Tony Attwood - Aspergers in Girls (Asperger Syndrome)

The best ever lecture on Aspie women. Prof. Tony Attwood - Asperger Syndrome in Females, Autism Spectrum Disorder in Females. Source: vimeo.com/1229... . See also the Ask. Dr. Tony Show: / @autismhangout

[@esthersilverstar9823]

I actually zone out if I try to look at peoples eyes when they're talking. I spend so much effort staying 'connected' to the eyes that I loose track of what's being said

[@SawyBoy]

norsegal norse yes!! Me too

[@zecchinoroni]

Same. Sometimes it even gives me dissociation or a feeling of unreality.

[@andysmith5997]

looking at a point between the eyes helps for did,found this one when was 42

[@esthersilverstar9823]

@@andysmith5997 Yeah I usually try and look at or slightly below the glabella. I still zone out sometimes but less than if I looked at the eyes

[@mypetcrow9873]

Folks, this could simply means that you are all highly visual and because of that, you literally have problems hearing another person if you are looking at them. My most conscious sensory system is Visual ( as is 80% of the public.) Some people think it is a sign of disrespect if someone looks away while they are talking to them. Actually, it can be a sign of respect in that by not being distracted by visuals, one can fully concentrate on what is being said to them. Norsegal norse said as much very precisely. Although commonly misunderstood, it is a common strategy for taking in information. I speak professionally and personally on this.

[@amyd6292]

I have heard a lot of people with autism talk about how they are too socially aware that it causes sensory overload and social anxiety.

[@AnabethalightASMR]

YESS! SO much "YES!"

[@TheRachaelLefler]

Yeah, I can't speak for others but I get upset when other people are upset because I tend to mirror what's around me so I need, if I'm going to socialize, for other people to be relaxed and calm.

[@bonham460]

I feel what others are going thru...I am very helpful and have a good ear for listening, but then I am drained after interacting for more than an hour or two.

[@katherinekelly6432]

This is my experience. The social anxiety is not driven by insecurity "about self" but avoidance as "protection of self". It becomes difficult to understand ones motivations because they are being interpreted by non-autistics. Only when someone who is autistic develops their own language of interpretation of self independent of others that they gain accurate insights into the true motivations behind their behavior.

[@rnbsteenstar]

Though you cannot speak for every person with AS, chances are good that they may be onto something.

[@sherlocksilver9392]

"We think if we are very, very good, people will like us and all will be well." Nothing has described my life more than this.

[@Otome_chan311]

>be good so no one bothers you >accidentally become teacher's pet and have to now deal with more social situations ah fuck

[@mojsakmojsak]

Probably the sadest (and truest) sentence I‘ve ever heard

[@JustChillingOnTattoine]

Exactly, ikr

[@Dancestar1981]

We want nothing else but to be liked when we are constantly rejected by our peers we will hang out with anyone who will accept us. Often spend time with adults

[@Donnah1979]

I felt that.

[@LailaDeruma]

Pro: in an emergency, all the normies cry and freak out and you are the only one who has it together enough to talk to the emergency services. Con: you now have to talk to the emergency services.

[@The_Le_Page_Workshop]

so very true

[@pattihanson7921]

Been there twice for family members that had strokes.

[@Aliyaaaa]

@Tony Macaroni it really isn't

[@karenabrams8986]

Been through this so many times. I always experience the feelings afterward when the normies are all relieved and often they will behave critically like something is wrong with me because the situation is over with and Im just starting to freak out and go into hyper review of everything. Been through this with enough groups that I will choose not to rescue if I’ve been berated like that after previous rescues. I will vanish instead.

[@16taysia]

Yep I've been there 😂

[@agosesco7134]

"When I dress fashionably I feel like a man in drag" I cried that hit home hard

[@ks5865]

I can understand that but for me it's only with things that just aren't my style and make me uncomfortable. I actually started loving over the top girly clothes with bright colors and glitter around 9th grade and also I wore a TON of perfume everyday back then but now I don't so the perfume thing isn't true for everyone obviously.

[@stephaniet1389]

Modern fashion makes me feel the same way, but when I dress in historically accurate Victorian lady clothes I am comfortably feminine. Drove my father nuts for years as I kept rejecting girly clothes as a girl, and I especially hated the color pink. :P

[@AnabethalightASMR]

I haven't gotten to that part but hell yes I have never met anyone that says they feel that way. It's so good to not be alone in this and these incredibly unique and strange feelings that you feel like no one else can relate to in your social circles.

[@TheRachaelLefler]

I'm not interested in really being stereotypically masculine or feminine. My interests tend to be boyish to neutral. I mostly wear t-shirts and jeans, not because I'm trying to cross-dress but because that's what's comfortable for me.

[@leslecturesdemarie7994]

omg me too !!!

[@junenovae]

He should have deserved 2 hours to speak, not 30 minutes

[@somethingwithbungalows]

I didn’t realize this was 30 minutes till the video was over lmao

[@Halvale]

Yeah, I could listen him for hours and I definitely need to know more from him. I can feel that there is much more interesting informations he could share. :(

[@MaMaKendra42]

Agreed!

[@mijeanneforest5275]

@@somethingwithbungalows same I thought it was 10 minutes

[@TlalliTube]

Does anyone know if he has more content?

[@InsightIllness]

'Pathological fear of making a mistake' damn near made me cry.

[@yve6177]

Add a religious upbringing and the treat of damnation on top of that and you have my childhood.

[@morganamugler1562]

I wish that he could have kept going. The part about vulnerability in the romantic context hit me so hard. So much abuse because I couldn’t read the signs.

[@CeramicQuill]

This was the part my heart and my head need to know. It feels like the world is keeping a secret from me.

[@HereIAm247]

Yes, I would have loved to hear more things in detail as well! Does anyone know if he have other lectures online?

[@sammieboyd6348]

Same, never understood boundaries or consent even. I wish they at least taught that in schools. In the church I was taught I was a servant made for males. That is all. It caused me years and years of horrific abuse. So thankful for internet and access to so much information. Before that, I would get every book on a subject from the library. But, it was far too limited. I hope to one day teach in schools about body autonomy, emotional regulation techniques and consent. If we start teaching early we could save so many vulnerable people, so they never have to go through what we went through.

[@toomuchsci-fi]

That was extremely hard for me too and it caused a lot of pain but thankfully after years if therapy I'm doing a lot better and I hope you were able get help as well

[@gypsypath1]

I just didn’t date after my divorce. I had PTSD going into the marriage, which became *much* worse during the marriage. Not being able to read all the signs, or know how to respond (this part is so important!), is just too much at this point. I’ve been divorced almost 10 years.

[@juliepinion7779]

A lot of this hit me hard, remembering avoiding the play ground at all cost, stuffed animals were my best friends, not having a group of friends, date rape, people are exhausting, avoiding parties and social occasions at all cost , having people ask what is wrong with me for not having friends, spending hours getting lost in music, documentaries, reading, drawing, researching, highly sensitive to noise, perfume, being told at a young age I was more mature than I should be like that is a flaw etc. And to think my therapist just last week told me Asperger's was taken out of the DSMV because it doesn't exist. People that don't live in this world have no idea and post stupid things like,"It's not the things in your life that matter but the people". First, it is taking for granted every persons primal need for food, clothing, and shelter for granted but it is also arrogant to assume all people get their comfort in social situations. To be told,"your problem with friends may just be that you have looked in the wrong place" is insulting and shows complete disregard for the way I am wired. No one chooses this, so why shame us for not being whom people want or expect us to be. No wonder I would choose my dogs over people, at least they get me.

[@harrynac6017]

I would look for an other therapist if I were you or ask the one you have to watch this video.

[@juliepinion7779]

@@harrynac6017 I did and it was amazing how quickly an apology came in my next session! Thanks for the reply!

[@AliciaGuitar]

Its not that Aspergers doesn't exist...it has been renamed because Asperger was a Nazi. Now its called autistic spectrum.

[@yossarianmnichols9641]

Examine all the old married people you can find and count how many friends they have. Once you retire the illusion of friends vanishes.

[@juliepinion7779]

@@yossarianmnichols9641 I know a lot of older couples that are super social. Lots of cards,dominoes,church stuff,etc. The thought of any of it just nope. I will probably just surround myself with dogs. On the positive side, I won't be going to funeral after funeral as another social event.

[@stacey738]

I remember going on a summer camp for a week as a 12 year old. It was incredibly draining and I was totally exhausted by the end. I climbed into the car when my mom came to pick me up and the first thing she said was "Tell me all about it!!". I just couldn't. I managed "I don't want to talk right now" and said nothing else on the way home. She was convinced something had happened at the camp. Nope, I just had no more social skills tank energy left.

