kids. I think that speaks for itself
@leighblacklocke71902 жыл бұрын
Yes, these videos are so helpful. IMHO, the longer you are without contact with the narcissist, the more you will heal. Difficult when it's your mom, but essential for your well-being. Hopefully you've achieved much in the past 2 years!
@Schiffon2 жыл бұрын
@@leighblacklocke7190 it was my mom too. It wasn’t until she died that I even began to start to heal! I’m a senior now and finally free, but my heart breaks for these wonderful individuals writing here. 🌱
@leighblacklocke71902 жыл бұрын
@@Schiffon God bless you with total healing, Pam. I hope these senior years are wonderful for you!
@zanobiaX5 жыл бұрын
My father is Malignant narcissist he used to beat me all the time always angry over anything he was a monster
@larryjohnson95374 жыл бұрын
yep
@louise-yo7kz4 жыл бұрын
So sad.🙏🏾🙏🏾
@FindTheTRUTH3373 жыл бұрын
I am very close to someone who had the same experiences with their father and I see the effect of the multifaceted abuses that they survived. It is beyond cruel. But someone that should share in the blame and shame is their mother who watched their child being broken down piece by piece and did and said nothing. She shares in the responsibility for the devastation that happened to her child. Shame on that family. The sad thing is that the family passes in society as a “good family.” We need to listen to the voices of the abused so that we can see through the masks of these deceptive people.
@zanobiaX3 жыл бұрын
@@FindTheTRUTH337 every thing you said is 100% true my mother was a covert narcissist she used to tell my father that we are bad and we deserve punishment and she used to watch him beat us with a smile on her face
@FindTheTRUTH3373 жыл бұрын
@@zanobiaX , I am sorry from my heart for what you and your siblings had to endure. Praying 🙏 for your healing and that you will have the wisdom, strength, and peace that you need to find and be your true self, not the person that they tried to make you. ❤️
@sammyjo80355 жыл бұрын
Hi Dr. Grande! I binge your videos. Have a wonderful day :D
@rightnow58395 жыл бұрын
👍🏻 you can’t go wrong binge watching these!! 😊
@pocoeagle25 жыл бұрын
I think I binge watch the videos of Dr. Grande more often than any kind of series on Netflix 😁
@Beckiner675 жыл бұрын
I binge watch too. I actually find his voice soothing, which is weird because the subject matter can be pretty dark.
@pocoeagle25 жыл бұрын
@@Beckiner67 😁😁😁
@sammyjo80355 жыл бұрын
@@Beckiner67 ikr lol
@ijustrealllylikecats3 жыл бұрын
My mother. She's narcissistic to the point of stealing and expecting people to just be ok with it. And she often does get away with things because she usually spends a lot of time calculating how to manipulate a situation and get people to rally on her side. She spent over a year setting things up (not to sound dramatic, but literally PLOTTING, lol) to be able to steal from me and have other people in the family and community back her up. It is insane how much energy malignant narcissists spend on planning deceit. And if it doesn't go their way, there's rage and playing the victim.
@richardwendling40304 жыл бұрын
17:00 People attacking an individuals actual achievements and trying to undermine belief in self, gaslighting
@annehynynen81533 жыл бұрын
Absolutely horrible..
@sandys26724 жыл бұрын
Thank you for pointing out the differences between psychopaths and malignant narcissists. I have been looking for this type of information for one year. Your presentation was excellent! I have observed all of the criteria separated along the lines exactly as you described them.
@fifilafleur55554 жыл бұрын
The malignant narcissist sounds just like one or two individuals I’m dealing with. Both females. I have been undermined for years and had my own family turned against me. One has tried to spin it and say I’m the narcissist. The destruction these individuals cause is devastating.
@cassandrareedy73692 жыл бұрын
Female malignant narcissists or APD seem harder to spot. I'm not easily intimidated and am open and empathic, so I'm a perfect target. I got fairly good at flying under their radar, but I think they see me seeing through them and it gets ugly quick!
@cassandrareedy73692 жыл бұрын
My Aunt too! She recorded our private conversation when I thought she was my only hope, then played it for the whole family. I wasn't told this happened, so I had to stay with her since mysteriously things got worse instead of better. She put me in a horrible position and ENJOYED it! I sensed something was wrong when she introduced me to her close friends then only had horrible things to say about them after. I moved back in with my parents (18 at the time) She wouldn't allow us to visit our grandparents when they were sick. SHE was in total control. If we came over without her there, my grandparents would get nervous and tell us not to tell her we had visited. They had bruises which she claimed were from helping them, but as an assisted nurse, even if they bruise easily I know I never bruised anyone like that (suspicious places and severe). Then one night she called my Dad to gloat. I overheard it all. She caught my grandparents favorite cat peeing on some paperwork and decided to take revenge. It was below freezing with 22" of snow, she marched the cat out to the creek and threw it in. She told Dad she stood and watched until it stopped coming up for air. My Dad started crying and said "I'm sorry, I can't listen to this anymore," and hung up. I called adult protective services and PETA. They investigated, but my grandparents hid the truth. The cat came back 3 days later, half alive. I'm not sure why the cat came back, but I tried to be part of my aunt's life again recently too. I'm not smarter than that cat.
