Update - My Mom Died and I'm Autistic. How was your year?

[@lalabootz]

I know I'm just a stranger over the internet who watches your videos, but I've been watching you and your family ever since I was 9, I'm 20 now. I'm so sorry this happened to you, your mother is finally at peace and she will always be in your heart, she will be with you even when you dont think she is. But I love you and care about your well-being. You have so much support mommy!

[@susanstater4695]

My mom died in 2014. She was my best friend. I still miss her so much. I’m so sorry for your profound loss.

[@keahjohnsen8165]

I tick like 95% of the boxes for an autistic person. Reading those official criteria for a diagnosis is as if someone wrote that specifically about me. Being autistic would explain SO MUCH that was or is "wrong" with me compared to e.g. classmates, fellow students, etc. But there are two main criteria which don't match at all, and that's a) having difficulty understanding other people's facial expression (how someone looks like when they are sad, angry, etc. and all those lil social cues that can go on in someone's face or posture during an interaction) and b) a lack of empathy. I'm the opposite. I have way too much empathy, sometimes it actually sucks because I can feel someone's sadness or pain or despair when I look at them or hear them talking and it can be too intense for me. The thing is: When I was convinced I had autism I felt so relieved because suddenly it all made sense. So after realizing that this is not "my diagnosis" I have kinda accepted that there is not one word that describes me, but many different ones like "hyper sensitivity", "social anxiety", "PTSD", etc. But yeah, it's kinda hard saying goodbye to "autism" when we live in a time when people become more and more aware of it and become more understanding. I guess that all we want in the end: That other's understand us.

[@kelleypopelar3162]

I get it being autistic in neurotypical world sucks and it so hard. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to seeing where things go from here. This I guess is just another reason why I have always loved your doll channel since the beginning and now this channel ,I identified with you on that unspoken level.

[@augustaharshman8777]

Sending love and prayers❤. My dad died 7 years ago from cancer that had returned 22 years after the first run. In the last 7 years we've come to the realization that he was autistic, we just didn't have a name for it. He could never give an appropriate emotional response to social interactions, was very intelligent, a walking encyclopedia, but not be able to tell when someone was absolutely infuriated with them including us his family. So trying to retroactively figuring out that with my having worsening anxiety, perimenopause, and trying to get my daughter formally diagnosed with ADHD, and dealing with my husband's ADHD along with other medical issues for me. It has been challenging to say the least, but I love your videos and how open you are. They always make me smile and remind me everyone has their troubles, but to keep going.

[@CosmicPersephone]

I'm an autistic woman in her early 30s with no diagnosis but infuriatingly I was almost diagnosed as a kid but they compared me against an outdated model which is now considered a myth and used that to decide that I was not autistic. I've also recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I'm on the waiting list to get the autism diagnosis as an adult. Because I didn't get the support I needed back then I'm now basically playing catchup with my life and it's hard to not feel bitter about it. I'm so sorry for your loss but at the same time I'm glad you got the chance to have that discussion with your mother and she was able to realise that about herself. As difficult as this time is for you I do think that's a blessing. By the way did you do that diamond painting behind you? I'm kind of obsessed with it, you're getting really good

[@spectra_vonhauntington]

THAT THAT! that is me. ik im autistic but i dont have a diagnoses. thank you. 🩷

[@invisiblestormtrooper]

Oh, Melissa, I'm so, so very sorry to hear this. I lost my mom 5 years ago to CHF and it's a terrible thing. I didn't want her to keep suffering but I didn't want to lose her either. She was truly my best friend and biggest supporter and she died right in front of me and I did CPR and couldn't save her. Her doctor said nobody could have and I did all I could but still. That sticks with you. My mom and I got into collecting Barbies in the last year of her life and we watched a lot of review channels together, including yours. After she was gone, I couldn't watch reviews for a long while, it just emphasized the hole in my life where she'd been just too much. I'm thankful at least that she died peacefully. She had told me a few days before that she didn't want to die of the CHF because of how you suffer and instead her heart just... stopped. It was sudden but very gentle for her, like just going to sleep. For me, of course, though, it was like a bomb went off and some of me died that day, too. I go on but I'll always have this wound that never heals, you just learn to live around it. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you much love. ❤

[@nieuwolt]

Hi. I was very angry and upset at the selfishness of that man who didn’t wear the mask. Your mom could have had more time. Thank you for sharing. I could relate so much about your journey. I didn’t know about masking and I did that when i went through depression and it was exhausting. Then I discovered I was ADHD although low on the spectrum. I held a job for 28 years so I coped…somehow. These late life discoveries are helpful; they explain our struggles and why we think we don’t fit in. On a brighter note, you are one of the first people to make me feel okay about being an adult who loves dolls. My dolls provide a safe space for creativity and escape. It is one hobby that helped me through the US post Obama period and Covid, even though I live in Canada, we are affected by US politics. Your humor and positivity, especially for gay/trans people really helps. So many friends have trans kids and not all were accepting although most of them were. This is literally a life changing attitude; you already know about the suicide rate of kids when their parents don’t accept them. I just pray for more acceptance and love, this world is so divided and it makes me cry. Dolls offer that escape and sometimes it helps.

