TOP SURGERY MADE MY DYSPHORIA WORSE

I got top surgery but it made my dysphoria worse... here's some of my thoughts on post-op depression and bottom dysphoria.
#topsurgery #ftm #dysphoria
❀ Twitter ❀ / jakeftmagic
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[@elismith6106]

Hey friend, please look up post-op depression. It's not uncommon and I think you might have it.

[@jeremylee5990]

You sure cannot have a trans entertainer admitting that body mutilations are not a cure ... LOL

[@elismith6106]

@@jeremylee5990 If you're talking about post op depression, it's a surgery related thing. You can get it if it's top surgery, or if you are having your hip replaced. It's not uncommon.

[@jeremylee5990]

@@elismith6106 Nice try, but if it makes you feel better cut off a leg, make a video, and your fellow acrotomophiles will tell you have great you look with one leg. Gender dysphoria-the official psychiatric term for feeling oneself to be of the opposite sex-belongs in the family of similarly disordered assumptions about the body, such as anorexia nervosa and body dysmorphic disorder. Its treatment should not be directed at the body as with surgery and hormones any more than one treats obesity-fearing anorexic patients with liposuction.

[@elismith6106]

@@jeremylee5990 I don't know why I dignify you with a response, but I honestly can't tell if you are this stupid or if you are playing at it. A hip replacement happens if you break your hip or wear down the tissue between the ball and socket. It isn't cutting off your leg. It is a common surgery done with the elderly.

[@jeremylee5990]

@@elismith6106 Wow, you have it bad. You compare a genuine health issue as a result of an accident with chopping off your breasts and slicing and dicing your genitals chasing a delusion. The various trans activists resources are shockingly equivocal as to what gender identity actually is. Gender identity is an “innermost knowing,” an issue of hormone imbalance, the result of a male brain in a female body, or a ‘transsexual’ brain, maybe an inherited characteristic, and many other possibilities, depending on whom you ask. According to some, gender is an inborn and permanent state; for others, a fluid awareness that might change by the day. How is it possible that a condition so insusceptible of consistent definition could be universally declared fatal without medical treatment? It’s unlikely that gender identity has such a straightforward biological explanation, however, and some studies have identified features of the transgender brain that appear closer to the natal sex, casting doubt on the developmental mismatch hypothesis. In a 2015 study from the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience, a comparison of the distribution of gray matter in 55 female-to-male and 38 male-to-female transgender adolescents with cisgender controls in the same age group found broad similarities in the hypothalami and the cerebellums of the transgender subjects and cisgender participants of the same natal sex. If transgenderism requires medical treatment, how can it form the basis of anyone’s identity? Trans people and their allies have, of course, insisted with great indignation that their condition is not a mental illness, but it is hard to see how this conclusion is to be avoided, if it’s insisted that it must be treated or else will be fatal. Illnesses that require treatment do not constitute anyone’s identity. Being HIV-positive requires medical treatment. One would not identify as HIV-positive as though it made them an entirely new kind of person. It is a condition that needs to be treated in order to live and be healthy. How is being trans any different? The goal of most transgender individuals is to live as the opposite sex. If this were not true, there would be no concern about “access to healthcare” or medical necessity. If one could simply enjoy whatever gender identity felt the most appropriate at any given time, medical intervention would be merely cosmetic. So if we agree that people who identify as transgender desire to be the opposite sex to the best of their ability - arguing that internally they already are - then we must accept that the ideal state for all individuals is cisgender, where gender and sex align naturally.

[@LittleDoobyBoy]

hmm this sounds like post op depression :(

[@Cheesemonk3h]

remember kids: if you cut your wrists, it's a sign of a personality disorder. if you cut your genitals off: it's just depression

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@Matthew Marn than how come it helps many people when they get the surgery.

[@wanted__fundaddy5348]

Matthew Marn holy fuck you’re a dumbass

[@jaywright8837]

@@jeremylee5990 you're a bit of a prick aren't you? Focus on yourself instead of someone else, especially if it isn't helping by saying your thoughts and feelings on someone else. Grow up.

[@ohursoflirty-johnnysuh5475]

@@Cheesemonk3h wtf. That's not true

[@whambamrabbitman6770]

For facial hair dysphoria take into account that for your brothers it's been many many years since they started puberty, and their facial hair won't have been anything like it is now when they were only a few years into puberty, it should just come with time

[@katieabdai2011]

good point. I was just thinking this. My brothers were the same way and now they're hairy beasts. Testosterone is just going to work on what you have. So if you have the genetics for a beard it'll come with time.

[@huckaf]

Sometimes you're just unlucky too. I mean my brother has beard and chest hair and i barely have patches in my face and tiny baby hairs in my chest lol! We're both cis gender from the same family.

[@_ryxn]

Fer Contreras I’m cisgender and I’m 18 I have no chest hair and like 0 dark facial hair it’s all blonde I’m sure you guys have more than me 😂

[@arimg4495]

My brother is cis male and 34 and doesn't have a lot of a beard, either! So it has nothing to do with being trans, I guess?

[@_ryxn]

Anna Guggenberger well for trans guys on T anyway there should be no worry everyone grows it different it depends on genetics I guess

[@kkym15]

I got bottom surgery. Before that i honestly thought i looked ok .. Got surgery, looked in the mirror and was like " what the hell am i" . i felt every other thing just stood out like a sore thumb.. This is the First i have heard someone else speak about it. I keep it in the mind tho incase it sounds ungrateful or something.. Its a weird feeling, isn't it.

[@kkym15]

@@burnedflowers2266 whats that got to do with anything

[@burnedflowers2266]

Mtf bottom surgery is a lot better than FTM.

[@ladyasses13]

@@burnedflowers2266 regardless of the surgery what's being explained is the after math some experiance after surgery. It does not matter what surgery she's had it's a matter of the fact of what feelings have come up from it. So do not compare and contrast peoples bodies.

