Can a Narcissist Love Others? | Love Bombing & Triangular Theory of Love

[@zarah2856]

"at least when you're talking to your coffee table, it's not thinking about how it's going to run off to Hollywood with your neighbours spouse and star in it's own sitcom" 😂⭐

[@karenrobargemacon68]

That's why I appreciate my coffee table so much!!!! 😆

[@Victoriousniki]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@peccantis]

Absolutely true. A reclining chair would be far more likely to have fantasies about starring in its own... sitcom.

[@magusvega5682]

😂😂

[@sherriflemming3218]

😂

[@Zamstein]

From my experience... if a narcissist truly loves you, they will punish you for it.

[@johnpaul5474]

That's an interesting point, "R Z." I've read that envy is an essential part of a narcissist's kit bag or tool kit. And envy is probably their deformed version of love.

[@johnpaul5474]

@Ben Hackett Yeah, they seem to be, as far as I can tell, mostly about power and control, domination and subordination. They're full of self-destructive energy that they turn outwards in order to save themselves from themselves. "They don't know what love is." Without empathy, what love is possible?

[@virginiafonacier8795]

Everything here is so true.I've been there.Nothing inside them only evil intentions. Liars!Pretenders etc.

[@johnpaul5474]

@@virginiafonacier8795 They repress their worst feelings about themselves and, unconsciously, try to make you feel those feelings instead.

[@mintberrycrunch4333]

@@johnpaul5474 is there a difference between the way an overt and covert narcissist treat their partner? Is there hope if they have low trait psychopathy?

[@mimikim2112]

narcissists consider people as objects, so that’s how far they can “love”. like a sports car they really wanted but eventually got bored in few months.

[@nd8610]

Mimi: I believe you.

[@nd8610]

@@RN-gx7wt Who knows when you are taken for a fool and you are already committed. I for one hate that feeling. They can probably commit crimes behinď our backs, skipping work but doing heinous things to women especially. They say they are close to being psychopaths

[@nd8610]

Mimi: Think about this though: if they get bored it's good for us only if they LEAVE; we can get over being duped. But some will not leave. When we (i am guilty of that) keep giving them so many chances that's when it truelly sucks for us. I see that they gain entitlement that makes them think we are going to forgive all the time and we have a hard time getting rid of them.

[@nd8610]

@@RN-gx7wt That's the whole truth and nothing BUT the truth! Great to read your input RN !

[@vikkipollard2638]

...More like they decide they hate the sports car - it's the wrong colour, and they would rather have a Lexus to drive into a ditch.

[@truthteller8872]

From my experience, they don't respect if you do love them, don't respect you if you don't love them. Extremely tiresome. Thank you Dr. Grande.

[@britegrl03]

This is the perfect summary of my marriage.

[@GrumpyMeow-Meow]

As Woody Allen said, “I wouldn’t belong to any club that would have me for a member.”

[@jenma9377]

😨

[@lala1119]

This is exactly my experience. From the very beginning I had the feeling that if I slept with him, he would.lose any respect(in case of narc it's not respect but rather fear) for me. So I stepped back even though I was infatuated after the love bombing phase. It's a sad feeling, when you have no idea what is wrong with the person, though their facade is fine and it takes time to realize that it wasn't a "special connection " that you shared, just a targeted manipulation

[@tobsternater]

absolutely

[@OnsceneDC]

As the great Haddaway once said "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

[@OnsceneDC]

You're welcome ;) kzbin.info/www/bejne/joHQc6GkpNNje80

[@rosiellagrace]

You win the internet today. 😹😹

[@OnsceneDC]

@@rosiellagrace LOL!

[@DeadRedLipBombshellHutto]

😭😂😂😂😂😂👌👍

[@2legit2Kwit]

Love that song

[@twiggy1415]

Narcs can appear to love if the victim is useful! They are too self absorbed for love. Class video Dr Grande. You explain things clearly, iam just cynical when it comes to narcissists. They have nearly destroyed my life!

[@lisaaburumman7088]

The statement that you made about narcissism and self love was quite elegant. Self love without self reflection is truly empty love.

[@johnschlottman619]

Ooo! That's a good one.

[@uselogic117]

more triangle theory! this should've been taught in school so people could avoid dangerous relationships and wasting precious time.

[@johnschlottman619]

Well... as Dr. Grande points out, it is a rather flawed theory... he didn't feel completely comfortable using it, but pretty much had to for lack of a better alternative framework. That is the feeling I got.

[@Lenastar23]

i actually did learn it in school. (it did not help me lol)

[@keyo3316]

I dodged a Narcissist recently. No matter how many times I told him I was not looking for a relationship he kept trying to persuade me. He'd call 3 times a day, Ignore things that I said were important to me, and even told me I "needed" a boyfriend. He'd get angry every time I turned down his advances or wouldn't divulge personal information to him. He'd play passive-aggressive to try to make me jealous. All of this in the span of a week of meeting him. I finally told him one last time I was not interested and blocked him. If it were not for these videos I would have not known what to look for. Thanks Dr. Grande.

