Borderline Personality Disorder & Sexual Compulsivity | Sex Addiction, Hypersexuality, & Promiscuity

[@starlettetwinkles6933]

I think BPD also uses sexuality as a coping mechanism for anxiety

[@karok474]

Absolutely Dr Grande, there are people with BPD who don't participate in compulsive sexual behaviour, and/ or on the opposite side, because of the lack of trust in people, don't even come as close as to being sexually involved with someone. An enormous thank you for your channel, time and non-judgmentally soothing words.

[@Brunette84]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@90charim]

Yes but I can see both sides

[@nancysmith5276]

I'm 24 from California. I was 11 and abused by my neighbor who was 19. At that time, it didn't look like an abuse to me because I felt i liked him plus, at a point i kept visiting him voluntarily. even after we stopped dating. I'm not totally sure it was the pleasure thou. I didn't often enjoy it. I used sex as a way to punish myself for a lot of years. It was like it wasn't enough to just hurt myself I needed someone else to hurt me. At the same time, i felt like i had a lot of power, no one can call me a victim if i did it to myself right? Those were the thought in my head. I think the "hypersexuality thing" is declining. Though sometimes i still have that urge... you know from my stomach. I've avoided being alone with guys especially older men and tried therapy too. But i guess somehow it only gets better. Thanks for bringing it up, it really needs to be talked about. Why do i feel like I've said too much...

[@katedollen6560]

I am both...I’m hypersexual and I avoid sex. It’s difficult to explain without going into detail.

[@barb7124]

Black and white thinking. Its makes sense.

[@Partycitybaex]

BPD seems to be an extreme of one or the other. We can either feel like the world is falling apart and in flames, or an empty abyss. We either feel manic and on top of the world, or depressed to the max. We either overly trust, or not trust at all. Black and white are the only colors on our paint palette.

[@PeterKato83]

That means you just play with yourself?

[@jeremyarroyo360]

I have a sex addiction as well.

[@chrisbacon4553]

Oh my God me too. How is there more than one of me?

[@lightbulb888]

I learned that promiscuity in bpd people is a way of self harming/self trashing from professor Sam Vacknin. It sounds so true to me. Also is a way to deal with the pain that the fear of abandonment or rejection causes by splitting and breaking the connection with your partner all together...before they do it to you.

[@carlyannihilation]

That is 100% accurate for me. I’ve never thought of it like that though.

[@whitesands7900]

Not an excuse to hurt people though, is it.

[@gabrieljimenez8159]

@@carlyannihilation So are you saying that you cheat a lot on your partner ?

[@carlyannihilation]

@@gabrieljimenez8159 no, I don’t cheat on my partners at all. I’m saying Ive used it as a way of coping a lot in the past.

[@jamielynngallegos9196]

I agree ..I would go through phases of permiscuity And it made me feel so unworthy and dirty...but I would do it anyway... God bless you 🙏

[@thirdstringallpro6264]

i have bpd and have acted out sexually many times and carry shame because of the experiences ive had. its a big part of the illness. its hard to live with most of the time. usually while on drugs, coke and meth. a lot of the people i had sex with were people i would never associate with sober. drugs and impulsivity play hand in hand. drugs first and then it went downhill from there. it didnt matter who i slept with at the time

[@jamielynngallegos9196]

You're experience sounds a lot like mine... God bless you 🙏

[@miss.conduct8083]

Hello, mirror 🥺 Very hard life to lead.

[@gbd-oq1rz]

When drugs are normalized. You forget that their use carries consequences.

[@ilovelaurynguku]

I love you 🥰🥰

[@KoolT]

Jesus, get off those drugs bc they will kill you. I lived in a TOURIST area many deaths from drugs. Please try to stop.

[@darrianv928]

Why do I never seem to learn? Yet I have these moments of moral clarity.

[@arethajb6105]

This.

[@raylaughlan5324]

So relatable lmao

[@Princess0ftheLight]

+

[@tshiruh5]

Same

[@TroyHill442]

This is one of the best videos on KZbin. This sums up 30+ years of suffering in my life.

[@1roanstephen]

Thank you doctor. My wife was diagnosed in 2005 with BPD but she refuses to accept that. Your information has really opened my eyes to how I let myself get sucked into this relationship. I wish I had seen your video 24 years ago, I would have run away.

[@peterdbrwsk]

Same here

[@andrewwye1058]

My girlfriend also, in denial. Just starting couples counselling to see if I can get anywhere with it. A mediator hopefully will mean that she cannot wriggle out of responsibility and accountability. Let’s see lol.

[@1roanstephen]

@@andrewwye1058 Hope that will work for you, my wife just quit going and refuses to believe she is part of the problem.

[@SelfimproventandDevelopment]

@@andrewwye1058wow this is crazy I was always telling my Ex for us to get therapy

[@billybay7248]

I'm 26 and just got diagnosed and I fit all the criteria. I'm starting a podcast to talk openly and this helped a lot! Thank you!

