Tom Papa: No Father Wants Anything For Father's Day

Tom Papa isn't in favor of Father's Day gifts unless, of course, it's his book 'Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas.'
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@joshuaash4092]

I mean seriously the #1 responses of fathers when they get any present is “how much $ did you spend on this?”, “was this expensive?”, “where did you get it?”, “ did you keep the receipt?”

[@hollym1751]

Joshua Ash when I would go on vacation, my dad always said, “bring me back a fishing pole.” The one time I did, he complained I spend too much. Like dude. You got a fishing pole, can you be grateful. 😂

[@MiskyMBA]

Thought it was just my dad, he would take me back to the store to return it, so I just gave up

[@ryhol5417]

Because if there’s something he wants he’s already researched what’s the best quality, what feels best, what has best reviews. And he bought it already

[@Mehwhatevr]

I'm not even a dad and I think these things when I receive birthday and Christmas gifts (as an adult, not when I was a kid). So I wonder is this a "dad" thing, or a "man" thing.

[@wteuscher85]

Tom has timeless comedy. He could tell the same jokes in 1951 and not even change his look.

[@scottb.6725]

Saw him perform live; after the show, he graciously met & took photos w/ everyone. A real pro & a class act 100%

[@ThaisMCruz]

Steven losing it during the dad in the hotel bit!😂😂😂

[@mistermucho1545]

"I have no way of knowing that." HAHAHAHAHAH Tom Papa is a fucking national treasure.

[@floranton3622]

Lol being in the pool with people you'd otherwise avoid on the streets 😂😂😂 soooo true

[@BlakieTT]

Polar bear rummaging through a dumpster full of balloons? He went for it with that one, Tom with his joke AND his father, HEYOOOOOO.

[@rcoverc]

Blak i didnt get it

[@Sunset553]

My father took me out for ice cream at least 3 times. He was very frugal but Thrifty cones were a nickel. He didn’t like chocolate, so I wasn’t allowed chocolate. I couldn’t think of anything else, so he would pick something random like lemon pistachio. I could sort of taste ice cream goodness in between the lemon and nuts. A couple of times he drove us to Tijuana by way of Disneyland or San Diego Zoo. I think he wanted us to see true poverty so we’d be more grateful with what we had, like shoes to wear and walls and ceilings at home. I was the youngest of 4 kids, so the parents had their own room and bathroom at the Travelodge. I don’t think any of us were happy, but I finally appreciate that he was the Dad. He provided what we needed and even took us on trips. Other than Disneyland, I didn’t think the rest was a big deal. I’ve taken insults from Europeans for not crossing oceans when I was young. But our big drive from LA to Tijuana was a big deal, because he was giving us the summer vacation trip and it was the most he could afford. It was the best he ever had and he did it for us.

[@FabulousKilljoy917]

I’m a week away from 23, unmarried, no kids… and I relate to Tom Papa on such a deep level.

[@CuriousCritter17]

sorry

[@AndiDuck]

Nothing ! Save your money ! That's what my Dad always said . My Dad also told us the ice cream truck only played music when it was OUT OF ICE CREAM (>ლ)

[@RTSOB1]

Now, that's funny!

[@CanItAlready]

Diabolical yet genius. LOL

[@telectronix1368]

Well, yeah. Everyone knows when the play music it's to let you know they've run out. ........ Oh.

[@peacelovecigarettes]

ThE DuCk Are you trying to tell me my whole life has been a lie?

[@jennhoff03]

Yes! My mom told me it was the Music Man who only played music when we ran inside. Probably so we wouldn't notice that the Music Man has pictures of Ice Cream all over his truck!

[@Tmanaz480]

Great children's book title: "If You Buy a Clam a Sweater".

[@amandaarcher7919]

...It's not gonna wear it and neither is your father"

[@josephblanchard6248]

Or "The Clam's Sweater", "The Sweater Of The Clam' or "The Clam Loses It's Sweater" or "There's White Sauce On The Clam's Sweater Again..."

[@sv8911]

Tom Papa, you're a gem, and this is a favorite interview. I come here, when I need a laugh, and it never disappoints. My endless thanks.

