Toxic Parenting - Unmasked, Unedited, Unwatchable

[@bluntforcetanya]

please don't stop making videos like this due to the dismissive parents commenting. that's precisely the reason adults like you & I need others like us to validate our experiences & relate with.

[@etcwhatever]

Oh yeah i think Orion should make even more un edited videos and give these "parents" a taste of autistic peoples opinion.

[@laynahodgson4994]

I mean globally. I share the passion. My parents are in denial about anything being *wrong* with them Infact when I challenge as our what the British late and great Queen Elizabeth once stated as "recollections may vary" Public policy of don't agree nor disagree I had a hard cast from being honest to Dutch people. I had a full black man in the house. He was labelled a criminal. I was labelled a lunatic as I'm more verbal AUD-HD Try and make a 50 year old Orien British be quiet when she is convinced of something. It's the special interest and passion project of human rights. Equal rights No NOT black lives. ALL lives and hands that are broken by Dutch policemen who do NOT have trauma based training. The Dutch break rules. They hide in gray areas. They have NO national autism policy. If you have intolerant parents who are playing out version of a war threw childhood. A narcissist family secret. Where the kids are pitted off against each other Wow..... I got diagnosed dual ADHD and autism. When tested by what I would call an *expert* A fellow neurodivergent Psychologist from America. I met with him at 3am and we shared ab understanding His message and the resources he shared with me reassure me I'm autistic. More than I am ADHD. I masked my autism behind the copied mask(s) The social chameleon, always anxious and desperate to fit in and be liked and seem "normal" Massive imposter syndrome. When you're shamed for becoming an adult. Relentlessly criticised , totally anxious. Parents too busy with the balance of power in the household. Parents not ready for the responsibility I am part of the lost generation The toe walking Silent special imaginary worlds Saying a lot. Yet know one seems to try either When you tell them that you were one of those head banging kids on school buses I was the naughty clever girl that hung around with the boys from age 4 until age 50. I became so good at masking for being shamed and bullied When I'm myself, I'm told I'm uncorrectable. Why should I be corrected for being myself. I see the world differentlym I like the most complex problems as a complex person I'm verbose like Orien, I fight though additionally with my autism conflicting with my ADHD when I'm dysregulated Omg

[@laynahodgson4994]

The ability to recall memories totally accurately. Despite constant gaslighting. DESPITE constant gaslighting. You get angry, you get sad. You feel the weight of the world of neurodivergent problems You keep putting yourself through it. In order to help others Yet we are autistic. Not NARCISSISTIC broken things. We live life they way we feel. We are different. Thanks Orion for inspiring me again to be my genuine self Everyday when I feel chronic pain and shame and anxiety. I have to do more and more repeats of trauma stress medication to feel even slightly not tense Lifes a rollercoaster when you let your true inner autistic person out. Yet I love being honest finally and trying and trying to not care Everyday getting a bit more comfortable being ME I hope my parents do one day learn or even try. If they met me half way it would make the difference It's at gray rocking with extra tumble weed. A new variant of COVID, which creates zombies

[@laynahodgson4994]

Punitive parenting and karenistic is fabulous verbosity

[@laynahodgson4994]

From 30 mins onwards 2 parents whose behaviour is so traumatising them. I had to go no contact as a VERY late diagnosed female adult She thought I MUST be muzzled and force medicated as I'm bad and then my values are bad Then I'm a narcissist. My friends hate me as I grew balls and protected myself when I unmasked at 49. To go to the family home in the UK makes me feel literally sick I have chronic anxiety. From emotional abuse from every blocked childhood memory Healing from childhood emotional trauma as a previously highly functioning autistic female In the 80s the autistic people took special needs buses They also had gardening glasses whilst their peers took exams in the gymnasium People who laugh at them. They were all boys. The other neurodivergent kids were given crash helmets as he would bang his head on the wall Jesus things have come so far. Yet they still fail so miserably In this day and age with this level of access to information. Willfull ignorance is the worst

[@cilismoniker7322]

I'm a late diagnosed adult myself. My community had seen anxiety, depression and failing grades despite having an above average IQ. They deemed me "unspecified learning disorder" because they didn't yet get the memo that you could be autistic and still communicate as of the mid 1980s. I dropped out of school because of physical violence, emotional abuse, etc. Learned to drive a decade later than most. Earned a GED and went to college a decade late on both fronts. An "adult diagnosis" at any point would have got miles and miles with helping me find providers and find therapy tailored to helping someone like me catch up. The person that commented that adult diagnosis doesn't have value is an absolute short sighted jerk. Autism with communication is a diagnosis less than 100 years old. Half the autistics out there alive today missed the freaking bus on appropriate parenting and support, and that trauma inhibits us as adults.

[@syberphish]

My adultism has never been diagnosed, but if it ever is it'll likely be late too.

[@user-eg8ht4im6x]

@@syberphish I was diagnosed at 56 it has been so so so helpful and valuable to get diagnosed.

[@syberphish]

@@user-eg8ht4im6x That's excellent to hear. I was diagnosed at 38 and I'm 40 now. I was trying to be humorous about you "being diagnosed... 'as an adult' ", as though the diagnosis was "adult". I was saying if I ever got my adultism diagnosed it wouldn't go so well. 😆 I already know I have autism, but just managing all the daily things in life is still incredibly difficult; I feel like that's part of what sets children apart from adults, managing life from day to day, responsibilities, taking care of mail, etc. I would likely not be diagnosed as an "adult".

[@SkyKnightUprising]

That last bit about appropriate parenting and support hits home hard. I, as an autist, had to suffer through emotional and mental abuse & child neglect myself from my childhood to adulthood and I'm 25 now. And this was from my own mother.

[@Rhonda-eh6uk]

Well said!❤

[@Avathesillygoose]

My parents often say that I was “so difficult” to parent and because of that, my trauma that is a direct result of their parenting doesn’t matter. Even now that I’m diagnosed and finally have answers for my human experience now and as a child, they refuse to accept it and acknowledge it. Sucks that I won’t have a relationship with my own parents because they claim they’re victims of me.

[@turtleanton6539]

Ir is how it is. Unf😢tanely

[@cnoor30]

Apparently my parents and siblings are ‘victims’ of me. It’s so cruel that we’re told to believe this

[@Avathesillygoose]

@@cnoor30 right? Like because I was born with a different brain than them, with zero accommodations, that I was a burden and a terrible child? If you’re not ready to love and care for your child regardless of what disability they may have, don’t have kids. It’s so terrible for a parent to basically want nothing to do with their own children because of THEIR mistakes.

[@cnoor30]

@@Avathesillygooseit’s really hard because I don’t know how to UN-believe that I somehow caused my parents’ mental illness now that’s become evident :(

[@II.Justinian]

I written a wall of text but I wanted to say in short you're not alone and I hope one day they understand how much pain they caused you. I have similar experience with my extended family.

[@beingboringonbedrock424]

Camp bad, bus bad, home bad. I got sent on a camp. My mother decided to redo my room, my safe space while i was away. She did everything in pink which i constantly stated i hated. She went through everything, threw out things. Got upset at my private journaling. I appreciate the idea of going to camp town where ppl can to support.

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much for your support.

