Victim: Don't Become Your Abuser!

[@deniseluker373]

Hi, I've just had huge wave of self insight. I'm a victim of everything. I've blamed my ex NPD, the court system, my doctor, my mother, my father, my brother, my migraines, my nausea, my inability to sleep, my lack of money the list goes on and on. Right down to the hot sun makes me faint. I have been ridiculous. The burden of being a victim to your own life weighs so much. I didn't realise I'd been dragging it around for 3 years. No wonder I'm exhausted. I've been hiding in the 4 walls emotionally. Trusting no one. It's time to get busy living again. I've booked a holiday. Bon voyage victim hood. Thankyou Dr Vaknin for this brilliant video.

[@stevengriffin5349]

very impressed how you could see your own "swing" of course there were flaws. I relate to his "safe victim" concept and reject the notion of self intumment. What I resist , persists. Someday, I will appear on the money list (inheritances), then can go back on tour. I went prior (was booted out ) and was unpleasant and homeless. At 65, on the back 9.

[@sahalejensen6508]

Yes meeee toooo!!!

[@MsDeongi]

Omg good for you… I’ll be so happy when I can finally wrap my mind around this without hating myself

[@drkknath]

Don't be a victim, never and ever because once you became a victim you are opening a door to narcissism. Infact victim mentality is the single most influential factor to hinder your path of becoming your best self. Thank you sir. This is the greatest message I recieved from you🙏

[@colleenpassard6599]

True all all levels. Thank you Sam! Winston Churchill said: Never mirror that which you seek to destroy.”

[@OJMCFLY]

I started to become that way, until I have to re evaluate myself due to family using physical force on me, just because they had anger issues and took physical abuse out on me.

[@Heatherofscots]

I did a lot of blaming and feeling the victim. I have had several romantic "relationships" with overt narcissists and I think my father is one. The last " relationship" was with a covert and it really rocked my world. I finally took a look at myself. I have no doubt I am a borderline and with that I have narc traits as well. Borderlines and narcissists make explosive couples.

[@candybell84candybell86]

Nietzsche makes his remark about the abyss (in Beyond Good and Evil §146) just after cautioning the reader that someone who fights monsters risks becoming a monster himself. Mr Vaknin thank You for the Analysis.You are great.⭐🙏

[@kellydaylan851]

I blame myself because my intuition told me to run and I didn’t. I do attract narcissists to me . The first time I was innocent but I had no clue what a narcissists was , but I didn’t learn my lesson. I stayed way too long in relationships that were very harmful for me. I’m tired of being a victim and I acknowledge and own my part in it. I also do not ever want to be a narcissist, hurting people is something I just can’t do. I do want to be free of the effects of what narcissism has had on me . I want to heal and have a healthy relationship. Thanks so much for this verbal slap in the face , with this video.

[@Holly-bm1sf]

This is me exactly. Well said.

[@TT-ls1yz]

I hear you Dear. Healing starts with daily forgiveness and gratitude. Then daily meditation, being around healthy people with good vibes, helping others without expecting anything in return (volunteer work). All these help with healing. Time is a good healer as well. Good sleep and a healthy life style molds to a healthy mind set. All these are do-able to start a happy new phase of life. I am doing all these, so I can vouch on these. Love you and all the very best 👍🏼 Take Care🥰🤩🤗

[@TT-ls1yz]

Forgot to mention, the very important step is to practice self love💞 Yes self love, self care, self compassion. Now is the time for your current "adult" self to be kind to your "younger" self, like how you would take care of a little baby 😘😘😘

[@clairedraper7099]

Me too.I knew worked it out but stayed for my own ends x

[@skyeburris2467]

