How to Spot and Deal with Narcissists

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Find out more in our full article on this topic: www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-deal-narcissists/

[@meganrhuby2256]

Kiokiiikiliukp koi iiì

[@chanellover2143]

This video is only about a somatic narcissist. Cerebral narcissists do not take tons of selfies and neither do covert narcissists. Their main indicator is a lack of empathy

[@advaitunique4344]

Your knowledge of narcissists is minimal. Please don't make such videos and mislead people.

[@forestque1531]

Narcissists feed of empathetic people though. They have an insatiable need for it and will never stop taking. The way to deal with Narcissists is to cut them out of your life.

[@ouiamelie]

Yes. I agree. She fails hard on this advice.

[@WildernessScout]

Excellent remark. I agree Forest. She didn't mention that. She's pretending to be an "expert" but fails here.

[@el4942]

brilliant

[@university2775]

I agree. I have cut them out of my life altogether and am so much happier.

[@zenamatthews9380]

I don't really think she's talking about the disease, she's talking about the loose cultural usage. True narcissists are impossible to cope with when they matter to you (like a sibling or a spouse), I think with coworkers, it matters less.

[@icecreamcastlesinsky]

she forgot to mention the main narcissistic sign - the lack of empathy

[@nawraskhalil2712]

Yea, and how narcissists usually get what they want by abusing and bullying others. I get a narcissistic vibe from her anyway cause she's got huge charisma, and that's one thing you usually notice with narcissists.

[@eirikmurito]

she doesnt strike me as narcissist at all she is very empathetic towards people who are shy. a narcissist would take advantage of someone in a vounerable position..

[@nawraskhalil2712]

Well, obviously she's not going to encourage her audience to take advantage of vulnerable people out rightly, because these interviews are about conversation skills and such, and also it will make her look bad if she encouraged narcissistic abuse on TV. Who knows who she might be taking advantage of in her personal life..

[@eirikmurito]

Nawras Khalil yea i guess thats possible. that would be disapointing though, she looks so nice

[@quantumt1]

Anna Panna pretty sure this woman is a narcissist. Any informed person with an audience, who isn't batshit crazy would mention that these people are EXTREMELY dangerous and will destroy your life if you give them the chance to.

[@Maarten8867]

Giving them compliments is a bad idea, they will see it as you saying: "I am worse then you" and they will become even nastier to you and start to put you down more. Empathy is only useful for yourself, to prevent yourself from becoming to angry at them, you can see the Narcissism as a coping mechanism, but never expres empathy towards them because they will suck you dry and use it against you. It's best to have strong boundaries and stick to them and just stay far away from the Narcissist.

[@mahaliathurston]

Sadly my own cousin has been this way. I remember when I got my first car by myself, everytime she would see me, her first words were “your car is ugly” everytime. Then it got to my clothes are ugly and then my hair. It just kept going . When I would try to compliment her, even if I was standing beside her I would have to tel her multiple times until she would respond. And now if I try to text her even a funny video, she has other people message me and then I’ll say, “hey you haven’t messaged me in a while” and it’ll be “no you never answered me” it’s just such narcissistic behavior sadly.

[@slotheatworld]

My mother is a narcissist. I completely agree with you.

[@nervinokaras]

The only way to deal with a narcissist is to walk away.

[@iamjustjudy]

It's so hard when it's family :(

[@zenamatthews9380]

I don't really think she's talking about the disease, she's talking about the loose cultural usage. True narcissists are impossible to cope with when they matter to you (like a sibling or a spouse), I think with coworkers, it matters less.

[@caribaez5711]

What if they are hurting you telepathically..? 💩🥺

[@SkyRied1]

@@zenamatthews9380 I can't agree more with you. You can't offer support to a narcissistic person because that's what they're seeking in the first place, validation of how great they are. And you can't criticize them because they get angry at you and become violent.

[@almohvn33]

No... YOu fricking RUN! Ask QJ... or Tiffany Lanigan! Quinn.

[@m.m.schill4579]

there is a huge difference between some one with narcissistic traits, and some one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The former you can use her advice for, the later is a seriously destructive social disorder on the psychopathic spectrum. Those with true NPD need have no empathy, and you are best not inviting them into the inner circle of your life, period.

[@aboveallelseguardyourheart2950]

NO CONTACT is the only way, i encountered a loud and obnoxious narc in my evening class and within 5 minutes of challenging her she managed to make serious threats of physical violence against me just for pointing out a different opinion. if you encounter them keep your mouth shut and run the other way. There are narcs in my family who are very destructive that I have gone no contact with and had to report to the police. its better to go no contact before things escalate. By all means educate yourself how to identify them and then RUN RUN RUN. DO NOT try and explain things to them that will not help because they know and then then will know that you know and try to destroy you.

