The Modern World Is Making Men Lonely, Addicted & Lost! - Escape Society's Matrix | Gabor Matè

[@TomBilyeu]

What do you think is the biggest issue we face in society today? Drop a comment below!

[@Vineeth..v]

Illusion of connection.

[@justlovemusic8182]

@@Vineeth..v Good point, I was going to say disconnection

[@radfoo72]

Joe Biden

[@milpormilunmillon]

Closed hearts

[@sarahellen5846]

@@radfoo72 💯

[@carolecavanaugh7209]

When my daughter had a temper tantrum I hugged her tight, rocked her and hummed or sung to her until it passed. I just could never ignore her or send her away from me. It just went against every parenting instinct I had . She is 17 now and she is just the greatest, kindest, confident, personable, well behaved. Everyone she meets loves her. My advice is before you have children get lots of therapy to work on your issues so you can parent your child from love and not your trauma. Your child is not your therapist. Children are selfish and will push every button you have so you better be healthily prepared for it.

[@tanjakolundzija6268]

Amen🙏

[@sandraschunke2080]

This advice comes to late now for me and my child. 😟

[@angelar8236]

That is the best advice you could ever give a person who is or isn't yet a parent. I couldn't have said it better....❤️

[@carmenmisiti7852]

My experience was, that a child having a tantrum usually doesn’t want to be touched while having one.

[@skyehannah8388]

@@sandraschunke2080 With gentle love, it’s never too late. ❤❤❤ You have a great depth of love in you

[@NikaRio]

So I’ve studied psychology (child psychology especially) five years at University and then I hear this guy and my degree goes out the window. So sad no one teaches this

[@nicolelitschauer5767]

New concepts are always arising it's a very exciting time for mankind. Assending may feel uncozy but it's still a beautiful thing u study an area of life and how to treat life don't u think that way just never stop leaving sta hungry

[@Eric-tj3tg]

I feel ya. I'd recommend "Nature and the Human Soul", by Bill Plotkin, Ph.D.-A Psychologist gone wild Developmental wheel, addresses natural and contemporary tasks of developmental stages, which are not constrained by age. He's acknowledging, as a longtime Vision Quest Leader, that nobody has completed all developmental tasks.

[@phillylarkin.s1930]

The wise masters don't live our life they sit back observe and teach . To be like this teacher and have his calmness and wisdom do as he does not as he says 😇 namesta

[@queline3530]

Very true. Hopefully universities take it on board. So many wasted lives through lack of insight. Everyone needs to be aware of Gabor Mate and his teachings 🤗

[@officialkxdc7984]

100%

[@stilianifakidaraki3724]

Gabor Mate is one of the wisest people alive today. What a gift to humanity. ❤

[@andreilucian10]

Very true!

[@anitachojnacki4512]

I want to marry him

[@chelsea2711]

@@anitachojnacki4512 settle down

[@couldbe8348]

But he makes up a lot of stuff. Be careful about his interventions.

[@RonWesterbeek]

​@@anitachojnacki4512me to. My wife won't let me though. Good luck 🎉🎉

[@TonyBurke100]

Where was Dr Mate in the sixties I'm 70 and have lived a life of broken marriages, alcoholism and addiction and I didn't know why I was so messed up until I discovered Dr Mate he has made my senior years better than they would have been.

[@user-jn6jm4bb6f]

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready... The teacher will Disappear.” ― Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu)

[@michaelmalin8692]

Good for you Tony! Never too late to learn. Please pass it on! Our world counts on it!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@SofoArchon]

“The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.” ― Gabor Maté

[@christinsongbird]

This is really good!

[@annakatepollard2318]

Brilliant and true. Do you have the minute where this is said?

[@Dowlphin]

"Suffering is pain being suppressed." - Dowlphin

[@MaryKoepkeFields]

sigh , . listening to you .. and feeling very stressed . . and discouraged - . chronic illnesses have no genetic marker and SO what ??

[@evelynn4273]

That's basically an eastern philosophy, which I agree with. I also love Gabor Mate's earlier work regarding addiction. However, I don't completely agree with his current work.

[@sunnyflower1979]

I decided to raise my kids the complete opposite of how I was raised. The results are night/day. I am breaking generational curses. It stops with me!

[@mangochutney4874]

❤

[@xR0N1Nx]

Do you have teenagers?

[@sunnyflower1979]

@@xR0N1Nx 2

[@ryan8430]

Damn I'm going thru the same thing

[@DevilsAdvocate619]

I'm braking my generational curse by not having kids, it dies with me 😢

[@mishap3251]

This guy is the EINSTEIN of mental health. This man literally blew my mind. I instinctively knew I was hearing TRUTH. Thank you.

[@nana.amadjepongnanaquamsam6177]

Please does the Dr has his own page

[@PULAG]

Everyone lies to make money. How can you ever trust anyone?

[@peijuechen]

I have the same instinct ! Yes, he is the best one explaining the relationship between stress/trauma and diseases.

[@odwanodada1310]

Couldn't have been discribed better

[@toni-annleone780]

Yup

[@fairouzbaalbaki6788]

This man is one of a kind, I have been following him for quite a time .He is so smart , wise ,compassionate,and above all humane.I can’t believe how he stood up for injustice in Gaza.❤❤❤❤

[@mcnallyaar]

"When you suppress your emotions, you are suppressing your immune system as well."

[@heathergraves1742]

😅

[@infiniteknowledge7520]

interesting use of words, which make you ponder, but not sure about causing “autoimmune diseases” since it’s not backed by scientific research! Although, when suppressing emotions, release them. Let them go. Forgive & forget. Holding on to negative feelings & emotions would cause many psychological, mental, and even physical health issues, especially when you hold on to them for a long time!

[@imbrakingthrough2152]

@@infiniteknowledge7520 . I doubt that you know more then this men - this men only gives you scraps of how much he knows- I believe %1000 in this - because that’s stress and stress is culprit to almost all illnesses . The So called science is so slow our kids will dye without knowing ! But People like him already Know- most likely From they own experience! %1000

[@lorrainec8190]

Wow. And that makes sense to.

[@DiddyB14]

ENERGY IN MOTION = EMOTION

[@snoozyq9576]

"They give up their authenticity for the sake of the attachment". I've spent my life thinking I was defective. This is so validating 💜

[@Torsdagskvallsmys]

All humans are defective. Dont be so hard on yourself.

[@Liz-in8lu]

Yep. It sucks that we are a result of our parents issues. We can’t be our true authentic self

[@Dowlphin]

And people who did it the other way are really screwed, because they're usually not even talked about. Very cynical society.

[@danarojak1505]

Me too. :(

[@aliasspitzburger6590]

50:50 Listen to that again. Conciousness is missing! Once you get aware of your traumas (like me 2 years ago), you might and probably will slip more into your victim position, it happens again unconsciously, through your ego identifying with it. It is how your ego tries to survive, it holds onto something to identify with. 😊 (Tipp: avoid reading comments, my thoughts got very much influenced too but could get out of my head. And I was and sometimes still am a huge self-sabotaging overthinker) WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR CONCIOUSNESS, (which means you also take responsibility): meditation, remind yourself very often to come back to reality, to the PRESENT MOMENT as it is, regardless what is (discernment is good oc). To just observe, without judging or labelling what you see. No need to take it personal, that doesn't invalidate your feelings.) Focus on the stillness within you (the gap between your thoughts) and on the feeling in your body, also without judgement. Ground yourself and reconnect with yourself. Body mind and soul(/spirit). That's why it is called spiritual awakening when you finally get concious of yourself, of conciousness itself and realize what is REALLY going on, it has nothing to do with religion!!). INNER PEACE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO ALL OF YOU ❤

[@cristinacorrea4699]

Thank you Tom for not interrupting Dr. Maté. What a great interview.

