Enneagram: Levels Of Health for Type 9

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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[@Soni-fc2zp]

I'm really enjoying this as a strong 9. I laughed loud when she said about a conversation where everyone gets distracted and you lock eyes with the poor person thats still trying to say her story. THATS ME ALL DAY!!!

[@ellenfisher3792]

Me 100%

[@dollface2516]

Ditto! Scary, but also comforting to know there are others like me!

[@lisabarnetson1362]

Me 3!!!

[@cxrmack6922]

Me to I’m not a very soft 9 I’m a 9w8 I’m also pretty sociable

[@lisenoli8351]

It’s so exausting sometimes 😅😅😅

[@rcurry2089]

Loved when she talked about listening. I do that all the time, make sure whoever is talking is being heard- I hate when I’m trying to say something and everyone gets distracted. I find it so rude. Lol

[@kacetaylor6121]

i realize it's kinda randomly asking but does anyone know of a good site to watch newly released series online?

[@kacywhitty1567]

That control thing is real! Please don’t tell me what to do.. please don’t make me tell you what to do..🤣 I think it’s at all levels.

[@johnturman6872]

Same.

[@loref4200]

9w8, and yes, very relateable. In his video about healthy messages we need to hear, when he spoke about 8 and 9, it was a revelation. I wept.

[@edmcgarry1]

Wow, “content but not happy” hit me so hard that I have to catch my breath

[@loref4200]

This was difficult to listen to. I think often though, when some of us have lived without utilizing our voice for long enough, those in our lives take advantage of that by guilt-tripping into getting us to do whatever they want. People catch on to that pattern, and then when you start to use your voice, start to exert your own opinions, then they are offended and hurt. When this happens enough times, it becomes a deterrent to actually sharing your voice again. This is a vicious cycle. I struggle with it a lot.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

Yeah totally see what u mean!

[@loref4200]

@@JonasAnandaKristiansson Hello, glad to see you here. Thank you for your reply.

[@n.h.2605]

“Do I love this person enough to make myself uncomfortable enough to continue on in the future?” something I really needed to hear

[@LV-bk4it]

Sometimes it's good to say something when you're angry; it's the only time my Type 8 husband actually listens to me.

[@MultiEferguson]

23:15 "The nine might be afraid the other person will be upset and cut them off, so the nine cuts them off" So true!!! Been there and done that! You can't fire me, I quit! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jessicabradshaw3365]

Kaylee is ON FIRE!!! She is so good at explaining exactly what a Nine does and feels and also how to get oneself into a clearer space. Good team you two👍!!!

[@emmagrabosky2676]

Oh my word, my husband literally said one of the first things he was attracted to about me was how I would come back to his story if we got interrupted...I'd say, "you were saying this and that, what happened next?" 😂 9w1 here all the way. 🙃

[@mountainserenity]

As a 9 this was very helpful. Thank you. I especially like the way you listen to and value the thoughts of your beautiful daughter. As a child I merged with my mother and seldom voiced my thoughts or opinions. When I did, they were usually discounted so more and more, I simply listened and nodded in agreement. As a teenager, I had no idea who I was or even what I liked and disliked. Love & blessings to all the 9’s out there! 💕💕

[@flowlikewater6576]

Type nines. Its really eye opening to realize that people, especially a partner, will be more repulsed by the inexcitement or being in a relationship thats so peaceful and being with someone that they can't even see, rather than the discomfort of facing you and your boundaries.

[@brandonmckay9602]

I agree! I lost someone very important to me because I wasn’t true to myself. It went against everything in me to do what I would prefer in order to please her but that’s not what she wanted!! She wanted me to be me! It took something traumatic for me to learn to be myself!

[@claudia-meza]

Thank you Kaylee, your comment of "how much work are you willing to do to not do any work" - totally me for a long time. Glad Im a healthier 9 now but this info would have shortened my journey and struggles for sure. Great job you two!

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

I relate to the lowest level of 9 and the lowest level of 6 at the same time--ironically, I'm here evading something else right now.

