Does Autism Get Easier With Age? | Patrons Choice

[@thenobleone-3384]

Discrimination against shy or quiet people at work is all to common where I'm from. I never fit in at the jobs I had in the past cause of my quiet personality

[@renatemocza7195]

this problem feels familiar to me

[@OliverBatchelor]

Even if it's not active discrimination - you still certainly lose out on promotions, pay rises etc. even if you do a better job than someone who is loud and confident.

[@aroguereptilian]

I feel u for sure. Ppl think im a dck for not be talkative. I worry so much at new jobs that my quietness/awkwardness is making my coworkers uncomfortable. Ive had some gnarly hard working jobs but nothing compares to the mental/emotional exhaustion of feeling misunderstood & too overwhelmed at a new job to be at ease with ppl.

[@surrenderinfaith]

@@aroguereptilian yup, had this all my life too

[@Strider9655]

My experience has been that of being too knowledgeable in my field of work, and then supervisors turning against me, which in turn causes colleagues to behave differently (work relationships are difficult for me with being introverted) and then the effort required maintain working relationships more than triples, so I basically just give up and think "these people are too stupid to be worth that sort of effort" and "it's their problem not me". I'm trying to change careers, because i'm sick of being the smartest guy in the room and all the hassle and stress that causes.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

In my experience, it got harder when I hit my 30's; this is because my body is getting older, and my brain is getting older. Now that I am getting closer to 40, stress affects me quicker and more intensely, and I burn out easier. This is why I finally discovered my autism, because I was finding it harder to mask as much, and I began wondering what was wrong with me.

[@prettypuff1]

Yes!!!!

[@wandererofthewastelandxXx]

Same here

[@CLOCKCHASER2222]

same here exactly same

[@chiaravischi]

mine too seemed to get "harder " and more "uncontrollable " on my early 30's but if I think about it...I don't think is the brain getting older, it also because in the occidental culture the age of "30" is the deadline "time out" age society allows you to misbehave in to some degree.as someone else pointed out : as long as you're considered young is still socially acceptable to be a little "weird" as its associated to the classic "weird 'n cool" image linked to youth rebellion etc...but "acting weird" after 30?! not a good idea.at 30 society expects you to "adult",mature, marry , to settle, behaving according to social norms, take a stable secure "whatever you can get" job, be an honorable (:standard) member of your community.on your 30's and 40's suddenly it's not longer acceptable if you 're acting like you re still "falling apart",like "you can't get a stable job" "you cant get along with everyone".."if you're too blunt and unconventional"...etc....In my experience ...As long as I lived in the arty creative world/community on my 20's society allowed me to be a complete mess and a weirdo ,I never thought there was something too weird in me even though my LIFE WAS A TRUE MESS :) .as a 20's something I felt "normal" and NT people perceived me "normal" (my 20's is the dacade I masked less) .on my early 30's everything fell apart and as all my fellow creative NT "crazy friends" jumped last minute on the last vagon to get the last sits of "NORMALITY TRAIN"...I couldn't. I started self isolate more and more and more...I started noticing something weird..it started to be Evident I wasnt like "the others".. for the others "the next chapter of life" seemed easy and enjoyable :taking a traditional role on the grid, enduring a bad job, experimenting and connecting sentimentally with just anybody that came along for long period of time...to me that was almost IMPOSSIBLE TO SUSTAIN for more than few months if less. at 32 I looked up at a video and for the first time I thought I could have been autistic but was so broken back then...I told my self I wasnt and fell into a decade of self isolation and heavy masking,I lied to myself I could be like the others if "only I try harder " ....I tried for a long super sad decade to be like a neurotipical....UNSUCCESFULLY. meanwhile other pratical problems got in the way:I was stuck in a bad depressive job, corona virus, family problems,...and here I am on my 40's....I feel liberated now .I dont thnk my BRAIN is getting OLDER I feel my brain is getting SMARTER and its VISION CLEAR. AT LAST.

[@nettewilson5926]

I feel this, very much.

[@megaady36]

At the age of 55 I have to say I think it gets worse. I think this is mostly because it's too exhausting to try and mask to make other people comfortable around me. The older you get the more stuff loads up your life and the less bandwidth you have to cope. I'm far more intolerant of people now than I was when I was younger.

[@meme8540]

Agree

[@renatemocza7195]

Stop triying to make other people comfortable, they never can appreciate it. Instead make yourself feel comfortable

[@rubybrambleburr1629]

Yes I am too

[@TheHonestPeanut]

@@renatemocza7195 that's much easier said than done in so many situations. It's sort of like going to the doctor for pain when you lift your arm and they say "well just don't do that".

[@thed.a.4939]

Agreed. I'm the same way.

[@SolvingTheMoneyProblem]

The more I understand myself the simpler (not easier) things seem to get. Great friends help a lot. Meaningful relationships and people you can depend on make a HUGE difference. Working for myself has been a big help too. The freedom to work if/when I want really helps -- if I am getting burnt out I can ease up. If I have energy I can go flat out. Having a job was torturous for me. Money has definitely made things easier too. Money can solve a LOT of problems. I'm now fortunate enough to be able to pay people to do many of the things that drain my energy.

[@nancyneyedly4587]

How does one find these "great friends" and "meaningful relationships"?

[@T.T.M.60]

I totally agree!

[@coreycox2345]

@@nancyneyedly4587 It beats me. They come to you somehow. :)

[@Dezzyyx]

@@nancyneyedly4587 That should be a book title. From my own experience such connections are mostly luck.

[@lynncarter4964]

Tell people you have autism. That's how you get the right friends and partner.

[@Iwtchutube]

worst time of my life was at 10, 11, 12 years of age. I was mercilessly tormented by my “peers”. at almost 56, I still have not made peace with everything I went through.

[@senorbullflag7346]

@Besa65 I can relate. I was mercilessly bullied at school too for being “different.” How I talked, how I walked, how I dressed, it was relentless. It affected my whole life and still does even now in my 50’s. The best revenge is to live well. But if I could go back in time knowing what I know now I’d teach the cruel little b**tards a lesson while I had the chance. If I’d been expelled from school it would have been a blessing.

[@51elephantchang]

Me too such a vulnerable time for us.

[@renatemocza7195]

All this stuff from my youth from time to time still overcomes me and I have to go through this shit again and again. Try to avoid the triggers, but once into it , it takes me days to get to myself again.

[@51elephantchang]

@@renatemocza7195 It's like PTSD someone says something that takes you back to your dark terrible youth and retraumatises you for a while without them ever realising what they have done.

[@T.T.M.60]

Hope you can find peace!

[@renatemocza7195]

even only one friend can make a big difference

[@T.T.M.60]

My husband is my best friend and soooo supportive.

[@raven4090]

That's true.

[@sjzara]

I’m 60 and discovered that I’m autistic this year. Having the problems I have always had has become easier as I have got older for all the reasons you describe. Knowing that the are due to autism has been a huge relief.

[@Meszaroscanada]

Just figured it out myself at 61. Doesn’t make anything easier but I now know why I don’t know. I am retired preschool teacher specializing in working with autistic children. Had no clue!

[@51elephantchang]

@@Meszaroscanada Made things easier for me.Allowed me to be kinder to myself knowing I wasn't just a failure at life..

[@T.T.M.60]

Once I was diagnosed at the age of 60, I made so much more sense to myself. I still struggle, but now I know why.

[@velvetindigonight]

Snap.

[@Petertwohig1948]

Ditto at age 69. I'm now 73. It actually explains every second of my life, and every single inexplicable thing that has happened to me.

[@george26633]

I feel like it is harder every year.