[@CuteCatsofIstanbul]

As a tiny young girl, I was slapped, my head hit hard against the blackboard, my ears twisted, my hands hit with a ruler, my head hit against the head of another student by my primary school teacher here in Turkey. I hated school & studying and I didn't care about anything - despite everyone stressing about this big test determining which junior high you'd go to- I did not care. But during those years, no one ever asked me why I hated school. Not ONE adult! And I told no one about the abuse. I thought it was normal. And I did not talk or think about all this for 20+ years, until I was being bullied at work and was seeing a shrink. She asked me 'how do these people make you feel?' I blurted out in tears 'like that small blonde girl who hated school because school hurt. Because the teacher hurt her - psychically and emotionally. But she thought it was normal.' I had great parents, don't get me wrong (blame the 80's!). But a child will likely experience some sort of harsh emotion or trauma, and grown-ups need to simply observe and ask.It's quite simple - I hated school ... why didn't any one ask me why??? 😿

[@cilismoniker7322]

I strongly feel this. They were more concerned with giving me consequences designed to get me to attend school instead of figuring out why I didn't want to. My grades dropped more and more over 4 year. My anxiety and depression raised each year too. The teachers themselves joined in on bullying me because managing me made their jobs harder... This included male teachers striking my desk, the seat I was sitting in as I was sitting in it. Being singled out and sat separate from all the other students "for my safety" and another teacher would throw my things into the hall each day for "being smelly" and assign seat me in the corner. Four teachers out of my 9 years of education cosigned and participating in my bullying.

[@Zebo262]

I'm so sorry that you experienced that, it may not mean much, but for everything you went through 🤗🤗🤗💙💙💙💙 I read your message and I cried for you, imagining what that must have been like for you. The thing is, if you were treat that way now, it would be classed as abuse, and that teacher would have likely lost their job. You were incredibly brave to share your experience here, thank you from me to you. I really wish you all the best for your future and I hope you get what you need (or did get what you needed) from your sessions 💙💙💙💙

[@Zebo262]

​@@cilismoniker7322my reply is for you as well. I'm so sorry for what you went through 💙💙💙🤗🤗🤗 I just can't imagine witnessing an adult treat a child that way, and see it as acceptable behaviour. I really feel for you both so much, for the little versions of yourselves that experienced that repeatedly and carried it with you.

[@jeplica7011]

That just caught me off guard when you said you all went camping to be supportive 😳😭

[@SkyKnightUprising]

This is a very important thing I keep noticing; that adults never ask the WHY of a situation or why a person feels a certain way. Just the WHAT. The WHY allows a person to get into the head of the other person, to understand where the problem truly lies. They tend to not bother with that and provide their own solution that does not always help. at all. I myself have had situations where I wanted to share the why in a problem I have, but they either "can't hear me" or just couldn't be bothered to care. This constant neglect is why I'm usually so quiet.

[@banjopickinchic]

That was the absolute best advice I have heard for a parent (me) that is struggling to raise a "difficult" or "hard" child. Realizing that my son is on the spectrum was hard to accept. Not to accept him but for me to accept I have to be the one to change to help him. I feel so sad how I've not been the parent he needs because of my selfishness. Your advice was hard to hear but it is absolutely 100% true. Today I change for him. Thank you Orion.

[@egodeathalone]

Orion, you are my hero...thank you for all your videos but this one especially! As an autistic solo mom to an "officially diagnosed" non speaking son with "severe" (outdated term the commenter used-my son is diagnosed level 3 meaning he requires significant support with everything) I love how you responded to the comments of these martyr parents. My son isn't suffering from anything terrible, because I'm an adult who supports my son's needs and I accept him fully for who he is. I'm not angry or upset about all the things I have/choose to do for my son because I want him to have the best, most happy life possible. I accommodate his needs, therefore he is in no way suffering. Does the world often cause him distress? Yes, but I help the best I can in any way I can, then he'll go back to being happy flappy again. Any loving parent should support their child, no matter their age or support needs and I don't understand why parent/s make it about them. Parent/s say how terrible and awful it is for *them* yet don't seem to acknowledge or care about what it's like for their child. Thank you for saying it how it is, how it should be...the truth most parent/s do not want to hear. I cannot believe those comments you responded to, my heart breaks for their children. I couldn't imagine thinking or typing that way about my child. I hope parent/s will listen to you and take your advice, I appreciate you speaking to them!

[@orionkelly]

Your son is so lucky to have you. You're an incredible mother.

[@ShadoeLandman]

I was undiagnosed. I was actively pushed out to learn to be more independent. Fortunately, there weren’t any school sleepovers until 6th grade, and then my mom was a chaperone so she was around if I needed her. My dad was very strict and didn’t allow a word to be said back to him because that was backtalk. And he had no patience for me and was verbally abusive. I was bullied and I had to take the school bus to school because there was no other option. I was even totally ostracized by the other girls in my entire 7th grade year. My child and teen years left me soooo traumatized.

[@louiseatkinson3044]

My autistic husband struggles so much with how he was treated by his parents his mother always cooked meals that he didn’t like and didn’t offer food he did like, he was taken on family holidays to sit on a beach all day, he was told he would never become anything. The list goes on and during melt downs they still come up their in-discrepancies. He had a diagnosis later in life we have spoken to his mother and she wasn’t aware that he was autistic she just said he was always a bit strange he didn’t want to join in or play with his sister. It is so sad that he slipped through life but now in his 50’s I understand him and he is a lovely man 😢🥹🥰

[@SweetiePieTweety]

It’s people who don’t want to acknowledge that potentially their child with autism that is functioning on a more challenging level may actually exist in the same category of those who function on a lesser challenging level… Because their mindset is that somehow you’re taking something away from their experience that somehow you’re devaluing or mis-representing or lessening their experience. I was so thankful to come across the adult autism KZbin community that could shine a light on explaining through their own experience the behaviors to help me gain understanding and help my child because so many things are misinterpreted. These parents who don’t want to hear the voice of autistic people who are adults and may be functioning at a different level at this stage in their life simply don’t care to know their child and their why they want to continue to believe what they want to believe… their own narrative. They don’t want their nonverbal autistic child to actually have a voice that speaks for them

[@user-eg8ht4im6x]

Thank you

[@sailormoon1095]

PLZ. THis was NOT the most useless video you ever made. I was able to listen to the whole thing without needing a break and I believe what you wrapped it up with at the end pulled it all together and I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT THANKYOU ORION

[@margefoyle6796]

Agree 100%. Not useless at all. Helped me a lot!

[@jmaessen3531]

Y'all are so kind to be in the town nearby for Conan. I'm in tears. ❤ That respect for his experience as valid is game changing, for the small family and for the larger community. Sleepovers and camps were miserable. Often, my parents picked me up from the friend's house. I couldn't get through the night, even at close friends' places. And luckily, my mom was one of the troop leaders in my girl scout camps. So she was always there, which was a big comfort. Huh! , I'm realizing that my folks were surprisingly supportive of my needs even though I'm just now seeking out a dx at 32. 🥰 I'm so grateful and I bet he is, too. Adult update: I'm able now to say no to sleepovers, and prioritize my needs myself. There's a family wedding coming up in a different city. And I said no to the sleepover after the bachelorette stuff. I'm going to go back to the rental house, catch my breath, process, sleep with my spouse instead of a group of folks. I'll be much more able to celebrate the wedding the next day after this pause in socializing. 🎉

[@isabellefaguy7351]

I get that some parents have personnality disorders, mental illnesses, undiagnosed autism, etc. and thus are legitimately unable to grieve the "normal" child they expected and parent the autistic child they have. But Mr. Kelly comment is still valid. If those parents themselves have deficits, causing incapacities, then it's the broader community that should support those parents, care for them. This shows that our society setup is not made for having kids, while pressuring people to have kids (I know, I'm mid forties and without kids and I've been pressured all my life and even now that I should have kids). Even if I got my diagnosis only near 40, I somehow knew I had incapacities and should not have kids. But it was very hard to push back at eveyrone trying to convince me to have kids. And who would have helped me parent that kid (which would have been likely to be autistic)? Nobody. The underlying issue is that society wants people to have kids, but "normal" kids.

