Toxic Parents Gaslight and Triangulate Children Leading to Broken Sibling Relationships/Lisa Romano

#toxicfamily #gaslighting #siblingrivalry #peterwalker #survingtothriving
Toxic parents gaslight and triangulate children leading to broken sibling relationships. Toxic family systems destroy sibling bonds. When there is not enough maternal love to go around, children learn to compete for affection.
The narcissistic mother or father will turn their children against one another, which can lead to what Pete Walker refers to as Pathological Sibling Rivalry. If you and your siblings don't get along, it might be the result of a toxic family system as it is in the case with parents who struggle with addiction or unresolved mental health issues.
Emotionally immature parents, parents who are alcoholics, and or who have no parenting skills, can create tremendous discord within the family system. Children develop toxic family roles such as the scapegoat child, golden child, the hero child, and or the lost child. Children can switch roles depending on the situation at hand.
If you come from a toxic family environment, it may be time to recognize that what is wrong was not your fault and that most likely, what was wrong was the family environment you were raised in, and were also powerless against. To complicate matters, children are dependent upon those who may be wounding them the most.
The good news is, you can heal, once you know what was wrong was never you, it was only your programming.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
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Thanks for watching Toxic Parents Gaslight and Triangulate Children Leading to Broken Sibling Relationships/Lisa Romano
#toxicparents #gaslighting #siblingrivalry #scapegoatchild #goldenchild #lisaaromano

[@noklarok]

my siblings do not talk to each other, i feel like i don't even have a family.

[@taraarrington2285]

Sorry to hear. I can relate. I should've stayed away years ago and never came back.

[@courtneymeredith2325]

I understand. I feel the same way. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this

[@cecbkk]

Same here . The years of manipulation had taken a toll too on my brother and I .

[@esterhudson5104]

Me too.

[@olentangyriver1191]

Same here , I don't want to ever see my family again..

[@wiandewaal]

My mom was a victim. My dad was a tyrant. My brother who was much older than me sexually abused me. I was always criticized. Always told I'm a failure. My dad's last words before his passing:"I must f! off and disappear off the planet." At 55 I'm still confused where I belong. I overcame my shame yet I have no relationships. And still don't know what I am good at. I only share this in hope for someone not to feel alone in how it happened when life happened for you as a child. ✌❤

[@CarmenGomez-mq2bc]

🙏

[@lonebejder1144]

🙏🏻May you find your true self some day. It’s in there❤️

[@CarmenGomez-mq2bc]

Good morning my sister was mentally abused I saw Everything 😔 I never new my parents was narcissistic and controlling 🤔👈 7 year ago my sister had passed Away I miss her terribly I was Always there for her. We had a Beautiful Bond's TOGETHER 🙏🙏❤❤ I miss her Every DAY my FATHER was so felling Guilty that he pay part my sister Burial 😔😥 my sister before passing she wanted to see our mom. But she never had to see each other😥🙏😥 until this Day I Always think about my DEAREST Sister what in life Every thing she when True! As for me iam very proud of her my sister she was I strong person even in her last moments 🙏 she told me carmen don't ever forget I Always love you ❤😥❤ I feel so happy in her worst and Good moments on my sister life I was there for my Beautiful sister in her FINAL moments she wanted to be Buried in PUERTO RICO and I my BROTHER we had completely our sister WISHES Amen🙏 Thank you for listening to EVERYONE who had Being in Different situations with our Love one we strong we most continue our journey have a BLESSING Life Survival 🙏🙋‍♀️

[@gurubhaikhalsa9337]

You will find your way and your purpose, never give up, even if it takes your whole life, look back on how many times you helped someone just by holding their hand or letting them cry on your shoulder. They needed someone and you were there.❤️❤️❤️ You matter!❤️❤️❤️

[@sinjinmonsoon9055]

My mom's last words to me were ' i hate you kid and i hope to hell i never see you again' Sums up my whole life with my family.

[@rubbersidedown7041]

By creating a physical and emotional distance with family, I created a more peaceful space for myself. It's unfortunate to lose family, but the number one human being to take care of is ourselves.

[@patricialancaster4320]

We live in a victimized culture. It's so common. Learning to be a warrior. Forget the family. It's not worth trying to communicate when they can't see or hear you. I was my worse enemy and needed to change my vocabulary. Learn to love me through counseling.

[@sue7621]

Absolutely ♥️⭐️🙌🙏🌏

[@moistplinth930]

Absoutely, abusers really don't really care at all. They aren't worth your energy ❤

[@sueh5241]

No awareness from adult siblings who still feel it is ok to judge, criticise, name call and skapegoat. I mean we are talking in our 60's.

[@wiser1254]

You described my childhood, and adulthood, experience exactly!! Your videos have been so valuable. I’m five years into codependency recovery and at age 76 am thriving for the first time in my life! Thank you for the beautiful person that you are and for sharing your experiences that so many of us can relate to after being so unfairly treated as innocent, sweet children!

[@dellisgibbs5823]

Well if you can thrive and heal in your 70s there’s hope for come in my 50s. Thanks for sharing your post and all the best ❤️

[@bkush9732]

65 here

[@TCBBB22]

Allow yourselves to feel it. Dont run from dealing with it any longer. Its ok to be livid about it. Doesnt mean u gotta act on it. Just feel it cuz its fucking valid.

[@lisaaronson283]

Hi Lisa! My Narcissist Mother has been deceased now for 6 months. Only once over the last 7 years of my recovery from her abuse did I mention casually to my Sister our Mother was a Narcissist. My Sister was the Goldenchild where i was the Scapegoat. There was no validation, or I Love you's in our Family dynamic. Whoever pleased my Mother the most by doing what our Mother wanted received the most crumbs from her. When her Death did happen I was more emotionally prepared. As much as you can be losing a Narc Parent. I had grieved for years before her Death not having the loving Mother every Child deserves to have. I can only imagine the conversations our Mother had with my Sister during the last few years of her life. Like you...my Mother projected her worst qualities onto me. But growing up like that was my normal. If you are born in a cave... living in that cave is your normal. Sadly my Sister is very stand offish to me even now. Even when our Mother tried to triangulate us by getting me to agree with her by saying something negative about my Sister...I never took the bait and agreed. My Sister is still under the veil and still Mourning our Mother hard. But in reality is she more likely Mourning the Mother who never really loved either one of us? Thank you Lisa for always hitting all of these topics head on. Life lived with Parent that had a Personality disorder is the biggest classroom out there. When you realize your upbringing was dysfunctional and NOT normal, I believe that is when you can begin your healing process. Don't deny what really happened growing up. To the end our Mother pretended living in a cave was normal. Thanks Lisa for another great video as always! Namaste' You are so Brave! Lisa A.

