The Enneagram: The Healing Message For Each Type

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
#enneagram, EnneagramTypes, CliftonStrengthsFinder, PersonalityAssessment, self-discovery, Strengths-Based Development, Understanding Personality, Personal Growth, Enneagram Test Results, Unlock Your Potential, Mindfulness, SelfAwareness, SelfImprovement, LifeCoach, UnlockPotential, Motivation, strength, Relationships, love, soulmate, self-love, love yourself, intimacy, emotional connections, dating, communication, healthy relationships, true love, power of love, relationships, marriage, love language, love quotes, love tips, love and happiness, trust, love and relationships, love advice, unconditional love, happy, love, Myers-Briggs,

[@dawsons.3675]

Thanks Dr. LaHue! 1) 0:26 2) 3:09 3) 7:52 4) 10:26 5) 16:10 6) 21:28 7) 27:55 8) 31:23 9) 34:36

[@nursen2106]

Thanks!

[@yeganehmohajer8653]

Thank you!

[@seekinghappy]

Thank you.

[@hillarys6359]

Thanks dude. As a 5 that wants to cut to the essential info I need, the list is helpful!

[@delaineschonhoff168]

Thx! As a 7, I wanna skip past the boring, get the point, and move on!

[@austintrauth5820]

Jesus man you have no clue how much you’ve helped me. I’m a type 5 and your knowledge on this subject helps me get so much greater of a grasp on myself. It’s allowing me to wake up to myself and fulfill my needs and I’m forever grateful.

[@twlahue]

Glad you found my channel.

[@Bioniking]

Same. Being a 5 myself, I've been going down the rabbit hole myself, with the intention of bringing self awareness to my relationships, as well as figure out what I like in a woman in a relationship. The enneagram is a great form of self-therapy.

[@horizon5677]

lots of 5 here, gaining knowledge!

[@Bioniking]

As a type 5, what I'm working on right now is this: 1) Accept that I have a heart as well as a brain 2) Reach out to people and being more open to the world 3) Remember that my "battery" is actually a mental prison and that no matter what, I will have energy, and I can receive energy from people and the world. Scarcity to abundance mentality

[@evaeggen6928]

Its not so much about fear about abudanse as fear of being broke, and be dependent on other people, money or all the other things that have an ending. , And their own will. But it's ok to communicate boundaries and take care of ypur own businesses too.

[@evaeggen6928]

But meeting and dealing with our feelings is important too, and being met as emotional beings, like we are too..

[@joannacruz3170]

“Eights have the need to be against.” I discovered this about my husband before I heard or the enneagram, but I didn’t understand it until after.

[@soyo4647]

The part about the 4 really hit me hard, like stabbed me in the center of my heart. Thank you.

[@Max-rn3eb]

makes two of us :)

[@crimsonnin2]

I felt so fucking called out throughout that whole thing lmao

[@clementine1827]

4w3 both the message for 3’s and 4’s hurt really good 🤠

[@inkerikavantera]

My dad (tyrannical 8) would quote me the bible "you do know it says honor thy father and thy mother." Starting from 12 I would tell him; "the moment you start respecting me I return the favor." We became best friends later in life. 😉

[@sharonlanders9635]

Identifying as a Myers-Briggs INFJ a few years ago helped me understand certain aspects about myself, but identifying my Enneagram 9 has opened up a whole new vision. I'm very new to Enneagram, but I'm going to learn more!!

[@twlahue]

Great, welcome aboard!

[@nkopanelesedilebona9227]

I'm in the same boat as you

[@that1goat369]

Does anyone else find it fitting for 9s to be last since they are so used to listening from others and seeing their perspectives?

[@shelleywinters6763]

ironic to be true

[@YEDxYED]

As a wing 1, I find it fitting because it’s numerically correct for us to begin first or be last.

[@irwing1001]

6:13 for a type 2 - "I'm not needed but still wanted" - wait, what?? 😅😅 Yes, that's a statement I will have to sit with and learn to accept. Thanks for these videos; I'm trying to learn from them.