[@burnedflowers2266]

yeah, i know.

[@kkym15]

@@burnedflowers2266 theres nothing about hat in the video ..what r you even talking about.. ITS ABOUT DISPHORIA. What r u even doing comparing them in the first place. Stop comparing and LISTEN

[@jamieodeoradhain7795]

I'm not trans, but as a cis man who went through puberty, I can tell you that my facial hair didn't start to grow properly until I was about 20, so, like, a good few years in to puberty! before that it was super patchy and some places would grow far slower than others. So, don't get down about that, it's more than likely just a time issue. There's gonna be a time where you look back at this and everything will have changed, so try and keep your head up

[@kimmmwest4641]

This is a woman tho.

[@torrinashley6076]

@@kimmmwest4641 It's clear you don't understand trans people and the issues we face.

[@rianogrady1763]

I think so many people wait so long for medical transition that when it finally happens it's all exciting and positive and this sort of thing gets missed out, so your insight and honesty is really helpful.

[@Beejuice.08]

Kalvin garrah is gonna have a field day with this one.

[@Eva-lg6ie]

Bailey Barnes HAHAHAHAAHAH I LOVE THIS COMMENT DESPITE LOVING KALVIN SKSKSKS

[@whitenoise3447]

Im so glad i found you in the comments lol

[@fjzk5366]

Bailey Barnes I am too, already making a huge post about this

[@Inseut]

@Unpopular opinions actually a hella popular opinion, mate ahahhahahaha

[@ashtonmcgaughan386]

Bailey Barnes DEAD

[@megg.6651]

I feel so bad for this generation. So much of their happiness is about how they LOOK. SMH. What happened to loving yourself for who you are? It seems that the only people benefitting these days are SURGEONS & BIG PHARMA!

[@SlumpedSquiggle]

Unfortunately this large depression and dysphoria that trans people have isnt due directly to the fact they are trans, it’s more to the fact socially they are treated like shit, and bullied and harassed. Then dysphoria is added on, because they don’t feel they are even allowed to love themselves, when no one else seems to love who they are. And this adds on to the fact many of their close acquaintances may not support them. Though it is good to have the outlook people should love themselves, and it’s good u care :) unfortunately loving who you are can be very hard when other people seem to hate you for who you are :(

[@shelteredopal]

​@@SlumpedSquigglewhatever. People are bullied regardless if they are trans, white, black, gay, straight. It doesn't matter. Kids are ruthless and will bully anyone because they are also hurt. Aside from turning off your computer and stopping the exposure of hateful bullying comments, there are a lot of things you can do in person to build up your worth and self esteem, no matter how many hateful comments have been hurled your way. Clearly cosmetic surgery does not help these vulnerable people because, as per the video, their brains are conditioned to look for the next perceived flaw. Mental illness

[@BlueClarinetKitty]

"I was denying how much dysphoria I had about my chest" dude YES!!! (as in I can relate, not yay denial lol.) I tried ignoring my chest for three years and it only made my dysphoria worse so now I'm finally seeking top surgery. And, I've been worrying that after having surgery, I'd struggle with dysphoria in the same way that you are now, or that I wouldn't be as in love with my flat chest as I thought, so I'm sure we'll be suffering together. As sorry as I am that you're going through this, it's nice to know that I won't be alone. I hope you can find a way to accept your dysphoria if it never goes away.

[@LemonSte]

I feel this. I have been in denial so long that I got a breast reduction instead of top surgery and I realise I made a mistake, idk what the fuck to do now because while I am suffering emotionally I never want to go through that hell again. Was nauseous and couldn't eat for like a week, was hospitalised for complications, had an allergic reaction to cyclizine which delayed my discharge from a&e, I've had complications with my body rejecting the stitches and I'm still getting blood blisters nearly half a year later.. I just can't

[@trinitylivingston1286]

Me too.

[@torrinashley6076]

I had top surgery and all my chest dysphoria is gone... 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@levisisk6802]

Hey, I'm a 15-year-old trans guy from Ireland sadly I have a long time to wait before I can do anything towards transitioning medically I have had the fortune that my family is mostly supportive and was willing to by me a binder but something happened when I got it. Now that my chest was put on the back burner my other dysphoria got way worse it made me realize that my chest was the only thing holding back the floodgates. But now knowing that someone I look up to has had this experience makes me feel so much better. So thank you so much for this.

[@ConsoleHandheldGamer]

Hey, I'm a trans guy from Ireland too! I hope things work out for you!

[@levisisk6802]

@@ConsoleHandheldGamer hey thanks what part of Ireland are you from?

[@ConsoleHandheldGamer]

I'm in Louth, trying to arrange an appointment with someone so I can finally hope to start transitioning.

[@levisisk6802]

@@ConsoleHandheldGamer that's great I live in cork

[@seth5229]

I'm another trans masc person from Ireland! I'm in Galway though

[@raven9091]

You remind me so much of a friend of mine. He's a cis male and looks a lot like you. He had also trouble growing a mustache. He's 25 now and he's actually able to do so and now he hates his mustache. Sorry that's not very positive but maybe it's a little funny.

[@NurChaos]

hey jake, i can relate to this topic. i think its really good you did this video. thank you! but i would ad something. i thought after 3 years of medical transition top surgery would be my last step. but now 3 years later i recognise i ignored my mental transition. expiriencing my changed body in space and different activeties where the next steps. now, after 6 years in total, my disphoria has calmed down. so disphoria will not stay the same. and the psychological changes happen slow and even more individual than the medical changes. just in my experience

[@jasonb1345]

...Vriska?

[@mattelie7978]

When I saw the title, I was very scared that you had regretted top surgery. This is very important to talk about, because a lot of trans guys don’t realize that top surgery isn’t going to fix everything (discomfort/dysphoria wise).

[@torrinashley6076]

My chest dysphoria disappeared after surgery

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076 it’s been 3years now how do you feel about top surgery now ??

