The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | What is Mental Strength?

[@naomicairns]

I think when people talk about mental strength they are actually searching for the word “resilient”. You can suffer from mental illness and still be resilient. Thanks for this video. It’s helped me accept myself just a little bit more because now I can tell myself not to feel shame for my perceived weakness because it doesn’t exist. I can recognize that while I have plenty of helpful personality traits like high agreeableness, moderately high conscientiousness, and high openness to new experience I also have high neuroticism and those are just the cards I was dealt.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Beauty Dreams by Naomi realizing you are vulnerable helps with being resilient.

[@toddboothbee1361]

I have low agreeableness and high neuroticism: I'm like a hemophiliac who loves to pick fights.

[@naomicairns]

Todd Boothbee 😂❤️

[@naomicairns]

Andreas Leon Landgren 😀❤️

[@markstahl1464]

Yes, I agree that Mental Strength and Resilience are separate constructs.

[@orchidsrising7910]

My ex thought bullying and being the “master” manipulator made him mentally strong and my empathy made me weak, so I don’t live with him anymore

[@orchidsrising7910]

B K I know, that is what I realize now... the real strong honorable men I’ve known in my life have had a moral code of civility, respect and protection of the weak 💗💗💗 edit: weak sounds like a negative word, but I’m talking about the physical strength of a male vs a female 🥳

[@Roudter]

'empathy' is definitely the wrong word here...

[@RealHealthyGuidance]

Don't write about me here on YT!

[@orchidsrising7910]

Roudter What is the right word, could you tell me. Or is there even a word for Stockholm’s Syndrome. It’s real. I’m doing my healing, though and letting that past go. Peace and thank you for your insight I probably sound dumb, but I would appreciate the right word, if you have a more accurate one

[@personalcheeses8073]

Orchids Rising Eathy made perfect sense to me in the context you were using it

[@kj4242]

Dr. T Grande is unfortunately one of the few in his profession that do an excellent job taking amorphous, complex, and difficult topics and explaining them in a logical coherent way.

[@kj4242]

I am very curious what assumptions Dr. G believes are made in the DSM and in the mental health dicipline in general what a high functioning and robust, healthy person looks in a general sense. What do such individuals have in common???

[@cunningfolktattoo6143]

Yes ,my fav channels are this one,and 'Live abuse free ',is very useful info

[@mijiyoon5575]

Agree, that is not at all easy

[@bbsonjohn]

praising someone by starting with the word unfortunately. I want to experiment on this style on my writing

[@kj4242]

Yes, I see the potential awkwardness, or why the use of a contradiction has the tendency to attenuate the point being made. Thanks for pointing out

[@Jazzmusiek]

Thank you for the video. I have PTSD. I opened up to a friend recently about my condition; I’ve kept it a secret for years. I’m paraphrasing... but he told me that he is stronger than me, because he thinks more positively than I do; that he chooses not to live in a negative past. If I didn’t know any better, I would have believed him. Informative videos like this have helped me combat negativity.

[@steadypace1262]

This friend was insensitive to you,If this is a pattern with them they may be a frenemy.There are plenty of them around.All the best,I understand ptsd.

[@mariee.5912]

PTSD is not a choice. It's your body reacting to a trauma. That was insensitive.

[@nealteitelbaum8660]

I have PTSD too and usually keep quiet about it for the same reason as you but you may want to forgive your friend. He just doesn't understand and there is no way you can realistically explain it to anyone but a professional or another person suffering from the same thing.

[@Ikaros23]

I agree. I had ptsd, talk to a therapist or a friend you know is intelligent and has empaty. Talking to non therapists about advanced topics can be a hazard/risk of beeing retraumatised when they come with « advice» and dont know you condisjon

[@machinethesun9243]

I had EMDR treatment for PTSD along with several years of therapy, it helped tremendously. But new people I meet tell me I'm restricting myself by "living in a no world that I've constructed for myself". It gets phrased differently depending who says it but that's the basic message. Anyway, they might be right, but I never really know how to deal with this, so sometimes I just blow it off and say something like "maybe in my next reincarnation I'll get born with a different set of cards and assigned a new personality, but for this life journey for better or for worse this is what and where I am."

[@trulydisappointed5142]

''It's largely discarded now of course because it's a terrible idea'' gotta appreciate the honesty

[@heidigriffin6260]

Thanks for your knowledge you share with us . I was also wondering if you had anything on Stockholm Syndrome? It's something , "I've been trying" to learn about it. It's good to know

[@OneAmericanWriter]

I bet people who want to know how to be "mentally strong" want to know how to make good choices, and how to recover quickly when they don't. People like me for instance. Thanks for great content!

[@rhondamarshall4152]

Another question: if you can't control how "mentally strong" you are (if mental strength even exists), then you can't control your so-called personality disorder either!! Why are people constantly judged by others about this?!

