Trust Your Radar || Father Knows Something Podcast || Dad Advice

[@Juuuuliuuuuua]

I feel like the girl from the first story is blaming her boyfriend's bad behavior on his friend. The STI???? I don't think the friend is forcing him to do anything.

[@ManifestBest]

Maybe he got the STI from his friend 😂

[@ManifestBest]

Story 1 - everything is perfect except for his friend! ...... except that he cheated on you. And lied about it. And gaslit you. And purposefully ignored you. And disregards your feelings. And lies about where he's going. But he's peeerrrrrfffffeeeeeccccttttt!! Girly pop. WAKE UP! You're trying to comfort yourself by ignoring a million red flags. Your boyfriend has no accountability, doesn't value your desires or boundaries, lies, cheats, etc. Leave!

[@stephjovi]

Exactly!!! The friend is not the issue. The friend is where he says he is when he's cheating. SDI inappropriate messages lies but the friend is the issue? 😊

[@danaboo88]

And thank you for saying everything I wanted to!! 👏🏼 Good luck girly and know your worth.

[@robynhalyard9100]

Rose coloured glasses. I did the same thing with my ex. Now, I've been with the love of my life for over 10 years. Know your worth. Someone will treat you right. Good luck girly❤

[@danaboo88]

@@robynhalyard9100 also SAME!!! I own a home with but most importantly CHILD with the most beautiful man (imo of course).

[@savannahleigh9910]

i know im mad they skipped all this context lmaoooo

[@ashleymessmer730]

First story quick rundown: is the girlfriend actually a princess or does she set boundaries the boys talk shit about? And you might be the “cool” girlfriend, but you’re getting ran over. You are angry with your partners actions but blaming his best friend. No partner will respect you unless you respect yourself. Relationships are not supposed to be that hard, it’s time to leave.

[@samantharuwe9717]

Story 3: military spouse here. They are not allowed to give the date of when they come home over any form of communication. It is a breach in security and drilled into all military members and their families as they join. Odds are he doesn’t truly know the exact date or they have changed it four or five times already

[@audreymarie1191]

I’m sorry, Jerry, you built an actual fucking aircraft with no experience? We need more stories from this time in your life 😂

[@baileytaylor203]

Jerry really just drops dad lore randomly

[@FatherKnowsSomething]

I know!! and now you wonder why I don't want to get in it -M

[@Chelsea_Mom]

To the first girl- leave!! My ex’s friend was hyping up him cheating on me and he was cheating on his wife and this sounds JUST like that. He chooses him over you and YOUR feelings and that’s not partnership. Blaming the STI on years ago is pushing it. I’m getting flashbacks so maybe don’t listen to me, but it sounds all too familiar.

[@cheyennebons890]

Story 5, I had the same problem and it did effect are relationship more then I knew but not only about the job, about hearing his side. I realized it's because I had a hard time validating my emotions, let alone his. There's a secret to this,, when he talk about his job "say to yourself yes you had a hard day but this isn't about you right now, don't compare.. his truth is just as important. Just learn to hold space for both of your emotions. Everything is right and everything is wrong just depends of the eyes of the beholder.

[@coffeewithconnie2862]

First story- yes girl we have all had a relationship like that everyone needs to go through one! To realize what you don't want to put up with! You're upset with the wrong person- your boyfriend sucks.

[@aryanamohammadinia113]

Story 3: My ex boyfriend was in the military. So often the date changes of when they come back so it’s no wonder he might’ve forgotten to say something because he was most likely so busy with stuff on deployment. I wouldn’t read too much into this. I would just maybe say something like “hey why didn’t you tell me as soon as you found out?” In a way that’s not hostile or anything and have a conversation. But again, I wouldn’t read too into it. It’s so hard to plan life around this stuff!

[@carlybarrass3714]

DAAAAAD I need a “good morning Carly it’s dad,” that’s the best thing ever

[@jerrysiegel3354]

I’m glad ir made you smile!

[@itssteph263]

Story 5: My fiancée and I are in a similar situation. My job is less hectic compared to hers. To prevent the "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality is by pointing out the pros and cons of each others' job. It helps keep things in perspective. I have a less hectic job but, I have a very limited amount of time off. Hers is more hectic but she gets what feels like an endless amount of time off.

