Uncle Gene's Class Action Park | Castle Super Beast Clips

[@TomboTime]

Being kicked out of 80s Wall Street for fraud is like being kicked out of hell because Satan thought you were too fucked up

[@BTM8109]

Tryin to make the mother of all theme parks here, Jack.

[@LightningZerker]

Can't fret over every broken bone!

[@bigbrowski410]

Not when you’re “controlling the action” right? What would you know about action

[@mortimerwake2974]

You weren't dropped 50 feet to the ground from a water slide park. You've never broken your spine. You don't know what it's like to barely survive driving drunk on the highway in a rewired go kart at 60mph at the age of 13

[@shadowrath2532]

But you did survive! Through sheer force of will, following your own ideology of fun, with your own two hands, you dominated the park!

[@cobra29935]

And now, I'll dominant yours.

[@BigM33100]

Uncle Gene’s ‘Engineer’ Oath: “Fuck ‘dem kids.”

[@ruikirisame1744]

he legit went "fuck around and find out. test your luck, kid"

[@Kinzokugia]

"Hey guys, I saw this movie over the weekend and it gave me ideas for the new ride. Ever seen 'Watership Down?'"

[@mortimerwake2974]

I thought that was the Bishop's Oath?

[@charleswisconsin9196]

@@mortimerwake2974 you're the first person to ever make that kind of joke.

[@mortimerwake2974]

@@charleswisconsin9196 I think it bears reuse

[@TwenteeEight]

I remember hearing about Action Park as an adult, and thinking “how could anyone go there? Especially with this rep?” I suddenly remembered when I busted my lip on a water slide at a shitty water park as a kid. Turns out Action Park eventually turned into Mountain Creek Waterpark. And I went. And I got hurt lmao

[@alcaz2924]

Yeah the only thing I don't like the documentary was how they were saying it was only dangerous in the 80's and 90's but i went in the early 2000's and got a concussion, almost died multiple times, once on a slide the water pressure was way too high so i was almost getting thrown out of the tube so i sacrificed my hand and arm skin to slow down, that wasn't fun. The colorado river ride was still crazy dangerous, the wave pool was still a death trap. it's crazy.

[@IronicHavoc]

@@alcaz2924 2000s was bad too just not quite as extreme or well documented

[@music79075]

Wait really??

[@music79075]

@@alcaz2924 when you say sacrifice... did you lose them?

[@alcaz2924]

@@music79075 "sacrificed my hand and arm skin" yeah I lost a few layers of skin. had to go to the first aid tent.

[@vistea1]

"Woolie, have you ever heard the engineer ritual?" "No, but I've heard of OSHA." That blunt response from Woolie had me crackling out loud for a good few seconds.

[@Radicalweegee]

I was at work when i heard that part and some co workers heard my snort laugh from down the hall ... it was only a single second of ugly laughter but it was kinda funny in hindsight

[@BTM8109]

The machine spirit must be appeased

[@kylekillgannon]

Woolie acting like he's ever been remotely close to a job where he could see OSHA slacking

[@tarfielarchelone2674]

@@kylekillgannon I'm something of an engineer myself... watched my coworker balance a 16ft ladder on a plank across two pipes so that he could change a ballast with the power still on.... 4 days after our osha training lol

[@charleswisconsin9196]

i've heard of NASA, but i don't think anyone should trust me to get somebody to space.

[@ClasticOne]

I thought this was a game at first and was like "oh, so basically roller coaster tycoon". The dawning realization that this was an actual real physical location was a surreal experience.

[@MajorCrafter]

When I saw the title I thought Google was trying to sue Gene Park over his review of Stadia and it being responsible for poor financial sales

[@williejones6446]

Your comment is killing me with the thought. I cant stop laughing.

[@iller3]

I grew up in the 80's... this was actually completely believable. We had an "Alpine Park" much like this where I lived. Even Toys from the 70's and 80's were rife with Darwin awards, ya'll missed a real "Character Building" era

[@Jacrispy223]

Class action part of the title made sense then i bet

[@SixArmedSweater]

You can get away with a lot with Mob protection.