[@egrace3738]

Yes! Another person saved !

[@keyo3316]

@@Mike-ss1sc somebody tried to call you 30 times in one day?! That's obsessive. Yeah, I got kind of lucky.

[@ecasey91]

Oh thank God 🙏🏻 saving lives Dr. Grande

[@eyeamme1917]

Talking to a narcissist = talking to a piece of furniture... Spot on 💙.

[@captaint1180]

Or a brick wall…

[@eweksi]

Yes. One sign something is not right is when you attempt to have face to face conversation and it goes nowhere. It was so weird for me. Like my words were echoing in empty void space. 😮

[@sherriflemming3218]

The brick wall fits as well.

[@chillywilly4126]

They fall in love with their projection of who they need/want you to be. You are never allowed to change/grow as a person from the narcissist projection. If you do, they get rid of you. They can’t love the real you.

[@IsabellaPiesch]

They don´t even want to get to know the real you. They use your abilities (what you can do for them)... And they even underestimate you a lot...

[@FunUrth4All]

They don't love themselves. No one can love others unless they love themselves. Their idea of love is not real.

[@honoryourself2098]

And the prize for dead pan delivery of hilarious jokes goes Dr Grande haha

[@deak1deak1]

😂😂😂😂

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Love it 2!

[@nd8610]

Honor yourself: I just don't get it. Feel free to elaborate .

[@valerieh.708]

@@nd8610 When he demonstrated how you might get more intimacy from talking to furniture than the Narc.

[@SHEDEVILWASHERE]

I love Dr. Grande. And, im pretty sure I'm not a narcissist. Will you marry me? Wait two weeks and then answer so we won't be rushing in. **steals a cheek kiss and runs really fast in the opposite direction**

[@joycemarie5495]

I wish I had access to your videos when I was being “love bombed”. I understand now what was happening, but at the time it was overwhelming and confusing. I was always uncomfortable with the never ending gifts and was made to feel as if I was being ungrateful because I would ask him to stop....I am happy that you are able to help offer your wisdom and guidance so that others can avoid be a victim of “love bombing” and hopefully avoid getting into a relationship with a Narcissist. Thanks again for an informative video.

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome!

[@nd8610]

I agree and that info wasn't easily attainable to us in the past to be able to look for the signs of Narcissistic behavior in partners, etc. And I am also thankful for Dr. Grande '

[@valerieh.708]

This is a topic that could use more videos. People explain the love bombing but rarely help us navigate the complex feelings we get, as you explained. You feel ungrateful for gifts, which seems wrong to feel, even though your inner voice is correct. It's quite the mind-F, and too many times the videos deal with this issue from the narc perspective rather than the victim perspective.

[@victoriousjoy9338]

Me too!

[@carolnahigian9518]

Me too ! the gift that keeps on giving-4 adult children taught to dislike me ( ouch!). Ongoing Grief

[@jenniferwills3095]

I have always wondered why my ex narc doesnt love his own daughters. They are in their twenties and have declared complete independence from him because of his cruelty. I cannot imagine how he diesnt ache to see them and miss them. This explains a lot. Thank you so much for your guidance and putting this informatio. out there. It is super helpful!!

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

My dad left 3 lots of children, without a backward glance.

[@toweypat]

What a shame. Your ex is missing out on so much!

[@aroojaziz]

You are lucky, he didn’t love them. Because their love comes with pain. My husband was sexually abusing my daughters for 10 years. They don’t have any sense and respect of any relationship. They are just self centred.

[@PrivateAckbar]

This is why I find Tony Sopranos anxiety hard to believe. I don't think a narcissist would empathise with the effect criminality is having on their kids development. If they did process the fact that they're losing their family they would feel insulted and angry, not anxious or guilty.

[@aroojaziz]

@Welcome's House I tried dear. He was in remand for a week then he bribed $30,000 to the police & police closed the case. I went to anti corruption. The officer told me clearly that my husband used a big fish to bribe so I can bring a bigger fish then they can catch him. All the medical reports, social welfare reports were in my favour but I lost from the police. Then I went to domestic violence special branch, they asked me to file for public prosecution. I didn’t proceed because if he could buy the police then he could buy government lawyers as well. Anyway I won the temporary custody & now fighting for permanent custody for past 4 years.

[@larrytruelove7112]

The trouble is that I see these tendencies in everyone I know, including myself. Seeking intimacy, connection and commitment but having difficulty in establishing it. Finally, the other person decides there was never sincerity in the first place and they walk away. Really, there’s a need to work on the relationship and to become less selfish. Selfishness is something that we try to cleanse from ourselves but never quite achieving it.

[@BeckBeckGo]

Don’t be too hard on yourself and others. We’re all kind of selfish to an extent. And I think when it comes to love we’re all at least a little idealistic too. It’s ok to fall into a boring routine of just being together, even if it’s not as exciting as the more stressful stuff. I love the boring routine stuff. That feels so special to me. Like “now we’re family.”

[@iamlight1]

A narcissist says: "I love you" in the same way they say: "i love my car".

