BIKES | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix

Tom Segura describes one of his favorite exchanges between an inmate and a troubled teen from one of the wildest episodes of “Scared Straight.” Watch the full stand up comedy special “Mostly Stories” streaming on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/

[@davidmreyes77]

His “holl mah pocket” voice is dead on. He sounds just like the dude.

[@buttervlies]

Wait, you watched that episode?

[@valhalla1240]

I NEED to watch this episode.

[@Yes-sc1pb]

@@valhalla1240 it's on KZbin

[@jacobmccain8082]

Facts. I watched this live when I was 13 and knew exactly what he was talking about from the very beginning.

[@teriflagard.eeznutzwaterlaw]

I told people to do this at school

[@randalls9822]

I saw Tom at OHare airport and yelled BIKES. He waved at me from like 50ft away as I scared the passengers waiting for our flight. Edit: Holy crap 4K likes, it was worth it!

[@SapphireCrusader1988]

That's brilliant.

[@jbg71384]

That's awesome!

[@chaosoul-seanleeriggs369]

You know he wanted to yell it back so bad, but had to keep his composure!

[@kvps27]

I cannot for the life of me find the video but I remember Tom talk about your incident in a podcast/interview.

[@giampaolomannucci8281]

@@kvps27 it MUST be found! You can achieve the status of Hero, please!

[@stevezee6286]

I work at a bike shop and yell that often.

[@MrSpeedyAce]

*BAIKSSS!!!*

[@noneofyourbusiness5462]

You must

[@Casablumpkin01]

“BIKES?” “Yeah, could you show me around your stock?” “HOLD MA POCKET”

[@stevezee6286]

@@Casablumpkin01 baaahahahahaha

[@daveh2612]

THE FUCK U TOOK?

[@YAOK117]

Best, most underrated line....."Ehhhhh I hate breakfast"

[@AmandaBurns14]

I love that part

[@chrispybasschi3009]

😆😆😆 idk why I find that super hilarious

[@DudeWatchesThings]

It's great, but can we stop calling it underrated? It's not like I rated his other lines. Let's go with understated.

[@YAOK117]

@@DudeWatchesThings Take it ease

[@weldon9254]

@@DudeWatchesThings Tom rates his own lines on his website. This one really is underrated. Go check for yourself.

[@Mike0405H]

The funny thing is that since I have tourrettes BIKES actually turned into a tic for a brief period of time

[@Eddibiceps]

Dunno if I have tourettes but I've yelled that shit for abt 2 months lmao

[@glenrobinson9963]

Isnt it crazy how the power of suggestion works though. That's how TS is, once it's stuck in your brain, it's gonna come out.

[@Anjodu]

I feel like Tom Segura would be incredibly happy about that if he ever found out, haha

[@viscountrainbows6452]

One time I was seeing Man Of Steel in theatres and a dude had a tic where he would yell "STFU" every 10 or so minutes. He apologised to everyone beforehand so it was chill. And even provided comedic commentary at a particularly stinky part of the movie so, A+ would relive that day

[@mannys_nothere]

@@viscountrainbows6452 i love that lmao, Golden moment in time

[@shamusbob7969]

"Bikes!" pops into my head every so often and I can't stop laughing.

[@juliewhiting4591]

Same

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

Same 😂😂😂 this makes me laugh everytime I see it

[@John_Notmylastname]

“What the fuck you took?!” Loooool sounds just like the dude.

[@picks_1993]

2:32 “We’re all reformed now.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@J.Nevermore]

Rewound that shit like 10 times to hear him yell bikes. Sounds like a beat 😂

[@ThursonJames]

My wife has our almost four year old son randomly yelling, “bikes!” 🤣 He has no idea why, but he’s happy to play along.

[@edwardcashh924]

You got a keeper lmaoo congrats brother

[@JoeSmith-dl9ok]

Your wife sounds awesome

[@keztukariri]

😂😂😂 brilliant

[@Tommyoda]

lol 😂

[@turbo8628]

Brilliant 😂

[@FlawdaBoy4]

This never gets old

[@queunlimited4779]

Yuuuup!