[@NinjaxShadowXx]

Heihachi would have thrown Kazuya into Action Park instead of a cliff and if he survived then he would be proud

[@cerdgold225]

Yeah, I think Kazuya would rather face the cliff instead

[@tailedgates9]

Nah man, Class Action Park is just Heihachi Land. XD

[@KnightLineArtYT]

@@tailedgates9 "What do you mean bears and Kangaroos make for bad employees" - Heihachi

[@tailedgates9]

@@KnightLineArtYT Kuma would totally be the best employee there. Lol

[@goodninji8]

Tekken 10 Amusement Armageddon

[@theotherjared9824]

I love how Woolie keeps calling him "Uncle Gene" like he earned Woolie's respect and the honorific is his crown.

[@Mr.Faust3]

It was what the employees called him

[@PatchtheReaper99]

Well yeah. Woolie had to work hard to kill one guy on the football field. Gene was practically getting paid to put kids in the dirt

[@fernandozavaletabustos205]

Oji-Sama!

[@Hamun002]

In America, our most respected people are conmen. So yes, Woolie has a respect. its a respect borne out of fear and awe

[@gingermcgingin4106]

@Hamun002 But Woolie's Canadian (unless he lied about that too)

[@IndoorSitup]

Man, the Defunctland video really only scratched the surface of how insane this shit was.

[@Ganmorg]

Yeah, makes me wish he’d redo the video in his modern long-form style. I wanna see fastpass levels of detail

[@Pak_Industrial]

@@Ganmorg fastpass video was great. But honestly with the documentary I'm not sure if defunctland feels the need to redo it.

[@TheAtlasReview]

Woolie did a great job as a hype man for what is essentially a theme park that has been taken over by the Joker.

[@flightgravity7483]

The most shocking part of the documentary for me outside of the gross negligence in the aftermath of the park’s first death was the part about the wave pool. They said the water was an absolute murky concoction of suntan lotion, human waste, run off from an adjacent muddy hill, and gore from people’s wounds. Just a chaos soup.

[@IndoorSitup]

dross

[@kapkant6197]

Doom: Eternal (2020) Super Gore Nest

[@kaijuultimax9407]

The origin of scarlet rot

[@morbidabyss12]

Remnants of blightcon2021

[@flightgravity7483]

@@kaijuultimax9407 Action Park: The Caelid of amusement parks.

[@Gespenst38]

The sheer level of lethality from these rides and attractions sounds like this park came from Super Jail.

[@anachronologist2017]

Y E S

[@ElectricGears]

An important note about that "non-descript" iron ring Pat mentioned is that it's made from a piece of metal that was pulled from collapsed structure that killed people. This might be apocryphal, but it is a story that is commonly told about the iron ring. If I was in charge it defiantly wouldn't be, and I would be sure to find the exact beam that was undersized and use that one.

[@nineballmk2]

it came from a bridge in minnesota

[@Tyberes]

I like how quickly we gloss over "yea there was a bang shack"

[@trustypatches4042]

Id be more surprised if you told me about an amusement park staffed exclusively by teenagers with no supervision and they didn't have somewhere that they go to have sex and smoke weed

[@FirstGameFreak1000]

BANK shack, if you've worked in parks you know that this is where money is counted and handled.

[@Samuel-yf6pl]

Is there ANYTHING more enjoyable than a CSB segment talking about some insane piece of media where one of the two doesn't know it and we get to react to the insanity along with them as it's explained? Absolute joy. Helps that they're both incredible storytellers

[@sean-michaelmallard4956]

This and the fyre fest one are probably my favorites

[@Feoral]

Only thing better is the look on Woolie's face when some famous person goes hyper-racist to the point of absurdity and obliterates their career. Its such a mirthful look.

[@Ironman1o1]

Uncle Gene was super upset they coudn't finish the Live ammo tag arena before it got shut down.