[@masonart4950]

Have me on! I'll talk about any and all of my facets.

[@plantbasedunicorn7995]

@@masonart4950 same!!

[@almabayomi8065]

How do I find your podcast? I have a friend suffering from this and his parent just doesn’t know what to do to help.

[@billybay7248]

@@almabayomi8065 hey! Honestly I only did a few episodes but there is one or two where I talk about my BPD. If it helps its called Dramatic Puss and it's on Anchor and Spotify. Thanks for asking and if you also know of any resources I'd appreciate it. My mom did read a book called " I Hate You Don't Leave Me"and said it helped her understand. I'm still figuring it all out Honestly and sorry if I'm not too helpful.

[@almabayomi8065]

@@billybay7248 Thank You so much. I can’t imagine having to deal with this myself. I am going to search for the book you suggested. Wishing you the best in life. And will say a prayer for your self discipline.

[@peggygenoway]

You deliver the information in an eloquent, structured and professional manner--and that has a lot to do with feeling informed. I look forward to your videos.

[@TCGTales]

I started dating this woman, within the first month of our relationship I learned that she had been married and divorced 3 times before aged 28, she had slept with 55 men, most of her relationships had been not longer than 6 months and prior to my b-day within that first 4 weeks she shared with me that she had a STD. I was so blinded by the LOVE bomb and co-dependancy that I ignored all these red flags. Months later she had already cheated on me, was always flirting with guys on social and i learned that she suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder and other mental health issues. Obviously within our time together, she was suicidal, the highest level of toxic abuse I have ever experience and overall hell.

[@afrozekhan5606]

She sounds like the female version of my husband

[@julioacosta2322]

I experienced the same thing with my ex. Never enough sex and/ or foreplay. Narcissist, BPD and so much more than a liar and cheater. 54 yrs old and never got the help from a professional that she needed.

[@jculleno]

​@@julioacosta2322 my current situation . Minus the STD (i hope)

[@OwlTL]

I've been dating a girl with BPD. She is emotionally abusive, she seems insatiable with regards to sex and I highly suspect she has cheated on me numerous times and likely with a few of my friends.

[@redsolocup727]

@@OwlTL Get out of there!! Your peace of mind is to important to put up with this kind of abuse!!

[@SaaBl-wr4te]

I thought I'm crazy for being overly sexual and avoiding it... this makes me feel so much better

[@plantbasedunicorn7995]

Same

[@lilyjane1011]

What is oversexual to you? If you do not mind giving a number bracket'... it makes me think of the dialogue between Winona Rider and her therapist in Girl interrupted...

[@annacamila_]

​@lilyjane1011 we think about sex when we're under stress or we try to relieve every single mood swing through some sex activity... we abuse of pornograpy, masturbation or promiscuity as a way of relieve our constant inner instability. You're welcome.

[@joymassey3929]

Dr. Todd, thank you very much for your time and knowledge....it's very much appreciated

[@vala1277]

I have bipolar disorder and strongly believe the stigma of mental illness needs to be fought with educating people. I love how these videos carefully address nuances in order to fight stigmatization.

[@gabez8]

Most people refuse to change their attitude about mental health and behavioral issues because their ego pushes them to believe that it's an "excuse". Far from the truth

[@harleyquinn5774]

Just don’t apply that approach with Cluster-B personality disorders.

[@cdeep4548]

I'm in a relationship with a woman that has bpd. She has had so many sexual encounters that she has lost count. She has told me without me asking of over 20 different sexual encounters she's had in the past and speaks of them as if they were great. I'm currently 3 months into the relationship and we don't have sex, we have had sex 4 times in 3 months and is telling me it's because she doesn't feel like it which makes me feel insecure and rejected. She gave me an analogy, she said " once you've traveled the whole world and theirs nothing else to see you just want to be home ". She tells me she dislikes sex and doesn't want to have it when she's in a relationship because it feels forced but that sex while single is great because theirs no pressure to have it. She's very promiscuous when not in a relationship but when in one she dislikes the act. I wish I had a little more understanding to why.

[@alfnorg3639]

She dislikes sex in a relationship because people with BPD have fear of emotional intimasy/closeness. Their fear of abandoment makes them to avoid emotional sex because they think that they will have a deep emocional connection with her/his partner, and that makes them feel powerless because they have fear of being emotional vulnerable. Everything with them is about control and avoidance of real intimacy or closeness because they fear abandonment, rejection, and losing themselves in the relationship if there is a real emotional connection.

[@praiseosas2016]

Alf Norg Well said

[@parrotfish1988]

Run

[@Krass.Estranged]

I hope you got away from this woman.

