“We’re 2 months from going bankrupt, but I pretend things are fine”

[@ramitsethi]

0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@annedavies2885]

Why did you just offend your Catholic audience, please follow your own guidelines... this would be appreciated.

[@sarahb8073]

​@@annedavies2885 I'm Catholic and I lolled. He was talking about the guilt. And the need to project piety via frugality. Made perfect sense to me 🤷

[@jessitabonita]

@@sarahb8073 😂 Agreed! I grew up in the RCC, now Reformed Christian, and there will always be someone in the comments clutching their pearls in offense... Even though Christians are not to be quick to offend. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Mr_NB628]

Grew up Catholic and I literally laughed out loud. No longer religious at all. One of the reasons was exactly what he was joking about.

[@Mr_NB628]

Separately, on her thought about the student loans and dying, our current president was one of the people that voted to not let that be forgiven when you die. The debt goes into probate against your estate. If you think about it in that frame, it almost makes it easier to focus on because you’re protecting your kids.

[@Prekshaa09]

Just a suggestion.. can we start the intro with the couple’s net income? It’s difficult to understand the severity of the issue without understanding how much they earn and how much they are spending.

[@aurorasanchez7922]

Is not what you earn is the way you distribute the house 🤑

[@floyddaye9068]

I guess it must be me because when someone says that they’re $100,000 in debt, I don’t think that net income matters.

[@Prekshaa09]

@@floyddaye9068 It does. It will determine your ability to pay back your debt faster. If we know the net income first and throughout the episode we discuss the expenses we can do the math as we go along. I will find that easier to follow. But to each his own Ofcourse.

[@soulfireonfire6423]

@@Prekshaa09 I think the point is, if they are $100,000 in dept the. apparently they have been overspending. Or why are they that much in. Dept? I do understand what they are saying but is it really anyone’s business. People know how to add and subtract !!!! Meaning this couple! People know when they are over overspending just to keep up a lifestyle. That’s exactly what’s happened here! They had a child , huge new expense, and ate in a home they shouldn’t have bought! She says living that house is living the “ Rich Life” so they will have to do without the ice cream!!! That’s an absurd statement. They are not in debt because of a gallon of ice cream!

[@tvdavis]

I get what you’re saying. It helps to know if they just need to stop spending extra or if they’re not making enough to ever catch up.

[@lymabeanz]

love how this channel is like finance couple's therapy

[@PatricaKing]

I love this couples honesty

[@georgina4874]

I usually do. But, this one wasn't as good.

[@verb0ze]

​@@georgina4874 what was bad about this one?

[@tvdavis]

Any time one person in the relationship says the other person could spend less when grocery shopping, the person currently doing the shopping should have the other person start making the shopping list and doing the shopping.

[@JayJackson007]

👏🏽 I agree!! especially now that things are so expensive!!

[@carriemunnick9980]

Agreed.

[@Mariatrieseverything]

Agreed. My husband was oblivious to how much money went into our groceries. He was telling me I had to save money and asking where was our money going. (My part time job income 800-1200 a month, went to my credit card bills, clothing for 4 kids and our groceries for 6 people.) He makes 4 times more than i do, paid his bills and our rent. Told me that he had a savings account and I should do the same.😮 But not willing to listen. After he lectured me when I kept asking for money for my bill 😂. He realized 😳 groceries were 1200-1400 a month. Yet he thought I was being stingy with the serving of meats. DUDE I WAS TRYING TO STRETCH OUR FOOD.😂😂 Now, after raking up some credit debt on my end😅 we finally got to work together.

[@raraavis7782]

​@@Mariatrieseverything You're married with 4 kids and you guys don't share your income? Are you for real?

[@jessicareid3001]

Omg yes.

[@laurenpool8367]

Did a double take when husband says he spent 21k on FIVE motorcycles in last couple years, plus 300 per month on maintenance, yet wife feels guilty about buying some TJs ice cream 🤔

[@codelessunlimited7701]

TJs ice cream is GMO though.

[@VBoo459]

Its always the case though. Men spend stupid money on cars, motorbikes but its silly women who spend on handbags (substantially less than depreciating cars and motorbikes) and ice cream.

[@zipporahngigi4532]

I thought they say they don't use GMO with their name brand​@@codelessunlimited7701

[@LittleTimmyO]

@@codelessunlimited7701lol

[@tarichar8]

Well, just think if she spent less on ice cream he might be able to get another motorcycle duh

[@ironuckles]

I'm not sure why Alex gets credit for being the one who is "frugal." He owns multiple motorcycles while saving zero monthly. That is *not* frugality.

[@drew9073]

Owned not financed

[@brandeberryb84]

@@drew9073that’s what he said bro

[@jonasking3670]

@@drew9073so those motorcycles just fell out of the sky?

[@jochenkraus7016]

He has the better overview so it looks like he has it under control with some weak spots. Another thing might be that different kinds of expenses feel different to us. Cosmetics and fashion? Waste of money! Luxury watches and old cars? Precious masterpieces of engineering and craftsmanship!

