Visiting my dying mother

[@dianalatimer9208]

I am bawling as I watch this at my dying husband’s side. My yorkipoo is licking away my tears. We will all be fine. Thanks for sharing. Hugs. ❤️

[@kathydavid2893]

I was once told that when I am crying a whole lot of healing is going on ! You are doing a lot of healing You are never alone

[@johnross2532]

Hey Steven thanks so much for sharing with us. You are loved more then you will ever know. I will be thinking about you Bud!!

[@ginas.4266]

Very moving. Thank you for sharing. It took a lot of courage and vulnerability to go back home and face your past -the good and bad. Much strength to you.

[@mish63pa]

Oh Steven, no matter what she was your mom and it’s hard to lose the person who brought you into the world. You’re an amazing man...all of life’s events brought you to this place. I’m glad you posted because we love you so much and because you filmed this most intimate time we were all there with you in Spirit. Tears wash the pain away. I found Hey You was with you because that black cat was loving on you...perfect for you. Sending love, so much love your way.

[@topherjoe1]

My thoughts are with you, I am so glad you had your Auntie and Uncle to help you through this xxx

[@rozm2945]

Sending you love ❤️ from the Midwest

[@dixieschultz3635]

Hi Steven sending you a Big Hug! Thanks for sharing and please realize that you are not alone.

[@exskypup24]

Steven, thanks for sharing this journey. You are incredibly strong. My father died last summer and our relationship was challenging for years, in fact, I hadn't spoken to him in > 10 years. I can totally relate. You will heal and know that this closure and crying will help you heal.

[@lindaspinks7101]

Steven you are so loved by so many, I am crying along with you and sending a BIG hug...

[@missypie16]

Sending you a virtual hug. ❤️

[@robertschechter1677]

Beautiful.

[@tellingtales4734]

Blessings!

[@davejones1359]

Big hugs buddy losing family members is not easy

[@amandamctyre8390]

My husband and I care for my elderly/sickly parents and it’s hard and heartbreaking . I’m glad you went to see your Mom . ❤️

[@adab9959]

I know you don’t know me personally (or many of us), but we care for you. You are like a dear old friend. You are also one of the strongest people I know. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I feel for you so! 💔 Sending lots of love and hugs your way! ❤️❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗

[@jsgsfo8764]

Your vulnerability and story has given me s different perspective on my family. A Big HUG for you, from me. Thank you Steven A LOT!!!!!!

[@sushi5494]

I’m so so sorry Steven .... it is good for u to release ur emotions .... I’m glad u got to spend some precious time with ur mom and revisiting ur roots ....maybe u can reestablish a relationship with ur aunt and uncle again.... God bless u ....

[@JBCricket617]

Steven, I am in tears right along with you...Hope that both you and your mother find some peace. Sending you hugs❤️

[@sealwhiskerz]

Please be especially kind to yourself throughout the upcoming days, weeks, months. Thank you for being so real with us, Steven. That takes a lot of courage and strength.

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

You don’t need to be sorry about sharing your emotions. We love you, friend!

[@jillfolsom9750]

Steven, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Yes, you had me in tears too! I wish I could give you a grrrreat big hug!! I pray for your serenity. May you find peace is all of this! You are such a sweet soul!

[@cheertiger92]

I typically don’t comment but I felt so compelled to. I’m sure you don’t remember me but we met in FLL. Some classmates and I were waiting for the shuttle and you were there for a layover waiting as well. We had just graduated in Vegas and returned back to FLL (had to evacuate and go there to finish training due to the hurricane). You were very encouraging and said we worked for the best airline. Unfortunately, I left as the flight attendant life wasn’t for me. I guess your video was meant for me to stumble across. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I have an estranged relationship with my parent and this helped me put some things into perspective. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[@southerncrazydaisy1256]

Too late, crying before I actually viewed the rest of your video. I am a crybaby. I just want you to know, YOU ARE LOVED BY US!! When I see you in an airport one day, I am going to introduce myself and give you a hug, of course with your permission! Just wanted you to know that!! I know you said you were fine and I believe you. Adulting is freaking hard sometimes. My heart just hurts with you and for you! I have lost both of my parents. Just to say you are never alone! Again, you are loved immensely by your subscribers! She was still your mom and it hurts. I am glad you went for closure to help you! I am so proud of you Steven! Praying for you!

