week in my life while i recover from a major mental breakdown

[@kayliboyle]

i’m just now realizing I put “day 2” twice oopsyyyyy

[@kayliboyle]

AND I SPELLED CINEMATIC WRONG YALL IMMA MESS🥹

[@victoriamartinez5352]

@@kayliboyle its ok at least your trying, wish you all the best!

[@e4mi]

its ok we all make mistakes. I have been battling GAD with OCD and I get it. like 5000% get it. Im so sorry you have to deal with this too but i love that you see this channel as a motivation. Ive been watching for over a year and love the content, no matter what it is. you are you and thats what we love- watching the honest you

[@serenityh.]

I’ve had Aspergers, anxiety, and social anxiety since I was eight years old (adult now). I’ve also had depression for seven years (it comes and goes now, thank You Jesus for progress). I had bulimia for two years, two years ago. It’s by the grace of God that I’ve gotten better because tbh, I would not be here if it wasn’t for Him. I thank the Lord for you Kayli, honestly. Every time I see a video of you uploaded on KZbin, it genuinely makes me smile and feel happy. Take your time and put God first in your life. Once He’s first in your life, everything else comes together. Honestly. 💕 💜 💕 *John chapter 14* is one of my favorite pieces of Scripture that I love to go to. Jesus is talking to His disciples (and us as well) during the Passover, right before He gets betrayed, arrested, beaten, bruised, mocked, whipped, spat on, and hung on the cross of Calvary for our sins, about Him going to the Father (God) in Heaven. Jesus tells us to not be afraid, that by His grace, we have peace because God’s Holy Spirit dwells within us to discern, learn, have knowledge, peace, contentment, and etc. while we’re still here on this earth (our temporary “home,” real home is in Heaven). Jesus is “the way and the truth and the life” (verse six). Without Him, there’s no way ANYONE can get through not just this life, but what happens after we pass way without Him. Jesus was raised to life from the dead so that we can have reconciliation (returned friendship) with God again. That what God has always wanted with us, a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ His begotten Son. Seeking First God’s righteousness (Matthew 6:33) by praying (talking, having a conversation) to God in Jesus’ name and personally, voluntarily involving Him in every aspect of our lives (He already knows everything we’re going through, He just wants us to talk to Him directly about it (just like you would a friend or family member, but with God, He won’t condemn nor shame you). Unfortunately, a lot of people assume that God doesn’t care for us. If He did, why does He let bad things happen right? God gave human beings free-will. With that freedom, we have the option of doling right or wrong, and majority of the time, humans choose wrong. God also gave us free-will so that we can make the personal decision to choose Him instead of the things of this world that’s here one moment, gone the next. The Almighty God loves you Kayli so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for your sins, my sins, and all the sins of the world. However, He didn’t just die, he rose from the dead on the third day defeating both sin and death. At the end of the day, I do t have to be typing all of this. On the contrary, I believe God is using me as a vessel to let you know Kayli, that you have to surrender all of your worries, cares, and anxieties to Him. It’s not going to be easy. You might have to do it multiple times a day (because while we’re on this earth in these mortal bodies, we don’t have the full self-control, on our own doing, to not give into our emotions). That why, instead of trying to do things on our own, we have to LEAN ON JESUS for strength, for help, for unfailing love that He pours out on all His children. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight,” (Christian Standard Bible). Lean on Jesus Kayli. He has His hands reaching out to you. Hold on to Him and don’t let Him go because God won’t let you go. “. . . He will never leave you, or forsake you,” (Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV). The Lord loves you Kayli, do you love Him? I’m leaving a link to my favorite Christian lofi hip/hop music compilation just cause: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hXqoaKV_rdx6pKM

[@savannanoelll]

when you said "i want to go out, i want to do things etc but i don't have the want" made PERFECT sense. i FELT this so much 💔 love you so much girly

[@becca2535]

i’m doing my school exams rn, it’s so difficult for me to even walk into the school, i just start to feel so closed off from everything but at the same time so exposed and vulnerable. you talking about your anxiety in videos is so helpful, i feel safe and normal. thank you :)

[@anxiousbaddie444]

im so sorry to here that love, i really hope you get better

[@alyssagrogan764]

Yes omg I haven’t been able to sleep for days! And today I presented something very rough and I felt terrible about it.

[@allieastorga8898]

You are the first person who I finally relate to. No one understands in my life. But YOU do!!!