[@radar4763]

People claiming you have no real autism and only the non-verbal high-maintenance people are real autists are a plague. You relating to this helps so much. Thank you, stuff them, and go on.

[@LisaAnnOberbrunner]

I think I'm autistic. The only reason why camp wasn't a terrible experience for me was because it was time away from my very abusive mother.

[@Lysandra_Bouquet]

This was me as well. I see you 🙂

[@jezebelmorningstar1415]

Me too, I see you both 🙂

[@gennasantaquilani4863]

Same! It gave me time away from my super abusive father.

[@alaziaklexos]

I recently got diagnosed with autism and been unmasking more ever since. Unfortunately the world is not too kind so unmasking can be a threat to my job. I'm just tired overall

[@csepke2]

If this gives you any ease, neurotypical people also mask to a certain degree at work, because we can’t just honestly say what we think of clients and coworkers, or have to act “professional” instead of being our goofy self etc. No one is being themselves most of the time, believe me. It’s freaking weird if you ask me, but then again so is society. We have to pretend constantly to made up standards. It’s nonsense

[@StupidButLearning]

@@csepke2It makes sense to a certain degree. I know I wouldn’t feel so confident in my doctor if she didn’t act professionally.

[@etcwhatever]

Same here. Idk whats gonna happen to my job. I was about to get a promotion before going on sick leave due to burnout and auto immune disease. If theyre mad at me its their problem. Right now i need peace and no contact. Hope theyll understand. If not too bad

[@amachine6556]

Your son is so lucky to have you! I’m so glad to hear that parents really care more and more instead of telling their kids to “suck it up”. I agree that it’s not easier now, but at least some people like you create awareness and talk about these things and hopefully influence how people deal with these issues (or even recognise what’s going on)! I’m so happy to hear stories like this, one kid less who’s traumatised bc of these things! In my case it lead to my school thinking I’m a drug addict in the camp in 9th or 10th grade and I was excluded from everything. Some teachers tried to help but they couldn’t do a lot. My parents were furious with the school bc they knew I don’t do drugs, but they also told me that’s what comes from my “attention seeking” behaviour and that it wouldn’t happen if wouldn’t try to be so different. Needless to say that I tried really hard to not be different but it wasn’t enough.

[@Shirley-andNick]

One of the worst problems I face as a parent of an autistic son is that anything that is considered enriching or fulfilling for neurotypical people are considered to be enriching or fulfilling and therefore necessary for my son when in fact those things are traumatizing for him and impossible for him to cope with. Do you have any advice for me on how to deal with the well meaning people who insist that I force my son to participate in activities that I know that will lead to meltdowns and overload results that they then will consider "bad behavior" that they have caused?

[@orionkelly]

I can totally relate.

[@egodeathalone]

My advice as an autistic parent of an autistic son is to realize those people are not well meaning. They're only taking into consideration experiences of neurotypical kids and what they get out of things. If they took the time to educate themselves, get to *actually* know your son and if they listened to you, they would be understanding and well meaning. Since they don't, they're disrespecting you and totally disregarding your son's wellbeing. The way I deal with it is I've learned to ignore anyone who doesn't take the time to get to know, understand, accommodate and accept my son. Do what's right for your son, you're the one who knows him best. Be his advocate. Do not subject him to situations you know that are not good for him and are traumatizing. Anyone trying to get you to traumatize your son is not well meaning. I hear ignorant things all the time, by people who *think* they're being well meaning but they're not at all. Even family members, my own father for example my son is his only grandchild and despite never putting in any effort to visit or get to know my son, my father will go on and on about what I should be making my son do. I've had to grow a very thick skin and ignore just about everyone's input on nearly everything. No one knows your son like you and it's not well meaning to try to subject him to situations or events that can cause your son trauma. If it's school personnel then you may need to do what I did, which is I homeschool my son because that is what is best for him. Your child's well-being, self worth, self esteem and needs should come before anything else. It's terrible how ignorant society is but they don't matter, your son does so do what's best for him and good luck!

[@lucylou3250]

​@egodeathalone getting to the point i feel I need to home school my 9 yr old son. The schools are a joke, Audhd mum to audhd son.

[@etcwhatever]

Tell them to stop insisting. Protect your boy 🙏

[@hannah-lk3oc]

I went undiagnosed until last year (23). Watching this, I think back to my camp experience. My mom was a parent volunteer and while I did have a great time, it was incredibly difficult for both of us. She had to take off work to go to this event and I now realize it’s because she knew it’d likely have been impossible for me to do that on my own. No one knew why I was such a tough kid but they knew I was and made some adjustments. If they had known, they’d have understood why I couldn’t handle showering in a new setting, why I wouldn’t eat, and why I cried when I had to wear my snow coat even though it was 25 degrees. On the one hand, I’m grateful my mom knew she couldn’t send me alone even if I didn’t have a diagnosis. On the other hand, I’m a little angry that no one put the pieces together sooner. Thank you for always helping me piece together my past. I have so many memories that keep popping up that I can explain better now. I think you’re doing a great job as a parent making adjustments and being there for your kids and later he’ll look back and remember your support fondly.

[@randzopyr1038]

I feel your frustration about your parents although I am a bit older (35) - my dad DEFINITELY knew there was something different about me, and I honestly think it had more to do with the stigma with mental health care at the time than anything (psychologists are only for "crazy" people, mom still thinks this) but my dad did do a lot of extra stuff that, whether intended or not, helped me to get life experiences that I otherwise would not have had - like being a coach when I did sports, or going on school trips, even picking me up in the middle of the night from sleepovers (come to think of it almost all of my sleepovers were at my house).

[@laiky4373]

Wonderful storytime, Orion! I'm actually LOVING these longform unscripted videos. I am a 34 year old female who has only realised in the past few months that I have ADHD and autism with a PDA profile. I am working on getting myself a private diagnosis, because I simply cannot wait another 2-3 years waiting for the NHS to eventually get to me. Not when i'm trying to work full time and do a doctorate at the same time. I see no reason why I should force myself to play life on ultra legendary difficulty, if there's a way for me to get some help first (at least for the ADHD part). I just want to add to the pool of people who are super grateful for your hard work in putting out these videos, without which I still wouldn't be sure of myself. Looking at my life in retrospect with all of the free information you've put out there has actually changed my life. Thank you. I'll never forget what you've done for me, and you have no idea who I am

[@KnockedupNout]

Also, along the lines of you talking about driving your kid to school, at one point we lived a 7 MINUTE WALK to my boy's school but i was having a hell of time getting them there anywhere near on time! They were struggling with the transition! So the school modified their IEP and added 'transportation' and that was an absolute GAME CHANGER for my kids! They were ready and waiting every day and coming home was a lot easier for them. It sounds ridiculous that these kids should get a bus when we lived THAT CLOSE, but it had nothing to do with the distance, it was all about the transition. Prime example of invisible disabilities!