[@tiffanywilliams424]

I feel so much for the girl in the first story. I’ve been her before where I would blame everyone surrounding my ex for his bad/cheating behavior. and one day it finally hit me how bad the gaslighting and manipulation has been. a toxic, vicious cycle will really make you turn a blind eye to who the villain is. I think it’s also a coping mechanism I built to protect myself from the truth that the person I loved was a bad person. I genuinely hope that OP from story 1 snaps out of it asap before it’s too late. If ever OP is reading this, you ARE worthy of gentle and healthy love. Please choose yourself this time around.

[@madimcdonald3911]

To the girl in the last story - I totally feel where you're coming from! I'm a daycare teacher and my boyfriend also works security. It can be so mentally and physically draining working with kids. Your feelings are completely valid. But recognize that all jobs come with different challenges and your partner wants to feel validated too. It's not a competition of whose job is harder, but supporting one another throughout everything. You're doing great girl!

[@trinitylee4875]

Story 5: This story resonated with me because I have been in the same boat. I’m a k-5 art teacher, and my husband works from home. I remember feeling to jealous and saying mean things about how “he does nothing, and I do everything” when he would share that he was tired. Jerry explained it perfectly! Until I had a conversation with my partner, and reminded myself it wasn’t always about me, it’s been helping our relationship. I also will ALWAYS advocate for therapy, especially if you’re a teacher. We need support!!!!

[@amandar4689]

49:45 oh noooo 😂 he doesn't know how cringy he's being to the point it's cute ❤ we love you Dad 😂😂😂

[@katiejune5712]

I fall asleep listening to these stories and I’ve had to watch this vid more than 8 times 😂😂 I have to keep rewinding back to the last part i remember. 🤣 longtime listener!! Love y’all ❤

[@Spooky_Sister]

28:06 Hi military wife here, it’s also a safety issue. Usually command doesn’t want word to get out far in advance, and genuinely information is given scarcely and sporadically. That he’s making an effort to reach out as much as he does is greenest of flags. Focus on the actions of “I love you” instead of the words. Best advice to give is to never take it personally. Look at it as a shared inconvenience that you’ll both take care of eachother through. You’re interpreting a commonality of job as a personal attack and that’s very common for young military couples but it’s a fact of military life that mission comes first. So take care of eachother through that shared hardship because it will occur throughout his career. It’s an early lesson but a really important one that makes or breaks relationships.

[@wendyful]

Story 3: I feel people who haven’t experienced long-distance relationships really don't understand how that works. Just because two people are far apart doesn’t mean the relationship stops progressing. In my experience, it continues to grow, so it’s not accurate to say they’ve only been dating for 3 months. It may not be the same as a typical relationship, but it definitely evolves.

[@paulamarshall3810]

Story 4 You have to end it. The exact same thing happened to me. I married him and 23 years later he has left me and has cheated all through the marriage. I am devastated and feel at 52 years old I am on the scrap heap. However if I had listened to my Radar when my daughter was 2 years old, I would have left and been much happier. People like this are narcissists and that is what will change you and make you dependant on them. So PLEASE leave now. ❤

[@CaliHarris2798]

As a military spouse whos husband has top secret clearance, he's not ALLOWED to tell you. He SHOULD WANT TO though. He should be dropping so many hints you can just figure it out by the context clues.

[@sarahwbs]

Story 1 - to quote Jerry: DTD!!

[@ivylovesrunning]

Story 5: Validate both of your experiences. A job that is unsatisfying can be mentally exhausting as much as a job that keeps you busy throughout the day. In a past job, I came home mentally and physically exhaisted. The work environment was toxic. Once I quit the job and got a new one where I thought the work cultire was better, I became happier. The job is a bit more difficult, but I have job satisfaction and I don't come home so mentally and physically drained. Working in a school with children and dealing with their parents/guardians can be draining. I hope that you're able to relax on the weekend and it doesn’t hurt to talk with a counsellor. Dealing with some issues that children and thekr families have can be heartbreaking. Sending you much love from one school worker to another.

[@chaoticrobs8051]

Jerry, if you’re from another planet then I am too! I completely understand the ‘not your person’ perspective. It took me a while in life to get there and it took a lot of emotional self awareness. Me and my ex were together 5 years and we realized we just weren’t each others ‘person’. We were both totally fine to be friends immediately! We even openly spoke about our new relationships, because we wanted the best for each other and we knew that our best wasn’t one another. :) he’s happy I’m engaged to my soulmate now and I love his new partner, I think they’re perfect together!

