🥀 lost purity // a soft vent/comfort playlist

[@NUMBER_ONE_LIGHTBULB_FAN]

aww, poor kitty. i hope it didn’t feel the same way i felt i hope it’s just sleepy and not sad . let’s try and make kitty happy, i want kitty to be ok

[@elise.ch4nn]

I love kitties I have two kitties When I grow up I want to make a bunch of money to get kitties

[@aithinksineedagirlfriend940]

fuck whoever hurt you

[@sooziethepirate7308]

@@elise.ch4nn I like kitties too. I also have two. They’re both black 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ and I love them very dearly. One day, I hope to have even more kitties.

[@CosmicLunar-e8v]

The kitty is just sleepy not sad the kitty was playing a lot that's why he sleepy :)

[@Vaporeon_fishe]

@@CosmicLunar-e8vaww i hope so

[@humbloom]

the first song is legit childhood innonence in a nutshell.

[@Sk8terbugs]

yeah idk how to describe it but you're on the dot with it, it was really hard to listen to for some reason

[@gyratedpastry]

first one pisses me off idk why but the melody makes me angry its so irritating it scares me a little

[@spookybagles]

@@gyratedpastry this took me ouuutt 💀

[@pinkponypuppy9586]

Idk why but it reminds me of pikmin singing 😭😭 no offense yall I just can’t unhear it

[@yillingjie]

i feel so bad, disgusting even. i feel less than human because i will never be pure again, but deep down i know i never was. i can't help but want to cope, to be a child again, to act immature and cute for other people. but why i keep turning things sexual? why does my brain do this? why does my own body do this? i never asked for that to happen that day, i never wanted that i was just scared i would lose my only friend. i miss being the innocent pure child i never got to be.

[@q-675]

This is not your fault. you deserve to be happy

[@kittylu9215]

bro?

[@-Cocoa2018-]

dont worry, i miss her too... she had flaws, but she was still better than.. me. we can only get worse as the years go by though, im afraid.

[@Ilove_kittensrealnocap]

This is really not your fault. Blame your mind

[@rgoihaoifjaioajoifj]

wompwomp stop being pathetic and move on

[@DizZyL.]

I still wonder somedays if I'm still innocent, or if I'm lying to myself. Loosing ones innocence as a child is like loosing a bit of yourself.

[@Ilove_kittensrealnocap]

why are humans so cruel yet innocent at the same time?

[@KaiyaMagani]

I don't know...the world is confusing

[@ehsanmozaffaryan6827]

​@@KaiyaMagani fr

[@Kai18623]

yall ı do NOT wanna ruın the mode but ı genıuenly thought the playlıst saıd ''lost PURRıty''

[@namesforfree]

HELP,,,,

[@cyberneticangel50]

I honestly love this-

[@TheNamesCagney]

Why do your i’s not have dots on top of them…….

[@Kai18623]

@@TheNamesCagney ı have a turkısh keyboard so ıts lıke a quırk type of mıne

[@FireIzKool]

LOL

[@azulyaelitorrescardenas171]

sometimes that feeling of being dirty comes back to me, for this case of feelings i got one lyric from a melanie martinez song "pinky promise, i still love your garden" "even with no flowers?" "even with no flowers." im not that moment im not that trauma im a person, my whole life doesnt stick to that i will grow flowers some day

[@-Whatisthis-]

This actually makes me realize that I've been Sa'd by 3 boys. One by my brother for 2 years until he thankfully stopped, my dad who did it twice recently, and by a man that lived in my house for 3 years. No person should go through any of this. My childhood was sadly taken away when I was only 4

[@namesforfree]

consumes playlist

[@alyssabullock6421]

The first song always hits me in my emotions when I hear it, and frankly, I can't handle listening to the whole thing. It makes me think of baby kittens, and something about that in a vent playlist just strikes a personal cord in me that makes me feel bad 😔

[@tuva_4049]

It's okay. Baby kittens are adorable. It's nice to think of something positive now and then.

[@Koisuu]

Life’s been hard. Lost my job, lost my house, and I’m losing myself. I’m struggling a lot these days. There’s a small light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m trying so hard to grasp it..

[@elise.ch4nn]

make your own light:D you are a strong & capable person:33 you deserve love! I believe in you:)

[@bluehoursx]

why did I get introduced to all that stuff so early… why, when I was 7. it’s sad… I’m 21 now and I want to be pure again so bad. but I know I can’t. not anymore

[@TLT0ast_]

I feel you. I got unlimited internet access and discovered p0rn when I was 7-8 and watched it. quite a lot if im gonna be honest. now im 14, and its really screwed me over in the long run.

[@NuncHistoria]

Music, including stuff like this is keeping me alive right now. I have nothing else, because my own choices lead to the burning of every bridge I've ever built I have no fucking idea what to do or where to go anymore

[@elise.ch4nn]

I can be your friend:) Explore:D find places you want to go and do ^_^ it might take a long time but I believe in you! and music is good:) keep listening to it :) and maybe one day you will be happy again ^^

[@MinecraftMusicMakesMeCry]

Remember God loves you and you are never truly alone. You are his child and you have no idea how precious you are to him. No matter what you’ve done through he’s there for you to lean on. Just as adorable and lovely my music like this is how he sees you. And you can cry but remember you aren’t crying alone, he’s there catching your tears. You are never too far gone from him. I love you but he loves you so much more

[@sooziethepirate7308]

When you’ve done wrong, the only thing left to do is to try and do right. Maybe not with who’s been lost, but with somebody new. You’re deserving of love.

