True Detective - Rust Hates Everything

Rust (Pete) has a lot to say about puppies.
See the outtakes here: • True Detective - Rust ...
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[@michalczyk]

Parody videos are a unnecessary distraction from the inevitability of death. A pop culture snake eating it's own tail in an endless circle. A flat circle.

[@gabelogan56]

uroboros

[@SOAKESTV]

how are they unnecessary? they are entertaining in the present moment and thats all that matters

[@starfox300]

Arcane you're a dumbass

[@SOAKESTV]

good argument, i stand corrected

[@roger6703]

Piotr Michalczyk flat... circle... subliminal flat earther I see.

[@peteregan5974]

they're getting very far away from that turn they missed.

[@ManLikeHugo]

It's a highway

[@moritzlehnhardt9563]

Why ruin a perfectly good comment Evan? 😂

[@bd80247]

@@moritzlehnhardt9563 Why ruin anything? We're just ingredients in a formula we'll never understand.

[@lufasa7135]

Everything is ruined. We just haven't seen the rubble yet.

[@hamooon]

this was insanely well done

[@peteholmes]

Thank you!

[@frozenstrawbs]

Pete Holmes i liked the writing. some great lines

[@HunGerMovies]

Pete Holmes Dude, you are one of the best comedians I've seen so far, with some young Val Kilmer-like appearance hehe. Your videos would deserve far more views, but I think it's just a matter of time.

[@jed23ify]

+hamooon hell yea, well written and had me cracking up on every line.

[@somethingclever4563]

+Pete Holmes You are one of the best comedians working. Hilarious.

[@hammeringhank5271]

"The only direction were headed is the grave. You were born dead. Your mother just forgot to grieve you." 😂😂😂

[@juansalcido2037]

ok getting too dark

[@swath5049]

In the comment section of everyone of these great videos is some dweeb too empty of thought to express their own. They opt to just qoute the very video we just watched, even more sad is that people respond to it, as if to say, "yes, I saw that too".

[@Filbertfriend]

Oh I thought it was she forgot to GRAVE you lol

[@papagrounds]

That's my new slogan xD

[@davidec.4021]

He literally just said it as i read this word by word. Jesus fucking christ it made it so much darker ahah

[@FourthDerivative]

"Sometimes I see clues in birds. Bird clues." Fucking lost it

[@BruceWat]

+FourthDerivative I didn't get that joke. Could you explain? :(

[@marcochavezjr8799]

That part was hilarious!

[@AsimQasimzade]

+FourthDerivative me too didn't get it(

[@drdickinson5910]

I dont think there is anything to get, its just funny.

[@mikelipinski7615]

@@BruceWat rust gets flashback acid trip like visions that manifest a lot when he sees birds

[@JezebelSly]

This reminded me of the first time my older brother got drunk and apologized for every bad thing he ever did. The whole family was trying to just have breakfast.

[@paulflint6254]

😂

[@Manualatice]

Damn, despite the fact that they look nothing like the characters they're portraying, they managed to match their audio ques pretty damn spot on in certain places.

[@braydynniewiadomski5454]

Have you heard the gospel of Jesus Christ before? God's holy word the Bible teaches us that we have all sinned, we have all done things our God given conscience tells us are wrong, that keep us from experiencing His holiness and goodness in our lives. Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” Sins such as using His name in vain, to use the name of the God who created us and gave us life, without respect or reverence, and worse, often with disrespect, jesting or even hatred. Exodus 20:7 “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” God is a just, holy and righteous God and in His love and goodness He must punish sin. If we are living sinful lives, breaking the ten commandments, and not acknowledging God in our hearts, God must punish us for our wickedness. God must send us to hell, a place of torment, weeping and gnashing of teeth, where all unrepentant sinners will go. Since we all have sinned, and fallen short, how can we be saved from this eternal place? Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The good news, the gospel, is that God was born of a virgin, lived a perfect, sinless and holy life, as Jesus of Nazareth, and sacrificed Himself for our sins. He shed His blood and died on the cross and took upon Himself the wrath of the Father so that we might go free. After being crucified, he was buried in a tomb, and then as prophesied, resurrected by the power of God and defeated sin, death and hell. Whosoever believes in Him and follows Him will have eternal life! Forgiven of all sin, saved from death and hell and given a new heart to truly know Him. That is the mercy and love that Christ showed on the cross. He was perfect, yet died for imperfect people like us. Please take the time, you are not promised tomorrow, to read these next verses humbly and honestly and pray for God to forgive you of your sin and grant you His Holy Spirit and forgiveness in Jesus Christ. God bless you in Jesus' mighty name! Amen. Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”

[@user-qp5ws2yo3j]

They even got their movements and mannerisms down.