[@graveyardghost2603]

I was the scapegoat too, Lisa. And guess what--i am the only family member with green eyes lol. Today my siblings and I are estranged, and my stepmom has the nerve to wonder why none of us get along, when she put wedges between us herself! My two sisters are ultra competitive narcs, my brother isolated from everyone, and I had to go no contact with everyone but my dad. Your video today about toxic families really hit home.

[@daisygirrl1234]

I’m the scapegoat and I also have green eyes 💚

[@jennaletizia5430]

I have green eyes and am the scapegoat too

[@Cass_772]

Scapegoat and the only one with green eyes too 😮

[@littlesongbird1]

I am the scapegoat but I don't have green eyes! Wish I did!

[@s.sharidan6644]

Great information to add to my pile of new knowledge about my sad life. Three years ago at 75, I was given the golden key to the secret of my broken life. Both parents were narcissists. My mother was in charge. I heard what is wrong with you constantly. Our home was quiet with secrets. My younger brother died 2 years ago never knowing this. We did not speak for 30 years. I see now that I never knew him. We were kept separated growing up. Until her death when I was 42, it was all about her needs. We moved every year for 12 years. I was not allowed any friends. We had no contact with all relatives. They all lived out of state. Videos like yours help me add another piece to the puzzle of my life.

[@jazzforpeace]

You should REALLY be commended for addressing this subject. There is such little help for the victims of this type of abuse because almost nobody talks about it. You are REALLY helping people who are lucky enough to come across this video. Thank you!!!

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

I think what I need to do is to silently walk away from my mom sister and brother for good.I was mocked my dad was a mocker and him and my sister became a team. I was the scapegoat . My mom was the divide and conquer mom

[@sigrid3553]

Sorry for you, I wish you love and peace on your journey through life 💕💕💕

[@Seajunkie]

Family cutoff, part of the healing process. Patrick Teahan has a channel on here and video about that!

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

@@sigrid3553 It is time for me to vomit the truth out of myself, to free myself and my mom always has some way of finding the truths I try to tell even online and then she gets mad at me but I don’t care anymore, I am the one who suffers with a broken heart while they all cling together in dysfunction. It’s time for me to let the truth out to the world and accept the love and advice and help from people around me. My mom wants me to talk to the world like nothing ever happened like everything is perfect and if I do that then she will love me, then she won’t give me the silent treatment but it’s not perfectInside I die. Inside I feel like she has forced me to swallow poison. And I’m sick of it. Nothing ever changes. None of them care about how I hurt and if I don’t let the truth out and start healing I am the one who will end up physically sick. So goodbye mother, brother and sister. I have always loved you and maybe some day we will meet again but it’s time for me to fly . I’ve got to set myself free

[@sigrid3553]

@@rachaelcourtney1980 Absolutely! Yes you must take care of yourself, don’t take the poison anymore.. I hope you have people around you that you can trust! I send you all the love and support I can, be brave my friend ❤️❤️❤️Your life is so important!!!

[@stacyguthrie-witt]

This is my same story as well. Going No Contact!

[@secondhorizon]

The GoldenChild & ScapeGoatChild dynamic is amazingly convoluted and destructive ~ and ~ unlike romantic relations with a Cluster B ~ departing a whole family-of-origin to discover peace ~ is like finding your way out of a house of mirrors ~ not just rushing for the nearest exit in sight.

[@siennadunes1176]

Currently on this journey myself after 2 years of serious selfwork I can say lisas videos and emails have made a huge impact.

[@secondhorizon]

@@siennadunes1176 no doubt ~ Lisa is gem light

[@DeadlyDonicia]

Amazingly well said.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Then the dysfunctional parents start to triangulate their childrens spouses causing a rift between inlaws. I had to completely let go of people Im not related to I already had enough to deal with in my own family. You could cut the resentment and tension in the room with a knife, it gave me so much anxiety it literally made me sick!

[@TinaLouise73]

I can relate to this! X

[@libertycan6959]

I relate 🙏🏼

[@sophiahace9920]

😅 yup

[@lewishenderson438]

I have a older brother the golden child and a younger sister the baby i was the scapegoat we have nothing to do with each other. Because we each think the other was treated better. I am 64 years old both my parents alive and still doing their best to tear us down.

[@life-rethought]

I shattered @ 54 years old with a full ptsd epileptic seizure and blackout from a 1 paragraph raging blaming email from my jealous abusive sister. all over persimmons...from my mother... truly it was a bout rivalry. which I called sibling rivalry on steroids. my sick abusive father had passed 4 years before.. but the triangulation he created continued to ECHO ON. that seizure was my reset point. I no longer endured and put other family members before myself.. trying to save them.

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

I think it’s time to walk away. I have no one in this family.Right now this is survival of the fittest and I’ve made it this far. I am not giving up now

[@gurubhaikhalsa9337]

Yes. And don't look back. They will turn on each other when you're gone.

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

@@gurubhaikhalsa9337 Yessss! Thank you, Will do!!!!!

[@maryanntime]

How are you two years later? I’m in the thick of it

[@sue7621]

That’s exactly what happened to me ! I felt I was the adult I was picked on etc just for looking at them! I’m 62 now and my parents are 88 and 92 I’m a Retired nurse I have empathy and compassion! My parents still talk to me as if I am a child and my mother tries to change history It’s exhausting! My middle brother has severed contact and My youngest brother had died!

[@Jennyfeather_22]

I'd sever contact, too.

