Waiting Mode: The Curse of the Monotasker!

[@megananderson4662]

wait there’s a word for this. i feel less like an alien everyday with this validating community

[@bunnyboo6295]

The more I learn about humans I think I rather be alien.

[@amanda1838]

I’ve never felt less like an alien than I do right now (on my third of his videos) lol

[@amandachapman4708]

The worst thing for me is waiting for the doctor to phone, when I spoke to the receptionist at 9a.m. and she says the doctor will phone me "before 1p.m." So now I have 4 hours that I don't know what to do with, as the doctor could phone at any time, and I don't want to get into anything else as I need to have my thoughts in order so that I can speak with the doctor.

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@amandachapman4708 Is there something that you don't get that into but can do why sit by the phone. coloring is relaxing but not something important that needs to be done

[@Arcticnick]

I've just discovered the real world. I'm 57. Better late than never.

[@NoiseDay]

When I had a part time job and started work any time after noon, I felt like my whole day was wasted because I was waiting for work to start. My least favorite days were when I started at 3 PM, not because I had to work in the evening as a morning person, but because all those hours beforehand would be spent doing nothing whatsoever important.

[@tracik1277]

Absolutely this, absolutely. And feeling your time is just wasting away.

[@reggiep75]

This totally ticks boxes with me. I used to do shift work, I hated it, but the early was ok starting at 6am and leaving at 13:30. The late shift was 13:30 - 21:00, the part I really hated, and I could barely get settled into doing stuff before work other than light indoor tasks as appointments and other things were a problem. I felt like I was living half of a troubled life. Thankfully, I got out of that job into a day shift job but the stress of the newer job was a problem.

[@Crouteceleste]

When I worked 12-20h, the solution I got was getting up late so I have no time at all for anything between, and just go to work.

[@MisterCynic18]

Too real. Entire days are lost just because work happens at a bad time

[@sum414everuakn]

This is probably the reason why my favorite job in the 9 years of my work experience was a job on 12-hour nightshifts for 6 days on and 2 days off. Best job of my life, very predictable and rewarding for me in general

[@okthanks4792]

Wow, I have this exact same issue as an ASD person. If I have an appointment at 2 pm, my entire day up until 2 revolves around waiting and feeling like I can’t do anything else. This obviously doesn’t always apply, but I have found that scheduling as many obligations as possible earlier in the day is somewhat helpful.

[@bunnyboo6295]

For me its to stressful to schedule other things if i have something I'm waiting for.

[@SAZ-3500D]

Bunny Boo I’m the same way! I completely burn out if try scheduling a bunch of stuff

[@TheDentrassi]

Yeah

[@julie8234]

Yes, this is me

[@5Siver]

Same here!

[@bakerfritz4681]

I’ve never heard someone address this and I have so much trouble with it. Before I realized I looked at time differently I was always astonished at how much some people could “squeeze” into the time between their appointments and obligations.

[@Celestein]

Right?? Of all the things, this was one I literally cried from relief when I found out other people experienced it. I thought I was just insane or something.

[@crystalokeefe197]

I call it "standby mode".

[@LostLuigiLassie]

Holy cow this is me for as long as I can remember. I've never had anyone else understand it before. If I have an appointment or errand to run at a specific time it completely ruins my day beforehand. I just get stuck waiting because it takes so much effort to get in the right mindset to do a task, that when it's time to leave I'll be in the wrong "headspace" and forget half the things I need as I'm walking out the door. That or completely blow past the time I was supposed to leave because I was wrapped up in what I was doing. Seeing all these comments of people feeling less like an alien in this community - definitely rings true for me. Thank you for bringing so many of these topics to light.

[@arasharfa]

this is not just about minutes. it canbe days for me.

[@racebiketuner]

Me too.

[@zed4229]

I Have wasted days waiting for return calls form lawyers or doctors because I know if I get into something I will meltdown when they break my task. sitting in a waiting room at one of these appointments is the worse because I truly know they don't really care or want to listen to me they just want to be paid.

[@batzeth]

For me its days, a month

[@JV-ll1cu]

You need a psychiatrist

[@msdimi01]

​@@batzeth month or months :(

[@clannard1]

I'm a definite monotasker and proud of it. I definitely experience "waiting mode" but don't think of it as a "curse". It's just an inevitable by-product of having to live and function as a monotasker in a world where mulitasking is the expected default setting. I don't really buy into the modern capitalistic individualistic "Protestant work ethic" that every spare moment has to be "productive" or filled with productive tasks. If you're a monotasker that takes a while to warm up and build up to speed on tasks, it makes sense to use some of that "waiting time" as a period to decompress from one task, and prepare mentally and physically for the next task. Having latency periods to transition between tasks gives my brain time to shift gears, conserves my energy, helps to maintain focus and keeps my productivity up over the course of a day. Flitting from task to task, or "productively" filling up every spare moment, is most likely to result in mini meltdowns or shutting down internally, mental overwhelm, mutism, depleted energy and burn out over longer time periods. I have a mental list of simple tasks that don't require much thought or energy and can be easily picked up and put down as "space fillers" when the "waiting room" inertia hits. It may not be the main focus or thing I want to work on or achieve that day, but it gives me some sense of making progress and achieving something. This relates to a pet peeve of mine: why this insistence on "multitasking", anyway? Pretty sure this is a relatively modern phenomenon which arose in the corporate business world in the last 50 or so years, has seeped into everyday life and society, and has become a expected norm, and elevated (even celebrated and worshipped) to a level akin to a religious dogma. I don't believe that people are designed to function in this way, that they can keep up productivity functioning in this mode. The expectation and insistence that "all women naturally multitask" makes my skin crawl, and has cost me dearly in terms of gaining jobs in my desired field or functioning well in the workplace. There's got to be monotasking ways and techniques that achieve the same desired outcome that is expected from "multitasking", surely?