[@Rachel-tp3or]

i’m sorry you’ve had a tough couple weeks lately , mental health sucks sometimes and i relate to this so much. i had the same exact thing with meds happen to me. i felt “numb” as you described it. things didn’t feel the same and i felt like shit and just worthless almost. And you are not alone as you probably know!!! also restaurants are also such a weird trigger for me 🙏 i just hate eating around people and loud environments are so overwhelming for me. anyways ty for everything you do, you’re really such an inspiration for young people going through this. you got this

[@macccook]

I did lexapro for the first time ever on meds etc, and felt the same. I had two grandparents pass away and felt NOTHING. Tell your doctor. I was open and honest and they did change my prescription. They changed to Prozac. It HAS helped my anxiety and ambition. You’re doing the best you can. Sometimes all you can do is shower or move from the bed to the couch. That’s alright. 🥰🖤 baby steps hun

[@alejandrarodriguez5038]

i’ve never related to something more. so sorry you’ve been feeling this way lately, i know exactly how it feels and it sucks so much to have all these things you want to do but also feel like you just can’t. thanks for posting stuff like this, it was honestly inspiring to hear you say you were feeling a lot better at the end of the week. hope it keeps going up from here!💖💖

[@amberjenkins2600]

I totally understand what you’re going through. You were making total sense to me. Sending hugs to you ❤️ I’m here if you want to talk.

[@kaniaholmes]

It makes so much sense. I was literally diagnosed with depression and anxiety this week and yes before I didn’t know exactly what was wrong but now looking back my anxiety was often triggered and I didn’t/still don’t know how to cope with that so it depressed me and in those days they get really tough and dark and that’s where I am now. I appreciate you doing these videos it’s actually one of the reasons I sought out help.

[@paigenk89]

My anxiety is largely due to emetophobia also! Sorry I’m so late to this video but it always makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I find someone that makes me feel less alone. I’m 30 and it’s gotten much better in the last couple of years. The right meds and therapy make a world of difference.

[@jamieespinosa9417]

Wow I feel like at the beginning I was listening to myself talk. I’m so glad you make real raw videos like this

[@abbybuttonn]

0:49 Kayli you have no idea how happy I was to hear that. I've had anxiety and emetophobia my whole life as well. I'm so proud of you. You are strong and amazing. This gives me motivation to pick up my act (I've been struggling a lot recently) and take care of myself. God bless you.

[@bobbielover29]

when I tell you I love this video so much, obviously not happy you’re feeling this way or anyone else idk it’s like I feel you guys are such genuine people so I’m wishing nothing but the best for you guys. It’s the little things in life when people just share that it’s okay to not be okay and to pick up and continue life even when it’s hard, ugh omg words cannot express the comfort I feel ugh love you all.

[@mmkk4931]

I really really felt when you said “I wanna go out but I dont have the want”. By nature I’m pretty extraverted, but at the same time when exams come my anxiety just hits the roof… and I feel the same way. I wanna meet my friends, I wanna spend time with my bf, and I wanna practice my hobbies but… I can feel that something’s just not right. In my case it’s linked to the fact that I mostly cover up the signs of anxiety, but when I reach a point I just feel like I could cry anytime or anywhere 😅 and that’s kind of the source of my fear (especially bc I’m a psych student, and some people in my family think that crying is a sign for being weak) I think you worded it perfectly, thank you for talking about it 🖤 Love your videos, whishing you the best!

[@ashrmv]

when i hear people going through the exact same things i go through, it makes me feel so... normal. in the best way. i hope everything works out for you soon, i'm right here with you in this boat.

[@aysamalekzadeh4802]

I loved how vulnerable and real this video was! Hope things stay on the right track for you! You’re beautiful

[@brittanyanderson4433]

Late to the party but I recently have been binging all your stuff and just wanted to say THANK YOU for being SO real and authentic. As someone who struggles with anxiety too, this was so so relatable and real and I appreciate this and you so much!! Thank you for your vulnerability and letting the world in. ❤️

[@brittanyanderson4433]

Also DECAF DOES TASTE DIFFERENT AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

[@constantwanderlust]

I have anxiety stemming from emetophobia too. I got put on lexapro and I am feeling the exact same way with my boyfriend even though I know I love him very much and it scares me but I’m scared to get off of them. I haven’t had a panic attack in about a year but I have been having trouble still with restaurants and shopping and things I used to be able to do. You are very much not alone! I hope you find something that works for you and you start to feel better 💕

[@user-db5qy3yo6e]

Watching this in July 2024. Kayli, it is amazing how gar you have come mentally! You are my inspiration ❤

[@smurphyslife5570]

Medication is always extremely hard to adapt to! When I first started my antidepressants I was all over the place, and felt so numb. I was also on acne meds that made me nauseous 24/7 :( but you’re doing so good, and you have such good self motivation. It’s so hard to get out of a funk, but you’re so real about it ❤️

[@nevaeh321]

i’m glad people like you post this stuff on the internet because as a teenager with anxiety i don’t know what to do about it but you definitely let me know i’m not alone

[@abbythomas9748]

I was on Zoloft for a few months. The only thing I noticed was the negative affects, too. It was so hard because you hope and want it to work because psych meds can be terrifying. But the decreased libido part can really take a toll on your relationship. Just wanted to let you know that healing isn’t linear, it’s a constant up and down cycle. Just remember, that the person you were this time last year would be SO PROUD of you because hey, you made it through. I know it’s hard to see it this way but every day is a new day that you woke up and opened your eyes, and that’s a gift. Love ya, gf. You have a whole army behind you ❤️

