Weaponizing Children in Family Court: What the studies show

[@big-onions-and-ogres]

I lived through exactly this as a child. Our father was threatening to kill us all and when my mother took us and we talked for our lives he dragged the court case out so he could manipulate her into not asking for much by way of child support. He didn't care that we were starving. He saved loads of money by not having to raise us. We saved loads of heartache by cutting him off and getting adopted by a man who loves us like his own.

[@jospinner1183]

No child deserves that. I'm glad you got a step-dad who loved and valued you. 💜

[@lizziedanse8335]

Blessings to your real dad and not the failure that donated sperm. Your mom is a Rockstar, too!

[@pmclaughlin4111]

Depending on the state you live in, please discuss this with your state legislatures. The Violence Against Women Act Reauthorization of 2022 included the keeping children safe from abuse act (sometimes referred to Kayden's law) However, now each state needs to incorporate these provisions into its law. The best advocates are the "children" who lived through situations where there were threats, financial abuse, abuse of the courts, manipulation who tell their stories-

[@winning3329]

This is why people should stop telling guys to not be step father's because the community needs father's whether they are biological or not!

[@mercedeswalt6621]

Hooray!

[@zelousfoxtrot3390]

OMG, yes! I've seen a 'father' say he wanted 50/50 custody, just because he wanted to punish her for leaving and didn't want to support her, even though having a kid so soon was his idea. The kid was 6 months old, and he had never even changed the babies diapers. (an example of why she was leaving, as well, honestly)

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

She could have said no to having a kid so soon

[@manifest2203]

@@CordeliaWagner1999 doesn’t change the fact that he is abuzive. It’s pointless to argue about the past what ifs.

[@AdrianneJH]

​@@CordeliaWagner1999 he didn't have to be a lying abuser. Why so quick to absolve the people who are actually trying to cause harm?

[@zacharybosley1935]

@@AdrianneJH there's a difference between absolving the abuser and identifying paths out of abuse.

[@rosevan7845]

@@zacharybosley1935 To you it may appear that way. There is no way out of abuse unless you come to terms with and stop lying to yourself that there must have been some thing you could have done to stop a lying abuser from lying or abusing. Anyone who thinks there is a difference only shows their ignorance and willing participation in continuing ongoing abuse. But hey, I know you are just choming at the bit to defend these poor miunderstood failures of fatherhood and destroyers of their familys health and safty. What excusess do you think are valid for the rage let loose on children?

[@skadi6750]

My sperm donor regularly did this. Used social services as a threat to get mum to settle for less at court.

[@sarahusrey-ld4zu]

me too girl

[@Br0nto5aurus]

That's extremely unusual. Sperm donors are often not even informed when their samples are used at the clinic, let alone have any contact with the recipient family. Like Expatriarch said, it's usually deadbeat dads that weaponize the kids. Before now, I'd never heard of a sperm donor being able to do that at all.

[@wiglicious.]

@@Br0nto5aurusno I think they mean it as in insult, like he’s not their dad, he’s nothing more than a sp3rm donor cause he wasn’t around or was just a straight up ahole or something like that Sorry for the babble hope i explained it well, I’m not good at explaining 🥴

[@winning3329]

Don't even get me started with my own disgrace of a father

[@hpoz222]

what's really depressing is that all these reports were done 20-40 years ago and basically nothing has changed

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Women still marry and have children and expect some magic to happen that the father will pay for them after divorce. It's scary to see how many women act extremely naive, even after 40 years of knowing this

[@manifest2203]

@@CordeliaWagner1999 yes. The l8ie about mn has been sold very well. A lot of wmn are still very naive.

[@careottjuice]

​@@CordeliaWagner1999 yes this fact also pisses me off

[@zacharybosley1935]

It's pretty amusing to think every woman is given a textbook on the exact ways they're likely to get screwed over as women. Assuming that level of competence necessarily requires ignoring all nature of conditioning elsewhere.

[@manifest2203]

@@zacharybosley1935 a lot of wmn still believe the Hollywood fairy tale kind of take on relatnships. Things like soul mates, “the one” and so on are constantly taught. It’s funny how most wmn live alone in old age and yet there are so many jokes about cat ladies. For most wmn the whole reltnship thing has to run its course to finally come out of the li8es. Some wmn never learn though.

[@kifi672]

True! My ex insisted on a 50/50 custody, not to be with the kids but to reduce child support to a minimum, and so that I wouldn't have the kids more than him. After a few years, the kids kept trying to skip his weeks and asked to come live with me full time because they were neglected at his place. He only provided food. There was no interaction, no emotional support, no attention, their clothes were too small because he never bought new ones, and the house was dirty. At least with me they felt they had a home and a parent who cares.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

THANK YOU for this FACT-check. The most common thing I've heard from MEN for over 30 YEARS is: WOMEN are FAVORED by Family Courts and in CUSTODY after divorce. This is framed at how "Victimized" MEN are in divorce. I'm NOT saying that men never get a raw deal: certainly in some probably significant nu,ber of cases child support is set at UNREASONABLE amount, but, when you tell a divorced father he simply needs to go back to court with his pay stub and recipts of his bills to get child support adjusted...men seem relucxtant. Instead, too many of them just STOP SUPPORTING THEIR CHILDREN.