[@imaginefaraway]

I agree and personally for me I don't think I will be able to cope for much longer

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

@corentinamv are you in therapy? Even if you’re not, is there someone you can talk to? My GP often does ad hoc counselling, for instance.

[@homebrandrules]

Have you tried just giving into it more?, maybe if you are fighting it, it might be what is making it feel harder? I hope you have some good ppl in yr life GOOD LUCK !

[@homebrandrules]

@@imaginefaraway do you have some supportive ppl? I hope you do, if not try to find fellow homo sapien sapiens aka homo sapiens squared aka apergers gifted ppl to interact and grow with. GOOD LUCK !

[@jimbodapimp4457]

I really wish everyone would watch this video. I try to explain my situation of having Asperger's to others from my husband to family members to co-workers, NO one gets it, or me. I get me but explaining this shit to others sucks. Thank you for your support. I sure need it right now.

[@watersfan]

It's frustrating, especially when information is instant these days, there's no excuse.

[@frankbliss2924]

My own mom gaslights me and tells me I'm normal and just being silly. No one understands no one cares. No job for years, lost my one support person I could get to make phone calls and travel with me, living in an rv now with no electricity water ect. But family worth millions. I don't know how long I can do this but I'm here until I'm not. I hate how they pretend to care and pretend to help but don't actually do a thing other than pretend. Sad life some of us have. Like your kids, my dog keeps me going. I know he needs me to take care of him and give him a good life.

[@ddhqj2023]

I'm surprised you even tried. I'm 67 and an self-diagnosed Asperger person. My husband and I are close, close, close and I can't bring myself to even talk about this and my old mum, well that's a non starter 100%. So I admire your courage to even try. Best of luck to you.

[@lisawanderess]

@@frankbliss2924 I'm in the same boat Frank. Sending hugs. The only ones that truly "get it" are others who share our experiences. 🤗

[@cyohe8643]

Tried to tell 2 of my closest friends & one said, no you're not & the other said, no you're just quirky. *sigh*

[@zsleepwalker]

74 y.o. here.With Aspergers, I find going to doctors for my physical ailments to be excruciating mentally. I have great difficulty speaking and communicating with them. Of course, just the appointment, telephone calls, all of the usual person to person interactions are compounded.

[@thankfullfortruth4964]

Over 80 now. Best time of my entire life. Knowing TRUTH sets me free. What is true for others is not true for me. In truth I am A-OK , free of other's competition, put downs, judgments, opinions etc. Kindly looking inside myself, with love. I've learned to love myself then loving others and understanding their blindness to who I am makes me confident in my ways, means, and choices. Thank you, Paul , for your intellect, teachings, candid honesty sent in love to enlighten us all💕

[@renatemocza7195]

Since I am retired and don´t have to cope anymore because of business, I feel very much relieved. I am taking care of myself and try to keep disturbances out as much as possible. Besides there are many interesting things I am into.

[@heedmydemands]

You sound very inspiring. I hope I have that positive of an attitude when I'm older

[@julialaynemcclain1562]

Yes - realizing others blindness and also having more compassion and openness that it is valid to be neurotypical and have (appallingly from my perspective) dull senses or be hard to understand when autistic people are so clear and easy for me to understand their points and enjoy their specificity and multiple threads in every idea. More acceptance for others on wherever they fall in the neuro bell curve as I begin to learn to accept myself. My ability to run adaptive patterns/mask takes more and more energy as I age and the sensory overload is much more intense and hard to manage. And the bliss of birdsong or other sensory input I enjoy is also much more intense. Every predicament seems to give us more opportunity for compassion and learning, for being a good steward of our spacesuit (body) and our turn on the planet. I may be burnt out right now too but it is helpful to understand that it may just be being 65 that is bringing that part to the fore and I need to get settled for dealing with myself.

[@alisonbrandt5901]

My own experience is that getting older has been swings and roundabouts - it was the increase in hypersensitivities that eventually pushed me towards a diagnosis (age 60). But by that age I also had the self-confidence to let people know when I was NOT OK in a situation. Knowing the reason I get "not OK" has been hugely helpful to my own peace of mind but I'm still looking for a world where electricity is silent and affordable clothing is made entirely of natural fibres!

[@johncartwright4041]

I no longer care what other people think at 72 years old and this has made life easier.

[@MasterAdam100]

I'm genuinely worried what I'm gonna do when my parents die one day. I'm scared.

[@lonewolf-vd9jj]

I went through that. Yes it will be hard but you will adjust. You will be able to remember them like they are still there. Make sure you get the practical aspects of your life worked out before you are alone in the world. Work, accommodation and social.

[@esieffer]

You should probably plan, if possible with them. It was very hard for me. I had a partner that made things easer. Helped me close down the house, make arrangements. I wouldn't stress TOO much if your parents are young. Now though is a good time to start putting money away. Write down plans. It is scary, but you will do it. You have come this far.

[@divergentmind2023]

lost one parent when i was seven and then other when i was thirty two... now 43... my spouse helps me a lot as well as my kids. all the best for you. you will be ok.

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

Once a person understands themselves; the whole world opens up .. 💫

[@Soothsayer_13]

I've been watching these videos for a couple of days now. Everything he says in all his videos are so relatable. Every one of them are relatable to a scary degree. I'm 25, and never would have guessed all my problems could be because I have autism. Everything is starting to make sence though this new lens. This is alot to think about, but its all hitting me at once. These last couple of days have been crazy.

[@RM-fs8ub]

Definitely my go to guy to understand my young adult at home.

[@Fortune090]

@@Soothsayer_13 Going through this exact thing right now.. I'm 29 (30 in a month, actually) and I wouldn't have ever thought autism would ever explain my entire life... I've started the process in getting an official diagnosis, but it's all still pretty overwhelming. I've had a few breakdowns just because of that. How is it now for you, a month later?

[@Soothsayer_13]

@@Fortune090 I've come to terms with it. It's still not easy, but I'm over the initial shock. Life goes on.

[@Soothsayer_13]

@@Fortune090 How you doing a month later?

[@nancyneyedly4587]

I find dealing with my kids school very difficult. When you have a kid in school you are essentially back in school yourself, life is on their schedule. And it's all so social, so many things you have to volunteer for or be present for. If you're ASD then your kid has ASD there is so much to juggle. So having kids can be a challenge. I agree with not putting up with the neuro-typicals as you get older, no time for that anymore.

[@aimeekova]

I completely relate. Since my eldest started school the endless emails and events is totally overwhelming.. I am less and less tolerant of NT people because I have less and less energy and time 😩

[@demelza32]

The school yard has been a toxic dustbin for me. Dropping my child off at primary school was like walking into a wall of bad energy every day. The NT/other mothers who stand at the school gates (the schoolyard mafia) gossiping and spreading lies on social media (that I stay well away from). All of the parents who were bullies play out their old role and so do the people that were bullied (as I was), an awful environment. The mothers pick who they want to be friends with out of the other mothers, then the kids just tag along with it and don't tend to get a choice, really messed up to me. So, hence I couldn't relate to any of this behaviour and it feels like my child has been overlooked in friendship groups because I didn't go along with their social norms. I would rather be on my own, than be surrounded by people undermining me and feeling unable to be my authentic self.

[@KosmicKitchen]

Same here, the amount of noise that schools produce is quite bad. My wife takes most of it for which I am grateful. Having kids at school does feel like being back in school yourself.

[@Swamp_Lad]

@@aimeekova yes exactly that and I wish I would have known what I know now when I was in school

[@divergentmind2023]

maybe homeschooling would be less stressful?

