I Hooked Up With A DL Guy 🙈

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[@MauriceTiberius-z2m]

I am a guy like you are describing, but not on the DL or anything. I am educated, polite, and treat people with respect.

[@Leo-hv9mm]

Me too

[@LuisOrtiz-jw6pn]

Absolutely I have been there, DL men will never, ever leave their straight relationship for a life as a gay man. I was dumped after an 18 month situationship after having incredible chemistry, being chased by him and finally planning a household and life together, only to simply get dumped / ghosted. Months after we connected, he simply said that he would not leave his wife. Save the trouble and hardship unless he produces a divorce decree from his wife, otherwise you have nothing.

[@OLDS98]

That was quite the story and experience. I do not know what to say other than be careful and do not get emotionally involved because you are aware of the situation and circumstances. It is hard to meet someone and connect with someone. I do not know his background to make judgements. Please be careful on so many levels.

[@FrankMarter]

Meeting strangers at their place is dangerous. You seem to go looking for trouble in all the right places.

[@danielx555]

I've had great experiences with DL guys. It tends to be sexual for a bunch of reasons but these guys are socialized to be romantic and thoughtful, all of their training about dating and sex. Some deal guys are just jarring and weird, but a lot of them are super sweet.

[@KevenTalks]

Exactly - such a conundrum

[@bg8753]

Interesting point you make that I hadn’t considered. It’s true - dating women does teach men to be fake because a woman scorned is a dangerous animal. I’m so thankful to be gay and to be able to be upfront about my interest or disinterest without fear of retribution.

[@garyinpalmsprings]

After listening to this story, I am reminded of WHY so many Gay men are single. Their more mature lives revolve around their dogs, careers, material possessions and decorating. MY GOD, as I listened to this utter nonsensical blathering about DL, travel distance or whatever, the bottom line IS? Is this a hunt for sex? Is this a search for a meaningful relationship? Is this an exercise in self-punishment? If the goal is for something meaningful, then relationship skills need some work here. You know folks, the clock ticks for all of us and as we move to the early - mid 30's these types of games are a bore. It's called aging out of the system and age discrimination BEGINS at about 28 and by age 32, it's really time to bring quality into our lives and if not? Then camp out at the gym buy that fancy condo and BMW and stay home and decorate.

[@MrBBunny-rv1mk]

Interesting how this guy fits into the description of DL men you discussed seven years ago in your video titled Men on the Down Low. Protect your heart.

[@KevenTalks]

Damn. Good catch!

[@Volleyballislife1234]

You didnt block him for a reason. Don't say you avoid people that are DL yet you don't block them. "I dont want toxicity, but I allow it and then vlog about it." - bru you need some deep inner work.

[@alchemest]

Oh, please. I hook up with guys like this all the time off the apps. It has never been a headache for me, it's just this guy for you.

[@truerthanyouknow9456]

Keven, I LIVE for your moments of weakness. I'm HERE for it.

[@KevenTalks]

😂😂😂

[@TomGioia]

When you said he was 10 miles away . I said to myself, "Oh, close" Then you acted like 10 miles was Siberia.... Our nearest Starbucks is 50 miles, and we go 2 to 3 times a week. All relative based on where you live. Lol

[@KevenTalks]

LOL keep in mind I live in a city (without a car). So 10 miles is like 50 miles in urban pedestrian terms ;)

[@TomGioia]

​. I grew up in NYC. I go back now and am shocked it takes an hour to drive 5 miles to Queens. Other than NYC or Chicago, it must be hard not to have a car . I wish our public transport was like other developed countries

[@guynorth3277]

I've been to Starbucks once in my life, and that is because I was dragged into the joint, but I can make a simple black coffee from my car.

[@mordechaiczellak2358]

I know, these queens want the trick in the same building

[@palmejo1]

If you liked it, don't leave the ball in his court. Text him again. You never know where someone is on his journey of self acceptance. You might try to find out if he is just closeted, or perhaps married to a woman. You might find you have more patience with someone who's not cheating on his wife but just still not ready to accept himself.

