Turok: Dinosaur Hunter Is Goofier Than A Cotton Candy Sandwich

Remasters of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter and Turok 2: Seeds Of Evil are arriving on the Xbox One on March 2, 2018. I saw this as the perfect occasion to revisit Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, a game my friends and I love for a variety of weird reasons. My friend Brent Porter has played through the games about a billion times more than I have, so I begged him to capture himself breezing through the first three levels of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter.
In this video, I'll conclude that Turok is-and video games in general are "goofier than a cotton candy sandwich." And I'm all out of not loving cotton candy sandwiches.
If you want to see more of my videos, we made a handy playlist!
• Videos By Tim Rogers
Some of these videos aren't even weird!
For more videos, news, previews and reviews, go to kotaku.com

[@TalkSickMass]

Tim Rogers is like a video game journalist for The Onion, except he's real.

[@TheZaius]

There needs to be a Stanley Parable-type game narrated by Tim Rogers.

[@KunjaBihariKrishna]

a pixel-era rpg, written and narrated by Tim :-)

[@danieldussault]

Heck yeah. Kotaku did the right thing by hiring you! Porter is Turok. I love all the anecdotes and REALLY dumb but also REALLY clever jokes. Never stop making these, Tim. I saw The Phantom at the drive in.... i think. I liked it!

[@SoukenIDK]

Turak 2 seeds of evil was one hell of a game.

[@andrewhickinbottom1051]

One of my very favourite Tim Rogers video. Such great wordplay - especially Connosaur!

[@DeBurgo]

weird pull how you say if you've played turok you've probably seen the phantom because that is 100% correct

[@kotaku]

yeah, what can i say . . . i did a little math before committing to reading that sentence out loud into a microphone lol

[@GodPlaysNintendo]

Even if you had no experience with the source material of either series, the fates did not care. I saw Phantom at a sleepover in January ‘97 and played Turok for the first time at a different sleepover two months later.

[@RetroGamePlayers]

I played this a lot back in the day, the levels are so huge it's just insane. I would sometimes not be able to find my way back to my living room.

[@letstalkaboutstuff]

if you promised an n64 port i would pay several dozens of dollars to help kickstart the kangaruiner franchise

[@sebastiandelatorre8260]

I would pay 1000 bucks for the Kangaruiner kickstarter

[@derptyderp5287]

I never noticed before, but the character art that displays when your text-box is talking looks surprisingly similar to Yuffie... Are you also a missable character? Do you have your own sidequests?

[@ThatShyGuyMatt]

Out of the 72 thumbs down, 7 people don't like Tim. The other 65 hated how he pronounced Turok because they didn't get the joke.

[@crazedmimic]

I can't wait to throw my controller at the TV again while fighting the final boss of Turok 2.

[@JustinLeeper]

Tim talks about 3 things: Tim Things tangentially related to the game … … … … … The game.

[@salemite]

I would buy Kangaruiner for a dollar.

[@TurokRevolution]

I love every Turok game except Turok 3 and Rage Wars, I never had a chance to play them since they weren't released on PC or PS2. I hope Nightdive Studios remasters them too so that I can finally play them myself. The video is hilarious by the way!

[@replica3061]

“Two-rock”

[@DamienFatePlays]

Personally I love the narration style and it's one of the reasons I enjoy the Found in Translation series so much. Keep it up!

[@G_Rad_Ski]

Still has that fog lol. I really liked this game on my 64, it was nuts. Still own it.

[@kotaku]

That fog is, weirdly, essential to the level design-enemies spawn behind it! The flow of every level is paced around when and where enemies become visible to the player. It would have been a game design conundrum to simply remove the fog . . .

[@G_Rad_Ski]

I hear you, just like Silent Hill.

[@welfiblablabla]

Wtf is with this video, and why can't I stop watching 😅😅😅

[@jadefae]

I'm here shouting you out in the comments to say that I like how you're not talking about the game, whilst still kinda talking about the game.

[@danhectic5629]

MDK 2 is definitely my favorite 'chill game'.

[@DavidWoods255]

Why the hate of Tim's content.... DON'T EVER CHANGE TIM. I'd have you no the way. I refer you to his PUBG video. KZbin video of the year.

[@DavidWoods255]

I think I meant "I'd have you no other way"... whatever, you're the best Tim. FFVII part 10 in about s month or sii is gonna be grand. I meant it when I said his PuBG game of the decade" video was the best written video of 2017

[@a92lovin]

i learned more about turok than i ever cared to because tim wanted to tell me stuff, you perfect angel you

[@ogregory1701]

TIM FUCKING ROGERS!