[@ziyu3886]

Man, your videos are probably one of the best things I have found on youtube. I don't have an official diagnosis yet, but it seems to me that I'm on the spectrum. The more I watch your videos, it feels like my whole life finally makes sense now. Thank you for everything that you are doing for this community.

[@isimonsez]

I have a friend who I’ve always suspected has Asperger’s and my suspicion has been further validated after having multiple friends I’ve introduced him to ask me if he was on the spectrum. He admits to BiPolar depression but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I’ve always wondered how’d he react to me suggesting he had ASD. Many people here with late diagnosis seem to have that “aha” moment when they connect the dots or get formally diagnosed

[@GranPoetix]

I'm not formally diagnosed, and not sure if I ever will (because it wouldn't necessarily improve my life), but I've been discovering lately that I'm likely on the spectrum. I've scored on the spectrum 3/3 times on the AQ, and autism runs in my family, so it wasn't a surprise to my wife and my auntie who I told (who is autistic with 2 kids on the spectrum) that I suspect I'm an Aspie. The benefit of me knowing this puts my life story into context, and everything just makes more sense now. Big thanks to Paul and some of his KZbin creator colleagues for helping me along this journey.

[@SillySallySarah]

Last month I started watching your videos, Paul along with YoSamdySam to better understand my adult daughter's recent realization that she is autistic. I was surprised to realize that I had a lot of the the tendencies and "quirks" that you and Sam described. I took an online test and tested positive for autism. What a relief! I have spent my whole life feeling weird and generally wrong about everything. I am honestly exhausted of masking for my husband, who is very social and outgoing. Telling him and my children what I discovered set me free and now I understand myself so much better and have a lot more forgiveness for myself. So I would say that life is now much easier than harder because I am learning about autism, I am not masking as much and being more of myself.

[@TheWhitePhoenix1]

learning that you have it and how it impacts on you makes a huge difference but beyond self analysis and understanding. I'd say there's also a lot of pain and hurt that goes along with that. You suddenly understand why you've been struggling but also that the world is counter intuitive to your needs and never will be set up with you in mind. You just have to learn to accept this awful truth and cope as best you can.

[@29sasha]

I was hugely grateful to find a cause for my "crazy" because I never felt crazy - everyone else thought I had a screw loose, but now I get why they thought I was crazy. Well, I am still not the common garden variety daisy. Happier though.

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

I agree. Reaching a sense of acceptance that I am different and that a lot of people will misunderstand or dislike me has helped me. I actually feel that it has been rather liberating. I can now give myself permission to just do my best in a world I am not well suited to and not freak out if I make a mistake or something doesn't go well. This means I actually try more and I find myself growing as a person.

[@TheWhitePhoenix1]

@@Mrs.Silversmith Its super easy for us to lean into giving up early and pinning difficult things on being autistic. I know many of us struggle to get a driving license and I myself was pretty late in getting mine. I now also have a licenses for a forklift and order picker. We can definitely achieve more than we sometimes give ourselves credit for and there is nothing that makes me feel more pride then when I achieve something that I didn't know I was capable of. Glad to hear you too are continuing to grow as a person and hope you too surprise yourself in a positive way every now and again.

[@chiaravischi]

@@Mrs.Silversmith Good Point.Personally most of my PAIN came from me wanted to be "like them", my STRUGGLE came from me trying to be "like the others" and FAILING over and over again...MY PAIN came from NOT UNDERSTANDING what was "wrong" with me . Now I know thats nothing wrong and as far as I'm concerned that's nothing else I need to know.from this point of view....AGE, DIAGNOSIS AND KNOWLEDGE are LIBERATING. Once you know some people cant and wont understand ....you just let them go.I hope I will stop "trying painfully harder" with all the people that clearly give me instant signs of not liking me and just pass on the next person.

[@stevenwillis548]

One thing that can definitely be challenging is the loss of one or both parents as we get older. After losing my father, I realized the time I had left with my mother was quickly ticking away. My mother and father were a stable anchor that helped me function and excel in the neurotypical world. After losing my mother, I found myself much less tolerant and agitated for a few months before being able to cope and move forward.

[@chele277]

I'm 57 and only got diagnosed just before Christmas and it took 25 years of battling for my son's diagnosis. I want the last 30 years back. I'm so much aware now of the level of discrimination we as a family have been through that I'm suing the NHS

[@fionascheibel977]

I find life much harder now because I live alone and so have to make decisions alone and solve problems alone and as an adult I am expected to be able to do "everything" But living alone means I can shield myself from the scary world to a certain exstent once I shut my front door and mute my phone.

[@thenewagegirl8580]

Thank you so much for this, and all of your videos! My son wasn't diagnosed properly until he was 14, and boy did we go through a lot together! Having a diagnosis allowed him to have an IEP (in America that stands for Individual Education Plan) which gave more flexibility. He had a slower processing speed so he was allowed to have extra time on tests. Noises were extremely distracting, so he was in classes with less kids, that kind of thing. I cannot stress how much having the IEP helped. However, we moved around that time and it was so stressful to him that he had depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, wanted to run away, etc. As a parent, it's terrifying and heartbreaking. Eventually he did high school online, so that may be easier for other kids out there struggling with school. As a parent, you just want to see your child grow up to be happy and successful in life! It's important for both parents to learn as much about Asbergers as possible to understand that what seems like defiance may be from lack of choices and learn to work with it. For instance, refusinh to put on his coat in the morning, even though it's freezing outside... Ok, you don't have to wear your coat, but lets take it along in case you change your mind. That worked and was much less stressful than fighting about it! Working with a therapist can help the whole family too!

[@mhallgren6210]

I found it to be a huge relief when realising what the "issue" was, before then I tried so hard to fix myself and adapt. Now, I feel a wonderful sense of freedom in knowing who I am and what I need to feel as good as possible. It's not going to be perfect, but that has to be ok.

[@graham3490]

I just realized I was autistic last year, I am 22 and didnt go to college, its like Im stuck in the hell of floundering in high school without being able to function in society yet. Im not sure what to do and it makes me feel like my life is over

[@justjust8953]

That’s exactly how I feel too! I went to community college but couldn’t finish due to difficulties engaging in class. It felt like I hadn’t progressed beyond high school. I’m 23 now and have moved on from the idea of general education but I want to encourage you to keep on looking for an area to specialize in, that’s my idea currently.

[@graham3490]

@@justjust8953 thank you, it helps just to know I’m not alone, especially when everyone else my age seems to have it all figured out. Schooling can be a cruel and punishing environment for a lot of neurodivergent people, but there is something out there for everyone. There are alternative resources for learning At your own pace. There is definitely something we can do, it’s just a matter of finding it. I hope you find your way too!

[@kimberlyb8774]

I am 55 yrs old and at 22 could not successfully maneuver college either. If I liked a class I did well. If I did not, I struggled and would shamefully accept a lower grade than I thought I was capable of or would drop the class entirely. I was ashamed that I couldn't just take classes and "do college correctly" like everyone else. Now it all makes sense, and what happened to me is a "normal" experience for a person with autism. Ultimately I wanted to be a college graduate so I adapted. Some semesters I only took one class, especially when it was one I didn't like. Some classes I enjoyed in person on campus. Some classes I took on-line.There were many factors that determined these decisions (what was happening in my life, etc) and eventually I got there. I stopped marking my success on a time-line created by others. I am now working on a graduate degree and a certification (in a totally different, but interesting areas) and who knows if I will finish either one, I honestly don't care I just want to learn the information. If you want to go to college, find something that interests you and discover more about it like I did. It is possible, if it is what you want. Just do it your way.