[@juliacrouse7360]

Is it possible tht a nine would rather stay unhealthy where it's feels safer and they dont have to be accountable than being healthy and having to be present and face things that are terrifying to them?

[@moo_moon128]

I do that Julia, for me like the doc said, we will not face the danger until and unless we hear the wolves growl. It may be stubbornness , or it might even stem from self hatred. But for me, taking action and facing the consequences brings a sense of dread, funny thing is, we create these difficult situations by endorsing behaviours that give quick but short lived pleasure. Honestly it’s infuriating But identifying this flaw is the first step to healing

[@anne-louisegoldie]

I'm a 9 and an INFJ, so this has been very helpful. Thank you 💛xx

[@tinaberry2012]

Same here 👍

[@kassiopeia1232]

As a 9 I still feel obliged to stick to my commitments and promises. Might be a strong w1?! Great video, love the father-daughter team!!!

[@measured.enthusiast]

Unrelated: I can really see the resemblance between you and your daughter!

[@twlahue]

I will take that as a compliment- she is beautiful. (Just like her mother)

[@Stoffendous]

@@twlahue She has your shape face, and your nose. Don't forget you're also beautiful mr.LaHue!

[@CaptainPhilosophical]

Remember a healthy 9w1= a 10! Thank you both for your time and efforts.

[@waryaking]

Such an underrated comment :)

[@harikrishnansudheendran808]

Finally, I was waiting for this for a long time.🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@twlahue]

Glad to help! Sorry it took so long.

[@harikrishnansudheendran808]

@@twlahue what I meant was I was excitedly waiting. Not complaining about the delay. And oh my god you replied. Your videos actually helped me understand myself. Thanks a lot. ❤❣

[@fullofgrace92]

Yay - it's finally here!

[@twlahue]

Thanks for your encouragement!

[@MsJRose11]

Honestly sometimes as a 9 we do stand up for ourselves set boundaries it just gets you in trouble. Or it blows up I have that issue with my parents and my ex husband . Setting boundaries has never been a good experience it has fufilled my worst fear of separation. My parents are 1 and mom is a unhealthy 2.

[@loref4200]

Unfortunately, when I 'woke up', was last year well into adulthood. Utilizing my voice has been the most painful process due to exactly what you mentioned. There are people in our lives who would rather us be silent so that they can get what they want all of the time. Think about what that means... they would rather separate from you than to harmonize with you as you use your voice. They would rather continue to speak for you. That is a very painful realization, and I don't think that they considered this outcome in the video due to the daughter's young age. She is immensely lucky that she has a father who likely 'woke her up' due to his research. I suspect there are far more 9s with our experience of the backlash from narcissistic people who would rather take advantage of us than to let us be our true selves. Jillian, your voice matters. You deserve to be here. What they did/are doing is wrong. You matter too. I wish you love and light as you learn this important truth.

[@MsJRose11]

@@loref4200 thank you so much I really needed that today

[@insertcheesypunhere]

"not wanting to do it is a valid excuse" is literally the answer to the internal struggle i was having because i didnt agree to come into work on my day off when i was also getting a holiday.

[@laurencoeling9710]

I've always considered myself a chameleon... Blending with whoever I was close to.

[@loref4200]

Yes, I do this too.

[@dakris2682]

This was an informative video :) I think I'm a 9; I'm pretty calm and agreeable, but I try to stand up for myself. It seems to me that many type 9 people have grown up in a particular type of family where you felt like your voice wasn't heard as much as you'd like, a feeling of being ignored because one of your family members often interrupted you or didn't listen attentively...

