I Went To A Gay Bar Alone

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[@choppe55]

I live in Miami Beach.. never was a late-night person.. never used drugs or alcohol but still did well socially.. 69 years old now and grateful for a great life

[@KevenTalks]

That's impressive in a town like this 😉

[@dennis-qu7bs]

I really like the term "aged out", it's so apt.

[@NorbieSimon]

I'm 25 and i feel like i've already grown out of going to Gay Bars and get drunk like lots of people do.

[@KevenTalks]

lol you're a few steps ahead of me then ;)

[@CRYDERSB]

I ALWAYS got my rocks off before I came home 😜

[@CrystalCarrington]

The gay culture has changed. Before the internet or the hook up apps, gay bars and venues were really the only places you could potentially meet or hook up with other gays. There used to be such an excitement about going out and maybe meeting somebody for a connection or sex. The energies, in these spaces has changed considerably. There used to be that electricity in the air, people used to look at each other, the hunt was on. Nowadays, that electricity has disappeared because everyone is getting their rocks off on the apps. No one is in hunting mode anymore. No one is really interested in anyone else, besides getting drunk and dancing in a gaggle on the dance floor. Everyone is unapproachable, and unfortunately more and more people are getting frustrated and putting on a brave face. We are losing our connection. Just my take. X

[@KevenTalks]

Very interesting take. I know exactly the "electricity" you speak of - back in my early 20s, before I ever started using apps (though they had already begun to exist!)...

[@CRYDERSB]

I like your honest and organic talk - thanks 😁

[@KevenTalks]

Thanks for watching!

[@FriendofDorothy]

"organic talk".....🤣

[@Pro-Deo]

you've aged outta these environments. good. now you can be a supermodel and I don't know what you're waiting for. you got it.

[@KevenTalks]

Is this sarcasm? 🙈😅

[@Pro-Deo]

@@KevenTalks oh my God no. it's everything but. this video popped up on the screen so it's the first time I been to your channel. I watched it and thought, I'd feel the same way if I were him and you're right. the whole time watching it I'm greatly admiring the face God gave you at birth. I wondered if you know how beautifully handsome you are. you're beauty is rare. there's only a lucky very few who are at the very top of highest paid models. it's because they were born ..like you. meaning you already have what it takes for that but it doesn't matter who you are, you're oK with me because you're just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. I apologize for being blunt if you find it that way, where I come from it's common but I meant no offense in any way.

[@KevenTalks]

@@Pro-Deo You are so sweet! 🥹 I wasn't sure if it was sarcasm because I don't have "model looks" 😅 But I really appreciate your kind words 😘

[@marcuscole4394]

Gay guys who still are in that bar and club culture aren't generally very nice to one another, there is always the exception.. Gay men can be very discriminatory towards our own community and that is dissapointing. When I was turning 30 I joined some sports organizations that had been established for gay men and women. I found it to be much healthier than the clubs. I did that until I was 45. I have confidence that you will find your way. You seem to be a very considerate person. Thanks for your interesting posts. 🙂

[@KevenTalks]

Thank YOU for watching :)

[@rory1733]

this is like looking in the mirror I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS

[@KevenTalks]

lol thank you!

[@earlt911]

I used to go to a lot of "night clubs" in Metro Detroit and have met a lot of nice people. But overall what I found over the years is there is over the top judgement going on. Have you ever met someone that maybe you didn't like based on looks but later after talking to them found them to be an awesome genuine person. Never judge a book by it's cover! Thanks for the talk video Keven.

[@KevenTalks]

100%! But there's also a feeling you have when someone approaches you. Even if they're not your type, you feel someone's genuineness, vs an aggressive feeling, or unwanted sexual advances. So, that's more what I was referring to with the guys who approached me.

[@earlt911]

@@KevenTalks I think that feeling is tied to one of the three empathy's we might be feeling, Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate. The world needs more of all three!!

[@aceautonewportky]

63 three years widowed from a 30 yr true loving relationship. Your point of aged out. I just simply won't go to a g bar. I was so very lucky to have gotten to experience a true love. I like your points. You are very handsome, I have watched a few of your vids and know I like you. Nothing creepy seriously. But truly a refreshing take on good topics.

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you so much! Hope you stick around my channel :)

[@eddiegardner8232]

If you are a "Grandpa", all I can say is that the quality of "Silver Daddies" is definitely on the rise. When I was your age, gay bars, if there were any, were just a place for cops to practice conducting raids.

[@KevenTalks]

😲😲😲

[@JIBos]

Great description of a very very gay bar. These bars are all the same everywhere. No creativity. Lack of culture. Emptiness.

[@KevenTalks]

That sums it up lol

[@stumack9755]

Boston has 0 gay night life. Bars close @ 2am.

[@KevenTalks]

The bars close in LA at 2am too. I actually prefer that kind of vibe. It forces you to go out earlier and be home by 2, lol. Doesn't screw up your entire next day (for grandpas like me, at least) @@stumack9755

[@ryanborder189]

The truth is that the only way you can enjoy these places is to be off your head on either alcohol or drugs. I used to do both(drugs in a club only) and when you don’t you realise that its actually not much fun. Most people go( whether they admit it or not) with the hope the are going to hook up and are probably sick of the apps which is like ordering a meal-‘I’ll have this extra spicy and that on the side’. I suppose in a bar at least you get to see the person and not the best pic , taken at the best angle 10 years ago! I have a partner and we’re monogamous so I don’t do either and don’t miss them one little bit🙏

[@KevenTalks]

I agree. Without being drunk or high, you realize it's actually a repetitive hamster wheel without much distinct enjoyment. I'd rather go to a quieter, swankier venue with good friends.