[@GR-gq1us]

Not true, they will say it in a more "loving and enthusiastic way" when referring to their cars

[@alizaaksheikh]

My narcs loved his car more, he discarded me in 2 months and its been years and he didnt discarded his car yer

[@BeckBeckGo]

Unless you are that guy who fell in love with, and was sexually attracted to his car.

[@BeckBeckGo]

@@alizaaksheikh you mean he drives an old car? Not a new car? Omg…. Somebody tell him!

[@iamlight1]

@@BeckBeckGo are you putting love with sexual attraction together as the same?

[@cubanelly]

We need to be carefull because furniture may be offended by the comparison😄😄

[@kerensegevnoy]

LOL!!!!!!!!!

[@sibelsavas6741]

😅

[@aroojaziz]

During my marriage of 18 years with a narcissist, I used to feel like a doormat, because he used to treat me like one.

[@hildesolstraleaksnes8390]

The best I have heard this year 😂 That's why I have said it feels like talking to a picture.

[@nd612]

The furniture will be jealous of you because the Narcissist thinks of you as as an object and the furniture does have a status name. You and I are not considered as human beings by the Narcissist because they are monsters and there is nothing good inside of them and their brain is full of sick perpetrator ways and they have bad intentions and cannot stop. We have to laugh at the Narcissist because they are not worthy of our spite. Just don't piss us off and they will be alright. I speak for myself.

[@youtubeKathy]

9:00 is a piece of furniture a good listener? absolutely.

[@BeckBeckGo]

You know the best listeners in the world? Dogs. They sit there with you. You know they’re listening. They may not understand what you’re really saying, but they know you need an ear. And they’re just like “well… I can’t do much right now. But I’m here with you. I’ll lean against you and try to make you feel like we’re in this together. I’m not going anywhere.” Dogs are amazing. When someone needs me, I’ve learned to try to be like dog. Just be there. It means so much.

[@ghanamother6139]

Good video Dr. G.... Narcs are the Great Pretenders of our time.

[@DrGrande]

Thank you

[@divinekate]

Someone should round them up for Hollywood, they need actors anyways ..

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

If they're NOT loving everyone within a 10-ft. radius, but choosing a target and violating a boundary, maybe they are more love-snipers than love bombers...? ☻

[@iaindcosta]

You got it! I have never been comfortable with that phrase (love bombing) Love Sniping it is!

[@ThangNguyen-kk1wh]

When a Sniper hit you after you fell down and emptying the magazine of 24 bullets....it's Love Bombing !!!😂😭

[@HealthClubUSA]

TUCK- has the most underrated comment ever, 100% insightful.

[@BeckBeckGo]

I love-snipe this comment!

[@BeckBeckGo]

@@SailorSabol yeah this was really clever!

[@stars_for_night_lights]

They are incapable of true love and of unconditional love. Their form of love is contingent upon what you can do for them, or what you can offer them, including being a whipping board - something you unwittingly become. If you don't have anything to offer, and don't stand for their abuse, they have zero use for you. Save yourself and go no contact ASAP. It's the only way you can reclaim your life and the only chance you'll have of freedom and true happiness Don't walk....RUN! 💜🙏

[@Rahel8811]

The love bombing felt icky and not real, there was always a bad underlying bad feeling resonating.

[@kerensegevnoy]

Rahel T Rocca and still we stay till the bitter end. How crazy of us

[@nd8610]

Rachel, it's hard but I will tell you and others this; Eventually we don't fall for it. Eventually it doesn't make us angry how they act. Eventually it just won't bother us anymore what they say. Believe what I tell you. We can't live for how others treat us. And for it has no concern or barring on us. We begin to know. The hardest part is not knowing who we were dealing with in the first place.

[@nd8610]

Rachel: You are so right. We feel these things. And we know the gifts or overly doing it is not sincere. It's a lie. Not that we don't deserve but we know when something is not right and we pinpoint the fact that It is their "intentions." Their intentions are untrue

[@really5453]

@@kerensegevnoy It's real easy to do when they give you what you're missing.

[@ladybluelotus]

Yes, indeed. It felt very icky 😷, uncomfortable and disingenuous. I also noticed that he made a big display of his gift-giving, and always public. As if it was more for the audience than me. The whole situation made public displays of affection very uncomfortable for me.

[@Catssandra13]

Thanks Dr. Grande. Just wish that you and your videos had been around a while back, definitely might have changed the choices I made, and saved me (and my family) lots of pain. Knowledge is power, thanks for sharing yours with us.

[@elenigros]

“Interestingly the feeling of being special or unique is one of the symptoms of NPD”...subtle!

[@if-not-now]

“It’s a lot like talking to a piece of furniture” he says

[@nd8610]

Zachary: I liked that comment from Dr. Grande. What a good saying about "these difficult that pay no mind what they do to others missing a whole lot of required fundamentals to have feelings for others reactions to their abuse or even how to bring any joy to anyone cause they're only in for them selves 100%..

[@aroojaziz]

Trust me that’s exactly how it is. They don’t have feelings.

