“We’re worth $700,000+ but my wife took away my credit card”

[@ramitsethi]

0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@tomgold5646]

ramit the people on your show are legit but, holly are they ever spoiled. It is only in the US where you can have a bachelors degree 4 years of schooling and get a JOB not even be a risk taking business man or woman, and earn 18k per month. These ppl need to kiss the dirt of the country they live in. Every where else you are luck if you are twice as educated and qualified doing the same job to earn half that. Including Canada, a nurse here clears 5k if he is lucky, an engineer clears 7k at best. I know couples with doctorates who do not clear 15 as a couple. The US is 100 percent the land of opportunity by all definitions, unless you are a pure moron.

[@candecarro]

I think Ramit does incredible work! Would love to see an interview, similar to these, that interviews couples or singles who feel they are living a rich life! I watch this and I think wow, I think I have found a rich life!

[@dsouzk23]

Ddydgdddggtfsaytyf lol qxdrdq to😊r kkw😢😢 exp and l🎉et 🎉😢laeswwsogtsdw ❤​@@candecarro

[@susank.4945]

You are really like a money therapist, not getting upset and helping couples talk to each other... it is really the best finance channel out there..

[@lowlowseesee]

facts and even marriage counselor type of stuff. therapist in hidin lol

[@garrettancel]

@@lowlowseeseeexactly my thoughts!!

[@patienceisalpha]

This channel is golden. There are four discussions you need to seriously have with you future spouse before considering a marriage: 1- Money goals. 2- Kids (to have or not) 3- The role of in-laws. 4- Religion if you plan to have kids.

[@staceyswanson3918]

Yes! And #1 is usually never discussed but becomes the number 1 reason couples split up. Learn about money prior to marriage and have many discussions before getting engaged.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

YES YES YES YES !!!!

[@ClarisNdoroRealEstate]

We talked about all this before the marriage !

[@patienceisalpha]

@@ClarisNdoroRealEstate then you should be good. These are the tension points

[@distantcam]

I love how the engineers took your spreadsheet, and then over-engineered the stuffing out of it! Disclaimer: I am also an engineer.

[@AliceChen]

I loved how much you loved their kids running around throughout the show and even being able to hear them in the background of the recording as well - great reminder that it doesn't have to be perfect because life is complex, but you have to start somewhere

[@ramitsethi]

The best! I love being able to get a glimpse into my guests' lives. It's such a gift and it tells me so much about what's really going on.

[@jameschalmers9939]

Kirsten and Jon, you guys are legends. Thank you for being so open about money and your lives. Crazy brave and so much learning for all of us!

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

This is one of the best podcasts on finances that I’ve heard/seen. This couple is so much like my husband and myself, but without their level of finances, even at twice their age. I overwork our finances. My husband for most of our life together has ignored our finances. He now lets me handle it all but if he’s confused or things are not as he thinks they should be, he takes more of a parental role scolding me and I get defensive. We have a monthly financial meeting where I bring him the numbers, but it isn’t a partnership. It’s me doing all the work, all the management, all the figuring out, and he tells me if he approves. Listening and watching this courageous couple work through this so beautifully with you Ramit, has encouraged me to think differently. I will have a conversation with my husband and talk about this podcast episode and see if he’ll watch this with me. It’s so important for couples to both be on board with finances and work together as partners. I wish them luck and would love to hear from them again in six months to see what they’ve accomplished.

[@ramitsethi]

Thank you

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

A great episode! Ramit saying,"What if, for one day, you didn't think of how things could go wrong and rather thought how they can go right?" is such an important lesson. For months, I've realized that I've wanted to study and do the assigned work, but I've found it hard, but yesterday for the first time, I decided that I'm going to get it done. I did get a small win and took it as I did the exercises I needed to do.

[@bethanyharrison3310]

This one made me cry. I think this couple might mirror myself and my husband the most closely out of all the episodes I've seen. I thought it was my husband "ignoring" finances because he doesn't care. But it occurred to me listening to Jon speak so bravely and openly about his internalized fears of incompetence wifh money... That my husband has actually voiced before that I'm "smarter" than him... Which is ludicrous to me because he's genuinely SO crazy intelligent. We just happen to have different areas of expertise. I forget that he might truly believe he's not enough for the partnership when it comes to areas like finance. 💔 Thank you so much Kristin and Jon, and Ramit as well. You've opened my eyes today and taught me things about my own marriage. I'm seeing new doorways into better supporting my husband and encouraging him to come alongside me as a partner, while we figure it out together. I could be so much kinder about it all too, respecting that he is wading into the unfamiliar water of finances-I want to be a buoy to lift him up and help him garner a sense of capability and control, not an anchor pulling him deeper than he's ready for.

