Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - The Enemy Within for Autistic People

[@Catlily5]

The inability to stop my brain from replaying the perceived social mistake over and over and over and half the time the person isn't even mad like I thought they were.

[@darrenthorn4043]

Literally :(

[@lisaweinmeyer5782]

Yes, and every time my mind repeats, my heart flips over, with a thud of insecurity,, fear, and regret. The process repeats until I can work it out, or slow my mind!

[@Cnsalmoni]

Terrible debilitating insomnia ensues.

[@gsismaet5385]

Hard for spectrum person like me. These embarassing faux which may have happened decades ago, suddenly pop up. This sends me into cringe mode.

[@OE2023]

Yupppp

[@EphemeralTao]

Fear of being judged or evaluated often comes from the fact that we frequently _are_ being judged and evaluated; by parents, by peers, by various authority figures, who are happy to tell us everything they think we're doing wrong. How we express ourselves in the wrong ways (eg. "being too aggressive"), how we perform actions that they find unacceptable (eg. stimming), or how we fail to do things that they think "normal" people should be doing. Neurodiverse people are constantly being judged by the society around us; and often bullied and abused as a result of those judgements. It's no wonder so many of us have RSD issues.

[@megb7715]

Or we witnessed a parent talking smack about strangers on a regular basis, often loud enough that the person likely heard 🙃

[@EphemeralTao]

@@megb7715 Definitely that too.

[@robertblume2951]

Let me help you. People are constantly being judged by the society around them.

[@Dancestar1981]

It does then we become our own worst enemies because we internalise that negativity and it speaks to us as an internalised parent that always appears to disapprove of us. I’ve learnt that I’ve got 42 years of trauma to unpack and am in therapy to retrain my brain for better mental health. It’s a new beginning as I was very late diagnosed with the double whammy of ASD and combined ADHD along with complex mathematics disabilities but it was misdiagnosed as Anxiety and Depression at age 17, which just so happened to be additional symptoms of being ND

[@Pabliski577]

@@robertblume2951 Yup and if something actually sets them apart from the society around them they're judged more harshly

[@sheenaoconnell2096]

To me RSD feels a lot like a confirmation bias thing. Like, after being generally rejected as a kid I'm forever braced for the impact of the next rejection and looking for signs that it is about to happen. It's been useful to think about it that way because there are ways to overcome it by being rational about things. Like, I can look for alternative explanations for people's behavior when they do something that touches that old wound

[@lenoralee9553]

This.

[@4LLT0G3TH3R]

And my own learned patterns of behavior that are response to the confirmation bias. Working on it but it's really hard. Walked away yesterday feeling like I just am not cut out for having close relationships. I always fxxk it up.

[@Dancestar1981]

That’s because we’ve learnt through experience to be in a continual state of flight or fight and react to the environment accordingly

[@Dancestar1981]

@@4LLT0G3TH3RHowever good news is we can unlearn those patterns and replace them with new healthier ones over time more quickly than we think

[@EdisuHaro]

​@@Dancestar1981How?

[@ellenfoster9764]

This so describes my youngest son. I’ve always said that most people need to hear 5 positive things for each negative comment. He needs to hear 20 or 30 positive things for each negative.

[@persistentinconsistencies5621]

Thank you for this channel. I am 56yrs old and was diagnosed two months ago with autism. I found your channel a while ago. Your words and your attitude have helped me so much. I just want you to know that I appreciate you:)

[@ranc1977]

He stated few errors in his video. 1) RSD has no cure. It is futile to promise us fantasy magical potions - while there are none. There are workarounds but they are not cure. We will get triggered. 2) RSD is caused by exposure to relentless criticism in our formative years and exposure to toxic society such as CBT. RSD is not our personal hallucination nor our choice. Toxic people caused this effect. RSD is after-effect of narcissistic abuse.

[@sallyhamilton7202]

I didn't know this was a thing! But this thing is ME! I never knew how I feel had a name. Since I was a little child I've taken criticism of any king much harder than others around me. The slightest correction or reprimand hurt me deep deep inside. Criticism or correction, especially from a superior or authority figure, makes me feel ashamed. Like I failed. Like I'm no good. It makes me sad. It makes me embarrassed. The fear of someone not "liking me" is also a huge part of me. The fear of someone who likes me suddenly NOT liking me anymore is also strong. Not just romantic partners, but even friends. I've lost so many friends over the years that literally just stopped liking me, that at least this fear has some basis in truth. Now I just expect people to just stop liking me at some point so I don't really try to have "real" friends anymore. Why bother? I keep friends, co-workers, etc in the "acquaintances" file in my mind. They're just people I talk to, people I work with, not "real" friends. It's easier that way. Then when they stop liking me, (which they always do at some point), it won't hurt me as bad. I'll be 60 this year. I've come to accept who I am. I'm mostly happy, contented. Rarely lonely. But it's still nice to have names for the things that are part of me. I kind of look at it as an "excuse" for how I am. It's not my fault, I'm autistic. I have RSD. Maybe that's not the best way to look at things, "not my fault" isn't really an excuse. But it helps me deal with things. Thank you for bringing RSD to my attention.

[@annissa8959]

This is me too, mostly! ❤

[@Nikki.H]

You described how I feel about it and react to it perfectly. 😓I, like many of us I'm guessing, had a terrible time growing up. Left me with PTSS, which doesn't help obviously. Nowadays I have true friends and supportive family which I care about a lot. But I can't help myself, it feels fleeting and fragile, even if it doesn't make any logical sense. As if one wrong word on my side could turn everything against me. I often wonder if early diagnosis would've prevented a lot of the difficulties I have now, there simply wasn't any understanding back when I was little, only impatience.

[@Psychx_]

During my time in high school I also struggled to consider my peers as friends. Shortly after graduating it, I had a bit of a meltdown, which led me to think that it would be for the better to cut (it was a painful decision nonetheless) all of them out of my life, in part also due to me being unable to muster the energy to maintain these contacts. Years later, I met a few of these people again by chance. Turned out that I've hurt quite some feelings. That's when I first noticed the immense dissonance in perception regarding my relation to others. RSD, not being able to trust, and not wanting to be vulnerable played a big part in this aswell.

[@CtDDtC1919]

I am very much like this too. There is a tangent of this that I became aware of about 1 year ago. My wife is very understanding, or at least tries to be. We had a conversation about why I removed myself from our Facebook Messenger family group. I told her it was because it was a constant source of the feelings of rejection. Whenever one of her family members would share a funny meme, I always responded, or at the very least, reacted. It feels the polite thing to do. But when I would share things that I found humorous, or even worse, when I would share something meaningful to me. It would be met with the figurative sound of crickets chirping. She told me that they weren't ignoring me, but that they were probably busy and didn't have time to react. Maybe so, but my mind keeps going round and round "Did I offend them? Did they hate that one?, Do they just not really like me?.." So I would try harder, only to be met with the same lack of response. I told her that my OCD makes it extremely difficult to NOT over analyze and send even more things in an attempt to get a response, so I took the safe way out. I removed myself, and thus the temptation. I know logically it is mostly in my head, but it feels so very real and it can ruin the quality of my daily existence. I know how completely ridiculous I sound.

[@gsismaet5385]

Ditto.

[@meadowrae1491]

Oh, wow. My partner (we're both autistic) told me he would get really nervous about what he was doing with his hands while waiting in line at the store. Like, it felt like he was standing weird and that people would be judging him.