[@Godwlingua]

Oh believe me the DL guy has already made peace with the fact that he is attracted to men. If that was not the case, he would have never gotten on that app, let alone go on a blind date with another guy. I truly understand him because I am there myself. He simply is not ready to assume his sexuality to the public and relatives yet. I knew I was attracted to boys since I was a child but I had never admitted it to myself. I didn't even want to think about it or act upon it. I used to lock myself up in a room and literally get into a closet full of clothes and crying, yelling and screaming to GOD for hours in hope he would change me. But that never happened. I spent my whole teenage years and never accepted that I am attracted to men until 3 years I came to the conclusion that either I kill myself or try to live with it for the rest of my life. Ever since, I dated a few guys so far but I haven't come out to other people yet. I am still in the process of accepting myself because I was raised in a christian family. The process is taking longer than I thought. So, as much as I would LOVE to fall in love with a nice guy, I will still stay in the closet for now because I am not ready yet. I even sometimes imagine myself marrying a guy I love without my family knowing. I live abroad anyway so, that is doable.

[@oooowwwwdddd]

OK, so I'm also a very handsome Italian guy, very masquline on the DL. Guys usually don't want to meet me unless they see a picture first. But the guys who do take a chance and meet me always want to see me again. But I don't always like the guy after we meet. It's hard to meet a guy when you're on the DL. I have so much love to give and I'm so lonely.

[@Theyralltakenfu]

If you are as you say you are, then why are you so lonely. You can't just be friends with people, or does everyone have to be a conquest. Just relax and keep some as friends, and many times, you meet people you like through them.

[@oooowwwwdddd]

@@Theyralltakenfu I don't have many gay friends because I'm not out. Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging, but I'm not. Most guys I meet don't want to be just friends. After we hang out a few times they either fall in love with me, or they want to give me head. Or sometimes they want to give me head on the first date. But I can't just have sex with someone I don't know or have some feelings for. Even when I've been "just friends" with some guys, sooner or later they want to get in my pants. I do need some good, straight acting, blue collar male friends who I can relate to. But they're not easy to find. When I say I'm lonely I mean lonely as in not being intimate with someone. You can have lots of friends but when you go home alone, the feelings of loneliness happen.

[@DJMichaelKks]

OMG! I can so relate to this. As a longtime DJ in the gay community in my city, I get a lot of people who message me on the apps. I kept getting messages from a guy who was on the DL as well. After months of the on and off again chats he finally decided to come over late one night. He came over and we went to my back bedroom. He instantly closed my blinds and starts getting undressed. I kept saying to myself that I knew this guy from somewhere.... We make out and he was LOVING our time together. It finally hit me... he works in the media. He's been coming out to the bars that I work at for a while now also. The first time he came out after our time together he seemed kinda scared at first. He made some small talk with the bartender and I before I started playing music. Now I learn he has a kid also. But let me tell ya... The penis does the picking!!!

[@tyronesoares3268]

I don't think a DL guy is being repectful. He could be hiding so many things you don't ever want to deal with or get exposed to. It's not worth risking attachment and his intense need to be secretive gives me the creeps.

[@KevenTalks]

So true

[@balesjo]

I find it interesting, people that have the apps where messages disappear within 24 hours. Definitely the behavior of a guy who is fearful of being outed to people and family in his social circle so he wants the evidence of his "secret life" to disappear, On the other had, are there people in his household that snoop in other people's phones. The saddest part is that he wants to be with you, but he has a hard time accepting the "gay" desires he feels, so he wants to feel he has control over this part of himself. Year and years of negative imaging from himself and others, bullying, all take an intense emotional toll on developing gay men. But one thing positive (maybe) is that he dies keep establishing contact, Sometimes it just takes more exposure to gay men and hanging around a gay environment and meeting others to begin to let go the fear, learning they will not be struck down by love, and that as a circle of friends develop around them they find they are loved and feel love for others. No guarantees, but it sounds like he;s an interesting man, Hope that positive things happen between you,

[@davidwoodford1814]

Interesting topic as usual. I’m sympathetic to you and your date. Everyone within the gay community is on a different timeline for complete self-acceptance and your discomfort with his timidity is completely 10:20 understandable. You are more evolved and he, despite his good looks is less evolved.

[@gs-nr4om]

Being culpable is a danger. You are normalizing bad behavior. It’s a matter of time when you will do the same thing when the “right” guy shows up. Don’t hijack your life for slap and tickle. Maybe think about a true dating site instead of grinder.

[@MaxEvans-cz2no]

I had an experience that was somewhat similar. I met a guy on Grindr and judging by the pics he was good looking enough for me to be interested but not hot. In fact, I was confident because I felt I was a little better looking than him. I get there and the guy is drop dead model gorgeous--it was not the same guy. I was completely disrupted because while I'm used to the opposite happening I wasn't prepared for this and my confidence fell and shattered in pieces on the floor. lol.