[@acissej821]

I’m only 5 minutes in but I’m so excited to see how Ramit tackles these issues of transparency and control

[@davidhumphrey1366]

Kudos to Kirsten and Jon for their courage to share their situation to help others. Would be interested to know when Jon's hatred for talking about money started. Did he come into the marriage with the aversion, or did it grow only because of these non-productive interactions?

[@Indy4Cookie]

this was a lovely podcast ❤ huge credit to these two for opening up and working towards a more rich life

[@ramitsethi]

Thanks for watching. I'm so glad they were so candid in sharing their story

[@sussie9895]

Again, I am blown away every week by how you manage to delve into people's psychology. Really happy for this couple!

[@wayen8]

Thanks for the honest discussion and sharing your story!

[@CAROCARMEN]

This couple made me so emotional. I really wish them all the best financial unity and prosperity for their family! ❤

[@amendezmuniz]

Omgsh! So far the most raw and real episode! I feel so much empathy so him.

[@egdapo]

Bravo to this couple. Absolutely courageous on both of them. I really wish them the best! 👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@anwmusic]

Thank you to this couple for sharing! THANK YOU RAMIT! You offer us so much and so many ways to learn.

[@PedroPerez-nk7nx]

My god I want to see that custom spreadsheet so bad lol

[@lowlowseesee]

YES!!! i want to pitch an idea to IWT that he lets guests or supporters like us get to show off how we use our personal systems. im always so curious and also want to show off how I use the CSP lol

[@jquigley06]

I want to see, also

[@m0e87]

What a wonderful episode.❤

[@TH-eb5ro]

Family planning is so important. Try to plan for those children and have the programs in place before you have children, things such as an emergency fund and discussions about children and what that means financially in the chapters of your lives. I had a housekeeper before I got married. I was able to attend school, have a full time and part-time job and start a company. That housekeeper was so valuable to my life. I think this couple could have a date night weekly, even a few hours to hang out and financial planning on another day. Interesting is how you can tell they care for each other. This was very cool. Maybe take notes to save for the meeting.

[@myinnerbeingknows]

Thank you for handling this with so much grace and giving hope to both of them.i really believe you have helped them save there marriage. Shout out all the way from South Africa 🌺

[@thestembieshow]

Fun Money Fridays!!!

[@rowddyone3570]

I would really like to see there budget breakdown and where the money goes

[@firefalcoln]

Excellent couple in this episode. I wish them the best. I was amused by Kirsten enhancing the conscious spending plan template to Ramit's annoyance.

[@ramitsethi]

46:19 What are some $3 questions you can leave behind?

[@janeenharrison1953]

I looove it when you call out their bullsh%$t, way to go! Some of us truly are tooo preoccupied with the small things putting their priceless relationships in jeopardy.

[@ValerySherina]

This is so powerful! Bravo Ramit. Putting themselves into another person's shoes is so hard. She is craving for help and partnership, he assumes she knows it all and has it all figured out. He thinks he doesn't know much about money, but is willing to learn if asked. Thank you Ramit for opening their eyes on it.

[@rd904]

I like her and I like him.....I hope they find a way to find a happy financial life together

[@cenzo_rex]

Am I the only one noticing that so many of the couples that appear on this show just make insane amounts of money?

[@debbielockhart7762]

Not just you. It is kind of depressing sometimes when they are making like $400k - and I'm at the $100k level (and it has taken me.decades at my work to break that 6 figure barrier).

[@isaacwilson2240]

You are correct. However, the amounts are largely irrelevant… what’s important are the percentages. If the percentages are out of whack, it doesn’t work no matter how insane the income. Some of them do strike my funny bone, though, like the mom whose guilt-free spending was supposed to include $3k a month for her daughter’s activities? WTF? I don’t have that much TOTAL GF spending and I’m a 50-yr old business owner.

[@juditharsenault2131]

When John closed his eyes and listened to the host say what Kirsten was thinking, he didnt hear the overspending. He heard everything but that. Other than that, this couple seem to genuinely want to solve their financial probkems.

