Some People Suck | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix

Tom Segura shares his views on some of the worst people in the world: parents who bring babies to the movies. Some people really do suck. Watch the full stand up comedy special "Mostly Stories” on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/

[@sweetgirl4u247]

"Some people suck" is the best line for real. 😂

[@HardwiredZ06]

Should have been the name of the special.

[@spiderjeranimo4992]

It's impossible to argue against it, "Death and taxes" should be followed up with "Some people suck and shit happens.".

[@getonthecrossanddontlookba5004]

Repent to Jesus Christ “Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬ J

[@tylerdurden7764]

Give me 10 good men, I'll prove you wrong

[@kingofgrim4761]

@@tylerdurden7764 error, only 8 were found

[@fuckyoutube2172]

He was emotionally invested in the LEGO movie is the best unspoken joke here.

[@Ra5il]

everything is awesome

[@CaptainMisery86]

The first one was really good

[@coltonclement]

That movies is pretty awesome

[@Geo6125]

unspoken? it was the punchline lol

[@bradleymcdaniel8226]

2:43

[@DopeIsotope]

"Either make it quiet, or GET IT OUT!" There is nothing more unfiltered than an irritated old bachelor.

[@lexioncombine9403]

I'll say that. And, I'm married.

[@Ray-ks4bb]

no no no, butcher*

[@youtert]

Would somebody shut up that damn chicken?

[@caseyw.8325]

or a mother of teens....

[@mike3816]

except karen, feminist or justice warrior

[@Vitaliuz]

_"If you bring a baby into a movie theater - you're a piece of shit."_ That line should be printed out and put beside the _"No smoking"_ and _"Turn off the cell phones"_ signs in movie theaters.

[@michaelc7723]

Nothing less than three abortions are appropriate.

[@g-baby9335]

Before every movie, the cinema used to show pictures of crying babies with the caption, "Take your crying babies to the lobby.". My toddler saw the picture but couldn't read, so she asked me what it said. When I told her, her eyes got really big and she asked, "What do they do to them there?!!"

[@UncleMark13]

@@g-baby9335 That is Hilarious!!!

[@joshthompson1956]

Yes

[@LoneWolf-wp9dn]

tennis matches... opera concerts... some people just lose their minds when they have babies tho so good luck with that

[@douglassmithe9799]

A couple brought their baby into the theatre when I saw A Quiet Place. Totally ruined the fucking suspense.

[@Mathius87]

A couple had a baby in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Whenever a Vampire or Lycan roared or growled, baby cried.

[@systemdnb214]

Well that’s some irony. Not really a quiet place at all. They couldn’t wait? It’s already VOD.

[@btr003]

a couple brought their baby deepsea diving. the baby died.

[@paulw2117]

Yeah. Babies will ruin movies for other people.

[@willknowsright9615]

the irony

[@internziko]

Tom's comedy is less like stand up and more like just a buddy telling you hilarious stories

[@ninosbrothermichael1842]

You basically described like half of all standup lol

[@joseluki]

He is on his feet (stand up) and making you laugh (comedy). Stand up comedy?

[@DavidKingMarketing]

aint it great? I could use some more friends like Tom in my life.

[@thydouchecanoe]

So what you’re telling me is he does stand up

[@mahmoudkanbar3779]

I think the name of this special is Mostly Stories

[@kudblythe]

The way he says "No, I love the baby." Gets me more than anything and I don't know why 😂

[@TheBehm08]

It’s cuz we all have heard someone sound EXACTLY like that and he’s not wrong. We are all envisioning the same Vato

[@sphynxkittens5894]

I watch it just to hear "I loooove da baby" in that voice😅

[@mariamlara803]

I absolutely love the way he mimics a baby's cry

[@jacksamson5118]

@@charlesdavis7142 are you insane?

[@gladyskaze366]

​@@jacksamson5118 this response is pure and golden

[@Protectobot]

The F?!?!

[@bmanclassics4350]

Sounds like the baby off the bae bae kids

[@Ligierthegreensun]

The baby is 215 lbs and has a full sleeve.