[@norahs.9780]

I'm 29 and basically finally realized I'm autistic (potentially adhd as well) due to the worst burn out I've ever had. It started with depression, then came the irritability from socializing, then stimming, unmasking, and then regular overstimulation and meltdowns. I've always struggled making friends. I was an extremely shy girl who was absolutely obsessed with horses. I even went to therapy in middle school to learn social skills... which should have been looked into. I started masking hard after that. I think I didn't have the self-awareness to realize my stimming as a kid, but I am so relieved I found a video of me stimming at a young age as "proof" I guess since I have been dismissed so much - as well as my parents' confirmation that I did this regularly for years. I recall becoming very tired and irritable at social events growing up, which looking back must have been overstimulation. I've been misdiagnosed multiple times since my teens with various mental health disorders. I honestly lost count of how many medications I've been on. I've brought up wondering if I'm autistic a couple times in therapy over the years and everything was minimized either saying it's "not that bad" or that how I am is a result of things I experienced in life. I did so much research on myself and autism to prepare for being dismissed this year but I finally wasn't. I masked for so long I became incredibly disconnected with my own feelings and who I really was. Tbh things have sucked emotionally since December, but I am optimistic that maybe understanding myself better can help me navigate the world with more consideration for myself and do what is healthy for me. My 20s has been so much self-discovery, and tbh I'm looking forward to going into my 30s knowing myself so much better.

[@vanessagalvin8746]

Your video just got suggested to me and there are so many similarities. I lost my mom in June 2023. She also died from complications of congestive heart failure. She also had a fall and broke her arm in two places which required surgery to fix. We believe this surgery is what started the series of complications that eventually led to her death. My sister and I while trying to go over all the things you have to do after someone passes away, really feel like there should be a booklet about what you need to do and who you need to talk to because it’s been lot of phone calls, yelling, and waiting just to make more phone calls. I am sorry for your loss. Similarly, I am also an autistic person. I did not realize I had autism until I had a son with autism, and then, as he got older, everything just sort of clicked. My adolescence and teenage years were horrible. A lot of problems stemmed from just not having that click with the social aspect. Not realizing that a lot of people are lying or will talk behind your back. I spent a lot of adult time masking and always wondered why things were so hard for me and seemed so easy for everybody else. It took me a very long time to figure some things out and I’m still working on it. I am working on trying not to mask. I’m just letting people take me or leave me and not pretending to be different because I’m tired. And I would love to have a non-small talk conversation about possible weird things without worrying that other people are going to think that, it’s weird. Because I like weird and I want to ask the questions that “polite society“ doesn’t usually ask. I’m glad I found your content😊

[@joys0toys]

I'm so very sorry for you loss. I feel your pain. I lost my son 2 years ago. He was 33.

[@Peppmintleaf]

If you are who I think you are then let me first say that I remembered watching your doll reviews back in middle school!! You were so funny and I sometimes catch myself quoting random lines I would hear from those videos. That being said, I am so sorry for your loss. My mother is currently going through something similar with her mother. My grandmother has been in a nursing home for almost 3 years now and not only that but she was tasked to take care of her father, my grandpa. He unfortunately was diagnosed with alzheimers and ever since then it has been a struggle. I can tell you and your mother had a close bond and were able to spend her last days in happiness and laughter. My mother and grandmother have a pretty...let's just say "complicated" relationship. She wasn't abusive, my grandmother has just became very weak and frail ever since she got really sick. She refused physical therapy when it was offered to her, she used to rarely eat whatever the nurses would serve her and would ask my mother to buy her the food she wants, and for the first year in the nursing home, my grandmother was not a patient that was favorable to the nurses. My grandma was always known to be as stubborn as a mule, even in her healthier years, but these first two years with her being in the nursing home, it was nothing but heartache. Currently as I'm writing this, she has become much more compliant and even survived getting COVID, thanks to god, my mother has basically adopted the notion to "take it one day at a time" when it comes to my grandparent's health. Meanwhile, I am now in university and learning more about myself in being on the spectrum. I was professionally diagnosed back when I was a child so I always knew I was autistic but I had a hard time just...accepting that I do have special needs and sometimes need extra help once in a while. I guess I was ashamed that I was not "normal" and for a long time just tried to pretend my autism wasn't there, with varying results. Now I guess I am in the phase where I can't ignore it and see it as this "looming entity" that is out to destroy my life. but in fact, something that is who I am and that it's ok. we're all struggling with our own issues and I do have control in how my autism can control me. Anyways, sorry for the long essay, your video actually touched on many points that I can relate to and just felt like sharing my thoughts. I wish you and your family well and I do hope you will find happiness one way or another.💖💞

[@MyStitchinDolliverse]

Oh my god. I feel every word you are saying. About childhood, pandemic freedom to not mask, perimenopause and children that honestly fill your cup up to overflow on an hourly basis. Gen X here. Women from our generation are now becoming aware of their true selves. It’s not easy though. It’s painful too

[@dark_diva_queen]

I’m autistic I live in a home for adults with disabilities and I’m 38 years old and I found my ways

[@Kiddly3000]

hugs I know how it feels my grandma passed way in 2016 in a nursing home she was in there for 2 years to the day before she passed.