[@dude_dude_]

Great episode! Small question, (maybe i missed it), but what was the breakdown of who was bringing in the $18.3k/month? Not sure if it is the same case here, but the trend i've noticed in all these podcasts is that the lower income earner often feels that because their partner earns more, their partner understand money better. So therefore, because I earn less, i will never be able to understand money as well as the higher income earner and i am not qualified to manage the money. Plus, im not the one bringing in the money, so who am I to manage it. Obviously, this thinking is flawed because a low income earner can be better with money than a high income earner. But based off this trend, i assume he brings in less money and feels this way. I could be totally wrong, would be interesting to know if that is the case here.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

It’s also overlapped with the fact that if your partner runs a business, is an engineer or computer scientist or other high paying fields they are usually good at math. You’d assume they are going to make good financial decisions and plans as they can understand the math at an extremely high level. Whereas I understand money enough to get by but I’m not genius.

[@velvetgardenia]

​@@Coastpsych_fi99 agree, in THEORY that is what we tend to assume, but I learned that the hard way.

[@velvetgardenia]

Totally. I really enjoy watching the body language and the energies that the parties display, combined with the verbal- it's powerful.

[@verb0ze]

​@@Coastpsych_fi99agreed. I think that's because the rules of money are about simple math + psychology, and we engineers can tend to over-complicate things with our crazy formulas 😅

[@Erin-rg3dw]

I haven't heard it on this episode or show, but it's definitely something I've seen in other places. Sometimes it's a case of the lower income (or sometimes SAH parent) intentionally backing off, other times it's the higher income one pushing the other away, which I find unhealthy since it's supposed to be a team effort.

[@gmarrese91]

Maybe it’s just me, but alone by a river doesn’t sound too bad lol

[@robnelson6545]

We were worth almost exactly the same when I was their age. Now early 50s and it is about 4x that. I am also an engineer and was worried I wouldn’t be able to sustain my job performance and that is coming to fruition now and it’s super nice to have the cushion now that the job expectations are getting crazy. Most people don’t want to be an engineer because of how difficult it is. I totally understand from that perspective.

[@juditharsenault2131]

I relate to your job getting more complex and probably more stressful. Iwas a Registered Nurse and retired about 5 years ago. The job kept getting more and more complex so i retired at 62. I had started to hate nursing the last few years before I retired. I retired a year before the plandemic. Missed that bullet. God led me to retire. His timing is perfect! He's so good to me.

[@mmp495]

My dad always told me to stay away from debt and credit cards. My mom always provided us kids all the necessities and also avoided debt. Niether of my parents were educated or learned about investments. I changed my family tree on this one.

[@ChristyMurphyWriter]

I didn't expect this to go as well as it did by the end. I've watched about a half dozen of these episodes, and I have the highest hopes for Kirsten and Jon.

[@SydPeppa]

15:31 I never saw this conversation happen with my folks and it's almost taboo like.

[@lowlowseesee]

i came in mad at these two, mainly him but i love them both by the end hhahahaha. wish them the best, sweet folks

[@candecarro]

I would have edited the CSP also, and I haven’t even seen the template yet!

[@ramitsethi]

15:16 How did your parents talk to you about money growing up?

[@penelopeaponte4563]

One of my earliest memories is of my mom trying to teach me how to write a check because it was important I paid my bills on time. I was like 5 😂. My mom is from the Dominican Republic, bless her she tried lol

[@NFPwife]

My parents made me earn my luxury items, they'd say "We're not the kind of people who pay $50 for jeans. We're $25 jeans people," and I'd have to earn the difference. I got great at earning $$ and finding sales or thrifting luxury items. Now I just have to shift to, "I earned it!" and loosening up a bit.

[@rileygiordano2380]

I love this question, because my parents were bad with money (if they had money, they were spending it), but they gave me full transparency. My friends, as I found out later in life, had no idea how much their parents made or how much was needed for mortgage, food, etc. The one thing I did learn from my friends was how the market worked (I still only buy index funds), and how to invest a piece of each check and leave it to compound long-term. I learned with my friends, though, and they learned from me.

[@EmilyLucille523]

They didn’t but I know they weren’t smart about it. My Mom loved her credit cards and my Dad loved using he’s house equity has a bank.

[@mmp495]

No education or discussions about money other than knowing that my single mom of 3 provided us a house, food, utilities on her own. She had a pension and some savings, no investment. If anything she taught me good work ethics and how to sustain necessities.