[@DoctorHomicide]

It’s a shame that Woolie didn’t mention that the Park had so many accidents they had permeant ambulances on standby to to rush those who got hurt straight to the hospital

[@Shnibbledacat]

If Cave Johnson owns an amusement park instead of a science lab

[@francescolombardi3438]

no lemons can save you from the action in this park

[@goopyman2865]

Gotta clear the mantis men out of the water slide

[@saddlegoose]

Uncle Gene's son did a Reddit AMA a couple years ago, and I'm not sure I've ever seen a more stunning case of rose-tinted glasses than that comment section.

[@kekula69]

"uhmmm acshually i never got hurt so what's the problem??????? maybe those kids should've just not died?????"

[@nukeninmgt1504]

It's a lot of "kids don't know what it's like to drink from the hose" types

[@reco5able]

Action park feels like one second away from creating a war crime

[@zhentable]

Remember legally it's not a war crime if you do it to your own people

[@Xetan123]

Real life itchy and scratchy land.

[@sailorshark3334]

They’re putting heavy water in the wave pool

[@ffffffffROTHY]

Their slogan wasn't wrong, 'There's nothing in the world like Action Park'

[@abbywilberg1087]

Loving pat's sheer childlike glee at every new detail about uncle gene and the park. No wonder his favorite disco character is everart

[@Flitterquest]

Jersey boy here, my Mama and my Stepfather both have been to Action Park at different times in their lives and they both said it was "okay" which has always kinda contextualized this deathcult of a themepark, y'know just because it'll kill you doesn't mean it'll be fun and thrilling, not only was it dangerous and it could kill you, it also kinda sucked.

[@inferno232]

To those interested, there's also a podcast called 'Behind the Bastards" which did a full episode on Action Park. It's not as long or detailed as a full special but it gets into the dirt on a lot of this. A fun detail that Woolie didn't mention: one of the draws of Action Park's rides was, to Uncle Gene, the fact that some, like the Tarzan Swing, would cause young women and girls to lose their tops on the way down. It's a fucking miracle this man's body count didn't soar into the double digits.

[@felixdaniels37]

It probably DID, and we just never heard about it. The current body count was just the shit Gene couldn't cover up.

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

"All da Boyz will come to see da girls loose their tops, this is a great plan!"

[@StoryTaylor43]

Class action park sounds like the island that Pinocchio went to that turned the misbehaving boys into jackasses.

[@chazzwozzio]

Pleasure island? It's a cigar vendor and smash room away from it

[@crimsondynamo615]

@@chazzwozziouncle Gene couldn’t afford a guy who sounded like Popeye to give cigars to kids

[@posteriorpepperoni]

Uncle Gene sounds like the Senator Armstrong of theme parks Edit: oh my god, the cattle prod story,at this point he may as well start putting kids' brains into the waterslides

[@GELTONZ]

I'M MAKING THE MOTHER OF ALL WATERSLIDES HERE, JACK! CAN'T FRET OVER EVERY LAWSUIT!

[@lexofexcel886]

Now we need Gianni to dub a commercial.

[@theotherjared9824]

Literally "Fuck all these limp dick lawyers and chicken shit bureaucrats!"

[@Gettles]

I think the cattle prod story is when it flips into It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I can just see Mac and Charlie concocting that exact scenario

[@posteriorpepperoni]

@@Gettles absolutely,and then the cattle prod actually worked but Charlie didn't even feel it so they accidentally shock a guy

[@pearvsorange]

My father has actually been to this park! We watched the documentary together and he explained to me every ride that he's been on. He explained how TERRIBLE and funny the whole experience was

[@DR3ADER1]

The most comical part about the CFS (Again, it abbreviates to "Can't Fucking Swim" because the lifeguards were young drunkards) Mark of Shaming is that Action Park's main draws were low-income youths and families of varying European ancestries (mainly German and Polish as Action Park would promote Oktoberfests and Polish Festivals, which would exacerbate the alcohol problems within the staff and visitor circles) who live in an area of New Jersey that was several kilometres away from the coastline and any safe lakes, or in Geographic terms: Northern Appalachia. Meaning that they never had the chance to learn, let alone afford any lessons in the basic acts of swimming and NOT panicking when submerged in cold water.

