We Haven’t Had Sex in 5 Years (Is This Ok?)

We Haven’t Had Sex in 5 Years (Is This Ok?)
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[@alladreamwedreamed]

Zero communication, zero intimacy, zero common interests or goals. What is the point of this relationship?

[@sueblack5794]

People will do stupid things just so they aren't alone and fit into society. Ruin their lives because of the silly fear and yes it is silly...the fear of being alone.

[@larissagonzales6075]

sharing expenses I guess.

[@sueblack5794]

@@truthseeker6370 Seeking companionship out of a healthy self is absolutely a human need. However seeking someone out of fear is unhealthy and will usually, if not always lead to a relationship eventually breaking down. Choosing out of fear, you aren't choosing the person or relationship. it is all about you, its selfish honestly. This man is ruining his life by staying with someone out of fear of being alone.

[@quelquun2018]

Fear of being alone.

[@thomasveleba9261]

Half off rent???

[@Girlgonewise]

She was married twice before him. They haven’t had sex in 5 years. Leave her, she doesn’t care about you…

[@boxelder9147]

Yeah she needs to get to work on no. 4

[@GDuncan8002]

She must have married him for some rea$on.

[@aarondavid5866]

ya cos he would never bother her for anything@@GDuncan8002

[@icysnow57cold64]

I have a question. Why do people still have sex? Sex is very gross, nasty, messy, and disgusting! I don't see how sex is a good thing. Why don't humans just remove sex from this world? Women can still get pregnant without sex (there's a lot of ways women can get pregnant without sex including artificial insemination). Sex does cause a lot of problems, so the world might be a much better place without it.

[@Stanley_Baby]

A very b$g rea$on

[@melanieb2132]

My husband acts like he's being neglected if it's been 5 days.

[@lexiegirl1494]

So true!! 🤣😂🤣

[@johniii8147]

LOL Hey enjoy that. Much better the opposite he has no interest anymore. Something is usually up with that.

[@phelps1485]

Yep, that's me with my wife, the only way I can get more sex is if I spend quality time with her during the week.

[@BSCTrainerRob]

Better than him not wanting you

[@theluckienurse]

Lmao same!

[@Theescapist_87]

My parents are like this. My mom pushes my dad away when he tries to kiss her and I haven't seen them hold hands in over 20 years. When I got married I vowed to myself to never be like that with my spouse. My husband and I cuddle and kiss every single day, even if I am mad at him and have to force myself to be intimate with at least a hug because I inherited my mother's stubborness. A marriage without intimacy is just a roommates situation.

[@GBU61]

Sex is only part of intimacy. Non-sexual touch, conversation and a commitment to maintaining both partners needs is huge. My ex was a yeller and name caller which absolutely destroyed me inside. I stopped caring and emotionally checked out. My current girlfriend (marriage will never happen for me again) is very gentle and loving and she really attends to my needs. I can never do enough for her because I feel so loved and appreciated.

[@ladinialauda3769]

​@@GBU61that's good to hear. My current boyfriend and father of our son is also a name caller and more than that says really hurtful things. Last fight he told me he will put me in a psych ward. After I just disagreed on him in a topic. It's over now. I still have to tell him but I am hundred percent certain now. I checked out now completely. We haven't had sex since many months but I don't care because I can't be intimate and loving with somebody that treats me like this when angry. I am also hoping to one day meet a new person that will respect ma and I will also be able to respect and love.

[@alb12345672]

@@GBU61I read so many of these comments, and I don't feel bad about being single long term.

[@mariahconklin4150]

The only thing that works for me and my boyfriend are shrooms. 🤷‍♀️ They help us to be more empathetic but he’s just never into sex. I get like that to so I understand but he just is never interested but with the shrooms at least yesterday he hugged me from behind.

[@mariahconklin4150]

@@GBU61I appreciate this comment this could be why my boyfriend has pushed me away. Hopefully you are happy now.

[@mooneyes2833]

Flirt with your spouses! Never stop! 16 years and counting we never stopped flirting!

[@GaryBlankenship96b40]

What is flirting

[@beansandrunning]

​@@GaryBlankenship96b40invite her to a nice dinner, bring some flowers, give her honest compliments, massage her, try to form "insider jokes"...

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

Yes and friendly teasing as well.

[@PLEASE.PRAY4PEACE]

Yes I believe you because I've seen it in couples and I wish people believed in this instead of getting yourself stuck in situations that don't change I mean after years of not changing I mean if you go to therapy you have hormone treatment it's still not changing it's time to at least take a break you know like a legal separation, I need divorce is very cut and dry but you can get a legal separation first, and give it time and see what happens allow both people to date other people and they're being honest so there's nothing to feel guilty about.

[@PLEASE.PRAY4PEACE]

Yes my grandparents were taken a bath together and with fruit in the bathtub and candlelight when they were in their 80s.

[@primabellas6856]

I think Delony hit the nail on the head when he talked about connection. Most women in relationships lose interest because there are so many distractions. One thing my husband and I do is take our camper to the lake where we have no TV or internet. We hang out, we fish, we do things together and we are definitely A LOT more intimate than we are at home. It's become an essential part of our marriage and something we both look forward to.

[@LL-lj1kq]

👏👏👏👏👏♥️

[@TheMechanicj]

I hear this all the time me and my wife do it 4-6 nights a week I don’t understand this gotta go on vacation to get some

[@zeal4god402]

AMEEEEEEEN LOVE IT PRIMA

[@starlingswallow]

That's awesome!! You're spot on, women need to feel connection and safety, acceptance to get the ball rolling ♥️

[@primabellas6856]

@@TheMechanicj - Every couple is different and each one just has to find what works for them. This is what works for us.

[@beebee2781]

How do you not talk about this for 5 years? That alone is a huge problem.

[@ambertorres5358]

That says a lot

[@antoinelyons5323]

It speaks volumes

[@pinacolada1393]

Ditto

[@vallendior]

Exactly

[@90charim]

It’s when 2ppl come together and haven’t done their individual work

[@mariak7515]

that's heartbreaking. I can't imagine not being intimate in 5 YEARS my heart broke when he said, "we kind of stopped holding hands, 3 or 4 years ago." and "we do that little kiss in the morning, but haven't done that in about a year" how can you not want a kiss from your husband or at least be affectionate with him? That man has got to get out of there

[@1ButtonDash]

marriage does this to people. It did it to my friend. He always is askin me about women I'm with cuz I'm not married and the other day he told me he always asks me about it cuz he hadn't had sex with his wife in over 2 years probably going on 3. I was in shock cuz I remember him before he was married he was pretty damn active with many girls. So I could see something like this could cause a married woman to cheat.