[@bertzerker747]

Donna, factually I'd be upset if you actually meant bait, not bet. 🤔

[@sstritmatter2158]

Yes - resilience. Don't be too hard on yourself we ALL face difficult things. It's like courage - not the absence of fear but control of it. Sure - safely exposing yourself to challenges may yield results.

[@StephanieBadAzz]

I like how you think carefully about what you’re saying and it seems like you’ve done your research.

[@lavonnecornellcollins8460]

He looks at all sides of the issues and I agree he does thorough research and is careful in his assessments..

[@NTraveller]

Dr. Grande, please, do "good energy" & "bad energy" (vibes, etc.), "positive" and "negative" people. Its another popular concept

[@edunlap6594]

OMG this. Law of attraction, lol.

[@vals74]

Yes, please do

[@SurabiJoshi]

@@edunlap6594 Don't get me started on the Law of attraction! It is so freaking annoying.

[@edunlap6594]

@@SurabiJoshi Exactly. People get on my last nerves with that BS.

[@orchidsrising7910]

I have to go raise my frequency now 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@attheranch873]

Perspectives on life that made me mentally stronger are: living one day at a time instead of always in the future, knowing to do first things first, and knowing that this too shall pass. I haveC- PTSD so these things have helped me to be more balanced. Maybe balance is a better word than strength.

[@betterbee1304]

Easy does it. :)

[@PeatZee]

So many people don't understand maladaptive patterns are not aquired by simply choosing to give up control over certain aspects of life and can be remedied by taking it again on command. "Cheer up." "Dont be scared." Due to permutaions of many possible factors people just end up experiencing distress or even develope disorders and it's not helpful to spread unspecific contructs like this. Mental health is a complex field and I speculate a number of people try to distance themselves from the possibility of falling into the spectrum of maladaptive patterns by simplifying the issue to a dichotomic construct and ascribing themselves to the strong side. Probably as a mechanism to retain a sense of control over their life. Especially in regards to personality dimensions its important to realize, that extreme manifestations both high or low cause problems but other than that they do, for the most part, come with both advantages and shortcomings. Calling it "mental weakness" minimizes the potential certain people could have in specific occupations and lifesettings. This insight into the topic is SO VITAL and I am genuinely thankful you made this video! Well said, Dr. I will share this everywhere.

[@mcd5478]

I really appreciate this video. As an RN, many times I feel that if I were “mentally stronger” I’d be better able handle my feelings of inadequacy. Seeing the realities of human suffering can be overwhelming. Now I’m thinking that those feelings may better explained by a personality trait with a high degree of empathy...which sounds a lot better than being mentally weak 😆😅

[@redbaron2455]

Lol when people say "you're brave for going through this" as if i had a choice to go through it

[@maidmarion2976]

I don’t think they actually analyse what they say. They just want to support and get alongside. But it is irritating.

[@rebeccacarraway480]

Your reaction is your choice, so kudos for coming out the other side.

[@sehlaw5311]

@@maidmarion2976 TRUE

[@AdreamlyfeByMichelle]

I’ve been accused of being headstrong or mentally strong, or resilient over my lifetime. But when I think about it, with all I’ve been through, most of my reactions were automatic. I wanted to survive so I just didn’t break easily. But I feel my mental strength wasn’t good where I needed it, or it could have been applied differently. In other words, when in survival mode or going after something I want, I have been mentally strong (if there’s a such thing like you said, hard to tell) - but being raised by narc parents I was mentally weak in relationships (to a great degree). My emotional intelligence was unregulated & poorly defined so my mind had to overcome this lesser developed part of myself. Now I’m mentally stronger when dealing with loved ones or facing a potential loved one. I can say “no” finally. My mind is in front of my emotions & I’m very grateful to have solved this extreme vulnerability. Thx Dr. Grande

[@AdreamlyfeByMichelle]

@Chad Larson So true. Thanks Chad.

[@elianaboer7078]

Really glad I listened to this. I’m in treatment for ptsd and I deal with so much guilt just bc I feel like I am just mentally weak. I feel it is more beneficial to stick with the trait thing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@Production791]

Eliana Boer Being mentally strong for too long in trying to deal with trauma/ ongoing stress etc is Not being mentally weak ❤️ I wish you well with your treatment.

[@ladymopar2024]

I suffer with PTSD and night terrors, people that don't understand do you think you're mentally weak which is really sad they don't have the experience that we do

[@ladymopar2024]

@@brusselsprout5851 good for you I haven't received mine through the time I was in the service and things I went through and saw, I still have nightmares but going through them I'm writing about them and having a good team is so wonderful. You stay strong to ❤

[@blahboidblah]

@@brusselsprout5851 are you saying you have PTSD because of the professionals who treated you?

[@ladymopar2024]

@@brusselsprout5851 I know this is the 30th but I have to tell you I just had a night terror can't get ahold of my counselor. I have my companion cat and I'm listening the doctor Grande's videos because he had such a calming voice wish me luck LOL I'll be okay in a couple hours I hope you're having a wonderful day

[@Justine-ut8ho]

I love when Dr.Grande chuckles and says “This is.....normal.”

