Trauma Bonding as Fantasy Defense (World Psychiatrists and Psychologists Conference, November 2021)

[@truthseeker9207]

I agree as a person with BPD on the shared fantasy. It was hard to kill off the shared fantasy and took a long time. Demonizing him was the only way to do it along with studying NPD/ASPD and the trauma bond. I was the giver and he was the taker. The scales were so unbalanced. I got crumbs every time. He used trauma against me in trauma re-infliction. They will ask your worst sexual trauma and reinflict the same one to slice off the scab and leave you bleeding with a sadistic smile.

[@evka24]

I am so sorry 🤗

[@lisaeustace1181]

This comment gave me the chills. I have BPD and my NPD ex tormented me for years using my past sexual traumas. I confided in him about being raped when I was a teenager and he asked details. One night I walked into his bedroom and found laying on his bed a red tank top and jean shorts almost identical to what I was wearing the night I was raped. He made me put them on and pretended to be my rapist and made me tell him I loved him. That was just one of the many ways I was tormented. He believed he owned me and said I was the only woman that he ever felt desire for. I recently went no contact and sometimes I see him parked in my gym parking lot watching me walk in. I’m just taking it day by day healing and hope you are healing as well.

[@boop79]

So well said. It’s demonic what they do and how blind we can be because it’s just so evil

[@kattalinakazunas-mr4yu]

I am so happy you got away. Scary tho that he sees you still at the gym.

[@tieryfol9018]

I am 55!years old and I finally understand what the heck is going on inside me. I couldn’t be more grateful to Sam and this priceless information. Accurate and crude. All I have been looking all my life but even when he said in one of his other videos about how when one’s gets experience it’s kind of too late , I am glad I finally can make peace with all my childhood trauma and my most life relationships trauma bounding. Which I just discovered throughout this video ,never knew before what it was. But I have also hear when the student is ready the teacher appears! Thank you for the info. Its kind of saving my life.

[@arzucalis9457]

Brilliant, simply brilliant. All my burning questions answered at last 🙏🏻 to my, hard to achieve, intellectual satisfaction. I literally feel lighter. A weight of confusion, darkness, ignorance has been lifted off of me. Thank you for your tireless effort not only to seek answers for yourself, but also to share them with the general public 🙏🏻

[@nicolececilia6593]

I always wondered why their flying monkeys seem brainwashed. I guess this how they suck them in and get them to do their bidding.

[@michellebarre5397]

Nice explanation of trauma bonding! I needed to understand it from a non-victim

[@Anarramirezw]

I had a three years affair with my doctor and was exactly like this. He is a narcissist and I have borderline personality disorder. We were living in a fantasy world that no one could understand. I hated him during all the dynamic, I always wanted to escape but when he cheated on me I wanted him back! I reported him to the ethical board and destroyed his reputation.

[@RyanB-v9t]

You sound like a psychopath.

[@andrzejzie7046]

So you are a narcissist is he is. You were hooked on him and when he refused to pay you, you reported him. He is a victim not you. You are just a common slut.

[@osage2139]

Mesmerizing lecture, thank you Prof. Vaknin.

[@aneloosthuizen6427]

So the False Self, which we do not want to let go of, has to metaphorically die for the Authentic Self, the Real You to be born again.

[@Xhayl]

Wow, you're making so much sense. Thank you so much for sharing this information.

[@quabot]

Wow!! I can say you’ve inspired me to become a psychologist

[@marciestoddard730]

Oof dont do it. Its endless neurosis and living in the head. Unless you like that

[@pielskinco]

Sam, this was incredibly informative and enlightening. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[@hermeticinstrumentalist6804]

Thank you for your time good Sir Vaknin. It is very much appreciated.

[@jasmine8872]

Thank you as always for your knowledge & insight professor.

[@magdadiamantopoulou7996]

Perfect explanation. Thank you Prof. Vaknin.

[@j_u_ss_y]

This is very interesting and I thank you for sharing it.

[@frankg9033]

At the very end you say it’s impossible for the borderline to end his life long intimate fantasies , do you have any insights that DBT can help the borderline choose a partner the healthy way ?

[@davidseva6533]

Fantasy is a vision not back up by action and unrealistic goals to achieve that vision. We are all heading towards some type of vision for our life. Even a homeless people has a vision for their life, only their vision is dark, they have low standards and failure has consumed their mindset.

[@Mia15239]

not true. I was homeless and that was not the vision for my life nor is it for many other homeless people who I met at the time. don't talk about things you have no idea about.

[@anoudy3918]

Please tell us how to heal from this nightmare 🙏

[@4everu984]

Do you trauma work. 🙏🏻

[@latishalasaldo4692]

Please do a video on how to stop RUMINATING. I live with my narc hes my husband csnt leave for many reasons yet. I just want to know how to stop thinking about him and everything if you know what I mean. Please. Thank you you've helped me so much so far.

[@evka24]

U can’t move on while he is under your feet. Or try to have clear rules, expectations about how u live and behave while u share the house

[@rww5794]

So there are no reverse tactics for all this turmoil of the mind? Are we all doomed?Surely a man as brilliant as you could come up with a few!

[@zydrebaroniene8412]

Hi..thank you so so much ✌️✌️

[@numnumkawaii31]

Just found out out my X of 6.5yrs is gay. Narcissist. A hell marriage.

[@evka24]

Sorry to hear that.

[@susanrose4792]

Sam you help me break free from this nightmare. I’ve got over the trauma bond that was the hardest. I was never into drugs but the trauma bond was like taking cocaine I guess. He kept repeating the phrase over and over every email I love your body you don’t have to be a skeleton for me to love you. He planted this in my brain and I kept losing weight till I became anorexic I was about to lose my life. In your last video I watched you said their words were like music they would repeat things over and over again. After each email I love your body. Sam is it possible he was trying to kill me with his words?

[@evka24]

I hope u learned to define ur needs by yourself not by others. 🤗

[@mrnobodyjo]

Is it normal for someone to have no sexual fantasy?

[@believer9258]

Well expained thankyou

[@reshneebhagwandas1644]

Hi Sam, how can you break the cycle or the trauma bonding?

[@meriemmimi104]

Is the abusive partner in trauma bonding always mentally ill? Can a healthy person play this role with a victim who have dependency problems??