[@JP-wk7cc]

Yeah my dad's not going to read a book for fun. Dads are tired. Always. Too tired to read. They get home from spending 9 hours fixing broken stuff. They just want to sit down and mindlessly watch Alaskan State Troopers. Or Deadliest Catch. Or some show about parking enforcement. If I wanted to get my dad a book he might actually read, I'd find and download the owners manual to that damn 20 year old lawnmower that's always acting up. Print it out and laminate all the pages so it's waterproof and can stay out in the shed. Bind it all together. Mind you, he doesn't want a new lawnmower. He already has a lawnmower. If you got him a new one, he'd have to figure out something to do with the old one. It won't fit in the garbage can. He's not going to leave it out on the curb so someone else can get a free one. Why should they get a free one and fix it when he could have fixed it. But he doesn't want to fix it. That's too much work. He just wants it to work for 1 hour, once a week. No need to get a new lawnmower when you only use it for 1 hour, once a week. Thus is the dichotomy of dad.

[@TheRepublicOfJohn]

This is glorious, near-poetry

[@lenaely6146]

Pay for the repair... *Daughter's thinking about the conundrum*

[@Deloria]

Tom Papa is just fucking hilarious

[@SarahAndBoston]

Hilarious! The polar bear balloon joke is pure genius.

[@TheNefastor]

Sarah Nichols Stephen couldn't keep a straight face :-)

[@serene5345]

Stephen sure loved it!!

[@josephblanchard6248]

@@serene5345 who's Steven?? And so do all of y'all in here know each other or just all know the same person or something?? Just wondering tbh.

[@serene5345]

@@josephblanchard6248 Stephen Colbert is the person doing the interview.

[@ibidesign]

Who IS this guy and why haven't I heard of him before? He is hilarious! Some of the intonations and glances he gives are subtle but that's what makes them even more genuine and funnier.

[@maryrosekent8223]

Johnny Shabazz Why are you pretending to be Nick Offerman?

[@ibidesign]

Because he is SOOOOO much more handsome than I am!

[@cys1817]

i just find out his talks, on facebook, youtube , Spotify , he is really funny

[@josephblanchard6248]

@@cys1817 so Facebook, KZbin and Spotify and ect are all funny topics??

[@josephblanchard6248]

Oh and you probably haven't heard of him because he doesn't tour through Indiana much

[@iamtheoz]

Have you ever woken up for no reason on family vacation, thought about all the things that as a father drives you crazy on said vacation, decided to watch KZbin to see people more miserable than you but then find a man who does this exact thing better than you? I have. Love Tom Papa! Laughed so hard at this.

[@josephblanchard6248]

@D Hill well why would you even take a vacation to Transylvania in the first place tho

[@queensilkin6757]

STEPHEN! Unexpectedly one of the best, most insightful interviews EVER! I'll watch this again and again!

[@yashiAR]

That was a funny conversation. Even his name is perfect for father's day.

[@happymaan8154]

yashiWinchest

[@Sketchmee5]

Happy Father's Day Tom Papa😊

[@TG-Maverick22]

I agree, as a father, I dont want anything for fathers day.

[@jayTerry9]

@T J women usually want something men just get it themselves. Unless you know your father's favorite team favorite car or favorite country to visit their is nothing you can get him. Maybe give him his favorite food and alone time.

[@josephblanchard6248]

@@jayTerry9 but how can YOU NOT know those 3 basic things about your father though? Favorite team, car, and country?? Well if it's not the Patriots, a Ford and America, then he isn't your father. He's your mother.

[@Mehwhatevr]

@@jayTerry9 I agree. I don't think this is just a father thing. I think it's a man thing. or it's a father thing and me. When I receive gifts for Christmas or birthday and it's something I want, I always appreciate the thought, but I wonder how much was spent on it. Because if it's something I've been wanting and I haven't gone out and bought it yet, it's because I've been doing research. My fear is that they overspent. Or they got what I wanted, but it isn't the exact model, spec, quality, brand that I wanted. I agree with Frank Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond. The episode "The Gift". You know what's a nice gift, one of those magnetic coin holders for your car. $1.50 at any car wash. that's a good gift for a father. I don't have to like it. I don't have to feel obligated to use it. It's cheap and it says they remembered me.

