Wife Keeps Husband's Secret After He Confesses To Two Murders | Brian Sugrim Case Analysis

[@georgeoh-well8116]

Skye's heroic courage probably saved her family and brought some justice for the families of the victims. I hope she is doing well.

[@jeanneprieto5219]

Their young daughter was the only one with the common sense to get away and call the police. That poor girl should have been protected by her mother.

[@Mandrake591]

Imagine having a parent that doesn’t prioritize your safety, and to have another parent acting out abusively. Terrible scenario.

[@fredajordan5704]

So absolutely true....

[@ResistanceQuest]

I'm sure it's more common than we might like to think

[@reneegardner2286]

I lived it

[@evelynwaugh4053]

You must be very sheltered. Most people who have alcoholic, drug addicted, or mentally ill parents grew up in such a home.

[@skinsubtlety]

it's super unfortunate that a lot of people live this as a reality :( having loving parents shouldn't be a privilege but it somehow is becoming one

[@Cat-qo3ht]

Bernadette was the codependent to Brian's narcissism. She had the cognitive disonnance that caused her not to make sense of Brian's horrific behaviors. He love-bombed her love- hungry heart in the beginning of their relationship so she was confused by the complete change in him. Bravo to her daughter, Skye, for not being codependent and being able to recognize her mother's weakness and inability to act responsibly and seeing her father for the vicious monster he was.

[@dawndraper9371]

Well said!

[@Anna-ms1pd]

This makes the most sense to me.what a nightmare

[@scottdavidson526]

Agreed. She definitely is a codependent.

[@kellykane7586]

I' was looking for a comment including the words LOVE BOMBING...this is exactly what he did. And how Easy this must have been w/a person who had never been in a previous relationship 13:32

[@Littlelikeme92]

Women like Bernadette disgust me.

[@01splitpea]

Additionally, when Brian told Bernadette he'd murdered a sex worker, if I were her, after fear and loathing, my second thought would've been, "What were you doing with a sex woeker?" Though, at that point, after being repeatedly abused, she may no longer have cared if he slept with other people.

[@conorlauren]

It’s part of the control. He let her know that he has killed people as a message to her. He will kill her, too. He groomed her all those years.

[@michaelgreer9023]

that's the question Bernadette must have thought, but might have been afraid to verbalize

[@KingfishStevens-di9ji]

Stockholm syndrome. Him controlling her was all she knew how to do. She was a submissive.

[@SpitefulAZ]

They were poly

[@ronalda1000]

So she just feared him, no fear of STDs nor HIV 🤦🏼‍♀️No fear for the innocent child Some ppl shouldn't produce Ppl like her bring kids to the world selfishly so they can feel loved and live in the kids' world like a child

[@jillruben8924]

No excuse for Bernadette. She didn’t stop her own child being beaten by the Dad! Extremely disturbing case.

[@gossamer9966]

Agreed, she's disgusting for knowingly bearing his children just to be abused. If the daughter hadn't snitched Bernadette would've just kept helping him cover up more crimes and abuse.

[@antinatalistwitch111]

She NEEDS to be jailed.​@@gossamer9966

[@earthrooster1969]

How unfortunate she did not have brave neighbours like you to drill common sense into her. But here we are... reading your comment

[@Stopandthink-vu4by]

“Murder is a deal breaker “ I absolutely agree Thank you Dr Grande for sharing your thoughts

[@Jgjanice]

The daughter was symptomatic of the entire nightmare. Her abuse and response to it, saved the Mother and children and brought justice to the two deceased victims of this horrific monster. Skye is a hero Hope all is well with all victims in this situation. Terrible.

[@elizabethhamm5320]

Bernadette “needed to be his savior”. Too bad that she wasn’t thinking of what the families of Demetrius and Linda needed. They needed closure and justice. Too bad she didn’t prioritize what her children needed. They needed freedom from his abuse. She’s lucky that she didn’t have to face legal consequences. She’s even luckier that he didn’t kill her or her children

[@lindabrennan4455]

She certainly had some effed up rationale. Doesn't it kind of mess with your head when you hear these stories?? It's like these people have never been taught right and wrong; they live in a dream world that's all about them. Like, my husband brutally murdered 2 people, mentally abuses me and physically abuses my children BUT HE NEEDS ME so I don't tell anybody. This IS what was happening and it honestly throws off my equilibrium it's so mental. And that person is very correct, Bernadette should have done time right along with her loser husband for not reporting it!

[@truthsocialmedia]

This just shows families need to pick a woman’s husband. Women cannot make mate judgements themselves. She was entirely incompetent.

[@enjoystraveling]

@@truthsocialmedia And families can’t always do any better picking husbands. The girl was only 16 years old when she met this 18-year-old man

[@nanettevantriesteharder2469]

@@lindabrennan4455 Co-dependency is a weird and dangerous thing.

[@jademcqueen5474]

Yup, I don't buy all this "but you don't know what it's like" crap, no that's right, I've not let myself and children be abused. Where kids are concerned they should be prioritised and protected

[@DrBellaLJ]

I think she was afraid of him and the stress of her life clearly affected her (with a serious heart attack at an early age). I think she was afraid and when he hurt the daughter, it gave her the opportunity to turn him in while he was in custody (it was much safer to notify authorities while he was detained). Sleeping with a loaded handgun shows you her level of fear. Also, you can report a crime (even murder) and it does not mean that the individual accused will even be arrested. Even those that are arrested- sometimes the delay is years. The biggest risk to her life occur if she reported him while he had no charges pending; he would know that she turned him in. She spoke up when he was in custody and not capable of harming her. It’s easy to say that she should have gone to the police, because, in hindsight, it seems obvious. However, we did not live in her shoes and did not suffer the abuse and fear that Brian instilled in Bernadette. If Brian was capable of murdering a sex worker and a man, Bernadette had to feel that she could also just as easily be murdered by him. His violence was unpredictable and she was the victim of domestic violence. Imagining knowing that your tormentor admitted to killing two people! Wouldn’t that instill greater fear in Bernadette? To me, it makes perfect sense that she didn’t report it until she felt safe, and when she would be believed. She also may have been upset that he hurt their daughter- the target of his abuse spread from Bernadette to her children. Some victims of domestic violence, will take the violence themselves, but not stand for the abuser to harm the children. Again, only those who walk in her shoes know the fear associated with domestic violence.