[@mollyhannah2003]

I work in customer service. If my calls weren't monitored, I'd totally say, "Some people suck," as an excuse.

[@tjjames9846]

Coward.

[@guyincognito5663]

@@tjjames9846 Provocateur.

[@mattasticmattattack8546]

What company? Imma call you and ask if some people just suck there?

[@Monojoe]

I work in customer service and it's what I tell people every day

[@tjjames9846]

@Ponce Francia - I would have hired a plane to write it in the sky but not knowing where Molly lives makes that kinda pointless. Just like sky writing “Ponce Francia is an idiot” would be just as pointless cuz I’d never know if you would see it. On here though, you’ll definitely see it. Idiot.

[@OG_Cool_Cat]

There should be a “no kids under the age of 3” rule at every theater.

[@enderdragoness546]

Make it 6 or over *over 3 isnt enough*

[@nashvilleslim]

More like no kids under five.

[@extraordinarybri2355]

No not always. What about kids movies. Like the emoji movie, the incredibles, cars, scoob, movies meant for kids. I can understand adult movies, but kids love cartoons and movies and yes there are kids as young as 1 or 2 who enjoy kid movies. But definitely shouldn’t bring a baby to an adult movie.

[@ethanmejia1167]

@@enderdragoness546 I was going to say the same thing kids start to get some control by the age of 6 when they’re 3 they still talk like they’re drunk all the time

[@jennacampbell7759]

This is a rule in France! Their reason is that crying babies ruin the movie and stress everyone out (even parents) and also because kids under three don’t need that much screen time.

[@stephaniesmith4626]

I have 3 kids, and I didn't once bring them to a theater before the age of 3. And if they couldn't behave, as 3 year often don't, then we left. They learned fast. Lol.

[@NickFunkSoftfalcon]

This is the way

[@Francisco-hb9ns]

Or leave them in the bathroom stall and be like you don't open the door to no one other than mommy ok and then go Finnish your movie

[@Nayo68]

Typical behaviour of a single mom! lets be honest here lady....you did not take your kids to the movie thatre because you were there with a guy that invited you, thats why you didnt take your kids. And in those rare cases you did, well, pretty sure if one of them dared to even sneeze, that was enough for you to consider they were not behaving well, and rushed them back to the house, so you could be with the guy in turn back in to the movies.

[@tituslabienus01]

@@Francisco-hb9ns Bro No Wtf

[@karenflores4987]

I took my son to the theater for the first time when he was about 4 to watch Shaun the Sheep. Then I realized he isn't the kind of kid who can just sit still for almost 2 hours. So never again. Maybe when he is 10 lol.

[@PrettyTubs]

Dude, I have never watched a movie peacefully in a movie theater. I thought going to the theater that served alcohol would be better because it's 18 and over. Turns out Adults suck too

[@soultekkamusic115]

Lot of em are just overgrown highschoolers

[@thestateof6970]

And alcohol just slowly turns them into adult-sized children.

[@jmoney9790]

Must be going to the wrong movie theaters lol

[@dantu5377]

I watch movies on Tuesday for the discount and there never seem to be crowded. It also good not to go on opening week

[@kdvr766]

Im not sure but ive never seen any theater that serve alcohol in my country. Its common knowledge here that drunks in public places are bound to make trouble

[@alexjones7043]

“You picture him” is the best line in this whole video. The shit eating grin as he says it too 😂

[@skreeonk]

"WHY! 'CUZ EVERYBODY IS NOT IN THE ADULT MOVIE!" fucking killed me.

[@SC-yj7fc]

it really it. God I needed that laugh. Tom da man.

[@sweetgirl4u247]

Same 😂😂

[@just_a_light]

Adult movie...😅

[@ericparrish1515]

Illegal to say movie around here

[@theena]

Went to a screening of Inglorious Basterds where my friends and I watched with horror as not one but two young couples walk in with their demon spawns - four of them, all roughly between 5 and 10. To a Tarantino film. Technically not babies, but we looked at each other with the 'some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids' look. Sure enough, when the infamous under the table shoot-out scene in the inn is unfolding, these kids being screaming, while the two sets of parents had to shut the kids up while attempting to close their eyes so that the kids wouldn't be scarred for life. The crying went on for much longer after that scene. Some people do suck.