[@chelsearedmer8483]

Yes! Felt that to my core lol

[@stephaniedoerr4310]

I'm so addicted to your videos. You said that 9s were told as a child that their desires don't matter. It's not just told to us as a child. How about a few hours ago by my sister? Or last Friday from my dad? It continues long after childhood.

[@andream9977]

Same here. My siblings discuss me and talk about how I should live my life without me. Then one of them will call me up and tell me what they decided

[@shelleywinters6763]

Try saying no to everything they say and hang up. Do that for a week, see how it works out. boundaries = no. You have the right to say no, everyone does. It's your life, you can live it as you please. They can't do anything about it either. "you're going to pick me up tomorrow and take me to the doctor" Your answer "no" they can't make you do it, I guarantee you.

[@geewheeler04]

I think for the 4 and trying on different types of roles in life or lifestyles is seen as the only way to find out who you truly are. You are on the road to discover your authentic self. You are not settling for the life you see in front of you with the like and dislike of those around you. I know I tried every church denotation around until I found my home in Judaism . I moved to different states until SC became home. We know who we really are because we tried out who we weren't. You are right that it feels like a midlife crisis all the time. When people have a life change and start thinking about what their life means and what they want out of it, I am shocked. How do they not ask themselves this everyday. Everyday I check in with myself about the meaning of life and how I want to be remembered by loved ones.

[@saratk5815]

Jesus, this is Gold.

[@twlahue]

Awesome.

[@loralubimaia2783]

Don’t worry that you aren’t giving people what they want. Give them who you are, and let that be enough. -Brandon Sanderson Love from 4s everywhere

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

Well. You nailed my husband and son as Fives. You nailed me as a Six. (And man, do I have trouble being able to accept I don't have to be prepared for EVERYTHING.)

[@rebeccabyrne8489]

Exactly spot on. I’m a 6. It wasn’t my dad. It my mother. Holy smokes. Everything he said was exactly correct. I am a PRO at reading the body language of others and interpreting the things people don’t actually say but mean or want to say. This is because I had to do it as a child with my mother. I needed to know quickly when things were safe and when I needed to hide. I never felt emotionally secure around her.

[@danielkrug2454]

Same! It was my mom as well, not my dad. Walking on eggshells...I've considered myself super sensitive. I think it's because of this!

[@loref4200]

I would really love it if you could do a video on that inner turmoil of conflicting numbers with their wing and how that is demonstrated. Type 8 got me. The minute you described the motivation, it was like something clicked and I just began to weep. That motivation is strong. I'm a 9w8, so it sometimes feels like I'm being torn in two due to the conflicting nature. I carry both, and sometimes my motivation for peace/harmony is circumvented by that need to be 'against'. As I have learned about the enneagram, I've recognized who and what brings out the 8 wing of 'against' that you spoke about, and the idea of control is a strong influence. I want harmony more than anything, but sometimes, I am my own worst enemy regarding it. I am still trying to find a careful balance. Thank you for this video. It has helped me so much.

[@lizindrajana2015]

So glad Doctor, you made this video is very amazing....you combine both between the knowledge of all type and add the healing messages... makes this video very complete. I just love this video. ♥️

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@josho8539]

I'm a 5, to borrow your example I've tried venturing out of my hut few times to the village to experience the "joy" of other people, and every single time it has caused nothing but overwhelming pain and ruins my life. At best it makes me look more "normal" to others but I don't really care about that. I am genuinely happy to be completely alone, and I would actually be better off if I never tried to put myself out there in the first place. Good luck to the other 5's out there though.

[@abbeyjane5014]

Same the cons outweigh the pros theres a higher chance you will be betrayed rather than accepted

[@allisontyrrell2560]

Your videos are so insightful, thank you for doing these. I'm a 1w2 and have been studying myself through the enneagram for about a year now. I feel like I'm more towards healing now (finally). It was interesting how the 4 message resonated a lot too. Ones go to four when stressed or unhealthy and I feel like I spent majority of my life like a four. Since ones go to seven or look more like a seven when healthy, and I feel my mindset is the healthiest it's been, I am relating to the seven traits. Again, all of your videos that I've seen have been so helpful. I hope you keep making them.