[@CB66941]

I saw a video by Dan McClellan where he covered this video by a guy using the bible to justify why women should give birth because "they will be saved through childbirth". Yet so many of these men won't take responsibility for children. They really do see children as property or as a means to an end.

[@motherofcatsnz]

The saved by childbirth comes from 1 Timothy 2:15. But most modern scholars believe that the book of 1 Timothy was not written by the Apostle Paul, but by an anonymous Christian writer between 90 and 140 AD. This view is supported by several factors, including: Style: The style of writing in 1 Timothy is different from Paul's other letters. Vocabulary: 1 Timothy contains 901 Greek words that do not appear in Paul's other letters. Historical context: The historical situation in 1 Timothy is different from what is known about Paul's time. Early sources: 1 Timothy does not appear in early lists of Paul's canonical works. End of the Ages: 1 Timothy discusses the End of the Ages as a future event, while Paul's other writings suggest that he believed it was already happening. 1 Timothy is part of a group of letters known as the Pastoral Epistles, which also includes 2 Timothy and Titus. These letters are considered the most disputed of all the letters traditionally attributed to Paul.

[@RebelWvlf]

​@@motherofcatsnzyes, we all know that. But explain it to the guys who are unironically taking 1 Timothy to the heart and using it to justify their misogyny, with some of them even putting it in the bio of their social media pages.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Religion is toxic nonsense. And magical thinking is a sign of immaturity.

[@careottjuice]

Luke 20:34-35

[@zacharybosley1935]

The understanding of responsibility is shallow. I think it definitely links to seeing children as an extension of one's will or legacy instead of fully formed agents of their own.

[@quinnholleman1547]

Every time I hear stuff like this, I get more thankful that my parents' divorce was civil and required basically no legal battle and they agreed to joint custody because the problem was them being incompatible as spouses, not either being a bad parent. I and my siblings got very, very lucky.

[@lavonnewr]

And we wonder why birth rates are dropping

[@shortbread445]

My ex didn't share our families' expenses while I was the higher earner and created and cared for our child. Our child was 4 yo when I first asked him to share their expenses which prompted him to ask for shared custody. When I offered him weekly change of residence (50/50) he couldn't follow through and started, begrudgeingly to pay 400 a month child support. All he wanted to keep was our house. I chose our child and am a happy renter of a small appartment while our child has piano lessons and sports trips and a healthy savings account when he's 18. I didn't miss the house for one second. So, all you've described as "normal" in those study is also reflected in my life. And I know many, many divorced women who didn't fight for money so they and their kids could live in peace. While many fathers remember the shared custody option in time to avoid financial obligations and then don't even take their children ever other week when they have the opportunity to.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Men see children as property as long as they see the mother as their property. But as soon as they aren't the owner anymore they don't care anymore. And of course tey are not willing to pay for something they don't benefit from

[@zacharybosley1935]

Downstream of having empathy conditioned out of them, I think. If winning is the only thing that matters, how can a few hurt feelings get in the way of a clear path to victory?

[@TheBennygutierrez]

Oof, fr

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

EXACTLY 100% true.

[@ОлегВысоков-л8й]

Kinda hurts to hear. This is a really narrow minded view to have. Just because there are a few men who truly see children that way, that doesn't mean that that's how all men see them. What if someone said some bullshit like "Women see children as a part of themselves and are unable to let them be their own people"? Just because a few feel that way about their children, that doesn't apply to all women. Same with your statement.

[@StardustDNA]

What is the benefit in men’s brains about having kids? To pass on legacy even though children are people who will eventually become adults doing their own thing? Your own life is your own legacy, your children’s lives their own not yours

[@johannageisel5390]

This is so disgusting. :( Here in Germany we have an even worse problem: When mothers report in court that they have been abused by their husbands, they are _less_ likely to receive custody, because the courts simply assume they are lying in order to get sole custody. That's why lawyers advice women to not talk about the abuse, because it will be used against them.

[@RebelWvlf]

I thought that Balkan is the only region that has this problem. Over here the court is more likely to give custody to men than women because "men are always right, no matter what they do and say" type of mentality.

[@cheaxel]

Source? I can't believe that this is common.

[@kirin2560]

Das alleinige Sorgerecht in Deutschland zu kriegen ist extrem unwahrscheinlich.

[@johannageisel5390]

@@kirin2560 Ja. Aber es wird halt unterstellt, dass Frauen "den Vater schlechtmachen" wollen, damit sie das alleine Sorgerecht kriegen.

[@johannageisel5390]

@@cheaxel I wrote an answer, but the comment got deleted. No idea why, it was not insulting or anything. I also did not provide a direct link, but rather tried to point you in the right direction, but maybe that was already enough for youtube. So, I can only try to describe it even less detailed. There was a segment on Deutschlandfunk. Title: "Ihre Angst spielt hier keine Rolle" There is also a lengthy paper by the "Deutsches Institut für Menschenrechte", Title: "Häusliche Gewalt im Umgangs- und Sorgerecht" that gives recommendations on how to rectify the situation. It constains sources, but sadly the one I tried to find is behind a paywall. As is an article in the "Tagesspiegel" with the title "Gewalt nach der Trennung: „Jugendämter und Familiengerichte schützen Mütter und Kinder oft nicht ausreichend". Sorry, I would like to link you to more stuff directly, but the youtube comment section is really difficult for that.

