Tour Bus Quarantine: NOLA to LA

[@shelbygorka9739]

“We’re quarantining ourselves on the tour bus” *touches everything at target*

[@davidbailey7221]

This guy is traveling across America spreading his germs.....Stop him.

[@danielpenrodii2389]

He is just going across America spreading the Coronavirus, diabetes, and racism. The holy Bert trinity!

[@birdinandshroomin]

and the gas station

[@titusorelius9458]

And touching his face afterwards....

[@hollyholy641]

^---- This mentality is exactly why there's a self quarantine in place today. #GodHelpUsAll

[@saint2758]

Kid: “Tell me a joke” Bert: “When I was 22 I was involved with the Russian Mafia.”

[@FatVader69]

Im the MACHINE!

[@bobjob66]

I feel like subconsciously that was like bert going...well here's my best most known thing...if he doesnt no this...no fucking chance...

[@icamehungry2860]

"I dont really get it"

[@mikerichardson1441]

Legit lost it right then!!!! Bawhaha

[@devin4950]

hahahahah such a great line

[@feralbunnydonut8495]

I lost it when he started the machine story with the kid

[@2m7b5]

And it still didn't click for him haha

[@forbin1185]

That kid was probably still pissing in pull-ups when that video went viral

[@Williamtipq]

Hahahahahahhahaa

[@jeremiahbachmann3901]

He crashed and burned with that little group.

[@FordTerrill]

My kids all know about... the machine.

[@mynameismichaellive3898]

I was expecting the cop to just go “so I hear your the machine”

[@OfficialDropRate]

he probably asked for the machine. Thats why the driver was laughing his ass off

[@soarindragon603]

Tonight, you party with us!

[@je__.]

dudee that would be epic 😂😂

[@OmeroGuerrero]

Bert walks around like he’s waiting for someone to notice him 😂

[@R3troZone]

Dude. I have thousands of followers between my KZbin, and Twitch channels and I've been recognized at the grocery store. It is freaky as hell when it happens, I can't imagine what it's like to be as famous as Bert and going out in public.

[@66048riker]

@@R3troZone I have zero followers on any of these deals but would be occasionally recognized from my job in neighboring towns. Was a little weird/creepy but also not too terrible lol. Bert appears to be such a sweet person though and kind to his fans. It must be exhausting for him at times.

[@CabinDweller]

Hahaha so true

[@Phillyfan36]

I was hoping the first comment would be about how he walks, that was the first thing I noticed.

[@curefied]

@@R3troZone if its freaky why do you do it.

[@autizzzmo5649]

I love that Bert asked him for a picture instead of vice versa. That’s huge respect

[@Gonzo4Ever]

Boy: Are you a KZbinr Bert: No I'm a comedian Boy: Damn..

[@TheFarmacySeedsNetwork]

That was pretty funny... Bert all insulted. :grin:

[@Tooflower]

Who likes beans In the MTV generation it was rock stars.

[@fareedrahimi3668]

Boy: are you a jilly jally Bert: no I'm a watermelon sunset Boy: damn..

[@chrism45]

@@Tooflower it's whatever is popular. youtube gets billions of views

[@bakerslounge]

Virtual fans > Real fans

[@ArizonaCowboys]

Seeing this side of Bert makes me love him more. A real guy dealing with awkward/funny moments with kids. You are super nice to people. Huge respect

[@bandana4814]

You're just teasing us Bert, these need to be 20 minutes minimum lol

[@Billdynamite47]

That kid was just dying to break into a Fortnite dance

[@southport65]

i don't know what that is, but i liked your comment because i recognized in the young lad that he had something up his sleeve should the interaction have gone according to his plan.

[@sojeda09]

🤣

[@Hatingmeisconforming]

Bert walks like a tall version of The Penguin from Batman 89'.

[@93Enthusiast]

It’s Batman

[@Hatingmeisconforming]

@@93Enthusiast no..its bertman

[@paulholloway8885]

Penguin wasn't in the first Batman. You're thinking of Batman Returns.