[@melteddarkchocolate000]

​​@@1ButtonDash shut up

[@aqua6613]

@OneButton Dash well, you don't have to cheat. You bring up the issue that it is a need that you have and then you figure out the reasons why there is no attraction and as long as the partner puts in some effort to resolve that issue stick with it. If there is no action on it and the problem persists. Divorce, then get your needs met. Marriage is supposed to be a covenant where people can have their needs met m, but unfortunately it has become a battle ground. Marriage is supposed to reflect the covenant God has with His people. A partnership. People want relationships when they should focus on a partnership and that requires communication. Most people don't know how to even communicate their needs properly because of sniffling growth in childhood where the child's needs were neglected and they stopped speaking up because of constant rejection. Just one example of how that may be a core issue. Sex is also a manipulation tactic or the withholding of it. It's all just horrible.

[@dwightdodd3734]

too late for some of us.......... financially,for sure.....pretty depressing and lonely.....

[@claireluckensmeyer7489]

Well...when your partner otherwise treats you poorly, calls you names, isn't engaged with the kids except when someone else is around to witness it, drinks too much, doesn't bathe for a week at a time, doesn't touch you outside of sex, is verbally degrading you in front of your kids...it gets real easy to not go there.

[@scoobie8amg]

This makes me so sad. Everyone deserves affection from their partner.

[@etsap1236]

Well their are many non-sexual affections. Like holding hands and hugging. All the sex stuff does is relieve sex tension which isn't all that important.

[@dwightdodd3734]

agreed............

[@KC1up]

@@etsap1236not true. There is so much more to sex than relieving tension. I feel bad for anyone who thinks its about that or getting off.

[@etsap1236]

@@KC1up Well the pair bonding you get from sex can easily be replaced by other things. That’s why i was pointing out the other options. With those options there’s no real need for sex outside baby making, or sexual tension stuff.

[@hummingbirdlife8723]

Not everyone deserves it.

[@sandrakohorst8706]

Not every married couple should stay together John.

[@spectre3492]

Most don’t

[@Foxie770]

Marriage is made by God and no man should put it asunder. This is a simple issue of lack of communication and connection. Get rid of the Tv and the social media, get back to life. You don’t just throw out a marriage because it’s not all that you think it should be (and you’ve made no effort)!

[@michaelcarter9711]

You don’t have clear understanding of marriage then and I hope if you don’t you never do get married

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

No but every married couple should give it their best shot to work things out before calling it quits.

[@goldenknightsfanatic]

marriage isn't a middle school relationship. it's a commitment. don't get married if you think it's okay to end it.

[@mamav8791]

Sometimes the sex just isn't good. Go years of only one partner getting "theirs" while the other partner gets nothing out of it. And then you have one partner feeling like they are deprived and the other feels constantly badgered. Both parties are unfulfilled and neither is being honest about why the sex has stopped.

[@jjgems5909]

It’s clearly not. But theirs things you can do to make it better and to see what the other partner needs. It’s not so much the sex but the communication. None of these people have ever. Communicated that theirs a problem. Theirs no honesty, no trust. Sex can be great but sex doesn’t make a whole damn marriage.

[@oroville12345]

With a face like that, I can see why.

[@mamav8791]

@@oroville12345 Yup. It does its job keeping the men folk from sliding in my DM's. 🤪

[@Matt-cr4vv]

The argument here for the lack of physical fulfillment glosses over the true root cause of why their sex life has vanished. And it’s because they don’t communicate openly and honestly with each other at all to have any form of emotional attachment that accompanies marital sex. When you properly communicate those things you are able to fix the physical issues that keep the sex from being “good”. If you have that openness to communicate with the other, and both actually give a damn to fix their issues, it’s amazing how much it can improve. But if that doesn’t exist and nobody brings forward their issues and choose to sit back in resentment and silence then these things happen. My wife and I in our early stages had some of those issues but once we truly communicated together and tried new things to satisfy the other it became immensely fulfiling for both of us

[@aladdout9454]

I disagree. 5 years is absurd still. Even when its unsatisfying, 5 years?? that's just bizarre. This is clearly lack of interest to begin with. She pretended to be in love and now she can't keep doing it anymore. Perhaps they are both incompatible to begin with, personally type wise

[@lilbrother45]

Oh bro, I feel ya. At 47 and a 20 year marriage, I tooo hadn’t had sex in a couple years. I thought my sex life was over. I spent 2 years pleading to make it work and she just kept on moving forward like everything was ok. Finally divorced and at age 50 I feel like a brand new person. Life is unbeleivable. Spectacular woman. It can be done friend. You just have to take that first step to remedy your problems. If she wants to make it work then by all means make it work. But if you aren’t in the same page, cut the strings now. We only have one time ball. Don’t waste any more time.

[@KC1up]

Im currently in the same circumstance. My husband wants to “retire” from all of that. But recently found out that he is addicted to porn. It’s depressing & lonely as hell to be honest. Im learning to accept that if I divorce, I may be alone for the rest of my life. Ive been told that women have a much harder time finding a good man than vice versa. I hope thats not the case & weighing options. I dont want to divorce as we have kids but Im not sure I can live like roommates & know that there are no other options.

[@FreeSpirit47]

I'm happy for you.

[@tanstonbriant8344]

​@@KC1up if that's really you in the profile pic, you'll have no problem down the line 🙂

[@randybobandy9828]

What was your ex wife's reaction when you divorced her over lack of sex? Was she shocked? Did she care?

[@randybobandy9828]

​@@KC1uphow old are you?

[@veniezerski3243]

No communication, no sex ---- no marriage

[@consumerdebtchitchat]

Many married people can't admit that they're roommates.

[@noneya5824]

I can we are totally roommates. He claims he is so happy he doesn't want for it .