[@Pendragon981]

That's brutal.

[@SailHatinSoap]

I honestly feel bad for those children lol

[@theena]

@@SailHatinSoap Me too. I blame the parents.

[@Barbaroossa]

They parents should've been taken out and made to lick the bathrooms clean until they lost their sense of smell.

[@rawx485]

5 is a little young. 10 should have been ok for that movie provided the kid didn't have any existing emotional issues. That said, I doubt many kids under 10 would even want to see it.

[@davidmurray8627]

I remember when I was a teenager, the movie Hannibal came out (01 I think) and me and a buddy snuck in because it was easy back then. Well 30 min into the movie a baby started crying and out of nowhere in the rows above me some guy said, "Who the fuck brings a baby to see Hannibal!" That made my night.

[@sylviabennan]

ppl are dumb, like was it that hard to find a babysitter to watch ur kid for 3 hrs

[@scrape559]

Technically, you don't get to complain, as you didn't pay to get in. But yeah wtf

[@kingayy9267]

@James McGuire Anyone can complain for any reason at any time.

[@GOffUnit]

When I saw Jackass 4 in theaters, there was a family of four in the front row. No babies, the kids were ~5-10, which when you think about it is even worse because they're old enough to understand some of what they're seeing.

[@PlatypusYSL]

I really hope there are some parents here with the best intentions and a suitable home life, whom have just now realized they also suck.

[@marcom6089]

You are a better person than me because I don’t think they’ll realize it because according to them it is their god given right and this is a free country. Unfortunately those same parents will raise the same type of people.

[@reidsimonson]

@@marcom6089 we do have rights and this is a free country, however you exercising your rights and freedoms cannot infringe upon other people’s rights and freedoms.

[@ibleedoranbla]

Well I'm a parent with the best intentions and a suitable home life but I still know people suck including myself. It's in our nature to suck. We have conformed to societal standards for so long and continually pushing those "norms" in different directions for so long that we as the human race forget we are nothing more than animals and sometimes, you just can't control the suck.

[@rjim1]

@@ibleedoranbla ain't that the truth, mate!

[@brmbkl]

@@ibleedoranbla that doesn’t make sense. We have conformed too long to remember that we suck, so now we must accept we can’t control the suck? A lot of words to say that nowadays ppl do as they feel, whereas in the past, ppl used to care what others thought/experienced and were shamed if they didn’t. What changed, beats me. Consumerism, too much ads telling us we deserve stuff? That’s for other people to study. But “can’t control the suck”? Come on.

[@artsazon3668]

Segura is one of very few comedians with jokes I can hear a thousand times and still piss myself laughing every single time

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@VengefulPolititron]

@@charlesdavis7142 tell me

[@natanicki]

I watched the "no lo puedo" part 6 times in a row

[@specialhiza]

I agree that he's hilarious but you should get your bladder checked

[@Jessesdead]

I fucking LOST IT at him yelling "WHY ISN'T EVERYONE IN THE ADULT MOVIE"

[@PJ.Rob06]

Yeah 😂😂😂😂

[@batesmotel282]

Whos that fuckin guy what's his problem 😭😭💀💀

[@jloreti9]

It’s interesting to track the correlation between Segura’s development and improvement as a comedian with his hair loss. It’s incredible.

[@johnreder8167]

what does hair lost has to do with anything lmaoo

[@orereo2328]

@@johnreder8167 he's joking

[@MRios1128]

@@johnreder8167 right over your head dude...

[@baloog8]

@@MRios1128 he has too much hair

[@TheNICFERG]

Tom Segura: "you picture him" Michael scott: "that was an 80 year old woman, who's the racist now?"

[@jaredadams4356]

You sir, you win with this comment 😂😂

[@ChrisPeezy100]

Just watched this episode last night haha

[@coffeebean4356]

My dad friend’s said “Would you please silence that mammal!” when they were at the movies back in the day 😭

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@Protectobot]

The F?!?!

