Told My Daughter I'm Going Low Contact As She's Avoiding Letting Us See Our Grankid r/Relationships

[@syrliawarrior]

Story 1 is why you don't play the martyr for your partner. That pos husband nearly cost his wife her entire family to cover for his cheating. I'm with op in the hope she wises up and leaves him.

[@michellecarr6363]

Aqoàooqo

[@Callimo]

Right? Y'know, OP says her daughter claims that there were no red flags with the guy, but I think it's more accurate that there were TONS of red flags, but OP's daughter didn't want to actually see them. And also, WHY the fuck is OP's daughter acting like such a martyr for the husband? Did he peel away so much of her self esteem that she feels that *she* has to be the one fix everything? I dunno, I think the daughter is in an abusive relationship.

[@philwill0123]

@@thecursed01 if there are fertility issues, he's probably gaslit her into thinking sole reason he had affair is down to her, and this affair baby is their chance at being a parent. Or similar. But fact he sprung it on The daughter 2month before baby was due, he knew she wouldn't leave or tell OP. He has isolated her

[@zerobolt9506]

I HATED how so commenter were saying "this is somehow YOUR fault" like I know it seemed weird, but it doesn't mean it was on OP's side.

[@thecinnamonguy5127]

5 more years she might wake up

[@Mirtis66]

My friend's brother cut contact with his family because he is a surgeon and thinks his family is beneath him. Sometimes it's not just that the parents are abusive.

[@MrSophire]

It’s Reddit, in their mind it will always be the parents.

[@Jeremy-The-Bullfrog]

Are you certain about that? Keep in mind you are only hearing one side of the story.

[@khaleesireyna731]

@MrSophire reddit is not a hive mind. It's a collection of various people from various viewpoints and experiences weighing in and commenting. Some threads on reddit are completely toxic/deluded. Some are decent. It's best to look at as a collection of individuals rather than an individual mindset. And honestly, all these (most likely) older parents out here getting hella butthurt that a lot of people asked "how might you, the parent, have played a role in this?" Need to get over themselves. Not every case of LC/NC is because of poor parenting/parental abuse, but a lot of times, yes that is the case. Parents are constantly given a free pass for bad behavior, only the most horribly abusive parents (most physical abuse, lbr, CPS doesn't do much of anything about emotionally abusive parents) ever face consequences and many of the victims of abuse/mistreatment from childhood get told "Well they tried their best" and have all of their trauma and pain invalidated. So, for once, people are starting to actually say "hey, maybe you being the parent and having absolute authority over this person have something to with this"... well, those people can suck it up and understand that there are a lot of people who actually suffered and their abusers were never held accountable, so quit being so upset that that's actually changing a little.

[@bautistalover]

@@khaleesireyna731the AiTa subreddit is absolutely a hive mind that always tries to find a way to blame the parents/boyfriend/husband. A lot of the people on there don’t know how to be unbiased and actually read the information given instead they create scenarios to fit the preconceptions so they can cast the blame they want.

[@moonyollie6977]

Story 3: OP's husband is just using elf on the shelf as an excuse to bully the kids, it's disgusting

[@EdwardTCBlake]

Absolutely. It actually almost sounds like he fantasizes about those "I ate your Halloween candy." and "Here's a bag of garbage as a Christmas present." clips from Jimmy Kimmel. I don't care what anyone says those videos and OP number three's Elf antics were just bullying.

[@dontmindme2990]

Disturbing... the 3rd kid didn't misbehave at all and the husband decided to CUT THE CLOTHES OFF HER DAUGHTER when she was sleeping. That borderline creep territory

[@akl2k7]

@@dontmindme2990 Very. I'm sure there are adult videos out there involving cutting off clothes... *shudders*. Hubby's got a few screws loose.

[@armaggedon390]

It seems like he's taking parenting tips from Tik Tok.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

​@@armaggedon390 💯 and is too stupid to get that the crap he sees on tictok is pretty much fiction

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 1: I was expecting Sara to be in an abusive relationship, and she kind of is emotionally. He cheated on her and now he expects her to help raise the kid. He doesn't care about anyone except himself, and I hope she realizes this soon.

[@dream6562]

If op and husband disapproved of them and they didn't listen, I wouldn't say I told you so, I'd say your mess, you deal with it

[@sonialinsey8083]

I expected it to be the mom. Dang, poor Sara.

[@dream6562]

@@sonialinsey8083 why does it have to be the parents

[@lindah3803]

When OP stated that her daughter said she just forgot to mention her pregnancy,my 1st thought was abusive hubby who is isolating the daughter. With that twist in the update,my thought was okay,I was partially right for right now. Her hubby is being emotionally/mentally abusive. Don't know about psychically abusive yet. Hopefully daughter will bail on hubby.

[@jamestown8398]

He also tried to isolate Sara from her parents.

[@maddy8328]

Story 3, that dude is abusive to the kids. NTA. EDIT: she was wearing the jumper while sleeping? Your husband took scissors to your daughter's property THAT WAS ON HER BODY.

[@linpittsburgh2375]

When you are standing over your baby girl with the scissors, destroying something she really likes, that’s time to reconsider your actions. Wtf man.

[@carolroberts4614]

She was wearing it at the time??!! I missed that! That is just beyond anything. I am lost for words.

[@JC-tf2jb]

That sounds more like krampus on the shelf!

[@sallybeatty4150]

Step dad is a syco

[@erickaennis2738]

Her husband doesn't like his stepson. I think she should leave. It's only gonna get worse. Poor little kid. That birthday prank was cruel. It was meant to hurt.

[@madambutterfly1997]

You would think a guy who grew up in foster care wouldn’t dare think of cheating on his wife/SO. You would think the idea of being passed around like a hot potato through the system would disgust him to the point where infidelity would be one of last acts he himself would commit.

[@helenlewis2510]

Also wondering why the baby mama is ok with a stranger taking her baby for Christmas instead of taking him with her to her family

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@helenlewis2510 she’s probably one of those women who only sticks around for the money, and spends it on them self rather than the kid

[@sacredbeastzenon]

Wow. Many Redditors are very dumb. Story 1 is a great example. Parents are NOT always at fault. This might be shocking, but it can be various reasons, and sometimes the kids just turnout bad. This can happen no matter what the parents did or didn't do.

[@mbyerly9680]

It skews young. That's for certain.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I personally thought it was the mom. The way she wrote it didn’t do her any favors, but she was clearly hurt so I can’t blame her.

[@Grace_x68]

Agree with you.

[@doomguy9049]

@@sonialinsey8083 she sounded a little manipulative, like she was putting a guilt trip on her daughter but that's something p much every mother and most fathers do to some degree and I think the situation warranted it: especially considering what their daughter was hiding from them and why.

[@wmdkitty]

No, the post just reeks of missing missing reasons, and OP's disingenuous "gosh, I have no idea what I could possibly have done wrong, I'm a victim" attitude, and that is _always_ on the parents.