[@watersfan]

I didn't go either. Didn't know how, and couldn't deal with more school.

[@amberclinton7324]

Im very sorry to hear that. Pray to God to help you and for things to get better for you. God is as real as you and me. Don’t equate your self worth in terms of functioning in society. God sees only the heart. Still, I think things will get better for you. I hope they do.

[@brunoboaz7656]

Support from family and friends? What's that? LOL. I have had to go it alone for almost all my life. While I do agree with the vast majority of what you said, Paul, I have had to sometimes self-isolate for long periods of time when people and the world in general just got to be more than I could put up with. Overall, do I think that being on the spectrum in old age gets easier? No, I do not. Good video, Paul! Thank you!

[@er6730]

Could you make a video about how to keep social connections? My husband depends on me to keep him close to his family and friends (reminding him to drop in to visit his parents because he hates speaking on the phone, setting up "dates" with our children, asking him how so-and-so is doing to remind him to text and find out) and I'm really tired of it. It's not like I'm brimming with organizational skills - with ADHD, the reason why I am able to keep a close network around us is because I love people and am very aware that I need them, so I do what it takes to stay close. He also needs them, but isn't exactly aware of it. I think a video directed at people who have a support system, but are prone to let those connections die, would be so helpful!

[@elizabethblackwell6242]

Having a job is the most stressful part of my life. I struggle with the endless interaction with people. I find it draining and overwhleming.

[@YaNoSeNiQuienSoy]

Another kind of job?

[@sandrag.7861]

Hello Paul, you're like sent from above. We're a whole family in the spectrum with different challenges and abilities. Your videos are incredibly easy to watch, filled with great info and so we love to watch them and nod to ourselves and eachother - Thank you so much for your work!

[@mparker6823]

Thank you so much, Paul, for your continued hard work in putting out these videos. It's been a huge help in my recent diagnosis discovery. I also had a really bad meltdown day yesterday like I hadn't had in quite some time, and had a moment in which I honestly wondered if living in a neuro-typical world was worth truly worth it; could I ever be happy? But today, after some sleep and head space, your video really helped me look positivity to the future in the fact that knowing what to expect helps make everything easier.

[@heedmydemands]

I hope that things don't seem that dark to you very much. If you are having thoughts of suicide you should try to do things that will make you more satisfied with your life. I started going to a yoga class and got in touch with mental health services to try to help for myself

[@aroguereptilian]

I feel the older ive gotten the more I love/accept my authentic self. An unexpected side effect is that im not eager for everyones approval like i was thru my mid 20s, so masking is more exhausting/annoying than ever. I have less social anxiety but I worry sometimes that ppl think i dont like them if i dont have the energy/desire to put on the show.

[@heedmydemands]

Yes I worry about this too. I have realized sometimes that people don't think I like them when I do. I wish there was some way for me to just tell everyone around me that I do like them, because there's barely ever been a time when I ran across anybody I didn't like

[@aroguereptilian]

@@heedmydemands exactly. Ive been way more open about having aspergers, & depression & its help ppl understand & accept me alot more.

[@heedmydemands]

@@aroguereptilian I do not have a clinical diagnosis, just kind of self diagnosed at this point so I'm too unsure to tell people. I am pretty sure I'm autistic but I'm still learning more about it and double checking and trying to gain the confidence to tell people. My husband doesn't believe me which really sucks

[@aroguereptilian]

@@heedmydemands ive ran into that reaction too, usually if ppl are uncomfortable or feel the need to assure u that u dont seem on the spectrum. I think the goal is simply to be understood by ppl, so ive been working on being super authentic & open about how i feel.

[@heedmydemands]

@@aroguereptilian yeah it's all quite new to me still. Like just today I'm realizing that maybe I'm not okay being in a job where I constantly deal with the public because it's hard to keep the smile pasted on my face for that long

[@51elephantchang]

For me yes but that might just be not having to work and all that involves after retiring (the happiest day of my life).

[@29sasha]

I so agree. I am finally peaceful and I apparently like knitting. Who knew?

[@maryannscott5567]

Yes, being retired made healing possible. Employment/working for and with others was always my greatest stressor.

[@stefan1024]

Very carefully considered video, thank you! I love how you integrated the responses you got on social media into each point. People with autism can tend to a "black and white" way of thinking (I know that I often do without realizing) and the plurality in this video really helped me to see a more nuanced picture of the situation.

[@annettehackett7942]

I said a big 'yes' to all the good, the bad, and the suggestions. I'm now 58, late diagnosis, female - I will keep working until I drop, as it gives me so much. I don't quite know how I'd get through a day without it. Even holidays make me nervous. Thanks for putting this together.

[@29sasha]

I am 70. I only confirmed my autism last year. And I think old age makes being a bit daft more acceptable. My dyslexia is worse. Or I haven't got the presence to pretend or cover it up anymore.

[@BullScrapPracEff]

I'm also dyslexic (diagnosed as a toddler) and recently sort of diagnosed with autism. This seems to be a pretty common comorbidiry. Makes me wonder if there's a mutual cause...

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

@BullScrapPracEff there is a correlation, as both are considered forms of neurodiversity.

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

I’m 56 and don’t care so much now if people think I’m crazy. There are whole bodies of work on how masking (something everyone does to some extent) affects how you’re perceived by others. They pick up subconsciously that you’re not being authentic, so are less inclined to trust you. I don’t have a huge circle of friends but get along better now, because I’m more my authentic self.

[@BullScrapPracEff]

@@marmadukescarlet7791 Yeah I was more speculating on relation. Correlation is not causation and all. 😉

[@MaximilianBerkmann]

@@BullScrapPracEff It must just be a correlation I think. ACC on the other hand is more of a cause.

[@Celestein]

Understanding what my condition was was a great emotional relief. But aging is definitely making the physical/cognitive aspects more challenging. In my case, sensory issues and executive function are getting worse. I have to make choices and priorities I didn't have to before because my energy and resources are more limited and there is no way around it.

[@brianpederson2225]

Thanks to the whole community for the input!

[@blackbird365]

Absolute bullseye on every single point! I feel validated & less alone to discover that so many others share my ageing experience with being 'different' , 'intense', 'too intellectual / analytical', hypersensitive & generally weird. It matters much less now I am retired & don't care what people think. Also, I have become much more confident in showing my empathy, affection etc to friends & even to random people I meet in my village. :)

[@AndyPanda9]

I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Whenever I listen to you it's always such a joy to know that someone else experiences these things and to hear your encouraging words and suggestions. You have such a talent for explaining these feelings and experiences.

[@rubybrambleburr1629]

No. It is harder, in my experience. Having the knowledge now helps (I was diagnosed late), but dealing with communication breakdowns and sensory overwhelm just gets more difficult as I get older

[@ridindirty1301]

For me it's gotten worse with age but now that i finally know why I am different , its easier because I am learning how to manage it. I make lists, I use a time organiser, I am more patient with people, I break down a large task into steps so it's not over whelming. And I watch videos like yours which really helps.

[@SuperLotus]

It's hard to say b/c I've also had a chronic illness for my entire adult life which has made me more sensitive to certain stimuli. I also have unresolved trauma so it's hard to untangle what's from autism and what's from other things. I was also making some progress socially during my late teens, but now have been completely isolated for 10-15 years and even socializing online I find too exhausting. I guess part of it also is that online socializing is unfulfilling and possibly stressful - otherwise it might be worth the energy.

[@Dezzyyx]

I feel the same. Had a time in my early twenties when things made a lot of progress socially, and then now late early thirties almost total isolation. And yes I quickly just get tired from online socializing, like it taps me but gives me so little, so I end up just saying what's the point eventually.