[@tom-ss2mn]

When i was going to the clubs in the 90's in dallas, it was more to be around people like me rather than just to party. Before internet, being gay was very isolating. When a friend took me to the gay bars for the first time around 1993 ish, i was amazed. I didnt know so many gay people existed lol. To me it felt good to be around other gays

[@KevenTalks]

I 100% get that and felt the same way in my early 20s, before I started using apps. It was like this liberating yet comforting feeling of "I can be safe here to look at a guy, kiss a guy, etc."

[@sunilp5487]

In my experience, Miami is just sloppier. Fun, but sloppier. At our age (we're the same age) I've found that the daytime version of this like tea dances, and brunch events, etc. are more fun and tend to be less sloppy while still having the hope of making said connection/having a fun time

[@KevenTalks]

lol! That's a good word to describe it ;)

[@sirald66]

In my late 50s now, I felt many of the similar feelings about gay bars; especially the House music was less imaginative than a top 40 music station.

[@KevenTalks]

lol agreed on the house music

[@FriendofDorothy]

When has Top40 radio ever been particularly "imaginative" since the '60s?? It is mostly bland, unchallenging music intended to provide a background soundtrack for worker bees. House music was a Late '80s and '90s trend that used a lot of minor chords and darker moods that aptly reflected the era in which a deadly virus was killing people by the thousands because there was not yet any successful treatment. That didn't come until 1996 or so. Dance music sounds redundant when one is not a dancer but house music was HOT. Give a listen to Inner City's "Good Life" or "Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)" by Crystal Waters. Such tracks are anything but unimaginative.

[@cornkiller534]

I went to a gay bar for the first time two months ago in NYC. The music was the best part about the place. It was majority of millennials at the bars and not Gen Z. The place was actually pretty dead at 1 AM and I was told the ideal time was at 11:30 PM. The men were very judgemental. I was shocked even the bartenders had a little attitude. Well that's their tip you won't get from me. As far as Hispanics speaking in their own language, that bothers me a lot. I'm Hispanic myself and if one cannot speak in English and lacks literacy then I'm not going to even be interested in that person no matter how hot their body is. Communication is very important and they cannot speak the language of the land effectively, then there's zero chance I want anything to do with them. About these places making money, yes they will make money off those rhey frequent bars but they clearly do not care about us folks so therefore, they will lose business to folks like us that didn't feel welcomed or accepted in a gay bar. I was very disappointed. You described your experience in NYC as better but I actually think Florida may have a better scene for gay bars

[@KevenTalks]

Thanks for sharing your experience! Do you remember the name of the bar in NYC? Curious if I know it. There's definitely more attitude & ego in NYC bars, but with that also comes a higher caliber of guys, I think. Double-edged sword for sure. There's less of that here, but it's also SO much trashier in every way (even beyond the gay bars).

[@cornkiller534]

@@KevenTalks I went Pieces then Monster then Stonewall. Pieces was fun but I felt very lonely going to that bar by myself. It was hard to meet anyone there. The other two bars were more laid back but not what I was looking for or expected. The second time I went to NYC, I went to Fairytale and Hardware since they are right next to each other. I don't like either of them. I'm debating if I will ever go to any gay club/bar in NYC again. For me, I never been around so many gays so it was something new to me. I've been told to visit Fire Island this summer (only 3 months away) but I'm really unsure if I will like it or not especially if I'm going by myself

[@KevenTalks]

Oh ok, West Village spots! Honestly, I never hung out at the Village bars. They're not really...hip ;) Mostly tourist traps. Hell's Kitchen bars are the hot spots where modern NYC professionals are. I've never been to Fire Island but it's not for me. It's one of those gay cesspools - lots of sex (orgies), drugs, etc. Not my scene. You may get overwhelmed based on what you mentioned.

[@robbieross6646]

God, Gay bars were a bore forty years ago, I can only imagine how disappointing they must be now.

[@KevenTalks]

lol!

[@davidchadwick665]

21 and think I've been to a gay bar maybe one time lol?? not my thing for some reason and i remember having a very similar experience

[@KevenTalks]

Wow! You've aged out pretty young, literally as soon as you became legally eligible to age IN 😂

[@ms.carlson3904]

Times I remember going to a bar alone was when I was 19 years old and within minutes meeting two veterinarians - who I did not believe were vets as they were so party like - but found out later they were - and we left the bar together and all three of us went to a 24 hour restaurant and got to know each other and had food. Both vets liked me and one was very hot with Atlantis green eyes I have never seen before.

[@KevenTalks]

Watch out for the ones with green eyes though ;)

[@jacobhughes8056]

For me going out alone is so dictated by the mood you are in, it can be really fun or feel lonely depending. Do you think other people in that bar treat you differently than they did when you were in 20s or is it just something internally that’s it’s not as fun when most of the people are a different age than you?

[@KevenTalks]

Very true that spending time alone is a double-edged sword! I am treated a bit differently nowadays in that - dare I say, lol - that I'm in my prime. I'm fitter & healthier than I was in my mid to late twenties, and it gets me more attention nowadays. Of course that's mostly a good thing, but sometimes uncomfortable late night at a gay bar especially if alone (there seem to be more creeps than ever...).

[@Jesus-Histler]

On one hand there's too many drunken bums and jerks wrecking bars, cafes and parades. On the other hand the scene has got worse since the 90s where prices skyrocketed & quality guys just use apps etc now so there's less reasons to go out.

[@KevenTalks]

Totally!

[@jackrippper3389]

Hello, new to the channel. Did you have any expectations of going out by yourself? I'm an introvert so I get anxiety easily. I love the occasional going solo and that loud music and bass never disappoints!

[@KevenTalks]

Welcome to my channel! 😎 No expectations - just curiosity & boredom, I guess! I'm an introvert myself but I guess at a bar I don' t feel any pressure to "perform" like say on a job interview or a networking event, so it doesn't give me any anxiety at all! Does going out give you anxiety?

[@dnwitte]

I'm twice your age, and I disliked gay bars when I was coming out in the 70s (my weirdest experience was going home with my conservatory harpsichord teacher), still disliked them when I gave them another try in the 80s , hated them when I lived in Amsterdam in the 90s, and frankly didn't know they even still existed here in the 21st century.