[@herewegokids7]

I quit frequenting my usual grocery bc of some awkward eye contact I thought happened w the produce guy *one time*. Every single time after that I would get so much anxiety trying to casually not look at him.

[@Koozomec]

@@herewegokids7 It's called a crush.

[@ang3lod3ath99]

One thing I would say defined my middle & high school years is spending hours each night laying in bed reviewing & re-inventing conversations from the day, imagining how they would play out if i'd say this or that instead of what i had said, re-examining facial expressions to see if i'd mis-interpreted them, etc. Several months ago, I laughed aloud upon realizing i'd spend most of my life throroughly confused. I'm 52, diagnosed at 47.

[@graceb3934]

Thank you! You stated it perfectly- "reviewing and reinventing conversations..." - that's exactly what I have always done (and still do). Its torturous at times, given how fruitless it ends up being...although I am guessing it's part of how I learnt to mask.

[@JAYSCHULBERG-b9u]

Ok, Orion, I have to admit. You have me kind of backed into a corner here. You have described me precisely. I asked my wife to watch your video and she did so and smiled and said "this is you." A typical scenario is when she questions me about why I do something a certain way, and my response is an emotionally charged 5 minute explanation. Another really big thing is ruminating. My brain has a way of bringing things to my attention that happened not only yesterday, but years ago. It would seem that these things are safely filed away in my brain, right next to the "Well, that was really awkward, wasn't it?" file. My wife thinks your video will help those of us with RSD as well as our spouses/partners who may feel that they have said or done something really hurtful. The second half of the video has realistic advice about what we can do about it. It helps me a lot just to know that other people have this RSD thing going on. I could have used this information years ago. Thank you for making this video.

[@Miss_Elaine_]

Just had this exact interaction with my husband! I often have to hide my emotional responses because he takes them so personally. And past memories... When I'm feeling vulnerable, horrible memories can pop up and be SO real that I will say something in response, out loud! Then I have to tell whoever heard me that I was just talking to myself as it's too much to explain... 🤦‍♀️

[@JAYSCHULBERG-b9u]

@@Miss_Elaine_ Yes,I certainly know how memories can jump in when they are not wanted.I believe what happens to me is when I feel that I'm not being understood ,a wave of feelings from my past comes over me.I have a ton of memories from my childhood of being misunderstood.When we are different from other kids it can be traumatic just trying to fit in and not being able to do so.These feelings can precipitate a panic that is difficult or impossible to control when we these memories intrude.

[@ranc1977]

" and smiled and said "this is you."" We got to be extremely careful with diagnosis and using psychology as blame and finger pointing and scapegoating and declaring this is you. Nope- we are not limited psychological vocabulary. We are not walking diagnosis. This is mindset of NT, of abusers and narcissists who are hidden in medical industry and who use psychology as sadism and abusing the masses. Sorites paradox tells us that the heap cannot be defined as heap - Fuzzy logic tells us the same. CBT idea that we see the world in form of labels is stigma and discrimination. It is cognitive distortion itself called black and white thinking or in psychology it is called splitting. This can be extremely dangerous - since toxic people will then use labels and stigma and diagnosis to harm, hurt, control and manipulate their targets. Your wife might be cheating on you, might steal your money, might commit some crime, might start poop in your bed and plan to steal your money in court - and if you protest -she will simply state "this is you" "You are over-sensitive" "You are hallucinating" etc. CBT and diagnosis and blaming and scapegoating is making us to be mad, insane and abnormal, that is abuse. CBT is part of abuse. The truth is - unless we are serial killers, Trump, Putin - there is absolutely nothing wrong with our mind, with our thoughts, with our thinking patterns. Trauma responses are reflex - they are not "this is you", they are not our persona, they are not our personality trait. CBT is fusing our trauma and exposure to abuse as our personal fault and our personal choice and our persona - and this is psychological abuse. CBT must be banned - it is doing incredible psychological damage to anyone seeking honest help and explanation about abuse and abusers - because CBT is based on narcissistic abuse and pharma mafia making money on our neurosis.

[@JAYSCHULBERG-b9u]

@@ranc1977 I share none of your concerns.

[@ranc1977]

@@JAYSCHULBERG-b9u Your life, your choice.

[@wualli2494]

We're definately not think skinned. Given the nature of our condition it definately attracts critizism and bullying that can become a vicious circle.

[@AmandaSeacrist]

Oh my gosh, yes! I can certainly say I am an easy target as well. I had to get out of so many toxic environments because of RSD. 😢

[@davebowman9790]

Agreed

[@ranc1977]

You are absolutely correct. The person in the video is promoting CBT agenda and CBT propaganda of NT which is shocking and I cannot understand it. CBT is part of the problem, it is wrong therapy, it is Ludovico Technique from Clockwork orange, it is therapy intended for short term brainwashing invented in late 1960 based on Nazi technology which Americans stole during WW2 operation Paperclip - it is not intended for long term therapy and it is not intended for victims of abuse. CBT is intended for psychopaths and suicidal survivals to get open to therapy - that is the purpose of CBT. CBT is based on idea that we are living in delusion now and that we need to snap out to reality. Victims of abuse - which are autists, ADHDs and socially anxious - who are exposed to trauma and invalidation since childhood - will not hallucinate abuse. The abuse is real. There is no perceived hate. There is hate. I admit - due to exposure to abuse there will be sensitivity to perceived threat. The best example is when I learn Duolingo app - there is option to play slowly spoken words. And the automatic recorded voice will seem to me as if the mock me due to slow talking. I am completely aware that this is recording but there is some degree of annoyance how it sounds and I do take it personally to certain point - but there is no hysteria. If this was spoken by real person I would get offended. That part is "perceived". However there are plethora of Cluster B monsters who do hate others and who see others as threat due to their fragile ego - and there is nothing we perceive as hatred, they really do hate others. This starts to be problem when they are family members or at job - where we cannot leave or cut contact. So another approach is needed - CBT explanations are horrible, they are detrimental, they are re-traumatizing us, they are part of psychological abuse - where our trauma is being invalidated and explained away as a mere hallucination. CBT must be banned - CBT is the part of problem. Instead of CBT there is Humanistic psychology which is based on validation. CBT is based on ableism and NT fascist mindset where diversity is seen as abnormality and something to correct and destroy.

[@GoblinLord]

I mean, I can't expect someone who is literally being attacked by reality to be able to handle a more personal form of negative stimuli very well

[@jackscoular3235]

What makes this so prevelant in myself is my social awareness of how commonly judgment is handed onto others, laughter and sniggering in a school environment behind peoples backs which i as a bystander notice. I recognise how easy it is for people to be judged especially for their own ASD and therefore i recognise in myself all the points to be criticised. Thank you, however for simply putting a name to the emotions, it helps to sort in my mind what is wrong as that is the first step to improving ones mental state

[@raven4090]

I've got this really badly! When we've been knocked back so many times and in so many ways, and having been criticized for the ways we've done things, said things, expressed emotions...of course we're going to get this problem. It's not something we're born with.

[@bobsoldrecords1503]

Praise elicits the same reaction as rejection with me. Can't face either

[@TarkMcCoy]

Yeah, I hear that. It's like they are patting the little retarded kid on the on the back with false praise...it's humiliating.