[@blissfulbaboon]

I'm glad you thought so

[@joannesploban8986]

Admittedly, sometimes it was difficult to continue listening, because of so many interruptions BUT this person who is interviewing the doctor is also putting themselves bravely in front of potentially millions of people. In doing this, he exposes all of the flaws in his thinking (along with everything else, good, bad or indifferent as my mother used to say). And the only acceptable response is relatable empathy. At least imho.

[@gojo2194]

No, the adverts did that. Continually.

[@littleflower23]

I appreciate Tom challenging Gabor Mate's thinking about spanking and discipline. I think Mate's is off-base with his advice about spanking and time outs for children. I agree wholeheartedly that attachment is paramount with children and parents. That's bologna that kids who get spanked experience the same trauma that kids who experience severe abuse. I think Mate's thinking generally has a lot to offer but in his thinking about spanking or time outs he is way off base. I've never spanked my kids and have used time outs or natural consequences or restrictions of privileges. I think Mate's is full of bologna on this issue.

[@Rogerio_FM]

More like , Thank you Dr, for not letting Tom interrupt you :D

[@danerismorales2537]

Protect Dr. Gabor Mate at all costs 💕🙏 I am a living example of what he explains about suppressing anger and autoimmune disease. As soon as I allow myself to release the anger and now express it in healthy ways, I am walking without a cane. Thanks for your service! Much love 💕

[@NN-cc6dd]

"The child shouldn’t have to take care of the parents emotional needs to make the relationship work. People that have to work to meet their parents emotional needs end up in deep trouble as adults.” Having been subjected to this by my parents for as long as I can remember, and still dealing with the consequences as a 40 something year old, it's reassuring to hear these words and know that someone else out there acknowledges how deeply troubling this is.

[@PULAG]

Sadly I just hide my emotions from my kid and keep it to myself and I'll probably die sad and no one will know. Oh well that's life.

[@peijuechen]

Yes, a lot of profound sayings that no one has said that before, at least not as clear as Dr. Mate does.

[@AnnaNotton]

I hear this

[@Dowlphin]

@@peijuechen I probably have in some form or another. It's kind of a common issue, parents having children out of fear, not love, to fill an inner void and then trying to control the medicine.

[@sciencenotstigma9534]

Yes, this is why it felt normal for me to be putting more into the relationship with a partner, as an adult, and trying to “fix” a situation where I was being abused. I was expected to “fix” my relationship with a parent, to “make it work.” That is a parent’s job. Now I know that adult relationships can’t work unless both people are working on it, and each considers the other’s needs and feelings. My needs and feelings, as a child, were not respected. I don’t have to accept this, as an adult. I don’t have to change myself to try to fit my partner’s needs. I choose to be considerate of others, AND I consider my own needs. I don’t have to be someone else to make anyone happy! That’s great to know.

[@laurah4949]

When I had my son I had studied how women in Japan raise their children as a group and do not let the infant cry unattended or in a prolonged way. I did that with my son and I'm glad I did. I never had any doctor tell me to let him cry. He was later identified as a special needs child and I am glad that I had that information and the support of his father to spend more time with him than most mothers do. I let the baby teach me what he needed. I was shocked in public when people would question me why I was holding him instead of putting him in a stroller? I would answer, if you have never had the joy of holding a baby you should try it! He is now a well adjusted 24 year old young man.

[@heatherwright3953]

I went threw that when it came to my grand baby. I had to go in fast to grab something fast and people looked at me like I was nuts that I did not grab a cart I held her and grabbed what I needed then left thinking wow you people are sad and a bit lazy . Not trying to judge others but they do judge us . I knew early that I was not the mom kind but I was fairly badly abused and learned to shut down . I just saw a add that falls into the issues wrong with this world it was a add for losing weight . We have been lied to and told it is our fault that we are fat . Has anyone looked at what we are forced to have the choices of to call food ? A salad should not be made out of hard chunks of lettuce instead replace it with spinach and beat tops . They have health benefits there is none to the lettuce . A good salad should not cost 20 bucks . I just want to eat . These box companies and the contract with our new owners china to get our vegetables really made things very hunger games like now . I saw a woman wait behind me as I shopped for my veggies get all happy when I did not grab the last few of a vegetable. That is not the way we should ne having to feel about eating yall .

[@evolveyourself9518]

He's a special needs because of never letting him develop on his own.

[@summer-xt1gg]

@@heatherwright3953 China doesn’t own us lmao we externalize business to China because we make more money if we exploit their manufacturing industry (lack of labour and envt standards)- the ppl of China are stuck under the same boot in a different country.

[@Torsdagskvallsmys]

A parent who dosnt learn from their child as mutch as they learn from the parent is in many ways a faulty parent imo..

[@Danialjamalnasar]

My mother gave me all the love in the world, and did a brilliant job doing so. until my father came to my life when i was 6 years old. Everything went downhill from there, he abused me. Always made me cry, he still does. Ingrained that i was worthless in my psyche. He never supported my talents or interests. He didn’t accept my truths and honesty. Always blaming me and my mother for his unsuccessfull life. He always curses at my mother and me, calling me a sisterfucker. And other awful names and lies. Here i am 23 years old. Having abused drugs and resorting to crime, for the past 7 years. It only numbed the pain temporarily. I’ve been sober for the past 3 months and all my traumas and pain i’ve been sucking up is surfacing and making my life nbearable to the point where i can’t think of anything else other than maning up and kill my father so the pain he causes me and my mother can end.

[@healthymind7419]

The best of parents are those who experienced trauma and chose never to allow their own children to feel how our parents treated us and made us feel. If you are this parent i love you, i respect you and the world needs you. You are amayzing so don't let anybody ever tell you any different ❤

[@DebberaThompson]

Is that even possible when we are also dealing with generational trauma. And searching for what we assume is normal can be part of our own pathology. There haves to be a shift and an acceptance in what is more communal but then again?

[@meeraranade1871]

Believe me, I am one of them. I thank my parents because I understood from their behaviour with my sister and me, exactly what not to do as a parent.

[@marisadallavalle393]

​@@meeraranade1871Haha! Same here, I would say I may not know how to be a parent, but I DO know how NOT to be a parent!

[@NaheemaKhan-p6x]

Thank you for this message. Nobody knows my struggles as I have never mentioned them to anyone. I chose to heal myself and never let my kids feel the way i once felt.

[@hollyprather6443]

If that were true child abuse would not continue through the generations, but it does

[@robynnvanpatten1741]

Amen. Hd daughters at age 43 and 45. Read a million parenting theories. In the end I went with instinct...so comforted them when they cried,let them sleep with me, carried them all of the time. They are confident, smart, kind and secure. Glad I listened to my gut. confidentsecure,

[@leojbramble]

He just blew my mind with that simple, elegant breakdown of how you cannot possibly grow up with the "same" parenting/childhood experience of your siblings.

[@meadowautumn]

Me too

[@lauralaine8678]

Yeah that really blew my mind too, it made me think of twins & although they are raised by the same parents & at the same time. Each twin will have a different relationship with the parents!

[@meadowautumn]

@@lauralaine8678 I have twin step children and absolutely see the differences. Mind blown by Gabor

[@bohemianv3124]

I was raised in a your, mine and ours household. My step father was a monster to me, but a kind father to his girls who could do-no wrong. And I was the only one who was whipped with a belt. I became a bed wetter , and I was always frightened. And now I get frightened when someone is mad at me. And I help out people before meeting all of my own needs.

[@_bluephoenix_]

We see it with multiple siblings, the eldest was often helicopter parented yet the youngest "got away with everything". Understanding that our parents are just humans and infallible is possibly the hardest thing to reconcile. We often put our parents on pedestals and become angry at the way they parented us - they were doing what they thought was right at the time - with growth, that changes!

[@natasja4307]

" You did not grow up in the same house as your sibling." Now that's an eye-opener.

[@mercurious5053]

Also if you're an older, younger or a middle child is a factor

[@eval4495]

Yes, this is what I thought growing up.

