How To Get Along With Type 5's

[@bo3246]

I think 5's want other people to be their authentic self. When you change your behavior to accommodate us we see it and we have a hard time being ourselves. I would say we need to be 'useful' rather than needed. Never assume what we are thinking. If you ask us we will tell you, if you tell us what you think we are thinking it won't end well. Don't ambush us with your problems, we just need you to ask so we can grant permission. Don't pouch us into conversations. :-)

[@taylamorris]

Agreed

[@twlahue]

You make some really insightful points! Authenticity is so important, and it’s great that you recognize the need for clear communication and permission in relationships. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@benjammin105123]

Beard is on point man. Great video too

[@twlahue]

Thanks! I like to think my beard has its own fan club at this point. Maybe it'll start a KZbin channel of its own!

[@ivynyan]

the overlap between asd and enneagram 5 is kinda crazy cuz I do a lot of this from a anxiety/stress physically but I've never really resonated with some of the more 5 ish things like detachment... but it probably looks like that to everyone else in my life LOL

[@JerrTheHooman]

Fascinating! This weekend we discovered my husband is a 5w6 that presents like an 8 w 9!

[@GoldenThreadSeer]

that’s like me, aside from me being a 5w4! we’re pretty great 😂❤

[@Suzanna125]

Talking to a 5, my brother, he talks, I listen. I ‘know’ not to interrupt. I make few comments. If I do he has called me ‘too intense’ as I show interest and appreciation for what he’s done. If he asks how I am, I am not given the same air space and he only wants a short answer. So this video is great because it explains everything so well, but highlights to me he isn't really interested in me & what I'm doing unless I magically say something he wants to hear. So how can I NOT be trying to work out how to communicate when I am not permitted to be myself, if I am told I am too much. Do I have to do all the working out because he sure isn't going to or doesn't have to? That's what gets me as a 4. Lose-Lose for me no matter what I do or say.

[@twlahue]

It’s tough when someone else’s communication style makes you feel unheard.

[@horizon5677]

5 female here, I'm the intense one. But maybe that is a thing of your brother's personality, or my personality outside of enneagram as well.

[@darthlaurel]

I want to be able to help effectively without being needed. Yes, please - get to the point. Yes, please - leave me alone as much as humanly possible. You don't have to show interest in what I am interested in but do please ask me for help when you need help. I'll research the hell out of it for you and share what I can. Do not make me repeat myself. The positive last paragraph is absolutely true. So is the negative.

[@twlahue]

It's a fine balance, isn't it? Helping others while still maintaining your own space. It's great that you're willing to lend a hand when needed!

[@NordylitoDungo]

Thank you❤✌️

[@twlahue]

You're welcome! I'm glad it resonated with you.

[@ireneteaches8994]

Afraid of being REJECTED.... YES make me feel *welcome* in a low-stakes away. Like, "hey, there's a seat for you" "hey, pull up a chair"

[@faithmomma2416]

Just found out my son is a 5-and as a 2 really confuses me. So this is helpful, I know he’s so different than I am. Thanks

[@twlahue]

It can definitely be a learning curve, but understanding his Enneagram type will help you both communicate more effectively!

[@simlucien]

"Getting along with" and "connecting with" are 2 VERY different things.

[@twlahue]

Good Point

[@jillsuzanne7625]

This type 5 is my husband and my son…but… they would never admit to relating to what Tom is saying… 🤣

[@twlahue]

Yes... The Struggle is Real.

[@link10909]

I want to come along, I DONT WANT to be kidnapped. A common point of tension for myself (5) and wife (2) is she wants us to do something on a weekend but doesnt want to have to ask for it and I want to know what we are doing ahead of time to mentally prepare myself. *Interrupting me so you can get your point out over me, feels like a slap in the face. *You dont have to like a my interests, you dont have try my interests, but if you are going to try them PLEASE give it an honest effort and your full attention. If you cant do that dont insult me by basically saying "the thing you find so important and interesting, is less interesting to than random peoples pictures of dessert on Instagram".

[@twlahue]

It sounds like you and your wife have some different preferences when it comes to planning activities. Communication is key! Maybe you could try setting aside some time each week to discuss what you both want to do, so you can find a balance that works for both of you.

[@lynnh1682]

I plan on working on Xmas day. Does this mean i wont spend time with family? Yes, yes it does. Im hoping. I had enough time spent on Thanksgiving.

[@twlahue]

Sounds great!

[@isa-manuelaalbrecht2951]

Need to correct ya..we do brush our teeth...not all of us are that Grüsels...in contrary... 😅Greetings from 5/6 intj- sigma female.. And nope I don't need to be whatsoever..😁🍀😄

[@twlahue]

Cool, thanks

[@mbens9995]

I’m a 5 and INTJ. I hadn’t heard of a sigma female, you’ve given me something to learn about!

[@Brakka86]

Tbh, I don't want to be included or bothered. I find family gatherings to be a waste of good time doing fake social interactions with people I only see maybe 2x a year. I don't like it when ppl take up my time in general and don't enjoy helping them either. For me, it's more like I do my duty and then go. 5w6

[@christyjohnson5618]

Same. 5w6 same

[@bshupejr]

As a 5, it is exceptionally easy to feel patronized when people watch videos or read books like this and then think they have picked up some new tools to engage me. Thats so fake. I would say that I would greatly prefer you to be you but to have some self control. Personality, drama, communication and so many other things to excess are huge turn-offs to a 5. Let the room breathe a little. There is nothing wrong with a little space between words, paragraphs and thoughts. I am totally comfortable with quiet. If you want to talk to a 5, try listening more and talking less. Try not thinking of the next thing you want to say when you should be listening. I can tell you were not listening because your mouth opens immediately after the other person stops talking. To try and overcome these issues with some techniques for talking or connecting with a 5 is hollow. Be yourself. If the 5 seems uncomfortable, try being less of yourself. Dont try to be someone else in order to get a response out of me. Also Dr. Tom, the heavy references to sci-fi obsession is pretty shallow. I think a significant feature of the average 5 is competency in numerous areas of thought or hobby etc. 5's are generalists more than specialists. Some people may perceive that the 5 is a specialist because they are blue ocean deep on one subject but likely, they are blue ocean deep on 10 subjects. You just happened to get sci-fi or carburetors, or aircraft or computers, photography or politics today. Come back next week for heavy information on another subject.

[@twlahue]

I really appreciate your thoughtful and honest feedback! I'm always trying to improve, and your insights will definitely help me create more relatable content for Type 5s in the future.

[@mares3841]

5