[@Azel247]

If I may, the issue is not with the credit card or with regular spending. The issue is an addiction to gambling in mobile games. I know these types of games well and they are all designed to have a loot box (aka gambling) component to them. These games are sinister and the pricing for in-game currency are so jaw-droppingly inflated that anyone who doesn't game will likely think the developers are insane.... yet they sell. There's no end to the spending in these games. Once you spend all that money getting the best characters or items in the game, they release a new, better, shinier, character you must have, and the cycle continues.

[@IrisP989]

Great couple. I am a bit disappointed for them. They have no debt and their net worth is $700K plus. Especially with a great income. They can have so much more. Hopefully this conversation helped them.

[@debbielockhart7762]

There is more to life than just massive accumulation of money. $700k is awesome for mid-30s. Got to live along the way too.

[@IrisP989]

@@debbielockhart7762 Net worth is not just accumulation of money. It can consist of a retirement account, etc. and you can definitely live, still be responsible with money, have a higher net worth and not come on the show. Especially with that high income.

[@taylamayde]

this is one reason why it’s said that when people say "we always pay balance off we don't pay interest " is dangerous it's not worth the points or rewards. Something might happen as in this Situation

[@dareeltoro6681]

Regarding the savings account. There was a misunderstanding in there. I do this, we pay all of our bills (automatic) including home with a high yield savings account which we never let go below 6 month worth of fixed expenses (Emergency Fund). That’s on average $110 a month on interest itself. This is what she is doing.

[@davidhumphrey1366]

@ramitsethi, If it frustrates you that no one reads the book or does the CSP together, is there a way to change your process of bringing folks on the show to increase compliance?

[@ramitsethi]

We could but it doesn't bother me enough. It's a funny quirk of human nature

[@NFPwife]

Compliance?? That's a really loaded word. There may be a way to increase alignment with the process, like having a team member actively facilitate the completion. Or a video or two of couples completing CSPs together - I'd watch that.

[@sussie9895]

I suspect that couples who have read the book and done the CSP don't "need" to be on the show as much.

[@NFPwife]

@sus sie - agree! Also, the process of getting (or not getting) the CSP done will likely reveal, or at least repeat, the couple dynamics around money. There's potentially more to learn from the why and how of the CSP completion than the data in the CSP.

[@verb0ze]

I actually enjoy when couple come on sometimes but having done that prep work. It truly reveals their unbiased psychology about money, and highlights some blind spots I've had to wrestle with my partner / family. Seeing Ramit tackle those gives me a vocabulary to discuss similar scenarios with my loved ones.

[@radical8039]

Hilarious! She changed the template 😂😂😂

[@jquigley06]

I find it interesting that the person who often applies for the show think Ramit will validate their viewpoint and "straighten out the other person and often they're often the person that needs the perspective adjustment.

[@Playingwithproxies]

If you are still investing a significant amount of money you should be thrilled if the markets are down and investing even more aggressively when you can get in at a lower price.

[@Jason-zg6fr]

Just found you from the noah kagan podcast and I loved hearing you speak

[@mangomadnnesss]

They talk to each other like colleagues. A weekly meeting, a Sunday 1 hour discussion. No wonder he ends up leaving. I think a change in the language they use when speaking to each other needs to be wayy more interpersonal and less corporate or professional.

[@tiffanyhunter6035]

Hi Ramit! Can you do premarital financial counseling?? I would looove to do that with you and me and my significant other!

[@chillyfrost2011]

I enjoyed this podcast, a lot of emotions around money management from one spectrum to the other. I wanted to as a question, We are debt free and make a pretty good income but I'm having stress and anxiety because I feel there is no more obstacles like paying debt, saving, spending, etc.. Any advice?

[@ramitsethi]

Let's discuss in iwt.com/moneycoaching

[@alialshamali3250]

Honestly as an engineer even if have no answer I would say I have it then spend a week figuring it out 😂

[@jessicabender1301]

John, you are making excuses for not knowing instead of facing your fear and learning a new tool. You are forcing your wife by your willful incompetence to be your mom. Kirsten, I want John to put himself in your shoes. That he has repeatedly committed financial adultery and has blamed you. How does Kirsten feel?

[@bryce3323]

Hey Ramit, I realize your applicant demographics may not support this, but would it be possible to mix up the couple's backgrounds a bit more? Would be super cool to hear from more couples from different cultures, orientations, etc.