[@FuckItSnoopy]

"We were all born dead, your mother just forgot to grieve you." That's a solid line. Of course, I'm high.

[@akumabazooka9169]

Me too!! I'm getting high again right now!

[@Orangu_mike]

Lemme join in on this action

[@anibng]

I'm high rn too!

[@JR2]

Me too. FFS. I'm maybe a bit too high... I had to watch it a second time and will probably have to watch it again tomorrow because I'll have forgotten it.

[@JR2]

​@@Orangu_mikeWelcome to the dark side. We have cake.

[@nopancakemix570]

Confetti: The shredded remains of our source of oxygen, cut into little pieces for cheap entertainment. Confetti.

[@mortvald]

how about kaden smidt?

[@mrpwrites]

That's hilarious, Kaden.

[@zappadoodle8503]

Sousuke Aizen Kaden Smidt a commenter on the site known as KZbin that tried to be funny when we all know comedy is just a meaningless distraction that comes from pain and is used to make us enjoy life for a moment......a moment that we should not waste if we really wanted to enjoy it. And in his feudal attempt to try and make his mark on the world he left nothing but a speck that will be wiped out with all other human beings....... and since this is three years later he has probably already met that always creeping demise, the one we should just accept now so we can see our place as food for microorganisms.

[@UltimateKyuubiFox]

Zap529, a commenter who basks in the glory of seeing past the rosy promises life tries to blind us with, who in reality can only see the blood curdling up at their waist. Instead of living a life with meaning and humor, they instead drudge along at a snail's pace, never able to indulge in what our brains have predisposed us to desire above anything else; love and joy. An emotionally celibate skeleton, secretly longing for the exact carnal pleasures they know are mere distractions. This knowledge is the noose they've elected to hang themselves with, all for nothing more than a trophy that tells them they're better than the happy person they know they can never become. Their tragedy--their truth--is that they need this sense of superiority to believe staying alive is worthwhile, as pride is the only real and visceral emotion they have left.

[@zappadoodle8503]

UltimateKyuubiFox is it bad that I laughed at that?

[@d1oftwins]

Hmm. When Pete talks with his dark voice with all the negative attitude and the symbolism he reminds me of the original *Max Payne* narrating the cut-scenes in the equally called PC game. _"Fear was rusty needles poking at my brain. Cold and scaly, it slithered down my chest."_ _"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings."_ - Max Payne

[@astrolabeIQ]

d1oftwins yes !

[@HotaruZoku]

I would be down to play a Max Payne he voiced

[@yournamehere7329]

He reminds me of old school Val Kilmer

[@Ralndrath]

The smile Rust has after his horrible monologue on puppies, made me laugh so hard. It truly made this video for me lol

[@paulflint6254]

same

[@Couldbeboring]

WOW, so good that I actually forgot I was about to watch a Pete Holmes skit... brilliant McConaughey impression... wow... beginning felt like a youtube movie commercial LOL

[@sharathsh9987]

I thought Marty's impression was a bit better. This actor copied the intonation of Woody Harrelson perfectly.

[@peteholmes]

Rust Cohle is back! Whatever you do, do not offer him a piece of gum. #TrueDetective #PeteHolmes

[@Thejydgr]

Mentos? Are Mentos ok? Hey Petey, are, are Mentos ok? (Say it in your high gravelly hilarious voice that you use sometimes)

[@Dc0sby]

That was hilarious.

[@narcspector]

Audacity to call itself Wintermint When it's seen neither winter... nor mint

[@truedetectiveseason1494]

Solid.

[@Mister_B_]

Fantastic! For a second I thought he was going to say he actually liked the shock jock radio station

[@mtchll_chndlr]

Matts ''Marty'' impression is spot on.

[@Ateka9]

This is actually one of the greatest Pete Holmes sketch I've seen.

[@Schrodinger_]

"yellow - Yellow King" subtle....

[@angelfan16]

Schrodinger Right? Spoiler lol

[@nicholaswhyte9442]

i heard yellow cake, as in yellow cake uranium.

[@mugencpu]

It was yellow cake. Lol

[@confusedwhale]

Yellow cake... The worst, lazies, depressing flavor of all cakes. That which tries to please all by removing all form of flavor, pleases none. Slathering on gobs upon gobs of congealing sugar blobs of unappealing frosting to try and counteract the plainness of color and flavor only to make a mess with half-assed swipes from a dull "knife" wielded by indifferent hands of a pimpled post-adolescent making minimum wage to pass the time in a meaningless existence. All of which is for a gathering of squealing spawn to commemorate a meaningless day of insignificance.