[@danielleelias685]

Yup true. Been room mates with my husband for 14 years now.

[@denisedevoto5703]

I left my ex at 55 years old. He withheld sex for 2 years and was also abusive. I was done! I have been free for 4 years. I am now with a man who also needs physical touch and it is wonderful. This guy does deserve better.

[@KC1up]

Its good to know you found someone. Im 47 & my husband does the same. Im not sure what to do as we have 1 child living at home & I worry it will be too hard on her. I dont know how many more years I can take though before it crushes me completely

[@denisedevoto5703]

@@KC1up so sorry. I don't know how old your child is, but maybe you can wait to leave him until they are out of the house ? That is what I did. You deserve to be loved and cherished.

[@TheEmpressisFire]

@@KC1upI left when my daughter was 9. She’s almost 21 now. It’s sad but they adjust.

[@audreym3777]

Ugh…been there. 9 year relationship and he wouldn’t even bump against me while we slept, nevermind no sex for the last 5. If bring it up every few months and heard every excuse in the book..but never same one twice. Absolutely killed my confidence. Thank god I ended that hell!

[@davidlillecrapp2960]

18 years married. No sex for the last 4 years. No rubbing my shoulder, no kisses, no hugs. I try but it's not returned.

[@whitefoxmedicine]

Was his name Sam because that sounds like my x 😂😂😂

[@murdahmammiez]

Hé was feeling guilt cuz he had someone else

[@kevinruger8819]

It used to confuse me that men would refuse intimacy with their significant other…but then I happened to me. Sometimes a woman can cut a man’s confidence down by HER first being the one to turn off the intimacy faucet to a drip. He learns to cope by dumbing down his own desire. If for any reason she now wants the s3x more frequently…he could respond with anxiety and fear.

[@TheEmpressisFire]

@@davidlillecrapp2960leave marriage is not supposed to be that way

[@redguitar69]

Ouch, I went through that! And was so damaging to my health and soul! After many attempts to get her to agree to go to counseling failed thus After 9 years I finally called it quits.... I am remaried to a wonderful woman I now live in Spain in a small town near the French border. I have peace and harmony in my life.

[@Myers_toast78]

I’m not a cheater. And I don’t support cheating but if you don’t give your spouse sex or physical contact in years that’s basically torture!

[@bigmama818]

What should a woman do if her husband is not able to have sex due to prostate surgery ?

[@Wtf-re5up]

It’s definitely not torture to not receive sex or intimacy, if that were the case then all single people and virgins would be in agony all the time. And why is cheating what comes to your mind instead of just, ya know, breaking up because your needs aren’t being met? Kind of backwards.

[@ERIN_198]

​@@Wtf-re5upit's torture for a man

[@KlassiclyRevampT]

​@bigmama818 get in touch with an E.D. sex therapist. You can also look into to what groups are available regarding paraplegic/quadriplegic sex. As it's truly not far off from you situation. If you and your spouse both truly love, and are in love with eachother you can find other ways to be intimate together cuddling naked holding hands, massage and caressing along with sexual instruments to aid you both. I can imagine there to be some portion of both shame and guilt you both are probably feeling. He most likely feels those, along with feeling physically inept, which can lead to emotional impotence because he can't please you the way he always did before. There are new ways, and you can still provide him that intimate connection, and eventually emotional climax.

[@melstarr1864]

@@ERIN_198 Believe it or not, men need to explain this. Otherwise, they just come off as selfish.

[@alqoshgirl]

So weird. My husband and I would ask why we haven’t been intimate after 2 days. How can you go 5 years and NEVER talk about it.

[@Gjheexhigddc44]

Same!

[@migf27]

This problem is more common than you think.

[@fh1980ram]

2 days? God bless you both.

[@heatherroydiy]

It is so much deeper than your judgment of them!

[@vallendior]

Yeah, I’m like 5 weeks or 5 months in would’ve given me great pause. I can’t imagine letting 5 years pass and not at least having a conversation about it. Several conversations. My heart goes out to both of them.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

Her third marriage??? That's a red flag right there.

[@ChordNerd408]

Facts

[@heaven9378]

I thought as much, such a red flag

[@LarennPBel]

We barely heard it, did u notice how his voice was when he stated that comment.

[@boxelder9147]

@@LarennPBel not really in all honesty, maybe just me

[@beesknees213]

Right her THIRD marriage......I caught that too. Baseball...three strikes you're OUT!! No sex in FIVE years and you haven't talked about it??!!! Buddy, this sounds exhausting.

[@thomasclancy4607]

THIRD MARRIAGE. That should have been the red alert to run away as fast as you could.

[@sueblack5794]

Third marriages have close to a 80% failure rate. Even 2nd marriages have a high rate of failure. The more you marry the more likely the marriage will fail.

[@foreverever9001]

My first thought exactly .

[@drchristineobrien9704]

Actually it was the first marriage for the guy passed 40 that was the red flag. 🇨🇭

[@a004]

Two red flags, but hers is bigger

[@MijoShrek]

@@drchristineobrien9704 wait until everyone currently in our 30s still single AF and never been married hits their 40s then, lmao. 😆

[@DanielKim-ye4gh]

Sex is viewed so often as a carnal and pleasurable activity that it gets overlooked for its ability to unite a couple in a deeply emotional and intimate way. 5 years without that intimate experience will certainly jeopardize any committed relationship

[@edubb2491]

See is very important..with out it..yall jus friends

[@spectre3492]

Yeah it makes your wife or husband seem like a work friend

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

They’re essentially roommates. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

[@josecarlosxyz]

yeah he pays the bills she does nothing

[@melissachartres3219]

How is this symbiosis? She's getting what she wants from the relationship- he's not. Did I miss something?

[@Ridingrules10000]

Leeches aren't symbiotic.

[@paul_domici]

Some marriages grow waaaayyyyy apart but people are too scared to get out! A man marries a women expecting her to stay the same and she always changes and a woman marries a man expecting him to change and he never does! That's the honest truth!

[@devadii24]

💯

[@jeanlaubenthal698]

There are 5 love languages and we need to work all of them!