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

Story 3: Already would have been trying to get away from this man. The sharpies can somewhat be forgiven with scolding about how it can stain. But destroying a kids onesie for "breaking the rules" is unhinged.

[@emilypfaender5477]

And poor Andy did nothing at all but the jerk still destroyed his birthday cake, sadistic douche bag.

[@S2MiaS2]

While the kid was wearing it! This dude wants to abuse this kids SO MUCH and was holding himself back SO MUCH until he had an excuse. Gosh, I couldn't even do the sharpie prank on a kid without looking at their face and feeling like a piece of shit... He ruined the kid's FAVORITE onesie while thinking about how the kid would blame themselves and while LOOKING AT THE CHILD. This dude gives me flashbacks to me cousin that abused me and my siblings in different ways depending on our gender... He started only scaring me until I cried and ended up having to be kicked out after what else he did came out

[@untitled-gv3qp]

And there was no reason for messing up the cake he just did that to be a trash person because he wanted to "prank" all the kids. HoW aRe We GoInG tO kEeP uP tHe MaGiC? What magic? The kids were miserable and thought that a toy elf was trying to bully them.

[@justaperson4656]

Destroying a kid's onesie WHILE SHE'S WEARING IT at that. Op needs to run

[@dionysus_adores]

Yep it's one thing to play pranks it's another to destroy property or draw on people. It should never be the elf on shelf fault either cause it might mess up the kids and make them feel like they're being watched.

[@MisterNightfish]

Being a master detective, I got suspicious when the daughter "forgot" she was pregnant. Now, I'm not even a woman but that seemed odd. I forget to buy toast sometimes and have to go to the store again, but I do think I would remember that I am producing a new human and would probably inform my family about how that is going.

[@kichikitsu]

What. OP didn't say she forgot she was pregnant. OP said her daughter forgot to mention to her that she was pregnant. Which is a pretty believable lie considering she works as a nurse in a nationwide nurse shortage.

[@doomguy9049]

@@kichikitsu there's absolutely nothing believable about a young woman forgetting to tell her mother about her pregnancy once before delivery: the most likely assumption would be that she purposely kept her parents in the dark about everything. Like no invites to the baby shower, no public announcement on any kind of social media, no word from other friends or family about it, no announcements when the kid was born etc. Something else turned out to be the case, but that was a really unusual twist lol

[@kichikitsu]

@@doomguy9049 once again .. nurse in a nationwide nurse shortage. she's almost definitely being run thin by her job and likely wouldn't have time for something like a baby shower unless her coworkers threw her one, which obviously wouldn't include family lol. and considering Sara affirmed that she did want and loved the elopement, I get the feeling she's not the type to announce a pregnancy on social media ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ it's pretty easy to forget to mention anything, no matter how important it may be, to other people when you have to work under such conditions as many nurses are right now. The only real strange thing is that "after the birth" (quotes bc we know what really happened) she didn't mention anything like a name or "hey wanna see your grandkid now that he's here?" to her parents. I found it significantly more strange that OP didn't at all notice she was pregnant and made me really think OP was the problem before the twist lmao I was like "wow that's an impressive level of unawareness to not notice anything"

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@kichikitsu bs. She they talked weekly, and never once a mention to her mother about the changes in her body or the life growing inside of it. If it turned out like that, I would absolutely assume it was intentional were I one of the parents.

[@chantalalexander]

@@kichikitsu A woman carrying a baby, no matter how busy she gets, wouldn't forget to mention that she carrying a baby to her own parents she spoke to and visited on a regular basis, especially in the latter months. The only way that happens is if she wasn't aware of her own pregnancy for the majority of it (a rarity, but it happens), if the info about being pregnant was it was purposely withheld, or in the case of what actually happened here, she was never pregnant to start with. Pregnant women may forget a lot of things, but they don't forget they are carrying a person, and definitely wouldn't forget to mention it unless they don't want to. That includes medical staff during a pandemic. As a matter of fact, because of the pandemic and the high risk it would present to her pregnancy (work load and health wise) it would be hard for her to even move without saying something. And she obviously had enough time to touch bases with her parents regularly, something would have reminded her on the phone call about her pregnancy. She would have to stand, or sit, or lay a certain way while talking on the phone in order to be comfortable, past a certain point your body behaves strangely and moves in different ways, babies move, bathroom breaks are endless (with my first child at 4 months I was as flat as a board and still pied my pants accidentally because of a sudden laugh), cravings are intense... Lol! There's no way to forget to mention it.

[@mbyerly9680]

Bob needs to deliver divorce papers to OP's husband and offer to testify of his abuse of his own child for the child's mom. This man should not be around children.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯 my nephews (and their mums) lived at our house for a bit. Their elves were their friends and I hid them every night for them to find in the morning... there was nothing wrong with that. The boys even made gifts for their elves... At my sister's request, they were not naughty elves. One has outgrown his elf but I get so much joy seeing how much my younger 2 nephews like playing hide and seek with their elves. 'What do you gain from teasing kids?' Is what this man needs to be asked. He's dodge af. My dad had some idiot friends when I was growing up in the 80s, I 9ften wish I could go back and say that question to them. I'm so glad though that I don't have to call any of those buttheads dad. Unlike this poor kid.

[@meezerluvr]

Story 3: Why am I not surprised that OP's husband got his ideas from Tik Tok? He needs a complete diet from social media, as he seems incapable of discernment.

[@michamocha]

S1: Im glad that one comment called out the people who immediately just assumed that Op was the issue. Like they said, there could be endless of reasons for the daughter to be so distant about her life and Op doesn't even have to be one of them. It's not bad to ask for more inform and how the childhood was like, but to immediately accuse of Op being awful was a bit much. I'm just glad that Op was able to talk to their daughter and get the truth.

[@rebeccaabram2312]

What tipped me off was the reaction to the OP's statement of going low contact, IF the daughter was abused as a child they wouldn't be "OMG WHY?" it would be more like "If you think that's best" while mentally jumping up and down with joy.

[@akl2k7]

There are some people, on this site as well, who think that no matter what problems there are between parents and their children, those problems must be the parents' fault.

[@KaitoKiara]

I had immediately a feeling, it had something to do with the husband or with their marriage. The way OP has written the post was to innocent for being the reason. There were no red flags for me. It sounded really mature and thoughtful. If course, the cheater baby was a surprise, I thought, the husband didn't like her family or they have relationship problems (turned out to be true). To force her to keep that secret and say, that it is their baby, is just cruel. They could have said anything like being foster parents for a friend or something like that. I would divorce him for that. Cheating alone is most of the time the reason to end a marriage but then playing family with the baby, leaving the wife alone at Christmas to play happy family with his mistress and isolate her from her parents, is too much to keep the husband.

[@Theimmure]

@@rebeccaabram2312 Except, most abusive parents don’t actually see their behavior as abusive …

[@myself2noone]

@@akl2k7 And that's ridiculous. Some children are just dicks.