[@rebeccaernette1749]

28:10 its normal for military people to not know when they are coming home. My friend whos in africa right now, is outprocessing. He didnt the exact date hed be home, just the month roughly. My best friends husband is overseas right now and doesn't know when hed be home but they talk on the regular. Military life is hard and unpredictable, and this is completely normal. They might keep some soliders back longer for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes people arent even allowed to say what theyre doing over there without giving away details of the mission to potential enemies. When people in the military come home there dates can change so much.

[@MirandaMerkes]

Story 5: I'm a massage therapist and an inside joke me and my collegues have is "but I'm a teacher!" Basically we see people from all walks of life but teachers (not all teachers) seem to have a monopoly on how hard their job is. We hear it all the time as to why they need to be squeezed in why we need to give them discounts why we should work outside our regular hours to accommodate them all bc they are teachers. Point your resentment to the real system issue and not your friends families and partners

[@roachael]

Story 2 - I had something similar, however my ex cheated on me with our roommate at the time about 2/3 weeks after we all moved in together. He and I were together for almost 6 years at that point. The relationship was toxic, we were not good for each other, but neither of us wanted to admit it nor let it go. So when that happened, I found it hard to leave that house. I had no one I could move in with with my cats unless I went out of state to live with my parents - which I couldnt financially afford to break the lease, deal with moving costs, etc. So I moved to my own room (thankfully we all rented a 3 bed), but seeing them interact was torture. Hearing them laugh in the middle of the night, seeing them be close to each other, going to work together (they did indeed work together, thats how they met), all of it was incredibly hard to handle. I was having panic attacks nightly, nightmares about the two of them, was nauseas and crying all the time, I became the stereotypical "crazy gf" who was worried they were doing anything behind my back, even though he and I were broken up already. It took me months of working on myself and truly accepting how horrible he was to me, before I didnt care what they did anymore. I met my current boyfriend about 3 months after that ordeal and he has been nothing but green flags and a literal angel to me. I cant emphasize how different my relationship is now compared to what I dealt with for nearly 6 years. My current boyfriend truly helped me heal and see what love is supposed to be. That time I had to live with my ex and the girl he cheated on me with was the worst 10 months of my life. But I had someone to help me get through it, and I am now safe and out of that situation as of May. If you can, do not stay living with your ex after breaking up. But if you can't, like me, do your best to separate yourself from them and take care of yourself first, always. You are what is most important.

[@amandar4689]

2:08 awe I just jumped to Netflix so fast! If it's behind the stage at the end OH MY GOODNESS it's absolutely beautiful!!! I didn't know what you did at all you are always so mysterious about it 😅

[@princessarce2801]

I saw it looks beautiful it what are they. ?!

[@amandar4689]

@@princessarce2801 idk either, I'm assuming it's a mosaic of sorts. Idk if he did the stained glass as well, because that would be absolutely AMAZING

[@MasterChiefess117]

Omg I'm doing the dishes at 2am and I'm blessed with a new episode.

[@kaylakrull298]

Jerry, I came from THT two weeks ago bc I love your takes and quotes!! Just wanted to leave a positive comment saying keep doing you ❤️

[@Drayy_Drayy]

Perfect timing! 4am here in MN & I can’t sleep & have to get up for work in an hr😂

[@SolimarRodriguez-fu4sd]

10:47 am in Germany and this came at a perfect time for me to start my morning cleaning up around the house, while listening ♥️ thank you

[@peytonr8018]

Deployment dates can change up until the second your on the plane home, and technically the dates and locations are not supposed to be shared. Cut the man some slack, if he makes no effort once he’s back that’s another story.

[@leahlou5]

This! Absolutely. Those who don’t have significant others serve don’t always know the ins and outs on security regarding dates. And if you’re not married communication is extra limited. If he doesn’t include her when he’s back it’s a different story.

[@ivylovesrunning]

Story 4: Leave now. It is about respect and love. Respect and love yourself first. Love your child. Your child and you come first. He will continue to lie to you as he knows he can lie to you for a while, then he will go back to his same old ways. He will not change for you. Change your circumstances and find someone who deserves you.