[@Tib-yu8hi]

Hating me is conforming kzbin.info/www/bejne/jpeomYJ3es56Y5o

[@lilitulee]

Lmao that exchange with the kid was so painful

[@joseph1845]

He should have just said sorry I don't do requests

[@susie7336]

Bert walks like he’s just been introduced and headed to the wrestling ring.

[@Bibbly53]

The world of entertainment is a wrestling ring and tbh he is a champion.

[@Heopful]

He walks around like hes looking for his mom

[@kaelynmichelle4887]

I was supposed to go to the New Orleans show for my birthday that weekend. We drove 4 hours and literally walked to the theater and saw the signs that it was cancelled. I was devastated. My boyfriend said we’re going to try to make it to the rescheduled show. Bert, you’re literally our favorite comedian! You’re the first show we ever watched together as a couple. I cannot wait to see you in June! Stay safe!! 😊

[@lilitulee]

Whenever he gets excited and say 'reeeaalllyyy?' my day is made

[@trentonkofod469]

If you are having a bad day or you are sad or just depressed . I'm 190% sure bert could cheer you up and make you laugh . Bert at his lowest point could t still make someone super depressed laugh . Love this guy and only comedian I want to me in person

[@yungterv198]

When he busted out the machine story to the kid 😂😂😂

[@GREVIEWS02]

Dont bust near a kid

[@natedogg5664]

LoL!! Bert walks funny!!! But I still love him!!

[@Nope54321]

Should have been doing tour vlogs the whole time surprised it just starting now

[@MrEL91N]

No name Mystic me too. I think Berts just now really understanding what a beast KZbin and vlogging are. Hopefully that means he does more cus this sort of stuff is my favourite stuff of his. Seeing Bert just being Bert is the best.

[@Taurusus]

Bert walks like it's his first time in front of a camera and someone said, "Just walk natural".

[@flex_piper]

*Bert:* "Daddy's home". Immediately proceed's walking toward his refrigerator

[@LlamaComma]

Boy: "Are you a youtuber?" Bert: "No, I am The Machine"

[@hennessydrew735]

Yo burt i saw your bus when you were in New Mexico parked at the lota burger next to Rudy's on Carlisle and i40. Yall were already taken off so i didnt stop but i did see yall out here.🤟

[@MartyRayProject]

Haha! “Are you a KZbinr?” “No?” “Tell is a joke funny man!”

[@thepremiergabe6778]

I'm from Las Cruces, glad you enjoy our sunsets but my man LC is in New Mexico😂

[@RickyIckyFitts]

Yeah and the gas station they were at is in Anthony! Lol

[@treetrain]

Bert, doubt you'll ever see this, but hope ya' do, just so ya' know how much what you do means to people. and thru this past year, been thru a bunch of health stuff, started working out, running, listen to you and Tom and Burr's podcasts, all ya' guys together with Dr. Drew, your wife's, as I run and work out, and that kool aid and tom's dance video episode where he shared it with ya', hardest I've ever laughed, anyways, I'm rambling, but ya' got me thru this all with so much joy. I mean sometimes I'd be doing bench presses and you'd make me laugh so hard I almost dropped it ahahaha you all are the best and I just want to thank you. Love ya' Bert

[@R3troZone]

Okay the overlook music from the shining was a nice touch

[@zachmackeigan4552]

One badass video Bert! Laughed every second. You and the boys going to stores/gas stations should be an hour long Netflix special ahaha.

[@jc6403]

Bert “I’m staying off of social media” Kreisher

[@Tib-yu8hi]

J C kzbin.info/www/bejne/jpeomYJ3es56Y5o

[@Thuebner1104]

Burnt “I never drink on stage” KKKreesher

[@danielpenrodii2389]

He stays off of social media like he stays away from booze.

[@mickeyleslie2149]

The Sunsets in New Mexico are the best.. every day you don't know what to expect.

[@WorldsWorstE]

this is definitely gold man,make more shit like this.."tell us a joke".hahaha...good stuff

[@w7w7w7w7w7]

"Do you sell a lot of the canes?" killed me

[@brandonkoff]

I'm a truck driver. We'll buy those canes to use for tire thumpers and just to have a long stick when walking through truck stop at night.

[@swiftslick]

Bert shops like a 10 year old with his papa's wallet.