Thank you for posting this. Remaining in a victimhood mindset is a memorial (shrine) to the abuser/narcissist. That is a message for perpetual victimhood status. However, when the emotional abuse, devaluing and discard is finally realized, it is still raw and there is an abrupt and bewildering time in which the abused person grasps for information, answers, and support. It hurts and is gutwrenching, and the victim tries to figure out what they did to deserve this, what their role was, and how they could have been so blind. I understand that the narcissist doesn't feel empathy toward the discarded person, as the object was just supply. However, the short term group or individual therapy truly does help the victim move through some level of healing. Some of us were isolated from our friends and family while in the narcissistic relationship, and this therapy becomes our support system. I think was Sam Vaknin is saying is that we need to figure out when enough is enough, and move past the "victim" and "blameless" mindset, stop enshrining the narcissist as a god ruling our present reality, and actually move forward in life. It's okay to learn a lesson from the relationship, and to seek a healthier, better adjusted and secure base in a partner. It's not okay to remain stuck in the looping thoughts of a victim. The time this takes for each person is different, since the level, extent and duration of the abuse varies. PTSD from this type of abuse is real though, and it helps to try to move past the memories rather than looping it again and again like a bad movie. Spend less and less time each day thinking about the narcissist and the abuse. Eventually, reach a point of not sympathizing with the narcissist and wanting to help him/her. They're done with you. Be done with them. Thanks Sam!

[@lismmoreau5554]

DBT... I am certain my C-PTSD... is exactly that! My psychiatrist agrees with me 100%... it's a constant battle to behave differently... BPD is a choice- and I choose/chose to change my behavior. I have been "alone" and working on me... since the death of my husband in 2002... (he was a "renowned" oncologist, and a full-blown narcissist!) He committed suicide- even his death was all about him! He was a coward... suicide is selfish! So, I have NO BUSINESS in a relationship... I am a full time job! I am so much happier- I do miss intimacy though! I am no victim! I DID THIS TO MYSELF! I own it every single day! SO... I got a cat! LOL

[@lismmoreau5554]

Thank you for listening to my diatribe... ❤️

[@Nina-hr8ze]

Wow! I have been victimized by a narcissist but I actually didn't realize this for a decade, I have only had a lot of mental breakdowns and especially I have been aggressive, suspicious and controlling towards the people I love. My instincts have been all off.. I find it relieving to hear someone talking about introjection and what it means to have the abuser still in your head, internalizing the abuse to such an extend. I have noticed this as well about myself that the victimhood identity is a strong one and it's so hard to get out of it!! It actually means facing the world again! All these years It felt like I have been infected with an abusive virus, a parasite that grows and I have been infecting other people as well. Anyway, thank you for your clear and harsh words!! Much appreciated!

[@sahalejensen6508]

This is me. I was so tired of being emotionally detached and hurting others that I took on the victim persona because it kept me safe from feeling like a “bad” person. Now I see how I was just trying to reconcile my bad side by being a doormat. This gives me such hope because I am starting to accept my “bad” traits and see my abusers as simply people who werent able to do that. Accepting all of me means my boundaries are simply preferences not judgements. Being in love with love is my grandiosity but living my life in a grounded way has loosened my grasp on getting high off this victim identity and made my life so much more grounded and content. Thank you SO much for these thoughts. Healing is possible.

[@MasterBoshan]

I honestly don't know how much we all can thank you for your work and publicly available content. Your voice has made a difference in replacing the carpet, repainting the walls, and overall, redecorating the internal sphere's of its listeners. There are many of us who never want this to stop; please don't.

[@lorrainefrasier4096]

There is such a thing as reactive abuse.After a while enough is enough and a target stands up for themselves. You can go on and live a content, happy, abuse free life without the narc.

[@deeptikheterpal8430]

Another pillar of psychology got a hit! WOW . No one can challenge this thought. Forums and victims exposed. Speech less i am with this profound wisdom. Thanks and deep respect Dr Sam.

[@seoulko2589]

I was wondering why I stopped listening to videos of different psychologists on narcissistic families and narcissistic abuse. It seemed to me like I didn’t want to dive any longer into what has happened in my past. I couldn’t get why. And after this video, I understood I am on my path to healing cause I don’t want to hear what a victim I’d been. I kind of understand I can just live without turning in my mind to that past experience and to that state of victimhood. Great video to reinforce this

[@safaasalah4154]

Thank you ,actually I began to watch my behaviors , wards and even thoughts,stop judging people but protecting myself as I am responsible for myself and my inner peace

[@hilcovandenberg6804]

Thank you Sam! For the first time in my life I am learning

[@lanasmith2500]

Wonderful, wonderful talk in which you explain the role of the defensive mechanism of splitting used by the victim as a form of safety behavior which holds such parallels to the all good and bad used by the personality disordered narcissist.