[@gingerfellah5665]

My ex and I went into court asking for equal custody, there was no disagreement. However my ex was awarded provisional custody and I got no written visitation. There was no reason given whatsoever. The only man in the court room was my ex. I was temporarily not living in the family home because my ex changed the locks after 48 hours. I was terrified. I left momentarily to gather my mental resources so that I could try to face him and end the marriage. I wasn't believed and was portrayed as an abandoner which I would never do. My ex attacked me and emptied all our bank accounts. It took me 2 years to get written visitation which I got. I was a sahm and the primary caregiver. No the courts were definitely not in my favour whatsoever and now I pay child support to a man who refuses to work. Despite all of this I still quite like men, but I'm not happy with my ex.

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

This is what I am so scared of. I have Audhd and after years of abuse I’m basically a shaking little dog. He is able to portray himself as this very level headed kind man. No one knows what he’s like because no one will believe me. I learned real quick to just shut up and keep my receipts. Luckily he didn’t think I would ever do anything so I have years of texts from him cussing me out and calling me everything. I dot work as I was also a SAHM but I made him leave and I refused to leave. I’m also working on my own business. It’s not worth it to get married in this day and age. At least that’s how I feel about it now.

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

I think a lot of this happens because so many judges are men and many men hate women.

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

I worked for a divorce attorney for 12 years. Nearly every single man who came in and asked for custody did so to avoid child support. Like it was so rare that a dad actually wanted his kids I can count them on one hand and know all their names. Thats how few men actually want the kids. 12 years. Hundreds and hundreds of cases. Only wanted the kid to cut down or knock out child support. I can’t even count the number of men who got custody to drop the kids off every weekend at grandmas. Like it’s a serious issue.

[@karlareadstheclassics217]

Fukcing nightmares. Remain single & child free & avoid this madness.

[@manifest2203]

M4n often use the courts to punish the mthr through the chldren. How many times have we heard abt mn unalaiving a chld when the chld is with him in his schedule? How many stories of abuze happens to these chldrn? And how many times do we hear about neglect (not doing parenting- giving healthy food, bathing the child, making the child study)? The people abuzing the system is mn. And like everything else, they will wh8ine about this too.

[@zacharybosley1935]

Solutions buddy What are the solutions?

[@manifest2203]

@@zacharybosley1935making more wmn aware about ma6le nature and the dangers of the court system. And educating wmn about the l8ies that the Man8sphre spews constantly.

[@manifest2203]

@@zacharybosley1935 ​​⁠making more wmn aware about ma6le nature and the dang8ers of the court system. And educating wmn about the l8ies that the Man8sphre spews constantly.

[@Cauldron6]

Family annihilators are mostly men and fanily annihilations occur on average every 5 days in America. It’s horrifying.

[@fairywingsonroses]

@@zacharybosley1935 The solution is to hold men accountable in every aspect of raising children, both financially, and in daily life. Our society largely views fatherhood as "optional." Men are expected to be providers, and anything else is "extra." A lot of men don't even want to provide. Too many men want the benefits of a wife and s*x without the responsibility that comes with those things. Even when the wife works, she often doesn't make enough to support herself and her children without help, yet it is she who gets blamed for not "choosing better" when the man walks out on her or refuses to step up, even during his own parent time, leaving her to clean up the kids and the mess when he returns them to her. Men need to stop getting a free pass for this stuff. If you're a negligent father, you shouldn't have a right to your children. Full stop. Many of these fathers don't even want their children anyway. They just want to maintain control and keep their money for themselves.

[@Nananoniii]

Experienced this firsthand. The lies were horrific.

[@charlotteboy6783]

Fortunately, there are good fathers out there who want joint custody, because being away from their children is painful to them. Unfortunately, there are bad fathers who give all dads a bad reputation.

[@donnathedead7554]

If he truly just wants to be with his kids, he won't be trying to avoid financial responsibilities.

[@Kotifilosofi]

I wish we would hear more of these fathers. They are the true men!

[@NeighborhoodOfBlue]

I have never felt more compassion regarding the abuse and manipulation I received from my ex-husband than I do listening to your videos.

[@Ebus-ob2mq]

Meanwhile i know for a fact some women offer joint custody because they don't want their kid to miss out on their father, and see the dip in child support as an incentive for him not to abandon their children... But they're his kids too, he shouldn't need an incentive to spend time with them.

[@AshaSelfsDemoFilms]

#4B #5B Choose better like they accuse you of not doing.

[@donnathedead7554]

Choose to be a single mom from the start. That's how you choose better.