[@TRIA99]

Zoloft is maddening

[@miahasan8563]

i just found your account on tiktok recently and i love how much you’ve taught me abt haircare!! but i also love how real you are. it’s seriously so refreshing to see a youtuber posting their content but still being so open and real at the same time. Thank u sm i love you and I hope you have a great 2023

[@Ashlynne.Meadow]

I relate to you so much, like I’m fine for months then I just do thing that would make me go back into a hole on purpose for no reason. Your the first person to understand that. This is why I love your videos

[@Gucciblackberry]

Love you hun. Humans are strange beings. We all need some help sometimes. Always pause and take a second when you need. Speak to that voice in your head and talk yourself through things. Be forgiving, especially to yourself. Hope all is better a little bit for you. 💖 I feel like this a lot sometimes. Sometimes I confuse myself cause I’m like yes let’s go out!!! Then when I get out I have anxiety the whole time because of the 1283 things I’m thinking could go wrong. I’m 22 and dont drive because I just feel like I’m jumping of a cliff. I go to work and come home and don’t really talk to anyone but my boyfriend, and I wish I had the friends I use to but at the same time it’s soooo much for me to handle. It’s hard for me to handle myself. I feel like I’d be a flaky mess that’s a negative Nancy to people when it’s really just my anxiety. So in my head I’m automatically a bad friend/ I don’t care/ I’m selfish. I don’t know. I started tearing up during your intro cause resonate with that so much. I have the want, but I don’t have the want. Thank you for sharing this, I feel a lot less alone with how I feel. I distance myself from everyone and everything for no reason but my own thoughts. Appreciate you✨ I keep editing this, but never feel like you have to share a ton girlie, even a little can really help even one person. Your boyfriend was funny when he was filming for you💗 I’m glad you have him when in need of comfort. Always reach out to your support system. People LOVE you. People want the BEST for you. Always. Always always.

[@bijouxbeneteau7709]

I love you kayli , this video really helped me understand life behind the cameras, I have panic disorder as well, I understand exactly what you mean. Stay strong girl, you’re amazing. ❤

[@natashagorodetskiy8150]

When I was on SSRIs I felt EXACTLY the way you were describing with numbness and not lovey in my relationship about 1 year into taking it, I changed my medicine and I’m feeling much better now. Good luck on your journey 💕

[@Doggy5260]

As someone with anxiety, depression, adhd, and I’m bipolar I completely understand everything you’re talking about. Take some time and get back to u. Try different meds. Take care of yourself. You’ll get there ❤️

[@samanthaflatt6154]

I’ve had emetophobia my whole life so I feel you! You’re not alone! 🖤

[@camillamerigo4572]

Hey i take medicine too and i had the numb fase. The advice that i will give you is to speak to the person who is following you (like your psychiatrist). They will tell you if it’s normal and you should just wait, that’s what they told me and they were right, or if you should change medicine. Don’t stop taking them with out telling no one. Love you, we just got to stay strong❤️

[@Edndndn]

Bruh… the way I relate to you is insane. Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve just watched all your vids discussing your experiences with depressives ruts and stuff. In one now and this is so helpful, I’m legit making a list of your tips and just things I know I need to work on to help care for myself atm. ❤ TY Kayli

[@yesseniamedina5291]

I recently found your videos and I’ve been enjoying them lots, but this helped me realized I’m not so alone. I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which are after caused by emetophobia. I’ve always had people look at me weird when I say that but it’s empowering to hear other stories similar to mine and know that I am not alone. It makes it so hard to go out and do things.

[@bethcase5800]

You need to take care of yourself. Mental illness is real and nothing to be ashamed of. Get the help you need and get better. You have a huge life to live. Prayers your way.

[@shelbykeel9419]

as someone who is also on medication (i take buspirone) it definitely can be an up and down experience! thank you for being willing to share your personal experiences w mental health

[@Marie-bi5mi]

Your videos help me go through everything I watch you every day and whenever I’m upset and having a breakdown your videos just help so much

[@ClareAWESOME1]

Once I started my anti depressants my skin has been the worst ever in my life, so it could be connected!! Take care of yourself sister 💚

[@kayliboyle]

yea my skin started breaking out when I got on meds sadly😩

[@bubu2488]

When I started 20 mg of lexapro my skin got so nasty. Bumpy, large pores and comodones everywhere.

[@saraaaa466]

@@kayliboyle bae thats not your fault at all. at ALL. you're beautiful whether you have acne or not

[@gabriespungin4157]

Kayli, I totally understand what you are going through. I also have a panic disorder and crippling anxiety to the point where I used to not even be able to go to the store without passing out. About a year ago I went on anxiety meds and at first it was really hard and I was dealing with a lot of side affects but I am so glad I stuck it out. Having anxiety makes even the simplest of tasks feel like the end of the world but now I feel like I can actually live like a normal person. I really hope you start to feel better and take the time you need for yourself. Love u!!