[@Kanglar]

@@charlesdavis7142 The truth about life and death in 2 Pages: Google “Tub Girl” and "Goatse”

[@clueless4085]

@@Kanglar Doing the lord's work, I see.

[@TheAdatto]

Whitness or story?

[@-live8659]

He makes me realize that some ppl simply have a gift to make others laugh hysterically… 🤣

[@sadaderlangga17]

I got a family a couple of seats besides me with their baby. It was the movie Annabelle, I'm not joking I wish it was a joke but they literally brought a baby to watch a horror movie! When the jumpscares scenes pops up, loud noises echo around the theater right? The baby was crying and her parents just sit there trying to calm her down while some people started throwing words like "shut her up or you get the hell out", the mother wasn't taking it and she was "Shut up! It's my baby". 20 seconds later someone throwing popcorn to the back of the parents non stop for 3 minutes and then they left. That guy was a hero that day

[@bobsaget0429]

"get it to shut up or get it out" is actually an acceptable thing to say in my book. i mean if you are taking a baby to a movie, they should have already left once it got fussy. . at least until the baby chills out.

[@godonlyknows13]

My local movie theatre has a program they call "Stars and Strollers" where certain screenings will be specifically for families with babies.

[@PlatypusYSL]

As caring and accommodating as this sounds on paper, its just gotta be an absolute shit show in some of those rooms 🤣

[@dlizzy3835]

@@PlatypusYSL my thoughts precisely 🤣😭 the chaos

[@philj9594]

That sounds awful. Nightmarish even

[@godonlyknows13]

@@PlatypusYSL it’s not as bad as you might think. Like, it’s not great. Lol. But it’s okay.

[@CAdams-ie2co]

this is a good idea and should be everywhere

[@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd]

The way everyone cheers from that first monologue is heartwarming.

[@JoeTaber]

This guy's baby impression sounds like Wario had too many beers and couldn't feel his toes.

[@bunkbeds3001]

I've seen this 40 times but I watch everything Tommy uploads so I guess we'll go for 41, gotta follow proto

[@tombstonejones9581]

Keep feathering it brother.

[@matthewcompton6875]

Keep it high and tight

[@8806gavin]

You bet i'm coming up in May

[@wyckedan]

Good job mommy

[@stellarart3444]

That's what I'm saying. He's so fucking funny, we all have seen this... multiple times. 😆 It doesn't get old though. I love his rage when he meets a stupid person. The bike repair chronicles were so great. Tom and Christina are my favorite people I don't actually know for sure.

[@nickeames2133]

"Excuse me, are you stabbing your baby right now?" 😆😂

[@JayRossProductions]

cause you should it’s ruining the movie

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@bribeckman5733]

My mom and dad went to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies when it was in theaters. A couple brought in their new born to see the movie. Rather than take the baby out of the room to calm it, they just kept giving it bottles every time it cried to keep it quite. Long story short, the baby threw up all over them because they never burped it between bottles.

[@nigelsmith7955]

Hackettstown movie theater manager rocks! Baby started moaning, staff person asked to keep the baby quiet or leave! Mum said sure 5 minutes later whaaaa! Manager shows up, asked them to leave they said no, he paused the movie turned the lights on and said “we can all wait for you to leave, everyone has at least two hours spare time invested in the movie, which I’ll turn back on once you leave” they left to a slow Clapp! And a few cheers for the manager!

[@MJPShow]

"Either make it quiet...OR GET IT OUT!"

[@Rick_Sanchez_C137_]

My mother took all three of us to the theater when we were babies…. And if the baby started crying, she took it to the lobby u til the baby stopped crying.

[@meliquoi]

"That guy is a 140 years old"

[@shipleyll1]

I’m one of the lucky people who lives close to Alamo Drafthouse theaters, where not only are babies not allowed, but talking isn’t allowed. Therefore, I only go to Alamos.

[@Sasquatch64]

That sounds awesome, but how do they enforce the no talking rule?