@JMigUK5 жыл бұрын
Another excellent insight Dr Grande. I agree with you on how best to deal with them, especially in a work setting since I recently experienced attacks from one of them, my concern is that’s how they get to progress within companies, and their destructive behaviour is not only justified in their minds but also on other people’s minds, creating a truly toxic environment. I wish society was better equipped to deal with this, maybe educating managers would be an option? Thanks again Dr Grande.
@endofservice14304 жыл бұрын
They are jealous and think others are jealous of them. I know that guy. They belittle achievement. Same guy.
@gobblelevclass3nuclearsubm3933 жыл бұрын
well said and they will get many people involved by telling them how terrible a person you are that is their danger its their enlistment of society to badmouth and humiliate their targets once they have the power of society/friends they can change their targets life for the much worse god almightly run from these creeps
@carriea81653 жыл бұрын
@@gobblelevclass3nuclearsubm393 yeah it first is helpful to be able to identify them
@Oisin293 жыл бұрын
Oh yes. I have met people like that. Mine used to play the victim card....and I bought it. At first. But then, it seemed to me, he was always the victim and that rose my eyebrows. Never taking responsibility. Told him my mind and never answered back. He had substance abuse, lied a lot and was quite sadistic. Never again.
@ainsleyharriott22093 жыл бұрын
It’s so true they belittle achievement. In my experience they are also very unsupportive during hard times and quick to point out failures.
@AngelinaSrpska3 жыл бұрын
Just excellent! Yes! My mother was a malignant narcissist, and I was her Grade A Supply! That is .... until I left! I was in absolute horror & shock when I discovered her treating a family member & cook at our restaurant in the very same abusive manner! Especially, in that she was highly competent in her cooking, and could cook as good as my mother! She was confident in that, so my wicked mother tried to bring her down a few notches, but would, of course, hide that from everyone, flip it around, and masterfully play the victim so that other unsuspecting members of the family would believe Slobodanka was the culprit! She was not, and I knew it only too well! But, alas, the rest were eternally fooled by my calculating * mother. I felt extreme survivor’s remorse, and so apologized to Slobodanka for the cruelty of my wicked mother! Am even in tears writing this after her passing. She died in her sins, totally unrepentant. A willing vessel of Satan an entire lifetime, but a first-class actress that fooled everyone, but ME! I HATE unrighteousness, deceitful ness & underhanded ness, and DISAVOW it in My God-Anointed Life, while my family feeds it more supply unwittingly & wittingly. I still feel more sorry for Slobodanka, my cousin, who SO didn’t deserve that treatment! Drip, drip! .... I am just so sorry I was not there for her to help her more! My mother”s goal was to make her target”s life a living hell. And she would revel in that! God Almighty Forbid! And everyone allowed her to get away with that cruel behavior as she was the (most ineffective, unfair, brutal) manager of our family restaurant! Only my father kept her in check. By ignoring her shenanigans, and shutting them out. She was afraid of him. When +he passed, she went hog-wild, and there was no one to stop her insidious, malignant, psychopathic narcissism! Then she passed on her cursedness to 2 succeeding generations as she groomed them so, and they fell for the bait! So she lives on in them. She massacred the family, creating an utterly toxic, dysfunctional, cold-hearted family, where love has waxed cold. Frigid.And false narratives are the given, the norm, and upheld with all der our & diligence, in a continuum to demonize ME, the most spiritual member of our family! They think if they all remain United in their false narrative, they can breathe truth into it! Wrong! They will only be damned in doing do. Yet they don’t fear that, don’t dig for the truth, don’t care to correct their ways, and don’t atone fir their sinfulness! None of that do I accept or uphold. That is of Satan, and I am of God. I am just so sorry, Slibodanće! Please, please forgive me, my dear sister! You are worthy! My Mother was the sinner ... And I am SO eternally sorry I did not have your back more! She was just so vicious! All of My Love & Respect, Apologies & Remorse!! xoxoxo~A
@serendipitous_synchronicity5 жыл бұрын
Wow! So much information, I'm going to have to watch this again! It wouldn't be the first time I've rewatched one of your videos Dr Grande. ☺
@chrissearcher35635 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Grande! I hung on every word. This describes my ex to a T. One time, when he was threatening to bash my head, he picked up a glass vase and held me down and held the vase above my head. But I guess it wasn't quite scary enough because he put it down and picked up a giant pair of heavy plumbers pliers instead. Now, that really did scare me to the point I thought I was going to die. The look on his face, I knew he was enjoying my terror. I've never heard it said that way, but yes, he had a sadistic streak.