[@jacquelinenieves4061]

Hello Steven, no one is supposed to grieve alone, grieve with us and we will grieve with you. We may personally not know each other in the flesh but in spirit we are friends and family. ♥️🌹

[@jacquelinenieves4061]

What sets you apart is that you have no filters, YOUUUU are genuinely raw and that my friend is valuable. What touched me was your forgiving heart and she heard those words. ♥️

[@amarilystorres8527]

Our thoughts and hearts are with you always 🙏 saying goodbye to loves ones it's never easy yet necessary closure, cherish the good and beautiful memories... Hugs

[@robinpaigeperdue4626]

Steven - I empathize and sympathize with you so much. It's hard to be among so many memories and experiencing these type of things when you must feel short changed. At least that's how I feel. It's hard to think how 'this is it' when other people have seemingly much better and functional family relationships. But you have overcome so much. I know it doesn't help and it fully sucks that you even had to overcome a bad family life and alcoholism and homelessness/van living with everything else. And I am not sure if you have left your bed and cats but please remember that you're a friend and an inspiration to many. Sometimes those friends turn to family that in some way makes up for your prior lack thereof. You're in my thoughts.

[@jayjay8089]

It’s Ok to cry and let it out. Heal. Big hug, Steven... 😞😞😞

[@sasasha655]

I'm so sorry. Stay strong. Sending you lots of love and hugs from Chicago.

[@smurfmama2020]

It was so moving when you were petting your mother’s cat.. I started bawling. not being able to get along in this life with her.. you still somehow both have kitty cats in common... thank you for trusting us enough to share vulnerable moments. Hugs and love ❤️

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

seoreh I agree. When Steven was petting his mother’s cat and the cat was holding his finger - incredibly moving.

[@wacytay]

Steven, Maisie Mae was hugging you! That was beautiful! I'm so very sorry for your pain and conflicting emotions. I too have had a turbulent relationship with my mother. I haven't spoken to her in years. In fact I don't speak to any of my family. (My parents made me do horrific things when I was a teen) I'll leave it at that. I've often wondered if I'd cry or be sad when she dies. I don't even know if I will know when she does, My husband tells me that I'll cry for the mother I wished she had been. I guess I'll see one day. I wanted to come through my laptop and hug you until we couldn't hug any more. My thoughts are with you Steven. I hope you have been snuggling with your cats and enjoying their love and gratefulness to you. Thank you for sharing your intimate moments with us.

[@NaturalFitNurseRN]

This was so powerful!! Thank u for posting this u helped me to do some forgiving to my parents so I can have peace & closure. I tried to hold it together but when your moms cat loved on u I lost it & it went down hill from there. I have great respect for u & I always take away valuable things from your videos.

[@jorgestephanie3267]

It’s never easy to say goodbye. And we are always supporting you. Hugs

[@AHouseDivided1998]

Sending you love and comforting thoughts. As hard as it was, at least you were there at the end for her. My biggest regret in life was that I wasn’t there when my mother passed away 7 years ago. I would have given anything to have been at her side. My deepest sympathies for your loss. It’s never easy losing your Mom no matter how old you are. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you peace. I’m in my final days of FA training here at Spirit. You have a definite group of loyal fans among some of my classmates. ❤️

[@rachelduke1580]

I'm glad you know you will be ok, but it's ok to not be ok too. Allow yourself to process and grieve. Thank you for being real and showing the unphotogenic parts of adulting. You are loved ❤❤

[@LifeofPhoenixx]

It was so heartbreaking to watch you cry gosh I wish I was there to hug you loosing a parent is hard I lost my mom to domestic violence when I was 14 she was my best friend I’m so sorry your in pain but there are so many people who care and you are such a inspiration to so many stay strong love 💜

[@allisonp2343]

Sending you a hugs 🤗

[@annacunningham3333]

You are not alone. Sending a hug all the way from Lake Mary Florida

[@flightattendantsteven]

Thank you love.