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

I put my husband out this year finally after years of abuse. He spent most of his time playing videogames when he wasn’t working and rarely did anything with the kids. He really seemed like he hated all of us. Fast forward to me putting him out after a particularly egregious incident and both my kids telling me they are afraid of him. Then all of a sudden he wants 50/50 custody. It made no sense to me. All you do is yell at them or ignore them why do you want 50/50 custody. Come to find out when he has them they just sit in their room and play on tablet the whole time while he does other stuff. They eat mostly fast food and the house looks like some squatters live there. Then he went and got another job (I know it’s so he could save to pay for a divorce lawyer) but works nights. Every night. So he wants me to let him keep my two AuDHD kids at his house overnights while he’s not even there. They are 10 and 11 and my son still struggles to open doors on his own. It’s like he’s disconnected from reality. He keeps saying he wants to get back together at the same time that he’s doing everything in his power to fully seperate. It’s like he’s trying to catch me blindsided. And I was a SAHM for the last 3 years of our marriage. Never agree To be a SAHM unless you have your own income. I became his slave.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@Jessicaf6385 referred to your other comment where you worked at divorces on court for 12 years. Where you said you saw only handful of dads actually not wanting to lose contact with their children, rather than winning financially. Sounds like a very different story than the one on this comment. So you worked on court on divorce cases, while got divorce yourself and you didn't get paid enough to feed yourself after the kids? It could be true, I'm just a bit confused rn. Or maybe jessica referred to the wrong person?

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

@ no we aren’t divorced yet AND I have work now. You can’t file for divorce for free. It costs money. Quit a bit actually and I don’t have $5k sitting anywhere. So I had to get a job to save up to be able to file. I was a SAHM for the last 3-4 years I think. But thank the gods I got out of that and have no plans of ever returning. I also don’t see any inconsistencies in anything I’m saying. I worked 12 years as a paralegal before becoming a teacher. I was a paralegal years before ever meeting my now ex. I believe my ex is stalling because we can file for much cheaper ourselves but he refuses to even look at the paperwork. This indicates it will be a contested divorce. That could cost up to hundreds of thousands of dollars and i would have no way to keep up with that. He has family money he can fight with. I do not. Now that I’m in this situation I cannot recommend that anyone get married unless you can afford to make a clean exit and be prepared to fight for your kids. You just don’t know ow how someone will turn on you.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@@DaughterofDiogenes ah, thank you for clarifying your situation 🙏 I wish you all the best, even if the situation is difficult. Could you get any public assistance with the divorce costs? Or I don't really know how it works in your country?

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

@ no I can’t get any assistance because I have kids and there is property involved. If I had no kids or property and he just agreed to everything then I could. The issue is that if a person wants to not get divorced, they make it very easy for them to stall and absolutely bankrupt the other party. For me having no/low income the best I could do is beg for money from the internet to pay an attorney and hope he doesn’t fight. Lawyers here love an angry dad with deep pockets. Every single document, every single phone call, every single question costs money when attorneys are involved. I really never thought I’d be in this situation. It never occurred to me how messed up he could be even when he was being the worst person I ever knew. I am more angry at myself and how stupid and blind and beat down I let myself get. Never again.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@@DaughterofDiogenes well, even though the situation is bad right now, I'm sure with your spirit you'll survive and become stronger than you were. I just find it very astounding how the juridical system would please the rich & immoral people like this. All the best.

[@jessicaf6358]

GOLD comment buried under another, but it should be pinned: @DaughterofDiogenes says: I worked for a divorce attorney for 12 years. Nearly every single man who came in and asked for custody did so to avoid child support. Like it was so rare that a dad actually wanted his kids I can count them on one hand and know all their names. Thats how few men actually want the kids. 12 years. Hundreds and hundreds of cases. Only wanted the kid to cut down or knock out child support. I can’t even count the number of men who got custody to drop the kids off every weekend at grandmas. Like it’s a serious issue.

[@NeighborhoodOfBlue]

This is exactly what my ex-husband did. And he got his mother to terrorize me into not applying for child support and WiC until I'd lost 40 pounds from not eating, so our child could be fed. This was right after the housing crisis, and hours at work were slashed to the bone.

[@Kotifilosofi]

Are you sure you're referring to the right name? I read another comment of her, and it's a wildly different story than this one. Maybe you got the name wrong?

[@caseyjude5472]

The “what about the children” crowd has never & will never care about the children. Solution going forward:n don’t have children. Don’t have more children than you can afford to support on your own. Support is financial, but it is also emotional & physical. They’re people- children are not toys, not social capital, not a retirement plan, not a partner-trap, not a geriatric care provider-they’re human beings. Don’t be selfish by creating children you can’t afford. Use two methods of contraception & stock up on Plan B.

[@Mothermochi]

My ex forced me to choose between paying for my kids school and alimony. The first Xmas after finalized divorce ( because he stalled signing the papers, bought a house illegally etc.) the dates in the agreement were a bit off and I didn’t catch it, causing him to have Christmas with the children 3 years in a row. I asked him if we could work something out. He responded that if he was going to do something for me, I would have to do something for him. Then, proceeded to give me a list of demands, with his child support included on the list. Turns out he only wanted 50/50 because he thought he wouldn’t have to pay as much support. He is angry every time he has to pay… I don’t want to hear squat about living in a “woman’s state.” My ex millionaire tried to do the bare minimum and extort me to see my children on the holidays.

[@brook_angel]

I'm pretty sure we know that the statistics also get skewed because moms ask for custody more often than dads...