@jimboy4195 жыл бұрын
I'm very happy to be retired and away from all that. Excellent video Doctor. Thanks.
@Beckiner675 жыл бұрын
James HIgbie hi, exactly what I was thinking 🙂
@seventhchild72705 жыл бұрын
James....There are everywhere!....
@JJ-dk1lr3 жыл бұрын
I believe that all Supervisors and Managers or those wanting to be in that role, should study this disorder thoroughly! I have seen how brutal these people can be to others in businesses. This information needs to be in high schools and colleges as a requirement! Thank you Dr. Grange for a great video!
@brittanytiera32994 жыл бұрын
This is my mom 🤦🏽♀️😭 I currently have no contact with her
@jengable48883 жыл бұрын
I understand...is it like Jeckyl and Hyde ? It is like emotional whiplash..?!? Right ?
@chimene38513 жыл бұрын
🤗 hugs & prayers, I know it’s painful but for the best
@jengable48883 жыл бұрын
@@chimene3851 ...painful is an understatement, because when you realize that you are dealing with someone who will "flip" on you for a dime, literally, cannot take responsibility for her previous/current actions, is so covertly jealous and refuses to go to counseling,...there is only one solution to save yourself. Trying to establish boundaries with her may be futile and pointless if you are dealing with a malignant narcissist. Good luck !
@jengable48883 жыл бұрын
@@chimene3851 ...I am glad it worked for you without reprocussions. For me, there is always backlash, and the crazy makers who play their sadistic psychopathic criminogenic games comes from all sides, not just her. Have a good night....
@NT-qd2rs3 жыл бұрын
😰😢💜
@overkill20065 жыл бұрын
We shouldn't feel sorry for people like this.They are fully aware of what they are doing and they enjoy it.
@annehynynen81533 жыл бұрын
Exactly
@mandolaa3 жыл бұрын
So true!!!
@ericnorthman94103 жыл бұрын
We may feel sorry for them because we may feel it wasn't in their control of being made that way. But you are right we have free will even if your makeup leans a way
@maryswobodapishney75593 жыл бұрын
Had a relationship with on of these predators... example: he left me in a rainforest, screaming for my life. I will never forget that terrifying incident.
@overkill20063 жыл бұрын
@@maryswobodapishney7559 That’s fucked up.
@ckay90064 жыл бұрын
You have a calming voice , I enjoy learning more about these subjects and mainly listen just before bed , your vids seem to help my sleep issues too 🙂thanks.
@pegasuswings58264 жыл бұрын
I know I'm late! But i have watched this video at least 4-5 times. Everything explained my friend / businesses partner perfectly. Yes they take away your confidence, your reality, they can do anything to get into power, they'll do anything to destroy you if they think you are in their way. Mine was paranoid in that way. Thankfully I got out of it, even though I almost ruined my career.
@rexx58512 жыл бұрын
This is a spot on description, and there should be no disagreement about their characteristics as described. They are as exactly as described. Very evil, very dangerous and very very sick. After having to deal with 2 such individuals, I can attest to this . People Need To Know....
@billg95022 жыл бұрын
I also had to deal with one 400 # narcissist guy and a 100# narcissistic woman , It was a nightmare .
@CanadianMum4444 жыл бұрын
I likely already commented on this brilliant video topic and presentation. But this is my daily life in my very dwelling. I was going to attempt to leave and due to my level of disability there’s nowhere for me to go. So I just stick. But my heart breaks daily and I wish to disappear rather than go through this any longer. I wish I would have seen signs many years ago, and tried harder then before I became disabled. My heart goes out to everyone in this position.