[@venturehavencreations9340]

Alamos are nice I prefer Santa Anna’s

[@shipleyll1]

@@Sasquatch64 They serve food and drinks in Alamos, so each seat has a table with paper and pens to place orders. If someone’s talking, you can write it on that paper and a server will come give them a warning. If the noisy people keep talking, they get kicked out of the movie without a refund. Alamo also has a whole video (usually with some celebrity) explaining the no talking rule before every movie.

[@user-mb9yl5bl9r]

LOL SAME. Hello from the 303

[@micahlee2191]

Same. We have one here in Virginia & i wish this applied to most movie chains.

[@battleborn1055]

To this day I use the line "There's a baby in there, being a baby"

[@tuesdaysgone.7635]

“Not being able to get a sitter” is no excuse to torture an entire movie theater with your baby/brat. (p.s. Chuck E. Cheeze serves liquor. You’re welcome). 😉

[@bakerfritz4681]

You’re not wrong, but babies are just… babies, doin’ what babies do. It’s the parents who are the brats for bringing them into the theater to do it.

[@MarbleMansionVayyaar]

thats why ppl always fighting there ahahaha

[@Ten_Thousand_Locusts]

@@bakerfritz4681 no one's actually blaming the babies themselves, so I'm not sure why you even felt the need to make this comment.

[@rooty]

Especially when there's TWO parents! When my son was a baby and we wanted to see a movie, one of us would stay at home with the baby while the other went to the cinema. Fucking simple.

[@timfrancis5526]

This really was some of the best advice. I think about it at least once a week.

[@daviddorger5270]

This dude is one of the best in recent years to do it. I'm laughing my ass off right now and this is like the 20th time I have watched this.

[@richardwagon6433]

I don't like the way your first sentence sounds. Reminds me of the rappers I went to high school with. I'm from a very, *very* white suburb.

[@chrisfamos]

Kind of reminds me of Don Rickles

[@gjhoward]

Tom, your delivery of jokes is so perfect. You make me laugh every time I listen to your bits. Thank you for the chuckles.

[@bobkaiser8782]

It seems that when Tom Segura gets angry he turns into Bobcat Goldthwait.

[@Newb4Life]

Tom segura just needs to have a channel where he does movie reviews.

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@jaschajade]

This bit should be shown at the beginning of every show ever, doesn't matter whether it's at the movies or a ballet.

[@mariomaka9802]

This reminds me of when my coworkers were talking about going to see a movie, and one of them with a two year old said "How could I go see a movie with my kid, I can't get a babysitter?" and I told her "Hey its easy, just get a bottle, fill it with Nyquil and you'll be good to go" she didn't like that

[@aridogg2]

Are you Casey Anthony?

[@pattyamato8758]

That sounds dangerous

[@mariomaka9802]

@@pattyamato8758 yes, that’s why it was a joke

[@melcraig9855]

😂😂😂 well according to Tom Segura, and I strongly agree with him, “if you don’t have a babysitter, you don’t get to go to the movies!” 😁😂😂

[@rawx485]

Babies don't like the taste anyway. Keep spitting it out.

[@PockASqueeno]

As someone who’s worked in customer service for over a decade, I will have to use the “some people suck” line regularly from now on.

[@howardpayne4128]

I was on an overnight ferry, I was just getting to sleep when a couple with a crying baby sat down next to me. I moved and then they sat down next to me again, so I told them I was going to move and if they followed me, they would be swimming.

[@coffeebean4356]

As you should rightfully so!

[@LordJuztice]

Why did they move to sit next to you after you had moved? Don't tell me, you are the father and the mother was following you with your baby and you weren't having any of it!

[@bigcheesetxmedia]

@@LordJuztice i once went to a completely empty theater with a date and we sat down. two other people came in after and sat right next to us. not even one seat apart. no one else in hundreds of seats and they did that. then they complained when my date and i were whispering quietly. some people suck

[@LordJuztice]

@@bigcheesetxmedia I guess there are some weird people out there :)

[@yeng1855]

@@LordJuztice ...I hope you don't make weird assumptions in real life.

