Understanding Alexithymia - Why Autistic People Can Appear Emotionless

[@SailingABSea]

Fantastic... That I have found this explanation... I'm 61 and finally my world makes sense... I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much.

[@lisapinfold506]

When my dad died, i remember my brother saying i wasn't 'emotional enough', when underneath i was a total wreck. People grieve in their own way, neurodiverse or not. Think its ridiculous how society imposes how you 'should' feel/behave in situations.

[@heedmydemands]

Yes I've often realized that I did not react emotionally correctly. I was there when someone died and I knew everybody around me was very upset but I just wasn't feeling anything and didn't know how to act. And when I had a baby I did not cry about the beauty of it. It didn't occur to me to do this, afterward my mother in law asked me if I cried and I said no, then I felt bad like there's something wrong with me because I didn't react that way. I love my children, it was a big deal to me that I had a baby it just didn't make me cry.

[@andrealipnicki7057]

You are right!! My son was so impacted by my sister's death from COVID-19 in June 2020 (he was 24 yrs), he wanted to advocate for people living in parts of the country where their local government officials were spreading false information creating a significantly higher rate of illness & death - my sister had lived in one of these states. He wanted to go on the news in those places & tell the people there the truth! He was worried about the lives of millions of people he didn't know & will never know! He directed his sadness into action! Though that wouldn't help on such a level that their officials were motivated to lie by gross amounts of corruption! They had hijacked the advertising, reporting/journalism, public health officials & public education!

[@jeremiahinyangotu4023]

I remember, two months after my grandma died last year, my mom told me to record a eulogy speech for her. And when it got to the part where I said "I wish I got to spend more time with you, and learn more about you" , the hand that I was holding the speech written down on started shaking, my eyebrows started creasing together, and my voice was becoming more unevenly pitched. I *think* I was experiencing grief, but I don't think I was showing the "traditional" signs, because I wasn't crying

[@mauritsbol4806]

Soooort of… it is healthy practice to be emotional. The emotion is gonna come out regardless. That state of being a ‘total wreck’ but not allowing yourself to grief could for example lead to anxiety and stress in the long run. I used to be alexithymic (while i had more emotions than other people, just cropped up emotions), and became empath that releases emotion alot because it would help me cope, and avoid long term struggles. However, it is very difficult because i had to dissect and separate emotion from behavior and thought. It is completely fair not doing as the only way to deal with alexithymia, true understanding, is very hard and feels wrong; asking questions about your deepest fears and anxieties, provoking them, and then releasing it. Another benefit is that the behavior of practicing releasing emotions is going to help you release other anxieties in the future. Especially in relationships this will be vital. My dad lost his dad at young age, but he was never able to communicate properly with us. Ultimately, stuff went down and im not seeing him anymore. It shows that traumas undealt can have severe consequences later in life.

[@ciaraskeleton]

When my dad died, My brothers and their wives said the same thing about me. They said 'shes trying to act all tough, pretending she's not upset' when I was 16, Autistic, and absolutely devastated. Too devastated to outwardly show what my inner world was going through. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Those are the things that stick in your head years later and hit you in the gut. But they were wrong, we grieved in a perfectly 'normal' way for us. It's a lot to process for people who have a processing disorder. We need time, space, support, and understanding ❤

[@ViraIshnia]

I hate when doctors ask you to rate your pain and locate your pain and you take what they feel is too long, they automatically go "oh, you must not be in much pain." Excuse you! I have to first locate where that pain is exactly, quantify it in a way I understand, translate that into a way you understand, and then figure out what type of pain it is! That takes some time!

[@kelleywyskiel3478]

True. I even tried to explain that to my doctor. How I am in chronic pain and I don’t even ask about I unless it makes me unfunctional but I have difficulty describing what and where it actually is. I feel like if I’m saying I’m sick or in pain to just assume it’s beyond what a typical human can tolerate because many of us have the uncanny ability to tolerate a heckuva lot.

In fact, there's a decent chance that someone who answers 7 or 11 too quickly can be faking it. Not proof. A chance. Yet we act like people answering slowly means they must not experience it. Doctors nowadays don't truly research what is going on with their patients and that's why a 5 year old girl my sister was treating for logopedics died 11 march 2024 of blood poisoning by streptococcus. They have a decision tree with yes-no-maybe's and when you present with symptoms, they ignore every detail and focus on the obvious. Then they sent you home with some advil. Doctor's laughing patients off, gaslighting their patients when they tell them they are in pain, etc, etc.. I can't believe they call themselves doctors.

[@blackbird1234100]

Alexithymia is also not uncommon with ADHD. Personally, I find at least some amount of my alexithymia comes from being overwhelmed/overstimulated, and experiencing many emotions at once. It sort of just all morphs into one blob of feeling. This is especially significant when the feelings are coming from different triggers/sources/aspects of life. If you're feeling anxious about leaving your safe space, and excited about seeing your friends, maybe still stressed and tired from work, etc. When all of it stacks up, it can often be too hard to separate all the emotions, let alone separate the causes. It can be EXTREMELY confusing to feel anxious, stressed, and tired but ALSO happy and excited. And I believe this is where trauma, especially childhood trauma, can really tie into it. Childhood trauma often can lead to c-ptsd. One symptom of cptsd is emotional flashbacks - which is when you basically experience all the emotions you've ever felt associated with a certain trigger, all at the same time, with little to no context. It makes perfect sense that suddenly being thrown into experiencing so many emotions simultaneously would inherently lead to having difficulty identifying emotions.

[@kelseymariel2127]

Need to watch this, I never knew there was a name. This is my son to a “T”. I was so angry when my son took his drivers test and the DMV agent was going to fail him because he “didn’t like his demeanor”! He doesn’t show emotions and has a flat affect especially when he’s nervous. Thankfully his teacher was in the back seat and told the guy that it was ridiculous to fail someone for that. I’m still mad 7 years later.

[@popmonika]

I've always looked at autistic emotions as being different. It's not that they don't emote, they just react emotionally to different things.