[@anahkit]

Story 1: I hope, before it's too late, that Sara understands that the husband will more than likely do this again. She should divorce him for her own sake. She still has a full life ahead of her and she needs to find someone who will value and respect her. Considering the husband doesn't understand the value of family, I don't think he would ever change.

[@jaymel4691]

I also desperately hope Sara doesn't end up having a kid herself with this loser before she is able to leave!

[@marshawargo7238]

I thought for sure he was trying to get her away from her family! The truth was a surprise. She needs a divorce in my opinion cheaters never change.

[@jsquared0411]

It low key kind of bothered me when OP said that her daughter's husband doesn't understand why his wife was upset because he was in foster care and doesn't understand family. That lack of empathy from him sounds more like a product of narcissism than foster care.

[@thepepsiman18]

@@jsquared0411 Or at best. Maybe a bit of both

[@Laura-it2zb]

@@jsquared0411 Sara is likely justifying her husband's behavior, but, I agree, this sounds like narcissism, hands down.

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

Story 3: Even keep Lucas away from his "dad". Maybe you should share this story with Miles' parents and Lucas' birthmother. Miles is cruel to children.

[@truthseeker9249]

And hopefully even if that happens, OP gets custody of their daughter, is able to safely keep Andy away from him too, and she and Lucas's birth mother work together to get her custody of him, hopefully she allows Lucas to still be around Op and have her in his life. Hopefully she lets him see his siblings and spend time with her too. Because it's clear that she treats him well and has come to love him like he was her own son. I'm sure he would never want Op to not be in his life. And sh*t for that matter why doesn't OP just marry Lucas's birth mother! The 2 of them can be wonderful loving mothers to all of the children and the 5 of them can just be a happy little family. That would be a sweet way to end all of this.😊

[@Laura-it2zb]

Miles is a sociopath bordering psychopathy. He reminds me of a character in a horror story.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 had me shook. I definitely thought OP had done something in the past that she was playing dumb about. Was not expecting that 💩 show

[@LunaMane]

I can also understand to a point why Sara didn't tell Mom OP and her husband the truth at the start. Even as an adult no one wants to year "I told you so". Especially from their parents. But I fear Sara's setting herself up for a long road of unnecessary hoops and hurdles to come to the same conclusion her parents already brought up just for the sake of saying she came to it on her own. And next to her the baby is going to suffer - being weaponized between three adults who can't get it together.

[@linpittsburgh2375]

Yeah that story took some TURNS. Good grief!

[@MrJpaynebb]

@@LunaMane Sara needs to get a divorce. Less than what? 3/4 years off marriage and he lied and cheated on her and had a baby with another woman. Sunk cost should not even be a factor in a marriage this young for what he has done to her. Get out now because this situation is highly likely to turn from stressful to toxic very quickly.

[@nilianstroy]

I wonder if the people trying to blame op apologized for it ( as someone that constantly follows Reddit, i know they probably doubled down and claimed op was lying).

[@heymrnickerbocker]

I almost always give the parents the benefit of the doubt. I was like don't blame ya!!! And yeah I WAS SHOOKETH in the end as well too!! 😱😱

[@nairbvel]

Wow, this one's easy. Story #1: she needs to leave the manipulative cheating liar she's married to. Story #2: Mom needs to hear, "I am an adult in my thirties and I live MY live the way I choose to. I'm sorry you don't like it, but if you insist on treating me like a child then this is the last time I will darken your home." That should be followed by a quick goodbye to Dad that leaves an opening for him to stay in contact and then a quick, permanent departure from the premises. Story #3: The only way OP would be an AH is if she stays with the sick bully she married... and he damn well better get his ass into therapy like yesterday.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: As a parent this scares me. That my kids would feel stuck and isolated in a relationship with an asshole and instinctively pull away. OP pulling back at first is logical. Don't want me in your life, I'll respect the boundary.

[@ineedhoez]

Except, there was no boundary. Don't assume the reasons. Have an adult conversation. Even if she said I can't tell you what is going on.

[@bautistalover]

@@ineedhoezactions speak louder than words. Her actions were showing she was putting up boundaries.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 OP's mom is a controlling piece of work! Yikes on bikes. I don't personally think it's an AH move for parents not to want unmarried couples to share a bed. Your house, your rules. But, it's completely AHish and unacceptable for her to be upset OP got a hotel room. She's nearly 30 and seems to be in no way financially dependent. The mom can have her house rule and OP can ignore it and stay at a hotel. Promising not to stay at a hotel was just unhinged and crazy on the mom

[@dionysus_adores]

Yeah op wasn't the AH because how bad mom would've mad op feel up until Christmas if she told them the truth.

[@bautistalover]

@@dionysus_adores always tell the truth it’s always better than lying and OP lied unnecessarily.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@dionysus_adores OP *was* the asshole for lying, even if it was a lie of omission. As the one commenter pointed out, that sort of behavior leaves you wide open for attack and flying monkeys because you *objectively* did something wrong. Set firm and clear boundaries. *Say* when you won't be attending some event. Let others know that you won't be attending so the Wicked Witch of the West can't claim that you said you would.

[@dustyrose192]

@@dionysus_adores Thats what i was thinking - she would have guilt tripped OP so freaking hard and would have sent the flying monkey anyways. Might as well deal with the fallout somewhere nicer

[@debl3063]

It's like mom is afraid of what others will think if they find out her daughter is sleeping with someone while not married. It's not like anyone thinks they aren't sleeping together back home so why force OP to pretend while she's there? They aren't fooling anyone.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 I'm so tired of all these overgrown man babies. It makes me never want to date or have a relationship. I'd go insane in a few hours dealing with someone this immature.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

It took a long time for me to find my husband because of that. Don't give up, there are men who aren't overgrown children out there.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I got lucky with mine but if I ever lost him I agree. So many immature losers waiting to ruin your life. I would be really really careful nowadays, with either gender. I have heard horror stories on here I hope are fake.

[@doomguy9049]

These are the type of males redditors tend to marry, easily avoided by simply not being a redditor IMO

[@justaperson4656]

This is why I'm attracted to women /hj

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@doomguy9049 there is plenty of truth there. Reddit if flooded with leftist ideals. The guys attracted to leftist women often are the same guys that reinforce in women how horrible anything masculine is.

[@Evie_Jeebies]

The behavior of the stepdad in Story 3 is just appalling. I remember reading this on Reddit and feeling so bad for the kids. Honestly, I feel this is divorce worthy. Miles seems to take joy in punishing the kids with these 'pranks'. One comment called him a coward for hiding behind a doll, and I completely agree.

[@ForbiddenFish]

That dad in the 3rd. story sounds like the Daddy o Five jerk or whatever that KZbin channel was.

[@Davtwan]

He wanted to keep it up so much that he made sure all three kids had a prank even when Andy did nothing wrong. The good news is that there are plenty of witnesses in that party even if none of them saw the soon-to-be-ex-husband do it.