[@silentjesterxvbz]

As someone who has a family that directly delt in the carnie business for 8 years of my own personal life. Action park SOUNDS like the kind of place that the local ride companies we traveled with from fairground to fairground would avoid.

[@Argascend]

action park is what if the child annihilating zipline thought that child annihilation was a good level of safety

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

_They can't get hurt if they're dead!_

[@Teradyne87]

Action Park was an episode of Ed Edd & Eddy made real.

[@Daniel_Lancelin]

Holy shit, Uncle Gene is actually just Eddy now that you mention it.

[@kattastic9999]

An article came out recently about a ride Gene decided to not go with after testing revealed it to be too dangerous. And I want you to think about that for a second.

[@kharyrobertson3579]

So basically, what if Joe exotic loved roller coasters more than he loved tigers?

[@disk3001]

God this is one of those examples of "truth is way stranger than fiction" Sounds like something out of a "final stage of capitalism" satire(i.e. Outer Worlds) only somehow way crazier

[@eggbreakerdotexe]

Like we're not nearing that point anyway.

[@jasonwalker4003]

Because in satire it's made up people who only exist to be victims. This is real people, most of them are still alive today. Most of them.

[@charleswisconsin9196]

@@eggbreakerdotexe oh boy, one of you types. oh the world is so bad, this is the worst time to be alive, the world's about to end. like you types haven't been saying that since we invented the wheel. tell me more about how newspapers are corrupting the youth. because people really said that. i was there. im 4000 years old. don't test me.

[@Xetan123]

I immediately thought of Nuka World or the Amusement Park in New Vegas.

[@tokiwartooth9935]

Not even an 80's movie, this whole story unironically sounds like the plot to an early-mid 00's anti-establishment slacker comedy film where a pair of college drop outs are given free reign to manage a theme park and somehow portrayed to be the "good guys" up against a stuffy entrenched legitimate rival park and regulators. It could star Justin Long and Jonah Hill, maybe the actor who played McLovin in Superbad as some sort of clearly underaged worker that they're paying under the table. Guest appearances by Johnny Knoxville or Tom Green.

[@centuronstar8688]

I've never heard of this place until now. The water rides and pools sound like absolute nightmares as someone who worked as a Lifeguard for 6 years. The major thing that was instilled into us with Lifeguard Training was taking preventive measures to ensure that any possible bad things that could happen will not happen. Even seemingly small things like someone running near the pool is something that should be taken seriously and should be stopped as soon as you see it.

[@PS1-Hagrid]

Action Park truly is something ripped out of Springfield.

[@franzhopper7631]

Craziest part is that the deaths and injuries only enticed people to go there more

[@BigSisterNeko]

thrill seekers

[@charleswisconsin9196]

"i survived Action Park and all i got was this lousy T-shirt. and a severed arm"

[@cobra29935]

I remember this Denis Leary bit where recounts how the sales of viagra went up when "death" was put on the bottle as one of the possible symptoms.

[@Mr.Faust3]

Uncle gene would probably use a behelit for the ultimate action park

[@DocDelray]

Action Park could only ever exist in the 80's. The decade of zero fucks given.

[@thatguy3332]

It was the best decade of my life

[@DocDelray]

@@thatguy3332 I wish I had been there for more than half of it

[@effluviah7544]