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
Kimberly Creator,You got a lovely smile 😊
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Canadian Mum,You got a lovely smile 😊
@mirjanadolenec30995 жыл бұрын
Thank You for referring to Otto Kernberg, who defined narcissists as people with a total lack of empathy in his, for as far as I can recall, Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism (1975); that Marie-France Hirigoyen would mention in her, on workplace and family bullying, groundbreaking book Stalking The Soul (1998) wherein she described the narcissist as having no existence of his own. In my opinion Your scientifically constructed point of view on the matter is more nuanced and more helpful than Kernberg's take on the continuum between NPD and ASPD/Psychpathy. I don't know how You do that, but it's like You're transforming psychological theory into mathemathical detail, and I've never quite heard anything like it. I'll have to be a bore and say I must listen a lot more to your channel before giving either positive or negative feedback on what you're indeed saying or chances are I'd make myself look a very silly layman. I hope all that made sense:D
@TwoBassholesandaKaren71075 жыл бұрын
Divorce or quit or go gray rock (lay low) in the workplace. Just get away from them if you are able. Mine told me he had no Hope with a big "H" to ever change. I think that is the truth. A good analysis!
@salliegallegos9183 жыл бұрын
I agree, but it’s difficult to go Gray rock on the job because they seek you out.
@pocoeagle25 жыл бұрын
Yeahhh,.....more than 29 minutes listening to Dr. Grande🙌. This is an excellent video. Thank you very much doc. I have learned again some new good interesting stuff😃
@rightnow58395 жыл бұрын
😊
@Zarasha13 жыл бұрын
I was born in a narcissistic family. When there is no problem, these people have to start problems. The way I learned to survive is laying low. They don't see me or hear from me. What is weird is that many people I became friends with were also narcissist. Narcissistic people are everywhere. What I went through with family and friends that are narcissist have made me a loner now. It is hard for me to trust people. I have a wall around myself and this world. These people traumatized me and caused a lot of damage that only God can repair. If anyone shows signs of narcissism it is safe to stay far away from that individual. Stay out of their radar. They are devils.
@stacyguthrie-witt2 жыл бұрын
I can so relate to everything you said in your post. I too enjoy my own company because I've been burned many times and now have trust issues as well.
@mikeypegasus13913 жыл бұрын
Learning to lay low accurately describes my childhood. Members of family of origin are highly narcissistic and I learned to become invisible to them in any way possible to mitigate the toxic effects of their abuse.
@karenwilliams9782 жыл бұрын
You don't get to eat very regular when you grow up this way. You don't have much in the way of clothing either.
@sammyjo80355 жыл бұрын
This is a wonderful breakdown of intents, my biggest question on the topic has always been to what extend are they doing it intentionally or is it all a byproduct of protecting their ego. Great perspective!
@rightnow58395 жыл бұрын
Sammyjo that was always my main question as well. I still think it can sometimes be both possibly but I’m not an expert 😊
@AdaptiveApeHybrid5 жыл бұрын
We're all products of our nature and environment eh?
@tanyabrazil42983 жыл бұрын
I also question the intentionality of the behavior because, in his case, it ends up hurting him more than the victims. He sabotages opportunities and doesn’t understand why people won’t help him anymore. And of course I tried to explain 😂
@carolevans52852 жыл бұрын
At what point , when they murder to get what they want . They no what there doing . Why do we have to always come back to the mental health labels . I was in a relationship with a man like this. He did everthing to break me down and control me. When that didn't work and I said no he tried to kill Me. I belive he had done the same thing before he met me. He wasn't crazy he new and still nos what he's doing. He still stalks me . In random werid ways were it doesn't look like he's doing it. He's very smart. To smart and I actually belive he has got away with murder . I would of been his next victim but I survied . He is now out there doing it again and I no he is I have seen him on the Internet. I don't no if he wants me to see him tho , trying to scare me. I'm not afaird of him I was for a while but it got very dangerous when I started saying no . Please belive me these people are smart charming but very very dangerous. Beware. They should come with a warning sign
@RobShuttleworth4 жыл бұрын
The first clue was his out-of-the-blue statement: "I can crush you".
@lauriej.57063 жыл бұрын
My mother's usual threat to me and others: "I'll make you sorry you were ever born." It was true; I'm STILL sorry I was ever born.
@lauriej.57063 жыл бұрын
@@chimene3851 Thank you for your encouraging words. My mother is gone now, but I admit her words and her intense multi-faceted abuse still haunt my mind. For some of the truly bizarre details, you can read my Featured story on the website Similar Worlds; I post under the screen name: greenmountaingal The story is entitled: I Want To Know The Truth About My Family's Secrets and Lies. It tells the story of my earlier years growing up as a reject of my mother's cult-like group. They were scary people.
@debras90203 жыл бұрын
My awful ex would lean in close and threaten me in my ear, and then step back and let everyone around see what a great guy he is. It was like living in a made for TV movie. Still have anxiety over it.
@helenwoods14673 жыл бұрын
Same.