[@verlenegashweseoma1603]

I'm going on 3weeks not associating with my parents. I too am a scapegoat, felt unwanted unloved and always being blamed for causing family problems. I always tried to protect, take care of my parents, especially my mom. I was never good enough, never helped enough...this really hit my heart and spirit. I have only one sibling who understands me and is encouraging me to walk away from my parents. I need counseling cuz I know I have the same traits as a parent. Thank you for your video. Now I know I'm not crazy in the head or a bad person for leaving my family.

[@problemchild6248]

Same here I been n counseling since I was a little girl I got diagnosed with Bipolar years ago.. everybody is making it really difficult I'm getting sick and tired of hearing I'm 2 aggressive and I'm nasty as if my condition isn't known. I didn't ask 2 b here and I didn't ask 4 Bipolar... I use 2 get n trouble n school I was raped and molested like wtf when I'm a get a break... 2 many mood swings and siding with my younger brother I'm da oldest out of 9 we all have da same father but different mothers idk anything anymore... Make me feel so bad it makes feel like I should b dead instead of alive. Its a fucked up feeling feeling diz way

[@nancybartley4610]

"non-existent family system" wow did that resonant! So odd when simple words hit you in the gut with the power of their truth

[@dorrybrewin6012]

I was the scapegoat as well my toxic parents never gave any love. My so called mother encouraged my sisters to beat me and kick me at the back of my knee until My knee gave away and all my horrible mother would say stop that sniveling or I’ll give you something to cry about. I used to beg for the beatings and the ridicules to stop and all my mother would say I’m not interested which gave the all clear for more abuse from them. I am 68 now and last year I had enough of been yelled and screamed at and been told that I don’t deserve anything and been lazy never worked hard in my life. I had a breakdown I had this horrific feeling of filling to pieces and couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t even clean my house let alone keep the outside of my house clean and tidy. I had emergency counselling my heart ❤️ goes out to anybody who’s had this done to them. I now realise that the lord kept me alive through out my life and specially when I was a baby and a toddler my parents kept giving me away to strangers right up to me staring high school.

[@leetheaarceneaux8151]

I was the oldest child , my siblings and I have no relationship because of the rancid toxicity of our upbringing. My mother put all the stress of her responsibilities on me so we ended up reversing roles and I ended up parenting my siblings who were only a few years younger than me . My brother leeched off of me and expected me to take care of him financially even now if I saw him today he would beg me for money . Since my mother pushed her responsibilities on me , she and her husband had a great life without stress and they tell people they don’t have children . I left home at 18 and never went back . I severed the ties to my brother so he would stop depending on me . My brother ended up on drugs and on the streets . I used to think my mother liked my brother but not me now I realize she didn’t really like him either she just related to him more because he is just as evil as her. Being neglected and abandoned affected me in relationships in my 20s. I tolerated things unacceptable because I had become numb to foolishness.

[@ladyzinada5341]

I understand

[@mayyourwishesallcometrue]

Oh. My. Goodness. Yes!

[@j.r.4354]

I so wish my sibling was willing to discuss our dysfunctional violent childhood and the triangulation that created the divide between us. Unfortunately, being the golden child, she is not only unable and unwilling to look at it, she claims an "ideal childhood" and has discarded me, the scapegoat, who was physically and emotionally abused by our mother and father, as "toxic" while continuing a relationship with my daughter and triangulating her. It's a pattern of pain and dysfunction that continues through generations. The saddest part of this is that she is a therapist who claims to specialize in trauma and relationship issues. Cutting me out (I'm a very responsible and kind person- took me years of therapy to claim that) is the only way she could keep her version of reality intact 😑

[@The_AI_Artist]

In my case I am the "golden" and my sister is "scapegoat". Therapy opened my eyes and I understood why me and my sister were always in very bad relationship. I cut contact with my mother , unfortunately my siblings don't bother to have contact with me :(

[@j.r.4354]

@@The_AI_Artist I'm so sorry, that sucks

[@GdHr-oz5ph]

This is so good, Lisa. I'll listen a few times at least. So important to acknowledge that, for one thing, not every mother loves her children, or every child she has. I've heard so many times "every mother loves her child and wants the best for them." It's just not true. Thanks Lisa for your excellent advice.❤️

[@elisa48092]

I was the golden child, for my whole life she told me that all of our problems was caused by my sister. Now I know who caused all of our problems, my mom. I run away from home just 10 days ago, never felt better.

[@littlesongbird1]

My sister is the golden child (to be fair she has a lot to be proud of, great career, married, nice house and two wonderful kids just to name a few). However, my mom didn't help our relationship with her favoritism and my sister has literally broken down and cried because of how bad she feels about things my mom let her get away with. For example she encourages my sister to hit me.

[@aleksandradedic4153]

The 'enabler' parent is no better than the 'abuser' one.

[@truthtriumphant]

In my opinion, they are a bit better but still abusive for letting the abuse go on and supporting it or looking the other way..

[@blessedroyalty777]

I'm proud of all you generational curse breakers. 👏 👏 👏

[@m998hmmwv7]

From my own life's knowledge. It's not always the parents fault. My elder siblings especially the eldest my sister was born with a personality disorder. I was only 9 months old when my 10 year old sister and 7 year old brother began abusing me. My mom told me when I was born my sister went into a fit of rage.. that rage lasted until I was 60 years old and my parents passed away. That's when the mask came off and her true hatred of me went on full display

[@milicavukajlovic6476]

Dear Lisa, I am a scapegoat too. My father is abusive in every way, verbal and physical and mom acts like nothing happened and like nothing is happening on daily basis. My sister, the golden child manipulates them both and is destructive towards me. I understand your pain.

[@svieta101]

Wow!!!! same.

[@Kjgairborne]

Thank you Lisa! You have helped me understand my childhood trauma so much, and it has empowered me to approach my family different now that I understand the root issue, and it’s been so awakening and relieving to know the truth, even if they deny any wrong doing.

[@lisaaromano1]

You are so welcome!

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

@@lisaaromano1 Yes I say thank you as well!!!!