[@cassidymandell7070]

I relate to a lot of what you said, the medication, the side effects, the WANT to do things but not being able to move out of bed, just started getting my acne back too. Diagnosed with anxiety & depression but seemingly “high functioning”. no one realizes how much goes into doing the smallest task, you are fighting with yourself mentally to the point of exhaustion. It’s so frustrating bc it just comes off as being lazy when you are actually trying so hard.

[@TatianaRodriguez-pm1zc]

i cant relate to what you go through but i love watching you get out of a funk and cheering you on as if you can hear me through the screen

[@ive5315]

i admire you so much Kayli, you’re so strong and I will always love how real you are 💗 thx for having the courage to show how real-life issues affect us

[@sofiasaccohere]

i have been taking antidepressants for 6 months and ever since I started I have had that same feeling towards my boyfriend that you just described. It is perfectly normal, unfortunately this kind of medicines have often this collateral effect for many people. It has been hard (for me but for him too of course), but I keep telling myself that this is what I need, and the medicine is working. That is what matters the most. Now after 6 months my doctor thinks I am ready to reduce the dosage as I am feeling much better, I am almost fully healed, and I almost feel the same person as before and I am so happy! We must put our mental health first to be able to enjoy other things in our life. Hang in there, it will get better for you too! xx ♡

[@smhcass]

kayli i hope you know that you’re not alone. right now i’m going to be 21 in a few months, i don’t go to college and all i really do is go to work and go to the gym. that’s it. i feel so stuck and my mental health has not been good. mental health SUCKS. sending my love to you i hope you feel more like yourself. ❤️

[@cassi7043]

kayli, i'll say this over and over again, but THANK YOU for just being you!!! i cannot tell you how much i appreciate you being so transparent with us and the things that you are going through. of course we never want you to feel like you have to, but when you do, i myself and i'm sure sooo many others appreciate it and it makes us not feel alone in these battles that seem like they'll never end. I've been watching KZbin since I was 10 and am now 21 and it's so fresh seeing creators like you have a platform. i'm sorry you're going through such a rough patch and they truly are confusing. being in a funk is so confusing and really frustrating a lot of the time. but you'll get through this. we love you so much kayli, feel better soon! 🤍💚

[@GabrielleSR]

Before you even started crying I was tearing up because I feel you. Our early 20's are such a hard time, our bodies are changing, we are learning new things about the world, our idea of how things should be, and our expectations just get shattered and we have to adapt to this new life. Panic attacks SUCK. I am grateful I haven't had one since my mid-twenties. I think the surrealness of everything about life kind of hits us like a ton of bricks. Okay, back to the video.. It was good to see that you are feeling a little better. You are such a sweetheart and all of us KayBee's love you so so much! I am happy you have your dream job and every time you go through these hardships you learn new ways to help yourself deal with the fear and anxiety I AM SO proud of you! Also, I really enjoyed the week vlog a ton! Please give yourself a huge hug and get Tyler to give you a big hug from all of us! You 2 are SOOO cute btw! Love seeing you 2 together living life. Also, you inspired me. I think I am going to try meditation this morning before door dashing.

[@faithvasquez2063]

You are so inspiring, your aura shines so bright

[@sarahvanhorn5880]

You are so strong, you brighten my day everytime I watch your videos. You are my favorite youtube, I pretty much only watch youtube for your videos. Even though you are going through hard time you radiate such a genuine sweet persona. Keep going and stay strong❤️

[@chelseagardner4751]

you want to want it but you cant motivate yourself to want it... i feel that so deeply.

[@kookiiee7938]

meditate really helps uh relaxing music can help and i always put my phone one not disturb ( it's a moon symbol if you have a iphone) i have that on from 8:30 in the evening till around 11 in the morning .. and that helps as well you can build it up. sometimes taking time for yourself is important as well , selfcare maybe a hike to clear your mind . media can be fun but also toxic at the same time. much love and stay strong! ❤

[@SARAH-kh4tm]

thanks for posting this kayli :) you’ve inspired me to start my channel and start posting videos and i love that you’re so open about your struggles. you’re helping so many people

[@Amandala_V]

I’m really sorry about what you’re going through. I’m 38 and I’ve had depression/anxiety my entire adult life. I have never been able to control either until recently I finally got on a regimen of meds(hated to be on any meds whatsoever) after agreeing to finally do so. It’s well worth it. I’ve been able to finally get things done whereas before I I wanted to sleep all day and all night hated to be around anyone and didn’t even want to be with my husband in the bed. Now I can wake up early 7 days a week and it feels great! I’m happy as ever. Don’t be afraid. Don’t stop doing the extra things to help yourself. Meds will never do it alone. Sometimes the meds stop working or just don’t work well with you. It’s definitely trial and error. Try new regimens. Talk to your doctor. There is always a light at the end babygirl. Never ever give up. It will get better!🤘🏼💕💋🌸