[@RestorativeWaves123]

I really appreciate your insights Orion. To the parents finding it difficult to care for their autistic children: I can only imagine. I'm not in your shoes. I have compassion for you and your child. I agree with Orion when you say that you find it horrible and suffering, that you might need to distinguish that you find it difficult and you're suffering. In that case, I hope you can get the support you need, somehow, even if it's some respite sometimes, or just empathetic other parents going through the same level of extra support needed for their children. I do have sympathy for your situation. Please don't assume that anyone, whether diagnosed with less support needs, or undiagnosed looking for more answers, don't have their own lives and battles to deal with. That's all we ask. We're not taking anything away from your children or others who have high support needs. If we have lower support needs, then rest assured, all we're doing is trying to still cope through life, and find a sense of understanding and empathy with each other. There is no medicine we're taking away from your child. There's nothing we're trying to take away from them. We're not instantly loved by others in society either. There's no need to compete on who has it harder, or to compare. We're just trying to live our lives, too.

[@margefoyle6796]

This^^^!!

[@LaShumbra_Bates_AuDHD]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@AutisticAthena]

This behavior is a huge difference from what my mother did when I was offered a scholarship to a private school with a focus on the arts... She pulled out a map of our state, showed me where the school was and asked me "do you really think you can tolerate being that far away from home for THAT long?" ... And she claims NOW to have had no idea that I was, and have always been Autistic. 🤷‍♀️

[@hannah-lk3oc]

This is relatable. They say they don’t see it, they didn’t know, or don’t believe your late diagnosis, but all the times they saw your support needs and didn’t do anything about it proves that something else was going on

[@camellia8625]

I suspect she was in a state of denial

[@StupidButLearning]

@@hannah-lk3ocWell it kind of makes sense to me. They just see you as their kid and the way you behave as being a part of your personality I think. And on top of that a lot of them have zero education on such things and so it never really occurs to them.

[@EmilyHaysisabutterfly]

Im 49 and my Dr s are refusing to diagnose me. I have all the signs. My daughter is autistic. I can't take it anymore.

[@heedmydemands]

I hope u r ok

[@EmilyHaysisabutterfly]

@@heedmydemands thank you. I'm ok.

[@KnockedupNout]

About the camp: Me doing things like this gets me a lot of flack from people, that I'm enabling them to be "different" and I'm not letting them learn to be independent. No! Me hovering around this helps because ¹they feel safer that someone has their back and they can focus on fun BECAUSE THEY'RE KIDS. ²I am helping keep OTHERS safer and having fun because I can pull my kid away from the situation before problems escalate to the point that my kids are throwing chairs and desks because everybody missed their cues that they are distressed. They can come calm down, reboot, and return to festivities! I'm open to suggestions but don't tell me how to raise my kids! I've known them their WHOLE LIVES, I know what helps them.

[@lfcreations8718]

You hit the nail straight on the head! I am Autistic myself ( NOT diagnosed by the *nieve and dumb-headed doctors) am proud to be Autistic! I think anyone can have a KZbin presence, disabled or not. The person who thinks that because someone is a non-verbal Autistic individual cannot have a KZbin channel is VERY WRONG. Those of us in the community who are non- verbal can certainly have a KZbin presence. You have the amazing ability to use an iPad in the place of your absent voice. Orion is a Godsend. Thank you!!

[@crybebebunny]

No‼️❣️‼️ This was definitely Not a Useless video ‼️ Maybe it should not be needed but It definitely is. Thank you for making this "Useful video ". I at the moment are self diagnosed Autistic, sadly also have dementia, and other health issues, but like you mentioned I need to morn what could have been and put up my big girl pants and Parent my youngest, who has needs. Their needs come 1st now.

[@rainravenscraftingcorner2907]

Late diagnosed here: I will say that I have stopped any and all communication of my "parents". Having a parent say "I'm sick of your existence" and "I wish you were not alive".... let's not forget "I should have had an abortion".... that sticks with you as you become an adult. I left home at the age of 15! I couldn't take the abuse a moment longer. As for you.... keep up the good work! You are an amazing father.

[@mollymoo5818]

In my 50s, late diagnosed. This helped me unlock my own school camp memories. Sitting up in the camp bed, in the middle of the night, crying, rocking back and forth, for hours. Melting down, ashamed, and embarrassed. No one caring, alone and terrified.😞

[@autisticMargo]

Preach orion, preach. I agree.

[@laceweisbrod3166]

Hello Orion, it’s Lace here. I would like to say first, that you’re an edited videos are not unwatchable. They show the real you. I really like this video because it reminded me of my experience at camp. The sleeping arrangements and the anxiety were challenging to deal with. You guys are truly amazing parents. Thank you for everything that you do. Lace

[@terraverlage6834]

Oh my - as an autistic parent (in Canada) with an autistic son, my heart goes out to you about the frustration & anxiety you must feel when your son upsets the stability & security of the cast❗😱

[@cammybear]

These toxic parents are good examples of "Just because you have the *equipment* and *can* have a child, doesn't necessarily mean you *should*." God forbid you feel inconvenienced in the slightest because you have to accommodate for someone's disability. But get this... If you can genuinely accommodate someone who is blind or deaf or confined to a wheelchair without getting salty over it, why is it so hard to do the same for those with mental disabilities? Also, I don't wanna hear that kind of crap from those who are simply the parents of autistic individuals who aren't even autistic themselves. That would be like me trying to talk down to someone who is blind or deaf about their experiences. I am a bit behind on your videos, but I love them still. I have a lot to catch up with! Your videos are awesome. Never you mind the sudden "autism experts" who don't even know what we go through. Edit: I'd like to add a note of how it seems like "normal" people can tend to have less empathy. Why do we even have to explain this? We shouldn't have to give examples of other ailments just to get a point across, to open up their eyes to the harm their words and ideals cause. Whatever happened to being a decent person? You brought us into this world. So are you gonna help us or what? Ugh.

[@Sarah-cq5dl]

I appreciate this so much. You are both wonderful parents. I love that you understand that it's not about you, that you are willing to learn about your kids' needs and work hard to meet them, and that you see your kids for who they are. I also love that you are not willing to compromise with people who want to treat their kids like they are an inconvenience. Kids didn't ask to be born, and it's not their responsibility to minimize their needs for the sake of the adults around them. It's understandable to sometimes resent the work of parenting, but it's important to take responsibility for your own emotions and avoid making yourself the victim or taking it out on your child. Well done; thank you for this video.

[@resourcedragon]

Asking whether your parents ever thought you were good enough is a very confronting question.

[@SilverMoonbeam2]

When I went to summer camp I faked a sprained ankle so I didn’t have to go on a group week long camping/canoe trip. My mom paid money for this experience and she always reminded me how expensive it was…. I made no friends and got bullied. Everyone thought I was weird. Except for a girl from Germany who I got close to because no one was patient enough when she spoke. That week alone at the main camp with only the adult staff was the best time I had the whole three weeks…

[@randzopyr1038]

That story of yours vs your sons experience really took me back. I was lucky enough to have parents that didn't believe in "old-school" parenting so when I had these events in the late 90's as a kid my dad was good about being there with me. First time I was truly dumped was 15 years old over the summer at a band camp 3+ hours away. Dad did everything to get me comfortable, then got firm and said, "look you wanted to go, we paid for you to go, you gotta figure out how to manage on your own for a few days in this very controlled environment because you're growing up" and I think he was right. In the end it may be a good thing to dump and run, but it all depends on your kid, and one way to get there is to build up to it just like you're doing. Obviously I don't know about your other parenting choices but this one seems spot on and if it's any indication, you seem like you're doing a great job.