[@tanaburgard1302]

Not only each child, is different… At different ages/stages, each parent, is different.

[@glacey4906]

Brilliant way to explain this.

[@jobentley4522]

My mother had to go into hospital when I was a toddler for 6 weeks to have my brother. He was the golden child from that point on. I was left traumatised and my mother was more concerned about her emotions. She regularly said your brother was the only child I felt a rush of maternal love for. He was a liar from very small yet as an honest child, I was never believed. My allies were my dad and grandmother. I effectively lost my dad when my mum left him pregnant to his friend. I remained close to my grandmother but once late home for tea - my brother and I were dragged home, hit with a wooden spoon and grounded at 10 and 8 years of age. My grandmother used to come out of her house at 7pm every evening and wave to us. 40 years later my mother and stepfather are still in a toxic relationship and when I finally confronted our family dynamics due to suicidal breakdowns I was treated so coldly and have been prevented from seeing my nephew and niece. The trauma continues. Some people are evil and shouldn't have children.

[@Star5dg]

Since my child was 1 i started reading and learning gabor mate work. The relationship i have with my kids is amazing. I grew up in abusive environment which caused me to suffer emotionally. I failed school, got into the wrong group, into addiction etc exactly as per gabor mate work states. I wanted to make sure i didnt bring generational trauma to my kids and make them feel safe and this is all down to gabor work. Thank you gabor

[@queline3530]

@ David Graham Heartwarming, well done! 🤗

[@michealhennessy1696]

Hi David. So would you go to your baby everything they cried. How did you set boundaries? I'd be interested to know.

[@movewelldurham975]

👏👏👏 love this

[@movewelldurham975]

@@michealhennessy1696 you might like checking out Alfie Kohn’s work on discipline

[@leonietaylor4227]

@@michealhennessy1696 Read Mate's book

[@anjelamah5856]

Love this! I raised two boys. My first son had colic and cried for 3 months. I always tried to comfort him. I never left him to cry himself to sleep. I never punished my boys. Only rewarded them for positive behavior. Believe me all the love you give your kids, it is not going to spoil them. It will make them confident and loving adults.

[@liadimartini]

No one I’ve heard addresses trauma like Dr. Maté. If ever there was an example for humanity in our times, it’s him. Thank you for being you 🙏

[@jennytaylor3324]

Maybe it's because of how much he's suffered personally, and don so as a sensitive soul.

[@photina262]

I second this 😊

[@rashidareeves78]

Totally.

[@kimbaka4364]

Agree! His work is not known enough, let's share it far and wide!

[@andreilucian10]

I think he is the Master of the trauma.

[@WishesCameThrough]

“In this society, the worst of us gets nourished while best of us gets suppressed”

[@quantumbl33p]

Exactly! Did you know that the wise ab0rigjnals are an *extremely* well-nourished society because they eat each other? It’s true, that The Euro-Caucasian Colonists were as the good doctor said, “horrified” to learn that the aboriginals did NOT include physical violence in their sagely repertoire on parenting. …It’s probably-idk-maybe also true that the Euro-Caucasians were *horrified* to discover that the aboriginals choice of cuisine was as *radically progressive* as their parenting philosophies.

[@ModernMayhem]

My parents divorced when I was very young (2-3 years old) I lived with my dad until I was 15, he raised me in a home full of yelling, he wouldn't necessarily "beat" my brother and I, but he wasn't afraid to smack up around, he led with discipline...Then when I turned 15, I got to move in with my mom, step-dad and half siblings... My mom has yelled at me only 3 times total in my entire life (I'm 34 now), she was ALWAYS warm & understanding... One day I did something really bad, and got caught, most parents would probably heavily discipline their teenager, yell at them, ground them, maybe smack them in or whatever.... However my mom was just SO upset, like I let her down by my actions. She couldn't talk to me for 3 days because she was so upset with me. Out of all the times my dad disciplined me, NOTHING was NEARLY as effective as letting my mom down like this and seeing how much it hurt her. I went from being a shit head teenager to NEVER doing anything to let me mom down ever again...I recognized how incredibly effective her ways of "disciplining" me were, instantly!

[@GodHelpMe369]

Traits that predict and cause illness: 1. Automatic concern for other people's (emotional) needs above your own 2. A rigid identification with duty, role, and responsibility 3. Repressed (and/or suppressed) emotions 4. (Self-limiting) beliefs: 5. Responsibility for other people's emotions 6. "I must NEVER disappoint ANYONE..."

[@tiya0xh]

That’s just me!

[@denishoi]

Same here! I thank God that I was directed here to learn all this and STOP this thinking!

[@DamyanTenev]

All of them.My natural proclivities goes in the otger durection.Thats why i dissociate and abandonned myself

[@GeraldineDevlin-y8u]

Let’s reconsider points 1 & 2 …. with that belief we just trample over others.

[@marloesstam9036]

The biggest issue we face is also what you mentioned in this podcast: goodness is not rewarded whereas greed, competition etc is.

[@lab4389]

Great point.

[@iliadin93]

Because people value money more than personality.

[@leahnorman9629]

That's what Dennis Prager says. Parents surveyed want their children to grow up to succeed over being kind.

[@sp3357]

@@leahnorman9629 my Mother was like that and I broke away from her because it just wasn’t right and I’m glad I did I see the world in another perspective.

[@hilabuoyant]

They need to teach this man's wisdom in schools !! He is 100% right !! With my first born I tried listening to Spock and I couldn't follow through. I quickly learned to ignore everything people tell me and do only what I felt in my heart.

[@Ann-eb8dp]

You are so right Spock was so confusing hopeless Follow your heart We were told such stupid things as parents You have to be in tune with your child which can be difficult in our society

[@hannahbush9952]

Gabor Mate is one of the great thinkers of our time. Thank you for this conversation.

[@phillylarkin.s1930]

If only thinking changed reality ...we could all think ourselves happy .hmmm maybe he's onto something ☺️👌

[@Alien_at_Large]

These statements at 58:20 are SO important. My boys both begged me to take them out of public school and home school them. I not only **home**schooled them, but I **UN**schooled them. They went through a few months of playing video games and basically doing nothing. Then all of a sudden, they each discovered things that they wanted to learn and skills that they wanted to develop -- on their own with no prompting from me. I had no idea that my older son wanted to compose electronic music. I had no idea that my younger son had the ability to coordinate and lead teams. Now they are 19 and 17, respectively. My older son is about to start a degree in computer science, after working a year and traveling to New Zealand. My younger son got a job at 16 (and still has it), bought his own parts and built himself a PC, and he will start his associates degree in electrical systems next year.

[@BrendaHouston_]

After listening to this man speak and considering the trauma I’ve been through I’m wondering at 46 who I even am.

[@7Denial7]

Me too. What am I, what do I really want

[@alexasmith6473]

I'm 53 and I just figured out this year that I have NEVER been who I truly am and thus have begun the journey of undoing, becoming 'empty' & beginning to rebirth into my authentic Self. Dr Gabor's work has been intrinsic to my journey of unraveling the lifelong trauma that had me ever doubting mySelf to begin with. His perspective allowed me to grieve and forgive myself for ever being so lead astray & also all the ways I attacked others and isolated myself from connection bc I didn't even know what connection felt like... SO illuminating and Healing Best wishes to all of us on that journey and thank God for the benefit of deep souls like Dr Gabor and those kindred. This isn't just psychology, it's metaphysical and spiritual on the deepest human level in my experience & I'm ever so grateful...

[@7Denial7]

@@alexasmith6473 are you doing it by yourself or with somebody's help? How's that working out for you? How have you broke through the inertia of the years, the resistance of habits etc?

