Unfaithful Spouse Living In SHAME - Is Reconciliation Even Possible?

Shame after an affair is a VERY real thing. Whether it was you or your spouse who was unfaithful, if you want any chance at saving the marriage and making it stronger than it was before, you need to deal with shame.
We talk about what to do when trying to reconcile with an unfaithful spouse who is living in shame in today's video.
Get our FREE Mini Course “How To Get Your Spouse Back”
marriagehelper.com/how-to-get...
Marriage Helper Workshops:
marriagehelper.com/workshops/
More Free Resources:
marriagehelper.com/free-resou...
Facebook:
/ marriagehelper
Instagram:
marriagehel...
Relationship Radio Podcast:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
It Starts With Attraction Podcast:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Marriage Helper Quick Tips Podcast:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
#MarriageHelper

[@sharlynsmith8441]

There are so many things that go into affairs. My story is one that was complete Devine intervention… I have no doubts. There is no other way to describe my 100% forgiveness overnight. Trust has come back gradually. My story is too long to type out but I will say that making the cheating spouse feel SAFE is key! Once they feel safe they will talk and my husband revealed all. At least that’s what happened to me. I can only say I felt like God was holding my hand and sitting by my side and keeping me calm. It felt GOOD to be that calm while my husband was pouring out his soul to me… people don’t just wake up one day and say, “oh, I think I’ll cheat on my spouse today!” This usually comes gradually over time and there can be MANY factors involved. Praying for everyone’s marriage/relationship. 🙏🏼

[@soniafeaster1925]

Good to hear it's working out for you. Praying for happiness

[@joyofsalvation100]

That's what I had done. Your spouse should see you are honest that his actions have hurt you but you're still there praying for his healing and is ready to accept him.

[@MarriageHelper]

Exactly! Acceptance is the key to love. Also, consistency over time is what will bring positive change! Keep working on becoming the best version of yourself, practice SMART Contact, take it one day at a time! We are here for you if and when you need us. ❤️

[@christinegleason5791]

Your not gonna say “ I love you anyway” when they continue the adultery and divorce you harshly.

[@MarriageHelper]

So sorry to hear you are going through this Christine. We agree in the sense that you need to protect yourself! Our first rule is to GET SAFE FIRST. If they are abusive physically or emotionally, things need to be worked out first before you can work on the marriage. However, it actually sounds like you could benefit from taking part in our Boundaries Toolkit! Have you heard of that before? It's an online course to help you set what we teach in regards to boundaries. It essentially helps to reframe your mind away from using boundaries as a way to control, and instead using STOP's and CORE's (Marriage Helper terminology) to help you PROTECT yourself and your family from further damage. We strongly advice you look into it! You can find it here: marriagehelper.com/boundaries-in-marriage-toolkit/

[@ShaunyP26]

“If they’ve been in the affair for years then it will take years for them to come out of the shame.” No offense, but how lacking in self respect as a betrayed do you have to be to wait for this level of nonsense. Keep in mind that they’ve already denied you years of love in the marriage and underinvested in the relationship also. Why would you waste your time on a person like this? No offense but at some point you have to save yourself. If you can’t love yourself enough to cut them loose then what you have with the cheating person is not love at all. It’s delusion.

[@Adiscretefirm]

Why would anyone take back a cheater? They are very likely to cheat again.

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Carl Rice, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,

[@Adiscretefirm]

@@MarriageHelper people who have cheated in long term relationships before are 350% more likely to do it again than someone who has never cheated. Your dogma doesn't outweigh facts.

[@lovemypits02]

What about if it's my wife...??? My wife had an affair on me last summer and she 'just told me about it she has lost a lot of weight because of being depressed she's locked herself in the bedroom sleeps she's really beat herself up over this doesn't want help doesn't want counseling wants to be left alone doesn't want nothing to do with me or our kids can't even hold their head up past the end of her shoes just a body pretty much. She's always been an emotional sheets and last year she finally did what everybody figured she probably due she got herself in trouble.. Says she loves me and wants to work on things but she's not even need any halfway Thanks

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Germ T, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 [phone] and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

[@kekesanders121]

I dnt think this applies for every man cuz i was being this "safe place" even before finding out of his affairs & even after & HE STILL was lying & cheatin behind my back. In my case it, him throwin the sympathy card & me feeling sorry/supporting was only apart of his manipulation game. Agree to disagree with this video

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you for commenting Keke! We are sorry to hear you've been doing through this. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested! Free Ebook here: bit.ly/3BSuzRo We hope this helps!

[@deborahrouse5644]

Gee my husband has NEVER been ashamed of ANY of his infidelities! He NEEDS a healthy dose of shame. Maybe he'd quit. He's the weakest man I know.

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Deborah Rouse, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 [phone] and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

[@keithpasculli7465]

This type of individual will behave in accordance with what you tolerate. A certain percentage of the population just doesn’t feel shame the way a normally developed person does

[@deborahrouse5644]

@@keithpasculli7465 But what does "normally developed" entail? He comes from a stable nuclear family and had no childhood traumas.

[@keithpasculli7465]

@@deborahrouse5644 You sound like a person with those qualities and that would probably apply to most of the people that you know. There is no simple answer as to why a person would behave this way; it is not always associated with childhood trauma. I wish you peace in your situation and do whatever you need to do to take care of you

[@danharms4237]

the unfaithful spouse should live in shame for the rest of their life. It is the ultimate betrayal