[@DavidSmith-mt7tb]

I totally agree. I'm 34 and junior high and early high school was very difficult but then I found my footing. I enjoyed and was good at College. I escaped diagnosis as a kid because it wasn't widely known for a few more years. So I just saw myself as a bit different and a late bloomer and thought I'd arrived. But in my late 20s I hit that wall of people not cutting me any slack and my difficulties finding employment was an issue. After 30 I discovered autism and have realized how I've always had some sensory issues but they have started getting worse. Wish I had a significant other to help out but now it's like how do you meet people, especially with decreasing tolerance for atypical behavior among my peers.

[@Dezzyyx]

Line for line my story, interesting

[@autumn3499]

Life was so much easier when I was younger. The simplicity, the easy responsibilities, the really only worrying about such minor things. The wear and tear of the last decade especially, has made everything so much harder. The cumulative stress. The losses and life experiences that I was blissfully ignorant of when young. The decades of coping. I think of what I could do in my 20’s and I’m flabbergasted, i would have no possible hope of coping now as I did then. Tasks I “didn’t like” then are now a big hurdle to try to do at all. I may understand myself a lot more now, and certainly understanding I’m autistic was “freeing” to finally make sense of my life, and who I am, and give myself patience and understanding instead of frustration and ridicule. But life is definitely so much harder.

[@matthewking8806]

Thanks for sharing this important video. I turned 65 in June & recently found your videos on autism. Knowing that I'm autistic has helped me to understand me. I understand now why certain events in my life from years past happened the way they did. I'm not as hard on myself nor as depressed as I once was. It's also great to know that I'm part of a similar community that understands me. I live alone, but now I know that I'm not alone. Things are looking up for this Senior Boomer. Thank you again.

[@MNkno]

"Do I really have to go shopping for clothes again? I have to do it AGAIN?" So resonant!! In my case, I remember I did that in 2011 and 2016.. but my 'reminder' has been... my clothes clothes from before 1997 are falling apart, beyond the power of mending to extend their usefulness. And fortunately or unfortunately, I think I'm going to test the tolerance of the people around me with what I am going to choose to wear... as I have accumulated fabrics I love, but aren't part of what is seen in the stores... it may be good or it may be bad, but hey! I left "planning for old age" up to the spouse and that ended badly, as they say, so I'm just going to have to 'wing it'..

[@OliverBatchelor]

I seem to rely more on my partner all the time for this, clothes shopping is torture but if she just picks a few things out it's not so bad.

[@gingerredshoes]

Testing people's tolerance with what I choose to wear has been a major theme in my life!

[@Maria-up2yv]

I have just recently found your channel, I think its amazing. You are so good at doing this.

[@thenobleone-3384]

I didn't start learning about Aspergers and ADHD until I finished High School. And I'm still learning how to improve in public settings or being around a lot of people.

[@fadista7063]

Meeting others on the spectrum has made it easier. When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s there really wasn't any widespread understanding and help. Now I am meeting people of all ages on the spectrum and it is like finding treasure you've been digging for in many places for the longest time. I am so glad there are channels like yours out there, I share it with a coworker who is exploring this diagnosis.

[@rickcreighton9714]

Yep. I've changed. I have learned to accept myself with Autism. All my avocations and awareness of what it really is, and what I have faced and went through. I studied philosophy, psychology and abnormal psychology and know human nature including even me. None of us are perfect. Nothing is, not even nature. The one thing, (could be more, up to the individual), is isolation. One other thing is I feel negative towards people at times because of finally knowing how they will react. It seems they all have the same response and or reaction. It can get insipid being SMART.

[@Dezzyyx]

Primary school was the worst for me, I was very fragile, sensitive and had issues to manage my anger, also neglect at home. I was always the odd one out. My mask was being the clown, acting funny and being silly, in some attempt to fit in and be liked. It got me attention but not connection, I had one friend who was also an outcast. High school wasn't great, but more of a depression thing, a lot of absence and so on. At that point I actually had a friend group, even if they too would make fun of me as I was the goofy one. I was more indifferent then, my sensitivity had been numbed through tough childhood years. I skipped school, and when there I mostly slept at my desk, said clever shit as a an attempt to be rebellious to teachers (my way of acting out my pain) and get attention from other peers. Maybe not a common role for one of us to take, I was always a fighter, even though I was sensitive as a leaf. 20s started to get therapy, meds, social training and network, work practice, and things were looking up. Mid 20s crashed from pushing too far beyond my limits for too long. Late twenties got diagnosed, more support and understanding of the real me and my needs (for a brief time), it caused me to feel more comfortable and start easing up, heeding my limitations, withdrawing more, eventually feeling like a victim in my own and other people's eyes, the strong guy who pushed through anything seemed like another life and I couldn't regrasp it. Like others have said, I couldn't keep up the act anymore once I knew the truth, which have been for better and for worse. Now early 30s I'm at like a crossroads, I realize I need to find a middle-way between the life where I pushed and achieved, and the life of the "Autistic". Unfortunately I'm more alone than ever, and more tired than ever. Life is very unclear at this point, well my ideas are clear but how it's gonna play out I don't know, it's a fine line to make this work. Something about finding all the pieces of the puzzle, being Autistic and all, gives you a realization of just how uncompatible you are with the world, and other people, and how you are supposed to make your way in the world you always struggled in, with these barriers, and only you knowing the truths of your reality and that no one will probably ever really know, and therefor a lot of the way forward is on you. Always been a fighter, so I'm not scared or complaining having to work for it, but like I said I don't have too much left in me, and knowing what I know now, and been on my own, I don't know how this is all gonna work out realistically. It's gonna be interesting....

[@annettefehr3485]

The hardest period for me was childbirth and young children years, firstly because of physical hypersensitivity makes it really, really painful to give birth plus the blaring bright lights for hours makes it hellish. Afterwards, taking care of newborns and young children throws off the routine and I think extreme tiredness also accentuates all the problems associated with autism. I didn't have time or energy to take care of myself and nobody seemed to notice in a benevolent that I was struggling and I found it really hard to communicate my needs in any comprehensible way for many years. Teenage years takes 2nd place for hellishness.

[@galespressos]

Thank you so much. I had awful things happen with a messed up family situation with a step parent (slightly narcissistic and seems to have some attention deficit issues, not autistic spectrum which would be me). I never gave up and kept trying to plan and work things out, and to get help as I had a couple cancers and other issues. Step parent made everyone think I was out partying and gala anting around frivolously when I was ill and stuck overseas. I lost my mother to a care home as I could not get anyone to help me get back or communicate the challenges. Five years of trying to get help, and was hacked as well so communication got even worse. Step parent didn’t get it that I was very serious in all that I said and meant it. I didn’t get it that step parent was being sarcastic or all the weird hints. I tried to be patient as I’d been taught and didn’t react emotionally…but because of that it was misinterpreted as all was fine and I could manage to get home, and the rumour was spread I didn’t want to (which was the opposite). All kinds of nasty and frivolous motives attributed to me, all untrue and completely contrary to m6 personality. Now it is too late. Everything is lost. I exploded after twenty years of being stalled with nasty misinterpretations of motives being spread by step parent also to my father, and the last five in particular were horrors. Was okay when young. It wasn’t an interference on life too much so it was not a disorder, but now I cannot manage and handle illogical relatives or correct wrong interpretations. I got stuck overseas with heavy illness, hospitalisations, criminal targeting, mail trouble, etc, and I asked to be let to stay home and to get help, which had been offered and I thought we were doing before I got I’ll and all these things happened. This would be very hard for a normal and healthy person. So step mom decided I wasn’t coming home to get restarted, although I had changed my life to meet their plan, literally changed my life to meet the stepmother’s schedule. She keeps changing it then said I didn’t want to come. Then all the family said I was an uncaring person and it served me right to loose my mother to a home. I had told people for years mother needed help and was trying to help her and get help, but was completely ignored. Then mail was hacked it seems. Relatives blamed me and said I ignored mail when they were the ones who had not answered me (apparently but more likely due to a hacker). It had been so rough I have had to consider being responsible by taking care of myself in the ultimate way. I want to see my mother and say goodbye at least even if I cannot be there. It has been very insane that diligence, steadiness, care, persistent! waiting and trying to accommodate, not thinking bad things about others when mail wasn’t returned…until finally now after years I find that I’ve been accused and have been interpreted as frivolousness and uncaring when it is the opposite. Beyond challenging here.