[@ouiamelie]

EXACTLY!

[@Cecrophia]

That actually sounds more like you met a full on psychopath.

[@university2775]

Sounds like the exact current NHS culture towards many hushed up and threatened non EU and non British born junior doctors who have been suffering for a long time quietly while their resilience is constantly tested, they suffer humiliation and they still continue to contribute, be the traditional backbone of the NHS and fight to survive the ill effects of the crumbling inadequacies of this bullying narcissistic system. My marriage, family and I suffered a lot. I am glad I left before I committed suicide.

[@university2775]

@@Cecrophia That's what they really are.

[@rachelhudson8362]

My neighbour is one. I was her narcissistic supply as I have a lot of empathy. She only thinks about herself, I needed some help and she literally turned on me and told me she was calling for social services as she had a duty of care ( former teacher, lol she gets sacked on a regular basis ) I've cut her out of my life for good.

[@grreeniis]

Very dangerous advice for a dealing with a person with actual NPD. The last thing you want to do is be in a support or submissive position with them. You don't seem to have an understanding of how dangerous a true narcissist is.

[@zenamatthews9380]

I don't really think she's talking about the disease, she's talking about the loose cultural usage. True narcissists are impossible to cope with when they matter to you (like a sibling or a spouse), I think with coworkers, it matters less.

[@sfletch3042]

Exactly, this is bullshit.

[@jamesbryson9542]

Yes... and I think she is speaking about people in your workplace, or in networking.... if this person is closer, you really need to think of your best plays.... and way out.

[@MegMelise]

And she thinks what makes one is someone who takes selfies. No. Way deeper than that

[@sharon9270]

I empathised with my ex narcissist every day, putting up with his selfishness, his manipulation, his lies, his lack of empathy, his disregard for my feelings, the list goes on. They see your empathy as a weakness and will use it against you, they are game players who wear a false mask fooling everyone around them including their loved ones. Every person to them is nothing more than an object, a source of narcisstic supply to massage their ego. There is only one way to save yourself from the heartache and destruction these toxic vampires will bring into your life, run and don't look back.

[@MrChuckles35]

Sorry, I don't agree with the idea of offering "support" and "empathy" to narcissists, especially if they're your so-called friends. I've tried it, it doesn't work. Narcissists are a toxic personality type. Showing them empathy and support still serves as attention. Attention is fuel for them. They only thing you can do is remove them from your life and ignore them. Ignoring them is the only thing that gets through to them -- and they hate it.

[@SWIFTzTrigger]

+John Smith We all have our flaws

[@bellarose8511]

+John Smith Yep I agree! Problem is: what if they're family members......? Can't just remove them......

[@FahadShah822]

+John Smith Yeah, ignoring a narcissist seems to really be one of their buttons. Fear of rejection and abandonment are at the root of their pathology.

[@FahadShah822]

***** in recovery circles, there's a big thing of going NC (no contact) with the narcissist.

[@mspixiedust100]

+John Smith It's not even about getting through to them. It's about getting rid of that toxic black hole in your life that is preventing you from having someone real.

[@777Noly]

The best method in my viewpoint is to stay away from these individuals and/or only see them when needed.

[@galaxycat9533]

NOOOOOOOO A BIG NO NOOO STAY AWAY FROM THESE MONSTERS

[@rosesweetness6893]

galaxy cat95 hell yes

[@zenamatthews9380]

I don't really think she's talking about the disease, she's talking about the loose cultural usage. True narcissists are impossible to cope with when they matter to you (like a sibling or a spouse), I think with coworkers, it matters less.

[@SkyRied1]

@@zenamatthews9380 Zena, stop copy-pasting same fucking message to every comment on this video.

[@kimdkus]

That's explains a lot. I have a relative who is very narcissistic that he even; gets very upset when people laugh. He will walk away angry. It's all about him, how he feels, if he's in the center or not. I've tried to be supportive, but it only fuels the flame. Now I just have to blow him off when he starts up. Empathy really doesn't help, but will drain you until you have to walk away. Now I just don't give into it and I try to avoid him if I can. It's sad, but there's nothing else to do. He's really into self pity, poor me, I have is so bad all the time. SMH.

[@victorboucher4439]

h ey

[@abdulaziz_Saud22243]

Me too my friend , it's so sad when you have a narcissistic relatives .

[@johnsmith8848]

I had a friend with all 5 of these traits...I am so thankful they're gone!!

[@nukepizzaa]

Sounds like you killed him

[@madelyntoday7093]

She told us how to spot a narcissist not how to deal with one. Narcissists incredibly easy to spot and they are everywhere. American culture breeds them. I know that I'm on the middle of the spectrum, but I'm trying to fix it.

[@el4942]

BRILLIANT

[@micha781000]

Not try to change them, offer empathy

[@university2775]

Just walk away to protect yourself from any further damage. It's called self-preservation and empathy.