[@kriannmon]

Yup, I definitely didn't feel heard in my family... which then created a cycle of me closing down because I didn't feel heard, and not speaking up when I should have, and so how COULD they even have the chance to hear me if I don't speak up for myself. I've carried that into my other relationships, too. Working on it, though. :)

[@dakris2682]

@@kriannmonYeah, exactly, me too. I'm so sick and tired of selfish people who pick at me for no reason only because I'm a good guy who cares about other people. What's the problem!? The freaking passive-agressiveness. It seems like you have to be brutal and pushy to get by in this world. Sensitive people are targeted whenever someone sees them, like an eagle circling a prey. I could stand up for myself, but something shuts down inside

[@kriannmon]

@@dakris2682 so hard to be brutal and pushy when the heart wants peace and connection. I will never stop caring and being sensitive, I just need to learn better and practice staying grounded in that when someone tries to disrupt me on purpose. I love the idea of putting up boundaries instead of walls. I'd been putting up walls for way too long, which shuts myself in and keeps others out, whereas I'd much rather set boundaries, which can be flexible but also strong. I will always do my best to choose compassion and softness over aggression and hardness.

[@kellybadea5315]

Yep! I’m the youngest of three girls and was told many times when I would try to join in a fun conversation, “forget it, you wouldn’t understand”. Family Decisions would be made and then I, being the youngest was to just follow along. I love being a 9!

[@tinaliveras1516]

I found it really helpful to hear that not everyone is worth getting along with! It sounds awful now that I’M saying it, but hearing it made sense. As a 9, Ive found it super helpful to take time every week to spend time clarifying my vision for both short and long term goals, to keep me on track. Especially since lockdown can make all of those other little jobs seem VITAL. Thanks to you both for this video. Stay well!

[@tired_squirb]

Thank you so much for this video! so helpful to my own journey. and I appreciated the mentions of the Bible!

[@alexrose20]

I'm a 5 but I watched every type for this series bc I enjoy learning about the levels of health and recognizing them in ppl haha

[@nkopanelesedilebona9227]

That's actually very 5 of you

[@alexrose20]

@@nkopanelesedilebona9227 i know 🤣

[@obsessedintooblivion]

me too!!

[@garyzhuzhu]

Another 5 here

[@jamesfyffe5679]

Great video! I am so glad I watched, which I almost didn’t when I saw it was an hour long. But the video was so engaging it went by in a flash. It’s funny that I feel like I have a foot in each of the stages of health. At least I am becoming self aware enough to question “is that because I am avoiding making an opinion?” My problem is I avoid opinions and “bad emotions” because that seems too much like marketing a judgement or taking sides, which is in conflict with my peacemaking nature. I love both of your videos! They have been so helpful! I especially love the two of you together. Please keep them coming.

[@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327]

9-1 This is so helpful and I relate to every single thing she says! I didn't realize I was functioning so low. I thought the moderate level was my high. 😂

[@helenarosno]

i dont like to be controlled, but only because i allow people to control me all of the time. remember, 9s are withdrawn, so i will become a hermit and avoid everyone to keep my peace and to avoid feeling obligated to do things that i would rather not do. i think that turning off my phone and being unavailable or unreachable is a selfish habit of mine unfortunately

[@SecondChances06]

I’m also an INFJ and a 9. I’m just learning about both of these right now. Very interesting stuff so far it has been so spot on.

[@juni260]

Thank you. I have this thing where I study for a completely different subject when I actually should study for a test in another subject. That just seems the easy way out sometimes for me. Boo.

[@mariandiaz6177]

I think there is a way that nines (me included) experienced some version of “benign neglect” in childhood that is not really benign, but quite malignant. We gloss over neglect, which is the erasure of a person and much more soul crushing in reality.

[@karkovlara9201]

I need more understanding in this subject, thank you for this video. I'm 9w1 and my mother is a 9w1 too, the difference is that she is unhealthy and I'm trying to go to average to healthy.