[@joycebrewer4150]

I hope so!

[@cestmoi2497]

100% agree about the corporate dogma. I don't multitask and somehow I manage to get my work done. Other people might not like my approach, but that's their problem. It's easier because I work from home, though. There's no one watching or judging me and all they see is the output of my work. I just tell them what they want to hear in job interviews, referencing their favorite buzzwords "multitasking" and "time management," and then I do things my way.

[@maidende8280]

Classic hyperfocus Aspie trait & why we need very structured routines! I’m exactly the same way. I think this makes us seem like procrastinators, when we are actually hyper perfectionists.

[@DevonExplorer]

Exactly! I know that if I get stuck into something else I'll be so engrossed that I'll forget the time and will be an hour or two late, not just a few minutes.

[@maidende8280]

@@DevonExplorer Same. I have a terrible sense of time, except when I’m cooking when I seem to be psychic. 😂

[@pr0fessorz0om68]

@@DevonExplorer I've tried to explain this to so many people. Thank you.

[@rafalj6446]

​@@maidende8280 TI'm the same way. So many times i set the microwave for lets say 3:30 and as i'm coming back to the kitchen it's beeping xD Other than that my sense of time is trash.

[@electron2601]

@@rafalj6446 I swear I have a sixth sense when it comes to oven and microwave timers. I can't tell you how many times I've comes to check the microwave just once and it was perfect timing right to the beep.

[@Stockiing69]

The irony of having to wait 48 hours for this to premiere 😂 Looking forward to it though, I suffer from this massively.

[@remasteredretropcgames3312]

Join my cult of prettiness. Im building an archive that is objectively superior renders. Some game developers are lazier than others and i can fix their ambient occlusion radius implementation, and more.

[@sarahcunniffe4678]

I have this challenge but I've never given it a label. To be honest, I fill it with daydreaming and pacing otherwise I stress in the waiting mode. I have to give myself permission to do half a task. On the occasions I manage it ...... I'm chuffed to nuts! Didn't realize this was so common 😃

[@macronencer]

I don't always fully relate to things you talk about, but wow, this one REALLY resonated! Most of the occasions on which I've completed work tasks in more time than it should have taken me can be traced back to something like this, where I'm waiting for someone to reply about something, and I feel that everything has to stop until they reply; that I can't start anything else because then there'd be a massive task-switching overhead, but I can't move forward either until I get a response. Organisational tools can help with this. I personally try to use principles from the book "Getting Things Done", and if I send someone an email and I need a response before I can pick up a task again, I flag it with a red WAITING category. However... the worst thing is when priorities shift constantly, and tasks that were important fade away and get forgotten about. Forgotten by everyone ELSE, that is. Not me! I have all these red WAITING emails in various folders, and it bugs the hell out of me that they were never completed. Usually I do end up removing the category and trying to forget about them, but the sense of incompletion drives me mad.

[@woodalexander]

This definitely happens to me. It's related to not being able to "change gears" quickly and Executive Dysfunction.

[@racebiketuner]

Those are the exact words I use to describe it. On most days I can only change gears between two and five times before I shut down.

[@vegansauce685]

This is so relatable, although I didn't realize I felt this way until you explained it so nicely. For me, this gives rise to a contradictory trait in me that even though I love structure and routine, I am not always a fan of scheduled activities because if I have to be at a meeting at a particular time, I don't want to do an activity beforehand that may bring about an unwanted feeling/emotion in me that I don't want to bring to the meeting. Instead, I prefer to do activities in a particular order, but not have to do any of the activities at an exact time. I guess the way you give yourself permission to be impulsive or be slightly late, I think I want to work on giving myself permission for not feeling how I "should" feel or am expected to feel at a scheduled event.

[@kikibplays]

I have this as well, I sometimes feel resentful or frustrated with being at the meeting/party/whatever as a result of having tried to do something too close beforehand. I really liked what was said in another comment thread about engaging in what the commenter called 'productive stimming' in the waiting time instead - in their case it was crochet, which they can easily do for a few minutes or even a longer period while still being able to easily stop when it's time to move on to the next thing. Definitely something I'm going to try with my knitting from now on.

[@CollinDEvans]

Seriously! My mom has so many expectations she builds up based on when we said we'd get together--or even when someone says they'll be home (estimating). I've really gotten into the habit of not telling people a time but just telling them I'll be there "soon" or something lol.

[@Crow-BefriendingHermit]

It amazes me to hear someone articulate something that I never imagined anyone besides myself has had to work out.