[@ranikster9955]

@@jochenkraus7016 she does come across as a bit clueless and more frivolous but one could argue that there are instances where skin care products and clothes are necessary and way cheaper, whereas multiple motorcycles aren’t 🤔. Both of them seem to be in denial even though they are the ones who searched for help

[@gracie2375]

What a huge service to society this podcast is. No one talks frankly about personal finances in our capitalist, lying culture that’s is killing many of us. Thank you for this amazing, courageous couple and your help. They represent all of us in one way or another. My husband and I are in the same boat except we’re old 😢

[@AgoristsRising]

Central banking is a socialist monetary system. The Federal Reserve inflates the money supply out of thin air, and creates a huge wealth gap between the rich and the poor. Capitalism isn't perfect but socialism is much worse.

[@gracie2375]

Oh my friend you completely missed the boat on this one. Responsible capitalism is wonderful of course. Don’t be silly, what I meant is crony, counterfeit, misleading marketing, planed obsolescence of products and deceptive marketing capitalism. If you were born after WW2 you know what I mean!

[@timetravelfilms727]

One person's debt is another's asset! The more in debt we get - the richer the other person that owns the head, that they hold over you!

[@beea4456]

I wish American society would normalize extended families living in the same household. The idea of family contributing to one household and using the excess income to grow a family legacy is much better than everyone striving for home ownership and getting into debt on their own.

[@verb0ze]

As George Carlin famously said, "it's called the American dream because you need to be asleep to believe in it". Credit can be a good thing if used wisely, but is a dangerous doubled-edged sword! Every time you buy on credit and can't pay it off right away, understand that you've essentially sold some amount of your future earnings to your creditor. Think long and hard how much that's worth to you, and whether delayed gratification is perhaps a better route

[@aussican]

You handled their dynamic so tactfully, you didn’t play on the drama, it was very logic focused…. I felt frustrated with her consistent jokes and MEH’s, but you managed to address it in a way that was respectful and goal focused. FANTASTIC job 👏

[@stephaniegiles8324]

You are right about Courtney. However, I think you missed that Courtney is pissed deep down because Alex lets her think that she is the only problem. She recognizes that something is not fair. Rather than be angry, she makes jokes.

[@SixthSenseSynesthete]

What's crazy is that he suggested moving into her parents' house before considering selling his motorcycles...yikes

[@debbielockhart7762]

So? Selling his motorcycles will get them a vit - but moving in with her parents will save them far more. They can't afford their outrageous rent payment.

[@samiquerizvi]

Double yikes

[@aubreysellssofl]

I commend him for having overcome addiction!!! Kudos to him

[@Fe26man]

I moved back into my parents’ place after my husband passed. I’m also in my 30’s and the dynamic is so good at this age, for me and for them. We are closer than ever.

[@Joce123]

Words like" I'm sorry for your loss" are not enough. Heart wrenching. I'm glad for the things that you have for support. .

[@KC-qr3wk]

Courtney is taking it seriously. She’s just a nervous joker/laugher. She’s just really uncomfortable and that’s how she keeps from crying. Signed a nervous laugher.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

What?!?!?! She's in denial and even says so near the end of the video. Everything is a joke to her. She openly admits that she purposely underestimates ALL her expenses and debt, even to her own husband who asks her for how much debt she has.

[@KC-qr3wk]

@@deirdrekiely6187 Nah. I know what nervous laughter looks like. She’s saying the word joke because people have put that in her head because she’s probably been laughing when nervous for years but that’s not joke laughing.

[@fanban2926]

@@KC-qr3wkExactly

[@fanban2926]

@@KC-qr3wkExactly

[@alfsmom8025]

It's still pretty socially awkward and grating even if there is a reason. I think it undermines how she presents. She just seems like a silly woman and I know she isn't based on her income and other things she mentioned

[@Annoyin1321artist]

I think she is embarrassed, that is why she is laughing.

[@moniqueg943]

The way Ramit coached this couple was incredible to watch. And I love how it morphed into the husband starting asking excellent questions at the end. Great episode!

[@elwi1670]

Great episode. Admire this couple for jumping in together and being so vulnerable sharing their story. Moving in with her parents is a valuable short term step to keep them afloat. However, long term, I don't think a few years without rent is going to allow them to stay in Orange County on $108k/year. That seems to be the crux of the issue -- they can't afford to live in their desired location (especially with kids and 6 figures in student debt). Unless they begin to make substantially more money, they will need to relocate.

[@vividneon]

As children get older the cost of childcare goes down and the need to be Orange County wouldn’t be so strong either. Even if they stayed with them for two years they could move to a more affordable area, pay for childcare, and still pay less than renting in Orange County with no childcare cost. I think that would end up being a really positive solution

[@kylia2009]

The audacity of him being picky about her ice cream choice when he is spending all their money on bikes and forced them to rent a more expensive place so he can house his bikes... but ice cream is the problem 😂

[@KC-qr3wk]

Avocado toast

[@mytravls]

@@KC-qr3wkexactly. I was going to write that too. Or that damn latte.