[@fanciullo4047]

Await calamity. Let things flow and it will eventually happen. Not much else, really.

[@IHeartMathematics]

I feel so sad when i read peoples vent in the comment, it makes me wanna cry. I hope everyone will be alright, do never give up, you can do it. If you dont feel alright, seek help while you can.

[@astrainverse]

I hope I could someday live knowing tomorrow is a promise, not a threat.

[@dvr1382]

no bc i started sobbing after reading that

[@Oscribus]

{LONG VENT (sorry 🙁)} the first song reminds me of my first cat i had in 2019, i loved her to death, she was a gray shorthair i believed, found her in my backyard, she carried me through quarantine and back. but she went missing in 2023, believed to be either sold or given away by my cousins. i got two more cats (black and gray male cats) after the incident, but i were distraught. couldn’t get over her for months on end. my other gray male (that i named after her) then suffered the same fate. both gray cats “went missing”, obviously because of my cousins, but they didnt know i knew. i still have my black male cat named Domino to this day, who i also love and cling to as much as my other gray cats, and we have moved to a new apartment, away from my cousins after my mother was hospitalized for a stroke (she is ok, just going through rehabilitation while i live with my sister). but i still miss my old life, before it were ruined. quarantine ruined my family. i miss you, Kitty.

[@alyssabullock6421]

Glad to know i'm not the only one who thinks of cats when hearing that song! I've lost too many sweet angels in my life, and the song just hurts to listen to ;; I'm so sorry for your loss 🫂

[@shutup1062]

There are bits of steak stuck in my teeth. My tongue flicks at it, trying desperately to get it out. The texture irritates me, but all is well. My bed is comfortable, It is the weekend, and I have no worries. My eyes swirl as I stare at my popcorn ceiling, thoughts running through them. My room is a mess, just like my mothers even if she swears it's all important to her. Piles of useless items, a ton of my old clothing, a collection of beanie babies; all of them stacked up in her lowly room. She tells my doctor I struggle to focus every time we go there. I don't think i struggle with focusing. The doctor tells her that she's gonna give me medicine for it. It makes me feel dread, I hate taking pills. I won't have to though, my mother takes them for me. My mother yells at me a lot, I don't blame her. My mother is stressed. My mother works a lot. She's trying, she's trying and that's all that matters. My friends at school ask me why I smell bad and why I wear the same clothing every day. I don't know why. I don't know why but I never noticed it before. My curls are tough with tangles and dandruff, my clothing is stained and dirty. It wasn't ever something I noticed. These two boys always call me fat. My mother always told me I was beautiful, I don't think i'm ugly but whenever they say things like that it makes me feel bad. I don't know why. I hate not knowing things, I feel stupid. I ask stupid questions and I say stupid things that don't make sense. My friends always talk about boys. I don't know why they do. Why don't we talk about something fun? Why are our conversations centered around their crushes. I've never had a crush before so I don't know what to talk about with them. My birthday is coming up but my mother hasn't spoken to me today. Usually all she talks about is my birthday whenever the week of it comes up. I haven't seen her today. She hasn't even said good morning to me. My feet drag across the gross carpet and I reach up to my mothers doorknob. The handle felt cold and once I touched it, I felt fear. I twisted it anyways, fear never stopped me. No, it never did. Though, the sight in front of me did. My mother's room was a mess like usual, her T.V was on. I stood in the doorway with that innocent glare on my freckled face. My mother was sleeping on the floor with some medicine in her hand. I don't understand my mother, I don't know why she was sleeping on the floor and not her bed. I lightly shook her shoulder, she didn't wake up though. My mother was always a very deep sleeper. If it doesn't make a lot of sense to you i'm sorry. It's based on parts of my childhood.

[@t3l544]

@@Boooo8005 I'm gonna assume you meant to write this as a new comment instead of an answer to the post above because I genuinely don't see it any other way around; For the story - I have no words.

[@shutup1062]

@@t3l544 huh

[@faIIen777angel]

i shed a tear..

[@shutup1062]

@@faIIen777angel I struggle with understanding texts or comments or other things of the sort. Are you being sarcastic or are you serious? Sorry.

[@faIIen777angel]

@@shutup1062 no, im being serious. you don’t need to be sorry. im so sorry what you and other people went through all this… im quite sensitive and this is the reason why i can cry because topics like this, im just sad and a bit angry because of cruelty of this life..

[@rain_ing]

I've never really commented of videos but that first song really touched me in a way. So, here I am. I remember on how I used to be, like, going outside and letting my cats follow me in the woods. Or pretending I'm in a fantasy world and sticking my head out of the window from the car. Y'know, the usual good memories of being young. Then I get reminded of what I've been through so far. I miss being unafraid of being myself. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss not getting anxious of everyone around me. I miss feeling myself. I miss being able to talk. I miss feeling free. I hate the choices I've made. I've grown up too fast to the people around me. I absolutely despise myself now. Sure, I can detach to reality and pretend nothing is wrong but it's getting harder to not think of it. Of all of it. It's so difficult not to just vanish from my friends again, I don't want them to worry about me. It's just hard, everything is so hard to do. Honestly, it's getting harder to live. It really is. I just want someone to see me as me, no matter how I act or do. I'm sorry to ramble, I'm not even sure if this makes sense at all but I just wanted to get this off my chest for once. So, to who ever took their time to read this, thank you. I appreciate you.