[@joywebster2678]

Empty love is a perfect description. The narc in my life keeps re iterating how committed he is to helping me and being there for me. Yet he is abusive and absent and all things narc. Any love bombing is horrid attempts for sexual favor, and that doesn't happen. Plus he can't wait to list all that is wrong with me. I pray for a way out of this stuck situation.

[@TeaWithKeiTV]

Did you make it out? How are you?

[@johnschlottman619]

You are their objectified toy

[@dahliafiend]

I will ALWAYS be there for you. Two weeks later she was with another man. I went through cancer shortly after and never saw her once.

[@jeanetteyork2582]

Answer to the question: no. Under no circumstances, happy or sad, good or bad times, rich or poor, no. My source: experience.

[@dannandaeterra]

My coffee table did run off with my neighbor's spouse. It's starring in a soap opera. "As the Table Turns."

[@sarahangeleski2027]

What I find strangely missing in these definitions of love is the element of caring. While, in my experience, narcissists may occasionally care for their partner or child, they're either incapable of sustained caring or are unwilling to engage in caring.

[@johnschlottman619]

Yes, what you mention goes right to the core of love; this current 'triangulation' framing seems to me to accent tangiental things... ostensibly 'measurable' things, but off.

[@jenilynneful]

Yep

[@sherriflemming3218]

Exactly

[@traceyg2703]

I can't describe the revelation and relief I felt when I learned that love bombing was a thing that someone else besides my self had fallen for! It still amazes me that this bizarre behavior works on so many people, ( even though I consider myself savvy enough, I still somehow let this happen ). It was a combination of lies and inappropriate adoration from the person that sucked me in, but thankfully I withdrew from the relationship and blocked him before more emotional damage could occur. Videos like this one are crucial to the education and self preservation of the gullible ones like me who might not be fully aware of these kind of manipulation tactics.

[@mountainmermaid8]

Could you do a video on the narcissist as a friend, maybe including both types, grandiose and vulnerable? I may have asked this before. Thank you and I love your work.

[@DrGrande]

Excellent idea- I will add it to the production list- thank you!

[@debsabatino311]

Add co worker!

[@notagain779]

@Nikki Dee , I understand your situation, very much like mine. I have been called accommodating and conciliatory. Part of it is how I was raised. To be agreeable and not rock the boat. I'm not sure it has anything to do with self esteem, though. I think my esteem for myself is somewhere in the middle. A "friend" who love bombed me, was a real motormouth. Most people avoided her, but I thought she was funny, and I enjoyed the attention. Part of it was that, as an introvert myself, I didn't ever have to worry about there being any silences. She took care of that every time! It took about a year for me to start to wonder about her. I knew she wasn't all what she appeared to be, and the attention she gave me was there to get an expected payoff.

[@LuciaInman]

@@DrGrande I'd love to see that one

[@meera2531]

Also ASPD friends and colleagues. Though I can recognize them now but they can pass under the radar for years if you don't know the signs.

[@mariarivero9567]

Brilliant analysis that provides a solid framework for assessing the health of intimate relationships. Your depiction how it feels to not have intimacy is amusing and at the same time remarkably accurate. With my covert narcissist ex, it often felt exactly like I was talking to a piece of furniture. It got to the point where he had walled off so many topics of discussion related to anything real about our relationship, that the only thing left for me to do was to let him mentally masturbate about his petty intellectual preoccupations. Death to intimacy. Death to love. I find your ability to conceptualize highly subjective emotional topics with significant subconscious aspects quite remarkable. Its a gift! Keep up the great work Dr. Grande!

[@doge2415]

I love how Dr. Todd did an amazing job of explaining the question of "can a narcissist love?" In detail, in a simple way.

[@BeKazzled77]

''...if you disagree with me, put a comment below...'' Nope, yet again another brilliant video. Agree with you on all points. Thank you again for producing such great, helpful content. And big love from Australia!

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

😘 Thank you Dr Grande! Incredibly interesting vlog, to say the least! A snapshot of something I've experienced; A person with high trait narcissism, will fool you into believing that their lustful passion is both intimacy & passion... Fooled, due to our own desires for connectivity & our faith in beautiful hearts!! Learning ourselves, our weaknesses... is our greatest defense!

[@nd8610]

Donna, I totally think they are con people. I haven't heard that yet from these videos but I've come to that conclusion with this man.

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

@@nd8610 Sadly, I feel some are con people too! They know they have a deficit in areas yet they continue to weave their way into people... never willing to get therapy on what they know isn't normal. Some are even worse than this.. they believe their own bs. But these are my drawn opinions, from life... Dr Grande is wonderful at teaching the in's & outs. 😊

[@nd8610]

@@serendipitous_synchronicity Thank you for your reply and your insight. And I'm glad to see you understand . It's hard to explain these difficult people. And some people just won't understand. Especially if they have not dealt with this kind of person

[@reeshot]

The furniture analogy was really humorous. Nice! Good work, Dr. Grande.

[@Vixinaful]

Ohohoho "Is it better to talk to the furniture? In a sense, yes!" lol Gotta LOVE Grande.