[@rachel-in-the-208]

As soon as I heard “Sharpy on the face” and “Cutting her FAVORITE onesie” I had my hand over my mouth in complete horror!! That is NOT a “prank” This is straight up abuse … and to young children! This is worthy of a divorce because there is no telling what else he is capable of. The kids are probably too old to believe a doll is real (imho opinion!) but that is besides the point … maybe it is better to believe it was Bob than realize how horrible their father is.

[@Lemniscated]

Is there an update to this story?

[@truthseeker9249]

@@Lemniscated Doesn't seem like it but hopefully there will be soon. I don't condone violence against your spouse especially in front of children. But in that moment with the birthday party and scarring Andy for life and him and all the other parents laughing (What the hell is wrong with those other parents by the way, even without context how could they think this was funny????) I would have done what OP did but as soon as he started going off about me being too sensitive and trying to justify his horrible pranks I would have given him a nice hard right hook to the nose.👊 Thrown away the doll, berated him, right hooked him in the nose and THEN told him to get out of the house. In a case like this where your spouse is actively mistreating your CHILDREN and goes so far to do something so sadistic to scar one of them for life, a punch is definitely justified if not required. Any sadistic bastard who could do that to children deserves a broken nose.

[@CatacombD]

Story 1: I definitely wasn't expecting that turn. I was thinking "controlling husband doesn't have family, so pushes his wife to disregard family too." Hope she wakes up and dumps him, before they end up having a kid together.

[@SkiesOfYellow]

I have threatened bodily harm if anyone tries to bring that stupid elf into my home. I will not allow it. I have too much on my place as it is and do not have time for even one more thing (and no matter what my husband says, it would fall to me, so I'm a firm NO on bringing one in. Thankfully, hubs doesn't really want one, either). Happy New Years, Mark!

[@LunaP1]

Story 3, husband is a massive abusive psychopath! OP needs to file for divorce, help his ex get full custody and go for full custody of her own kids. There is something wrong with him and he's insanely dangerous to be around.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Cutting up kids favorite things…I wonder what else he thinks is ok 🤨

[@groofromtheup5719]

Really makes you wonder what else was going on behind the scenes. How could yourver trust that guy with children?

[@SailorMya]

RIGHT! There are way too many red flags here to ignore. He wanted Andy to be bad so he could "punish" him and that is seriously messed up thing to want... Then he "punishes" him anyways AT HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY because being cruel to a child is "funny" to him! He 100% did that for his own self enjoyment at the expense of a child! SMH

[@dragonleheart2137]

If my significant other did this there would be the choice of a psychiatric evaluation or the dissolution of our relationship.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Yeah , curing up a kids close was messed up enough

[@GrayTimber]

Story 2; NTA, mother is extremely controlling and creepy. Any parent who acts like that is immediately put into the "NC block." Comments saying ESH don't understand that you can't always be upfront with extremely controlling parents Story 3; immediate divorce material. I was emotionally abused as a kid, and husband is showing signs of an abuser. He SPECIFICALLY wants to punish Andy... for what? Andy sounds like a polite young boy. He didn't even break any rules. And cutting up the little girl's onesie in her SLEEP? Creep alert ⚠️

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

Another of rare here commnters understanding this! If you wanna know in post there alot NTA still.

[@helenlewis2510]

I’m mad that the other adults at the party thought it was funny to. Imagine being surrounded by people you thought loved you and who you look up too and have them all simultaneously laugh at your misery Edit to add and maybe the adults weren’t being malicious with it but I doubt the kids will see it that way

[@carolroberts4614]

I thought that too! I need names. I want to hate them personally!

[@jusminejustice2794]

To be fair it could've been, because they were nervous. that doesn't change the fact that it made the situation worse for the poor kid!

[@damien678]

Just to be clear, sometimes people don't laugh because they find something funny but because they're shocked, or experiencing another emotion. I've laughed out of rage before. I've seen my aunty laugh at the audacity of me as a kid and have to quickly say no and that she's really serious about it. However, while I say this... I doubt every adult there had that kind of reaction. Some of them probably did find it actually funny

[@buildtherobots]

@@damien678 100% agree. My mom laughs when she's nervous or uncomfortable. I once witnessed a hot air balloon accident whilst being a passenger in a car driving by and I was horrified at myself for reacting with uncontrollable laughter. I think I remember even commenting through the laughing that I didn't know why I was laughing and how the people riding in the balloon basket were probably terrified. Fortunately I don't think anyone was hurt, just scared. But in the case of the story here, there is a good chance that one or more of the parents who were laughing were doing so as a reaction to something they found funny.

[@debl3063]

I bet they thought there was another cake for him to wish on and eat? Because what knuckle head destroys the only cake at a kids birthday party?

[@helenlewis2510]

Last story imagine years from now when the kids find out that their dad was the one who put them through all that

[@cyreneB]

parents pranking their little children looks more than a power play for the grown up to me

[@kaykay8855]

Story 3: NTA. Op’s husband took his pranks too far, he took it further when he ruined Andy’s cake and cut up the other kid’s onesie.

[@theakaneko]

It sounds like he just wanted to be mean to the kids...

[@SkyEcho751]

These aren't pranks, none of the kids were laughing or having fun, this is abuse. Punishments meant to _hurt_ the kids and not the make them change, especially since Miles did it to Andy despite Andy having done nothing wrong. I've always understood "The Elf on the Shelf" was meant to be a reward remover, so a better way would be to give each of the kids candy each day they behave (like idk, a chocolate kiss) then when they misbehave they don't get candy. Miles was a bully, and he tormented his kids for fun. Harsh punishment is okay, but only for the EXTREMES of behavior, not when someone forgets to do their chores for a day.

[@linpittsburgh2375]

If the person being pranked isn’t laughing, then it’s not a prank, it’s straight up abuse. That the abuser finds it funny makes it worse, not better. Those poor kids.

[@StilltheAp0llyon]

A prank would be temporarily hiding a shoe. Slicing up clothing isn't a prank or even a punishment, it's blatant abuse.

[@TheodoreBotman]

I mean he wanted/did punish Andy for literally no reason. He wanted to mess with him... just because. Seems like he never really took Andy as his own and only pretended to.

[@madokamiiii]

S3: NTA, he took things way too far and it lowkey feels like he was purposely bullying his kids ETA; WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE CAKE WTH Also burn the elf on the shelf

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

Story 3: Those aren’t pranks. That’s just cruel. All those ‘Pranks’ are completely cruel. What did I do with my young sibling when we also did on elf on the shelf? Toilet paper over the place, pretending he got into the sweet box, pretending he flung a few clothes about. Stuff like that. You can’t use elf on the shelf to be mean to kids. Like damn. Small edit: I usually clean it up when my sibling wasn’t looking and pretended the elf cleaned it up, leaving her with a few chocolates.

[@xelectrix]

If a prank involves destroying property, it's not a prank. If everyone isn't laughing or having fun, it's not a prank. This was just gross and mean.