[@RichardBronosky]

I used to be this way. I tackled the praise thing because I could logic my way through it. The rejection part is immune to logic. You CAN change your response to praise. Accept that as fact. Commit yourself to it. I got nothing for you on the rejection thing.

[@Dancestar1981]

It makes you uncomfortable because you aren’t used to hearing it and feel unworthy of it so it’s a double edged sword I get it a regular thing

[@isabellefaguy7351]

First one of your videos that I can't relate to even if I'm autistic. I took me two decades to even understand the concept of fear of rejection. Because there are few things that I care less about than what other people think of me. So when people reject me, as long as they don't become violent towards me, I have no issue with that rejection. But I do know other autistic adults who very much are afraid of rejection.

[@mrs.jennifer3339]

There is a WORD for "IT"??😲 THIS is EXACTLY what I experience?? And I NEVER know WHERE it comes FROM, or WHY??? I just thought it was a "ME THING"?? But apparently NOT???👏😯 I feel sooooo much better NOW☺️🙏 Thank you soooooooo much for all your unfathomably informative videos. I absolutely love how you explain everything & the way you explain it, I just absorb it like a sponge. It's literally unbelievable. I am an undiagnosed, 42 yr old Female, that will be 43 on Wednesday... I have learned soooooo much HERE, than I have ANYWHERE/EVERYWHERE ELSE... I can't find any Providers in my state to get any help &/ get appropriately tested. I guess they only test children & young adults?? Everywhere I've called seeking help, that is what I am told. LITERALLY... So THAT is WHY I turn to KZbin. Where I will find REAL LIFE help & support & encouragement. Bcuz I literally can't find it ANYWHERE else???🤷 So thank you so much for EVERYTHING 💙 it literally means the world to ME 🙂🙏

[@markwhelan8233]

I'm in the same boat,I never knew why if somebody mistook a comment I made online or I phrased something badly,the angry comeback from them would make me shut down and go non verbal for the rest of the day

[@s0cializedpsych0path]

This must've been why I was misdiagnosed BPD. That was very harmful, as I almost gave up, feeling defeated and hopeless, because I thought I was everything wrong with the world. Thank God for Tony Attwood!

[@Dancestar1981]

Tony Atwood is the original Autism guru

[@A.Abercrombie-uo9ji]

I'm glad you didn't give up! I was misdiagnosed as bipolar so I can relate to how it feels when nothing that is supposed to be working works....

[@sml0266]

I felt kind of attacked in a meeting this afternoon. I was accused of being negative and combative and I had zero idea what he was talking about because I definitely wasn't in my opinion. But, it set me off. I wanted to retreat to an island and not deal with anybody. Then your video popped up. Thank you for all you do. It helps remind me I'm not the only one.

[@emjunker]

Self diagnosed here, with an autistic son. Your videos opened up my eyes to my own neurodivergence as I was searching YT for info about autism. Pieces of this never unsolved puzzle in my life came together all of a sudden. And one of the traits I’ve been ashamed of the most is RSD, something I didn’t even know had a name. Literally thought I was the only one on the planet experiencing this. Thanks Orion, for making this alien feel a little more at home on this earth knowing there’s an entire supportive community out there who truly understands what autism feels like…(yes, I got your book too). Thank you!

[@elizabethaucoin6290]

The biggest thing for me is to accept that I have triggers and I will not always be able to avoid them. In those moments I go into survival mode. I tell myself that the feelings will be addressed in private afterwards, like scheduling a nervous breakdown, and in the meantime I wll distract myself without judgment. Because experiencing the overwhelm publicly is as shaming in some ways as the original event. It enables me to shelter-in-place, and I reassure myself that I will address the feelings in complete privacy. It was the hopelessness of never being able to change that used to make my feelings impossible to hide. I no longer expect other people to understand, and I am able to handle non-judgmentally things that might evoke other people's pity if they really understood. I have short term memory issues, but I reassure myself that I may have misheard something and that when I later analyze what happened I will avoid jumping to conclusions, and put the best possible light on something and trace what it echoes (from my childhood), and deal with that for as long as it takes to process the grief....

[@Since-80s]

❤ ill try this

[@melg4866]

I thought I didn’t experience this condition because I’m one of those autistics that really don’t care for strangers or acquaintances. I don’t fear other humans. I fear making mistakes and having the people I have a high regard for, see or get affected by that error. As a result, I have just completely removed myself from any type of situation that I am not confident enough in taking head on. But you’re right, we all need to be kinder to ourselves. I, personally, need to focus on positive outcomes of my day, where I know I did good. Thanks for another well explained video, Orion!

[@rainerwahnsinn3265]

I think I don't care how other people perceive me. Certainly i don't think about how I am perceived by others. Good to see, that I'm not alone on that.

[@laradesautel3013]

Finally, someone explained exactly how I experience it. It only matters if it is someone who I hold in high esteem and/or some thing I care deeply about doing well and then I’m ridiculous- ridiculous how breathtakingly painful it is- even physically! Ugh… I’m glad I finally figured out what’s wrong with me in general. I spent my whole life not getting what IT was!! I’m in education and I’m so ashamed that I never bothered to learn more about autism and adhd. I bought into the stereotypes and never connected it to myself!

[@philsophkenny]

I think the real issue with criticism for autistic people is the perceived intent behind a given criticism. Given a large amount of negativity in this regard trust issues are a very real factor.

[@Sgt-Gravy]

I was disowned or excommunicated by the majority of my family after my service in the army, most of my battle buddies moved on & have their own lives & new friends. I am a disabled vet. the physical injuries to my spine prevent me from a social life especially when I don't have a physically capable trust worthy person to help me get out & about. where I live the options are slim & the waiting list is very long, but I could really use a peer support person that I can TRUST & wont quit after 3 sessions.

[@redrum86]

4:02 "There's this constant fear of being judged or evaluated while doing even the simplest of things." The only time I don't feel that is when I am alone in my room with the door closed.

[@parmdeepjagdev8395]

This has been me ever since I can remember. I fear criticism and get scared of being Judged and take negative experiences very personally to the extent that I tend to avoid the situation or activity in the future and stop myself from truly enjoying my life

[@joycebrewer4150]

I am right there with you. I have been so deeply worried about being rejected by others, that I would judge myself super harshly to try to prevent further rejection from outside myself. I caused myself as much or more damage as I had from hurtful messages by others. Then it turned out much of what I thought was rejection, in fact was others trying to sandpaper off some of my personality rough edges so we could be good friends.

[@CatusDomesticus_]

I have ADHD (diagnosed as an adult) and even then, I didn’t learn that RSD was a thing until a few years ago. Especially when I was a kid, I always heard “she’s just sensitive, she takes things hard so be extra careful with her, etc.” And I didn’t know any different than to believe that and assumed I was simply deficient in some way. It was my fault and I was failing somehow, and that played heavily into my anxiety and depression as a teen. And now, sometimes. I can consciously recognize it now and cope for the most part, but sometimes a small interaction will sometimes surprise me with I feel about it. That’s when I try to allow myself a few minutes to feel the emotion, take some breathes, and try to calm down in whatever ways I have available. It’s a work in progress but just knowing RSD exists was a huge game changer for me.

[@dreaabercrombie2457]

It's weird, I have always tried to find the best in things or the "silver lining" of the situation. The forever optimist. So the whole idea of reframing the situation is really good to me and I am going to try and apply this to my feelings of "rejection."