[@closetpsychologist4027]

I think its great you have gotten so popular, Dr. G. You do a great job on all of the subjects you cover. My dad is an INTP and retired attorney. Psychology was sort of a hobby of his. You remind me of a young version of him. Thanks for the useful information that help people sift through relationships and find the good ones.

[@elisealgernon7705]

"It's a lot like talking with a piece of furniture. Is a piece of furniture a good listener? Sure. Is it satisfying talking with a piece of furniture? Not really. In a lot of ways, it's still better than talking with a narcissist (at least in the sense of trying to obtain intimacy) - because at least when you’re talking with your coffee table, it’s not thinking of running off with your neighbor’s spouse and starring in their own sitcom" ^^Gotta love Dr. Grande’s sense of humor! Also, I found the detailed descriptions of love very helpful on many levels -- so thank you for making this!

[@michellemiliti3720]

'...an empty love for themselves.' Excellent connection, Dr. Grande!

[@alibre4484]

I believe we fall out of love mainly because of the poor choices in partners we choose. TY for your videos.

[@BeckBeckGo]

Yeah maybe. I think a lot of people settle though. Like neither person is bad or toxic or abusive or anything. But you just get into the routine of relying on each other. Which isn’t always terrible.

[@oxxy6678]

@@BeckBeckGo idk if this is common but I think I almost seek out toxic behavior because I like the push back, I find it exciting. In my current relationship i am bouta leave because my partner is so agreeable. I never fight with a girl but I love when girls have a shit ton of personality and flair because it's interesting since I have a very socially dominany personality. Might be because my 2nd relationship when I was 14 was with a super toxic girl who I still talk to years later, we would have this amazing chemistry but we would go through periods of totally disliking eachother and trying to make eachother jealous with other partners, and then breaking up with the partners and getting back together. It was honestly an intoxicating cycle, think I am maybe somewhat toxic myself.

[@johnschlottman619]

5:30 You hit the nail on the head with 'empty love' - 'love' always has to do with emotion; 'habit' relates at best tangentially. Something tells me 'commitment' may have little directly to do with love at all. I am with someone now such that 'commitment' isn't an issue: it is just basically an automatic component from time / experience together. Not a concern: not at all even allowing 'dependent'. Nothing that one throws in the face of the other. Never a source of either of us 'feeling trapped', or obliged to do something distasteful 'just because'. Without thinking the following through too much, 'commitment' seems like something that, when considered a factor, just tends to degenerate into dependency + problems / whatever / 'love' fades. Narcissists / 'psychos' generally seem to really love the old 'marriage' thing. For seemingly disparate, bizarre reasons, that actually are not: they all seem to trace back to 'ease of access to victim (and their resources, psychological energy, entertainment value, whatever)'. 'I pulled off a major con, haha! Look at me!' Maybe I even get to keep the title of 'princess'. If royal title not available, alimony / kids I may play with like a cat with mice will do. Missing in the 'love model' there is the 'wanting the best for the other person, even if that would be without me.' That, to me, is the giveaway if it is love or not. I feel that way about her, have to hope she feels that way about me. Indeed, I am 'vulnerable' - and wouldn't want it - can't accept it - any other way. The model in use is flawed. You - or someone - can certainly come up with a much better one.something tells me 'commitment' has little to do with love at all;

[@davidthomspson9771]

In my experience yes she can love very well.While I was sleeping she was 'loving' her ex boyfriend down by the lakeside.🤪

[@davidthomspson9771]

I can laugh about it now....never hold in anger or resentment.Let it go.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Haha thats great that you have let it go.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

So sorry -- that's awful! But your approach to it, with some distance, is healthy -- and funny! 😉

[@eagleeye2300]

They are truly pigs, (sorry, to actual pigs of the animal variety...)

[@burntblonde2925]

Well said!

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

I know where the idea of unconditional love came from. It is a wish! The child that has been immensely criticized wishes someone love them just the way they are. Because they didn't have that sense of acceptance growing up. I sense people put too much emphasis on feelings nowadays. It takes much more than feelings to make a partnership work, don't you agree??

[@IsabellaPiesch]

It take emotional empathy and narcissists don´t have that. So if you don´t understand and feel the other person you can´t love him/her. There is simple no chance at all.

[@ichdu7310]

Wonderful humor in this talk, thanks a lot not only for the content but for the humor as well !

[@rodmorrison6644]

Thank you for helping me understand the variables within what can be discribed or taken for "love", and how we can get pulled into relationships with narcisstic people. We look for complete love, but the prideful, self centered attributes get in the way.

[@Soothsayer937]

I have learned to consider how a person defines love because many people have told me they loved me but very little of that "love" offered me comfort, hope, stability, or anything substantial.

[@Clueless2019]

Yes! "Let's be careful when comparing furniture to narcissists" As always, i appreciate your dose of humor. 😂

[@jessemusliu1738]

I wish I watched this video over thirty years ago when I married a narcissist . I knew she was self centered and narcissist but I thought she will get over because I loved her so much. We raised 4 kids and I worked seven days a week to give her all the things she wanted. She could never hold a job. While I worked she turned my kids against me. One day After my youngest daughters wedding she ended our marriage and threw me out the house like we never existed as a couple . She did this via texting .