[@jacobsmith-hi6ey]

my elf on the shelf is if the kids try to see what gifts are disappears and the elf is holding a miniature of the gift the next morning.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I just thought elf on the shelf was a hide and seek game? Like today it’s in the refrigerator, tomorrow the coat rack, drawers, etc. Didn’t know the elf was supposed to be mischievous lol.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

@@jacobsmith-hi6ey That sounds so cool!!

[@Emi_TheWinged]

And the kids are pretty young too, tbh that sounds like traumatising your own children. They WILL remember, and they will be scared now like crazy, imagine being responsible for your own kids trauma that could cause nightmares, or lack of sleep, or being paranoid or scared of things similar, like clauns etc. Jeez it's like from a fucking horror movies with this creepy dols that would appear out of nowhere in weird places. They better start looking for a therapist for the kids and for the husband, what a moron.

[@SK98765]

S3: He cut up his daughter's favorite onesie while she was sleeping in it?! Holy cow that man has massive problems. That's not a prank, that's a punishment while deflecting blame. I think it's sweet you give Andy something special for the Christmas season. A lot of kids feel having bdays so close to xmas that it's not as special for them, so I think it's really cool that you do small things that aren't overly favoritism.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Story 1: What?! Sarah is cutting ties with her parents for no reason?! What gives?! ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ Something doesn't add up here. I can't give a judgement because there's not quite enough context. After Update: So that's why Sarah doesn't want to be around her parents. She didn't want them to find out about her marriage problems. Poor Sarah. I really hope she leaves her garbage husband. (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)

[@kathrynewhitmore]

Story #1 Damn - just damn. That's all I've got. This broke my heart for OPs daughter and Baby Dave - being in this mess.

[@RockyGems]

Story 1 - As soon as I heard OP's responses to further questions, I knew it must be the husband being manipulative.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 3: husband is absolutely insane, jeez

[@heathermiller5765]

I actually cried a little for the kids, especially Andy. What a horrible man 😢

[@k3upikachu]

For story 1, considering the daughter seemed upset when the mother said she was going low contact, I'm guessing that it has something to do with the husband. If the daughter was distancing herself because the parents had done something, it doesn't make sense that she'd react negatively to the thought of reduced contact with them. Edit: I knew it. Well I didn't think it wouldn't be her baby, but I figured the husband was a douche

[@starbird3939]

Story 3 - NTA This is just cruelty. I am sick of assholes doing cruel things under the guise of “cruelty”. Any manchild who thinks abusing their kids is a “prank” deserves a divorce. Anyone remember that parent youtuber that abused his [step?] son and eventually lost custody of some of his kids-that is Miles.

[@Symphonia30]

There is definitely a lot of things missing in the first story, but I hope the daughter leaves her husband. Why would she want to stay with a cheater?

[@doomguy9049]

"Love makes fools of us all."

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 3: I thought elf on the shelf was about moving the elf in a different location so kids think it’s alive and an agent to Santa Claus to report back of the kids have been naughty or nice. I thought the whole Al Franken kids that misbehave was a TikTok prank trend.

[@ivyproductions7097]

It is, the husband just wanted to make his kids upset with an “excuse”

[@macylouwho1187]

I’m a former foster parent. There’s no nice way to say this…so honesty is the best policy. These kids are traumatized in the extreme, from extremely messy situations of neglect and abuse. They hate hate hate being in foster care for obvious reasons, as they feel rootless and helpless as everyone else makes decisions for their lives, as well as the tremendous loss of their parents. Bad or good-your parent is your parent regardless and there’s almost no bond like it on earth. Familial ties are quite strong. These kids get bounced around from home to home due to their behavioral issues and mental health issues (again for obvious understandable reasons). We had kids that had a laundry list of conditions ranging from oppositional defiant disorder to attachment disorder to bipolar/brain damage (both born with and caused by abuse), PTSD, hyper sexualized kids (sex abuse causes that) that could never be alone in a room with any adult man because a) they will come on to him regardless of who it is due to the sex abuse (not joking) or b) they might very well falsely accuse the man of abuse, etc. These are not easy kids. I had one that we couldn’t leave our toothbrushes out because she had been abused and she told me she had a problem with “putting things inside her” and on that list was freakin’ toothbrushes-I kid you not. Why? Her daddy and his friends did that. I can’t explain the horror, disgust, and sadness of hearing that from a ten year old child. These kids grow into fractured adults who got little help in the system to be quite frank. They are, in all honesty, a mess and how could they be anything else? It’s so far from being their faults that it’s not funny. I can’t even imagine someone not ending up with issues for good reason leaving that life and thrown out into adulthood with little direction. This is not a recipe for success in relationships. What it is a recipe for is nothing but trouble in a relationship. OP’s daughter is in for a rough ride with that young man, no doubt about it. Who knows what he comes from. I know a really good family ended up adopting some of our former foster kids and the oldest was troubled from the very start at three years old-that indelible mark was already left on him either from abuse or neglect or maybe even from being born to such bad genetics-who knows. All I know is that his adoptive mother had an adopted sister herself and was also a nurse. She was experienced, patient, and amazing and all of her time, effort, love, and medical contacts and psychologists couldn’t turn that boy around. He’s now in prison for a very long time for beating an old man and robbing him at gun point. She tried so hard with him all of his life after that and it got her precisely nowhere. She was constantly at the school over him which I know because he was in my son’s class. But these are the effects of parental abuse so please guys love and care for your babies with all that you have. I know how it feels myself and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 is NTA for me. Get out of here with that lie by omission. This is exact words. OP said she wouldn't stay at a hotel. Her mom is controlling and manipulative. If OP had told her mom, she would've found another reason I throw a fit.

[@sagesaria]

Also, speaking from experience: sometimes people lie to their abusers because it's the only way they feel safe.

[@lindah3803]

Had OP told Mom at thanksgiving that they would be at the ILs for Christmas all hell would have broke loose. Mom would have laid into OP. Sister would have done as she was trained to by Mom. Sister is just Mom's attack dog. Hopefully OP can cut Mom and sister out but maintain contact with Dad (email,call him at work,etc.)

[@sonialinsey8083]

@sagesaria exactly. Truth doesn’t work with my mom’s fragile ego and self esteem. You gotta tell her what she wants to hear gently so that she’s included etc. If you tell her at all.

[@Erinia13]

I read this story on reddit I remember people dunking on OP for just being No Show and worrying her family blah blah blah, but OP clarified in the comments that she called them from the airport letting them know she wasn't going to be there for Christmas. She even called them when they landed. Dad wished her to have a great time during the holidays and after she switched the phone off. I grew up with narcissists in my family. It is impossible to please them. It's always your fault no matter what. There is no reasoning with a narc, they'll push and push and turn others on you. I ended going NC with a few family members and I told the rest that I will cut them off as well if the kept pushing me to "be the bigger person because FaMiLy and they're just like that" yeah no thanks, going NC was the best decision of my life, my panic attacks, chest pains and migraines due to stress all went away.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@sagesaria excellent addition 👌🏾

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: As someone who had childhood trauma and is NC with my parents...I actually believe OP. Daughter talks to her on the phone once a week and is upset they're going LC. This is not someone that WANTS to cut off their family.