[@birdgirlie99]

oh my god. this is so relatable and I didn't knew other people suffered with it! I can't do anything if I have less than 2 hours before something else :( thank you so much for your videos. they make me feel validated.

[@racebiketuner]

You are not alone.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Exactly!! When I need to be ready to go out the door at 8:30 am, I have to get up at 6:30 to make it. I haven't naturally awakened that early since I was a preschool age child.

[@rodericktech5643]

In the last few months your channel has been extraordinarily helpful for me in many ways as I have arrived slowly at a self-diagnosis, and every time I look through more of what you've posted I find other unexpected resonances with what I have been going through my whole life (I'm nearly 40 years old). I never had a name for this thing but I felt like a useless human being so often being paralyzed for 30 minutes, or even sometimes for hours because something else was on the schedule later. No one else in my life (locally) understands or experiences this. I haven't ever coped well with this or ''solved' it but I am thinking about what you've suggested. Thanks so much for all your posting.

[@romywilliamson4981]

4 hours to go, 6 people in 'waiting mode' already 😂

[@pyrel]

I never realized this could be an aspergers thing, but I suppose that makes sense. I am insanely bad about this, I usually spend my "waiting mode" time by simply arriving to my events egregiously early.

[@corrinejordan9592]

And I would rather be an hour early than a minute late.

[@courtney2718]

Me too!

[@pyrel]

Seems to be a trend here

[@andreagriffiths3512]

@@corrinejordan9592 I have often been an hour or more early...😁

[@cstpolaris]

i find i spend the "waiting mode" time either deciding why i shouldnt do things, or worrying over the thing i "have" to do at "x" time. i found the few times i AM able to not worry and just go do the "thing" it tends to be so much less stress for me than building it up in my head hours before i go

[@Dctosd]

Me: always early. Coping strategy: always have an MP3 player and section of the newspaper with me - newspaper provides short articles to read; mp3 player provides short bursts of entertainment, and both are interruptable, unimportant tasks. Also, depending on the location, bookstores and record stores provide great places to pass the extra minutes waiting.

[@nate2838]

I've known for a long time that i have a waiting mode. Never really been able to articulate it well like this. Recently came across your videos after a couple people over several years have asked if i've considered the possibility that i'm on the spectrum. I cannot express how much your channel means to me. I have literally depleted all my reserves trying to get myself to be able to function in a society that i'm not designed for, knowing i'm different, and not knowing how to bridge the gap or find the support to make up for the gaps. I can climb and prune or remove most any tree, no real concerns, just work with what is present and keep the job moving. One of my main issues in sustainability of life is i absolutely hate things that don't make sense, or working stupid for the sake of working stupid because the boss says so. With most people having egos, this can cause friction between myself and employers. Many people can't understand why i am so capable in some areas and nearly non funcional in others. I haven't understood why, though i have recognized that i function best in a team where we don't require each other to be perfect, help each other out and keep the job moving. I tend to need a lot of communication and clarity, to a degree many people find annoying because i can often see 6 different ways things can be interpreted. Ive had coworkers who have completely accepted the need for communication and wouldn't be bothered by it, had coworkers who were willing to put up with it, and typically bosses that were driven nuts by it. I know my writing is bouncing around a bit, and thats how my brain works.

[@sionry5229]

Ohgosh. The wait makes this a proformamce piece XD

[@maryannscott5567]

I relate, at least to the point where I know I am a mono-tasker and struggle greatly with transitions.

[@karenmcdonnell4337]

arriving 15mins late would ruin my whole day. The stress would completely destabilise me for the rest of the day.

[@armorsmith43]

Stanford Prof of Neurobiology Andrew Huberman explains on his channel why when doing Executive Function intensive work where you repeatedly make choices about Outcome-Path-Duration, it is important to take breaks. Give your brain a period of deep rest and don’t try to focus on anything, then it will make better path choices. As an ADHDer, I’ve found this doubly true. I operate much more effectively when using a modified pomodoro technique. Waiting is not wasted time.

[@AlexaFaie]

It is when its days. 🙁

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

Waiting mode is definitely a thing. I have also found that depending on how stressful the thing is that I have to do next, it impacts how long that waiting buffer time is. So for a doctors appointment, which I find moderately stressful, I might not be able to start anything new for 20 min before I have to leave. But for making lunch, which is not stressful, it might only be 10 min. But say I have to do something like drive to a new location for the first time. I might not be able to do anything for 30 min or more before I have to leave.

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

My strategy for coping with the wait time is to do productive stimming. For me that's crochet. Its mindless, repetitive stimulation that eases my tension while I wait and allows me to check the clock constantly. Its also entirely interruptible. I also feel like I haven't wasted the time because I am actually doing something productive.

[@kikibplays]

@@Mrs.Silversmith "Productive stimming" is a really great term for it, and this is a really great idea. That's probably why I knit, now that I think of it (I'd never called it stimming, but it totally is - I can't sit down and watch TV unless I have some yarn to keep my hands and a small part of my brain busy). Are you one of those people who HAS to finish a row before you can put it down though, or can you just stop at any point? Because I absolutely can't stop halfway through a row 😅

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

@@kikibplays I can stop at any point. I'm not sure if I was always like that, or if I've become more flexible after having kids.