[@johnathanrhoades7751]

I think your view counts of previous unedited things show that these are not unwatchable 😊 Thanks for putting yourself out here for our encouragement. Boy Scout camp was a bit of a nightmare for me ages 11-13 😅

[@BobIawblaugh]

That! Last! Point! YES, YES AND YES!!! My ex husband (sperm donor to my two daughters) treated us like we were the most annoying skin tag that sprouted from his armpit. And it kept growing. Cracking and bleeding.. What he failed to realize was that I had been on to him for quite some time and was slowly setting up my girls and I for our escape. He was unbelievably cruel and toxic. Still is. I cannot fathom being the type of person that brings such darkness into the world, and I have so much gratitude to the universe for keeping us safe and protected from him. When we finally were able to successfully kick him out, I sat my girls in front of me. I was on the coffee table, they were side by side on the couch. I told them that from today forward, I want them to be the exact people they want to be on that day and each day moving forward. My eldest is diagnosed and was in special ed classes, as her anxiety was so high. But I flipped the narrative right on its head and told her that her brain is the best and busiest brain and I’m SO proud of her for it (and little sister agrees). She is now in high school and is playing piano for jazz band, in choir, and (drumroll fully intended 😂🙌🏻🤸🏻‍♀️) marching band. In fact, I dropped her off this morning and sending her off for a band competition 8 hours away. She’ll be gone for two nights, and I guarantee you that I’m the one boohoo-ing over here! ❤️🙌🏻🥰😂🙏🏻. Both girls are in honors/AP classes for the first time this year. Simply incredible, and if I were to look back at all of the struggles to get where we are today? I wouldn’t believe it myself. So grateful ❤️🙏🏻❤️ That being said, it truly is all in your perspective and your intentions. Watch it unfold. Heh, and it turns out that I’m high masking as well. Kind of already knew it but couldn’t be bothered to look more into it because I was doing so much research about autism in children. Sounds funny, but I get serious tunnel vision when searching for solutions. I hit some pretty low periods once I finally came to terms with being autistic. And you know what? SHE swooped in and allowed me to process this truth. And we are exactly who we are when it comes to truth, even when it does pertain to ourselves. Might hurt and be uncomfortable for a bit, but you get through it when you do the work. It’s been an incredibly stressful three years, but we’ve been following the light and see the end of the tunnel. Finally. ❤️🙏🏻❤️

[@easymonds]

I’m a medical doctor in the USA. At age 35, I was just diagnosed with autism. I am starting to navigate my (not so) new reality with a different lens. My diagnostic journey began when I started watching your videos and recognizing my symptoms to bring them up to my therapist. This has allowed for the diagnosis of other people in my family. I am currently exploring ways to help my newly-found community. Thank you for what you do.

[@futurespin]

I didn't feel I was good enough for my mother, I felt I failed and still am. My sister who is neurotypical is her diamond and perfect kid. But my dad, he loved me, thought I was perfect, didn't matter what I did he thought I was amazing for existing 💔🥺 Best daddy, he could fly planes and captained a ship so had his own small boat when I was a kid, he never expected me to be anything but me.

[@lucasoromi]

Yes, this is the best bloddy video you have done, I watched it tree times continuously. Thank you for standing for the child I was, which I still am, that became my son. You have such clarity.

[@orionkelly]

Wow, thank you!

[@secretaryofoffense7118]

I was taken to a psychologist as a kid, around 7, for anxiety. They within the first day after my parents explaining all my weird sensory issues about socks and tags and textures and food etc., wanted to evaluate me for autism. Needless to say i absolutely refused to go back there like the headstrong little shit i was, so now I finally found out at 27 after being re-recommended for evaluation by my psychiatrist. I dont know who thinks “every other person” has mild autism. I mean sure in some online communities mental and physical illnesses can be weirdly romanticized. But like man i had to be talked into getting evaluated for 20 years, my ass im making it up.

[@johnnycrash_]

I received my diagnosis today. My child will not have to tell the same stories I have told only to my wife and Dr. She seems she will need less supports than I should have had, but she will have more than I had.

[@marandadavis9412]

I never went to school camp in the summer, but the first years I went to church camp, I went with someone I knew. The very first year was our children's pastor and her daughter, who I was friends with. The second year, I went with my older cousins. My cousin AJ took it upon herself to make sure that I had someone to do things with and looked after me.

[@HeatherLandex]

Thinking back to school, I liked escaping my family 😂 but I had safe teachers. My parents tricked me into not going, which looking back I'm still upset.

[@SilverMoonbeam2]

28:57 I do not think I was good enough for my parents. Sadly I had the opportunity of hearing this first hand from my mother. But I’m good enough for myself now to the point that I believe it. I’m good enough for my life long partner. And that’s good enough for me. I refuse to allow the dogmas of an abusive and neglectful “parental figure” define how I feel about my existence any longer. I finally feel a sense of control over my life. It’s not perfect, by any means, but it’s my life. 💪 ❤

[@Skyjamb]

Awesome parents, my hat is off to you. The kido had a good time during the day. Nighttime is always a frightening experience, especially for an autistic kid with a broken hand. Mom and Dad were awesome, not to mention the 4 year old.

[@M.Griffin]

Awesome video Orion! Way to go mom and dad!!! This is exactly how I (autistic) RAISED my autistic son!!!Extra needs require love and encouragement - not being dismissive! I agree 100% on all your points!

[@TwinkleStar987]

Hey Orion I’m so happy you’ve post and allow the conversation. My diagnosis at the age of 60. Immediately changed my life. It allowed me to change the narrative. M kids had education difficulties. I spent a great deal of time at the schools they attended. I begged them to help. But they lacked training and victim blamed. I felt vindicated with my diagnosis. I was right. Also all the things I couldn’t do when I was young was for a actual valid reason. I couldn’t do many of the normal things people just do, I don’t know my left from my right, I couldn’t tie shoelaces and many more. Life proved I was simple. I couldn’t avoid thinking I was stupid. I can rewrite that. I am incredibly strong and resilient. As are my kids. Amazing. My late life diagnosis helped m whole family.

[@kdcraft89]

This was poignant. I was a child many decades earlier than the 80's. Both my parents and all four of my siblings were autistic, I now understand. I was the "good child" who was very quiet and tried to please everyone. I was diagnosed with a high IQ, though, which made people expect many things of me (things I was not capable of at the time). I never got any help. A key theme of my life is having to tough it out and go it alone, essentially isolated. Only now that I have understood that I'm autistic can I see how confusing much of life has always been. I have quite a bit of empathy for my parents, who had five autistic children and were themselves both autistic. They loved their children and supported us as best as they could. The times were very different. At least they were kind and tried to be patient and did not beat us as some neighbors did their children. But all my siblings had many difficulties and still do. Very different times today. I think your son will not grow up thinking he grew up alone, not always having to figure out things that a child can't figure out. He will think he grew up with a family that supported him and his limitations while helping him grow toward maturity in his own way. Thank you for these videos.

[@SilverMoonbeam2]

I give mad respect for the lengths you go to in giving your little guy his support needs and safe space. It’s going to make such a difference in his heart as he grows. I know it would’ve like night and day if I had grown up in such a healthy environment. You put me into my feels 😆

[@ricklubbers1526]

This is a god send. School camp. You handled it perfectly. I wish my parents did the same back in the day. So relatable. Thank you. Honestly.