[@kyliehicks4914]

Well put & I haven't even listened to the full story yet.

[@monicasmessages]

Spot on.

[@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479]

Yes, being coerced and ultimately through fear, forced, to sleep with the enemy/ a murderer… is terrifying! Freeze state until coast is clear to fly! Fawn, fight, FREEZE, flight… those are the options in a hostage situation. We do all the above.. in that very order… to ensure we all make it out ALIVE

[@evelynwaugh4053]

Many people sleep with loaded firearms. I do. There's no point in having a firearm that's not immediately accessible. Since he was illegally here, it should have been an easy matter to involve Immigration, especially since he was a criminal.

[@jctxyz]

Bernadette was terrified almost every moment of her relationship after they were married...if she thought for one split second he would be found not guilty after telling on him and he remained free... Can you imagine feeling the absolute TERROR of that? There's no way she would have ever outed him if the daughter didn't start the ball rolling. He would have killed them all eventually.

[@reneegardner2286]

exactly!

[@jacquilewis8203]

Domestic Abuse is a dreadful and fearful thing.

[@cogitoergospud1]

That’s just another way of saying she only cared about herself. The cowards way is always the easy way.

[@venusvicious4446]

Im sorry but this isn’t a good enough excuse when children are involved

[@johnrandolph6121]

She knew he was a murderer before she even married him and yet she still married him and had kids with him and therefore subjecting her kids to that danger and disfunction. I really feel for her kids. They had two really messed up parents.

[@megalopolis2015]

When you start a relationship at sixteen, your brain and self esteem aren't always equipped to handle it, especially if something goes wrong, like it obviously did in this case. Judging by the pictures of them together, it seems like he was able to fake Love more convincingly than a typical narcissist. He might have even been able to shed tears. I don't condone what she did, but I think he chose his marital target well. I don't believe he thought she'd ever get brave enough to squeal on him. If he hadn't gotten violent with her daughter, maybe she would have stayed silent. He might have underestimated her attachment to their children because he couldn't fully feel it himself. Well done again, Dr. Grande. I hope the New Year is treating you well.

[@Czipporah]

She's not a victim. She was selfish and continued a relationship with a murderer even when her children were at risk... she didn't leave until she knew the marriage was definitely done. Please stop making active participants into victims... their are people out here who are real victims... who really can't get away and did not choose this... she did.

[@uhhhhokey2144]

@@Czipporah she was a real victim, she was fucking 16 when he got with her, he groomed her. she was a child.

[@sophiaisabelle027]

We will always support you, Dr Grande. Keep up the good work.

[@hunbun9052]

This should be called 'Can I analyse the case of Bernadette Sugrim' ... that woman is worth an analysis

[@nissan_skyline]

He did analyze her behavior.

[@wsidechris]

Bernadette sounds scary as well, her selfishness and lack of intelligence is disturbing. She didn't care that much after he confessed to bumping off people, but she bolted to Florida when she thought he was bumping other women. She subjected herself, but most importantly her children, to incredible harm. She is very lucky they all survived.

[@Koozomec]

Some people are mesmerized by selfish criminals. I don't get what is fascinating.

[@Hollylivengood]

She didn't care that he bumped off a sex worker. I mean, I don't mean to blame Bernadette the victim, but I see right there, that she was ok with her man killing a sex worker. I can almost hear her say, Well she's only a sex worker. Maybe she's not so sweet either. Note, the only reason she even went along with the cops was because her daughter took matters into her own hands, and got someone else to do it.

[@HexagonFL]

It’s disturbing that she would choose someone like that in the first place, but we see it all around us. These terrible people are having children and choosing superficial charm over decency left and right.

[@wsidechris]

I agree, yet I don't know if this guy had any charm even at the superficial level. I think she was just desperate and gullible and he met her minimal requirements.@@HexagonFL

[@megamillionfreak]

Most women are unintelligent egotists.

[@Swansong321]

SO many giant red flags...WORSE than red flags!🙄...and she had 2 children with this guy?..poor woman..people like HIM can ALWAYS spot people they can manipulate and control

[@censorbleep3018]

Yeah . . . she was totally innocent - they always are, after they provoke their partner to extreme rage.

[@venusvicious4446]

Poor woman? No she chose him! The kids did not! Poor kids!

[@purplelove3666]

Nothing poor about her,she chose that life, let's not feel sorry for people who decide to make stupid decisions,I only feel sorry for those children

[@alolkoydesigns]

I have seen so many situation where persons will tolerate abuse to themselves until they witness it happening to another person. Especially in cases where it involves their own children. I think when she witnessed what her child was going through, it served as the catelist she needed to get him out of her and her children's lives.

[@canterburytail2294]

I love these videos, thank you. I was wondering do you ever have fans recognize you out in the wilds?

[@LadyOfMaine]

On the outside, looking in, you can’t understand it. On the inside, looking out, you can’t explain it.