[@deadeyes2803]

thats what youd expect from a comedian that gets decent money

[@YogiliciousP]

Oh...that’s how one quarantines! I’ve been doing it all wrong. Step one: start at COVID19 ground zero. Step two: take tour bus across the rest of America w stops at Targets, truck stops, and the like along the way...oh & w high frequency touches 😂 Bert is the Bomb...love his performances!

[@joshuamatthew6040]

"Tell us a joke" procedes to recite the "I am the machine" story almost pissed my self 😂

[@erict9324]

That's a 20 minute bit. It would have been funny to see how long that kid stayed to listen to it.

[@GK-qc5ry]

Mu-sheen!

[@chancereynolds5528]

6:32 Colorado gets this a little bit also during the summer, its very beautiful.

[@expertexcavatinginc]

Bert quarantine: go to truck stops, target, and shake hands with random cops/fans and proceed to not wash hands afterwards. Mmmkay.

[@SuperHoneyOil]

Don't forget lots of drinking to suppress the immune system, thats key.

[@TyLockton]

A hundred years from now his claim to fame will be as this centuries Typhoid Mary: Covid Berty.

[@jakekelly3044]

This was last week I think. On his IG stories he’s been home for a while now

[@Decibel1025]

Bert, love the humor with "The Shinning" theme song at the beginning of the video!!! This is why I love your sense of humor!

[@JSalonsky]

“Can you tell us a joke” “When I was 22 I got involved with the Russian mob”

[@misteress3840]

Met Burt after a show and he’s a super nice guy. All the best to Bert and congrats on his special!

[@jgtl1000s]

Why Bert acting like he's a Target shopper... We know he belongs in a Walmart

[@lukasrydelius6174]

jgtl1000s kmart

[@Fire_Marshall_Bill]

Dollar general. That's where the fat racist shop.

[@kingg1044]

Eric Cartman You must be new here.

[@kingg1044]

Eric Cartman as opposed to benignly racist? One of his Netflix specials is a 90 minute monologue of mein kampf. Try it out

[@kingg1044]

Eric Cartman ✌️🤣

[@SFTS7483]

This guy is genuine love it! And his wife is awesome!!

[@realtalkwiththeking7862]

Bert making sure they have "Enough" Tito's for the ride home. Lol Not food, not water, not TP, but Tito's. 😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@Auggie420]

I love that you guys just get pulled over just because he's a huge fan that's a great thing I love how you offered take picture with him and everything even though all this stupid Corona crap is going on love you man keep it up

[@alfredosantana1216]

How dare they do that to the machine.

[@wolfmarine5955]

facts

[@nixdapogs]

Stay home, Bert and keep safe. We’ll just keep watching you and the others’ specials in Netflix in the meantime.

[@emmanuelarellano8762]

3:58 I think its Las Cruces, New Mexico not Texas. 🤓

[@gaara66126]

Emmanuel Arellano lol I was looking to see if someone made the comment 😂

[@RickyIckyFitts]

Thank you for posting this comment! And actually the gas station he was at is Love's located in Anthony, TX. Lol its right on the border of TX and NM so I guess I can see why he got confused.

[@impslap7620]

@@RickyIckyFitts Indeed!!

[@jaredgafka3424]

I feel your pain man. I was doing sound on tour and while we were in Kentucky we were told that our NY stops had cancelled. That day we were also told that we would probably do the next 2 weeks and cut a 3 month tour down to 2 and a half. An hour went by and we were told that that night was actually our last show, and they had plotted for the bus to head back to Sacramento. We in the entertainment industry people are hurting really badly right now. what makes it even worse is that if we were the first to go we will probably be the last to come back once all this is over. BTW, our diets on tour are the same lol

[@noahgreene7565]

Jared Gafka better to be safe though, I’m sure you guys will bounce back.

[@starrshepherd6037]

Think the kid realized Bert was famous when he walked outside and saw the tour bus?

[@ryanhanson4549]

That or because (what i think) the guy with the camera following him.

[@jontee3183]

Thanks for the shout out to service workers. We really need that right now.

[@tacobelltoilet6098]

I love you bert I hate that your tour has been cancelled.

[@douglaskalberg8899]

You'll thank him when people start dropping like flies.