[@torrinashley6076]

@@Miraclesylva I feel the exact same. My chest dysphoria completely vanished after top surgery. I'm very satisfied. 😊 Why do you ask?

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076 cause I’m very confused why people do it. It’s very strange and new to me I’m trying to comprehend what’s wrong But if you say you’re happy than maybe I need to do more research on this

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076to be honest I was thinking maybe you would be regretting your decision by now

[@dontworryimfine1859]

I definitely felt more body dysphoria after top surgery. It was a dark few months but I'm a year and a half on now and I'm mostly back to where I was before. I don't focus on the negatives anymore I focus on the things I do love. My moustache is basically non existent BUT my chest and belly hair is starting to look like a god damn forest! I'm always going to have big womanly hips BUT my fat redistribution is catching up with them and evens it out. Also my voice has dropped so much in the 9 months I've been on T I get super excited whenever someone notices. I even love the voice cracks because it means it working. Good luck combating the dysphoria Jake and everyone else dealing with this shit!

[@CamilaCosta-ud9cw]

I have this cis friend and he is on his 30's and can't grow a mustache, after some time I met him in college about ten years ago and he had this baby face without any hair on his face. Each body is a different body and yours is beautiful as it is

[@cacuriouson]

I worry that if I medically transition my dysphoria will increase because it will just emphasize the fact that I’m not a cis male. They only way all my dysphoria will ever go away is if I was born as a cis male

[@trinitylivingston1286]

Me too honestly.

[@maximellow5745]

Yeah, I relate to that. I want to transition, but I also think I don't have to. Like it is something I shouldn't have to do, that is not something "normal" men do. I am deep in denial, I know that, but transitioning is just not something I should have to do. I am a man

[@catcoffee7958]

Think long and hard before any surgery,,,no going back after that ...

[@Disapointedmellencol]

theres an old saying"a man changes a light bulb in his living room,and then notices the wall has a crack, he fixes the crack and notices the paint is peeling,he repaints the room and notices the carpet needs cleaning,and so on and so on" the point is we as a people are never in stagnicaty for long we are always in flux there will always be somthing that needs "fixing"

[@ajbradley4617]

I completely relate to this. I was waiting for so long for surgery that when it happened I wasn't excited, I was more like 'ugh finally', and then immediately after started picking out what I needed to change next.

[@odiorism]

Thank you for this, I felt alone because as much as I documented myself on testosterone and ftm I didn't relate. I saw them start on T and go on tears and yeah I'm really happy I started on it, but nobody tells you how bad dysphoria gets? specially when you've been two weeks and you're looking down on yourself because you don't feel or look manly enough and your dysphoria is all over the top and you don't say anything about it because you should only be grateful. We need this kind of thing, to talk about this, all of this. Because we shouldn't have to feel bad about how we feel. We need to come together in the community. It's a blessing for those of us who get the chance and can afford the transition but it's not all rainbows and unicorns we need more honesty, we need more videos like this one.

[@onetwo19]

I hope there are times in your life when you are not fixated on your body and thoughts and feelings all the time.

[@LauraPictures]

For me it was that sometimes, when i was binding, is was more disphoric than when i wasn't. Because i was binding and it still was showing and it was still quite a lot and not anywhere near what i wanted it to be and so if i then didn't bind, it was like that's what it is and i can't do anything about it right now but it will be different someday. But trying and failing is for me less bearable than not trying i guess 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@xmautsenx]

This! I have severe chest dysphoria but I can't bind. I have a quite large chest and it never looks the way I want it to. And when I am binding, my chest is ALL that I can focus on. I keep checking it over and over again. So just by not binding at least I know what I look like. I'm starting T in two days so I think I just have to bind no matter what. Maybe I'll just get used to it.

[@NKC228]

I always bind when I go out, but at home I don't. Its uncomfortable and makes me feel more self aware of my chest when I lay down on my bed or when I get hot and all that... It's frustrating, especially when I see other trans guys wearing their binders at home too which makes me feel like I'm different.

[@gilchamame]

You said it best. You felt better when you accepted it. Gosh, I don't know why anyone would squeeze themselves into corsets like that, it sounds so painful. Binding yourself like that doesn't strike me as something a man would do. It's something I recognise from growing up to be a woman, learning that it's ok to treat my body like that, squeezing and tweezing and dsifiguring it into a mold. Now that I've been an adult for a while I decided to wear comfortable clothes like men do, and it makes such a difference to me that I don't understand how I tolerated such uncomfortable clothing as a female teenager. What we as women are willing to do to our bodies is really sad sometimes, they are good as they are. I hope you find home in your body. It is a good place. x

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@@gilchamame they are trans though, so...

[@gimygaming8655]

Yes. Binding give me dysphoria because I know it should still be flatter. So binding helps get rid of some but it seems not enough

[@SemmelOff]

Hey there Jake. Thanks for sharing this with us. I just want to bring up post surgery depression for a second. I am not saying that that is what you are experiencing but maybe it is part of what you feel and there are resources and videos out there that can help a person suffering from post surgery depression to deal with it.

[@yarajoan841]

What a cult... Anything to avoid admitting that mutalation is not the answer

[@martymcfly8731]

It’s called regret

[@MustyUnderboob]

She will jump through as many hoops as she can to avoid saying that she regrets it.

[@BentleyAlexW]

Stay strong brother. I feel where you’re coming from. I hope you feel better.

[@cjcurmudgeon6714]

thank you for sharing! as a cis person hoping to go into healthcare, I found this video very informative - especially when you clarified that dysphoria isn't like a mental illness like depression or anxiety that can be treated. looking back, it's very silly that I used to consider dysphoria like anxiety, so I'm definitely going to work on rectifying that attitude. again, thanks for being vulnerable, you're starting important conversations!