[@KevenTalks]

I love this comment lol especially the part about the harpsichord teacher (!) 🤭

[@dnwitte]

@@KevenTalks He turned out to be a leather queen with an absolutley terrifying dildo.

[@KevenTalks]

😰😰😰@@dnwitte

[@Non-Dari]

6:50 Im in tears😂😂😂! But im glad that you're Catching on👀 7:00

[@KevenTalks]

😅😅😅

[@tonyoB]

I'm turning 30 in a couple months and never experienced a real gay scene before. I am friends with a couple of gay guys in my area, but I live in a college town and the only gay bar here is a night club that caters to college students. Having only moved here at age 23 I already felt too old to go, and it's the only gay bar I've ever been to. I know I might not be the best example to give my opinion, but I've never desired going to a bigger city to try out the gay bars there. Maybe I just need to keep an open mind and consider that it's not all gay bars and just my location, but like.... 🤷‍♂

[@KevenTalks]

I was just kidding about the grandpa thing though! 30-something is most definitely not "too old" to be at a bar :)

[@timward3116]

You know what your problems is Keven? You're a thinker! You observe and you notice stuff. I'm A LOT older than you are (in Phoenix). For lack of anything productive to do on a weekend night (and no small amount of laziness), I make the same trip to the same gay bar every Saturday night, KNOWING full well I'm not going to like the banal conversation, the nose-in-the-air desplays of attitude when there is no basis for attitude, and the utter lack of dignity when there SHOULD be some dignity. After 60-90 minutes, I've had as much as I can take and I drive home, satisfied that, once again, there was nothing to see. I sympathize, buddy.

[@KevenTalks]

Every weekend? Wow!

[@stumack9755]

sad

[@timward3116]

@@KevenTalks But only for about an hour just to get out. All my straight friends are married and my gay friends are old or drunk, LOL.

[@FriendofDorothy]

bars aren't about "dignity"/ They are about losing inhibitions and alcohol , a recreational toxin that provides courage in a cocktail glass or bottle to people who need a drug to mingle with other people.

[@OLDS98]

Thank you for the video Keven. It seems nothing has changed in the clubs. You described how it was when I used to frequent the clubs in the past. It is a generational shift, but the same things are still taking place. The only thing that changes is the generation. The problem is not you. It is hard to meet others out in the community and connecting with others has not become easy. Technology changed things too. I do not use dating apps and do not know how either. You are not a grandpa Keven. People are looking to connect or make a connection with others. That is the challenge. You cannot do the same thing expecting different results. You recognize this and you have learned from this. You will purse something new and different. You are maturing in a positive way. Look at it like that. Please take care.

[@KevenTalks]

🙏🙏🙏

[@ethanamazing]

You're not a grandpa, lol. As someone who doesn't go out with the expectations of meeting someone (literally nobody lives here LOL), I find myself much more likely to leave a little earlier if the crowd gets annoying. I just go out to dance. Sometimes the music does get a bit same-y (looking at you, house music events), but drunk people who repeatedly bump into me are 1000% the reason why I will leave earlier. People will straight up walk on top of you and completely ignore you. If you're spending money on something, you're ideally getting something in return (entertainment, fun, etc, whatever). If you're not getting your money's worth, stop going.

[@KevenTalks]

That last part about your $ spent being worth something - so true!

[@ljrockstar69]

I went to gay bar once, and I didn't like the atmosphere. When I smelled narcissism in the air, it was a big turn off. In addition, gay bars are mostly tacky and ghetto, for once can someone design a more appealing space that looks "high end?" It has already been mentioned here about the "discrimination" within the community, which is sad, when this is supposed to space for everyone to support each other. And don't get me started with the stereotypes of gay men of being over sexualized, drugs, depression, and suicide - this needs to change!

[@KevenTalks]

"I smelled narcissism in the air" >> I need to start using this phrase! 😁

[@ljrockstar69]

@KevenTalks lol, believe me I went through a narcissistic relationship and all he cared about was about himself and appearances. I backed out after 3 months into it and I felt like a fool that all he wanted was narcissistic supply!.....btw Come to Hawaii and check out the scene here, maybe not as glamorous as Miami, but still great place to relax and enjoy nature!

[@KevenTalks]

@@ljrockstar69 I actually did a video in Hawaii years ago! A very sunburnt one 😅 But I would love to go back for another experience: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hqiUaWyPrNN2fdE

[@TomGioia]

I grew up in NYC going to the bars . I loved NYC but it was too hard to live there for me . I like it more quiet . I moved to the opposite environment that you did at age 26 Quiet and tranquil. Thought I would be giving up on finding any gay life.. sort of did . But my environment is so much better than the big city life . I would never go back to live I thought you were going to say the famous weather girls anthem

[@KevenTalks]

NYC gets exhausting, for sure!

[@Tony_01989]

I don’t think it’s cause you’re too old to be in the bar. You’re the perfect age 32 years old and I’m happy that you was sitting there drinking to yourself and seeing if someone find you interested and some people I guess they just look a mingle that’s my opinion pretend they flirt with you and get to know you and do a one night stand and then the next thing they don’t wanna talk no more, not you anyone

[@rjcarter2904]

Keven, I'm a "grandpa,{ literally (more than twice your age), but I think you need to be more flexible. lol I love going to gay bars when I can. But I am very choosy about the type of gay bar I go to. I have no interest in going to the 20 something bars with loud music, etc. I love going to quiet gay bars where I'm with "my people." It's comforting--at least for an old guy like me. You're a lovely guy and should be happy. Don't go to places that are not suited to what you are looking for. Go to places that are fun and comfortable.

[@KevenTalks]

Where are the quiet gay bars? Asking for a friend 😅

[@rjcarter2904]

@@KevenTalks I don't know about Miami. But I used to go to Therapy in NYC before it closed. It got loud late in the evening. Also, there are a couple in DC but I used to go to a long time ago--maybe 10 years ago.