[@ayela562]

So you all have perfect communication with your spouses and no irrational beliefs. Gotcha. The whole point of the program was that they BOTH wanted to change/fix their dysfunctional thinking. At least they are trying and being incredibly vulnerable sharing this with so many people.

[@joshdawson5850]

£21k on bikes, while they’re drowning in debt… I just… I can’t understand what my guy was thinking.

[@ravenkushner]

Yes. Also him volunteering her parents' house to have them move in so they can save money. Who wants their grown kids moving in and not paying any rent, especially with a child! I don't think people should assume they could do that or even bring it up. Let the parents offer if they want to help out, but I'm glad they decided not to do that. It's their mess to clean up.

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

Courageous couple...hope they really recognize that life will be SO MUCH BETTER getting out of debt and starting fresh. I'm 68 and have had to make enormous sacrifices to regroup after a divorce at 49. It's so much easier to regroup when you're young and their child will grow up learning about money in a much better atmosphere. I wish them both luck on their journey. Great episode Ramit! There is a wealth of information and skills that are takeaways here.

[@jessicarogers9420]

That is so inspiring. I’m on similar shoes in my 40s and just starting to reset my money situation.

[@katierose1893]

You also regrouped 20 years ago when things were still affordable, even for a single mom!

[@namandajames]

Another great episode! I have to say that being able to see everyone's faces/reactions has added so much to my experience of these stories! Even seeing Ramit's reactions has been really cool. Kudos to this couple for being so open and honest!

[@ramitsethi]

I agree. Thank you for watching!

[@TheAllegoristAndMe]

I completely love Ramit's communication style, so intelligent, compassionate, and so consistently navigates the conversation to the "so what" regarding finances. Like obsessed.

[@karenhaire5451]

I don't think they learned anything. She has enough to make payments on a Lexus but can't pay back her school loan debt. Motorcycles are very expensive to maintain. Think of the insurance on all their vehicles alone.

[@joyaustin6581]

She’s spending thousands per year in student loan interest alone. She can’t afford $60 for nails or $6 for coffee. She’s broke.

[@MONI-bj1ms]

​@@joyaustin6581she hasn't and isn't paying on the student debt

[@marksin515]

Great episode, kudos to the Courtney and Alex. They've dug a hole, and rule 1 is "stop digging." I admire that they are willing to work together to fix this. I wish I'd had this sort of relationship in my youth, it would have made all the difference. Good luck to you both!

[@ramitsethi]

I love all the supportive comments on this channel. Thank you, Mark

[@Joce123]

Alex ..only as an after fact includes his family ...WHAT HAPPENS IF GRANDPARENTS CAN NO.LONGER TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD?..or do not want to care for Maggie .I think that they need to move..downsize AND PAY OFF THE STUDENT DEBT

[@Joce123]

They probably do save more than a $1000 a month on childcare.

[@sebastiankarlsson1294]

I think Courtney used her "happy mood" more as a defence mechanism. That should not necessarily be associated with, and/or taken as, a denial about the gravity of their situation. Huge thanks for both of them, for sharing about their situation with us.

[@katherinealba6768]

Women are raised and societally programmed to do that - as a protector. I wish this will end.

[@kegaket6772]

I just get the feeling that if they move in with her parents there will be a breach in this relationship that won't heal. Like her dad was against her marrying this man and this will prove to her dad that he was right and she was wrong. Am I just reading too much in between lines when I think she'll start thinking the main reason they blew up their savings was so he could live somewhere with enough space to put his toys for the first time in his life? I'm getting very bad vibes from their conversation. But then heck, I'm not married, I'm not even in a relationship, so what do I know about how couples solve their problems? I hope all goes well for them.

[@brandeberryb84]

I completely agree. I couldn’t have said it better.

[@madameclark3453]

I lived on a shoestring budget when I was in college. I couldn’t afford a cup of coffee on campus. Sometimes I couldn’t afford the required books for classes. My average food budget was $20 per week. I had no cell phone , no computer, no nothing. I worked part time. I paid my college loan off in 2 years.

[@barose1]

May I ask when this was? I lived without a computer until the late 1990s (used a typewriter) but living without one now would make life much harder, especially as a student.

[@Daveyjonesvi]

That’s not endearing to hear. It’s sad and I pity your experience

[@mostmai]

You could always use the library computer. I did that for a little while when my computer broke.​@@barose1

[@alanj9978]

$4K rent on $9K gross a month? that's gotta hurt.

[@debbielockhart7762]

It is absolutely stupid.

[@Kelly_Explores]

It leaves about 2k for utilities, food, extracurricular for kids, debt, saving…. In other words, almost nothing.

[@stahmanguitars3159]

Easily my favorite episode so far. I like shaking my head and chuckling when people have lots of money and act cheap, don't get me wrong. This episode was a lot more relatable for me though. I've been in huge amounts of debt before, and am now in a, uh, medium amount of debt. Aggressively paying it down, but had to confront some very inconvenient stuff before taking that step. I think we got to see the beginning of that same process here, which is so cool!