Oh, shit, you're gonna talk about Traction Park, which was my family's preferred name for it? HELL YEAH. Who wants to hear some stories about wildly unregulated half-assed dangerous rural parks in the North Eastern United States? Because I've seen some shit. Spoilers, Traction Park just got the spotlight. There's a good few of these local parks that still exist, and absolutely should not. Some are wonderful and glorious, and should be kept open forever as the last bastions of human joy in this miserable world. For example, Conneaut Lake Park. Got slapped in the head on my way into the haunted house, and I fucking loved it. I love those people, and their frightening wooden rollercoaster. Visit this park if you live in the area, please. It's genuinely the best ever. I will defend this park forever, I'm serious. It's incredibly fun and the vibe is simultaneously borderline haunted yet extremely chill and a pleasant, fun experience. It's probably like, a little haunted. But they have a haunted house so it's fine, it's like, Scooby Doo level haunted, not like, Guillermo del Toro film level haunted. 10/10 local park. Most rural/lesser known local parks, however, are genuinely terrifying. Oh god. Lemme just say: Waterparks. It's always the fucking waterparks. EDIT: If it's located in Appalachia, there is a 70% chance you'll die. If you don't die, you will get hurt, or you will witness some kind of incident. Otherwise, kinda pleasant. But only if you like watching people get arrested on drunk and disorderly charges in front of their kids or someone else's kids. See: Anything that occurs along the rapids in Tennessee, which is almost solely "monitored" (it's not monitored lol) by local tourist attraction companies. I got fucked up last time I went to the rapids, and I used to be a lifeguard. I'm telling you, shit's dangerous, but nobody cares because fuck it, it's like a lazy river! Which breaks out into dangerous rapids here and there, but like, it's fine. Follow the map! Which you can't do because there's no signage, and if you're a weak swimmer there is a non-zero chance you'll get pulled into far more dangerous areas than you intended, unless some tour guide or whatever happens to be there to save your ass. Enter the river, roll the die. Hell yeah, rural entertainment.

[@AspiringDevil]

Yes sir I love those stories and those parks. I was confused when Woolie mentioned the fish and snakes because I had remind myself they're Canadian yuppies. In the Appalachian mountains I'm usually happy to see black snakes in the water, they keep the cotton mouths away. I wish we had Salmon in the one I used to go to. Unlike cat fish and hellbenders, Salmon rarely try to eat a children.

[@anachronologist2017]

Thanks for the tip. Conneaut Lake Park just got added to my bucket list

[@effluviah7544]

@@AspiringDevil The snakes are pretty common, yeah. A little further south (like TN and below, East Coast) you also sometimes get Racer snakes hanging around, although I personally almost got killed by a Coral Snake once and there were also tons of Rattlesnakes in the same area, so it's a mixed bag. Fully agree that anything that keeps Cottonmouths away is always a bonus. Salmon are also totally fine, might be a little bigger than some people realise so that might freak some people out, but I vastly prefer them to the Tarpon fish that used to kill like five people a year across certain Southern entertainment locations...

[@effluviah7544]

@@anachronologist2017 No worries, you'll have a great time! I love that park. It very rarely has many visitors, so waiting times for anything tend to be pretty short, with the terrifying wooden rollercoaster being one of the only things you might have to wait for at all-- Even then, very little time is spent waiting around, and you have lots of other local stuff to do in the area so it's no problem if you get through all of what you want to do/ride there in one day. The nearby lake is a great place to hang out, walk around, enjoy that a bit if weather allows, and there's a legit home owned custard/ice cream place nearby which has maybe the best fucking custard I've ever had in my life. Highly recommend asking someone for directions if you want to check it out, it kicks ass and makes for a great snack towards the end of a day. It's not too far so you're still in proximity to everything, so it's worth grabbing some custard there and then going ahead with whatever else you might want to do. The lack of visitors and relatively minimal staff at the park lends to a really relaxed and fun, almost exploratory vibe (it has a very Scooby Doo energy to it), and it also means the staff that IS there can have fun too, which creates a really nice and friendly environment as the staff aren't constantly having to rush all the time. I found every staff member I interacted with to be genuinely chill and professional, did a better job at checking ride safety bars/etc. than several of the larger parks I've been to, and are willing to really engage with visitors and make it a good time. I'm sure some people would think of it as a run down park with a single major attraction ride (the wooden coaster), but I'm serious, I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed the experience and I even went back a couple more times while I was in the area purely because it was a truly unique local park which manages to feel both haunted and very friendly, perfect for a new experience for park enthusiasts who want something very different from the usual "big budget large park" vibe, as well as casual theme park visitors who might just go to a park every once in a while or once every couple years. The nearby hotel area is also very nice, and there is a historic hotel/lodge nearby which I heard from multiple people was a very lovely place to stay, so I haven't been there myself but it was highly recommended by others who were actively staying there at the time. Best time to visit is spring or early autumn in my experience, obviously summer is the higher volume visitor period but honestly it still doesn't get all that packed, so if summer peak time is the only time you might have to visit, I'd say that would still be a fairly enjoyable experience in all likelihood. I think part of the charm is how few people are there, so autumn is when it's emptiest and at it's most Scooby Doo, if that's the type of vibe you're looking for. I fucking love this park, the staff, location, rides, and overall experience are all fun as hell, and I really hope you get to check it out someday!