[@KevenTalks]

lol! Clearly a new term needs to be concocted for the opposite of catfishing...dogfishing? unicornfinishing? ;)

[@FreeSpeech-q7v]

So what's happening next? Will you be friends or wait a few weeks/months till he wants annother meet-up?

[@KevenTalks]

Ball's in his court lol

[@russcomp1920]

@@KevenTalks Please be careful! Lots of unstable people out there and can be dangerous. Next time you meet with him please make sure you tell a good friend where you're going.

[@GregLopez-h8k]

Did he give you his last name when you exchanged numbers or not? Definitely interesting how guarded he is

[@ianlongoria6096]

Keven, I have honestly started wondering myself whether the majority of guys I meet on apps or bars actually see a long term gay future. Do you think guys like this dl one you talked about here are the norm or more of an exception? I sometimes wonder what percent of the guys I meet see themselves long term settling with a man and it’s concerning me recently

[@KevenTalks]

I think guys like this are more an exception & part of the minority honestly. I do think way more guys than we'd think are bisexual or "questioning" but this guy is next level (with the expiring Whatsapp chats, etc).

[@ac725]

Keven, I subscribed after watching this vid. Sounds like the guy would be perfect if he was out. May I compliment your eyes? They are beautiful bro. Looking forward to seeing more vids.

[@KevenTalks]

Thanks so much :)

[@Leo-hv9mm]

Being "out"?!! Jesus .. he's just being himself!! Last thing I'm gonna do is wear a badge .. that's a true mind fuck - good on the so called "DL"

[@bg8753]

If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re asking, “Why would someone stay on the down-low when they’re clearly seeking intimacy and seem genuinely interested in connecting with other men? What’s the reason for suppressing that?” There are likely two possibilities: Scenario 1: They might also be attracted to women and identify as bisexual. They may be unwilling to fully embrace being gay because it could mean giving up relationships with women, especially since women often aren’t as accepting of bisexual men, whereas gay men typically are. This allows them to experience both sides without committing fully to one identity. Scenario 2: They might have a histrionic personality, where they derive satisfaction from getting others to fall for them. This isn’t necessarily malicious-it’s more about seeking attention or validation rather than forming genuine connections. In these cases, someone might give off the impression of deep interest, but their real goal is just to see if they can captivate you. In either case, if they’re inconsistent-hot and cold-and you don’t have something that incentivizes them to meet up on your terms (like money, professional connections, or something they want), it’s likely going to be a frustrating and unbalanced dynamic, not worth the effort. However, if you can establish control over the dynamic and meet when it suits you, there’s no harm in exploring it and seeing where things go.

[@KevenTalks]

Solid points! I've actually been thinking about #2 quite a bit lately - like what is the percentage of bisexual guys who are actually "bisexual" - vs just wanting the validation of anyone who will provide it to them? (i.e. narcissists like Diddy)

[@MauriceTiberius-z2m]

If you like the football player types, that's cool, I prefer the thin guys. Muscles don't really impress me.

[@EllisRose-s8x]

It's familiar. Going through it right now. It is what it is. Not going to frustrate myself by trying to change it. If he wants to change, he will. Until then, I have no expectations and enjoy the company when and if it happens.

[@williamblackwelder1495]

10 miles away, omg such a long distance away. Girl bye.

[@greggoreo6738]

Yeh. You're playing with fire. Have you got a death wish? Be careful, your next might be your: LAST.

[@Emanuel-uh1uo]

Kevin do you fall in love with a man before or after a hookup? Which one is more important to you?

[@kurtgandenberger6139]

i think a guy who acts that way is more likely to be bisexual. if he has a female friend he might not want an emotional connection.

[@lencrites7044]

I think you are over thinking it. Don’t read to much into it. Just go with the flow. It might develop into something worth while.

[@dee3522]

How old was he and was black, hispanic or white? it's really bad if a guy is DL over the age of 30

[@KevenTalks]

Black and early 30s

[@adam4180west]

Is he BI ? is he Married ? is he not fully out yet ? or just not comfortable accepting hes in to guys? I have had a few hook ups like these ones ive put to you ..the mere fact that he wants your messages to vanish the next day points to a married man ?