[@t.f.3228]

I woke up at 4 am and had a meltdown from just thinking about being rejected if I change my career path. I fear everything… talent, success, putting myself out there. The anxiety has made it so it is hard to create or do anything. I keep losing job skill going deeper into burn out… but this am, I just wanted to wake up, and start drinking until I pass out. As I was on my way out the door I saw your post submission and realized that all of my behavior this morning is being caused by rejection sensitive dysmorphia and it’s the reason I can’t do anything with myself..: and probably why I keep getting fired:

[@jimwilliams3816]

4am is a b*tch. It's when my prefrontal cortex is offline, and my amygdala has free reign to terrorize me. I've learned to tell myself that, while the facts of the situation my mind is reviewing are usually fairly accurate, the feeling of utter and pervasive doom (it's hopeless!!) are not; think about it again in the morning and it won't seem as horrifying. It doesn't stop my feelings, but it helps.

[@t.f.3228]

@@jimwilliams3816 .thank you

[@ranc1977]

@@jimwilliams3816 "4am is a b*tch. It's when my prefrontal cortex is offline, and my amygdala has free reign to terrorize me." Excellent comment. I'm putting this on twitter.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

@@ranc1977I'm putting it on a t-shirt.

[@ranc1977]

@@gothboschincarnate3931 11 months later and I discovered this is Autism Spectrum issue. I refused to believe it, until I learned about High Functioning Autism

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

Yes man! Very true. I have finally stopped caring about how strangers perceive me in public, unless I know that I am going to interact with them regularly in the future. Getting criticized by an acquaintance feels worse to me than getting criticized by a stranger; because I know that the stranger is likely forming quick and inaccurate assumptions when they have literally just seen me for the first time. In that case, I think that they are foolish to judge someone who they know zero facts about, and therefore it is hard for me to take their judgement seriously. On the other hand, an acquaintance who you regularly pass by in the hallway at work will likely have a deeper affect on me.

[@veggiemegroll9220]

I learned about rsd last year and it now made sense to me why I always feel like I’m stepping on eggshells around most people 😅 also my eyes will sometimes water on it’s own when I’m feeling rejected and it’s so embarrassing because it’s like my body is doing it all on it’s own, I’m trying to work through it though

[@LadyRenira]

Your timing is impeccable. . . Says the person who sat for 3 days ruminating over why a friend didn't respond to DMs and thinking it was probably something she said and mulled over all the conversations. Upon finding something, I latched onto it like it was a cookie...and then started beating myself up about it to the point that I apologized for it and talked to another friend about it. Yeah...and then I proceeded to beat myself up for apologizing and putting a burden on him to sort of console me when he's just been stressed and busy. This is fine. >

[@Marie_me_]

“It’s the unrealistic goals you don’t meet that you use to explain why you think you’re a loser or not good enough” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Absolutely. I see my BF unnecessarily beating himself up for the unrealistic deeds, actions goals or whatever that he couldn’t meet or do. And it hurts me to see him torture himself over them. 😢 Y’all don’t be so hard on yourself because you’re an abundance of awesomeness that you never give yourself credit for! Whether you feel it or not…you matter❤

[@laradesautel3013]

Your comment really helped me at just the right time. Thank you for that🙃

[@skyewatchesstuff]

To me rsd feels like being stabbed in the chest and punched in the stomach at the same time, while I struggle to breathe and my mind keeps repeating that I am a failure...this happens everytime someone tells me off for making even a minor mistake...it feels awful😢

[@shelbybutler9714]

This is my first time hearing about RSD. All of these examples resonate with me so much- thank you! I finally have a name for the anxiety and shame that I feel, when criticized or rejected. Break-ups can take years for me to get over. Performance reviews at work leave my stomach in knots, and I go into fight or flight mode. And, I have often wondered why I am less and less excited about the prospect of dating, and more and more avoidant of it, now that I am divorced. This sheds a lot of light on my life. My son has Autism, and it is only recently that I started taking diagnostic tests online, to find that I am also on the spectrum. So eye-opening! Thank you! ☺

[@Ziko577]

I didn't hear about this until sometime last year thanks to spending time in a less than wholesome Discord server. A young lady randomly took me aside and mentioned this and I was like what? After our talk, I was very upset and made that known to some friends I know online and they understood my frustration then. I left that server a while ago as the place became so unbearable and others that left spoke of similar experiences too. Even so, learning this brings little solace as things haven't gotten much better for me.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

is it any wonder that i hate religion?

[@deusexaethera]

I thought mind-blindness was my most prominent trait, but now it's clear to me that RSD is my most prominent trait -- at least in terms of what I _feel._

[@SassyST]

Just gave this video to my husband to watch because I know he’ll agree how accurate this is for me. I’m 53 and just now putting the pieces of the puzzle together that I most likely have been misdiagnosed since age 12. You know once you’re in a certain “bucket,” they stop looking for anything else. Especially back then because autism was thought of so differently. Meanwhile, I’ve been learning more about autism since it was suggested my 30 year old daughter might be autistic (they’ve said she’s but after testing) and more and more I’m losing any doubt that this is it. Autism is the true condition I should’ve been receiving support for, rather than the 5 other diagnoses given to cover this and that symptom. I’m so grateful you give ways to manage RSD in this video. I had a *meltdown* just this past week because I took my CAT’S behavior with her new kittens as a personal rejection. I felt crazy even in the midst of the meltdown. I often make no sense, even to me. Maybe with more knowledge, things will start making a little more sense. Much love from Texas! ❤

[@marymyers4751]

Thank you Orion. I have ADHD and ASD...but more the first...I struggle with this daily.

[@DanielleMoore-vg4lh]

I regularly feel perceived rejection even if the person occasionally gives me reassurance. It's became a real issue in my social life because I want to get close to someone but my brain tells me that they've now rejected me because they might not be doing what I expected. Whenever I get these feelings I usually am the one that ends up stopping communications out of anxiety and I feel really bad about it.

[@georgesumner8190]

For me, it’s that I get more gratification and reciprocation from pretending, then I do when I am being authentic. I don’t just get more gratification from others, but from myself. A part of why I “pretend,” is I sense a demand/obligation that is greater than myself, prompting an unnatural state of being, to avoid “rejection” and feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, feeling like a terrible person and depression. Occasionally, when the act slips I get a perceived sense of rejection based off the reactions of those around me, which makes me feel like an ugly horrible person, which further reinforces the invalidation of my true self. I also feel that if I have this perceived sense of being a terrible person, that gives me a compulsion to self sabotage. It’s like a reaction to exposure anxiety, as if I’m saying to myself and those around me “there you go, that’s the real me. I am horrible.” Then afterwards I feel terrible. It means it’s hard to know when you are actually being yourself and if you are really being awful, but it feels so real. If you’re not careful you become it.

[@mrs.jennifer3339]

I don't know if you ever heard of it, but the book "THE GIFT OF ADULT ADD" changed MY life & my perceptions of Myself?? It is a beautifully written book filled with wisdom & empathy & I think Everyone should read it that goes thru this. I think it will greatly help so many people cope with EXACTLY what is explained in this video. Priceless information🙂👍

[@baileyjones7570]

I really wonder if this is me...I've been going back and forth on seeing myself as autistic for several months, but every time I find a new piece of information like this it makes me see myself in a whole new light---and how can I not be autistic? It's ironic that I don't want to get formally assessed because I am afraid that my view of all this is just wrong and I'm actually not autistic and I get rejected. But it goes further than that in my everyday life: EVERY conversation I have, I am in constant fear of saying the "wrong" thing, and people either correcting me, losing interest in me, just not liking me, or misinterpreting what I'm saying (which tends to happen when I'm the most excited and confident about what I'm saying). But those are all mostly irrational fears, and I don't know why I feel that way; but the fear pops up literally every time I even think about speaking. And I wonder if that has anything to do with RSD, and especially autism.