[@user-cw4hg3re1d]

25:43 so, about this. This has been on my mind a little. I think of myself very much as a type 6, but when I try to look at the origins of that, I don't really relate to the situations of having unpredictable parents. But, when I look at my background, I do see a little bit of overprotection from my parents. But I'm not sure if this overprotection came after or before certain incident where they weren't able to protect me when I was like 5. Nothing really bad happenned (fortunately) but I have the theory that since then, my mom started to tell me constantly to watch out for myself more, and like, trouble shooting became an habit. I was constantly reminded to be careful. And yes, that paid off well in a way, but I'm still thinking what relation could this have with my tendencies of isolating myself but also look for people's friendship so I don't find myself alone in the future years. Well, I drifted a bit over here, but the point was the origins of this type of personality. Perhaps is not that my parents weren't taking care of me, but more like, what you said, they started focusing (sometimes) so much in it that I kind of inherited that self-preservation attitude and the habit of being a little bit too suspicious of some people around me. Mmm. It's quite a complex matter, and surely I haven't taken into account more factors here. But yeah, It's food for thought. Thanks so much for this content your share, it's pretty interesting and it helps me understand the ennegram (and myself) more, little by little. Sorry for the long text and grammatical errors in advance haha, english is not my first language.

[@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617]

Well, my mother is a six, and her parents weren't unstable either, but nevertheless I believe the message fits her: her father was the stereotypical breadwinner-but-otherwise-absent father of those times (60's), and her mother was incredibly rigid and never had her back on anything (especially not in front of an authority figure), so it doesn't surprise me that she learned to be wary of everything and everyone because she was mostly on her own, despite her basic needs being covered and her physical stability more than assured. (Then trauma happened, which made her descend towards the point of disintegration to three, but that's besides the point) My mother speaks nothing but praise for the way her parents raised her, but if she were to dig a little deeper she'd uncover a lot of ways in which it messed her up, not blaming my grandparents, it's just the way it happened at that time.

[@Kristina-tp2it]

I wrote one lots of videos "awesome" but this really is good! Good job.

[@twlahue]

Thank you so much 😀

[@marekdurica1840]

Thank you Dr LaHue. From the depth of my heart. I am a nine and god how much I feel your words when you talk about how we die to our needs and desires, it sounds great to be a peace maker but as you say, at what cost. The healing message resonate greatly. Thank you for that

[@jillian2596]

As a 2, this was very insightful! Thank you!

[@twlahue]

You're so welcome!

[@elisa4620]

Ouch! Some of it still hit this 9 a little too close to home ... looks like I still have some healing to do. Thanks for the message🙏!

[@Corrin7225]

Thank you! Great information. I'm a 4, it's so accurate. Letting go of the belief that there is something innately wrong with me and the persuit of searching for what it is, I think is a huge freedom. But I'm definitely moody 🤣

[@MetalWolfReaper]

#5 bunkered down right now, my family stresses me out too much. I think it works for me now with the pandemic and all.

[@majamay7399]

You're such a great speaker, it's a real pleasure listening to you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@leenrayyan4344]

Wow, this came in perfect timing! And the healing message is exactly the "lesson" that I've just realized yesterday, when I finally opened up to close people about what was going on in my head (I'm a 5) and I just felt this peace and relief that made me think how ridiculous these (social) barriers that I build around me are! So thanks a lot and God bless you

[@phoebetaylor1796]

I am stuck in indecision. I'm so a 6. I struggle with not feeling God is safe. I can't imagine trusting myself.

[@AMcDub0708]

Yep, this.

[@GodSaveTheClothes]

You just described my entire childhood as a 6 with the unpredictable behavior of my father!

[@isabelsaavedra7947]

I am a 5. The analogy with the truck made me laugh. I am currently picking up some German notes haha

[@AMcDub0708]

I love how for type 6 you point directly at us and then suspiciously glance around 😅😅😅😂😂😂

[@Dani-jo9yr]

So spot on, BIG Thanks 🙏👍👏🤩Very helpful👍👍😁

[@twlahue]

Glad this helped.