[@LavenderLife007]

Huggs, peace, and light.

[@DuchessDelphine]

From you, I love this content. I like who you are and how raw you can be, good and bad. These are the types of things we go through in life. Life is messy and complicated. The more we show that and normalize it the more emotionally healthy we can all be. Please share without judgment...

[@deannorling814]

Thank you for sharing your heart with us Steven...in sobriety we feel it all. God bless you... sending you love and light, Marna

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

We love you Steven! We’d all give you a big hug if we could!

[@326musician]

We love you so much!! And of course, your fur babies will comfort you as well. Much love!!

[@vaaaarix]

We love you Steven.

[@7377bryan]

im very sorry Steven:( but you are stronger than you think

[@mi88sunshine]

So sorry my friend. I am keeping you in prayer. I wish I could give you a big hug also. Just know that you are a blessing to so many by your honesty and empathy towards all creatures. Sending love to you and your family.

[@authenticallylola]

Hugs to you my friend, you are not alone. 🙏🙏🙏

[@CoachKarin]

Oh Steven, bless your heart! I relate wearing those shoes on many levels. Please take this journey to forgive yourself, forgive your mother truly deep within and begin to allow. I know that is challenging but I promise you won't leave yourself vulnerable, but rather let out pain and and allow true valued love in. We love you, I love you!! So move out yucky stuck stuff because we are coming in! Thank you for sharing your story, your reflecting, and honesty, you bring so much to me. Continue to follow your inner guidance Darlin, you got this! Maybe I will make my way up to Vegas and we can throw down some Qi Gong and manifesting with some Teami Tea!

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

Humor in anything: I love your story about your grandfather saying everybody in the cemetery was already dead.

[@lisawilliamsusa]

Hugs to you Steven, death is hard no matter the relationship. Glad you are able to share with us.

[@PthaloGreen2]

❤️ You will deal with this in your own time and way. My mother died 9 years ago. I am an only and walked her through death and burial, etc. But I was only able to resolve her personal effects a few months ago. I just couldn't cope any sooner. Be patient with yourself. Stay connected.

[@debbieanderson6740]

Hope you are home now with your kitties. Give them big hug. Hugs to you!❤

[@SaRo-r8j]

I’m so so glad you posted this. Sending you a BIG virtual hug. Thank you for the sweet journey home. Forgiving your mother is honestly the most touching thing ever out of all video you have posted thus far. Mothers aren’t perfect and I’m sure your mother was far from it being that you left at 14. Not about to defend her but I just can’t imagine what she must have gone through when she lost her son, your brother. I hear it changes you and unfortunately you had to endure her dysfunction. Thank you Lord that you had two wonderful grandparents to run to and that you felt safe with them. Hold on to those great memories and praying they will heal your heart and allow you to move forward in freedom from any hurt from your past. Just love the small town feel. Somebody buy that home for Steven 😉. We love 💕 you.

[@Meganmama]

Bless you Steven. Watching you helps me feel less lonely sometimes. I’m glad you feel less alone by making your videos and talking to us. You are a beautiful human.

[@vsibirsky]

Sending so much love.

[@lindaturner9680]

I squeezed my phone to send a hug. I understand the pain of losing a parent, but from a different set of circumstances. There is much I could say, but I'll either put in in an email or save it for in person. Just know you are loved and we appreciate your intimacy. You were giving birth, too, in a way, to a new you. Also, I must say, you look very handsome in red. ❤️ 😻 That kitty was so precious, too! Lots of love to you and your family.