[@michaeldodd9260]

My god man, left this a little late. 5 years?!?! I would have been dealing with this after 5 weeks. Wow

[@BestShootermanUbz]

5 days you mean 😂

[@michaeldodd9260]

@@BestShootermanUbz well trying to be a little understanding ;)

[@zeal4god402]

2 weeks here

[@texasgina]

Exactly

[@JimmyMook700]

Lol same. 5 years???

[@KittyClark4433]

Connection, safety, trust. Trust in every area, not just the bedroom. Break trust, break all aspects of the relationship.

[@Flash3-22]

I agree, women need security, validation and to feel safe among other things. I could go on why sex goes out the door.

[@joesillamanrs7189]

Move on man. You can’t fix this. She’s off and uninterested. You’re too nice and can get someone better.

[@starlingswallow]

I'd say, sit down and ask her if she's happy with the current arrangement. Let her know you are lonely and want intimacy back. See where she's at, get more information and make a decision based on that. I hope things work out for you two.

[@primabellas6856]

Excellent advice. :)

[@GBU61]

The other thing I would add is to set boundaries of what you will and will not accept if the relationship is to continue and follow through. I tell any woman I have ever been with she can do whatever she wants but if she wants to continue to see me, X will always happen and Y never will.

[@mniks8860]

Why doesn't SHE ask HIM if HE'S happy with the relationship?

[@benjones621]

Unless there are some medical issues this is far from fine.

[@ambertorres5358]

💯

[@TheIceCreamWizard]

even if they were medical issues, she shouldn’t trick a guy into a marriage with no benefits situation

[@SgtSnausages]

Even if there is, this is still just as far from fine.

[@KlassiclyRevampT]

​@@TheIceCreamWizardthey've been married for 10 yrs, and at 4 -5yr mark is the last time they were intimate together. So clearly no misrepresentation medically prior to marriage.

[@MrJcologne]

Silver is up 4 bucks since last year. The girl struck gold.

[@FenrirFinance]

and bitcoin has gone wild!

[@giantfatberg]

If it wasn’t for watching all of these Dr. Delony videos I don’t think I would’ve asked my wife to have a hard conversation with me early one morning a couple of weeks ago. I realized I had become complacent and I was filling my mind with distractions and had accepted I was unwanted. 6 years of no intimacy was ended by one honest, painful conversation . So much hurt and sadness just melted, 6 years of it. I’m glad I found this channel. I feel more hopeful now than ever

[@heavyagnelli1973]

The problem is, women want a “good guy” for all of the responsibilities, cuddling and other intimacy, besides sex. She wants that from some guy who treats her like he is pillaging a village. No woman wants to have sex with a good guy. They only have sex to “trap” the good guy, into providing a stable life, knowing you won’t do anything about the lack of activities. Marriage is a scam.

[@deniseeugene1852]

I was shocked after my divorce at the number of men in these types of relationships. They are online these men looking for attention and someone to talk to. When I asked these Men why they stayed in these relationships. They said to keep up the happy family facade. And for the kids.

[@thomasalbers6102]

And that’s not a bad reason. I live with it for 5 years as well and only thinking of attempting sex brings up anxiety. It surely destroyed my self esteem, but what is it for, when I am not willing to leave. I got used to it.

[@woodrowboudreaux9951]

When you get older but still have zero sex, you often give up. Then every so often it makes you angry that you are being denied sex AND intimacy for years, so you bring it up and wind up fighting. Then that fight is your biggest problem for the next few days or weeks while you work and pay the bills and sleep on the couch. Then you slowly start being civil again and the cycle repeats over and over and over and over.

[@itsyourboyyy]

Marriage 101

[@ianclements948]

This is true

[@BronnyJames2025MVP]

Living the dream 😂

[@randybobandy9828]

This happened to me to an extent. I would get resentful for her not being intimate

[@Foxie770]

Fighting for a bit is worth it. That’s how you get stuff done, coming from a genuine place and being honest.

[@JustinBeller]

I'll tell you why he and his wife stopped having sex. Why have sex with someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself? I don't know if it is him or her, or both, but this isn't good. But Delony is right when he says you deserve better.

[@josecarlosxyz]

this is a bunch of bullshit. regardless how much you do the other side maybe its not interested anymore

[@greenluxi]

@@josecarlosxyz that’s something you can say after you’ve at least tried to fix it. If you exhausted all options and you’re spouse is just no longer interested then divorce, but if you’ve done nothing then it’s on you.

[@garyvanemburgh154]

Why is it someone else's responsibility to make you feel good? You need an outside influence to define your orientation to life and being? Think on that...

[@nataleeleon7740]

I couldn’t imagine not being intimate with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I feel for him

[@TheShowOff2I]

Men get married for sexual access, women are the ones that marry to have someone that’s going to be next to her for life

[@celinereyes1185]

when he was saying he require physical touch but his wife isn’t the same way but she’ll put her arm on him or touch him with her foot and he’s ready to start the day. i can relate too so much i know a lot of people don’t like to touch but i do and even if you just passed by and tapped me i feel like fireworks ! love languages are real!

[@vivaeuropa]

Yes talking about love languages and discussing sexual frequency desires before marriage are very overlooked. If love languages aren't met then people won't feel loved and you should find a mediator between your two frequency desires.

[@9liveslisa]

Not to criticize the guy, but it sounds like he is not lighting her fire anymore. She sounds turned off in the marriage.

[@EadsB7002]

It's very possibly the case....or definitely could be. It was for me...married to a great guy for nearly 15 years, but he never really did it for me physically/romantically. We were very rarely physically intimate. I married young and grew up in a pretty tumultuous household w/parents constantly at odds...which i believe heavily contributed to my choosing of someone "safe" and more for emotional stability. Attraction and sexual compatibility were just not top priority, as i was very inexperienced in that area myself when i got married. Tough situation!

[@addiskassa5165]

Intimacy in marriage very important to make both strong and give a great bond...they shouldn't wait this long to not having. I wish them a good luck!!!🙏

[@marlenbatista9642]

That was my same situation a few years ago. We drifted. I had to bring it up and suggest counseling. He didn't want to and so I left the relationship. It was approximately a 2 year process with the help of a psychologist.