[@apersonnamedkai817]

Story 3- girl… you barely know him. Are you REALLY in love with him? Are you in love with the infatuation and IDEA of him? He’s literally a stranger still

[@PoliticalOra33]

Story 1: I was in a sort of similar situation. I dated this person and we had a break up. We decided to be friends. While in the past few months I Felt like I was being purposely being left out of the activities. Everyone call and talks to each other but when I try too there was always a reason. I felt in beginning of September my radar was off. I still hold friend feelings for them and everyone . But I realized that it wasn't healthy. I think the only way to move on is to move on. It's like the old saying goes. If you love someone let them go. If they come back it was ment to be

[@n1peacebaby]

So the military one... I stayed home while my husband deployed. They can't tell you when they are coming home until the last few days. It potentially could be a security issue. And when he comes home, he won't want to be around people. He won't want to be around crowds. He won't want to be around a lot of things. He will have to do a debriefing and he may seem off or paranoid. It's OK. Just be there for him, or let him know you are there for him. But you need to also remember he is coming back for a literal war zone. He is not thinking about what it will be like when he gets home. He just wants to come home. He would love to see you, but he may need more time to sort through his own thoughts. It was hard for me to navigate with the Family Readiness Group (FRG) and what they taught the wives, I can only imagine what is going through your mind. Just breathe. And give him time. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you, it means he is trying to figure out what it is like not being in a war zone. Give him time and his space, and just let him know you are there, and you want to see him. I can honestly tell you that he did not mean not to tell you he was coming home, he probably got told about 24 to 48 hours prior, especially if he was getting moved around a lot and his leave kept getting shifted. Be patient with him. It's all going to work out in the end.

[@LoveLaughBreanna]

I’m trying to find what Jerry built. Is he talking about the show “Nobody wants this?” What did he build? 😅

[@FatherKnowsSomething]

He built the memorial board that is in the temple! It's in the scene where she walks in to the Rabbi's service and you see names lit up on the wall behind her!

[@Me-dj2sz]

my radar is telling me i need a blanket like the one jerry has rn

[@PoliticalOra33]

I love the Vikings shirt Morgan is wearing

[@yona-yama]

Hey, insomnia FTW! I get to listen to a brand new FKS episode 😄😭

[@munchie420monster]

Woohoo! Jerry and Justin!

[@MsSilvertear]

Story5: teachers are great and their chosen profession is thankless, I’ve been an educator and decided to move on because I just don’t have the passion to keep it up the rest of my life. I’ve noticed though the attitude is prevalent with nearly every educator I know that their job is always harder and none of us EVER can compare with the stress and exhaustion. No job is harder, more thankless, stressful, etc. And being an educator in the US is ALL of those things. I’m wondering if her coworkers have taught her this perspective, that no other jobs can compare and now she needs to unlearn this perspective.

[@kaaaaaaaait]

Good morning Becca, it’s dad 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@alexxisawkward]

Story 1 - what you don’t like about the friend is what you actually don’t like about your boyfriend. I’ve been there, leave.

[@Me-dj2sz]

story 3: my man got back from deployment at midnight, drove an hour to my house, got into bed w me, and spent the 2 weeks off he had w me. we’re married and live together now, but he’d always drive 1 hr during the week just to spend evenings w me. he proved he wanted me apart of his life.

[@Me-dj2sz]

f him no offense. my man wanted to be alone and decompress… WITH ME xo

[@daynarey1437]

omgg i feel so early 🫶🏻 thx for the upload youtube fam!

[@puplife7939]

Story 5, not a fan of assuming your partner will switch careers because one cant handle their emptions. Maybe the op should think about switching their career as she seems to be the one that is unhappy. Sorry the take that he should change jobs is just unhealthy on so many levels

[@dngvvn]

Girl in the first story has her anger pointed towards the wrong person.

[@mayragutierrez024]

Is it 5:55? Yup Am I going to wake this right now? Yes Happy Tuesday and October 1!🥳 Hope you come back to Denver Jerry!! We loved having you 🥰

[@taeminislove]

Story 3: Idk much about the military nor the guy buuuut is it possible that he's dealing with mental stuff since he mentioned wanting to be away from people and left alone to just rest. Idk but I feel like being in the military would normally make you want to be with people-- especially your partner unless you're going through something mentally/are overwhelmed. My ex used to have periods wherein he'd just shut down and go somewhat MIA bc he's lost the will to do anything and would just isolate/sleep the whole day. Now, ofc Idk if that's the case with story 3 but maybe OP could look into it and ask how he's feeling and if the military had any negative effects on him or smth.