[@cdeep4548]

@@Krass.Estranged She broke up with me for no real reason. We stayed friends and she continued to chase after men and have meaningless sex with pretty much anyone who showed interest. She has a very attractive figure for a woman who’s 5’0 105 lbs so she’s gets a lot of attention to say the least. I did move on but it didn’t work out and now I’m finding myself being drawn back to her since we talk everyday. I already know that she’s not ever gonna change but here I am still giving her my attention. She lives about an hour away and she prefers we don’t hangout or see each other. I feel caught in web and I’m praying for help, pray for me too.

[@annerittwage1401]

I avoid sexual contact in my relationship when I feel triggered, which is quite often. I dissociate. I also can get hypersexual when I get triggered and dissociate. Whenever I have sex and am "present in the moment", those moments are typically most often unfulfilling and painful. When I am searching for validation when I'm drunk or on drugs at a party I can get quite flirty and things could happen, but I am in a relationship and I want to respect that. I want to respect that.

[@jamesritch5245]

Wish my soon to be ex wife of 15 years felt instead of cheating on me then trashing me and my son

[@annerittwage1401]

@@nyahhbinghi I'm trying to get better. I don't want it to be like this either. :/

[@rickterrance4981]

If you're in a relationship why are you at a party drinking and getting high around horny men without your partner? Why do you think that's okay?

[@heythere6983]

Do you initiate intimacy with others and then sometimes stop it almost immediately?

[@luvingmy2]

The relationship between BPD hyper sexual behavior and NPD does not take into consideration individuals (Person As) who are not NPD themselves, but may have been raised by a parent with NPD and therefore exhibit codependency and NPD traits, or traits of other disorders. Individuals raised by a parent with a cluster B personality disorder are often predisposed or preconditioned to dealing with behaviors the general population would not be tolerant of. Moths to a flame. Food for thought.

[@camuscat123]

I wonder if there are relationships between trauma history, experiencing intense/confusing emotional/sexual arousal, and finding promiscuity as an outlet for such charged experiences. There is so much conflict between what feels "good" and what actions society views as "bad." Come here..go away...help..get away from me. There is so much confusion surrounding Borderline personality disorder and the psychical consequence of chronic sexual trauma. Thanks for your academically informed perspectives. They always incite more questions based on important concerns.

[@camuscat123]

Avoidance...being a safe option...

[@geoff258]

Yes, all of the above.

[@samanthak9078]

Absolutely

[@PotatoeBunny93]

thank you for sharing this information with us. i have bpd and struggle with hypersexuality so this helps in understanding some aspects better. hypersexuality is not something im proud of, it brings me a lot of grief and distress. i find it strange when media glamorizes it. it distracts from living life to the fullest in my personal case

[@kimberlidavis8506]

Wow. Stopped me in my tracks on how accurate you are!!

[@TRAllen-lp4qy]

Agreed

[@frankenz66]

No opinion, just trying to absorb. thanks for this excellent presentation Dr. Grande!

[@katentropy]

Please talk more about the tie between sexual impulsivity and mood swings versus sexual compulsivity and associated behaviors. TY!

[@raginald7mars408]

as a German Biologist... it is about over Rewarding and avoiding anything related to it is about over Rewarding and avoiding anything related to PAIN . evebn imagined. It takes intese Endurance training to accept PAIN as necessary to achive anyth8ng - and to reduce Rewards as much as possible. Then just breathig fresh air and drinking clean pure Water is wonderful...

[@amandalouise3020]

Your videos are very validating. Thank you for sharing all of your knowledge and insights. It’s very much appreciated

[@Voodoovixenn]

Best video I’ve watched on this topic. Very thorough and informative, thank you!!🙌🏼

[@jessicagullo7004]

I was clinically diagnosed 3 separate times with BPD and you are spot on !

[@monicawylie3985]

I’ve been in a serious relationship with someone with BPD. They successfully went through AA and ongoing therapy. I can see the sexuality that goes on like gang busters (I’m high libido so I’m not complaining). The association with depression and feeling of emptiness is horrible. They don’t like being alone because of this. They’re working on proper medication for this. The first one they were given was extremely strong. Therapy is necessary for those with BPD to help with their chaotic lives. I now can see the BPD in a former friend as well. I had to end the friendship with her due to her dependence on people. It was completely draining. However the person I’m with now doesn’t do this.

[@endeavorswithladyotaku183]

What you described in this video and your other bpd videos is a play by play of my life. I'm a 29yr old female and I'm positive that I have bpd, I have all 9 traits. I sought out a therapist about a year ago hoping she could give me a diagnosis but after a couple months I stopped going.

[@maryellengodfrey]

Keep trying until you find one that you are comfortable with. When I was younger I did not want anyone authoritative. I did the same but after anther 5 years in thearpy I sure wish I would have. Nothing wrong with therapist hopping. Then I had one I would pay for and not go. Then I had a hippie guy who I was simply to free with and interested in personally so I had to quit. The latest is the best for me. She does DBT which is not psych analysis - she also does EMDR - has a great deal of experience with teens ( what could be more educational right ) anything I tell her it’s like boom boom boom down the line and she has deep insight. I’ve been into self healing all my life and I have a minor in psych myself. It’s the best thing ever, you just find the right person. They are there.