[@alexasmith6473]

@@7Denial7 Yeah, ha! mostly "alone", kinda but not really tho bc of holy connection. Or more like: deeply learning about that, second by minute It's progressing well enough, yet still seemingly in starts and stops, in 'time'... I'm able to finally get focused on mySelf right about now for first time this lifetime . Gaining my Higher Self's support as I allow it, day by day... & only wanting that. Nothing else will happen positive for me until that, positive for me means positive for the world and anything less ain't positive for no one ❤️💕💞 ; w

[@anastasiabeaverhausen.]

@7Denial7 follow the holistic psychologist and read her books, that's a good start.

[@jessicamadrid5799]

My emotions were allowed, but I was expected to self-sooth. As a result, only my bed comforts me and I do not trust people to care for my inner experiences. When we had our son, my husband put our son in the crib to “cry it out.” I allowed him to experiment, but my motherly instincts couldn’t tolerate this technique. I bulldozed my husband over to get to my son to comfort him. It was so unnatural to allow him to “cry it out.” My heart was breaking every second I heard my baby cry. I would have attacked my husband, if he did not allow me to get to my son. It was bad enough that I had to forcefully push him out of my way. I will always be there for my babies. I am a momma bear!

[@louiseraindrops8777]

So glad you’re intuition stepped in…..we should protect our babies and children always and comforting them is vital ❤️

[@user-qz6ml3hb9u]

There are many methods for supporting a child going to sleep. We combined a few so that we could teach them that they knew they were supported but also that they were independently able to self sooth. To always answer their cry essentially teaches dependency, expectancy and outside control of their needs. The child doesn't learn self awareness as easily so they can ask for, or not, in degrees. It can be smothering. That was my personal experience and that of many of my clients. It's not black and white. Learning the child's different kinds of cries is also important which they will develop only if given the chance to experience different needs. Running to their side every single time also takes away their power to learn for themselves.

[@jessicamadrid5799]

@@user-qz6ml3hb9u I personally would rather had a compassionate parent who responded to my needs, so I would trust people today and not have to experience perpetual loneliness. I can feel the void and emptiness that was left there. Neglect has major consequence on child development. There are other experiences that can teach a child independence, however, responding to a child’s emotional and basic needs is not one to forgo.

[@graceismine1111]

@@jessicamadrid5799 Exactly right. Which is why a compassionate parent is not a controlling parent or a parent who doesn't allow a child to learn to express themselves. It is incumbent on every parent to help a child learn their true capacities and skills and be there to provide that safe space when they need it. To teach them degrees of need is giving them the skills to go out into the world and feel safe inside themselves because their needs are met. In order for a child to know their needs a compassionate parent must have the patience and listening skills to help them.

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

@@user-qz6ml3hb9u It depends on the age of the baby as well as their temperament and if the parents can actually do it.

[@carolynkepler2826]

I had a temper tantrum at my fathers funeral. I was just over 3 yrs and remember being extremely angry. All the adults froze and were mortified. My brother, who had just turned 6, was the one who took care of me.I learned early on that I couldn’t depend on adults for anything.

[@tammysims8716]

@carolynkepler I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you are okay.

[@jimmyjamessac7171]

Love and respect....love what's right, water and rest is miraculous....promise

[@esperanzamunoz2725]

Yes! I learned that early on also😓😫

[@mariee.5912]

😢 wow. That's sad.

[@patriciafinks6804]

It is sad but sometimes true. I had a similar experience.

[@Amodgirl]

I think that an understanding of what Dr. Mate’s talking about would help to talk to someone who was neglected as a child and what they are left with as an adult. When you grow up neglected, in the loving nurturing sense, you walk through life wondering who you are, unable to believe or feel the sense of love you get from others. It’s like being in limbo. Everything he says resonates with me because I didn’t experience those things. As a woman in my 60’s I’m still trying to understand it all. Dr Mate’ is helping me to understand why it is that I feel the way I do about life and maybe, just maybe, I can find a feeling of connection to it before I die.

[@julierussell5773]

Add to that being adopted at birth, and my identity is non-existent. I feel like a lost child even at 59

[@Amodgirl]

@@julierussell5773 keep searching. I remember a very long time ago a therapist told me that the things we feel, because of our experiences don’t go away, they are part of us, but they can be put in a box in the closet so if we ever feel we need them we know where they are. It’s a difficult journey but following Dr. Mate reminds me that I am the way I am because of circumstance. I hope you can find a way to nurture that child within you, she deserves so much love.

[@unnamed5603]

buy a dog, seriously Edit: buy 4dogs

[@mireudeoliveirasimoes5896]

Wishing you luck

[@grannygear1001]

@@unnamed5603 have 3 rescued dogs. They always turn around and rescue you back with that unconditional love that grows within them as they heal. Dog spelled backwards is God because they reflect His amazing grace.

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

Thank God for my mom. My daughter and i lived with her when my daughter was a baby. The doctor had told me to let her cry herself to sleep and my mother said ABSOLUTELY NOT!! We rocked her to sleep every night. My parenting instinct was so underdeveloped i thought she was wrong at the time. She is 16 now and more securely attached than most kids her age. I credit my mother.

[@--------RR007----------]

Imagine listening to an expert about how your child is trans. Would you let that expert make decisions?

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

@@--------RR007---------- I believe that Stalin was right about doctors. It may be a case of a broken clock being right twice a day but Doctors truly and genuinely have no integrity whatsoever. My mom was poisoned to death by a sadistic oncologist that would tell her stuff like "Coca Cola and water are both hydration." when i was trying to advise her to the diet shown to cure bowel cancer. Oncologists want people to have cancer. I think those "gender" doctors are sadists too. The gleam in the eye of the surgeon that mutilated Jazz Jennings as he describes how bad it is is truly one of the most disturbing conversations I've ever witnessed. He is behaving as though its the happiest day of his life.

[@patriciamalloy9922]

Very interesting that he touches on Jordan Peterson's theory that the angry child must be isolated until such time as they are able to "return to normal", thus setting the stage for rep repressed healthy anger and autoimmune issues. Jordan Peterson's daughter has suffered significantly from rheumatoid arthritis. Precisely what Gabor explains .

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

@@patriciamalloy9922 that's a really good point! Also very weird is how certain Peterson is that the crazy restrictive diet is what healed her and not the fact that she moved out of their home. Correlation does not imply causation unless you're trying to sell a diet to the masses. Then steak cures autoimmune disease all of a sudden.

[@caroldraper5017]

When I was a baby mothers were told to let us cry and only pick us up .to feed us. But we lived with my grandparents and my grandfather couldnt stand the sound of my crying so she picked me up.

[@kimberlysunshine001]

"Why is it necessary to hurt somebody -- it's not" Loved this talk, plan to get the book. Thank you!!

[@yourconnection9303]

It's not necessary. It's just that "hurt" people, hurt others. And they will continue to do so until they heal. There is just so many victims of victims.😔

[@dorijoe]

sending love to Tom Bilyeu. I saw the pain of his inner child in his eyes. It's so hard to meet that pain within us. Sending love to all of us still in pain by not having been loved properly when our brain was still developing.

[@rawganic5183]

It may have been frustration you noticed in his eyes from being cut off by Gabor so many times.

[@Gypsygirl9]

I got spanked sometimes but I was acting up and after the punishment i calmed down. I am not traumatized, do not think it was "abuse" in any way and never resented my parents for it. Unlike kids today, i am responsible and well adjusted.

[@findingfooting]

@@Gypsygirl9Good for you! Not everyone had that experience so tell your story without feeling the need to take away from those who had a different experience.

[@michael.lentsman]

Have never listened to Gabor before. What a joy to see such an optimistic at the end person amidst this crap we're in. Thanks, Gabor, thanks, Tom! Love and peace, cheers from Saint Petersburg.

[@nimittalife]

I can say with confidence that my children have a good sense of boundary and autonomy and I do not punish or discipline them negatively. I speak to them. We have open, candid conversations about everything and anything under the sun. We respect each other and I tell my children that they have my love, respect and support unconditionally. No matter what they do, they can come and tell me and whether I like it or not, they will not be judged. It is not easy, but it is definitely rewarding.