[@AlexaFaie]

I can't even bring myself to finish a pompom that's in progress from the other day because I have a meeting I have to go to on Thursday afternoon & it feels like I don't have enough time. So have to wait or I won't be able to wash & get dressed in time. Thursday is still 2 days away, but when I get stuck in waiting mode I haven't found anything that breaks me out other than the event happening. Sometimes its bad enough that I can't even get dressed because I might not have enough time, so end up waiting for some stupid reason. 🤦‍♀️ Like unless the meeting is literally NOW then my "get ready for meeting" doesn't always trigger. Which means I'm invariably late. Besides 10-30 mins isn't really enough time to do anything anyway. That's a blink & you'll miss it length of time for me. You know recipes which tell you they take "under 20 mins" and then it takes an hour just to prep the ingredients & they only meant how long it took to cook? Its kinda like that but with everything.

[@MichaelGilboe]

I am exactly like this. I have to be on time and I hate “waiting mode”. Thanks for this.

[@DTrecording]

This is one of my biggest struggles, it makes work breaks incredibly hard to enjoy because I feel like I'm just waiting and preparing to return to work.

[@SamAlderDesign]

Yes, this is very relateable, both in your description of the problem and in some of the solutions. I used to think I could not run small errands until I came up with a couple other things to accomplish during the same trip, so I would just leave that small errand not done, and often just completely stall out a big project. I think letting go of that feeling of needing to accomplish a lot all at once is important for mental health. Accepting that some (most) days you are not going to be making much progress towards your goals, but that it is also important to just exist and enjoy existing, even if you don’t get anything “done”.

[@tiiaj7589]

For me this problem gets more intense the more anxious I am about the thing I’m waiting for. My rheumatologist is habitually up to several hours late for appointments, both in person and phone calls. When I’m waiting for her to call I have to do really mundane things because I don’t have the ability to brain anything more and still keep the anxiety over the phone call in check.

[@CollinDEvans]

Wow! I never had a way of putting how much it bothers me to have to wait for someone after the time they said they would be there or call. Somehow my mind is stuck in the appointment that we're supposed to have and I can't do anything else until it starts.

[@tiiaj7589]

@@CollinDEvans exactly!

[@sandraschlosser-jahrsetz]

same here. But isnt that a normal thing? I never thought about that...

[@tiiaj7589]

@@sandraschlosser-jahrsetz Normal that drs make you wait? Yes! Lol Normal for people to stress and not be able to do other things while you wait? Apparently not.

[@anybenfotiamine1728]

Monotasker. I will have to use that in an interview with a serious face. 😂

[@jonathanmitchell8698]

I'm not sure if this is the same thing, but if there's something that I know I have to do that I'm procrastinating on, I feel like I can't do anything productive in the mean time. Like if I have to schedule a doctors appointment or email someone, I usually have to spend a day or even several days with that thing constantly in the back of my mind before I'm actually able to do it. And in the mean time, I have to avoid any tasks that require a lot of mental investment so that I don't get distracted with the new task.

[@reggiep75]

Waiting mode: This was me on Monday waiting to speak to my GP over a getting a referral to see someone about a diagnosis for autism. I waited 8 long hours to get a call and in that time did little to nothing, other than stuff that was part of my routine I've always been sort of clamped, whilst waiting, my whole adult life and never known why and this rings alarms and now I think I'm getting closer to understanding things.

[@MrAitorSJ]

Yessss. Every time I have one of those calls it ends up affecting my whole day. I can't just get started with work if I know I'm going to be interrupted at any time, and be expected to be fully fresh for that call. But, seriously, it's 2021... Why do we need to make so many calls for things that would take 30 seconds to do online? Why do we need to make a call and wait to talk to a stressed and overloaded secretary *in order to* get the actual call appointment? I honestly feel no shame about the way these things affect me. Most of these things are unnecessary and inefficient even for the best of multitaskers. When you make things flexible and hassle-free, EVERYBODY wins.

[@dakrontu]

Me too. Because I know that at the moment the phone or doorbell rings, I will be in another room, and won't hear it, or I will be in the shower, unable to respond. . For when the call comes in, always have a prioritised list of info/questions next to the phone, so you can avoid having to think hard, under stress, what you intended to discuss. Thinking under stress is ineffective because stress shuts down thought processes and leaves you with the fight/flight response which in 2021 is not all that useful.

[@dakrontu]

@@MrAitorSJ It is very hard to design UIs for forms (on web pages, in phone apps, and on paper) that allow for every possibility, so designers do Pareto Analysis to decide what the UI needs to handle for the majority of cases. The odd-ball cases (ie the ones that I always end up with) never fit the forms, and require phone or email contact, which I dread, as it is so open-ended and inefficient.

[@Telindra]

I'm the same! If I'm awaiting a call or such my entire day is ruined, unless the call is really early in the morning. BUT it can't be so early that it interrupts my morning/early day routines, that too will ruin my entire day.

[@MrAitorSJ]

@@dakrontu well, I can totally believe that, but most cases I encounter would be as simple to implement as a doodle poll. For most things, there's just no alternative whatsoever to phoning them at predetermined times and waiting on the line for ages. I guess it depends on where you live, at least in part.