[@monicatowers5641]

Steven, of course you were not going to feel numb like you anticipated!!! No matter how strained your relationship was she IS your Mother!! That numbness that you’ve felt for most of your life has been a self preservation cloak that we ALL put on when protecting ourselves from that which causes us pain!!! I am sure that God allowed her to hear you and I’m willing to bet that she regrets the pain that she inflicted upon her son whether intentionally or unintentionally?? We KNOW that hurt people...hurt people!!! Who knows what it was that caused her to cause pain in her very own son’s life?? Hopefully, now that she is facing her death God has given her some understanding and wisdom that she did not possess when she was raising you?? She did give you the gift of life which you have used to bless many others in many ways and I for one am very grateful for your Mom...and Dad and to your grandparents who also raised you....ALL who have helped to mold you into the person that you are!!! You have forgiven your Mother and now she can leave this earthly realm of existence with the newfound peace in her spirit that her son forgives her and dare I say loves her!!! Your Mother blessed you with life and you have now BLESSED her with peace!!!!! I know that you are overwhelmed with many conflicting emotions, but you WILL find that you not only did you bring forgiveness and healing to your Mother, but to yourself as well!!! Many prayers for you and your Mom right now!!!🙏🙏🙏 God Bless Xoxoxo 💛

[@7377bryan]

pls don't cry Steven:( we are all here for you!

[@jasonlove8733]

Big virtual hug to you Steven🙂🙂

[@jean-mariesimpson8989]

Steven, my heart is breaking with you....❤️💔💔 hold on to the good memories... I ahold on to those of my mother who passed away 4 years ago after taking care of her for 10 years...sending you hugs 🤗

[@sophieacapella]

Steven, I am sending you a really really really big hug 💖💖💖. Wish I could have been there for you 😔... As I was listening to your story, I realized that you were the same age as my son when you started living with your grandparents. I can't imagine all the emotional suffering you went through when you fled from your mother's house to try and find somewhere where you could feel safe... It just broke my heart to hear that... No child should go through what you went through... This, and the loss of your dear little brother 😔... PS: Your mother's cat is soooo sweet 😻. Glad she showed you some love in her own little cute feline way 😉... And you were so brave to tell your mother that you forgave her. You are an amazing person, Seven. You truly are... Sending lots of love your way, Sophie

[@redginesimon]

I wish you well Steven. Stay strong. Love you.

[@Coilykinkchick]

God bless you. I found this seriously therapeutic so Thank You for taking us with you on this tough journey. Positive vibes, cyber hugs.

[@bethc9313]

Dear Steven, I am so sorry for the difficult time you are going through right now. I have a complicated relationship with my mother as well. I am glad you got time to spend with your mother for both your sakes. Love and forgiveness are the two most important things, and you did that ...you passed with flying colors! Be well.

[@christinawyckhouse1988]

Praying for you during this difficult time. Praying you will find peace, Steven. So grateful you have your aunt and uncle. Sending you a big bear 🐻 hug. 💙

[@sherriross4785]

Dear Steven I know these emotions are difficult but this was a trip that had to be. My Mom died 4 years ago and our relationship was difficult at best. But seeing her dieing gave me closure to forgive and to love myself. I'm so glad you could go to your Grandparents neighborhood and remember the love they had for you. Grandparents are the best! Aunts and Uncles too! They remind you that your life does matter ❤ Hugs to you and go home and love on your sweet furbabies 🐾

[@serenafanlife4226]

Steven, You are an Inspiration for sharing your journey’s in life. Making peace with our past is a difficult journey to overcome. Sending you my positive thoughts, energy and strength to help you deal with this very difficult time in your love.

[@mssp0204]

Holding you close in my thoughts and sending you love and hugs

[@sarinezadiguian6790]

Thank you for sharing this difficult moment in your life with us. Seeing you cry and emotional broke my heart. You are never alone because we are always here for you. We love and adore you. Sending you all the hugs and love in the world.

[@katcasincali6930]

Adding my hugs and wishing I could be there with you too. I hope you will soon be home with your cats and thank you for sharing your life with all of us.

[@amanakavanleer]

Sending you love and all the hugs you need. Thank you for sharing your most intimate moment with us. Im glad you are ok cause my heart was breaking watching and listening to your story.