[@hotlight7855]

Dear Tim, I Ike how you weren't talking about the game, but you were still kinda talking about the game.

[@patrickstonecrusher]

This writer is hilarious. MOAR!!

[@Scerttle]

I can't remember why I came across this channel but I'm glad I did.

[@ShipwreckInTheSand]

I think Tim Rodgers is my new spirit animal.

[@jcharrison12]

Michael Botelho Welcome to the club

[@jeffrivers930]

Definitely my new favorite commentor! Freaking Brilliant

[@octopustophat3397]

Wait you guys made video ball. YEAH, VIDEO BALL!!!

[@spirited9735]

A cotton candy sandwich actually sounds kind of nice.

[@shatdood]

Hilarious commentary. Am I the only one that plays with green blood??

[@geredgreen6971]

His fregin pigtails XD

[@superstarthomas]

Why is Xavier Renegade Angel talking about Turok?

[@pbmaster123]

I was probably 7 years old when I got Turok 2, not yet patient enough to learn the level designs. I learned the Big Cheat code from a friend at school (it's ingrained in my memory: BEWAREOBLIVIONISATHAND). My (two years younger!) brother and I spent so many hours just popping heads with the cerebral bore gun. Listening to its dentist drill sound effect while watching strawberry jelly squirt all over the screen is one of my strongest childhood video game memories. Somehow, as far as I can tell, neither my brother nor I turned out to be a psychopath!

[@Singformefriend]

I will only support your Kickstarter for Kangaruiner if you get Stephen Kick to produce it.

[@smorc65]

I needed this so bad.

[@guilerobs8085]

This game knows how "To Rock". Heh?

[@mickeyfinn3333]

the way you describe your videos is...interesting

[@welfiblablabla]

We salute you 🤘😅

[@ThatShyGuyMatt]

I loved the Turok games. Played them endlessly. Mastered them. Though when I used the Disco Mode, I ended up having a Grand Mal Seizure. Which changed my life. Now I have to avoid games that have flashing colors like that. Though haven't had a seizure since then from a game. Well, technically I had one from Twisted Metal 2. Not sure what caused that one.

[@narcspector]

I would like to Kickstarter your game, and Kickstarter your jokes in this video. Totaloni. Totally owns.

[@KeimaAyasaki]

best narration

[@jamestasse]

It's tricky Turok a rhyme Turok a rhyme that's right on time that's right it's tricky

[@JugglernautNr9]

I really enjoy the goofiness and self irony of games like this. While being a lot of fun, Turok also created a creepy and interesting atmosphere with it's music and sound design. Games today take themselves so seriously and always have to be ultra realistic. The more folds or sweat drops you see in a game the more people cheer about it. But fun should always be the focus.

[@vanadlehyde3600]

I would donate $69 to the kangaruiner kickstarter

[@kotaku]

nice

[@justinkroboth360]

Would Tony Totaloni rally 'round the family with his pocket full of shells or have you guys not fleshed out his story to that point yet? Also, I would Kickstart this up to and including TEN Canadian US dollars.

[@kotaku]

Justin Kroboth oh nice . . . excellent reference catch dude

[@fuzzy8889]

didnt tim rogers make that amazing doom review?

[@bofett74]

The game that made me a right handed southpaw player, when playing a first person shooter, and any third person game that controls as such.

[@macclubbin]

...WE SALUTE YOU!

[@barnyardhouse]

At least 45 USD

[@Cotopatsy]

Two Rock? You sponsored by guitars amps brah?

[@BoxBoxBoxGaming]

the best videos from Kotaku come from Tom Roger

[@BrendanMcLeodSulcata]

X A N D E R D R A X! Xander Drax! Begins and ends with the letter x!

[@Frumlock]

so wait... is that mutant kangaroo just like Booga in tank girl?

[@JonpaulKronser]

$3.

[@AlexTheGreatMC]

Omg such nostalgia

[@tapts503]

Your reviews are about as helpful as Bennett Foddy teaching people how to play "Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy". I have a question. Are all main characters in games with infinite ammo secretly marsupials with big pouches full of endless ammo?

[@ZsomborBerki]

I would pay one kangabillion dollars to play Kangaruiner

[@timmiller1435]

It's Tour rock or Ter rock! not Two rock!

[@paigegguy]

This gameplay footage is giving me motion sickness.