[@maebeline2496]

This was my whole entire school experience growing up. To a teeee

[@genn.623]

This happened to me on every summer camp of the church that I was a part of before.

[@VS-bm3ep]

Me at every family gathering. And every family vacation. And also after every school day

[@yossarianmnichols9641]

I was sent to summer camp and I do not have Asperger's. It was still exhausting. 100 strangers in your face all day every day. I was there with my younger brother and now I realize he has Aspergers. He did fine, he had his older brother to watch over him.

[@999murimdumplings]

Went to stay in a cabin for a week with two friends, it was small, we were together constantly, all staying in the same room. I had a meltdown, ended up yelling at my friend over duct tape 😭 it was a mess

[@watchingthebees]

Luna Lovegood could also be a perfect exemple of an Aspie girl

[@m0L3ify]

Yes! I loved that character!

[@Aprilmaedchen2001]

She's my favourite character, she's so ok with being herself and with being considered weird

[@wjlyons10]

We can just get

[@lethaldream50]

oh man you are right

[@moeszyslak3097]

she seems like someone with both asperger's & ADHD

[@geniemememe5936]

Before my diagnosis, I thought every girl felt this way, but were faking it better than me.

[@Vivi36566]

I've ever felt like that... 0_o

[@supme7558]

They do

[@likealight2854]

@@supme7558 No they don't. Normal girls feel a different way than Asperger's girls.

[@phadenswandemil4345]

I think everyone fakes a little, especially teenage girls, but we fake at different degrees. As a neurotypical girl, if I wanted to fake a certain persona to be accepted in the popular crowd, I'd have a much easier time anticipating exactly how to act and speak in order to be accepted. Whereas for aspie girls (from what I've gathered in the talk), they have to rely on fiction and soap operas as research because they have a harder time judging what the popular crowd likes and don't like based solely on their body language.

[@rubynibs]

@@phadenswandemil4345 Bingo! I've been listening to popular autism videos lately, and see girls who I doubt are autistic, giving symptoms that are normal for most children and teens. I think autism is the new black.

[@gid5213]

i'm just here checking boxes

[@FinnikOdair]

As an ASD girl, the stuff about Harry Potter was so spot on for me. Harry Ron and Hermione were my first friends and I’ve often thought how much I’d struggle socially now if I’d never read those books. Those books were my gateway into the social world.

[@thetruthhurts6506]

I'm an autistic girl too and also love the harry potter series. It's currently one of my special interests.

[@cursedtea7968]

Same here (though not officially diagnosed), Harry Potter has always been one of my special interests - Hermione and Luna were so special to me. I used to spend hours pretending to be at Hogwarts and being an amazing witch. I would probably have developed even worse depression and committed suicide at a very young age if not for those books and the character of Hermione. D&D (still living in fantasy) has currently taken over HP as a special interest, and is forcing me to socialise, but I really struggle with finding a group I get on with.

[@sianifairy9070]

Huh. I'm still an avid reader at age 47, and loved HP in my 30s....good imaginary charachters are always helpful, I guess!

[@kukalakana]

Rowling also says that she really likes Hermione because she and Dumbledore (another of JKR's faves) are great exposition characters, and if she needs to reveal some obscure thing about Hogwartz or magic, then she can give the line to one of them because you can always assume that Hermione has just read it somewhere. You know what? Lol. She might be aspie after all...

[@Mellissandria]

I didn't have Harry Potter as a girl in the 60s and 70s. As a child, I read every last damned Doctor Dolittle book I could get my hands on, Borrowers as well. As I got older, I got into acting (but my hormones and medications for epilepsy made me too large for most drama classes) and music (I actually tried to learn guitar with the idea of starting the band, but was stuck in the one class that was filled up by sweathogs that really weren't interested..eventually gave that up after complaints from my parents about me trying to imitate a musician's style) At least Aspie kids have it a bit easier today- My parents felt like the baby track or teaching was my best track to success, I think. It wasn't easy being Aspie and feminist at the same time as a teen!

[@144pandagirl]

This brings a distinct memory to mind. My mom helped my sister and I throw a sleepover when I was 7. I was so excited, but ended up by myself crying because I didn't understand why they didn't want to watch a dinosaur documentary with me, preferring the Disney movie instead and outvoting me at my one party.

[@DevonExplorer]

Ye Gods, that just reminded me when I was about 14 I went to a youth club disco where we could take our own records. I took some classical music! LOL! Kudos to the adults who arranged it though, as they played one or two of mine during the intermission.

[@Agamaruda]

Something similar happened to me, I cried on my own birthday party, as other kids didn't want to do the same things as me and disrupt decorations... I don't do birthday parties any more, they are to stressful, this should be my day to celebrate but instead I need to think about other people having good fun - their type of fun :/

[@chanuppuluri8726]

Joke's on them - dinosaurs are awesome. You definitely had the right idea.

[@unnecessarycomma576]

I had one birthday party I never asked for. I was turning 8. My mom chose who was invited, and the major activity was horseback riding. I didn't like horses. I mean, I didn't hate horses, but I had no interest in horses or riding them. It was me, my mom, two other adults, and two minivans full of girls. Before we went to the riding center, we went to the mall. We were in a big box department store, and everyone was in the Barbie aisle picking out dolls and things as party favors. I kept asking if we could do something else or how long it was going to take, and I turned around and walked across the main aisle to look at the electronics. I remember having a meltdown when they eventually found me by the sneakers.

[@juliemccann1549]

same thing with me! i had forgotten about that!

[@cheenaelischabethjensen938]

I was in tears by the end, to have a stranger so perfectly describe my past, and all of my quirks and flaws, I think I need to look into this more

[@fffra]

It feel so weird and yet liberating. After a whole life being scared nobody will ever understand you, and suddenly you find a doctor, without even speaking to you, knows exactly how your mind works. It's thrilling to finally be able to say "f**k it! I wasn't spoiled or had a bad temper, it was the way my brain and many other people's works!"

[@whatsonmymind4848]

I also had to mask at home, way later in my room on my own, I would break down and cry for hours and would scream but without any noise....

[@jessiefox3739]

I know so many people who have Aspergers who are obsessed with Japanese culture. Also Russian culture too.

[@DOOMGENERATION]

Yup, Russian culture. Why is that tho?

[@Mariathinking]

scalpelli it’s orientalism plus typically japan and Russia has been ‘othered’ in our media - East Asians tend to be stereotyped comedy characters, Russians are villains. Maybe discovering these cultures are actually rich despite our media, might resonate with autistic ppl who feel misunderstood. Also culturally japan tends to be very internal and anime characters say their inner thoughts, this is appealing if it’s hard to read subtext. Not too sure on Russian culture.

[@TheMemeFan]

That is surprisingly accurate, at least for me. Baffling.

[@sushikoi1148]

I've no idea why Russian culture is appealing to them but u get Japanese. the anime characters have super exaggerated emotions and so do lots of people in tv shows and pop culture. it's quite exaggerated

[@Argidiel]

I would also add the Scandinavian countries to this list, if I may.

[@QueenA.G.]

I used to cope with my Asperger Syndrome by watching cartoons, doing cosplay and escaping into all things fantasy. I used to have NO interest in the “real world” but I’ve slowly opened up to real people. I now have 3 great friends, I’m in a band, and I have a 4.0 GPA! I’ve gotten stronger

[@Heyu7her3]

This was me! I often wished I was one of the characters in a cartoon. It took me a very long time to watch live-action tv shows.

[@marlaleemouse]

I learned a trick when it came to looking people in the eyes. I looked at the bridge of their nose. They can't tell that you're not looking straight into their eyes. Just one trick of many that I learned to cope in this confusing terrifying world.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

I am crying now because this makes so much sense of my life.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

@@nonamepainter thank you, and here's a hug right back *\(..)/* I just wish that the understanding and resources we can access now were available a very long time ago.

[@One-Ring-To-Rule-Them-All]

Exactly the same!! I have always struggled and asked myself why I cannot be popular? What do I do wrong? What should I say to make friends? And when somebody asks me something and I tell them the truth, why are they so offended?