[@Smulesk]

The pause before Tom saying, "Some of you got it" is pure gold

[@teddymielke3769]

i don’t get it lmao

[@Dalaserman]

@@teddymielke3769 me neither smh

[@BigTeddies]

@@teddymielke3769 hint: skin color

[@AnthologyOfDave]

chollos

[@monkeytrumpet11]

@UC8JCuMbu85XgpWNPaEDtjQw aah, ok. I live in the UK so to me, white tshirt just meant a tattooed fuckwit

[@NoahStephens]

I love his stories because you can tell he’s literally just telling you what actually happened. No embellished because real life is just that absurd.

[@trentntb5437]

The is the first video in a long time that I haven't fast-forwarded. Tom was killing it here.

[@SCRandall]

I would 100% patronize theaters that had hard "no kids under 10" rules for movies PG13 and above over ones that didn't, it breaks so much of the immersion in a theater to have some kid start being a little shit in the middle of a movie.

[@SCRandall]

@@duckyuphere it’s also easy to read the rest of the comment and realize that I would support baby bans for certain movies.

[@101perspective]

When I was in the military I remember a theater that had a kids section in the back that was walled in from the rest of the theater. Basically sound proof with their own sound system inside and a large window to look through. It worked great.

[@mazzyfart420]

@Peter Evans Kind of a different dynamic now that studios have finally started putting movies out for streaming while they’re still in theaters, but before that you’d either have to wait a few months or throw on a potato quality cam rip

[@benghazi4216]

@@duckyuphere "I shouldn't have to try to figure it out" Stop being so cognitively lazy. English is my third language and I got it in 2 sec. And you are complaining? Jesus...

[@benghazi4216]

@@duckyuphere "Proper grammar", hah the word was just to hard for you. It has nothing to do with grammar. You patronize an establishment. That is 100% correct. You basically complained because someone didn't "lower" their English to your level. Which is ridiculous.

[@brantmorse1900]

Can we all just take a second to appreciate how well manicured his chest hair is

[@Quickhanf]

You can only manicure mani i.e. hands

[@lonew0lfclaw859]

Tears came out of my eyes by the midpoint of this clip..by the end I was rolling on the floor with laughter. Segura is awesome.

[@Name-wg7yt]

Dude your stories have given my wife and I such great moments of laughter for years now! Can't wait to see you live in the ATL again! Hearing stories on YMH, then see those stories get worked out live on stage and finally to watch it as a polished hilarious Netflix special is amazing. Very similar to Garth Brooks

[@shushuyu]

a good strategist knows when to make a tactical retreat-especially if it's over a lego movie

[@TheDeven1000]

Lol my wife and I just had a baby and agreed that we will not be taking her into movies because of the same shit

[@annavictoria2259]

You are parents of the year! Bravo!

[@jamesmartello1]

I didn't get the white t-shirt joke, but everything else was hysterical!

[@freshbaiii718]

It was a very slick black joke, lol we wear white tee shirts alot. This guy is funny asf for that

[@Protectobot]

I thought it was a reference to ‘wifebeaters.’ I got a typo that said ’wifebesters’, by the way. Sounds like I defeated my wife in a game of chess (if I HAD a wife). DAMN touch screen typos! 😝

[@Protectobot]

Now *I* don’t get the joke either! Heh

[@bryanleblanc9227]

@@freshbaiii718 Smooth, i did not catch that joke either. thanks for the explanation.

[@masterofnegotiation2815]

He didn't see a guy in a white t-shirt pop up, he literally saw a white t-shirt pop up. Clever way of insinuating the dad was black since all he could see was the t-shirt.

[@byron2521]

I hate to admit this but years ago I was staying with relatives in another state and they said "let's go see a movie". They had an infant child they brought to the movie. It cried the whole movie. I was both embarrassed and angry.

[@themajormakor]

When I went and saw New Moon there was a drunk dude who was just so stoked to be there that I wasn't even mad when he went off like a sports fan every time something mildly entertaining happened

[@rustyshackleford8682]

I would only ever watch a twilight movie if there was an enthusiastic drunk cheering and commentating the whole time

[@trauermusik]

"Some People Suck" is the most useful statement for my mental health. Thank you Tom!

