🦋 traumacore_v2

[@therealslimshady4584]

The first image is everything to me. I used to "bathe" my little toys whenever I bathed as a child. I took extra care of them, and would feel guilty if I didn't. After being SA'd, I stopped, because I felt guilty for touching them. Edit: I left a reply under this trying to tell everyone I'm okay now but it doesn't seem to be working. Basically, thank you all for the support, every comment has made me cry (happy tears ofc)

[@вѕяєумму]

i'm so sorry but that is fucking devastating, i'm sorry you had to be so strong that young.

[@therealslimshady4584]

@@вѕяєумму All good now, just feel like I missed out on being a kid

[@kitu_chips]

I'm so sorry... you didnt deserve that, noone does and I hope your able to heal... Just know that you are loved and there are people that will always be there to help you... if you ever need to reach out I'll gladly be here to talk to... :]

[@I_L0VE_SALLY_F4CE]

Omfg that is horrible

[@r4iii]

thats hits,that hits hard in my heart. i couldn't image how it affected your life, i hope you still have/had time to be a kid.

[@toast9640]

the quote "YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVE GO BACK!" hits hard .

[@thevaleofthesoil744]

true

[@Carina_Mia]

Fr

[@covertcor]

I cried at it for an hour straight non-stop, because it hits so much. You want to go back to your childhood, stay there, laying on the grass while your mom and your friends have a picnic at the forest nearby river. Looking at the sky and thinking that this is your world. You can change and do whatever you want. And you are happy, truly happy and even the saddest moments in your life can't change it. And then you find yourself laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, crying about your life, your mind and thoughts that have changed since those days of pure happiness.

[@LavenderSweetTea]

​@covertcor It feels like they are still there, like tomorrow we'll just wake up, and it'll be school again, the playground and recess and the grass. But having the memories so close and then knowing you'll never have them again hurts so much. I can still remember so vividly, so familiarly the innocent days of my childhood and yet ill never have another again.

[@ChesmusXD]

The worst part about childhood trauma before 4 is that it's the only part of your younger years you remember.

[@whiteeyedshadow8423]

FORREAL THO

[@LazyArtyz]

Yeah my trauma is my earliest childhood memory

[@Саномо]

В каком-то смысле да, а в каком-то нет... вроде бы я помню только плохое в этом возрасте, а вроде бы и не помню, что со мной происходило :

[@SnansKitty]

yea

[@reG_balls_2024]

It still effects me and I'm 16 now. PTSD child abuse sa

[@Theiser2030]

No one is ever gonna see this so I might as well say it. I was a victim of SA from a family member at the age of 6. I didn’t even know what was wrong with me at that age. I didn’t know what I did to deserve it. I felt disgusting, I would shower as hot as I could to try and clean it, boil it off me. But I still felt him on me. 16 years and it’s still there somewhere in the background. I just want to be free. I want my life back

[@kwabc123]

im so sorry that happened to you. sending you virtual hugs ❤

[@fantasticalLB]

I’m genuinely so sorry for you. I hope one day you can find closure, it’s disgusting how someone could do that to you when you were just a child…I’m so sorry you had to experience that ❤

[@ironyvioery]

For me, I was around 8 I think? Honey, you're not in fault in this. It is them for having this mindset that it's ok for them do this kind to act especially to a child. I would recommend going to therapy or counseling and work to heal together with the therapist or a counselor. Always remember that you are loved and nothing they had done would stop that. Karma will get them. In meantime, live and enjoy the present as freely as you want to because the great revenge is healing and not letting that trauma stop you from growing as a human being. It's not about what they did or them at all. That person can rot for all I care. It's about you and you growing as a human being. 🫂🫂 much love for you, another human being.

[@FnafFoxy591]

It is not your fault. It is okay. You are strong

[@theartpuppet4220]

If it helps, even a little, after about 7 years all of the cells in your body have been replaced. So you are already one body away from the one you were hurt in and moving into your next. and more than that after about 20 days you have new skin! You are at least 180 skins away from what happened. Hope that doesn't sound too creepy. I promise you ARE healing.

[@iuseyoutube1]

“I wish I could have been a better dog” my best friend posted a poem relating them to a dog, one abused and neglected, one that only wanted love. But at the end they brought it back to themselves, what they perceived as their shortcomings. Instead of wishing to be loved more, they wished they did better. So if anyone sees this and wishes they were a better child, partner, parents, nibbling, grandchild, or whatever, know that the abuse is not your fault. You are worth infinitely more than how you were treated.

[@jasontud9611]

thanks, seriously, sometimes I don't understand what I did wrong, what I did for her to hate me, to tell me that i should have been aborted, that I should have kill myself, thanks

[@yarinelmaliach1444]

Can we get the full poem

[@monke_4]

full poem please?

[@C0PP3R.]

can we pretty please get the full poem??

[@graysoneatsgrass]

People are fucking disgusting. Almost everyone watching this video has experienced some kind of trauma. Predominantly SA. Im sorry to everybody here. You didnt fucking deserve that. Whoever did that to you deserves the most ruthless and horrendous punishment. My fucking blood boils reading your stories. Again, YOU DIDNT DESERVE THAT. I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU THINK YOU DID SOMETHING TO DESERVE THAT! YOU DIDNT!!! You DID NOT ask for that. Youre. Valid. Your trauma is valid. Your feelings are valid. Do not give up. I believe in you. YOUVE MADE IT THIS FAR, HOLY SHIT!!!! ❤❤ YOU CAN KEEP GOING! ONE SIMPLE STEP AT A TIME! BE THERE FOR YOURSELF. You cant rely on another people, sadly. Im sure you understand how utterly disgusting and selfish people can be. Youre your own warrior. Protect yourself unlike the people who never protected you. You WILL be okay. ❤

[@TubinCupin]

thank you, as a former sa victim. i feel like i needed to hear that today, in fact all of us survivors do.

[@Lu-ly8gn]

You made me cry happy tears, thank you for existing you beautiful soul.

[@graysoneatsgrass]

@Lu-ly8gn ofc ❤️ I hope you're in a good place rn

[@justclip7697]

​@@graysoneatsgrassthanks for the comment. My childhood wasn't all terrible. As a child I would be locked in a dark empty room when stepdad still saw me awake at night. I was crying and begging him not to lock me in the dark. He would be verbally aggressive towards me and my siblings, couldn't answer a simple math question because I was too scared of uttering an incorrect one and being punished for it. After school, whenever I lost something or did a bad kid thing, me and step-dad would stand in the side of the sidewalk outside of school, while pinching or slapping me while threatening to hit me again if I couldn't answer him properly, all of which are happening while tons of bystanders and people could see me crying and feeling utterly humiliated about it. For some nights, me and my siblings couldn't sleep because mom and step-dad would argue and it usually escalates to step-dad physically/emotionally hurting mom. I remember when she repeatedly hit her head on the wall because of him. We were scared 24/7 in our own home, being hypervigilant, silent, and anxious around him. We would be happy and jumping around like children if mom told us that he left for work or somewhere else. Step-dad doesn't understand why mom hates him and doesn't grasp the idea of us hating him. He's a coward that thinks he's the victim and he's wronged. He's the right one, the smart one, the stable one, the mature one, the humble one. The everything good. I want him to die. He made me this way, yet he wonders why I'm quiet and sensitive. You made me this way. Why won't you understand. You ruined us, you ruined my mom. You irresponsible, immature, hotheaded, narcissist. But for real, thank you for the comment. I appreciate it.