[@huntermartin9216]

Your mother was threatened by your beauty, intelligence, eloquence, empathy, etc. You are a blessing and an angel in this world. Thank you for all you do! 💛🪽🏆💯

[@ericnorthman9410]

We were only an obligation. The girls to carry on the family - that's all. I was the scapegoat. She was always telling my sister to shut up when she would start to say something about me. I didn't know at first that she didn't want my sister to tell me what my mother was telling her about me. And of course my siblings believed her without question. Basically my parents ruined our lives while saying "we did the best we could"! Ridiculous..

[@LA-jr6pt]

The thumbnail is very Alice Cooper. As a semi-healed codependent with a narc-borderline mother, I'm going to play "No more Mr. Nice Guy" while I clean my kitchen after this. Thanks Lisa 😂

[@LisaRichards_123]

Engaging in fighting with them is not the answer, because you are still engaged in the circus of abuse.

[@buckinghorse8]

My Mom has neatly packaged her trap for me as “help” so that on the outside, it appears only as just that. I didn’t ask for the “help” I’m indebted to her for & damn if I’m not grateful for it. No one sees that I was trapped & cannot get out, after losing resources, just as she planned. I’m not allowed to talk to anyone or go anywhere unless it’s related to medical appts, which is all I have since she has broken me down & kept me ill. I CANNOT THRIVE. She corners my caregivers & uses any free time with them to fill their heads with false info so that if I tell them anything, they won’t believe me. My Mother has wounded me terribly by doing this. She has caused a huge wedge between my siblings & I. So we don’t talk. All they believe is what she has told them.

[@buckinghorse8]

I’ll never forgive her for this. I have tried to get out & the only way is by going to a mental institution because no one believes me. How dare I complain about having a roof over my head. If they only knew what went with it. …A trapped life where your own Mom won’t allow you to thrive. She has my caregivers fooled & consumes any free time with them by filling their heads with false info so they won’t believe anything I tell them. I’m trapped forever.

[@FreedomForever116]

My narcissist mother recently told me when she dies, she doesn't want any type of memorial b/c the family is "so divided". We are divided b/c she has spent her whole life dividing us w/ triangulation. Me & my siblings know about triangulation, we have discussed triangulation but all of us at different times in our lives have been so desperate for her crumbs of approval & acceptance we participate. I am no longer participating & haven't been for quite some time; I became the grey rock in my family which wasn't very difficult b/c for many years I was discarded for speaking truth about the abuse in my family. When they got sick of each other & were no longer speaking some started contacting me again. I am relieved there will be no memorial, I actually wondered how we would all manage after my mother's death. Now I know, she will be cremated by the current child she approves of she can toss her ashes in a ditch for all I care, problem solved! I am so relieved I will not have to navigate that mine field of ressentiment, blame, rage & shame.

[@ashiff7781]

15:45 this is the most tricky part. Because when you and your siblings were in the situation, your and their perceived perceptions are completely different. They didn't see, felt and believed what you did. Its like both parties coming from completely different past and world.

[@kayak9078]

Lisa, my mother was the same way too. I completely cut her out of my life years ago and moved on in a very healthy way. She lives by herself and has no one in her life. Very Sad, but it’s not my problem. Having cut out the toxicity, I’m living my best life surrounded by healthy people. Love you, soul sister ❤️

[@LisaRichards_123]

I did the same thing.

[@gingerreynolds2017]

OMG, when you said you felt like you were in the way, you described the way I have felt for most of my life. And any time I would venture to say something about it (tell her when you said "this" it made me feel like I wasn't wanted and in your way) she would say I was crazy, she wouldn't do that.

[@gracepoint3]

My father was an abusive narcissist and there were a variety of addictions prevalent but not acknowledged. He chose favorites and those siblings would not do anything to jeopardize those positions with him or ea other. I speak a little bit with underdog bro and elder sis who is somewhat challenged after brain injury, but she was also favorite. I am the only child that got a college degree, traveled, move away and raised two children without any other help or guidance etc. - 2 failed relationships b/c I chose in partners what I was taught to believe of myself - only worthy of abuse. My mother died at 48 so she had been weak and ill since her mid-30s and really was no match for dad. She didn’t/couldn’t protect me or underdog bro. Recently, finally cut ties w/favored “baby” sis who married narcissistic, controlling bully for whom I’ve had to watch my p’s and q’s. I came to realize my sister had also become an arrogant co-narcissist. I had been in denial trying to hang on to vestiges of what I believed and wanted family to be, but really wasn’t. I finally told them and am done. Those in “top dog” positions are not going to come off their pedestals even though none of them get along with, let along speak to ea. other. At 67 I’ve finally said “No More. I’ve had enough.” Sad 😢 but grateful. Recently found your videos. Thank you. I’ve been working on this stuff since my mid 20’s and am 67! Finally. To everyone, love yourself and heal yourself. Don’t wait for them to change or for their approval. Grow positively. We can’t do that if we’re still carry around toxic bags and acting out toxic behaviors.

[@Supportingtruth8258]

I remember where I was standing when my dad said that I would never amount to anything. I tend to drop out of most things...the Navy, college, an engagement for marriage and now I'm 62 years old, never married with no children. At least 98% of my time is spent alone. But I keep going, and keep holding on to hope that I won't die alone.

[@tucky2297]

My dad asked me Why can't you be more like your sister?

[@tucky2297]

When I am dying It's between me and the Lord. Nobody else matters folks.

[@catgrl76]

My siblings and I are all older adults and I still see everyone fighting for the crumbs of parental attention. Infighting, accusation, criticism is just another day in my family, unfortunately.

[@lucyb6535]

Lisa, we had the same childhood. I hope to be as accepting and knowledgeable as you someday. Thank you for your videos.

[@jilross4892]

I recently wrote my brother that our mother is a Narcissist and he replied that he cant tell, he is a Narcissist himself. That left me speechless

[@saphiquefemme]

The pain is real but they don't see that. They just see their child as a rebellious kid.

[@rickmusiq]

facts. I moved to LA to chase music in 2017 and it seems like after I left my dad doesn't even care anymore. haven't put out covers in so long I just feel so worthless. Yesterday I told him he gaslights me and I don't like it much and all he texted me was "❤". like what does that even mean? I be so mentally frustrated ughhh i'm over it

[@Not-Ap]

So it never gets better than?