[@yugaprs]

i'm sorry to hear that buddy

[@CBRRR-eh3ky]

Horrible horrible horrible. But I am glad you were able to write this which means you are still alive. Believe it or not, you are strong & eventually you will be better. Karma is a B & narcissists are not an exception to that. I know you are not a vengeful person but watch ans see the boomerang effect.

[@OnsceneDC]

Dr. Grande- Thank you as always for your passion, intimacy of knowledge, and commitment on this topic! I would love to hear you apply the same construct to BPD and psychopathology, and the areas that overlap and differ.

[@DrGrande]

Excellent idea - I will add it to the production list - thank you 🙂

[@OnsceneDC]

@@DrGrande Yay! When you were discussing the "triangular theory" I thought you were going to talk about triangulation. I guess this is more of a "manipulation tactic" that I think you've addressed in the past, but is another hallmark of narcissistic romantic relationships that I find very interesting and likely other viewers do as well.

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

The coffee table analogy was the best:)) I like your sense of humor! Very interesting definition of love. Thank you again Dr. Grande for another lovely video!

[@octoberskye1049]

IME, the 'love' of a Narcissist is ultimately a form of objectification. You are an acquisition. Oh yes, they *adore* infatuation. Liking you? As long as you're perceived as 'useful'. Not that it's YOU they like. They'll ask you to marry them -- there is a 'because'. They'll say: 'Because I love you.' Don't give an answer, other than: 'Give me time to consider this.' They won't like it, but distance yourself emotionally and think about the situation. REALLY think about it. Narcissists depend on *your* loyalty and trust. Passion fades quickly and you'll cease to be the amazing novelty in their lives. You'll become the Caretaker. The cook. The property manager. The third wheel. 🙄😬🙁

[@sherriflemming3218]

That sums it up well.

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Oh my God! This is the best analysis of love, I have heard so far. You have certainly overdone yourself Dr. Grande! I got so many questions answered. I did so much research on love. Never found such clear understanding of it. I suggest you call this video, in addition to it's original title. "The definition of love" I really enjoyed this video 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@nd8610]

To: 'Oh my GOD' comment of the mysterious one's name with your not so not wanted to be known hand writing. But to FLOWER BOUQUET in the pot: This is just the beginning of the knowledge we need to know. Yes Grande knows how to relate to us to make this education he is giving us, easy to comprehend. Thanks Dr. Grande !

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

N D A lot noticed by a simple comment. You read people well

[@MrBoogie]

Coffee table? Really? OK. That's what you get trying to figure something out about your narcissism and your (un)ability to love people around you. Really deep and empathetic, thanks a lot, doctor :-)

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

Does Dr. Grande love (the construct of) narcissism? In a way, yes. He has intimate knowledge of it and also a strong commitment to this topic. Sometimes he seems to have a kind of negative passion towards narcissism, too. He clearly uses it to gain attention. When I came to this channel (that I love) I felt and thought, I was a victim of narcissists. I still think so, but I often feel I have to protect them from the mob. What a change you have brought out in me. This is just an observation I made, Dr. Grande. Have a nice day and don't work too much. You will love your health, once you have lost it. ❤

[@ginnydougan9664]

When I was with the Narcissist and I met that person for the first time He actually told me not to fall in love with him and that they did not want to be in a romantic relationship. The Narc had been married two times and divorced two times and the Narc told me because they cheated on him but I found out that it was the other way around which I believe. I fell in love with the Narc and they questioned why I cared so much and I told him that I felt there was a good person inside of that body that needed to come out but that he wouldn't allow it to do that. They liked living the way they were.. I finally had to walk away because from what I understand they got involved with someone else. I don't want anything else to do with this Narc. NO CONTACT. I am slowly healing. Thank God.

[@guillermovillarreal8093]

I agree with this video. Just not aware that a narcissist . has potential to love at all.

[@zbytpewny]

Spectrum, not binary.

[@miminekevots7002]

Such a smart doctor. Thanks again Dr. Grande!

[@Keekonuts]

You are an incredible thinker....

[@heathafeatha136]

I really appreciate you, Dr. Grande. You do a wonderful job of explaining the ins and outs of NPD and Narcissitic pathology. I was pretty lost before stumbling on your channel but am now clearly seeing the patterns and manipulations i was experiencing in my last relationship and i can't tell you how grateful i am for the resource you provide to all of us seeking clarity and healing.

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome 🙂

[@2kruimels]

Dr Todd! Thank you again. Having had a N mother, the word "love," has always been a mystery to me, leaving me with countless questions. What is love....how does it feel...does it exist...am I able to love...is it my fault my son is N........etc....etc.????????? I searched in hundreds of self help books but never felt answered until now. Your simple explanation makes complete sense. It is not only the one wondrous fairy tale we are led to believe, but a multifaceted form of caring for and liking someone else, being either "complete" or " incomple,te". I will watch this video again to let it sink in even deeper as for me it is a life changer, both in the understanding of my own feelings as well as those of others. It would be interesting to also understand hate broken down in the same way! God bless you for sharing your knowlegde.