[@pmclaughlin4111]

No. Most parents do not even ask. They decide on parenting arrangements and the court only approves. No "award" is made.

[@MrQuantumInc]

Courts tend to default toward giving custody to the parent who did most of the actual care giving, and that is usually the mother, and that is what happens if neither parent formally asks for custody. Maybe that is what you are thinking of?

[@pmclaughlin4111]

No. Depending on the state: States that have presumptive 50-50 also known as best interests of a parent statutes, they default to 50-50 which studies say within a few years ends up being mother having custody 75-1005 of the time (especially in cases where father has repartnered). In best interests of the child states, if the couple decides on custody outside the courts 82% of the time those couples decide on mother having primary custody or a joint custody arrangement (in these cases, the joint custody agreement usually sticks) IF the court decides custody, up to 92% of the time, the father gets the custody arrangement he wants: Much of that is couched in the tactics of abuse. Studies have shown that up to 3/4 of child custody, child support, and child visitation cases flag for abuse on independent screening. about half include medical, police reports and/or photos. Fathers will ask for custody to avoid child support and/or maintain access to their victims Sole custody to avoid child support and punish the mother Sole custody because they are control freaks and abusers (yes, in a VERY small percentage of the these are not the case but it is small) Mothers usually ask for custody because they have provided the overwhelming portion of caregiving and/or (usually and) they (and usually the children) are the targets of coercively controlling behavior on the part of the other parent Courts DO NOT default to the parent who is usually the caregiver Courts USUALLY award custody to fathers who have been either relatively absent of omnipresent control freaks

[@ChaoticAuthenticity]

He's discussed this and has given the breakdowns in other videos.

[@Cauldron6]

Thank you for putting the facts out on this.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

One more reason to stay childfree.

[@PhotoJeticPoet]

I am the kind of woman who will pull a uno reverse IMMEDIATELY. I don't want custody! I will pay 60% of my income to child support! I want minimal visitation unless the kids request to see me then I'm open to more! Men will beg you for kids they don't want to actually raise! Watch how quick they fold when you threaten to give them what they want and more! You will have your babies back and more money than estimated within a year.

[@donnathedead7554]

It could work but, he will tell the children you don't want them and they will believe it because you're not around. Don't expect a happy reunion.

[@purdyculliz]

There was a woman on social media who got begged into having a kid by her husband, got divorced and gave him full custody and paid MORE child support than the court ordered. He was begging her to share custody lol

[@faethe000]

And it hasn't gotten better 30 years later.

[@jennyperpa5302]

Another solution to this problem is to not have kids. No kids means no abusive custody battles or single parenthood.

[@starlydonati2008]

This reminds me of the case of a transphobic father who tried to claim the mother was forcing their trans daughter to act like a girl despite the opposite being the case. He didn’t win because there was a bunch of outside corroboration of his bigoted abuse and of their daughter’s independently arrived at transgender identity, but he certainly got too many people to side with him who weren’t in the know.

[@johannageisel5390]

I remember that one. The poor girl.

[@RebelWvlf]

With Orange Cheeto being a president now, I am expecting more and more people like that "father" coming out of the woodwork to do the same. I wish men would stop pointing fingers at everyone who are not like them and start looking at themselves in the mirror.

[@potfur_z_bagna]

Holy shit, I remember that one, he was using the fact she didn't wear 'girls clothes' while visiting him as evidence of her mother forsing the gender identity on her and it turned out he didn't ALLOW her to do that

[@starlydonati2008]

@ potfur, didn’t even have them at his house for her to even have the chance, yeah.

[@ChaoticAuthenticity]

​@@potfur_z_bagna oh wow... can anyone give any links or what to enter into a search to find this? I know of a very similar custody battle going on right now and the father behaves exactly this way. It's awful, the mental and emotional impacts of his abuse and neglect on the child are obvious and heartbreaking.

[@thedandyrobber1045]

Damn: Uncomfortable, but not entirely unexpected. Thank you once again for being a rational and factual voice on such important issues. However I found a channel that's been going after you: A Shield For Men. Just thought I'd let you know.

[@remnant1018]

My brother-in-law has a violent temper (punching holes in walls, punching holes through his car’s window, and abusing his mistress). Also keeps s1itting his wrist and having to go into the psych ward. Also drinks but he disputes the amount. He’s gone to therapy and I think has been prescribed medication which I don’t think he continues the use of. Friend of the court said he’d be allowed a couple hours each day of the weekend and every major holiday so long as he regularly goes to therapy and AA and both are confirmed, and he goes to parenting classes. He text my sister “drop the custody case or I’m out and you get 100% custody”. He’d rather be allowed to continue to be fully attached, without child support mandates, and still drinking with all his shenanigans than be involved in his daughter’s life with mental/emotional support to become healthier and more stable. And I’m told that he doesn’t spend time with her; his mistress watches her. He just posts pictures of himself with her on his social network and on dating sites.