[@ramitsethi]

Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your comment

[@ramitsethi]

12:30 I love Courtney’s honesty here. This is a common tactic people use so they don’t feel bad. Some will simply ignore the problem. Some will compare themselves to someone worse off. Be honest with yourself: what tactic do you use when you don’t want to feel bad about a mistake?

[@TheModernJackChannel]

I commend Alex and Courtney for being willing to talk about these things in a public setting. They aren’t easy conversations to have. We all want to be like an ostrich and put our head in the ground, but it only gets worse. Props for working through this

[@ramitsethi]

49:38 I love how Alex and Courtney toss back ideas here, this is what a true partnership looks like. Imagine you were in their shoes and 91% of your take-home was going to fixed costs. How would you fix this? Share your ideas below.

[@JojoSavice]

Why not get a roommate instead of living with her parents? They're increasing her dad's stress who isnt thrilled of them moving in! They should make themeselves uncomfortable by getting a roomate rather than her dad. Glad they didn't move back home. Her dad shouldnt have to shoulder their responsibility!

[@rockyhillstudio3916]

Longtime podcast listener, love being able to see faces and understand more subtle nuances. Enormous kudos to them being willing to come on and talk about these things! I don't think I'd be brave enough, pretty sure I wouldn't be :)

[@ramitsethi]

Thanks for watching!

[@KirienSangha]

So much admiration for this couple. Of course, they're not in a great place financially, but one has to acknowledge the real challenges at play here, some beyond their control (high cost of living area, the challenges of becoming new parents), and the emotional turmoil they face - like moving back home. Ramit - my very sincere hope for Alex and Courtney, beyond reaching a better situation, is that they understand that many of us watching truly admire their courage for coming on and sharing their vulnerabilities. And they know that we are rooting for them from the sidelines. With that said, key takeaways for me: (1) For fixed-long term costs, really think about total costs. I think Ramit is often known as someone who encourages us to spend on the things we love. But the caveat, as he points out here, is that we must be able to afford it. I love the specific breakdown of the motorcycles in this case. (2) Proactively reach out to your friends and family who are going through big changes like moving home or having a baby. What can I do to support them during this change? Whether that's taking them out for a meal or offering support with child care for an afternoon.

[@ramitsethi]

Outstanding comment. Warm, empathetic, and also great takeaways. Thank you for watching and for sharing

[@surgtechbae]

I love how Ramit is so unapologetic. It is refreshing.

[@acissej821]

Wow I really relate to this couple. I’m about to have a $15,000 wedding and I’m terrified my financial situation will change and I’ll regret it. This has really inspired me to have an upfront conversation with my partner about our finances. I wish Ramit could facilitate!

[@ramitsethi]

I can. Join me in iwt.com/moneycoaching and I'd be happy to talk to you and your partner. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

[@arleedennis791]

I got married in October and I let anxiety, financial worry, and depression deprive me of having things how I wanted. I told myself it was for the best. But I regret not walking into a beautiful decorated room of my choice. All because I was too overwhelmed to even look at the prices.

[@sz4179]

ELOPE!

[@debbieframpton3857]

What's wrong with getting married at the courthouse and have a small reception. You're not even married and you're stressing about money

[@cokedclassic7627]

I personally don't think 15k is a make-or-break especially if you are young. I think it is your relationship to money. I wouldn't have given up my wedding for 15k. It was priceless

[@secouepaslekombucha]

Really brave of them to have this conversation in public.

[@CAGChannel1]

We went the other way and did the apt and regret it very much. We were miserable without parking and a yard and space, so we compensated by……spending the extra few hundred that could have gotten us a house. Sooooo….we changed and actually saved on not going to the laundry mat, not getting parking tickets, not miserableness “ treat” spending.

[@kylia2009]

I think it's a mistake to move in with parents, especially since they are already providing free childcare. They need to increase income (pick up another job/ side gig), sell the motorcycles and the Lexus, get a reliable used auto with cash (no financing), reduce housing costs (maybe move to the closest less expensive suburbs and search for an apartment with shared laundry), and set some hardcore debt payoff and savings goals. At least they will have privacy as a couple and won't overstep boundaries with the parents.

[@debbielockhart7762]

I think it is a way better idea than paying $4100 rent on a $9k I come.

[@kylia2009]

@@debbielockhart7762 my point is it might be a desirable solution for the couple but it will likely cause tension with the in laws..... the in laws are already providing free childcare.

[@janw999]

Wow! Your psychological hints and comments were super insightful and made me reflect on my past relationship, not only about financial things. Thank you!!!

[@no1djkamilo]

Ramit is a couple therapist and money coach rolled into one.

