HOW TO LISTEN SO THAT SOMEONE WILL OPEN UP (NVC DEMO WITH MY DAD)

[@SteffiBlack]

I love that it's about hearing the need not moving into defending yourself, but actually opening yourself up to hear the person's needs.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hi Steffi, YES..that is so much what it's about for me..thanks for sharing.

[@dohaafifi6794]

it brought tears in my eyes.. maybe because it reminds me of a similar situation with mom .. and the same worries I had like you.. and the chance now to connect deeply with her .. looking for this .. Thank you and to your dad for sharing this special moment with us

[@sednonsatia]

This was beautiful to watch, and I regret not having a relationship like this with my own father.

[@B30pt87]

That was very satisfying to watch. Even without understanding the words spoken, the feelings, attention, and the two of you responding to each other came through perfectly. Thank you for making this video.

[@NothingParticularVid]

A really powerful demonstration that also shows how counterintuitive it is to deal with a grievance with someone in this way. How easy it would be to become defensive and wreck everything.

[@boyeesevilla]

This was beautiful to witness! A real life concern between you and your dad.. NVC worked! Thank you for sharing!

[@daniellefrancesmonk]

This was, for me, such a powerful and beautiful video to watch. Thank you so much for sharing this experience, and for sharing your wisdom on this.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you thank you thank you!!

[@ellieb8551]

Thank you. It was beautiful to witness such a depth of connection between you and your father. How special it is that you have that.

[@johnbrewer3676]

Once again, very helpful. I appreciate your contributions to the global NVC Community.

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks John! I love this appreciation.

[@ancestream313]

wow, I am feeling so joyful to hear your father talk about how he supports your decision to "park" that extra issue until you could process it. Suddenly I can see you in a different light, and your attraction to NVC surely was inspired by your father that had already adopted very generous philosophies toward you and your emotional needs.

[@tiajen25]

Thank you for sharing this vulnerable conversation between you and your dad. Both my parents have died, and I wish I could have had more open/vulnerable conversations with them on subjects like this. My sibling and I are estranged now, and I hope at some point we are able/willing to come back together as siblings and find peace and a place in each of our lives for the other. It is so important to have examples of how conversations can go and relationships can deepen. (PS, on another topic, during the conversation/video, there were white rectangles that appeared, which probably had writing on them, and I couldn't read what was written due to a lack of contrast.)

[@miriamhansen9247]

Thank you for this video. I have been part of an NVC group for about a year and I find NVC very helpful and also very challenging to do when my emotions run high. So this little video came as a perfect reminder and demonstration of what is possible when you take a step back and apply it to the most challenging areas of your life.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks Miriam, happy to read this!

[@ventureswild1228]

I’ve practiced and studied NVC for 20 years. I wish everyone knew how gold this video is. The empathy displayed is so crucial. Your clarifying for understanding instead of defending and explaining was rare, refreshing, and exciting to see. Incredible. Thank you.

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks so much!!

[@speedypete4987]

Yes, that was beautiful and touching for me to watch. As children it is easy to forget that our parents, our former caregivers, also have a need for attention, interest and care. Lovely!

[@CupofEmpathy]

😊thanks

[@MycolOG]

This is the most beautiful exchange I’ve ever seen. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable moment so we can learn nvc ❤

[@luciasamaras7767]

That’s very courageous to share your tender moments, and it’s so valuable for me to see them. My best thanks to you for helping in such a practical way.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you so much!

[@RobvandenBrand]

I really feel like I'm getting benefit by watching your videos...whereas previous NVC material I've been exposed to never fully took away my skepticism about it, your videos do take it away.

[@vandijkmarianne1]

wow..!!! thanks..that's a huge compliment to me!

[@milenakopkowska6660]

I feel the same way as Rob- when I was reading Marshalls book it all seems impossible to implement and also kind of artificial. It feels like you are encouraged to avoid to react to what the person is saying. But you demonstrate in this video (pointing out when the video is stopped is very helpful) that not reacting to "accusations" actually address the person needs better and deeper as he is still in his story, not yours. It did make me think and give NVC another go :)

[@afriend621]

This is so wonderful. Thanks for making this video with your Dad. My heart is open and full.

[@ZANAHEALING]

Deze video voelt open, kwetsbaar en relateerbaar. Dankjulliewel voor dit mooie voorbeeld

[@sharontradehealthcoach]

Wonderful. The demonstrations are so so helpful thank you 🙏

[@LukaSamm]

Good to have dad like yours , I would like to see some empathy then the other side yelling and blaming and don't want to participate

[@MangoNizer]

This must be the best video of yours I've watched so far. With real life example. Much more understandable than the theory videos. I actually cried a little with you. Thank you giraffe language goddess.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Glad you enjoyed it! Hahaha giraffe language goddess I hadnt heard that one before, heart warming!

[@Alimaryjones]

I love your little demos of how to put NVC into practice, it helps me to see how I can make changes in the way I communicate....especially with my family when there are long- standing habits of miss communication....And often a lot of guilt about ' not replying' without the understanding of the complicated reasons why. So, it was helpful to me to get some clarity...there are reasons, and sharing those reasons helps to connect with the other. Thankyou !