[@Laura-tp8wz]

Excellent

[@caro.caro.9578]

I always love your choice of words Dr Grande. 👌🏽

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

That’s a really complex case. I think she truly believed that Brian could become a better person, or the person that she first met. I don’t think unconditional love and support is warranted in romantic relationships, it has to be a two way street. Thank you for your analysis, Dr. Grande.❤

[@truthsocialmedia]

He was a narcissist. This woman was dangerously naive and silly and put everyone at risk with her bad choices.

[@LimoneneDaddy]

Also pretty sure she was Catholic w a name like hers lol, that says a lot .

[@jhoughjr1]

She was groomed by an illegal immigrant.

[@globes179]

But why would she think that? He's a killer and abuser, but he can be good. It's complete irrationality, and it makes her complicit. What would make her think like this???

[@nanettevantriesteharder2469]

@@truthsocialmedia Teenage girls often are irrational with their first loves.

[@JodeanCarlson]

I really enjoyed your Christmas decoration special.... Your wife is a doll, so lovely, and very talented...... Thanks for sharing that special!

[@wendiwonderly1419]

She’s fortunate she wasn’t arrested for endangering her children by allowing them to remain in that situation as long as they did

[@jollycat1374]

Wow She was a victim. You sound so ignorant and judgemental. The stats of DV transcend all walks of life. Many women stay silent because the reality is that the resources that are touted for help are not usually readily available or even accessible. In order to ask for help you have to talk about what's going on within the house and that puts you at risk of losing your children just for trying to get help and access to resources to get free of the situation. Ignorance always shows. I hope that you never find yourself or any of the women you love in life in a situation where all of their autonomy and identity has been sucked dry through an abusive spouse

[@Jeff-sp7bg]

Yes it's amazing. 🙄

[@renee1961]

I always appreciate your Analysis, Dr. Grande! Thank You!

[@01splitpea]

Thank you, Dr. Grande. Another well done video analysis.

[@hopeausbyn1734]

Once the daughter told police about the 50 strikes with an object, there were going to be charges. Bernadette knew she wanted to be the 2nd victim, and not the child abuse enabler. Bernadette excelled at self preservation.

[@kingayy9267]

That's a judgmental way to look at an abuse victim's hesitate to expose herself and her children to potentially deadly retaliation.

[@kellykane7586]

​@@kingayy9267💯. Sometimes what a person suspects in others says a LOT about who THEY really are as a person

[@DoingStuffWithDiana]

Yesssss

[@awi1316]

She is a victim, whether you find her likable or not

[@freebirdtracey62]

I do enjoy your videos, they really cheer me up! I'm not a person with a Cluster B, my van blew up today. I just need some much needed feelgood viewing

[@dorothyhansen4374]

No one can understand another person's reality. As a survivor of an extremly abusive marriage, I must stress how much the mental and emotional damage far outlasts the physical, and warps the mind. I have no patience for armchair judges who say "she should have or could have done whatever".

[@Koozomec]

Agreed but in any case covering murders and turning a blind eye on the misstreatment of children (especially the children under your protection) is a big no no and she deserved to be criticized for that.

[@Bakeroo]

Completely understand. I used to work in a women's refuge and the women would tell me the bruises heal, it's the emotional and mental abuse that lasts. I'm sorry you had to go through that and hope you are truly free of him now.

[@womanofcharacter]

I just posted the same. Unless someone has experienced domestic abuse or worked with survivors, they really don't understand just how complex the dynamics are.

[@charlesterrizzi8311]

You cannot excuse her sin by citing her experience. What experience excuses Brian’s murders and abusive behavior? Somewhere we all have to do what we have to do

[@merdog3190]

a man that covered for his wives murders for years would more than likely be held accountable for that. I agree about everything you say but you should also acknowledge that men and women are held to different standards by society and the criminal justice system. women are strong independent and morally superior until they are not and even then it is a mans fault. people that cover for other peoples murders should be held accountable....full stop.

[@VirgilTStone]

Just a reminder, I'm not applauding this video , only speculating about how I would applaud a video LIKE this one..... Really appreciate your efforts, Dr. Grande. Thank you.

[@Dawn-f7g]

My ex wanted to tell me the worst thing he had ever done, we were divorcing, he was about age 75; I said, no, don’t tell me,,,I knew knowing would be more reason for him to continue plotting my demise. Sick evil ppl😢Some have degrees, lots of money and are very cold-blooded. Lucky and Blessed to be alive❤❤❤

[@renee1961]

As a Domestic Violence Survivor, I believe she was Terrified for her Children, and herself. I know that Terror!

[@suhooo]

Then why didn’t she care until he started banging other women whom she thought were competition? This is the reason victims cannot serve on juries in which the case is somewhat related. They cannot be unbiased. Period.

[@HexagonFL]

She chose him based on charm, not genuine kindness or loyalty.

[@thelonius17schannel80]

Because she was 16!

[@jhoughjr1]

@@HexagonFLshe was 16 she chose nothing fool

[@wilhelmhagberg4897]

Teens are not 100% rational but I bet most of them would avoid dating a confessed murderer.

[@elizabethwarman9028]

Hi Dr. Grande, good morning from Southern California. Excellent analysis. As always I learn something new from your videos.

[@catharinepizzarello4784]

I think Bernadette believed that Brian was the closest to love she would ever get. She didn't think she had a choice

[@LoveMyDaisyGirl911]

Love Dr Grand, I mean Grande !!! From your holiday videos with your lovely home and wife. To your true crime videos and knowledge of the mind n psychological of the person committing the crime... Only you Dr Grand❤😊

[@01splitpea]

Bernadette feared Brian would find and kill her and their children if she reported him to police, but he was not permanently incarcerated.