@bokhans3 жыл бұрын
"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?" he said, referring to the major street in New York City that cuts through Manhattan's large commercial district. "It's, like, incredible."
@attheranch8735 жыл бұрын
Excellent! My brother has ASPD and my dad was sadistic, so I’ve been interested in this my whole life.
@joyandrews3804 Жыл бұрын
This was me laying low. But I’ve an avoidant personality, co-morbidity with depression. My father was sadistic. My mother enjoyed watching him belittle me. I married a narcissistic drunk who was so self centred he didn’t understand I also had needs. My daughter was also narcissistic. I’ve spent most of my life navigating through egg shells. I learned to lay low for self protection. I recently ended a long term friendship because my friend used emotional coercion to try to manipulate me to do something that was not in my best interest. She then gaslighted me. I can no longer trust anyone and have decided I’ll not let anyone get close to me again. Thank you Dr Grande for giving me clarity.
@Christine-sz5mx4 ай бұрын
I believe you. Stay away from everyone. There are a few good people, hope you find one.
@sb72784 жыл бұрын
I see you have met, and accurately described my ex!! Malignant and vulnerable narcissits are the scariest and most dangerous!! One of the best days of my life after escaping was realising I was no longer scared and I was finding joy in my life. If these people cross your path... don't walk... RUN... and fast!!!!😉 Thank you for your awesome videos Dr Grande!🙏🙏🙏
@Slarti4 жыл бұрын
It's the first video where I have noticed you have brought your own values into it and I think that's a really good thing. I know from an academic point of view a personal opinion counts for nothing, but when it comes to personality and mental disorders I think it helps people like me, who have been and are victims of narcissist, when ones values are confirmed - which is that deliberately hurting others is wrong. Interestingly enough my mother used to always cut me down when I succeeded and only seemed happy when I was doing poorly.
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande- I also hope you can talk about malignant narcissism in the context of romantic relationships. For those who have been affected by those on the low conscience/low remorse spectrum, it's often difficult to characterize the behavior. For me, I've been in a relationship with a someone who's behavior doesn't really quite fit in the "quiet narcissist" category, because he was much more harmful. Factor 2 psychopathy seems to fit, and does capture some of the gaslighting and other characteristics you mention. He seems to fit in the framework you just describe in this video, but I'm very interested to learn how you see the same personality type's behavior playing out in a romantic or interpersonal setting.
@ShunyamNiketana5 жыл бұрын
I ain't no expert, but I'd say a lot of flattery, induced conversation, and charm up front.
@yourenough35 жыл бұрын
Liking the longer videos. Very informative. Thanks Dr. G hope your having a great weekend =)
@klarawinterain61014 жыл бұрын
I agree with your take much more than with his. I believe that the paranoia is something a malignant narcissist will pretend to have, just like pretending to have OCD... To make it look like they are a victim of their own abusive side and to make their "dark passenger" look like something that is torturing them too and something they can't deal with on their own so they need the compassion of their partner to become healthier. It works well on codependent empathetic partners. Thank you for helping unblur the lines.
@sherrillynn94793 жыл бұрын
This describes my father and my sister perfectly. My father has passed away and the world became a better place when he did for me, my sisters and my mom, but now my sister displays the same behavior as my father did. I didn't really recognize it until you described it in this video. Luckily, I have gotten away from her and we no longer are in communication and I have felt so much better since. I love my sister, I want the best for her, but I can't continue to be around her,as degrading as she is to me. So, thank you for your videos. I learn a lot from them.
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Sherri Lynn,You deserves better 🙏
@lowlife96265 жыл бұрын
I give your videos a 10 out of 10. Very helpful , as is your availability explain complex topics in an understandable dialogue . Thank you
@DiamondCutter4235 жыл бұрын
Thank you for mentioning the chameleon aspect as a component of malignant narssisism...I suspected that.
@chrisgould1013 жыл бұрын
The strangest part was a complete change of charicature, very different voice tone , the fake smile when answering the door. It's all a stage.
@aurora87493 жыл бұрын
I witnessed this with my boyfriend and was fully grossed out. Some "hood" people would ask for him and his voice would get ghetto. I was like wtf
@joanofarcxxi4 жыл бұрын
Although I love your videos and am grateful for your insights, I disagree with your suggestions at the end of this topic. I do not believe that anyone should lay low and allow the narcissist at work (or in a personal relationship) to continue to bully and intimidate. This encourages and perpetuates the problem. If we want to be proactive in handling the issue and preventing further destruction caused by narcissists, they need to be properly confronted and brought to justice. New legislation as well as company rules need to be implemented so that victims can defend themselves and get justice. These individuals are criminals because they have such a devastating impact on other people's lives and wellbeing. A narcissistic boss is a terrorist that threatens the welfare of other workers. I know, because I had 2 bosses who were narcissists, and I, as well as others, developed feelings of anxiety and lived in constant dread of being humiliated and terminated. I will not go into to many personal details, but I believe many people will understand my point. I actually got sick with severe migraines when I worked for the last bully, and I was eventually fired, because I was not "complying" with his outrageous demands. I made the mistake of laying low and not issuing a formal complaint against him, because he was intimidating physically and otherwise. Something has to be done so that these bullies do not continue on their unstoppable course of terrorism.