[@JuneLiesel]

"The term has pathologized normal behavior and strengthened the ill-conceived notion that mental illness is caused by as mental weakness." This is the best thing I have read in a while. Addressing this is a huge part of addressing mental health stigma. We all have differing personality traits that are more helpful or less helpful in certain situations, and there are so many factors that go into causing mental illness.

[@ph6560]

I'm so amazed about how knowledgeable, sharp, intellectually fair and articulate Dr. Grande is. I haven't found a single video on this channel which made me bored, or, made me question the intent for bringing up some of the topics of these videos. (Many youtubers of this type tend to give in to sensational explanations and content to keep and attract viewers.) Also, I feel I'm learning something new and interesting for every video I watch!

[@ananimity7332]

Thank you very much for this video Dr. Grande. I suffer with depression and Childhood PTSD and my siblings (who went through childhood trauma as well as I did) tell me I should "just get over it" or "put it out of your mind." I try to explain to them what I experience but the replies stay the same. I know some of my siblings deal with depression but they refuse to go to therapy to be diagnosed because to them seeking help is a "weakness".Thank you for saying how wrong it is to say those statements to people who suffer with depression.

[@firehorse9996]

@Ana Niminity I'm a bit hesitant to write to you because your photo scares me... Stop looking to your siblings for validation. In dysfunctional families, each child has his/her own unique experience (Golden Child, Lost Child, Scapegoat) so me and my brother and sister do not seem to share any of the same memories. It's f*cked up. They also choose to live in denial and stay on our dad's payroll and tell me to "just get over it" and "move on." Me, the scapegoat -- the truth teller -- recently started EMDR therapy and going deep down into the original childhood wound, cleaning it out and airing it out, as says repeatedly "We Need to Talk" with Kris Godinez. Kris will tell you that you are the mentally strongest one for doing the hard work instead of just pushing down your feelings. You are the only one who will truly heal. Stop discussing it with your siblings or they will just impede your progress. My mother is so threatened since I told her I am going to a therapist. She's totally unsupportive and wants me to stop. Exactly the kind of behaviour you would expect from a Narcissist family. You gotta break free of them. Happy Halloween!

[@ananimity7332]

@@firehorse9996 Thank you for your comment and I hope you have success in your therapy. I don't look to anyone for validation. I was merely saying what my family say and think. I don't talk to my family often about the past. Sometimes they bring it up. I wish you all the best. Happy Halloween

[@lmerlot4328]

PTSD has direct correlation with what are known as Samskaras or Etheric cords of attachment which create a loop that repeats, the memory triggers the feelings and vice versa the longer this goes on the stronger the cord becomes. So traumatic events create hooks in the etheric body which become weak points that drain energy and are stumbling blocks. They are also created from other experiences such as sexual activity with another person. Having these removed works wonders.💫

[@ananimity7332]

@@lmerlot4328 I'm going to look more into this..thank you

[@lmerlot4328]

@@ananimity7332 Best to you!💕

[@elizabethmorre8567]

I found out that “gratefulness” in a daily basis puts me towards a strength that makes me face the difficult times/challenges in life.

[@runwiththewind3281]

Dr Grande, thank you for helping me understand me.

[@HAL-dm1eh]

I really appreciate this. I have several disorders, including PTSD from trauma growing up with it all and not only not getting any kind of diagnosis, but BLAMED and BULLIED and SHAMED for it, even by my public school teachers. I don't trust people anymore, and don't have relationships at all outside of my immediate family. I want to heal and move on and while I have a psychiatrist who helps me with meds (I barely take any anymore by choice), counselors are constantly coming and going. It's difficult for people with mental health issues and not a lot of money. There isn't a day that goes by I don't beat myself up for "being weak" or "failing" in some way, and just hearing someone say "it's not your fault" goes a long way for some of us who need reminding and to break that thought process that was set in motion when we were very young.

[@PhilSmulian]

Hey Todd, your videos are deepening my understanding of mental health and behavior, my own and other people's. This is helping me get out of a really dark space, in ways that love and support from others have failed to do by themselves. Science rules. Thanks so much.

[@alicearcturus8610]

Thank you! I feel better. I thought I was a loser because I have not handled things so well at times. I have yelled, screamed and even cried when I have made a big mistake and realized I could not undo it. It is a type of fear and weak people react badly to fear. So I have read many times. But, I have made it 66 yrs and have changed for the better. So glad for you to say that it is not being weak or strong. I have made it this far so that is a strength. I think.

[@danielc5205]

"How can someone avoid becoming mentally weak?"- Stay away from toxic people, and toxic environments if possible.

[@dogie1070]

Maybe go to the gym? Strength training the body can affect you mentally.

[@jimjam1719]

start using steroids.

[@annehynynen8153]

What if it is your parent who is being toxic?