[@ily-j3f]

When my parents found out I got nothing, No mental hospital visit No therapist No deep talk No talk No encouraging words All I got was a bandage that wasn’t even replaced or checked on from my mum My dad never addressed it, the closest thing I got to it was a “it’s ok to not be ok” in the car two weeks after. I turned 14 1 hour and 57 minutes ago and I’ve been partially clean for around 7 months ❤ I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can continue to do so❤❤❤❤

[@alieharris931]

I am SO proud of you. 7 months is such a long time, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been clean for, it matters if you are at least trying to stop

[@IdkMyname-t9l]

Damn i feel that, not having a real connection with your parents is fucked

[@ily-j3f]

@@alieharris931 thank you your amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@ily-j3f]

@@IdkMyname-t9l yeah it can damage someone a lot more than most think it can :/

[@alieharris931]

@@ily-j3f just sending positive truth to others

[@inkling-yw5jr]

The last one feels like experiencing death at a young age by losing a childhood dog, you expect it all to just be a dream, everyday you wake up and you think that maybe they'll be laying on the floor downstairs or sleeping with you on your lap. Or maybe roaming around the house, perhaps in the hall where your bedroom is. And even whilst you grow up, and think you have gotten over it, there will forever be a gaping hole in your heart. You're just to distracted to notice it.

[@SickoPsycho]

Lost my dog and this is accurate

[@bugbites-j7f]

Thats how i felt loosing my cats right after my only friend friend left me and started bulling me in elementary

[@TAGODOT]

I wish it were- for me it was a loved one who committed and sadly parted ways

[@praiseJesusChrist-333]

literally me when i lost my mom at nine years old. im now 14.

[@chryssame9103]

istg i was (for some reason) on the brink of tears for a split second while reading this. I can't imagine losing my baby..

[@-caixiii-]

this playlist makes me feel like a small child falling asleep after crying, thank you for making this

[@5tankyLav3nd3r]

I remember being sad, just being sad when I see another child not take care or their stuffed animal, Barbie, Ken, any doll in general. It just made me sad.

[@taromilkteawboba]

felt. i used to hate having favorite toys because i thought the other ones would feel sad and die if i didn't play with them too

[@Toasti-e5n]

Im tired. I feel as if im not in charge of my body. I dont want to die. I dont want to hurt. I dont want to sleep. I dont want to eat. My brain is loud. It hurts. Everything hurts.

[@Objectshowfella]

Same dude

[@Hypnotic__Huskk]

Damn

[@Batsnorats]

Reminds me of “Sometimes” by Alex G (Hope you’re doing better in the future)

[@WolfieToonzArt]

Me too, dude. Me too. Everything is just so loud and painful. I wanna lay in bed and stare at my ceiling until i rot away. Don’t even want to sleep. Just wanna lay in bed and not do anything. Nothing feels real anymore. It all just feels like a dream.

[@xXFROGxX-f7w]

I know its ok you can do it❤❤ fren

[@Fandoms_gurlieeee]

8:14 The image hit hard My father constantly abused me (1-6 at the time), my little brother (1-2 at the time), and my mom, he'd yell at her and start arguments all the time. He would sometimes physically hit me (Kick me off beds, etc) My mom divorced him when I was 5. The abuse didn't stop. It's still going on now. I still see him. He recently almost killed my mom by strangling her when she tried again to fix the relationship, it was around a year ago. It was a whole court case afterward that I ALMOST got involved with, my dad tried to gaslight me into thinking my mom was the evil one, but I didn't listen. I told my therapist and she stopped helping. After that died down, CPS got involved and I told them *everything,* but I have yet to receive any help. I've matured severely and I feel it's unnatural for me; every time I go to my father's house I fear for my life, I'm actually scared as I'm typing this. I just want love and happiness, but as long as I'm with my dad; none of that will happen, because everyone keeps making excuses so I can keep seeing him. I hate him. I wish he'd die. I wish nothing more than to leave him for good, but I can't do that. I never will. I'm 13 now, hypersexual, and I've never felt so depressed, felt such a strong need for love and closure in my life. I just want help. I'm trapped. God, you bastard. Why aren't you helping me?

[@Dragonaiis]

hey. I know things are scary right now. I promise it will not always be that way- even if it feels like it. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Breathe. You're doing good. If you need somebody to talk to, I am here.

[@Lattemilkshake]

I fucking hate your so called dad.

[@me-.-]

i wish i could hug you, you're such a sweetheart..

[@dazed_pieces]

Im going through somethin similar, don't blame God. I can't say he is doing it for "reason." Not everything is reasonable. He lets life happen cause evil is also here. But you don't need to always go to him, you can try other people. I'm here, others in the comments, and anyone else. I care for you. I have a sister here that is your age, I understand what you feel at least somewhat. ❤

[@charlicrawford1329]

Jesus is fighting for you.. he is giving you the time away from him. He made your mom divorce him. Don't blame god... he's doing his best.....

[@ZsuzsaPolesz]

I feel like my trauma is not valid enough to feel the way i feel. I know it’s not a competition but still, i feel like comparing myself to other people, i have nothing to be depressed about. Im gonna be 20 next year, and im not ready for it, i wanna be a kid and play and all that. I miss my mom. I read so many comments here and i hope everyone is okay, and every one of you live a happy and loving rest of your lives.❤️ Btw: sorry for my English if i screwed something up.

[@love18death]

this is my situation as well nothing bad enough happened so i do i feel like this im gonna be an adult soon i dont want to im still kid i js wanna be a kid

[@infernalbusts]

Hey, I don't know you, and you don't know me. But I know what you're feeling. I know exactly what you're feeling. I just turned 21 this week. Leading up to my 20th birthday was the scariest and mentally challenging thing I have had on healing journey. It feels like it's your last chance to do everything for to help the little you inside yourself. It feels like 19 is the last chance you get to fix every shitty thing that happened to you, do everything you wanted to happen for your little you, and recover even just a shred of that childhood that little you deserved to have. I promise you, it's not so scary. The world isn't as unforgiving as you think. At the moment it's daunting and it feels like this impossibly far away thing thats suddenly been shoved in your face. No one talks about the struggles of traumatized children and teens who are trying to transition into functioning adults. We didn't get to function as children when we were children. I don't know your situation. I don't know what you've gone through. But I know that I have thought the same things about my experiences. Please don't ever think what you've gone through didn't matter because of anyone else's experience. What you feel is valid. What you've gone through isn't somehow "less traumatizing" because other people out there have different conditions. You are you. And you deserve to go through your emotions and heal from whatever you have gone through just like anyone else. Again, I know we don't know each other, but please if you need to talk about it, I will listen. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel okay. You don't deserve to feel less than.

[@jinx6449]

I feel you. When I get upset I always see as “it is not the worst thing to go through” which means I shouldn’t complain and be depressed when I haven’t actually been abused. I don’t know what to classify what I’ve been through. I have talked to my friends and they say I genuinely need to talk to a therapist to let it out. But I don’t consider it as abuse. I was unlucky to go through that. I just want to move on and let it go but I can’t.

[@winterkirby6671]

As someone who's turning 18 in over a month from now, It's definitely a strange feeling. Knowing what you went through wasn't okay but not thinking it was terrible enough to warrant how it's effecting you now. But I thank you and everyone here should know that no matter what you went through trauma is trauma at the end of the day, and your trauma will always be valid. Whatever happened to you was not okay and you have every right to feel the way you do about it.💜🫂

[@dxprave]

i’m so sorry you’re feeling like that. i promise your trauma is valid and you still deserve every bit of love that the world has to offer. it’s okay to be depressed and sad and angry at the world when it has treated you wrong. if it’s enough to even slightly upset you then it’s valid. i hope you’re doing a little better now. proud of you man.

[@MadilynnMurphy-hd3xu]

I’m watching my moms life’s ruin before my eyes. She threw up on the bed because of all the drugs she was taking and she slept in the her own vomit.

[@I_L0VE_SALLY_F4CE]

Oh my god are you holding up alright?

[@MadilynnMurphy-hd3xu]

@@I_L0VE_SALLY_F4CE I don’t really know. But thank you for asking. ❤️

[@WillSpencer0417]

I pray that you will be okay. 🙏 I hope your mother discontinues her use of substances, for her physical/mental health and yours too. Please be safe always. ❤️

[@ANG3L1C_L1GHT]

I am so so sorry about that. I hope your mother gets the help she needs and you heal from this. I'm so sorry...