[@GnomeNorthOfTheWall]

Great Video! Thanks! The word "disconnection" describes my whole life. I sort of just float through it without fully connecting with anything or anyone. My happy place is staring a wall and being inside my own head

[@babybirdhome]

I definitely strongly feel the emotions of others, and if I’m just watching someone else, I can often identify their emotions even when others are ignoring them - even subtle emotions. But I’ve made observing people one of my special interests ever since I was a toddler - which I think has helped me with masking and going undiagnosed all my life (currently 49 years old). Some of the things I experience are when I go into a public place, I seem to pick up on emotional tension in the room and can recognize when there’s something going on behind the scenes or that other people aren’t really aware of. The room has a different energy or vibe to it, and I pick up on that subconsciously, but I can’t always tell what it is or where it’s coming from - and I can feel it but I can’t tell what it is that I’m feeling other than there’s some kind of tension going on in the room. Another thing that happens is when someone around me - especially if it’s someone I’m emotionally bonded with or that I care about for whatever reason, but also with other people - if they’re having a difficult time and expressing some strong emotion, I take on that same emotion but I can’t recognize it and don’t know what it is. For instance, one time at work, a coworker - one of my friends that I care a great deal about - had had a terrible night and was missing most of her money that she was responsible for that night, so she was basically going home with less money than she came to work with because she was responsible for it. She went out to her car and I went with her to help her look and make sure she didn’t just drop it under the seat or something (pizza delivery driver), and she couldn’t find it and that was just too much to go wrong for her that day and she started crying in frustration and upset. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know how to help or what I could do to make her feel better or lessen that burden on her, so all I did was just stand there like a robot presumably just looking like an emotionless idiot, but meanwhile I was internally completely overwhelmed and upset myself having taken on her emotions and being at a complete loss of what to say or do, and this was causing me an immense amount of distress on top of everything else that I was feeling. I can only describe it as distress because I don’t know how to interpret how I was feeling and I don’t have any other or better or more accurate words for what I was experiencing. But externally, I wasn’t doing anything at all as far as I’m aware, and it probably either looked like I wasn’t responding at all to my friend’s emotions, or that I was responding inappropriately in some way that nobody noticed or pointed out to me. That experience still stands out to me because it was one of the first times that I had become consciously aware in the moment that I was feeling a lot of extremely intense emotions and that I was also experiencing a significant amount of distress, but also that I don’t think I was reacting in any way externally that would have indicated to someone else that any of that was even going on inside me. This is something that, thinking back, happens frequently in my life and has for as far back as I can remember. But one thing that I can say with 100% certainty is that I _definitely do_ have extremely strong empathy and feel emotions incredibly strongly. I just can’t recognize them or understand them or figure out how to respond to them or how I should behave or convey that I’m experiencing them to others in a way that’s productive or helpful to either them or to me. I mostly have to spend a lot more time in my various recovery methods after something like that happens. Often times it means that I have to spend a lot of extra time by myself not doing anything at all, sitting somewhere quite and alone just trying to process and untangle and recover all the energy that I expended trying to survive the experience.

[@dharmainthenorth]

I very much relate to that - picking up on the vibes of others. And if someone gives off strong vibes, whether overly happy vibes or overly agressive vibes, I'll immediately feel myself backing away from them. I seem to feel most comfortable with calm people, people who are not operating at either extreme, and I think that's more to do with the intensity level they emit than anything they're actually doing or saying. Fascinating, really!

[@Nate-BreakingPoint-Interactive]

Holy shit I couldn't have said it better; exactly how I've been. This video and this comment helped me untangle a bit more of a past experience that still bothers me

[@bygrace2me]

Yes! It's not just my emotions that put me into that overwhelm-shutdown mode, it's everyone else's, too. It's just too much chaotic energy swirling around in my system. I have to put it all in lockdown mode to continue to function.

[@Butrdtostngravy]

Thanks so much for sharing... i feel this on so many levels... the whole "emotionless robot" is yet another reason I think someone I love is on the spectrum but they don't want to hear it... They regularly have issues if others start crying and just stand there or walk away because they "don't want to deal with that shit". I think they just feel overwhelmed and this is their coping strategy

[@iropagis770]

HEY! I can absolutely relate, but in reverse, I've been on the other side of this exchange. Both my ex partners (one identifying as autistic, the other showing signs of it (me having it also)) have done that exact same thing where I'd be very upset and needing their comfort and they'd literally go BLANK. I expected them to do something, anything, and I had no idea how to interpret their lack of a response. It seemed too much to me like they were exhausted with my "whining", not wanting to expand any effort to help me out. They were acting overwhelmed, like this was too difficult while from my perspective they weren't putting in any effort. What could justify the overwhelm? Both of them often claimed "It's too difficult to cheer you up" even in situations where they literally didn't do anything to cheer me up, anything, they didn't say a kind word or hug me, nothing, even when I told them exactly what I needed, they resisted it. I felt blamed and judged for my feelings and unimportant and confused as to what that silence meant, and what I could do to get ANY emotional support. When I received no compassion it was very hard for me to recover, and we ended up debating the upsetting event for hours when a little bit of niceness at the start could've solved everything. Once I felt better I tried very hard to explain to my partners what I needed when I was upset, I literally went as far as to make a written, step-by-step guide on how to react to my emotions, to which they agreed, but they didn't follow through. I even noted what to do if they DIDN'T want to help, like to say " Look, I can't help right now, I feel bad and need some time for myself, but I'll come back in *insert amount of time* so we can talk". My last bf said this was a very good idea but he didn't do it. I find it very interesting to see someone describe what was very likely happening in these situations in my partner's mind... It's still difficult to not feel hurt though. Do you have any idea how two people might overcome this? My relationships failed but it would still be nice to know if there was something I could've done to make this less unpleasant for everyone. They certainly didn't have the words to describe what they were feeling nearly as well as you did, they would just say they felt bad, needed time alone and that they wanted me to be less needy. My first bf even said he wasn't sure he had empathy which made me feel hopeless... in retrospect he absolutely had empathy, so I'm confident it must be something like what you're describing. Wish I knew this sooner as it was literally the WORST thing in both relationships.

[@fnutarf2085]

Nothing like standing quiet, dead serious trying to think, for half a minute, when someone asks you how you feel I didn't know it was called "Alexithymia", have recently come to understand my emotions as more present in my body than my mind

[@austinbodiford6360]

Man this gives words to what I've been experiencing. As I child and even to this day when I would explain to people that something was wrong, they wouldnt believe me. "you look fine to me. I'm sure you're alright". When inside I'm breaking down. People have said wow you're like a hippie, just cool about everything... Oh friend if you only knew hahaha 🫠

[@futurespin]

I got called an ice queen by my mum repeatedly when I was younger. I felt so deeply pain from this every time she said it and I didn't know how to tell her what was happening. People joking how I was just happy and smiling all the time. I was in constant turmoil and distress. I was self harming around 10/11 years old up until I had my first child.

[@futurespin]

I get hyperactive, hypertalkative when meeting friends because of anxiety. I ended up taking Ecstasy every time I went out as a teen/young adult because it was the only way I felt I could feel comfortable and on the same level as my friends or people I knew.

[@memenazi7078]

What if you’re not autistic just hurt. I think you’re lost, like if you came to this asd rabbit hole wondering what’s wrong with me. Seek Gabor mate he should have better answers, especially considering post-covid times.

