Unlock the Secrets of Fearful Avoidant Attachment - 6 Effective Communication Tips!

[@ZiliaVing]

FA here.. all of this is just.. on spot!!! Omg.. if anyone would be like this with me, I would thrive... 🤩

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you found the video helpful and relatable.

[@grotonbob]

OMG, I would just love if my partner could use these tips with me. I must be really fearful avoidant because these tips are exactly how I need someone to treat me.

[@LynnFosterAVON]

I originally thought I was an anxious person, but after hearing this I think I may be fearful. Losing my father at an early age, and then my husband, kind of put me into terrified mode. I can say from experience that your response suggestions would have worked well for me and gave me peace in new relationships. The last thing a fearful person wants is not knowing what to expect from their partners day by day. I do know the more secure I feel in my relationships, the less I feel that urge to panic and control.

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Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Lynn Foster. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@ayaabramson]

Your content is invaluable and so helpful and insightful! Please keep these coming ! You are hitting so many good points about dealing with an avoidant partner who broke up with me after 3.5 months of bliss due to his depression and dealing with his wife’s betrayal on top of his own childhood wounds and traumas due to an alcoholic father who cheated on his mom yet the parents stayed together and still married…

[@sunbeam9222]

I'm a DA and I said to them, we need to talk calmly. No surprise it was not received as well as I expected at all. I told them what I needed to hear, not what they needed to hear

[@evawebster1518]

How many of them were they?

[@rachelholden792]

@@evawebster1518they/them can be used for one person. It’s singular and plural.

[@remp1040]

I should have found this video a year ago. It would have saved me so many arguments . Just like you said my girl freaked out over any changes to plans. Getting closer before she was ready and now we are in the process of separating.

[@driftingpaperboat]

I find your content so spot on and helpful, I can now see the times that my partner went into negative thought spiral and making fearful assumptions now. So illuminating, thank you!

[@sunbeam9222]

Thank you for all your contents. Amazing and fascinating. I noticed my FA had bagfuls of compassion and good words to say to others, but they seemed to struggle returning the same favour to themselves

[@xhosagibran370]

Brianna: “if any of this sounds familiar to you or if you’ve had any experience” Me: I am the EXPERIENCE!

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Thank you for watching and for commenting. I am glad the video resonates with your experience. 🙏❤️

[@queenofzenk]

samesies

[@ItsAsparageese]

I love seeing people own this so confidently and in good humor lol. Learning ourselves better is worth celebrating even when the truths are hard and involve us having behaviors we'd rather not have and which other people shame us for. I don't quite fit FA (more AP/semi-secure) but I feel so bad about the bad rap so many people spew about "all" FAs in these comments when they've been hurt by one or few people. Y'all deserve love as much as anyone else and shame never helped anyone heal. I'd take my experiences with FAs over again any day rather than never have had them at all!

[@OutOfTheAether]

😂💀

[@ohkitty9633]

Me to a T. Perfect tips!!!

[@ChauniB]

I have FA tendencies I tried to amp up being more secure in my last relationship, he unfortunately was extremely avoidant - I was kept at arms length throughout the relationship, the instability drove me into a anxious and frustrated state. I hope I can keep working towards security

[@sadiqua7]

SAME

[@robmcpherson8052]

Brianna I am completely embroiled in a relationship with a fearful avoidant. My story is too long to tell here but I do need help. I’ve never been so in love and in so much pain as I have this last 9 months. I am an anxious attached but I’m working on it. I have let my anxiousness ruin every relationship I’ve had back to Jr. High. I’m fifty nine. Nobody taught me about my attachment style. I learned about 3 months ago. I feel like I’ve wasted my relationship life away. I’m lonely and depressed. I can tell my story. Please point me in a direction where I can find peace. Rob

[@loopperson8836]

Forgive yourself in each new moment, youre here! Which is great.

[@ADRIANA-qz9ww]

this video is really bright 😍🥰

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ADRIANA Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!

[@fadiantar2018]

Amazing!

[@DumbBeat]

Thanks!

[@aymanm4752]

This is very helpful!

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

@aymanm4752 Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!

[@animalcarecoursehannahflew9575]

Distanced himself becoming cold and distant over 2 weeks due to an incorrect assumption - then another thing came along to incorrectly back up the original incorrect assumption - the dropped me like a hot potato. Worst and most hurtful experience. It's 2 months later - he doesn't contact - will only respond. He also used to be in the military, so afraid of emotions he would not even accept a basic massage

[@gayleneflower398]

Hey Maybe, he’s the same guy I am with? Distant cold leaves, then drops me like a hot potato! They don’t call you, you have to call them, and he was in the military army.Hmmm😉

[@gayleneflower398]

Same on the massage as well as sex

[@juanitovonbumblepantz7252]

That also sounds very much like he has borderline personality disorder 🤔

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Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Animal Care Course Hannah Flew. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@gayleneflower398]

It doesn’t usually work that way. My A usually tells me everything that he’s upset about me all the way back when we’ve met. Everything that I’ve done wrong. Then he doesn’t really tell me what the issue is that he’s upset about and he just leaves. This is a long distance relationship…he’s from a different state and he’ll just get in his car and leave and not speak to me for a month and then it is pushed into under rug and really never talked about. We will get to back together . and wash, rinse and return to the same old same old I think he’s a mixture of a avoidant and a narcissist Covert… can there be such a thing? I am wishful that he is an avoidant, but I begin to think he is a covert narcissist. I’ve also found him cheating online dating sites. I feel so much better when he’s not around.

