Ways you can help during Autistic Shutdowns

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[@leenaparsons9876]

I will also add this: if you can't do any of these things because you're busy or there is too much else going on, then please just leave us alone. Don't ask us to explain ourselves. Our nervous system is trying to regulate, and we are doing our best to try and process what's in our minds. If you can't help then just leave us alone and let us deal with it.

[@nateo200]

Yeah and don't give me the "I dont understand why you don't do anything" after causing a shutdown especially worse when you have Autism and trauma.

[@kittendoesstuff492]

Not sure if I'm autistic or not yet, but I've definitely had shutdowns/shutdown-like experiences. I can't talk when it happens, and my friend once said to me "Oh, this again. It's kinda annoying". And they always try to get me to talk, which sure is nice of them to help me communicate but I'll be able to talk on my own terms when I'm READY. Even if I'm not autistic and these are something else, people shouldn't call it annoying 😐

[@StitchesLovesRats]

You channel breaks my heart. I don't have anyone to give me the support I need. Last person that should have, she was frequently abusive instead, so I hid my suffering from her and bore it alone. I still do.

[@spencer2baylor118]

I am learning more and more to help my girlfriend, and one thing I do, (and it might sound weird) but I become a weighted blanket essentially. I just lay on top of her chest to chest. The weight calms her and I can hug and soothe her as well. If you can and the person is comfortable with it, try it.

[@dannibunni2948]

My boyfriend is autistic, and he's the same way. It's just so relieving to see that pained look on his face soften as he calms down. No questions, no affirmations, no words. Just silence and being there.

[@cacatuarosa1393]

I'm not sure if i am. But my boyfriend did this to me and it helped even when i was having a small crisis. I got trigerred by something i had to forçe myself to do by lack of options and i got me too overwhelmd by the disconfort, started crying by the shame of beeing so dificult to me in a delicate situation and got really feelling bad for him to deal with it with me since i couldn't do it alone first. He hugged me and kept hugging me and just making me feel safe until i could normalise, it was pretty fast unlike when i had to deal with something like that alone, the pression, the calm and the warm helped me a lot and so was the feelling of confort and security it gives

[@tomaskey6844]

Good stuff as always. I’ve been sharing your videos with my family and they like them. Turns out most of us(seven kids) are ADHD and Autistic along with CPTSD. I find your videos awesome for explaining how I feel when I can’t find the words myself.

[@chooseaname1423]

Very interesting. I’m the youngest of 8 kids and i know that 5 of us have adhd and autism, but I’m not sure if the other 3 have it. I suspect they are very high masking, even to their siblings….but I thought it would probably not be common for all siblings to have it. So its interesting that all of yours do….I wonder if its not that uncommon after all.

[@mirawasteland4102]

I dream of a boyfriend who would understand how my psyche works and understand when I experience shutdowns and how best to behave with me at this moment. But all my life I've run into narcissistic guys who don't know about such things as shutdowns and neurodivergence and just tell me that I'm driven on trifles. I used to say that I just don't feel any joy, like I'm depressed, because this disorder has more awareness (at least in my country) than autism/ADHD. And it’s like I just don’t feel joy and don’t want to talk to anyone. When I tried to explain to my ex-boyfriends or best friends or just very close people what I was experiencing, no one understood me at all and in the end they just broke up with me. Now I have come to the mindset that I am a human being like everyone else and deserve a healthy relationship and that care. I'm trying to come to the conclusion that there are guys out there who won't be a danger to my sensory health and who I'll feel safe with, but right now all I want to do is just distance myself from all the guys and not make the pathetic and embarrassing attempt to open up to them. until I feel that a person is really able to understand me and loves me.

[@mirawasteland4102]

@@itsmeorwhatever627 oh those are very good thoughts. but about a week ago I had a session with a psychiatrist and he found neither autism nor ADHD in me. So until that moment, I was not at all sure who I was and what was happening to me. However, I am neurodiverse and you are right about the warning.

[@lexusgodina2296]

Been experiencing so many meltdowns and shutdowns lately. Today was hard for example. My partner said something very triggering and then we just built on top of each other until he was yelling and I was crying and even more misunderstood in my words and dysregulated. I had plans I wanted to accomplish in the day and they just seemed so far away after my meltdown and eventual shut down. I didn’t listen to my body and stay home and instead went to a large store with a lot of people and essentially triggered myself into another meltdown. I’m so bad at accommodating for myself and communicating that I’m not okay to do something.