[@heidibissett4886]

Dear Steven, it’s never easy when we have to revisit certain chapters of our lives. During my father’s last days, I too had to break the estrangement and put all the negative regarding our relationship aside. Like you, I grieved, for the past and the present. Having some sort of closure is the best for each. As I watched I was sending you hugs. You’re a good person. And, as I like to say, moving forward is the only way to go. 🙂

[@valeriarubens8436]

I wish I could be by your side to give you lots of hugs. I am here for you if you need anything. Tons of love.

[@Meeres_hexe]

Sending you a big virtual hug and prayers of comfort and peace ❤️

[@moniquereid6205]

We are all here for you love bug💛. I'm so proud of you.

[@ferretrunner09]

Steven, I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom. It can be overwhelming with emotions and memories. My mom died in December from Alzheimer’s. I was in the room with her when she passed. It was both the most painful and peaceful experience. Grieve as you need, my friend. No emotion is wrong. Take care of yourself.

[@flightattendantsteven]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Loosing my grandmother was much more difficult...she really was more of a mother to me. I always swore that when she died I would get in the box with her. Didn't think I could handle it. But, like you said, it was awful, but beautiful at the same time.

[@ferretrunner09]

Steven Pereira Your grandmother sounds like an amazing person..

[@flightattendantsteven]

She was! My grandpop was in poor health for decades and couldn't work. So she worked her behind off, raised 4 daughters (one with special needs), cleaned the house, cooked dinner, and did everything...then, I walk in the door after she raised her kids...poof, more responsibility, but she did it with love. She was my hero.

[@308KingsRoad]

♨️This was such a vulnerable time , I'm so happy you weren't Numb & you felt your way through it all and now years later you are out on the other side of this and thriving.

[@deborahconkle6822]

Dear Steven, sometimes our relationship with our parents is complicated. At the end of the day it seems we just wish things could have all been good. My heart cries for you because you are hurting. I am still processing the loss of my mom in September. You need to work through this time in your life ,your way. You have so many who love and care for you here. I will send prayers up for you tonight that you find peace. ❤️ Huggs

[@barbdixsonbrown424]

We’re all here for you Steven. I’m so sorry 😐

[@pattyfrancisnyaaba6258]

Hi Steven, you are in my thoughts, don't be sorry, losing a parent is so hard, no matter what your relationship was with them glad you are doing better

[@nicolesimpson3507]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ we love you

[@fionakeenan6007]

Steven my dear friend my heart breaks for you watching this, I really wish I could of been with you and gave you huge hugs. It was hard to watch your mum's cat too, I always feel for animals that lose their loved ones they must go through so much sadness as well . I hope you curl up in your bed with your beautiful babies and you can all comfort each other. Sending my Love and thoughts to you ♥️xx♥️

[@Coilykinkchick]

I say call. You never know. I thought the same thing in when I bought my first property. I literally just called the real estate company for shits and giggles and one question led to another and the biggest surprise was my credit was not perfect but better than I thought. Next thing you know, 2 months later I had the keys in my hand and I just made it work.

[@drdorann]

Steven you should buy your grandparent's house as I see it's for sale for $225K(I could see the realtors name in your video). I regret not buying my grandparent's place years ago. Maybe you could get your aunt/other family/viewers to invest with you. So sorry for your loss.💕

[@flightattendantsteven]

Oh my goodness, I couldn't remotely afford that...and the idea of the rest couldn't happen.

[@drdorann]

@@flightattendantsteven I hear you. 💕

[@dennisbroos77]

❤️

[@DuchessDelphine]

Also my brother was murdered in 2004 and the pain of his absence never goes away! I still ugly cry (usually at the gym or in the shower) and throw things from time to time

[@flightattendantsteven]

I know that feelings like these change, if they don't pass. I lost my brother way back in 1977 and there are still days I feel such raw emotions like anger.