[@randycallahan5608]

On the subject of someone with BPD having twice as many sexual partners as someone who does not have the disorder. I hypothesize this may not be promiscuity, but rather because their fear of abandonment issues often cause relationships to end, either by the person with BPD or their significant other. The person with BPD often self-sabotages a relationship and therefore will have more partners based on this alone. Not that the BPD person is always out sleeping around with multiple parties at the same time or engaging in one night stands. The person with BPD may be very faithful to the person whom they are in a relationship with, but have a higher history of sexual partners due to the higher number of relationships started then ended.

[@vampireslayer1989]

After two plus years my BPD ex gf and I got into a fight. Her abandonment fears kicked in and I was immediately devalued (although she strung me along). During the silent treatment I was confused as to what was happening. When I enquirered, she accused me of writing "diatribes". This confused me more and had me questioning my own sanity. Later I realized that my communications were the same; it was hers that had contracted when the love bombing stage ended. I later learned that I had been replaced and she and her new guy were going to sex clubs. We always (I thought) had a deal that we had to break things off if we wanted to see others. In the end she called me crazy and said that no such agreement ever existed. BPD is sick and twisted. They string you along, triangulate you, and mess with your head. She had five dissociations so amnesia is a big part the disorder. One compartment often does not know what the other is doing. I did not realize what I was asking at the time, but said "What happened to that great woman from the other night?" Her Sadistic Narcissistic Dissociation snapped back "She doesn't exist."

[@rosamundmorgan9321]

Dr Grande thank you. its helped me deal with a situation where a deeply trubled person swung from being obsessed with all things sexual to deep hostility and denial. They minimised their behaviour and appeared to forget the seriousness and potential harm their uncontrolled urges may bring about. The sad part isthe string ofbunhappiness for all concerned until this person gets help.

[@pocoeagle2]

Well explained. Thank you! As soon as I receive the notification of a new video of you I'm trying to get me 'My Personal (almost daily) Dr. Grande Moment' - and I love it 😃

[@Joaquinonbasstheelectriklovein]

I had an experience with my ex BPD girlfriend after she had exploded with rage that was very painful to watch.After the threatening episode she tried taking off her blouse in front of me as if having sex would make everything ok.I asked her please not do that & felt an indescribably deep sadness for her.

[@shanineedwards6894]

To clarify... Sexual addiction, sexual impulsivity and sexual promiscuity are different things...

[@Turtleman1954]

I agree with you regarding the pattern of a narcissistic person being drawn to bond with a hyper sexual person. The pleasurable ego stimulation the narcissist experiences in the beginning of the relationship is triggered by being desired intensely by the hyper sexual person.

[@jessicagullo7004]

I have BPD and I'm extremely compulsive with sex and I ended up hurting my partner very bad....

[@TheHonestTruth]

and you don't care in the slightest

[@SingHabibi]

I’m BPD and overly sexual people make me sick tbh but I’m trying to learn to cope.

[@lindagodem6414]

just finishing therapy session after realizing i dont want to resist my impulses so im not sure why im even in therapy

[@destinyluv8828]

Omg! This! If you need someone to talk to, let me know!

[@missbcritiques9209]

@@abdulmateen3326 hey I feel the same! How you describe it??

[@thing3681]

Love your videos Dr Grande. Thank you for everything you do.

[@B.I.-EIO_macdonald9786]

Hi Dr Grande I think i did good with this aspect. No hypersexuality. Only time that happens is when im with a man for sure. Never been promiscuous Thank God. It seems i saved myself a lifetime of jerry Springer episodes directky affecting my emotional state. Avoiding sexual to build a solid works well. But im still improvising

[@blueStarKitt7924]

I know it's a real serious matter, but you said "Jerry Springer episodes" and it just made me laugh! Grotesque pictures in my mind for instants! But I see what you mean. I'm glad you didn't go through all that mess.

[@kd1inoly693]

Doc, I was hoping you would mention (excessive) masterbation. Does this coincide with hypersexuality?

[@lmiya1661]

Another wonderful informative vid...ty for this information Dr.grande💐💐💐

[@haileymorris174]

I go between hating sex and only thinking of sex. It's a scary way to live.

[@timmyvacon6777]

Thank you for taking the time to make these interesting and informative videos:) Simply well made!.

[@malikaigregg2222]

I can tell you EXACTLY how the instable moods are related! The stress from the instable moods causes a relapse in order to cope!!!

[@JosephineWitch]

I think people automatically think sex + MH is mostly about feeling but it can also be about not feeling + masking. as well as you say, a lack of control.