[@AR.24]

yep me neither , i just want them to leave me alone for a while

[@madisonbleu5013]

How am I just learning about this guy? He is hilarious!

[@vahidfarahani5142]

This gut is hilarious. My jaw still hurts and he told all those jokes with a straight face.

[@dbilly7]

This guy is spot on!

[@notbydesign3316]

Never heard of this guy before but I'm glad I have now! Frig, he's funny.

[@josephblanchard6248]

If frig is a part of your vocabulary, then his comedy and material is perfectly suited for you and right up your alley tbh.

[@fivestring65ify]

Polar bear rummaging through a dumpster full of balloons. LMAO.

[@melkeith9]

Dont know him, but he's funny!

[@lynnturman8157]

Check him out. He's funny.

[@missfluffybuns7759]

Not knowing the guy, I've expected that interview to be really boring.. so glad I've watched anyway :)

[@VianneyCreates]

He's so funny, he's been around for years.

[@Nzp6959]

miss fluffy buns me too🤣🤣🤣

[@plaidpanda]

If you have Spotify, he's well worth a listen. One of the funniest guys around!

[@CaryChilton]

haha do yourself a favor and watch his comedy specials.....

[@jeremystone4193]

Check Out Tom papa../if you're married.you win.

[@SupermanBlack1987]

Omg first my side now everything hurts from so much laughing.

[@VianneyCreates]

Tom Papa is really the best.

[@BlakieTT]

One scoop of vanilla, no cone, put out your hands. Pfffffffff hahahaha :)

[@lenaely6146]

That's all the little brats need 😶💛 Can't spoil them with cones and samples and more than two toppings... They grow up to be absolutely useless. Look at steve bing or prince harry or andrew 😒😶

[@impresarioe6824]

My father wants to be left alone...lol! He says the same thing every year!

[@mech5]

Doesn't Tom Papa look like Johnny Knoxville's conservative older brother.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

Johnny's life choices don't look so ill-chosen after all, now, do they? He's still out there, living free, in the wild....

[@CaryChilton]

nah... Tom Papa looks like a retired gay football player

[@TheRazzaManazza]

Nailed it

[@tenkkutn]

this man deserves a high five, because he is correct.

[@MichaelBerthelsen]

Stephen, please wear black lipstick in the next episode you record...!❤😂

[@alexiswilliamsinc]

Michael Berthelsen YES!!!!! Somebody had to say it!

[@misswildlife7905]

Tom Papa sounds like Jim Gaffigan!! LOL

[@renhoeknl]

This man gets me

[@babybug6462]

That is so true! I don't even ask my Mum what my Dad wants for his Birthday, he just scolds us for ever giving him presents. The only thing my Father wants is to sit on the couch and watch the discovery channel.

[@darthstarkiller6605]

If you guys want more Tom papa he recently did the Joe rogan podcast and I highly recommend it because this guy is hilarious

[@cassandramills8177]

Darth Star Killer ' '

[@Nzp6959]

Darth Star Killer thanks🙏..he is hilarious 🤣🤣

[@patrick_on_here9914]

When I saw the title of this video my first thought was he got that from his conversation with Joe

[@cartoonjunkie7411]

also Tom Papa has his own podcast called "Come to Papa" you can listen to it on soundcloud soundcloud.com/cometopapa

[@cherryRedStilettos]

Thanks :)

[@NewMessage]

The fact that he isn't in a weekend Oom - pah - pah band is criminal.

[@cheriann6461]

EVERY TIME I laugh every time I watch Tom Papa --- be it stand-up or an interview, or whatever.

[@tc2241]

Best presents for Fathers Day. 1) Quiet 2) Simple,favorite, home cooked meal 3) Easy sex or better, more quiet.

[@Buenomars]

Thank you for giving sound advice on what to get our fathers, although the third one might be a little challenging.