[@Irene-gq4jr]

@@One-Ring-To-Rule-Them-All Only the truth can pass my lips and I've been the fart at the garden party on many occasions. Like you I couldn't understand why. Over the years I've learned to be less blunt. I care very much about others' feelings, never wish to offend, and have got myself in a right pickle trying to overanalyse what others tell me in their cryptic way. At the tender age of 48 I finally figured out I'm not neurotypical. Years ago I found my career niche in IT, working with a bunch of fellow freaks, and wouldn't have it any other way ;-)

[@chanuppuluri8726]

A few of my friends also told me to fake it till I make it while we were growing up. (I still don't feel like I've made it, but hey still trying.)

[@janne639]

Me too Irene. Big time. I have had so many diagnoses over the years and they keep shifting. Nothing fits better than this description of Aspergers. Some of the features mentioned gave me chills because they are absent from other diagnoses. For instance, selective mutism and sound phobias. I can't tolerate dogs barking, loud chewing, heavy bass, repetitive sounds like toe tapping and pen clicking, and the list goes on. I relate to probably 90% of the characteristics identified.

[@Windsweptzariel]

I never saw legos as boys toys. I loved building houses & making gardens with them.

[@tangerinefizz11]

I'm a female with autism. Even though I have often attempted to imitate the neurotypicals around me, I've never succeeded in pulling it off and fitting in.

[@RingTailedLoser]

I can read body language and I know when I’m not wanted. The best part is when I watch a smile disappear into a frown when I start talking. I know then that this person does not want to talk to me. It happens too often. I don’t like people.

[@mydogeatspuke]

@@RingTailedLoser not autism.

[@mydogeatspuke]

@Sucks at nicknames Probably some kind of social anxiety, then. Not that anyone can diagnose anyone else online ofc. And anxiety doesn't always cause outward anxiousness, which can be confusing for some people.

[@gigahorse1475]

Same. I try but just can’t do it. 😅

[@jessiew4103]

I wonder if I'll ever be able to solve my confusion around this. I have about 80% of the traits of female Asperger's but many of them are also symptoms of being raised by emotionally immature parents so I am never sure what is what.

[@chrissame]

Jessie W You can still be an aspie. Being able to focus intently on hours on one topic or more and learn all about them is not something average people can do.

[@josephineananda]

You could be gifted.

[@milkyoni]

Get a diagnosis then lol

[@cutebunny6690]

Could be both honestly.

[@daphne8353]

Your parents could have ASD.

[@19irving]

Thank you for this. I'm a 55-year-old woman w/Asperger's. I had a job where, for many years, I had to go to trade shows. Each day started w/a breakfast event, the show, then parties and dinners, ending at 10 or 11 pm. By the time it was over, and having spent several days holding my real thoughts at bay and constantly talking to people it was my job to talk to, all I wanted to do was sit at home and not talk to anybody. And I'd constantly feel inferior to my co-workers the whole time--I had the wrong clothes, the wrong husband, the wrong income, you name it. I just wanted to go back to my world.

[@wendySstrub815]

For female Aspies, do you think its possible that a life of misdiagnosis and isolation after trying so hard to fit and never really getting it, could lead to feeling empty, a problem with identity and emotional regulation....what i am getting at is could a lot of these girls be being diagnosed with personality disorders rather than autism and is that why they are so difficult to see and help?

[@caviartastetunabudget9037]

I bet the answer is an enormous "YES"!

[@Discordia5]

What an intelligent, thought provoking observation.

[@Billy123bobzzz]

Yes, I think that females are massively under-diagnosed, mis categorized and abused.

[@lessevilnyarlathotep1595]

Literally me. I'm just so tired

[@stariadreamtea]

🌟 Hi Wendy!🌟 I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@FayeDancingCloud]

I cried during a few parts of this video. I'm 36, just diagnosed last year, masked successfully for most my life, but not masked well enough to keep myself safe or to launch successfully into a career. I persist, I keep on moving toward my goal, but I feel like my 20s were wasted on other people's dreams and goals for me. At least I had two children, but they don't live with me and I feel depressed about that a lot of the time. Thanks for posting this video, I feel like I'm not alone.

[@annailles8625]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/o4TJeWV3qs2LnNk From one aspie to another.

[@elblondie69falconer65]

Bless you. I really feel for you. It's tough having to mask all the time. And worse to feel you are alone. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that you are a beautiful and valuable person. Sending you positive vibes and a virtual hug❤

[@Irene-gq4jr]

I masked successfully enough to get a physics degree and begin my career in scientific copy editing, being such a stickler for detail that I excelled at it. By good fortune that morphed into IT work, another rule-based job that also allowed my logic-based mind to grow in its own unusual way. I feel in my case it was always more luck than good judgement that I fell into my technology career path, although I have brilliant colleagues who are ex-air force, ex-army and ex-warehousing technical geniuses. We all have something we can excel at, we just have to find what's right for us. At 36 you still have time to find your niche and it doesn't necessarily take a degree to do it.

[@no_peace]

I started crying too. These kinds of videos don't usually do that but here I am

[@1980rlquinn]

I also cried, and screamed YES at many points in the presentation. I envy you getting a diagnosis. Where I live now, finding an appropriate medical professional who both understands ASD and speaks my language is impossible.

[@ZZhorses]

I definitely have aspergers syndrome...I have multiple differed "personalities" or faces I put on depending upon the situation. There is me at home, which is an imitation of how I know my parents want me to act. There is me at school, which is how I know my teachers want me to act (I get very good grades, etc). And me in social situations...this is where I mimic a good girl persona as I attempt to keep everyone around me happy. Social situations absolutely terrify me. I am constantly in fear of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong gesture. I am extremely focused on my interests and I spent years owning/training horses..I still own 5 to this day :). I never had female friends growing up and I always played alone. I had imaginary friends and collected dolls (like to an extreme). The biggest thing for me is finding out who I really am underneath all this. I struggle horribly with anxiety and depression, all of which usually arises from poor social interaction. I really hope to get better..... I just don't know where to start.

[@Billy123bobzzz]

You have started just by realizing that you are an Aspie and uploading this post. You can see a psychiatrist or you can get a few books on Aspies or find an older Aspie who has successfully integrated themselves into the NT society and get some guidance from them. Its all worth it.

[@mistrallle]

Oh, dear, yes. You are doing a good job already, now just try to find out how to let off some steam. Blending in is HARD and STRESSFUL.

[@Billy123bobzzz]

@@mistrallle You are right. Is is hard and stressful. That is why I stopped trying to force myself to be something that I am not, I now look at it like I'm visiting a foreign country, I enjoy the differences, and explain what is different about me so that I can meet these folks halfway, it has worked for me for many years now and my stress levels are way down now.

[@Idek949]

If it helps, the psychiatrist doing my assessment has recommended 'Aspergirls' as a good book tp start with.

[@Billy123bobzzz]

@@Idek949 Thanks I will pass that along to my (many) Aspergirl friends.

[@IThink2Much]

I'm an Aspergers mother of two Aspergers kids (adult son, teenage daughter). I went through hell growing up because I didn't know why I was different and had severe anxiety TRYING to mimic social behavior, but never being able to really pull it off. I'm 50 now and only pieced it together around a decade ago that Asperger's/autism applies to me and also to my children. Just finding out why I am the way I am was such a relief. And it allowed me to be an awesome mother to my two autistic kids because I can help them not feel caught up in the trap of trying to fit in and, instead, just be ok being themselves. And it helps that the school system in our town has actively worked at creating a safe space in schools stressing "kindness matters" and not allowing bullying. My daughter is going through the pressures of high school, but has never witnessed bullying and is happy wearing comfortable clothes, making friends at her own pace, and being herself. I make sure my kids know that I support their special interests and that I love that their extensive knowledge of their topics makes them unique. It makes me happy to see them so much happier and having none of the anxieties I had of trying to make myself fit into a world that wasn't made for me. I'm making a world for them.

[@Blonde_bombadil]

When i make eye contact i lose the conversation almost instantly because i dont know if im staring too much or not enough.

[@judithblades5578]

i was a truth teller...I thought tact was saying it in a quieter voice apologetically...

[@TheMissKizmet]

Judith Blades You said what I was feeling so perfectly here 🙌🏼

[@calamitynatalie8590]

My daughter does this and for a long time it was mistaken as coyness! No one would believe me that she was a wee tyrant at home and then the model of good behaviour out in public! She was diagnosed officially last week.

[@Tiredmum]

That’s my son lol

[@SandcastleDreams]

I was always told that I was "too honest" and I didn't really understand what they meant for years and years! LOL!