[@SkyRied1]

@@micha781000 Offering empathy to them doesn't help, it makes it worse.

[@MsPixiejo]

support no. . If encounter a narcissists run the other way. .They are highly dangerous people.

[@eirikmurito]

what if hes running after you and hes faster?

[@MsPixiejo]

well they never leave....so you have to lock them off

[@eirikmurito]

MsPixiejo never mind ill just run and hide behind a bush and watch him run past me..

[@MsPixiejo]

Ok

[@eirikmurito]

MsPixiejo yes

[@sophiahuang253]

This video is a very nice way to describe narcissist, and i agree that showing empathy is effective to some extent. In the beginning of my friendship with a narcissist, i listened to her problems while talking very little about myself. After a while, she said to me "you helped me a lot. If there's anything troubling you please tell me." We're not friends anymore because i stood up to her, but she still tells lies about me and mistreat her other friends. So i think its too much to be empathetic with a narcissist. The narcissist i knew opened up to me on how she feels like she's a bad person, she told me her flaws and her insecurities. BUT she shouldn't expect people to bow down to her when she treats people like crap. Its irritating, what i say might reach her but her "the world revolves around me" perspective is much stronger.

[@sophiahuang253]

Vanessa Van Edwards im so happy you replied! Thank you for saying that, i completely agree. You're amazing by the way, i love watching your videos!

[@pingpong2456]

My co-worker acts so confident but he's so insecure, gets so nervous if he doesn't know the answer to a question, and when he knows the answer he gets very loud and arrogant

[@Nonehasthisnamekek1]

My ex gf lol. Thing is she has aspergers too, which she uses to tell ppl that its just aspergers and nothing else. She was and is still hiding a sexaddiction problem. She played me like a snake to a flute for nearly 5 years. Being the emapathic person (a waekness considering the circumstance). We have a child together, she ignores me and wont acknowlage her problems and it is a forced relation which I feel bad for my son over. Be carefull and listen to your gutt-feelings ppl. They're cold as ice

[@alcudiababe1]

If someone down plays my interests or things I've done I have no time for them. I want to feel valued so I will go somewhere where I am and leave them in the dust. If I have to interact with them then I will limit the contact I have with them.

[@alcudiababe1]

I don't know about every narcissist, but most people who you can tell are into their looks and you can tell if people are, and you give them a compliment about their face or their shape or something they wear even down to they like the way they do such and such and feed them what they want to hear you can manipulate these people into doing anything. Whereas you compliment my Mom or my Dad, even, and certain types of elderly women - they don't do compliments, they are more likely to raise an eyebrow and go "what are you after?"

[@Lukesky5917]

They are attracted to me like a parasite BC I'm overly compassionate. I've learned the hard way and see my own faults in this. My circle is small and I like it that way.

[@welovemusic8542]

Good for you! Shutting them out dosen't mean you're mean..you just need to protect yourself?

[@bobprobert353]

You sound like how my mum is. She has now got the Terminator armour on an can't be touched by anybody! she is tough now, takes no BS!

[@SkyRied1]

6:25 minutes of my life that I will never recover I really doubt that she met or dealt with narcissistic people on the daily basis and have absolutely no idea of what they are/behaving or how to deal with them. How to deal with a narcissistic person: You don't. If you really have to, try to not fall into their trap. They love to start fights with you so they can start belliting you and call you names. In their heads, that's how they feel like they are superior to others.

[@Itnaxav2000]

Get this.. My mother is really on the upper end of the scale it's totally noticeable but no one in the family cares in fact she has noone now and I was her punching bag and still am age 26 Ive learned that nothing was ever my fault now, I could've been severely damaged by her but I always had empathy for her from the horrid things she's endured in her life I've seen half of them and bore the brunt of most of them but I always forgave her and still tried to please her no matter what or how she treated me.. I was the parent but not any more.she reversed the whole thing on me one day calling me bi polar! The nerve ! because Id finally had enough of her narcissistic bs I literally found my self questioning whether I had bipolar because my whole life it had been my fault it took friends , family and my partner to tell me it wasn't me !! These people need help they are mentally ill but there literally is no help wtf do u do ? Nothing because in their heads they are completely the normal?

[@imapineapple15]

Holly Candy what you said about being your mother's punching bag and her having no one else.. Is ringing so true to me. I'm in the same situation. She praises me for being her "only daughter who is my best friend" ya because I do everything for her - taxes, write letters, help her with forms, call companies etc.. She's also got a brain tumour so she blames everything she does wrong, doesn't want to do, or regrets on that.. I'm finally seeing the light!!