[@boyertb]

Agreed

[@FlawdaBoy4]

@K1ngdöm About to watch right now

[@remus2565]

I listen to Tom Segura stories to get through my boring ass day doing Accounting work. Headphones on, trying not to laugh out loud in the office.

[@duhast43]

what if your boss likes to read comments on Toms videos?

[@Sherryreid93]

Who still use govt name for a youtube username KEKW

[@tombstonejones9581]

Why you look 12 in your pic bro?

[@melissaamyasmr3575]

It’s tax season, there’s no way u have enough time to be bored

[@danpalu2308]

Well done picking a boring career. Enjoy the next 50 boring years.

[@BezBog]

This never gets old. I can come back to it every 3 months or so and its still hilarious. On top of that I've found the "Scared straight episode" and its excctly as he described it. :)

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

Reminds me of Shane Gillis describing that hoarders episode line for line 😂

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

"He's doing a double life sentence so when he dies and is reincarnated that man's gonna be doing life in prison" is one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard 😂

[@vd3364]

Richard Pryor rip-off, but still funny.

[@Adam_K14]

the maddest thing is toms conviction of saying it is better then the actual video

[@aldousorwell3807]

In the early 00's my roommate and I were watching 'Cops', and in one episode they were arresting a psychotic looking black dude for some thing or another. He had receding-hairline dreads, and his exposed forehead was tattooed into a solid black widow's-peak, like a vampire, and he said his name was 'Drak'. At the end of the segment when they were driving him off to jail, he stared at the camera, stuck his head out the back window of the cruiser, and yelled *"DRRRAKK!!"* at the top of his lungs. My roommate and I both died laughing for minutes. And after that, for the next few YEARS, whenever we saw each other we'd both yell *"DRRRAKK!!".* And since we were roommates, .....we saw each other *a lot.* Also at parties, in bars, and whenever trying to locate each other in stores.

[@foxibot]

That’s a fantastic story. I think you may have outdone Tom.

[@KR-wd1ii]

Ya'll we're smoking weed weren't Ya'll

[@CircleWilliams]

Drak Yula tales from the hood

[@Blitznstitch2]

I have to find this episode

[@Danielson1818]

Or sometimes just sneak up on somebody for a DRAK attack!

[@awakennomore]

glad this clip is available as video now, this is the bit I show people that haven't heard Tommy Bunz yet.

[@borismuller86]

This clip is how I discovered him!

[@FreddyFunderbunz]

What was it before? Transcript?

[@johnmccurdy6544]

I usually go with cowboy hats or Steven segall

[@wakenow7612]

@Muyinza look up the scared straight Tom Segura mix, someone put the actual recorded vhs episode dubbed over the stand up routine and I cried laughing

[@wakenow7612]

@Muyinza here's a link below if it sticks

[@kawasaki3070]

The video of this bit cut into the actual scenes of that episode is amazing too.

[@liferlanceadventures1465]

Link?

[@theoldwise]

@@liferlanceadventures1465 kzbin.info/www/bejne/pYnXm5mJitqosMk

[@captainobvious2373]

​@@liferlanceadventures1465 kzbin.info/www/bejne/pYnXm5mJitqosMk

[@nicholaslutz5910]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/i6WngZSoma5li6c

[@cthorno2991]

Man! Thank you for the memories. My old Science teacher used to show us scared straight, I always looked forward to it. He also used to say he was thinking of organising a field trip to the local jail for the class but apparently him and the principal agreed that we'd probably all be there soon anyway so why ruin the surprise.

[@Esrom_music]

I really enjoy Toms comedy but this is just an incredible composition for a joke. I mean maybe top 20 jokes of all time. To ride that all the way through to a mellow deadpan," And thats why I yell bikes all the time." So smart. Its like progressive rock.

[@scemmostu]

It's 'Kay.

[@tophan5146]

You should check Norm MacDonald

[@MrDilkington15]

OOHM G U R LYK SOOOOO000000 QUIRKAY OMG SO RANDOM WOW KOOOL

[@FreshMootz]

@@MrDilkington15 ease off the caffeine girl

[@MrDilkington15]

@@FreshMootz ease off the simping beta male

[@brechelt1]

I love how, after he tells a joke, he's got this proud "I did this" look on his face.