[@Partycitybaex]

Very insightful love it

[@koolhwhip2957]

Ive had around 30-40 casual sex partners and im only 22. Im still not pleased and feel empty still. Its hard bonding with women when your brain tries to control u. Even psychiatrists, ide hold back from trying to make out with them. Prob thousands of dollars wasted in gas dates and paid sex. My ex is narcissistic and is the only girl who is attracted to my personality. Makes sense. Great video, as always.

[@erasmus9511]

I’m 20, I only started having sex at 18 and my body count is around 20ish. I don’t know if this is BPD or not since I’m not diagnosed yet.

[@koolhwhip2957]

@hatter00 When you have strong feelings towards something its not hard

[@johnkhan482]

Nikola tesla physicist never did sex, that is why he was such a great mind,

[@cicei7469]

This sounds like me but without the paid sex and gas dates.

[@Largo1845]

What is "gas dates"? Never heard of it.

[@weekendnomad5038]

This was very informative!! I have had moments where I overindulge with many partners .. and bouts of celibacy to avoid sex at all costs that have lasted almost a year each time. I feel so bad for my husband. I’ve been faithful but I feel like a nuisance. The feeling of the act is addictive. He is antisocial

[@onelife7247]

Fortunately I have never been subjected to childhood sexual abuse but it seems a little presumptuous to assume that clients who have would all end up with Borderline Personality Disorder and sexual deviances... These diagnostic manuals are very useful but like you say, critical thinking, taking into account that people are individuals is imperative if we are to gain a thorough understanding of each person’s plight.

[@bigcconservativeguy2534]

Where does anyone say that everyone that suffers abuse will develop a personality disorder? The DSM draws a direct relationship between the 2 but nowhere does it say everyone who is abused will develop a personality disorder. The clinical study info shows clearly a direct relationship between people who suffer childhood abuse and a high incidence of personality disorders but again nowhere does it claim that everyone will develop a disorder!

[@mossyman789news]

I have borderline personality disorder with sexual compulsive behavior that has destroyed my marriage

[@laurasusannalisaharleysantera]

Yes we do have a lot of casual sex in reality. Especially when we want to fill a void in our lives or we're lonely or we're simply bored. Yes it as an 'addiction' yes drugs are an essential need for a lot of us to . I am simply discrete and low key with what I do because I don't want anybody to ask me for explanations.

[@paesitopaez4302]

I have some BPD traits and boy... this is spot on

[@sandralofgren8266]

Hi Dr Grande! Could you please do a video on the correlation between covert narcissism and BPD? I have BPD and watch all of your videos, but I find myself identifying a lot with covert narcissm as well (but I don't see the malice in me, but a lot of thought patterns and behaviors). It would be wonderful to explore this deeper, if there is a correlation at all. Thank you so much!

[@onlyluvisreal6691]

He was always saying, "I will never be with another woman!" I started thinking He must be thinking about it 🤔

[@charlesbromberick4247]

Observing a sample of 1, I can verify your analysis. BPD is so complex, it takes a genius like Dr. Grande to even start to understand it. Thanks for the video.

[@nadiaoulahri4779]

Dr. Grande, why are narcs promiscuous???? Does it have to do with their upbringing? Or is it related to a dysfunctional brain? Or else is it a conscious behavior pattern that echoes their toxicity???? Thanks very much Dr.Grande for sharing your knowledge.

[@KarhuLP]

Now i would be interested if there is anything important to know about avoidant personality disorder and sexuality. The whole concept of sexuality from a psychological viewpoint, maybe in conjuction with personality disorders is pretty interesting.

[@Venomous_471]

This is me to a tee! I been suffering for 30 years and I'm 47.

[@omarloera4075]

My ex bpd asked me to kiss her 45 min after we met, later convinced me not to use a condom... after 4 months I found out she was talking to 5 other guys 3 of which were past ex boyfriends. I don’t know the extent of her relationship with them but that does not matter. I left her and I have never seen anyone spiral into abandonment like her (hundreds of texts and calls). Very scary. She also filed a restraining order against me which was blindly granted and later permanently granted. Men be careful especially now in the “me too era”. My lawyers could not help me despite a bullet proof case. I’m currently in appeals. Luckily I can afford to protect myself.

[@samuel-fi7qi]

Alex Rocha leave G not healthy more 2 life

[@mikea1534]

Was her name sydney and from Boston?.....

[@omarloera4075]

@@mikea1534 no but my case is not unique. There are many women out there that will gladly give you great sex- fantasy sex... play on your desire etc. before talk therapy I was prone to this for my own personal problems ( mainly narcissism and psychopath issues) When you’re 20, 25, 30, 35 not too much to lose when you are 40 with assets, e.g. house, business, a reputation at risk... you simply can’t go on like that anymore. Worse yet woman now a days have no problem- none having multiple sex partners in the end you need to know when to walk away and say no to some really good looking pussy. Hate to be blunt about it but impulse control for guys that have a lot to lose is key.