[@jackedkerouac4414]

@@annehynynen8153 To emotionally distance yourself from their verbal abuse pretend that you're studying them for a book on abnormal psychology lol

[@mariankeller5852]

Its not always possible to avoid all toxic situations unless you lock yourself in your house.. you need to learn how to deal with this type of adversity and not take on what doesn't belong to you

[@JS-bt8ul]

I have PTSD since early childhood and had repressed the memory until they started surfacing when I turned 47. It was a shock for me and it did a number on my self-esteem as I started telling myself how can I be normal if I forgot so much, and asking myself how screwed up I really am and how can I get to be normal? I ended up crying a lot and so my still lingering question was how to become mentally stronger. So thanks for this video. I know I have lots of discipline but not all the time and need to acknowledge that perfection is an illusion.

[@annemorgan2064]

I love the way you organize your information, it’s very helpful! Thanks! Also, I embrace the idea that I am neither mentally weak nor mentally strong!

[@OtterUnderwater]

I dealt with quite a bit of loss in my childhood. In an effort to SEEM mentally/emotionally strong to myself and others, I've been intentionally numbing my emotions for almost 14. My frame of mind was, "having to miss people when they leave my life sucks, life would be a lot easier if I just didn't have to deal with these emotions." However, as I've gotten older I've learned firsthand that you can't really appreciate the good times without experiencing the bad times. That's putting it simply, but I believe it to be true. Ever since that realization a few years ago, I've been trying to allow myself to feel normally. But it's been quite a process. I'm always self-sabotaging my friendships and potential relationships simply because people getting close to me still gives me a weird sense of anxiety. I hate that I've done this to myself. 😢

[@kt6852]

Having compassion for and acceptance for yourself, your emotions, where you've been, and where you are in life right now can help to ease some of that pain and guilt you are feeling. Be easy.

[@dorkygirl97]

I have bipolar and it eats me alive everyday. Many people in my life tell me how strong I am. I appreciate the recognition, but it's the resilience that allows me to withstand circumstances.

[@upsetcocoon]

Well this video kinda shatters my world, in a good way. I've been told to be strong all my life, also by social workers, doctors and psychologists. (never met a psychiatrist). Here's what I've gathered on the person i -should- be: -doesn't think or talk about past trauma -doesn't react to physical or verbal abuse (crying, hiding, protecting my body) -when abused, pretends like it's not happening -doesn't try to stop the abuse Basically whatever happens around me, it should have no effect on me. Sadly I've been learning this for a couple of decades, but I'm sure i could unlearn it with some help.

[@egonrhoodie2745]

Dr Grande my TV has been off since I discovered your channel the lockdown is soul draining I'm glad there are people like you!! 😇🙏👍🎊🎉

[@czypauly07]

This is *gold* and needs waaaaaay more views.... C'mon folks let's thank the good Dr and share the shit out of this thing!

[@lizwinkelaar3613]

Yes this should go mainstream.... psychology today article doctor?

[@emilyfouquettehoffman7886]

I really needed to hear this. I needed to hear that I’m not weak or lazy when I try harder to deal with day-to-day issues than so many people I know but I’m always falling short 😢

[@MeggyLynn]

Doc you are a class act!! I admire how you dismiss the idea of mental illness being associated with weakness. The intense pain and terror that mental illness can cause, on a daily basis and people hang in there, so strong are these people. Thank you for your eloquence in speaking of this topic😃

[@PittsburghSportsFan43]

Thanks for this. It's really helpful. I've felt many times I was mentally weak or just needed to get over things that bothered me.

[@livvalcourt]

“somebody is not mentally ill because they’re not strong enough” hit me like a ton of bricks. thank you for this video

[@mikelobrien]

I saw that TED Talk, and thanks for mentioning it. BUT more importantly, YOUR video is a breath of fresh air in the "What's Wrong with Me?" social media genre. We are all more NORMAL than popular culture would want us to believe. This video is VERY edifying. I hope it goes viral! Thank you for addressing this important issue! :-)

[@miaward7668]

Thank you. I was raised under the motto that I had to be "mentally strong" and it was not healthy at all. On therapy I was able to understand that I was raised to impossible standards that not even my parents abide by, so I have been working on "lowering my bar" to stop feeling so anxious and miserable about never feeling good enough. So yeah, I agree, that term does not help at all, specially when used as a "catch all" for any perceived negative trait in someone.

[@ricklongsea3654]

Weak or strong, life throws enough at us without developing mindsets or expectations that have us aspire to be one or keep us as the other.

[@penelopelambson9128]

For some mental strength is a combination of accepting reality/ (the seen) and having faith/ hope in the unseen. Doing what is needed for survival while maintaining the self through hope and faith for a positive outcome.

[@kocerarif]

Mr Garande, as one of your earliest followers, I was sure that your light would shine on millions on here. Wish you health.