[@Citrus.onpawz]

Gosh that’s absolutely horrible. I hope your mom gets better :( i hope you also get better soon

[@Ash_404_He-They]

Small vent (TW? Idk if any major ones are needed here other than implied trauma) This playlist reminds me of one specific feeling: Gaslighting yourself into thinking that the other people were right, that your trauma wasn’t “that bad”, and that you are just overreacting about distorted memories you can barely remember clearly details of anymore due to trying to forget everything that ever happened :(

[@muffinman_4]

this makes me feel like i'm a mother scrolling through photos of her child that passed

[@Raizl]

so real

[@pc_gamer2231]

im not even depressed or anything but this makes me tear up

[@almaalvarado6123]

i just found out my cousin S/A'd me since i was 9 she kept touching me and when i finnally knew about sx and all that she would pressure me and say "cmon its not that bad only for awhile" i also started cutting at 11 and i try to reach out for help but i dont want help at the same time i only trust my really close friends my bff of 3 years scolds me when i cut again and i lthen cry in her arms..i love her dearly please never leave me,you saved me..

[@watermylove4530]

I'm so sorry for you. 🫂 I don't know what to say. I hope you'll have the most beautiful of memories in your life.

[@justclip7697]

I'm really sorry you went through all of that crap. I started cutting only a few weeks ago at 16. I couldn't imagine already doing something like that at 11. I hope you're doing better now.

[@ev4n_scence]

im not even sure if i was SA'd or not. I grew up getting gr00med and manipulated by older men, as well as forced into stuff that i didn't even want to do. So my little brain tied two and two together and thought "hey, SA makes me happy" when it didn't. I only felt happy because i was made into thinking it made me happy. I was and still am heavily neglected by my parents, to the point when i suffered a massive heart attack when playing volleyball once and had to be rushed to the ER, they got pissed at me for "overreacting" and needing to go cause now they gotta pay. So when i was 14 and met my cousin who was 19 and who would show me more attention than I've ever gotten, I felt happy, i felt safe, and protected. I was and still is hypersexual due to my past experiences, so I did everything to make him stay, even taking off my clothes for him. I was happy doing so, not because it felt good but i was happy that somebody cared for me. I regret it deeply now, and anybody i told about my experience with my cousin tells me it's my fault. Perhaps it is, maybe i did initiate it, maybe i do deserve to be punished. He doesn't regret it, he misses it and tries contacting me to ask me to do it again with him. I told my parents and they blamed me for it and i got kicked out for the night, only let back in when i admitted that it's my fault. I told my school counselor and he told my parents who beat me and kicked me out again on a cold winter night. I learned to not tell anybody about my struggles after that, not unless I'm anonymous like online.

[@settive__.]

gosh what the actual hell?? i hope youre doing okay or at least somewhat decent your parents seem like they really suck i dont really know who you are but im listening even if i suck at comforting strangers

[@Less_Human]

It wasn't your fault. It'll never be your fault. He was 19. He should've known better. You don't deserve any of that.

[@decomposingratcarcass]

It wasnt your fault. Whether you initiated it or not. He was 19 while you were only 14, the age gap and maturity difference is insane. It was his responsibility to tell you no and not to let it happen. He was your older cousin who was supposed to look out for you, not view you as anything like he did. You were vulnerable, he took advantage of that. He's a disgusting person for not seeing what he did to you and still thinking you'd want to do those things. I hope that things are better for you now, if not I hope that they do.

[@Lu-ly8gn]

Please for the love of yourself you need in proper doses in the right sense get a therapist. You deserve so much more then that and yes, yes that was SA, even if you don’t believe it I know it just from that small portion of what happened to you, I wish life wasn’t so tough and rough on you.

[@K4t__Dr4wz23]

Please, for the love of everything, do not let yourself believe if was your fault. Yes, perhaps you did initiate it, but it was his responsibility to tell you to stop. Not to take advantage of you. You cousin is a massive dick, and i hope you block him. Cut ties with him and your parents. Hope you find someone who shows you genuine love and affection, and doesn't use you. Sending virtual hugs to you, internet stranger :(

[@hiiloveu1521]

It was not one big loud event, but my entire life instead. It's been happening since before I was born. And maybe I can't remember not because I forgot, but because it was always happening around me, so I thought that's what normal looks like

[@LazyArtyz]

Im sorry for whatever you're going through:( please dont give up. We care for you. Would you like to talk about it?

[@mielasitopambisito3927]

The worst part of childhood trauma..is being unable to hate the person that caused it...dad...

[@lin-of7no]

the last image hurt me a lot, my mother threw out my beloved childhood toy and ever since then i've been feeling so much grief over it, she was a small pink and purple ty beanie boo and she was my baby my little sister my everything, its been so many years yet i feel grief over her. i know she was just a plush toy and that maybe shes out there with another little girl making memories but why does it hurt like i've lost a real person? i dont understand why it hurts this much as it does everytime i cry about thinking about missing her its as bad as when my FP abandoned me thats how hard i cried, being a person is so hard this isnt even trauma

[@thenonfurry]

if i knew you i would buy you another one

[@NovaTheScreechingDragon]

@@thenonfurryik im not that person so i cant rly talk for them, but a thing similar happened to me and personally, buying another one wouldn’t work because my brain would think that “i just replaced the old one, it would feel so bad if it knew” even tho ik plushies dont have feelings yk? I don’t associate memories with a kind of object, but more with the specific object i have idk if it makes sense but-

[@lin-of7no]

@@thenonfurry you are so sweet, but you dont have to i could buy all the stock of the same plushie and it wont be the same as having her again and im learning to cope with that fact. nothing not even another plushie can replace the memories i've shared with her

[@5tankyLav3nd3r]

I lost my favorite dinosaur plush when I was in kindergarten, I have that guy since I was born and it was my favorite toy ever, I was heartbroken when I lost it, knowing I’ll never get him back. I feel you’re pain

[@AngelaMStovall]

It's probably about loss, loss of childhood or control because your mother took it & threw it away against your will, did she do that with other things? So I'm sure it runs deep.

[@wooaaoaooaoaoa]

i dont even think i have that bad trauma. Everyone around me seems so much better, i feel like im ruining it. Ive been bullied by the same guy from middle school for years. We’re in our second year of high school now. Everyone brushes it off as “he doesnt know how to express his love” or “boys will be boys”. I wanna die but i dont want my mom to cry. Sometimes, i even think about hiring someone to kill me so she doesnt think im not doing well. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy but they make me feel so good. I just wish every trace of me were erased so i could be nothing.

[@Burntcheese-or3ro]

Hey i hope you can went through this hard time man, but you gotta stand up and fight them back, you can take a break whenever you felt you losing, but never give up, i trust you random comment.

[@aziemazie]

as someone with an unhealthy coping mechanism due to trauma, its okay ! all that matters is you heal, even if its a very weird coping mechanism all that matters is you heal . and about ur bully : bullying and teasing can never be a sign of love, i dont even know why people romanticize peoples trauma of bullying about it.. because its a horrible feeling. it destroys ur confidence to pieces, its really a sad and terrible thing to experience. i hope you can graduate highschool and never see him again 💝🙏

[@reG_balls_2024]

Hey I hope everything can get better I'm so sorry you feel this way. But hey we got something in common. There was this friend i had since elementary school before COVID hit i was online school but after went back to school just to get bullied by them and their friends and treated in different. Dude I hope you heal I really do. Be careful

[@maigibbons675]

hello, one day you will be glad that you are alive. please push on though it all and take life a day at a time. do whatever you can to fight. i wish you the best

[@thenonfurry]

❤

[@somewhatdubz]

why didn’t you help me? you knew what happened you saw my face after it happened. my horrible, tear stained, face. you saw how terrified i was that day i was attacked. you watched me writhe in pain as my young hands reached for my broken skin. you saw as i tried fixing myself like i always do. and you just watched. some parent you are.

[@thenonfurry]

❤

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I hope you're in a safe place now

[@sillyfennec_xavier]

i get so angry when parents don’t even do their job. i have a strong sense of justice that it hurts so much seeing things like that happen. you don’t deserve these monsters to “take care” of you.