[@ExaltedDuck]

Would you hate me.if said Let it GOOOOOOO let iiiiit goooooo? Joking aside, I've found a lot of power in life by leaning into peoples perceptions, whether they were developed accurately or not.

[@futurespin]

@@ExaltedDuck lol, now I have an earworm for the day😁 I shall spread it far and wide. I don't even need to leave the house for this one ehehe

[@julieabraham3566]

One important detail about alexthymia is that people with autism generally do not have single feelings but instead have cluster feelings. I struggle with using singular words to describe a feeling. For example: I don't feel "happy." Yes, getting a present can add a sense of genuine happiness to an already mixed bag of emotions, but because of a wide range of emotions already going on, plus the new stimulus surrounding the occasion of present, my face may not make the appropriate "happy" look in the normal world, which can make me come across as rudely indifferent to getting a present.

[@crowkraehenfrau2604]

Actually, for me not just cluster emotions, but cluster sensations and thoughts too. Very difficult question: what is your opinion concerning ....cluster opinions. Never saw any of this as a disability...just everybody else as simple minded.

[@kelleywyskiel3478]

I have o mentally prepare ,y self for present holidays and dread them because of this. I’m so focused on my expressions to make sure people know I’m happy about what they give me. I would one hundred percent prefer not getting gifts but people don’t understand that at all.

[@shawnaford5540]

This is so helpful, late diagnosis of autism and I really have to think about what I am feeling. I had not realized that I was not being taken seriously when I was asked how I was feeling and said “I have to think about it” and no wonder CBT did not work for me.

[@softcat2004]

This! Hate cbt. But had years of other psychotherapy and it's hard bloody work!

[@shawnaford5540]

@@softcat2004 a modified DBT has been useful

[@softcat2004]

@@shawnaford5540 thank you, that's great to know

[@KellenAdair]

Interesting. I was not impressed w/ CBT in Trauma Therapy, either.

[@hourcide]

Yet again, another video that feels like you're talking directly to me. I've always struggled with my own emotions and how to convey how I'm feeling to other people. Another one of my "quirks" that has a name. Your vids are ace, Orion. Keep it up.

[@MattHelmSA]

What do you do if there's none to learn how to express

[@katharinawindham5118]

Great video, thanks! I find this issue is a great obstacle when I have a discussion or an argument with someone, like my husband. He makes a statement, and I just don't know on the spot how I feel about what he just said. I actually need hours or days to process his words, and then come to understand how I feel about the thing that he said. It makes having an argument really pointless, because I just get confused and frustrated.

[@gryffynda1]

For me, I already know what I’m mainly experiencing in these situations is anxiety. I also know that showing physical manifestations of my anxiety reaction will be considered socially unacceptable. Therefore, I “batten down the hatches” so to speak, as appearing stoic, robot like and/or unemotional is the lesser evil.

[@Nate-BreakingPoint-Interactive]

Damn, that describes how I've often been in the past and have mostly returned to. For awhile I had a phase of completely random and embarrassing panic attacks but it's been well over a year since that's been beyond my control to suppress. Had my first few kind of embarrassing panic attacks at a gas station job, pretty unfortunate being the main person at the cash register when it's busy then losing a lot of functionality before really understanding panic attacks well. Before that point I never had a panic attack then they became frequent.

[@gamer-8955]

I do this. Because I have always been ridiculed in some way for showing any emotion, I little suppress it down so that I look emotionless or "happy". It only works when I'm not on my period though. As soon as that time of the month crops up all hell breaks loose 😬

[@Sephiroth5200]

Imagine you're me, and you have a hard time feeling emotions correctly. You are also an empath, and can feel other people's emotions in the room around you. It's a big double whammy.😬

[@philscoulding3826]

Orion, thank you so much for your videos and channel. I'm 52 years old and was diagnosed last year as Autistic. I had previously no experience or awareness of autism at all. Instead, I lived a life of hiding everything about myself from others, pretending to be "normal" to others and avoiding as many social situations and interactions as I could. I still have much to learn about myself but the more I learn and understand the more comfortable I am becoming with myself and the less I feel like some type of "freak". Thank you so much for all your content. You're work has had a massive positive impact for me. I no longer feel completely alone in the world. Bless you and may your life be filled with good things.

[@ElaineWalker]

I was diagnosed in my 50s too.. and like you I didn’t know anything at all about autism my whole life. It’s amazing how everything clicks.. explains our whole life.

[@philscoulding3826]

@noahwolf Wow brother. Our lives are remarkably similar. I'm also a veteran having served as a Royal Marines Commando as a young man. That was another place where I didn't feel like I fitted in. I hid behind a sheild of humour and jokes coupled with excessive drinking. I also lost my father at a young age. Marriage fell apart 2 years ago. Jobless since july but just started with a solar energy company on a commission only basis. Living in my nephews spare room but that can't last forever. Also have a special interest in maths. Especially Marko Rodin's vortex based maths. Within it lies the future for humanity, if the engineers can ever catch up. Keep the faith brother. One day we'll all find our respective tribes.

[@philscoulding3826]

@Noah Wolf Playing along to the beat is sound advice. I'll remember that and take it on board. Good to meet you too brother. 1970 to be precise. Remember, it's downhill all the way, except for the uphill bits. Keep marching forward.

[@richardkohlhof]

I'm scared to get an actual medical diagnosis it's obvious I am autistic but I'm scared someone's gonna have me put away or take my things things that probably wouldn't happen

[@philscoulding3826]

@@richardkohlhof I wouldn't worry too much about that Richard. My experience is mainly one of extreme relief. I went through a bit of a grieving process initially, thinking how different my life could have been with an earlier diagnosis and the support that would have been available, but that was relatively short. By being diagnosed I've started to understand myself a lot more and find some peace amongst the confusion, turmoil and anxiety. I know now that there's nothing fundamentally 'wrong' with me. I'm just made differently to the majority. Some people even believe that autism could be the next phase in human evolution. You have nothing to fear but fear itself. If you are autistic, let me say welcome brother to a very exclusive club of 1%. You must be a very special person to get membership in something so exclusive 😉.

[@boneitch]

I've come to realise that as a coping skill, I've categorised feelings and events. So even though I can't describe the emotion, I use examples of situations that feel similar. Like my mental health feeling like having horrible food poisoning, but instead of you knowing that it'll pass at *some point*, it's like it'll last forever. A therapist said that that feeling is "hopelessness", but even though that makes sense, because that word is emotionally meaningless to me, I still can't say "I feel hopeless" and express it in a way that makes people believe me. I've found that the weird category / metaphor thing i do paints a way clearer picture for care providers, in a way that doesn't feel like I have to "put on a show". It's exhausting.