[@theequatableskeptic8148]

You are a beautiful human being and you just made my day

[@blissfulbaboon]

It must be rewarding to be a perfect parent

[@relationshipsutras]

@@theequatableskeptic8148 Thank you so much. I am glad it brought you something good.

[@relationshipsutras]

@@blissfulbaboon It is definitely rewarding. But I am nowhere near perfect. Or, I do not know what perfection is. I am just a person who has gone through childhood trauma and hence, life trained me to know what not to do, what not to say and how to sense what is required in the moment. Just found the silver lining in the dark cloud.

[@Createwhitchris]

I do the same thing with my kiddos.

[@thehylers1021]

It's no wonder that we're so wounded. Thank God for Dr. Mate who is speaking about these matters, helping us understand that as adults we can re-parent ourselves. We can love ourselves, experience freedom and healing for a better future ♥️🙏

[@lmah156]

Dr Mate is the result of the Artsy Western lifestyle. He makes no sense in the developing countries!!!!

[@larryleker6366]

I think Dr. Mate's view of 'normal' is spot on. His description of rheumatoid arthritis sufferers feels particularly personal. The two clear directives I remember from childhood are 'Don't feel that way', and 'That didn't happen'. I'm surprised we didn't all wind up deranged. Now decades later, these messages are being fired at us through mass media and driving the entire country crazy.

[@theoriginal7727]

We mostly did. That’s why people are so messed up and chronic illness is the norm rather than the exception.

[@rosehill9537]

Well said.

[@zaydakebede3785]

Maybe we HAVE ended up deranged. I mean the majority of us.

[@nes123ification]

I just love all of Gabor Mate’s talks on all the topics he covers. I find myself getting very emotional when I watch them. He has a calming aura about him & I could listen to him all day. He makes me feel like I am not alone. I’ve been struggling this last year with all the relationships in my life & have noticed that I disconnect to cope. My kids & grandkids all live overseas & seeing my friends enjoy their lives with their families, is heartbreaking for me. I don’t begrudge them that, I am slightly envious but I am also very happy for them to be able to do that. When they complain about having to look after their grandkids, at times, I remind them how very lucky they are.

[@flynnzilla8796]

“…disconnect to cope” - oh yeah🥺

[@sm3675]

My grandparents are in the same boat as you. I hope they're doing well.

[@andrea439]

A big hug to you❤

[@TheThaiLife]

Hey Tom, I can see that these answers were very challenging for you. I felt that the ideas pushed your emotions and boundaries but that you really tried and succeeded in being open-minded. Much Respect.

[@SarahTrpelivost]

His book should be in every school, therapy office, doctor office...I could go on. I've shared so many pages with my siblings and friends. Healing is possible ❤️

[@julie5668]

I remember when I worked as a nanny for an 18-month-old boy, when he cried passionately when put down for his afternoon nap, I would hold him, walking around the room the whole hour and a half until he woke up again. But he slept blissfully when held all that time. By the time he woke up and I put him down, my arm was in spasms from carrying him so long, but it was worth it. I couldn't let him cry himself to sleep.

[@Ann-eb8dp]

Some children need that One of my grandsons was like that I found it so special having him sleep in my arms with his soft hair against my face

[@mohammadreza1414]

I have watched so many interviews of him on different channels. This one was the best. You pushed back against his ideas and allowed him to organize and reorganize his arguments to be convincing. I love that. Amazing job! and Thank you Dr. Mate.

[@Stoitism]

This is one of the best conversations with Gabor mate on this platform.

[@christiaan4music]

"you've never seen an adult throw a tantrum, you've seen a traumatized child in an adult body throw a tantrum"

[@normk58]

"Hysterical is historical."

[@bapbirb]

I think its also important to note that trauma in this case shouldn't be mistaken as an excuse or a pity card.. Responsibility as an adult should be to recognize and work on treating that deeply ingrained trauma. But now we see alot of adults playing the victim card and excusing their behavior instead of tryinf to change it for themselves and the people around them. I think Dr Mate really encourages not to do that and I appreciate it.

[@normk58]

@@bapbirb I disagree with your opinion that Dr. Mate is encouraging people to play the victim card. I think what he is doing is helping people understand what trauma is and how it affects them so they can change their habitual reactions which are the result of the trauma they have experienced. I work for a community mental health agency that helps the most vulnerable members of our community. So many of the individuals we serve have lived through unspeakable trauma that no one should be subjected to. I have a sign on my desk that reminds me to keep their lives in perspective. It reads, "Don't judge someone for the choices they made until you know the options they had to choose from."

[@christiaan4music]

@@bapbirb couldn't agree more.

[@bapbirb]

@@normk58 I should've worded it better to prevent confusion, but maybe you should read my comment again.. I wanted to say Dr. Mate encourages people not to play the victim card, instead encourages people to first recognize that trauma and work on fixing it primarily by themselves instead of blaming or depending on the people around them.

[@kristenbrenan2073]

This interview is exactly what I've been trying to explain to my family. This interview is a game changer for me in my research & my own therapy with regards to trauma & breaking the generation "curse" in my family.

[@hamidhamidi3134]

I have a son. Never punished him and never criticised him directly. He listens to me and is absolutely brilliant. This man is absolutely right.

[@viktoriyarts]

Can't believe how underrated stress is, what he says about it, makes me believe it really is like an ice crack, if you keep stepping on it, it eventually breaks, and you lose your mind, and it opens the door for any kind of diseases too, insane how fragile we are...

[@snoozyq9576]

Absolutely. I learnt this when I had my psychotic episode just the one time. I can never let my ice crack that far ever again.

[@paolamura3497]

I don't know if we're really that fragile...it's that Life really Is set on bending you to it's "discipline" in every possibile way...if you Rebel...you're on your own....

[@jojoo1999]

So happy you let him speak so much because everything he say is so interesting!❤

[@beingoxymoronish]

I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Gabor Matè. Not only has his wisdom helped me understand and navigate my own trauma, but through his sound advice and back to the roots logic I am able to parent authentically. You are an angel of God on this earth, Dr. Matè. God bless you and your work.

[@Geeronimo99]

I think people forget how painful it is to physically grow...i remember having lots of limb pains aches and discomfort at being told to sit on a chair..i wanted to sit on the floor be outside in greenery. School was torture. I feel children can be a bit angry if we forget this.

[@katydid594]

The child shouldn't have to work to make the relationship with the parent work... they shouldn't have to take care of their [parents] emotional needs. That hits home. Exactly what I had to do as a child and am still expected to do as an adult.

[@Torsdagskvallsmys]

Ofc the child have to work for the relationship to work, but there is a difference between healthy ans unhealthy work. I mean its only natural in all human beeings to belong and be a productive member in their group and children loves to feel like they contribute but it has to be on their own terms. Dont get me wrong i get what ur saying and you are absolutly right. All im saying is that its also important for them to feel like they are important and working is one of many others things thats important for them as well.

[@Liz-in8lu]

Yep my cousin left me in Utah alone. My dad blamed me. I needed support and sympathy but had to suppress my child need and say okay, yes, I’m at fault. I see. Because he got incredibly angry with me.

[@TheMJT515]

I grew up trying to protect my mom from my alcohol father, then from my crackhead brother, then from his crackhead girlfriend who uses her baby for manipulation. Now I am raising my brothers and his gf 2 kids since their birth. And I realize that my mom is addicted to the drama. I have no control over anything not even of keeping the bio parents from talking/seeing the kids . My mom controls everything and what she doesn't it seems to be controlled by his gf. And I keep trying to help her but she thinks everything I say is coming from a hateful place. I'm so tired and so depressed.

[@Torsdagskvallsmys]

@@TheMJT515 My life is really harsh, its not easy for me. Becuse I was apperantly born very young. I dont remeber exactly how young. But maybe I where 2-3 years old when my mother gaved birth to me. My life is is not easy to live when I was born so very very young.