[@Ohsmush0]

I relate to almost every single word you said. I play your videos (on the other channel) to feel like I have a friend in the room. I'm an adult and I know I'm autistic but no diagnosis. I have chronic illness, almost everything your Mom had. CHF, they just found my lungs are effing off (small airway disease etc). I'm in the ICU half my life. My 13 just came out as trans last year and that's a whole ish-show to get people to adjust to. I had to get a restraining order on my husband. He ended up engaged (within a week of that) to a DOCTOR at my hospital. I had to move. I have literally two broken hips bc brittle bones from meds. No family support. No friends anymore. My pets and my son. Everything has been so difficult the past few years. Your doll videos make me calm and happy. I color on an app on my phone and that sparks joy. I love collecting toys. I just want you to know how deeply you impact me. I can turn in your toy review when I'm having a panic attack and it's really like sitting and chatting with a pal. It's easier to calm and center when someone else is with me. My son and I have been watching your channel since the beginning. I just want you to know you're never alone and you make a difference for others, strangers, too. I hope things start rising for you. You deserve much less stress. I also understand a lot of what you were saying with the mental health stuff. A lot of the time the world is too bright and"sharp" for me. Too loud etc. I never knew why until recently. Sorry for the very long and enabling comment. I was very nervous to even reach out.

[@wafflesorbacon]

watching this, it makes me understand why your content has brought me so much comfort these last few years. i lost my mom in november of 2022, and it was hard on both my sister and i, especially my sister. i had to move out of living with her because she was become verbally abusive with me. i had to go through so many changes in just a year, and as an autistic individual, that is very challenging. dolls have been my saving grace, and your videos are what got me into rainbow high specifically. its very special to know that we have a lot in common when it comes to how we function mentally. thank you for sharing with this video

[@MeyganDolls]

Praying for a ray of sunshine to come your way ❤️☀️

[@janemcnaughten7275]

Hello Melissa. I am so sorry for the loss of your darling Mum. I too have a lung problem. Emphysema!!!! I have never smoked a day in 60 years !!! My Mother & Father were heavy smokers during my childhood which put my brother, sister and I off smoking for ever. My darling Mum died when she was 66 & before she died and had at least 22 joint replacements before she passed. I Will keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs Jane in New Zealand 🇬🇧🇳🇿 P.S... are you a Whovian????? I noticed the T.A.R.D.I.S in the background. I am too. 😊 Both my Grandsons have autism & ADHD too. My eldest daughter who will turn """4""""0 this year has just recently been diagnosed with ADHD too. It is horrible watching my daughter & Grandyboys negotiate this path. BIG,BIG HUGS xxx

[@quitaulla1569]

Your mother is a heroine for taking care of you and your brothers after groing up in a very challenging family. ✌️

[@bearificgirl]

Just diagnosed with adhd at 42, I’m suspecting I’m also autistic. In 2024 I am learning more about my needs and giving myself grace. Giving myself the accommodations I need to feel comfortable and succeed. I’ve leaned I’m very noise sensitive; so not being afraid to pull out ear plugs and put those on. Stepping away when I feel to overwhelmed and giving myself tools when I do go nonverbal, it’s a learning lesson and I feel like some days I make it and others I don’t. I’ve got a long way to go.

[@doubleshot9]

I'm a woman who was diagnosed with autism at 39. I'm 40, going to be 41 in June. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@joselynmachuca3037]

Omg melIssa. I can understand the pain you have been through and are still going through. I have been in this situation. Although I may not have autism or ADHD, my son has it. It's very hard because you feel helpless when it comes to dealing with your kids going through this. I had to put all my health issues aside for more than 20 years so I can support my family through this. Now that I am older, I am finally getting the help I needed all these years. My regret is not seeking help for myself while I was trying to help my family. I knew I needed help and other family members thought I was just acting like a child. I was just looking for someone to care about me. I was recently diagnosed with major depression disorder. I knew I kinda had some form of depression but never sought help til now. Let me tell you...its harder than I thought to finally deal with my reality but I'm glad I'm being helped...finally. The odd thing is that a stranger shows more compassion and care than your own family does. That really sucks. I'm getting the help I wanted and I'm learning to say fuck everybody else that belittles me. I thank you for talking about what you are going through because it is helping me alot. God bless you.

[@80sforever589]

Oh no 💔😞 I’m so so sorry to hear this news , sending hugs & my sincere condolences X I was also diagnosed with autism shortly after I lost my mom to brain cancer :/ its been 13 years now and I’m still finding it tough , Life can be certainly cruel at times ,,, 😔

[@jenofire8724]

Hugs. So sorry for your loss. . 💔 I can definitely relate. My mom died last night, and I’m autistic too.

[@MomLuvs2Collect]

Good & very relatable vid 👍! First I want to say I'm sorry about your mom 😢 that's sad that your brothers didn't want to help with her 😞 My mom is 77 & has broken a lot of bones but as an only child I know it's up to me to help take care of her. I feel like I also might be an autistic person who's been masking her whole life & I even admitted that to my college-age daughter last year 🤓 my son is autistic but he was diagnosed at age 2. I've never been tested. I was bullied a lot for just being myself, it was like the kids knew I was different so I was easily picked on 😔 I grew up not being able to make friends or have a bestie either & I always felt like an alien from another planet 😂 I'm glad that I found this channel of yours because I've been watching your doll hunts for years since my daughter was little 😃 I like knowing you believe in God & he's the light you showed in your tattoo because I can talk to you about Him now without offending you since the Lord is my strenght too & without his Love for me I wouldn't be here in this world, so I feel I can understand some of your struggles, God bless you 🙏!

[@claudiarobinson587]

I don't know how i found you until i heard you were diagnosed with ms last year. I was diagnosed in 95. I was diagnosed with dyslexic at 7 but wasn't allowed to get help. I was abuse my teen years. My friend died in January of last year. I was engaged to him for a few years. Wewere together for 9 years. My mother is on her 4th marriage. I have fibro and ra as well. I have major issues with my mother. I have a new guy friend. Our first anniversary is coming up soon. Hang in there. I understand you on so many levels.