[@pointlessopinion611]

That reference of Hastur the king in yellow was for the 12 Lovecraft wierdos that were watching. I like lovecraft and even i was like wtf who could know that

[@Eysc]

this is gold.

[@pagaldesi1644]

but what if #goldisbest mgs maiden

[@RhythmBoy]

What do you mean by gold? gold is just a fucking yellow metal. worthless metal.

[@SergheyKatastrofenko]

Beqa Buachidze Things that are can not not be, and things that aren't can't be. But things that are and are not, those things can not be.

[@pagaldesi1644]

thats what she said

[@brendanbrady1000]

Confetti: People tear up newspapers and throw them in celebrations of meaningless attachments like weddings and markings of another year towards death like birthdays because newspapers only expose how disgusting, dark and depressing the world is and people are too frail to cope with that. Sorry Rust. There goes confetti.

[@nyar5863]

Not to mention that the low quality paper is made of the processed corpses of trees and dyed with insane amount of the most unnatural molecules we can mass-produce, all just to be sold for a mediocre profit to idiots, that try to distract themselves of the inevitability of their ultimate demise with absolutely pointless celebrations.

[@carlmarx6286]

Brendan Brady But Rust likes it because it is the ultimate pointlessness therefore proving there is a point to pointlessness therefore being pointless is the point and therefore confetti is what Rust likes.

[@hammeringhank5271]

Confetti never forgetti

[@bladoodyscabloody1143]

Confetti: another monument to our sin, low and behold such power we create and then for the sake of creation we destroy the trees around us and dance as there frayed slaughtered body showers us in an unholy bathing ritual of what we think is granted to us .....wish he would have asked me about salt water taffy...i love salt water taffy ....i need a hug :(

[@ToneySpamony]

Salt Water Taffy. A process that displays the most painful amount of torture where the substance is stretched near point of fracture and then stretched again and again for 30 min while being doused with artificial chemicals to make you think its grape or watermelon. and after all its time of being pulled and folded. its taken off and chopped into hundreds of pieces and wrapped in a wax paper that makes your fingers feel icky. Wish he would have asked me about Pixie sticks..... I love pixie sticks... I need a hug:(

[@bryancaulfield2066]

I thought I saw a clue in a flock of birds. I see clues in birds. Bird clues.

[@davidmackie5850]

Best part

[@andygarza8132]

Bird law

[@elykspuz6596]

The sigh before Pete goes on his rant is priceless like "I know I'm going to catch shit for this"

[@RC-ht8bl]

Genius, the writing and delivery. However....everyone quoting their favorite line in a seemingly sad effort for attention when what it really is a pitiful cry for help to a God that never existed so that they can ignore the dark abyss of emptiness that plagues all humanity.

[@beemoney217]

i think you just explained homo sapiens perfectly.

[@elliottjones8354]

Holy eff

[@vanrose2125]

Now that's a bird clue

[@mackhaddock5376]

A Map ain't gonna tell ya where ya headed" LOL

[@tsundereshark5945]

''Sometimes I see clues in birds, bird clues'' hilarious

[@miks8]

can you please explain whats the joke/fun part in that?

[@paulflint6254]

@@miks8 it is funny though.

[@miks8]

@@paulflint6254 nah I mean that literally man. Like is it a reference I dont know or a slang or smth? Or just random and its funny bcs its random

[@paulflint6254]

@@miks8 funny cos it's not expected.

[@arkxerxes8017]

Y’know, that first “raw deal” speech was so over the top I thought it was just part of the parody...then I watched the real scene.

[@espada212]

best parody of true detective!

[@Ivanbadenh]

Close but no, here you go: kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3zGhpd6jK57has

[@user-oe8db4bv5m]

@@Ivanbadenh So glad you said it!

[@frankmcgovern5445]

“Yellow-Yellow King.” Hahahahaha Too good. I love True Detective, and Robert Chambers, but hilariousness.

[@bullmilk]

Rewatching some of Rust Cohle's commentary gives an even greater appreciation of Pete Holmes' mocking. From human consciousness to puppies: brilliant.

[@nyar5863]

The timing on this sketch gets me every time. Genius.

[@michaelbiscay9836]

Non-consensual milk extraction...

[@punishersnake4888]

LOL greatest line in this is..."i'm sorry i thought i saw a clue in that flock of birds.... sometimes i see clues in birds...BIRD CLUES..."