[@andreahernandez5771]

This is exactly what i had to go thru!!!! I couldn't take it anymore i had to call the cops on her because of how physically abusive she was towards me im turning 30 tomorrow her charge is still pending smh... I am so sorry you had to go through this with ur mom of course you do know she loves you very much i just wish i could be more understanding like you bless ur heart 💚

[@irvinjaycarranza6828]

I'm thinking of a way on how to separate myself from my Narcissistic family.

[@imblacklist1688]

SAME bro just focus on your self and your studies and you make it out your family.

[@welovemusic8542]

Educate yourself and go through another country

[@denisefriday7318]

Me Too

[@advaitunique4344]

Myself also

[@irvinjaycarranza6828]

After how many years. I must say that I'm in a much better place. I hope that you guys are doing fine as well. Take care of yourselves.

[@katherinekelly6432]

Narcissism as a label (even when considered as a spectrum ) can cause confusion. The complexity of people is so great that putting them in boxes made up of labels will leave out whole sections of who they are, what they are and why they are. I find it easier to understand people if I simply watch to see what they are doing based on what they are feeling and how these feelings come out of how they feel about themselves. People who have a toxic relationship with themselves will have a toxic relationship with others. Most mental illness is at it's core an adaptive measure that became maladaptive over time. Sensible people protect themselves from disease and maladaptation is a disease. Only practice empathy and compassion if you are strong enough to not be infected by the disease (harmed). Only the very healthy should expose themselves to narcissism and only if they respect the danger to themselves.

[@WorldReserveCurrency]

I have a brother that probably ranks very high on the narcissism spectrum. Worse, still he seems to be a malignant narcissist. He was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and OCD, but clearly has many co-morbidities. The sad part about mental health diagnosis is that these people generally see a doctor to see about getting treatment for what bothers them and not of others. The result of this has been very trying for me personally as he's been financially abusing my elderly, and sick, mother. And completely fails at seeing what he's doing as being wrong. A step forward in trying to help my mom has been met with two steps back by him. I now know more about this topic more than I care to, but they're a grave danger to members of society. And I don't believe this be genetic at all but environmental from their upbringing. I have strong opinions on this based on a link of similar behavior in members of my mom's family. .

[@HydroDiver]

I think it's because their emotional needs weren't properly met when they were infants. They're basically toddlers emotionally.

[@WorldReserveCurrency]

@@HydroDiver Our mother was very doting and always tried to instill in us how special we were based on her family background. She grew up in a very privileged family raised in a similar way we were raising (doting, etc). As I reflect with more awareness now, I recognize she narcissistic and elitist. So that standard was set high for her but was equipped to empathize, compromise, and negotiate during life's challenges when she was young. In effect, as you said, her needs were not being met. Likewise with my brother, he was not equipped to adjust his needs according to situations and circumstances. Instead my mother ran cover for him and let him have things his way. Meanwhile, I grew up very conscientious, shy, and insecure. I was severely bitten up as a kid beginning at the age of four. My brother doesn't recollect. But my mom would switch it up and be doting again. Almost in denial of what she had done. I grew up understanding at an early age that people growing up privileged and spoiled was unhealthy for their psychological health. I hope this helps someone someday.

[@HydroDiver]

@@WorldReserveCurrency Thank you for sharing. You have a lot of great insight. It's so insidious how they attempt to gaslight victims into believing the abuse never happened. That you survived growing up in such a toxic environment and managed to understand how much it affected you shows how resilient you are. It's amazing that you still feel dutiful towards those who hurt you. I wish you peace and strength.

[@gracieambrosio4967]

That description of a narcissist was very very very superficial

[@HIGHLANDER_ONLY_ONE]

what she forgot to say is, that she's talking about the narcissists who do not live in your home, or who had an intimate, or close relationship with. she's talking about the casual, acquaintances like co-workers, a distant cousin or such. when you line in the same home with a person with any type of NPD, they can run your life - especially if they're your love partner and are Cover Narcissist. By the time they're done with you, if you survive it, you don't recognize the person you have become; the broken sad version of what you used to be. yes, one should have compassion, but people most people with NPD, are ABUSIVE, and are broken, and no amount of or compassion would change them. Please keep researching videos on KZbin on NPD, and Cover Narcissists, and get yourself out of that situation ASAP. you cannot change them, and exactly because of the nature of narcisim, they will not look for help. Besides they love who they are, and what they are, so why change? If you're always hurt, your spouse is NEVER satisfied with what you do no matter what, if it's ALWAYS your fault, if everyone thinks that person is wonderful except for you, you may have a cover narcissist on your hand. Four words, "Get out now - run!" 😊

[@bdjuggalo]

My neighbor is literally all of these. AT ALL TIMES.

[@NewWorldTrust]

If you show them empathy they will mirror that to act it back at the appropriate moment and you have given them another tool in their arsenal to pull you into their sick web of deceit and manipulation. If you show true empathy to a narc you are arming them for your own destruction.