[@nalinissingh]

This is true. I let myself be the victim for years while also staying in contact with other victims which helped me justify my own victim hood. I now work at not being a victim and recognizing my own choices that lead me to where I've been and where I want to go now.

[@Polareyesx]

On the topic of abusers being converted to icons in the victim's mind- I find it highly therapeutic to draw awful, disproportionate characitures of them. It helps me distance myself from the internalized voices & makes me laugh.

[@mamamagere]

The self will be cared for! That is the truth of our existence. Learning how to care for self and cooperate with others is healthful living. Those who have not (for whatever reason) learned how to care for and regulate self are not healthy for relational living. No heroes, no villains - just healthy and unhealthy.

[@whokilledmrmoonlight5355]

sometimes a straight fist in the face can be very healing! thank you!

[@clearwater7000]

Absolutely true. I confirm with my own experience. You want a different life, you need to tear down an old house to the ground ... You can't build penhaushes on a shack. Wonderful rational and healthy advice. Thank you!

[@dianeoneil5376]

This is valuable advice, Sam. I am focused on living my best life moving forward. I acknowledge my part and have learned from it. Staying a victim keeps us stuck, or worse, as you point out. Thank you for imparting your knowledge in an intelligent, no nonsense manner!

[@mendingmandy869]

This is the kick in the pants I needed. Holy crap. I don't want to be a victim. I am horrified at my own narcissistic tendencies I am realizing. I am looking for another therapist. I've been doing therapy for 4 years. I haven't had a trauma therapist and feel like I'm educating professionals about narcissistic abuse. :/ Do you have advice about finding a good therapist for narcissistic abuse? I'm tired of therapists telling me how empathetic I am. I don't want my ego stroked. I want to not become evil.

[@nawaspj7122]

A decent therapist will be understanding but should not encourage narcissistic defenses. I'm also horrified with how my narcissist parents programmed so much crap into my head.

[@artsyalkalearnandgrowbeaut3731]

Very beautifully said! If you mirror evil, you are evil. 👏🏻 Thank you for giving us the voice! Even we didn’t know what happened to us. How much deeply it has cut?

[@tifney710]

I Did become him. And everthing he projected onto me. When i surrendered to loving the abuser by accepting yet rejecting him. He hated me more. Once he was unveiled it was easy to leave, but his antagonistic behavior because i wouldnt leave defeated became even more extreme. No contact is so hard im suffering greatly but i cannot submitt.

[@ARVINDJAISWAL10]

What an eye opener, and such a motivation to stand and look at life as a speciation from a distance. Thanks for creating this marvelous video.

[@carinmanfong]

Great video! We can stop the cycle of victimhood when we take own responsibility of our lives. Its all about perceptive. Happy New Year Sam Vaknin! Your channel helped me a lot in my healing journey. Thumbs UP! 💕

[@creativeforce11]

Brilliant - I have been a victim on two occasions they suck the life and soul out of you. They have no soul that's why they seek others souls. I like the phrase if you mirror evil you become evil - very true. The way I managed to escape no contact every again. Very educational videos - thank you

[@samvaknin]

How and why did you allow it to happen a second time?

[@markhendriks9050]

Brilliant.. turn your view inside and come to terms with your own roll. Theis lectures are a true gem. Thank you so much

[@serena8429]

I think nowadays it's very convenient for people to say they have been abused by a "narc" than to face the fact that they have been in a s***y relationship with a jerk...most people don't really have a clue about what a person who suffers from a personality disorder looks like...however, there have surely been people who went through relationships with real narcissists and psychopaths and they have all my sympathy and my best wishes for a total healing 🙏

[@serena8429]

@the Hero by jerk I meant just immature or non committal people...does everyone who ghost is a narcissist? Does everyone who act as a player is a narcissist? Does everyone who cheat is a narcissist? I don't think so...having a full blown personality disorder is far from different from having narcissistic traits...

[@PlayMaster121]

@@serena8429 I am interested in your comment. I really confuse with a Jerk and a narcissist?

[@serena8429]

@@PlayMaster121 I don't know. Do you?