[@HeatherLandex]

Good job, you've done everyone else a favour too as they haven't needed to step up if your kid was upset or even just different. Or worry about it in case something went terribly. I get a break from my kids when I go someehere on my own. My own accom for myself, although it happened naturally, undiagnosed.

[@kitty_ab]

My child was in girl guides. On their first camp, they adked me to come with them. Of course I went. When the next camp came up, They were fine to with their girl guides buddies.

[@heedmydemands]

Loved this video. I didn't mind the unmasked version at all, hardly noticed at all, just seemed natural to me. I'm pretty sure that I'm autistic and I'm also a parent of 2 kids. I've found parenting extremely challenging. Thank you for talking about it from your perspective

[@fabiana-dep]

Last advice...Brilliant! I complete agree. As a late diagnostic autistic adult and as a parent of an autistic kid

[@ferfyderf]

Your final comments really hit me, it felt like you were chewing out/advising my own parents this whole video. Can't express how much your channel and other KZbinrs have helped me. My family had an incredibly toxic dynamic, especially with everything I'm learning. Even my diagnosed brother was treated more like a pet project who couldn't help himself. I was the oldest, and hid everything, powered through it all. Parentified by my parents, siblings so young I felt I couldn't burden them with anything, few friends, always moving across the country, and suffering at school despite my brilliant grades "when I would only just apply myself." Thank you, Orion

[@esmewetterwachs7462]

Thank you, Orion. These videos are so wonderful and helpful ❤ Our beloved 5 year old daughter can't sleep alone, she only can sleep safe and sound with mummy, daddy or grandma. So guess what we do? We cuddle up every evening and sleep together till the day she will be ready to sleep alone. Nothing is more important to us than her mental well being. Somebody asked me: what if she is never ready?! Then she will sleep by my side or daddys side till our last day on this beautiful planet.

[@izzypb3]

Incredibly grateful for your authenticity. By being yourself authentically you allow others to do the same. I watch your videos when I feel dysregulated and don’t know why, and I just feel like I’m home. I feel seen, understood, I don’t feel so alienated. I’m a late diagnosed “high-masking” adult, I feel represented and respect and appreciate how much work you put into your channel. Your channel has helped me understand my experience without the judgement that society has engrained and pushed on me from stereotypes and being an autistic person in a neurotypical world. Thank you

[@Zebo262]

You are giving him all the support and encouragement he (specifically as the person he is and is growing into), needs. And his achievement in what he took part in, and importantly enjoyed!, Is incredible (^_^). Some people will probably misinterpret that. And it's important to remember here, that everyone's experiences are different in many ways. And it is not helpful to question others diagnoses and circumstances. Even if the circumstances "appear" to be the same. It is called a SPECTRUM for a reason. And they may not realise that the diagnosis could also apply to them as parents, as well as their children. This could account for some of the difficulty, it sounds as though, some of the parents that left comments may be experiencing (the comments you read out). And they may be forgetting, or unaware of, the advances in information and processes for autism. As a kid, the things you covered right at the end, are usually the parts that cause trauma and encourage self-esteem erosion. "Why are you so difficult?", "why can't you just do what I say?"..... Etc. The differences you have made in comparison to your experience, are amazing, you all are 💙💙💙

[@Grace.allovertheplace]

33:29 damn this person who have a 6-year old daughter is really something extraordinary and I don’t feel like I need to further explain myself because in starch contrast to this particular parent I’m not behaving like I’ve a yet non discovered issue called *CIF* = *Constant Intellectually Fallacy* *(Disorder)* Many thanks Orion l❤😢

[@arachne4070]

Your channel is amazing, as a late diagnosed autistic woman, we need more videos like this!

[@1997Jeep]

Orion thank you for sharing your personal thoughts, summer camp is definitely a mixed blessing. It is nice hearing someone talk about this from our point of view (I'm Dyslexic AuDHD diagnosed at 47)

[@isabellefaguy7351]

My mother was always very proactive in remember me that I was never enough for her expectations (anything below perfection would have suited her, let alone a child with a disability).

[@tiffy_nolan]

tbh its refreshing to hear someone voicing my opinions.. like I always thought I was alone in that. Thank you for opening yourself up and making yourself more vulnerable to try and help others. I hope you're doing ok. You're one of the most real, relatable people on this damned planet.

[@futurespin]

I end up getting over excited with camping trips, we had a really small primary school so we all slept in one big dorm together boys and girls so to us it was all of our friends together still. We went to stay near Beeston Castle a lot and my mums best friend lived down the road so when we walked past her house she would come out with her kids and see me, sometimes my mum would be there too so I was lucky there. But I had severe chronic constipation (I still suffer with constipation and gut issues) so I had stress all the time of not being able to get to a toilet. i was constantly thinking about where the next toilet was and timing between each toilet, it was hell on that part no matter where I went. The longer I had to walk the more discomfort and pain I felt. It wasn't until I left high school that I managed to get it under control better, as I said never went away but it's under control enough now that I could go back and do all those things again today and not have so much discomfort or pain because I know how to deal with my body these days, well I would if I felt like being round people and other medical issues that didn't stop me from walking properly 😂. I think girls handle social situations differently than boys do as autistic people so if I had been male I maybe would have needed picking up.

[@AyDee56]

I find myself wanting to hit the “👍🏼” button so many times in this video (and at least 3 others 💜) Thank you for all the content you share and especially for the unedited videos like this one .

[@ItMeCorban]

"You can already hear where this is going" the heartache kicked in just before you said that

[@Benny_murray]

I grew up with an abusive (physicaly and mentally) father, the why cant you be normal/ do things properly/ i put a roof over your head so obey me kind and a "not as bad" mother where forever through my childhood would say no your fine to every time i questioned why i didn't fit in anywhere. The parents that would say they did everything for me but where always absent sending me to my grandparents every weekend. The narcissistic toxic parents of autistic/neurodivergent people are the worst kind

[@allythearts5439]

So relatable....

[@dellseasandoval8187]

You should be more confident. There is nothing unwatchable or unhelpful or useless or whatever you said about your channel. I love every word you say. Sometimes you’re a spaz but so am I. My medical team has said in the last couple years I have completely changed & totally starting to understand things now but I’m 46 so I still have a little ways to go before I understand most of this stuff (not all obviously, but enough to not get agitated so easily, enough to learn how to manage my form of Autism formally diagnosed with). I rely on extreme far & few worthwhile or reliable resources. You are one of those reliable resources so I sure hope you never stop your channel because I absolutely love it.

[@Ozghost77]

I was really touched by what you and your family did for Conan with the camp, that's some great parenting there :-) You're so spot on with what you were saying about parenting an autistic child. We do need to grieve, move on and get on with it. My son who's now 25 was diagnosed when he was 8 yrs old. I copped a lot of unsolicited "advice" in regards to raising him as a single parent. Trying to care for him as if he were an NT child wasn't working for either him or me. So I chucked the rule book out and just flew by the seat of my pants hehe. I did my best to raise him with love, understanding, patience and respect for the sentient being that he is (which incidentally was something that I lacked as an undiagnosed autistic child). Was I a perfect parent? Most likely not. He still has his struggles, as he most likely always will, as an autistic. But he knows he's loved, he has self worth, knows right from wrong and knows that he can can talk to me about anything. That makes all of the crazy, hectic and challenging times worth it 🙂

[@willlyman1094]

This was not a useless video! Don't say that. My autistic son is roughly the same age as yours. I really get a lot out of your videos, and believe they help me be a better parent to him. Just hearing you talk about the same issues is super helpful. Keep it up!