[@julietvess9620]

im so sorry ur going through it rn. We love you and we are sending u lots of good wishes

[@zenenji]

I suffer with emetophobia too, so it's really nice to relate to someone abt not eating for days bc you think you'll be sick. i also take lexapro too for my OCD and anxiety and I've hated it since I started. i relate to the not feeling lovey w/ ur boyfriend thing as well, it's so amazing that he doesn't make u feel bad for it. talk to your doc abt switching meds, and when you're ready to come back, we will welcome you warmly! all the love ❤

[@katiewallace2008]

so sorry you’re going through such a hard time kayli

[@Aquamoon8]

I love you! Don’t give up! You’re literally the best❤️

[@gracieprice8215]

i’m so glad to know i’m not the only person who’s on the wrong medication that’s making them act differently and not able to control their emotions

[@eylul4031]

I love your hair care videos alot, but it’s the first time I see this video. Thanks for sharing how you were feeling :) I’m also going through healing and I am lucky to find your videos ✨🫶🏻 best wishes…

[@raven6298]

you’re the only person i’ve ever seen besides me that has anxiety from emetophobia. it used to be SO bad for me to the point where i just couldn’t eat, and i’ve worked on it (gone to therapy) and it’s a lot better, and now i only freak out when i’m nauseous. I still have bad generalized anxiety though. you haven’t talked about this recently(or i haven’t seen any videos about it), but I really hope you’re doing better!!

[@flala1376]

ot made me cry! I mean first of all we all appreciate the strong you got to talk it out ! second of all thank you bc that was relatable you're doing so well keep going

[@anxietyvodka]

Your personality reminds me so much of my own and your videos are so enjoyable and motivating to watch. Thank you for being here, I love you

[@siennaseed5881]

I completely understood what you meant. You literally made me cry cause I can't relate to anyone more. I hope you feel better soon❤.

[@juliemartin7447]

I am so sorry you’re going through that, myself and both of my children have gone through that for years I hope you feel better you are such a sweetheart.

[@sandrastefi]

discovered you just a few hours ago and i'm totally in love with your channel and everything you do

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I've also had anxiety my whole life (since about age 4, and I'm 43 now) and eventually it's caused me to be consistently depressed. It SUCKS. My type of depression isn't the crying / sad type - it's the dull, bored, zero interest in doing anything, sleeping all day type. When you said you want to go out and do things but you can't get the WANT...that makes TOTAL sense, and for years I've been saying "I WANT to want to do things...but I can't MAKE the want happen." There's a term for it - anhedonia. The absence of pleasure. There's also an issue with the "perceived reward" system in the brain. Nothing seems worth WANTING to do as the good parts or outcome from it aren't able to be felt. Only the effort / negative parts are. So...why would we be motivated to do things we don't even want to do in the first place? Another term - emotional blunting. This is a VERY common side effect of antidepressants (particularly SSRIs like Lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac and all of them). You can't quite feel things normally. Like your emotions are dulled or muffled. This in itself can be depressing. To not feel as much love for your loved ones that you normally do. It's hard. I also find it all can be inter-connected with other "desire / interest / motivation / reward / pleasure" type things. Like, I am hardly ever hungry. I miss being hungry. I miss having an appetite. Not just for food, but for LIFE! My appetite for STUFF is low. For wanting to do stuff, for being able to enjoy stuff, sexual stuff is literally non-existent...blegh. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video. ❤

[@martacamara]

I FEEL YOU GIRL! I started having anxiety and panic in 7th grade and didn't know what it was. It got so bad my junior year of high School that I wasn't going to school for months. I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder and agoraphobia, as I had a lot of trouble leaving the house. My psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft and honestly it was great at first but then it went downhill. I also stopped taking medicine for personal reasons. I'ts been 4 years and I'm finally starting to try to go out more. I can't even count the amount of times I've gone to or stayed in the car because of my anxiety and panic. But, trust me it will get better. Recovering from anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia is a slow and difficult process, but the more you try to be less afraid of it and start cognitive behavioral therapy, it becomes a lot easier to handle. You got this, and if you ever need an online friend to talk about it with, don't hesitate to ask

[@elena-vm7lg]

you are amazing and your energy is umatched. thank you for sharing these personal moments with us and I hope you know how important you are and that you're doing great♥

[@alleyhope9817]