[@hotpileofgarbage]

This is the least informative video game review I have ever seen and I don't even care because it's Tim flipping Rogers

[@deepdriedbeans-6618]

I loved Turok

[@Worldexplorer2390]

Should get these games? Played turok evolution and that’s it

[@KingFossilFER]

Keen Observer turok 1 is more like old fps like Doom (mostly Doom2) and quake. The second game looks better but can be alittle exhausting to play because of how long the stages are. Check a gameplay video first.

[@Inuyasha463]

I still love Turok 1 for its slightly creepy, mysterious atmosphere, and all the secrets scattered about that reward exploration. Its a simple run an gun game, but it has a real sense of place, and the shooting still feels pretty good. I never loved Turok 2 as much as the first one, but I'm probably in the minority, and the graphics/presentation are definitely better. I just liked the forest setting better in the first game I guess. I bought both remasters on the PC and I recommend them for anyone that likes old FPS games.

[@trev04]

$12

[@mikebelmont3440]

Yep. I have finish this game and the others turok. Am i an experienced gamer? 😎

[@JugglernautNr9]

you are

[@magnuslagergren9328]

Tim Rogers, I love you. Would you consider reading my toddler bedtime stories via Skype?

[@PotmosHetoimos]

Cotton candy sandwiches forever. Kotaku Dot Com.

[@joelvinson]

My friends and I *

[@Mr_Spaghetti]

What a fantastic review for Kangaruiner, thanks Kotaku dot com also hot dogs are sandwiches if you eat them sidewise

[@Largentina.]

Mr Spaghetti They're sandwiches no matter which way you eat them. So are hamburgers.

[@Mr_Spaghetti]

Alan Garcia if the food orientation doesn’t matter, where does one draw the line? is a taco a sandwich? what about a corn dog? is a angel food layer cake a sandwich? or an oreo cookie? If one loosens one’s principles of what makes a sandwich a sandwich, then we risk it *all* being sandwiches.

[@Naara.]

Last time I went to McDonald's when I asked for a cheeseburger the cashier asked if I want anything else or just the SANDWITCH...they know what's up

[@Largentina.]

Mr Spaghetti None of those other things you mentioned are sandwiches. Bread is the most important part of being able to call yourself a sandwich.

[@apoxalex]

Everyone knows hotdogs are tacos

[@ReydioTube]

Me brain. It's in taters. 🥔

[@Naara.]

Tim Rogers pls adopt me

[@diegocalabria2272]

i hate this kinda game cause they gives me headaches

[@Alpha-jy4vf]

Love these games but Jesus man The way you pronounce Turok just slightly wrong made me want to kill myself by the end of the video. 10/10

[@XiongGou]

Alpha Senpai you do realize he was making a joke, right?

[@spacegoblin4964]

why tf you keep saying turok like that

[@bennyblancofromdabay9280]

Wait... is it two-rock or tur-ock?

[@ShannonMcCraryH]

Benny Blanco From Da Bay it is tur-ock I mean the main character literally says his name like 500 times in the game and yet this guy STILL can pronounce it!

[@XiongGou]

Shannon McCrary seriously, it’s called a running gag. It’s a stupid joke...

[@bennyblancofromdabay9280]

Oohhh hahaha lol

[@amp888]

The narration style of this video is more frustrating than the ultra-short draw distance of the original title on N64.

[@winwinwe]

It's an acquired taste and it's very nice once you acquire it.

[@killdozerindustries9950]

yeah this is better narration than everything else on YT

[@HammyDownConsole]

The voice over is similar to a KZbin that travels and describes his food in this voice. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bXLPaYtreq6JbdE

[@TheZaius]

I loved this narration from the get go.

[@ThatShyGuyMatt]

Or "Getting Over It"

[@ShannonMcCraryH]

Why do you keep saying Turok like 2-Rock?! He literally says his name every time you get a life up, and yet you still can't pronounce it!?!?!?

[@DuckRotation]

Jokes

[@sunnymon1436]

Honestly the worst review I've seen, and first one I've seen from Kotaku.

[@doclouis4236]

I came here expecting a review of the Turok remaster, and instead I got some bizarre monologue that the writer for this video decided to throw together at the last minute in order to meet some review quota he was assigned and then decided to meander about a bunch of other unrelated topics just for the sake of sounding quirky and funny. The current state of video game journalism completely encapsulated in this one video. What an embarrassment.

[@MrDoritos1987]

Bro what the fuck is toorock

[@walkwithme]

so corny

[@ocsartobi6844]

Far and away the most annoying review I have ever seen.