[@038Reaper]

I definitely relate to wait mode, I usually explain it as my brain is stuck. Thanks for the videos explaining things like this because now that I recognize my brain does this I can start to implement strategies to work around it.

[@mayalua1]

That's really something I have to deal with every day. Executive function is really hard in between tasks... Also, something I like to do when I'm waiting for the time to do the next thing is to hear one of your videos (when there actually a new one available and it's not a totally new thing to me) Hearing you for some reason makes me chill.

[@selopibani3220]

I resonate with this. I thought it was a form of procrastination (which I suppose it is) but now you’re making me see it thru my need to mono-task. I can end up staying back at work to find that “right” amount of time to have the mental space to get something done.

[@rechnin6680]

I totally understand this, I've had to create daily schedules so I don't just sit and blow through an entire day without doing anything and thinking what I should be doing.

[@JavainMuert]

OH, SO THAT'S A REAL THING. Imagine being in waiting mode for 6-7h to mentally prepare yourself to be positive and creative to do things with your partner that day after her work schedule ends.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Omg. You have such insight into your behaviour, it’s amazing. I have exactly the same struggles with waiting and mono tasking. Your description is so accurate!

[@JWildberry]

The best part is when other people are late or unprepared after I've been stuck in purgatory, waiting for them.

[@CollinDEvans]

Oh my goodness! that is how I feel! How can they be so rude?!

[@ziggy5246]

I have this struggle MAJORLY very often. The issue I seem to be having is now is controlling impulses to do things when I don’t have enough time and having a new problem with time management. I like the idea of planning the waiting time in advance, I think that sounds really helpful

[@tommytippee2437]

I've found this very informative,I've only discovered you're channel and have subscribed. I relate to this and I've only been diagnosed Autistic recently,I'll be sixty this August. My parents were told of my autism when I was three but turned a blind eye. It's not what happens to us,it's how we are taken care of that can do huge damage. I've spent most my life coping,sometimes limping from one thing to the next. I was parentified at age eleven so I had to leave the childself and live from very toxic interjects. I have struggled with Maths all my life and every school just labelled me a thickhead,teachers and pupils. I was a parent before and after each school day. I've survived,I am always being told how very intelligent I am. I love just a few things Music,Old Cars and trees. Thank you for the great channel,although I'm an old chap I think I can try and find myself. You're fantastic person Best regards, Tommy In DUBLIN.🙏👑

[@melissadavis7234]

😲 WOW YES! I was Just talking to my mom about this last week but I didn’t know what to call it. Your Amazing! I have also learned to listen to Myself 🙏🏻 I Believe That is what we ALL need to do more of. Thank You for Sharing your Light 😇

[@BeaOsapai]

I cant believe what I am hearing. I really thought I was alone in this. Thank you so much for this video. I experience this nearly everyday, I really felt looney lol!

[@ryantaintor9713]

I like to think that the concept of waiting is sort of like your mind playing a trick on yo, like it is the realization of boredom. I realize I can embrace mindfulness in the moment and not label it "waiting". Instead I am here 'enjoying myself, in myself', so to speak. I try to use extra moments of the day to realize my thoughts and practice awareness in the moment in sort of a meditative way.

[@giftedgreen2152]

I’m fine with it, F multitasking.

[@francoisnel5253]

Studies show that multitasking is a myth anyway. Many women think it's something they were blessed with. So they justify doing make up, texting (men also) , etc while driving. It's been proven that it's only dividing attention away from the main task. So with driving in this example it's dangerous. So much wiser for everyone to prioritise their attention anyway.

[@OliverBatchelor]

Exactly! If only other people would understand...

[@zed4229]

Working years in tech support the number of Bad /wrong or misinformation emails I have seen go out when some one tries to do emails and phone support or work multiple chats at one time is insane but Companies still force agents to do this as a cost saving plain. Many times seen some one change subject in an a email or chat to anther topic or product and give advise that can be a major safety risk or damage the product there tiring to support

[@_deadwait]

I always thought I had a problem with procrastinating, but this video makes so much sense to me. I have trouble starting a task if I know I can’t complete it in one sitting, so I usually prioritize everything else on my list so that at the end of the day I can at least see that I completed things. This causes issues in my life because I can end up pushing important things for months just because I feel I don’t have enough time to complete them

[@madelinesmith6614]

Ik this is 2 months old but you are a life saver! Literally, and I mean the word "literally" literally. Thank you! I can't explain how much your videos have helped me. So much of the shame and invalidation melting away. My confidence is returning after...probably for the first time.

[@kelliharding2381]

You just described this perfectly. One of the symptoms I’ve had an extremely hard time explaining... thank you for the validation and example of solutions... Your videos have changed my life

[@davidcollins1853]

One of the things a dread, and put off the most is sorting mail, and getting rid of junk mail. Don't know if that is normal, but I hate to see it stack up. What works for me is to look at one or two pieces of it at a time. It is a task that never seems to get done. Nobody likes to wait, but that works for me.

[@rainbowkrampus]

I have a trash bin specifically for junk mail. I mostly get junk mail, so part of me is tempted to just put it under the mail slot and let everything bin itself.