[@ellenstory8244]

Right there with you on this ♥️

[@hopeallis1522]

I don't feel safe enough around most people to be held. Just yesterday, a friend challenged me because of being shutdown. I couldn't explain why I am why a I am, my formal diagnosis was last week. It hurts and shames me to see how I can't express myself and how I shut off and become 'rude'. I'm so grateful for these videos as it's finally allowing me to have a language an voice, and I deeply hope my friends accept these experiences are more then a controllable process

[@enolp]

In my shutdowns my thoughts are going rapid fire and all means of communication, even just “blink twice for “no,’” go out the window and I completely freeze up and start panicking internally. It’s like the concept of communicating at all would be physically dangerous, but at the same time not communicating is also just as dangerous because then they won’t know how to help and they’ll just leave me panicking alone. I think maybe they’re more like nervous system overload induced panic attacks maybe? I don’t know. Does anybody else have episodes like that? I haven’t heard anybody talk about that kind of experience before and I’m trying really hard to not gaslight myself about it

[@JunePolk]

I have these exact episodes too. I think it's a trauma response for me. Perhaps you've had an experience or a few where you shut down while talking to an authoritative figure like a parent, and you got in trouble for not responding. Not every shut down in my experience ends up like what you've described, but most do.

[@enolp]

@@JunePolk ah that’s interesting, I hadn’t thought much about the possibility of a combination of overstimulation and trauma response. I’ve got c-ptsd and I distinctly remember at least one time where my mom (back when she was mentally pretty unstable) came looking for me and sounded upset so my safety response was hide and don’t make a sound, because if I can’t be seen or heard then I can’t be hurt, even though I knew I would never get physically hurt or anything. So that makes a lot more sense as to why I have such a strong response to communication feeling like a legitimate threat at times when I’m overwhelmed and my reptilian brain takes over. Thanks, June for helping me understand myself better through your similarities, and also helping validate my own experiences I hope you have a good day :)

[@JunePolk]

@@enolp Absolutely! I'm glad I could help. You have a good day as well:)

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

​Thirded! Just like there's "fight" and "flight" responses, there's also "freeze", which is what sounds like is happening. One of the scariest experiences. When I experience those, I totally see autism and ADHD playing parts in it-emotional dysregulation and slower mental processing lead to analysis paralysis and overload, especially when combined-and C-PTSD just seals the deal. Have you heard of the Window of Tolerance? Strongly suggest looking into that-it's been incredibly insightful and validating for me in this respect, so I hope it is for you!

[@vince9323]

Thanks for sharing. My experience is different in other areas yet same in others enough for me to reach out and respond. I’m currently in a shutdown/burnout right now. My mind/brain won’t shut off, I just think thought after thought and problem after problem and try and come up with solution after solution. You use the term “freeze up”, I describe mine as being stuck. Like I literally feel stuck and I can’t move (i can move, but you know what I’m saying I hope haha) and it feels like my executive functioning as clocked out and gone home and I’m running off pure reptilian brain. Straight up limbic system. Sometimes I can’t even talk right so much so that in the past I had a stroke. Like I can’t speak normal words. I also do get intense anxiety but I feel it’s from my brain freaking out about everything and wanting to control the world. Almost like I’m responsible for the fate of humanity.

[@NWCyclist]

It’s so helpful to hear about this personal phenomenon. I find I like to talk when I’m anxious, but my partner is the opposite and “shuts down” I’ve taken it as a form of punishment, of abuse or something, not as how her brain works. One of your videos was the first to introduce me to this concept. She tells me she can’t talk, doesn’t want to talk, which I just didn’t understand. Now I do thanks to you. 🙏

[@qbee1312]

I do appreciate this, a lot of this is instinctive for me with an autistic newborn. Makes me self reflect a lot and wonder if I'm seriously on the spectrum. Cause this is all the stuff I try to do for myself and I started having too frequent panic attacks during the pregnancy. Sitting in the parking lot for an hour before running into the grocery store for milk...being so grateful when they started bringing things out to the car

[@justinschomaker]

Personally I can't even hear other people talking if I'm experiencing a shutdown.

[@UsenameTakenWasTaken]

Well, I'm glad you brought up prior consent upfront instead of taking it for granted. As someone that's sensory defensive to pretty much all human contact a great deal of your suggestions got me uncomfortable just hearing about it, lol.

[@oliviacortez7442]

This is a nice video. I 1000000000% agree with sign language it helps me so much, even before I knew that I am neurodivergent. I always love your videos, you make me feel seen and heard!