[@dragonasshh4264]

i’ve been familiar with your work for some time, from a periphery on the topic of narcissistic abuse, but only recently have listened in full to a number of your formal lectures and more general discussions. they have been a confusing experience for me, feeling completely dressed down and exposed, but with this relief of finding a language that describes my inner hell, shame, terror. the video you posted 21Mar2020 on the borderline women as a dissociative secondary psychopath might as well have been my biography. i’ve tried explaining this to my doctors, therapists, etc. they deny it. don’t believe me. won’t help me. i am sick. i hurt people. hurt myself. want help and healing. no modality of therapy i’ve tried has worked beyond helping me to learn how to breathe easier out of a straw while i drown. another video you posted prompted this: i am the boat. and i am the drowning soul. both floating and flailing. savior and sickness. i feel like giving up but will not sink. just float and flail endlessly. i know it is a sickness. my feelings are a lie and deeply destructive. the object of my desire only a projection of my own twisted need to feel seen but treated as worthless as i feel. and i can’t help or control my want of him in a way that can only be described as obsessive and uncontrollable. he is meant to be the end of me. of my hope, my soul, maybe even this body. to punish me? or set me free? it’s hard to tell the difference. all my truest self knows is that i deserve to die. and he will be my end. so why fight it? let go, accept my nothingness. don’t push him away, embrace him, lay my head before him like Marie Antoinette and surrender to my inevitable end. i am just a disgusting thing and i deserve to die. this is the only truth i’ve ever known. so...yep, kinda dark. but this is where i am. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to suffer or hurt people. i want to feel like a good person, be a good person. live a happy, simple and safe life. love a happy, simple and safe person, myself included. if not hope-filled, your videos are a comfort and another tool in helping me better understand myself. i am so thankful for this. and, i happen to think you’re a pretty hilarious presenter, which makes the sick and twisted a bit easier to absorb, which i greatly appreciate. with thanks and gratitude -k

[@alexanderstevens145]

This is why being a charming a* hole works with you but the second we show genuine affection to someone in your situation it disgusts you and the relationship is over.

[@natashatash.o6687]

I'm here bc I recognize my abuser in my behavior more than myself and I'm still healing after a divorce 6 yrs ago

[@t.d9022]

Yes! at last truth. The victim, powerless stance can become so complicit and shady. Some coaches are delivering a kind of addictive fiction which does not truly empower the listener. I feel quite moved by the depth and delivery of this content.

[@Belle_of_the_Bogg]

This was a great video to watch while having some extra time off because of the holiday. It is a subject that is always lurking in my emotional peripheral, not wanting to unwittingly(or wittingly) become the thing that thing that was abusive to me, to perpetuate the cycle through an adopted victimhood. Thank you for this, it is greatly appreciated.

[@אשחראלקיים]

Thx so much. Your words ...i cant tell you more than... מציל נפשות אתה.תודה אלף תודות

[@emmarogue2466]

Since starting to watch your content a few months ago Ive been reflecting a lot wondering if im narcissistic as well as I have some traits although im quite a quiet and reserved person.. i have a lot of grandiose dreams and ambitions and I know I've used sex or flirting with others to feel better about myself. Ive been reflecting over my own behavior in my past relationship with the narcissist more. Ive been able to empathize more with his thinking and the distress that led to his behaviors rather than seeing him in black-and-white terms like it was easier to. It feels better to me to see him not as a monster but as a damaged person. I am damaged too, just in other ways, severe social anxiety and depression. If I wasn't just as messed up i wouldn't have stayed for so long and I know I withdrew emotionally and it triggered his abandonment anxiety badly. Now I just feel so bad that I caused him so much pain and distress. He says he's trying to be a better person and I really hope he's able to modify his behavior and be successful in his current relationship.

[@kalikodelevere5008]

The difference is I reacted to the abuse. I didn’t aim to torture or abuse him.

[@ajc2208]

Great perspective. Thank you for sharing.