[@vals74]

It is an interesting concept. In my opinion I believe that we all have good and not so good qualities. Coping skills are often confused with mental strength, while mental illness is labeled as weak. For instance, I used to believe that if a person suffered a nervous breakdown they were crazy. Until I finally realized that anyone can have a nervous breakdown depending upon the circumstances and the mechanism of coping skills required. Thank you for addressing this important topic. I am often told I am strong, but I know that it may simply appear that way to others. Really, comes down to coping skills.

[@deanapecorale3549]

(That's not a mental illness. That's just not having any reasoning skills.) This should be a quote on your Dr. G merch.

[@robertschott9715]

I have been dealing with mental illness since 1969. My mental diagnosis is bipolar with schizoaffective disorder I have been in counseling for my life. Nothing was working. I gave up on therapy. But a caseworker asked if I had been to cognitive therapy. I said no. I reluctantly started going to therapy. AND WOW. I went for 6 weeks and it totally changed my life!

[@parsellart7805]

Good point. I never think about someone being weak or strong. They may be going through a rough time. That is when they need support.

[@soilmanted]

Being fearful of dangerous things is protective. Being fearful of harmless things, and being fearful of imagined dangers - that is something that limits one's opportunities.

[@Nick-pd2yo]

Finally a professional speaking on sensitive and gravitational topics

[@jlumley]

This is the most useful of Mr Grande's videos.

[@taracate88]

Sounds like people are confusing being “mentally healthy” with having good emotional regulation skills. I think people who are “mentally strong” are in control of their emotions and reactions because they handle stressful situations with reasonable behavior but I don’t behave reasonably when I’m emotional.

[@sarahstrong7174]

But maybe some people could be too much in control of their emotions & reactions, to the extent that they never show them, even with friends, & maybe do not even readily recognise their own feelings or know how to express them appropriately? So is it that when there are extremes in any direction it is then that difficulties & imbalances arise?

[@taracate88]

Sarah Strong in psychology, a Disorder is described as something that causes issues in your life. So I don’t think it’s necessarily only the extreme that qualifies. You can get depressed because something happened and you just don’t get over it. You might not have as many symptoms as someone else or you might have more. As long as your life is negativity affected by your behavior, then it needs to be addressed. I felt like I was just a crazy person because I felt emotional about something when everyone else was already over it, or my mom would tell me to get over it instead of trying to help. I got confused because she said that I was selfish but then she would tell me to mind my own business. I didn’t have any really bad reactions until I was an adult and to me, I felt like I was just finally fed up with the way I was being treated but I was really taking everything that I was frustrated about and exploding on someone who was innocent. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it is from not feeling validated as a child as well as being emotionally sensitive and feeling neglected. I’m not saying my mom was abusive or anything but she is bipolar so she doesn’t have the control to teach me. I found that Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been really helpful because it is basically all the skills that I didn’t get growing up. It teaches about mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal relationship skills. I suggest it to anyone who wants to control their emotions more. I’m just realizing I went on a rabbit trail but basically, I don’t think you have to be extremely effected. I’m learning how to be more in control and sometimes it’s not possible to do that because its too extreme of an issue. I think people sometimes feel like they are not going through something as bad as they feel like they should be in order to get help when you totally should get help, like people who have a runny nose thinking they don’t need a doctor. In mental health, the runny nose is often a symptom of something else so go to the doctor anyway. Pretend you’re a first time mom and call the doctor for everything! I just mean mental health care, I don’t mean actual medical care, lol. It’s good to establish a relationship with a therapist before you need them because you are more comfortable sharing.

[@taracate88]

That’s all my opinion and again, I am not an expert or anything, I just have been in a lot of therapy.

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@taracate88 Thankyou for your very thoughtful, informative & helpful answer. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy sounds good & I am glad you have found a positive way forward. I am trying to recover from extreme abuse as a child so I am having to work on myself too. I have more peace of mind than I used to do but still feel shakey about life at times.

[@taracate88]

Sarah Strong i still suggest DBT! I’m also suffering from a form of abuse. There is a book called “the dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook” and it’s green. They teach you about what you deserve too so when you’re blaming yourself or whatever (I just use that as an example because it’s so common to blame yourself for abuse someone else is giving to you). There’s a page about what you have a human right to feel. I had a hard time with that because I was confused between what I was responsible for and what other people were trying to blame me for. Like when women who are told they are the reason their partner cheated on them, they believe it. There are way more things than that to learn from this book that might help but that’s just something that came to mind immediately. I think Katy Morton talks about the book in one of her videos if you want.

[@selfesteem3447]

I find Dr. Grande extremely likable and lately He’s the only one I can trust on YT to PROPERLY and Carefully learn from on the subjects of Psychology. I wish only the best for Dr. Grande and I going to be here for a while. I dream of being as KNOWLEDGEABLE as Doc T😊

[@somethingyousaid5059]

You don't have to understand what mental strength is or understand what mental strength isn't before you can understand that you necessarily have a breaking point. You necessarily have a threshold of tolerance to mental pain that's just only so high. Suffice it to say, it's easy enough for Man and Nature to break you. And undoubtedly it's an unpopular point that I make. All of you would rather not be conscious of the fact of your vulnerability. Well, I can understand that. I would rather not be conscious of the fact of _my_ vulnerability either.