[@acetpang]

I'm a 1 and growth really started happening for me when i started redefining 100% as the "right way" to be for everything. Sometimes, in life, 67% is the right answer. Maybe the right thing to do IS to do only 51% of the assignment today, so I can spend more time with my friends. Maybe the right thing to do IS to drink 20% of the time, so I can maintain a healthy balance between my desire to drink, hanging with loved ones, but not make an unhealthy habit out of it. Maybe the correct answer IS to let others be as they are, and help them reform if they express the desire to (also a 1w9 here). Maybe, just maybe, the world isn't black and white and the best answers lie in being somewhere in the middle.

[@AshlinNewson13]

I am also a 1w9 and this really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!

[@shelleywinters6763]

my husband is a 1w2 I think. I would be grateful if he could come down to 82%. He imposes his perfectionism onto me and I'm like 53% LOL I say "If you want 100% I think maybe you should do it hehe

[@MexTexican]

Thank you. This is so thoughtful and helpful. Your presentation is a great mix of info and humor.

[@judithhambleton7097]

So so helpful and healing. I feel blessed by your words.

[@aliciaseptember]

So. I have a 7 wing. I’ve always said I have the hardest time going to a movie at a theater. I always explained it as feeling like I’m wasting my life sitting there when I could be doing so many other things. Ppl have always thought I’m crazy for this 😂

[@cwright821]

😂 I'm a 461 tri-type. I'm mentally exhausted. Any others out there?! Need a hug?! 🤗🤗🤗

[@shelleywinters6763]

I'm not sure I may be a 485, or 487. 🤗

[@Kristina-tp2it]

This is awesome!!

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the enthusiasm! I'm glad you think it's awesome too!

[@rebeccawoods4488]

Excellent, thank you!

[@twlahue]

Glad to help.

[@ANGEL-eh6pd]

Thank you.. Im a 2 7 9 and an extreme Christian too. When I was younger, my goal was to be a missionary and a nun. I took the name Theresa when I made my conformation, because I longed to be just like Mother Theresa. My guidance. Councelor talked me out of it saying, why would you want to waste my life, so I got married to my prom date, and prayed for my 2 sons, so I could be fruitful and multiple. Iam now putting the puzzle peices together ar 50+ now. Weird. I had a very emotionally neglectful and abusive up bringing, so I see things so much better now. I turned to God at 3, and Mary appeared to me at 8, and I never looked back, despite my family not believing me .

[@ANGEL-eh6pd]

My sons are 8 3 5 ENTJ, although he says ESTJ, and 5 9 4, INTP They are 31 and 28. I raised them by myself when my oldest was 10, after my x started doing drugs. Hes still really bad too. Sorry for too much tslking

[@marciaburgee9171]

HE DONT MISSSS

[@katehiggins1024]

I enjoy your work. One request: Can you put time stamps when you post videos that include all types?

[@mehmetbulut8325]

Thank you doctor we appreciate your input and you are amazing to have let me learn about myself 💓💓💖 I am a 4 but like the idea that maybe nothing is wrong with me is so hard to accept like even when I repeat it to myself I shake my head thinking how impossible that sounds. I don't mind being misunderstood, people who understand you understand you I'm not that much of a big deal. But I have to accept myself first which is the hard part and sometimes it's tiring but I know I'll always survive through my emotions. And I remind myself that they are just emotions, it helps. My emotions are like XXL man.

[@cheryrobertson2735]

Very interesting. You're the best!

[@twlahue]

Thanks! 😃

[@lizmujar3642]

Thanks so much Dr., this really helps me a lot. What you're doing is a great blessing. God bless you

[@sethl4122]

Shutting down always solved my problems

[@margaretjudice8944]

This sounds like an accurate description of 2.

[@daniellthornton4218]

I’m a 6 and I hear this a lot about dad but my dad was a happy predictable 5. My mom was the unpredictable one, an unhealthy 2, or maybe she was too predictable. Most days were filled with yelling and and listening to how we aren’t doing something good enough. I feel like maybe I started my devils advocate/fighting for the underdog because of this. I became very protective and defensive about my dad when my mom would start belittling him. But now that I think about it, he should’ve been getting protective and defensive when she was doing that to us.