[@phoenixrising1103]

absolutely will make you deeply miserable with very little time spent in their company... I'm not sure how interest in the 'why' will serve the people who are, quite literally sometimes, afflicted by these personalities... they can be extremely destructive, especially to kids or adults in emotionally vulnerable situations that simply don't have the stamina or strength or training to deal with theses kind of knuckleheads... ime, because they also tend to be such cunning manipulators, they should be given ultimatums that will be carried out... either you go into long term therapy OR you leave; either you perform your work exactly as we've hired you do OR you don't come back to work tomorrow... that may have to live with the repercussions, they may not even feel the repercussions, but you will avoid being victimized by them and able to move on that much faster....

[@annatherton8468]

I found the example of Vanessa giving her Narc school friend sympathy disturbing. It isn't possible to have a normal conversation with a Narc, period!!! Their narcissism thrives on all or any empathy, sympathy or otherwise, making them stronger and more powerful. Therefore robbing their victims of both strength and rendering them powerless. That is the main focus of a Narc, to control whom ever they can. This allows them to remain concealed in their abusive behaviours and thought patterns. Leave the relationship and have no further contact. This will not be easy, but definitely necessary for your own emotional and often physical health. I speak from experience unfortunately. But, there is hope for laughter and joy in your life again. Have trust in yourself and courage.

[@happydays175]

+Ann Atherton I agree. Because they use that as a ploy to draw you back in.

[@RealLadi228]

I'm angry at her discription.. Its totally not that freaking simple!!! I wish I could delete it entirely or freaking rename it to npd traits!!!!

[@ouiamelie]

Agreed. I also think Narcs can't even receive sympathy. They get this as attention (toxic ) . You don't offer understanding to a narc, you run away from them.

[@riasb]

very very true

[@el4942]

so right

[@christinehaigh9807]

Most cannot have a normal conversation with anyone. They talk back to you (respond with upper-hand comments) to have the last word. One can feel the friction when anyone is around them.

[@annemariesteiger8801]

For those who say why bother with a narcissist (in the family): there's much more to a person than their disease. It takes an enormous amount of compassion to interact with them. But knowing that this person was profoundly hurt - usually when just a baby - is the motivation to get through it. Like a baby, in order to feel protected, everything needs to center around them. These adults don't just feel ignored or slighted, they feel like they are being threatened with death, annihilation. This is why they lash out. It's devastating to witness once you understand their pain. I have found that a quiet relationship with them can be beautiful, like taming / loving a tiger.

[@lorinewton1]

Hi Vanessa. I stumbled upon your videos because I'm taking a communication class. I've watched a few of them and think your advice is great! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years and didn't know what narcissism was until the divorce. Wish I could have seen it earlier.

[@el4942]

Lori Dowell exactly

[@SCSC-qz7rr]

What about when they are mean, vicious, and wicked, and this is your boss? And how do you tell their boss their lies, twisted plans they do to save their jobs? My boss is a narcissist, she became a manager w/o a degree and she is extremely (master) manipulative. Every time she feels someone is a threat to her, she’ll lie, twist a situation to make the other person look bad or at fault, to make them look

[@SummerofKittyLove]

She talks about them as if they're pitiful & harmless. She is talking about an empty shell of a nothing preening monster who only feels alive and happy from harming others.

[@university2775]

Well said!!!

[@hannahnymous]

I agree. I think the empathy works for those at the low level of the spectrum. But if the person is diagnosed with NPD or they're Psychopaths/Sociopaths, it's better to just run as fast as we can loool

[@teriday954]

Wait for something truly horrible to happen to them, then laugh.

[@simonm8586]

An NPD ex brother-in-law once went to therapy after being recommended for feeling depressed. Instead of benefiting from it, his take away was that everyone else is the problem, he was fine. If people were to simply treat him special, all would be fine. And sadly, that's how many people treat him, in order to avoid the aggressive outbursts, the mistreatment, blocking them from accessing their sister / daughter, verbal abuse, cold treatment etc. I for one am glad that P.O.S. is out of my life. Sad that my sister & nephews have been brain washed by the monster

[@pablosamaniego8943]