[@INVERTEDBUKAKI]

@@douglaskalberg8899 nobody died nobody got hurt

[@asteroiddropper]

@Justin Hickey The case fatality rate is predicted to be much worse than the flu though. There's a reason Italy shut down and everything in the US is starting to shut down. This never happened with any outbreak of the flu. The reason is medical professionals are advising governments to do this because it is serious. People shouldn't panic but you acting like nothing is going on is worse than people overreacting.

[@ChickenWings103]

@Justin Hickey compare deaths from Lombardy, Italy to any other cause of death in the region. tell us if flu is worse that CoViD there.

[@cyclitimb3336]

@@douglaskalberg8899 Coronavirus is long way away from killing people like flies. I get that the tour had to be canceled though

[@timdr3730]

He Soo nice to these random people we need more sweet people like him ❤️

[@sumguy8]

Next special: This one time I got a cop fired...

[@shabbychic2.0]

Lmao! 😂 I LOVE IT!!!Definitely gonna catch heat for "my opinion." Yeah but anyways, THANK YOU cuz I really needed that. Besides, it didn't look like that even crossed his mind ya know?

[@tommyreed1707]

As a person who has worked berts shows, and know how much he loves to make sure we the employees are making money, I know he is serious. He does more than any other comedian to make sure the people working at those venues leave happy and if anything ready for tomorrow.

[@aaront6727]

“Can you tell us a joke” Me: don’t do it don’t do it don’t d- “When I wa-“ NO

[@brendenschultz4874]

Super trooper 2 moment at the end except the dude didn’t get thrown out of the back of the bus, you love to see it!

[@acrispysprite8559]

No one: Bert: I'm totally cool with wearing women's clothes.

[@courtyardlascruces4704]

It's Las Cruces, NM, fam. Also, the lady who makes your travel arrangements is an absolute gem. Really enjoyed chatting with her as we got you set up. :)

[@Desert_Misfit]

Courtyard Las Cruces I was like WAIT DOESNT HE MEAN NM?! 😂

[@TommyRandall]

Bert I love you like a relative that lives out of state

[@ST-vu3ph]

The satisfaction of a properly snapped dip can is unrivaled. Thank you Bert, pack away.

[@agentdvois]

I died laughing at thag whole interaction with the kid. I'd like to think that one day when he grows up and finds this video he'll be rofl

[@deanguitars15]

As someone who's lived in or near Las Cruces, NM my entire life seeing that TX after the comma hurt. That truck stop is in Anthony, TX. lol

[@estebanmelendez6214]

Puro Anthony cana!

[@hunterjohnson8200]

I love seeing people like him living the best life they could have provided for themselves. Good job man.

[@Kaylin1960]

Thanks for being so kind to our Police officer's!! You made his day for sure!!

[@avoidantbehavior]

3:18 I ask myself that everytime I go into target.

[@lancephillips8015]

Bert is just funny. Keep it up!! One of my favourite comedians

[@daniel3030ha]

Seems like Bert does not really get how social distancing works xD

[@robertojustiniano3967]

Bert you need to do more stuff like this ! Love the vids of y’all behind the scenes moving and shaking.

[@alexdaman.]

It’s criminal that this channel doesn’t have more than a mill subs.

[@undinism69]

As Bert said on Steve O podcast, he sells out what he wants to, he's happy. Plus KZbin is weird now, subs actually aren't a huge impact on views due to KZbin algorithm and recommendation.

[@matthewburciaga8786]

Well .... he is a comedian

[@mychoclabwinston]

Bill and Burt, 2 of the best ever, day to day comedy we all think about, but afraid to mention

[@dragonslayer69420]

My finger muscles moved faster and i involuntarily clicked on this vid.

[@bluntman8369]

Its fate, Burnt Chrysler is such a funny comedian. Watch burt kreisher answers the internet if your want to see him work magic. Lol

[@PissBreakSupervisorOleHopkins]

@@bluntman8369 omg thank you I'm only 3 mins in and it's funny as shit

[@milakos6973]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/i4Pclaake7uBfZo 🤣

[@joshacollins84]

And so, Bill V, was it a disappointment or did you enjoy..... yourself?

