Treating Attachment Trauma with Compassionate Imagery

Attachment trauma can leave clients on constant alert for threats, which can make processing traumatic memories incredibly difficult.
So here, Deborah Lee, DClinPsy, shares how she worked with one client who was severely neglected in her childhood.
She’ll walk you through the imagery exercise she used to reduce feelings of threat before helping this client process her flashbacks of being abandoned.
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[@diane5855]

This is very similar to the therapy I did for CPTSD & DID. I imagined a safe place & retold my story to myself ; reframed the narrative. I also told my alters (parts) of myself [ That Was Then & This Is Now ] before delving into the traumatic memories. Also did EMDR. Self- compassion & self-acceptance is the key. God bless you on your journey of healing.

[@strangerintheselands251]

This short video gave me enormous hope that I can actually work through some deeply rooted shame scenarios, perhaps even without a therapist. Activating compassionate network, bringing alive the painful moments, recontextualizing without blaming. Also when I heard about the letters written from the compassionate standpoint and telling her own truth, I could do that too. The very thought brought me to tears. Very accurate point, you have to first make sure that the threat system does not get into overdrive, before you bring back the painful memories or write the letters. Coz then I go to fury on the spot. Would rip my farther's head off. So no, not engaging that. Settling, compassionate imagery, then voicing, then retelling the life. Perhaps doable alone.

[@markymarknz783]

Thank you intuitively did that just now. I imagined adult me today( a kind witness, companion) alongside the wee boy experiencing the traumatic event. Felt connection, no sense of threat. 🙏💚

[@ralphrex9118]

Fascinating, great explanation. I have abandonment trauma but struggle to engage any emotional connection, later verbal abuse I think still triggers paralysing shame bombs, I’ll try this in my meditation practice and if I’m still stuck maybe look you up.

[@antwainclarke3406]

Sweet Jesus this was amazing. I even cried trying to remember my experiences and mirroring the exercises. I feel like this is a real solution.

[@kjbkjhkjhjk7775]

this has helped me manage flashbacks 100%

[@kjbkjhkjhjk7775]

I discovered this myself.. every time I get flashbacks from abuse, I imagine a caretaker looking lovingly at me, I remember a positive memory, or I remember Jesus looking at me with love. It is one of the things that's helped me the most :)

[@Gaby-tr5rp]

very powerful! Self compassion is essential when working with attachment wounds. Thank you for this short video :)

[@EvaEva-lf3ww]

Very grateful. Thank you for shareing

[@hajarlaabidi9646]

Amazing thank you so much ❤

[@nickolasemerson2092]

This is brilliant

[@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210]

This is helpful emotional felt sence change through, positive new compasionate memory, then taken through the old to change it x

[@tuxedoneko9837]

Wow, powerful ! Thank you

[@wellwisher1755]

Wow really loved it . thank you so much.Stay Blessed Ma'am 🌼🌼

[@joancb7556]

Thank you! Very helpful

[@geotyr3868]

thank you for this video!

[@margaretmccann2069]

amazing, excellent

[@lisazomp1]

I just live this way of working with truama its a tool that allows the self to learn to love the self, when a child receives no love how can they know what love feels like.

[@melissad.6722]

Are there more videos about "theattachment wound being the book open on the table defining everything"?

[@jmer9126]

very good

[@rubyanaya126]

Thank You 💕😊💞😌😊😌❤️😌😌😌💞

[@beyondism]

What do you mean what thing do you bring online first?

[@PrancyBiscuit]

i think she means bring online the imagery, and feeling, of being in that safe nurtured state with the ideal nurturer first, before bringing in the traumatic memory. And then reliving the memory but with the ideal (compassionate) events happening instead.

[@amysinger2201]

I don't understand changing memories. How is that different than the former president just making stuff up?

[@lilyl5492]

it's changing the emotional 'charge' to the memories, not what actually happened.

[@amysinger2201]

@@lilyl5492 Thank you! I did miss that detail

[@aleanbh3808]

@@lilyl5492 but how? What does she mean by bringing it online? How could she know if her client was doing it?