[@ivylovesrunning]

Story 1- He gave you an STI!!! I am sorry. You need to end it. What if that was an STI that you can't recover from like gential warts or HIV? I am sorry you love someone who doesn’t love you. I have been there. You deserve better.

[@vanessastacee6618]

Wooo getting up at 4:30 am for work isnt so bad when you have a new Father Knows to listen to while you get ready🙌🏻

[@taeminislove]

Story 5: Idk why OP feels the need to communicate her frustrations to her partner. What's the goal? To invalidate him? Or do you just want him to stop talking to you about his own frustrations? Cause if that's the goal then go for it. I doubt the relationship's gonna last long after though since it seems like OP has little to no respect for her partner's job simply bc it's "easier" than hers.

[@Velveda1]

Exactly. Its almost like shes trying to make it a competition when it shouldnt be. Both their jobs can be difficult and i dont think she understands that

[@TheEllakes]

See you guys in san diego ☺️

[@Velveda1]

Last story, Why is she trying to make it a competition with her partner? Shes pointing her frustration to the wrong person and it doesnt seem like its going to end well. She needs to get rid of that "I suffer so you should too" mentality

[@mkaverage4773]

Story one - “I love my man so much, he is the best, I want to marry him, but… he cheated on me (at least via text), we broke up and in less then two weeks he had unprotected sex, gave me an std & has continued to lie to me about it, and he is apparently so unstable in his self that around certain friends he cannot control his actions and turns into another person who treats me even worse than usual.” (You know you’re blaming the friend to avoid blaming him. He’s a big boy, he makes his own decisions. Maybe his other friends aren’t assholes so he can only be his true self around that one friend. But it’s not his friend, it’s him.) PEOPLE STOP COMMITTING YOUR LIFE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE A LAUNDRY LIST OF TERRIBLE WAYS THEY HAVE TREATED YOU. You deserve better. If you have to say, “My partner is the best … BUT.” And if after that but comes anything that you would tell a friend to leave a person for, you need to leave too.

[@audreymarie1191]

Story 5: some people love low stimulation jobs (introverts)!!! I would LOVE a job like that. 2 hours at my event working job drains all my energy. 4 hours and it drains my soul 😂😂 when I get to work from home undisturbed I’m golden, lol. Not sure why the writer is resentful of their partner for this. Sounds like a bad match.

[@puplife7939]

Absolutely this! Honestly the partner sounds like they have some toxic behaviors to work on

[@audreymarie1191]

@@puplife7939 that! If my partner was resentful of me for being the way that I am, I’d be screwed 😂 but instead he works extra hard and takes care of the brunt of our expenses so that I can take less of the stressful event jobs and do primarily work from home or spend more time cooking/cleaning which I enjoy. Gonna have to remind him how extra grateful I am after hearing that write in lmao

[@jazzyj6368]