[@deborahsaunders9477]

Powerful in its simplicity thank you!

[@shaneaverystarr]

"maybe what I already have is enough" 😅😂 I am an 8w7, and I haven't gotten to my type in the video yet, but this one hit hard. like, real hard. enough is never enough lol

[@melissagreene8584]

This is so truly helpful. Thank you!

[@-jamie-9896]

Thank you for this video =)

[@shelleywinters6763]

aww c'mon the 8 scenario is a koiashi merue! someone made a doctors appointment for me? what am I 12? who does that? I love these examples, I like the light hearted commentary, kinda see the funny side of it.

[@SuperNadsy]

As a 1 I have reached the point of good enough is good enough. But I see it as me giving up, not healing 😂 😂 😂

[@shelleywinters6763]

you're good enough would be 5,000 times better than mine, I promise you LOL I ditched perfectionism because it was making me procrastinate and not finish things or not even start things. I learned at uni, getting something in is better than no grade. I get what you mean though. But it's not failing it's lowering your standards a little to free you up to do fun stuff or relax or sleep, or start some other project you've been putting off, until this one is perfect. I dunno if that helps. My husband is a perfectionist, so maybe you could help me get through to him that it doesn't have to be perfect.

[@nursen2106]

there is a prayer of Theresa of Avila that she had written down, when she was older. I think, if one looks up a title in English, it must be called, Prayer for those growing older. it appeals to me resp. it flt so right in a moment, where I was in a deep crisis. I am sure, I am a five and the text of this prayer makes me think of Theresa of Avila of being a five too. granted, a very balanced person. somebody who understood deeply, what can heal her and how to interact in a healing way. a very humble five. but to me it seems like, she must have been. the prayer is a bit long but not too long. reading it, may take a minute. It would be nice, if you could look it up and maybe in one of the future videos, there could be the time and place to mention, if you thing so as well or if you would think of her of being a different type.

[@nursen2106]

In the meantime I have learned, I am a nine and I think, that is true. somebody said, you might be a very intelligent nine, but you are no five. :-) Still I stand by what I had written. Although this prayer can touch a lot of people in a different way, somehow, it seemed to be, she must have been a transformed five (or a nine, as I misunderstood the fives before . definitely a person, who reflects a lot ) or maybe I am totally wrong, and she a complete different type.

[@ido3374]

Amazing video, thank you so much ☺️

[@lisasimeone2620]

I have learned so much from watching your videos! Thank you!!! Iw2

[@vortiz5]

2 here- its really hard to hear that I am not needed but wanted... like....what the heeeck is that? I cannot compute :X

[@kathryn2334]

Really helpful. Thank you!

[@AeolethNionian]

But what if I have fun planning for the zombie apocalypse that will never happen?...

[@davidpapojr8531]

YOUR RIGHT

[@daganyachava1964]

I'm an 8w9 I think it's more that we hate being controlled. Not necessarily being defiant. But hell yes if you schedule stuff FOR me. I won't do it! You didn't discuss it with me, I wasn't involved, nope. Nope. Nope.

[@seekinghappy]

I really appreciate this. Thank you.

[@mares3841]

Thank you.

[@PhenioxRising]

As an 8 ... I dont know if its the need to be against or a desire to have our own independent freedom... not a need to be against.... I'm sure someone is going to disagree and say you're being against right now...lol control of our own environment and selves would be a better description for me vs a need to be against... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@mandyinseattle]

I agree. I'm an 8 and not against everybody or everything, but a lot of people sure are stupid, as Tom says we believe, and they could do things better lol

[@davart311]

so it sounds like 2t might be keen to turn into a proud codipendent .

[@melissaphillis7247]

My tritype, 9w1, 6w5, 2w1, had to do things perfectly or I'd be punished, have learned to finally say, "to me, thats good enough"....unpredictable parenting and absent Dad....but it was my Mum....did she smile as we waved out the window at her when she come down the drive....or did she ignore us. Thanks Tom, brilliant summary.

[@jamesdewane1642]

Is Poe's character in The Raven a 5?

[@nlehmer]

So I’m a Hulk version of Peter Pan. No wonder I can’t find a woman to deal with me.