[@lizc6393]

I've decided that the only way I'll be able to identify my soulmate is when he gets this reference.

[@kcizere1992]

The way he gets so pissed off with Pete, great sketch 😂😂😂😂

[@Tailstickles]

I fucking love confetti. Lol

[@dilibau]

"We're all just farts in the wind..." Deeply profound.

[@blackdome98]

What a brilliantly written sketch

[@HaroldDavidsonUS]

This was quite amusing... Unfortunately amusement is just a method of pushing away the thoughts individuals are unable to cope with or choose to ignore. Comedy especially is most odious - us spending time watching a video instead of acting to increase one's own value to the world - a value that will one day be crushed and spit back into the dust from which it came.

[@degded1692]

+Harold Davidson I'm in fact a cat, you human species thinking you know above all others. Impressing yourselves through thinking, while rats are taking over. While humans are just a satirical cycle, cats are figuring out a way to save the world in this dilemma. So until then, DO NOT DISTURB.

[@HaroldDavidsonUS]

Dodger Ah, yes, cats... The species which was once a powerhouse in the food chain now reduced to house pets and internet memes. Even their most powerful ancestors - the tigers and lions - are slowly being hunted down and killed for sport by poachers and asshole dentists with time to spare.

[@somethingclever4563]

+ Harold Davidson haha holy shit man you nailed it

[@HaroldDavidsonUS]

TheOtherGuy Yes, nailed it. Nails... The sharp, thin object hammered by us and used to connect two objects or place things onto walls permanently. But, of course, no two objects can ever have a true connection no matter how much we try. And nothing can be placed somewhere permanently. It's a sad truth that a nail is just another tool the human race uses to try and control an uncontrollable world.

[@somethingclever4563]

Lmfao. You are too much!😂😂

[@Dorbo2]

OMG I lost it at "bird clues".

[@narcspector]

I always forget he says it, and it makes me laugh so hard that I spit scream and cry at the same time. It's his voice, the facial expressions, the delivery, he's a fuckin genius.

[@albert7721]

Brilliant sketch,TV gold,i did not want it to end...

[@Millie12678]

Just finished watching TRUE DETECTIVE and I have to say Petey is SPOT ON!! Love it!

[@GermanFistCake]

Some comedian make a few funny jokes in a skit.. This was like a drunken Jack Daniels rant for the aged. I was in tears the whole time OMFG do more like this!!

[@nolaughingmatter]

One of the most outstanding sketches I've ever seen... please keep going, Pete.

[@FirstnameLastname-jz1ux]

professional comedian's thought-out, well-written, well-timed joke < pete holmes saying "bird clues"

[@Nichomachean5]

That.. was great! I love true detective, and you had it right on. I had a laugh attack towards the end.

[@ambassador8524]

Lol, this was my one of my favorite scenes from this mini series!

[@claudes.whitacre1241]

I don't know if it's genius.....but I can't stop laughing when I see these short takes on shows like True Detective and Sherlock. And I found his show because of it.

[@ashwinf12]

Pete really deserves some type of award for this even if it must be gum

[@beadyslay]

This is so funny XD Rust is my favorite part of the show. I get his nihilistic views on life, especially when you consider how he is affected by his daughter's death.

[@Mugastafio]

Pete Holmes is actually hilarious, I've been watçhing his videos for the last few weeks and this is funny stuff. sometimes, some of his sketches can be a bit hit and miss, but for the most part, funny stuff

[@lumisuliSime]

I don't know what Pete Holmes does these days but I hope he gets to do more of these kind of bits because they are comedy gold imo.

[@elykspuz6596]

The show is great and he's right Rust could use a hug.

[@ermacjones9349]

Lmmfao😂😂😂 that damn smile at the end when he looks him in eyes after the puppy thing is fucking hilarious

[@MrEherndon5]

This is good, I just learned of Pete but his sketches are really funny.

[@dreads44]

Brilliant sketch. You nailed it! :-)

[@Proranis]

best tv show ever made ......flawless story, flawless characters, flawless acting

[@richarddennis1504]

Yella....Yella King

[@realrobrose]

This is so fucking spot on and perfect. lol

[@Nairb1007]

He done did it now! Haven't even watched it fully yet. But LOL in advance!

[@VultureClone]

Your spoof is spot on XD

[@lieutnantEfz]

Love this. Love the actual series as well

[@Maomowable]

I want yo give Rust a hug.

[@BinoFelixNinoNarcPeppino]

The World Need a full season of this great parody.

[@samuelbarber4154]

Take him to a therapist.