[@PlayMaster121]

Prof Vaknin, so thankful for making this video, I sometimes get confused if I am the victim or became abuser after dealing with the Narcissist. Recently on Christmas Day, he sent message for Christmas greeting after I sent back a greeting text, I let him taste his own medicine by ignoring his text after ( he did that to before ). I felt great for what I did but deep down I knew it was rude to act like that ( and I also have the feeling of guilt ). I think I have been drawn into his projection. I don't really know what to do next....you are right dealing with a Narcissist make us become one and is a mind game, and we can never win in this game. Happy Holiday Prof Vaknin.

[@a3mink968]

27 years of raw oedipal narc abuse, and trying to escape. I came hone one last time to try to generate enough -empathy- to understand and am now in a deep psychosis~. Hurray.

[@stephanieprince6492]

This is so good. Your original article rang so true to me and my experiences. I am going to see if I can find it in text form on your website. Thanks for sharing it here. The CPSD and BPD information was very interesting and shed some light or understanding of what I witnessed in the behavior of the mother of the Narcissist that I was married to. Her husband (my former FIL) appears to be a combination of Cluster B disorders. In my journey out of a 15 year marriage I found all of the self styled experts. Bits and pieces rang true and helped me to find language to express what I had experienced but I wanted to know WHY. I kept digging and listening and reading and found your channel. I now cannot even listen to the original “experts” that I found so readily. I appreciate you putting your knowledge in video format on KZbin as I am a mother of young children and it allows me to listen as I go about my daily routines.

[@patno76]

I don't want to harm him. As we know each other since childhood, i just want to make him realize there's other paths he can takes to feel better, and that social relationships aren't necesarry all a source of conflicts and a concern of power.

[@numbynumb]

"The rejection of domination is not limited to the rejection of being dominated, but implies also the rejection of dominating. If there were the same violence about that as about the refusal to be dominated, then even dreaming of revolution would have ended long ago." Jean Baudrillard

[@lissawick2171]

Thank you Sam. I'll look into Judith Hermann and the masking of CPTSD as Borderline Personality Disorder. Also, your warning hasn't gone unheeded. I find difficulty in writing my own script as the abuse was so overwhelming, and I have trouble finding and relying on myself. Yet, there is freedom in taking responsibility for my own contributions to the abuse, even if it is due to identifying as being a victim. Thanks again~ Have a great New Year.

[@beautyskin8696]

There is so much truth in this video 🔥

[@asanabahrami2735]

Indeed we are walking in a trance. Thank you Dr. Sam. This is invaluable information

[@mani-ksb]

At 10 mins... so true. I thought that too, they prolong it without you taking responsibility, self reflection. No empowerment.

[@twi1__12j]

You r real guru 🤩💪... thanku you professor

[@Ladybug1988]

Your honesty is refreshing. We all make choices with cptsd or not I have bdp.

[@katiehav1209]

My daughter is becoming a victim to appease her fragile narcissist mate, who is isolating her from her healthy relationships. Her healthy relationships threaten his total control of her and my grandchildren. My daughter is developing this. She is becoming the narcissist she is joined to And I can see his next moves, and they will hurt her like she has never experienced before. I see it. I know what is next because of observing his patterns and understanding this disorder now. I wish I understood this much earlier. Before she was brainwashed. During the moments I could have helped her manage this.

[@Visitparkslope]

You are not a victim of a narcissist, you are a victim of trauma. How do you stop the cycle?

[@samvaknin]

By treating your trauma from a position of resolve and strength, not of grandiose entitlement and self-pity.

[@Ashleii]

Please could you explain further ?

[@choosun-hui2683]

@@Ashleii how can Sam answer to a question Only You know the answer to?

[@Ashleii]

@@choosun-hui2683 I know :( I am looking for answers in others and not able to see myself. No one can help. I thought i had the answer but am now terrirfied of the outcome. I just want to breathe again

[@somahasan283]

Look for more resources dear and compare them together to get a clear answer

[@alexiajoneslifeintherapy]

I absolutely love you omg!! Thank you for your honesty!!!

[@helinatomeh9571]

Thank you Sam for all your work for us to understand the mental disorders. Beyond happy to get to know you on youtube.