[@shaunhall6834]

Understanding is the path to less anxiety. I think one of the major issues we are having these days is the level of anxiety we are all having. We definitely need more channels like this.

[@MatthewSmith-pv6gd]

In my case, it's not that I'm not aware of or able to identify the emotions, it's more that they become too big to process and (for lack of a better way to express it) that part of my brain needs to shut down in the moment to not be overwhelmed.

[@OliverJPops]

Totally relate to every single word of this. I would be curious to know how others with alexithymia experience emotion when listening to music. I have found that I experience a wide range of very nuanced emotion listening to music. Not lyrics, but the music. Still can’t describe the emotion well, but it is consistent and music is all math. If others have the same experience listening to the same sounds, then I feel like this could be mapped out to create a helpful tool to help us communicate emotion more effectively.

[@conrad4667]

Fascinating. I agree that music is all math. The main reason I like a song is that it makes me feel good.

[@heedmydemands]

I definitely have a lot of emotion with music

[@heedmydemands]

Sad songs are too much for me

[@KarenCro]

Music for me is a way to relate to how I'm feeling by singing someone else's lyrics and trying to attune that to my own emotions as a way to express them, when I feel I'm not doing it in a "normal" way. It's the one thing I can do that's just for me that doesn't involve expressing myself to another person when I'm not fully sure how I am or how to feel. I feel music and the chords/melodies in the songs very intensely. It's my safe space and my ultimate way to let off all the anxiety and tension in my body, alongside vocal stimming/just generally making a lot of different and weird sounds and the one place I do this is in the bathroom because I know it's the one place I know that not one person can come in to disturb me while I'm doing it, as we all that's a private place, if that makes sense. I feel my safest in the bathroom 😅😂

[@xSolarii]

Music is how I learned how to feel and understand emotions/internal feelings. I cannot explain verbally what I’m feeling when it happens. It just swells inside me and feels infinite, euphoric even.

[@gracielarios4574]

While trying to be diagnosed on the spectrum is worse that pulling teeth where I live, watching your videos helps myself and my husband understand that I am not alone and that there are reasons for how I am. Thank you.

[@ElaineWalker]

Where do you live? I’m in NM (USA) and it took me 2 years or so to find anyone who wasn’t completely clueless about adult “high functioning” autism. Even the man who diagnosed me could use some education. 🙄

[@gracielarios4574]

@@ElaineWalker I’m in CA and even my therapist told me I wasn’t likely to be diagnosed unless they could give me a drug to help it😑

[@ElaineWalker]

@@gracielarios4574 Autism doesn't need a medical cure! ARGH. Also, there IS NO DRUG for autism (other than some people take anxiety meds, but that's different than saying there is medicine strictly for autism)! Oh gosh that is incredibly maddening that they would say that. What is wrong with these people wanting to drug everyone? The man that diagnosed me also suggested anxiety meds (I sip wine, thank you.. that's all I need to act fake-human long enough to get through situations). And he said I needed "behavioral therapy." LOL. He didn't look at any of my accomplishments, or care that I've been a fully functioning member of society for 53 years. grrrrrrrrr There needs to be so much more education and awareness for late-diagnosed autistic adults.

[@ElaineWalker]

@@gracielarios4574 Actually, I could have just said - "someone at Big Pharma wants $!" and called it a day. 🤣

[@bokusimondesu]

Like so many others have commented: Wow, you really are helping me in figuring out my self! So many “mind explosions” 😊

[@sheila3348]

It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that I’m alexithymic and, not to be funny, but I don’t know how to feel about it. :[ I want to say I’m frustrated, but I think I’ve been using that word as a blanket term for most of my negative emotions.

[@chilloften]

You put into words what I cannot even describe. And these comments, are absolutely fascinating my mind.

[@underneaththecape4055]

OMG!! THIS!! This is SSSOOO me! My husband doesn't understand why I don't express much emotion and I'm always trying (and failing) how I DO feel emotional but I don't know quite how to SAY what I'm truly feeling. THANK YOU for this video!

[@vissentetapiacuevas5814]

Esto me ha pasado desde que soy pequeño, no tenia las palabras para describirlo. Escucharte me ha dado un vertigo gigantesco, no puedo imaginar como es que otra gente siente sus emociones. Pensaba que esta era la manera común de sentir.

[@nancyz3755]

thank you. as i learn, i can cope.

[@DavidLazarus]

Yeah, I'm great at experiencing anxiety, anger and depression as far as emotions that I feel. I can also experience happiness. However, it generally only happens when listening to music that I love. I definitely have a disconnect between intellect and emotion. Like Orion said, there are probably a myriad of other emotions that I experience. However, I often identify the feeling as anxiety whether it's that or something else. I tend to understate pain as well.

[@Lindsay-Makes-Videos]

Thank you for explaining this so well! In case this helps anyone, I love an app called Mood Meter that helps you identify your emotions based on a quadrant with the axis energy/lethargy against euphoria/dysphoria, and it has emotion words in each quadrant. That approach has made much more sense for me. Our alexithymia can be helpful in the sense that it strips away narrative from emotional experiences, which can be enlightening in certain contexts!! Also this combined with interoception issues, I stuggle with identifying what medication is helping me, and when a doctor asks how I've been feeling, I just want to say "I don't know." 😅😅

[@michaelandrews5771]

Thanks for your video. It reminded me of a time when I went through a phase when I expressed the opposite emotion to what I was actually feeling. I referred to the past, but I guess the reason why I don't do it now is because when I feel that urge, I tend to 'bite my lip' or pinch myself really hard so my mind is focused on something else. For instance, if a lot of people around me are being very pleasant and complimentary I sometimes get the feeling of wanting to be insulting back and be offensive. I don't know whether it's because all the pleasantries are overwhelming me and it's a natural defense mechanism for people to stop being so nice. I remember receiving a Christmas present when I was very young, and I liked the present, but I probably looked quiet and sad which I think may have upset my parents. I told them I was pleased with my present, but I guess they did not believe me. Christmas can be an overwhelming time for those on the autism spectrum and trying to put a smile on all the time can be difficult at the best of times. When I look back and think about it, I was perhaps overwhelmed by the occasion. I was just tired and was in need of some 'me' time. I played with the toy for years and my parents knew that. Maybe they eventually came round to the idea that they made the right choice.