[@silentknight2522]

They did... All his therapists are now clinically depressed xD

[@GHC3]

Definitely, but sometime tells me the therapist going to is going to be the one hanging themselves

[@mrjackelbox4418]

This is really well done pretty much as good as the show. Amazing and funny video.

[@4SteveKombolis]

map ain't gonna tell you where you're heading was so perfect for this 😂

[@ara1156]

This is great, probably the best True Detective parody I've seen. Rust Cohle is ripe for parody, but he's one of the more fascinating, compelling characters I think I've seen in TV or film, the same with the relationship between Rust and Marty Some of my favorite Rust and Marty scenes: the look Marty gives Rust when he says "I don't sleep. I just dreeeam." "This place is like somebody's memory of a town, only their memory is fading." "I just want you to quit saying odd shit, like you're in somebody's faded memory of a town, or you can smell a psycho's fear." When he really said "psychosphere", I love that Marty heard it like Rust was saying he smelled the killer's fear, and just rolled with it. SPOILER ALERT!!!! When Rust sees what Marty has seen, the way he immediately accepts it and decides how to handle it. "Fuck him. Good to see you finally commit to something." "Get those cuffs off of him. We gotta make this look right."

[@lfreece2]

I want this to be a full scale show

[@Under_Growth]

xD non consensual milk extraction

[@JRAV03DJE]

This is your best work by far dude!!! :)

[@TheShadowOfHumanity]

I want to see more of this character in your sketches. This was hilarious.

[@bennys6710]

Brilliant! 😄😁 The outtakes must be insane!

[@bones101proof]

This is one of the best comedy gold videos I've seen

[@likeaboss815]

“Sometimes I see clues in birds, bird clues” 😂

[@LeanneGodfried-jp5uh]

Imagine this like the Furious 5 movies that never ever ends and also as a roadtrip, oversea plane travels with layovers and connections, or a long sea voyage like the old Titanic days.

[@AfterTheApocalypse26]

PLEASE MAKE MORE OF THESE

[@leoh2502]

Shit... I was waiting for him to say he loves something while still in the car. Marty/Matt is obviously confused and then Cohle goes on to say he doesn't like to talk about confetti. "Why?" Because it reminds him of their inevitable doom, that one day, like Marty will be deprived of the things he loves the most - his wife, kids - Cohle will lose his confetti.

[@33hegemon]

As much as I enjoyed True Detective, it had its pompous moments; you spoofed them very well in this video. Great work.

[@sigfede390]

Where did Pete go ?? I want him back he's really good and fun to watch !!

[@ActualRacerX]

I was actually hoping the ending would tie in to No Country For Old Men and Anton Chigurh came walking up to him. “Can you hold still, please.”

[@thegreatcthulhu8049]

Gotta say, his Matthew McConaughey is ON POINT. At first I honestly thought it was him narrating at the beginning. His Woody Harrelson kinda fades in and out but pretty good too when it's in

[@fracasgrimm480]

Best video I seen from you..."I fucking love confetti"

[@bradleywilson8853]

Greatest show i have ever seen. A does a pretty good Matthew impression.

[@Georgebushpimps]

Lol Wet with Placenta

[@teiladnam]

Marty was so upset he just kept driving in the wrong direction.

[@michaelsingletary356]

I love this show. I'm so glad it's on youtube cuz I totally missed this shit on TV. plus I go to bed before it aired because I'm an adult.

[@michaelwestmoreland2530]

I would watch a 12 episode season of this conversation, in this car.

[@kcizere1992]

Pete Holmes' smirk at the end about puppies 🤣😂😂

[@mrgiskard]

"..when it's seen neither winter or mint"

[@patricksmith6776]

That was an amazing Marty. Great stuff.

[@somniavitasunt]

well written and nicely performed.

[@aronhegedus]

They really hit the nail on the head on this one

[@MattWhited]

That was perfect.

[@PardonMySanity]

LOL this was amazing, don't even know how you thought of that puppy bit

[@doctorbea]

The writing on this is out of this world!

[@williamwinder3466]

2019 and still funny as hell

[@day3002]

That was awesome Pete!

[@allietheunicat8192]

The gum part gets me every time.

[@shinjiprofile]

this should be a netflix series.

[@cheesefactory4234]

"Puppies! Tell me your @#$%ING THING ON PUPPIES!!!!" 😂

[@twistysnacks]

I started watching this show tonight, and this scene made me think "there is 100% a shitload of parodies of this scene online, there must be" and sure enough...

[@samratspeaks]

Oh my god! Brilliant!! Laughed so hard! hahahah