Usuli Institute: Young Muslims Q&A on Love, Romance and Marriage, Part 2 4 January 2020

Part 2: Dr. Khaled Abou El Fadl addresses more questions regarding love, romance, marriage and intimacy for young Muslims.
Timestamps:
1:27 - Imams often refer to certain Hadiths that trend, it seems like. One is that, "When it comes to your spouses, you should think of each other as clothing for each other to protect and shield the other", or they reference the hadith about lowering your gaze. Can you elaborate on this?
22:39 - Can you speak about Islamic scholars who have come out and said that zina (pre-marital sex) is not haram?
31:48 - Can we talk about courtship and what that looks like step by step?
43:18 - Is wali (a guardian) necessary?
47:26 - Regarding marriage publicity, what are the rules in terms of confidential marriage certificates and registering with the state?
53:45 - What if two people want to get married but their parents are not on board because of racism or difference in the financial status of the families or cultural differences, things that are more mundane and materialistic as opposed to spiritual. What can you say to help people understand what they can do?
58:00 - How about marriages across Sunni, Shia and Ahmadi Muslims?
1:09:22 - What is your opinion on LGBT+ Muslims and marriage?
1:21:23 - Should LGBT+ Muslims make their identity public?
1:24:44 - When meeting publicly with someone from the opposite gender, is it necessary to have the girl’s family present?
1:27:35 - Could you elaborate more on standing up to parents who advocate for classes, materialism and ethnocentrism. You've mentioned doing it in kindness, but that's broad.
1:31:11 - Would it be the man's obligation to stand up to the women's parents if they disapprove?
1:31:57 - According to a Hadith, during the Prophet's time, there was a man who committed zina, was brought before the Prophet and punished. But then the Prophet made arrangements for him to lead a marriage on. What is the damage of pre-marital sex?
1:38:16 - “I love a Muslim girl who has done every sin in the book for years. She admitted all of her past. She wants to move on and build a Muslim family with me. Do I give her that chance? I am hurt by her past, even though I didn't know her back then. I feel jealousy, disgust and discomfort. All that I know is I love her.”
1:45:45 - When a couple wants to get married, and let's say each partner has sinned. Do you advise that people share what they've done?
1:49:07 - There is a shaykh that says that by disclosing that I haven't been a practicing Muslim all the time and should be sufficient.
1:53:05 - Should you get STD tested before marriage? Do you have to disclose if you have an STD?
1:54:28 - How do we teach healthy sexual relationships to our kids when everything is said to be haram or too racy to speak about? Many Muslim couples struggle with intimacy because they either have sexual addictions or no sex drive after being discouraged from these conversations and thus suppressing this side of them, where they feel nothing. Or giving into their desires and secretly satisfying their appetites with haram means like porn.
2:05:42 - Are there any sexual acts that are impermissible even in marriage? And then to dispel some of these things, people heard that hell-fire will be full of women because they refuse their husband's sexual advances, is that true? What's the punishment? Especially if it's a sexual disorder. What's your thought on the notion that wives must always submit to their husband's desire for sex, even if they are tired or not in the mood and the Hadith that mentions angels cursing women who don't have sex with their husbands at night?
2:10:49 - What's an appropriate mahr?

[@stephenconnolly1830]

Superbly handled topics on a theme so often poorly covered in Muslim circles. The Professor nicely debunks many false assumptions, conclusions, weak Hadith and even weaker pseudo intellectuals while providing serious (including scholarly) insight instead. Highly recommended!

[@anonymanonym4590]

I Love that the Dr. Is chilling with all the others an beeing funny and Serios at the Same time

[@stephenconnolly1830]

I have to report that as a non-heritage part of the community myself Muslim cultural practices relating to marriage etc are looked upon extremely disfavourably by Westerners in general. So often they appear to be patriarchal dodges to avoid alimony or which end up resulting in forms of prostitution with the net effect of depriving women of their rights. Obviously, this paints a terrible backwards opinion about Muslims and, vicariously, Islam. Professor el-Fadl rightly condemns these as REPUGNANT due to their ugly non-compliance with Allah's intentions for healthy human relations.

[@user-cq4yx4us5g]

Plz add English subtitles