[@judibiggerstaff8054]

John Mista Those sound more like anniversary gifts from a spouse! Especially 2 and 3

[@aaaaaaaa6685]

John Mista sweet home Alabama 😂

[@tc2241]

Number 3, aka gtfo of the house (but make sure it's clean first).

[@maxg6040]

I love it when they call me Tom Papa, I only eat bread if it's baked propa'.

[@josephblanchard6248]

+100 Made my day.

[@bigeric1030]

I see some ladies tonight who will be embarrassed by me daily, baby.

[@taygenormandy4284]

Haha Tom needs to see this

[@louiswilkins9624]

Not bad 👍

[@kuykendallforkicks3227]

He's still working? I loved this guy.

[@wandahunt5212]

Two of my favorites in one video!

[@Adam-hi9dh]

Happy Papa's Day. Great appearance.👌👍👊

[@shawnhensley4884]

Damn, Papa killed. I was afraid Colbert wouldn't give him time but Papa took time. That was funny and cool as Hell, to see him come on like a boss. Cheers Papa my, boy, well done.

[@this_is_jmdub]

He´s going to sell a lot of books

[@mystyguitarmusic]

Hate to say I never heard of him (I don't live in the USA and never watch TV) but he is hilarious. I'll look for more of him. :)

[@pvthitch]

I laughed til I wept. I am stoned, but still.

[@darksharxz]

Me too

[@OoMrNguyenoO]

He’s perfect if the Simpsons have a live-action movie. Get rid the glasses and..... it’s Homer.

[@MrBellako]

Bruce Nguyen im thinking slim down and u have a good Joker or The Riddler

[@19thHour]

Have you ever read Tom Papa's quotes in his voice? I have.

[@Temp3rMental]

I subconsciously just did it reading your comment and then again while writing this message.. xD

[@Ender1zero1]

Funny guy this Tom Papa, happy I watched.

[@SnowbordrWRX]

I don't even remember ever getting anything for my dad... when I'm a dad don't make a paper tie for me. It might be cute but I'm not wearing it to work. I don't even wear regular ties to work!

[@calamusgladiofortior2814]

I watched this video and laughed and laughed. Then I remembered I'm going on family vacation this weekend, on Father's Day... to the in-laws' place. Dammit.

[@DanielLeeJones]

I love this dude

[@seanmehegan3213]

Tom Papa is the best

[@keikomagazinetv9033]

He is SO right! On everything 😂😂😂 #EvenKnowImTheMother

[@salt8661]

Such a funny guy and the book of awesome!

[@cherryRedStilettos]

omg. laughed so hard. right on the money.

[@HKim0072]

Colbert’s interviews work well with Comedians and political people. The celebrities are are hit or miss.

[@James-dn8dh]

Tom papa is my future spirit animal

[@danielcliment8251]

What a funny guy!!!! I can relate to everything he just said!

[@thewu910]

Dad does want something...some peace and damn quiet, time alone with the gaming console of his choosing, and some sloppy toppy when the kids go to bed. That’s all.

[@AzureIV]

I agree with Tom Papa. My dad just likes getting take out. He doesn't want presents, he just wants to be with us.

[@Kate98755]

This guy has a Netflix show....check it out, very funny

[@CaryChilton]

Come to Papa - kills it again!

[@mehjones8008]

Why do i love this guy? Tom Papa is da man.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

I would like to use the bathroom in peace just once, or find my tools back where they belong. Or that you didn't park the truck with an empty tank. That's it. Happy Father's day.

[@jamiecramer5834]

One of the things I love about Tom Papa is he isn't vulgar like so many other "comedians". So many times I have started to listen to one, and their language is so offensive, just a constant string of profanities, that I turn them off. Real funny doesn't need the "f" word!!!

[@jupiterkansas]

This guy's better than all those standups Colbert brings on.

[@whispersmith]

Often the standups are up and comers getting a break into TV, Tom Papa has been doing this 30 years

[@mevirosteck]

Phew I'm glad I watched this! I had no clue father's day is Sunday! Time to bust out the craft supplies with my lovely Lotus...or not?