[@AspiringDevil]

@@effluviah7544Jesus yeah Tarpon are terrible. We got Rattlers in my areas too at least give you heads up unlike other threats. Everybody understands why alligator snapping turtles are dangerous but the soft shell turtle is often overlooked but they are more common in my area and way more aggressive. They are the blight of fishermen everywhere. TLDR mothet nature is psycho bitch who some how gets good press.

[@manticorephoenix]

Makes ya almost feel sorry for people who live in Joysee, for a reason other than they already living in Joysee

[@patanu]

To quote the trailer "No one should be the SECOND person, to die in a wave pool"

[@rickdaniel7341]

glad to know “Blackjack And Hookers” still gets play

[@ngmajora6986]

Is this THE Action Park, fucking Lazy River filled with Water Moccasins Action Park? Also the decapitation thing was Schlitterbahn IIRC a different water park

[@jamesleung2450]

I grew up in northern NJ in the 80’s and 90’s, I count myself lucky for only getting road rash on my forearms and shins after flying off the alpine slide

[@djdexcat]

I'm always reminded of those "Roller Coaster Tycoon Death Parks" people would inevitably make.

[@lexofexcel886]

You just know that they would have tried to make Mister Bone's Endless Ride.

[@FuryXDMGS]

Well at least in ThrillVille everyone gets free parachutes and grappling hooks when they pay their roller coaster tickets

[@tarfielarchelone2674]

My favorite part of the documentary is Donald Trump saying it sounds like a good idea going to see for himself and just noping the fuck out. (Also watched this with my mom and she reminded me that I tried to go at 6 and she had to follow my friends dads car because I lied about what park we were going to)

[@orangelazarus86]

New Jersian here. Can confirm, Action Park is 100% a Jersey story.

[@Gettles]

I went there maybe a year before it closed. Even at 9, I remember thinking that it had an oddly strong wave pool. The other thing I clearly remember is when we were leaving we passed over the exit of the Colorado River Ride and there was some bald back dude getting off with a massive welt on his head.

[@shinrahunter]

I actually paused this video half way through to go watch Class Action Park, I was not disappointed. I have to say that as a child of the 80's, Colorado river rapids looks hella fun.

[@fenix0seraph]

I wasn't paying attention to the first parts of this convo so I thought the boys were talking about Gene Park making a park at first.

[@mrwri]

Sir, I don't use the word "hero" often, but you are the greatest hero in American History.

[@jacobp7037]

OK but that oath is some 40k shit

[@Deepdarkbasement]

It’s funny how at the end when they were talking about traveling carnivals… Action Park just sounded like a Stationary Traveling Carnival

[@SwagBroPlays]

Uncle Gene is just on that Sigma Male grindset XD "Making the mother of all Theme Parks OSHA, can't worry over a few eggs."

[@tarfielarchelone2674]

Osha- eggs? Gene- children keep up

[@TheFlamingDoh2]

I watched the documentary and HOO BOY. It does not shy away from the fact that people died. Woolie made it sound way more fun.

[@MadForHatters]

Action Park is so unreal it sounds like an urban legend. I was shocked when every single story about the place wound up being true.

[@thestic6349]

These days the park would be called Libertarian Wonderland.

[@Phos9]

The go karts weren't karts, they were basically tiny actual race cars. They had suspension and downforce and actual differentials. They were actually up for auction a few years back.