[@FrenchAudio2000]

I feel you on that. I'm an 18 year old tranny girl, I started Estrogen 3 and a half months ago, and I have that realization that I'll never get to live a cis-gendered life every few days to every few weeks, and it hits me just as hard every time, but then that feeling slips away before I even get a chance to cry it out and not have it on my mind all day. When I was little, I prayed to god every night for 7 years, until I realized that there probably wasn't one, and even if there was, they wouldn't change my mind, or my body. So now it's like, well existence is the only reason I have any of what I have, and when it's gone it's gone; I won't ever be a cis-girl or cis-guy. And I'm not saying it's the only reason cause F**K that, but I just want to have sex ffs.

[@nunyabizz7345]

Thank you nobody wants to talk about the ugly side of transitioning and it's a lie and it's very misleading and deceptive to show people only the pretty picture but not the hell that goes behind the pretty picture

[@suleydaman]

What is the difference between dysphoria and low self-esteem mind telling you that you're doing everything wrong?

[@morgansmith7351]

Its really releiving to see someone else talk about how packing doesnt help them and can actually make bottom dysphoria worse. I tried to start packing a little over a year ago and I thought it would make life so much easier, and to a point it does but it makes me more uncomfortable at the same time. Its really nice to see someone acknowledge that there are plenty of things that help most trans masculine people feel more comfortable that can make others uncomfortable

[@famlymanusa]

Jake: You are a truly amazing person; your frankness and candor is right-on. Life is full of disappointments, though they can turn-out to be real blessings. Time heals all wounds. I think that in time you will come to the realization that you are unique and are in a much better place. I know you don't want to hear that, but you created the dysphoria and you can make it go away. Now, go out there and find the positives in your life and build on them. I fully support you. Mark.

[@Lewis-um9ez]

I feel you on the packing part. I tried packing but it's difficult because then I'm more focused on that part of my body and how it's a prosthetic

[@masonperez8729]

Hi Jake. I'm a 13 year old trans boy from the U.S. I found out that I had dysphoria when I was 4. I came out when I was around 10 and my family hasn't taken it well. Fortunately I have an older cousin who supports me and is helping me through my dysphoria by getting me a binder and offering to pay for treatments. I thank you so much for being someone that I can look up to. Thank you for providing content that helps me and others feel better. ~Sincerely Mason

[@yast_shomp]

I want to say something supportive to you but I’m not really creative... you are a wonderful person and I hope you will live a happy life the way you want to. I remember how fragile I was when I was 13, and it’s really hard for me to imagine the strength that is required of you to stand firmly by you feelings and decisions. If I could meet you I would hug you. I hope all of your family accepts you someday. I’m happy that your older cousin is so supportive. Good luck with everything

[@wangxu2155]

four...?

[@Cheesemonk3h]

when i was 10 i put on nail polish and my sisters clothes. i was curious. you know what my family did? they said 'okay, now you know' and they didn't talk about it again, and i didn't care about it again. imagine if they had taken a bunch of pictures of me, posted it on facebook, and I got praise just like Ania Bielik did up there? do you think if 10 year old me did that in 2018, i would have just forgotten about it?

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@@Cheesemonk3h stfu...

[@yarajoan841]

Please don't. I also was a tomboy and felt that I'd rather be a boy, but I simply grew out of that phase after puberty. You are too young, allow your self to live your teenage years and go through your puberty, it doesn't only changes your body but also your brain and physicology develplops and maturesduring this period. Your outlook will change, there is nothing wrong with being androgenous, and non- gender confirming ... Get off KZbin and don't let it affect your choices at this young age. There are too many detranisationers now who have transitioned at teenage years for a reason ... Do not make the same mistake Please do not rush

[@sdrrshock5594]

It’s almost like it’s all in your head!

[@searchingforwhatever]

This is so relatable, Jake! Personally, I don't think that bottom surgery is an option for me, either. And just like you, I lately realize more and more what this means for living the rest of my life. By the way, my dysphoria got worse, too, after top surgery and I talk a lot about it in my videos. It's mostly related to my chest, though. Because not even the revision gave me a result I'm happy with. So my chest dysphoria is now worse than before surgery tbh.

[@YanchisWrittenVoice]

Ive been on T for a year and a half now and my chest dysphoria is not as big but its there. I find myself tugging at my shirt more than 3 times a day. Thing is im iffy about top surgery. I can see the benefits but ive never had any surgeries before and im just scared about the drastic change. I still have my binder in case of chest dysphoria emergencies like today. Also, love ya Jake!

[@pinsmagoo604]

If you have any questions or doubts at all, you should NOT get surgery

[@YanchisWrittenVoice]

@@pinsmagoo604 thanks a lot! I appreciate it :)

[@tryingtobeeloquent]

I'm so proud of you for how far you've come.

[@jagannathaya]

I'm so glad somebody has said it. All of it. Thank you for starting this convo xx

[@MrBilly1229]

I can relate with this since I've had top surgery myself 2 months ago and now that my chest is gone I'm seeing others parts of my body now that I never paid attention to. I'm very self conscious about my bottom region now even when I am wearing a packer. I do have a tip for you my friend since you mentioned your mustache region being lighter than the rest of your beard. Use eyebrow tint to darken the hairs! Trust me it's really works and lasts about 2-3 weeks at least. You can buy the tint and make it at home, it's just like beard dye but more effective and lasting. I have a pretty full beard but the areas that are a bit patchy, I use the tint and it all blends in really well. Good luck I hope this helps! ❤️

[@jj-bv3ui]

Misleading title and comments but I understand the concept that the journey of self-help is complex/sometimes we fix one thing and find we have other projects to work on within ourselves. Like when I had my scoliosis fixed. I had a lot of pain and depression from my scoliosis but I realized after I got it fixed, I have depression in general. When I had top surgery, I felt the suffering was over and the self-renovation was beginning. I don't regret it because it helped me so much! So we as humans need to stop thinking about ourselves as finite or on a timeline. It's ok to always better ourselves. It's ok if you find out you have dysphoria later on in life or after you begin your self-help journey. Cis society is bullsht and you're not the problem, you're beautiful and good. Trans beauty is ancient and eternal. ❤️❤️❤️

[@batzy206]

Hey Jake, I’m sorry you are struggling with bottom dysphoria and packing. The way I got over the paranoia of awkward situations while packing was using a harness. If you haven’t tried this, I recommend it. Once you find a packer and harness combo that works for you it is amazing and it feels natural. I found that the large sized Archer packer and Peecock miracle jock harness works best for me. I hope this helps someone out there!❤️

[@maryhernandez9699]

Urgent therapy.