[@KevenTalks]

Therapy was a classic! 😂@@rjcarter2904

[@rjcarter2904]

@@KevenTalks I agree. It was my favorite. I was heart-broken when it closed during the pandemic.

[@leobethge6002]

Yeah, too funny. You now have wisdom and expect more from the community, though less is what you receive. Heads up man. Don't worry about it..

[@stumack9755]

i say... get a dog.

[@ianlongoria6096]

Funny story about the flamboyant guy who said you look lonely when you didn’t show him interest. A guy who looked at least ten years older than me did something similar recently when I wasn’t giving him the attention he was like “you must not be a social person” lol. Seems like a common gay defense mechanism when someone they are attracted to isn’t showing them interest

[@stephenbanks5952]

But I am curious. Why didn't you give him attention? Or do you only talk to people you want to hook up with? If I was alone at the bar and feeling self concious about being alone I would welcome the attention. It means you are not on your own anymore and he may introduce you to other people. I would just see that as my in to not being alone anymore. It can open up the whole evening. Just because you are not attracted to somebody does not mean you should not talk to them. I am open to everyone if they are nice. It happened like that recently for me. I was meeting a friend and he ended up being very late. I am not used to being there alone so I was feeling very self conscious. To my right was standing a very handsome guy. This older guy came over and offered to buy me a drink. I refused but was friendly to him. Then he asked the handsome guy if he knew me and the guy said 'not yet' which I overheard so when the older guy went away the handsome guy looked to me and we both laughed and then we had a lovely time chatting and then my friend arrived and we all three got on very well. If I had ignored the older guy then maybe none of that would have happened. By the way I am not meaning to sound agist about the older guy. I am old myself.

[@ianlongoria6096]

@@stephenbanks5952 I actually did politely chat for a few minutes with the person. I think yeah if don’t have any interest in connecting further usually better to kindly end a conversation than lead someone on

[@stephenbanks5952]

@@ianlongoria6096 OK understood. Obviously I wasn't there. The only point I was trying to make is that you can speak to everyone. You don't have to limit it to only people you want to hook up with.

[@CRYDERSB]

Yesssssss

[@SeanyHardy]

I absolutely agree with everything you’re stated here, especially the music on repeat. I commented on the short version. I haven’t been in ages and I am probably aged out of it too.

[@KevenTalks]

We're grandpas ;)

[@SeanyHardy]

Haha yes by today’s standards 😂

[@J33-k3s]

I think businesses try to find formulas that work and then stick to them. But then it just ends up becoming highly predictable and you get to the point where you are over it. I think you also have to consider the age range youre around. 20 somethings are going to be more annoying. Especially under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I am part of the "bear" community. We are less shallow in general. And it tends to have a wider range of ages. So I am around more men rather than young guys. That helps have a more mature environment. And the problem with party people is if you are not one and you are around them, you sort of have to dumb yourself down to fit in. And who wants to do that? I think one of your issues is that you are interested in a group that doesn't have a real community. You like guys around your age or a bit older, i am assuming your more into fit guys based off of all your videos ive watched on here. Not necessarily muscle guys, but still fit (not overweight at all). I could be wrong. And you said you like dark and handsome guys. So maybe you would like the otter or wolf community lol. My point is, and i know all these subcategories are a little silly, but the point is, if you could find a community if guys you like that are more mature, and went on a night where that is their night at the bar, then maybe you'd enjoy it a bit more. Instead of like a bunch of young twinks and muscle gays popping pills and drinking and being obnoxious. And i know that can be found in any gay group, but in general i think the muscles and the twinks tend to be a little more drawn to those environments.

[@KevenTalks]

"young twinks and muscle gays popping pills" 😂💀😂💀😂💀 I think I'm just becoming more and more introverted / annoyed with crowds in general

[@keithflanders4254]

How insightful and precisely my experience of frequenting London gay bars..That feeling of not belonging anymore...yes it is very hit and miss...but I guess I go still hoping to find the man of my dreams..

[@affirmingasmr]

Try a gay karaoke vibe or karaoke in general if you can find one if your into that…also your only 32 that's still young but i can definitely relate to your experience.

[@jaynerobinson4323]

Problem is gay bars are still hunting grounds. I never enjoyed them as a gay man but when I embraced my fem and started crossdressing and going out the vibe totally shifted. I'm more authentic ,confident and dont give two f's about impressing anyone. The sexual dynamic wall is broken since I know they're not into me "that" way. Now I enjoy social interactions and fun that I never did while male presenting. I have never gone out and not had a conversation or had to actively engage someone. I dont do camp or drag or "perform" While I may have no shot at romance it certainly beats invisibility or the angst of trying to fit an impossible standard

[@scottgarver5782]

Some queens go to gay bars for the all illusive validation and attention. Some go to their social media sites. À chacun son goût.

[@KevenTalks]

"À chacun son goût" indeed ;)

[@ANTHONYVONAJR]

You are absolutely correct I too am aware and have noticed the change and the DETERIRATION of the club life and what has come of it and of the younger generation in the club-life. all I can say is I'm so glad that I lived and partied through the 90's experiencing what the club life was all about and how AMAZING the nights would come alive by the many life experiences, friendships and relationships that were created. also the after-club experiences by hanging out in and around the city or going to a house or hotel party and everything that I'm not saying that made the club life what it was and the LEGENDARY and EPIC club themes and designs along with the amazing work of the lighting design and the real DJs remixing LIVE WITH ACTUAL VYNIL RECORDS! unlike today where they put a disc or connect to their phones and play off those devices and that has become really lame. and perhaps it is that we are older but one thing is for certain the time of this Club Life was truly a AMAZING time to be in the life and the level of it all that was always raising the bar to amazement and jaw-dropping production, promotion, music releases, concert/show events with Amazing club Divas like international Recording Artist AMBER or the amazing voice of Deborah Cox to name a few performing club dates with their current Hits at the time. There was nothing like it and will never be and that's because tines have truly changed and the younger people are different also. I mean there was a talent from the clubgoers that would be so creative with their weekly fashions to awe and inspire and at times intimidate and hate! but the presents of these people will always live in my memory forever and I still am wowed by them. I'm rambling but I hope I'm conveying what I'm trying to say but if you get nothing from what I'm sayin all I'm saying is I AGREE WITH YOU!!! 100% 🙂

[@phild8602]

If you've lived in cities like LA, SF, NYC, Atlanta the club scene is far different because you have variety of places. If you want quality men and people you'll have to step outside of bars and clubs.