[@mikea1534]

@@omarloera4075 your story fits mine exactly, im 32 shes 33, I have a lot to lose but there were things along the way that didn't seem right but could not put my finger on it. If its not to much trouble I would like talk to you about my situation an possibly get your opinion on what I was actually dealing with

[@omarloera4075]

@@mikea1534 look me up on fb and we can chat.

[@anjiliveach3267]

Thanks for this video, Dr. G. I have a friend with borderline who has a history of compulsive sex, but I've never understood it because she also complains a lot about none of the men she's with being interested in a serious relationship, and she basically thinks she'll never get married. It doesn't seem to occur to her that Tindr hookups are not how you find men interested in marriage. I never thought of that as an effort to avoid abandonment and/or a response to numbness, but it makes sense. Would you ever consider making a Patreon? I would definitely support you at at least a $1-5 level, maybe more depending on my finances and any tiers you offered. You put so much work into these great, well-researched videos and many people appreciate your effort. I for one would like to see you get some kind of compensation for your time.

[@Taluta394]

Wondering where Amber Heard fits in this? The neighbor that testified at the trial said it was more than 30 people a month, male & female - single or together were at her Penthouse for sex while JD was out of town. I found that to fit in her BLP & histrionic diagnosis from dr curry. But it still is pretty much! I did know a girl in college that had sex with over 250 guys in a year! She wrote down their names. I still have a hard time believing her. How would you have time to study? Sounds funny, but it scared me. I figured it must be a mental illness but still found it frightening.

[@AMM3.]

Thanks very much. It's such a complicated relationship. As a victim of childhood sexual abuse I hate the power it has over me. As someone who experiences love or emotions very strongly I love the potential for an emotional connection. Very rarely does that all balance out into a good experience. I know how unpredictable I am. I know my partner doesn't know what to expect. It may have been exciting at one point, I would say he's really over that now.

[@CB-jx9pw]

Dr Grande, could you perhaps make a video about BPD and complete sex avoidance (plus gaslighting and shaming the partner) due to fear of rejection? My ex told me he had an almost mortal fear of rejection, and that he hurt and rejected me first so he wouldn't get rejected himself. He seems to be a dismissive avoidant as well. He says he loves me and wants to change, however I broke down in March this year when things just got too much after a decade of him withholding sex including any kind of loving physical contact, even holding hands, and refusing any kind of verbal affection as well. I broke it off and I'm trying to heal, however I think a passionate and intimate relationship with him won't be possible, even with therapy. I keep wondering, what if... I need to break my trauma bond. I just find the complete sex avoidance really strange... I wonder if you have any thoughts on this?

[@Abraham-gf1oi]

This is interesting, the only reason I've witheld sex from my partner is because I needed to know that my body wasn't all that I offered him, if that makes sense. The response I wanted from him would just be an affirmation. That he's okay with it, and that he just wants to be in my life as a partner. Whether that be romantic or sexual or platonic doesn't matter. I think your ex was looking for that kind of validation?

[@BunnyUK]

Amazing video again, Dr. Grande. What happened to the green screen, by the way?

[@raylaughlan5324]

Hahaha

[@shanineedwards6894]

For me sex as always been a way to numb the agony that is bpd. It's not an addiction... It's something I resort to when I feel absolutely out of control (in excruciating emotional pain)... I've had a therapist tell me I have a bit of a sex addiction... That could be the farthest thing from true... Sexual addiction is an abstract concept and depends largely on how the person views and is impacted by their sexual habits. To me... If someone has sex 5 times a year... I really don't see how that could be an addiction... Be careful who you listen to.

[@TRAllen-lp4qy]

I can relate

[@lilyjane1011]

Agree.

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

Excellent video! Thank you for explaining this so well!

[@Brunette84]

I have bpd and no I am not hyper sexual. I hate even being touched. I cover my entire body up. Due to rape as a young child. I hate sex.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

I'm sorry for what you went through as a child and what you are going through Now. May you heal and find peace.🙏

[@rustycage7491]

Can you please make a video , explaining the similarities and differentiating between Autism (aspergers) and psychopathy.

[@raylaughlan5324]

Omg yes lol my boyfriend has Asperger’s and sometimes his lack of empathy is shocking, but I also feel like he would absolutely never hurt me on purpose and he goes out of his way to notice things I need help with and tries to help me with them (example: he’s made it his personal goal to improve my self confidence, which he’s doing a really good job at! Lol)

[@ninabec9476]

Wtf, people with aspergers are hyperempathic, they just can't show it which part of the disorder

[@toneman335]

Is their any gender coloration with hyper sexual behavior?