[@pmoO0]

To me at least, mental strength can not be defined by how much things affect me, but how I react when they occur. I know that certain situations in my personal life have a great impact on me, but I learned that knowing my options to react in a specific way gives me strength. The impact stays the same, but the knowledge of my own abilities to act makes me mentally stronger. At least this is what I believe.

[@steadypace1262]

It's good to know our strengths and weaknesses.Playing to our strengths and being aware of our weaknesses,which can be improved on.

[@randomhero4198]

I've been watching your videos for a few years now, learning about mental illness and personalities had changed my life for the better

[@ronwisegamgee]

Thank you for making this video. I appreciate the de-stygmatization of mental illness by the debunking of "mental strength/mental weakness" that you've presented here.

[@commonsense2680]

I come from a family line that does not "believe" in psychology or psychiatry. Therefore I have heard from both parents my entire life to "just snap out of it" or "stop being so weak minded" etc. although I have been diagnosed by several psychologists and 3 psychiatrists as having major depression, PTSD (one from early childhood and one from only about 5 years ago). I have always felt terrible about my weak mind and how I cannot be strong like my family, although there is mental illness in my family but the family just ignores my uncles who suffer from such illness and take meds for it. I do not know how to stop feeling guilty for my weak and pathetic brain and have tried everything but it seems to not help. I do appreciate hearing from you Dr. Grande because I respect your logic and intellect so I can put some weight on your statements but it is hard to undo 50 years of my family's view on psychology.

[@DiddleDangle]

Your videos are the only ones I've found that are not only balanced but they're not validating or trying to give some confirmation to a "hunch" that you might have about someone you know or about yourself. Too many videos on here by people with dubious credentials are trying to be that validation porn. Thank you for not being that. Thank you for just stating that something is what it is without trying to push someone in one direction or the other or encouraging someone to attach their bias to what you're saying. I know it takes some serious restraint but thank you.

[@raam726]

1. G8ve their lower to others. Allowing others to make decisions 4 them 2. Feel sorry for themselves. 3. Feel the worlld pwes u smthng. 4. Styng in a closed mind. Wanting to be liked. 5. Doing something without caring bout consequences.

[@brianpistolwhip]

I didn't actually know these were pseudoscientific terms. In fact, I did view myself mentally weak due to my years of mental illness and have been plagued with low self-confidence for oh so long. It's nice to hear an informed person tell me that I'm not actually weak, who also understands that I never chose to have depression or negative thinking patterns.

[@freshlimejuice]

I love all the resources Dr. Grande has provided for us with his 100's of videos. I've been learning so much and trust Dr. Grande's astute analyses of the content. Thanks Dr. Grande!

[@iammaximus614]

Surrounding with Good People, Family, Friends, Audio/Video, Personal Library for the Love of Reading Great Books, for personal development & empowerment ie: Personal Biographies, Napoleon Hill, O.S. Marden, Being Happy, How to Win Friends, Psycho Cybernetics, For Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Instructions, Guidance & Most important.... Discernment 🧐 No one is doomed, Unless you allow it too, Which is a Daily Battle for All of us. Become The Best You, Everyday in Everyway! Thank you for sharing your knowledge & understanding in these videos

[@villebooks]

Hallo Dr. Grande, as an extended version on mental strength, it would be interesting to learn, why in most societies, people with less empathy are associated with mental strength, which is one factor, why women are labelled as being weaker (ref. to business, economy, politics).

[@ZekeMan62]

Women are not seen as weaker because they have more empathy (and its highly debatable that they actually do), but because they value empathy and emotion in general over reason and rationality. Even men that are seen as weak (the beta males that most women dislike) tend to think and perceive in a much more emotional and less rational manner than Alpha males.

[@starrychloe]

Ezekiel Watters - T/F is the only scale in MBTI which is correlated to gender. 75% men are T, and 75% women are F.

[@Catlily5]

@@ZekeMan62 Many men are not as rational as they think.

[@ZekeMan62]

@@Catlily5 That is true, but exceptions don't negate the rule.

[@ZekeMan62]

@@starrychloe I wasn't aware, but 75% sounds about right. If you had asked me to speculate on the number of exceptions on both sides of the gender line I'd have said around 20%. I'm an INFP - one of the most emotional types - and even from my perspective females seem more emotional and less rational (On average of course. I have met and known many exceptions.)

[@GodsgalMN]

Thank you for clarifying these pop culture terms that label people in unhealthy ways.

[@alibre4484]

True. You have to have a balance of all to be a well liked and well rounded person!

[@Isabel-hf5du]

I can listen to this man all day. So much wisdom!

[@sheilalopez3983]

I am a quiet person, but I am very strong willed. A lot of neuroticism, and all the other isms stems from trying to please others or caring too much what others think. I will tell YOU what I used to tell my children. YOU have as much right to be in this world as ANYONE else. Stay strong. Stay well. Stay cool 😎😎😎.