[@ryn2844]

I'm alexithymic and my siblings aren't, so I tried to get them to help me understand how emotions work. I can feel physical symptoms of emotions in my body, so like jittery energy in my arms and a knot in my stomach for anxiety, crying for sadness etc. I can analyze my thoughts and wants and say 'ah, so I must be feeling this emotion then'. But apparently there is a third layer to emotion that I can't access, which is just the emotion itself, not the thoughts or physical symptoms associated with the emotion. So it's like I can know the top layer, the conscious thoughts and desires, and I can know the bottom layer, the physical symptoms, and with that data I can figure out what the middle layer, the actual emotion itself, is, but I don't have direct access to the middle layer. I tend to figure it out by sitting down and typing out everything I'm thinking and (physically) feeling and then working out what it must mean, like a puzzle.

[@anthony.grenier97]

Damn. That's the first time someone described what I'm living through, each days. Didn't have diagnosis so far ; but with all the clues I'm discovering.. It really explains a lot! But I can understand emotions and feelings of others, so that's what is weird. The brain can really be a huge mystery.

[@ryn2844]

@@anthony.grenier97 I'm glad you're figuring yourself out :) Alexithymia is subclinical, which means that scientists are aware that it exists and are in agreement about what it is and how it works, but they don't consider it to be so big an impairment on people's lives that it becomes a clinical diagnosis. So you can't get diagnosed with alexithymia, because alexithymia doesn't interfere with people's functioning enough to be considered a disorder. Alexithymia is not a clinical diagnosis.

[@anthony.grenier97]

@@ryn2844 Yeah I did searched about it in the past, didn't know it wasn't clinically diagnosed though. But your words really were.. the same as mine. So that's really strange to read something like this. Thanks for the explanation and for this comment!

[@M13C7]

I really have to say "wow" because you described it soooo well. I remember that as a child id have intense outburst of feelings, and of course i was told to not show that and to contain my emotions. And now as an adult i always feel like there is this element missing. I feel physical sensations, and i know myself well enough to very detailed know what is going on. But i feel like the middle layer is missing. And i do not know why (trauma or just my autistic brain) but it is missing. It leaves me really frustrated because i feel like i really really want to experience the emotion and from my memory of my childhood (i could be way off here though) for me experiencing emotion would mean to just act out the emotion. Scream, cry, "throw a tantrum" and i do not do that. I contain all my emotions, i analyze them, then i decide what i can do or cannot do about it; and i put it away. Im not in pain because of the emotions themselves, but having to "Put them away" rather then express them as irrational as they may be, makes me feel really surpressed. I do not know if that is the middle layer. Or if im misinterpreting the only thing that i know i have had naturally and was taken from me. So if anyone feels this way and does act "out" i would like to know if that feels like the full spectrum of emotion, or if there is still the middle part missing?

[@travelservices1200]

I find other people's emotions overwhelming, especially when there is more than one person around. I also seem to have a great deal of trouble either recognizing or expressing my own emotions. I suffer from DYSthymia, also, which is chronic depression, and I often feel like I'm barely holding on and wish that I would just die, and I feel like it must be screamingly obvious, but no one around me seems to be able to tell. There's no connection outbound, and too much, and too chaotic and indecipherable connection inbound.

[@goatsandroses4258]

Don't give up. You are NOT alone. People like us just need to somehow communicate with one another. This might not help you, but take it as a gesture of concern and attempted help from a non-professional. I've always written stories. Only in the past year have I begun to realize that my stories are the unconscious ME. They help me identify emotions that I never knew I was experiencing. I also feel a connection sometimes to a phrase from a song or poem and repeat it over and over. These help me verbalize emotions that are so deep they are invisible. Is there any type of creative activity that might be your way of expressing hidden emotions. My aunt was an artist, and her paintings did something similar for her, although I think actually recognizing and verbalizing the emotions are very powerful. That being said, try to find a counselor, a faith-leader, a relative or someone you can turn to. Sometimes recognizing these emotions can be like a tidal wave. As for other people's emotions; that's a really challenging one. I think that's why so may of us avoid groups if possible: too many emotions to weed through.

[@busterkeaton1041]

"I feel like it should be screaming obvious " wow, that certainly sums up how I feel when I'm depressed or in a bad emotional state but usually nobody can tell or possibly think I'm just being a jerk or something if they notice anything at all.

[@travelservices1200]

@@goatsandroses4258 Thank you very much. I agree with you completely about the phrases from songs and poems, and other similar things. I often can only express my feelings when I am singing a song or reading a story. Which sometimes is frustrating, because I sometimes can't actually sing a song I like without wanting to cry, and it can be embarrassing.

[@freecat1278]

When there's a storm, you take shelter. You don't stand outside & examine the clouds.

[@Neongoddess76]

I definitely struggle with my emotions. I usually compare myself to Spock from Star Trek lol thank you for this video 🙏👍

[@spookje21]

Alexithymia is often described as: 'you feel a lot but you don't have a name for it/ can't explain it'. Well what if I think I don't feel anything most of the time? So far I am convinced that I feel less emotions then other people. I went to group therapy for awhile and they kept asking everyone 'well how does that make you feel' and my answer would always be nothing. While the other people where always able to give an emotion. I had no recognition within the group and quit going. My friends describe me as monotone as well as my techer when I was young. I have so far not found anyone to relate to this

[@prf76]

This is something I totally relate to and something I’ve given several examples of to my GP when speaking to her about being put forward for an assessment. Hopefully I should be hearing soon that I’m on the waiting list at my chosen diagnosis clinic.

[@brianl.3579]

I have 3 primary emotions. Anger, Frustration, and Anxiety. All the others are only vague ghosts, that if I concentrate I might be able recognize that it is there but it is normally very fleeting and not exactly registered consciously.

[@Carriebloss]

For me, it’s often more that the emotion words aren’t right enough. I definitely outwardly express things differently but my inability to describe my emotions is more due to the words not being “right” enough for my intense emotions

[@busterkeaton1041]

I feel this, I don't know if it is in the same way but u feel emotions that I don't think there are words for. For example , I have kids and they are getting older so sometimes I think about things we did or wanted to do when they were younger and I feel sick like nauseated. I call it nostalgia but it's mixed with regret or just sadness that that time is gone and the intensity with which I feel it seems overwhelming.

[@chrisboyd4433]

I usually get over stimulated by experiencing intense emotions. I find that it helps to close my eyes, wrap my arms around my chest, and sit very still. By limiting other input and stimuli, I can better focus on and identify my emotions.

[@faeriesmak]

I do too!

[@heartofawarriorproductions2541]

Thank you for explaining this in a way I wasn't able to. I'm autistic too and get asked all the time why we appear to 'lack emotion' or 'lack empathy, so this explanation is very helpful so hopefully those same people can start to understand us instead of making assumptions about us as often. I always enjoy your videos when you're able to make them, so thank you so so much, for not just helping us other autistic people understand ourselves better, but also, to help those who aren't autistic understand our experiences better. ❤

[@mepilot1]

Thank you, thank you, Orion, for such an amazing channel. THIS is a spendid example of how we should deal with these issues; by adult conversation. Thank your Wife as well, for educating everyone; divergent and typicals alike. Bravo...