[@ramitsethi]

I've spoken to the young, old, people with $800K in debt and $13mm, white, black, asian, US-based, international, gay, straight. Who else should we feature?

[@bryce3323]

@@ramitsethi I must've missed some of those episodes! I'm personally curious about international -- digital nomads, expats, couples with different cultural backgrounds and nationalities

[@ramitsethi]

Yeah check out the podcast. I've spoken to several couples like this. iwt.com/podcast

[@holamissmusica]

@@ramitsethi Er... perhaps a Black couple?

[@mangomadnnesss]

@@holamissmusicahe interviews people who apply. He’s not scouting them.

[@lowlowseesee]

Engineer with the sinister reactions lol

[@paulturner4419]

She basically understands that risk management is the most important aspect in finance. The presenter doesn’t understand this.

[@verb0ze]

Risk management at the expense of not living a fulfilled life is pointless. A balance is needed, and I think that's what this couple came to get here

[@debbielockhart7762]

You honestly think Ramit doesn't understand risk management? Lol. There is also a.point to living that doesn't revolve around hoarding all your cash.

[@martinfarrow2825]

she thinks its her money and not there money there is the problem right there.

[@debbielockhart7762]

She does seem too controlling to me. She's yelling and screaming at him if his credit card is $2,000 -and they make $18k per month. And they have a great net worth for their age.

[@scottyglenwalker2345]

Hahahaha I called it when she said I had to do a deep dive to see what he was spending 2k on and he replied phone games😂 Dude those google play games are no joke I spent 80k in 3 years then ended up giving rhe base away for 600😮 They are so addictive,what turned me off were the greedy ass Chinese In hongkong where the games last shelter survival is headquartered I was a loyal customer but one time I made a mistake purchase they wouldn't fix it so I did a charge back.They help my account hostage until I paid back what I got refund in order to get game diamonds again.They froze 1.5 million diamonds.That was the straw that broke the camels back never again will I get sucked into another pos google game! Shit had me spending 1200 to 2k every month it was crazy.

[@BingingInPeace-ev3bp]

I feel for John. What’s not being said is that John has low self esteem and his wife probably threatens and controls him. Yikes. You need a new therapist. Seven years of therapy and you’re still grappling with the same fears tells me therapy is not working. You are not just afraid of your wife, but also afraid of your own shadow. Money is not that complicated. Read Ramit’s book and a couple others and you won’t be intimidated by your wife and will feel like an equal partner.

[@cooledcannon]

If they can afford a babysitter why can they not afford to pay off their credit card every month?

[@factorfitness3713]

I get what you're saying, but that's a little simplistic. The answer is, as always, priorities. The better question is why they choose the babysitter over the credit card. The "if you can afford x, why can't you do y" question is heavily reductive and ignores the key element here - the psychology.

[@debbielockhart7762]

They have no debt and a net worth of $700k in their 30s. They can afford to pay their credit cards every month (and it sounds like they do).

[@simonscowled9925]

Replace my wife with "my mommy"

[@ramitsethi]

Simon, read the pinned comment.

[@EmilyLucille523]

Unfortunately, it is true though. My husband is the same way. I don’t know if it’s because I make more than twice what he makes, but when it comes to financial things I feel like his my “child” and I’m in charge of the budget. As much as I I’ve asked him to do it with me, he won’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@mangomadnnesss]

@@EmilyLucille523stop asking an start doing, he needs to literally see the things you do. They only way he can is by it hitting him in the face. You are not his mom or rebound to fix his shortcomings. Yes it may bother you but until you stop, he wont start. Also he might make mistakes and play that whole weaponized incompetence thing. The same way you can do them he can and he will. These people need to learn from their mistakes.

[@verb0ze]

​@@EmilyLucille523do you involve him in planning your finances? Or do you scold him for not knowing / doing what should be obvious with money? I ask because often times, people just don't have the education around money, and we project our assumptions of knowledge on them.

[@EmilyLucille523]

@@verb0ze I don’t scold him and I’ve told him he should be involved because if I pass, he’ll be lost but he flat out says he’d rather not know about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@dawnkoplitz1825]

Too many ads. 😖

[@ramitsethi]

How many did you see? How many is the right amount?

[@rory644]

Get premium pal

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

​​@@rory644well to get this content remit needs to get paid too unless u want to write him a personal ck 😂 He got bills to pay too.