[@kj1013aolcom]

This is like therapy for me! In the sense that I am currently reading a book called radical candor, to use in my work as a supervisor. This video made clear to me what expectations are acceptable for me to have of my coworkers. I want to be able to guide without trying to change a behavior that isn't actually bad. So when I have " radical candor" I'm staying on target with appropriate feedback for them (and myself). Thanks Dr Grande!

[@pedinurse1]

I must say Dr. Todd, your logic and knowledge amaze me. You are such a great help.

[@wherethereslifethereshope9858]

Thank you Todd. It's hard enough being diagnosed with an "abnormal" personality without having to deal with the associated stigma. Who decided what is normal?

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

When it's hitting the fan and spinning out of control I sort of disconnect from my feelings about it and focus on a course of action. Live to emotionally obsess later. Survive now.

[@enchiladabonito6629]

I am musing about the concept of pain tolerance - physiological reaction that “lives” in the brain. Some have higher tolerance than others but it doesn’t make them “weak” or “strong” per se. In another vein, thinking about the concept of “toughen up” to combat/weather mental illness or struggles, which is tantamount to saying “toughen up” against tonsillitis or a headache. There is treatment or help and no shame in availing oneself of it. Asking a gentle soul to “toughen up” is like asking someone less intelligent to “get smarter.” I think your talk here has helped me to consider greater compassion for those who may handle a situation differently than I might. Thank you for a very thought-provoking piece.

[@juliatamalo7916]

Thank you for the wonderful explanation, Dr. Grande!! Mental strength is a result of mental exercise that has endured and sustained over a long period of time. It consists of true convictions of true values, practice, and the willingness to bear the consequences of the choices. It happens because of seeking, asking, looking around for learning, and the willingness to grow from mistakes. It can't happen without the attitude of honesty and gratitude. Again, thank you and God bless🙏🤞

[@S3RAVA3LM]

I think mental strength is having a disciplined mind with righteousness being the pinnacle. Knowledge, understanding, wisdom, trails, mistakes, accomplishments & failures is the proccess to maybe not mental strength persay, but honing ones power in action & thought so we become who we're supposed to be.

[@tljims1]

Your presentation makes more sense than any of the therapists that I have experienced.

[@maryhill4079]

I’m watching this now after this long lockdown in the USA I bet a lot of people are thinking a lot different then a year ago ! I want everyone well and to be able to be free to come and go at will. Being a senior, I’m praying everything will go back to normal soon. Your talks are wonderful. Thank you.

[@thetruth4654]

From someone who has been bullied, socially isolated, and emotionally blackmailed. The ẅay to grow mentally strong for me has been to meet this resistance it is through the hardships of life we truely grow. If you can`t handle people being mean then you can`t handle the world with your current mindset and then you need to change your mindset too keep yourself alive, so in essence it`s apart of survival of the fittest. And if you can find a way to truely accept yourself both the band and the good then you`ll find peace with yourself and that point whatever the world says won`t matter. Anyone who struggle with this i would recommend too start reading books on the philosophy of Stoicism i.e Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus

[@versacegirl805]

I have ptsd and people tell me I am so strong. But I don’t feel strong. I feel actually weak if anything because it causes me so much problems. It can be embarrassing as well. I also have depression which again I get told how strong I am for all I been through. Again I feel weak. But in reality it’s neither. I am surviving daily and survived. Think about it weak or strong doesn’t make sense to me. I am doing what anyone else would do going through these things. It sucks but it is what it is period! Sometimes when I hear people say they are strong is their ego getting in the way? Or is it they are saying I am resilient and came out ok for all they went through. Thank you for this insight Dr.

[@lindas5964]

One of my favorite examples is people who have alcoholism should “grow a backbone” or develop more willpower to turn their life around (ie they are mentally weak). While they don’t have anything wrong with their backbone, they do need help with recovery to build “resilience” and manage thoughts and stress better. Thanks for another great video Dr. Grande! I never really thought about this topic before but agree with your assessment that this construct of “mental toughness” isn’t helpful at all.

[@rhobot75]

Hi, Dr. Grande! I'm sharing this tonight on my quit smoking page on Facebook! You know, cuz people say they don't have will power or aren't mentally tough enough. Which is not true- you have to be smart. I already watched this twice, a while ago, however I have a whole long list of videos I ongoingly watch to screen for my all-inclusive public page. And when You Tube brought me this one, I was happy. So okay back to my viewing, first, but I already know I'm sharing it-----Thank you!!!

[@robyndawn]

The idea of mental strength makes me push myself to a breakdown everytime. Ty so much Dr. Grande, i really needed to hear this.

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

THANK YOU! For being the voice of logic and reason. These miss guided ideas are so counterproductive and frustrating! Awesome video!!!

[@sherylb421]

Dr. Grande, all I can say is that you are amazing, your content is so valuable and has helped me so much.