[@HeatherHolt]

I can’t believe this for one second. She would have had so many opportunities even anonymously. The cops could have lied and said we found your dna on her blah blah blah. There were options. She willingly got away yet went back to him. I just can’t have sympathy for that decision. Esp since she willingly had kids with him. Kids he ended up abusing. Disgusting all around. Also I’ll take my chances with a murderer finding me, vs sleeping next to one every single night with my kids in the house too. Blah.

[@HexagonFL]

She was purposefully short sided and reckless with her decision and therefore was partially responsible for the second murder and abuse of her children.

[@Maggie8108]

I totally believe that her fear kept her silent.

[@darthlaurel]

@HeatherHolt - yeah, I'm sick of all these women being given the victim card to exonerate them. They are accessories to crime in my opinion. Staying with a violent guy who might or does hurt your children means you are a part of abusing your kids.

[@Jdaads]

I’m actually surprised that Dr. Grande didn’t discuss domestic violence and a victim’s response. Although I completely agree that Bernadette should have gone to the police, after studying DV and working with survivors (many of whom would never respond the way Bernadette did) I’m not surprised by her behavior or her mindset. She most likely lived in fear and thought that if he could do that to others, what would he do to her? Thank God for that brave girl. Who knows who else would be dead if she didn’t speak up.

[@renee1961]

Good evening 🌆🌃🏙️, Dr Grande! I hope you're doing well! Thank You!🙋🌵🪴🌵🍀

[@colettewanless-sobel2408]

Thank you for the interesting case history an🎉d the droll humor! Bravo, Dr. Grande.

[@ASlightlyTwistedFemale]

Great job as always!

[@carolroberts8930]

A short internet search for more info on this man reveals that Bernadette said that Bryan threatened to kill her and intimidated his family. Fear for herself and the children would have been a strong motivator to "toe the line."

[@ebg3624]

No she’s dumb

[@kingayy9267]

People who haven't suffered a long-term abusive relationship won't understand how it changes the way one thinks and acts. It's good that most won't understand that but bad that they'll judge DV victims for their seemingly irrational behaviors.

[@reneegardner2286]

that seems obvious without even knowing that

[@crystalclear5397]

The wife and children are Extremely lucky to have survived this drama from such an evil narcissist. Sadly this reminds me of my ex where Everyone actually thought he was the 'good guy' not knowing or believing what was going on behind closed doors, his Prior history and females he interacted with had contacted me where I later discovered More and contacted them*. (Contacted as in they had given me detail of what was done to them and it then all just made sense to the life I was living with him. )

[@globes179]

Her refusal to get real and take action against him is inexcusable, but there's a bigger question here: Why, really WHY do some women think they can change a lover? "He killed some people and abuses me but he was my first kiss, I can change him, he needs , me. Poor thing." What kind of mindset is this and where does it come from???

[@bradsanders6954]

Would you feel safe living with a double murderer? It does seem like a pattern at that point. Patterns repeat right?

[@Cats-a-Tonic]

I wouldn't feel safe living with a single murderer

[@bradsanders6954]

@@Cats-a-Tonic I think, that she was finally ready to dump him, and putting him away for good was maybe the only way out. And it worked out that way, if he ever somehow got out, she has had it. No doubt.

[@danicablue5587]

Being married to a narcissist is a precarious position. They groom you from the onset not to trust in yourself, that your ability to reason is flawed. The way they treat you when no one is looking is so much different than what any one else sees, and then they cling to you like you are the oxygen they need to live. Anything they are willing to do to another feels both out of bounds of what they would do to you while simultaneously being a fraction of the hurt they'd inflict upon you.

[@TheThora17]

Happy New Year Dr Grande! Thank you for your videos- keep em comin! 😊

[@lorizeppelina2286]

I think Bernadette couldn't have gone to the police with the murder confessions and have been guaranteed safety - she couldn't have been sure that he'd be kept in custody the whole time, and then her safety is at stake.

[@Annie-eh6mq]

I think an additional layer to this case is the fact that Bryan was an undocumented immigrant and reporting his crimes to the police put him at risk of deportation. I can see Bernadette hesitating to report his crimes out of a desire for her children to grow up with a present father. Not that I’m excusing her behaviour but his immigration status was something I was considering during the video. Thanks for another interesting discussion Dr Grande!

[@TibiSum]

Living under coercive control affects the brain. If anyone bothered to look at the early childhood development of women like this, they would see that they typically aren't provided with nurturing attachment as babies and small children and often were raised under very strong conditioning to put a parent and/or siblings needs ahead of their own. Often there is early exposure to violence. A child cannot defend itself under those conditions and the effect is written into our neural pathways. We think differently. Being conditioned to ignore your own internal sense of self/individual protectiveness has a powerful effect on a growing child, then in adulthood, that same person attracts predators who further exploit this gap in their armour. Her behaviour is disorganized and confused because she has been conditioned and gaslighted in tandem so that she will be malleable and also lack self protectiveness and basically not trust her own feelings, insights or the consensus morality/reality. Trying to apply reason to her behaviours is insane to me. I've been in intimate partner violence situations because of my own past vulnerabilities. Reason doesn't apply to a situation of coercive control, brainwashing and gaslighting. Again, these patterns started in childhood, before the person could protect themselves. Try to see the child in this. Instead of trying to get at her reasons from a place of our own assumptions, we could be asking ourselves what it was like to be in a relationship like that, what in the hell could bring a person to that? Based on my experiences of recovering from abuse, I have come to see that being curious and open will bring far more answers. By the way, I don't see her as a victim. I wasn't one either. We can't pick where our childhood development takes place and with whom. We get what we get. I got coercive control, woefully awful abuse and that had me vulnerable to more of the same. I could not think straight under conditions that were intentionally set up to make it impossible to think straight. As soon as I started to locate stability, I was able to apply reason and get out of there. I have some kind of internal drive that pushed me there, but I didn't get out by reasoning. My reasoning had been historically impaired. Nobody stays in abuse because they are stupid. No one stays in there with their kids because they are simply an asshole. I can't believe how obtuse people are on this subject. As a survivor it amazes me every day. All anyone has to do is think about brain development. The answers are right there!