[@kitsidale]

Wow, that was like hearing some of my own life. My mother finally admitted she always knew i had autism, but back in the 60s the blame for anything wrong with a child was the mothers fault. She didn't want the stigma, as a result i never got the help i needed, still dont as an adult its incredibly difficult to get an official diagnosis. I rarely leave the house as i get overwhelmed by people. Yeah, its a ton of fun, oh, and i may also have ms, joy! I did smile when i saw Stella, shes my comfort doll x

[@JamieDoll]

Melissa, I've been missing too. Didn't realize it was a year you were missing. I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your mom passing...geez. sending a big hug 🫂... Bless you❤... Keep being you, grieve, it's ok. One LOVE.Hugs 🙂‍↕️

[@JamieDoll]

Back 9 hrs later watched the remaining 15 mins... Love you Melissa thanks for sharing... So many of us have things we have not been diagnosed for...I wouldn't be surprised if I'm on the spectrum as well. My anxiety and inability to turn off my brain has me wondering ALOT sometimes... Thanks for sharing your not alone. Heal, feel, protect...RISE love your current plan to take care of yourself and do what makes the most sense to you. Cool tattoo as well. Rise my dear, Rise... Hugs from a forever fan. 🫂

[@newbeginning3568]

I relate ❤ i am an adult and believe i am autistic, and in my case i also have been for years dealing with gender questioning, so ..yep…its a really tough situation, i also really need to look for a job which is so scary and mentally draining, i have been unemployed for years, i have to keep this gender stuff to myself cause or else my family would freak out , they are all dealing with other stresses too, and it would make things worse, its a lot but , its my strength i guess, surviving however i can through discomfort and depression. Thank you for being courageous and open to talk about yr autism, and i wish you the best melissa, you are inspiring to others in yr own way . So sorry about yr mother passing.

[@LeBlondReroots]

Dear Melissa, please accept my deepest condolences to you and your loved ones on the loss of your dear mom, it's very difficult to lose a dear one, my nan was my everything and I lost her to cancer nearly 20 years ago time flies by so quickly, sending hugs. I can totally identify with you on the Autism, since I was a kid I always felt different like I didn't fit anywhere, not very popular, bullied for being different, extremely shy, quiet, often creating stories or day dreaming, one of my teachers once said on a report, she had to move me from the window seat in order to keep me in the classroom as I had the tendency to spread my imagination wings and fly out of there, life came with a lot of struggles and at times I also didn't want to be alive anymore, becoming an adult was extremely confusing for me ( I wasn't prepared for it, we were treated like children until 'always') and I feel that was the mistake, even tough I started full time work at 17 and pretty much became my own provider as my dad sure did not, but even now at 41 I struggle deeply with it, I often feel trapped, overwhelmed, I commute to and from work to do 10hrs a day (I call it prison) I live in London and it's a huge struggle getting worse and worse by the day, I often have to battle with my own self as my mood can change quiet quickly I can have 1 good week where I feel I can change the world and then I come crashing down badly for two to three weeks at a time, it's really difficult and others don't often understand, like you said yourself I often think if others can do it why can't I? what is it that makes the most simple things feel like climbing Mount Everest, even sometimes a quick call or to send an email can take me a day or more to do, dealing with people on the daily basis is just draining for me, I don't often want to even see another a person let alone the massive crowds on such a busy city like London, I'm constantly stressed, anxious, literally screaming on the inside, feels like I'm living my worst nightmare, wish I had done a few things differently to enable me to at least be able to work from home is where I feel at my best in my own bubble, lockdown to me was the best thing that had happened in a really long time, I felt relieved that I didn't need to leave the house or deal with anyone. I don't socialise at all, rarely ever leave the house on weekends, home truly is where I enjoy being. Each time I crash down most of my emotions just switch off and not much makes me feel as I'm often just surrounded by a dark cloud of anger, anxiety, discontent, but like yourself The Phoenix is my also my spirit animal as I often feel myself burning out during the dark times only to rise again from the ashes like a Phoenix I don't have any tattoos but it's my profile picture on my phone to remind me of it. Thank you for sharing with us, know you are not alone and once again my deepest sincere condolences to you and your loved ones. x

[@Georgee1217]

I just ran into your channel. Condolences on your Mom. I have often wondered if I am Autistic due to several reasons. My maternal Grandmother and Aunts were very OCD. My Mom was less as she got older. Best wishes.

[@legohuman0778]

I wish we could give you hugs. We love you ! 🖤

[@lorrainecurran9157]

Lord have mercy on her and may she rest in peace. Very sorry Melissa

[@amyfox9659]

Ive missed watching you.... I had MS relapse and stopped being mobile and yet couldnt stop moving, twitching etc. Im sorry for your loss. Im happy she found a safe place to spend her last days.❤

[@DRAGONFLYS06]

I am sorry about your mum, sending you hugs xxx I understand about masking most your life and how perimenopause can literally make doing this impossible without badly effecting your mental health. About 6+ years ago it happened to me and even though I told my doctors I thought I was peri they dismissed it due to my age, even though early menopause runs in my family. I went down hill fast and ended up in and out of mental hospitals until they finally diagnosed me with late stage perimenopause. Since starting HRT I am no longer severely depressed but have come to the realisation that I am autistic. I can no longer pretend to be neurotypical and after almost three years on the waiting list I have my autism assessment next month with the NHS. It is weird though as you are not the first KZbinr that I relate to that has come out Autistic in the last 4 years, your the 10th. Even though I didn't even know what Autism was when I subscribed to all of you, it is like I defiantly relate to people who are neurodivergent.