[@KnockedupNout]

"I'm not editing it." 😂 Good! I love you being more relatable then the edited, well put together, "presentable" YTers! They make me feel worse because they hide their mistakes and I i cant hide mine...

[@TheRawChuck]

The spectrum wasn't discovered until five years after I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I have a lot of respect for you and your wife for doing what you guys did for the school camp. When I was a kid I went to a summer camp that was done through our church. It was a week and after a couple of days I did finally manage to have some fun. The bullying I had mostly occurred on the school bus when I was younger than middle school. During middle school the bullying would happen between classes.

[@depleteduraniumcowboy3516]

Oh, this one hits really hard. Conner is fortunate to have parents that understand. Again, appreciate the unmasked unedited videos.

[@rachelann9362]

I appreciate these unmasked and unedited videos SO much. Please continue to them as long as it is healthy for you to do so. It helps me put words to so many things that I’m just utterly lost trying to explain. I don’t remember much of my school trips, but I do remember one.. must’ve been quite young. I think it was a somewhat local place called “StoryBook Land” (rides, games, trains, etc in Disney type style.) I almost got left behind. We were suppose to be paired up and our pair was supposed to like help speak up and do the count. My buddy decided I wasn’t worthwhile. I got left behind in the bathroom. I went running towards the exit where we were supposed to meet up. No body there. I ran past because I could see my bus. They were closing the doors, and the bus started to move. I was literally standing in the parking lot balling my eyes out. When they finally realized that this alone child, that was crying and screaming, was supposed to be on their bus, they turned around and someone rushed out to get me. I got picked on by my class mates. Mind you, this was at the latest 2nd grade, but most likely 1st, so I was like 6 or 7 years old. I never felt so alone. I felt invisible. I felt unwanted. As an adult, I look back on the teachers and the chaperones (usually parents of kids in the class) and I’m like.. how DARE YOU put the responsibility on OTHER CHILDREN. How dare you be so negligent to not DO A HEAD COUNT. And my mother? I tried to talk to her about it. She couldn’t be bothered to listen to me. This school almost lost your child. Your child could have been kidnapped while under the “watch” of school and you aren’t getting inflamed about this?! My mother could never acknowledge that she caused me trauma, far more trauma than school undiagnosed with adhd and autism. She never could accept she did things wrong. And the few times she did? She was the MARTYR for having such a difficult, sensitive child. Excuse me, I don’t remember asking to be born, that was a choice SHE MADE, not me. Can’t handle your other four older children who also had carrying degrees of ND? Maybe don’t have a 5th you’ll ignore, blame when it makes you feel matter, and revel in the praise of their accomplishments and achievements that you had NO PART OF. I wasn’t equipped to handle my own feelings, I had no chance managing my mothers’ too. She’s dead now. It’s been about 8 years, I don’t regret going LC with her. My sisters still tried, and one of them told me she felt relief when she died. Didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore.

[@CharlotteWingert]

Thank you for having the courage to deal with people who feel that they need to minimize and deny your experience.

[@mommallama22]

On the premise that the support would make him able. I love it. I do stuff like that with my son. I sat in the front office every single day of 4th quarter last year while he attempted 6th grade every day after having to be out for medical reasons for 2 months, going back was so hard for him, it was so different and terrifying, I told him I would sit there all day every day until he didn't need me. However much he could handle was a good enough try for me as long as he was trying his best, and yes he is a car rider as busses would NEVER be an option for him, so we would get to school and I would read a book in the office until school was over or until he couldn't anymore each day. I sat there On the premise that he will... With the knowing that he might. But what he's really learning is how much you're on his team. Best lesson ever. Always a good time for a review. 😊 And that was his learning so many things, like you said. It's not a 'forced' anything. It's all figuroutable. It's all negotiable. And no. Nights or days of break. I have never had that. Dear. God. Do I want to. Dear. God. No time away luxury here lol. It's okay. I get a few minutes here and there and he's going to have a better life than I did. I call people who parent like you and I Spartans. Because there may only be a handful of us comparatively, but we're gonna win this war. We can use our tiny mighty numbers and change the world. Look at you fighting for love and compassion in your videos. Those I'M GONNA BREAK YOU parents, those were mine lol. Eww. You're a Spartan. Exactly. We're "RAISING". And hopefully raising standards. Thank you. 💜

[@Skyjamb]

It's a fiberglass cast. Had many of those. Yes, they come in all sort of colors.

[@bonnieplastow7018]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, your wisdom, and your love.

[@jeremiahinyangotu4023]

22:26-22:33 my dad's nigerian, and when i was younger, whenever he would snoop through my homework to make sure it was right, or for example, when I was going into secondary school, he forced me to homeschool before it started to be "top of the class" (because I guess to him being autistic means that your slower than everyone else 🙄) , and that other time when he forced me to do that music therapy which I didn't consent to nor need. In all those instances, if I cried or complained, he would either lecture/yell at me about it, or mak me kneel in the corner, until my back hurt like hell. Retrospectively, I'm just like... HOW DARE HE! 😭😡

[@mommabahre6017]

Totally agree! I've seen parents have a great big drama fit because they have to parent a child with a disability. All it does is make the kid feel even worse. It can really upset the stability of the home. As parents, we all have to accept the fact that each of our chidren are different, and life isn't about making the kid live up to the ideal we have for them in our minds. Life is hard. It is what it is. Love your kid for who they are, not what you want them to be.

[@havenmotel]

As someone who was diagnosed with autism later in life, I've always been aware of how I relied on others for support in my unique ways. I always felt like a burden to people. It's taken me till a few years ago, but I've come to understand that those who love me see the value in their efforts to support me, just like Orion clearly does with his children. However, not everyone sees it that way. Serendipitously, I have a job where I teach job skills and soft skills autistic young adults who are transitioning from being a teens to becoming independent. One common thing I notice with almost all of them is that their parents often project their fears onto these young people, thinking they won't succeed in the way they expect. As I have built many relationships, and spent many hours , I want to emphasize that these young people are VERY aware of the burden they might seem to place on their parents and to those around them as they work through their challenges. It’s actually what we spend the most time working on… I just wanted to gently remind parents that you're not alone in carrying this “burden”. I appreciate each one of you for stepping up and playing a role in your children's lives, even if it's not what you initially envisioned. Sidenote, for those wrestling go, look into Jim Sinclair’s letter to parents about the subject.

[@e_same]

Love that you guys are your son’s safe people. As many others also know, it would have been amazing to have safe parents or any safe space as an (undiagnosed) autistic child. Camp is also the worst. It’s hard enough to sleep in my OWN bed

[@harrietwindebank6051]

Being given the choice as disabled children teaches us to learn our own needs and how to express them. That leads to autonomy and confidence. None of that happened to me when I was a child and so I’m only just learning it now at 36 and on my own!! I hope doing this kind of thing is one day so normal that it doesn’t make KZbin content!!

[@jackpijjin4088]

Orion... thank you so much for these videos. To see how you react, respond, elucidate, express, animate yourself... it's such a great help for me, to see that I'm not just a broken thing or strange alien creature. To know I'm not alone with how I function, and to know that all I need is 'help' either from others or even just myself... thank you.