[@victoriousjoy9338]

What you said here is gold and beautifully sums up the abyss of torment and confusion that lives in the mind of such survivors of childhood coercion and abuse!......The complete or partial absense of a fully formed self.

[@nanettevantriesteharder2469]

Bravo. An excellent analysis.

[@eveapple4928]

Are you saying therefore that such individuals are devoid of moral agency and any wrongs committed are not their responsibility? Because that’s a slippery slope.

[@nanettevantriesteharder2469]

@@eveapple4928 Neural development in the epigenetic process of learned nature-nurture behavior is intergenerational. For instance, a future mother's dietary intake of folic acid or not, can have positive or negative affects on a child's neural tube development during his or her critical growth periods from womb to tomb. So, there is wide variability on how the brains of children are wired due to exposure to concentrations of internal and/or external chemicals in their environments. Exposure to high levels of cortisol during pregnancy due to prevalence of domestic violence in the forms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse overall is at 5.7%. Fortunately, "despite increases in cortisol in maternal serum during pregnancy, only 10-20% of maternal cortisol crosses the placenta to reach fetal circulation in humans between 13 and 35 weeks' gestation" (Benediktsson, Calder, Edwards, & Seckl, 1997; Gitau, Cameron, Fisk, & Glover, 1998; Sandman et al., 2003). By means of the pregnant mother's self-medication, fetal alcohol syndrome disorders (ASDs) are a group of health conditions in persons exposed to alcohol as a result of their mother drinking. Exposure of a pregnant mother to the element lead (Pb) bioaccumulated within the fatty tissues of her mammary glands can also have most devastating effects on her fetus' neurological development and after she gives birth, on her newborn breastfeeding infant's brain. Baby's are born with smooth brains. Surface area of the cerebral cortex is increased via wrinkling. Every thought a child has creates a wrinkle. Repetition of the same thought deepens the wrinkle for more efficient recall along neural pathways. As a baby's vision clears, he or she imprints the faces of his parents on his or her brain as he or she also associates the voices he or she has heard in the womb and recognizes through bonding with whom he or she sees. Cognitive, emotional a.k.a. affective, and compassionate empathetic pathways are built through interactive relationships with God and others (Genesis 1-4; Exodus 20; Matthew 5-7 & 22-23). From a Judeo-Christian wordview, morality is a God-given directional strategy (i.e., values>mission>vision) to live a meaningful life. Core values of what is good or bad/evil, belief systems of what is true or false, attitudes of what is right or wrong, and behaviors of what is acceptable or unacceptable conduct are taught by parents and learned by children as binary options. To have integrity, an expressed directional strategy must be aligned in positive or negative ways. Yet, if it is aligned negatively, a U-turn of repentance can be made back to the Father's face to ask for and to receive forgiveness (Luke 15). If influenced via peer pressure and cognitive dissonance to have a lack of integrity, there is no visible difference between a so-called believer and the rest of the world.

[@williamsn411]

I think the reason why Bernadette stayed with Brian and didn’t say anything about the murders sooner was because she had absolutely no self esteem. She may have grown up in an abusive family. Being loved by someone was something that she wanted more than anything. So, when someone like Brian came along, Bernadette was willing to do anything to keep the relationship together.

[@Fairwater]

“Immigrating documentation challenges” 1995 - How did Brian get into Canada and BACK in to US without normalized immigration status ? How did he marry?

[@Neilsowards]

I wondered that also.

[@fragrancememoir2350]

Exactly! Plus, he was originally an illegal immigrant here in the US when he ASSAULTED her brothers.. ran away to Canada, somehow came back and got caught & some judge only gave him probation. He should have been detained and deported. Other Americans were m*rdered by this pos who wasn't even supposed to be in this country.

[@fatimahrahman6158]

I would guess that Bernadette sponsored him after the marriage which enabled him to obtain permanent residency in the USA. Therefore he could travel to and from Canada.

[@elizabethsol504]

He used his dead brother's identity.

[@TheKatyPB]

I love your analysis, Doctor! Thank you

[@msw8839]

You are asking why didn't she report the murders? Other questions: Why didn't she leave, marry him, etc. Coersive control. This guy was a psychopath who terrorized his family. He had all the power. Even if the daughter was the one to get help, a switch probably went off in her head. Could it be that seeing her daughter brutalized was the game breaker?

[@adriel7229]

Coercive control exactly. I'm just getting myself out of a long-term relationship where this dynamic has been in play and because of it I haven't been true to myself and haven't been happy. It's very insidious. It's hard to realize you're a victim because at other times he's so loving and attentive. I have not been a victim of physical abuse but one thing my ex and Brian have in common is that they will apologize after being abusive and beg for forgiveness. (According to the textbooks narcissists never admit to wrongdoing.) Someone who admits their faults can change, right? That's what we believe. But I'm done believing it. I can understand how Brian manipulated her emotions and intimidated her into always taking him back, until she was in too deep and stayed with him only out of fear. She's lucky she survived.

[@msw8839]

@@adriel7229 Yes. She and her children are lucky. Thank you for sharing your painful ordeal and for your keen insights. You are very strong and I wish you the best as you continue to heal.