[@jay6562]

This was very comforting. At 51 with a large family, I've been feeling absolutely overwhelmed! It seems like everything is harder than it used to be and I often feel like giving up. This really helps to reaffirm that I'm not crazy and that I'm really having a different experience than most people through no fault of my own. I think that because of these video's that I'm starting to forgive myself and be OK with who I am. I just hope that my wife will be ok with it. I think she's been trying to change me our whole marriage and building up mounds of evidence that I don't care about her which is not true. As it get's worse with age, she's seeing more and more evidence and is more fed up with me than ever.

[@misspinkpunkykat]

Since I have a say in things as an adult and can choose to remove myself from situations I feel uncomfortable with, I'd say yes. If I'm being harassed by my boss or professor as an adult, I can report them and I don't have to stay there. As a child, if I'm being bullied by my teacher, I can't do anything about it. As an adult, I finally have a say. You could not pay me to be a child or teenager ever again.

[@justjordan3563]

Just got diagnosed with adhd and high functioning autism (I'm 20). I feel really overwhelmed with all the information I'm learning but I'm hopeful knowing that there are a lot of resources out there

[@nickname2935]

My experience on support is very different. For me support has increased over time. When I was a kid, I was expected to behave normal. Period. The more I could choose my environment and the more I learned to express my special needs (be it in privat or on the job), the more I got supported and accomodated. Now that I am 32, even my parents suddenly bother to give me a detailed plan for the days of my visit at home and ask my opinion on it. Simply because they learned to understand.

[@K1NKYG4M3R]

I am 40 and only in the past month have I realised I may be autistic. I have had a conversation with my doctor who has referred me to the autism diagnosis service where I live. My initial assessment indicates that further diagnosis is required (ie, I showed aspie traits in the first assessment). I have been doing a lot of reading about autism, and have been watching a lot of Paul's videos. Suddenly, everything makes sense. I make sense to me now. At the same time, it has opened floodgates to childhood experiences that I didn't realise had the impact they did on forcing me to mask and "fit in".

[@patriciastewart2537]

Yes! I choose to live alone. No forced, overwhelming "How are you" s from roommates to heal from all day long.

[@peterthomasdalton1180]

Unlike Paul, I had support at neither high school, nor at university. I have learnt a lot about myself through self-discovery.I am 54, and am not given a work opportunity because I am ethical, super efficient and socially “smart” (I stay clear of the vices).

[@justjust8953]

The business world is highly unethical, it’s repugnant to those of us with a moral compass!

[@michaelbathurst7871]

It’s harder for me, awareness of my behaviour and thoughts are overwhelming

[@goodbyekitty4437]

I was recently told by my therapist that I am possibly autistic, though I haven't officially been diagnosed (deciding on whether or not I want to do so). I am 40 and will say some things have gotten better, while other things have gotten worse. I have gotten better at socializing in some ways. Other people have told me that I am too quiet. I rarely talked when I was younger, but that has gotten a little easier, sorta. I don't really enjoy it, but do it anyway to seem "normal." I have gotten less tolerant of other people as I've gotten older and just prefer to be alone. Sensory issues have definitely gotten worse for me, which nearly led me to meltdowns at work.

[@markulous08]

I've got my ASD assessment coming up in a couple of weeks, but I'll say for me it definitely gets harder also. I don't have the energy I did in my 20s so when I have to deal with sensory issues, work, crowds (sometimes), and just every day responsibilities, it absolutely drains me and it's hard to do much. My partner has to tell me when to get clothes too, or handle bills, or coordinate events, etc. I wish I could do more but even simple things like call a repairman or read a book, can be very challenging. Now days, unless I can make it a routine, it's pretty difficult to do.

[@BierdopjeNL]

I'm 27 now, and in many stages of my life I struggled. I finished highschool, tried a study.. failed in the 3rd year because of a bad internship.. worked for 2 years doing low wage jobs, got a gf.. after 2 years we went to live together, but after 3 months she cheated on me with a guy from work (me and my ex-gf both worked at the same company but different functions/places). Fell into a depression after that, work was an awful place to go to, because I would see my ex and her new guy. After a while I just resigned from the job, took another job while still depressed. Also lost that job.. applied for unemployement benefits but the money came late so I was already in debt.. had to be in a program where I'd pay my debts in 3 years. They payed my bills and I received 50-60 euros a week to live of.. I'm still on benefits and applying for jobs, but with only a highschool diploma I'm getting nowhere it seems... I basicly volunteer 24hrs a week now at a pc refurbish place to keep my benefits.. I also have scoliosis so I cant do very physical jobs and my autism makes me unable to handle a lot of stress. When I was young I would never think my future would be this bleak.

[@leetunmore3408]

The quotes from minute 2:03 onward I totally resonate with. To know and understand why you have felt this way from early childhood are incredibly reassuring. I feel totally at peace with my weirdness now, a special mention to Paul, and also YoSamitySam for their take on autism... Wonderful!

[@zezezep]

Thanks

[@delphinebez3045]

56 here... going through the realisation process will suddenly make you aware of all you've been through in life. Realise how much burn out you're piling up because you're so intense in everything. So yes, tolerance can be a problem, because you're finally conscious of your limits. Sensory overload is something I'm really owning right now, as I state my breaking point very clearly, like noise around me at work, or leave a social situation where steam may build up. With myself, I also get a much better sense of my need to pause something when I'm getting extreme. Not easy, but working on it. With others, I'm trying hard not be "too much" anything if I feel any discomfort in them. Some people connect better, and actually like how intensely passionate I am, so not all interactions are difficult. Only now I can observe better and be conscious of how it goes.

[@SomeGuy97669]

Highschool was too stressful. I dropped out at 16 and got a GED.

[@Joseph__777]

What’s a GED?

[@SomeGuy97669]

@@Joseph__777 General Education Degree, in america it can replace a highschool diploma, without one or the other no one will give you a job.

[@ak5659]

Many NT's drop out and get GED's as well. I'm just pointing that out so you know there's nothing weird about it.

[@SomeGuy97669]

@@ak5659 Met plenty while I was going through the courses, most had some form divergence like ADHD etc

[@andreeadobre3190]

I'm only 30 (diagnosed at 25) but for me it did somewhat get easier so far. It's pretty mild in my case, though. It's one of my special interests to learn how to human and the more I practice the better I get at it. Not to mask, just as means to get what I want in life (and I really enjoy the challenge & to see I'm making progress). I also figured out a lot of systems and procedures to deal with everyday things I struggle with (doing chores, paying bills on time, sensory overload etc.). I'm sooo lucky that budgeting is something I really enjoy. And generally I just blurt it out early on to people that I'm autistic so they are not surprised & reject me later. I agree with that quote from someone saying the older they get the less they care what other people think. But then again I'm a filmmaker, it's somewhat more acceptable in my field to be "weird". The really huge thing for me was medication. My brain basically learned suffering is default from all the confusion, depression, anxiety of early life, and there's no way I could have a functional life now without my ssri. Living alone is huge too, no matter how hard things get I always have my refuge at home where everything is just how I want it. What does get harder is that I'm much more strict with my needs & limits and have a lot less patience or openness to get out of my comfort zone, just like you mention in the video about less tolerance for nt life.