[@NightcoreNewbie]

3rd Story. The husband is borderline abusive. What's he's doing aren't even pranks, they're punishments. Cutting a child's pajamas at night is creepy at best. The kid who didn't even do anything wrong still got punished AND it was on his birthday. What kind of parent who says they love their kids does something like that? Also, screw all those "adults" who were laughing. The kid literally started crying and that's when a mature person knows the "prank" wasn't funny anymore and they should've stopped.

[@Laura-it2zb]

Story #3 has all the makings of some horror story. Bob being "Chucky like" OR the dad (step dad) going full on psychopath ... oh, wait.

[@Swnsasy]

Story 1: Naaah, something is wrong with the husband.. If the mom is telling the truth, it's the husband.. I've seen this many times before that the husband is abusive and sitting right there all the time, reads through texts etc... I'm dying to hear this update because this is textbook abusive spouse...

[@caridadchang7895]

Story 3: please for the love of God I hope OP leaves her husband, I agree with the comments saying that the husband just wanted to be saddistic, but to be that way with their own kids? Also the bio-dad can raise hell for this and I would support it, she can wind up with a serious legal issue in regards to custody if he decides that her Home isnt safe for their kid.

[@BitterSimplicity]

Story 2: It wasn't the greatest move to lie, but I get it. You were gonna get grief for it either way, and I'd rather deal with the fallout after a peaceful vacation than be constantly stressed up to and during because of constant guilt trips. Still, might be time to look at what you're getting from this relationship and whether it's worth maintaining contact. I doubt this is the only controlling behavior Mom displays.

[@mychaekovacha6607]

Maybe I’m just someone who likes to give the benefit of the doubt…but my sister married a guy when she was 23, it was a 150 guest wedding and we had no idea. She completely cut out our family. 6 years later she showed up with 2 kids and freshly divorced. We had no idea she had kids! She apologized and said that she cut us all off because she was embarrassed that we weren’t as well off as her husbands family. I’m really frustrated at everyone assuming OP is the one in the wrong or hiding things. EDIT: well damn, guess my point was right.

[@Yourlocaltrashgoblin]

I’m confused this comment has no other comments what’s the edit talking about?

[@LaraMagicorld]

Let me see if I understood this right... Your sister cut ties with all of you because... Neither of you were wealthy?

[@TheMichaelmyth]

@@Yourlocaltrashgoblin I take it this guy wrote the comment before the update and edited the comment afterwards.

[@Yourlocaltrashgoblin]

@@TheMichaelmyth ahh okay thanks :)

[@briansmaller7443]

It is the modern younger redditor take that it is all their parents fault. They blame everything on anyone but themselves. And yes - before anyone gets their panties in a twist -not all young redditors.

[@kylebroflovski8656]

I really don't get the elf on the shelf tradition, we don't have that here in France but damn the husband just wanted an excuse to bully OP's kids. Let's hope she dumps his ass.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

I live in America and still dont get elf on the shelf. I remember when it became a thing - I hated it so much. I still do really.

[@itsjustme7487]

I don't get the elf on the shelf. I guess I'm just old.

[@ivyproductions7097]

As a kid who had it introduced mid way through my childhood, it’s very fun for kids! Me and my siblings had such a fun time looking for our elf “Chip”. It’s a bit odd but honestly all traditions are

[@hughg.rection1421]

Story 1 Before Comments/Update: Everyone is so quick to jump on the "child goes no contact with parent(s), so parent(s) must be terrible people" train. What about the other end? Maybe the daughter was the reason; maybe the husband is the reason; her position as a nurse could also be a reason. We don't know for sure, but parents are people too and they're within their rights to take a step back from people who (apparently) don't want them in their lives including their own adult children. After Comments/Update: So, the real villains of the story are son-in-law and the woman he cheated with. Hopefully, the daughter will make the correct decision to divorce his ass.

[@DaniS398]

lol my kid's (6) friend was telling him about elf on the shelf and how, if they touched it it would come alive and be naught. As we were going home, my son turns to me and says "mommy, definitely don't bring an elf in our home. It too sound scary."

[@christinesinclair6938]

Story 3: I already hate elf on the shelf as a concept, so the whole "let's do elf on the shelf" shit already had an eyebrow raised. The "no favoritism" shit because the kid has a Christmas Eve Bday raised a flag of red. Also, did anyone else notice that while he wrote on his biological child's face with markers, he actively destroyed the things belonging to OP's children (the onesie and the cake) while also humiliating her son? I know it's always said we cry divorce to easily but in this case, DIVORCE and OP needs to send this shit to Lucas's bio-mom to get him away from that sociopath.

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

Story 2: If you had much younger sibs maybe your parents might not want you to share a room in their house, but why stop you getting a hotel room then? They're nuts. Ask yourself if you want your grandchildren inheriting their nuttiness. Visit them at Christmas Day, NEVER stay overnight again. Just go for a couple of hours and make excuses and get out.

[@WyntheRogue]

Story 1: NTA- Upon hearing the update I hope your daughter makes a wise decision to leave her douchey, cheating husband DIY is for home decor NOT toxic relationships. The cynic in me [again I could just be being cynical] thinks Sarah's husband could have groomed her at worst and at best was a whirlwind romance. Either way, OP sounds like a good mum to raise concern. Story 2: NTA- You technically didn't lie as you didn't stay in a hotel during the holidays, you just opted out and stayed with the in laws who treat you like a rational minded adult rather than a toxic mom and sibling who treat you like a child. Here's hoping OP gets to still see her dad somehow from time to time as it sounds like he's the only member she gets along with in that household. Story 3: NTA- You didn't ruin Christmas, you ran interference gracefully when your husband decided to bastardize the elf on a shelf tradition [which are supposed to be harmless/lighthearted shenanigans like mismatching colored socks, hanging candy canes in random places, etc. Not what he did] Dude clearly has some serious issues and deserves to be kicked in the groin by a krampus, also GTFO of there with your kiddos.

[@terramarini6880]

Lol kicked by Krampus, take my like..

[@jennajackson3912]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that found that funny. I know Krampus well. He would definitely deserve it.

[@johnowen9349]

"I want to fix the marriage." Why? Lets imagine that it would be possible to ever trust this person again, that it wouldn't be a constant source of stress every time he left your sight. Lets pretend that fixed is as good as new even though we all know better. All you're doing is making it easy for him to cheat again. If he thought it was alright once, and ultimately it costs him nothing to get caught, why would he not do it twice?

[@GiordanDiodato]

she needs therapy.

[@terramarini6880]

I do not believe he is capable of fixing himself, this lack of care for anyone but himself is now a hardwired survival mechanism for him after spending his childhood in the foster care system. It would actually be impossible to change this as it's a part of his core now. He will always do and say exactly what he wants without any regard for others or how it affects them ie; his wife almost lost her family because of him and he doesn't get it, as long as his needs were met he sees no problem. He will cheat (financially, sexually and emotionally) constantly regardless of the consequences or who he is with. This is how he survived a childhood rife with neglect and in his mind it worked for him.