[@lilyl5492]

@@aleanbh3808 Hi Alanna. the how is a big question! I can try and answer the 'online' and 'knowing' parts but first... I'm only loosely aware of terms from exposure therapy, so I'm interpreting based on what I do know about the experience/process of changing the bodies response to charged memories and polyvagal theory. (to me PVT is much clearer because it relates to concrete things happening in the body to shifts in state and sense of safety. Stephen Porges (why) and Deb Dana (how) are good start points)

[@lilyl5492]

@@aleanbh3808 Here is how I interpret "bringing online" = consciously shifting to a compassionate state of being = creating a state of ease, a sensation of safety in the body, shifting into a ventral vagal state (autonomic nervous system state of 'safety'). Leads to having energy to spare for healing, or simply 'being'. This state is similar to arriving home and gladly resting, kicking back happily after making an effort and then feeling restored, looking forward to dinner, to chats, to hanging out, to being calm and relaxed, playful or snuggly, knowing you will be ready to start something new again soon. It might be called seeing from your heart, the heart witness. There are a lot of ways to describe it differently with words, but the physical aspects of easy responsiveness (down to the level of breath and heartbeat are always there), easy emotions, easy thoughts, and easy action are built on top of that base of the autonomic nervous system. It very literally changes our perception of the world, how our senses work, how we access our own brain and body. If someone hasn't had much opportunity to feel safe in their body due to trauma then this can be tricky. Everything feels like a fight or a waiting game on some level, so processing deep hurt is a lot to ask on top of that. Both things (living and healing) seem to suck up limited survival energy. It requires finding 'resources' that help the body to feel more equipped to deal with things that are currently overwhelming or leading to resistance, shutdown, denial etc. For self-regulation everyone needs ways to get back to a sense of 'enough safety' to be able to think clearly, and act on long term values rather than immediate fright sensations linked to abandonment in this case. Resources can build strength and also help us to rest. So a sense of safety in the moment is necessary before trying to process charged memories. The compassionate story example seems like a of mix of reassurance in the present and rewriting the strong and only negative expectations associated with the memory by showing the possibility of other outcomes to the senses (via imagination). Not everyone with a dysregulated nervous system could do them as a condensed process. So the first goal is for our *current state of being* is given a positive shift or a more neutral 'charge'. This goes for everyone in the room. For the larger challenge, of removing the charge from traumatic memories, you have to talk to the brainstem in languages it understands, check in with feelings and body sensations, taking note of eye movement as it links to to the inner map of threat and resources that drives all impulses and reactions. Eye gaze gets stuck when someone trips over a threat point on that inner map. That's when you need to ask gently, 'what's going on there?', to co-regulate, to keep it in the present, offer safety through your own calm state, gentle voice etc. this interaction keeps the self-regulating witness part of the self 'online', and the 'observing task' keeps keeps everyone present and attentive, adding a layer of compassion to the memories that arise, responding in new caring ways. Your relationship with them, as attentive caring helper, creates safety in the present to respond in ways that may seem inappropriate for an 'secure adult' but very appropriate for a hurting child. This may not happen in front of you, so teaching self-regulation is very important too. You asked about how to tell if it is working... Someone's habitual state will become more at ease over time if working through blocks as the body allows it. With big issues it may take going through a time where energies seem more 'out there' and scattered. A sign to keep going not stop. That is a bad place to stop but some might might interpret it as things getting worse. Keep up the compassion, it gets better. We can detect another persons nervous system state both subconsciously, and consciously with practice, by asking about sensations in the body and observing posture, vocal shifts or lack of voice, breath and heart rate - our own respond to the people around us - a bit like empathy but it's very much about automatic body responses interacting when in close proximity. If some one near us is scared our nerves notice the tiny signals and want to know why because it may affect us too. If people around us are unexpectedly in an easy social mode, we notice. The automatic nervous system is mostly subconscious, but it's also right here, observable in the body. It might be subtle or obvious cues in the breath or spine posture that show tension or ease, or putting your own hand on your own heart to see if your heart is responding to something, maybe the other persons rising heart rate. Heat and cold make blood flow 'visible'. Shifts in digestion are closely linked too as all the lower organs are linked to a shut down safety response (dorsal vagus nerve). Learning bodily cues and asking about sensations another person is feeling makes it more conscious. A buzz in the neck for the initial moment of 'activation', small tight pains holding the tension of unfinished bodily responses... or unexpressed grief. A big sigh or yawn or tummy gurgle can be a sign that something has shifted, it means a return to the rest and digest state after some tension is released. Beyond a mere absence of threat, a tall graceful spine happens automatically when feeling fully alive and in touch with oneself. The voice gets clearer, more musical, speaking aloud gets easier. The body, the subconscious, and the inner child all overlap - the same thing from different perspectives.