[@theflash62281]

He's like an overgrown fat kid. 🤣🤣

[@curtismcdonald6838]

Arguably his best bit ever.

[@nolan5400]

Tom is one of the greatest right now.

[@wesleymcglone6937]

I get recommended this clip every so often so I watch it because it's hilarious. Then spend the next week or 2 randomly shouting "BIKES".

[@zachbarker2720]

“This dude is so bad, that when he dies and he’s reincarnated, that guys doing life in prison also.” Underrated joke lol.

[@shom11]

Stolen joke: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pZKaiJeifq-Nj7s

[@ShennyIsLive]

@@shom11 Or as Amy Schumer calls it, "parallel thinking." 🙄

[@shom11]

@@ShennyIsLive my buddy told me this too. I can appreciate that. Especially since Segura is so prominent. No way comedians didnt see this and call him on it. Rogan went to the ends to expose Mencia. Segura is his boy. Will he protect or denounce? Either way...their rich and Im not. They got the last laugh!

[@texusmade830]

HOL MY PAHKETT

[@TheLastDab]

Tom Segura is super underrated. One of the funniest stand up'ers EVER!!!!!!!!!! BIKES!!!!!!!!!

[@trippersigs2248]

Hes easily in the top 5 most famous comdians currently performing. He isnt "underrated" at all.

[@WilliamBonneyPodcast]

@@trippersigs2248 i hadn't heard of tom until he went on joe rogan, he is really not 'mainstream' yet

[@EckoUntitl]

@@WilliamBonneyPodcast Mainstream doesnt always mean good,Kevin Hart gathers millions on his live shows but his comedy is trash,common, uncreative,basic jokes for the masses.Tom is an amazing stand up comedian,he is even better a storyteller,his material doesnt recycle like many "manstream" ones

[@munky342]

@@WilliamBonneyPodcast so because *you* haven't heard of him he isn't a common name? What kind of barometer is that? He is regularly in the lists of top active comedians.

[@trippersigs2248]

@@WilliamBonneyPodcast are you high?

[@tristanbowman7098]

5 years ago when Jeans looked 10 years older.

[@gustavosanabio473]

He really did.

[@lukefredsall]

So true

[@mattyounger236]

@@gustavosanabio473 of. I bboôtcj

[@FloorGorilla]

I hope 5 years from now, in mansion #3, Tina finally chows down.

[@adelaidedark74]

I forgot how heavy he was. He's killing it nowadays. I love Tommy Bunz

[@wildbill9863]

Bert looks skinny with his shirt on in this And much funnier than usual

[@thealienarms]

Brent Cruncher really brought his A game to this bit

[@robinsharkey6658]

Bart Krishna

[@adelaidedark74]

Ha, Bert aint any funnier than "that funny chill ass uncle" that every family has. It irritates me how much he rides all his friends coattails. Life is literally all about who you know!!

[@royal_berg]

Man Brent Kampshire really stepped his game up

[@zyourzgrandzmaz]

ive never seen bret krysler live, this was funny. and not a dog in site.

[@gameface6091]

I only discovered Tom Segura a couple days ago but I've been watching several ~5min videos of him a day and he's already one of my favorite comics.

[@nicolechavannes6891]

Me too!

[@NotTheHeroStudios]

Trust me, Tom doesn't miss, he has a handful of specials and they never get old.

[@jackknife4547]

Wow!

[@danpalu2308]

Cool story

[@gameface6091]

@@danpalu2308 Thank you! I felt pretty good about it but it's always nice to get that positive reinforcement! But forreal, posting comments helps the youtube channel get recommended so I try to post comments on channels and videos I like. It doesn't have to be earth shattering.

[@LetsSeeYourKungFu]

"Scared Straight" should be a curriculum requirement

[@thegentleman1541]

I got really wasted at my cousins wedding last month. I was told that I was yelling "Hold My Pocket!" repeatedly at 2am in the hotel lobby. Cops got called.

[@kellyrichmond887]

Haha I would have loved to see that! 😂

[@paigebradbury6746]

Dude ur a freaking legend 🤣

[@garrettmcginnis6472]

The hero we all needed but didn’t deserve

[@derrickalexander9710]

You a bad mamma jamma!!!