[@Rachaelshaw7]

Is a piece of furniture a good listener? Absolutely. {In a lot of ways it's a lot better than talking to a narcissist especially if you're seeking intimacy} GOLD 🥇

[@ClaLu]

😂😂 Furniture rocks!! ❤ So true, that coffee table can be better company that a narcissist any day 😅

[@susansaunders249]

I think that, using the simple definition that love is to honestly want what’s best for another person even if that isn’t you, then it becomes obvious that a narcissist can’t really love anyone else

[@jodis3783]

I really enjoyed this video and would like to see more videos about the triangular theory of love and how it affects normal relationships when one or more components are missing. Fascinating topic! Thank you, Dr. Grande, for making such interesting videos!

[@julhowechannel203]

Great furniture analogy! I don't care what they say. Dr. Grande has a good sense of humor.

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

As soon as the notification came, I poured a cup of tea and started watching this video. The coffee table analogy is gold 🏆 Thank you, Dr. Grande, for adding nuance to this topic. I’m going to share this on Twitter ♻️

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much!

[@maryfisher6569]

Great analogogy, I agree. A coffee table.🤔

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

Kathleen Smith I love how Dr. Grande’s humor sneaks up on you 😆 NPD is a heavy topic so it’s always a nice surprise.

[@maryfisher6569]

Yes, it is a breath of fresh air and we see his little sweet smirk. 😉

[@sherriflemming3218]

Love the coffee table analogy

[@sonnyca]

You had me at the “Definition of Love.” Would like to hear your thoughts on “The Meaning of Life” 🤔

[@cherriegreen7447]

I believe the meaning of life is bound with each other because how could we really bring bond without reaching out in tragedy, loss, laughter and happiness.Being connect and growing, learning and trying to be the best we can. Open mindedness, knowledge and reflection on our own faults.

[@lettie1569]

I remember feeling overwhelmed and suffocated with the love bombing. A lot of my chores and things I had to do after work were neglected. But I couldn’t stop, had a hard time saying “not today”. Then the narc moved to my town to be near me, and when the love bombing wore off, he would spend almost the entire week without seeing me, and that living 5 minutes away from me. While during the love bombing, he would drive 45 minutes/1 hour everyday back and forth just to see me for 1 hour.

[@amanda2488]

Wow, I was just thinking about requesting this video! Thank you again for great content (like always).

[@birdhansen]

Thank you ,I will share this with my daughter.She is almost 50, suddenly she is love bombed .Way to quick.She is an empath,and religious.

[@AnimalsMatterMorally]

Wow, this is "What is Love 101." Useful in all contexts !

[@Ronnie86753]

Wow 🤯 you’re verbiage and breakdown degree is exceptional

[@meggallucci5300]

This is a really good video. The word love is often used but not defined. Dr. Grande defines love very well.

[@emmanewton1482]

High quality information I can rely on and am obsessed with watching and you can even add humour to these dry topics.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Great question that I have pondered lately! A Chair shure is a better listener and it will not turn your weakness/strength against you.

[@tobsternater]

🎉 Dr Grande...this is the BEST description of love and its capabilities from a love aspect I have ever heard. As you said....Psychology is a form of Philosophy...(science) that I didn't know....yet completely understood after this video. As well as this...the detail you you bring to talking about love and its components I've never EVER heard of from ANYWHERE else to date...and that has been a complete eye opener!! Your videos are always interesting....but this one regarding love and narcissism was outstanding in its complex completeness. The most detailed of ideas and content as I said as I've seen to date. Thankyou!!!! ❤🎉

[@lunarmystic9896]

Hey Todd this is fairly complex & is well thougjt out . Will study it 👏

[@philporter3045]

Hey doctor you have described my past relationship scarily when it comes to narcissism. It has helped me deconstuct and analise emotionally what happened in that crazy short relationship thank you very much i now have understanding and closure. Many people have been hurt by this person and that was my passing shot at them via messenger to which I got no reply because of guilt and maybe delusions of grandeur. Great stuff mate still watching 👍

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Thank you for this . It was very enlightening. I could not figure out my father's love, that fell way short for me. But now I understand. As a result I have not been intimate with myself. I am not aware of how to look with care to what I need. I look for the intimacy outward first. This is an important awareness for me. Thank you as well for your open mind to what others have to say.

[@ОльгаВоробьева-щ8ю]

Thanks a million, doc. What a deep and thoughtful investigation of the problem! You gave the best description of all kinds of love I ever heard on KZbin. Would you, please, make a video about the people with SPD in this context?

[@lisad1590]

Once again Dr Grande gives such awesome insight into the greatest mind f-- of all time. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know!

[@kathleenreardon7531]

Good job Dr. Grande. You are right on the mark. I definitely have received deeper love and commitment from my recliner than i ever did from my husband. My recliner and I have comfortably grown old together.