[@KevenTalks]

He claimed to be single 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@adam4180west]

@@KevenTalks they all do handsome :)

[@KevenTalks]

@ Bahaha damn 🫠

[@brianlawson363]

You are in trouble already. This vlog is 100% rationalizing and HE is in COMPLETE control.

[@KevenTalks]

Guilty - I'm 100% rationalizing for some action with a hottie 😆

[@Jasona1976]

How shallow....

[@williammit1332]

More than likely, he has a partner.

[@johnceniceros507]

Lose his number. It’s only gonna be bad for your mental health. Been there myself before. Went thru the hoops to connect for the first time then when we did, we really had a strong connection. But he could never fully take the step. We were falling for each other but ultimately he went on to get married. Peligro! Peligro Will Robinson…! 😎

[@KevenTalks]

He got married..to a woman?

[@johnceniceros507]

@@KevenTalksyessir…! I was crushed. She was gorgeous. He wanted to continue and we hooked up once after he was married but I had to cut him out for my sanity cuz the connection was way too strong. He has 2 kids now and still DL I’m assuming. Haven’t spoken to him in years. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@KevenTalks]

@ That is for sure a knife in the chest. At the same time, trust me - she has it worse than you do.

[@johnceniceros507]

@@KevenTalks Yup… knife to the chest is an understatement-I was gutted. But she is definitely worse off.

[@truerthanyouknow9456]

Keven, you've told us the T. Now how was the "D"?

[@Colcop]

Did you mention your YT channel with him? Might come across it anyway.

[@KevenTalks]

lmao absolutely not!

[@Colcop]

@hope the algorithm goes in your favour then 😀

[@moshemordechaivanzuiden]

Maybe he's fine about him being gay but his wife isn't.

[@joelthames1141]

Stay away! There is something seriously wrong with this guy. No one should have to deal with sort of craziness.

[@jacobhughes8056]

Did you get the impression that this guy is DL mostly just out of shame or that he is probably hoping to settle with a woman so he wants to keep the straight image to preserve that goal?

[@KevenTalks]

Good question. Probably both? At the same time, I don't know how a woman could ever have patience for a guy who's that guarded.

[@jacobhughes8056]

Yeah I guess it would be interesting if you asked him if he was DL haha or what he was looking for. I agree, I understand the mindset of not wanting to commit either way but it probably gets harder as one ages because like you said if this guy was single and guarded with family about personal life past 40s people would suspect something is off

[@Chasmatazz]

The fact that 10 minutes is too far for you says everything. You sound way too high maintenance, demanding, and nit-picky. I can't believe I wasted 10 minutes of my time on this video.

[@Barry41871]

If I lived close to you id definitely be interested in meeting you. That much im sure of....Im somewhat dl but i definitely would show you respect in many ways buddy😊

[@psychicnewsguy]

I think your wave length needs a re tune....not even a Happy New Year text?.....

[@pspsps67]

Did he said to you that he is straight, if so don't bother to waist your time or feelings with him. Just my experience.

[@KevenTalks]

He didn't say he was straight - but he did identify as DL.

[@paullesky2628]

He just need to know you better before he will open up. It is a matter of trust. It takes time. Try to see him and have some casual getting together apart from just having sex. Get to know each other is the only way to find out more. Good luck.

[@scottmeyer1181]

Been there sucks most are married would enjoy finding some one older here but have been in along term relationship sad passed from cancer took care of him know everything on the the aps and internet are useless

[@Leo-hv9mm]

Expiring pics are essential. Whats wrong with that?

[@KevenTalks]

Even for a face pic?

[@EJofLA]

I first clicked on you because you are so handsome. The first video kept my attention. The next one was too long. Then I saw the length of this one and said "forget it" to myself. As interested as I am in the topic, I didn't want to hear about it for ten minutes. Three minutes maybe. Just saying...

[@pmfg875]

Do you think that guys like that are shy, reluctant to let partners down, etc?

[@KevenTalks]

I am honestly not sure. It could be a million things

[@leeboriack8054]

Why the surprise over DL w no photos? It’s as common as white bread. If you’re bored w it, try reading a book or helping a charity.

[@dee3522]

I live in major Florida city too without a car and 10 miles is far. In general I dont ride buses (public transportation) to sneaky links so i would have to rely on Uber or Lyft and those are expensive since i have to pay for it myself.

[@KevenTalks]

Exactly! You get it

[@juanrivera3231]

lol you kidding? DL get it all the time from multiple people the same day.

[@Greenterror]

Discreet men rocks! 🪨