[@13saz]

So useful! Thank you for sharing, especially something so deep and vulnerable

[@hay16233]

Such a touching exchange. Thanks for sharing 🌺

[@renetingting]

Hi Marianne, greetings from LA. I came across your channel as I researched NVC. I love the content you share and the fantastic examples you use. Thanks so much for being an incredible NVC coach. Warm blessings to you and your father for sharing your journey and for educating all of us a long the way.

[@BiancaTait]

This was very moving indeed. |Beautiful sharing.... thank you. Made me cry because I just lost my mum almost 2 months ago......

[@OlliesLoveHealing]

I'm so grateful for your content ❤

[@yaelbrisker]

Hi from Israel! Very touching I cried with you and was in awe of your ability and your Dad's too! I'm an NVC trainer and I really enjoy the clarity and the gentleness of your videos! Thank you!

[@yaelbrisker]

P.s.Felt really sad wishing my Dad was around to have this conversation...

[@CupofEmpathy]

I saw that I didnt reply to this, I completely missed your message which I mourn..especially reading it touched sadness about missing your dad..sending you a big hug for that and thanks for your appreciation.

[@ellenjansen388]

[@dorsababaei2626]

wow, this was so so helpful for me. Thank you so much for this amazing video.

[@CupofEmpathy]

I'm so glad!

[@romainlorek3293]

I’m fee humbled and emotional

[@CupofEmpathy]

thank you

[@mackalayyanssane8146]

So real! So genuin! So helpful! Thx!

[@moirahyde750]

So beautiful 💕

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you! 😊

[@thatsparul]

I love love this video Marianne. I found it very touching & extremely open and authentic. Thank you for sharing it

[@thatsparul]

also I loved how you shared tit-bits about the process in between the demo. That added extra clarity & a deeper dimension of learning.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks a lot for letting me know Parul!!

[@tempestblack3840]

Is it okay to "need" another person's care, time, attention, interest, etc? Or are those not strategies aimed at meeting a deeper more general need, say for love and belonging (which can be met elsewhere if need be)? I have trouble properly identifying needs sometimes.

[@jgarciax]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@darwindeeez]

i fucking love this yo

[@vandijkmarianne1]

haha! yo! me too!

[@Xeronimo74]

another really useful, and touching, video!

[@Tracks777]

Awesome video,Keep it up!

[@MohamedMohamed-dz8uz]

Very beautifull indeed

[@natalieinthewild]

Do you have any videos of listening to someone who is using jackal?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hey Natalie, I dont currently, maybe in the future, stay tuned!

[@travellearn9547]

Question : what if the other person is not in a position to empathise with me in the same way ? Or what if they are not fluent with NVC but i still require the care after sharing what i do . Could you please help with a demo of some self empathy tips for such situations please ? I find your videos very helpful especially as the demon you give make it so relatable to my life . Thank you for your work ❤

[@rabbitsrule9437]

What if you couldn’t remember why you hadn’t called.

[@worstmusicfans7675]

What if the person you are hearing does speak in judgements towards you and does not take interest in my emotions or needs?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Depend on whether it is a one time thing or they chronically are not interested in your needs? If it's chronical I would remove myself from the relationship, because, at least in my experience, there are enough people that naturally take an interest in my needs and that is where I want to put my energy.

[@corinnedara1]

I appreciate you posting this personal moment in helping to teach how to practice NVC. My one concern is that I didn't see there was responsibility taken on your part for not calling when you said you would and therefore not meeting the needs of your Dad. Maybe this was done outside the video. I just wanted to check with you whether you think it's necessary to express your sadness or regret that you did not keep your word. even if you had valid reasons for not calling.

[@CupofEmpathy]

If there is mourning in me I could express that (and indeed I did, the recording was way longer than what I used), however I might not meet someone's need and not necessarily feel mourning - I want to make sure that it is not a have to, coming from a thought that I did something bad.

[@lotuslightheart]

I have a question: what if someone indicates that they don't want contact from you via text? Could there be a way to mediate this kind of situation, so both parties can actually listen to the words in between people?

[@yeniboyut]

Does german people expressing their needs as much as open?

[@annedunne7738]

An excellent video on the art of listening empathetically. As Christians, we are called on to imitate Jesus in showing empathy. The Bible urges us to show “fellow feeling.”* (1 Peter 3:8) It may not be easy to grasp the feelings of those suffering from chronic illness or depression​-especially if we have not gone through such pain ourselves. Remember, though, that empathy does not depend on shared circumstances. Jesus empathized with the sick even though he himself had never been sick. How, then, can we cultivate empathy? By patiently listening as suffering ones open up their hearts and share their feelings. We might ask ourselves, ‘If I were in their situation, how would I feel?’ (1 Corinthians 12:26) If we sharpen our sensitivity to the feelings of others, we will be better able to “speak consolingly to the depressed souls.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14) At times, empathy may be expressed not only with words but also with tears. “Weep with people who weep,” says Romans 12:15. Please visit wol.jw.org for more information on this and many more subjects.

[@scotter]

Have you heard of or done "circling"?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hey Scott, yes I've heard of it, friends of mine do it, but I haven't tried it myself yet :-)

[@chatterjeelinda4]

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but what language are you speaking? I'm guessing Belgian

[@chatterjeelinda4]

Not understanding the words makes it somehow easier to SEE what's happening between the people.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Haha..we speak Dutch, Linda!