[@beausweater]

I have a question. Can you be two enneagram types at once? I have 98% type 2 and 98% type 9 and I feel like both fit pretty well. I'm really confused..

[@twlahue]

Probably a 9. I would love for you to book an appointment so we can talk about it. www.tomlahue.com

[@andream9977]

I thought I was a type2 and scored high on 2. But after looking deeper into the numbers, I realized I am a 9 clear and through. Watch some of the 9 videos and see if you see yourself in it. 9’s are good at blending and assimilating to the people around them

[@etbedtalksAOH]

Subtypes?

[@beausweater]

@@etbedtalksAOH what do you mean exactly?

[@etbedtalksAOH]

Knowledge about subtypes under 2 or 9 helps to figure out the real type.

[@claudiapearson7534]

Thanks so much for this. I’m still confused as to whether I’m a nine or a six, both resonate..at first I thought I was a nine, but then realised a lot of patterns I have are kind of six like..any advice on how I might delve deeper and find my true type?

[@nancyvega1785]

Wow

[@dclaw294]

My girlfriend is a 2 and she literally watches the weather channel lol

[@davidpapojr8531]

lol YES

[@jonathanmorgan4480]

What do you mean by "Counter 7?" @ 28:48

[@RFblank]

It's one of the Type 7 subtypes, also known as the Social 7. He describes it in his video Enneagram: Subtypes of 7. (29:55)

[@evaeggen6928]

I think woman ate more emotional as type 5 than men. Men are more closed up in the steel container, aspecially must your father has been that..🤣 but the fear is real , and the drive to read and undertand things . But sometimes we just think to much and there isn't a recepy for everything, in their life either..

[@jeanaallison7236]

⚘

[@JuliaJayATOP]

Can you put in The 9 types into percentages of population and is it different culturally or generational or stable through history and say ie 70 % world is 567 only 2% 8 are around or 40% percent people are 9 s

[@twlahue]

Interesting idea.

[@patrarus6097]

Dr. Tom, Excellent as always. However, you said something puzzling IMO. Walt Disney, a 9? How could this be? I never met him. However, what I have read/heard/seen on KZbin was that he was highly ambitious and very controlling. Certainly not laid back! I would say that he was a 3 or perhaps an 8. Please set me straight. Thanks!

[@twlahue]

Watch my video, can 9's be good leaders.

[@patrarus6097]

@@twlahue Will do; thanks!

[@4imagesmore]

No. That zombie apolcalypse? It's coming :)

[@franziphia2380]

Maybe I can let my heart be touched. ( ⏸ ).... More deeply (intense look) Did he just say that? Just Like that? You sure know how to get an eight to listen. 😂

[@pikkulindaa]

Ok I did not like my message 😅 - enneagram 7 here

[@julia.no.X]

I want to iron your curtain so bad 😭. And I am not even a 1 or 2...I am a NINE!

[@abbysmith2754]

I think because it causes dissonance that we nines struggle with. And as a 9w1, I do a few things perfectly but completely ignore the chaos of the surroundings.

[@shelleywinters6763]

ROFL

[@rhondabryanthistlethwaite5351]

Yes! 😂😂😂

[@helenryan5217]

To my fellow commenters, I'd like to make a suggestion. Dr. LaHue is a Christian. If you find his videos to be helpful and want to express your appreciation, taking the name of Jesus in vain undecuts your message.

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

Pretty sure he is also an adult and can handle it...

[@kaitlynnunn2480]

I’ve thought the same thing!

[@keynekitten7090]

I'm not Christian myself but even I recognize that as rude (taking the lord's name in vain), some people don't stop to consider other people's feelings before they speak though. Not saying it's right, just contributing another perspective, it's possible they didn't even realize what they were saying may be construed as rude.

[@jessicaannewatson]

8 sounds scary lol

[@twlahue]

Take the leap!

[@rhondabryanthistlethwaite5351]

I think talking about 8s brings something deep/scary out in Dr. Lahue😉😂 Yes I’m an 8. My worst trigger is liars and manipulators. Most people think I’m kind and caring. ☺️