I agree with Vanessa and understand why she said to be a little supportive or empathetic. I believe there is some kind of truth to the reasons why people are the way they are; like they said if you know where they are coming from and or what triggers them. there will be times you have to deal with them from time to time. Sometimes you just cant avoid people in certain situations, but that's why it's best to be the type of person that can assert or asses anything that is thrown at you, and just know that you handled yourself well. Like when they say, "when someone gives you lemons, make lemonade." I see her point because i know a narcissist on a personal level, and it's also not by choice. ignoring them does two to three things. Yeah supporting them is a way of accepting or rewarding bad behavior or encouraging them but isn't that what life should be anyway, just accepting people as they are? So long as it doesn't compromise you inner peace and safety. But when you have no choice and you are stuck with them, Either 1.) they continue to come at you harder or 2.) you adapt and some of their bad traits rubs off on you and do give them a taste of their own medicine. In turn it makes you like them and turns you into the bigger asshole for letting them change you or ruin your day. So yes, it is better to be supportive than to fight it or ignore them because anything else lessens who you are when you're around them. It all boils down to perfecting your own communication skills. Like the example she gave with her old school mate or friend; gotta find other ways to communicate with all walks of life cause everyone is different or soak up info differently depending on where they come from! If this still doesn't shed light then i highly recommend looking at things from different perspectives by attending a dialectical behavioral therapy class or group "DBT"

[@pablosamaniego8943]

After all,...who are we to judge!

[@alcudiababe1]

If people are constantly directing the conversation back to themselves and their experiences some people find that annoying especially if they want to talk, but these people I find if you listen to them rather than try to cut them up they will actually think well of you more because we all like to give our advice on things we know, things we've done so I do unless I've really big news I'm OK with them talking about theirselves and I manage people, by accepting them for who they are, and the relationship I have with them, and if this is someone I care about and someone who is older than me - not my age group, I just smile and nod along but I don't think bad thoughts about them. I'll just think thats my cousin, or an Aunty. I'm not going to loose some of the admiration from them because usually I think these people are wonderful

[@chuckufarley3041]

My narcissist wife is about to leave me...We just got married on August 8th. She did something horrible the other night, out of the blue, it stunned me, who treats people like she did by asking me a question, then saying well fuck you, Like I didn't care, then asking another question, confirming I didn't care but not even giving me a chance to speak because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So she then turns off the light, lays down & I just won't come home tomorrow. What the fuck is up with her?! All she really had to do was ask me nicely to come lay down with her until she falls asleep instead pull this shit! So disrespectful & uncalled for. So I sat there in the dark not knowing what to do. She caught me off guard, wow! I seriously need your help!!

[@alcudiababe1]

When someone says, "shh, I need to tell you something before hand and don't talk to someone about such and such because they've been really upset about something..." Sometimes, instead of saying of course, I understand and my heart is with them, I can't help sometimes but personalise this (not that I don't care for the person in the situation) And I know sometimes when I've taken it personally and verbalised it I get told I'm selfish and not being very nice towards that other person but it's not meant like that - not many people can read between the lines and understand what's going on for me. When I actually go away and do some self reflecting, because I have to, no one helps me though it, I realise why I have the feelings that I do. I realise it's because my feelings haven't always been validated, listened to and handled with any kind of kindness, and when it happens for someone else it feels like I'm stabbed in the back. That others will respect someone else when they are frustrated upset or angry or just don't want to talk. I do not get given the same kind of treatment. Period. I have a right to be upset when I'm upset. I have a right to be angry when I'm angry or for a conversation to be dropped when I just don't want to talk and the seccond other people start mouthing off, I know the disappointing truth - they don't care enough, that, especially in the spat I'm in, they put that other persons feelings first and try to get me to see it in the view point of them, that only theirs is right and justified. I just want to say I only know rare few people who try to choose their words a little carefully when they speak to me about something I might get upset over and I respect them for that, I do, and have much love in my heart for them because I feel they care, care enough to listen to me, care enough to ask, Im not told my feelings are wrong, and everything that gets said in that moment is matched by a muteral understanding. That is what I need. Or for someone to say, I've been there, I've done it now let's work on out how to help you through this...

[@hk-1290]

That small percentage creates alot of tension in life.

[@staceyharris569]

I believe that the best way to deal with a narstists is to not play there game and do the opposite to what they want you to do so if they tell you to do something do the opposite and dont do it if you dont have to and then that will prove to a narstists that he doesn't own you anymore x

[@coffeeperson1461]

I really think we need to stop using words like narcissist to describe one more personality type. There seem to be all these new words and acronyms turning up to describe a type of person and how they should be treated. I think often people try to diagnose themselves as a way to validate their self view. Really, this way of thinking is unhealthy, these labels don't matter, the world's made of all kinds of people. Anyway real narcissism is a disorder and these only way to deal with these people is to desperately submit. Get away from them

[@Hadrianus01]

What about the "No Contact" strategy?

[@eirikmurito]

What if theyre not wearin contacts?

[@Hadrianus01]

Have you considered a career in stand-up?

[@eirikmurito]

aortablue *blush*

[@advaitunique4344]

No contact strategy is best but difficult if it's your parents and siblings.