[@girlymel2323]

So true my husband never wanted anything to do with our children until I went to divorce him the first time ended up having to stop the process because he was fighting so long to try to take the children from me that he didn’t want filed again when our youngest turned 18 got divorced in 60 days no children to fight overhe had no bargaining chips anymore

[@jasminejeanine2239]

It kinda worked the other way with my current partner. He paid the full child support and gave her lots of extras and raised his kids 65% of the time. I got him to stop it and just have her talk to him if there was anything big. Especially since their incomes weren't that different.

[@trishapellis]

"Why don't women want to have children anymore?"

[@unknownunknown5822]

Much like how male otters with threaten a females offspring to get at her resources

[@the_furf_of_july4652]

The court being exploitable is a real problem, but I don't think we should be spending so much time arguing over whether to blame mothers or fathers more. It would be better to try to find ways to prevent misuse. Horrible people can be both male and female.

[@RobinRaye-np3vw]

Agreed I think he's mainly talking about this as a response to how MRAs always bring up court statistics to show how victimized men are, usually as a way of trying to rebut or shut down feminist arguments

[@MegaGraceiscool]

Any of these studies more recent? I saw 2005 1990 and 1989. These types of guys will throw it out on this alone

[@pmclaughlin4111]

While he may be citing seminal studies- those studies have been "confirmed" in studies as recently as this year. people tend to cite the seminal or study that puts it the most clearly. I have a comprehensive state court study done in 1989. It was reviewed in 1994, a deep dive into one aspect of the court was done in 2002, Studies on courts in regional counties were done in 2002, 2006, 2012, and 2014. In 2022, an administrative review was done using data up to 2019. All the subsequent studies affirmed the 1989 study but for both simplicity's sake and that it was the clearest, I refer to the seminal 1989 study because it's an all in one and the data has been verified repeatedly over the years I am all for doing research and love the question "but has it changed since then" In this case, the answer is yes, those numbers hold up

[@MegaGraceiscool]

@@pmclaughlin4111 Oooh okay thank you for explaining that! I had no idea

[@mercedeswalt6621]

I think the times that men are actually taken advantage of by women in the courts is because they are truly the better parents. They love, sacrifice and put more effort into their children and those are the rarer instances of women taking advantage in court. And MRA’s use these instances in order to prop up their claim that the courts are biased against men. Thought? Also all hail Expatriarch, he’s the best.

[@LITTLEORCH1D]

In my country, until literally a couple years ago, it was way too common for fathers to skip on child support payments, either through plain abandonment or claiming that they had no money, by becoming grey workers who aren't even registered as such so their income wouldn’t appear, atc. and there were little to no resources for the ex-wife to prove otherwise, but then a law was passed in which there's now a national registry for morose parents, and not only it's the list available, if a person is on that list they are immediately banned from getting loans, mortgage, passports, they can't serve in goverment positions, etc I still remember the days after the law became effective, everywhere online people working in banks, car sellers, real estate, civil workers were posting the funniest and pettiest stories of morose fathers whose requests were immediately rejected and their faces when told the reason 😂 Nuff said, that these men have been throwing non-stop tantrums ever since. I know it looks like I'm trying to flex, but I just thought of sprinkling a feel good story for anyone getting angry or depressed in the comments 😊

[@u4f-x7b]

In conclusion, men are trash who really do not care about this kids, but pretend to so t that they don't have to pay child support. How nice! Also, this video didn't mention that DV perps use custody as a means to continue being in contact with the mother.

[@advocacynaccountablity]

This is 100% true. Lived experience has taught me so.

[@LB-uo7xy]

Who are the ones that literally GRAPE their children MORE? Cause it sure ain't mothers. Or women for that matter.

[@mushymass9716]

My father did this. My biological mother lost everything because of that man, and I didn't even grow up with her. He took me away from my mother when I was a child to punish her for leaving him, and told me all sorts of bullshit about her out of his own pettiness. I know for a fact that he did this on purpose, because he used what he did to my bio mom to threaten my stepmother when she tried to leave him. He didn't want to actually be a parent, either. I heard no end of how much of a burden I was when I was growing up. My relationship with my mother is destroyed beyond repair. It is so hard to not be filled with hatred about this. I spite him every day by living a life that is free of him.

[@cbpd89]

Pre-nup. Decide how assets are divided at a time when you love each other the most so you don't have to figure it out when you hate each other the most. People assume they don't have anything of value so why bother, but it can save a lot of money down the line.

[@ladyeowyn42]

Or post nup as condition of getting pregnant.

[@user-nm1rv2bh7k]

The laws are like this because geez who made the laws..men. I will get hate for this..as there are some good men, but in general if i could change things men would not be allowed to be in charge OF ANYTHING.

[@petedawg]

I’m glad that the misandry is open.

[@user-nm1rv2bh7k]

Just being truthful. Don’t hate men but after a lifetime of watching their actions and treatment of women I have no respect for them at all.

[@petedawg]

@@user-nm1rv2bh7k Then I'm not sure why you're here. Or the people who liked your comment.

[@AlessandrasCove]

Exactly

[@ErinLynagh]

just found your channel! greay video's

[@aliceg1212]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@Nacadela]

My beothers ex wife used their children while my ex husband used ours. Imho it's more about a personality type than whether they're the dad or the mom.