[@bettym.3996]

☺

[@shahad3463]

I cried while watching because this is the first time in my life I listen to someone talking about a disorder and I feel its all about me. All my life I thought whats wrong with me and why I am different and I read A LOT about mental health problems and never find something similar I learned a lot about psychology just to understand people and myself. And the reason why I watched this video is because I have a homework (am studying in uni.) About learning disorders and I got interested in asperger disorder and when I found out its related to social problems I said to myself no I have no problems in social situations because I can now handle it to some point but when I found out it different for girls and all the mask thing oh my god I literally cried because this is what am doing. And the thing about being successful in making friends (after a lot of work) then losing them fast is so accurate as I get bored with people most of the time maybe I enjoy sitting with them just to see their opinions about certain things but when am done I 'm out. I think I wrote too much so I'll stop. But thank you for the video I am having an enlightenment moment and am going to read a ton of books and articles about asperger.

[@maristella287]

Shahad Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it and I am sure others here do as well.

[@A2121-h3b]

This is so beautiful. I couldn't relate to you more. I've had many inaccurate diagnoses (Bipolar, BPD, social phobia, perhaps gender dysphoria (even tho I feel like that one may be true lol (MTF)) But anyway, I've never felt peace about a diagnosis...until this one. Best wishes! :)

[@mothidentifier]

Dear Shahad, nothing is wrong with you. In the UK doctors are starting to refuse use of word "disorder" connected to autism spectrum, as it has proven inaccurate. Being on the spectrum is more and more described as 'condition', as there's nothing disorderly with you, just your brain is wired differently. Also, people on the spectrum have so many traits and talents that 'ordinary' people don't have, so look at all the positives that you have as a person.

[@christinesarkis4029]

This video came up in my recommendations...so now I guess KZbin is trying to tell me I have Asperger's too? This algorithm is getting creepy.

[@yoMC18]

I read about Asperger on girls year ago in a few articles and I'm pretty surprised as well

[@keke5371]

A lot of times people say to me that I'm such an honest person or that I'm the most honest person they know, but I think I lie A LOT, like I think I lie so much, but if I'm supposed to be honest, how much do other people lie? I can't understand that.

[@fionamayfield4762]

We have the exact same thought and predicament here.

[@juliaortiz5919]

I studied Sailor Moon as a little girl and learned how to act certain ways.

[@SailorXenaFan108]

same here

[@gekolvr0734]

different anime, but me too

[@richie2701]

same ;-;

[@idontknow-ms8mc]

"Fighting evil by moonlight..." one of the best theme songs ever. I loved that show.

[@calamitynatalie8590]

Same!

[@glitchwitchery]

As a female Aspie, I agree with most of this. It's difficult to get the help you need when you know how to act like your stuff's pulled together around a therapist, because you've been reading university-level philosophy and everything else since you were eight... and it doesn't feel fake in the least (because you're in your element!), but once you walk out of the office, you can't give a stranger directions to the corner mart... you just blink, gulp, blush, then scurry away. The last part about clothing gave me a pleasant memory from my childhood. The only feminine thing my mother could get me to wear was my Wonder Woman panty and 'bra' set when I was 3-4 years old. In fact, she had to run out and buy multiple copies of it, because I refused to take it off.

[@deborah6809]

I first watched this two years ago and nearly cried because it was literally describing me! I now finally have a diagnosis of aspergers and depression at 17 and I don't know what would have happened if it wasn't for Tony Attwood's findings and the amazing new research that has gone into girls with autism.

[@frolickinglions]

Congratulations on your diagnosis! Have you thought about connecting with other aspie women? I like these two facebook groups: Aspergers Safe Room: A safe haven for women on the autistic spectrum and Women On The Spectrum | ASD & Aspergers | Support Group: No Drama and recommend these two books for tips on living a good life as an aspie: - Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate by Cynthia Kim; and - Spectrum Women by Barb Cook & Dr Michelle Garnett.

[@margaretassimenos6977]

This describes me. I began to suspect as I got to know my ASD grandson We get along famously and I can understand him in ways I have never been able to understand other people .

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

Margaret Assimenos Me and my boyfriend. I’ve been diagnosed since I was 6, whereas he’s undiagnosed. We relate to each other in so many ways and with my own knowledge of autism, I have seriously questioned whether he has autism. He doesn’t understand certain social things, learned a lot of stuff from psychology articles rather than intuition, thinks everyone doesn’t know what they’re doing socially, is a very fussy eater, finds difficulty making friendships, is sensitive to sound and gets socially exhausted easily. Just a few things I’ve noticed from the top of my head. I swear on my life that he also has autism, though he says he doesn’t want a diagnosis because doesn’t want an excuse for doing bad things. His brother has a habit of using his bipolar to get away with theft and treating people poorly, so I see where he comes from. I just see him so mentally exhausted sometimes that I wish he’d get a diagnosis, though...

[@tressarasmussen8717]

Margaret Assimenos v

[@icantthinkofagoodname1838]

I have had the fortunate experience of being able to attend one of Dr Attwood's talks and I highly recommend to anyone who gets the chance. He is amazing!

[@caviartastetunabudget9037]

I think I will try to look him up! Based on this presentation, he sounds really in-tune and I enjoyed his style!! So many other presenters on this topic leave me feeling depressed tbh.

[@seamonkeyl9061]

I could have listened to a lot more on this. I had a lovely Asperger's friend, but she went from adoring me to suddenly hating me over a misunderstanding/annoyance that we could have worked out. This video helps me feel better as I get that it wasn't personal - that her ability to regulate emotion was absent. She couldn't accept that I would never purposely hurt her and I now realise that if she didn't understand something she was 'making it up' according to the dominant culture.

[@worrywirt]

Candice L shit I did that when I was a kid.... she probably regrets it now, I know I did. But my friend wasn’t as understanding as you and we were never as close as before :/

[@caviartastetunabudget9037]

I'm sorry for this negative experience. :-( It could also be possible that she has a "short fuse" so to speak, when dealing with social frustrations.. many Aspies are major targets of abuse and bullying (as mentioned in the video) and perhaps that is how she perceived your behavior and was trying to protect herself. If you really miss the friendship, perhaps you could try to reopen lines of communication via email or text? It may help if it ISN'T in-person. And taking a calm, logical, slow approach may help. Regardless of what happens, you too deserve healthy and fulfilling relationships, and if this relationship is no longer providing that for either of you, then perhaps graciously bowing-out is the only healthy option. I wish you the best.

[@sianifairy9070]

Thank you for figuring that out! And posting it! I've lost many relationships over the meltdowns, and have to train myself over years to understand nuance and social criteria vs. asking & believing :) Now I can go to ppl and ask things before I lose it...but so hard-won.

[@seamonkeyl9061]

@@sianifairy9070, thank you so much for your response. I have cried a lot over the loss of the friendship and the terrible things she seemed to have made up about me. It is weird to go from being adored to hated. I also notice that she (and maybe you too?) was not being treated well by other people and may have taken it out on me. It can be hard to work out who to trust when the subtle signals are not easy to read. I really hope things go well for you!

[@seamonkeyl9061]

@@caviartastetunabudget9037 - thank you! I tried really hard but she got very mean and cold, like a completely different person. It was as if she had gone from loving me for 15 years to hating me over night. I know that she has gone through a lot in her life and been treated badly by some of her boyfriends, so I thought this might be her anger at other things being directed at me? In the end, some of the stuff she wrote to me in an email were so bizarre and unkind that I realised it was best for my own mental health to let go. I have ADHD (inattentive, dreamy and talkative) and have my own issues, ha ha!

[@Jen8765_]

I was 44 years old before my diagnosis. Until then I was just weird, strange, RUDE, and then later the kindest souls just called me introverted.

[@kristahutchinson907]

I’m 50 and I’ve never felt so understood 🥺

[@KarlaJTanner]

I enjoy watching education about autism spectrum. With this I have noticed- I was abused as a child and my whole life, I was in immense pain. I began therapy for this, starting with Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. After learning what emotion are and how they work, I started trauma therapy. I learned why I did what I did and how to change the way I think. I learned self respect, kindness to myself, understanding others motives and why they do what they do. So in conclusion, if you have a kid with emotional issues related to autism spectrum or have yourself, take them or yourself into trauma therapy because the exhaustion, isolation, shame, anxiety are things one can treat and manage. I’m so happy now, I still cry about my new reality. Btw, after 4 yrs I continue with my therapy. It’s a long road but the best one. Xxxx

[@chanuppuluri8726]

Thank you. I've been beating myself up about why I'm still in therapy after so long when my peers are holding multiple jobs, starting their own businesses, having families, etc. It feels shameful but it's nice to hear a journey to success story.

[@sianifairy9070]

@@chanuppuluri8726 hang in there! Trauma is no joke. It's a success to be taking care of yourself and still be compassionate.