[@sourdoughsavant22]

Just to provide a little more context, nails need redoing regularly so $60 adds up, but yes, motorcycles are an equally if not more unnecessary hobby expense

[@vividneon]

I believe he said he’s currently paying $300 a month on motorcycle maintenance

[@soulfireonfire6423]

Since honesty is a key factor when it comes to couples and finances, they did make progress but there is one thing that stuck out for me! Well maybe 2-3 things! 1) I was concerned that there really wasn’t any focus on their child when you asked , I think it was, what’s important for you to be able to do. Like Courtney getting her nails done! His was his motorcycles. 2) I feel there’s a lot of me, me, me! 3) Courtney and her husband not so much as her, seems to have a clouded outlook or a silver spoon type outlook on things. Even talking about the ice cream she wasn’t willing to give up name brand ice cream ! I don’t know, maybe I am from the old school but I don’t believe their focus or, I don’t know how to put it without just saying it. Yeah having nice things, nice house, getting your nails done, buying expensive ice cream, having 5 motorcycles for whatever reason, that’s great. ! But none of it is a necessity or has anything to do with living a happy life! Even if you can afford it!!! There’s nothing wrong with having goals! But expensive things and the mind set that you deserve a treat because you have worked all week, sounds kind of like possibly Courtney was spoiled and Alex feels he is entitled to his 5 motorcycles, because he has had it rough! Even though he fears ending up in a bad spot again. In the mean time her parents are watching their child for free. Great if they want to but when you are blessed with parents that will take that huge burden off you and give up their free time to do that, I would think more appreciation for that blessing of help and sacrifice on the parents part , should be reciprocated by more sacrifice on their part! I understand her parents or mother might love having their grandchild everyday but grandparents also embrace their freedom of being child free, so I am sure there are days where her parents or mom does not really want to watch their child but does it anyway to save them the expense. And probably feels better their grandchild is with them in todays atmosphere. But they are still giving up their free time! I don’t know I think what they think is important to be happy is going to lead to disappointment and there needs to be less , I want . Not saying parents need to lose the importance of nurturing themselves after having a child, because that’s not healthy either. Not to self care! But when you have a child , 5 motorcycles, expensive ice cream, and getting your nails done when your already living way above your means, doesn’t seem like their or the majority of their focus is where it should be . Their focus or at least it should be tumbling around in their head, what are we teaching our child? What kind of example are we setting for them? We need to be financially stable for our child, it’s our job! I didn’t hear any of that as a concern.

[@katherinealba6768]

Totally agree with you. Emotionally immature too.

[@Raphaelfa]

Sure, but maybe people in the comment section for these particular podcasts ‘should’ not use the word should.. Isn’t that a little easy? Appreciate them coming on!

[@anniegoomes8585]

KZbin has been suggesting this video to me for weeks and I’ve been scrolling past thinking it looked like click bait!! Can’t believe I was so silly! So glad I finally discovered this channel

[@sbIvanov]

$4100 for rent is more than what me and my partner make in total as salary in the UK (and we don't work bad jobs!)

[@ramitsethi]

This is one of the reasons I love talking to different couples from around the world. You can see how much different people in different places spend on housing, food, cars, etc.

[@pejpm]

I’m British but have lived in the US 15 years. Incomes are much higher in the US. Things tend to even out on a purchasing power basis, but the numbers are just a lot higher. Someone making 50k in the UK would be 90-100k usd

[@sbIvanov]

@@ramitsethi and that is exactly why I watch your podcast with people from USA. It makes a good educational point of how expensive the world is out there!

[@sbIvanov]

@@pejpm I was talking about this with my US colleague that moved to London. $150k in NYC after tax and all has less purchasing power than the £75 000 in UK.

[@pejpm]

@@sbIvanov it depends where. You can’t reply compare NYC to ‘the UK’. I was born and raised in London and moved to NYC in 2008. I’d say that’s broadly equivalent. Someone making $150k in NYC, would be on probably 75kish in London. When I worked for company that had London and NYC offices, someone on 200k USD would be on 90-100 GBP. Not sure if agree thag the the 75 would have more purchasing power though. Generally speaking, people are wealthier and with more disposable income in the US. I certainly wouldn’t swap $150k in NYC for 75k in London in terms of lifestyle

[@chaldunalder]

Thanks for another great episode. Disappointed Courtney wasn’t taking things as seriously as she should of but I get it. When confronted and left no wiggle room to deflect she and Alex were able to have real discussion that will make a difference.

[@albinosaschoopasquatch4455]

Are you referring to her nervous laughter? She wasn't even given the opportunity to fill out the CSP when she wanted to.

[@chaldunalder]

@@albinosaschoopasquatch4455 lol dude I commented this a year ago.

[@TH-eb5ro]

Many people need to see this before they get married, this is the sticker shock of many weddings. My husband once 'estimated' funds on a FBAR form, I wrote and sorted it out with the Treasury Department. Take care with the person who is not specific about money. I also watch Caleb Hammer and many people admit, even rationalize it. This is why YT is a better medium for things. Appreciate them sharing all this as many are in this situation and it is good to know there are options, for anyone. This man has done amazing things. I know people who never break free of that lifestyle. My husband and I have had to set up many agreements with money.

[@jennyjenkins877]

I loved your show on Netflix and I'm happy to have found more of your money talk on KZbin.