[@andrewfaduk214]

Love your channel Regards from South Africa Andrew 🇿🇦

[@sleepermanmaximus]

Documentationally challenged. I love it!

[@DottieMinerva]

It’s not hard for me to understand why. She had been in abusive relationship since 16. He had beaten down her self esteem and confidence in her decision making skills. Trauma weakens your health and wellness making it even harder to get away. All of your energy goes towards survival. I remember his interview, Bernadette’s and their children’s. Brian came off as smug, slimy, and having a false sense of superiority.

[@kathypappas6867]

Wow ! To keep quiet after the first one is already horrendous. But thinking of that poor woman killed by her husband how could you even get that out of your mind ? Sex workers are still people , still have family or friends. How could you keep quiet ? I'll never understand that . She thought she could fix him . She really needed to fix herself. How sad. 😔

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Always interesting Thank you

[@rainee88]

In many cases of domestic abuse, the one being abused is often afraid of leaving or calling police because either they are afraid their abuser will kill them, or they don't know how to survive due to their dependence on their abuser (or sometimes both). In this case, I'm sure Bernadette was afraid of him, as she knew he was capable of murder. However, she was the breadwinner in the family, so she knew she was capable of supporting herself and her children. The first thing I thought when I heard that Brian left for 6-8 weeks was, "Perfect! A great opportunity for Bernadette to get her kids somewhere safe and talk to police about what she knew and where they could find Brian!" I just can't imagine what she was thinking during all those weeks he was away: "My husband killed someone and is hiding out for who knows how long. Oh well, it's not the first time and probably won't be the last. Life goes on!" I just don't understand how she was okay with him coming home and living under the same roof as her children. That incident with his daughter never should have happened.

[@wormhole331]

While I wouldn’t find Bernadette guilty in a criminal case. I would find her guilty in a civil case.

[@dersolipsist3079]

That's some next level codependency.

[@AwfulDog1]

I have a different take on this. Bernadette knew she was safe because he would be going away for child abuse so she took the chance to put him away longer. I think that she would have dobbed him in sooner if she was really worried about her kids, but she was more concerned he would be bailed whilst the police investigated him on the basis of no obvious evidence of this. When she realised there was foolproof evidence she took advantage of the timing.

[@carnifaxx]

yes. I also doubt he confessed to her in the style of "poor me, what have I done...", I think he most likely told it as a proof of what he was capable of doing and a sort of a threat.

[@etsprout]

Yes here early! Definitely don’t want to hide someone’s crime for them, that’s crazy

[@MegaJackpinesavage]

No telling how many other people Brian confessed murder to over the years to frighten and intimidate --- it's a standard tactic of bullies and low level criminals used to garner a reputation. That Bernadette felt forced to clam up for so many years was I'm sure to protect her kids --- no sane person (I think) really enjoys bedding down with a murderer.

[@darthlaurel]

Don't think she's sane and she should not have custody of her kids.

[@MegaJackpinesavage]

@@darthlaurel Trust that I don't & agree with you 100%.

[@Tryin2Bnice45]

I appreciate the way Dr Grande does not let her escape accountability for not reporting. Something has to tie her back to humanity - not even abuse of her own children was enough so asking how fare she would have let it go is fair. I do think we need some accountability

[@blazefairchild465]

Once Bernadette saw Brian hit his daughter 50x she knew the confessions were true. She also knew when the daughter was strong enough to have the police called she had to report the confession to murder or the family would be next to be killed. I have so many crime stories about the daughter’s nasty boyfriend attacks one of her family members & they let it slide & later he kills her or in some cases he kills the whole family his children included. My suggestion is if your daughter or sisters janky boyfriend attacks anyone in the family let him go to jail if he is undocumented they may send him out of the US. If he comes out of anger management sober there may be improvement in him & hope. If not jail time for him will give y’all time to move her to relatives in the Alps or wherever she can be safe. Him being told she ran away.

[@autumninthewoods4522]

Please do a mental health analysis on Bon Scott, the long-passed singer of AC/DC who died in 1980. His addictions and personality traits were extreme even by the standards of rock and the 1970s. He seemed bent on self-destructing and dying young, and that's just what he did.

[@KingfishStevens-di9ji]

44 years ago.

[@avoiceinthedark2028]

That sounds interesting!

[@echopeakbicycling85]

Second that. He was a legendary wild man.

[@autumninthewoods4522]

@@AnaLucia-wy2ii Bon put Freddie Mercury to shame, which is saying a lot! I think the only ones who might've been worse were the guys in Led Zeppelin.

[@autumninthewoods4522]

@@AnaLucia-wy2ii I don't know much about Sid, but for Bon I suspect Bipolar I and possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. He used to ride around naked on his bike at parties and even had sex with girls right in front of others, or did several of them in all-night orgies that he bragged about! I've read about these things in more than one book.

[@theowlshowofficial9563]

Aloha Dr.Grande 🏝 🤙

[@ThereBeGoldInThemTharHills]

My girlfriend and I watched this together. At the end, I asked her if she would keep it a secret if I was confess a murder. And she said, "yes, wait no, well maybe, no, yes, I mean yes, probably, I don't want to date again so yes, but you owe me"

[@renee1961]

Innocent Victims! Heartbreaking!🥀🥀🥀💔💔💔🙏🙏🙏🕊️🕊️🕊️

[@danparish1344]

Most manipulative people would never admit to wrong. I’m guessing he only did this because he wanted her to be terrified of him.

[@anneflynn9614]

The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she tries to leave her abuser.I believe she chose to go to the police at the time was because the police already had him in custody. It is unlikely that that occasion was the first time he abused his children.Telling the police about the murder also would have kept him behind bars.