[@juliestevens6931]

Man, I wish he could have kept on going! My daughter got her Aspie diagnosis at the age of 33 (she is now 35). He explained things so well. So many things fit my daughter. We have learned a lot on our own - triggers, how to avoid or mitigate potential meltdowns, what to do when she has a meltdown, etc. Her life has improved so much BECAUSE we know she is an Aspie. Once we knew what we were dealing with, we could research, discuss and deal with most everything.

[@DanielkaElliott]

3:50 "I'll make sure I wear pink" OMG lol that's exactly me at age 9. seriously I ONLY wore pink for like three years and that's like one of the least cringy part of my life

[@1985bjaycat]

I totally know how you feel. Similar for me. 😳😆

[@1985bjaycat]

@hunnybuttah sprite can omg yes!!!😂

[@idontknow-ms8mc]

Sameeee ... I wore pink everything (just in different shades, head to toe)

[@SandcastleDreams]

@- - I hate pink about as much as I hate getting teeth pulled and always have!

[@mjaynes288]

@- - Watch the video. Some girls/women have no use for fashion. I can count on my fingers the number of times I have worn makeup. The color pink has always reminded me of Pepto-Bismol. It is not a practical color, showing stains and dirt readily.

[@Galemor1]

I wish he could have enough time, this was really interesting. My friend wants me to be asberger, but I think a highly sensitive person can be misjudged as this, because we respond in many ways the same. I like to be alone, because I need time to rest after lots of noise being around people. I gravitate to animals because they are true, they won't lie to me, so I myself can be relaxed around them. They won't put words in my mouth or misunderstand my intentions.

[@lryuzaki1192]

I resonate with this comment. I think a lot of empaths are misdiagnosed with aspergers. You might be an empath. I know I don't have aspergers but I do in fact have ADHD and I am an empath. I look at people's faces and communicate with them well however, people do tire me out. I would rather associate with people who are brilliant and interesting business-minded people successful positive people in general because I've been surrounded by negativity and scarcity my whole life. I sometimes get physically sick right before a fight breaks out or something bad period happens. My ex-friend was fighting with her father and I immediately got a horrible headache. I love solitude because I can reflect on my thoughts and what to prepare in the future for myself. And being alone around animals yes, and being in nature alone. These give off positive energy. I strongly believe some of us are highly receptive to energy that we absorb whether it's good or bad.

[@booboobunny5655]

Bri A What if you're both an empath and Aspie?

[@valhalla1240]

@@booboobunny5655 Aspies are known to have low emotional intelligence and high analytical / rational skills. So there is no overlap in the venn diagram of the two. + there are definitely more characteristics to aspergers than social anxiety or introversion.

[@booboobunny5655]

Valhalla Yeah, like poor social skills. But it's a stereotype that Aspies aren't emotional, in fact we're more emotional than neurotypicals. I'm a very emotional person, but also a very logical person. Logic doesn't work on social situations, which is why we have poor social skills. But it doesn't mean we're not emotional...

[@calamitynatalie8590]

@@booboobunny5655 My daughter is very emotional but I suppose just doesn't express it in a typical way. She is excellent in emergency situations though!

[@sibleyboys5002]

I'm on a medication No ONE wants to examine as a means to help with AUTISM and NARCISSISM. I have developed Narcissistic traits from abusers who I believe actually have Autism. When Someone who has Autism has a melt down, they can take it out on some one, Autism runs in my mothers side of the family. I didn't have my medication for a while and I couldn't control some melt downs. I was rocking back and forth, crying, and couldn't be around my kids. My ex husband tried to force me to be someone else. I believe he has autism, and my mother as well. My youngest son is extremely intelligent, smarter than his older brother... I wish more studies could be done on this medication. I'm able to function as a "normal" person. I can see social cues, act properly, and I don't speak about inappropriate topics. I enjoy your lecture, Thank you!

[@nyar2352]

Diagnosed a year ago, and this makes so much sense. Crying.

[@alyraemay]

I am floored! I thought I had Asperger's but I fit in too well with society without ever feeling like I fit anywhere. This perfectly described me now, my teenage years, and my childhood.

[@bubblesbaby37]

All of this is me, except the clothes. I love clothes, it's like an obsession for me. But I wear a mix of men's and women's clothing, and then to mix more feminine pieces with edgy or masculine. But a lot of this, hit home.

[@Trying444]

SAME!!!!!!! I’m looking at an ASD diagnosis now

[@Trying444]

Pretty sure it’s my special interest. But when I was young all the girls wanted to be fashion designers so I ditched it bc I have this weird pull to not do things other people do. NO IDEA WHAT IT IS. But this is so weird bc this is exactly how I dress. Like I’ve always said I never have a style it’s just mixing everything

[@Helene_experience]

48 years old, finally my life makes sense. I’m Aspie

[@munmaru3775]

I'm studying psychology at uni. I also am an aspie girl. This makes so much more sense.

[@mrscrocks6558]

What an amazing man and speaker. I was totally engaged throughout and would have loved to have heard him talk through his last few slides. This needs to be shared as I am sure it will help many many people out there.

[@petita83]

Ok... after many years of therapy and multiple diagnosis... I'm asperger. This video made my day and clear my life. Thank you

[@emerald764]

I feel like this man read my diary.

[@jenniferhoxworth97]

I wish I could have listened to the entire presentation Tony Attwood prepared. I love his humor and down-to-earth presentation. Thank you.

[@dgcclan9445]

Wait, you mean everybody doesn't analyze the body language of others then respond accordingly based upon the studied social conventions of the place they're in? I never understood why I couldn't keep friends, I assumed I was mistaken in thinking I was nice and must actually be being perceived as an asshole. Is this an actual possibility or am I just looking for an excuse and am just unlikable, at least I think. Don't really know what people think, I just guess based on behavior, but the movements of their bodies don't match their words a lot, and then I don't know what to do. I always feel like I'm missing something. Is this ASD1? I thought this is just what it meant to be human, working around the disconnects to the best of one's abilities.

[@casdraws]

Yeah. Body language is a whole different ball game. When it doesn't match their words it can mean they are trying to cover up discomfort or other emotions. "Is this roller coaster too scary for you?" "No. No, it's fine," as they clutch the safety bar in terror. Or they are angry or frustrated but trying not to be. Or a million other scenarios. The body is often more honest than the words. I learned social rules through books, but now I think I have a bit more intuition as I've gotten older. I totally go over the situations in my head to do better next time. I can get a bit obsessive about it. I figured ladies stopped being my friend because I was too intense or a know it all (I love learning) or they saw I was a fraud and not as smart as I seemed.

[@matthijsclaessen8152]

Francesca Taphophilia you might want to talk to someone you trust and ask that kind of questions. If you’re unsure of the questions to ask maybe read up a little at first. Neurotypical people have some trouble with straight honesty because they have taught themselves to speak carefully about subjects that might hurt feelings. This is pretty complex if you’re not neurotypical. (My wife has autism, I’m more in the ADD camp but I’ve learned a little from her.)

[@sianifairy9070]

No surprise if you're ND, and yes, your description of being human is awesome. That how it should be for all of us, and no matter what your situation, you sound like a very humane human.

[@annarehbinder7540]

People give off so many signals and yes they are hard to interpret and especially to know which ones to ignore and which to believe or pretend you believe . And all of that is a Very complex game. And NO most people dont analyse like We on the spectrum do . My thinking is not that We dont see peoples signals but We see all of them simultanously which makes it hard to decide what to believe ,do and act upon . My husband who is also on the spectrum description is analysis paralysis about that

[@EncompassingChaos6]

@@casdraws It sucks when you say, "No, you are not okay. I can tell because there are these subtle differences in the way that you speak." And they keep denying it, yet you know something is up. Just be honest people. Probably why I don't have friends.

[@mphillips4387]

I never knew. This is me! I'm 51 and not diagnosed. I'm going to find out officially. That's my 2019 goal.

[@frolickinglions]

If you're female, the most important first step is choosing the right practitioner so you're not fobbed off or misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar (although you can have ASD & those as well). Good luck!

[@mydogeatspuke]

It's almost the end of 2019. How did you get on? Were you successful?

[@YvonneAZ65]

I don't like being alone all the, but it's easier for me than trying to be around people. I don't even try to socialize anymore. It's devastating to meet someone new, you start becoming friends and suddenly they're giving you that familiar look that tells you that saw "it". And that's the end of it. I'm 53 now and I'm over it.

[@tinaayer801]

By far the best talk on aspie girls ever made.