[@ilay18]

if you want to bulk up, lift weights. Cis men don't just look muscly. They have to lift... if they don't some of them will look chubby as well. (which is not a bad thing -.-)

[@Undeadpuppyprince]

Fam, same. Whenever I bind to the point that I'm happy with it it just draws attention to other parts of my body that aren't male enough, like my hips or my arms or my jaw, etc. I don't know what to do about it ;^;

[@torrinashley6076]

Maybe work out? I'm thinking of working out

[@___354]

I'm so scared I'll never be able to feel comfertable in my body.

[@beepboop9519]

___ same here in all honesty, I’m pre everything

[@ryeleigh173]

Same........

[@___354]

@@beepboop9519 same but it's not even just being pre everything, I'm more scared that even when I start my medical transition the moment I get one thing "fixed" like testosterone I'll suddenly feel severe discomfort with other parts of my body that I didn't even know I felt uncomfertbale with...like when I got my hair cut short it was such a relief but then I became alot more uncomfertbale with so many other things because they became more apparent

[@___354]

@mob yeah I know even as much as I want to take hormones and to transition right now i will take things abit slower to make sure it's not something else even tho I'm pretty sure it's gender disphoria just because since coming out and changing alot of things I have become alot more comfertable,but I have watched detrantitioning videos and the thought of getting to a point where permanent changes have happened and you want to go back but you can't terrifies me so I want to be completely sure.Thing is in the UK it's great we have the nhs but waiting lists are so long and I've been out for 2 years now and I still haven't been able to speak to a professional to able to clarify that this is what I'm feeling, because I've gone from waiting list to waiting list.And I guess there's two worries, one is that I don't want to wait too long because I don't want my body to develop even more into a female one if I want to transition to male, but obviously I should also take things slow to make sure this is what I want, so I'm kinda stuck in the middle

[@Inseut]

Same... And I'm going to start taking T this week. Oh my lord

[@burdlo4687]

I dont think it's dysphoria that's getting worse. it's just normal insecurities that a lot of guys have. some cis men just don't get much muscle. some don't grow facial hair well. some are chubby. it's not really dysphoria, it's insecurities.

[@nathansilveira1711]

Man, I promise you, if you eat properly and exercise 3x a week you will pump up those muscles !! Look for Flexible Diet, count your macros, and eat good things. I promise you'll feel healthier and stronger!

[@berniegertje5358]

I just had top surgery about a month ago. I was expecting my hip dysphoria to get worse, because I worked on imagining how my body would look. It definitely did increase. I also feel my height dysphoria more too. I think I feel the dysphoria related to testosterone effects are less intense right now because I know I haven't been on it all that long. I'm still impatient, but I know I'm not at the end of that road. The biggest thing is bottom dysphoria, partly because I'm still on the fence about surgery. I feel that you said about packing too. It draws attention to the lack of dick. I still do it sometime but yeah. Thanks for talking about this so honestly. Good luck in managing your dysphoria.

[@Alex-px5bz]

I'm so proud, do what makes you happy and stay strong

[@emhathaway5431]

Okay so normally I would say since this made his dysphoria worse this means that he is not trans but I understand how it made him focus more on his curves etc. I can understand this. But luckily those are things he can kinda fix by working out. But yea I understand

[@krrez]

I did know those things. Even before I started T two years ago. I had read some stuff on a blog called Not Another Aiden and I don't remember where I first heard it, but I have heard from other dfab people who got top surgery that it made their lower dysphoria worse. Mostly hips, but some also talked about their genitals. I think part of the reason we shy away from discussing it more openly is because we're afraid that gatekeepers will say that we shouldn't have these things. In fact TERFs and people like them already say that. I'm very grateful to people like you who speak up about these things. I know that I have to add a lot of bulk to my shoulders if I want to even come close to counterbalancing my hips and I am very lucky to be non-binary and not even trying to look unambiguously male. My bottom dysphoria is much worse than my chest dysphoria. I do prefer to pack when in public and use specialty underwear from RODEOH which I only learned about from lesbians as a source for good strap-on harnesses. But they also have underwear with pouches that keep your packer positioned correctly. I know it doesn't help everyone.

[@averytireddad]

You can still get bottom surgery. You say it's not for you, then you're sad about not having it... You can still get it.

[@Suminomenal]

I think I felt similar sometime after I had surgery two years ago. But I still wanna leave some positivity here. Because it doesn't have to be done after this! Having a flat chest highlighted how wide my hips are but since carrying myself differently, working out a bit, doing things I've never been able to do before and testosterone continuing to 'masculinize' my body further that changed over the last year. My facial hair has increased, my voice range changed a bit more, my hips have gone away a lot more, etc. and this all happened after three years on t! And just the way I see myself now and I am seen changed a lot of my own perception and possibilities for me. I started to embrace my lower area a lot more like I embrace my scars. I will never have a cis body and in the beginning that knowledge hurt like hell. But now I can live with it. I have a trans body, it's very much imperfect and beautiful. Just like every single one of you 💕

[@intuneknitter4220]

I can understand the "dysphoria" being worse after a surgery, but I think you might just be in a bit of a rut. This isn't all you can do. You can get lower surgeries that aren't a metoidioplasty or phalloplasty. Additionally, surgeries later down the road might be much improved. You're young! Don't think this is forever. I've gotten in a similar rut, because I can't afford treatments that I need to move on with transition. In fact my view on certain procedures has changed since taking hormones because now I really know their limitations in my system. Good luck!