[@MMStrademark]

I did not learn I was autistic until I was 50. 4 years ago I was diagnosed yet worse thing was, my Dad passed away from cancer & then just a week after moving away to my new home, then we got the results saying I was autistic. My life has changed in ways even I could not imagine back then. Now knowing I am autistic, things make a bit more sense to me, but my Dad never loved to hear the news. I am sorry for your loss as well.

[@wheremylimpsat00]

Thank you so much for this Melissa. I have been so terrified to have these same conversations with my dad and with his health declining I just assumed I wouldn’t get the chance to but seeing this gives me so much hope that we can really *breakthrough* and my dad and I can get more on the same page around so many similar things that you spoke about, it’s kind of crazy!! And also coming from a non-binary person (and hoping to begin the process of femme transition soon!!!!) who was assigned male at birth, it was never even suggested by any of the psychiatrists I was seeing from ages 7-10 that I might be autistic because I’ve never really showed typical ‘male autistic traits’. Doing a lot of my own research now as an adult, a lot of my autistic traits manifest as typical ‘female traits’, which has also really helped affirm my transness too which is so funny to me because even my autism knows i’m a woman!! Anyway I just wanted to say thank you so much for opening up and allowing us to also open up, thank you for creating a safe space for yourself and all of us and I hope you continue to absolutely SOAR!!!!!!!! Sending so much love 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@RobinCabana]

Being ok together is our thing! Love you!!!

[@Giselle569]

I am so very sorry my darling. I am thinking of you and I’m sending you a very big hug 🩷🩷🩷

[@TessesKingdom]

I’m very sorry for your loss. That’s just awful. I’m also autistic I hope you’re doing as well as you can because I know this is hard. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom she helps me a lot I’am high functioning but I can’t live on my own I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum.

[@TessesKingdom]

I also wanted to say I don’t know how to unmask I’ve taken on a different “character” for lack of a better word. I also have ADHD.

[@Jennaonthemilkcarton]

Weird is refreshing to me because I deal with it all myself. I’m glad you had break throughs. 2022 was that hard for me. We lost my grandmother. She was the one that gave me my crazy lol. Just know I loved be you and I’m so grateful that you got answers you needed.

[@nikkihamilton8951]

Family of classic autism brother when he was 5 but I was diagnosed when I was in late 30's and I got you girl... I tons of stories around Justin and me before I became late diagnosed autism and different sides of autism

[@irenehough4441]

I am so sorry you lost your Mom . But I am happy it happened the way you both wanted. My life has kind of sucked the past 3 years. I want go into it all here. But last year my dad died and I figured out I have ADHD yay!

[@bbjack4327]

Sorry for your loss 🙏🏼🫶🏼 first Chad Alan’s mom. Now your mom 😢 hang in there. You got this 💪🏼🖤❤️‍🩹

[@michaelawhite1168]

And my year was okay and I got engaged one day before my birthday

[@seanmcintosh8201]

I am sorry for your loss. My sister died a year or two ago.

[@katiesmithson3905]

I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you've been through. Cried most of the way through this video. Neuro Diversity is strong in our family.

[@TerifiedTeddyBear]

Condolences on the loss of your mother I can't even imagine what that is like my parents do so much for me and my mom is such a supportive loving person .

[@marissathompson4072]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom and I are super close

[@HowCaseySeesIt]

Oh my gosh, I haven’t even gotten to watch this yet but I just have to comment and say that I’m so glad to see you back to these chatty videos! I love them so much!!

[@dollandtoygalk8446]

I am so sorry Melissa for the loss of your mom. My heart goes out to you as I have lost both my parents within the last 2 years. My mom with covid and my dad was in LTC as he had dementia. I understand the nursing home situation. Its shitty and hard as heck. I too was the only sibling out of 3 who had to step up and take care of my dad. It takes time to heal your heart. It isn't easy to watch a loved one pass. I miss them everyday. I was with my dad as he passed. Never left his side. I know it might not mean much right now but my sincere condolences to you and your family ❤ ❤

[@prose7947]

I am so sorry for your loss, with so many people getting diagnosed with autism these days it makes me worried that people with lower functioning autism like my daughter will be seen by the world as more capable. There really needs to be a better way to grade autism in the spectrum rather that just the word autism. I am Glad that more people are able to get help these days though. I hope that makes sense. 😊

[@carolynkatsilas8559]

Melissa, thank you for bearing your soul, I’m a lot like you I just don’t like to be around people either, I feel like I have to have so many masks, and be a different person for everybody. I’m so sorry about your mom, my love and prayers are with you. 🥰

[@Mad_Dollz]

I am so sorry for your loss! Sending you lots of love and strength. You are such an inspiration to so many! Love you! 💕💕💕

[@bronydolls]

Last year was difficult my uncle left us suddenly and then my husband’s mum passed. This year has too be better

[@sofiaavgerinou1106]