[@MonarchPoolPlaster]

I remember I was watching The Last Samurai when a baby started crying and the couple got booed out of the theater.

[@RShadow12]

Epic! Hope that taught them

[@MajesticFlyLife]

Thank you for bringing this topic up

[@tomarnold7284]

I miss theaters in the US, where people just talk out loud and start an argument, sometimes I found it more entertaining than the movie itself.

[@JaneNayes]

Ya the US is weird but funny place lol

[@Jthanson88]

I miss midnight releases. Those were always the best times. Everyone there was wasted and every group had a least one girl to smuggle booze in her purse. The entire thing was a party. I’ve never enjoyed a bad movie as much as I have on some of those nights hahaha

[@Hoganply]

Still better than when adults cheer and clap at children's movies.

[@anthonyprieto1495]

Still happens all the time over here in LA County 🤣

[@michaelgarcia5348]

I love instigating them fights

[@josephromo1059]

This dude made me laugh my ass off lol!!! Gained a fan for life.

[@blackdiamond4875]

I could watch this a million times and not get tired of it😆

[@michaelhamerin3814]

I can relate. Theaters should definitely refuse babies inside. It just makes sense. I used to work at an upscale restaurant that did not allow anyone under 18 in. We had people trying to bring babies and children in occasionally , even though the party was informed when making reservations that they were not allowed. They always responded with " it's just a baby". Exactly - under 18 - part of the appeal of our restaurant is they will not be disturbed by crying, noisy, smelly, messy kids.

[@username-zd3pn]

18 and up sounds dumb, it's a restaurant. If your place really hates kids that much it should be 21+. Cause 18 is still not an adult.

[@username-zd3pn]

If you don't like it just become a bar Lol

[@michaelhamerin3814]

@@username-zd3pn 18 is a legal adult.

[@michaelhamerin3814]

@@username-zd3pn It is a restaurant, with a bar. Are u dim? The appeal is no kids. My establishment, my rules.

[@michaelhamerin3814]

@@username-zd3pn Never said anything about " hating kids".

[@numba1osufan]

I know this family is standing outside of a theater right now waiting for Tom to walk in

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@Tharanicus]

Used to be a projectionist years back. The cinema I worked at had great option for those with babies. Sessions specifically for parents with babies, was called Babes in Arms. Audio not as loud, lights up slightly. The parent could go and enjoy a movie and not worry about disrupting other peoples movie experience.

[@Onshin0815]

I watched almost all Tom Segura Stand up videos, pls more!!!!

[@roguereemerged]

Needed that, literally LOL throughout!

[@user-ui8sp5th4g]

This guy is underrated. Great comic

[@billyireland4890]

why do cinemas not have a general rule.... "thou shalt not bring ya effin' babies to the movies"? They "shouldn't" have to - but they "should" do it

[@mazzyfart420]

Probably a legal thing since those are the same type of people who love suing over an inconvenience lol

[@summerlaverdure]

the "adult movie" delivery just absolutely choked me up 💀💀💀

[@karthikreddy9446]

Omg such an intelligent argument and comedy.

[@piedbymarkwiens7636]

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[@timlafreniere1580]

If Zach Galifianakis and Louis C.K. had a child = Tom Segura

[@mauricecooper176]

Nailed it

[@JayRossProductions]

that’s just offensive

[@Superpellexl]

Omg that is true

[@Maineventguy]

I'm considering getting a "some people suck" tattoo.

[@genghis26]

Go for it! There is no way that could be misinterpreted.

[@Samsok013]

You just joined their ranks

[@greatestever7623]

Now you’re one of em

[@beaustine6093]

That was great. 🙌🏻

[@CameronBrtnik]

Love that he saved the name of the movie till the end, great setup!

[@realsies9387]

My favourite part about this bit is that in the second movie he says he is emotionally invested in it. Then ends it with “I’m not getting my ass kicked over the legs movie”. Brilliant writing.