[@marblewaves]

i don’t have the fear but it still feels like someone ripped the soul out of my body until the next morning. watching this video helped and tending to it when it happens is paramount. do whatever you need to do to tend to it in whatever way you need to

[@karens8633]

Depending on the day I’m like “Sorry l’m not accepting any criticism today” I’m my own worst critic, don’t need any help thanks! My father was adopted and I believe this was a lifelong struggle for him as well.

[@barbmacuk4803]

Thanks Orion for a very good description of something I'd never heard about but have experienced many times. Not sure whether I am on the spectrum or not, but I often listen to your videos and have learned a lot! Also, I love your taste in shirts! :D

[@kristenverne4944]

I felt like you were describing my WHOLE LIFE! I’m even dealing with that stuff right now. I’m currently waiting on my official autism diagnosis, and I’m so scared to tell my parents. They’ve rejected or criticized things I do and parts of my personality that i now recognize as autism. I’m really nervous about telling them.

[@janestanton9422]

I'm 60 years old and self diagnosed myself a few days ago. You are so helpful to me understanding why I am like this. I have struggled all my life not knowing I was on the spectrum. Meditation, breathing and energy work has helped me so much. I sleep better and take real care of my nervous system. I'm still so early into my journey of finding out I'm autistic, but I feel relieved I'm not crazy and can give myself permission now to take better care of myself. Thank you for all you do bringing awareness. You are helping more people than you ever will know. 🤗

[@waywardh9528]

I don't know if I'm actually autistic, but I DEFINITELY have RSD. I didn't know there was a name for it until now. Thank you

[@jeffreypollan308]

Another piece to my puzzle!

[@karinpeagam7742]

Not only autistics feel this. Anyone who is remotely insecure can suffer this too. Reading a book called "Im Ok Youre ok" helped me enormously with this and with setting boundaries in life generally.

[@shawnholbrook7278]

overthinking and replaying... yep. No-one even remembers what upsets me, it's the little things . wrong interpretation, clarifications, 2 paragraph explanations for a one sentence problem. also, compliments are hard. Most feel forced or unnecessary. I pray, and I keep trying to connect with humans despite my feelings. I have made some boundaries, thanks to God. I feel evaluated in a negative way often. I don't think like most people that I know, I have to remember that different is not bad. I am uniquely crafted. (ADHD, PTSD, autistic)

[@darrellwilliams1870]

I have only recently discovered that I am on the spectrum. I did not know about RSD until last week. Completely explains the things that I do, especially with my artwork. It has gotten so bad that I cannot get myself to do art anymore. That tears me up. Knowing that it can be controlled or, hopefully, healed is great. I am almost able to have hope.

[@annissa8959]

This might very well be the reason I have given up on applying for jobs without even having trying it that much and why I have such difficulties with the overall feeling of trust, bot in people and maybe even more in life and the whole reality in itself! One thing I feel very embarrassed about is when I say something, particularly in a group, and nobody replies and I do have stronger emotions in those situations on the inside than I show (masking, I suppose). Maybe I don't feel I am in control in social situations (even though I think I can read them and know what is expected of me there), without having realizing it in that way before... Very, very useful video! And the art of saying no is probably something even neurotypical people would benefit from learning, I think!

[@bes03c]

It is crazy how much I identify with this. Thanks for the video.

[@whitneymason406]

I definitely have struggled with this all my life! Thanks for covering this topic!

[@jamesgeary4294]

This is me all over. I live in the past replaying past mistakes trying to figure out what I could have done differently, but then getting unreasonable anxiety because I can't time travel to fix it, even though I know that's objectively not possible, my brain doesn't seem to care. When I have experienced rejection or even mild criticism in the past, as much as possible I retreat from that person or those particular situations. I rarely allow myself to drift back.

[@oorzuis1419]

the overplaying part I always did this at night so I never got enough sleep before going to school. found out later that these overplaying past experiences were tributing to depression and aggression leading to other emotional disable problems such as isolationism. the fear of getting angry. and can't find a way to get past it for days after. great motivational speech Orion Kelly doing a great job here, love it thanks.

[@AmandaSeacrist]

I can empathize with both you and Orion on this problem. It's poison if we allow it to consume us. It's hard to get our minds to stop acting like a rewind button, for sure, but I know with effort, consistency, and knowing this is serious, we can get that rewind button to get unstuck and move forward! 😊

[@silverninja5218]

I love how I finally got a word for my feelings now. RSD. I always called it social anxiety and depression because they both share some of the same traits from my perspective.

[@blossom654]

I feel sooo tired! As much as I appreciate content of channels on autism by autistics, and the support and information it offers, especially newcomers, I really seek a channel that takes it further. It’s as if there is a glass ceiling of what ‘we’ talk about. I am moving beyond the maaany aspects (and cute names/comorbidities) of autism, and autism friendly apps, stimming toys, weight blankets, EarPods, etc. I have mentioned alternative views in comments on different channels, but creators keep coming back to the same contents… Instead of pushing through, you’re all turning leftish. That borders to influence by a narrative. Maybe you are not consciously aware that you are doing it…but you are! Any new interesting studies? Old studies that could need a re-read? Can we move beyond identity politics, and how we are misunderstood? Orion, you made a video on how attractive autism can be, that was great! More on our potential, how do we tap into it? There is a scene in X-men (one of them ?), where a seemingly normal scientist unhappily reveals he has blue gorilla feet (so he’s actually an X man). He has created a drug to erase the X component in his body, he takes the drug, and (SPOILER) the opposite happens…he develops into his full potential (a full blue gorilla)! Turns out his true self was not human with a defect, but an Xman with hidden potential. I read an article of an autistic painter (gorgeous work), who learned aikido. Before that she was clumsy and uncoordinated, but after, she was graceful and enjoyed movement. She said, that it was as if her stimming was unfinished, pent up movements, that she needed to extend out. I have also learned a lot from qi gong, kung fu, other eastern embodiment wisdom. Inside and out. There are HEAPS of things we can study and try out, which is beyond stimming toys, and not about bending to society standards…but to be ourselves fully in our own right, and a contribution to society. What do you say? Are you Man or are you Mouse?! 😎

[@Acorn905]

It's so helpful to hear that autistic peoples and people with adhd alsow struggle with this. I tought i was just over exagerating everything and was sensible or a crybaby but it's nice that others alsow feel intense sadness or anger about "small things" sometimes. It's honestly tiring it's like a loop evrytime i see something that annoys or saddens me; I enjoy something on the internet i like; show, songs, video game, ect. Someone says anything remotely negative about it like calling ir cringe or annoying or "I seriously dont get how someone could actually enjoy this" I feel as if they've just insulted a part of myself or i take comments like "i think thing is bad" as a fact and take it way to seriously. I try to realize that i dont need to feel this way but in the heat of the moment it comes out as hate and phrases like "You care so much about things like these" "Literally no one else cares why do you?" The jugmetal comments turn into self depricating thoughts and self judgment. I try to think of something else (usually kind of works but once and a while the anger and negativity comes back) I get a random boost of confidence and an "I don't care what anybody thinks!" attitude that last a minute qnd then i go back to normal. Get's bored and tries to enjoy somethinv on the internet And repeat :'D

[@dominic.h.3363]

I've been fired on the 30th, they've gone into plenty of detail how it wasn't my fault, but their fault to synergize my workload with theirs (so they essentially tried a new thing with me but it didn't work out for them), but that didn't help me feel better about it one bit. This video couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks!