[@RY-fe3rt]

HOW VERY DARE YOU say you've aged out of the club scene at 32?!!! I have 10 years on you and still fantasizing about tending bar one night a week as a moonlighting / voyeuristic gig and reason to stay in shape. 😂 Mind you, my 30s were pretty much stolen (don't ask) so I have a lot of catching up to do. And I think growing up in a place without a visible gay community or gay nightlife, the lure of the bars will always be worth the "risk" for me, even if it's not every weekend. Maybe once I hit 50, I'll bow out gracefully-ish and ditch the bars....... for house parties! 😂 Great vid!

[@KevenTalks]

Omg I have the same bartending fantasy, but only at a sexy, chic speakasy 😅

[@RY-fe3rt]

@@KevenTalks Totally! There's something very sexy about a daddy type behind a bar. Plus you get to meet all kinds of people with a literal barrier between you for safety! I need to track down an old bartender buddy and see if he'd do it with me. 😁

[@KevenTalks]

I'm sure it's not as fun as it seems - "grass is always greener" - they probably deal with so many obnoxious, belligerent drunkards on a constant basis, not to mention the nocturnal lifestyle screwing with a standard sleeping cycle...but maybe it'll happen for us both one day and we can find out for ourselves ;) @@RY-fe3rt

[@multijanni100]

I think it depends also on attitude. if you want to have a good time, you will (mostly). if you don't want to, you won't (mostly).

[@KevenTalks]

Fair

[@dnwitte]

I think if you have to try that hard to have a good time, then maybe you actually aren't. I realized many years ago, I just hate this and I'm not doing it anymore.

[@KevenTalks]

Also true! Not worth forcing it@@dnwitte

[@multijanni100]

@@dnwitte I think it's kind of 50-50. You have to take some initiative to have a good time, chat up some people, move around etc. The other 50 is allowing things to happen to you when they happen. Of course if nothing happens, then you've done your job (your 50 %) and you can leave again without feeling bad. But sometimes those persons chatting you up aren't thaaaaat bad, when you get to know them you might actually start to like them.

[@Lovetocruisegrandpa]

I’m a 54 yo grandpa don’t go out much more at all only with friends occasionally but your still a young handsome guy I hope you find your forever person 😊

[@davidwoodford1814]

Perhaps the missing element is intoxication.

[@KevenTalks]

lol

[@edcipriani8873]

Sometimes we just outgrow certain meeting places or venues if we don't want to deal with a lot of the same BS anymore, listen to the same music over and over, as well as deal with people who many times get sloppy drunk and act out with no regard for physical boundaries and that can become very obnoxious. I grew up in the Chicago area, and in the mid 1980's when I was in my early 20's, it was the same story. The music that bars played back then was also repetitious, Madonna, Whitney, Wham, Cindi Lauper, Culture Club, Patti LaBelle, Pet Shop Boys, and a few specific songs were constantly played - Frankie goes to Hollywood - Relax, the Weather Girls - Raining Men, Take on me from AHA was a huge hit as well (still one of my favorite songs and videos), and many more. Yes, 40 years ago, hard to believe. So much great music, but pretty much the same songs over and over. And BTW blasting the music to the point where you have to shout to the person next to you to have a conversation is just idiotic as hell. Bars can be great, but they can get old way to quickly, especially the party crowd you mentioned. As we get older, our modis/modi operandi changes. I think as we get older, we become more comfortable being alone without being lonely, so we may not venture out to bars as much, and probably value friendships more and go to cafes, restaurants and coffee houses. Change can be good.

[@KevenTalks]

Exactly! You get it.

[@edcipriani8873]

@@KevenTalks I had to adapt and change many aspects of my life as I have become older, so that I could live a better life. I am going to be honest and upfront with you on this: In my mid 30's I was hooked on meth for a couple years. Yes, I know, the absolute worst and most idiotic decision I have ever made in my life was even trying that crap once, because it opened the path for me to become addicted. I knew based on my family history of rampant alcoholism that many of us in my family have predispositions to drugs and alcohol addiction. I also was lucky because after 2 years of using I got clean and haven't touched that crap in almost 20 years. I went through life up to my thirties thinking I was so lucky being that I never cared for alcohol. I would just get a soda when others around me were drinking alcohol, and that I had avoided and broken the addiction chain by not becoming what my parents were. I grew up in a household where both parents drank heavily and there was often off the charts insane behavior constantly. The reality is that I leapfrogged into something much worse than alcohol. For all those years before I faced my own addiction, when at times I had judged my parents so harshly for all the drinking and dysfunctional behavior, I had acquired so much compassion, understanding and acceptance for them and what I went through growing up as a kid, being that I went through my own addiction and recovery. My outlook completely changed and it had to change for me to move on. I still can go into a bar, and order a soda, and be ok with that. But the reality is that now that I am older, and have moved on to a different time in my life where I don't want to be around alcohol or the way some people act when they drink too much. I choose not to be around it. The other thing is that I have seen is that so many gay men started drinking and using other crap when they started going to bars. I am not by any means blaming with that statement. People are responsible for their decisions, actions and behavior. I just hate to see so many younger people dealing with addiction and all the crap that many of us go through in life in our earlier years. When we often think we are invincible, and when we are trying to figure out life and in some situations, dealing with things that later on in life we might have more insight to avoid a lot of BS, or we know how to handle certain situations better later on in life. Getting older sucks in many ways, but it's so much easier in many ways where we don't deal with a lot of BS anymore or we figure out how to deal with situations more effectively and efficiently. I know this is a long post, and you were not expecting this, but this is also part of my inventory as I work through some issues and move on to a better place in my life. No matter what we do, we don't have to sweat the small stuff, we don't have to take ourselves too seriously, and we don't have to put up with a lot of BS. It took me many years to learn that, but you're probably much more ahead of the game than I ever was. I wish you well.