[@DFerociousBeast]

Was thinking of this sketch all night at work, weird to see it on my sub feed when I get home :/

[@erniesimms1720]

Its called the law of attraction my friend

[@monkeytrumpet11]

Is it weird or does youtube have a new mind probe algorithm? 🤔

[@mikemichaud5578]

Tom is the man, when him and a Joe Rohan get together it’s awesomeness

[@dxcSOUL]

Minus the Rogan and you right

[@melcraig9855]

Well, he’s not wrong 🤣🤣 I love it!!

[@billmckee8844]

Yes we all knew you were funny but I really like how you are stepping up and killing it. Keep it coming.

[@18is3sixes]

I remember hearing this a long time ago, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember what comedian it was so I always felt kinda bad when I would quote this but had nothing to attribute it to (and I work in the ER, so I have the chance to say it a lot) but this randomly popped in my feed thankfully so I’m honestly not sure how I could have considered it being anyone else BESIDES Tom Segura lol this phrase actually helped changed my outlook on interacting with shitty people 😅

[@darrenleaguecity]

I like how he tactfully and oh so carefully gave us the image of both of the "people that suck" to our minds. We know exactly who he meant on both occasions! lol

[@trevorphillips903]

Second time listening to Tom and I am hooked 👀

[@jenniferdennis6465]

The title gets me.

[@starbrand3726]

A crying infant ruined Spider-Man 2, The Matrix: Reloaded, Die Hard 4, and Avengers: Endgame for me.

[@johnjamesleahy4065]

EITHER MAKE IT QUIET OR GET IT OUT!!! that killed me

[@frankchambers3042]

omg i love this guy

[@paulw2117]

It happened when I was watching star wars:attack of the clones. At one point I thought the baby was choking and wondered if they would take the baby out and see to it's health.

[@piedbymarkwiens7636]

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[@deucefoAM206]

Still better than listening to the dialogue in that movie

[@aaronconnell2152]

Some people are just funnier in free flowing conversation. I'm not crazy about his standup but when tommy Buns face lights up like a true psychopath at people getting hurt. That shit gets me going

[@gavinperry8433]

" You picture him ok " 😂😂😂

[@FrenchVanillaMilitia]

i love that he does the Steven Seagal growl voice when he imitates baby noises 😂😂

[@whitemanfromtown8888]

For all those confused about the "white shirt" joke, I believe he's saying that the father is a black guy as they are in a pitch black theatre but he can only spot him when he sees his white shirt.

[@hinkhall5291]

I thought he was just referring to how trashy guys all wear wife beaters.

[@davidpugh4527]

@@hinkhall5291 I have to say I thought the same thing

[@FluffyWuffy17]

@@hinkhall5291 It's a mixture of both, I'd say.

[@07foxmulder]

Black boys do love their oversized white t-shirts.

[@kumaridesilva3992]

that's funny because for me it conjured up the image of one of those tatted up fully sleeved and pierced white guys. . .

[@dinkusstinkus4396]

got excited for a second seeing the upload date thinking it was something new.

[@charlesdavis7142]

The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”

[@Sobek88]

Legendary!!!

[@gonzo2.0]

That 4 yr old in the resteraunt booth behind you kicking the back of your seat while his mom texts

[@jantelliquawallace355]

I used to have customer service type jobs. Its great when you get broken and just don't care anymore. I kinda miss it sometimes. You guys ever get a job just so you could quit it?

[@dansharov6828]

This is a strange comment but I guess there's some truth in it. I've never had a job to 'get broken' but I've definitely had jobs which I knew had a short lifespan... Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[@Barbaroossa]

I knew a guy that submitted a bug report for a software for years and that shit went on uncorrected forever. So he started applying a job interviews and got hired. On the first day in his job, he fixed the bug, sent the corrected software into release and gave his boss his two-week notice.

[@InvestBetter.]

4:40 So, to calm the situation, he turned into Bobcat Goldthwait

[@The_ginjer_ninja]

I choked on my dinner when he said "well.. could you?..

[@sofiabalp1481]

Love me a good Tom Segura bit.