Melissa , I am so sorry for your loss ❤. Its rough losing a parent, I have also lost my Dad in 2019, he was diagnosed in christmas 2019 and it was very aggresive and after 3 months he died. I also am an undiagnosed adhd and its very possible that mild autism (high function) is included. I had a mild puberty (only stuggling with weight issues, because I was also born with thyroid aplasia- tiniest gland there is- and I am a candy person) .The problem is that after I gave birth to my son almost 3 years ago, all my supposedly friends just dissapeared! And since me and my husband are living in an island away from our families, we are (mostly me) feeling a lot of isolation. That beeing said, my ahdh and autistic signs have skyrocketeed because of that isolation. But at this age (44) I just dont -or cant- mask them any more. So I feel a lot of negative emotions which Its not easy to express, and unfortunately sometimes my husband pays the price and vice versa. We are having one of the most stressfull times in our lives (so far) and I know that if we manage to get through this, we `ll be stronger after. Also my son is treated with speach and occupational therapy for mild autism (but he is probably not in the spectrum -he just dont talk yet and he`s 33 months old. So communication is extra challenging). Sending you love from Greece!

[@marylousoules5974]

❤️☮️❤️I am 60 and I feel everything you are going through it’s Fibromyalgia Autism and and a life of pain I love collecting and quit time alone .I’m soo sorry about you loseing your Mom For me it was extremely tough also and caused a nervous breakdown I started crocheting to cope and it doesn’t take a lot of energy I have arthritis but manage fine I feel like it’s extremely therapeutic in my life. I am all dolled out no more room 😂 Ps I’ve watched you for 10 years and love ❤️ you . Your Tatoo is brilliant I feel you !!!! ❤️☮️❤️

[@bethschreiber6107]

Omg! Take your description of your aunt Vi and your mom and you have me. Way to call me out Melissa. My girls and I have all started suspecting we are autistic over the last year. Oh and feeling like you never fit into a friend group...ya. Fortunately I have had an incredible friend in my life for the last 19 years who loves my quirks and does know the real me ans he ans I just decided this past summer to be more than friends. He has helped me raise my incredible children into incredible women over the last 19 years also. I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. Losing a very loved parent is a really hard thing. I love you Melissa! I appreciate your rawness.

[@C.K.Productions]

Sending prayers to you and your whole family. Also, I was finally diagnosed ADHD with dyscalculia and an auditory processing disorder. I was diagnosed at 21, a couple years ago. It was so eye-opening. It made a lot of things from my childhood make a lot of sense. Combined with my autoimmune issues, it’s all such a pain in the ass. I really empathize with you! You are most definitely not alone!!!

[@DollandDinoMama]

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Thank you for sharing these parts of you with us, Melissa. I know a lot of us can relate to what you have been through. Thank you for being a shining light for those who are going through 💩 too ❤🌟

[@melissawilliams7720]

Hi Melissa. I am so very sorry about the loss of your mom. I’m glad that you got to be with her and that it went as well as it could have with her wishes. I have started to realize over the last year that I am not neurotypical. I have struggled with mental health all my life, mostly with OCD and depression. While I don’t have an official diagnosis as far as autism, ADHD, etc., as I don’t even know where to begin with going about that, I have noticed that I when my friends who are neurodivergent talk about their struggles, I have the same issues. And when you said the easy stuff is really hard too, I felt that 1000%. And throw in perimenopause, and that just makes things even more fun. Thank you for sharing with us. I have been following you for years, and you always help me to feel better. You’re like a friend I’ve never met. Sending you so much love. And I’ll be here whenever you post. And of course on My World too. 💖☮️

[@pennydreadfull]

So sorry to hear about your mom. Deepest condolences!

[@lisimc1]

Hi Melissa I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. My mother passed in November of 2020 from lung cancer. On the note of autism I'm happy to hear of your 'awakening' of your autism. I have a definite diagnoses of ADHD but a suspicion of autism. My doctor said I appeared "normal" to him so he said I don't have autism. I guess he's never heard of masking. 🙄 Some of what you said hear makes me think, again, that I may be autistic. I loathe small talk and when I have to do it I feel like my inner self is screaming "NOOO" lol.

[@thatsforgurls]

The part about figuring things out how to fly but not having a clue how, is so me at the moment. Finally realizing that I’m on the spectrum, which was brought to my attention by multiple therapist is a relief and a blow at the same time. It’s sad to think about how masking is a slow death. Listening to you share the personalities of your mom and her sisters really is heartbreaking. So many people had to go years, possibly their entire lives, masking to what was acceptable by polite society 🙄 what a mess! We are all going to get through this by sharing our own experiences with each other. I find it helps me not to feel so alone. I really felt when you said why waste time on an official diagnosis because there’s no help for adults with autism, we really are out here trying to find our way in a sea of madness, trying not to be consumed. Sending nothing but 💜💜💜

[@TSUNAMI-MAMI]

I’m so sorry! Glad to see your face again. Sending you healing and love.

[@angelyjibaja5058]

I am so sorry for your lose. Word are never enough but know that from someone who lost her mom 20 year ago you will always miss her but time heals some of the heartache.

[@themoonflowerfaerie]

I’m so sorry sweetie 😢. I lost my mother almost three years ago, and I still miss her everyday. Sending you love and healing light 💜xoxoxo

[@OweeGigi]

Hey there! I started watching your videos earlier this year when I fell in love with RH. That's not important now, except to say that watching your videos brought me lots of joy and I thank you for that. I can tell that the affection you have for her is deep and strong so I'm sure she felt it too. There's lots going on in your life and you should take your time, however there are people who care about your well-being, even if we're only online. Thanks for the content and for expressing your feelings. RIP Momma 😢 we ❤ you.