[@therooster6104]

Yep nailed it mom did a fabulous job on the family. No contact means no more drama 🎭👋

[@Selen304]

I was scapegoated. I do understand what happened to me, though I don't have enough memories. But I can't grieve or feel anything. I just feel my mind gone rigid due to thinking about being humiliated by my brother, gaslit by father. And mother just use to give me a questioning look like, "What do you expect. You deserved that." My brother still keeps calling me worthless, garbage. I use to think that it's because he was fair and I was black and girl and elder.

[@edgybarbie77]

I cannot express how it feels to know I'm not the only one who experienced this abuse in childhood & abuse even through today by my mother. My mother completely controlled my dad however, he was very physically abusive to both my brother & I. My mother emotionally abused everyone but it was always me who couldn't do anything right. I would see sitcoms on TV & it sounds strange but that was the 1st time I saw how a real family acts, how a real mother acts. It's so painful & I don't have anyone to talk to about all this. Listening to these videos are all I have & I appreciate this more than you can ever know 💕 thank you so much for taking the time to do these videos

[@flpr777]

From golden child to scapegoat that's what happens when you dont stick to the narcissist's rules and you come to realize you were never loved just used and manipulated since the "love" is not unconditional

[@yadavkomal]

The thing is that I would never even think of saying the things that were told to me, to a kid or anyone who doesn't have power over me. They really are ignoramus folks!

[@biggiedetroit224]

Thank you❤

[@킹치슈]

I am actually crying by listening to you. My brother is the golden child and I am a scape goat.

[@Aikoerin]

For years, and years I thought I was the problem. I did EVERYTHING I could to try and please my mother, my father was very good to me but my mother hated my older sister and pitted me and my younger sister against each other. My younger sister is one of the meanest, and cruelest and toxic people on the planet. the things she has done to me and then completely disregards her behavior, throw the rock and hide her hand. When I left home and married my husband I would stop at my mothers house and she would slam doors, ignore me be so rude to me for no reason other than I was happily married and happy in life. My mother would never say anything to her but tell me to ignore her, over the years it got worse and worse , she would go after 2 of my kids. Finally last June she did something that was so outrageous, my mother flipped out at me and defended my sister. So I walked away for good, from anyone who associates with my evil sister. my mother and my sister smeared me to everyone who would listen…. So unbelievable, I still can’t believe it…. My brother died of alcoholism at 36 years old and my older sister has a series drinking problem, I made the decision never to drink when I was young and I have never. Your videos are so helpful, thank you..

[@Jennyfeather_22]

I'm sorry for what you went through but keep your children away from your mother & sister. Love your own children she never repeat the patterns you experienced. You broke free and recognize this wasn't your fault.

[@nancybartley4610]

I know that feeling that you were the problem. I don't understand, but I felt it for years and still do but to a lesser degree.

[@debbietownsend1673]

It hurts when a parent vilifies you to Validate their meanness to you. it is so convoluted.

[@skywithdiamonds5109]

My sister and i were never close, even though we both wanted to be. Hurt and resentment always got in the way.

[@guywilloughby5443]

Scapegoating is also a common practice. Keeps the others in line. If you don't tow the line, you'll be treated like Lisa.

[@ejedwards-el6172]

This is incredibly true! As a result of this, I developed a eating disorder, o.c.d & ptsd. Further, my sibling next to me (18 mo. apart); we had serious sibling rivalry due to him being her pet; both of our abandonment issues also caused great strife; we often fought and argued between ourselves with no one to stop us! My sibling is suffering greatly since our mom's passing in 01. Due to years of resentment and anger, our separation has increased.

[@lisaaromano1]

I hear you.

[@j.d.b.pennamesonofharraant3367]

I have CPTSD and eating disorders and live alone ... Ex Jehovah Witness

[@pigeonhawk4832]

My mother was very blatant and overt in her willfully casting me as the Scapegoat, never stood up for me and allowed inter-sibling bullying and abuse to take place from childhood to throughout my highschool years. I never had a healthy nor even remotely normal relationship with my siblings, especially the GC sister. She even allowed other adults in the family ( eg my uncles ex-wife) to not only single me out and verbally abuse me, but to get physically violent with me as well. Yet, she and the rest of that toxic, malfunctioning and narcissistic family never, ever admitted their faults or flaws. The funniest thing is, I turned out exactly the opposite of whatever plan she had for my life, and the only one who gave my parents grandkids! The other two ended up single, childless and alone.

[@Lolajaye7]

The denial is off the chart !!

[@TinaLouise73]

Lisa ur uploads are my "go too" therapy! Unlike the community mental health team in Oxfordshire England whare I reside u are unbiased non judgemental and honest! U don't push an untrue narrative based on mis-information that is writtern on med records which immidietly cause a the MH therapists to judge and label ppl unfairly wiout first finding out WHY someone has MH issues! Thank u SO much for ur great vids and for takn time out of ur day to bless us with ur fantastic n v.helpful content.x

[@winxclubstellamusa]

I had no idea that there were other children out there who were treated with nothing but contempt, disgust, and disdain other than myself. I’ve been on this healing journey for 3 years, but it still shocks me. Especially being the oldest sibling, the scapegoat, and only female child. How I was fair game to do and say anything to, even by those outside of the “family”, because I was the stranger and the abomination, who does not and can never belong to anyone to protect, claim, love, and comfort me.

[@ejedwards-el6172]

I was the oldest and only girl to; my mom hated me from birth (looked like my dad) and didn't hide her dislike (discuss) for me!

