UNATTRACTIVE MEN'S REALITY?

[@ogcr2008]

My reality is very lonesome. I have a few friends, men and women alike, but I have given up on finding a partner. They all say they want a guy like me, just... not me. I've made my peace with it.

[@ziruiwang4806]

You should block the people who say that. They harbour bad intentions.

[@BlaqBeanz]

I guess you could change the type of person you go for

[@ACMR6297]

One day at a time... One day at a time...

[@Alexdad84]

I went 7 years without sex or a girlfriend. God was just preparing me for the love i would experience later. I needed time to grow and become better. Now i have a beautiful wife and a beautiful life

[@rossnation8092]

As an ugly fat man, not massive but definitely chunky. 5’ 10” 15.6 stone. I pushed all my friends or anyone who tried to care for me away with my depression and attempted to end my life three times sadly failed all attempts… may try again, I may not depends. It’s very lonely but I know I won’t hurt anyone with a mindless stress filled outburst as I hate confrontation or awkward situations. I’ve tried relationships where I was hurt by someone I really cared about then I hurt some who cared about me. I never forgave myself or forgot the hurt I caused/felt. I can’t do that to anyone else again. I’ve heard I want someone like you but not you as you’re like a brother to me so often now I just assume that’s all I’ll be. Due to being ugly I know if I attempt to speak to any Bonnie lass I’ll just get labelled a creep so I just stay away to avoid the soul crushing tongue lashing I’ll get while being rejected. I know I’ve so far I’ve painted me in a negative light but on the inside I’m not a ‘bad’ person. I have a good sense of humour, try my hardest to put overs before me and I’m a caring person. I just don’t have any self worth anymore due to my dark side.

[@phillyjones3028]

I got bills to pay, an ADHD brain to accommodate while balancing goal making with procrastination i never meant to do, and a strong spiritual mindset thanks to wonderful people I met and [with one person] try to maintain. I appreciate myself for not rushing to a relationship and family if the world outside is corrupt and unlawful for men like me, anyway. Im trying to control my life more, and not letting others criticize me easily. Ill find my way. While they claim its easier than I think, i think it's a million times harder with this mindset im in. If youre gonna scoff at me for not trying, imagine getting that "I TOLD YOU SO, YOU SHOULDVE DONE THIS SOONER" comments when I do. Its discouraging both ways, until I find a reason to do so. But when I do, ill keep my mouth shut. It aint worth celebrating cuz it would mean celebrating YOU, not ME achieving the "normal" goals. Anyway, im gonna get back to my 9-5 and play my games, where I earn my cash and my peace, to pay my bills and take life, a step at a time.

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

these stories and comments here show more than anything that people, men and women alike, constantly conflate looks and attraction when it comes to men. Women will go on about how their man is "not conventionally attactive" and then list a bunch of masculine traits which most women consider attractive. At this point i cannot help but wonder if most women are unaware of their own attraction triggers.

[@LmaoMoni]

People think my partner is ugly. Like ugly enough to people will to my face tell me “your boyfriend looks like a Neanderthal or a cave man”. Personally I just don’t see it. Or maybe I do and it’s what I find personally attractive. I like that he’s short and stocky. I like his prominent forehead, hairy body and giant hands. From what i understand we’re all looking at the same person but where they find him physically unattractive he just makes me melt. When i look at him I hear his voice, despite looking hyper masculine he has a soft a feminine voice. When I look at him I can feel the touch of his skin, the way he smells. He is my home. He could be disfigured or alter his appearance but he will always look like home to me.

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

could it be that you, as well as most people which say these things about your boyfriend, define beauty or attractiveness by standards of feminine or androgynous beauty? Your man seems to be plenty masculine, and to my knowledge, masculinity is attractive to most women. Consequently, he is not pretty as compared with women or k-pop models, but attractive as measured by standards of male attractiveness.

[@LmaoMoni]

@ I’m not really sure. I’ve been told myself I am quite masculine and “act like a guy” so maybe it’s that I view him the way a gay man would. Perhaps I’m viewing him in a way straight women and men cannot perceive

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

@LmaoMoni huh, so most other women also consider him not only ugly but unattractive? curious. Regarding your explanation, what makes you think your perception of your bf and what you consider attractive is shaped by how others perceive you, or by how traditionally feminine or mascule you behave?

[@LmaoMoni]

@ I’m trying to think of how to say this without being mobbed. I would call myself unconventionally attractive physically. I mean unconventionally as I fit into the current beauty standard however I wouldn’t consider myself universally attractive. As such I feel there is a certain expectation put on myself in terms of how I should act, be interested in or who I should be with. However despite how I look or am perceived I have masculine traits which become obvious after a singular conversation. While I have some feminine interests most fall into interests that would be had by a stereotypical autistic male. I am very direct and unemotional in how I speak, think and interact with people which I’ve been told is off putting. Regardless that doesn’t change that due to my appearance I am perceived as a certain type of woman and held to certain standards. My partner I think doesn’t live up to others expectations of who an attractive woman should be with. I found him on the streets so to speak. We were coworkers but for the first year we did not speak. Not due to lack of attraction but simply because people who had worked with him longer told me to avoid him and that he doesn’t like to talk to people.(I learned later that this was an attempt to get him out of the running for my affection) However over time it became noticeable he was losing weight and rarely was able to shower. After finally having a conversation with him it became obvious he was a reasonable person and due to that fact, him not showering and eating had to mean something was wrong. Indeed something was wrong. I won’t go into detail but bro was living in motels/on the streets and due to the cost of that couldn’t afford food. Originally I simply fed him and had no interest in dating (I was going through stuff as well and did not want to add to his mental load) however we got alone surprisingly well and still do to this day. I guess my point is that because I am perceived as a currently attractive woman being with a (formally) homeless, broke, unattractive, short, stocky man is see as abnormal therefore see it as their duty to correct a perceived wrong. Honestly though it doesn’t matter, we would rather be with each other than satisfy the standards of people we do not care about.

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

@LmaoMoni thanks for sharing! I wish both of you the best.

[@Mgtowhonesty]

pretty good actually. good job, made more moves in 6 months than i was able to in decades preceding it. smart men, ugly or not, stay single. women offer nothing and demand everything

[@Ohem1]

Everyone says have confidence, I don’t look down on myself I just have no reason to go around aiming that chin high.

[@michaelnilio6746]

Ive been single for since 2017 and I'm 28 years old. If my memory serves me correctly, the last time I've been asked out or someone thinking i was cute was in 2018.

[@erege09]

You accept yourself and do your life as enjoyable as you can.

[@chaoticinkinc.3145]

WTF does TIE mean? Can we speak plain English please?

[@standarsh8056]

ai garbage