I completely understand. I have been exactly where you are with the same exact issues about 9 years ago. I also have severe emetophobia. The universe decided to give me a serious GI disorder and because of that it started giving me such severe panic attacks that I had to quit working, stop driving and basically wouldn't leave the house for about 6-9 months. It was horrible. I tried therapy but I usually don't get along with them too well. Or I haven't found one that ever actually understood me. But, I found what's finally helped me get out of that nightmare is kinda simple but maybe it would help you. What helped me was to first sit down and think about the worst case scenario of whatever situation. Going to go visit a friend, go shopping. My worst case and thing that usually starts my anxiety is me getting sick in public and stranded or being near anyone that is sick or possibly pukes or had in the last month for me to catch it. So then I make a physical and mental kit for every possible worst case scenario if it would happen , even if it seems to others never going to happen situations. So for example bc I have a GI disorder ( gastroparesis and SMAS) I always have zofran and phen basically anti emetics on me. So I can not feel nauseated. I will do literally everything possible to not feel nauseated. Then I think of where I'm going. If I'm alone I think of who lives within driving distance from where I'm going that could rescue me . Bc I always scared I'll be stranded and sick and can't drive. Even tho I haven't talked to the person in years or seen them , just knowing someone I can call to rescue me by where I'm going helps relieve that stress. Then I carry around other weird shit that makes me feel comfortable like water bottle, paper towels, gloves, Clorox wipes. I'm kinda a huge germaphobe way before the Rona happened bc of the emetophobia so I freak out if someone puts their hands in their mouth or eat with hands without properly washing them. Sanitizer don't do shit. But then start first with going to short positive trips out of the house. Figure out what you need to make you feel comfortable, make a kit. Then I make a plan of action for every possible scenario of what I'm scared about happening. So IF that happens I know exactly what to do . Alot of our anxiety is from lack of control. Lack of control of our own bodies, of others etc. So making a plan of action ahead of time and pack what you need for all those scenarios with you then really helps. Now years later I'm so much better. Obviously I have shitty list of chronic illness' and I'm tube fed and IV but that's only bc illness. It's extremely common for those with chronic illness to develop intense anxiety then depression when they first get sick. Expecially when they aren't yet diagnosed and trying desperately to find answers. But it can take years to finally get correctly diagnosed and sadly most there's only symptom control, not amazing cures. So then turns into really not liking medical industry in general. We are the ugly stepchildren to drs..the chronic illness patients that is. But, if you ever want someone to talk to about any of this I'm here. There's pretty much no tmi at this point to my illness. But I still do have emetophobia hardcore. I just am able to no longer have panic attacks and I know what works for me to get out of depression bouts before they get really bad. Everyone different but myself I need creative projects in order to stay in a good mental space. The hardest part is just getting up and doing something, anything. I'm here for you tho. I know I'm a stranger. But I still know how freaking horrible and just desperate need of wanting anything to help you feel okay again. But having someone to vent to that understands the same thing so you don't even have to explain yourself is nice sometimes. 🖤

[@michellefrate]

I'm so happy you are open and share this stuff on your channel. it's normal and human to go through ups and downs, and I think a lot of people here would say you can always be open with your subscribers. We love you and are wishing you nothing but the best ❤

[@alessiamarinelli3897]

I'm living the same thing right now!!! Literally totally understand you and wish you all the best, this makes me feel so much better because I feel less alone thank you

[@AuntyBec]

Hey Kayli, As someone who has suffered from severe anxiety & depression for the last 23 years, I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was first prescribed antidepressants, it took a while to find the right meds that worked for me (3 or 4 different meds over the first few years) before I started to somewhat feel a bit more normal again. If you feel the meds aren't helping you after 1 month of being on them, please don't hesitate to go back to your doctor, so they can try you on a different type. It will take a little bit of time for the tablets to start working properly, depending if they are a slow releasing tablet or just a normal release. Also concentrate on your breathing when you have a panic attack, in for 5 counts slowly, then out for 5 counts slowly & continue for 5 minutes or however long you feel you need to, this has helped me when I've had panic attacks while I've been out shopping. It's also good to have someone to talk to about our problems, even if it's just on the phone. I was 19 when I first got this, I know it's hard, try to think positive, put some loud music on if you're into that & try to smile. Wish I could give you a big hug girl, you will get through this ❤️❤️

[@ruy_00]

rewatching this because i feel the same and you make me feel like a normal person even though i don't

[@kyliegirl921]

I really like how honest you are about your mental health. I know how hard some days can be, But you’re amazing! Also shoutout to all the girls that have been to the ER for vagina problems, been there too 🙃 not fun

[@honeyy_dip]

your story about starting and being on lexapro sounds exactly like my own. i was madly in love at the time, but because of my weird mood changes, my relationship failed and I've been depressed, ever since. lexapro created some of the worst emotional times, of my life.