[@jlbueno0611]

Melinda Virosteck didnt you watch it properly...it says clearly.."NO FATHER WANTS ANYTHING FOR FATHER'S DAY!!!" ... go hang out with your dad and let him be . ✌

[@nqinadlamini]

Man I can actually see Stephen Colbert going Goth. LOL

[@bluekitty3731]

When I was seven we had a car trip planed to visit the grandparents (moms family) for Easter, but a few days before the trip I was playing in the car and put it in reverse and it rolled into a tree. Did a little damage, I thought I was gonna be killed by my dad! He just had a little grin on his face when he said " Damn I guess the trip is off need to repair the car"! And then patted me on the sholder and I swear he whispered "good job"!

[@KapowpowBoom]

Momma found her "Diddle Flicker". Married it!!! Never let it go! Muahahaha*cough,cough*hahahaha!!!

[@souhilabouchareb9386]

I've never heard of him, he's hilarious.

[@Mandrake591]

Tom Papa is awesome!

[@golfcourseguy3398]

The new special is so good.

[@amraomerovic8321]

Stephen didn't hold this interview we'll, tom was carrying it by itself...

[@selvaracp08]

He would make a great stand up comedian.

[@acchaladka]

selvaracp08 If only he was one, with KZbin videos and a decade of standup history...if only.

[@selvaracp08]

My apologies... I dint know... But isnt the fact that a person such as me who doesnt know that he is a standup comedian, saying that he would do well as a standup comedian is a sort of praise to him...

[@joshuaash4092]

OK, I totally just started to google what month Father’s Day was in Colbert said it!

[@NB-ky5ol]

So glad to see him back doing the rounds. He’s hilarious. I took a flight back to LA with him about 10 years ago. I’ve been wondering where he went away to.

[@deanwilliam459]

I don't know who this guy is but hes funny.

[@AddictedToCandyx]

Ugh, men have to stay the same. I love going through phases too much and get surprised when other things change. thank you Tom Papa for understanding the constant art project; my face that im in love with.

[@TheAndredal]

Many fathers also want to be able to see their children on father's day...

[@MsLovingdance]

true

[@christianschoff2490]

If you watch the video, he says that.

[@lazyperfectionist1]

Oh, I don't know. It seems to me, if my father were a published author, he would get a big kick out of it if, right on Father's Day, first thing in the morning, I were to say to him, "Hey, Dad, I bought a copy of your book a couple months ago, and when it arrived, I read it. I thought it had some interesting food for thought, so I bought several more copies and gave them to friends of mine."

[@physiotherapistpaulina9340]

Tom, you make us all smile! Family vacations are the worst lol...........

[@zigarettenbruch6999]

Tom Papa is so fucking funny! He's the best!

[@moaahlgren5193]

That's exaktly right... last year my husband and I ended up just driving.... away and back with me crying from being tired.... ah life!

[@airport862]

One of the top comedians today who has been working for 25 years. He missed the Johnny Carson show by just a year, but made many appearances on Letterman, Conan, and Leno. Check some of them out for intelligent and hilarious comedy.

[@augiedogie88]

So true.

[@bigeric1030]

I discovered this guy kinda by accident about 8 years ago, and he’s been one of my favorites ever since. I have, since discovering him, also had two daughters. He’s more relevant to me now than ever. Everything he has said about raising two girls has been 100% true to this point.

[@MrRazNZ]

This guy is like an older, 'let-it-all-go' John Cena

[@CaryChilton]

Yes, he is exactly like John Cena.....

[@paulakaye2108]

He's the Male Erma Bombeck! Fucking hilarious!

[@davidigleniec2483]

Colberts last quip was top notch.

[@luckyjasonfan]

I love this Guy!!!! I Miss his Show! 😍😂😂😂

[@seanbean4682]

Tom Papa is a sneaky beast.

[@charankol]

thanks god a break from trump

[@ericbarbin2697]

He is right!!! My fam ask me wat do I want? I said nothing... WAIT I want fo everyone to live for the day wait!!! Maybe a week huh

[@007coleyfoley]

COLEY FOLEY SAYS: "HE DID WHAT OLD MEN WANTED TO DO"... HAHAHAHA!