[@daniellefrank2572]

I am the chameleon. I can put on such a good face for others. I always tell my husband that my main role in life is to be an actor. To fool ppl that I'm not different

[@frolickinglions]

The trouble with that is that it's tiring & at some point your brain or body will break from the effort. Please check out energy accounting: kzbin.info/www/bejne/l6LOlGuXbrespKM and learn about autistic burnout kzbin.info/www/bejne/eoval6igoLN1fc0

[@katharinabaur6113]

He's explaining my life. Thanks so much Dr. Tony!!!

[@raindropfox]

This describes me really well, as a kid I never understood other girls and tried to imitate them in order to fit in. I ditched my vulnerable, creative personality and built a fake one. I don't know how to get rid of this new fake personality, I want to go back to the way I was before. I don't want to be like everyone else anymore. Has anyone else gone through the same thing, or have advice?

[@rchrch4922]

I have similar experience I was a creative kids I love drawing and doing other artsy stuff but my parents don't like it (they literally throw my first sketchbook in the trash bin), and my friends thought I was weird and awkward so no one wants to got close to me (even my 'bestfriend' ditched me and the only kid that was close with me was bullied), it's not helping I was very open about my own emotions (literally I was a crybaby that's why alot of kids loved to tease me to purposely make me cry), and I was too honest. So I tried to 'change' and create 'new me'. After few years I can't keep up with that 'new me' and I kinda giving up but at the same time I can't go back to my old self. Now I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo. P.s. I'm sorry for the long paragraph, I don't even give you any advice and ended up share my own experience. Btw sorry for bad English

[@raindropfox]

@@rchrch4922 No don't apologise, it's fine. If anything It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I'm sorry to hear that your parents and friends did that. I was a very sensitive and awkward kid too too, so I can relate to the bullying. Have you tried getting back into art or reconnecting with the things that inspired you as a kid? I can't guarantee that it works but that's what I'm trying to do.

[@SFQ14]

Been in a similar situation. However, because of trying to fit in it caused a lot of anxiety which later manifested as panic attacks. I somehow successfully got rid of that fake persona after I got fed from being mentally drained.

[@chanuppuluri8726]

To be honest I'm still struggling with it. I don't suggest you let it get as bad as I did. After so long of trying to imitate and appease, I found out that one of my friends is actually a sociopath and had been lying to me for years. I found out last year and it shook my world. I feel very angry with myself for appeasing/agreeing/keeping peace/saving face when I could've maybe helped all the people he was hurting behind my back?... I feel like an accomplice to several crimes, not noticing sooner. I feel like I let my fellow humans down. I feel like a failure. I'm left feeling like normal people won't be my friend, but sociopaths will because they know they can use me. I question every friendship I have and had now. I don't trust anyone. I put up with people for long enough to go to work or finish an errand and then I come home exhausted by the act of normal I put on all day. Furthermore, my close friend who is also somewhere on the spectrum tells me to just become nobody like some Tibetan Monk (my guess is this is his coping mechanism.) I don't fully know how to do either. I will, however answer your question in this next comment.

[@chanuppuluri8726]

My suggestion is to find some ASD groups for your age group in your nearby area and attend those meetings. They may not be often and those people may not become your best friends, but it helps to remember that you're not worthless or completely alone for being this way. My other suggestion is to follow your passion. It may not become your job but see if you can find groups in the area full of people who share similar interests. I tried Meetup.com and while the people I met aren't my best-est friends, at least I'm getting out there more. Like I said, I'm still working on it...

[@bobsmedsen8116]

Great to FINALLY see Aspergirls being recognised. About time. * High Five * Tony Attwood. I concur! Adult Asp x

[@IzZyVanDizZy]

Definitely me. I was diagnosed with passive-aggressive and narcissistic personality disorder (or at least traits thereof), but it never fully explained my experiences other than my social troubles that had led to chronic depression and anxiety disorder starting at 13 years old. ASD explains everything about me, from my interests to my aversions, my mental health issues to my coping mechanisms, my perception and study of myself and others to the always recurring need to be left the f*ck alone for a day. My Psychologists dismissed Aspergers almost instantly without even consulting an expert, because I can interpret body language and facial expressions, as well as recognize sarcasm and different undertones in conversations. ...I'm an aspiring author and illustrator who has read Manga for the past 15 years, so OF COURSE I KNOW ABOUT THAT STUFF!

[@karlayork877]

Some half century ago, I had a psychologist, Dr. Pepper -- no joke; his name was Kenneth Pepper -- who once said to me something like "I have this feeling that if I looked inside you, there would be nobody there." He did not mean this in an unkind way; he was very kind and caring. But the most disturbing thing was that I felt he was right, even though I didn't really understand what he meant by it. Now I do understand, thanks in large part to Prof. Attwood. His explanation of "I don't know" (re emotions) at about 17:40 is brilliant.

[@gigahorse1475]

That sounds like a horrible thing to say to someone, especially as a psychologist! If someone said that to my kid I’d have to stop myself from slapping him!

[@MrOmaIlse]

Interessting. I was probably pretty stereotypical aspi when I was a child. Extensive engagement in special interests, not socializing, not understanding and/or acting upon social conventions, not being able to maintain eye contact, hating loud noises - you name it, I did it all. It all changed when I was between 16 and 20. I basicly started observing and imitating people as he describes it. At that age I also used to get drunk to get rid of anxiety for a while, then I did stuff I planned before in social settings and afterwards I analyzed how it worked out and if it worked out well I started doing it sober. I did this systematically like some kind of social experiment. Within just two or three years I changed from an outsider that had exactly zero friends during most his teenage years, got bullied at school etc, to someone who was quite popular. I learned to use all my strageness and knowledge about weird stuff so people would find me interesting, cool, even saw me as a role model sometimes. And suddenly I had many friend, even more people around me that wanted to be my friends. I found strategies to come across as very outgoing and open. I became the one who threw the biggest parties. I can relate to most of what he says how aspi girls cope with it. I´ve been doing exactly that for the last 13-15 years now. Basically this is the way I get through life. But I´m a guy, not a girl. And I never was diagnosed with asperger´s syndrome and I´m really not sure if I have it. But I realize how I can relate to a lot of what he says. All in all I think I´m doing pretty well now considering what a weird child and troubled teen I was. But I´ve had reoccuring problems with anxiety and panic attacs since I started socializing more. I think it´s just a lot of stress I can´t always handle and, especially in my late teens and early twenties, I often didn´t give myself that alone-time I probably needed . A few times that anxiety made me burn out and led to depressive episodes, though that happens less and less the older I get and the more safety and stability in life I gain.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

I feel very much the same. I don't think it matters if you are male or female, Tony Attwood is discussing how it generally manifests in women but there is the caveat - if you've met one person with Asperger's, you've met one person with Asperger's. I generally pursued solitary interests such as climbing mountains, often on my own but sometimes with a few friends who I felt comfortable with. Anxiety has been a lifelong issue for me, also leading to episodes of depression but mostly it causes me to feel overwhelmed and freeze. Like you I got bullied a bit at school when I got put in with an older age group because class sizes were a problem (I did get my revenge, very bluntly, at high school). I majored in physics (minored with an A+ in playing pool with the guys) and then found myself ostracised at work by the girlie in-crowd. While that was really hurtful at first I rationalized that it actually suited me because I had no interest in bitching about others or discussing designer shoes and handbags; no, I wanted a motorbike, so I focused on getting my licence and now have two bikes. When the hurt was fresh I decided to form The Gang of One, and tentatively invited my fellow misfits to go for a walk in the park and pick up lunch progressing to going out after work for dinner or just going to the pub. This worked better than I could have imagined, to the point the 'clique' were so outnumbered they asked if they could join in with our social activities. Our company used to pay for a team building day once a year and I once organized a boat trip, which I planned to perfection, with every penny accounted for, and it went down in history as one of the best days out we had as a group. But throw a party? Man that is bold, no danger, people will make a mess and break things! I haven't been diagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm there. I've known since I was very young that I was different from my friends but it's only recently I've finally figured out why. I can be very emotional but logic overrides emotions every time. I need a LOT of alone time to regroup. Disorder really troubles me. Like you, the more stability I have in life the better I am able to cope with the curve balls. I even finally met the man I will marry (never even been engaged before) and know I will spend the rest of my life with.