@Anne-wy7cv4 жыл бұрын
There is no justice to be had through the legal system, and enacting new laws is even more preposterous, ...no offense intended, just a fact. Handle the malignant narcissist privately.
@heathercampbell68933 жыл бұрын
I agree. Workplaces need to know what it is and take responsibility. There's enough information around and consistent victim impacts from their bullying and cruelty.
@dulceoliveira36013 жыл бұрын
I agree with you, but I found it was better to stay out of the way professionally speaking
@dulceoliveira36013 жыл бұрын
I'm not saying you shouldn't stand up for your self, you cannot work for someone like that. They cause to much stress sorry you went through that
@lindsayschilling87073 жыл бұрын
Been there, done that, Pop. It is a terrible situation to be in!
@guitargod69972 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande's insights are so accurate! A physician here. My experience with two sisters and ex-brother -in-law clearly on the NBD spectrum plus a covert narc with BPD as well. When you love your partner or in my case my female siblings as such, even with my medical training I was "blinded" by familial bonds to the sad truth of narcissistic abuse. And there is definitely a level of sadistic motivation. Psychology should be taught to students in middle and high school to explain the behavior of sadistic and malignant individuals on the spectrum to emerge in late adolescence and early adulthood. But when you know how they are wired, they seem to be reading from a script.
@irenewatson3 жыл бұрын
I think you have given the most detailed and accurate descriptions ever of my experience of this topic.Large family consisting of the malignant matriarch who has made 3 adult offspring codependant.The golden one,the invisible one,the one who has psychopathic traits.I was warned by a previous neighbour but even though I had knowledge of a male narcissist,it's much worse when there are so many out to cause harm.They present as pillars of the community at first but instinct made me feel uncomfortable in their presence.I was left alone the first year as I was seen as a good babysitter for a poor relative of theirs who had developed memory loss.After months of helping out, I was warned by another neighbour that if the relative who was elderly were to trip up in my home,I could be sued and I was advised the family had history in that area.As soon as I reduced contact,bad things started to happen.Neighbour nearby was renting and multiple complaints made to their landlord in attempts to get them moved.A new neighbour had dared to try to stand his ground over a dispute with them and hours after each upset one of his cats would return home and not wake up again.They put their home up for resale and left.Then as they were running out of targets,it was my turn.The narcissist manipulated a family friend by playing the victim and blaming everything they had done to us and reversed it as if we had done it to them.They were overheard planning how I was to be set up with a complaint that would warrant a visit from community police.Safe to say that it backfired badly for the malignant narcissist and friend. If you get the better of them you will be punished.One of my cats had been sitting on the footpath and a van had mounted the sidewalk and crushed her.The culprit had hidden at the bottom of the avenue til all dispersed and I waited alone and saw them drive past at 60mph in an attempt to avoid recognition,but they failed.The second poisoned 6mths later,on cctv which we had to install.What I don't understand is why the great number of flying monkeys believe the narcissists pathological lying. Surely the fact that trouble is wherever they are must make them doubt that one person has constant conflict but it's never their fault.You are absolutely spot on when you mentioned that there is little chance of resolution. We attempted to calm things down after an attack by one of the narcissists male relatives against our person.It was a total fail as when we hoped the eldest daughter might cooperate we found she nodded to the narcissist to move near my husband and shouted into her phone ,yelling get back,get back to make out they were being threatened.We left and next day the Anti social unit contacted us and said an attempt to bring a case against us had been stopped as there was only the sound of them shouting on the recording.Its never ending and you are right again about other neighbours who not wanting to be targeted try to keep low profiles and are too worried to say anything even when one of them witnessed the relatives physical attack on us.So I read and study as much as I can to try to understand this problem.It helps a great deal to listen to your detailed videos.On the plus side a lengthy bombardment has changed me from a people pleaser into a person with boundaries and a greater understanding of how to live life.