[@alcudiababe1]

The thing with narcissistic people is, they lack empathy which is what I'm not hearing from this discussion. I'm a member of two narcissistic support groups and the narcissistic traits are just not enough to go by. These traits are not wrong by themselves, because then you start to think, maybe I'm one two. No, what you need to look for is the consistent problematic behaviours and the lack of empathy and so there is no empathising with this person. They don't do empathy, so anything you are giving to them, will make them the centre of attention and you don't wanna do that. However showing empathy to someone who has narcissistic traits is different because you can have your proper narcissistic people and then you have people who exhibit traits and if you know they are empathetic people then it is more better to show them empathy

[@Ms40Watts]

So you should be supportive and empathic, etc and the Narcissist especially if they've targeted you should be allowed to go on their merry way? Someone please tell me how that isn't decidedly called 'enabling' the crap behaviours?

[@shannenlibres2365]

I'm obsessed with this channel now

[@Knighttemplarbibleschool]

it is 80%percent in my family.4:5 only myself is not ,mu parents brother sister are all narcissists

[@mirandaburke3331]

Thanks for raising awareness about mental illness❤

[@DOCTORSAMMYBAYA]

Great video

[@toniaday3]

I really appreciate all these shows and videos. Thank you so much!☺️🙏

[@billcow3455]

Although brief, this was a good discussion.

[@datageek9132]

"Offer them empathy and compassion." You gotta be joking. Best thing to offer them is ridicule and harassment so that they stay away from you.

[@coffeeperson1461]

If they are a real narcissist ridicule and harassment will provoke them so much, possibly to violence and they will NEVER let it go. Stay away

[@projectmicky1226]

Narcissists don’t actually have a depth to their emotions. They lack anything past what benefits them. You can’t help them. And most often don’t seek help so the 1% will only hit for severe narcissist cases. Narcissists can also ‘charm’ their way out of a diagnoses. Offering compassion and empathy doesn’t work because they see these traits as weakness.

[@go-goakins1489]

Vanessa is very intelligent. Thanks Vanessa for the good advice.

[@pikachuiswatchingyou]

I know a high spectrum narcissist person and I can't bear him anymore. The problem is that this person does not show any calmer situation to discuss about. I'm fed up and I always say I don't care about you. :/

[@blisswkc3344]

Thank You sooo much dearest sweeties 💐🙏🏼 You’re such an inspiration ❣️ Stay Blissful Eternally 😇🕉💖

[@katbird158]

Not all are about the selfies. Some are the ideal neighbor, church member. There are the covert narcs.

[@vampiric-elf5619]

I'm somewhat of a hermit and an introvert. I can be far too wrapped up in my own mind and my own problems, I often worry about being narcissistic. Often when people try to talk about personal problems it makes me uncomfortable and I don't know how to respond. Do you have any videos about about how to display empathy when people bring up deeply personal/serious topics? Because sometime I do just chime in with my own story, simply because I don't know what else to say.

[@mrod6772]

Just run away from them !!!!!that's all ...

[@MiniiCitrus]

This is good advice for getting a narcissist to play nice until you can get away from them. The only way to truly deal with one is to permanently cut them out of your life even if they are close family. Showing empathy will only draw this type of person to you like moths to a flame.

[@micha781000]

Narcisist = obsessed about themselve The world is about them Give attention only if you compliment them Bring the conversation back to themselve Downplay your feelings and issue Become cold, distance when you disagree Triggers, when and why they become very egocentrical Where they come from, usually hiding shame, vonurability, insecure. Its a shield. Offer empathy, dont try to change them.

[@do4053]

I disagree with her, empathizing with one should be hidden from the narcissist

[@ShingInAction]

Thanks for the tip!

[@toneman335]

Best way to deal with a Narcissist is to avoid and no contact

[@MT-cp7lt]

I love Dave

[@el4942]

great questions

[@colesuqs]

Ok people of the comment section who have more experience in this, I just realized that my young adult child has this, very highly on this spectrum. I won't go into details of this most current situation but I'm in desperate need of advice on how to talk them down or make them calm down and see reason! I don't know what to do

[@alcudiababe1]

And if someone is attractive and they know it, or someone who often takes selfies etc, so if compliments big them up, you say anything bad about their looks, or what they think is nice on them - trust me they will hate you eternally

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

I take pics of our wonderful natures and frame them

[@swansco]

Vanessa those are symptoms of Narcissism. isn't the cause needing acknowledgement within a competitive belief system? And im pretty sure we are almost all Narcisists. If we want to do well... there ya go, defining the self through externality. ^^

[@abdobedo9428]

"I feel you're talking about me" Narcissist 0:18

[@900KING2]

Vanessa, do you have any videos offering advice on Sociopaths? I really need some advice and insight. I've enjoyed your videos.