[@EvieVermont]

Very interesting, esp beneficial to say those of us who are neuro-typical using our brains to try to identify why someone is behaving a certain way ... like excited vs anxious ...

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

My kids tell me I look ZONED OUT when they often talk to me…I’m actually listening…but I don’t seem to have expresssion….they don’t really talk much to me anymore as they think I’m never listening…being autistic is a lonely world sometimes.

[@kritiqal1337]

Keep up the good work Orion, watching these makes me feel less ashamed and is helping me explain to my family and friends how I feel

[@silverymoon5516]

Very informative & helpful in understanding my daughter. Thank-you Orion for your clear explanation of the topic.

[@donciseau]

Excellent video!

[@kimberlysmith7311]

Hi. Loving your channel it can help me understand my son even more. And yes, since I experienced trauma as a child it was well into adulthood before I could identify some emotions.

[@donciseau]

Very educational video!

[@GracieJaney]

My doctor diagnosed me with blunted affect, however this seems more fitting. Thank you

[@IShouldSayThatOutLoud]

This is brilliant!! I’ve learned that when I’m shaky, I’m super excited because something really good is happening. So it’s a clue to me to pay attention and actually enjoy what’s happening around me. Sometimes it’s simply a fantastic conversation that gives me the excited shakes, and sometimes it’s being in an exciting place, like a new gym with fantastic equipment. I used to be bothered by the shaking and try to stop it and hide it. Now I’m thankful for it and let it be and focus instead on the good things happening in my life. 🎉😊

[@peteracton2246]

Interesting your comments about the contradictions of autism. So many qualities of the autistic experience are antagonistic. I need a day to catch up on feelings, which isn't helpful in the lived experience.

[@Warpded]

Ah, it has a NAME. I've been called a robot before and I just went with it. Anger, Anxiety, and Fear are the only things that I can readily feel as well. This has answered a question I stopped asking. I don't know if it's closely associated, but I can't take compliments. I can't seem to process them properly. They manifest feelings I don't understand so I usually tell people they give me too much credit or they're overstating my worth in whatever the compliment is centered on

[@heatherl.leonard5184]

Thank you for this.

[@jude-the-cat]

Self diagnosed Alexithymiac here. That was one of the best explanations I have heard.

[@kennymay9036]

Thank you for all your work here.l m learning about why l am,how l am.

[@jezbon]

Over the years what's made me want to scream is people asking "what are you thinking?" Or "what are you feeling?" Honestly when they ask me that I feel anger. I feel like ghosting them for life. I hate those questions not because I'm hiding anything but because how do you explain "nothing upstairs is connected and computing"? I also don't like people asking me because it feels like they're prying into me and because my emotions are "broken" only extremely close people (only a lover of 5 or more years) is allowed to get in there to dig around. Everyone else... parents... friends... whatever... it's a no go zone for them. How do you even begin to explain this kind of thing to people... it's just beyond them understanding.

[@chilloften]

That is disturbing. And embarrassing. Like I would want to blurt it out at a table of people anyway. The audacity of people, it’s mind blowing.

[@realtalk4994]

I relate to this a lot. Not only does it make me super uncomfortable, when I'm not able to give a "normal" answer I've been judged HARSHLY for it. People go as far as to say I'm lying when I finally figure out how to answer the question, because "if I were being honest it wouldn't have taken me that long". Or worse, they think things like that and don't even express them at all...they just quietly exit my life and ghost me because they've determined some diagnosis of my behavior that is absolutely not true. I describe myself as chronically misunderstood and discarded.

[@pcriged]

I'm very binary in emotional detection. I'm happy or not happy. I think emotions are very fluid things like anger and sadness overlap. I do know if I like or don't like a thing or person.

[@boneitch]

A plus side (for me at least): Whenever I'm doing a presentation, people will always comment on how "excited" I am about the topic, even when I'm not. I'm probably just very anxious, but that shows to NT people as excitement, to the point that *they* get excited about what I'm saying. Tiny win there ^^

[@NikkiRaven]

I always thought that there was something wrong with me, because I only “felt” extreme emotions. When someone asked me how I felt I just never knew how to respond. I never knew how or what I was feeling. now I know that is is a thing😅. I am learning to recognize the less extreme feelings as well..But it is difficult (alcohol makes it easier though, but that’s not something I want to rely on😅)

[@JamieHumeCreative]

I feel a wide variety of things at the same time and that, makes it hard to explain what I am thinking and feeling. At the same time, I may not feel the same reaction to something as a NT and fail to see why they are upset. That does not mean I lack empathy or feelings. Lastly, I am aware of the physical sensations of emotions and that can confuse me. The difference between feelings and sensations can be a very fine line.

[@scarcasmtincap2856]

Tai chi - mindful meditation. Only way i learned to meditate and center.

[@corsai7506]

Great topic, And this affects me every day and my life as a whole.

[@elgoog7830]

For me, my passion over most things is uncontrollable and when I become passionate about something, I seem to talk and come off as an agrivated dictator, giving a speech to his troops(not sure that's the appropriate comparison). Individuals seem to think I'm crazy for feeling so passionate about something they could never interpret. I doubt it's normal, but I find it impossible to control. Finding a therapist now a days(especially for autism) is next to impossible.

[@catherinejohnson402]

that was awesome thank you!

[@terrimeakin-rosario9189]

SOCIAL INTERACTION...so real there, so awesome! even if you know the peeps, even if its planned, its still...AAAGGGGHHHH

[@axphin]

Difficulty choosing emotions reminds me a little bit of my color blindness. Sometimes it’s easier to just call it blue instead of spending the energy to figure out if it might be purple. Or I could just ask someone what the correct color is.

[@scottiemomma2314]

I love your energy, voice, and your overall ability to bridge the gap between neuro-typical folks and those who experience life through a different lens. 😊 I’m currently working with my son to express his emotions more openly in order to avoid meltdowns. He’s doing great with this, and I’m happy to give him the tools to use along his way. ❤️✌️You’re wonderful!

[@Wotansfogal]

Emotion wheels and some sort of colour traffic light system can work really work for people like us. A few times a day, try to reflect what 'colour' you are on and go from there.

[@Kiahona]

Love the content and wide breadth of subjects and issues within the life of adult artists that you cover keep up the work

[@vickicarringer4235]

When I have strong emotions it is like they are stuck inside of me. I can't find a way to verbalize them. The way I have dealt with this is by writing them down.