[@ilovefictionalcharacterz]

my cats were meowing in time with the first song lmfao

[@emi_.3.3]

in case nobody read the description, here are some timestamps 0:00 frakkur: 4;01 - sigur ros 2:41 estranger - jack stauber 4:14 fallen down (reprise) 6:45 glass chime - inoyamaland 10:12 dramamine - flawed mangoes 13:40 cold - flawed mangoes 17:00 it was only temporary 2 u (super slowed) 19:17 mice on venus but extra nostalgic ps: dont do it, live your life to its fullest, i cant guarantee it will get better but you have to keep trying.

[@ehsanmozaffaryan6827]

Tysm! Both for the timestamps and the nice comment

[@emi_.3.3]

@@ehsanmozaffaryan6827 np

[@Chamomile.Tea31]

(I may delete this because venting is an uncommon thing to me) I remember when my friends had to worry about no other title, no other expectation, other than being friends. Friends with guys, gals, no “YOU MUST” to our worlds. When we decided when to close our eyes, and the setting sun meant nothing. When scruffed knees, loss teeth, bandages and bruises were the hardest things about life. When holding onto someone didn’t have to be overthought as something more. Just knuckle heads being knuckle heads. I am the friendly face, the sturdiest chuckle, the strong one. When the going gets tough, I get tougher. I am exhausted. My heart *shattered* when I reconnected with a childhood friend. We were like siblings - people always thought we were siblings. He set me up unknowingly on a date, I had already asked him to not do that. Regardless I befriended the fellow, and all three of us were making jokes. Light hearted, sometimes dark, sometimes puns… But my friend, to his buddy, in front of me, goes “Hey, so pro tip: when courting a woman, don’t make her laugh too much. You want her to remain poise.” “KK… what did you just say to him?” “When courting a wo-“ “I’m your friend before I’m a woman, right? I’m your friend first, right?” “…” “Dude. We grew up together. You see me as your friend first, then recognize I’m a chic, right? Before anything I’m your friend… right?” “…” …I refuse to lose what’s left of my childhood views. People are people, and cruelty is cruelty - double standards, stereotypes, stigmas… I wish I could be hugged again, and feel like it meant nothing more than just a hug. It’s okay though. I keep smiling, my heart keeps beating, and there will be a better tomorrow. Just gotta work towards it so I can wake up there. Yeah. It’ll be okay…

[@sooziethepirate7308]

Sometimes the most tragic thing in the world is realizing that in the mind of somebody who was such an important puzzle piece of your life, you were only ever a fleeting memory. It’s okay, though. A fleeting memory or not, memories with them shaped you into who you are today, and you should treasure that. Cause you’re always making new memories. And maybe somebody else out there will be so influenced by you, that they’ll feel the very same way..

[@B1kerR4t]

I still wonder if my life was ruined by losing my innocence or if its just me lying to myself and making it all up.

[@Layzz_Chipss]

I just wish I never became depressed at such a young age… I didn’t even know I was suicidal I just knew I wanted to stop existing since I was 4 and have been wanting to die for the past 14 years… I can’t see the world in a good light and I don’t know what i’m going to do with my life moving forward… I didn’t plan any of this, I thought i’d die at 14 but I didn’t and I wish I did… nothing good came out of staying here, things continue to go downhill. It feels like my brain is rotting and i’m losing sense of who I once was and I can’t genuinely smile anymore… I think i’m dying mentally and I don’t know how to stop it.

[@sooziethepirate7308]

Hope you’re still here. I know nothing about you, but I think you’re like a cicada. Y’know, the bug? Tired, wanting to crawl out of its own skin and tear off its face, just to sing. A poet, better than most.

[@Th3rian_th4tpl4ys_omor1]

nervous for school tomorrow...whoo.....this honestly helped

[@Soupyyy_]

Kinda wish I could go back and change all the things I did, especially what I’ve been exposed to. My mom blamed herself a lot but in reality, some actions were mine. I wanna help fix her broken mess too. I love my mom, she was busy caring for the family and me. I fucked it up. I’m sorry mama

[@sooziethepirate7308]

She loves you deeply, your mom. And no matter how many mistakes you make, nothing will change that.

[@Fr0stFromWildCraft]

I’m glad that this one isn’t titled traumacore I know it’s just a name and it’s to comfort the people with trauma but the name just rubs me the wrong way

[@OliverrLilly]

Its because trauma isnt a core, its a coping mechanism ❤

[@-V3LV3T-]

@@OliverrLilly traumas a coping mechanism? (not trying to be rude so sorry)

[@fanciullo4047]

Anything ended in -core people make their personality and at no point should anyone make their trauma their personality. That's why it just sounds wrong.

[@FlamingTrash]

I want to forget so badly. I miss when i didnt remember. I miss when i didnt understand. Ive lost all of my innocence and i will never get it back.