[@bakakafka4428]

From this and comments below, I think it differs quite a lot per person and their personal circumstances. Those born in more privileged circumstances will have a lot easier of a time than those in less fortunate circumstances and this lasts through their life, getting worse as they get older. The country you're born in / living in makes a huge difference as well - how well are people who are different treated and accepted or are they hated and discriminated. Maybe do a video about that as well. Where I live, the consensus among specialists who do aspergers diagnosis, especially for late diagnosis is to tell their patients 'don't tell anyone'. And it's good advice, for this place at least. Go 50 miles north across the border, and it's just the opposite.

[@theplacewhereithappens4976]

Good job. Tough subject with no "right answers". Your shirt says as much as your words - our community is overflowing with creative and industrious thinkers (be that by birth or design, who knows, and it doesn't really matter). Using our ability to innately "think outside the box" can be the swiss army knife of the autistic tool box, if we choose to actually use it. xo

[@rebeccaelle135]

❤️more on this! Often aging ( as in professional retired seniors!) hides or asorbs spectrum characteristcs to those around us …. Discussion there.

[@EB-yj3gl]

I join the "no" choir! At 55, I seem to suffer from more and more sensory problems:( Noise and aggressive ads are killing me.

[@mikefromuniontown3809]

yep gen x one here also 1965. ads i have to mute.

[@gillianr-w8720]

I am 65 and due for diagnosis next month. At the moment it is neither harder or easier just different.

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

Great video! The part about adult sized consequences resonates with me. Around 2011 I had a major crisis, and it was my screw up. The part about needing help with doctors appointments, etc. that one does get me. And outside of a few people, I’m not great at returning calls, but really strong at budgets, paying bills, coming up with creative financial solutions to keep my debt low, etc.

[@paulocl2]

Short answer: it does. I haven’t had any support when I was young so I didn’t lose anything when I got older.

[@bakkerem1967]

LOLed at the 'relying on my wife for 'tiny little everyday things'.Sooo recognizeable.... Hated myself for that everytime I seemed to 'slip up' or 'forgot' (and still do). Perhaps some more peace of mind on that is just around to corner.. Thanks Paul !

[@DevonExplorer]

On one hand things are better because I know who I am and why, plus I no longer have the shame I once felt and don't feel I have to cover up my quirks. I'm also a lot more happier since I retired and have been able to pursue my own interests without worry. On the other hand, I'm totally burnt out and just don't have the energy to get through the day. Happily, I can now allow myself to take a cuppa to bed mid afternoon, read for an hour or so then sleep for a couple of hours. I'm coping with a lot less too and need a humungous amount of time alone. And, at one time I had lots of coping strategies for my discalculia, but digitisation and the complete use of the metric system has made navigating through both a complete nightmare. The idea of being prompted to buy clothes made me laugh as I have great difficulty buying clothes too. It takes me a long time to find something I like, in a style which suits me and is comfortable. When I do find them I buy several of the same item because quickly changing fashions mean that they aren't available for long. I have 4 of the same fitted black jumpers, 2 of the same black jeans and 3 of the same navy capris plus about 8 of the same thin long-sleeved tops, some in black and some in navy...and I've been wearing all these for several years!

[@stargazer7256]

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

[@gavinwestern4619]

At 58 i can confirm personally that it does get worse as you get older

[@lynncohen1297]

Your insights and ability to clearly communicate are so helpful!

[@cameronmast1091]

I just realized a couple weeks ago that I relate SO much to ASD. And listening to this… I certainly have pleasant/happy memories from my childhood, but I don’t miss my childhood… I don’t look back and say “I wish I could relive those days,” cuz like… kids are the worst. I was never bullied, but I certainly never felt like I fit in. I felt like I didn’t understand how to fit in, so I’d just tell myself I didn’t care

[@cameronmast1091]

Oooooh I’ve also found myself in recent years not having as much patience. Certainly less than 5-6 years ago. I didn’t quite understand what was happening to me that I didn’t want to help others and tolerate things… that I knew honestly didn’t matter, but bothered me a lot

[@MissBanana01]

I just discovered your videos and I’ve already learned a lot. I have a wonderful 13 year old step daughter on the spectrum who I want to see succeed in her life and know she needs support. Thank you for being clear direct open and honest with your first person narrative but also adding in larger community feedback. I am looking for resources to find a local teen community for her to find others like her and programs for social life that would suit her needs. If you have information like that, I would love to be pointed in the right direction! Thank you!

[@JuliathePCGPinSW16]

I feel the diagnosis has given me feel that I am worthy of asking for adjustments in my environment or the way people interact with me. Having an anxiety disorder wasn't enough !

[@kayjay-kreations]

I’ll share.. I am newly self diagnosed autistic….waiting for an appointment for diagnosis.I am 58 female and live alone and only realised this fact in the last few weeks( I am not sure how the penny dropped with something I saw or read)…… I am amazed after years of therapy for depression or mood disorder or relationship breakdowns and what not …no one thought “hey maybe she is neurodivergent!…..” I had to work this out myself…….geeze. Life has always felt harder for me than others ,I don’t adult well. Yet I have done ok. A breakup and then covid had me wearing a mask literally and able to drop the other mask. no one can see a smile now so why bother and all I was repressing emerged. Looking at my neurotypical work colleagues had me feeling dumb and different and like they had to adjust their way of talking to me . I misunderstand a lot and I was thinking they were and then I get frustrated and feel stupid.so hard. Is it harder well not now that I KNOW it’s a relief a reason an understanding …now the different navigation through the rest of my life knowing this about myself….look out world here I come.

[@deboraron2794]

Thank you I always look forward to your videos. I find your voice soothing. I do find that getting to know myself better and accepting myself is making my life easier. I wish I knew earlier.

[@murielbilly4296]

I'm 53 and I realized things getting worse. I was worried because I truly believe I would be easier. In one way, it is, I have learned some skills that makes communication easier, like : don't interrupt people, don't talk too quickly, don't tell so much details they get bored, don't ask or tell about too private things... I get used to it even though I have to keep that in mind during a conversation. But at some point I was wondering if I was regressing. I have a lot of meltdowns, shutdowns and long periods of autistic burn out. It scared me. Thanks to the videos and comments I saw it wasn't just me. It 's not regression. I was masking for such a long time that it drained me. The battle became too hard and too long. Whatever I do, I can' t understand people, life still looks like chaos, I have to do everything on my own because my social environment is poor. Sometimes I 'm so tired and bored for masking, I think we'll what' s the point, I stim when I need,... In a way, I stop trying to act normal, I did it for too long, now, let's people adapt to myself, I don't care anymore. My biggest fear is, due to a chronic illness Ehlers-Danlos Syndrom, I need help, physiotherapy, nurse, someone for the house, groceries... It's difficult. And I know my condition will get worse, I will have to leave home for a nursing home and I know I won't be able to live in community..

[@Yipper64]

7:18 I feel like I had that a lot earlier than most. Middle school. I think its because of my extremely supportive and loving family.