[@beanbeanster7219]

Just brilliant Orion. Thank you, love your channel and every video I've watched has been spot on. God bless you and your family.

[@martinmckee5333]

Interesting. I can only identify my thoughts. I don't notice anything in my body, and certainly no emotions aside from fear and - more rarely - anger. My therapist has been trying to get me to identify what I'm feeling "in my body", which is typically nothing. This may be a path to explore. Thank you.

[@MattHelmSA]

Same here minus the therapist. I don't believe psychotherapy is a valid thing but I'm interested to hear a perspective.. I don't have anything to decipher through and learn how to express.. there's just nothing inside there

[@martinmckee5333]

@@MattHelmSA I'm unsure if you are using psychotherapy as a general term for the study of psychology or as a reference to the process of psychoanalysis. Certainly, in the more specific later form, it has been fairly roundly debunked at this point. There certainly are more modern treatment modalities that have demonstrated some level of efficacy in properly designed blind and (more rarely) double blind trials. Still, the functionality of the brain remains a fairly mysterious topic.

[@marcia2095]

You figure it out ,later, (your emotions) There’s HOPE!. I’m not autistic, But, if i am anxious, i have trouble dealing with that thing happening right at the moment. My heart beats fast and i can’t think, but later i can. In my case, i’m a Christian, so anxiety is pride= Fear of failure. When this happens i call on Jesus Christ, (because He created me, He can help me) I am so much better than i used to be. I Love your honesty, Orion, i can see why your wife fell in love with you and doesn’t mind all these “learning curves”.

[@peterww3241]

Thanks for another great presentation, Orion. Great shirt, BTW!!

[@Violetismyrealname]

I’ve been called an emotionless bitch during a time when I was paralyzed with emotions 😅

[@BA-hp2fr]

Snap. Me too. I'm still upset about being called that even though it was a long time ago

[@cnightingale9]

I didn’t even know that I didn’t know how to identify my emotions until recently. 😂 So I’m experimenting with questioning my “anxiety “. I think sometimes I’m identifying excitement as anxiety. So if I ask myself if I’m actually just excited, it helps me get out of the rut of anxious thoughts.

[@zakosist]

Its also possible to experience anxiety and excitement at the same time, kind of like what people feel when doing extreme sport. Mixed emotions exist so its not necessarily one or the other

[@er6730]

I had an interesting conversation with my family the other day, about the sensation of "butterflies" when one goes very fast or up and down. (Like on a rollercoaster, or in a vehicle, or even on a swing) Three of us connected that feeling with "fun", and two with "fear/sick". But it's the same feeling, sort of a flutter in the torso. For myself, the fun kind of butterflies is higher up, like stomach and chest. The scary butterflies are lower in the intestines, or even very low like I feel like I might pee. I didn't work that out in time to add to the discussion, but I thought it was interesting.

[@nirrieeva4239]

I'm consistently being told my reactions are seen as inappropriate..would that be relative to this topic you covered here? It's as if those around me would expect me express a different emotion, than what I show. For instance a surprise party, I would be too calm. Surprises of any sort, I'm too calm apparently..

[@zakosist]

I think people shouldn't be "obligated" to feel a certain thing in the right moment or express it in a certain way. I kind of hate anything related to people expecting certain emotions of you. You dont really get to choose your feelings most of the time. I also dont get "super excited" when something nice happens, but can still be happy for it.

[@mangomangopie]

I have mix emotions listening to this video. I am greatful to learn that I am not unusual and that their is a name to this. Sad because I went 20 years struggling with this. I have to ask loved ones to give me time and space for me to figure out what I'm feeling sometimes.

[@Karen-np2mc]

Thanks!

[@CaitlinAMcCaslin]

I am alexithymic but have sufficient interoception to discern emotions from my bodily sensations a lot of times. It doesn't always work, and sometimes it leads me to confuse emotions with physical sensations. (Examples: I think that I'm annoyed, but really I need to go to the bathroom. Or I am frustrated, but I think it's hunger.) Being taught to identify bodily sensations that correlate with certain emotions/situations in my body has been very helpful for me though. I used to be completely unaware of how to identify my feelings. Now I can at least identify cues and come up with ideas of what I may be feeling, then react accordingly until I know for sure. Like a puzzle. I can slowly solve the puzzle now, but previously I couldn't even open the box the puzzle was in.

[@celeste4098]

You described exactly what has happened to me my hole life, I am 25 years old and I've never met anybody who could describe what I "feel" like you dud in your video, since I was a young girl many times I exploded when I got to my limit and everybody asked "why are you crying, what you feel?" And I just couldn't find a word to what I was feeling, they tried to give me words ti what they thought I was feeling but I simply had no idea if they were right cause I didn't even knew how that was suposed to feel. I was also called cold and with bo feelings or empathy, that was really hurtful because I know that I am not like that is just that feelings is something I strugle too much.

[@GorgoReptilicus]

Thank you for this! What’s happened to me in the past is the act of analysis for mine and other’s emotions delays responses so they don’t appear genuine. I’ve been told I am faking reactions and look like a fool. One guy told me that and I thought he was joking so I laughed. To which he replied, “see, that’s what I’m talking about. You’re a fake. “ We were never friends but coworkers. As you can imagine he was never allowed in my safe space, ha

[@kaddylady5853]

I have been called a fake, too, when I know for sure I was truly excited about something but I guess I was delayed. But now I realize it was by someone projecting their "fakeness" on me.

[@Amazology]

I spent some time working through this and ...thanks to Jaak Pankseep I can identify the mammalian emotions and work with those to start with. Then the human overlays. Mammalian emotions: RAGE FEAR GRIEF SEEKING LUST CARE PLAY (play produces FUN which is essential for acquisition and learning of new behaviours) These are easy enough to identify - Grief includes sadness at one end and panick at the other. Grief is triggered by loss. I have found that when I keep these in mind I know my emotional coordinates and can usually convey and understand emotional matters better than otherwise. In other words. I'm an animal and I try not to forget that.

[@sarahjensen2473]

In my experience, my awareness of my feelings is subconscious. Communication with the subconscious is complicated, symbolic, and metaphorical. To translate it into conversation takes far more effort than most people, including counselors, realize. Generally, if someone asks how I'm feeling, I respond with what I'm doing. Someone who knows me can translate that because they know how that activity fits with my emotional state. I know that flat affect impacts how neurotypicals recognize our emotions. Having grown up around ASD individuals, I recognize far more subtle emotional cues than NTs usually do. Unfortunately, part of NT culture is ignoring others' actual emotions and responding only to those they want you to acknowledge. It is far safer to pretend to not notice emotions than to expose the emotional state someone is trying to hide.