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

One of my big struggles knowing I do this helps me fight it. This was my upbringing more than my asd/adhd. I was 10 weeks when my dad passed, and I now recognize that my mother has antisocial personality disorder. Never being wanted definitely can cause this as well.

[@CraigSchubert]

Thanks for this! Self diagnosed AuDHD here and this is definitely part of why I suspect I'm neurospicy... I was thinking recently about how it plays in to job hunting - knowing that there is a lot of rejection in that makes it even harder to take those steps.

[@Vince3C]

Listening to this description of RSD was like looking into a mirror. My psychologist taught me how to manage it, but I can fall back into it sometimes. It's not as bad as it used to be before my psychologist helped me, but it can still hit hard enough to make me want to avoid opportunities that I should embrace. I'm better now at recognizing it and not giving in to it, but it takes work.

[@jamesnicoll8415]

This is me!!!! Thanks Orion for the explanation. 😊

[@thesquiggleyspooch2433]

You got a sub from me on this vid! When you started talking about routine, meditation, breathing etc I was like DING! The more I spend time alone, in my energy, unpressured and unjudged, I meditate, do yoga and breath work, and keep my stress level as low as possible and it's the happiest I've been in a long time.

[@TarkMcCoy]

In my case this involves projection of self hatred, one of the things I figured out through those repeated self reexaminations of my rejection events.

[@a13monkey]

Thank you so much for sharing all of your findings with us all. The amount of built up discouragement and anxiety over this stuff, is quite often unbearable. Especially when I have a 30+ year history of trying to discuss this to medical professionals & family... who only minimize and dismiss the reality of it in my area. I may not know exactly where to turn at this point in life, but at least now i know what I feel is real and their are others who do learn to manage and often thrive with the same mental build as me. Thanks again and thank you all for being here and taking action when no one else would.

[@GummyBear1972]

It's interesting to learn about RSD. I had a super hard time during adolescence and had no idea why I felt so rejected by everyone. I'm doing better now in middle age but the perspective is invaluable. Thank you for explaining!

[@lindaware3082]

Love your videos. You make so much sense. I never knew RSD existed, you’ve helped me beyond words. 👍

[@kalonakitu]

Thank you for this. I'm working on my special interests, doing mindfulness meditations and breathwork, as well as setting boundaries, journaling, and using re-framing/re-focusing techniques, all of which really help. 💜

[@CtDDtC1919]

I have dealt with RSD since childhood. This is largely because of my sensory issues and my difficulty socializing with other children which was made dramatically worse by being in a military family that was always moving... leading to me always being "the new kid". With the sensory issues, I had extreme difficulty wearing most clothing. When I started school, I was suddenly no longer allowed to wear pajamas or sweatpants and tee shirts, and instead required to wear nice school clothes. The intensity of the sensory assault was SO severe that I would develop rashes where the seams and tags touched my skin. Because it would often lead to an emotional meltdown, I started getting whipped/beaten daily for being "completely ridiculous" and being a brat. My parents were told many times that I was above average intelligence, bordering on genius. This made them quite happy. Unfortunately, florescent lighting greatly exaggerated my inability to filter sensory input. Sounds, visual input and even smells all competed for my sensory bandwidth and I would develop anxiety and a feeling that the room as slowly rotating and tilting. The teacher's voice was lost in all the noise. I brought home a report card with mostly Ds in 4th grade, and received one of the most severe whippings in my life. This one scarred me both emotionally and physically. As I was being punished, I was being told I was lazy, didn't care about my school work and a few other disparagements about my character. Other kids called me weird, and most didn't want to be my friend. Sometimes I would have a friend(s) for a while, until they figured out I was a bit different. I was always having this heavy cloud or anticipation of rejection hanging over me. When I was a teenager, I had a few girlfriends. I was considered to be good looking, so I could attract them, but they never stayed. It usually ended with being accused of being inattentive, non-caring, obtuse about things like birthdays or Valentine's Day, and not ever "reading between the lines", which was basically me not caring enough to know what they wanted without them having to tell me. It goes on and on, but the sense of being rejected for reasons that are out of my control has been a big challenge for me to try and overcome. Recently, I was with 2 friends from work. After our shift, we went across the street to have a beer and grab a bite to eat. A lady who who knew one of my co-workers from the University came up to our table to say hi. She joined us briefly, but started ranting about white privilege and how ALL of the world's problems are because of white males. I snapped. I went off on her and shut her down HARD. She ran off. I think she may have started to cry but I was too infuriated to care. One fellow said to me "You know she didn't mean it personally, right??" I lectured him about being rejected my entire life for things that were out of my control. For being severely whipped for things that are out of my control... and that she just basically blamed me for everything wrong in the entire world, and that I am NOT allowing ignorant, shortsighted people to do this to me anymore! Yeah... they didn't ask me to join them ever again.

[@Tmhjr_Baskar]

So the things I have been describing most of my life actually has a name. Good to bounce around the diff videos. Learn something new each time. But yeah, RSD describes me and my entire life to a T. As for reliving social interactions and or memories -- its every single moment of every single day. Unending. Just got to the trigger section. I hear trigger, I see the word triggers and my mind immediately goes to - people. Me and relaxing don't mix well. I'm always on edge, stressed out. Only moments if absolute relaxation i have are right before I go to sleep and right after I wake up. That's it. Not a good idea to let me game away. You won't hear from me for weeks, if you're lucky. Been addicted to gaming since 1981. Currently forcing myself to stay away from my ps2 for a year....4 months to go. Why? Lose track of time and I can easily play for days on end. If thst teister didn't go through the property last year I'd probably be in the pc or ps2 gaming away at crazed hours. I kid you not. I cant keep up with a journal. More I write, the more I have to read back on what I wrote which in turn makes me rethink EVERYTHING I wrote over and over again. Dont really have a support system. Hard to have one when you live as a recluse, can't verbally talk to anyone on the phone, and your immediate fam thinks you're essentially a hypochondriac, regardless of actually getting diagnosed. Did reach out for help a few years bsck, but did in fact get betrayed by my counselor and I retreated into old habits. Good news is that he got fired and his license revoked for a period of 5 years and he has to retake courses if he wishes to counsel again. Bad news is that I can't talk on the phone with anyone (aside from parents). Call comes in and I block em. End of story. I eiuld say my boundary is the absolute most unhealthy one to take. Complete isolation from society. Can't say no when you don't see anyone. Lol. Small goal - going out to the mailbox....check I'm seen and I freak out, locking kyself in for weeks. Agoraphobia - it sucks Do have spots nestled in the woods where I know I can't be seen, though. So there's that at least. So here's the lesson folks - if you have rsd and autism - don't become a recluse. And I'm not talking about the minor COVID time restraints. 2 years is nothing. I'm at 23 years as a recluse. It ain't worth it. Sure, no one to deal with - but then you develop or exacerbate anxieties through time till you can't function AT ALL in society or around people. You know it's bad when your phone rings and you have an all out panic attack.