[@overworked1084]

You should watch the interviews with this woman -she’s cold selfish and there’s something chest is wrong with her. It’s like she doesn’t care about anything but what she wants to believe. She doesn’t come across as an abused woman who made poor decisions. She comes across as a narcissist.

[@rullvox5912]

She's a disturbing case, she should have turned the creep in when he sent her to the police station to get the gun license. She's lucky he didn't kill her and her kids.

[@DakotaTuttle-k3x]

Great video

[@michelleMc2024]

She was worried he may be cheating on her. That was the catalyst for her moving out Not the murdering or abuse. Priorities...

[@HeatherHolt]

Right!! What a weird situation. Unbelievable she would willingly bring children into the world with him as a father. Unfathomable. Disgusting.

[@michelleMc2024]

​@@HeatherHoltTrue! Their daughter is definitely the hero of it all. Running to a neighbour to get help for herself. Poor kids.

[@Koozomec]

Codependency is hell of a drug. It should be explained at school with mandatory dating/romance course and s3x-ed.

[@michelleMc2024]

@@Koozomec 100%. I've no doubt he groomed Bernadette and I don't blame her for being afraid of him.

[@Cass_76]

“Hey Bernadette, I murdered another one, so I will have to ditch our van and go away for a while.” “OK Hun. Did you remember to get some dog food while you were out?”

[@empyreuma]

Bernadette had an opportunity to put that monster in jail in 2003 after he admitted killing the 39 year old Linda Gibson

[@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479]

Being in an abusive situation, especially with children involved, is THE EXACT SAME THING as being in a long term hostage situation. Professionals NEEEEED to understand that it’s a HOSTAGE situation with brainwashing, Stockholm syndrome, disorganized attachment (your confidant/ protector/ provider is also your worst nightmare/ biggest fear/ possible killer …and there’s SO much more involved! Hostages can’t just Leave. They know their lives are at the greatest risk when they make that first move!

[@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479]

There’s no “easy escape”, especially when they hold your kids hostage and claim they’ll have multiple witnesses see you committed and the “killer” gets custody of the children

[@eadweard.]

A layman telling professionals what they "need to understand" is bold, if nothing else.

[@reneegardner2286]

very true

[@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479]

@@eadweard. 🤣 a LAYMAN??!?? I can’t stop laughing. Try EXPERT, honeypie! & Don’t judge unless you LIVE IT.

[@eadweard.]

@@comingoutspinster-rebellik1479 What makes you an expert in such things?

[@Greyy66]

"There goes Brian again with another murder" Man d.grande levels of dry humor is on another level

[@rcinelli7056]

Please analyze Dianne Schuler (sp?). The woman who crashed her minivan going the wrong way on the highway, killing her children, nieces, and others . It's a great mystery, and I'd love to hear what you think ❤

[@lindabrennan4455]

Excellent idea! That one really disturbed me.

[@flickiow24]

He already did 3 years ago

[@Koozomec]

Op : you know you can do a search before a request.

[@lindabrennan4455]

@@flickiow24 How do I find it?

[@gigi9301]

@@flickiow24 Yep ~ wrong way on the Tatonic She was a major alcoholic and family absolutely refuse to believe it

[@zenawarrior7442]

Very odd she didn't turn him in but narcissists are good at deceit & manipulation. Great points again. Thanks Dr G😊🤍💚

[@HexagonFL]

She let a killer strike again. She should have been charged with a crime.

[@Sunchild_26]

To me Bernadette shows desperation and low self esteem to 1 love a man who physically attacks her own flesh and blood and 2 murders ANYONE….but that’s my 2 cents

[@KingfishStevens-di9ji]

Looks like she finally snapped out of it after he physically abused their daughter.

[@misstinahamilton5714]

@@KingfishStevens-di9ji Thats what I think- I do not at all agree with her actions . But it does seem like she snapped after he went after their daughter

[@reneegardner2286]

*codependency

[@brycearmstrong2891]

It was mighty big of her to forgive him for murdering someone.

[@breathnstop]

I think Bernadette was willing to take abuse to keep her marriage together but when he beat their innocent daughter it broke the spell.

[@home4life505]

2:20 He confesses of murder, he abuses her, but she leaves b/c he cheats... i cant 3:04

[@simonecoates8216]

Bernadette's inaction re the murder confessions and killing of the family dog makes me wonder if she would have just put up with Brian abusing her children. Thankfully her Skye had the strength and courage to run for help and the neighbour was there and responded correctly. Hope the children got the help they needed to cope with the rest of their lives.

[@meFatuations]

In a sense, Bernadette was an enabler for Brian. She is morally responsible for the second murder. Knowing how dangerous he was, she allowed the monster to continue with his freedom to do what he wanted. Fortunately, only two people were killed. Bernadette is lucky that neither herself or her kids were killed.

[@HexagonFL]

She should be held responsible for not telling authorities about the first murder. The second one wouldn’t have occurred if they knew…

[@darthlaurel]

Bernadette, what would it take for you to leave your abusive husband? "Oh, he really does love me, I think, and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't kill me or my children so....let me think....two murders, I guess." Yeah....she's a bad and defective human being.

[@berms1621]

I’m the past being with a master manipulator, I can understand why Bernadette didn’t say anything about the murder of the sex worker… in her head she would be scared if he indeed was the murderer but she would also be scared that he confessed this to her as a test to see if she would keep this a secret. And then in her head she would have thought if he didn’t do it and was not found guilty that he was capable of doing a lot more harm to herself and her kids. These type of people create this fear where you aren’t able to think you can possibly get out for good.