[@likila284]

I cried when I heard the first song, it brought back so many memories

[@luv4eva1111]

yippeee!!!! another playlist from taxcat :D

[@candice3757]

this is the most beautiful thing i've heard

[@Raccoonboi634]

I’m in tears, this playlist feels like a warm hug

[@the_appl3]

im sure she died, but i was too young to realize. second grade. that was when she and i met. she was my best friend, and i was hers too. keyword: was. the cafeteria. we were eating and laughing together, but she fell. somehow. I didn't know what to do. I thought shed stand back up, but she didn't. Blue and red lights were blaring. her head was bleeding-i think. the memory is foggy, since it was years ago. I watched as she got carried away, in which seemed to be her father. Or maybe our principal. Weeks later, rumors spreading. Saying she went to hawaii to get 'treatment'. Now that im older, im more open minded. she died and went to hawaii for a funeral, im sure. Fly high, Sophia.

[@midnightstarrysky4007]

. . . . . . . . . . . it was the summer before second grade, he was one of my cousins, in his junior high years. i thought i finally found an older brother that would play with me, he was everything i dreamed of one. watching him playing console games, leads me around and shows me cool things that mine would never do...but then the games turned indoors, and they weren't fun anymore. that one last time, he almost had his way with me, but i ran to tell the adults, i was too scared. i wanted comfort, i wanted justice. but they told me he was just curious, and i need to forget all of this, none of this never happened. and i did, sometimes i did. but it never truly left, it's still here, the vile feeling of his touch upon me, a stain forever to stay. in second grade i stood on the stairs near my classroom, the wind cradled me as kids of my age ran past by to reach the playground, i realized i could never have it back, i could never be the same again. my view of the opposite gender forever twisted, but as i matured, my body still grew to crave the intimacy, to desire the same thing that proved himselves to only bring hurt and tears. and i hate it so much, i don't want it, i just want to feel pure again, i want to experience love like a normal girl. but i can't have it. i wasn't even 10, i was so young. and then so much happened throughout the years, so much injustice, so many fears and unresolved anger. i don't feel like my childhood was there long enough. i miss my innocence, i miss it so much.

[@denshatoneko]

I was just 8. I was innocent and pure. a christian. yet those acts destroyed my innocence. forcing me to cope in disgusting ways. I'm addicted to this feeling of pleasure to the point it's disgusting. I want to cry every night knowing that I can't get rid of this sexual want. I want more. I'm a child. I'm 9 then 10 then 11 then 12 yet its still there.. after I finish with myself i'm always asking and crying alone in my room " Why the hell am I doing this? " It's pleasure, I remind myself. Yet its so horrifically satisfying.. It brings me guilt. Why do I feel these emotions? I was just a child when I found out all about this.. It aches.. I want to seek more pleasure, I want everything again. It's a bad pleasure. But my mind can't process it's bad. Pleasure is good, right? Pleasure ruined me. I hate myself. I hate what happened to me. Yet my mind can't process the hate for this.. I want to stop this stupid addiction, yet it won't go away.. I can't heal. I'm sick. Why did my childhood get torn like this? I just wanted to be human also.. not some sick porn addicted fuck. I hate this. I hate how I cope. I want to be a human again. I want to be normal once again.

[@Daisypupz]

I feel this so much... I'm so sorry, and I promise you're not alone in this. And one day I hope things get so much better for you... :(

[@Daisypupz]

I usually don't comment on anything AND ESPECIALLY this kind of stuff, but I never related to something so much... And again you're not alone.❤

[@musty-room-temp-tap-water]

i wanna be a little kitty... no need to worry about school, no need to feel not whole, no wishing you were younger again..

[@zaizaiwoof]

Im completely wasted atm watching this, more over hearing yknow. This will forever be one of my favorite playlists, it reminds me of how much i did wrong in my life, but shows i wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Thank you🫶

[@Mariana_and_Quinn]

I was four... Barely entering preschool and already needing mental and physical health therapy after that day... ♥

[@LittleAlienChild3Yes-s3z]

First one is literally so good for agere

[@_Jude-St.-Francis_]

He is getting married this year. I just started college and was trying to recover from my bad habits and keep off the thoughts of what he did to me but the fact he's getting married makes me feel this pain all over my body.

[@KaiyaMagani]

(VENT) The first song reminds me when i was 4-5, i was visiting my grandparent's house. But i saw a big dog who had black dots who was old but i was so happy when i saw him, i played with him ever since and had many good times with him, but when i turn eleven, he wasn't really the same as before, never happy to see me, just play with my little cousins and it hurts so bad because the years of my life were mostly painful and sad moments and i really wanted some happy moments. but now whenever I see him, I just smile at him because I still love him

[@Badgirllikaisfr]

I was 4. I refuse to believe it happened. I think I imagined it. I probably did.

[@user_stuck-here]

I am sad that my 6 years old me and 8 years old me was too scared and confused to tell anyone about it. I was thinking that it wasn't real, that it was just a bad dream in my head. but I can't go back to be pure again. and I am still sad about it:(

[@TheOne_Only1]

I am glad I found this channel, your taste in music is impeccable and your channel is very underrated

[@nhg1223]

This playlist made me sleep it helped so good

[@dvr1382]

this is one of those moments where i secretly hope someone will walk in on me crying so that i can have a bit of comfort

[@ljannoyance8391]

growing up, you start to look around. what happened to everyone and then myself...we didn't deserve it-- but the fucked up thing is we will never be pure in this world. you see it so much when you start to open your eyes , look around you. became so closed off from the world because of it. more and more. like a spinning record on repeat. now, you look pass your shoulder everywhere you go. you jump and immediately defend yourself, even when it's just a small animal. such as a bird flying pass or a squirrel-- you clench at your chest in fear holding your/a weapon. our purity is taken away in this world. and it will always be that way.