[@nancysmith5276]

I'm 24 from California. I was 11 and abused by my neighbor who was 19. At that time, it didn't look like an abuse to me because I felt i liked him plus, at a point i kept visiting him voluntarily. even after we stopped dating. I'm not totally sure it was the pleasure thou. I didn't often enjoy it. I used sex as a way to punish myself for a lot of years. It was like it wasn't enough to just hurt myself I needed someone else to hurt me. At the same time, i felt like i had a lot of power, no one can call me a victim if i did it to myself right? Those were the thought in my head. I think the "hypersexuality thing" is declining. Though sometimes i still have that urge... you know from my stomach. I've avoided being alone with guys especially older men and tried therapy too. But i guess somehow it only gets better. Thanks for bringing it up, it really needs to be talked about. Why do i feel like I've said too much...

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Tell us about anxious / preoccupied attachment style, love addiction / romance obsession and promiscuity.

[@Lindani_Mvano]

I never took my ex girlfriends BPD seriously, I saw it as a general mood swing and nothing else. That changed when I discovered (last week) she has over 7 sexual partners including her uncle. I am currently leaving the relationship and I hope she seeks help. PS: I appreciate those who shared their stories because I only found out last week about her behaviour so I am still in shock.

[@jaynedavis3388]

I thought “hypersexuality” was called “Nymphomania” & was treated as an addiction ?

[@gnazlis]

What do you know about mental decoders in association with food? There are anecdotal accounts that a long term keto-type diet puts bipolar, depression and other disorders in remission.

[@cristinagiven3033]

This is a very compassionate view towards borderlines and I appreciate that as I have been in a relationship with one for two years. As person 'A' I felt that certain aspects of this problem were missing. I am a codependent, not a narcissist or an anti- social, and as common as that pairing is it would have been nice to see that represented. The drug abuse and hypersexuality has been a huge threat to my mental, emotional, and physical health. I felt this video leaned towards glamorizing that trait for how little the consequences were mentioned. The crulty during the splitting devaluations use sex to coerce, shame, violate and betray me. The other side of the coin finds him docile, and withholding intimately. I am always starved physically and or emotionally in this relationship. I have read many books on the subject, sought, family and partners of borderlines support groups, 12-step groups to address my addiction to the borderline, as well as out patient therapy to help me fuse the split personalities and see my partner as a whole person that includes all of the behaviors. I have adapted my whole life around this person only to see him avoid getting his own treatment while rubbing in my face his internet girlfriends and prostitutes, but only while using substances. He has discarded and broken up with me over 300 times across the two years. I wish just one or two minutes of this video were spent on how sex is used to abuse or withhold even within the act. I wish the person 'A's that suffer in these hypersexual relationships were mentioned.

[@kwAnthony]

I had one bpd woman who was a casual partner tell me, out of the blue "350 men and never caught anything." I asked if that was really her body count, turned the truck around and drove her back to her house.

[@coreykuefler-terweeme7268]

TW: I was in an abusive relationship and was groomed by an older guy as a teen who I found out had BPD. He was super sexual and he r@ped me several times and several other people. Also has an issue with public indecency. I guess the video kinda explains it. However there is still no excuse to bad behaviour. I was trauma bonded and didn’t know how to leave. Now after this experience I’m trying to understand BPD more to try to figure out how he thinks.

[@BD-cv3wu]

I am at the borderline of having any personality at all, does that count as BPD? I don't trust people and I am anti-social except for the immediate people I know.

[@TeamTamahakk]

I'm currently a Person A at the moment; anti-social disorder with a few bpd traits myself. I know that the feeling of being abandoned is terrible, but I can't keep this relationship up. Might just say something to them before I let them go. Think I'd rather go back to being ace.

[@yourenough3]

Spot on Dr. G. Thanks for the content. Have a great day!

[@domoniquehargrove6019]

This is much needed education

[@CherieAndAngel]

Hi I have bpd and I usually lose sexual interest after a few months with the same partner and I feel like that happens to others with bpd too (at least the ones I know). Could you do a video on why that happens and how to avoid it?

[@sydneyd2094]

Is that usually when you devalue the partner (so the opposite of putting them on a pedestal? Could also be that if they aren’t matching your intensity or if you feel generally not loved as much by them as you do them, that could be it as well

[@bunnysvrc6677]

i have in past relationships as well but for some reason the partner i’m with now is almost completely different from all my past relationships he’s different in many ways and i woulnt say im losing sexually interest i would just say im getting use to incorporating it into my life considering im used to it just being me and now it’s odd i have another person there…

[@k4ir0s]

Good luck being alone and 40+. It's a really sad existence as a woman -not having a man by your side, not having a partner who loves you, not having a that kind of constant daily support. How do you avoid it? You learn that sex isn't hot and heavy forever and ever --it slows down in relationships. It will be like that with anyone you find. You learn to behave like an adult and realize that the love, companionship and support form a consistent partner is way way better than short lasting hookups and shot-term relationships. And down the road in your relationship you can learn to ignite the spark of desire again.

[@koreenalaw8644]

Another great video!! Thank you Dr Grande!!