[@AnnabellaInMyMind]

You just put into words what I’ve been feeling all these years… for some reason I could never find the words for it but you did so thank you xx

[@twlahue]

I’m so glad to hear that! It means a lot to know my words resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

[@kriannmon]

I'm a 9W1 INFP and can relate to so much in this video! Definitely on the more unhealthy side, and for most of my life I've backed out of difficult relationships because it was easier (though honestly not really more fulfilling) to be alone than to full stress out, physically and mentally, ruminating and ruminating and not sure how to share my own emotional state with the other person with my words... But I've been working and practicing and listening to my self more and better lately, including with a past partner (who may be a 6? I'm not sure) and I've actually been able to practice with them while not in relationship. That's actually helping quite a bit. I truly appreciate y'all's videos, especially this one. I'll be listening again and again, as I'm sure there will be different things I miss or focus on each time. Thank you!!

[@glamma5249]

this was so insightful!!! thank you and bless you!

[@dianamales5378]

I am a 9w1 and find so many similarities with lovely Kaylee. Thank you both for your generosity of knowledge and time 😊

[@twlahue]

You are so welcome!

[@robertmcmullin8009]

My wife is a 9W1 and this video is going to be very helpful, thank you.

[@Val-gy5cv]

i really appreciate the content you provide through these videos , much love

[@elainaharter8405]

Thank you so much! Your videos have helped so much and given me a lot of insight to the good, the bad & the ugly. Life has thrown myself and my family a serious curve ball in this past two years that seems insurmountable.

[@margaretjudice8944]

I'm a 2 and I dont prefer a certain place to eat lunch a lot of times. When I was working at an office, I would go with coworkers and say wherever you want to go. Great video. Thank you for sharing.

[@conniecepeda3441]

This is great! I have gotten a counselor to try to help me figure out why I don't know what I like anymore, why I feel numb, etc. Within the first few minutes you have told me why I'm in this place.

[@barbskeelcsw]

You are a great duo! Listening to this video is a real pleasure! I do appreciate your contribution to teaching the Enneagram to all of us!❤️💕❤️

[@wendysmith9682]

I have a hard time lying and saying “I can’t do whatever” when actually the truth is that “I don’t want to do whatever”. I’d rather say yes, than lie.

[@kriannmon]

I get this. I have a friend who has had multiple health issues over many years and cannot do much (or can't see how she can do much) for herself. She often asks me to take out trash and pick up prescriptions for her because she can't get out by herself, and I always say yes because, even though I work full time and am a single mom to two teens, I DO have health and physical ability to help her... and yet am I really helping her? Or am I enabling her? And if I started saying no, that I can't/don't want to help her any longer, I would be fulfilling the fear she's shared multiple times, that she might push me away by asking me to do too much for her... Annnnnnnd every time she messages or calls me I feel a wave of stress....

[@wendysmith9682]

@@kriannmon do you feel she’s calling On you for things she’s able to do herself? does she have other people to call upon? Do you feel your kindness is being taken for granted and you’re being taken advantage of. I completely relate to the surge of stress when you know you should set a boundary (and speak your mind) but you don’t because it’ means possible conflict or disappointing someone. I have this fight with myself every single time I don’t speak up. I resent them for putting me in the same position again but truth is I’m mad at myself for refusing to set a boundary. IF they’re disappointed with you, that’s THEIR feeling to deal with. The dialogue they should have with themselves is “she has the right to say no”... I think another part of it is that we don’t have the scripts to draw in because we have no practice saying no. “Sorry I can’t swing it today .... I bet you can arrange for deliver.y...... “ (I’m pretty good at deflecting hahah).

[@kriannmon]

@@wendysmith9682 Thanks for your reply. She's gotten herself into a position physically where she never leaves her house (she probably weighs about 400 lbs, with multiple mental and physical health issues, plus she doesn't want to risk getting covid), so she has groceries delivered (not by me) and asks me to pick up her prescriptions and take out trash and get her mail from the apartment mailboxes. Every once in a while I do say no, no explanation why, just that I can't help her that day, and that usually goes okay. She does have a couple of other people who she asks to help her now and then, too. Though I have this weird fear of letting her down (not peaceful), because she's been through so much in her lifetime (early sexual abuse/trauma, overpowering father, PTSD, anxiety, depression...), while I also more recently wonder, would she even want to be friends with me if I wasn't helping her? In which case, like Kaylee says in the video, maybe she's not really a friend... AND I also have to wonder, am I only helping her because she needs help? and would I want to be friends with her if I wasn't helping her? Hmmmmm...