[@RedSpade6]

Thank you. I needed this.

[@Lonely_Alchemist]

Fallen down❤

[@that_objectguy]

A new vent playlist

[@qwippyguts]

I HAD NO IDEA THE FIRST SONG WAS A SIGUR ROS SONG OMG

[@artninja1819]

Man, I need this. The world, both in a greater sense and personally, is kinda shit right now. I'm kinda irritated by those that are happy.

[@PazWasHere]

I was 5 when I learned that I was going to navigate myself through a harsh, neurotypical world. Being bullied at school and dealing w/ emotional neglect at home didn't help either... everyone told me to not speak up, for "what happens in private stays private"... including my pain and anger. My Nana, who passed almost 5 years ago, was my safe place. Nothing feels real without her. I was groomed many times by people I met online, starting at the age of 9... almost got s/a'd by a student at school as well back in grade 4. Stupid me didn't even realise those kinds of people had bad intentions for me, despite me wanting real friends who didn't make me feel like an object, or like I never existed... worse yet, I just wanted to see the good in people. Now I have so many mental health conditions at almost 24 years of age. Borderline, generalized anxiety, possible PTSD... it all happens to men, too. We were just children. We had a right to speak up and find our voice, but we were failed; leaving it up to therapy to fix ourselves. Stay strong everyone. I see you, and I love you.

[@NeedXavii]

Obsessed w/ this sm 😋

[@Vincentisgone]

real .

[@namesforfree]

REEEEEEEEEEEEAL

[@Diamondyoungskatezz]

The basketball sits in the weeds. It’s tired of being here, wonders if it even matters anymore. Did everybody forget. Then, one day a person comes and picks up the flat basketball. But instead of pumping it up and using the way most people should use a basketball, they slam it down over and over again. Then it just falls in the weed. Through all of this the basketball keeps hope.

[@Diamondyoungskatezz]

Pt 2. The basketball was worried it’d been here for a bit, wondering why it was such a failure. Then one day a group of 3 comes up and picks up the now worthless, beat up basketball. They pump it up and play with it everyday laughing. Occasionally they would get mad, but mostly at themselves and not the ball. When they did get mad at the ball the ball understood. People get mad lots of times. The basketball did not give up hope, and now every time she falls in the weeds, one comes and picks her up. She is theirs. This isn’t about a basketball.

[@SpiritGuardian2]

I remember the empty game room with nothing but a TV in the left corner. I remember dragging a toy car along the walls and window sill, I remember Twin clicking through the channels to find our favorite show teen titans go. I remember I never got to mess with the remote, but that was okay because my twin would find the show. I remember big brother walking into our room "want to do something for me?" I remember kicking his pants under my bed when dad came in, his face turning pale when he realized. I remember them sitting us down "What did he do to you? We wont be mad. i promise." I remember yanking my hair, sobbing, hearing big brother and dad scream at each other in big brothers room. I heard things break, poor big brother, he has issues in his brain, its not his fault. Please dont hurt him. I remember the pain of my big brother hating me, despising me? Why do you hate me big brother? All I ever wanted was to be cherished? He stayed in his room, when mom and dad left they put brother in charge, why didnt he ever clean? Why didnt brother ever clean? Why did we have to clean so much? Im sorry for telling, if it meant that we didnt feel resented i wouldnt. I remember big brother and brother being so cold, I only ever wanted to be loved. I remember getting the sickness, my body ached and I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I just stared. Big brother and Brother were supposed to take care of us? They received sodas to help us while mom slept? I remember moms body growing weaker, dad was never in the house now. Hes at his oil job. He never hugs us anymore? Why? I remember cuddling with mom while she was lonely because dad was never home I remember they told us to pray that he got any job, he hugged us again, i missed this feeling, But why pray? We are pagan, Praying is for Christians? I remember packing up and moving again, why do we always move? I remember dad didnt have to leave the house anymore, he decided to follow his dream! Hes a book writer? I remember waking up and looking at the walls, the floor boards, i looked through the kitchen and dining room, we had such a small home now, why? And what was I looking for? Why did I not eat breakfast? Where did my lunch go? Big brother and brother got jobs! Mom? Where are you? Oh. You work with dad? Who am I to hang out with? Where is everyone? Where are the hugs? Can someone please speak to me? I remember hearing a door open and sprinting into the dining room "What are you doing? How are you doing?!" My eyes turn watery when dad is annoyed, "working" But dad? Why are you mad? I remember my own body turning cold? Why didnt anyone come help? I remember coughing and sneezing, my body ached again? Mom why didnt you help me? Why did no one ask if I was okay?I dont want to clean today, it all hurts. Why does dad yell at me? Im only 11, you told me to tell you when we need dog food? Why wont you love me dad? What did i do? Please dont be mad. i love you dad, but why do you hate me? I remember the parties for beings that never helped me, "god parties" "I could not care about anything while I worked, Im sorry." My body went cold again, I wanted my blanket. Why is my face so cold? Why is my face so wet with tears? Little droplets on my shirt. You followed out your dream but you gave up caring for me? Your daughter? You forced me to grow distant from the world? You forced me to feel resented and hurt? I felt no love during that time, and I would have been fine with you hitting me than to feel so disregarded. I remember them all saying "Why do you look like that? Why are you always mad?" My face a permanent frown, why? Why would someone do this to me.? Why call out my imperfections now? I thought I was beautiful? Why do you mention my weight dad? Im sorry. No matter how much I walk, no matter how much meals I dont eat it wont go away. No one will help me stay on the diet, I remember it all so vividly, So no, you can not hug me, big brother, brother, dad. The pain you have caused with the beatings, resentment, and yelling have been burned into my skin. Every time you come close to me it burns. The little jingle of a belt brings it all back to me. I just wanted to be loved.