[@Cmkmax21]

I'm limited to yes or no with a head nod even I'm non verbal. I can't usually move or text or anything. I know sign language, but it doesn't work for me in that case. I'm happy it works for you though.😊

[@heather8125]

Thank you so much, I didn't have the right words to explain what I have experienced my whole life. I just called them time outs. This helps a lot!

[@keekaro]

My boyfriend had one of these and locked me out of the car for 5 minutes it was really scary and I was crying the whole time i thought he was gonna leave me in the parking lot

[@serenhex]

I’m not a diagnosed autistic person, but the intensity of meltdowns feels very familiar. To the violence and then feeling dissociated after. I’m here for myself, maybe to try something and guide my loved ones on how to help me

[@tanningandtarot]

First of all, your voice is incredibly relaxing. I’m so glad I found your channel.

[@L5biszz]

Instead of sign language I would compromise on ninja hand seals 😅. But seriously, a great video. Super helpful. ❤

[@ninaromm5491]

What you are doing is wonderful. I am in burnout now. You befriended me. Thanks !

[@haxe1313]

Love this and sending to my hub right now. Thank you 💛

[@jackilove523]

Thank 💚 You🙏🕯

[@HowToJJ]

I’m really happy I discovered your channel. Thank you for all your videos- they’re very educational and personal 🩷

[@sawittarisbey6660]

So helpful, thank you so much this is exactly what I needed. Please continue your brilliant work, you are deeply appreciated.

[@smcs]

How to regulate if living alone and no support system

[@dragonstorm6723]

I didnt know how she felt and wanted to Help, but bc i was already stressed i got her into a shutdown and she broke up. No contact since 4 days, should i just leave her alone ? I really Love her and want Just the best for her

[@eclairfifi]

Does anyone have any links to videos about autistic shutdown that ISNT just speaking to the “partner” to help…i wanna be spoken to directly

[@grilspartn]

what are harmful ways people co regulate or attempt to stop shutdowns? what are some tips and tricks on switching those to good co regulation methods?

[@hello2judas807]

Honestly, a lot of these tips are similar to techniques used for trip sitting

[@LaceyMyriah]

Huh. I never took the time to think of it this way, but you’re totally right. The other day I thought, what would make me feel good? Probably the things I do when I’m tripping… and I didn’t follow that thought much further. Definitely going to pursue it now though!

[@Kiran-dh3ff]

Any tips on how to help a partner through a shutdown if you're long-distance? Touch isn't really possible. They like to stay in contact with me even through some of their shutdowns even though talking is hard for them. I've been thinking about just maybe co-existing together on the phone/facetime when they experience shutdowns but wasn't sure if that would be helpful. Any tips would realllyyy help.

[@h.j7469]

Hello so I am slightly autistic, but I have a relationship with a Chinese girl who is very autistic and she has shutdown because I was feeling too overwhelmed to talk to her yesterday. Do you have any advice to make her feel re-energised?

[@wasabiANDkimchi]

I hope no matter what happens in your life, you hold on. I just want to remind you not to take life for granted. It's short, so take advantage of this beautiful day, you're alive and it's a gift. You are a beautiful person and this world needs your smile and you have things to accomplish on this earth. This little message is just a sign to tell you not to let go, and to tell you that God loves you and hears you. Sincerely. Isaiah 43:4 It was just a free love positive message, as we are in difficult times these days :) this message is for anyone reading this 🤍

[@Hellenen]

Are shutdowns oly happening with autistic peole or also with adhs?

[@eclairfifi]

I’ve been in shutdown for 2months I dunno how to get out of it

[@mattm539]

How long does it take to come out of a shutdown? Can a shut down last for a few weeks?

[@imenehaupt7197]

Some of my shutdowns last months.

[@smcs]

Mine lasts in weeks, months

[@Invisibility397]

5,000+ hours of Psychology and not a single urge to help anyone who is capable of doing the same thing I did heal solo with zero help or support. Enjoy your day.

[@Plplj164]

I don’t know if you want to have a kid. But how do you think you could have a child when you have such a time regulating daily with a kid. Do you think you could yourself IF you wanted

[@intrusive-th0t]

I work with kids and I find it easier to unmask with them and work with them at the level I’m at for the day vs adults. Their needs are a lot more predictable/understandable. At home I think it would be relatively easy to manage without much talking (touch and gestures go a long way). I imagine it would be similar to having a parent who suffers from migraines

[@leeow3n]

No way, co-regulation sounds horrible, just go away please leave me be

[@jenthejen]

This was such a good video, I'm showing it to my mom fore sure 🫶🏾