[@Kira.Kitsune]

Hey Jake. I've been following you for years through the good and bad, and at this point in my transition, my feelings are very similar to yours. I never really experienced bottom dysphoria until other things about me changed for the better. Now it's so bad that I am considering bottom surgery even though I know the surgery is far from ideal. But I fear I will regret it or the limitations in functioning will make it worse. If I have to choose, I'd go for metoidioplasty and wait for science to come up with better, safer alteratives. Even if I'm 60 by then, I'd do it.

[@athghost2256]

Hmmmmmm maybe you should have given the money for the surgery to someone with actual dysphoria? Just a thought

[@ahkdjhaghdj7780]

He didn’t know that before his surgery. However, he did this to share his experiences and to give insight to other people. He did say in the video that it helped his chest dysphoria. And this happens to everyone really. If you have something you feel uncomfortable with yourself then you change it, but right after you do that you’re always finding something new to criticize about yourself. This is true whether you’re trans or cis.

[@87654321j]

I'm so proud of you you've come so far Jake you have always been my hero :-) btw love your outfit and hair stay strong Jake

[@gleann_cuilinn]

I just want to comment on what you said about dysphoria being the primary part of the trans experience. I'm nonbinary and I don't think I experience dysphoria the way you describe it. For me, I never really saw anything wrong with my body for itself. My feelings of discomfort with my body come from outside, not inside. Essentially, my dysphoria is social and connected to how other people perceive me, not internal and connected to how I perceive myself. I'm really glad I started doing hormones and I would like to get brow reduction surgery done, but I think that if I had been born in a society that accepted and understood my body and the person inside it, I might not feel the urge to do any of these procedures. And yes, I am really trans. I remember as young as 4 saying things like "I wish I was a girl", I wore dresses all the time, I loved it when my sister and her friends would dress me up and do my make up and hair. When I learned what being a binary trans person was, I vacillated between thinking I was a trans girl and thinking I was an effeminate boy, until I learned what being nonbinary was and everything clicked into place. Even then, it was a few years before I even considered hormones; for the longest time I was against it and thought I didn't want it, because I liked my body. I guess the discomfort with my gender being invalidated by society because of my body grew and grew, and that external force is what lead to a feeling of social dysphoria. I'm very grateful that you've been brave enough to share your experience, because it's given me a better insight into how other trans people experience dysphoria. I hope you can embrace the different way I experience it.

[@Bucherviews]

I was going to type something like this myself, but you put that really well. Thank you.

[@theemutsenfabriek]

Social dysphoria is a totally valid type of dysphoria too tho, and it sounds like that's the one you're describing

[@Kotifilosofi]

I'm in the same place with my dysphoria (I think). I'm pre-everything, and I'm so doubtful about any medical treatment because of I've never had that clear vision of wishing I had a male body, like I know some trans guys have since beginning of dysphoria. I kind of fear my appearance would go "too far" to the male side. Now I'm just on the very opposite side, my body is super feminine, to the point I can't look androgynous (let alone masculine) no matter what I wore. I wish no female sex characteristic could be recognized on my body, but transitioning to binary ftm guy wouldn't solve everything, either. If I was born AMAB, I think I'd still experience dysphoria over some male sex characteristics as well, especially if I was really masculine. If I had to choose between cis male/female, I think very feminine (to the point of bit of androgynous) male body would be my ideal. Anyhow, socially I've always been a guy, and my social dysphoria have always been quite prominent (not being considered as one of the guys is the worst for me). It just hardly ever goes to the point where I think of my body. Maybe I ignore some of my dysphoria or I'm just very good at dissociating myself from the my appearance of my body.

[@NineLuzgar]

No you're not trans and that's a good thing. You can wish you're a girl for a lot of different reason, like, you know, wearing dresses without being considered a sicko, but if the discomfort comes from outside, this isn't gender dysphoria, but just problems because you're GNC in a society that pushes gender roles on us. Social dysphoria in trans people comes related to physical dysphoria, because it's the reminder of being born in the wrong body, simple as that. Being "trans" at a young age really doesn't exist, it comes at puberty with dysphoria, as most GNC children who grow aren't trans but most of the time, just homosexuals in most cases.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@@Kotifilosofi I'm also pre everything, cool. Also didn't grow up thinking about any of this stuff because I was so distracted as a kid, and uncomfortable because of stuff I hope to sort out with an autism diagnosis. The fact I grew up with all this discomfort about stuff, and also my imagination doesn't work like other people's, stopped me from understanding myself as a kid but after 5 years of getting uncomfortable about sex, relationships, so many things about my body and social stuff too I'm absolutely certain about what I need to do. 😊

[@forestfreeman1600]

Comments saying its post op depression, idk it only lasts a bit past the surgery. I think the dysphoria was in your brain but you couldnt see it till you fixed the main problem. I had top surgery and i feel u been focusing on my legs and hips way too much. Idk if theres a "cure" for it besides learning more about trans bodies and realizing whats societal norms trigger it. Youve come so far, acceptance is the next step. Also ur beard and stashe are eating❤❤❤

[@Nova-jj6ov]

I know dysphria can't be fixed threw therapy, but I still would recommend therapy if you're in the financial place to do such because the therapist can help you find ways to cope with it. And if nothing else be someone to listen to you. Best of luck. And congrats on top surgery.

[@chivistar]

Thank you for your honesty, I really needed to hear this.

[@alecrobbins3989]

Try minoxidil for the facial hair!!

[@sunmarsh]

I'm a cis guy and my facial hair started growing in at around 13-14. At 28 I'm still filling in patches... verrrrry slowly. Also ear hair is now a thing. fml I guess what I mean to say is, don't give up hope yet!