[@manicvirus093]

I LOVE SIGUR ROS

[@xxzakz]

my friend kept asking me why i attempted, i couldnt help but laugh and joke. how can i be serious about my own pathetic, worthless issues? everything hurts but its okay i just keep laughing

[@Juleeeeeeeeeee]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. There are people who are willing to help, and if nothing else you have me and many others going through this as well. I believe in you, please don't give up.

[@xxzakz]

@@Juleeeeeeeeeee thank you so much 💝

[@Juleeeeeeeeeee]

@@xxzakz Of course!!!

[@fanciullo4047]

W mindset ngl

[@xxzakz]

@@fanciullo4047 real bro

[@KatsrkooI]

For those hurting and needing to vent, feel free to vent to me. I will try my best to reply to all. I truly hope the best for you all and love you so much

[@weeeeeyippee]

i've never got SAd but only s3xual harassed so i know ppl will say get over it if i tell them this. i can't even tell this to anyone, they will think it's so little and tell me to move on

[@Mike_The_Allosaurus]

Man i feel weird venting here... i was exposed to s3xual content when i was just 5 years old and since then i had problems with that stuff. I used to act older and always try to help people when i was little, about from 5 to 12 years old. I had a relationship online with a girl that was 15 when i was 12 (the relationship was 3 years old so bassicly when i was 9 and she was 12), i dont really know if that can be considered grooming. Iv grew up and still grow up in a household where alcohol abuse is often, there is a lot of arguments almost everyday either my dad with my older sister or my dad with my mom, i get emotional when someone screams at me from it, might be instance of the trauma from little years? My 2 childhood friends that were my only friends have abused me ever since our friendship. we knew eachother since we were 4-5 years old and i cut my ties with the first one about 4-5 years ago, with the second one i cut ties 3 years ago. I had a school best friend but we have went to 2 diffrent primary schools and since then im isolated from my new class, i have no one to talk to and they think im weird or gross or something..this lonliness really screws up with me as i have no friends outside school either..my older sister recently told me what she thinks about me and i dont see her as my sister anymore...i havent done anything wrong to her. Im 16 years old and turning 17 in april but i deny it, i still feel like a 14 year old child and im scared of growing up into adulthood, i feel like im not loved by the ones that are supposed to love me and the mental abuse i endured in an alcoholic family is starting to show..i dont show emotions usualy, i only cry when im alone in my room at night. My parents never gave a care about what i was doing or what i was doing on the internet which led me exposed to terrible stuff at 5 years of age, my father almost threw a crate of beer at me when i was about 12, he only didnt since my 2 older sisters i love very much have took me to their room before he did so, im really torn inside and i dont know what to feel honestly, theres so much i want to talk about to someone, how i felt thru all those years, im just so scared of everything

[@Diamondyoungskatezz]

Hope ur alr. It’s not weird don’t feel ashamed

[@KIRI_SATURN]

I love this playlist 💗💗💗

[@antonietagomez48]

sometimes I wonder if someone ruined me or if I ruined myself

[@cyberrnetic]

i wish i could go back to safety but i have never been safe in my life, i've lived in abuse since i was born. i only just moved out this year but it's barely been better, the family i live with fights just as violently, even if just with their words. really frequently i dream of a reality where i've never been hit, abused, violated, or any of that, but every time i wake up, it's like a slap to the face. i miss being innocent, even if it was robbed from me from a young age. i miss *feeling* like i was innocent. i miss being so dissociated all the time so that i didn't think anything was wrong. nothing has been going right ever since i moved out. i had to drop out of college, i'm almost out of money for rent. i can't get a job because of how debilitating my trauma and mental illnesses are. as a result, i'll have to move back in with my abuser soon. any progress i made in healing has been utterly stripped away, and i don't feel like i'm going to get better anymore. the worst part about it is that i never anticipated making it this far- and while people might say it's because i'm strong, it's really not. i don't feel strong at all. i feel so small and then, if by some grace of god or whatever higher power there is, i do end up healing? my health is so so fucked up. i have a permanent dissociative disorder, i'm addicted to drugs and nicotine, my teeth are just shy of rotting out of my head. i don't have any hope for my future anymore

[@mistynightlight9951]

Sometimes I wonder why it had to happen to me. 4 year old me… 5 year old me. All the way to 13 year old me. Why did it happen to them? Why were they silenced? Why were they hurt? Touched? Forced? Why? Why do I still feel disgusted and disgusting and panicked now? Five years after that specific thing stopped? Why did I allow it to happen again? Why? Why did no one stop him? Why wasn’t I protected?