[@carinavieira9457]

Thank you for making this video. I was held hostage for years and had everything stolen from me and my family all our life savings etc.i never saw myself as the victim untill I seemed help and was told over and over I am a victim. Still then I saw it as I was unaware this level of evil could exist in one human. I am coming out the other end from this and have not tried to get revenge or lower my self and the person I am to his level.As when I woke up to what this person was really doing .my last words to the person were you may have taken everything me and my family worked a life time for but you can't take my soul .I will heal from this and one day be grateful for the experience that turned my life life upside down. I am grateful that I now see I have the choice to life with out you hurting me any more and the fact that I have survived the hell I was forced to live . This will only make me stronger. It is you I feel sorry for because for you to do what you planed for years to do to me. Means you are so broken on the inside. Even after what you have just done to me and my family we have love in our hearts. I forgive you and hope that you could one day feel love and joy ans what happiness feels like. All the money and material things you stole from us won't feel that black hole inside of you. Love can't be brought it can only be felt . I hope you heel and one day can feel love. Goodbye

[@nadyagorch7443]

Thank you SO MUCH!!!

[@JohnJohn-hd1pc]

I don't know what i am. I just think it's better if I'm not anything anymore. It's all too difficult.

[@elizabete6327]

Interesting, thank You Professor.

[@lesclark878]

thanks professor so very very insightfull

[@sharonmatthw8096]

Most people can take responsibility for the part they played...they just don't want to play or be part of it any more...nothing wrong with that.

[@sandranikolvlckova6560]

Great video, thank you. Very helpful

[@dan8046]

Fact: We all know narc wants to destroy the victim (which could be a parent, a child, a spouse, etc.) While still under the control of the narc, do some victims try to drag friends/family into their own destruction? For 30 years I had a good and normal relationship with my son. One day, I decided to move in this city to get closer to him and 3 children (1 with the narc). I was living my live, he was living his life, BUT the narc one day, during a crisis, called me to.... ask me to influence my son to get out of his own house!!! I'm an empath who detect rapidly toxic people and cannot be easy manipulated. Of course I said NO to the narc. 2 other occasions during which I told her NO to delinquent acts. Since she could not control me, she succeeded in turning everyone against me, even the 1st mother with whom I never had a problem before during 15 years. To sum up, I had to escape and move back to my previous city to protect myself when she succeeded in turning my own son against me. He was so mean in his messages that I had to cut off the relationship. I could not recognize him anymore. Where were all his qualities? Gone! He wanted to drag me in his destruction by asking me money many times, asking me to sign the mortgage because he will probably lose his house, etc. I was so generous with the children and my son (including giving money once + visiting him in jail each week when he was there because of her), but now I am the very bad grandma because I don't let myself destruct, and don't let myself control (they want me there again like a slave at their service) and I don't tolerate disrespectful language... I now live my independent grandma life far away with no contact with everybody including my son because he was so emotionally dangerous, but it is so sad to see my son voluntarily drowning himself and not be able to do nothing, except getting closer and be destroyed and financially ruined myself... Did you try to drag your friends/family in your own destruction caused by the narc (whether financially, emotionally, other)?

[@dan8046]

One more thing: I leave this message to those still under the control of a narc: don't be cruel with friends/family who detect the narc. They might say NO even to yourself in order not to be destroyed themselves. Respect their limits ($$$ or other thing). They know your financial situation is created by the narc. They have to cut off the relationship to protect themselves, but the problem is, when you get out of this toxic relationship, you find yourself alone and isolated.

[@kitamahmad1941]

Thank you 💓

[@deepsoulsurfer]

It's ture, it's kind of strange to call my self a victim as I was as much a part of the process as the other side. I was allowing it, kind of aiming for this kind of relationship. The only true statement would be, that I was victim of my-own inner enemy. It felt like she was the the intrusive trojan horse, but a trojan horse was already inside and in control and all the paths for it were already open and no agency to reject it. The trojan horse felt like home and she felt like at home I really don't like to be taken over by trojan horses, but up until this year I have been so excited about the trojan horses, that I opened all doors for them when I saw them coming on the horizon. Not only open all doors, but charging towards them with all the torches lit up for them to find me surely and openly invite them in. This is beautifull captured in this song: kzbin.info/www/bejne/l5LPdWCEh6uhoZI&ab_channel=F%C3%A1bioSousa "Some body stepped inside your soul, little by little they robbed and stole, till some one else was in control, You think it's easier to put your finger on the trouble, when the trouble is you You think it's easier to know your own tricks, well it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, I have a will for survival and you can hurt me, and hurt me some more, I can live with denial cause you're not my troubles anymore. You think it's easier to give up on the trouble if the trouble is destroying you, You think it's easier, but before you threw your rope it was the only thing I could hold on to.