[@gloriamariadc7757]

Same.

[@deirdrereynolds2276]

Thank God for people like Gabor Mate who brings light hope and understanding in such a simple compassionate way back into the lives of the majority of people who have purposely been left ignorant and living in poverty because of the greed of the minority. His intelligence and honesty completely wiped the floor with this guy

[@zenaiko33]

I was ecstatic to see this in my feed! Dr. Mate is an absolute gem.

[@stephenfriesen7636]

Me too! No one explains these issues like Dr. Mate. Always hope more and more people are being exposed to him… it can be tough work but so important 🙏🏻❤️

[@KundanAhmed]

The more you listen to this Man, the more sorted your line of thought becomes.

[@samanthabarron8481]

As a child that was brought up in a household where I was often not treated as a person with needs and feelings, I can say that I believe that remembering the humanity and impressionability of your child is likely the most important thing you can do for them.

[@nailsdeb]

I was precocious curious joyful and funny as a child. Mom was a stressed parent neglected and abandoned as a child. I’m starting my journey back to authenticity TODAY ! Thank you 🙏 Dr. Gabor Mate.

[@StonedSpagooter]

I just want to be hugged man. And it hurts even more when you ask people to hug you in your time of need and they choose aggression.

[@SGastby]

I wish I could send one your way

[@cherylsack2466]

This man is a precious, brilliant person. Cant get enough of him

[@manifestcrypto4955]

I really love this. I wish this had been around in my 20’s. I felt so alone with my deep conviction to not hit children. I really love Dr. Mate’s philosophy, demeanor and approach. I worked at Kennedy Krieger Institute for four years (80 hour weeks). We saw children from around the USA with severe behavior problems. Every child learned how to get their needs met without time outs, without physical violence (spanking) without aversives. Most children just wanted attention from their parents, wanted to communicate, wanted to get out of a task, wanted interesting stimulation. Hitting children created anger, the child hiding what they did, depression, passive aggressiveness, the child hitting, spitting, breaking things, hurting themselves. There were no side effects with teaching children without violence. It was challenging, because each child is so different. In the short term, it appeared to take more time. In the long term, it actually took less time and built relationship. I never had children. I couldn’t find a partner who would agree to not hit children. I grew up with daily violence and still have triggers/nightmares as an adult. I have done extensive weekly work for more than 11 consecutive years. I chose partners who were disrespectful and self-centered or unable to attach. Violence creates destruction.

[@lisar.2549]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@PaulaDTozer]

I love how humble Dr. Mate is. He is my example of a strong, compassionate health care professional. I've learned so much from him. I'd love to see a study done that correlates adverse childhood experiences with not wanting to ever have kids of their own. I think there is a HUGE correlation.

[@starsparkle999]

His wisdom and understanding is so amazing. And the way he communicates it makes it fairly easy to understand. And it goes so deep, I have the utmost respect for him, a great Teacher for sure.

[@mara1818]

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7794759/

[@gg-op9kc]

I never strived to have my own kids, not bc I do not like them but bc there are so many kids in the world that need care and love that I think it is kind of selfish to just want to have your own kid exclusively. I babysitted neighbours kids as a teenager and the love , care and connection they developed for me and I had for them just showed me that i could love adopted child as if it were my own and that it is the connection and care that matters.

[@sanomihoi8406]

Why people don't want kids is so complicated but I doubt it's super related to childhood trauma. Trauma was always present and yet previous generations had lots of children. Maybe now, when women (and men) have a lot of choice they can have their trauma lead their lives. Think about your grandmas and if they still had kids regardless of carrying transgenerational trauma from god knows where and when.

[@k8tiebee]

There is! However, I also find that once someone starts healing or fixing the adverse childhood patterns, they then will sometimes want children, if only, NOT to repeat the pattern of their parents but to create a new "blue print" shall we say, so as not to continue to "create" adverse environments, but maybe that's just me

[@nancydickson7699]

*EVERY FAMILY HAS SOMEONE WHO BREAKS THE CHAIN OF POVERTY IN THAT FAMILY,I PRAY YOU BE THE ONE*

[@ericaluke5448]

Talking about being successful! I know am blessed because if not I wouldn't have met someone who is as spectacular as expert Mrs Blossom Jefferson

[@jeffmatt7086]

The greatest regret is not trying and failing but it is not to trying at allFunny enough people aspire to emulate great investors and entrepreneurs, of our time but they only see their wins and achievements and they careless about their challenges and failures during multiple trials and the lesson it teaches

[@maxfade7106]

I wouldn't agree less but a times we are influenced based on result of what will see and experience, failure at first try doesn't mean it is over but unfortunately people seems to back off when they have experiences some obstacle or failure along the way

[@matthewnavin6361]

You have to recognize you need an expert that understands how to read the market so you can avoid winning today and losing tomorrow. There's reason why experts like Mrs Blossom wins all the time,I was a bit skeptical but she Kept encouraging me to invest and it turn out very successful

[@James-km7ut]

This is really helpful for my situation,please how can I get intouch with this exp Mrs Blossom?

[@MotivationSportPodcast]

*"In a world full of negativity, your videos are a breath of fresh air. Your messages resonate deeply, and I appreciate the positive vibes. Keep spreading the motivation!"*

[@yohan9747]

I love the fact that Tom pushes back and express his objection when he does not agree or understand. That's vulnerability and pure honesty and that's why I am a huuuuuge fan of his.

[@JohnnyArtPavlou]

All he does is interrupt. I was going to say that I like the fact that Gabor Maté pushes back… And it’s holding his ground. When he has a point to make. Anyway that’s the process of this kind of conversation or dialogue… Asking, questioning…. And usually revealing our own biases and programming.

[@georgemulford2910]

@@JohnnyArtPavlou I got the feeling Tom didn’t really understand or appreciate what Gabor Mate was saying.

[@yohan9747]

It's really rare Tom is out of his depth but how can he not be here. I've been a father for 18 months and before you have children you cannot possibly fathom what it is. Gabor is an absolute expert and it is just that Tom has still a lot to learn.

[@johnankrah299]

@@georgemulford2910 Same. His insights are normally razor sharpe. Here he seemed a bit lost. I loved when he was trying to explain to Dr Mate about "scaling up". They are from two different worlds which makes the conversation so much more enlightening.

[@JohnnyArtPavlou]

@@georgemulford2910 I hate to bust on Tom, because he’s always so curious and enthusiastic. I don’t mind if he pushes back… You’re right… Maybe he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. And Gabor Maté seems to be able to back up his claims with some kind of evidence. I might like a little balance to the valorizing of aboriginal and indigenous cultures. but yes… Let’s have less genital mutilation for boys and girls! 🫣

[@robertafoginthemorning6678]

I'm a survivor and almost died from this kind of neglect and abuse. Trauma passed on from generation to generation.

[@ninocka1983]

Apsolutly true. We can not raise loving children if we don't give them unconditional love. Thank you. Great interview

[@seanpadraigobrien1260]

Not everyone has unconditional love

[@dankadesign7462]

Unconditional love has healthy boundaries.

[@GodHelpMe369]

I NO LONGER HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED. I ROAR!! You are constantly being re-born, re-created, re-generated, every moment! Concepts, thoughts, and stories are constantly being re-created. You are generating it ALL, and this is unconscious. When you ‘uproot’ repression and suppression, you unveil Flow. You CAN change IN! AN! INSTANT! Every morning you wake up, your life story is re-constructed... Do I have to wake up believing reality is the way I believed it was yesterday? When breathing is restricted, get curious about what is holding it back, when it is open, get curious about why that is... YOU ARE THE ARTIST! Awareness of something alone IS enough! It untangles itself, the knots lets go of You. Choose Freedom. Take responsibility for your own suffering.