[@wendysmith9682]

@@kriannmon wow that’s a lot in a friendship (that isn’t based on friendships so much as it is her “needs”). I’m like you in that I try to get to the root (and truth) of every situation. I’ve been listening to an enneagram podcast “the art of growth” where it totally hit home when they said all the thinking that nines do...all of the contemplating and research and effort to think about something differently so that it EASES our discomfort is simply is using thinking as a diversion away from doing what we need to do, which is face something head on. (This is me paraphrasing). I remember reading ‘behind every feeling is a thought.... change the thought and you change the feeling’, so that’s why I’m always trying to find a thought (aka a feeling) that I can live with. But it’s allllll us avoiding setting boundaries. I ended up in a codependent relationship with a narcissist. He Happily played his sympathy card at the get go. Just like your friend has. You cannot save her from herself. I tried to teach him happiness. I spent 16 years and finally learned the lesson. That I matter more than he does. I had to save myself. There are people who will happily use every breath of yours. She sounds like one of them. Distance yourself gradually. She WILL replace you with someone else (unfortunate for the new “supply”). She can do more Han she’s doing. They prey on empathetic people.

[@kriannmon]

@@wendysmith9682 Ahhhhhhhh, yes, SO much of that rings so true with me. I'm so sorry you dealt with narcissism for so long. :( Annnnd I'm SO glad you were able to get out of it!! Goooood for you! I'll definitely check out that podcast, too. Annnnnd I really just need to listen to myself and set my boundaries and not just keep reading and listening to things that might help... overthinking as avoidance to the point of not doing anything at all. Yep, I feel you. Thank you so much!

[@renadysmazzle8823]

2:50 that's so true!! that's why I really appreciate having a friend who have a "3" in their enneagram to encourage me to get out there and do something with my time

[@elizapalos9645]

This is amazingly helpful. Thank you!

[@mattdenault6720]

I do speak up on a rare occasion saying I don’t want to do something then I feel guilt either internal or because of someone telling me how selfish I am.

[@LAMM117]

I love listening to you two; very helpful and can actually already see where I HAVE grown as a 9

[@kellybadea5315]

So helpful! Thanks! In the example you gave of being asked to help someone carry boxes on a Saturday...it would be an even healthier approach to say “I’ll let you know” but then have a conversation with God about it. Grrr, the 9 in me does not want to do this. But perhaps this is the time that I could/ought to push myself to not slip into my typical sloth-mode but rather get up and help a friend in need! When trying to grow in my personal relationship with Christ and being Christ-like, it sometimes changed our approach with the enneagram! Would love to hear you apply that in your videos😃

[@misterchicken9115]

Very helpful. Nailed it! Thank you. I'm not sure I have ever made a concrete plan in my whole life! 😂 Working on it.

[@twlahue]

You can do it!

[@perjohanaxell9862]

Or do what I sometimes do and lean into 8 an just do it, plan or no plan.

[@rukiyedeniz]

Dr. LaHue, I've been watching your videos on 9 for some days now and I've really enjoyed all of them but seeing a 9 in the video was awesome. It's like I got to see my reflection. :) Thank you for the video.

[@meghanclark6068]

This has been some of the most helpful advice I have received with enneagram, I’m an INFJ 9w1 as well, at pretty average levels and what you said was spot on. Will be checking out her page for sure, Thankyou both!😊

[@twlahue]

Glad to help!

[@maja8453]

I'm 9w1 INFJ too! And woah, this fits 😅 I struggle to go after my goals - working on it though, but I have to mentally remind myself every day. Aaaand yes, I ignore problems to a degree.

[@tamzhamz4615]

what advice can you offer a 9 who does not know what they want or what their interests are?