[@cnoor30]

I liked the way you tackle each comment. Excellent and educational. Thanks 😊

[@dagmarneves72]

I must disagree with your final comment calling this video “useless”. It was of great use to me just now. Thanks for adding some insight once again.

[@catsymurphyandrews1769]

I have to tell you, Mr. Kelly to see your material a year ago compared to today 2024 I really like the raw. What’s the word I want videos would be playing there’s a fancy word that I can’t think of your raw unedited eloquence because it’s so real it’s all so authentic and I appreciate that

[@Greenlaser]

what youre doing for Conan is a huge deal and will help him a lot. im a late diagnosed adult as well and i never had the support circle and i always felt lost and like my parents were distanced and i was bullied a lot as well. thank you for this video and showing your view of this topic, i appreciate what you are doing

[@v.k.2320]

I remember as a kid when I was on summer camp or at winter camp I was laying half the night with eyes closed and trying to stay completely still (like a log) because I was so afraid of everything. 😢 I had regularly cramps in my lower legs and still have some today when I am not comfortable. And don’t get me started on teeth grinding.

[@tanyatalkstoomuch]

16:28 I didn't necessarily do anything with the door I just ran around the house and looked out the windows... 🤣🤣🤣 OMG if I ever get the opportunity to be properly diagnosed and they tell me I'm not autistic??? I don't even know 🤣🤣🤣

[@gillb9222]

All of my children are autistic but not diagnosed until they were late teens/adults. My oldest son went to school camp and he hated it. He was extremely distressed about being away from home and he wasnt allowed to even call us. Based on this experience he never went again and neither did any of my other children.he found it so traumatising that he passed on that fear to my other children. My youngest son tried to go but we ended up having to pick him up the first night and he didnt want to go back. He never went to any other camps after that either. It seems cruel to stop distressed children from talking to their people of comfort whether they are autistic or not. My kids never managed sleepovers either, we always ended up having to go and pick them up

[@dellseasandoval8187]

You are so funny. I love watching your channel. Don’t worry. Nothing is perfect. You can’t expect videos to be literally perfect but as a late formally diagnosed autistic parent I totally get every word you’re saying so you just keep getting “the word” out there.

[@tabithabasye2440]

I enjoy your unmasked videos because it’s comforting to see someone with a similar brain struggle too. I prefer authenticity and in fact the first video I watched of yours I almost turned off because you sounded like an announcer and I knew I couldn’t handle a whole video like that. Then you leveled out a bit & have watched you since. I’m am 100% positive it must be uncomfortable for you to be so vulnerable. But if there is ever any hate let us deal with it 😈. Thank you for being vulnerable for us 💜.

[@KnockedupNout]

Hey Homie G! I like your videos. I've never wanted to listen to videos of people discussing autism because it's always "what does this mean?! What does that mean?! The autistic person this! The autistic person's point of view! How to handle an autistic person! Etc..." but your video was just you talking about your experience and your meltdowns lol, so I can relate to that! I've never been diagnosed but I know I have autism, I came to this realization 2 years ago when my 3 kids were diagnosed. I just thought I had ADHD but it's definitely both. So, I am an autistic single parent (their dad f*ed off leaving us better off without him) of 3 kids under 13 who all have severe ADHD and autism. The youngest, a boy, didn't actually get diagnosed medically because he was so young that they wanted to give him time and reassess him, because "he's being raised in an autistic household so he's learning autistic behavior" and you know what? I ABSOLUTELY agree with that! I think he has autism now, but it made sense back then. But life has been a HUGE rollercoaster raising them. Each different ages, one girl, different grades, different schools,etc... some days I'd be driving back and forth between schools just to help my kids in situations they'd gotten themselves into. My daughter will hide when she's upset, and boy is she good at it and she's good at appearing when I walk into the school lol. Some days I'll let them "tough it out" because I want them to push their limits a little so they can practice ways to self soothe in an uncontrollable chaotic world, it's good practice in a safe environment. BUT I know my kids and I know when they are just done and I tell the school I'm picking my kid up because I can tell they are just done, and my kids also tell me "I'm done." or "Yes, I can try and make it through this." It's a lot of navigation to work out...

[@esmeralda_g_f]

Hi Orion This is the second video of your work that I am watching today after listening to your podcast where I discovered your voice. The topic of raising an autistic child diagnosed or not with understanding, parents or not, cannot go above or beyond the environment, economic, and social around the family. For instance, you had the opportunity to go and pay your hotel or a camping place to stay near your kids so that he can develop the social skills in the camp. Not many families have that opportunity. In addition, social support of parents is as important as the support they give to their kids. And if our parents, I am 46 year old, Felt better to overcome their anxiousness their worries about our future by being hard on us and traumatizing us. I believe they could not have done otherwise. It was not something that was being done at the time. I don't know if you have heard of a psychiatrist who is also a neurologist and has written on what is the best time to support a kid during his over lifetime. His name is Boris Cyrulnik. He has shown that the first three years of the life of a kid are the most important ones for the rest of his life. I am not aware of a similar Scientific proof for young autistics. I believe it is due to the fact that even today today it is difficult to diagnose a kid. And so the challenge for parents of young kids has not changed from 50 years ago. It is very common for people to think that if they leave the kid alone that the kid will learn better. And if they provide support, they are afraid they will become dependent all their life. Finally, a couple of words about my own context. I was in camp during my early childhood, and that did traumatize me because I felt Rejected. That feeling has never left me. The last example I have in mind is me asking my old mother for money to go and pay for my medical treatment, and she telling me that she cannot give me all of the same I need because I will get used to receiving money from her and not find a job instead. I believe parents with kids with disabilities should receive help. Better organized Than the last 50 years. Autistically,

[@Rick.Sanchez]

thank you, this resonated with me. selfdiagnosed 31 y.o.. I'm still going thre the motions digesting my past and the life never lived, thinking about my parents and my childhood

[@lucylou3250]

Thanks for this new video. My why, audhd woman undiagnosed, getting it sorted now with clin psych. Son diagnosed as1 + adhd. Today he is home instead of at an excursion he wanted to attend because he doesn't "follow instruction". My choice of course to not send him, but with school cohersion, as an excursion to a farm without adequate ND support is dangerous for him and don't want another call... like, anyways lol... back to the point, he was getting poked and prodded by kid behind him in class while trying to listen, he's 9 like Conan, year 3; the kid wouldn't stop bugging with his chair and poking him clearly for a reaction; he got it. My son yelled out in reflex "stop it!!", teacher rather than asking what was the matter, immediately told him to go next door to the neighbour class for a "reset", naturally as an autistic woman I go, okay so is this like a sensory room/area?? And the assistant principal is like "nooo, just the neighbouring class to reset". I said sounds a bit like a neurological way to "reset". You have no idea about sensory issues and overwhelm, seriously stupid the lot of them. Hey to keep this victim accountable for his "behaviour" let's put him in another class with strange kids, different teacher, let's sit him at a desk while this class learns about God knows what and everyone stares at him. Bollocks. How is that even a reset for an autistic person. How about the kid poking and prodding the back of his chair trying to get a reaction from my child with sensory disability and trouble learning, how about the teacher hold him accountable and put him in an overwhelming room for a "reset". Long story short; he is missing out on excursion today because they are incapable and lack support for him. What the actual fudge. Thank you Orion for your videos. Would love to do what you're doing. It's just rubbish and not fair. Same crap i went through as a child. I don't know whether to home school my son. We shall see.