[@starlingswallow]

Same here. 4-5 years w/o intimacy and I was dying inside. Suggested counseling, he said it's hogwash... along with abuse, I left. Almost 4 years out, remarried and happy as all get out! And the intimacy is amazing!!! 🎇 🎆 💥

[@neneyounge]

@@starlingswallow Happy for you. It gives me hope

[@neneyounge]

@@starlingswallow Happy for you. It gives me hope

[@PasturePig]

I’d say leaving because of such a long time w out intimacy is completely okay. Spouse is depriving of you of one of the biggest gifts God could give us in a marriage. Depriving someone of that is cruel honestly.

[@GBU61]

If you had to consider counseling the relationship was already over. He did you a huge favor.

[@em77775]

He sounds passive and possibly avoidant. He probably doesn't pursue her or make her feel desired, so she in response checks out online.

[@kimchi7703]

Agree. My husband is like this.

[@antoinelyons5323]

Kimberly Pielago hope it get better

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Exactly!

[@boxelder9147]

Yeah, I'm like that too. I never married

[@murderofcrows7738]

Yeah he sounds like he’s to blame for sure. Not the wife who is clearly going off the rails 🙄

[@andyg806]

I dont understand why this man is on this show and not at home TALKING to his wife about the issues...

[@rickthomas422]

Can't you make that judgment about most of the people who call in on this show?

[@Jane5720]

I would say that he probably has multiple times

[@truelovejourney]

What the heck is there to talk about?

[@Ridingrules10000]

​@@truelovejourney, at this point, they need to talk about everything.

[@seewhatsnext]

Menopause plays a role in a lot of breakdowns...should not be overlooked.

[@Jericho-xs3ju]

See what’s next. Moods are moods. But it’s still a choice. I don’t believe Because we have moments of emotional or hormonal weakness. We are now excused of all accountability

[@mariamountain6718]

Maybe HRT could help

[@chelsea7755]

I really feel for people going through these things. It use to be so hard to imagine people ignoring these insanely important topics. But... it's much more common than previously thought. Firstly, I love how you ultimately tell people to accept everyone with different beliefs. Beautiful. This husband must be so lonely (she may be as well). I'm so sorry anyone ever has to feel truly alone, it's a dreadful feeling. The only thing I would change or slightly adapt about your advice is when a conversation like this is approached, I would stay away from saying things like, "because YOU date your phone! I feel like this!", etc. It can potentially come off as quite aggressive if she's feeling defensive and it's placing a lot of blame on them. I would honestly just do everything else you've said and TALK, SHARE, and try your best to be vulnerable. Discuss feelings around certain issues or behaviours your partner does. Keep in mind, IF you want to heal these wounds, pointing the finger could cause more seams to loosen. I hope you all figure out how to make your souls happy

[@andrewfunston8271]

5 years??? I'd have a conversation after a month, and if nothing changed, I'd be out! Intimacy is very important in a relationship

[@rosebush7000]

After one month of no sex, you’d be out. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣One entire BIG month.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MOMO-m0m0]

@@rosebush7000 " and if nothing changed I'd be out" you read what you wanted to read

[@gracekennelly8534]

There’s always hope if you both want to!!

[@mikaylawilliams2367]

My man won’t sleep with me that’s why I’m here AYYYOOO

[@amberl7773]

Why

[@porcelaindolli3]

Why would you stay? Do you not understand people would trip over each other to shower us with love and affection? If there's a lack of his desire for physical closeness, surely it's translating into other areas of your relationship as well, no?

[@craedenbearden8043]

Your very pretty I'm sure he will figure it out!

[@porcelaindolli3]

@@craedenbearden8043 He won't, and someone else will lol. Leave, girl, you deserve more. You deserve someone who cares.

[@burntblonde2925]

I think he needs permission to leave, and he should. They both deserve happiness and he deserves affection

[@batman9512]

If they are around the same age, menopause may be a contributing factor.

[@Flash3-22]

True, menopause can have a huge impact on a woman's physical comfort in sex.

[@intentionalgreatness]

I was going to say this

[@bluuspark23]

No excuse at all

[@d3mized]

@@bluuspark23yes it is

[@kimbrown5024]

yes, Menopause can make it difficult.

[@Thecraftyblacksheep]

My ex was into that Qanon stuff. It made our relationship difficult because he was consumed by it. I ended our relationship 2 years ago. Best decision I made. It was going no where.

[@SC68170]

Lmao. My girl is into that too... but I could careless. Believe what she wants I love her regardless. She's hot 🔥 understanding, affectionate, and we laugh and love each other. Qanon is not the reason u broke up. U broke up because u guys aren't into each other anymore. There's no passion

[@bobsakamoto1912]

Wtf is Qanon must be the Q in LGBTQ

[@RealAnita926]

@@SC68170 exactly 💯

[@sodvine3486]

@@SC68170 agreed

[@Jo-vu1me]

What is qanon?

[@irenecummins4838]

I am 55 and my husband and I did not have sex for 5 years, then we were intimate a couple times, and now it's been 2 years since we were. I just find that for me I get used to it. We work different shifts, I come home and he is asleep, I get up he is at work. We have the weekend that we go out to breakfast and go out to dinner, and that works for us, he is 59 and I am 55 and we are just tired. We tell each other everyday I love you. There are a lot of people that says it's not normal, but it works for us.

[@MrLawDawg]

For a long time I though I was living an anomaly. Unfortunately, it seems this is more common than I could have ever imagined.

[@ElimEx1]

I stopped trying to sleep with my wife about 5-6 years ago. Didn't say a thing, just stopped initiating and started sleeping on the couch. We never talked about it. I figured if she cared, she'd bring it up. She mentionned it in passing once a couple of years ago but we were in the middle of moving so not really a great time. She never brought it up again. So why did they never talk about it? Because nobody cares enough to bring it up. Don't make it too complicated...

[@xristinarose2409]

I gew up seeing my parents as if they just had a crush on each other. As if the crush never stopped. Its so cute and sweet and i wanted that myself and now i have it and it genuinly takes efford, but it is so worth it 💙 guys never give up on communication or each other

[@lyndaisrosado8526]

Many couples have an ED problem They just sweep it under the rug Some men take the blue pill and have affairs at their workplace And stay in their marriage BC it's cheaper to keep her That was my experience after being with him for 44 yrs It was a nightmare

[@roseharkins3772]

Hi John Just listened to your show/ pod cast for the first time today..Jan 22nd I'm so impressed with you common sense an wisdom. Thank you for speaking the truth. I am a trained life coach...an its so refreshing to hear how you respond with truth and compassion... Thank you

[@aliparker3]

They're both lacking passion. She went looking for it in an online community (nutjobs and all). His laissez-faire attitude has led him to this place. It's time he gets passionate about something and invites her to share in that with him. Travel, kayaking, glassblowing, hiking, conventions, etc...