[@tmcdgreen]

One thing I noticed was that Courtney was definitely unaware of how much her aversion of financial literacy affected her relationship about it and her access to money. She was worried about overspending on ice cream and forgoing the things she loves, while her husband's hobby spurred the house move with the garage AND allowed him $300 free spending every month. When pressed for a solution on how to get out of debt, her parent's house was the option. I think eventually that will get to her and come out in less than positive ways. Both of them need to be able to spend on the things they like, within reason, while trying to meet their goals. But they also need to do a fair share of sacrificing too. If she had $300 in free spending each month, she'd have money left over - even with tip on both hair AND nails. Cortney's attitude of "it will all work out" is true denial in order not to face hard choices, but being unaware of her true finances allowed her to carry guilt about overspending that her husband was just as guilty about but rationalized. I think their solid relationship will help them move forward positively, but I hope she gains awareness that allows her to have equal financial footing as well.

[@Annoyin1321artist]

I noticed this too.

[@GrowingThroughItAll]

There is unequal power in this marriage, and she has willingly given hers away due to her own insecurities. I want to be optimistic, but I’ve seen this dynamic play out before. Unless he works on his control issues and sense of entitlement, their marriage won’t be happy or healthy, much less their finances. He’s overcome a lot but there’s lasting trauma. I hope they both get therapy

[@Sonny0276]

Great Video. Thank you for posting. Please post more real-life stories like this one. Learning a lot from this.

[@vgmijpn8ball]

Thanks for another great episode. I really liked Alex's story and also his attitude to having to cut back. He did a great job re-framing it as them doing the smart thing so they can save money, versus thinking of the negative connotations. For reference, I grew up in OC and lived there until COVID in 2020 when I had to move out of my parents house at 34. In my experience, most people would find it quite normal for people to live with their parents and there isn't much stigma. Most people I know working in Irvine [expensive city even in OC] commute 1 to 2 hour drives both ways every day [I know people commuting from Sylmar, Fontana, Oceanside, and Lake Elsinore].

[@ramitsethi]

Thanks for the comment. And I agree -- the reframing is crucial!

[@deirdrekiely6187]

Re: "In my experience, most people would find it quite normal for people to live with their parents and there isn't much stigma." In Europe or Asia this is true but in America it is not.

[@tracyaf6084]

@@deirdrekiely6187in this part of America where things are so expensive and our population is very high in immigrants, it is much more common and less stigmatized. When a starter home is 900k we know people can’t easily move out.

[@amendezmuniz]

10 Years doing business and never hearing of a PL!!! Who made her taxes? FIRE THAT PERSON

[@joycef8443]

As.long as she ran everything out of one checkbook, she had an idea of how she was doing…money out for materials and supplies and money in from clients. What was leftover after allocating for taxes was hers to spend.

[@WilmaStordahl]

I’ve listened to this podcast episode in the past, but seeing this couple, for some reason, makes their conversation more real. They are at my eldest son’s age. I just bought your book and the journal for all three of my sons, ages 35, 29 and 25, for Christmas. They are all dealing with similar issues in various ways, and I’m hoping they heed your advice, do the math, and course correct while they are relatively young.

[@33Jenesis]

A lot of people look prosperous but they are broke in finance and in spirit. I live and work in the most expensive area in SoCal since 1984. I have seen enough quiet desperation despite the nice outfit, accessories, and cars they have on.

[@ronron2312]

Four generations shared the house I grew up in. My mom, five kids, her parents, an aunt and a grand aunt and her husband. The adults contributed the bulk of their income to support the household budget. The goal was to assure the welfare of the kids and the elderly in the shared home.

[@yowgyrl]

I find it interesting that he wants to be able to ride his many motorcycles without getting grief about it or spending the gas money to do it but she gets dumped on when she wants to get her hair and nails done. I don't think she really is the issue here.

[@muhammad-bin-american]

Gave my wife all my credit cards and also let her have fully control our bank accounts. I tried my best to pretend that all is well and let her handle stuff. One day I checked my credit online and it dropped to 700 which is very unusual for me. I then decided to check our finances and My CC balances were all over the place. Decided to take over everything. Consolidated all CC to one loan. Tracked and managed expenses. In few months my credit bounced back to 812. The high loan I took will be paid off by December. BTW I did the same for her own CC and its getting way better. So yes its doable. You just have to have some discipline and also pray...a lot. LOL!!!

[@karireyes9178]

I live in Calif, and work with a lady who was living outside means when the economy had an artificial boom during the pandemic. When things turned down in 2022, they, with their 3 kids had to sell their new 3000 sq’ house and are now living in an RV

[@y_yy_2844]

There were so many people led astray (or who threw caution to the wind) as a result of the pandemic. A lot of these new quits and layoffs, for example, are from people who got those jobs after 2020. The firesale of newly purchased property is already another one.

[@JoannaDeVoe]

What a brave couple... they're gonna make it. I believe!

[@ramitsethi]

I hope so! I have a lot of confidence in them. It will be hard work, but they can do it.

[@stregalilith]

This is so wonderful! Bless this young couple. I hope they will have as much prosperity as they have courage. And what brilliant and respectful counseling! I’m definitely subscribing.