[@strongdan1]

Thanks Todd the big

[@Kathrynlove]

I don't know how to be human 😕 How to live without being impulse and addicted. I am trying to have a spiritual life and hoping that changes me and I can see in the past 18 years that I probably am getting a little better...

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Keep on getting better!🙏

[@onlyluvisreal6691]

Do they always cheat

[@coolguy7166]

I am bdp but i have problem with my relationship i dont like sex my mood swings too much but never set on sex

[@ladywrld5863]

boys literally cant catch up with me... im so sad about it, because i really want to have a relationship, but good men don't want that much sex

[@Kissthebottle68]

Good men do want that much sex but not with a woman that has a high body count .

[@ellenbruckermarshall4179]

Sounds like my Dad. How my mother coped, by numbing with alcohol and tobacco, she retreated into her own miseries instead of protecting her kids. Her mom was a controlling narcissist.

[@Dawnseeker2000]

Thank you, as always.

[@dawnemile4974]

At what age are the symptoms of BPD garnered?

[@namez2a]

I have Complex-PTSD and my partner BPD and Sexual Addiction. I wonder if Dr. G has seen any connections between these two conditions in a relationship. I am here in an effort to start piecing together the problems we have been having.

[@FirehorseG]

Same here. It's so difficult, but I'm more in control of my emotions, plus I've been self helping for decades, he hasn't, which is usually the case with men. But I'm positive he has BPD and he's led a terrible sketchy, dangerous, unhealthy life. His sex life was foul. I only found out when he didn't clear the rubbish bin on laptop. But my gut always had warned me he was dodgy.

[@quabot]

Is it possible that the avoidance of sex is related to hormonal imbalance? Meaning, can the hormones point one in a direction, and the BPD amplify this to the extreme?

[@quabot]

@@abdulmateen3326 I think you can message me on Google chat or such.

[@annmarie6870]

I’m celibate so 🤷‍♀️

[@dreguapo5trey]

Man i love how you explain shit💯this vid def gave me some clarity

[@kenhunt9863]

I agree my relationships fit in here, makes sense

[@finsterthecat]

I’ll throw in another disorder that would get caught in a relationship with a person with BPD A person diagnosed with DID. When both have dissociation there is a weird dynamic that can develop.

[@jessoftherocks]

They think sex resets the relationships. But they don't reset, they keep approach avoidance. Hot cold. My ex was covertly cheating, gaslighting me and would switch self states to a sub facto psychopath...when she perceived I was seeing the deception...the amount of blackmail she was capable of is insane.

[@mariahconklin4150]

I’m going through this right now and is very frustrating especially being a Christian having to deal with this. It’s annoying. Every time I kiss my boyfriend I think of marriage or kissing him. When I’m alone I think of wanting to have sex with him. 🤷‍♀️ And all along he’s just trying to please me and be good. “I don’t think of sex, rarely do when I’m with you.” Then I’ll want him to want me in that way so he says, “I do think of you sexually.” I know where this will lead us so we don’t go beyond kissing or hugging in a way that is inappropriate or bad for his church or the church members. I mostly feel empty and alone a week before my period comes that’s when my hormones are the worst and I want to jump the poor guy. Lol! 😞 luckily we are very very very in to each other and will have a good sex life when or if we get married sense I’m happy with him. He’s the sweetest.

[@robertwilson7259]

I don't mean to step on your religion in anyway, because I'm a former christian myself, not any more. And I am not diagnosed with BPD, but I am very intrigued by the condition and often wonder if I have it anyway, I don't feel Christianity and BPD are compatible to live with, there is just no possible way a person with BPD can even live up to basic Christian standards. I encourage you to look up Mythvision pod cast, and if you suffer from any of the rage swings described in BPD prepare yourself mentally before watching those videos. I can tell you this much, I often split at God now because of changing my faith so drastically, but what giving up Christianity has showed me is that it is okay to be human and that acting impulsively or in the merits of your condition does not make you a sinner! It makes you a human being with real problems, and emotions that need to be dealt with scientifically and even if you do that already, the philosophy of Christianity will prevent you from fulling experiencing the full benefits of natural counseling.

[@SexiTRfan]

My therapist thinks I've BPD symptoms. That said, I've never engaged in any intimate 'relations' with anyone. Probably because my mother always told me I'd go to hell lol. I've been diagnosed with schizoid, though. Ah well.

[@camogrrl]

SexiTRfan you’ve never had sex but she chooses to describe self as sexi in her name. You are highly sexual. Only the physical part of it all isn’t present . The emotion. The ego, the emotional the orgasm Is there, watching gothers have sex is three, fansaty is there, manipulation is there, the relationship is all there . Only the physical body of another has not existed in this complex realm of sexual experience

[@SexiTRfan]

@@camogrrl my name says "sexi." TR stands for tomb raider. Idk, maybe you're right, but i haven't ever had intercourse. I'm 28 and still not interested in even hugging someone. Maybe one day

[@JS-iy4zb]

Why is it always called “risky behavior”?