[@zford33]

This is the content I need in my life. Bert, the travel vlog needs to be a thing. Im here for it!

[@frigginmustardtiger7740]

Bert, I watched you on Steveo’s podcast. That’s cool you’re friends with Steveo and a fan of Jackass. And also don’t feel like you have to keep drinking because that’s what your fans expect; if you’re happier being sober then go for it. It’s not going to make you lose fans or anything

[@maverickwyattlee3416]

Friggin Mustard Tiger I agree. The machine is the machine. Quite drinking. Be happier if that’s what does it. Live longer.

[@hiphopfaerie]

No, Bert, watermelon sunsets are ONLY in NM where you can see the Sandia mountains. Because, en espanol, "Sandia" means "watermelon" when translated into English ♡♡♡

[@iplayinthedirt]

Quarantine vlog: spends the whole thing in stores touching things and taking pictures with people

[@Binx75075]

Bert, you are amazing. Thank you for being such a cool guy!

[@king-chaka-chaka7405]

Start vlogging again please

[@king-chaka-chaka7405]

Pleeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeeeee

[@tallguytrucker5956]

I'm a trucker. that loves truckstop was actually in Anthony,TX. I've been there many times. Love your comedy

[@hrock8081]

Las Cruces is in New Mexico. I’m sure the 12 people that live there are going to be offended.

[@jk-76]

That place is pretty big for the area. Lots of money.

[@Professor_GonZo]

r/whoosh

[@MorningRichard]

Not offended! ALL 12 PEOPLE are good with it!

[@jaypruitt3722]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Las_Cruces,_New_Mexico Good call on the population being 12

[@charliebrown7686]

That was awesome!!!! That's the Bert I love to see!!

[@JohnDaddy9000]

Walkin around pickin up random shit during a pandemic might as well have just licked the hospital door handle BERT

[@micjr21]

Sorry to here about the tour being postponed, was really looking forward to it

[@westcoast1776]

cop pulls you over cause he's a "fan"? the future is going to be interesting....

[@southernragenga]

I'm a trucker and have spent alot of years eating truck stop junk food and have to tell you those bacon strips are actually pretty good but just one is not enough! They are kind of wierd to eat but it makes you want to eat more!

[@pipermarie8393]

“They made the plus size one look sloppy” 😩

[@cmoore421]

Nevada sunsets are beautiful as well. Love the desert

[@davidurdahl6656]

What podcast is he doing on the bus? Thought I listened to all one hundred of his different podcasts already...

[@christivncvstro1118]

David Urdahl bertcast

[@gypsydanger3212]

Bert picking out road trip snacks reminds me of me. That bacon stuff is amazing and so is the jerky chew

[@jacobmorris2808]

Hey bert I’m from Texas and I just wanted you to know that las cruces is in New Mexico

[@waveygravey30]

Because anybody gives a shit?

[@ninjamaster127]

BERT WAS IN SAN ANTONIO AND I MISSED HIM GOD DAMN IT!!! NOBODY EVER COMES TO OUR AWFUL TOWN AND I MISSED HIM! BERT PLEASE HAVE A SHOW IN THE 210 NEXT TIME!!!!

[@24555brent]

"Everything vegetarian, everything vegan is still here" Yea I found that out the ward way, went to the store and that's literally all there was for me to buy.

[@billiammontgomery720]

I would watch a full length doc of this. Also, Bert has a nice bus, and even nicer hats.

[@SkylerGrahamHenry]

Brent values Uncrustables more than his family

[@Noneyabiz001]

I can’t wait for Saturday night looking forward to seeing you at the Starlight Drive In in Butler Pa

[@gwartard]

A whole video without one "N" word. You're doing better.

[@RangerAzmyth]

This is really awesome and definitely needed. Thanks Burt!!!

[@evanbichon1809]

HA I don’t really get it 😂 he’s the machine!

[@patagonia816]

I like that he played music from The Shining as he entered Target. Nice 😆👌

[@lifefordummies]

Wow I am old as f. "Are you a KZbinr" was his way of asking "are you famous?"

[@goopenstein5920]

I worked your Connecticut show and it was single handily the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Happy I got to see it before they were canceled