Story 5: get off ur pedestal. Sounds like he listens to u complain and helps out extra where u need while u sit back assuming his job doesn’t have cons as well and cuz it isn’t the same struggle is t a struggle. My husband does hard manual labor in extreme weather conditions, nothing hurts more than getting the feeling ur job doesn’t count or ur not allowed to complain cuz it doesn’t amount to ur spouses. My job is extremely mentally draining and unpredictable and if any errors comes back on me and im liable for others mistakes. Jobs have different pros and cons. Sounds like he is a supportive spouse while u sound like a victim. Did u pick ur career? Stop being mad at him for picking a diff career than urs. Just cuz his complaints aren’t the same doesn’t make them invalid. Infact ur inability to validate him probably makes it harder on him. Sounds like u picked a career yr not fit for or u need to get a better perspective like u most likely had picking the career. U prolly picked it knowing u would feel like ur contributing to something big and after all ur effort u feel accomplished. Go back to that frame of thought instead of being over burdened and loathing the effort needed to be good at the career y picked. Ur molding minds and shaping the next generation. We need positive and ppl willing to give that effort. His job he doesn’t get a sense of accomplishment and joy from at the end. U less tragedy happens and he ends up being a hero or could possibly die defending what he is there for. That’s a crazy daily haunting pending stress of doom. That comes with no appreciation or thanks and often guards of that type looked down on as low class ppl. Oh and I’ve noticed 1/2 the curriculum these days is made by a computer software and the teachers are babysitting for that half and most the kids know how to work the program better than the teacher. So it’s easier than it was 20years ago when no companies were assembling a whole math curriculum that a school purchased. I fact seems mostly social studies and science r the only curriculum my schools k-5 actually put together themselves and sadly weren’t prepared other than the computer purchased curriculum. It sounds like yr doing more than what I have sadly encountered. And I wish my children’s teachers were as invested as you. Instead of resenting him for him having less work, look at yourself and be proud of all u do and take joy in the change and difference ur making in so many lives. Cuz that’s big. And not every kid gets to have a teacher like u. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed but I was once told instead of being upset at all u have to do, be greatful u get to do it. Like when my kid is sick I don’t get mad I have to take care of him, I’m joyed I get to be the one to comfort him and help him get better

[@jazzyj6368]

Another perspective, what if u were with a brain surgeon? Would ur complaints be sympathized with ur looked down on? Would u hope they could see each were valid while still being different

[@puplife7939]

Absolutely this! I am in loan processing for a national company, and my husband is a fabricator welder. Two COMPLETELY different jobs still both EXHAUSTING

[@RainatTwilight3]

Story 5 : Really !!!! Shut up !!! That's all I have to say because this is ridiculous!!!

[@Me-dj2sz]

i’m psycho so i can’t trust my own radar

[@mkaverage4773]

The last story, teacher & security guard. To me it sounds like you might be unhappy with your job, and maybe a bit of the resentment is jealousy? I could be entirely wrong, but it’s an idea. Even people who LOVE their jobs get exhausted and would rather be at home. Work is work for most people, nobody really wants to do it. And like they said, I imagine it’s extremely boring. Yes it takes less physical energy than your job, but it’s still a tiring job because working is tiring. Also, is it the complaining in general or is it definitely just about his job vs yours? Like, do you not complain and then he complains every day? Or do you both complain and you just don’t think he should be complaining because his job is easier? Because it can be very difficult to deal with someone who CONSTANTLY complains. Anyway, if he’s just complaining a normal amount I don’t think it’s fairs to say, your job is harder so he shouldn’t complain. You really need to look into why it bothers you so much. Why do you care if his job is easier, if it’s tiring it’s tiring. That’s life! And in the end, communication!! “Babe I feel like such an asshole but sometimes I feel resentful when you complain about work. I am busting my ass all day and tbh I’m jealous that you get to have a pretty relaxed day. I know it’s kind of ridiculous but it was making me resentful and I didn’t want it to affect us so I just have to tell you. I’m sorry, that doesn’t mean you can’t complain, this is my issue to fix. But, when you do have a less tiring day maybe you could help me out as I’m on the verge of burnout & when I’m less tired I can do the same for you.”

[@KIsabelUnson]

Good morning Becca it’s dad had me dying 😂

[@amandacgg1]

Guys… am I tripping or did the room change alittle?

[@jissellelopez9978]

I swear it changes every episode

[@susiefavinger5440]

Wait I am currently watching nobody wants this what work do you do jerry?!

[@Me-dj2sz]

i understand ur partner having their own life is healthy- but why tf can’t she go to some of these events w the friend!???!??? i’d be so hurt

[@shamina.belegu]

54:59 is it just me or does jerry very often invalidate the writer if he can’t relate?.. this one bothers me a bit. «Just overstimulated»?.. i LOVE being busy, but have no issue seeing that that could break someone else down, a slow day is chill for some people and exhausting for others. Saying his day is worse because it’s slow feels so wrong

[@Ravenousxrellik]

❤

[@adinabunea5976]

🎉🎉🎉

[@tvbella123]

first story girl, please reread your story and take off those rose colored glasses😢

[@sophia18883]

Story 3 girl you really don’t know this man much… you have barely talked or actually spent real time together. It doesn’t seem like he’s that into you… if behavior is a language, what is he telling you? If he wants it, he’ll show you but don’t force it if it isn’t there