[@nancyhearn836]

You’re so pretty.thinking of you girl you’ll get through it❤️

[@taylorhaller4435]

Hey, man. From one anxiety driven person to another, I am here for you 150%! I want you to know that everything you said and explained in this video is exactly what I, myself, and so many other people go through. I want you to know that I am in the exact same place you are in. I have tried several medications and none of them worked. I know it is easier said than done; but never feel ashamed that you have to excuse yourself from a situation because of a panic attack. The process of a panic attack feels like you're literally dying; and if everyone could feel what it is like to have a panic attack, they would probably react a lot worse than you lol. You are strong, man. I know you are a hopeful and motivated person. Thank you for posting this content, because you not only made me feel more safe in my skin; but you showed me that we are not alone. It is a real thing that a lot of people cannot see. I hope you're starting to feel better now. I know this sort of thing can last for more than a day, so I am praying for you. You said you read your bible, so I encourage you to keep doing so. Read some good scriptures. Get inspired. Be you, and continue to be the beautiful human being you are and will always be!

[@helene3520]

Hey

[@mariebritten8709]

this is the most relatable video ever- i have anxiety and am on meds and it’s scary and life is hard. i feel less alone ❤️

[@nwbeautyguru]

Since I started watching your videos I noticed we had similar stuff we are going through. I am nearly 30 so I’ve had more time to find out what works for me. I understand wanting to do all the things but being so exhausted from over thinking & panic attacks. I isolate myself because social anxiety. Here are some things that have helped me. I take 25 mg of Zoloft at night. Yes it makes me kind of a zombie. Yes it helps w the anxiety part more than the depression. I’d rather feel a little tired than not being able to leave my house. Getting a part time job. Exposure is the best therapy. MAKING yourself get out every single day. It’s hard but it does help. I have tried other things that are apart of my routine: kratom, certain vitamins & foods, exercise This is what works for me. I’ve spent years hiding in my room from fear of the world. And this helps me leave my house. I truly empathize with you & I hope you can find what works for you.

[@Grace-zl3ps]

I am sorry hat you are going through this!! Anxiety sucks and I struggle with it to along with social anxiety!! I get what you are trying to say you want to to go out and you want to do this stuff but your anxiety does it allow you to do it! You are doing amazing 🤩🤍😊

[@gigil8528]

so proud of u this video is going to help so many people

[@julietrc15]

hey kayli. I'm 29 and I've had anxiety for like 15 years at this point. I know that medication helps many people so I'm cautious about sharing my experience but going on SSRIs was the worst decision of my life. Some organisms just don't mesh well with certain medications and that's just how it is. Mental health is a journey, you will have ups and downs. Stay close to those who love you and understand what you're going through. I'm sending you a big hug 💚

[@marianalara2582]

I also struggled with anxiety and depression caused by the anxiety. I know how incredibly hard it is but I promise it wont always feel this way. You will feel better keep on looking for different ways to help yourself via therapy or meditation. Take it one day at a time. Love youuuu

[@sarapendergrass2406]

Hey girl! Just wanted to say i can relate and if you do decide going off the medicine is best just ween yourself off. Don't just quit taking it altogether at one time bc from my experience that makes things 10x worse!!❤hope everything gets better soon!*had to add this, you are not alone & i appreciate you sharing this sooo much. I'm all the way on the east coast in NC and you are reaching people everywhere. You are so brave for sharing this! ❤

[@manditoon9627]

Bless you kayli I came off meds and started something that helps my anxiety and helps me eat and sleep better obviously it's not for everyone 🌱 X keep going you are amazing luv ya

[@laurenbennett2426]

🌳 with Wellbutrin has saved me

[@牙仙本仙]

get better hun, me too is going through a lot at the moment. i'm sure i will cry for hours next week after this period of time.

[@loveandlipgloss7437]

Aww Kayli I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. If if is of any comfort I am in the exact same spot and it’s so hard to even go outside or look at people and I wish I could and no one I know in my life seems to understand and thinks I need to just toughen up but it’s really not like that. If you know you know. Sending 💕

[@isabelahoward]

Okay we are exactly the same person I’m convinced. Wow i feel so much more LESS ALONE

[@libras.groove.]

There is virtual therapy! Just call and ask your insurance company for help. If you’re confused or concerned about cost you can ask them how much they will cover or how much you will need to spend. Thank you for sharing you experience a lot of people are going through something similar. Peace and blessings to you 🕊

[@sunnyjaii_6343]

Omggg I have this tooo , it’s so hard bc you feel like nobody understands you but girl I am here .💗💗

[@hopeelling1381]

im so sorry you are going through this, but at the same time im so grateful other people know what this feels like and that i'm not alone. emetophobia is so awful, and i have the same issues with eating in restaurants. im on the max doses of lexapro and buspirone (as well as a handful of other things) and while they keep me level for the most part, the numb feeling feels super weird.... i love my boyfriend to pieces but at the same time there's nothing lol idk how to explain it other than how you did. i've been in a funk for the last few months wanting to do things but not having the energy to care about doing them, so this video is inspiring me to try to get out of my funk as well. thank you for being so brave and honest about your struggles💗 much love from ohio💕

[@janekinney9278]

i just wish I could give you the biggest hug rn kayli! love you! 🤍🤍🤍

[@jenhewett4756]

I understand what you are talking about! I have been in your situation since I was 19, I’m now 48. It can get better and it makes sense how you want to do something but just can’t or don’t have the capability to. Sounds like your trying to take the right steps forward and might need to talk to doctor about switching meds possibly.