[@blancoperlaa]

I work for hotels. Guests like you are the reason why we hate wedding parties.

[@marksmith9989]

its all about the delivery, and Tom's is gold.

[@Ruyagozlemi]

Im so grateful i found T Segura. His delivery is amazing !!!!

[@kristamkm]

I no longer feel bad for yelling “cows”, every single time I see them whilst driving, even when I’m alone.

[@Undoing88]

You're not alone in this, my friend

[@terra_the_nightingale135]

Mr friend always says "Tesla!" whenever we see one on the road

[@KilyanAustin]

XD

[@BigCleverName]

Gotta make yourself laugh y'know

[@davidschmidt270]

Your so cool.... seriously!

[@redwettto7350]

if you’ve ever seen this episode, tom was NOT lying when he says that kid had a bowl cut 😂 bowlest cut i’ve ever seen

[@LordWafflestomp]

I came here cause I saw the clip and had to come to this vid 🤣 the bowlest of all bowl cuts 🤣

[@strikingmachine2975]

i cut my hair in Bowl format, just to make sure it's even all around. But then i usually part it to one side or slick it back after that :P

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

I just watched the whole episode for the first time yesterday it was fucking wild 😂

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

​@@strikingmachine2975 sounds like the "I'm offended by everything" haircut 😂

[@TheTurinturumbar]

And the kid's skinny making him look like a mushroom.

[@rikusgeyserschutte1664]

For some fucking reason this set runs in my head atleast once a week...n it usually ends with my yelling BIKES for no good reason... Tom Segure is the fucking best!!!

[@queunlimited4779]

Yuuuup...btw...BIKES!

[@erniethechicken8581]

Same🙃

[@mrgabes2215]

At some point we need to acknowledge that Tom put this bit together just so fans would yell 'BIKES!' at him for the rest of his life.

[@agniesiag]

Watched it yesterday night, loved it. Took a bus today and drove by a bike shop. I was hard not to yell BIKES but I made it.

[@Kilroy_86]

Best story ever! Tom’s the Goat

[@loganrun6637]

Ever since seeing this my dad now screams BIKES every time we see someone on a bike while driving. Every now and then it almost gives me a heart attack but I still laugh every time.

[@nashywil93]

“Idk if you’ve been to prison before, but if you’re holding on to another guys pocket it’s not gonna be a tough day” 😂😂😂

[@dc3174]

When I was in high school I was in a psychology class and as a field trip we went to the local prison. Afterwords the teacher apologized to everybody in our class because the prison guard who led us around treated our class like we were on a “scared straight tour”… We were brought into solitary confinement where the men shouted sexual obscenities at the girls in the group. Also, it was freezing in jail! The guard said they keep the temperature so cold bc inmates are “Less likely to fight with each other when they are worried about trying to stay warm.” TBH though, since that experience, I don’t ever wanna go to jail, not even for one night! I kinda think every teen should see the potential consequences of crime, via a prison tour

[@davidschmidt270]

Dear DC .... where was this? What state and what year,to be precise.... sorry for the grilling... I'm incredibly interested as I ended up in sherrif joe arpios jail .....what an eye opener....never thought I'd experience that!

[@criztu]

Joke on you, crime is a corporate business in US, at least ever since Reagan privatized the jails. Statistically you will be put in jail for silliest things. That's how the corporation makes a profit.

[@milliondollarmistake]

@@criztu She's white she'll be fine

[@jasongillum5763]

inmates don't give a fuck about the temp

[@Kiss4this]

Ok but that was the most roller coaster psychological experience for a high school psych class 💀

[@OhGrowUpPodcast]

The super cut of this bit with the original footage belongs in the YT Hall of Fame

[@OwenPlant532]

Tom is a great story teller I could listen to him all day.

[@annfelland2602]

"My wife is kind of over it." I bet she is, but that shit is funny! "Don't sell drugs."

[@pws3rd170]

It would take a lot of patients to be his wife 🤣🤣🤣 Her: is everything a fucking joke to you Him: it will be when I get on stage

[@CrazyLocoInsane1]

@@pws3rd170 well they don’t live in a hospital so they don’t have to worry about “patients” lol

[@4stringz.]