[@Me-wk3ix]

Miles is a real jerk. How is destroying the kid's property "Christmas magic"? And why not let Andy get a little special attention at Christmas? It's hard to share your special day with Christmas Eve, let him feel a little special. The other kids will have their birthdays for that later in the year.

[@chanel113]

Story one wow. I actually teared up for the daughter. I hope daughter leaves him, she deserves better.

[@emzkinz]

When Sara said she "forgot" I immediately wondered if the baby wasn't hers. I can't imagine anyone forgetting to tell someone they are pregnant if they regularly talk to them. I hope Sara leaves him before she actually has a kid with him and is stuck with him for 18+ years as a coparent.

[@1Ring42]

Story 3 definitely NTA. Elf on the shelf is borderline child abuse.

[@gmun2248]

This is the first time I've heard that kind of behaviour linked to it. I'm in the UK (no kids, by choice), generally I see friends posting what the elf is doing & 'mischief making, plus I've seen other friends post things like leaving out a small amount of money, or sweets & a note for the kid to "do something kind today". I haven't seen it used in such a threatening way & haven't even heard people talking about it like that. It's either fun for the parents, or 'why the hell did we start this???' because they have to keep thinking of stuff to do. I suppose there is still the underlying _be good for santa_ - but that's always been said at this time of year. I agree it shouldn't be used like in the story.

[@AnymousScreams]

I think the elf on the shelf is a demon personally. People can do what they want, but I'll take decorative gnomes over an elf on the shelf. Elf on the shelf is just manipulative of kids to behave or else. All my opinion, but the elf is creepy. You can keep magic alive without a creepy Christmas demon. OP's husband ruined everything.

[@conckretangel]

Decorative gnomes....are you Sim

[@takkycat]

I find the Elf on a Shelf creepy too, but I do like to collect weird plushies. I have Sun and Moon plushies from Five Nights at Freddy’s and my students asked if they could be our elves. I’ve had a lot of fun hiding them around the classroom and they are a MILLION TIMES less creepy than the freaking Elf! (I also introduced them to Tio de Nadal and the Yule Cat as other fun traditions)

[@AnymousScreams]

@@takkycat I dig that.

[@pilyq2079]

Story 1: I was expecting physical abuse but still this was bad. I don't get why would she want to stay with a cheating piece of c but it's her life, hope all the best for the OP and the daughter.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 3: omg that is some psycho level shit. An adult is doing that to kids?! This is divorce worthy in my books. Those children deserve to feel save in their own home.

[@Swnsasy]

I've never heard of Elf on the Shelf so I'm confused on that but WTF is wrong with the husband! Is he a sadist??? It's like he needed to "punish" and that sounds sick to me! Protect those children!! That husband is batshit crazy!

[@unholysporkable]

I notice that most of the horrible things that are considered "Divorce worthy" is stuff the other partner saw on Tik Tok. It should be a rule that when you get married, ESPECIALLY IF YOU BECOME.A STEP PARENT, that Tik Tok should be deleted from your phone. It's just common freaking sense to NOT do that stupid shite

[@samssams666]

It's okay to be like "Bob ate the last cookie sorry hon" not "Bob destroyed your PS4 because you didn't do your chores"

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Story 3: That husband was scarily sadistic. He was ENJOYING hurting those kids & actively looking for his next chance to do it again. Taking pleasure in causing children any form of pain is mentally unhinged behaviour.

[@hannahdavis5725]

Story 3: THAT'S NOT THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS! That's a man-baby.

[@pamelajohnson6425]

Story 3: this is divorce worthy. Miles shut down the "happy" Christmas and birthday tradition and replaced it with a twisted way to mistreat, bully, and traumatize the kids. It's especially concerning that he was so eager to catch Andy and have an excuse to punish him. And when he didn't get one, he still wrecked the poor kid's birthday and destroyed his cake. He gets laughs and enjoyment out of bullying and upsetting children. This pos is sick.

[@ColaLoser]

s2- Isn’t the lore with the “no touching the elf” rule is that touching the elf makes it lose its Christmas magic and so they can’t head back to the North Pole? Like that’s traumatic enough why did the husband have to make it worse???

[@kristlthompson4721]

Way before Elf on the Shelf became a thing, my BIL drew on my face with a Sharpie as a prank. Joke’s on him - fingernail polish remover took it right off, and it was gone before he even woke up to see my reaction. I played dumb as he tried to get something out of me, like I had no idea what he was talking about. It was great! This was also before smart phones, so no photos either.😂

[@amerlin388]

Story 3. I would banish Miles after the marker incident, calling CPS (or equivalent) if necessary. Let him be miles and miles away.

[@Floratic]

Story 1: Op's daughter needs to leave her husband. There is no repairing that marriage.

[@leaflet1686]

Story 3: What is wrong with that husband? He is CRUEL! To CHILDREN! I liked the cookies and milk and fodder for Rudolf better...

[@babybluehashyo]

My elf didn't do much this year, its our first year and she just sort of moved spots nightly. One thing she DID do was clean the dogs diarrhea on the carpet while I was at work and the kids were at daycare (I got off work early to deal with it) and the kids thought it was great, and started cleaning too. She also brought them presents at Christmas and we said goodbye until next year. Its supposed to be FUN for the kids to look for the elf. This is messed up.

[@fleurpouvior2967]

Love of my life agrees, we're not doing elf on a shelf. We're telling our kids that the ravens and crows report their activities to the yule father all year. I hope we can raise our kid to feed the local flock, and have feather guardians, and if they bring presents, we can say that yule father sent them. Yes, we are going with yule over Christmas, and our house has viking Santa. Yule, and Christmas are mostly the same, but with more goats.

[@terramarini6880]

I have always despised the Elf on the shelf, it's creepy and manipulative. Sounds like a wee little psychopath creeping around spying and snitching.... Getting the littles used to constant surveillance by their future overlords? If someone brought one in my house it would be in the wood stove by bedtime.

[@dianemartel5205]

Miles is a sadistic monster!

[@scribeofrebirth1431]

For anyone who is contemplating whether or not to leave a cheater: YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN A PARTNER WHO IS UNFAITHFUL!

[@juliaemma5258]

Story 3: as a "kid of Christmas" (born 12/25/98) i wish my family tried to make my birthday a little more special like that

[@michelledalenaa]

F every single person who automatically presumed the problem had to be OP in story 1.

[@wolfwhistlewoowoo6297]

Spoilers: Story 1 - Poor Sarah, there is no other path but leaving the cheating husband. Not just cheating, but dude created a whole other kid and it's super early in the marriage; if she stays with him, she'll be constantly cheated on.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

story 2: the best way to keep a pathological narcissist from crossing your boundaries is to cut them out of your life lol. and op isn't stooping to their level, she just has a shiny spine.