[@MsMagie]

I’ve been subscribed to your channel for many years. Shared, liked and taken tons of notes. This WHOLE episode could be my notes. He touched on every area in our personal lives from childhood to adulthood, from emotional to political and so on. Thank you for having him on your show and for having a platform to share collective growth and healing information and practices 🙏🏽

[@lenas5613]

Isolation and "self sufficiency", repressed anger, have caused me all kinds of trouble, made worse during the pandemic. Dr Maté is absolutely 💯 on this. I felt in charge of my parents' emotions as a "parentified child". I has taken many years of therapy to begin to deal with this trauma. THANK YOU Dr Maté for you work. Thank you Tom for bringing Dr Maté to us.

[@marykinsella417]

It all begins in our childhood ,let's let our learn through play

[@marykinsella417]

Our children are precious

[@Thestarrwashington]

My best friend is 42 and was diagnosed with ALS 9 years ago. She is definitely extraordinarily nice and I’ve never seen her angry. Even growing up, when guys would do the stuff that me and our other friends got understandably pissed about, she never said a word. Her mom is super aggressive and mouthy and she never ever “fought” back. It really makes me wonder.

[@maudyvictoria1598]

isn’t it hard to learn this ? It makes me so sad but i always knew.

[@IamAloha]

There's explaining , but what's the solution . Would therapy help the ALS person ?

[@Thestarrwashington]

@@IamAloha when I told her about this video, she agreed and asked what the solution was. I don’t know.

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

So much of what this doctor says speaks down to my soul. I wanted children, but had a very damaged childhood. So after years of doing a daycare I realized that at a certain point I really didn't want children. As an adult I got involved with a man who was disabled and I had to take the male role in my relationship and do the majority of work. Now that I'm alone and no longer in that relationship I see so much more in my life. I don't want to be in another relationship like that.

[@hannekeisdahl]

Wow.. My father died of ALS and these common traits Gabor speak of made so much sense.. My father was always going out of his way to help everyone else, even when he was exhausted or even sick himself.. he was so hard on himself, pushing himself to the limit, but he never showed discontent and was always "happy", joking around and being the nicest guy on earth!❤️ I have the same traits to a degree, and I guess I have never really felt good enough, because of the impossible standards my father set.. he was my idol and the person I loved and respected more than anyone else.. he still is of course, but hopefully I can take this lesson to heart and be the nice person while still expressing healthy anger and boundaries.. Thank you so much for this enlightenment!🙏

[@human-ft3wk]

Hi, just curious though, what about your mother? Does she often behave in a 'childish' way? Frequent displays of anger, tantrums etc? Or perhaps a more silent manipulative type?

[@testtest2609]

@@human-ft3wk Only 2 options for mother's eh?

[@sara.sofies]

This man and the research he has done 🙌🏽 Loved the examples used from the animal kingdom and different tribes. No wonder so many in today’s modern society is struggling with mother/ father wounds and trauma. We sure got a long way to go Sending love to anyone working on their trauma and mental health by watching videos like these and going to therapy ❤ you’re making the world a better place

[@jasmineglein3721]

Thank you doctor ❤️ I've recently realized that stress is the main factor for my suffering with fibromyalgia for the past four years. The pain like electric current attacks my body at night. When I am not stressed, the pain is less and I can function. You are so right!

[@lynnebucher6537]

Stress is to blame for so much illness. I developed an autoimmune condition after my mother died and I spiraled into severe and recurrent stress. Doc agrees stress brought it on.

[@SanctifiedLady]

Took 67yrs for him to get there

[@SanctifiedLady]

So what do we do when the child grows up…and fail to launch? Refuse to learn the job seeking process, refuse to apply to jobs, filled with anger and rage dispite 14yrs of counseling…seems very capable…ODD… because parental absence related work and school to get out of a severely dangerous neighborhood? I would love to process this… I couldn’t do the parental abuse, disrespectful, ungrateful behavior the rest of life. My hope is once they get to 35-40 that they realize we did our best with what we had.

[@joydeberker2218]

This was such an insightful and thought provoking interview. I haven't found it helpful reading people's comments basically saying they've been the perfect parent and now they have the perfect young adult, though. We are all flawed, not just me, but you too. We have all made mistakes, but people have a great capacity to not look reality in the face and see theirs and their children's flaws too. Children are not a reflection of us, they are their own individual selves and we carry a lot more than just this lifetime's experiences. Please don't crow about your successes. It isn't helpful. Showing compassion and understanding is. That's what Gabor Mate does.

[@DelaAntoinette]

This interview is INCREDIBLE. All of the interviews on this channel expand my mind and help me to see life from different perspectives but this one was so enlightening. I will definitely be reading this book.

[@melissagatlin1976]

His attachment discussion is right on. This is how I raised my children. As young adults, they are kind, generous, fully employed and competent people. Never had any behavioral, school or legal issues. Some children do come with more complications by nature. But parenting with attachment,communication, and forgiveness is THE recipe for sanity of children and their parents.

[@pinecedar180]

Thank you for being a good mom ❤️ I wish I had a good mom growing up. My life is trash in many aspects. I try my best

[@ddfelder2]

He’s right about the parenting. I do my best not to give into societal norms and love on my baby (that’s what I call picking him up, be patient, set healthy boundaries by saying no instead of shunning him away etc.) …it works but we have to be patient with our babies. They’re tiny humans, tiny souls trying to learn how to navigate this realm. The world is difficult enough… just love on ‘em. Give them what they need to THRIVE!

[@JenMarco]

I reported the reply to this comment by a scammer trying to pretend to be Tom. Of course KZbin doesn’t care about scammers, they only care about censoring the truth

[@blessingsbest6838]

I agree ❤!!

[@marymazzei1863]

It's not that simple, just Loving a child or saying "just love them" is NOT enough. The children of Today are being bought up by people with Mental Health issues. The do not impart respect, boundaries, discipline, TOLERANCE, work ethic etc. So Love doesnt cut ut.

[@krnwtrs]

Yes!!! These tiny humans did not "chose" to be brought into the world. We made that choice for them... we gotta step up!

[@lilianabarreto2613]

I🌿🏵️🍃🌵🌵🌵

[@ymnomer]

Dr. Matè has been a huge factor in understanding myself, my childhood and everything i know about the world and life. Im infinitely indebted to his work!

[@theageofgoddess]

He is absolutely right, I have the painful inflammation and autoimmune disorder which was an adaptation to growing up not belonging or being seen. I am so grateful to Dr. Mate for all I've learned about myself, it has changed my life. He is so wise.

[@starsparkle999]

It helps to work with a Counselor or Therapist, Psychotherapy, etc. I have done so off and on at crucial periods of my life, like now, I just started working with someone for the first time in years. I have found women Therapists to be the most kind, compassionate, patient and understanding. Most of the men I worked with were cold, impatient and judgemental. The woman Therapist I work with now is wonderful. Insurance covers the Counseling Sessions, I highly recommend it if you have not tried it, or haven't done it for a while, it really does help to get the emotional support and guidance through the trauma periods of life.

[@Dave-ru8un]

How has it changed your life?

[@jaspergabriels8933]

me too i got also chronic sick and have chronic pain on a young age :(

[@katecherieandreallo8874]

Me too 😪😪

[@M9Diry]

Have you figured a way to improve or cure the inflatmation and autoimmune?

[@annoif8]

This literally saves me during my career transition. I am unable to express my true feelings at work, and how I am affected by an unfavorable working condition and able to lighten the load so I can focus on the new goals I want to accomplish. Before this I used to repress all my frustrations in order to fit in, then I get depressed and anxious and get little done because I was so demotivated. Thanks so much for the interview 🙏🙏🙏

[@zohramartini9425]

I am myself in this transition in a culture that is not mine where I still managed to work in. Now I'm on my new phase in my life to hopefully help peiple adjust to where I am... Being an immigrant is never easy

[@annoif8]

@@zohramartini9425 yes. It's a constant readaptation of values, beliefs, way of life.