[@Crembaw]

There really is nothing in the world like Action Park.

[@joedatius]

probably for a good reason lmao

[@powerfist1340]

I would like to note, The cartoon Megas XLR might in fact have been too kind to Jersey.

[@patchthelad]

You decide your cash settlement at Class Action Park

[@RandgrisAlmark]

I have vivid flashbacks of a scene from King of the Hill. Lucky and Dale are fucking around and Lucky hurts his back. So Dale goes to call his insurance and the second phone rings next to him. Always made me laugh but holy shit it's real.

[@haski002]

I can definitely recommend the Defunctland video, in case you don't want to bother with HBO or just want a quicker overview of the crazy shit that went down.

[@KeroKaminaX]

When woolie first described this on stream I thought he was talking about some new RollerCoaster Tycoon indie game

[@BigFingerRo]

I wonder how much this could be related to those bugs in The New World, and how someone said "yeah this is the future of games, where the bugs _are_ the content!". What if this is Uncle Gene's dream? To create a place where the thrill is that you might actually die, as opposed to other parks where you get _safely_ dropped from tall heights and whatnot, so you're never in any real danger (at least in most instances). Traction Park is _trve freedom_ . I wouldn't be surprised in the least to hear there were plans for a ring for just straight up gladiatorial combat. Or maybe a brothel somehow merged with a water slide.

[@Champiness]

About that: “The Gladiator Challenge attraction, loosely based on the television series ‘American Gladiators’, opened in 1992. It allowed guests to compete against other guests in an obstacle course and against park-employed ‘Gladiators’ in jousting matches. Former bodybuilders Michael and Vince Mancuso designed the attraction, and the employees that guests would compete against in the jousting matches were found by scouting local gyms. The matches could lead to real violence. On one occasion, a guest who felt the gladiator he contended against had been too rough, striking him frequently on the head with the padded end of his pugil stick, returned to the attraction with some of his friends in an effort to exact retribution. The gladiator called in support of his own, and eventually a brawl involving several dozen people broke out. The Vernon police had to be called in to restore order.”

[@BigFingerRo]

@@Champiness I can't describe to you the weird joy that I felt reading this. I fucking reached Nirvana. So I wasn't wrong, then. Uncle Gene just wanted Return to Monke Land. All that needs for full on licentiousness-heaven, final stage capitalism is to allow people to get sponsorships and have the gladiators go "THOSE OF US ABOUT TO DIE SALUTE NORDVPN!" or some shit like that. WILD shit. Please, for the love of god, tell me I wasn't far off the mark with the brothel-slide.

[@Champiness]

@@BigFingerRo I mean there was the Designated Teenager Bang Shack but I don’t think there were any attempts to gamify that during the park’s lifetime unfortunately

[@Cthululululu]

@@BigFingerRo Fucking -Imagine-. Gladiatorial Deathmatches with corporate sponsors

[@BigFingerRo]

@@Cthululululu If the thing that represented wasn't so inmensely soul-wrenching, it'd be the sickest shit ever. Get some good designs on those armors, place the logos in a not cringe-inducing location, bingo bango bongo, you have a sport!

[@luciendolo6604]

Dude Action Park was the best! Always had a blast going there as a kid! The kind of fun you can only have with zero concern for safety or sanity!

[@thehand7902]

If anyone ever goes to the Wisconsin Dells I have only two words for you. Wizard. Quest. You'll understand when you get there.

[@bplup6419]

Went to Action Park when I was wee baby with my older brother. He broke his leg. Great time.

[@Mr.Faust3]

Action park sounds balls to the walls sick and something that would absolutely be a thing in the United States

[@sickmondo2333]

This is my childhood home town. Literally 5 minutes away from Mountain Creek/Action park. Love that everyone is finding out about the madness 👌

[@Jgt612]

Seeing Pat’s new location is *jarring* especially given how bright it is.