[@speciauxability]

i dont agree with a lot of ur opinions but i can appreciate how much i relate in the way my dysphoria affects me

[@jaypeg7618]

Maybe now you’ve started T and had top surgery the next step is (if you are able to) to try to enjoy your body now and focus on the positive parts of your body instead of what you dislike - this might feel impossible after hating it for so long (i know i would find it really really difficult) Also you never know in the future there might be new bottom surgery options that may change your mind or that particular dysphoria might become easier to handle as you get older! Just wanted to say you are great and ily ❤️

[@myrkflinn4331]

Yup, this is where I was prepared for gladly. chest sucks however, it balanced out the 'bone' of my body and the chubby ass I have. Now, I go to do a serious workout 3 times a day to focus on these areas to get as much balance and bulk as possible within my range. Then, when top surgery does maybe one day happen, I'm more likely to be satisfied with everything else matching with it. But my psychologist does tell me too to not just think of the transgender topic. I have to also focus on other things, or this will absorb me until it's over and I'm..... empty instead of fulfilled

[@ebellyfish4256]

Thank you for sharing. Currently the US White House is trying to write gender non-comforming people out of existence. Your willingness to open up in a public forum I think helps to remind everyone that we are real, human, people. Stay strong, and I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. And thanks again for highlighting some of the less often talked-about challenges people might face.

[@suleydaman]

Testosterone is like a drug. Makes you feel confident and great especially compared to estrogen. But that great feeling won't last

[@ratcanine4053]

Personally i think being pre everything ive kinda used my other body issues to cover up dysphoria and its kinda works but its not a good thing and now im trying my best to do everything can to feel better ab myself dysphoria and other body issues i start caring less ab my stomach and realizing im not as ugly as ive always told myself i am it may be bc i feel like im more passing but ive felt better dysphoria is still their but i have to deal with that as it comes and i just need to be optimistic like that im going to get on t soon and im very exited for it i do not really thik ill have this sort of experience considering the way I already feel

[@user-rn1ix9or3f]

Don't know if this helps you. But even the members in the same family (like parents-children) still don't look like each other. My dad and mum have a bit of hair on their legs but I have much more hair on my legs than they do

[@leilanim7338]

This sounds like post op depression. But also, saying that you don’t like your arms & stomach doesn’t have much to do with being trans. Just means you’re not doing any work outs to fix those problems. But besides that, good luck.

[@redvelvet1381]

You could have post op surgical body dysporia. Which is common

[@averyshepherd4462]

Pre-T my voice was my biggest source of dysphoria. When I started testosterone and it started dropping (it still is dropping) my chest dysphoria is much much worse. Even though it's difficult for me to bind due to medical issues, I've been binding a lot more because the dysphoria is worse than the chest pain it causes.

[@catherinehart3775]

My brother is 44 and has less facial hair than you! You have an awesome beard!! Sorry to hear you have depression but you are strong and brave and wonderful and keep going!

[@trinitylivingston1286]

That's what I fear! What I fear is that when/if I get top surgery, I might have worse dysphoria!

[@josef6379]

I just have to say that I love your shirt! I think I'm going to start watching your videos a lot, you seem like a cool person.

[@user-xy4ff5yp7b]

If it helps, the body image issues (arms, facial hair, muscle, etc) are common to cis men also!

[@tpclique5236]

I think its normal to feel this, but it will get better

[@honeydoodles4]

Thank you so much for talking about this!

[@romanking3547]

im a dude and u have a better beard than me

[@emppuv6083]

"Because I'm apparently very good at just ignoring my feelings" I wish I was too

[@wesliemartin9165]

Are your brothers older than you? When did they start getting full faces of beards and when did they start puberty? Just because you don't have as full of facial hair as them doesn't mean you never will. Even though I'm 22, I'm just over 9 months on T so in terms of puberty I match up with like a 13 or 14 year old boy. It will take a while for my hormones to match up with what they would be if I was born with natural producing testosterone. Plus my father didn't get a beard until he was in his 30s, so I'm probably stuck without facial hair until at least then. Hormonal changes are incredibly different person to person and can change based on lots of things. You could still very well go through lot's more changes.

[@teddyr1718]

I got top surgery about a week or two after you did (14th of sept), and I understand completely where you’re coming from. I feel AWESOME about my chest and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but sometimes I look at myself in a shirt or whatever and go huh, I still don’t look how I want to. I think a lot of it for me is that I’ve had a really difficult relationship with my body in regards to curves and fat, and while I’m not an overweight person, I have areas of fat that really bother me. This is heightened for me because all I want to do is /exercise/, and I love running, but atm I don’t feel comfy enough to run after top surgery as I’m only 4 weeks post of and I don’t wanna mess anything up. So that’s sort of heightening some of what I don’t like about my body, but I spose the thing it’s made me more dysphoric about is probably my hips, and thighs. Like I was feeling good enough about my body after surgery that I bought the first pair of skinny jeans I’ve owned since I was still IDing as female, and I just was not happy because they made me look like a girl. For me it hasn’t really heightened bottom dysphoria more than usual, which is really lucky, because dysphoria sucks. But yeah. I’m at the same point. I don’t want phallo, meta is more appealing than phallo but not ideal either, I may get a hysterectomy because I hate the idea of having the parts inside me that I do, but other than that, I’m done, and I just gotta let T and recovery do it’s thing

[@MartinDenStore]

I've experienced gender dysphoria most of my life, and therapy absolutely alleviated it. But I had to decide that I didn't want to go the trans-route. :o

[@Carrotcakefan]

I'm affraid that when i start transitioning i'll keep wanting more changes, and it will cause more and more dysphoria. And i can't afford bottom surgery. Wont be able to afford it like ever.

[@kingofpopmichaeljman]

What you’re describing about your arms and stomach sounds like dysmorphia more so than dysphoria. Dysmorphia is essentially dysphoria that doesn’t have to do with your gender

[@ZiggyBredhauer]

that's not correct. (body) dysphoria is discomfort and a rift between gender and body, but dysmorphia is a psychological incorrect perception of your body in which the body parts in question are exaggerated/reduced/altered by the mind

[@Inseut]

If you feel like your arms are too feminine and wanted them to look more masculine, it can be dysphoria.