[@devadii24]

😂 well said

[@truelovejourney]

Maybe you didn't listen he said they have money to go places and do things and no debt. Let's stop giving her passes. She's not a decent human being treating her husband like that

[@mniks8860]

It's all his fault...

[@ambertorres5358]

I am SHOCKED that he is calling immediately after she bought silver and NOT because it’s been YEARS since they had sex!! That is deeply disturbing and NOT okay. This to me indicates that they are getting their physical needs met through porn, self gratification or some other extra marital activity. It’s not healthy or beneficial to have a chasm between you and your spouse or to be roommates in a house.

[@PasturePig]

He’s definitely acting holier than though and it’s easy to see through this guys act.

[@zerayacob3246]

great observation

[@heatherroydiy]

That is such a great observation

[@DouginHanover]

My wife sleeps down the hall from me. She sleeps with our grown daughter. No sex at all since Feb of 2005. Before then it was only once every 6 weeks. Because of that in 2014 I left out for 7 weeks but relented and returned, but still no sex since then. She is ALWAYS with our daughter, which makes things hard. I know John says to ask: what do you want and what do you need. But I am at the point where I don't know what I want anymore. I am 66 now. Our daughter who is 32 will never move out, btw. We have 2 sons in their 30s who are also still at home. I actually work 2 full time jobs, since I am still a long way away from retiring.

[@toosense]

You raised weak, codependent children who are incapable of maturity and independence. Your wife does not respect you. Your wife found purpose in her children because they need her and that makes her feel special, so she has enabled them to the point they will probably never grow up and leave.

[@lordbeaky3496]

I'm so sorry for you man

[@FoodieQueenBee]

Wow that’s crazy. I am a widow and wish I have a husband

[@devadii24]

Sorry for the judgement but why is she sleeping with a 32 year old child? That seems like some attachment issue…. I get being close but does your daughter have some challenges that mom needs to sleep with her? (mobility or mental health)

[@sassysandie2865]

Sounds like you and wifey enabled your kids and didn’t teach them to be independent.

[@deuteriumjones]

Guaranteed she is having an emotional affair with someone in this crazy community.

[@larissagonzales6075]

what crazy community?

[@Josephamac]

@@larissagonzales6075 the ones that believe trump is running the country still, Biden has never been in the White House, and that silver will increase 4K percent lol. None of that is logical.

[@texan903]

In five years, she probably reconnected with an ex, and that's whose getting the intimacy the husband has paid for.

[@reginasemenenko148]

@@texan903 evidence?

[@texan903]

@@reginasemenenko148 reading is fundamental: I said probably, which is the keyword.

[@kimgillick2340]

I’ve tried to bring up this topic to my partner, only to get dismissed. It is soul-crushing. I feel like there is no way out.

[@SourMech]

....except there is. Leave, forget the feelings that will rise from leaving because you've conditioned yourself to be miserable and forge forward. If not, welcome to your life from here on forth

[@Nancy-uc2tu]

We haven’t had sex in 18 years because he has an issue. After being together for many years it’s really not needed. We’re best friends. We care too much about each other to let no sex tear us apart.

[@Nancy-uc2tu]

@@meowpurrrrr let it never be said you don’t have a firm grasp on the obvious. He did. That’s what people with common sense do.

[@VickieStreet-rs2xo]

Cheating

[@Nancy-uc2tu]

@@VickieStreet-rs2xo oh stop assuming. You’re making yourself look like an ass. We’re together all.

[@vernabryant2894]

Maybe she's turned off because she thinks he's cheated on her.Maybe he wants strange sex.Maybe he's rude and mean to her .Maybe he flirts with other women.Maybe he's selfish and boring having sex.There maybe a lot of reasons why.

[@Flash3-22]

You made a lot of valid points.

[@PeeterPuncher]

Maybe the other way around.

[@Portia620]

Differences are normal but communication is very important! You don’t need to agree on everything! Same values are super important honor, truthful and no goofy fights!

[@oroville12345]

Her third marriage run bro run she's a pro scammer 😂

[@sueblack5794]

Seriously, what dude goes into a relationship as a third marriage partner with someone and thinks ""This time it will workout" lol

[@bffoxjr]

beta bucks!

[@oroville12345]

@@bffoxjr you got it bro.

[@lordbeaky3496]

You can't really escape these women even if you wanted to

[@TheShowOff2I]

@@lordbeaky3496 Just don’t talk to them and ignore them. Y’all do it with homeless people but not with women who only want to marry you and leach off you 😂😂

[@darrelburnett5375]

5 years? Wow, consider yourself blessed. I haven't had any in 11 years. I was injured very seriously in a wreck 11 years ago. I've been able 😢 have sex for about 9 years. But not with the Ice Queen. She says that I'm angry all the time. Ya think? I tried explaining that it's not anger, it's frustration. Of course, that falls on deaf ears. It's so tempting to have an affair with the few women that do let me know they're available. But, I'm just gonna leave. I'm looking for apartments now. It's time to go!!!

[@tonileolion9702]

I’m glad u didn’t take the affair route ! Best wishes to u and sorry this is happening to u

[@xristinarose2409]

I hope you can recover mentally, it seems like you still struggle with it. Get the help you need and best of luck with the apartment search 💪

[@AtomicErika]

Seems a lot like anger when you're venting to a comments section on the internet. Best of luck to you both whatever your paths may be.

[@bigdaddylou9467]

This topic is so different for so many people. In my second marriage for 6+ years. We have never had a day ever. Where one or all of her three grown adult (toddlers) have not lived in our house and we have supported them almost all the time due to them not wanting to get off video games to get a job. Why mommy supports me! I don’t care to have sex because if it’s not the dog whining or the grandchild that we support at the door, it’s one of her kids screaming at their video game that they just got screwed over from a head shot. Tired and saving for lawyer. Can’t come soon enough! This is no means the only reason. I get you brother. My first wife spent all night for two years chatting online with aol to find out she had been with several men and I was the a hole to record her conversations. I am 53 went from 850 credit score to maybe 500-550 due to mass unpaid debts.