[@brigidtheirish]

1: Well, this stinks of an abusive relationship. Bets on Sara's husband deliberately isolating Sara from her parents. I'm disappointed in Reddit immediately going the "must be OP's fault" route, but not surprised. Glad *someone* (StrykerC13) is able to see that the parents aren't automatically to blame for everything. Update: *CALLED IT!* Maybe not quite *deliberate* isolation, but close enough. 2: ESH. OP's mom having a rule that unmarried couples can't share a bed in her house is fair. That she freaked out when OP and her boyfriend got a hotel room instead is very much *not.* And I'm speaking as a Christian who believes premarital sex is a sin. You can control what you do, you can teach your children as best you can while they are children, and you can have rules for *your house.* You can *not* control what other people do, including your children, while *not* in your house. You can express disappointment, but don't *rag* about it. That sort of behavior only drives people away. On the other hand, OP acting like she was going to be coming over for Christmas when she wasn't planning to was a dick move and seriously childish. A lot of work goes into prepping a house for overnight visitors, especially on the holidays. 3: How is leaving Santa Claus footprints and eating a carrot leaving anyone out? Sounds magical for *everyone.* No one had a Christmas birthday in my family and we had a plate of cookies for Santa and we'd listen for sleigh bells while in the tub (when my sisters and I were all small enough to fit in it at the same time). And OP's husband *destroyed* his daughter's *favorite onesie* because she touched the elf? The *HELL?* That's not a prank, that's *traumatizing* for a five-year-old. Then he destroyed Andy's cake when Andy hadn't broken any rules! That's *disgusting!* What the hell is wrong with the parents who laughed?! At least the kids are good to each other.

[@madgevanness4011]

2: since other family were coming, the prep work didn’t change. A few more leftovers, a few unopened packages (probably socks, religious books, or regifts….) And mom received a lesson in ceding control. And tell the whole world you’re a grown woman living her own life. As a parent I’ve had to accept my children for who they are, not what my dreams were.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@madgevanness4011 Yeah, other people were coming who were *also* expecting OP to be there. Because OP acted like she was going instead of acting like a grown woman and *telling them* that she had other plans. If she wants to be treated like an adult, she should start acting like one.

[@jennajackson3912]

​@@brigidtheirishyou try telling a parent like that the truth. Oh wait, she did. She told them she wasn't coming and told them again when she landed. I guess you missed the memo. Read through the other comments, maybe that'll open your mind up. Though I highly doubt it. Do you have horses by any chance? If you do, that explains so much.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@jennajackson3912 She *explicitly* let them think she was coming until *after* she left. She also let all the other relatives who she *didn't* have a beef with think she'd be there. She could've told *someone.* What does having horses have to do with anything?

[@jennajackson3912]

@@brigidtheirish she still told them she wasn't coming. But even so, you have no clue about these types of parents, do you? I hope you never come across them because you wouldn't know how to deal with it.

[@littlegreycat]

19:14 destroyed the kids favorite onesie????? Dang. How malicious.

[@TsukiKageTora]

story 3: how disturbed does a grown man have to be to go into a young girl’s room to cut up her onesie pajamas as she slept in them? What parts of it did he cut, what parts of her body did he have to touch to cut them? What if he cut her in the process!?

[@TerraMcgarden]

Story 3 what the hell is wrong with this man. Thats straight up bullying. Hes bullying a child. How pathetic

[@justlooking1299]

Story one comments really Made me mad . Because people naturally assume it’s almost a 100% the parents fault . Like from the whole post sounded like she was in an abusive relationship.

[@axepagode33626]

Elf on a short note of Story: Couldn't you just put charcoal in the stocking instead of sending Krampus to scare the crap out of them?

[@nilianstroy]

Story 1... I love the arbitrary " want the other side of the story." as far as we know OP could have been abusive or the husband is an abusive ah and want to isolate the daughter.

[@stuffedninja1337]

Elf on the Shelf: there’s a crime drama I like (Law and Order: SVU) that had an episode about how a fraternity’s hazing rituals went so far that someone ended up dead and another SA’d. One of the detectives, upon being given a log of the hazing, mentions that it seems like each subsequent graduating class wanted to outdo the last, and tbh with social media it kinda feels like Elf on the Shelf is going in that direction? Like, people want social media clout, so people see someone drawing on their kid with sharpie, and think, “Well, I’M gonna use paint on their favourite shirt!!” It’s disgusting and lowkey pathetic.

[@vampire9545]

One doesn't simply forget to mention a pregnancy Umm telling someone Merry Xmas after being told fvck you isn't killing with kindness, it's killing with a passive aggressive reply 😆

[@madokamiiii]

For the first story? She wasn't pregnant

[@vampire9545]

@@madokamiiii yeah. I just meant the daughter was telling a lie with that

[@Iflie]

I wonder if the cheating husband in the first story is actually a fosterkid or if he's hiding his family and made all these steps to distance OP's daughter from her family too so no questions were asked and he had full control of her. Who stays with a husband and lies about who's baby it is in a healthy relationship? Plus nurses can work anywhere and she's two states away. he may have done that on purpose. Simply being a fosterkid doesn't mean you do not understand family ties, many in fact are just the opposite. Abusers always try to seperate their victims from any help they may get.

[@mracula1667]

Story one; I was expecting to find out that the husband was just being weird about wanting a Christmas with just his family. I didn’t expect the other woman twist but I was still kind of right.

[@caliborn65]

Story 1: Does she really want to help raise that child? That's a constant reminder her husband is a cheating POS. I really hope she ultimately decides to leave.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

I’m sorry, you don’t just “forget” to tell your mother your PREGNANT!!! WTF? It just seems so hurtful, especially since they talk weekly?

[@phoenixwaddell6093]

Right your telling me you got to the point of having a watermelon strapped to your midsection and still forgot to mention it or you know pushed that melon out of you and STILL forgot to bring it up

[@namename2040]

Story 1 NTA Understandable response from your perspective. She seemingly wants less to do with you based on the evidence. So it's weird she reacted the way she did. Edit for update: yeah I knew it couldn't be OP and husband's fault. Think about it why would daughter be upset with them wanting to go low contact if SHE wanted distance from them. Clearly she didn't. A lot of redditors accusing OP and husband with little deductive reasoning. Yeah it's technically possible that she can be offended and want distance but thats unlikely and more of a outlier from the norm.

[@Kris-zy7is]

Jesus, what’s wrong with her husband. You only have a small window of Christmas magic until your kids grow up & then it changes. Not a bad change but different. Why would a parent ever ruin that?! I never say divorce but this absolutely. When the commenter send ‘hazing’ my eyes bugged out b/c that’s 1000% right. The husband is pathetic

[@InSearchofaFeministUtopia]

Story 1: My gut reaction is that the daughter is in a controlling relationship with the husband. It sounds like textbook isolation.

[@FlamesofJagger]

Happy New Year's Waaafffllleee Gaaannnnggggg!!! Stay safe and positive tonight. Enjoy your celebrations and much love all. PEACE!!!