[@2passportsandpostcards]

Their rent is outrageous. Definitely does not compute. They need to move ASAP 😮 but good on them for seeing the problem and trying to work through it and find a resolution. Ramit, your approach is very wonderful: encouraging and helpful yet stern and steadfast. 🤛🏻

[@cornellcornell1]

It’s reality in a HCOL. I’m in nyc and the average 1 bedroom is $4k. I wish I had a house.

[@judyfabion8849]

This is such an Orange County, California attitude. It will always work out - if you are rich..

[@euenfheiejrj]

@@cornellcornell1you can definitely get cheaper rents even in NYC. I always had roommates but just did a search and found plenty of places in the $2k range.

[@nicolen.4538]

Good episode! This couple impressed me with their raw honesty and no defensiveness. So brave.

[@vulpixelful]

I can see what she meant about moving from an apartment to a home. A couple hundred dollars difference between two living situations doesn't have to be the end of the world. Her mistake, which is really common, is that she didn't consider that owning a home comes with more financial obligations beyond a mortgage. Rent is the most you'll pay, outside of some utilities. The mortgage is the least you'll pay, where you're on the hook for all maintenance and repairs.

[@sct4040]

They rent a house, I believe. Not owning a house.

[@joyaustin6581]

I like how you worded that. Rent is the most you’ll pay for housing and mortgage is the least you’ll pay

[@debbieframpton3857]

Even if they're renting a house they're going to pay more in utilities that will up the cost even more. With more room they'll probably want more furniture and it just goes on and on

[@GeeEee75]

​@@debbieframpton3857People who have a mortgage don't pay for utilities? And I guess interest rates never go up either?

[@guus2072]

You're fantastic! You're focussing on long term improvement and dynamic between a couple (like a real therapist)!

[@danielp4805]

I loved this interview. Thank you for sharing these hard experiences 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@ramitsethi]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@nataliamartin6411]

The dude wants her to spend less so he could spend more. He has this $300 monthly expense and he's complaining about her buying groceries and getting her nails done? GTFOH

[@martabanasiewicz6353]

He probably spend all free time in the garage with motorcycles. He is a big baby

[@belindacarter6872]

He’s probably also underestimating how much he spends on bikes, too

[@__nav]

you really have to be brave to come on the show and talk openly. respect. I hope they turn their situation around :)

[@jeffhester2169]

Wow you can really feel Courtney’s discomfort about moving back home. It’s where the conversation got real.

[@harveylin3548]

That's because gurus like this OP doesn't ever talk about larger system issues. Boomerang kids, especially happening in middle class white families, are a sign of the downward social mobility of a certain subset of people today.

[@b00bala64]

I partly felt she laughed bec she was nervous. I also felt she was raised comfortably and therefore felt a sense of entitlement. I’m from CA. I realized that my income and cost of living would be chased the rest of my life so I moved out of state. I lead a richer life for it.

[@emmasupple1527]

Found this had many home truths. Highly recommended. Wishing them all the best for the future. Thanks for the lessons.

[@RunPlayBack]

This by far, is the episode I could relate to the most, especially when Alex said "Surron". I'd get rid of all the bikes but that one. Very little to no monthly maintenance cost. 😉

[@dim9753]

This made me more confident in my child free choice

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

Why?

[@abrareads]

Kids do not cost that much, people just think they need to upgrade houses, vehicles and all.kimds of things for a tiny human who doesn't need a lot.

[@GeeEee75]

​@@abrareadsI've got news for you. They don't remain tiny.

[@MoementumFinance]

This was a great episode. Some tough choices but what will serve then well over the long term.

[@hectoralejandro9883]

This guy. He’s bullying her. He doesn’t want to give up his bikes so his proposed solution is to move back into her parents home which he knows she will absolutely hate. When they end the call, they’ll agree not to move, saving his beloved bikes while he steps on her throat for spending a few bucks on ice cream. She doesn’t know how to use their shared account, he’s fine with that because then she’ll be able to see how much he drops on motorcycle parts. Terrible to watch, a couple that shouldn’t be together was always bound to end up on this financial show.

[@sheilasf195]

Wow! Thank you so much for this. I wish I knew about getting help like this when I was their age. They are brave to address this now let alone doing it publicly. May they find the home that gives them the mental and emotional freedom to pursue their dreams and financial freedom instead of paying for someone else’s dream.

[@pejpm]

Holy shit that reveal near the end that they’re paying $4100 p.m on a $100k income. I really hope they can get it together, because that is absolutely absurd

[@sandralauzon9416]

This is horrifying. Bad decisions, and poor judgement coupled with "oh well lol!....Will see them destitute. Or mom and dad will end up housing or supporting them.

[@harveylin3548]

I saw this coming from miles away, that's why I left California during the pandemic. Moved to a state that is half of its COL and now I am actually living the life. Go hell with paying half of my take home on housing along. Right now half of my take home pay is spent on housing and multiple cars, and the other half is all cash. That's the lifestyle you can afford on just one income once you leave California.