[@MarsSpitsBars]

'just take my wallet' is the most relatable song to me It reminds me of my mom and my old stepmother "Whats the kindest way to say You took away my friend, my buddy." reminds me of how i wasnt allowed to play with any of my stepsiblings (i was 7)

[@avaamythest]

I haven't been SA'd, but my mom has abused me a lot emotionally. My skin still feels like it crawls though and I want to scratch it off because when I came out to her as bisexual she would not stop touching my arms or making me sit in her lap. She said that being queer was worse than taking drugs and asked me if I was attracted to her. The past month, I stopped taking one of my meds on accident and started having anxiety attacks every day about her and/or school and fell into a depressive mess that I haven't been in years. I'm AFAB and after that, my mom insisted on helping me when I need new bras. I hate feeling awful when she looks at me. She's not trying to hurt me on purpose when she looks at me. But she also calls me fat. My personality ugly.

[@un-jimsyerjam1656]

today my mom started asking if i remembered something and then cut herself off, saying no, i was a baby then. I watched a documentary about Laci Peterson and at the end it says violence from their partners is the number one cause of death for pregnant women and i couldnt help but think it could have been her. the first part of my life was living in a double wide and i was so little. I can barely remember those years i can barely remember what living there was like. I remember playing outside and being scared of my dad and knowing things i shouldnt too early and trying to make sense of it. i think being exposed to sexual stuff at a early age kind of fucked with me.

[@aziemazie]

@@un-jimsyerjam1656 i dont understand the first part of the paragraph but i absolutely get the second part alot. ever since i was a child , i would think about sexual things even before knowing what the deed was. i heard its a symptom of a disorder called hypersexuality, i dont know what it exactly is but it may start from a young age sometimes as a trauma response. dont feel guilty because you hate those who abused you even if theyre a close person to you, you didnt ask for abuse and its their fault. i hope you heal well in the future 💗‼️🙏🏻

[@bling_istyping2275]

I don’t even know if I was SA anymore, I always told myself that it was just “love” but I realize that being forced into something at 9-12 isn’t “love”

[@OlimpeaEditz]

Big hugs dear, hope you are in a safe environment right now... ❤

[@bling_istyping2275]

@@OlimpeaEditz accepting your hugs willingly because I haven't heard something like that in a while 🩷🩷

[@seren6311]

Deseo que estes bien ahora❤...te mando un abrazo de puro amor real desde aca y que dios te cuide❤

[@bling_istyping2275]

@@seren6311 Acepto tus abrazos dispuesto 🩷 TYSM por el abrazo 🩷🩷🩷🩷

[@Callsign_Sage]

If they touched you when you didn't wanna be, that's SA. If they didn't, it's grooming. Both are very bad.

[@Imagomoth]

For those watching this who have had their bodies ruined for them, that feel like they can't escape having been "tainted" in some way, heres a fact that i hope brings some comfort, or at least a sense of ease. Every 7-10 years, the cells in ur body pretty much replace themselves. Any cells from the time u were hurt, taken advantage of in ur innocence, they'll be gone. one day, there won't be a piece of u left that was ever in physical contact with them, only the memories. Those are still awful, but u either are a new person, or will be one day as i dont know when u the person reading this went through ur trauma. Make sure the body u inherit w/ time is loved, replace that pain w/ the care n gentleness u deserve. Trauma is terrible, n almost impossible 2 escape. Healing is not linear n there will be moments u relapse, but it doesn't mean all ur hard work is for nothing. I'll never mean it's not worth it 2 persevere in pursuit of comfort n happiness. You'll always be worth it, n never deserve the pain that scars u whether it be mentally, physically, or both.

[@Melanie_martinezfan65]

“mom.. He kissed my neck-“ “he is your grandpa! It was an accident! He is blind and cant move fast!“ ...................... “mom.. It happened again..“ “you are taking it the wrong way, keep hugging him, this might be the last time you would probably see him.“ ............. “he is staring at my boobs..“ “he is staring at the phone, not you, butter.“ “oh... Okay..“ ....................... “dad he kissed my neck..“ “you are taking it the wrong way, if he meant it he would rub your thighs or boobs, its fine.“ ............... “nana, called me fat..“ “you are ,honey.. The truth hurts sometimes“ ........... “mommy..?“ “daddy?...“ “why wont you believe me...?“ “why do you take his side but never mine..?“ “how come you say you will be there, but you aren't..?“ “why arent my emotions vaild...?“ ............... “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“ “𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐄 𝐃𝐎?“ “𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓“ “𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋-“ “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐍 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“ “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐎 𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄? 𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃, 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓!“ “𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑!“

[@alieharris931]

I am sorry that happened to you, that is absolutely disgusting. I wish someone helped you. No one should go through that.

[@Melanie_martinezfan65]

Thx, im ok now ig.. still haunts me, and stuff but im doing better

[@goodpea998]

literally how my mom reacts this is realest of real

[@Bermuda_Theories]

I don’t think I have much trauma… well people seem to think I do. But these playlists give me more comfort than they should tbh. Recently been going in such a downward spiral out of nowhere. I’ll be happy and than I’ll just be hit with a sadness that feels like I’m drowning in it. I’ve been eating less. Thinking of eating makes me feel nauseous. I look in the mirror, I don’t see myself. But I don’t know what I think I look like either. I dissociate every minute of my life and I don’t know if it’s real anymore. My anxiety is so bad and my mom doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve had panic attacks, I just can’t do it anymore.

[@Bermuda_Theories]

I guess it’s not the greatest to vent to a random comment section but.. I don’t have anyone else to say it too without being worried I’ll be told I’m faking.

[@anayah9016]

Dw abt it, thanks for sharing:) *virtual hug*

[@plastywasty]

babes, I hope you’re okay. i don’t know you in real life, but if you’re brave enough to share youre struggles honestly the you’re brave enough to get through them. best of luck, lots of love

[@korahholl810]

This is crazy because I’ve been feeling the exact same way. You’re not alone friend ♥️

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I hope those terrible emotions stop attacking you soon, they sound exhausting to deal with. ♡

[@vaporvvaves]

Man... This whole video hits so close to home for me. I was SA'd when I was 5 by a man who was grooming my older sister at the time. And instead of my Mom doing her job as a Mother, she cheated on my Dad with the man grooming my sister and sexually abusing me, got pregnant by him, and soon after my parents got divorced. It literally felt like my soul got pulled out of my body, and I have never once felt like a real person because of that experience.

[@peach_cobbler8002]

I forgive him for what he did. He hurt me, he took away my youth, but I forgive him. He caused me so much pain, but even after all of it, I can't hate him. I don't want to hate anyone, I want to believe that everyone is beautiful, but it's just so hard after the things I've seen, after everything I've been through, it's just so hard to heal.

[@Ash-x9m]

Womp Womp

[@kittyisded_00]

dont worry, you might want to forgive him but..its not the best thing to do. he was a bad person and he should learn his lesson

[@toño_phony]

I cant remember the first time, i dont even feel like i can call myself a victim for just a feeling, but its a feeling that eats up my life everyday, i remember the fear, the pain, the disgust, and i remember toys and casual childhood surrounding the rest of it, i dont remember ever being right

[@Cringemachine-ut7lw]

very stoned and very depressed rn. Reading these comments are making me sad lol but i feel seen, i hope the world is easier on all of us in due time. I love you

[@ASillyPerson-q9j]

Everyone listen. Your wanted and loved by someone and you will get better❤ trust me. Everything you do is absolutely amazing and big. You are getting up everyday, You’re eating, you’re breathing, you’re cleaning yourself it may seem like ‘small’ things but those so called small things are HUGE your doing something even breathing is taking care of yourself. You will always be loved and you are a wonderful person and you are not excluded and you are apart of society and not excluded. You don’t have to do a ton of things to get attention and be loved!❤ real people will love you for who you are inside. You are a beautiful amazing human being and you have done nothing wrong to deserve what disgusting and horrible things had happened to you. You are not disgusting the people who hurt you are either it be physical abuse or sexual abuse. If you feel dissociated from yourself then try to contact with people that know you well and ask them what are some words that describe you! I’m sure everyone in this comment section are amazing wonderful people that don’t know they’re like that yet. You have done amazing things. You are a human being and human beings make mistakes, go through horrible things but humans always evolve from those scars and become stronger. You are amazing and remember anything that happened to your abuser does NOT justify the things they have done to you. Break that cycle and heal from those wounds don’t end up like they did. Even catching yourself acting like them is a good step forward to try to change to not be like them. You are loved and if not by anyone you know you are loved by me and many more people online ❤

[@yuka_bonez]

your an angel omg i needed that. thanks

[@K4t__Dr4wz23]

God damn it. I just started bawling. I was doing so good. I wasn't crying. Thank you. I needed to finally cry. You let me. Thank you.