[@animalcarecoursehannahflew9575]

Leave him

[@queenofzenk]

yeah beyond the avoidance, this seems toxic and at the very least like youre not a priority for them. if you feel better without him thats a major sign.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for sharing your experience. You might find this playlist helpful. Narcissism and Attachment Theory kzbin.info/aero/PLrMVDDz2c7DPYQexPiZyWGU9uDPqv8gI_

[@ShannonShimote]

How do you reach out to your fearful avoidant partner when they are in reclusive stage and they say they’ll call, but they don’t?

[@MrJrawks]

You don't. If you do it's like digging your own grave. The rule that works is mirroring/ matching their energy. example if they pull away you pull away. If they call you call / text. They don't see themselves as hurting you they feel that the mask or costume they have to wear to be around anyone and everyone is now heavy from being "on" or having to "entertain", so they do what they learned young, retreat and self sooth. They have solo rituals that they do that mimics stress relief. Whereas secure people would probably take pen to paper, or just talk, or vent. once they feel like they hit some mental and emotional equalibrium they'll call or text. Honestly, if you don't chase or text or call they come back way quicker. Don't even text something supportive. Because once they are in ritual mode any interruption leads to a heavy sigh and restarting the whole thing. Plus possibly you adding water to their internal dam. I'm sorry there is no great answer here. THE best thing you can honestly do is to build up a system where if your start get get a sense that they are about to retreat have a couple of friends that know what is going on with you text them the word "Popcorn" haha. And they'll know you need them to come distract. This actually works to if you subtle post what you are up to. Fear of your moving on also actually shakes them out of their funk. cheers.

[@Wendy0Haskell]

Sometimes you just have to give up, when you have lost yourself, your heart, your soul and wonder if you will ever recover. Not knowing if your avoidant is alive or dead as their withdrawal is so strong. Over five years of my life I have had the delusion that maybe I could if I loved enough "cure" him. Now I know it was all hopeless and am trying desperately to gain my life back. Having someone be able to blank you for four months can literately break your heart in pieces.

[@queenofzenk]

conversely, the pressure of knowing that youll never be enough for someone to just love as you are and always wanting/needing you to be "better" is a lot of pressure that can make someone just withdraw. it's a question of personal boundaries, dont lose yourself to someone who didnt ask for it. I've done it and it's been done for me and it's never good.

[@Wendy0Haskell]

@@queenofzenk you make a good point, I always wanted more than my avoidant could give.

[@Sunnyfield323]

Yes .. that’s heart breaking . You aren’t a match , don’t meet each other’s needs

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Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Wendy Haskell. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@sunbeam9222]

​@@Wendy0Haskell I have been there with an avoidant and me as the FA. Finally realised they never asked me to cure them and who 's sense well being I was meant to look after was my own. And so I did that. And then what happened? A relationship when I'm now the DA and other partner the FA. Wow. Now I am left with two very different and equally valid to me perspectives.

[@jaethemedic]

Its crazy how the energy never lies and i know it wasnt safe.

[@ko.lee_asmr]

HOW do you be their alli and not their enemy when they're having their BIG feelings?

[@tianawoode3237]

Start with I hear you or feel you. “I understand or I agree ….”

[@irfangumelar5404]

The thing is, when someone manages to treat an FA like this, the most unfortunate case it would trigger their inadequate/unworthiness/not good enough core wounds like their partner is out of their league.

[@MrMartygz516]

Ummm how about all of it on both sides mines and hers. It's interesting and I want to know more.

[@JohnBoulding]

In the long teem a FA person will.rob not only themselves of happiness but their partners as well. People with SA often try to love the FA person enough to try and 'fix' them. You can't fix other person's traumas no matter how much you try and its not your job to do it anyway. Poeple who know they have FA issues shpuld seek therapy and avoid relationships until they have a good handle on it. Learning to love yourself is job one. You cant love anyone else properly until you do. Beveryone deserves love but it has to be a healthy situation for both people for love to be 'right'.

[@jerryjohnson1967]

This is my husband 💯

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for watching and for commenting with your experience❤️🙏

[@Cassandra9235]

It's so exhausting to try and communicate with my husband.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Cassandra Moore. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@JenniferMorsch]

I think my guy is a fearful avoidant. Will communicate consistently for several weeks and then he'll randomly go with me for several weeks. This last happened for the second time a couple weeks ago I'm planning to give it a month and then reach out again. It's so confusing to me. I know he has a lot of anxiety and I want to be there for him and when we are communicating well it is going so well but then when he randomly shuts down like that and stopped communicating with me like I said, it's so confusing

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Hey, thanks for sharing your experience. Navigating a relationship with someone who exhibits fearful avoidant behavior can indeed be confusing and emotionally taxing. It's like a roller coaster: things seem to be going perfectly, and then suddenly, there's a steep drop. The pattern of hot-and-cold communication is common for fearful avoidants, often triggered by their internal anxieties and fears around intimacy. If you're committed to this relationship, patience and clear communication are key. When he's ready to communicate again, try to have an open conversation about how his periods of silence affect you, without making him feel cornered. Keep in mind, however, that you also need to consider your own emotional well-being. Relationships are a two-way street, and it's important to evaluate whether the emotional toll is something you can handle long-term. Lastly, professional help, either individually or as a couple, could offer more personalized strategies for both of you. You might also like this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p3OcYoR_aLubfrs

[@jaethemedic]

And the fact her friend pur her in contact with them

[@kimvandam7471]

This is way too much emotional labor for the partner. FA people need intensive therapy before getting into relationships. They will hurt you no matter how patient you are.

[@ubermensch9688]

Marry me 😍