[@mmp495]

What an incredible journey Alex has been on. With all he’s been through they both owe it to themselves to live a life of peace and serenity. My feeling is Courtney is so disconnected and unaware.

[@msdebbiecolbourn]

Ramit's face is just as telling as his guests :)))

[@katherinegeorge4945]

It seems like Courtney is afraid to challenge Alex.

[@GOATED1973]

Enjoyed the video! So many things to learn from their mistakes. Hope people learn from their mistakes and keep their fixed costs down to enjoy life. Remit, you’re awesome man!

[@OneOfNone0]

Thank you for taking your time in sharing your knowledge and insights ❤

[@annoravetz5908]

He struggled so hard to get clean & sober. If I was in this situation, I would be off the wagon. Isn't there another town where they can have the same benefits of being in a house, but still be close to their parents? Also, I am thinking they are trying to maintain a lifestyle they can't afford. I hear her talking about her sister, and perhaps she's trying to keep up appearances so she can be even with her sister. Sibling rivalry. It always works out." when you face reality & have discipline. The harder you work, the luckier you get.

[@mmp495]

I was thinking the same. Her laughing and denial would run me off the tracks.

[@lauriemendoza4671]

Love your podcasts. I always get great takeaways. Keep up the work. I pray for this couple. I, unfortunately, was in a similar situation. I was the money person who dealt with the finances, and he was the one with his head in the clouds about money. The financial situation was a contributing factor in the divorce. I am now debit free!

[@LoretoLala]

I started this episode rooting loud for the guy and he turned out to be a tyrant with their money! stretching the budget for his convenience and the motorcycles while she can't even buy ice cream KUEK

[@tarahspencernelson2844]

Thank you Alex for sharing your past, that is exactly like mine. Finally someone I can relate too

[@Offred]

Hard to watch this. I really feel for them, but they are not in reality. Do they bank with SVB, by any chance? 😮 I applaud their honesty and vulnerability…wishing them courage for what lies ahead.

[@carolinel2530]

Don't live with family. Sell stuff, up the income, cut out frivolous spending. They'll get there.

[@debbielockhart7762]

What is wrong with living with family? My partner and I live in his parents' suite. (They are Punjabi though,, not born here, so this is very common in their culture). My own parents have an open door policy though and always have (we are white - born here in Canada).

[@janebaker4912]

He's good with money .... Has 5 motorcycles 😑

[@laurenvalverde6447]

I’m at 59:00 so maybe you talk about that afterwards Ramit, but maybe Courtney’s “whatevers” and joking strategies are also a way not to address the fact that her husband is dumbing her out (I’ll make the plan myself it’ll be quicker), while actually having the strategy of a single guy whose priority is to have fun with his toys 🏍 although he has a family to provide for. I get that she would feel good about someone else calling him out, it’s almost like she’s afraid of him sometimes 🤷‍♀️

[@KC-qr3wk]

Courtney and Alex definitely have some (IMO small) non-financial issues going on. I don’t think Alex is abusive but he is assertive and Courtney isn’t and perhaps doesn’t know how to deal with that

[@the_shadow_realm5110]

I see it like this - there is Financial Offence (increasing your net income), and Financial Defence (saving and cutting costs). My life has only been drastically improved by going on the Financial Offence. Starting my business and making more money. It’s not a bad thing to cut costs etc, but I think it’s harder and a more negative experience to “save your way to wealth”. Have an abundance mindset and MAKE MORE MONEY. Most of us have at least one monetisable skill. Find a way to make your first $10,000 in a month in that area and then go all in and scale it. GO ON THE OFFENCE!

[@WTF-sh4is]

I’m from SoCal. Moving from San Diego to OC and NOT even looking at the increase cost in rent all in the vain attempt at free babysitting is backwards. That’s an OC mentality.

[@billyjoejimbob56]

First time I have watched your channel. Really good stuff here. keep up the good work!!!

[@LegendaryLiri]

At 23:21 the guy almost says “because logic is not her strong suit” or something like that and caught himself lol

[@Azel247]

I'm hooked on these podcasts man. Thank you.

[@yolandaingram7378]

Marriage and wedding are not synonyms. The wedding was expensive. But, it didn't have to be. It was a choice.

[@Red87star]

Perhaps I missed it: How many months were left on their lease which they decided to stay in thru end? Do their jobs allow relocation to a more affordable/decent housing market (out of LA)? Will/did he sell any of the motorcycles without buying more? Major factors I feel went unanswered or ignored despite their productive discussion 🤷‍♂️

[@Galworld761]

Their location allows them to get FREE childcare. That is $40 to $50k per year outside of LA.

[@maengh82]

And a lot of jobs in L.A. don’t allow 100 percent remote, they do hybrid

[@devochkadee]

15k for all those wedding expenses is actually pretty good with current wedding prices

[@Indy4Cookie]

so interesting, thanks for putting these on YT. i end up listening mostly anyway but most of the other things i watch are on here lol

[@snaojao8136]

I feel sorry for her parents. Once they move in they'll never leave and keep wasting money.