[@IndominusFazComics]

My mother used to yell at me and sometimes call me bad things, she didn't give me love, she said I love you to her and she didn't answer, my house looked like a war field, I still remember all the horrible things you said. My dad is the only one who's cool, he's the comic relief, I love him so much.

[@Bee_XD.]

"im trying to forget you, but im waiting for you to come back" hits hard from when my family was all nice and happy and my cousins were around and it was pure joy. i miss it.

[@sunny.potato]

I doubt anyone will read this but I still wanna say it. A lot of my trauma is from seeing the deaths of my pets,(mainly chickens) I know Its not as bad as a lot ot other people on here. But it still effected me enough. (TW for animal death!) Hearing the sounds of a dying animal doesn't go away, nor does the image of seeing animals that you loved and talked to having their necks broken, bleeding, ripped open. It doesn't leave. I am sorry for everyone else who was harmed or had even worse things happen to them by the people that were supposed to protect and love them, im sorry for the people who were harmed or worse by complete strangers. And im just sorry for everyone who has had trauma. I hope life gets better for you.🧡

[@tiffthedeer]

I got so bad when the third song started. This picture, and this text, and this dog... His eyes are so sad. I don't exactly know why, but I started to cry Sometimes I just want to go home. But it feels like there's no home anymore. I don't know why this whole world became so cold, althrough everything's okay. My family members don't abuse me, nobody ever bullied me, but I still feel broken. I feel like a stray dog that seeks for some warmth. I just want to get better (I don't speak english, sorry if there're mistakes)

[@mimihotot]

I totally get you. Some shit happened to me when I was a kid, but why only now I'm feeling like everything's hitting me at once? Even though I'm living comfortably? Even though nothing relly happened to me this year? Even though there are people going through so much worse? Why just now I decided to rip my skin off? This is the worst year, even tho nothing happened.

[@morbid_kade]

"Im just a kid." The same words i try to tell myself knowing damn well i never had a childhood or even was a child because of my dad..

[@boneless8482]

I feel so detached from myself, from everyone even the people i used to love and seek out, from everything, is like neither them or me exists, is like nothing is happening but IM happening. All the time

[@Th3rian_th4tpl4ys_omor1]

its sad how much trauma people have, and how much others are going through, and no one ever stops to talk about it, or even try to put an end to it (sorry for how i worded it)

[@ae_ths]

its probably not trauma but here it goes. so this one time in the 5th grade, i asked my father for a vest coat. for my school. (we wore vest coats on mondays) as uniform. my father was in a bad time. he took a sharp, wooden broken flute, and bea me with it. as a girl who knew what was right, i protested and still fought with my father. its been 5-6 years from that, still have the bruises. this other instance, when my father used to smoke,he broke my favourite chair. as a 3 year old, i was devastated. its not that major but, haha. all i ask for is for someone to not say that others have it

[@ae_ths]

@@cliopainuly6802 what? Ive seen people worse.

[@Rowanhour]

​@@ae_thsthis is trauma, and you should have never gone through it. I'm so sorry angel.

[@SappySads]

Even though there are people have been through worse, it doesn’t take away from the fact that what happened was wrong. No father should ever put his hands on his children.

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

@@ae_ths Even if others have gone through worse, it is still trauma ♡ I'm so sorry you had to go through that :[

[@ASillyPerson-q9j]

You are loved and wanted❤ that was definitely trauma and I know laughing is a coping mechanism but please don’t do so. Your feelings are validated and they are real.❤ you are a person and you will get through this no matter how rough it may be things will get better. Remember whatever your father went through will never justify the things he had done to you. Sending virtual hugs❤

[@PhantomPinetree]

Not gonna explain the details but I didn't realized I was SA'd by someone close until a few days ago, when the person in question reached out to me for the first time in two months. Their messages triggered an extremely vivid flashback. It happened over a year ago but I'm processing it like it was a day ago and now I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack if I ever see them again. This playlist is strangely healing. Thank you for this.

[@Eria25]

It's curious how many feel like strangers on the internet are better listeners than anyone around us. I don't usually write in the comments, but this time i need to let it out. It might not make any sense. [Text 1] - Introduction, anger I always search for playlists seeking a similar intensity of the anger and frustration i feel, since I'm not able to scream without getting in trouble. But i never find one that fits me. It's always the same old TikTok songs. They're too plain. It makes me feel alone. Is there nobody else who experiences this excruciating anger that makes them want to destroy their abusers piece by piece? Am i a monster? [Text 2] - Anger gets replaced by sadness (thanks for this playlist) These playlists feel so true to me. It is made by abused people, for abused people. It's not the usual feeling of sadness. It is the desperation, frustration, the giving up, the need for comfort, the sound of a child with no childhood, the sound of no innocence. Strangely, it makes me feel understood, valid. I hate the feeling of turning anger into sadness, makes me feel weak, but my tears feel comforting. [Text 3] - Conclusion: I'm okay This is just a low, tomorrow I'll be fine again. It's just this temporal yet consistent thought at the back of my mind. It surfaces once every now and then. It feels like dying, but I'll live. I'll continue to live.

[@Adenif]

I wouldn't call what I have a trauma (well I'm not sure, but this year I want to go to psychologist) but I know it changed me in a way. I'll never be the same

[@Sophia-t7s]

I dont know why im sad, my life is better than most.

[@emuotorizz]

my earliest memory is the worst. i dont remember much but i remember waddling over to the mug of freshly boiled tea. unsupervised by my parents for 5 seconds. i stuck my hand in. i was simply a curious tiny being. i dont remember the drive to the hospital. i dont remember laying in the ambulance. just my mom's tears. im now left with scarred hands from the surgery, but i will never be the same. im terrified of warm/hot water. i still use it, but the fear is always there.

[@CRUSTYZ]

I hated losing my dog that I grew up with my dad gave him away bc he had a flea infection and was losing a little bit of hair I miss him more then ever he would lay with me play with me be gentle with me he was my baby…. I miss him so so so much I hate it they moved to Texas after my dad sold him I knew I was never never never gonna see him again… he was a black Sherman shepherd with brown paws his name was diesel it makes me cry every time I think about him just remembering things about him makes me cry to the point I suck the pain in and make my throat hurt but I miss miss my baby….💔💔

[@Takeuchi_robert]

"You can't heal in the environment that made you sick"

[@theverrhapps]

the fact that i was talking to one of my friends about our family friends who were our age and i mentioned he had a crush on me as a kid and she was like “at least YOU weren’t locked in a room with him for an hour i thought he was gonna 🍇 me” and all i could think about was what my family friend did to me less than a month before, people this is a reminder! don’t say things like “at least you didn’t…” because they might have and just because you have trauma even if it’s worse it doesn’t matter because it’s not battle of who’s was worse if they open up to you about it never say that! you don’t always know what people are going through so please be understanding of everything

[@Calypso-da-therian]

i hope you're okay!! giving you online cookies :)

[@Monsterluvsburritos]

this just made me remember something i haven’t thought of in years and now i’m realizing how messed up it was again

[@G0_0N_A_W4LK]

I played with my toys in the bath all the time. I stopped when I was 8 because my parents got divorced while I was taking a bath, and told me as I was playing with my toys. I play with them again. It’s fun.