[@twlahue]

Google search image: "Life Wheel Assessment"

[@CaptainPhilosophical]

I feel I move towards conflict mostly with me wife who tested as a 6. Her response to conflict is... unhealthy. Her response attenuates my desire to healthily engage in difficult circumstances.

[@chrysanthemum3087]

This video is extremely clear and helpful in explaining the 9. I appreciate the calm tone and sense of humor

[@dollface2516]

This was such a helpful video! So relatable, that I actually laughed, which felt so good. But then, I started crying. I hate being a 9.

[@briandaniels8945]

Wheres my low level exhausted 9s lmao

[@lisenoli8351]

Hi! Just wanted to say thank you so much for your videos, you are helping me evolve and find happiness after years of complete numbness and battleling depression (just because I preferred to bottle my feelings not to bother people). Now I’m pushing myself to tall and feel…just…thank you (I’m a 9 wing 8 by the way)

[@edmcgarry1]

When they talked about not being on a team that reminded me of something that happened when I was about 14. I wanted a new baseball hat but I couldn’t pick one. I didn’t feel any allegiance to any of the teams that were popular in my area so I actually got in umpire’s hat. Haha I literally chose the referee

[@adriennembennett]

Love all of your videos! Thanks for making them. I wanted to add something to the fear of anger part you guys discussed. For me it’s a question of feeling overwhelmed & out of control. I’m afraid of other people’s anger and my own because it feels so intense and overwhelming. I’m getting better at expressing anger in healthy ways but I still do a lot to avoid angering others. Now I come to think of it, all expressions of intense emotions feel overwhelming to some degree. Even intense joy or happiness. That may be because I’m highly sensitive though and have nothing to do with being a 9.

[@jessicawilona9594]

Thank you so so much for this video, I'm blessed and at least have some direction to work on myself

[@twlahue]

You're so welcome!

[@regeniapaige9997]

So excited to see this video.. been waiting for it! Thank you!

[@twlahue]

Hope you like it!

[@regeniapaige9997]

Totally!! Gonna watch it again cause there's lots of nuggets in this video.

[@fannidemeter4996]

I've been waiting for this video for so long, hehe Thank you for the upload!

[@twlahue]

No problem!

[@tucky3191]

Love the referee reference

[@TheAmyShows]

wow i score 4w5 every time with the enneagram tests but i relate so much to 9 and a lot of it applies to me, maybe i'm being mistyped.

[@leogrrrl5876]

Or maybe in tritype you have 4 as heart & 9 as gut, & would just need to add/figure out your head type to have a more complete picture of yourself.

[@TheAmyShows]

@@leogrrrl5876 that could be the case, I relate to 4, 5 and 9 in a lot of different ways

[@leogrrrl5876]

@@TheAmyShows Me too 🙂

[@MsJRose11]

I recently found out after years of thinking I’m a 4w5 that a unhealthy sexual 9 looks like a 4 abs some of the stress 6 I was mind blown. It never occurred to me but now that I’ve opened my mind and dug more I’m like wow I finally know at the core who I am

[@victoriareeb8740]

At 55:00 hold up, Doc, that scenario in my family of origin happened/happens actually too often. Speaking up-while creating safe space for other person to do same-does sometimes include the experience of other person becoming unhinged. And I do understand that it’s their stuff, that I don’t need to take it personally, that I’m not responsible for them. But omg does it make it difficult to resolve conflict. It often feels worth it to do the work of going along to get along over the work of trying to genuinely connect.

[@maja8453]

Question: can you be a healthy 9 with some people, and less with others? I feel like the healthiest 9 with people I love, we conflict and make up, I open up and are truthful about my thoughts and fedlings... but people I am in deep conflict with makes me feel like the most unhealthy - especially if it has lasted for a while and I find myself backing away, ignoring them and really struggling with my emotions...

[@MsJRose11]

Interesting cause I feel I am very healthy 9 with my also 9 husband ( now we weren’t as teens when we dated the first time). But I’m Very unhealthy with my mom

[@loref4200]

Yes. These stages can happen on the same day with different people/different circumstances.