[@RobinRaye-np3vw]

Who was the higher earner in those situations? If it was your ex husband and your brother's ex wife making more money, then that still goes along with the trend that expatriarch talked about Imo it makes sense that the party that has more to lose financially is more likely to make tactical or blackmailing decisions like this. I bet if we changed societal norms so that men aren't almost always the higher earner and women aren't almost always the primary caretaker, then we'd likely see less of a gender divide in these trends Sorry btw that your ex husband did that. It must've been really scary

[@petedawg]

“People didn’t listen to the first few seconds of the video.” That doesn’t mean their concerns or experiences are invalid. Stop. And yes, we do need more recent studies, as laws and states and cultures change. More people are getting divorced, more women are working. Evidence of wrongdoing is easier to prove. It’s pointless to have these discussions and advocate for changes in policy if the data is wrong.

[@MrQuantumInc]

Maybe I am being naive, but if the father actually gets custody wouldn't that mean he has to do the work of raising the kids? Certainly if the goal was to avoid giving the kids their time and money then they just failed. Essentially couldn't she just call his bluff? This argument relies on there being something intimidating about the father having custody, which would make sense if she is prevented from seeing her kids (the same situation MRAs claim to fear but gender reversed), but maybe less sense if it simply means she is no longer the primary caregiver.

[@manifest2203]

They will neglect the kids when the kids are in their care, among other things. How many times have we heard abt mn unalaiving a chld when the chld is with him in his schedule? How many stories of abuze happens to these chldrn? And how many times do we hear about neglect (not doing parenting- giving healthy food, bathing the child, making the child study)? The people abuzing the system is mn. And like everything else, they will wh8ine about this too.

[@zacharybosley1935]

is there a study of proportionality? Because I feel like the preponderance of evidence suggests that women abuse their kids more at scale than men do. I could be wrong, but that seems like the wrong thing to focus energy on.

[@muadhnate]

Getting joint custody doesn't mean they'll actually raise their children. They'll just fail to pick up the child during their designated time. So now the mother has no economic support and all of the work of having "full" custody.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

​@@zacharybosley1935 Try Google Scholar instead of "I feel".

[@EuphemiaWisdom]

It is about control.

[@diogoduarte369]

I'm not into the tiktok format, so excuse my ignorance. When the video has "Stitch Incoming" does it mean we are meant to laugh at the end? Is the original post who added that or Expatriarch?

[@JoseKilen]

It's a feature where you can 'stich together' your video with another one. It's the same as writing 'response incoming' letting you know that what you are currently watching is context for what is to come.

[@diogoduarte369]

@@JoseKilen Ah, that makes more sense. LOL.

[@rayzerot]

- raises hand - My ex-wife weaponized child custody and the court system against me. She filed the divorce papers asking for full custody. She never wanted full custody. Her lawyer told her to file that way so they could use custody as a bargaining chip in the settlement agreement. She told me so when the divorce was finalized Not all women do this but never say that it doesn't happen Edit: A quick follow-up. It's societally acceptable to expect men to pay for the lifestyle of the woman who no longer want the man in their life. Definitely help the woman get back on her feet but marriage vows end when the marriage ends. Women would (rightly and justifiably) lose their minds if the gender roles were reversed on this Annnnd I'm ready for the people about to argue against my lived experience. And the people who are about to argue in bad faith about the gender swap test for the current state of alimony. Here it comes.

[@freedomishavingachoice3020]

I'm just confused that maybe you didn't watch the video because he legit told us women have done this too. Are you ok? Did you not have time to watch this, but had time to comment? I'm so confused.

[@l.n.3372]

"The opposite happened to me so allow me to argue that women are in the wrong even tho overwhelming my situation isn't the norm"

[@jennyperpa5302]

Alimony is designed to support women who give up economic opportunities to raise children. It should go to whoever didn't work to take care of the kids. If both parents worked, alimony shouldn't get involved. Because child support should cover that situation.

[@holliebrokaw3716]

Bro didn't even watch the first few seconds of the vid and thinks he did something 😂

[@wiglicious.]

@@jennyperpa5302 you know I’ve never understood this type of mentality of wanting your ex wife to suffer just cause she’s your ex like I get it if she’s abvsive or something But I see a lot of these men hating these women simply because the woman left them, idk maybe it’s cause I’m a woman but if my wife divorced me and she wasn’t abvsive or nothing, I’d make sure she was still good and had everything she needed🤷🏾‍♀️

[@squidbillyradio]

My mom 100% used the courts as a weapon to punish my dad for divorcing her. She would come in from across the country, demanding changes to visitation (usually for less visitation), or contact requirements, or a reduction in child support (she was paying $4/mth in 2008 for two kids after my dad got tired of fighting and told her to pay what she thought we were worth). And the only reason my dad got custody in the first place was because she stood up in court and said she wanted the stuff in the cabin and did not want custody. I am absolutely terrified for women with the incoming administration and how their lives are going to be at risk. But constantly drumming the "all men are the problem" tattoo is exactly why younger men voted for the fascist. Because men like Andrew Tate, despite being momentous sleezeballs, are actually talking to them, not down at them.