[@reminiscingyesteryear6052]

Orion, this video clears up a whole lot of confusion for me, thank you! You have nailed it, spot on, now I know and understand what and why I behave like I do. Never knew about RSD, and it truly fits me! I was never offically diagnosed with ASD, but I know that I do have it, it just fits! I am 71 now. Just so thankful that I now know and understand that my being Autistic, doesn't mean that I am hopelessly defective🎉😂

[@SABRMatt2010]

All of the types of triggers for RSD. I have all of them. If you can think of something that could cause rejection sensitivity, it does for me. There's a reason I'm one level above a complete hermit.

[@Spooglecraft]

oh boy, i (diagnosed ASD+ADHD) can somewhat relate to this, but it really rings true to what my girlfriend (no formal diagnosis yet, ASD highly suspected) told me about how she perceives social interactions. especially with my parents, even though they've immediately welcome her, she cares a lot about how they see here and every time we meet them, the next day she gets very anxious

[@isabellescott3332]

You have no idea how helpful this is. Thank you thank you thank you!! 🙏🏽

[@ronniecorbett6306]

I've learned to be okay when I feel someone doesn't like me. I've learned to walk away like it didn't bother me, but it always does though. Always.

[@Autisticheather]

I love how you smile and try to act happy when you're telling us about yet another aspect of our lives that suck. Lol. But yes meditation, re framing, journaling helps tremendously. I really love your angry uncensored videos. Those are more like my feelings! I can relate so much. This shit sucks and definitely warrants anger. Also nt people DO NOT HELP AT ALL with their secret code language and protocol and propriety. It's like we're lost in a house of mirrors. To help the rsd, i also try to focus on how I feel about THEM. Do i even like them? Do i think highly enough of them to torment myself about their opinions. This helps the most, because often i don't even like or care about these people. I call it, get out of their heads and back into your own head.

[@erinwright3351]

As someone who is just beginning to appreciate and understand my autistic tendencies, I want to thank you for doing this wonderful podcast! I am getting so much value from it. And, since we are on the topic of reactions to feedback...You are absolutely charming, and great to listen to! (Hope that didn't make you uncomfortable, lol) 🤣🥰

[@Nikki.H]

You described my fears and reactions perfectly. 😓I, like many of us I'm guessing, had a terrible time growing up. Left me with PTSS, which doesn't help obviously. Nowadays I have true friends and supportive family which I care about a lot. But I can't help myself, it feels fleeting and fragile, even if it doesn't make any logical sense. As if one wrong word on my side could turn everything against me. I often wonder if early diagnosis would've prevented a lot of the difficulties I have now, there simply wasn't any understanding back when I was little, only impatience. My son is very much like me, I'm glad that I can prevent him from flying under the radar and getting understanding and help early where needed.

[@natschannel3331]

Thank you, I now have the name and some coping strategies for the reoccurring theme in my life at exactly the time I really needed it. It's nice to know others feel this way, too, and I'm not alone.

[@rita.amstlv]

Hi, This is a real eye-opener for me. I can so much relate to this. Thank you 🐹

[@annaletts6182]

Thank you. I cried during this video. RSD can be so painful and isolating. My RSD was badly triggered yesterday and I’m stuck in the overthinking of the moment. I cried listening to this video just for the validation and sense of understanding and community it gave me. 🙏🏻

[@drivewayturtle65]

I definitely have this. It began in early childhood and persists to this day. I can't understand why I feel like people really dislike me, which leads to embarrassment and shame, even for things that happened decades ago. I don't seek out new friendships or try to retain old ones. I have walled myself off and rarely talk to strangers. The only people in my life are my immediate family members. Even recognizing myself here makes me so unhappy.

[@ZubinMadon]

Another great video. I'd love to explore the connection with CPTSD.

[@winternightmarecrochet]

RSD is definitely a thing with cptsd. It can be triggered by the fear of abandonment as well, which is a huge thing for cptsd. But then again, lots of autistic people also have cptsd.

[@AmandaSeacrist]

That's a good idea! 👍

[@AmandaSeacrist]

@Winter Nightmare I agree. Also, Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD), ties right into fear of abandonment, with a history of abandonment too. Normally having a diagnosis or at least the signs of having CPTSD or PTSD can aquire BPD too. Not a professional here...just know from personal experience. Thanks for your input.

[@ranc1977]

@@AmandaSeacrist The difference is that BPD is making fantasy snapshot delusional explanation of reality (Sam Vaknin-Richard Grannon) - while all of our others see reality as it is.

[@Dancestar1981]

I’d say that the majority of us ND individuals would have it from just trying to cope in an NT world and especially those who are late diagnosed or undiagnosed and don’t have a strong support network

[@Trinesmb]

You're amazing! I love your energy and vibe! This video was also very well explained. Thanks so much!

[@catmccabe1148]

Learning so much from your channel, thank you so much, this would be another tick in another box, though I've not been diagnosed with any conditions as I stay away from drs too 😕😩😩 problem is I've experienced so much outright and obvious rejection I'm becoming more reclusive as the years go on, just don't have the energy left....

[@josephmartin1540]

Oooooh! I’m years ahead of where I was, but the more you describe what RSD means. Oh, good grief. I would like to hear any more you figure out or research on triggers. Any thought and every interaction has at least a sense of this. I think a key for a lot of us will be in healing from related trauma. This is related to trauma, ptsd, inertia… executive function…. I reckon (I’m from southern US, so I can reckon) all the issues affect the others. The more we learn to deal, the more help we can be to our totally nonverbal valuable persons! Carry on!

[@WritingGeekNL]

I'm watching this at 3 A.M. After I have dealt with three cases of rejection this week, one of which was selfdestructive. I'm glad this video exists to help me out a bit, thank you.

[@anniepauli141]

Overthinking and replaying. Yes and yes. I always think it's not perceived, it's real. Writing my memoir has helped me overcome.

[@agapetheprodigalraqah]

Thanks for this Orion. I finally got my late diagnosis of autism last Thursday (7/25/2024). I’m also a late diagnosed ADHDer (11/2018) and have multiple intersectional identities that affect how i show up in the world. It’s frustrating. And i will have to force myself to set better boundaries. And the black and white urge to tell the people i trust almost everything about my life. I have to work through that.

[@Rebecca-oz9fu]

This video is very insightful, and for me, very challenging. I have never heard of this concept, but it rings so true with what I have lived. I will need to watch this several times. Thank you for enabling me to see this at work in my life, and potentially giving me some tools and tips to help me overcome some of these attitudes against myself.

[@ArtDude539]

Spot on Orion! Thank you for doing what you do.

[@wisecoconut5]

Oh yes. This is me! I even avoid any socializing where I may be in focus, even briefly.