[@zyvernious]

I feel like I've been permanently screwed death and religion wise since I was 11 years old, there's nothing worse than finding out a young family member, younger than you at that point pass away from leukemia, while everyone was telling me "she was in a better place" I deep down felt lied to, if there was a god, then how heartless would said God be to give a 6 year old cancer. It's something that honestly, hasn't left the back of my mind now that I'm 23 years old and with a little sister, which i take care like it was our last day alive

[@dazed_pieces]

I'm not justifying your family's excuses. But the only answer is bc evil is here and he takes a percentage of the planet to kill. No one will know who will end up that way sadly. I had someone close pass and they just said bc he wanted to. He didn't "want" to. Someone else hurt them basically. Terrible.

[@The1andonlyAbber]

I was sick as a child, and got put on a medication that only made me sicker. My mom didn’t believe me when I said I still felt sick every day, so I just stopped telling her. I had brain fog, paranoia, insomnia, and extreme fatigue every day of the medication cycle. I got misdiagnosed with ADHD and autism because I was so spacey, cranky, nervous, and disoriented. I didn’t make friends or participate in a lot of extracurriculars because I was just too tired. It’s been 8 years since I stopped taking the medication and my body and mind still haven’t fully recovered. Mom, why didn’t you believe me? Or even ask more questions? Edit: I am expected to fully recover. It’s just taking a long time, partly because it took a long time for it to become clear that the medication was the issue.

[@Number1pookie_in_the_world]

6:25 the fourth one hits closer to home because, when I was seven my dad passed away due to a heart attack I used to sit in the grass waiting for him to come back. He never did. I miss you dad.❤

[@Citrus.onpawz]

8:14 words cant express how much i relate to the text

[@Nein.-uf8qw]

When I feel bad, I get aggression and misunderstanding from my loved ones. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm always at the wrong time.

[@NamedKid10]

I was neglected by my mom, verbally abused by my dad. I would always get yelled at the hardest, it didn't help that my siblings were better off. They got the lighter side of him, whilst I got the harsh side. It messed me up, made my self-esteem the lowest its ever been, and now I don't know how to socialize.... my mom didn't really do anything either, she just would stay in her room while this was all happening. My dad and mom never gave me enough attention, they didn't play with me at all, they didn't talk to me much.. so how was I supposed to know? I trusted them, I really did.. but now.. I cannot. I cannot love them anymore. I've asked for an apology, and never gotten one.

[@Bobbiejoinscore]

When I was a kid I had so many dogs die not of old age, one got cancer, on got attacked by our other dog, one got hay fever, our two cats disappeared, etc.. so now whenever I see my dog sleeping I check his breathing to make sure he’s still alive, losing a pet may not be as bad as losing a person, but it still leaves *trauma*

[@LimonNnNn]

What happend to me? What did i do? I was only 3. And those bastard didn't show mercy for me. Not even when i was 6, 8, 10, 15, 17/18, none of them did it. Now i'm here, a depressed person, insecure, scared of people, of everything 'cus all of that. And nobody help me, nobody did nothing. I tried so hard to be happy, to pretend, but the traumas still coming back to me. The things i did, i'm nothing but a monster in the other's eyes, but they don't know why i did it. They never ask me why. Now i live in a better place. But for what cost?. The things i been trough all my life, are not gonna go away, not even with medicine, my s/cide intents. The pain. The blood. My childhood, my teenage era. How i can change that?, how hard is to be happy for once?. To be okay with my body?, to see my face and not feel disgust?, to touch my body everytime i dress and ketting away my own hands of myself 'cus of the feeling?, they didn't care did they?, using me for money, cleaning, taking care of childs that wasn't mine and then getting me out of the house like nothing. What did i do to be S/A? To be used?, to be hated?, to be a freak?. To be THIS. Why did i do?. It wasn't enough?.

[@FroggyMist]

Let’s take some notes….something that isn’t traumatizing you can be traumatic for someone else….people don’t understand the shit I get over saying I have emotional abuse and act like I’m being dramatic….

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I hope you're in a better environment now and that people take you seriously soon, you deserve to be heard

[@FroggyMist]

@@tilly-the-silly-frilly I’ve got one or two years left in my house till I move

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

@@FroggyMist Oh no, I hope you're at least able to stay happier within that time :[

[@Typical_left]

8:13 I really want to hug this puppy 💔💔💔 Love your traumacore playlist and waiting for another part

[@NuncHistoria]

Seems like the "something bad" just keeps happening

[@L0ST.H4RPEE]

i hate it when my mum says 'we all have those days' LIKE IT DOESN'T HELP IM IN PAIN 😭

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

@@L0ST.H4RPEE I hope you both get the care and validation you deserve

[@GLITTERB0NESZ0NE]

My mama is a proud woman. Her pride is only thing she will have left. After the years of searing hot anger burning words of depression on our skin or throwing me at a metal couch... I remember how my back felt when it hit the frame. she pleaded and apologized trying to fix what she had done. Her words will fall empty into no ones ears once it's over. I remember the long days with no food. Long nights of anxiety. Her sins will crawl out of her body and set her ablaze but I'm more than happy to watch her cry when she sided with my rapist. I was robbed of my younger years form a mother who in her own words should have never been one. Maybe one day forgiveness will find it's way.... Not today.

[@_G0INKY_]

I can’t remember my childhood it’s kinda like a blur really is just so hard to explain…the concept of a memory feels so distant to me, as if i can barely remember anything and it doesn’t have to do with my childhood either, i just can’t bring myself to remember and that’s maybe why i feel this way, i feel numb. I can recall all my trauma but not the feelings, i don’t feel grossed out or ashamed remembering when i was gr00med, i don’t feel sad or insecure remembering the emotional abuse my sisters put me through, i don’t feel alone or lost when i remember how my family always dismissed my feelings, the memories are still there, haunting me but for some reason it’s never something i can bring myself to care about…i often think if my memories are even real or if it just something little me made up

[@kxrakxraplaylists]

These help me because I always see nostalgic images from the past and realize that since I was taken away from my family for 4 hm years I missed out on my childhood. I will always try to stay in the past rather than the future.

[@JJL0v3lY]

(tw panic attacks / child abuse?) 1st pic hits hard, I remember being around 10 and being blamed for something my sister did. my father barged into my room and screamed at me, and I had a panic attack because of it. my sister eventually told my mother, who told my father it was her. he left the room and left me on the floor, sobbing my eyes out. without saying anything. nobody came in for what felt like forever.

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I hope you're doing a bit better now, that sounds so unfair. You deserve better

[@complicated_simplicity]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I truly am. Idk if there's anything to make you feel better Abt it, but have a lil hug :)) \(^ ^)/

[@JJL0v3lY]

@@complicated_simplicity aaaa thankoeu (-^u^)-

[@d4isyy_lowzz]

sometimes I don't even think I'm actually alive I've been thinking like this since I was 7 (I'm 10 ❤)

[@kyokyo-m3w]