[@kahristah]

Haven’t watched the video yet, but sending love your way! 💕💔

[@le_th_]

So sorry about your mom passing away. Every gay man I know has a "complicated" relationship with his mother and often a worse relationship (if one at all) with their father. Usually, there is a parent who is a narcissist in the mix if not both parents being narcissists often with different expressions of the personality disorder (one smothering and the other rejecting...sometimes both rejecting narcissists). As you said, no one is all bad. I'm sorry you needed a hug and no one was there for you in those moments. I send you so much compassion and understanding. It is difficult for a parent to pass away and to also lose them once again, only this time forever, with new certainty that we will never have the relationship with them that we silently hoped would one day manifest (even if we suspected it never really would ever manifest, death makes that suspicion a harsh reality). ...and can I just chuckle along with you for a moment as you talk about your grandfather's statement about everyone being dead in the cemetery so you learning to drive there couldn't kill anyone? lol What a funny sense of humor. Regarding your grandparents' home...the one place where you were safe. *tears* Please call that real estate broker. You never know who owns that house and what their situation is. They may be snowbirds wanting to sell their home? They may be someone in the LGBTQ community who might really understand the significance of only having one safe place as an adolescent? They may be willing to do a rent-to-own option with no money down, or even just a few thousand dollars down? You don't even know how long it's been on the market. Even if it turns out that you truly can't afford it, at least you will know that you called and found out. You won't ever have a nagging question in the back of your mind. If you were my beloved friend, that would be my advice to you to find out just to alleviate any future regrets. Also, if you can't afford that house now there is always the possibility that if you keep tabs on it over the next few years, you can save enough in your 401k to maybe afford it if it goes back on the market in the future (say 10-15 years down the road when you're ready for retirement). Sending you a warm virtual hug as you move through the stages of processing your grief~

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

My dad died 9 years ago today. I know it’s a rough time. Hang in there!

[@flightattendantsteven]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I hope time has made things a little easier.

[@danielthompsonmoviestravel8254]

Thanks! No time does make things much better. I was telling my brother the other day I still miss him.but now it’s not the mourning as much as it’s a real gratitude for him and celebrating all that he was. Such a good guy. I was lucky; he was a really good Dad and I had a good Mom, too.

[@jessieoaks9764]

Some moms have children but are not meant to be moms your grand parents loved you heart and soul sometimes it's good to go back but the thoughts hurt because time goes by too fast just take care my friend

[@antaya715]

I hope you recognise my name when and if you read this post.. I haven’t posted hundreds of times, but I have posted and messaged you in the past and I’ve watch almost all of your videos and followed you for quite a while now. I hope you recognise my name so that my words here and this post means a bit more to you than it would if you didn’t know who I was.... first of all, I am very sorry for your loss, the situation and the story surrounding your mum. I appreciate you sharing these moments with us. This is all about you so I don’t want to give my story here to illustrate how I genuinely empathise with and understand a lot of you’re going through, but be assured, I do... and I send you all my love and hugs to you Steven. You’re a beautiful and brave man for sharing these moments with us so thank you. Many many people love and care for you so be strong. Love you Steven xxx ❤️

[@brendal6936]

I chose not to watch the video, especially after your intro because it hits to close to home right now. My mom isn’t dying, but she is 85 and not in the best health due to severe, age-related memory issues. I just wanted to say I am glad you went to visit your mom despite your complicated relationship with her. We are here for you.

[@flightattendantsteven]

Thank you honey. I wish you all the best with your own mom.

[@brendal6936]

Thank you.

[@cbeck9369]

💕

[@phillipsmom6252]

Why didn’t you have a relationship with your mother?

[@flightattendantsteven]

That's probably a whole different video. She was mentally ill, an addict, alcoholic, abusive, terrorizing woman who really should never have had kids. Later in life she seemed to find some kind of balance, but that was decades after she basically abandoned me. So, as you can imagine, I wasn't interested in a relationship with her.

[@phillipsmom6252]

@@flightattendantsteven Oh I’m sorry to hear that. Hugs 💜

[@7377bryan]

the title is breaking even more my heart:( " visiting my dying mother" I didn't like it sorry:( so sad

[@lorikwiecinski5121]

❤️