[@christiannaauthor]

I really appreciate your honesty so much. This is so brave to put out there bad I wish more people talked so openly about there mental health. I also have the numb feeling towards my husband on medication and it’s something I still am working with my therapist and doc on because I need the medication but I hate some of the effects.

[@pipG100]

Thank you so so much for making this video kayli ❤️ Your day to day looks much like mine at the moment and watching this video makes me feel like we’re not doing this alone - so many of us out there building ourselves back up. And we’ll be there soon! Sending love ❤️❤️❤️

[@RinaMarieB]

Don’t forget it’s okay not to be okay! : )❤️

[@kaleighhouchins5224]

Its honestly trial and error with mental health take your time and heal and whoever is in your life will/ should understand

[@ShyanneAllard]

Hey girl! I hope you get better soon! Definitely try to keep a positive mind!! I feel like you should get off the things that you think attribute to how you are feeling. Say positive affirmations! Ask yourself questions that can help maybe heal like the sources of the anxiety! Like when negative thoughts come in or you’re constantly overthinking this. Ask yourself why? “why do I feel like this, I think of it as like we all live here as individuals living our own lives. Nothing really even matters if you think about it. Like you can literally do anything you want. Why is this thing is making me feel like this?” Your negative thoughts are not you! It’s just the devil on your shoulder called “fear” on that like to creep in and pull you down!” Listen to the angel on your shoulder! Say those positive affirmations, breathe in, smile and feel that happiness! Be so amazingly proud of yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone! Say to your self! “I can do it!I will do it! I am doing it! I did it!” I’ve definitely been what you’re going through! Dedicate yourself to all of the self care in the world! Don’t ever ever feel bad about doing what is the absolute best for you, yourself, your mind set! You always come first before anyone else in the world! Meditation really has helped me through the darkest times so far in my life! Even if that fear on your shoulder keeps trying to pull you down with negative thoughts. Acknowledge them and literally say no thank you! Let yourself feel those feelings absolutely! But don’t let it all consume you and let it take over! Make sure to just let it go. Definitely allow yourself to take a break too! We all need them and deserve them! We all love you so much Kayli! Hope this helped haha although it may seem confusing. Hope it helps anyone who is reading this!💕😘

[@isabellaschulz4211]

hi kayli! I’ve never commented on a KZbin post before - I’m more of a lurker lol, but as someone who went through the SAME DAMN THING with lexapro & bupropion (I have GAD and MDD as well, AND emetophobia?? Twins) I want you to know your experiences, emotions, and physical responses are normal and valid. I recently switched to Cymbalta (and SNRI) and it has been LIFE changing. I not just want to do things, but I’m physically able to. It feels like the physical block holding me back has been removed. Feeling numb, no attraction, no motivation to exercise, eat, pray, read my Bible, do my uni work… - those are ALL things I felt and now I’m able to do. as a psych major, but not a medical professional yet- I obviously cannot give medical advice but there are different types of antidepressants and anti anxiety mood stabilisers that don’t make you feel like a clam! Being on an SNRI instead of an SSRI has been huge for me. As always - psychiatrists are the only ones who should give you medical advice but know that there are other options. It’s been two weeks and I feel more like myself than I have in years. To you, any any other SSRI/SNRI babies, make sure you NEVER stop your meds suddenly, even when they suck. Transition off or onto another one first before you wean off, you can have SERIOUSLY bad mental and physical problems by “quitting” your meds. Please make sure you have a physician supervise med transitions!! Prayers for you Kayli girl! We serve a good God who has done amazing things through modern medicine, but who is even bigger than the amazing science and medicine that is known currently. There is and always will be hope ❤️

[@isabellaschulz4211]

lexapro was amazing for a while! But having to keep going up on my dose was not good for me. I’m so happy I talked to my provider & you should never be afraid to. You’re not crazy!!

[@Amandala_V]

You take care of you and put your self care first and then everything else will fall into place for you😊💕

[@oliviataitemusic]

Aw kayli ❤️ Sounds weird but thousands of strangers on the internet care about you. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. Thanks for showing us your life so that we can heal with you.

[@laurac531]

I can not tell you how much you sound like me. Unfortunately it took me a lot longer to figure it out. I am 43 (yep, old lady but love your nail video’s). One thing that really helped me was finding a doctor and did the DNA test to see what medication worked best for my body. I was taking, and struggling a bunch, with several medications for years that did not metabolize properly in my body. Once that was done, and the correct medications were figured out, my life significantly changed for the better! Good luck on your journey to wellness.