[@ushantharamachandra7714]

You look beautiful

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you Ushantha!

[@Whirrrlpoool]

The bars at least gave you the slim hope of 'possibilities'.

[@alexanderpons9246]

Earlier today I saw your video of your great times in Europe. Now let me be silly for a second, I hope you didn't bust a move while in Paris, Madrid or any other Country you visited at a Club when they played "I want to dance with somebody", Lol! Not excusing the behavior of so many Hispanics that call Miami home as I am also Hispanic but being objective with you I can say that going by looks alone some may assume you could be Cuban(but you are not). But unfortunately Miami seems to be a Spanish only town.

[@KevenTalks]

I could easily pass for Latino indeed, but I still find it so presumptuous to assume someone speaks the same language as you when it's not the #1 language spoken in the region or nation! If the person started with "hablas Espanol?" that would be different - but to just jump into dialogue assuming you'll adapt - I find it bonkers! It's like me going to Spain and just approaching people speaking full-on, fast-paced English. Something about it feels...self-entitled? I don't know why this annoys me so much! lol Interestingly, most of my Miami friends speak at least 1 other language (it's a fantastic melting pot of a place) but only about half of us speak Spanish as a 2nd language.

[@alexanderpons9246]

@@KevenTalks You are not alone! As I mentioned I am Hispanic too and the theory some of us have is this, most Minorities that arrived in the 1960's felt the need to assimilate. For instance my brother does one of the Car Apps and few times he picked some passengers and they immediately addressed him in Spanish and my brother just being a dick pretended not to speak Spanish. One of the passengers told my brother "you should take some classes to learn Spanish since in Miami is what people speak".

[@KevenTalks]

@@alexanderpons9246 Omg! 🫠

[@hereandnow3336]

Haha this was true and funny to listen too 😂

[@Tony_01989]

I don’t know you well Kevin and it would be nice to get to know you. And from me looking at you besides your looking very cute with those eyes 😉, hair, body hair I can see A nice man looking to be loved after getting to know the right man. And also see if there in the same level as you, and also drama free.❤❤

[@stumack9755]

easy

[@moringaottawa]

4:01 you're my people 😅 loving this story

[@KevenTalks]

lol

[@robertschwartz4810]

You really can't go to the same sorts of bars later in life as you frequented in your twenties. I go to my neighborhood wrinkle bar in the early afternoon and shmooze with people, and have a nice time. If I were to go to a dance club I'd stick out like a sore thumb and people would assume I were there for a cash transaction. You're still pretty young, but most guys in their 30s are over the club scene.

[@davidjaslow6458]

I lived in West New York, NJ for 32 years. I was a minority there. The Latino Speaking to English Speaking Ratio was 85% to 15%. Miami is exactly the same. You look Latino in a Spanish Community. I love Spanish guys that’s why I lived in West New York. Learn to speak Spanish, Buff Up Your Game . Dave

[@Tony_01989]

Hi Kevin wow you’re 32 that’s A great age and you look attractive and to me you do not look old. And I’m about to be 35 years old April 18th and most people think I look young 😅

[@KevenTalks]

Thank you!

[@charlesritt5088]

10.00 for a Corona ? At the bar I go to it would be 4.25. It better be a really great bar

[@doctorj6030]

My question is why would u move to Florida, a not a very gay friendly state.

[@KevenTalks]

Miami is to Florida what Los Angeles is to California, or NYC is to New York state. It's in its own little bubble. I otherwise would never live anywhere else in Florida.

[@jerrybarnes6611]

Oh my - do people not give dinner parties any more?

[@youlknowmyname]

When you said English was the native language, I agreed there that might be a grandpa statement. Lol Someone once said to me about people speaking Spanish over English in the United States was they are doing the same as Europeans did. Europeans came to the Americas and forced the Natives to speak English. They didn't come here and learn Diné or any of the actual native languages. To say they must speak English can be seen as hypocritical. Hope this is taken with a grain of salt, as I enjoy your videos and see you as traveled and cultured, otherwise.

[@KevenTalks]

But...Spanish is not the native language of the US? So that's where you lose me lol. I just thought it was obnoxious on his behalf to assume I spoke *his* language vs the national language, especially since he spoke English anyway. It's like if I approached someone in Spain speaking English to them in a presumptuous manner, like as if they ought to speak English to accommodate me. That ish just irritates me lol

[@youlknowmyname]

@KevenTalks I will say English isn't the native language, either. The US doesn't have an official language, but English is most accepted. However, the states of California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and Florida all accept Spanish as a major language, so have all government documents in English and Spanish. All in all, you can be annoyed by the interaction, which I have experienced myself in California, a lot, or choose not to be when you live in a Spanish dominant society. Miami, after all isn't an English word. It came from Cuba. That's all I was saying. Spanish will probably continue to grow in the US. Even the Midwest has large populations of Spanish speaking people.