i'm a horrible person. everyday when i wake up, i get this horrible feeling in my chest, this constant state of anxiety that swallows me until there's nothing left. i'm a horrible person. kids are supposed to be angels, pure souls, innocent creatures. i was an evil kid. since i was born, there was always something wrong with me. too whiny, too selfish, too naughty, too bratty. i always wanted and wanted and wanted, and so i took. even when i discovered my "innocent" hobbies, i just had them because i liked seeing my classmates getting jealous of how good i was. they always made fun of me because of my weight and "mental state", so i wanted to make them feel less than me. it never worked, of course. not even art can win against beauty. i remember i was always seeking for validation, but i was so dumb i ended up breaking things. my mom is a good mom, she's sweet and loves me more than anything, but i was bad, so she had to beat me, she had to say how useless and annoying i was. my dad never did, but he never stopped her. he didn't have a reason, i was an evil kid. i always had the "if i do this with this thing, i can do it with this other thing" mentality, and i aplied it with everything. the first time i fell in love was with a boy in my class. he said he liked my eyes. he was the most sweet and kind boy i ever met. so i followed him, all the time. because even as a little kid, i was incapable of have normal crushes, i became obsessed. he didn't like me back, but he liked the attention. i remember the first time, i remember it perfectly, when this older boy entered my life. no, he was always there, but i never truly acknowledged him until he made us play a secret game in my room. he was so tall, so much smarter than me, i just felt so glad to feel that loved in that moment, i felt like i was the luckiest girl in the world, because none of my classmates ever kissed someone of that age, they were never been touched like that, and they didn't know what knew after he did everything he knew to me. and my 4-year-old sick and twisted mind, felt like she needed more of it. he wasn't even that much older, he was still a child, but 7 years older. but i wanted more, i always wanted more, so i had more. if i did those things with him, what would stop me from doing it with everybody? younger or older, even my dad's friends or my cousin's husband, i always tried to have "something" with them, sometimes i failed, sometimes i got it. sometimes the person wanted too much more and i ended up crying and telling them i didn't like it, and they didn't stop, but it was okay. i was a bad kid, i deserved it. it was completely okay. they wanted and wanted too, and so they took. this boy, this older boy, he never stopped, and i guess i wasn't ready for that. we grew up, and i was still a child, but he was already a teenager, and it seems, a bad one too. he didn't stop either when i asked him, but that was fine. i deserved it. i tried to get away, but he was so nice to me. he said i was pretty, he said that i was the most beautiful girl he ever seen. and i believed him. because i'm a bad kid. when i turned 10, i already had the most corrupted mind ever, and it was like my brain just melted from so many things going on at the same time. i got confused when other kids didn't know what i knew, because at that age he knew what i knew. and that day, i realized that maybe there was something wrong. in that moment, i saw how innocent they were, and me, the bratty, whiny selfish thing, wanted to be innocent too. but it was too late. yesterday i was diagnosed with some kind of "schizophrenia", and it seems i've been autistic all my life but my mom never noticed it, and the negligence about my condition made me too self isolated, and it fucking seems like self isolation can cause schizophrenia more easily when you're neurodivergent. and sometimes i think if that was what made me a bad kid. ( im literally rambling here bcs everyone is venting and i have a lot of stuff i want to say but my only comfort are this kind of playlists lol )

[@th3_l0n3r]

i don’t know you, but i love you. you are strong. you are not horrible, horrible things just happen. i love you.

[@siqxyre8473]

You’re not a bad kid. Every single kid is driven by a need for attention, that is how we survive. How would a child 10,000 years ago have lived if they never made their caretakers pay attention to them? How would they live if they couldn’t compete against the other kids for the attention? You were not selfish, you wanted love and a way to feel like you have a worth. Everyone wants to know they’re the best at something they dedicate themselves to. Everyone wants validation. You are not a horrible person for wanting what any normal person wants, what any mentally stable person NEEDS. We NEED validation to thrive. Your mother is not as kind as you believe if she is so cruel to you for something she herself did as a child, what your dad did as a child, what every single person in this world has done as a child.

[@siqxyre8473]

Everything you did was not selfish, it was a desperate plea for the love you never got, the love you deserved. You were emotionally neglected, to survive you needed anything you could get. If you didn’t get that love, you would have died. The things that happened to you were horrible, but please don’t feel shame in how you got the attention you needed. Even if it wasn’t the right kind of love, be proud of your young self for trying to take care of yourself, to not sit down and accept your doomed fate. You did your best to survive.

[@avaamythest]

You aren't a bad kid. "Bad kids" are formed from bad childhoods. It is up to your caretakers to protect you and help you without hurting you. I'm sure that you're a lovely person. And I wish you the best in getting away.

[@AngelLove-i5o]

The quote “I’m trying to forget u but I’m also waiting for you to come back” it reminds me of when I try to forget someone from middle school but I can’t forget him

[@Id_have_all_birds_in_zoos]

This gives off vibes. The kind that makes my chest heavy and it makes everything seem hopeless. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I can’t possibly help anyone In any meaningful way. I wish I could but I can’t. I have no justification to feel sad or miserable when everyone else has gone through so much worse.

[@Biscut_In_Air]

18:11- "Im trying to forget you, but i'm also waiting for you to come back" My grandma died this pass year and my other realitives are dying as well, I didnt have that super strong bond with any of my grandmas like living with them or anything but I still talked with one of my grandmas often on marco polo (app) and she once said that i was really the only one that would litsen to her or let her talk and somtimes this day shes somewhere out there in colerado struggling with some sort of bad cancer and somtimes i like to go back and re watch the videos she sent me. Let her be in your prayers she really matters to me.🙏💓

[@DUOLINGONOOOOOOo]

The first saying hits hard, so, so hard. i have an anxiety disorder and depressive disorders, I remember the first time I had a panic attack. My grandmother accused me of not loving her. I feel it's worthy to mention that I'm half-convinced she's SA'd my brother and I. One one hand, she's a good grandma. When she does love us, she's good. But, she makes us change in front of her. She changes in front of us. Touches our backs, thighs, and chests (my brother and I are both AFAB). I feel so gross. Why can I feel her hands all over me? It wasn't even that bad.

[@bluehoursx]

i never really grew up. this makes it impossible for me to make and have friends. I’m so alone but i’m still like a child sometimes, at 21. it’s bad but i can’t stop it. i never grew up

[@feitaniini513]

HI!! im literally 20 and im stuck st 16!! im really childlike, short also!! wanna be friends :3

[@herrforehead]

I don't even deserve to feel sad or remember the pain there are so many people in this world who have had it so much more worse than I, to them I am lucky. I do not deserve to fear when what I have experienced could never compare to others. I am selfish, I am weak

[@SaviOnYoutube]

You're not weak, friend. all trauma is valid.

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

You're not selfish nor weak, your trauma is real and you deserve love too I hope you feel better soon, you got this

[@Dragonaiis]

hey man, as someone who had zero trauma and yet awful mental health, I feel you. Chances are, you've probably been through more than me. So believe it or not, your pain is real.

[@aziemazie]

hey traumatized person right here, just because you lived a really great spoiled life with rich parents, or just never had trauma, it doesnt mean you cannot *feel* , your feelings and sadness is all valid ! you are a human, u can be hurt, you have a whole *life* , of course you can feel sad or depressed, its all valid and okay!

[@Roxinne_246]

I don’t feel like I deserve to feel bad. I see other people, and I think my life is not that bad, I can’t complain. I don’t even know if what I feel is justified. I felt so bad, it felt so wrong, but there is nothing that can make me say that I was not overthinking or exaggerating things. I don’t even remember if what he said this time was really bad enough to be alarming or if I was just too young and got traumatized without reason. It was three years ago when I was left alone with my “cousin” (40 years older than me or more. I was 14). We were at the beach, my parents had our summer house next to his. He is supposedly a psychologist and reads cards and the future. He wanted to give me a private lecture/session. I was excited. His house was dark, in the sense where the blinds were almost closed and everything in my memory feels so angsty. He gave me soda to drink. I never liked soda. He started talking about the cards, the future, my zodiac sign. I was listening, trying to ignore just how much I wanted someone else to be there with us. There was this gut feeling, It didnt felt right to be just with him. I remember there was a black cat in his house. The cat sat next to me, he was really unhealthy and dirty, I remember thinking it looked sad. After let’s say an hour and a half, he started using the cards he had read to me and talked about how I should leave my parents. He said that they didn’t really loved me nor understood me. He told me that I was just like him, and I could always come to him for shelter. He advised me to run away, to scape my family. I was 14. He said horrible insults about my family. I said I had to go, I was supposed to meet back with my parent for lunch. He said he wasn’t done, and grabbed my hand across the table, pulling me close. I wanted to cry. My mom called angry, because I was already half an hour late for lunch. She said she wouldn’t hung up until he heard me get out, so I wouldn’t forget about the time. She had no idea. I ran out of his house and started crying. He didn’t even did anything physically to me, but I felt so dirty. I feel so dirty. The way he talked, and how he looked at me. I was 14. He didn’t get to do anything but I shouldn’t have felt like that. I told my parents what he said. They were angry at him for his words, but I was too ashamed to tell them what I felt, what I thought could have happened if my mom didn’t call. Is it really fair for me to feel like this? Is it fair for me to feel traumatized for that? Or am I just exaggerating…?

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

It is fair for you to feel like this, you're not exaggerating ♡ That situation sounds so threatening and predatory, I'm very sorry you had to go through it :[ I hope you're safe now!