[@josecarlosxyz]

dont date single moms dude, you are sustaining somebody else kids wtf

[@proudatheist2042]

I hope things improve for you.

[@justmy2abelincolns272]

this is sad to read.. but you're part of the problem because it takes 2 enablers with the marriage in that sort of household!

[@user-yk5ln8lp2v]

never go with a single mother. Never play another man's saved game

[@mickeymichelle9067]

Great conversation!

[@greenlovingmom]

I mean if he hasn't bothered to even address this he signed out and doesn't care. He thinks she is nuts. Dude she wouldn't be looking for something to believe in if things were otherwise!

[@Shay-yg7nm]

Oh wow. I'm making sure my husband gets some tonight! 😜

[@antoinelyons5323]

Lol

[@josephcoatofmanycolors]

That’s totally ok, I have gone more than 15 years without it, majority of humans make it seems you can’t survive without sex, but if you are married it’s totally not ok.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Lots of people think sex is oxygen LOL. He isn't trying at all and sounds completely clueless and women don't want to have sex if they don't feel loved. What does he expect?

[@boxelder9147]

I also dont pursue sex. Not the happiest guy in the world but sex is just not a priority.

[@Afrinaturality]

Yeah, I can go for yeeears without... and I really don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I prefer good food (honestly, give me seafood or something and I'm happy 🙈). Then again, I'm not married.

[@jason_v12345]

Seriously. These people who never spent a day single. This really isn't that big of a deal.

[@florencia2771]

@@boxelder9147 I’m in 7 years without sx because it’s simply gross if I’m not in a committed relationship, plus I’m terrified of stds.

[@kimmcgovern1067]

Spot on Dr. My husband and I have loved each other even though our beliefs diverge. He is my #1.

[@scrappyny7432]

Sorry i have the urge to vent this really hits home with me. It's been over 2 decades after our second child was born. We have it only 3 times a year and during the other times she has an excuse for. She totally dropped me I've tried talking to her but I get it's me not you. Sounds like George Castanza. There's nothing more lonely than being trapped in a sexless marriage

[@boston312]

Once he said she was on her third marriage I knew she was a lost cause. She has way too much baggage from her past

[@odalizvlogsss3426]

Exactly

[@ThePooppantsman]

Sexless marriage is more common then yoy might think. Mine was before it ended.

[@larissagonzales6075]

I am single and the reason I would want to be in a relationship or marry would be because of being able to always have sex and knowing you can. If there is no sex what would be the point? I can pay my own bills and have fun alone.

[@janicekapcsos8965]

@@larissagonzales6075 exactly

[@antoinelyons5323]

Larissa Gonzales I agree with you

[@sarcodonblue2876]

How do people expect to be sexual well into their 40s and 50s with the very poor diets they eat,. lack of exercise and stress? High passion is a young person thing and you can't expect to have this 30 years later. If you do want sex you have to work much harder for the passion as an older adult. You have to be fit and healthy and have good communication.

[@boxelder9147]

I was gonna say

[@bjkarana]

Been married for 13 years, and for sure, there are ups and downs with intimacy for various reasons, but this is a whole different level. I think this guy needs to realize that they are simply not sexually compatible and that it's time to move on, hard as that will be.

[@altyndom7039]

Being a nice guy and marrying a woman that been burned by multiple marriages doesn’t seem like a good idea from a get go.

[@virginia3222]

This is the third marriage for the caller’s wife and about 73% of third marriages end in divorce. And that doesn’t mean that the rest are happy. By the time someone has been divorced twice you have to figure that they’re not very good at marriage.

[@TPrice-dv1yu]

😂😂😂

[@michaelh2282]

You can't "make" a woman feel sexual desire for you, and I suspect from listening to this guy talk, he doesn't exactly turn his wife on.

[@hyrunnisa997]

You gotta start flirting verbally and physically.

[@JadeBarber30]

Sex is such an important part of any relationship, like trust/loyalty/respect, sex and physical touch is another element that should always be present. If you aren’t getting trust you’d walk away, if you aren’t getting respect, you’d walk away, so if you aren’t getting sex and intimacy you should walk away if you’ve asked for it and your partner still isn’t on board.

[@JMGENTERPRISES]

Thanks for your videos!

[@FantazomiXroma]

Maybe she’s depressed, overwhelmed, or is asexual (not motivated by or repulsed by sex) and she’s kind of just discovering that now. She may be WAAAAY too into her head and is completely disconnected from her physical world (which is what it sounds like from the whole conspiracy theory stuff).

[@a004]

Sex is the least of their problems...

[@sarcodonblue2876]

He sounds cold and not putting in the effort to be interested or affectionate.

[@sparklesp9304]

She's not stupid, smh...marriage is a romantic relationship and she's not concerned about it at all.

[@sparklesp9304]

@@sarcodonblue2876 Nah...this man doesn't sound like he was too much different than he was when she married him.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Being asexual and marrying someone who is straight is just as bad as being gay and marrying someone straight who doesn't know. Lying about your sexuality hurts everyone.

[@joyaustin6581]

I want to revisit this in 5-10 years. Wonder what the price of silver will be

[@jackspringer3039]

Just listening to this the first time one year later. Bitcoin went from $16k to $44k. Silver is about even.

[@Curious-Minds]

Now closer to $70k. She knew, stacking Sats and silver. Clever girl.

[@ahmedsial1355]

COVID has changed many things in our lives specially working from home that has impacted on intimate relationship with spouse. Being around all the time doesn't give enough space to be yourself and recharge your emotional batteries.