[@crystaljean522]

I found this extremely interesting and thought provoking, thank you. I always enjoy your unique perspective and in-depth descriptions. I could glean, absolutely, where my past relationship with a covert/shy narcissist fit into this 'charting'. I could also, interestingly, being what he turned out to be, place his parents (the infatuation love, quick to marriage and reproduce (sorry to sound so robotic!))into this 'chart', so to speak. Also a male friend of mine that I've seen very unhealthy and obsessive relational behavioral patterns with. Thanks again, I'll need to rewatch it for sure!

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much 🙂

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

Great video again! I love how you described this. Especially the bit with the coffee table 😂😂🤣

[@johnblanckenberg4772]

Very important for men to absorb. I know how confusing love bombing can be for a man who is not aware, having been subjected to bootycalls and texting.. Be on your guard brothers , and if you do enter, know the perils.

[@roxannahellgren3126]

Thank you dr Grande for this video. It gives so much insight and comfort when freeing oneself from a longterm narcisstistic relationship.

[@trishg8852]

Excellent explanation! This is the reality of it! Xo

[@darthvader78441]

I've been there and it's heartbreaking. I have recently met my ex narcissist and I see that person for who the really are. No love bombing this time.

[@pommie5093]

I think Hallmark needs to start a new line of cards-the coffee table relationship! Sorry, lol, loved that analogy. Thank you for another awesome video, Dr. Grande!!

[@Lh_757]

Listening to this information on narcissism,in my opinion we have to see our own qualities too,not just the qualities of other people who may have hurt us..etc

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

Contemplated responding publicly to an atypically unkind -- and rather bizarrely personal -- comment on this video the other day, but opted for trying to respond effectively to the commenter, first. Since that loop presumably has now closed, I just wanted to say here that... ...it appears -- based on the consistency of comments made by folks who seem to have followed Dr. G longer than I have -- that he is deeply appreciated for his professional expertise, personal compassion, clear boundaries, and dry humor! ☻ I trust that in your practice, you have encountered critique before from folks who struggle, Doc, but it seems pretty rare on this platform, and in light of how extreme this was (and the fact that you do seem to read comments to some extent), I just wanted to remind you how valuable this channel is to so many -- keep up your great work! 😉

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so very much - your kind encouragement is so very meaningful to me and helps me maintain perspective!!🙂

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

@@DrGrande No worries -- didn't you just pass 100,000 audience? Hit 104,944, and we'll all gather for a party at the 'Shoe! (Capacity of the "Horseshoe" stadium here at Ohio State, fyi...😏) Chin up....

[@johnpaul5474]

If I had studied "personality theory" in my younger years, when I had the opportunity, I would likely have saved myself plenty of trouble later in my life.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

I think this is an illusion. People understand their lifes in retrospective, but they have to live it forward. This is a huge difference.

[@johnpaul5474]

@@mrs.reluctant4095 Your "comment" sounded familiar, so I looked it up. Soren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, wrote "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." But the human mind and heart can move in every direction, sometimes at once. Regret and rumination, and even illusion (we should remind ourselves that illusion is a very real part of reality), have positive value and functions; in healthy measures, of course. (I can still see that textbook: royal blue with its title, "Personality Theory," in white. Hey, the joke's on me, I guess--I don't mind.) 😊

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@johnpaul5474 I haven't thought of Kierkegard, while I wrote this. As you can see, I haven't cited him, I used my own words, since this was about my personal experience. I do not really understand what you mean with "the human mind and heart can move in every direction". Time moves only in one direction. And I have no idea, what textbook you are talking of. There are many out there...

[@johnpaul5474]

@@mrs.reluctant4095 Some quotes are all around us and we pick them up unconsciously. Those words sounded familiar to me, and I'd heard them somewhere before, so I looked them up. We're all bombarded by media most of the time, and don't realize all or what we have in our minds. The Self, or the Soul, the deepest and most complete part of our awareness, is beyond space and time, which are mental "constructs," creations of the ego or the conscious mind. We are all much more than we know. One place to catch a glimpse of this is in dreams. The textbook was one I was assigned for a college course I never completed when I was about 20. Thanks for your "reply." Happy autumn.

[@maryfisher6569]

Great video! once again you have astounded us. Thank you.

[@thebestmarcela]

That was one of my favorite videos! So interesting!

[@mazunalshamlani6384]

They said intellectuals usually lack sense of humor, Dr. Grande proves otherwise

[@lpspiritsong]

The bit about the neighbor's spouse/sitcom...yer killin' me Doc.

[@pocoeagle2]

Excellent video and well explained about the types of love there are. Thank you Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱

[@dominiquemclaughlin565]

My couch......DEFINITELY a better listener than my Narcissist was. LOL! You're the BEST Dr. Grande!

[@jessicafrancoeur9655]

The coffe table part made me laugh so hard ahahahah

[@williamhoward77wh]

I have seen dozens of Dr. Grandes' videos and have enjoyed each one. THIS one contained both the most profound statement I have heard in a long time (science and philosophy) and the funniest (intimacy and your coffee table). VERY nice and made me laugh. Not sure how Dr. Grande kept a straight face on that one. ;)