[@bludbought]

I don't think people are saying all men are bad. This is a dismissive way of looking at this situation. People are addressing certain bad behavior in men hoping they change. This is how you help people, you let them know what they are doing wrong and how it is hurting people. Nobody is saying women are saints. This "but women do it too" is a natural response but people need to push past the defensiveness and be honest about their mindsets.

[@ClaireGreen-wd2gm]

Dont worry about us ladies in the current admin. I voted for the people who know what a woman actually is and the ones that want to protect womens sports, places we are in states of undress, not throw men in prison with us, and who want to protect our kids from their own preteen and teen confusion and stupidity while their brains keep developing by not allowing doctors to mutilate them

[@mikochild2]

You clearly didn't listen to the video. The first part of the video said that some women likely use court as a weapon. That automatically makes the opposite true that some men don't either. No where did the man in this video talk down to anyone. He did not belittle. He spoke like he was dealing with adults who will listen to a carefully thought out position and consider evidence which is what he gave. Let them act like adults and fact check.

[@squidbillyradio]

@@mikochild2 I did watch the video. But my point was more about the comments on the video, saying that men only view children as property, or that women are just better off not being around them, as if we are all broken and incapable of actually feeling love. So even if men were to come across channels such as this one, they are shown that they are unwanted. Which goes back to the point you deleted from your comment about "coddling men". We are not looking to be "coddled". We want to not be treated as the enemy.

[@mikochild2]

@squidbillyradio ah got it. I haven't read many of the comments, but I'm sure some come off exactly as you describe. Unfortunately people are going to react. We can't always take the high road. Men will have to do the work. Women can't both protect ourselves and nurture them when they aren't our kids. The men they look up to will always have more influence over them than us either way. Plus, how do you not view someone as an enemy who harms you like one? Yes, i deleted part of my comment because I realized that none of that part was necessary and that you didn't say anything like that. I was reacting more to what I've seen others say than to what you said. I also deleted part of this one.

[@carol-leelane721]

Any responsible parent would seek and wish to share custody of their children. Painting joint custody as a threat or blackmail on the part of men is not just biased, it is irresponsible. Does it happen? Yes. Does this broad brush paint every father seeking joint custody? No. You did nothing to represent those parents. I have no use for disinformation or spin.

[@juantorres-fk7bk]

I’m sorry, has this guy ever been with an actual woman

[@Lee-ct3gy]

Can you talk about female-female relations in a video? I think I have a myth in my mind that women have a low-level inherent disdain for one another in general. Of course there’s exceptions and women can bond really well but I’ve never ever thought or seen an activity in which women grow so close together as men would do in combat, they trust each other deeply to cover each others backs or they both die and those bonds can last a lifetime. What activity or behavior in which women grow as close together as men would during combat (if there’s even one at all)? Also it seems to me women would betray their best friends for a man. Maybe it’s only me but from my experience dudes can easily get along and talk and be chill etc. I don’t think I’ve seen the same with women.

[@Asharra12]

I appreciate that this may be a genuine question, but this is 10000% a myth. Women don't need combat to bond. Many studies have shown that women have more and closer friendships that men and he's talked about that fact multiple times on the channel on reference to men's need to have more male friends. I don't know how you came to believe that all women are this way, but it's not remotely true

[@misspriss2482]

"Maybe it’s only me but from my experience dudes can easily get along and talk and be chill." Yes and no. Men are allowed to be openly competitive with each other. So if two men don't like each other and/or they see each other as a threat, they don't "pretend" to be friendly. The men who hang out together tend to be the ones that they don't see as a threat. In addition most men's relationships tend to be shallow in nature. For this reason, men get along easily because oftentimes there are no emotional stakes in their friendship. They tend to bond over activities so why would they have a falling out? Women, on the other hand, are socialized to be nice, which leads us to have to pretend to like each other. Society also sets us up to be competitive with each other covertly. We are often judged by our marital status, age, weight, grooming, etc. This leads to low self-esteem in most women, which is where the "inherent disdain" for each other comes in. Deep down, most of us can never truly trust each other because we are "competing" for the same resources - namely men. Women are raised to see men as the prize and validation of worth. "You're nobody 'til somebody loves you" and all that. So if the choice is a female friend or a partner, the partner wins. Do some women become close friends and truly bond? Yes, but it's usually women who are on the same level and who don't envy each other. As a woman, it's been my experience that most women only like you when you don't have anything that they want or they perceive you as beneath them in some way.

[@Lee-ct3gy]

@ not all women towards all women but I’ve found through the limited vein of personal experience and stuff I’ve watched on KZbin, that women don’t trust each other through small talk in the same way men can. But I’m open to be wrong. Could you show me the specific video and title from expatriarch and any book that discusses this? I love your name btw

[@Lee-ct3gy]

@ wow this is really insightful! Thank you! I’m not sure how true this is, maybe it happens sometimes or half of the time but even with men who outright sought to kill and murder each other. I find myself believing that men have a sort of base level of respect with each other or in a “my opponent is worthy to face me” vibe that excuses honor. A great example of what I’m saying the scenes of senator Armstrong and raiden in metal gear. I find myself believing it’s rare that men wouldn’t honor/respect their opponents even if they would or do outright kill them.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

If a woman thinks a man is more important than her friends she is a pickme. Just break up and move on. Pickmes are totally toxic.