[@Ophidia_Lore]

Resident of Jersey here, yeap. We tell legends of it and lots of us youngins that didn't get to go want it to return. We are a garbage state of garbage people, and we like it that way

[@powerprotoman]

i think woolie would love the channel defunct land its full of stories on rides and amusement parks and is where i first heard about action park its also home of everyones favorite game "will i get jump scared by Michael Eisner"

[@djdexcat]

The answer is always "yes", no matter how confident you are that he has nothing to do with the video subject.

[@danherondraws]

I love Pat's enlightment on this whole trainwreck of a journey. Man, this was an amazing shitshow! XD

[@nervmeister]

The website, Cracked first introduced me to this -human sacrifice citadel- "amusement park".

[@Porterhaus94]

This waterpark has the same energy as the 1986 film "Class of Nuke 'Em High"

[@tripps3631]

Recently went to a 'Spring Fling' carnival in my city. They had some headass that shot himself out of a cannon.

[@PoisonInc]

The last bit about a kids head being kicked off is real; it was a Batman ride.

[@Jhylla81]

Seeing the title half awake I had the mental image of Gene Park making a dangerous theme park through the whole video.

[@Sergei_Nohomo]

I have heard Action park come up is various different podcast, videos and people from different genres games to cooking. And everytime it is a joy to hear people find out about Action Park and it's long ass lists of crimes and negligent staffing practices.

[@Comkill117]

Uncle Gene went and made his Rollercoaster Tycoon park irl. What a legend.

[@thundergaming155]

Uncle Gene Litterly said screw the rules I have money and opened a park without a care in the world.

[@ghouliethousandtrouser2905]

Natural Selection Park. Every city should have one.

[@opossum_elysium]

Theme parks are indeed fuckin scary, you don't even have to be in the 80s for that. Growing up in the 2000s, I got a concussion in a similar looping waterslide that was poorly maintained and staffed, and I can recall multiple times I nearly died in a wave pool. Some from the waves, some from an adult standing on me unknowingly, and one from older teens literally attempting to drown me as they dominated the floating raft in the middle of the pool. It's kinda fuckin insane the shit the dangerous shit theme parks have always and still can get away with.

[@chakatBombshell]

I enjoy that this story has left Pat smiling the whole time from how purposely insane Action Park was.

[@SaraBanartist]

I've heard legend of this place growing up since I wasn't too far from Vernon. My folks went to this place in the 80s and apparently the stories are all 100% true. I went when I was a kid and it was called Mountain Creek, not knowing until YEARS later that the parks were one in the same. That Tarzan Swing was cold as hell.

[@kormael]

I’m getting real Cave Johnson/Aperture science vibes

[@ValleDelSergio]

The Defunctland video about Action Park is great

[@Spacialvekter]

I knew a bit about Action Park from the Defunctland episode, but this got me to actually go watch the documentary. Good stuff. Lots more going on than I expected.

[@NoPantsBaby]

That park sounds like the best time a kid could ever have. Missing teeth? I'll grow new ones!

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

Damn, I was waiting for Woolie to namedrop Defunctland. AHAHA, PAT SOLVED THIS. THANK YOU, PAT.

[@nico6143]

This sounds like an AnCap nightmare. Good fucking god

[@ColeVecsion]

Hmmm ok, I'm getting vague memories of this, i was a kid in the 80s from new york, i either knew people who went there or heard about it from somewhere, this is bringing up ancient memories the more I'm hearing it, very weird experience

[@SquirlNutssss]

Uncle Gene playin Rollercoaster tycoon IRL

[@justinhearst]

Man I'm really surprised you're just finding out about action Park

[@TMcKeon408]

The crazy part is that the park bought the town a new ambulance to help keep up with the people getting hurt.

[@sugar1905]

If you want to learn about another litigious nightmare regarding a water slide that decapitated a child: Look into Schlitterbahn Kansas City and the Verruckt water slide.

[@anachronologist2017]

I actually went to Action Park as a small child. I had to be 6 or 7 at the time. My father loved the go karts, and I remember riding with him once, It's one of the few genuinely good childhood memories too so it's extra special. Action Park was certainly a place and product of the late 80's Americana. I was lucky enough to grow up relatively close to it.