[@anyssachorvat]

You just basically described my whole life thus far hahaha wow

[@laurabatra4521]

Sounds very similar to my journey; because I had to learn how to interact socially in different ways from my peers, it took longer. However, because I practiced more, I eventually got better at it than many of my peers; I have much higher EQ than a lot of more "typical " friends of mine. The only difference is it can be exhausting (sometimes to the point of burnout and anxiety/depression) in a way that others don't necessarily experience because it is intellectual work rather than instinctive understanding. And yes, I still have moments when I realize just how different my cognitive processes really are; tried to explain coins to my 6 yr old, and found myself relating the value of dimes to legs in decapods (Tomatoa in Moana), or years in a decade, and had to stop myself before I related it to the Roman practice of decimation... yeah... not exactly kindergarten appropriate material (unless you were me as a child)...

[@frolickinglions]

Like Irene said, it doesn't matter if you're a bloke. Some blokes fit the "female" profile more than they do the "male who is obsessed with trains or Pokemon" profile. I'd encourage you to read I am Aspien Woman by Tania Marshall, despite you being a man. See if you can relate to the traits and experiences mentioned there. Since I've been reading up on this stuff, I've realised a media personality in my city is highly likely to have ASD. He's a gay guy but not camp and really fits the female profile (although he is masculine). He's more artistic etc than into objects & technical info but likes routine, has sensory issues with food, lives alone etc etc. If you are autistic it doesn't mean you're less manly or are gay or anything it just means the way your autism is expressed is different from the average autistic bloke but it's still autism. I'd recommend getting assessed by someone like Tony who is familiar with the female presentation just so you're not dismissed or misdiagnosed by someone who only notices a narrow range of behaviours. Diagnosis can help things fall into place and that can help you avoid a deepening depression, developing addictions etc. Good luck!

[@trishtraynor1237]

Now that I know what I have, I’m thoroughly enjoying it! Ok, so I spend hours listening to classical singing whilst following the music score but that’s what makes me happy. Deal with it normal people😂😂😂

[@DevonExplorer]

"Deal with it normal people" Exactly! We might very well be the evolutionary future. ;)

[@caviartastetunabudget9037]

It is amazing how helpful it can be to simply identify an issue!!

[@dorcaswinter8296]

I learned more from this amazing individual, then I did from having to sit down for a 2 hour talk by someone who was an alleged expert. Thank you so much for this!

[@aladanu4484]

I'm 53 years old, and I see so much of myself in this from a child to now! Amazing! Thank you for offering this insight.

[@RedSpiralHandTV]

I self-diagnosed my Asperger's in my 50s and it was a real revelation for me. (I have an advanced degree in public health with a focus on medical research and epidemiology, and, yep....took a ton of psyc classes.) I'm still amazed though at the things Attwood said here: hung out at the library (special permission note to use the adult's section), the zoo was my favorite place, liked wearing boy's clothes, bugs, pets, climbing trees, playing outside, and playing with "boy" toys (hell, my microscope was FUN!) and had a lot of difficulty socializing with females. And those balloons...I still hate them! I usually hate labels but this was somehow okay... realizing that I AM different and there was a reason for it was rather freeing. I've been able to drop a lot of the things that sapped me and don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation or apology for it. So I moved to a rural area that's rich in natural beauty with few people and plenty of places to interact with nature and take long walks with the dog. The only person I am comfortable for long periods with now (after a string of relationships of various lengths) is my adult son, who is also aspy. He respects my space and I help him cope with his melt-downs.

[@frolickinglions]

I'm glad you have some peace and do what works instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole (which is what I've spent my life doing as a "chameleon"). I encourage you to join female-only aspie Facebook groups so you can connect with others like you. We have quite a few women who are over 50. The 2 groups I like are Aspergers Safe Room: A safe haven for women on the autistic spectrum and Women On The Spectrum | ASD & Aspergers | Support Group: No Drama

[@m0L3ify]

I've been obsessing over body language and psychology for a few years now. I know a LOT about it. I really didn't think I was ASD but this talk describes my childhood nearly to a T. Everything except that I have always read other people's emotions very well. I'm very sensitive to it. I'm afraid to think it might be true because my wife and son have ASD and I feel like I'm going to be accused of jumping on a bandwagon or being an internet hypochondriac. But my wife has commented more than once about my behavior: "that sounds like ASD." There are little everyday thing that add up. Like random sensory issues. Days where I can't stand being touched. A Middle School teacher that talked so loud he made me dizzy. I'm not sure if I have routines or not. My wife always talks about how the world feels like chaos and that's why routines are necessary. I haven't really experienced that. I don't think. But what he said here was way too accurate a description of me. I guess I'll have to explore this further and find out.

[@cl8759]

Interesting about the GP comment - I know a wonderful vet who has Aspergers. He's amazing at his job, barely even touches the animals but knows what's wrong with them - very brilliant man :)

[@ingznricky472]

Haha I identify with almost of this. I have ASD. Legos, tomboy, flawless american english, pretty much a walking encyclopedia about dogs(in my aunts words) , "loner" and so on. I remember when I was trying to ask the engineers at my moms work how they get the energy from windmills to the electric lines. They either didn't understand the question or didn't know how to answer the question. I found out on my own, later, when I was trying out one of these flashlights that don't have batteries, just a button. It was made out of clear plastic and I was able to see it happen.

[@Ellie5259]

I have adhd and it's incredible how similar a lot of these signs are between adhd and autism (& how similar they are in general!) Of course there are key differences, but I relate to so much of this because many of our childhood experiences are just so similar.

[@rosaliadelossantos7215]

Camouflaging helped me as a parachute helps a military skydiver officer, from my perspective, my therapist, who thaught me the technique of "act like you've already have that quality" meant the World to me, it helped me to reach who l am nowdays! For me, faking is not a crime!

[@SG-wi5wx]

"Strumming my pain with his fingers, yes he was singing my life with his wooooords, Killing me softly with his song, Killing me soooftly with his song, telling my whole life, with his words. Killing me softly... With his sooong...."

[@papercup2517]

"Extremely sensitive to emotional atmosphere." "My problem has been .. I am too aware of people's moods and expressions. I am too sensitive and very easily hurt." (From 2 slides on emotion that Prof Attwood partly skipped, at 26:30 and 26:50... ) Thinking about these statements, and how they've applied to me, I generally feel I do see EXACTLY what people are thinking and feeling beneath the social mask, and internally can't help but respond directly to that, rather than to whatever it is they're trying to project over it. ( I do then try very hard to work out the intended / more superficial communication and the desired response, and to find some sort of compromise I can live with, between honouring both the straightforward/ unvarnished truth [as I see it] and the necessity of oiling the social wheels by appearing to accept the put-on emotion - all pretty challenging to work out within a few seconds, in a conversation - no wonder there's social exhaustion!). So, anyway, that leads me to wonder whether the usual idea of "PwAsp not being able to detect other people's moods and body language ie subtleties and facial gestures" could - at least in some cases - be that we do actually see and understand a lot of these subtleties, perfectly clearly, but this is interpreted by society as NOT detecting/ understanding, because we fail to respond 'correctly' to the fake image being projected. We then turn that round on ourselves and think we must have been mistaken, and begin to lose self-confidence/ our internal sense of integrity/OKness, leading to anxiety and depression, etc... Not sure if I'm explaining this properly...

[@womandela7225]

Actually ecplained it real well...lightbulb for me!

[@Joey-rs7uq]

I believe I am autistic, and I am a gay male, and so I relate more to the coping mechanisms of females than males. I hold up the mask of normalcy so well sometimes, and it's a heavy thing to hold, but occasionally I falter and people see that I am just struggling to keep functioning on a normal level. I relate to escapism and used to force myself to maintain images of myself in social conditions in order to cope with my situations. The teacher's pet, Honors, goody two shoes, frequent Dissociations from emotion to cope with anxiety, extreme immersion into fantasy worlds/fiction and quietness is who and what I needed to be in order to deal with constant bombardment of anxiety and so I would have to talk less, and thus not break the masquerade. It was assumed I was just depressed and that I just need to go out into the world to 'cure' my social inadequacies, or that I would grow out of it, but really social interactions wear me down like sandpaper at all ages. And when I was young I would cry every morning due to extreme anxiety of going out of the house, my haven, from kindergarten even up until 10th grade. I got my associates in a community college, but I dissociated hard, was a zombie faced blunt and awkward asshole and all I did was sleep to cope and reached my max capacity of social interactions and fell to hermit mode.. I take comfort in seclusion and modesty, and a bit of a nihilist with things beyond my scope of ability. I think being gay made autism even harder to be discovered because I had to mask my gayness and autism without knowing what was different about me at that time, which makes deciphering the social consequences from either of them difficult and thus making self-understanding more of a dynamic puzzle to solve.