[@tacooflove6175]

I don’t have intimacy for a day or two with my guy I start climbing the walls and we’re going on 13 years now. She doesn’t feel safe and needs to feel safe and turn off the news and just control what you can control like extra food storage maybe a cabin in the woods etc etc

[@DidiV919]

We don't have sex that often either but we both take zoloft for anxiety and it kinda kills your sexdrive. We value our peace way more than anything. We're very connected in every other way

[@liannemarie2504]

Also, the covid lockdowns made my marriage stronger. We loved being around each other 24/7. We loved it so much we decided to have another baby! And now I can't imagine our lives without our third child! I was really sad when my husband had to go back to work. It was awesome having him around 24/7

[@carinaviruss9527]

In 5 years, has he made his wife feel loved and wanted? Does he help with household chores? Has he brought her flowers, or told her she looks beautiful today?

[@kingasif9265]

So he has to work for sex???

[@JMs751]

His fault his fault his fault. Dance monkey dance.

[@mirjanapucarevic2105]

@@kingasif9265 no, it's just having a normal relationship.

[@shibbler3355]

@@mirjanapucarevic2105 relationship vs marriage is the issue. You see it as a relationship. You must be a lesbian.

[@mirjanapucarevic2105]

@@shibbler3355 normal relationship in the marriage.

[@cal.712]

The caller is still married... This caller is funny.

[@Maestroxxx1]

indeed...he should be alone like you.

[@WilingtonProductions]

@@Maestroxxx1 better to be alone than be a simp

[@TheShowOff2I]

⁠@@WilingtonProductions Exactly simps marry women that don’t like them just so that they can say that they are “with someone” 🤣🤣

[@troyspears6470]

Finally a qanon call, so sorry for this man. You cant help these people. You cant present facts to these people, they will never change

[@Rabid_Turtle]

Her silver is up 23% and her bitcoin is up 100% Maybe you should following the facts

[@kristic4472]

For all the guys saying that she's cheating, you don't know the whole story. You don't know what she's going through or what he's doing or not doing to make her feel safe enough to be close. He might not even know what he's doing, or might not care enough to listen to her.

[@porcelaindolli3]

He cares enough about their marriage to be calling into a psychologist to get to the bottom of a lack of intimacy in their marriage for FIVE YEARS. You don't think that blaring piece is important? He's exerting effort to understand why his wife is loveless toward him. Meanwhile you sound like a typical woman jumping to conclusions not based on any evidence provided here and villainizing a guy for wanting physical love from his WIFE. Clearly he should be persecuted for ever wanting such a horrific thing, lol.

[@Clark-yp2db]

Nah she getting them cheeks clapped with cod hitmarker sounds on every impact.

[@porcelaindolli3]

@@Clark-yp2db simple response from a simple mind

[@mmaybee4379]

@@porcelaindolli3 truth hurts

[@ec_xml4648]

Be real. It’s a 90% chance she’s cheating

[@Jendromeda]

some people get sick and tired of their partners' garbage and their lives being married, trying to put fun back in is impossible sometimes, no money, no fun...family problems, in law crap, and there's no point in having sex. It's time to leave.

[@amylynn2979]

So true. Lots of married people just get bored. Loose interest.

[@samuelm3766]

Man I though my situation was bad at once every 4-6 weeks but FIVE YEARS!?!? I’d have split a long time ago.

[@mikenelson8377]

I’m not trying to flex or anything but it’s been over a decade for me. Ya, it’s a bit diff for me since I’m not married but I’m also not a ‘fling-type of guy’ 🤷🏼‍♂️☺️

[@florencia2771]

I want to talk to someone like you, it’s been 7 years for me. It’s not due to religion or anything like that, it’s because sex outside a committed relationship is gross to me, and I haven’t had a committed relationship in the past 7 years. Not many can relate to me.

[@mikenelson8377]

@@florencia2771 oh okay. I think we should talk as well 🙂. It’s not because of religion or anything like that either for me. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex (‘cause I really do lol) but I can’t hook up with women as it’s just not who I am. I know a lot of women truly enjoy getting through and that’s them 🤷🏼‍♂️ If you wanna give me your IG, let me know. Gosh, this is really weird trying to talk to someone from YT 😅

[@DontAtMe2k24]

When John said listen to me very very carefully. I thought he was just going to blurt out “leave now”. Lol

[@tomfilippone6303]

His advice is like telling a person on an airplane with both engines on fire, to just try to work it out and fix it with a wrench. No! It is time to put on the parachute and jump! Why can’t John see that this marriage is dead and has been for at least five years. There is life after divorce… and it’s amazing. I know from experience.

[@jtrevm]

I hear this and know it.I'm 72. I have struggled with generalised epilepsy for fifty years. The meds available in the 1970's had side-effects which basically put you to sleep. It's better with the new meds. I was part of drug trials 1989, and then 2009. In 1980 / 1 - traumas with family deaths. And I am gay. My church policy in 1980's was to cure with prayer. (Grief). The good part of the story is I have had a partner for twenty years. We are blessed. So much for being healed. But I did not understand that I became asexual with all the problems including health. I won't risk meds change. My partner has only just talked about this - something so vital........... Effectively we became loving roomates. He is now a healthy 60. And needs to have a partner who is not asexual. We are planning a way forward .It is hard. But we are committed. The health aspect is tough. My faith is strong. I do believe that people need to give up on loveless church / religion and find real faith. And this asexual thing is not a choice .It' happens. And losing shame is not easy. I give this so that it might be shared. It's don't give up. Love as you can. Give as you can. And receive as you can.

[@hommy1614]

Oh, this is just a sad call but so many possibilities. 55 is the perfect time to get this all figured out and walking a lovely path together. I hope they both decide to put in the work and the shifts in the right direction.

[@Tristum1970]

‘You’re worth more than this, she’s worth more than this’ …. But I have a feeling she is living her ideal situation . If she wanted sex she would ask. I suspect he will have to leave . Doesn’t even sound like they like each other

[@hispoiema]

For me it was 8 years and he said it had only been a few weeks when confronted. It then went another 13 years without before I left which was mainly for emotional abuse.

[@Marwadear512]

My husband and I had sex about 10 times in 17 years. And he refused to ever talk about it and he was never truly affectionate in other ways. It was awful. I didn’t leave because of guilt.

[@KlassiclyRevampT]

​@@Marwadear512Was your husband possibly secretly gay, or has suffer a childhood sex trauma? I'm asking on a serious note. Because it could be why he avoided intimacy.

[@Marwadear512]

@@KlassiclyRevampT I extremely doubt he was secretly gay. Childhood trauma of some form is always possible.