[@cinr9983]

"A fence with a gate" good picture

[@graciesweetgirl]

I've watched a bunch of your videos and appreciate most of the content. I notice however that you seem to have issues finding the good qualities of 9s. Am I noticing a lot of judgement here? I'd love to see information about the higher qualities of 9 and the value they bring to the world. The 9's I know are very wise, which I appreciate deeply.

[@exdamariis]

Oof. All of this validation was soo soothing to listen to🥺 - now I gotta do like two small things I’ve been initially putting off so I don’t have to get to the three major things that need doing. Working towards ittt🙈

[@melissaphillis7247]

Thank you! Great to learn from another infj 9w1.

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@LAMM117]

Definitely have done the continuing to listen to another's story when everyone else lost interest lol INCLUSION is most important to me for sure lol

[@antonella1488]

i found out my enneatype very recently. I remember writing in one of my journals as a teenager: "i don't know how to BE" I honestly didn't have a sense of who i was and i thought i needed to be told how i should be, which laler led to really awful relationships. Now it all makes sense

[@michlee83]

"How much work you'll do to not do work whoo hoo!!!" 100%!!!

[@zaidyromero2666]

Thank you so much for this video!

[@Rich-wi7dn]

I’m not as healthy as I’d like to be, as I often have an urge to liquidate everything and find a little place out in the desert somewhere so I can have some space and solitude.

[@ashleyguidroz7283]

I only disengage when it comes to me.. not my children or close friends… I only put myself in the back seat not others

[@danielbutcher5836]

How about this (as a 9 married to a 4): I have a RESPONSIBILITY to have my own thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc.

[@jaredrushton]

As a number 9, this video was very powerful for me! I'd be keen to do a deeper dive into this. Are there specific books you'd bases your research on? Keen to read more.

[@TeamHatchet64]

Can a level 9 become healthy again? Is there hope?

[@gigglesmcdounut723]

The thing is I definitely have issues bringing up what I am upset about with my family they fight me on it instead of just listening to me. I can tell people now but with family I can't.

[@barbskeelcsw]

PS I love being a 9!!!

[@nancerobinson4901]

Great insights. Appreciated.

[@kellylopez2735]

What if I continue to bring up the problems, even though it’s really difficult and nothing gets resolved? Then what do I do?

[@julia.no.X]

Thanks for posting it!

[@twlahue]

You bet!

[@ElliotRose]

This is sooo on point for me

[@vialeta10]

I’m 9w1 and also an INFJ 😮

[@bethlatshaw7555]

Me too

[@l3hxy]

Each time I test it says I'm a type 9.. but when it comes to wings I'm a type 5w4.. anyone else? I feel like all my peacemaker goals go against all my investigator goals..

[@williampierce5579]

In an earlier video I watched of yours you mentioned your daughter's enneagram number and I thought you were saying her age and I was like "why does his little girl have a KZbin channel?!" 😂😂 Clearly not a 9 year old child

[@findingmyselfatm8466]

0 dislikes, as it should be- but genuinely good vid!

[@yousap7241]

It's a pity Kaylee isn't assertive enough to get equal distance from the microphone. Guess she's too polite and doesn't want conflict He's making sure that the power dynamic is kept alive. Seems like low level 9s may actually have depression and need proper medical attention. There is a vast difference between being unwilling to do something and unable to do it.

[@marioaguayo4154]

I’m listening sweetie

[@keremylmzonline]

Hi Tom! Is there any specific video that what I need to do for getting stronger of my subtype "1" and my growth "3" as a nine?

[@annaleander]

Lol - I would never turn down an invitation to a dog birthday party 🤣😉

[@latteARCH]

I started relating from the beginning (low levels of health). Looks like I got some work to do :((

[@HUGSsandi]

Same.

[@rcurry2089]

Ditto

[@MsJRose11]

Same ugh

[@JuliaJayATOP]

Wow your helpful 9 drives me nuts I see you better 9 s

[@izzlebeanie]

11:20 optimistic 2s 7s and 9s