[@kimwhiteker2686]

I am 58 years old and just in the last few years I have found that I am autistic. I'm actually going to get an official diagnosis. I have completely struggled with this ALL my life. With special ed class in school and major struggles with working. I feel so sad that it's taken me this long to figure out what's wrong with me. I so want a label. It's so hard to be me. I have so many struggles and hard things that I go through on a daily basis, that this makes sense to me. I have to push myself to speak and even type this out. Life for ME is hard.

[@jyotivyas9286]

Adult Sized Consequences,,eg no home,job..Less or under. Less Energy to tolerate the Neurotypical World👍 What can help.?👌👍 Supportive Friends n Family, Having A Job 👍😊 Self Knowledge and A Good Environment. 😊 Thank you Paul jee. Great Tips For Me to Uplift myself 🎉

[@emmaduffy3338]

OMG! Tolerance level is soooo low now. I’m 40. I love these videos. I’m undiagnosed but am 90% sure. So relatable.

[@jerotoro2021]

Four five three. Realizing my ASD made me realize it was okay to not mask. Which drastically increased the effects of the burnout I was experiencing at the time. "I've stopped trying to conform to social norms" that person says. Does that decision really help you in life though? I've focussed the majority of my energies to learning social norms and conforming to them. This has been a project since long before I realized I was autistic, long before I knew WHY it needed to be such a project. Why would abandoning all that be beneficial at all? I don't understand this line of thought. (As adults) "More control over our environment". For me this is a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because I can withdraw and seclude myself anytime I want, sparing myself from the stresses of social interaction. A curse, because I tend to seclude myself and withdraw, destroying my social connections and the arena that provided the social experience I needed to function in life. "We receive less support". I was 32 when I learned the details of autism and started to suspect my autism, and 33 when I was officially diagnosed. 34 now. I have never known support for this. My family receives the news with hesitant confusion, but basically carries on as usual. No doctor is willing to provide help regarding management. The assumption is, "well, you've got this far on your own without knowing, you should be good to just keep doing what you're doing."

[@Dezzyyx]

This. I'm 33 soon and I feel like I missed the boat for support

[@AnastasiaHorngold]

Both harder and easier. I'm in my mid 60s and have just figured out the autism. Things are harder in that I'm seeing reality more clearly, understanding myself, seeing that many obstacles are simply not going to go away and that I have to figure out how to get through the next X decades. Easier in that I feel much more ok about saying no to social activities, I am less apologetic about myself, I can speak up for my needs, and I can look back at my life so far and understand so much more about what happened. I feel easier about things that I've always seen as failures; I don't blame my "weakness" or "lack of discipline" or other self criticisms that have haunted me. It's a great relief to see my puzzle pieces fitting together. It also makes me weep for all the difficulties that I couldn't understand at the time.

[@GrahamGroovyUK]

I find noise is a big issue the older I get. This can be anything from banging doors, Loud music, Excessive vocal noise such as conversations on mobile phones through to rowdy laughter in the pub or in a restaurant, Revving of motorcycles and cars, Barking dogs et al. Sorting out repairs to the house or car are always put off. Any kind of appointment making and it leaves me anxious. Replying to letters, Texts or emails regardless of how small seem to take up an eternity of energy. One thing that I really, really struggle with it leaving something that isn't finished. I feel like I am being forced to even go on a lunch break. Often at work I am quiet and mostly socially awkward. New faces are a nightmare. That has definitely got worse as I have got older. Can't deal with being late or leaving something to the last minute eg catching a train or bus.

[@FiveBlackFootedFerrets]

Noise drives me nuts! I have custom form fitting ear plugs that I wear every night just to sleep. I also have tinnitus. I'm a 67 year old Vietnam vet who only found out about a month ago after taking a test online that I am clearly on the spectrum. The silver lining though is that I am at the Asperger's end. My life seemed like a never-ending train wreck. At least now I have an explanation. I haven't worked since I was 41. I sued my former employer and haven't worked a a day since. I became a millionaire overnight. At least that solved my money problems. I also tend to get migraines with bright lights and too much noise, so early in the morning I'm moving around indoors with sunglasses on and wearing earplugs. It works for me. I wish you the best! I feel like America has become a failed state so I don't expect much anymore.

[@mitterben]

I was abused by my parents quite a bit until I was 14. I used to track the physical abuse and it was rare to have a day where I wasn't beaten and berated. Then the incessant bullying. I had an entire class, the 6th grade, corner me and beat me when I was in the 4th grade. Kids were constantly physically attacking me. Then there was my older brother who sometimes partook in the bullying. I've limited my social interaction to that which is necessary. My wife and I have, for the most part, come to understandings and acceptance of each other. My 2 girls love me. I have kitties that love me. My job is more complimentary to my strengths. Now, as I turn 50 later this month, I realize, thanks to your video, that being autistic among "typical" people is much easier. I should mention that I was diagnosed just last year. I just wanted to give a different perspective.

[@marlaadamson1633]

Thank you for sharing your story. I ache for your young self. I taught 30 years before burnout and diagnosis. I tried my very best within the confines of employment. I want you to know how much I loved my dad, and his two kitties. You are breaking the cycle. And your kids will break it farther. Edit: maybe ambiguous tone? Too weird...? I mean to imply that I turned out great because, like you, my dad decided to step aside from his past, do a job that he liked and have cats. Whether or not he was super stoked at the idea of father hood or not, he made a helluva good dad to me.

[@SwornInvictus]

The video was pretty spot on for me. Awesome childhood until about 7. Once school began, my life became absolutely miserable and I didn't even want to be alive most of the time. I'm traumatized from still. From 18-25 I struggled with work due to constant burnouts and other factors. I could barely function half the time. At 28 and after diagnosis, things have slowly began getting better. More autonomy and forgiveness of self. More understanding of why I can't do certsin things how I'd like to. At this trajectory, I think my 30s will be my best decade yet.

[@bthelight4444]

For me life felt like it was getting harder despite the fact that it looked like it was easier. I'm near and the kids are grown and out. Its just me and my dog and suddenly I realized that I shut down everything in my life besides working and taking care of daily living. I feel exhausted by living. After a year of being told this was a normal mid life crisis I found these videos and I'm still not sure how to process it, But I resonate with allll the things. And I'm grieving a lot and feeling relieved atthe same time

[@tobyisaracoon]

As someone who is 19 and only now getting disagnosed I would say it has gotten harder for me as of currently. This is because I have become much more aware of my hypersensitivies and the stress that comes with them. I now have meltdowns more often and become very upset by little things. I think this is do with again, awareness of why they happen and the causes. I'm now on medication so they are slowly calming down and becoming less frequent. I also notice how often I misunderstand others and situations a lot more often. This causes me to put myself down more and feel like a outsider. Hopefully this will improve as I get more help and therapy, but for now it is very exhausting.

[@noggin48]

You are doing a great service to others, I agree with you, that the individual must be kind to themselves first, always try to calm the intensity a little, as that is the Aspies most obvious mindset, first noticeable to others. It is that intensity, which some others, don't know how to handle it. Some intensities are what made famous Aspies like Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, but then there was the fabulous mind of Nikola Tesla, he was a definite Aspie. His intensity, was obviously aimed at his science interests, but when your own intensity, is more of a mundane nature, this might seem odd to others. An example, that Swede Greta, she has an intensity, but she has a big problem, as most adults think that she is just a young, to warrant such power, which is correct of course, no one likes a precocious child, Aspie, or not.

[@simonretallick9800]

A great video again, Paul. Much appreciate your work. I have an AQ of 48 diagnosed a year ago and I am now 64. The last 20 years I have been unemployable for all the reasons you stated. Masking got harder and harder and severe chronic fatigue set in. If only I had been diagnosed when young.