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@ejedwards-el6172 I’m so sorry for the pair of us, and everything we have lost… 😭

[@GdHr-oz5ph]

@@ejedwards-el6172 ❤️❤️❤️

[@mer93hawit]

Hey @winxclubstellamusa (love the name bc I love that show btw haha)! You described my exact set up. And one thing I’ve come to learn is like it says in the Word, when our mother & father forsake us, God takes us up! And I’d rather be chosen to be adopted into His family any day than the parents who failed to love us & see the blessing each child is. He has seen everything they have done (& haven’t) & will give us beauty for ashes. Sending much ❤️😊

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@mer93hawit that’s a really beautiful idea. I for sure wouldn’t be as close to the divine as I am if I wasn’t left out in the cold for most of my life, so I guess that is a bit of solace I can hold onto. Thank you for reminding me. And I made this account ages ago, but I have been using it, and carrying the show in my heart ever since 💖

[@APlus-qx7no]

OMG, both Lisa's childhood and the reading describe my childhood to a tee. It's a debriefing to my childhood of scapegoat torture by my narc father and my enabling Stepford wife mother. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car, and my father telling my brother that he had his permission to hit me and told me if I hit him back, I wouldn't be able to drive when I turned 16. My brother hit me and I hit him back, and I did drive when I turned 16. My mother was seated next to my father in the passenger seat, and didn't say one word.

[@lindagreen9278]

"Tears and fears and feeling proud to say I love you right out loud. Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way. Now old friends are acting strange. They shake their, they say I've changed. Well something's lost but something's gained in living every day. " Joni Mitchell. Music was my first emollient. The best one. I write songs as a journal. Thought you might appreciate Joni Both Sides Now at 2022 Newport Folk Festival..The resilient, unabashed acceptance for Joni to get on that stage is so enlightening. It's a grand song from years ago.

[@lindagreen9278]

I really don't know life at all. I accepted in a 12 step program in 91. But, I'm a bit pissed I'm 62 and find myself surrounded by different types and levels of this with close friends of 49 years it's grand acceptance one day and absolutely draining the next.

[@comfortablynumb6294]

I'm 6 months into the healing process. I'm still able to watch these videos and find something new in everyone of them. It's exhausting but thank God I finally figured out it wasn't me after all. It was mom. 😫

[@bobsanderz3005]

Keep up the healing process, you got this..this is YOUR life!

[@comfortablynumb6294]

@@bobsanderz3005 ❤️ thank you!!

[@Kareem_Alcindor]

Good God. I'm not even halfway through this and you already summarized my childhood. My mother created broken sibling relationships by using my eldest sister as a weapon against my other sister (we are 3) and myself. Because of the positive reinforcement that she received due to her insidious ways and favors obtained, eldest sister has become a textbook Narcissistic Sociopath that everyone despises. Because of this, my other sister and I have always been closed and realized the horrendous environment we grew up in while supporting each other like there is no tomorrow. The silver lining is because I completely cut ties with my mother a couple of years ago, she has acknowledged how wrong she was and feels a lot of shame and guilt related to the environment she created. I feel lucky to be able to put things in perspective and understand why she was such a toxic person. It does not exempt her from her faults but she had a horrible childhood filled with abuse and trauma. Very few people in this world have the determination or the tools to not let their suffering define them. Thank you Lisa for this video. ❤

[@rhondagrant9388]

My favorite is saying you are selfish. Selfish when you say what is wrong.

[@MsRetta60]

There have been many times that I felt I was a mistake that my mother dispised 😢 my mother was physically and verbally abusing to me. Some of my brothers saw my mother’s disgust of me and were abusive to me as well. I have had mental health treatment for 6 1/2 years because of my family. I have learned to forgive them all. Mom is 96 and I am still going through abuse 😢 it hurts me so badly. 😢. I have reached out to family members for support and they think I am crazy because they didn’t grow up with the horrible life I had to endure. Now because of you I can share the evidence of my reality 😢. Thank you so much for being you. 🙏🏽Namaste

[@ericnorthman9410]

My siblings even denied what happened to me. My sister said she did not believed that happened to me because it didn't happen to her. She is ten years younger and the youngest. She was groomed and received everything because she was supposed to take care of them..

[@DollfieMew]

One day I asked my younger sister if she would bring me a drink. And she happily did. My Mom seeing this went into a rage. She said there was absolutely no reason for my sister to want to do that. How could she! She said. You're so worthless, how could anyone want to do anything for you? My sister doing a kind act for me seemed to make my Mom melt down. I now have no relationship with my parents or my sister. I don't think my sis will ever wake up. Thank you for this video!

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

I was awake in the middle of the night last night crying about this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to deal with it. I f do not know what to do. I cry about it every day. . And I don’t know how to cope with all this pain. It is a different kind of pain than other issues life throws you. . I would almost rather be in a intimate narcissist relationship . I seriously can hardly deal with this. I wen

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

This is horrendous but is only the tip of the iceberg of my life with them and I will make it through this. There is no repairing anything with them My mom has caused to much damage. I am an adult now and when I was younger every single one of my friends would say how can you even have anything to do with them. Well because they are my mom and dad. It’d time to do what I should have done almost thirty years agobecause when I was younger I could unknowingly act out. As an adult you can’t . Do this emotional pain gotta go. I have to get rid of the cause and it’s them. I’m done with them . They are terrible terrible people

[@gurubhaikhalsa9337]

They literally hate themselves, and are targeting you to get it out of their system. Don't be a target anymore. Don't get within range. Know they will shoot to kill. Stay away. Heal and know peace.❤️

[@rachaelcourtney1980]

@@gurubhaikhalsa9337 yesssss,I am absolutely taking your advice . Thank you so much❤️

[@bluewings9]

My dad did the same as yours 😔 he saw what was going on, he did nothing to protect me and always took her side. It was because he needed her, he was fragile and codependent but also emotionally distant, selfish and cruel himself.

[@Ravenite66]

I cannot tell you how much this video has helped me, this morning. Thank you!

[@tammieq3134]

Thank you! Your childhood experience mirrors mine. As an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family the toxic family is the same. I’m in my mid50s and the relationship is worse. Mother pitted my two daughters against me . Kindly provide tools , videos, books about the scapegoat child. Thank you 🙏🌹

[@LisaRichards_123]

Bradshaw’s book “Focus On the Family,” available on Amazon, has it all.