[@softly128]

After coming back from a two day trip to my relatives, I would say to myself "you did it! you did it! I'm so proud of you ❤️ you did it! " and I would cry happy tears alone in my room.

[@dutchray8880]

"Why have two words when ten can replace it?" One of my pet peeves with the DSM 5 is the elimination of aspies. Boys and men tend to be interested in things, while girls and women tend to be interested in people, and this explains why girls are better able to mask Asperger's. The ability to adopt an identity and the tendency to catastrophize difficulties with relationships, with sudden emotional swings, also illustrates the link to borderline personality disorder. This guy is fascinating. The last part about fashion reminded me of a male high school student I knew who was aspie. He told me that fashion was complete nonsense and we only need clothes to keep warm and to cover intimate parts of our bodies. Although he wore some interestingly outlandish combinations of clothing, he still had friends and a girlfriend...I really enjoyed conversations with that kid.

[@madelinevlogs5898]

Why do you not like the elimination of aspergers? People with aspergers are just diagnosed as autistic now. Do you think there’s a difference?

[@DURSLIFIED]

Part of the prob is that asperger's is named after a Nazi eugenicist from what I understand

[@heavenking2065]

This video made me cry a little because for so long I've been trying to find out why I am the way I am and what is wrong with me and it’s like everything he was saying in the video applies to me and I can relate to everything. But I’m not good at explaining things and my thoughts and my emotions. But it’s like he hit everything spot on and I was just so happy that somebody understood me because the whole world didn’t understand me.

[@that_dam_baka]

26:58 My favorite books. The day of the book release is the best thing ever.

[@andrear6094]

Wow. After a lifetime of not understanding my social ineptitude I watch this and find out I'm a classic ASD Level 1. I recently retired and have béen putting terrible pressure on myself to reinvent my social life like a 'normal' person, when I don't really want to. I'm going to drop the facade right now and truly enjoy the rest of my life!

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I'm intense and annoying... at least it feels that way on my end. I wasn't like a lot of other girls in that I didn't copy the popular girls because, in my experience, many were mean and plenty of girls followed them rather meekly. I was obsessed with sticking to my principles and that included not hurting others. I moved away from people who gossiped, bullied, and criticised others. Of course these are incredible generalisations that he's making, I wasn't an angel in class; I was more an angel at home (a threatening home life can do that--I wasn't going to put up with mean kids and controlling teachers, as I had enough at home.) I hated the playground because kids were so noisy and seemingly out of control. And yeah, I read all the time. I regret that, both the moving away and the reading, because I missed learning the skills of how to cope with mean people. Contrary to my belief as a kid, mean people often grow up into mean adults--people who we must cope with in the world of work. I figured wrongly that age would bring maturity and wisdom. Also as a kid, I felt compelled to be the real, authentic me while appearing "normal" (my attempt at masking was to try to appear as normal as possible while being myself) because I was aware of all of the acting around me, which is far more noticeable in kids and teens, as it appears to become a real skill for most and many neurotypical people appear to master faking being a nice person or hiding their true feelings by the time they've grown up. In many ways, though I masked (I was not a good mimic) and didn't appear "autistic", I was more like an autistic boy than an autistic girl save for the obsessions. Also, after my early teens, I didn't have meltdowns because that put me in danger in my home and I learned warning signs that allowed me to time out before it got to that (others may not be able to do that). So that too is a generalisation--that somehow we rule our parents with our behavior. I might have done that as a little kid, but not as I got older. We definitely need schooling in date rape as young people. Also, I'm not confused about my gender identity; I think it's fine to be more androgynous; yet, I do feel like I'm in drag in ruffly more feminine clothing. That would happen if you identify as androgynous. I find many of his broad generalizations to be quite over the top, but when he's not being over the top, he is mostly on target.

[@MorganGale]

This is honestly the first time I've ever heard a doctor say that a person with ASD can have an imagination. I always loved fiction and had imaginary friends growing up, which seemed to exclude me from having ASD even though I have a boatload of other symptoms. :^/

[@Heinz57ish]

you just described my daughter . . coped well through primary school then lost the plot at secondary which caused high anxiety and regular meltdowns. I took her out of mainstream and put her in a small educational setting that concentrated on the creative arts with small pupil numbers. She thrived. Now at college, we've had a few challenges - she stopped eating and gets into unhealthy relationships . We are now awaiting a diagnosis. I wish I'd known the signs earlier.

[@CaatsGoMoooo]

This almost made me cry. This man spoke directly to my soul and hit EVERY. SINGLE. POINT. I had wondered for years what the hell was wrong with me, but after a few weeks of research, I truly just think I'm autistic.

[@Chippy_Tea]

I can’t believe how much this resonates with my entire life.

[@kentonrune6621]

I recently got diagnosed with ASD and honestly, it all fits into place. All things. This is also very helpful to watch.

[@mysticloverfairy1]

I always wondered why I never felt “normal” while I didn’t have a hard time making friends I only made friends with kids who were younger than me, I was never interested in what other girls my age were interested especially as a teenager preferring instead to play Barbie and dolls . I just chalked it up to the only diagnosis I knew I had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It wasn’t until I was 29 and had to see a neuropsychologist that I learned I had Aspergers, being homeschooled since third grade and attending church and Sunday School where people knew me from birth and this was the late 80’s,90’s and early 2000’s so I don’t think it was on anyone’s radar. I also think my Aspergers is one of the reasons I have always liked working with little kids especially the preschool age,because they are easy to understand.

[@yazajag]

This is such an awesome lecture. Halfway through and I can totally relate to the escaping into fiction, reading and writing (and also illustrating) and becoming a successful author. This lecture helped put many things into perspective. Also, I laughed at "It's July and she moved the mattress into the stable..." 😊🐎💕

[@charlenequiram1145]

I went to my GP to see if she thought I should get a diagnosis, she said, "What do you care what other people think?" I thought that was a great question.

[@sportysbusiness]

This is brilliant and exactly describes an old friend of mine. She was one person in public and another when I got to know her in private. She had so many issues but I didn't make the connection until another diagnosed aspie friend of mine pointed them out. Her friends were all counsellors and psychiatrists, including one who was qualified to diagnose and treat ASD. None of them could see it as she didn't fit the obvious 'male' symptoms and they only saw her public face. I was ostracised from the group as they thought I was being nasty. It's heart breaking, my old friend is still clinically obese, on anti depressants and suffering terribly in private. And her friends still believe they're her friends and I'm the enemy...

[@Selene13zz]

Wow. I've known our family has ASD & Asbergers in individuals but this lecture is uncannily correct describing myself, my kid and much of my whole family. We have running jokes about these funny quirks that all the women (& some of the men) have in our family but this is the first time I've heard a professional talk about all of the personality traits & coping mechanisms that fit us in such an all-encompassing way. I'll have to share this vid with my family because this is so remarkable!

[@LindCreations]

Thankfully I managed to avoid the whole "becoming a fake person" thanks to a lovely motivational speaker lady who came to talk to us about the value of individuality in my school when I was a tween. The one thing she said that changed my life forever was *"Being weird is good, because that means you are interesting."* After this, I became a self proclaimed weirdo. If someone called me a weirdo as an insult I'd sarcastically respond with _"Good. It means I'm not like you"_ or _"I've tried being normal. It's really boring."_ or _"Wow, what gave it away?"_ I lost a bunch of fake friends this way (GOOD RIDDANCE!!), and garnered respect among girls for _"not giving a f*** what other people think"_ :)

[@phantomstrider]

Aw he finished before all the slides were done! 😄 Would gladly have listened to the rest

[@danica6366]

is it not normal to feel like you have need to mimic others when we live in a world/society where not following a certain set of reactions/mind set immediately subjects you to shitty gossip and being ostracised and labelled the weird one? aren't others the ones lacking in understanding/empathy/open mindedness/giving the benefit of doubt?

[@brandall5371]

I’ve been obsessed w astrology since high school because I wanted to crack the code, which is ppl. It was in my own “language” so it was hard to tell someone what their sign was like. I knew what a Sagittarius meant to me. I got pretty good at it as to where I was usually right with guessing sun or moon signs😬✨

[@Smallpotato1965]

..was for a good part of this lecture annoyed because "these psychiatrists will call every normal human behaviour a 'syndrome' these days grumble grumble', but then I slowly realised (kicking and screaming - metaphorically - all the way) that this is NOT how the majority of humanity experiences life. Feck me. I'm an Aspie

[@bmms00]

I... I need a moment. From childhood to the present day, every single thing checks out. I'm astonished.