[@racebiketuner]

You are not alone!

[@randompetsandnuns]

😂😂😂 Oh my, I can SO identify with this one! ( I just sit and stare at the clock. 😳)

[@xlrouge]

This resonates so much. Days without a schedule are a nightmare for me. I hated holidays when I was in school

[@michaellorg]

This is SO me. I only strongly suspect that I’ve got ASD, but this very much speaks to me and my own task management.

[@dcarbs2979]

I get this. Almost everything I do is dedicated "task" time, and rest is included in the list of possible tasks. So any change, where time becomes no longer dedicated to a task (including enjoyment), it's frustrating at the least, if tasks last longer or shorter than planned. This is especially the case when I'm in a position where I'm unable to shift my tasks around to make the most of my time. e.g. a bus is late giving me less time after the bus journey to eat, relax or sleep when I get in.

[@coalblooded]

Watching your videos the past few days has been absolutely mindblowing. It's like you're in my head!!

[@kikibplays]

Just realized while keeping myself busy in the comments here that apparently I use KZbin as a waiting mode activity - I am absolutely in waiting mode right now mentally preparing for the explosion of noise and sensory overload that is my teenager, who will be home for the weekend in an hour or so 😅 Can't manage much of anything beforehand, as I will A) feel resentful for having to stop abruptly when they get here, and B) have a very difficult time switching gears into 'mom mode' from whatever I may have been doing, and just end up feeling confused and adrift stuck halfway between two mindsets.

[@andreagriffiths3512]

Mine is the whole day. If I have an appointment in the afternoon, I can’t do anything before it. I detest afternoon appointments! They wreck my whole day! But on work days, I go to work early and wait there. I generally play on my phone which is better than waiting at home.

[@roxyflorina7888]

Oh my God! I almost cried. I have been really struggeling with this issue for so long ,and I always felt so guilty for not being able to do things fast like everyone else, and fit tasks inbetween other tasks. Or becoming so depleated when trying. As a part time working and full time (and homeschooling) mom I was feeling so broken and so guilty. So amazed to find out that it's not me being broken but actually an Asperger thing. Thank you! All your videos are so healing for me!!

[@leventejuhasz3492]

Wow, thanks for this! This is exactly what I have been struggling with recently in my PhD... There is always something you have to wait for in your project (answers, actual measurements, machines, materials etc.) and I used to just stress myself completely for all that wasted time where I couldn't go on really.. Of course, one can always find some little things to do, but I always felt these were just forced on me where I should instead go on with my real project.. Now I figured out the solution for me is to have at least 2 projects at the same time so (as I usually work faster than others/expected) in case one of them is on waiting mode, I can go on with the second one, and not just don't lose the flow but actually feel actually extra productive, as I do 2x as much in the same longer period of time. The biggest curse is having to stop and then with the energy and flow all lost, pick it up again..

[@maplelatte3366]

This is spot on.

[@BullScrapPracEff]

Waiting mode seems about half of my life... Pretty much what got me watching KZbin, and finding this channel... Pick a video that is slightly less time than the time to the next thing. On the opposite end of the spectrum is being so focused on what I'm doing, or so obsessive about it, I just about don't make it to the toilet etc.

[@thankfullfortruth4964]

Right on👍

[@cstpolaris]

this comment kind of hit home for me (the note about the opposite end of the spectrum). I tend to get so into things, my body wont tell me im hungry, thirsty, etc. i will remember maybe 6-10 hours after the last meal when my stomach is trying to eat me from the inside out.

[@estherhadassa1061]

Know the feeling. Somehow I can't get a thing started when I'm awaiting a parcel between 12:00 and 14:30 ... I really dislike being interrupted when I'm in a flow. Also, those delivery guys often seem to have no patience and if you don't answer the door in 5 seconds they're gone and you have to go out and pick up your parcel (especially not nice if you had to pay for delivery). So, yep ... stuck in waiting mode.

[@sharoncox1734]

I have lists of mini-tasks (organised in a bullet journal) so that if I'm waiting I can select one that fits in the available time at the location I'm in. For example, if I have an hour or two between appointments in town, I check the list and realise I could buy those garden gloves you mentioned. You have to break everything down into the smallest parts possible for it to work well. The downside is that sometimes I get "stuck" trying to get out of the house because I'm overwhelmed by all the things I *might* need to bring with me to do all of the tasks and activities that *might* come up. KZbin videos are also good for short periods of waiting time.

[@average_amanda3884]

Yup I have this problem. I also stress about being late, and when I was young would show up extra early for everything.. interviews, jobs and parties. I used to be that awkard first person always. I had to teach myself to be fashionably late.

[@Mountain-Man-3000]

Thank you for making these videos. I can finally see I'm not alone in this world. Your videos have been a revalation.

[@Mountain-Man-3000]

Watching one of your videos finally pushed me to take the AQ test which I have avoided taking and based on my score I am autistic. Thank you so much, it really means a lot to hear that I'm not alone

[@philiphillebrand2965]

I have just turned 62 this month, last December I came to the conclusion that I am ASD/Aspergers, So seld-diagnosed (I have been seeing Psychiatrists & Psychologists for the last 26 years since my first really big breakdown). Paul, I am so like how you described your own mode of operation. I have done things oh so similar to you. I am just learning about my "new" world, but it explains so much of my life.