[@goatsandroses4258]

Yes! You have explained what I have experienced, too. I have identified a lot of my emotions, wants, and deep needs through my writing, where the unconscious emotions can reveal themselves in symbolic form. It DOES take a lot to "translate" these hidden emotions. I think that's why I can't "feel" emotions and be doing other things at the same time. To really get in touch with my emotions and "feel" them takes quiet and effort, and it doesn't always work. Taking the time to translate and verbalize them DOES help, though.

[@sarahjensen2473]

@@goatsandroses4258 oh, yeah! I’m glad you mentioned the multitasking thing! That makes so much sense with my experience. One of the great things about getting older (48) is that I don’t feel the need to cater to everyone else’s assessments or projections anymore, and I’m willing to step away and come back to a conversation after I get the necessary time to sort my own feelings out. I also have stopped keeping people in my life who use my functional weaknesses against me. Thanks for reaffirming my experience with your own. It really helps!

[@MichaelAngst]

I started experimenting with cannabis in 2020, mostly to deal with lingering pain after a car accident. It was in this early usage that I began to see what cannabis can do for the neurodivergent brain. At first it pushed me into my anxiety causing me to dissociate, but once I allowed it to push me further? I find that when I am high, it is much easier for me to identify and convey my emotional make up. So it turns out, instead of just saying no, we should have been saying yes all along.

[@xrotarebil]

Thank you for raising awareness of this condition.

[@winternightmarecrochet]

I feel that, as an autistic person, I'm hyper self-aware and I always know what I'm feeling or experiencing, but I fail to convey it in an effective manner. It's as if human words don't suffice, that those things are beyond language. But the truth is they're not beyond language, it's just a struggle to explain them neurotypically. Something doesn't add up.

[@stupifyingstupedity2112]

The parasitic influence of anxiety creates emotional confusion or dissonance. In safe situation, I can feel deeply and meaningfully as if in a meditation - but if under anxiety, emotions are scrambled and alienating.

[@anisseezra68]

i always thought i was emotionless (i still do to some extent), if someone asked how i felt and it weren't easily identifiable emotions (anger/anxiety/sadness) I'd say "i feel content, and comfortable" because that's what generally i think i feel, even now, as long as I'm not angry, sad or anxious, about I'm content and comfortable, therefore I'm happy.

[@kayakdan48]

I was diagnosed over 50 years ago and honorably discharged after two years of Submarine Duty in the Navy. Very little info back then of what the implications were at the time or what experiences or challenges awaited me. It's actually been a fun ride and feel I've gained extra mileage emotionally no matter how mundane or trivial the experience was throughout my life. In work life I've always been a high achiever (now retired) and always a favorite of Management...coworkers not so much:) Happily married for 24 years and involved, dedicated father, until I needed to regain my private life...most high outdoor adventure trips and other hardship endeavors have always been solo. Even in highly competitive sports through out my education years, my high popularity rested upon a very high level of ability...not any "connection" to others neccessarily. Life is good...as I rarely answer the doorbell or my "Smartphone" which I recently acquired in my old age to monitor my sleep and the weather...not communication.

[@arthurvanloon482]

Consider thisss a gift sometimes tho it’s helped me In life because not everyone is a good person

[@mjolnir3309]

that was very helpful. thanks! i often can't tell the difference between anxiety and excitement and I definitely do the backwards thing you talked about. 'well, I'm feeling something... wonder what it is... could it be?" and while watching the video and you talking about...social...interaction... i started to get that feeling. it wasn't until you said "it's ok, we can leave whenever you want" that it changed the level of emotion i was feeling. that'll be a helpful tool. as for the pain thing. i always thought it was an imagination thing. well, if 10 is the worst i can imagine, then if I'm able to talk, can't be past a 6.

[@thatrunningirl]

I think it varies in people and genders on the spectrum. I was diagnosed a few years ago yet I have an excessively high amount of emotion, compassion and empathy. Whereas my partner (who has not been diagnosed, but I think he is one of us) has ZERO compassion, ZERO empathy and finds it hard to both feel and express emotion x

[@faeriesmak]

Well..that explains a lot about myself!

[@whitneymason406]

Great video topic! I often smile when recalling trauma. I dont know why but it's automatic. Have a great week Orion!

[@orionkelly]

Thanks Whitney.

[@auggiet8380]

I do too. I think, for me, that it might be a defense mechanism. Like I’m telling the person I’m talking to “I’ve been through Hell but I’m actually fine, everything’s fine, it’s fine.”

[@philip6419]

I discovered with me.. part of the answer of my 'inability' to express certain things, is the difficulty I have in just making a decision. If my friend asks, 'What restaurant would you like to eat lunch?'.. this, to me, is like explaining the curvature of space/time. I start weighing and calculating all the goods and dislikes of every single thing in each place in order to make a correct answer. And considering theres only two places in town to eat, might make the dilemma seem weirder. The same goes for pain or just about anything else. 'Is my pain a 7 or 8? I mean if childbirth is 10 then whats a broken arm? Maybe THAT's an 8. I mean, what's a kidney stone? I only cut off the tip of my finger.. so to be safe I'll say '6'. Some things I feel strong emotions but others not so much. When I was a little kid someone hurt my older sisters 'feelings' and she was crying. I feel bad because I didn't feel her pain. I did laugh though.. because she was making weird faces that I interpreted as funny. THAT may have been the 'tell' that I was different. I enjoy your vids, Orion! Just knowing Im not the only one, is a load off. Thanks.

[@amandamandamands]

I can usually recognise if I am angry/frustrated and a couple of years ago I started to recognise a sensation that is anxiety/overwhelmed. I will have times that I will notice that I am stimming and go well something is happening and then from context work out what. I have had years of when I would say what had been happening being told yes you said the event, what where you feeling while that was happening with me being confused because I said what happened. Still don't know why none of those people worked out that I was autistic (only diagnosed last year). I had a couple of people though if I did that based on what I told them they would propose a few emotions that I could have been feeling, if someone does that I can usually say yes or no but can't come up with the emotion by myself. I'm grateful that those people didn't think that I was trying to get out of expressing my emotions. When you are saying not being able to accurately rate your pain level I feel you, recently I was having some foot pain (ended up being soft tissue damage from hitting my foot) and I ended up saying to the GP I figured that I should get it looked at because the pain level in my foot hasn't increased but I get a headache if I walk too much so that means that I have overused it.

[@SnaptrixGaming]

For me I mostly struggle with getting upset because what I'm saying doesn't reflect properly in the other person's face and it makes me feel like I'm being made fun of