[@craigbrowning9448]

Even having your own tastes in things like TV Shows and Genres of Music. I remember being put on the spot by my mother's older sister. One thing that intrigued me was that the light fixtures were controlled by one switch each illuminated at a different time Interval. This is because the garage is pretty lit by one bulb, wish to attempt adapter in a couple extension cords had to fluorescent fixtures tied into it. The to floresta figures came on after the bulb, not simultaneously. This reminded me of light displays on elaborate Store Marquis, so I would look look out in the garage and flip the switch up and down a few times with regular sort of duplicating the action lights on a commercial sign. This flip my and out and I was humiliated as a result of it. The sort of thing struck me as puzzling as I got older because my aunt proud of herself as a liberal activist she worked as a School Teacher (there was an American folk singer named Phil Ochs who while announcing his song "Love Me I'm A Liberal" mentioned the American Liberal 10 Points to the Left in Good Times and 10 Points to the Right when it effects them personally). I think the issue could have been better resolved if she was inquisitive about why I Was flicking the light on and off in that manner. She seemed to be concerned the most about Property Damage and maybe I should have been doing that but I think they could have been a better approach to dealing with it. Also I had an interest in music, Percy is my dad played the piano also Mr. Rogers on TV played piano and sang. At the nursery school I attended, they had an autoharp what's a feeling rule that figured out how to do I-IV-V Major Primary Chords Ellen difference between Major and Minor Chords. Around the time this was taking place my aunt had borrowed an autoharp from the school where she taught first grade, and I proceeded to play the same chord sequence I did on the nursery school instrument. Again she flipped out leaving me feeling rejected and embarrassed. Eventually I became a Jazz Organist and played other keyboard instruments. A lot of people with academic credentials of her generation learn true intellectuals listen to and/or play Classical Music. And everything else was for bums. I could easily triggered her playing piano once I got that down. Looking clean about her rigidity in spite of her ideological leanings, the Conservatism mm of my fathe and hisr family had its own unique problems for different reasons. It was more about Fear, and Loyalty and threats of physical verbal and emotional abuse.

[@krystenc2486]

Hi from Tassie 👋 thanks for another great vid, Orion. I recently ‘discovered’ RSD in my ASD research and it explains me to a tee. I used to think I was just a sook who needed to get over herself, but never could. I was the quiet, observant girl on the outer at school as I found that I was less likely to face rejection if I was barely there. My childhood, teens and young adulthood were excruciating. I have found that I have become a little less sensitive to criticism and rejection as I’ve gotten older, but RSD is still very much a part of my life that I struggle with at times. I’m 34 and in the final stages of my ASD assessment, but I have identified as autistic for the last couple of years. My husband and I have 3 kids: our eldest daughter and our son are also autistic. Coming to the realisation that I was autistic and finally being able to make sense of my life saved my marriage. It explained the meltdowns, the burnout, the shutdowns, the inability to identify or describe emotions or talk about feelings, the demand avoidance, the social and communication difficulties, etc etc. Thank you for sharing your experience of autism, it is so validating for those of us who tend to fall prey to imposter syndrome.

[@tazdragon]

Every single one of your examples is a situation I have struggled with, either recently or in the past. I'm cautiously hopeful that knowing the term RSD might help me.

[@ariusrainer9345]

That was great, thanks. Kind of painful, only because it opened some flood gates, but overall appreciated. Re-framing my mind on focusing on the positive is something I do a lot, but I tend to feel more pathetic and deflated when I do. Is that normal? Example, I'm a Behavioral Health Technician, and I'm an easy target for some of my clients who want a deflection target. My co-workers don't help because for some reason they like to bring me the distasteful or degrading things these clients say behind my back, to me. Making things worse, one of these co-workers is our facilities residential therapist. One day I reached my limit and I politely asked her (trying not to cry) if she'd refrain from telling me what others say behind my back because I already struggle to maintain self esteem as it is. She agreed and told me she was proud of me for setting boundaries, and it felt rather condescending they way she said it. She hasn't crossed that boundary since, but I still feel foolish and irritated about it. I try and focus on the positive, that she respects my boundary, but I still can't shake that embarrassment and humiliation in having to do so.

[@WalliFrog]

Hmmm for what my cent is worth. People talking a lot about how it feeds into trauma but I did just read it is not from trauma. And my experience backs this up that, it's very rare we find anyone who can actually appease the overwhelming fear, let alone not actually judge or reject us at times. My dad tho, always has truly made me feel like it's in my head, even when I'm perceiving it, he's calm, considerate and it doesn't take too long to believe he's not rejecting me. So considering that, as a kid almost every day I wanted to ask him if he hated me, only stopped at times knowing it's an inappropriate and maybe unfair question. On one hand it's set me up for taking criticism well because I know criticism can come from someone who loves me and accepts any mistake I could make, can. But it's useful I think for anyone to know in my experience, it doesn't stop the fear, it doesn't stop me from intensely looking for a bad reaction, it doesn't stop the initial pang of the slightest reactions that there are, that I perceive as negative I guess, and the emotional and stressful toll it takes to try wind down again. I'm not diagnosed, my dad thinks I'm autistic. I experience even just today, body language wise with a more new person, cuz I just met a long time friend, even walking out the room abruptly triggers it. I usually don't acknowledge myself how it affects me because I tell myself it's stupid to react in ways I know people don't want me to, but it can spiral out of control more than I'm used to with more bad reactions. Oh and, I wonder if it's an example of positive feedback even, when I used to be congratulated in a condescending way for washing the dishes I'd get so so stressed and guilty, even tho it was more a joke than condescending I think, knowing them.

[@Htrac]

Oh damn, all of this matches for my entire life.

[@ranc1977]

Ok, you described CBT approach of ableism and convergent thinking - where rejection is explained away as our hallucination. Without going into argument that toxic people really do exist and that toxic shame culture countries will be intrusive as lifestyle and as macho and strong - let's go straight to the matter: - what happens according to CBT when we do meet someone who is intrusive all the time? - What happens when there are predatory personalities who attack others in order to mask their own ineptness? - what happens when there is mobbing and abuse? - when someone is pathological liar? We (anyone struggling with RSD) won't know how to respond, how to process and how to interpret intrusive abusive people. RSD has no cure. When you propagate CBT belief that we can cure something by nitpicking our mindset and to label our neurodivergent mind as abnormality - is invalidation itself. CBT is part of abuse - it is causing RSD through invalidation and explanations that toxic people do not exist. CBT is ableist therapy and I have no idea how CBT protrudes itself into autism, ADHD? CBT is doing incredible psychological damage to anyone seeking social anxiety - by explaining abuse as hallucination - now this corrupt medical industry pharma mafia is trying to abuse and invalidate neurodivergent mindset thinking as abnormality, something that is hallucination and perceived. It is not. Toxic people are real. With toxic people boundaries are useless and futile. In real life - saying No will get us fired and hurt and harmed. Saying No to someone pathological will end up with them pooping in our bed and suing us for being rapist and trying to steal our money in court. Instead of Saying No - there is actual Narcissistic abuse education - to learn Cluster B monsters and how to recognize red flags. Instead of toxic people external factor - you are promoting CBT idea of self pathology and self blame and creating hence personality disorder. Instead of faulty pharma mafia CBT which is making money on our neurosis - there is Humanistic psychology which is based on validation and acceptance. CBT does not see due to egocentrism and rigid mindset that we won't be able to set realistic goals nor to ground due to toxic shame - and exposure to relentless criticism while growing up - which caused RSD in the first place. Social anxiety is RSD and CBT is ignoring information about Complex Trauma and RSD because pharma mafia is making money on human neurosis. CBT must be banned - it is part of psychological abuse by narcissists and psychopaths hidden in medical industry.