[@jrtaylor1275]

You learn something new everyday, monotasking.. definitely relate to this!!!! Even when deep in a project say in engineering work, finding all the right elements is still switching between monotasks within the project, it's the way the intellect works. This reminds me of when I was recently at a reception signing and filling out paperwork and the receptionist was trying to communicate with me. I then straight after finishing the paperwork asked her about exactly what she was explaining to me while signing haha! I just said sorry it's the way I am, cannot do two things at once. NOW I have upgraded vocabulary - monotasker, different to multitasking! Thank you Paul!

[@S....]

It is just unbelievable how many different, seemingly unrelated character feats can be explained by just naming the syndrome.

[@Socialaliencomments]

Thank you for all the work you do. Your videos make a difference and they inspire me. I think I suffer from this constantly

[@SwordsofGrace]

This is one of the biggest challenges i'm having at the moment. I am often completely unable to verbalise issues i'm having and 'waiting mode' has been driving me crazy for years. I never knew other people could relate; let alone find someone whose made an entire video detailing why i have such a hard time, AND provided tips on how to make life easier. I really needed this, thank you so much for making this video!!

[@kellyscourfield77]

If I had 15 mins waiting time….. well that’s easy, I’d watch one of your videos 😁 I love how you explain things and your gentle manner in doing so, really helps me make sense of my own actions and the way I think.

[@selopibani3220]

Oh goodness, the example of going to the post office for be thing, explains all those bday,Christmas cards and gifts I never got around to sending (or on time)

[@foxmountainstudios1884]

I can either write a book here or just say "yes'...

[@OliverBatchelor]

yes

[@KARENboomboomROXX]

Yes

[@xrisdio]

Thank you 🙏 Yep if I know a parcel is being delivered between a certain time, I cannot start or do anything else until it has arrived. I can't multi task, I try but get frustrated as I can't focus on more than one at any one time. I hate being late, if I am slightly late then my frustration and anxiety levels increase. If someone or something else Is late, again my frustration sky rockets because I have maticulously planned a routine. Thank you for this little bit of validation. 🙏

[@smile768]

I hate having to wait for something different or out of the ordinary and find it difficult to do something else while I wait. If I have an important appointment the next day I won’t sleep well. I can also easily forget or be late for a future event. I just find time quite stressful.

[@sarahfowler9741]

I really enjoy knitting for filling some waiting mode time, because it's a productive stim. It's easy to pick it up for 5 minutes at a time, make a little progress, and then put it down

[@mirjam3553]

While I have that, it's not what I call waiting mode. For me, waiting mode is another level of that same feeling - I get stuck 'waiting' for half-days, days... without there actually being anything I'm waiting FOR. and at some point it will just go away if I manage to stay 'on' or it will turn into my 'off' state where I'm not effective.

[@OliverBatchelor]

Yes! Not necessarily waiting but if I try to do something else I completely fail. Mono-tasking is right - I'm good with one thing to do in a day, if I have a TODO list it's very stressful. I'm already usually late to everything because I always think I can wait longer than I can before I leave... and then I lose my keys or get distracted by something or suddenly I'm sprinting and still 10 minutes late. So allowing my time to slip doesn't really work...

[@VeganOrganizer]

I totally relate to this! Thanks so much for putting the phenomenon into words!

[@cathleenbaldwinmaggi2252]

Wow! Another one that resonates with me so much. For me, when I have a big project at work I won't even start on it unless I know I won't be interrupted. For years I stayed late at night, putting in 12 hour days , just so I could work on projects with nobody else around to interrupt me. I have loved working from home this past year because I can simply turn off my phone and notifications and get work done. I don't think I'll ever work in an office with other people again.

[@Be-present]

Omg! ...this is such a clever, eye-opening explanation for my problem of basically prioritising everything to do with work above my own (outside of work life)...thank you for talking this through....I realise I so stressed worrying about letting down my work commitments that I can’t easily see what’s stopping me from finishing or starting something personal (eg. New battery in fire buzzer thingy sitting there for months by the ladder that I used to take it down when it wasSQUARKING at me, or finishing an art project that’s 70% complete) ...instead I’m rushing around completing work commitments well above expectations (making me believe I’m acceptable) believing I’m actually lazy and can’t MAKE myself things in my personal domain...but now realise I should prioritise my tiny setback and just GO to the shop NOW and get the thing that is actually stopping me and putting me in waiting mode....thank you

[@abalt3019]

Paul, this is sooo me and is spot on! I drive around a lot, and take the long way home and to events all the time, so I can deal with next thing. I use that time to buffer a bit of planning in between work tasks, and it bothers me when I don’t have this sort of decompression time. It also allows me to relax a bit here and there. This channel is like a dot to dot book for me. Continuing to draw out my neurodiverse picture so to speak.

[@catherinewilson1079]

Thanks for this video! I have been doing this “waiting”;just about all my life! It is a relief to know there are other people with Aspergers doing the same. I always thought that my need to be on time or early was an influence of my ex-military father. But I never spent that much time doing anything with him so………Autism and mono-tasking makes much more sense!