[@ellibean5937]

@@ZiggyBredhauer It doesn't have to be inaccurate or exaggerated perception. It can also include totally accurate perception with obsessive focus on the trait.

[@ronne.8860]

It is dysphoria the way he is describing it, top surgery moved his focus to other parts of his body he didn't find masculine enough. This obviously includes bottom dysphoria aswell. This doesn't mean he regrets getting top surgery done just that it makes other things more prominent.

[@3r7s]

arms, stomach, facial hair.. i don't think that counts into "gender dysphoria". i think you should draw a line there. many XY men have the same issues. these are among regular issues people - women or men - that are discontent with their physical features have. this is not directly related to being trans.

[@faabyy21]

While dysphoria cant go away, therapy can help you cope with it and help you work on your thoughts during a triggering situation, like sex, so you can feel safe and okay.

[@wrmlm37]

Dude. I, too, had only brothers. I, too, had body dysphoria. Mine was because, at a very, very young age, like 6 or 7, I was exposed to the ideal woman, through their magazines, which weren't hidden. Maybe your dysphoria is NOT about being trans... not going into MY story cuz it's the INTERNET, but your concerns sound familiar, if not exactly the same.

[@mnaftw]

You just don't know what kinds of medical innovation might come along, you are young, maybe you aren't doomed to dysphoria forever. Just try one day at a time and do the best you can

[@theblacksworde]

Are you accessing psychological therapies as well as medical ones? You look great to me and you are very brave

[@puercorvus1114]

Thank you for the vid. It's been about eight years now, that I'm 100% sure that the top-surgery is what I want in my life, that it is my transition goal. Those feellings scare me, I mean, not enough to quit it, but now, two months left to that moment, I find myself thinking what is my life going to even be about. And I know, that life's happening all the time, but as long as I don't tend to have any role models in my transition, nor in my life, nobody really brought this topic directly to me before you did through this video. Thank you very much for talking about it. I hope your life's good. Have a nice day.

[@runningraven]

Hi Jake, gender dysphoria absolutely can be alleviated via therapy because in the end it's about accepting what is. The problem is many therapists are afraid to offer the type of therapy that could actually help because at first glance it sounds non-affirmative. Like, accepting (and ultimately even loving) what _is_, not what we _want to be_. I'm saying this not as a trans person, but as a woman who's suffered with general body dysphoria (almost) her whole life. Some things we can change, others we cannot. That's okay. Finally realizing that my thoughts, my inner convictions, etc. held me back for the longest time was eye opening. Now, at 45, I finally love myself enough to actually care for this one body I have. I hope you get there and aren't taken aback by what I said. It's 100% meant in a friendly, trying to help way. 💙

[@manicepisodes6290]

Jakey- I would always always think to myself that you had an A GAME BEARD!! It must be awful to feel discomfort surround that part of your body, especially as it's your face. I have my birth mark on my cheek that I hated hated hated every day of my life as a teenager when I started getting teased, but now I LOVE IT! It makes me unique and it's just a perfectly normal part of my face. Basically I just want to reiterate that I think you're gorgeous and you have a great beard, lol. Lots of love to you sweetheart xxxxx

[@ouchie7376]

hi jake im a 13 yr old agender person and your an inspiration to me

[@AndroidInHumansClothing]

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much dysphoria right now, I know it must be very hard to deal with. Thank you, though, for sharing your experience honestly with us. I personally think that not all dysphoria will stay forever when you can't do anything physically about it. I think we have, sometimes, options in the sense that changing how we think about our bodys, especially if it's influenced by cis-het-standarts, can in some cases lead to a decrease in dysphoria through acceptance. Not to tell you that you only need to think posite and everything will be fine, of course. dysphoria is such a weird topic in and of itself, given the fact that it can fluctuate a lot naturally. Take care ♥

[@duckhandsx]

Im not far in the process of transitioning, but i recently got my first binder, its a gc2b, fits me perfectly, i wear it whemever i go out. But, behind all that, it gives me major dysphoria. Not because i like my.boobs, but because i feel like it doesnt flatten me, and it makes me pay a lot of attention to myself and get worked up. Idk how everyone else sees me in it, but its because of my dysphoria i feel like ill never be flat, and ill never have the body i want, and im almost certain im not the only one

[@cherishtheday2223]

Honestly, I can tell that you’re still young, but I do want to say that what you’re experiencing is quite normal. When we hate our bodies, our appearance, no amount of surgery will fix that, unfortunately. I don’t say this to be mean, I say this because I feel like people need to hear that. These days, it’s so easy to change something about our bodies. It’s gotten to the point where the idea of building love and gratitude for our bodies the way they are is quite controversial. But I do have to say that learning to love my body has given me a confidence that others don’t understand. They think, “do you not see your flaws?” I do, but I’ve learned over time to accept and love them because if I don’t I will be changing my body until the day I die. Just some food for thought. I know the journey’s hard, definitely harder for some than others, and I wish you the best of luck on yours.

[@pinkelephant4591]

I just wanted to mention that I know a feel guys that grow patchy beards dispite the fact that everyone in their family have really full and thick beards.

[@user-hg6qx2sz3o]

That’s so fucking true. I feel that so bad. I’m getting top surgery in February next year and I already know I’ll be focused on my bottom dysphoria because I already am suffering but now it’s more focused on my chest. It’s like my problems are on a playlist and once one is solved the next comes. It hurts that it never really ends, I’m scared I’ll never feel 100% inner peace.

[@MosesLakeHomes]

There is a trans man who had bottom surgery at Riley Hospital. I think her name is Brittnie and had an interview with Candace Owens, who was very sympathetic and compassionate in her interview with her. She is happy to be trans, but having bottom surgery has been devastating to her. Surgery didn't alleviate what's going on in the heart and mind.