[@hwhite2996]

Gosh, I never even thought of my mother pitting my kids against me. I have found some answers I've been searching for in your comment!! Thank you 😊 ❤

[@DustinRea]

My sister won't have anything to do with me, and it doesn't make any sense why. But then I started to look at my moms habits of talking behind everyone's back and it clicked- I think my mom is meddling and creating rifts in the family. I can't make sense of it any other way. Btw, I'm the black sheep and my sister is the golden child. It's too bad. My folks split when I was about 13, and it just got abusive no matter where I went. My sister moved off at 15 to live with a friend and I moved out when I turned 15 to a whole different city to work and rent my own home. And to this day, nobody in this family speaks to each other. It's brutal. May dad is a full blown narcissistic 🐴🕳️ and mom is always pushing boundaries and inciting arguments and then gaslighting the heck out of it. Literally saying something then denying she said it in the same breath. And the entire 30 years I've constantly done everything I can to try to get everyone to get along. Well this year I finally just had enough and went no contact with everyone except my mom because I got roped into staying on their property. And I'm just packing up my stuff to head out and do something else this month. I'm putting distance between myself and all of them. I think it's called empathy fatigue

[@newtonmoon]

Thank you for the book recommendation.

[@anettewaits3677]

I grew up as the youngest of 4 my brother was the oldest he died 24 years ago in an accident - my parents divorced when I was 13 in Germany at the time we didn’t had shared custody ( I was born in 1968) - I had to tell a judge wich parent I would pick my mother briefed me before “ you better make sure you pick me” as long as I stayed with her she always told me that I was just like my father I never saw him again - when I turned 18 he sent me a birthday card and my mother told me “ he just did that because he doesn’t have to pay for you no more” ( it’s always 50/50 you are not just like one parent) I do not like my sisters and have no contact with them I always refer to them as Patty and Selma from the Simpsons - my mother had depression and my father had narcissistic tendencies - both of them died many years ago - I’am on my way thanks to people like you 💚

[@lauriesyme207]

I was the scapegoat child. I also felt that the woman who gave birth to me had contempt for me. It is devastating. I’m still healing those childhood traumas, training myself to love myself and be ok with being done with that family of origin. Siblings too. All have become narcissistic and I have to just go no contact with everyone. It’s a tough road.

[@sueh5241]

Hi it is tough, only I can say putting up with it is worse

[@savyglam1703]

Congratulations for taking the courageous path....I too had to cut ✂️ the chords....it's best to focus on our own healing and make space for new people who treat us right. Blessings and love❤

[@shirleyf1956]

Thank you for sharing your family story! I am the Victim in my family too. I married twice with two men who both are a narcissist. Why me?! Go back to review my childhood and realize I am a perfect Victim for a Narcissist person. I am used to treating myself badly and pleased people who do bully me. I am so used to Toxic relationships because my mom train me very well. I am healing myself and still have no idea how to talk to my mom now. No contact seems the only way.

[@mikesmith6594]

Facts Lisa this is what I've experienced most of my life thanks for the upload on this topic! My father makes me feel worthless and invisible not good enough like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. Everything is one sided, double standard, dysfunctional, neglectful etc.

[@mobicera502]

I have just encountered this kind of stuff after about 20 years of suicidal depression believing all the horrible things my family said to me to be true, believing that I deserved to be treated like I was from my family, that I deserved to suffer because I was the cause of all the dysfunction. But starting to work with a therapist and psychologist more honestly not hiding all my experiences due to shame and self hate I have discovered that I'm just an autistic man who experienced emotional trauma and really didn't deserve the labels that were placed on me nor the treatment I received. Trying to talk to my brother or sister about anything and they still 20 years later blame me for all the irrational anger we experienced and declare I'm the horrible person for bringing up I'm suffering same as my parents. Im trying to bring myself to the point of no contact so I can experience peace, it is very difficult. So I want to thank you for these videos your making and speaking about things no one seems to want to talk about, reading through some of these comments shows this is helping people gain and maintain the strength they need and that's a wonderful thing. Thank you.

[@johnnyshae2601]

WELL SAID!!!

[@opheliariver3225]

I was also the scapegoat. My mother blamed me for having a developmentally delayed younger son. She always told me she wished I hadn't been born, or that if I wasn't such an easy baby, she would never have had another child. He was very high needs growing up with mental and behavioral problems, but also life threatening asthma and allergies. Unfortunately, he will never grow beyond the mental age of about 9 years old. He learned very young that if he blamed things on me, he never got in trouble. If I stood up for myself, I was punished for what he did and also for lying about it. I'm almost 50 and I can hardly have a relationship with him because the smallest things will set him off. Yet, I have this obligation to be his caretaker when my mother is gone. I have never lived my life for myself - every major life decision I've made considers how I will support the two of them should anything happen. Thank you so much for this video!! It helps me to make sense of some things.

[@tanyakilbane7636]

I give you permission to make other arrangements, you are not that personal punching bag you are setting yourself out to be. Boundaries now!

[@opheliariver3225]

@@tanyakilbane7636 Thank you! I have been working hard on my boundaries and all sorts of childhood crap for the past year with a counsellor. :)

[@daniellegreco3941]

Yes my dad would smile and laugh enjoying the destruction of my brother and mother's bond. He relished in my pain. That's when I saw the evil Masonic demon most happy...when he took everyone away, and then I was his punching bag.

[@bobsanderz3005]

That’s awful. Glad you can reflect now at what a monster he was and not internalize all that BS

[@dunmwarupreachan4567]

My siblings and I are finally having a relationship. A healthy functioning relationship. Because our parents are not involved. We all came to a consensus, too. We will breathe easier when all the adults who contributed to the disfunction are all finally dead. I am happy we can be a team again. Like we were as children. Short lived time, but we got it back.

[@sherylbeamer7189]

Thank you Lisa. This was one of your best videos and really validated my experience. Bless you🙏🏼💕

[@lisaaromano1]

You are so welcome

[@BlueMosaic5]

yes, I lived your life almost exactly, except I was blessed to have a paternal grandmother nearby, where I went to escape and find a safe place very often. I thank God that I had her. That dear woman was my unconditional love

[@emmieronen]

My 7 years older sister thinks that I'm evil and all of our family issues are my fault since I was born. You described our childhood as well.

[@MrsD3Aer]

My sister and I were talking about this when our mother was on her deathbed…so I thought she was understanding me and what was done to us. …..after mom died my sister vanished with the heritage and gives me the silence treat for now more than a year!