[@Pat7629]

I’ve gone a million times alone in my 20s. After age 35 I wouldn’t be caught dead in a gay bar. They are VERY trashy. You’ll never meet your husband in a gay bar. You’ll meet him at a benefit in the Hamptons or Palm Beach, or through a dating app. Men who are successful, professional and who genuinely want to build a meaningful monogomous relationship are not in gay bars. Trust me

[@KevenTalks]

I get your point but I'm not sure my "future husband" would be at the Hamptons or Palm Beach. 😅 I find those environments sooo pretentious and..."frou frou" 😉

[@cornkiller534]

Gay men go to gay bars to hookup... Not marry each other

[@simonroper4713]

very relatable to my experiences in the UK

[@juandiaz7908]

Miami is the capital of Latin America. You are lucky the guy could speak English:). As to Whitney Houston, all her songs sound new to me even though I have heard them 1,000 times. Honestly, I cannot leave the bar until they play a Whitney Houston song. I Want to Dance with Somebody is the national anthem of gay bars. The only other song that comes close is Save the Last Dance for Me by Donna Summer. That is like America the Beautiful. And I am twice your age. Go figure.

[@KevenTalks]

Love Donna Summer lol

[@FriendofDorothy]

"Save the Last Dance for Me" is an old '60s song by The Drifters. Donna's song (a Grammy winner) was "Last Dance". I haven't heard a Whitney Houston song in a gay bar in years actually. Music is a generational thing. I am from the '70s so to me the "America the Beautiful" of gay male life was "You Make Me Feel (Might Real) by Sylvester.

[@ryanscottlogan8459]

I have!☺️

[@Balagoola]

You say the bar is not your scene, but a bar isn't a bar unless there's at least one person who's there for the sole purpose of being aloof and judgy.

[@KevenTalks]

lol perhaps ;)

[@FriendofDorothy]

You are correct. Also, no gay bar is complete without its "alcohol police". These are the (allegedly) sober people who notice drunks in a bar and then feel the need to lay an impromptu sermon on them about getting wasted. And who are these people?? They are either secretly resentful AA attendees or people who have been kicked out of the bar in the past for inebriated behavior and are RESENTFUL AS F THEY CANT GET SH-T FACED... No dance floor is ignited with totally sober people. Bars are not Herba-Life conventions, they are all about getting at least somewhat intoxicated. If you don't like that find another social option, right?

[@stumack9755]

Corona is popuar w/ the spanish crowd. Hense y grandpa started speaking spanish w/ u. U both aged out of clubs. Miami like Peurto Prico is USA but predominantly spanish. I always walked around w/ a VB frown too. 😂Thank god i found my man of 23yrs @ a gay dive pool hall bar.

[@edfeldman7933]

I’m 57 and don’t do gay bars anymore. Maybe being referred to as a grandpa is a turn off for me and certainly striking up a conversation with a younger guy if only platonic gets the same reaction as you did….ya walk away! 🤷‍♂️

[@Dan-xx5jq]

But you are lucky because you area very attractive guy and you would be welcomed as people like a nice face. Even the bar would like to have a handsome face like yours. We don't have that luxury because we don't have your look. Sometimes good looking guys like you may cause many of us to think that we out of your league. We think that attractive guys like you would dismiss less attractive guys like us. So most of don't even try. We don't want to get our feelings hurt. i think you should accept that.

[@FriendofDorothy]

The gay community is at a cross-roads in which many of the old traditions and rituals no longer fit the current times. I will get heat for saying this but "gay bars" are a relic that made a great deal of sense in a time (50's, 60's, early '70s) in which we had no other places to meet one another other than alleys, parks, or other legally risky settings. However, young gay men now live in the Era of Connectivity. I know this sounds cynical but one could easily look at the whole bar thing like this: a gay bar, like all bars, is a business that sells a poisonous product to people whose romanticized notion is that consuming the poison and reducing their social anxiety will lead to "love" (or sex or just a fun night out getting bombed with friends). Let's face it: AIDS dealt the first deadly blow to the gay bar scene (so now gay bars have lost their erotic edge as they are full of straight women partying with their gay male friends; and the internet dealt the 2nd deadly blow by offering hook-up sites online. Yet many young gay men are still strangely drawn to a dated social option that involves a drama magnet drug, the long term potential for alcoholism, and (now) inflated prices. Gay bars are over. They've been over since the '80s and AIDS. Do you have any idea how many gay men became alcoholics after spending way too many hours on barstools in gay bars?? Our haters love to relegate us to establishments that sell poison. Drinking alcohol was romanticized for decades in the past but there are currently at least 20-30 channels on YT that will tell you the truth about an unhealthy drug called alcohol. You younger gay men have all the information you need to create healthier options. so do it and stop living in a past that is a poor fit for your present.... CHANGE IS GOOD.

[@KevenTalks]

You made many valid points!! Gay bars, and perhaps bars in general, don't have the same place or "need" in society that they used to.

[@damianalvarado1320]

I grew out of the gay scene in my early 30s. Early 40s now. Found I enjoy a dive bar more or hanging with friends at my house. I recently went to a bar/club and was like yeeeeah I’m done here.

[@KevenTalks]

See I love a good house dinner or get-together as well but the thing is then it indulges my homebody nature, you know? Sometimes it's good to be out and about among the people, lol. I just want more sophisticated venues at this stage in life...

[@ryanscottlogan8459]

You want to be in bed by 1 at 32!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@KevenTalks]

Sure do 🤣

[@stephenbanks5952]

Ah you seem so nice and I would like to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be OK. You are not a grandad. You are an absolute baby. I think you are feeling far too analytical about it. You are talking about gay bars like they come in only one model. They come in all shapes and sizes. Just experiment and find one that suits you. Going out on your own can be challenging but that is for everyone. But for example when that guy asked if you were OK I would have handled that totally differently. You seemed to be offended, whereas I would have appreciated the contact. He might have been a really nice guy and that was a way he wanted to reach out to you. I would have smiled to him and said I was OK and then a conversation may have started and he may have introduced you to other people and then suddenly you are not on your own anymore and your whole evening would have been different. Also it can be annoying when you are sober to be around drunk people but try and catch up a bit. You don't only have to talk to the people you want to sleep with. Be open to everyone if they are nice and you never know they may introduce you to someone you do like. I am in Amsterdam and 57 and still go out regularly with all my friends. Meeting old friends and new people all the time. The places I go don't play Whitney or Mariah. Maybe you should move here. It is tragic that a young handsome guy like you in the prime of his life is thinking he is a grandpa and past it. I am almost double your age and don't even feel that. I think you just need to switch your mindset and look for the good instead of the negative. Next time someone checks on you open yourself up to contact. I hope you find what you are looking for. Take care.