[@YouMarch308]

This is 100 percent true. Web and the spider.

[@MsDeongi]

Damn 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@cholldi]

Another great video!

[@eykyemtammyushru2337]

Christ speaks about the one who seeks to 'thieve; devour and destroy'...which is the opposite of Christ who comes to give you life and life more abundantly. ✨

[@Ashleii]

How do you stay sane ?

[@samvaknin]

By refusing to emulate the insane.

[@Ashleii]

@@samvaknin Thank you for your reply!

[@Ashleii]

@@samvaknin Are you saying that it is a conscious decision to go insane? Are there any resources to help..if someone is already on the edge...how do they come back? Please help. I sadly announced my intention to divorce and within 6 months i am at the edge, unable to make decisions, or function normally. I understand I am responsible too but how can I save myself and my 2 children.

[@samvaknin]

@@princessleah187xx4 Everyone is ultimately devalued and discarded.

[@Khadeejah.Akyurt]

Dear Dr. Vaknin, where can I find your 1995 article, please?

[@samvaknin]

samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html Only the first half of the page is the original article.

[@Khadeejah.Akyurt]

@@samvaknin Thank you so much Dr Vaknin

[@clairedraper7099]

Im just on the fence thinking im a borderline

[@My_House_]

The victim part of a child is a thing they can not do anything about. But it will keep them a victim in adulthood without even always know. I somehow become the child again in some situations and can't get out. You can call it bpd but somehow it will be between the bpd and the npd? Only learned to listen and obey others but after the next "bad story" I resigned in trying. Since a few year I learned to look inside and it can only come outside myself. I'm to introvert and have to move a little more to the other side without becoming the npd 🙂 I avoid all the "9 traits of npd" and so on channels ect. Bought the Judith Herman book , it's very good 👍🏼

[@samvaknin]

Professional Victims tend to blame their childhood experiences for being eternal victims. Again, they are victims: this time, of their parents. We must begin to accept that a victimhood stance is narcissistic: grandiose, entitled, and replete with alloplastic defenses.

[@My_House_]

@@samvaknin thank you for answering. Always food for thought listening to you. Went for Judith Herman after you mentioned her few lectures ago.

[@riseup..7781]

The title of the article you read the extract from please

[@kristinwalker3327]

Hi Dr. Vaknin - what would you say about a woman who doesn’t see herself as a victim or as an abuser but would simply like a fair fight? The win or loss doesn’t actually matter, simply the integrity of the battle.

[@samvaknin]

Seek help.

[@MultiZmd]

Fair fight? Only if 'all' is fair.

[@Muuhinatotto]

The only real victims out there are animals and children . Yes I was once a child totally neglected by parents and only realized recently that I was actually suffering from childhood untreated mutism from age 4 and untreated depression,IBS.I finally met a psychiatrist and was diagnosed as CPTSD at age 29. The reason why I am more inactive and slow at healing than other victims is because I don't use victimhood or find that energy meaningful. I thought I was a victim,suicidal and hated the world for not saving me from that toxic family,but it's funny how a burger I was eating that day made me realized how stupid I was, how can say I'm a victim while eating a dead animal ? when I started practicing veganism, I was able to break out of that victimhood.

[@amyvaknin3313]

I couldn't help but giggle, as I listened to your theory.... Spot on! It's the nakedness we all try to cover within ourselves, even from ourselves... Much like a cat cover's its poop. Who wants to know they are full of poop!!!! lolol. Fantastic insight if one is strong enough to accept it. I believe all cluster B disorders are one disorder that is fluid, thus the high rate of co morbidity that is often diagnosed. Watching this video i was able to identify my trait pattern. Default personality bpd, which is vulnerable. psychopath comes forward when threatened, then the narcissist comes forward to tell everyone how mistreated i was! lol. Thank you for the insight!! Sooo... what does one do next? How do we take the next step into wholeness?