[@RodneyHebels]

Yes. I do a lot of mini waiting on any given day. In programming we do everything to avoid "context switching" because it wastes so much time switching your brain between tasks. This makes us more productive. But outside of work waiting is what we have to do to keep take in serial order.

[@GeFlixes]

Oh, so relatable. My mitigation strategies: - In my todo manager, I deliberately have 1-2 tasks each day that are short and/or mindless. Those are great tasks for when the procrastination hits or to stuff those waiting times. Best for this are those 'endless tasks' that never stop. Example for this: filing and sorting documents, be it digital or physical; putting away a few loose items in the room; taking out the trash. - I always have a book on my phone that is my go-to 'I'm only reading a few paragraphs' thing, which I deliberately selected - I'm now reading for 4 months on the same book; similiarily, on my desktop computer there's always a YT window with the 'watch later' list open where I can select one video to watch and fill the time. - Sometimes, I just use that as thinking time and splerge a few ideas or planning steps on a page. I give myself mental workouts, like: 'whats a highly unlikely thing that can happen in the next meeting, and how should I react'.

[@goblinodds]

absolutely relatable content i think a big part of it for me is feeling like... i can't really control how people perceive me but i do have control over whether i'm on time, which *feels* like a clear-cut way to be perceived as well-meaning

[@francoisnel5253]

I hear you man. Try putting the task into "pending" status. And file it in a work in progrss section, but with a special notification that says "pending" with more info. I also need to create a similar jobcard type system to manage productivity.

[@ak5659]

I did a lot of freelance work for years. It always amazed me that despite the apparent NT obsession with being on time, how few people actually are. I couldn't possibly count how many times I arrived late for an assignment and I was the first person there.

[@coconuttcp2574]

Absolutely! I became a very patience person and I always almost on time, never late for my task/appointments.

[@tysondanby2525]

I have always had trouble with this, and I have a hard time explaining it to others. Your explanation makes a lot of sense.

[@ericlane4885]

I go through this all the time. It's strange to hear someone else with the same issues that I had assumed were uniquely my own.

[@EvijArt]

I totally relate to that. If I have an appointment at 2pm, I may sit down to draw but I constantly think about that there is so little time and can't fully relax. If I have to wake up at significantly earlier time than usually to go somewhere, for example, if I have a bus ticket on 6.30am, and have to wake up at 5 am, I most likely won't be able to sleep at all or finally fall asleep at 2-3 am and then be grumpy when I wake up at those 5 am.

[@isabellefaguy7351]

Definitively relate to this. Project management courses have been helpful for me. Now, I keep a list of "nice to do things" that don't need to be done in a specific timeframe. When I've got to wait for other people or I can't do what was planned for whatever reason, I pick a task from that list. When planning for projects (I consider a project anything I need to do that has more than a few steps or that needs other people or otherwise need to account for unpredictibility), I add a % of time for unexpected stuff (wait times, delays in receiving material, etc.).

[@DevonExplorer]

That last bit makes sense as I've trained myself to realise that people aren't necessarily going to get back to me straight away; I used to waste a lot of time before learning that, lol. The thought of being late, though, fills me with absolute horror and I just can't do that. I'll be ready and waiting half an hour before being picked up by a lift or before a timed delivery, etc, and I'd much rather do that than have the complete and total panic that I'd experience otherwise. In other words, ten minutes to wait will see me watching from my window and ready to dash to the door before the person's even got out of their car.

[@AC-um2mk]

I hear you!

[@LeeryMuscrat]

Wow... I've had this feeling set in for days, mostly when I have not structured things to do at all, like long weekends and when I don't have a job. God it can be hell. I never get anything done.

[@javi7636]

Oh my god, thank you so much for this one, I struggle with this so badly at my job and have always felt horrible about it. I work computer helpdesk where we are not only communicating back and forth with many people at once but also have a queue of requests that come in and pile up if not taken care of. Inevitably you end up waiting on an email reply a call back for one thing or another, and I often end up losing so much time in waiting mode for a task I just need a quick answer to. Meanwhile, I have 5 other things I haven't even gotten started on...

[@sum414everuakn]

Was in waiting mode just this morning, running around my apartment trying to do something, anything productive really, but couldn't do anything because I knew I didn't have enough time for any of the things I needed to do... it's so frustrating when I just get stuck in my head and can't do anything about it

[@Telindra]

I get stuck waiting all the time, and it can be for hours actually. Especially if what I'm waiting for is something that will require more focus and energy from me. So I shut down and just wait. Been doing that as long as I can remember.

[@Joey-rs7uq]

Whenever I have an outing/event planned, whether it be 11am-7 pm all I will be thinking of before that is that one thing. So anything I do, whether make art, watch shows, doing tasks I have in the back of my mind saying "Ill have to leave soon, Ill have to leave soon", so whether it be the optimization of a task or the enjoyment of me time, both are diminished when in waiting mode. Doesn't even have to be a big event, but that would make up my whole day!

[@israelkanz]

I'm not professionally diagnosed, but I feel this exact way with the waiting on people and stuff. I also relate to a lot of your videos