[@MonoGiadating]

All you need is Greece hehe

[@hereandnow3336]

I have never belonged there

[@LongDistanceCall11]

u look a little bit like a spaniard I guess so that`s that. I`ve never lived in the US but I did in Europe, and I would guess you`re Italian if asked without any prior knowledge. The question of what language to use when one meets the person here or there is another one, I`m not gonna сomment on that bс I`m obviously not a US сitizen and it`s not my plaсe to judge or have an opinion there. I really liked your video though, gonna sub and listen to more.

[@KevenTalks]

Welcome to the club! 😎

[@jimmyrayterryjr989]

Umm actually, America has no native language except for the actual Native American Languages. So You should learn to speak the native language as you pointed out.

[@bobbob1391]

Why do you live in Florida?

[@KevenTalks]

Miami Beach is like a different state within Florida lol

[@bobbob1391]

I know how that works. I live in Salt Lake City a gay mecca in the middle of a huge red sea.

[@KevenTalks]

Ohh SLC is a gay mecca?! It's so Mormon-based, I'd never assume so

[@douglasdean3785]

A decade ago I went out with this guy my age (50) and one weekend we roadtripped somewhere and I shit you not there was nothing on his CD changer more recent the early 80s music. I broke up with him after that trip! I listen to mostly current music, I'm not stuck in the decade I came out in so naturally I had to wonder "what other stuff from that era are you stuck on as well? Have you grown at all in the last 3 decades?" So yeah sadly that facet of imcompatability just killed it for me.

[@FriendofDorothy]

Most people, including young people, consider the '80s the last decade of really great pop music. I'm amazed you find current pop music of any quality whatsoever but "to each his own".

[@hereandnow3336]

I have will not do it agian.

[@Organplayer1947]

SHALLOW. one night stands. No fellowship.

[@Waywardification]

You got old. Think of a song that you've heard however many times. Someone still hasn't heard that song yet. They could be young and that's why..or even an older person who never listened to that artist and it's their first time hearing that song. For you the song might still be great, want to hear it from time to time...to someone new they wanna hear that song over and over again.

[@petrusrossouw6018]

Well, this seems like the guy is rambling and I am not sure what he really is complaining about. Sure, I as a gay man don't like bars, never did, because there will be invariably be smokers, people so drunk they make no sense when they talk to you, too loud music to have a sensible convo, sometime even homophobic guys trying to pick a fight, expensive drinks, bad food, straight guys/gals in a gay bar (so annoying), etc, etc. Some of this is expected going to a bar, and yes you have to put up with it to some degree, or stay at home. It is to be expected. You will meet nobody staying at home, and good luck finding a person on the apps/websites, which are full of scammers and pic collectors. Nobody want to meet in person from the apps, especially when you are over 40 like I am. Most apps charge at least $30 per quarter or more, and I get to chat to nobody legit, lots of scammers and psycos. Even on Grindr for example, and Grindr subs is super expensive for a whole lot of nothing. But you have to play the game and be in it, to possibly get any. So keep playing the game..... At least once a blue moon at the bar, I actually do get to meet someone interesting, or meet up with someone I met earlier via the socials or other events, but did not get time to talk to. Yes very seldom I get to meet someone from Grindr, Squirt or Scruff. Have never met anyone on any other platform app or websites, and lost tons of money on useless subscriptions. I much rather enjoy a glass of wine or 2, play a few rounds of pool, have a dinner and listen to the kareoky on a friday or sat night and attend the Bears social once a month, than sitting at home on a sat or friday night staring at a Grindr screen. Or I go to our local sauna and get actual much more fun and even get to really talk to some people there, without having to put up with the blaring music. Yes I do appreciate and enjoy times with friends in my social group, however, where do you go to meet another guy for dates or even a fling if you so inclined? Yes the bar is not really the place to meet a person for a relationship, but where would you go? It is not like you can wear s button of something on your shit in public saying "Single gay bottom here, apply within". Straight people have it so much easier: look there is clearly a woman, so a man would go chat her up, or vice versa, but how do gays do it? There is no more "hanky" code like the older gays used to have. I would love for a guy to ask me out, but it seldom happens, because I am not that obvious gay and I am an introvert. A disco or club? I am not really a club person either. Wish there were such a thing as a gentlemans' club for gays only, but that does not exist. Gay socials are very limited, and more focused on the social itself, rather than meeting people for whatever. Yes that is actually where I met my gay friends, via gay board games, gay dancing via Meetup and some of their friends or acquiantences. Yes those are more the the type of people I am interested in, but you only keep meeting the same people at the social, and rarely someone new. So my take on the bar is, it is a place for me to hopefully meet someone new, for me to regularly put myself out there (so to speak), to have fun and relax and not just focus on getting a man so to speak. If I just stick to my social circle or at home, I will meet nobody.

[@graffic13]

Out gooning... 😂

[@stumack9755]

exactly! looking to get laid & failed. only has a $30 bill for 3 piss beer coronas to show. .

[@michaelchailland3616]

Yeh, you need to get over it! Im an old gay man. I kinda like it, its Fun man.

[@stumack9755]

meeeeeow

[@MM-cy1tc]

This sounds very judgmental. Stay home next time. You also sound a tad Trumpy! He can speak whatever language he wants to and why don't we speak his language. Stop!

[@Weinertroner]

Never been to a bar. Always bought and drink at home.