[@jillbeauchamp6128]

Glad that 'DOWNTON ABBEY', was a positive. Puzzling: INCREDIBLE PRIVELEGE v. absolute service........?

[@slytheringingerwitch]

I am so sorry for your loss. Last year my father in law died, then my husband's Uncle and then my mum's best friend. This year we lost my oldest nephew in a car accident which came totally out of the blue. Even if you expect it, it's still a shock. Sending you love and virtual hugs from across the pond. Take care and will be thinking of you all.

[@HAILEYC-i4n]

I am Autistic too

[@MyStitchinDolliverse]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy for you and your mom that she did pass the way you both wanted ❤ It’s funny that your video showed up for me today. Yesterday I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I also have a KZbin channel and I don’t know how to unmask and it’s something I’m going through as well. Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@jeanieschmidt3781]

I found in my journey with Dysthymia that many of the coping skills or therapies are useful across the board. We all need some sort of grounding ritual, for example. Looking back at childhood knowing the things I know now, I can forgive a lot. About your brothers, I can relate. Twice I was primary caregiver to a relative and both times at least one sibling (all of them refused to do it) had to mouth off about me doing it wrong. That's all I'll say before I go off on a tangent. (Too late - lots of deleting has happened) As for the autism, it never even occurred to me that you might be on the spectrum. Now I'm wondering if I am on the spectrum. 🤔 We sure seem to have a lot in common.

[@lavenderbees13]

Hi, Melissa! I was just thinking about you and your channel, and I saw this video pop up in my recommended. First off, I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I’m sending you all of the love and good vibes. I’ve been watching your videos since I was eight, and have such fond memories of them even now (I’m sixteen). I hope things look up for you from here ❤❤❤

[@JayofallTrades]

Sending you so much love i know this video was difficult to make. My entire family just went through COVID and I was really scared for my sister who has CP and can easily turn into pneumonia. We go through the same process getting medical care for her and getting Medicaid approval is a struggle for sure. Very stressful. I feel for you and I'm also autistic and constantly right now worry my brother can't take care of my mom and she's getting up there in age too and they're homeless rn and its taking a toll on my mental health worrying about her. Hearing your story sounds like a difficult time tho she while hurting, had you there. As daughters we need our moms and we take care of them. I know several people who are self diagnosed or diagnosed later in life and also have ADHD. I have AuDHD as well. Either way therapy helps when you have that diagnosis to understand that trauma from childhood leads to healing. Sending you so much hugs and love. I'm having a rough week struggling rn but I have enjoyed your new videos and seeing you and I hope to be where you are in 20 years when I'm in my 50s and can process what I'm going through now and hopeful that by then I'll have a life of my own and enjoy life and heal. Still enjoy art tattoos and dolls. So much love Melissa

[@laurelldockall2399]

Sending Love and Prayers . I have Loved y’all for years. Sending Prayers. 💕

[@Koda229]

My grandma and my grandpa died this year and I miss them so much they lived a long happy life and my second grandpa is badly sick and I don’t want to lose one more person this year 😢

[@NailahVenable]

God bless you Melissa. I know you miss her but try to find joy in the memories you shared. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us

[@diegostyles7109]

I’m sorry for your loss 😢 we love you Melissa!

[@TheGeekZilla]

Oh sweetie, you’re going through it. Please take care of yourself. 🙏🏻 Love your Phoenix tattoo! 💪🏻 🔥 I had a late diagnosis of a different type in my 50’s. And the relief of having a name for your special brand of weirdness!!!!! It’s like, oh that’s why!!! Play with your dolls, do a diamond painting and be kind to yourself, please. ❤

[@Kiddly3000]

I have autism myself I got diagnosed at 24 years old with autism and borderline intellectual functioning disorder and adhd and other things a of us women are just ignored by the doctors when it comes to autism.

[@evelyn2307]

I’m so sorry for your loss 🙏🏻🕊

[@nikkihamilton8951]

I praying for you and rest of your family around your mom... and around your journey about autism and being late diagnosis autism spectrum and be more realistic to me around dolls and being late diagnosis autism...

[@rorensworld]

I'm very sorry 😢 about your mum. For the autism it's very common for women to get a late diagnosis. I was diagnosed when I 18 sending hugs 😊

[@jpopluvr1000]

I’m so sorry for your loss Melissa. You are so loved by many of us that have been with you since the beginning. I am almost a 31 year old man and I will gladly fly out to you and hang out! 😂 I also feel almost the exact same as you. I at least will always be here to support you in any way you need from a viewers standpoint. Please post the content you need to help grieve and I know many of us will be here to listen. Thank you for being so honest and open with all of us.