@LesliWebandMediaSvcsonYouTube4 жыл бұрын
A perfectly delineated synopsis!! Perfect for those who project their own conscientiousness onto others, such as malignant narcissists and psychopaths, who have no conscious. This is how most people get duped by them, by assuming they have a conscience when they don't.
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
Travel Around With Lesli,You are beautiful 🌹🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
@LesliWebandMediaSvcsonYouTube2 жыл бұрын
@@jackpetersen7545 ha ha I hope so too 😂
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
@@LesliWebandMediaSvcsonKZbin You are welcome.I am Jack from USA 🇺🇸.You?
@jackpetersen75452 жыл бұрын
@@LesliWebandMediaSvcsonKZbin Which country are you from?
@jadeauburn92205 жыл бұрын
Sounds a lot like my old step dad... Thankful he is not in my life anymore. Again, would love to hear about a narcissistic parent, especially this malignant construct. Also, how to deal with trauma which is largely due to having a narcissist in the family.
@lobodesade67802 жыл бұрын
My mother is like this. I learned over time that best way to deal with her, from my experience, so take this with a pinch of salt because my strategy may not work for others. But I learned to be just as cold to her as she is to me, meaning that, I simply blank her, but if she gets too into my face, I take a breath and just laugh at her and fall her out on her narcissism, and walk away while she rages. She doesn't like being called out at all.
@Magicme794 жыл бұрын
My sister has been seeing a psychologist that specialises in personality disorders and trauma, and she thinks our dad was the worst case of a malignant narcissist that she’d ever heard of. I always thought that sounded a little strange, because he definitely had no sense of shame or caring for what anyone thought of him. Whatever he was, it’s probably good that he’s not around anymore.
@SP-li7wn4 жыл бұрын
Very interesting video! I have experienced a highly malignant narcissist, who does ignore people, it's part of their covert ways of exercising power. In a high level corporate setting maligant narcissist chronically ignore people to just get the reputation with almost an excuse "oh he is just like that" but it's a game to get away with it and draw the more empathetic people to try to get to know them, it is completely a tactic of intentional. It seems like all Narcissists are maligant to their main sexual supply.
@asandi4444 Жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Grande for your thoughtful insights and education on malignant narcissism. Like so many others, my life has been seriously impacted by narcissistic people. I feel like I need to stay quiet and small as if I shine in the least, there is someone there just waiting to destroy my potential. Why is it that if a person steals $20 from you, the system (police) have the social constructs available to deter that behaviour in the future, while there are no legal consequences for narcissists? Innocent people should not be responsible for having to hide from, avoid, or placate these evil people. I hope change will come.
@Fcreceptor5 жыл бұрын
Jim Jones is a classic example of a malignant narcissist. One could argue that his paranoia was primarily stimulant-induced, but I think he had these traits beforehand. I don’t necessarily agree with the soft application of these terms being applied to the general public. I think that unless it’s problematic, it’s not good practice to attach these terms to average “troubled” people.
@bokhans3 жыл бұрын
Why look to history, you have had a guy on you tv screen every single day since 2016 with all these conditions! You never noticed?
@jessiehermit95033 жыл бұрын
I think Jim Jones was more Borderline Personality Disorder mixed with Sociopathy. He was narcissistic, sure, but it sure wasn't his main trait, IMO. And honestly, for pastors like him, I'd say a form of codependency, as well. They really view their congregations as their surrogate family members.
@vice2versa3 жыл бұрын
@@jessiehermit9503 why do you think borderline personality disorder???
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
Thank you for putting out this video! This is very helpful in mapping out what seem like overlapping concepts. I'm very curious to hear your thoughts on Sam Vaknin and the movie "I Psychopath". He's always described himself as a "malignant narcissist," however in the documentary he is diagnosed as a "psychopath". He still continues to align himself with the whole narcissism movement and describes himself as the ultimate authority on narcissism. The film calls out his questionable credentials, and he seems to have no credentials other then being a diagnosed narcissist. In the film he bullies the filmmaker, and you can see the egosyntonic sadism at work. I found it fascinating. I would love to hear your take and if you believe Sam fits into the construct of malignant narcissism, or is altogether a fraudulent psychopath.
@kam04065 жыл бұрын
I think Vaknin has gone a long way in "getting the word out" on narcissism. I see his work as a force for good. I would appreciate Dr. Grande's view on this!
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
@@kam0406 have you seen the film "I Psychopath"? After seeing this, my views of Vaknin completely changed. To me, it exposed him as a self-aggrandizing fraud. I'm going to try to find it and post it so that others who haven't seen it can view and share their thoughts. I'm very interested to know what others think.