If you’ve ever seen the mashup of this and the real documentary, it takes it to a whole new level

[@ct7800]

link?

[@4stringz.]

@@ct7800 kzbin.info/www/bejne/pYnXm5mJitqosMk

[@AlwaysHereAndNow]

Omg I saw it. Insane.

[@4stringz.]

@@AlwaysHereAndNow HOLD MY POCKET!

[@wintermourning]

I need to see this so bad do you still have the link or what did you search lol

[@justincrowder]

I went to MMI (motorcycle mechanics institute) about the time this skit came out and all you could hear on campus all day long was people screaming BIKES 😂

[@bighomieJ5X]

I've watched this 100x but it's still funny 😂😂 BIKES!

[@francescofranchino7097]

I saw that episode the one time it aired and I still remember it. I remember Crazy Chris the Nightmare Man. One hell of a show.

[@Tar-Numendil]

Alright we're all reformed now. 😂 I love it!

[@habibjafar9048]

The best scared straight episode ever

[@kylekallday]

I feel the OG one from ‘78 has this one beat. I dig listening to how they spoke back then. Specifically white dude with the hat.

[@Rick_Sanchez_C137_]

Other than the Boondocks episode with Tom, Riley, Huey, and Fleece Johnson….

[@eddieisfiction442]

@@Rick_Sanchez_C137_ that’s the scared stiff program

[@idealist4910]

which episode is that

[@ChiefBlue4298]

@@idealist4910 kzbin.info/www/bejne/mZPMqZSgqb2jiLs

[@TheLooterArmy]

This is my all time favorite bit. Me and my best friend yell bikes at random people when we're out driving.

[@billyin4c514]

Tom's new special should be called "Laugh at Your Pain". This dude loves watching other people suffer.

[@vasiliosdionyssopoulos3749]

This is one of my favorite bits ever!!!

[@МедалийПилонов]

This is the most genuine and creative setup i saw in years

[@chicagoray1972]

The original scared straight was 1978, the one in 1999 was scared straight, 20 years later. In 78 they showed it on TV uncensored with all the swear words. This was before our town had cable.

[@eyeseer1]

Saw both, still remember the inmate who took out his glass eye to the kids.

[@kjjohnson-cr1r565]

Look. I love comedy. I love comedians and I love to laugh. This sketch came up on my feed and I was driving listening to it. I’ve known of Tom Segura for awhile but never watched a special. This story right here, has made him my new comedian I listen to all day!!! I think I’ve seen everything Bill Burr has done and thankfully I’ve found TS. I’ve watched a lot of his shorts, but I’ve seen this 1000 times and shared it with EVERYONE. I can’t stop laughing and screaming Bikes! He reminds me of a blue collar family guy I would work with. And his black guys voices are classic.

[@austinclarke8574]

I just found Tom’s videos, love the guy! Very few comedians have what it takes to be funny. For some it comes naturally. Tom’s a natural.

[@speckon]

The only line that I love more than him shouting "BIKES!!" is the way he delivers WTF?! in "Completely Normal". Tom is a master in his craft!

[@hello_its_me.]

He tells good stories and is ridiculously funny.

[@hello_its_me.]

@@l0-r3z43 said no one of any consequence

[@kain772]

I actually remember this HBO doc as a kid. Fucking Hilarious!

[@bergafied]

Fuckin classic! I've got the BIKES shirt and I've listened to this bit about 100 times lol

[@jamesbarca7229]

I was sent to the scared straight program at the Indiana State Prison in Michigan City, a maximum-security penitentiary which houses hard-core felons and death row inmates. A convicted murderer pulled me aside when he caught me snickering while some of the other kids were crying. I thought he was going to give me the extra harsh treatment but instead he took the opposite approach. He was actually quite friendly. He noted that I wasn't falling for the act and went on to appeal to my sensibilities. He described what the place was really like and told me how badly he wished he had taken a different course when he was my age, since he would probably spend the rest of his life there. That had a much greater impact on me than any scare tactics.