[@John_Conner222]

The more I look into it and the more I see the incredible amounts of ego and gaslighting in my family I don't even want to repair the relationships with my siblings. I just want to move across country and change my name and try to build a whole new life.

[@OneWhoKnowz]

My sister and I were disconnected from childhood due to my mother and now after chanting I’ve been able to reconnect and we wit each other without fighting and arguing. My mom still gaslights and I’ve been tryna get her approvals I’m done. I am gonna live my life and she is going on a home. I’ll go visit u e struggled with this for the last 2 Years of being her caretaker!

[@Ericasentertainments]

So true! there are 5 of us siblings, I’m the oldest, my narc mom lived vicariously through me then When she was done with me, she just went down the line of children. I speak to only one sibling once a year,we share the same father, our father passed away years ago. The other siblings are still under mom’s spell 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@alexandriascott4656]

Truth💯🎯!!!! Thank you for touching on this. ♥️ 🙏 I feel the exact same way as you. My parents make me feel worthless like I don’t exist like I’m not alive. It’s so horrible, messed up and wrong. I hate the way the make me feel constantly putting me down projecting their crap on me. They don’t want to deal with me for nothing I did. My parents are judgemental and criticize all the time it’s never good enough your always wrong and bad. They are ignorant closed and small minded. Leaving me out in the cold abaondoning neglecting and abusing me was unjustified. I’m not bad or did anything wrong to deserve such horrid treatment. They won’t even talk to me, they are so selfish emotionally immature narcissistic and toxic sadly. My mother has pitted an triangulated my brother against me with lies. She’s poisoned other family members against me. Its been so awful, even going no contact it still hurts and I’m confused why they want to be this way. My parents had a ww3 divorce and they can’t even get along for the sake of me. I had no chance to be loved cared for or cherished my mom made my brother the golden child immediately and me the scapegoat for no reason. My mom and brother are bullies! My family is broken and dysfunctional I feel like a a orphan. They don’t want to go to therapy and heal and my brother and mom don’t want to admit to assaulting me. My mom did me so dirty she’s betrayed robbed stole set me up and tricked me. She even got a dirty cop involved and lied on me about doing something I didn’t do. She’s pure evil she’s the devil. I’m the oldest and I’m Hated for being born which is insane, they should Of just given me away. I haven’t been able to talk to my brother due to my mother. My mother is so wicked evil and cruel and no one else in the family stands up for me listens or sees me and attempts to have my back, they just dismiss invalidate gaslight and make me feel and look crazy like I’m the lier but I’m not. I went to a psychic and she confirmed all this she said it was all my mom doing and all those terrible things she did to me. Yes I’ve been abused on so many levels and I’ve had everyone around me be in denial and delusional believing the lies and illusions of the false reality instead of the truth. Yes my mom had done the divide and conquer tactic on me and my brother he’s said things to me that suggests he’s trying to compete with me or that he’s better then me, it’s so so stupid and wrong. My mom just allows it and does nothing.

[@silviahannak3213]

Exactly..they call it Upbringing. Victim blaming...right? I know how that feels even today. Like: No i don't want to see this or that uncle and i can't forgive (it was a Sexualität thing) I mean..my own mum just want to play happy family cause my dad (the first Aggressor) is no more. So what do i say? I keep my boundaries. Say no but she says i am coming up with the past. Though she asking me why i dont want to celebrate christmas with my Uncle just for of making her happy or so.(Many family members died between 2016 and 2019) As if it was nothing what he (they,seperatly) did to me. What do you say to Such a mother in a respectful way

[@DarlitaStephens]

I was the not only my mom's scapegoat but my entire family's scapegoat, and my brother, Chris, was the golden child. My mom emotionally and psychologically tortured me but she nurtured him. The way she treated us was like night and day. She'd sometimes say it was because his father took care of him financially and mine didn't...like I was involved in the decisions she made to try to trap my father by getting pregnant, which blew up in her face when he left suddenly when I was 3.

[@HomeFrendsten]

Only some families are safe for children

[@cbrashsorensen]

Lisa: Everything you speak about here is very true. YET...reading the comments below I can see that most children who grow up in these relationships care forward these same interactions into their adult life--and probably (not always) but often into their own parenting. Thus these patterns repeat themselves over-and-over again. As for sibling dysfunction--no doubt that too is a function of childhood messaging from parents and encouragement of poor sibling relationships. Parents "bully" and parents "emotionally abuse" children. I always thought the worst possible behavior was incest and physical abuse but I think not. Thank you for these clarifications.

[@girlpower9687]

My siblings don’t care And my parents never contact me they don’t even love them each other

[@ivankaavdibasic5774]

This topic break my heart. I don't now how to deal with this. As my kids grew up in our home like this. I didn't know how to protect them. I was a lot of time silent or make it sounds normal. Ugh. I wish I knew this, 20 years ago. ❤😢

[@jeffchristie-od5gu]

A Sibling is the core of the destruction of the family I came from. He is the most pathetic Soul I know, but well-veiled about it. I, eventually, married the worst-off Sibling from another family, & you can begin to imagine how it has turned-out

[@katiswan3160]

💛Thank you Lisa ❤️for creating 💖this wonderful 💜video and ❤️‍🔥giving me some ❤️tools to 💜change my 💛life . 💕This sounds like 💖my life ❤️in many ways ❤️‍🔥. 💗I never felt 💕love by 💛my mom.

[@Monetize_This]

My siblings all live under a blanket of shame and they all Compete for mother’s affection. Father was a childish tyrant who was a miserable man and died with no connection to his own children who walked on eggshells around him. To this day no one can express themselves honestly without fear of reprisal from the others and all fall under the sway of the oldest brother. The pecking order has never abated and I’ve essentially removed myself from all of them. We don’t talk and when we do get together it’s always uneasy. There’s a narrative that is never allowed to be questioned because the blowback is truly mean spirited.

[@Jenniferlynn8]

Oh my goodness…. This is my family! Both my parents were emotionally immature due to there own upbringing. When I started my journey a few years back I became aware that I was capable of doing the same thing to my kids. I work hard everyday so I can be a healthier human being and not treat my kids in a way where they feel unseen or unloved! I’m so grateful for this Channel and for all you give back Lisa ❤️