[@skyedreams28]

In 12 Step recovery there is a saying “be smart, not strong” implying that seeking recovery, therapy included, is a “smart decision” that attempting to be “strong” on ones own works against and can sabotage recovery, like the “pull yourself up from your bootstraps” mentality.

[@OldToughDW]

I agree that undefined terms do harm. Mental health is a range of emotions, behaviors and thought patterns. However if you leave the limits of those things undefined, then you have no distinction between mental health and mental illness. Distinctions are important, because when used reasonably they clarify the situation, and undefined terms are an attempt to remove distinctions for one reason or another.

[@helpyourcattodrive]

Wow, yet another unexpected explanation ... I learned a new concept from Dr. Bandy Lee’s book, malignant normality. Sounds like this idea of “mental strength” might fall under malignant normality. I know it applies to me. I have that bootstrap overcome your hardships through thick and thin mentality, and I learned my efforts are unrealistic. That’s partly why I found your channel.

[@lisabenson]

This is one of the best discussions I have heard on mental health. The fads, and trends are discounted. Real situations are explained and to be expected. Adore this video. Thank you Dr. Grande!

[@Lulicious300]

I'd learn to be mentally balance. I make discussion and sometimes I need to ask for advice when my emotions are too tangle, I can't make sense in something or some situation. I'd learn to not please people to receive a "like you" reward but to show love to people who deserve it. I think about past experience to predict what the coincidence will be if I continue to let my emotions or desires take over my judgment. I just want to give people hope you can become mentally Strong it just takes recognition of one actions and practice.

[@Hildred6]

This has been very enlightening, showing how dividing people into mentally weak/strong is really not helpful, will note any ‘trendy terms’ now and maybe not mistake them for actual proven terms used in mental health.

[@hjalmarwidmark5906]

Thank you Dr Grande for being articulate, understanding science and defining things. It helps me alot

[@yaserthe1]

Dr Grande, your videos are so good, I like them before even watching them.

[@ZombolicBand]

I always think of mental strength as being able go handle trauma and to move on without developing destructive behaviors or self medicate.. I know ppl who has been through alot more than me, but they are doing really well in life, it seems.

[@rezaaparsa]

Doubtlessly the best scientific video I've watched in the field of psychology in ages

[@truescotsman4103]

self discipline. personal responsibility. humility. honor. integrity.

[@remoskins1437]

I've subscribed because I'm not just learning about others but also myself. I'm discovering how people manipulate for their own gain. I thought it was just me. Now I know it wasn't. People can be cruel. This channel helps me see the signs I should be watching for. Keep making videos Dr. Grande and I'll keep watching.

[@beauxmimi77]

Thank you Dr. Grande! Thank you for pointing out that it is insensitive to say that someone is weak bc of their disease. I have PTSD and know that I have a very strong mind. I am tough--but the way that my mind is strong is in determination--if I want something I can be very determined or aka stubborn! Also if I believe in something I can have strong beliefs! I have endured a lot of things in my life yet at times I weep, have difficulty in my day and do not wish to experience confrontation with others. I have faced much adversity with courage and am delighted to say I think my mind is not stronger but lives in clarity because I have followed my heart so my soul helps to keep my mind in order.

[@foteinibokorou6958]

mental strength comes with ethical living, ignoring new age toxic positivity, feeling blessed for the few wonderful things like having a job, a warm house and a healthy child, and mostly praying to our Lord Jesus Christ for all His blessings and the eternal life He Has blessed us with if we don't only think of ourselves

[@katlynklassen809]

I love this calm badass takedown of a poor construct. Watching these videos really helps my growth.

[@allyson5712]

Love your explanations, as always. I never quite understood what mental weakness and strength really meant. Also, happy you brought to light that the world does not owe us anything. I personally strive for balance, moderation (don’t think that extremes are very functional), acceptance, resilience, and embracing life to the best of one’s ability. Great video, Dr. Grande.

[@tamarayoung2534]

I’ve become mentally stronger by eliminating toxic people, food, and places. Also chilling and doing things slower and purchasing less. Crazy schedules, spending, and people used to make my hands shake.

[@lnorth3560]

As a parent of children with mental health struggles I really appreciate the distinctions drawn here. You would be amazed how many people think you should just try harder or pray more or take supplements or try different diets. Mental illness is not a choice and is not easily fixed. I wish more people knew that.

[@dorothyharris8889]

I know of a powerful man who can help you solve your physical and spiritual problems and make your children mentally healthy

[@dorothyharris8889]

He did mine within 3days

[@dorothyharris8889]

His name is Dr Miracle

[@dorothyharris8889]

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[@FrancesShear]

Dr. Grande I agree. Sometimes choosing to be a self confident fool means the difference between life and death around someone who has already convinced himself of being wise through his own eyes. If I was one of those I wouldn't bother in trying to learn more from any teachers.

[@madnessunlimited1]

Dr. Grande this is an amazing viewpoint. I can't thank you enough for putting this up. Loved every point you made.