[@PHANSALYNMAYBE]

I honestly feel like a parasite to others, that I’ll just be there for people to relieve their stress on by hurting. I feel like a horrible person, but- I’m not sure who I am anymore? I’ve kept up a personality for the people I want to be close with for so long that I don’t even know who I was before..

[@shimizuuranium8415]

I was never one to talk about feelings, even as I vented on a multitude of other playlists just like this one. I find it better to write, to sort things in my head even if it doesn’t help much. I will always forget my age and peoples birthdays and names. It makes me feel guilty for forgetting but try as I might, I could never remember. Even as people tell me things others do not know. Even as my fear whispers words in my ear at the dead of night, forcing me to lock my door in fear of him coming into my room. I’ve never feared it before, I wonder what’s changed? Maybe because I’m now aware of how vile he is. Of how easily it’d be to force me to do whatever he wanted. I’m under his thumb, I realize.

[@weirdgriffindragon]

lost in the blankets... hold my hand so we dont lose each other ever again and we can find a way out together

[@shim64]

will my friend ever have peace for once. they're just. tormented

[@stygian_bat]

I barely remember any of my child. it's something I mourn a lot. What did I do to pass the time? what did I do to have fun? I remember scattered bits and pieces... how the fan in the game room felt on my face. How cluttered the play room was, with toys and books and puzzles. hitting the tree in the front yard with a stick, going in the ditch at my neighborhood's park to grab all the sticks I could find because I was going to be building a cabin for me in a forest, where me and my dog and my sister could live. I remember sleeping to my sister's breaths in the bed beside me. I remember going to the Y because my parents couldn't watch me and my sister over the summer, and I remember finding a stray cat in the field, and playing tag with it - it was a grey kitten, and it disappeared after playing with me. I remember my dog, who would sleep at my feet once I got my own room. I remember climbing trees, as far as I could go, and sitting. Sitting and enjoying the leaves, enjoying the breeze. The game room and play room are gone. The house I lived in is home to a less than kind family who doesn't trim the bushes or the trees. They don't appreciate the shed my dad built for them, or know my bird is buried in the backyard. They don't know I lost all my childhood cats to old age in that home, and don't look out the front window by the door when someone comes by. They don't have the same carpet, or couches, or tv, or pantry door, or love that was in that house, small and brief as it was. The trees at the park are gone, the kitten is no longer a kitten, and my dog has passed. I grew up but I stayed the same. Now what do I do? (I wrote this to reflect and remember what little I remember about my childhood. This is just for me.)

[@Little_crow_28]

I lost my purity when i started to understand why my parents were yelling at eachother. (My step dad cheated on my mom with the most uglyist woman ever, not only that but he also had back surgery so he couldn’t go anywhere when mom confronted him about it. I hope thats man gets the worst of his life.)

[@Stars-with-no-light]

I hate that Man.

[@AutumnKatto]

ive returned here. i’m not ok anymore. i want to sleep and never wake up again, who knows? maybe i will. bottle of medication is looking mouthwatering rn.

[@AcidicRaccoonVomit]

I'm vile and disgusting, i don't deserve your sweet words of comfort.

[@Bittersweet_fanta28]

I hope the kitty sleeps well ♥️♥️

[@Stavr0no]

i hate being able to talk i kept getting caught in the hook of bad bad friends friends who lashed out at me for stupid reasons that ended up shaping me i never want to be a furry again

[@hello_char]

thank you.

[@HoffmxnOOPS]

i wish i could revert time. I wish i was asleep instead of staying awake. I wish I could just skip that part of my life and continue as if nothing happened. I wish there was a void that could have sucked me in. I wish nothing bad happened. But it happened. I'm sitting here, writing this comment, remembering everything that happened at that day. When I was 5. It still haunts me to this day, the day I was exposed to everything, that day I couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt like someone snatched the part of my brain consisting of innocence, the part of the brain that i lack of now. My friends think i am weird, but i never told them anything. Everyone is oblivious of what my brain is made up of. It may be a weird or a subject that doesn't matter, but after I saw a video of it that was playing on the tv by accident at 2AM, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt dirty, disgusting and terrible for thinking about it. But now, I can't stop. It's like something in my mind still tells me it is ok, but it's trying so hard with no result. I just want to feel normal again, like I never knew, I just want to feel like a careless child again, but it's too late. I guess I grew up too fast. (i wanted to share my thoughts and my feelings on this certain subject, rn i'm trying not to cry but knowing that people also deal with something like this led me to share this, just to tell people they're not alone).

[@queenbluecats7711]

Playlist to meow to (emotional)

[@qxnnv]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy thank u

[@kirbokitty77777]

every day im running

[@Missinghomeasusual]

My blood flows down my thigh and soaks everything. Mom will eventually find out and everyone will hate me even more. I just want to be protected like that kitty.