[@Roxinne_246]

@@tilly-the-silly-frilly thank you so much. Still feels really bad to pass by his door even years after, but I’m slowly getting better ❤️

[@Calypso-da-therian]

its okay man! cry if you need/want to. sending you online cookies and have a good month.

[@thatspacecadetteglow]

8:13 reminds me of a puppy I once had. His name was Franklin, and I had gotten him for my birthday and from my bio mothers current boyfriend at the time. I loved that puppy to bits and pieces, was so proud of him and absolutely adored him. Even if he stayed with her boyfriend I still got to see him and pet him, I didn't realize it but he was **mine**, like my own little child. 3 months later he got into some poison and died (sad enough one of the boyfriends dogs got into it too and died as well). He was so small and young, I don't tell alot of people this but I miss him so much. He was supposed to be mine to love and he was taken away from me. I miss my puppy, even if I don't remember him so much. Even if I didn't know him, why did I hurt him? Did I even hurt him at all? I'm sorry Frank, I miss you so much.

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

It isn't your fault ♡

[@thatspacecadetteglow]

@@tilly-the-silly-frilly thanks

[@inaniwaudon]

playlist like this comfort me so much, like a person who can listen to stories about argues with my mother, friends or grandma when i was little. i remember a situation what happened to me when i was just 9. i argued with my mother, dont remember why, and at night i tried to apologise, but she just said “do i really must forgive this *monster*? no.”, i remember how i cried hardly instead of falling asleep, but she acted like she didn’t notice. i don’t understand why exactly this situation imprinted in my memory so much so that i think of it every day, because i had very very many similar experiences.

[@luv4eva1111]

ur first traumacore playlist was my fav one out there and introduced me 2 so many good songs!!!!! :D this one might be my new fav tysm for making another one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itll definatley help me fall asleep on bad nights so ty

[@taxcat_]

tysm!!!

[@viltestonkute7385]

'everything was okay. everything was going fine. why couldnt you just stay?" hits hard

[@aztralsea]

I’ve been homeless at least 3 times (I don’t like trying to count) and I’m only 17. I can’t adjust to the idea of being safe, I only have so many memories before I’ve been constantly scared

[@Ash-x9m]

Lol

[@Mandela_lover]

@@Ash-x9mdo u mean lots of love or laughing out loud

[@Ash-x9m]

@@Mandela_lover are you slow

[@MaindexOmega]

@@Ash-x9m you're in a lot of these comments mocking people for coming out with their trauma, you're not just slow, you're a horrible person and deserve nothing in this world

[@INFERNALREQUIEMMUSIC]

If only my friend was still here. I need him back.

[@bealea1127]

Oh..May your friend rest in piece 🕊🕊❤❤ Are you doing alright now??

[@INFERNALREQUIEMMUSIC]

@@bealea1127 no. I had my dreams crushed by my family. I'm so tired.

[@bealea1127]

@@INFERNALREQUIEMMUSIC Oh..Well I hope your ok ❤❤ You can be what you wanna be and dont let anyone stop you ❤

[@SallySaddles]

The worst part about my trauma after 4 is I remember everything. All of it. Every touch, every hit, every cut. All of it..

[@keeprkyd]

i’m so high and sick rn i miss my sister i can’t do this without her

[@WillSpencer0417]

Hope you are feeling better. 🙏❤️ Rooting for you buddy.

[@baconbits7156]

Hey, I believe in you, im so sorry for how you lost her, physically, emotionally, I dont care what people say, death or not it hurts the same if not more in some cases. I love you, I know im just someone on here, but as a big sister, I couldnt imagine losing my siblings, I cant imagine them losing me, I cant imagine the pain, I cant say I know how you feel. But I hope you get better, I hope it heals, I dont think it will be easy I dont expect you to forget, but theres people there, maybe not the person you want, but someone.

[@Who_taoz]

I'm sorry that happened r.i.p her soul

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I hope you're able to feel better soon, you deserve it

[@Fandoms_gurlieeee]

It'll get better, I know how you feel. People love you and your sister wants you to keep going. And I know you want to do whatever she wants. So keep going, I promise it'll be worth it in the end.

[@Scaras-punchingbag]

“YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!” Really hits home. It really does. I want to go back. I want to get rid of her. I have this lingering thought just in the back of my head. It’s been there for a while. I had forgotten about what happened but after a while it started coming back and I just kept thinking…what if? What if? What if I had called the cops that day? What if I wasn’t a fucking stupid coward? It hurts. It hurts knowing I couldn’t help as I drowned in my own tears while I watched. It wasn’t anything big, I guess. It’s just something I don’t ever want to happened again.

[@AteeqaSaleem-g9w]

And I looked at him with tears in my eyes, begging him to notice he stared directly into my pained face and told me to get up and start cleaning. if only he could be seen as the monster he is had he not been my father

[@kittyisded_00]

he is horrible, i hope your doing good to this day

[@Ukucore]

Sometimes I forget how happy I was before I met him. I wasn't a toddler, but I was 12 I was still just a kid I felt like one. He was a kid too though. and I'm still a kid now I don't feel like one.

[@Sharky_teeth]

I hate not know if i was really traumatized - or if i truly did deserve it, it was my fault for letting it happen, and I’m just being overly sensitive now.

[@fayehearts]

I can’t remember anything but small pieces of my childhood and it really hurts.

[@banexno]

this and cold cig made it enough for me to sob till i coughed really really hard.

[@fantasticalLB]

The “everything was ok. Everything was going fine. Why couldn’t you just stay?” Hits hard for me bc my hasn’t been in my life much because of drugs…when I was littler he was my best friend and now a part of me feels empty knowing it will never go back to the way it was…

[@Sp1nk_12]

2nd one hit me hard. I want to go back to a time where nothing hurt. But, even then, everything hurt.

[@tenshi-no7902]

Can you show yourself ? Can you be me ? Can you make me see ? Sun, are you gonna help me ?

[@AnkylosaurustheShinbreaker]

Looking through everyone’s experiences, I feel like I shouldn’t be so sensitive about my own situation because it’s mostly my fault on how I ended here. I am and will be the problem forever. Hugs for everyone having a hard time. You can get over this. You can survive. You can do it! Love you all.

[@dxprave]

it isn’t your fault, i promise. you’re valid no matter what you experienced. you deserve love ❤. i’m so proud of you.

[@Kori_Shimo]

If I could press a button and leave for good, maybe restart my life with all my knowledge from now-I wouldnt press it. No matter how many times I say I would, I know I can't. The people I know know I can't. Sure, some will say I'm a chicken, maybe even that I have it good. But I think if I did, I'd ruin it. Ill mess up and make things worse for myself if I start from scratch. And most of us probably would. So i want to see what the universe has written out for me for a while longer.

[@bratzdoll4807]

I remember wearing sweaters and winter wear even in summers.. even the thought of showing skin scared me after that

[@Calypso-da-therian]

hey, i hope everythings okay, sending you cookies :3 cry if you need to!

[@Pink-Lemons]

If I had just left her upstairs, she'd still be here today. I'm sorry Stormy. I'm sorry Tessa. Neither of you deserved that day.

[@tilly-the-silly-frilly]

I'm so sorry that happened to you, please remember that I was never your fault

[@Iloveseals_1800]

I miss everything I wish I was never born, they all looked so happy before me.

[@LazyArtyz]

Hey its alright. Ur not alone. We r here for u. Would u like to talk abt it?

[@Iloveseals_1800]

@@LazyArtyz yeah kinda, thank you

[@LazyArtyz]

@@Iloveseals_1800 :)

[@Eeok]

Really, what makes you say that?

[@Iloveseals_1800]

@@Eeok well a few days before i commented this I was looking at all the photos of my parents from around 2009-2008, they were so young and happy. They looked so in love but all that is gone now, they are not together anymore and are just seen as friends that used to be together. Before I was born my mother gave birth to my older sister at 17 so her youth was taken away and she had to mature(btw she didn’t get pregnant my dad it was her ex) it just hurt seeing old photos of them. I miss when I was younger and they were happy. But sadly they were very toxic and would have arguments a lot.