[@TerifiedTeddyBear]

I mask around everyone The only person I can be myself in front of is my sister and mom . I never been able to make friends or have a romantic partner(boyfriend/girlfriend) I have level 2 autism I am 40 but was only diagnosed at 34. I can't do a lot of basic things like tie my shoes it's a dexterity issue wash/comb out my own hair, Do laundry by unsupervised,vacuum(too loud) cook food got to where I even am afraid of using the microwave for the past year after I burnt myself etc. On top of it I have general anxiety disorder and was anorexic in my mind 20s until mid late 30s am have arfid and food neophobia eating disorders. In the past had a storm phobia and a fear of riding in a car which I lived with for for years until I moved to a new house(my dad bought a house without telling me about it) and literally had to be in a car to move . My parents got me to go to pretty intense therapy to get over these fears and it helped me get my GED because I had to drive a hour on the freeway to get there. When I was diagnosed my mom and dad read about signs in childhood/teen years and said they rember me having all the behavior that females have . Sorry for the long comment

[@danap4840]

Sorry for your loss

[@VeronicaStorm98]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'll be praying for you! And I'm happy that you found a deeper understanding of why you are the way that you are. Learning that your Autistic for the first time is scary at first, but you learn to accept it over time, and it really does answer a lot of questions that you may have about yourself and your social difficulties. Your Monster High doll reviews were always my favorite doll reviews for that doll line, and your channel really helped me discover and get into collecting Monster High dolls. The way that you always characterize your dolls in your videos and give them unique personalities really inspires me and what I do with my own dolls, even! I am a young woman with High-Functioning Autism (I was first diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome), and I watched your channel as far back as when it used to be called "The Mommy and Gracie Show". Dolls and doll collecting have always been a big escape for me. I even made a video on my channel where I talk through my personal comfort dolls that are the hosts of my channel (N and V Main) about my experiences as an Autistic woman and explaining what Autism is from my perspective and experiences. I have always been different from my peers and extremely lonely growing up. I often had trouble making friends and would always turn to my dolls, fantasy novels, and video games for comfort and emotional support. It's painful trying to make friends and failing every single time, with all your Neurotypical peers misinterpreting you as selfish, arrogant, or rude for some reason when you literally didn't do anything wrong. It's intensely frustrating. The adjustment of trying to become independent and find a job and deal with adulthood after college hasn't been fun for me, either. But I persevere in life. I keep going despite the constant negativity and darkness from the world. N and V Main, my personal comfort dolls/characters, and my first set of Storm Twins intensely inspire me to find my own self-confidence and helped me find my own self-expression. I hope that through this difficult time, that your dolls and your family are able to help you deal with it.🖤💜

[@Ms.D-loves-minis3]

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this difficult time while still being a full time wife and mom for your own family 😢 I pray for your strength and healing of peace as you continue your journey 😔 I pray that you’re surrounded by loved ones in those times of support when you need it, and give you space when you need it 😌 You are an amazing person with a special heart and spirit ☺️ And as you continue to gain strength and power, your light will shine brighter as your story goes on 😊😉

[@juniper1625]

I was neglected and homeless as a baby put into foster care then adopted at 3 never got help for my abandonment issues or behavior problems felt like i was the reason things went bad in the family that i could never do anything right at home or school i had no friends in elementary school for my developing brain i was worth anything to my family got told I have major depuration and then sadly started self harm to cope with all the negative felling i felt and it is so hard to go and be around people because having to pretend i am happy and my mind is not telling me i am a burden and waist of space and that my sister spent are teen years being my bully and making sure i had not self worth she would tell me just think happy that I was not normal I found video games and the furry fandom and have a amazing girlfriend it has helped me be more my true self i have learned i don't identify as fully female I may never heal from my sisters abuse or the being venerable is still so hard for me (sorry for the format i am good at speaking words but not getting it down for people to read)

[@lindafisher4227]

Thank you I have watched you since you and your son . Our lives are alot alike I to have a Trans son and support and love him . I also struggle alot with mental challenges. And lost my mom April 2nd you have kept me going thank you . Everyday is a struggle for me I really have a hard time with wanting to live and you help me get through .Thank you

[@jjscollectibletoyz]

Sorry For Your Lose 🙏

[@DerptorReviews]

I sadly had not watched your content in a hot minute because I often forget or something pops up that distant me and I don’t remember to watch later. I’m so sorry about your mom though I loved seeing her on your old toy review channel and on What the Thrift back when y’all where still doing that. I love your new content as well it is very expressive and helps me learn about myself a bit more. I have no idea if I’m autistic or adhd and I’m so scared to find out if I really am either one because they might try to put me on meds to calm it which being a creative and artistic person I don’t want that part of me to completely die or slow down most of the time. Plus I’m already on a lot of meds most being for my bipolar depression and anxiety which I’m pretty sure I might atleast need my anxiety meds adjusted because of how bad it has been lately but it’s hard because the specialist I had been seeing about that for the past few years tragically passed away at the beginning of this year. I have always had problems with my depression to where I straight up no longer wanted to breath I just wanted life to end it got so bad I started to harm myself to just feel anything. I never told my parents how bad it was because I thought my mom would just verbally abuse me and tell me it’s all in my head and I just needed to get over it and I never told my dad because I didn’t want him to worry. I have recovered a lot since then but I still have a hard time making friends and socializing even more as an adult.

[@alyssanicholson4312]

I’m so sorry for your loss many prayers God bless🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️

[@spectra_vonhauntington]

as someone who is very highly adhd and still trying to figure out whenever i’m autistic or not is rly stresseful for me and seeing you make this video definitely brings me a lot of hope and relaxation. i’m so sorry for your loss and i hope you are doing well. 🙏🏻💜

[@CuriosityRocks]

Lots of Love and Hugs 💕

[@Art-in-Making]

I got my autism diagnosis in 2022 at age 55. Lifechanging.

[@Cerebralpalsyk]

I just got your news and I'm so sorry. Sending you prayers that your mom passed away. Maybe you should take a break from KZbin. If you're upset. You have a wonderful day. Still like your adult channel.😢😢😢

[@awhnat9174]

We love you !! ❤❤