[@ghosty-1]

The first song is called PP1 by frakkur, at least that’s what it’s called on Spotify c:

[@Sad_PaperBag]

Idk bout y'all, but the first song sounds like little pikmin to me "Meep murp!" Ahh song 🐙 Anyways, wish y'all best in the present, and future. Stay safe!!! ❤

[@goneindaylight]

hidden deep inside

[@Icarusluvsu]

Thx

[@fizzybluah-l6l]

"i dont like santa claus... i mean- he stalks you, he knowws if ur bad- he know when ur sleeping he knows where u live-." ifykyk .....it fits with the dramamine ITS from tiktok

[@ily-j3f]

I think I’m a bad friend She told me she would be there if I ever needed help Idk why I never called She would have picked up It’s too late to ask for help now, I did what I did and now I can’t help but think that I betrayed her in some way I feel like I’m going to throw up from guilt I’ll probably be fine in a week though

[@iiraingirlii]

I wish I had a normal family 😭

[@6ngell]

I’m a child. So why did I have to go through all this? Why did we have to go through all this. If there is a God, does he even care? Or is he more scared of us than we are of each other

[@maedaymaedayy]

just wanted to let you know the quote "if there is a god, does he even care? or is he more scared of us than we are of each other" is going on my wall. You seem just like me

[@cringelord_67]

I wish I could go back to before I knew it was wrong. I wish I could go back to when I thought it was normal for parents to hit their kids, that every kid went through it. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so different, so wronged, so hurt. Maybe then I wouldn't want to ask them, "why? why did you hurt me? how could you do that to your child you say you love so much? why do you still do it to the other ones?" But I know if I ask him specifically, he'll think I hate him. He'll remember when I admitted that I was scared of him because of his past abuse... how can you still be so scared of a person you still love, you feel close to? How can you explain your trauma to a former abuser who's genuinely trying to change? How can you still be scared of someone you love?

[@St4rryIvy]

oh no your not pure anymore but im only 10 no you arent wake up. wake up. its been years. she still hasnt gotten better. she still yells. oh no. why cant i be innocent?

[@melipuff_]

guys i misread the title as "lost purr-ity" i thought it was a silly hehe pun playlist

[@spacesrb]

i don't feel anything. nothing. an empty void is inside of me. i want to cry, but i can't. i want to end myself.

[@Objectshowfella]

"I...i dont wanna go to to my room i dont wanna sleep on my beanbag please mother i just want a full week of sleeping on my bed" these are real things i mumble to my self nowadays.

[@KheirQuitYoutube]

I know I act like im fine. I can laugh, I can smile. But I come home and I'm just so exhausted. Im genuinely so tired. Im always the therapist. I've always been the first one to reach out and ask if they're ok. Im the one staying up late making sure they don't hit their low alone. I dont regret doing all that, but im tired. I have no one to talk to without feeling guilty, feeling invalid, feeling like my problems shouldn't be theirs, that they have too much to worry about they shouldn't have to hold my worries too. All of that, and I STILL get called "selfish" "lazy" "ungrateful" "rude" "not funny" "useless". Im tired. I really am. Im losing focus in school, I can't lose my. Grades. Im scared of failing but tired of trying. I hate it. I'll never feel complete. I hate my body my voice my face my hair my personality. Im done with myself. Why not relapse? No one cares. Idk anymore. :/

[@ArtieOnPaws]

when i was nine i got called a groomer. i didnt even say a single weird thing. if anything the other person kinda did because they asked for my home adress. It was terrible. it made me worse then i was. after a month or two after that i had things planned on what to do before i killed myself. but then after i reached out to them they responded. just that simple thing helped me.

[@kinito-sanrio-girly]

Unlimited access to the Internet as a toddler. I didn't realize it, but i was ruined already. I feel disgusting. I cant see anything normally. I see the world as sexualized. im so disgusting. 3 years old, i ruined myself. I cant handle touch anymore. Im terrified of men, of what they can do to me. Innocence, was just a fever dream.

[@user-vb8fy2qn3b]

I miss being not being treated bad,wait,I never was once treated right...I miss him,I miss you,I miss them...I'm sorry I'm annoying...What have I become? An aggressive traumatized monster thats insecure,I just want comfort,I get told to let my guard down...I cant ever let it down again,I've hurt people because I'm scared,All I want is a hug..But I cant get one...I'm actually a very vulnerable person,wait,no.. I'm not a person...I'm a filthy relentless monster...I'm vulnerable to things though,I want to feel at home....It's hard to forget people who inflicted something that you will remember....I just want to be hugged,I want to be missed..I don't want to be called childish...I just never had a childhood.... (Me:12))

[@AverageRocirusEnjoyer]

I was only 7 and you were 22. I trusted you, why would you do this to me?

[@Hill-e9y]

I wish I wasn't so pessimistic, so bitter and annoying. But I can't stand the idea of people seeing me as an innocent person. I'm not proud of it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change it either.

[@zyrasotogaribay12]

Im 13, every day I feel the dread of getting up. I just want to be left alone. I wish I was that 5 year old girl again. I will never be that again, I will never be that energetic kid again. I was SA'd when I was 5 years old. I only now realized what I experienced, I thought it was fine but I didnt fully realize. And I just hate even living now, so much changed in 3 years. I feel alone, I've always felt alone. My mom, she knew I was struggling. Still, she did nothing. Why? Because i "seemed better"? I can't do it anymore. Why I am I so young and feel this way. I've had to resist the urge to commit. I just want to restart to a time where it was before everything that happened. All those feelings I wish I didn't feel. My parents are not exactly emotionally available. I feel like I can't tell my parents anything personal. When my mom one day walked up to me on the couch, and told me to show her my arms. I never felt so bad in my life. I just want to be happy again. Please god