[@OntarioAndrews415]

This has me cracking up every time I watch it. And I know what's coming and it's still hilarious every freaking time. BIKES! :)

[@Mohkarz]

Toms old stand up is amazing.

[@VerticalJ]

This dude is hilarious 😂

[@JGA11706]

2:43 😂😂😂😂😂 HOLD MY POCKET!!!!. I be screaming this a lot more on my everyday life (thank you New Rory and Mal for that)

[@LevCallahan]

I finally know what he looks like in person when doing this bit.

[@muungaemmanuel]

Double life sentence -cracked the f out of me 😅😂😂😂

[@kleinwong_]

04:13 - 04:17 has me gasping for air over here

[@davidb3491]

A 4 and a half minute bit on why he yells BIKES 😂😂😂

[@lilgravey9006]

5 years later and I still yell “HOLD MY POCKET!!”

[@JohnSmithThe4th]

The "stop selling drugs" part always gets me.

[@bobbyrosken]

Tom is just the cutest little patootie

[@MissThaaang]

My husband still randomly yells bikes from time to time 😂

[@goncalotorres3623]

Can you imagine going bike shopping and Tom Segura yelling bikes at you and tell u not to do drugs?

[@ianmaclellan7623]

What I love is that his impression of the guy on the show is perfect.

[@teddj514]

I can never get enough of the Bikes bit😂😂❤

[@leonardjulius6098]

The most replayed part of this video is the beginning I’m glad y’all as cooked as I am

[@MrWesb4]

I need to watch this episode 😂

[@Eddibiceps]

please do, it's fucking hilarious

[@mememaker7453]

How do you find it??

[@FizzleFX]

This guy.... 😂 Simple stories but his charisma is through the roof

[@jamesmoncrieff7685]

Once you rematch it after you watch the episode he’s talking about it becomes way better😂😂

[@papaCmahns]

There's a bike shop near my house and my wife is also very over this bit when we drive by.

[@jordanmcquay9077]

There’s a video of this cut to the actual scenes he’s talking about

[@tommydizzay1648]

I seen that it’s tremendous

[@maximiliandort3489]

dude that video introduced me to his stuff. its awesome

[@frankchambers3042]

omg link?

[@chrispybasschi3009]

@@frankchambers3042 just look up tome segura bikes, it should pop up lol the thumbnail is a black dude yelling lolllll

[@frankchambers3042]

@@chrispybasschi3009 My favorite with him is when he takes his kid to the playground. lmao

[@greeneggs16]

Mad respect for what they do… Gotta have balls to think you could make a crowd laugh. Nuts

[@ARKHAMxMaverick]

So glad to see video for this one...Ho my pocket...

[@chrisk3536]

I dont know what happened but I finally woke up and realized Tom Segura is like a top 5 comic.

[@coocoobananacrackers5932]

I swear it gets better every time i watch it😂😂

[@Baugh34]

Love his bobcat impressions

[@NickdeVera]

"you get one" "all right i'm gonna make this shit count" what a marriage, you see the communication, the understanding

[@dazedandamused2491]

Holy shit, that long for one of the best jokes I’ve ever heard. Hell yeah 👍😂

[@rachelbonnar]

I forgot how much I love this guy!

[@D23178]

Tom Segura was scared beyond straight so bad when he see's a bike his Tourette's act up "BIKES!"

[@ajmichael00]

I’ve incorporated ‘tremendous’ into my day to day vocabulary.

[@cowperm]

Lol, I think of this bit occasionally. BIKES!

[@UbiDoobyBanooby]

Tom yelling “Bikes!” is now my text alert on my iPhone. It took a crazy workaround to make custom tones and alerts through garage band. But it finally worked. And it’s glorious. I’m spreading it to as many people as possible right now.

[@memebought3550]

Bike Pox will be released to challenge COVID-19 for most invasive viral infection.

[@queunlimited4779]

I remember that 1st Scared Straight. "Don't feel too bad for the kids"???? Nooooo. The condition of the inmates Souls is bad enough to feel bad over. Only made 1 kid hold his pocket.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

"ughh... i hate breakfast" LMFAOOO

[@brandonbrown1984]

My 3 kids, 12, 6 and 5 all yell this each time they go outside to ride BIKES