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
I can't seem to find the whole version in one single video, but you can find it in AJ Mahari's playlist. I'm also interested to hear what others think of her. She talks a lot about BPD, and while I find her ramblings and musings almost unwatchable, she does have some interesting insight. kzbin.info/aero/PLWUX3nj1ua2eFvSu7TK18VJfHw28vGfzB
@misse71545 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande, I'm also dying to know how and what has changed your attitude towards "narcissistic abuse". You seem to have one an almost 180 on this and have embraced the term. Would you be willing to share what changed your views and also how this fits in the context of both narcissism and psychopathy? What I find fascinating about "I Psychopath" is that you see "narcissistic abuse" unfolding before your eyes, and the effects it has on the filmmaker.
@kam04065 жыл бұрын
@@misse7154 I just watched it! Like you,it completely changed the way I think about Sam Vaknin. I now see how dangerous he is and have insight into how he ended up in prison. I feel the film was probably not everything it should have been, but can understand the director needed to cut things short for his own mental well being. Sam Vaknin shows just how scary he can be. I really hope the Dr (who actually IS a well trained professional and has a REAL degree) weighs in on the film and on Sam Vaknin.
@treasuretrovel38165 жыл бұрын
Wonderful, detailed, insightful explanation of the spectrum of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Thank you for making this video.
@DeniseCheungHernande Жыл бұрын
You have described meticulously my mother. Every time I cook a nice dinner for us, my mother will find anything to criticize even it’s not there…too this or too that. She then acts to fix whatever her claim is there. I know she really intends to deny my efforts by putting it down, by not approving. She let me know of her demands but she also make their goals unreachable. I have heard of an analogy of the trap playing a slot machine: one keeps trying because one never knows when the reward will come. That is precisely what it feels like in one sense. Except with mother, there is also a sense of not good enough for my mother. Such things just don’t stop there. She will bring the same criticism as a cautionary comment or observation on the next time I cook the same thing, even though the problem was never there to begin with. This is just one exemple of her expectations of me. She does not stick with facts, her stories can change just to make her point. SHE NEVER BACKS DOWN.
@jasongeringer4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Grande, you do humanity great service
@SophieBird075 жыл бұрын
Your mind amazes me! I’m going to have to watch this again, several times over.
@DiamondCutter4235 жыл бұрын
Amazing insights. Very helpful for my understanding of the narssisist, especially the malignant type. Thank you.
@ForevermoreVibe5 жыл бұрын
My husband did this - to maximise effect, I believe. He was driving a long country road, I was in the passenger seat. Suddenly he stopped conversing and focusing on the rear vision mirror - for far too long, so that it was rather obvious to me. I went quiet because he had stopped talking, so I just looked out the window. After nearly a kilometre he was still not talking and focusing hard on the rear vision mirror, so I wondered to myself what he was looking at that would make him go so quiet suddenly and absolutely ignore me when I thought we were getting along OK. He did not hide whatsoever that he was staring hard and it was so noticeable to myself, so I just shut up and didn't ask what was behind us as I didn't know how to handle the sudden flicking me off while something else had his attention, obviously. When he came to a cross road where we could only turn left or right (we were meant to go right) - he very suddenly jerked the car to the left and jerked it again to the left to take us right off the road while going the wrong way - the road signs were also really clear. All the while (for the length of the kilometre drive) he was silent (I worked out afterwards it was for effect). As we sat on the side of the road, and I was shocked by the double jerking of the car, a car passed us that had come from behind. There was a woman driving with the roof down and her hair flowing in the wind. Well, she had come from behind us - so that is what he had been focusing on. What did my husband do then? Well, without comment or explaining to me what had happened he simply turned the car around and went the way we were supposed to have gone in the first place. He never made a single comment like "oops I made a wrong turn". He just let me absorb what happened, and remained silent as we travelled further. I was more puzzled by the silence and lack of acknowledging that he went the wrong way. I also did not make a comment but eventually of course I felt the need to say something mundane just to get conversation going again. This is several years afterwards and to this day it disturbs me to think about it as I remember other weird incidents like that.
@thatdarnkitteh Жыл бұрын
I know people who have many of these traits. It's creepy how this video lists traits and behaviours I hadn't even considered in those people before but they have them! Those examples of behaviour are spot on.
@annier68353 жыл бұрын
An amazingly good analysis - Dr Grande explains complicated constructs so well. Narcissistic disorders and personalities can be so confusing as many aspects overlay each other or have varied intensities. I feel that carefully observing the Why of the behaviours - the real and underlying intent - is helpful for my understanding. It can be difficult to really fathom these disorders because well-meaning people have empathy but they simply cannot relate to the utter viciousness and “evil” intent involved here?