[@ReDirect-pe7ku]

Dr. Grande please review the case of Audreanna Zimmerman and the relationship dynamic of the 3 offenders. Thank you!!

[@peekaboots01]

The family dog? 💔 What a monster!

[@johnl5350]

He really does fill up the bastard bingo card in a hurry. It's hard for me to be too harsh on Bernadette considering her age when he told her all the right, beautiful things. Then he goes on to show more and more that none of it was real. I'd have a lot of trouble accepting that too, at some point she at least viewed him as a kind person who cared about her. Turns out he is an wife abuser, a pet killer, a plain old murderer, a cheater, and so much more. I realize it didn't all happen overnight, but I'd feel so stupid and just as betrayed. Rejecting reality would probably be appealing if it meant hanging on to what I thought I had in the beginning.

[@carolstevens1722]

I think you’re discounting the effects of domestic violence. It eats away at a sense of self, it teaches you to distrust yourself, it teaches you that you are nothing without your partner. And there’s always the fear of what you’re partner would do if you betrayed him. And it’s easy to self-blame. If only I hadn’t said that, done that. If only I had said or done that. Guilt feeds the need to avoid, cover, and lie. Well, that’s my opinion.

[@echopeakbicycling85]

I hope you're not speaking from experience. If so, I understand that situation and hope you are doing well now.

[@carolstevens1722]

@@echopeakbicycling85 Thank you. Actually I am speaking from experience but I got out, after 10 years, with the help of my wonderful counselor. She literally saved my life. And, fortunately, my husband never murdered anyone!

[@emmagatewood3898]

And yet, she saw evidence of his evil before the domestic violence began. He beat up her brothers and acted like an idiot prior to their marriage, but she still married him. Any reasonable person would not have married him. She was not a reasonable person.

[@razzles5338]

R.I.P. Athena 🙏🏼💔🐕‍🦺

[@Loratube]

The law that allows you not to testify against your spouse doesn’t legally exempt you from reporting them? Just curious

[@lindabrennan4455]

This one absolutely takes the cake...."there goes Brian again with another murder." That is HILARIOUS!!!! 😂😅😊❤

[@barbaramcastro]

“There goes Brian again with another murder” I’m in stitches 😂

[@michaelgreer9023]

Question: Is Romantic Love "like" a drug or "it is" a drug? | An Unanswerable Question Philosophy is not appreciated by "normal" people. The reason for this is simple to understand. We all know that life is mysterious and this is frightening, at least to most people. Philosophers have the unhappy task of probing the mysterious universe we all live in. To probe such mysteries means to "go beyond' the boundaries used by most to define "reality." Turns out reality is nothing like what most people think it might be, if they even care to ask. Now for my analysis. Sugrim is "interestingly enough" a name used by immigrants from India to Guyana. Most people of Indian descent came to Guyana as tea workers for British industry. Brian came to be after the "horror" of Jonestown, but he was never actually freed from its influence. Let's say it came after him with a vengeance. He brought the worst vices of America with him: bullying, intimidation, ridicule, and murder. Bernadette's ordeal is easy to trace. A naive young American woman was not prepared for the insanity contained in Brian's brain. She was confused about the proper meaning of the word "love." It's easy to see that had Bernadette spent a few evenings reading a book on semantics, she might not have gone down the road she did. Thank you.

[@nanettevantriesteharder2469]

I like this new perspective. According to Medical News Today, "Romantic love may trigger neural pathways that activate certain brain areas, including the reward, emotion, and primary sensory regions. Three main neurotransmitters linked to love are dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin." Harvard University's article, "Love Actually: The Science Behind Lust, Attraction, and Companionship" (February 14, 2017) says, "Testosterone and estrogen drive lust; dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create attraction; and oxytocin and vasopressin mediate attachment." I had just returned to the states with my infant daughter when the Jonestown Massacre occurred on November 18, 1978. Do you suppose he might have had a serial killer's fixation on violence, death, and corpses from exposure to those types of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)?

[@5dorkycastillos]

Would love to know your thoughts on the Irene Gakwa case. She needs more coverage. Heartbreaking...

[@rmcar549]

As a mental health professional you know the impact of domestic violence and abuse on a person!! You know the severity to which abuse impacts the victim, they live in constant fear, they grow to believe that they deserve to be treated the way that they're treating, they've been brainwashed into believing that no one would believe them anyway, and it becomes routine to have everything dictated by the abuser. It literally shocks me that you're not acknowledging the mindset of an abuse victim, especially a victim that's been abused for so long. This woman would have had severe PTSD, most likely, from nearly two decades of abuse. Not to mention the fact that she had no other relationship standards by which to judge the severity of her situation. I feel like it's really lacking to say that she was complicit in her husband's actions when really she was a victim of severe abuse. I honestly do not understand your your answer on this one.

[@oldandtired940]

He was in the country illegally. After his first arrest, and failure of authorities to deport him, some of the blame for all subsequent crimes falls on those authorities for allowing him to remain

[@RMcCoy-fb4rs]

Exactly!

[@denissecafengiu2033]

I know the power of a narcissist, Bernadette is a victim.😢

[@Tailionis]

"There goes Brian again with another murder." Had me rolling. 😂

[@girl4spidey]

After the first confession, i wonder if her own personal guilt doesnt have something to do with her silence. 'I knew about his first murder, if I had told someone blah blah blah ...' I also wonder if she wouldn't have let him beat his daughter to death. She did let him strike her 50 times without saying anything but sang like a canary when the cops responded to the daughter. Afraid she'd be looked at like a compliant / abusive parent? It just gnaws at me ... If he had killed her daughter, i think she would have remained silent ... Just my own thoughts