[@Mara-sz7hf]

My expierence with my narc sister is, she's always right and the rest is wrong, my parents enabled her diva behavior, she's in her 50tys and still acts like a kid with tantrums . A Die Hard narc does not have the capacity to selfreflect, and will not go in therapie. Since i learned in therapie that her happyness is her responsibility and her screaming at me is manipulation plus me lacking the guts to say :the way you treat me is not acceptable, since then things changed, she still acts like a kid, and screams at other people, but not at me, i moved on, after 46 years of tiptoeing around her, and ofcourse she is sending her flying monky's, but thanks to lisa a romano her youtube video's i was prepared, it was still a wtf episode but I'm fine.

[@kateboy7]

Narcissist don't need empathy and compassion, just run on the opposite direction... They are unable to change.

[@MrBlackretreat]

Please do more focus on narcissist.... cause this info is not what’s best ( malignant narcissist) or somatic.. they have no empathy

[@veronicajean3612]

No way on the empathy.unless you have to be with them. Cut all ties I’d the ONLY thing that works Not all Narcissists are wounded a big falsehood

[@koezkoez1939]

there's at least 2.%. in my house alone ...

[@lydiaa9594]

How many people are there in your house? 50? Or more?

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

If I am a multilingual with multiple skillsets , go for better deals

[@abrahamvera4379]

we are all tend to be narcisitic in some point of our lives It is our human nature and nobody con scape from it

[@cassyveron2643]

I answered yes to all.

[@obstacleillusion8113]

has anyome dealt with custody and narcissits

[@TheSarfraz36]

so mister will you let her speak!

[@LexaaaHeree]

Sarfraz Akhter I always feel this way about this dude

[@university2775]

😂😂😂

[@Cecrophia]

I don't agree with the empathy way of dealing with narcissism and I think the bigger issue, when narcissism is a small part of someone being an actual psychopath is downplayed and downright dangerous to ignore. You don't offer psychopaths support. Contrary to popular belief most psychopaths are not sitting behind bars - they're charming their ways into your life and work like parasites. Narcissism can be just one warning sign out of many, I say don't take the risk. Guard your life. Stand guard at the doors to your mind.

[@riseyourvibration9669]

They’re way more than that!

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

I do not deal with them at all , set strongest boundaries with them for all area peace

[@TheSarfraz36]

well it's like feeding sugar first then a poison!

[@LeMonS531]

My BFF 100%

[@swizzleproxi4810]

I feel there is no cure for someone who has a narc trait in their personality, yes It's occurred through the need to hide an insecurity but insecurities have come about in the first place as a way to protect a vulnerability within oneself and everyone has some little part of themself they find vulnerable so I'd say this means everyone is a narc it's just a matter of what or who presses your narc button and you usually would avoid that person or situation?

[@belindacrisp7078]

This is interesting. Obviously l applied the questions to myself and l think l do answer 'yes' to most. l was going to explain that l felt it came from a constant anxiety about whether people liked me, if l was connecting and so on. l think l try to listen to other people but l forget what they say because l am concerned about how best to react. l always thought that narcissists also were deliberately pretty destructive towards other people though. ls that not right? l also thought they were manipulative and l am not that. l don't really like being the centre of attention either. l mean l'd like to be the best, cleverest and most memorable in the room but l know l am not. lf l do get attention l worry about it for days afterwards... that l blew it. l am better with people l know and trust. When l relax.

[@rudhisundar]

Take a Deep Pan with a lot of oil, put it on the Gas stove for 30 Minutes, then please fry him/her deep! You can enjoy with Netflix now!

[@Chepecafeteria]

This country, the USA, needs that with the president we have now!!

[@williamwimbourne856]

It's a mathematical equation. Equal to or greater than. You need to beat them at there own game. Gaslight them, if they call you just say I will call you back and hang up.. .call them back at 8-9pm in the evening. Write really long winded emails to them (keep them busy with trivia) never meet them face to face never give them oxygen on the phone to vent, shut them down. You need to make their experience with you hard work. Look at every opportunity to contact them as an opportunity to get one over on them, eveytime they speak with you something negative happens to them...I.e they get a flat tyre or a letter from a fictitious debt collector, anonymous complaint to their regulator. Soon you will drive them to insanity and you can then start breaking them down and have them questioning their own sanity. Eat or be eaten, it's a dog eat dog world you need to be the predator.

[@el4942]

interesting ideas

[@jeanmathieson3338]

With narcs best way to disable them is to ignore them and nullify there sense of importance

[@MsTigerest]

Empathy??? I did that with my ex who I didn't know was narcissistic and that damn relationship messed up with me mentally, emotionally and physically bc I'm empathic. Hell no!! They will destroy who you are and your life. Now I'm empathic who deserves it.

[@edkasprzak3901]

Yes they are and they will be forever always that way I had a friend for 18 years and I had to dump him because he thought God only loved him which was like yeah your kind of strange bro got to go see you