[@lisafisher8013]

I went through this at work. Its the worst experience of my life. I had to leave that job

[@annoif8]

@@lisafisher8013 that's great! I hope you were able to find a better workplace.

[@ycartray8249]

I am in this position right now and it’s the most toxic environment I’ve ever been.

[@derrickparker2156]

I got to say this was a world-class interview right here the way that he touched on trauma I never heard nobody teach on trauma like that I never heard it in this perspective like this I'm not going to lie to you it was times that I want to cut this video off but you know what I stay with it and I listen and after a while it started to make sense I will be buying this man book because I'm all about health and wellness and trauma is a part of that so this was an amazing interview and I hope that people that read my comment listen to the interview too because it can definitely help you in different areas and have a healthy mindset y'all have a great

[@ericfuller6922]

Derrick Parker TakeCare gooddays

[@user-qz6ml3hb9u]

@@greenhoodie Link?

[@DanayaCat]

I love to hear that someone else was amazed by the interview just like I was!

[@Nina_K.83]

One of the best doctors and a thinker. ♥♥♥♥♥

[@DeathSpellXVI]

Being a parent is a tremendous role, that's why I think people shouldn't have kids just because unless they're truly prepared to be good parents, there's just too much trauma and pain right now.

[@mariacliment2767]

Trauma is EVERYTHING. All behabiours go around trauma. Thank you Gabor, you are the best in this!!!

[@jennifermerritt5302]

So much truth here. Just the first 20 minutes of this talk alone changed the way I approach parenting and how I deal with my toddler's behaviors and tantrums. Thank you 🙏

[@laxdidi6300]

I agree totally! You raise your children with love! Total love! My son was the sweetest! He now 26 & totally confident & a good person .

[@charlottehewson9522]

This is true, this whole autoimmune stuff is true. It’s a silent killer. It’s not just triggered by suppressed emotions it’s decades of a food industry that’s become unsustainable and deeply unhealthy. Great interview, Gabor knows his stuff. Thank You xx

[@veganmeagan]

And based upon lack of compassion and respect for other sentient beings' basic moral rights not to be used, harmed, killed for selfish and completely unnecessary human purposes.

[@trevinmccoy8497]

@@veganmeaganfarming one acre of soybeans kills upwards of 6,000 small animals such as birds & mice, and tens of thousands of insects. Cattle sequester more green house producing carbon from the atmosphere than their methane farts produce, and you can cut that methane down significantly by giving them a little bit of seaweed. Vegans are not morally superior, they’re actually polluting and killing more than normal consumers.

[@k.rochie8752]

I have always intuitive believed what the doctor is saying. I see this problem in how in some cultures very young children are made to sleep alone. You don't see that in the animal world. So I decided that I would never treat my children that way. I will pick them up. Let them sleep next to me till they are comfortable to sleep alone.

[@alexasmith6473]

I love Gabor. I just ordered his latest book 2days ago and then this appears on my YT feed. No coincidence there. I don't think there's another human currently alive who dissects and illuminates this deep psychology better than him. I'm so grateful. Trauma and addiction ("Realms of the Hungry Ghost"), and every other book, interview or short is the only psychotherapy that makes sense or resonates with me. .. my toxic childhood parenting (not just spanking but BEATING, sexual, mental and emotional abuse) ALWAYS felt unnatural to me, go figure! It's been taking me my entire 50+ years to unravel the 'simple' truth of "attachment and authenticity" complex (@the heart of my neurosis) that I've been trying to understand. I've had to pause this transmission several times to ball my eyes out... Not in despondency but in gratitude and also to relieve the grief of his words being profoundly true.. Dr Gabor is a godsend to humanity, especially at these most precarious (TOXIC) times of modern society. I know of no one else who so eloquently and authentically, and AUTHORITATIVELY speaks on these subjects, no doubt in part bc of his own direct experience. I personally thank you so much, Dr Gabor, for your devoted work and life in helping those w eyes to see and ears to hear! I've also personally experienced DTES Vancouver, lived there briefly w friends who grew up there and I could actually feel how you may have impacted that segment of culture w your unique presence (I was there decades before I ever found your work, tho ). CAN NOT WAIT to digest this book! Thanx to the interviewer, too; a deep dive into these subjects for those who need it. Many Blessings to All. PS your work has inspired me to someday, hopefully in THIS lifetime 🙏, apply my own experience and healing (ongoing) to help others; spirituality, psychology, metaphysics & body/energy work is my personal jam! There is never a point where Life cannot be re-interpreted, reimagined & begun anew... ❤️💕💞

[@SanctifiedLady]

It’s IA… it’s all connected KZbin, Google, Facebook, across all your gadgets and social media.

[@blissfulbaboon]

Powerfully expressed❤

[@yourconnection9303]

I'm so happy for you that you're on this healing journey. You're more than likely meant to now become a channel of blessings and healing for others through your experience. There's another good read if you're interested in at some point called "Out Of The Forest" by Gregory P. Smith. With everything he suffered through, it wasn't until later in his life when he went back to school (left school at age fourteen) and now has a PhD in Social Sciences. He is now: Doctor Gregory P. Smith and teaches at a university.👌

[@arthurarbeid8588]

23:10 Dude, come on, don't put an ad RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of when someone is trying to make a point. Have some respect for your audience and your guest.

[@475thehitman]

Relax you human wait your 5 seconds lol

[@catherinejackson4776]

Thank you. I feel SO validated by this message. Figured out my childhood message... "Serving, pleasing other people, makes a calm environment, a safer environment and makes people be nice and like me" Now I need to figure out the end message... this isn't true... it only created an easy target for sexual abuse and being used... so now what...

[@phoenixrising5088]

@@sophiamarquis people pleasers hate saying No. By always saying Yes, is to make people like them because they don't actually like themselves. It's a Vicious cycle.

[@eleverett77]

This man..a wonderful Dr, he's helped me so much when I had no one to help me understand, I found this man on you tube and he's changed my life in many many ways...I wish I could meet him and thank him for his brilliant mind and sharing with others who are so lost in life, since a child and now I'm 45 years and I'm so grateful!!!

[@robzi002]

This Man understands Humanity, we need to get filled with all this knowledge from early age to pass it to future generations!

[@sandracaezza7234]

28:00 definition. We as a society are so lacking in giving,receiving and kindness. The message is extremely simple. “ Live simply so people can simply live.”

[@sandramilfort9261]

Not only what he says but how he says it. Very calming and appeasing 🙏🏾

[@josephraymorgan]

I am 56 and though I enjoy children & family, I am a trigger PTSD with abandonment & Abuse issues from father. I am scripted by his narcissistic presence and unloving absence…His death three years ago helped wipe away the lies and Anger. However I am scarred to have children & a wife because I will fall back on my childhood trauma & brain washed survivor skills. I find I am guilty & shame of being the MAN I am today. I do not trust myself with intimate community and live in sadness but find peace in my solitude & isolation. There is safety & serenity in my lonely home. After 7 years of living without the influence of other humans I have found I am still de-programming childhood & society scripting. I am creating portals to past with books, pictures & heirlooms…there I find new perspective & lessons in my history.

[@timelessone23]

You need interaction with other living humans in order to stay normal. Try learning to dance, Argentine Tango or something the like that provides natural ways of being and being challenged in a group. Really, it can help and be fun, but take yourself out there with care. Always know that you have a safe private space you can return into, be it your mind, your heart or your body. Just be present. I hope this helps.

[@clairmeade1103]

​@@timelessone23indeed ❤❤❤

[@151080mar]

Gabor M is the one who helped me to mature through his books "Hold on to your kids" and "Scattered mind". After reading these books I come to understand my kids, my husband and dear people to me rather than "playing " roles of "alfa" mom and "perfect" wife. 23 years married and having a kids was "standard " family like, until 6 years ego when I started to seeking emotional help... Thank you Tom, as always I really enjoyed this video.